← Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
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Jay Glazer
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Jay Glazer
You're different. Different is good. Different leads to success. Like, don't be a face of the crowd. Be the fucking crowd. Let's be our own damn crowd. So that's one of our matches. And same like our football players. We're seeing too many of them go by the wayside right now because when their uniform comes off, they're like, oh, man, I used to play in the NFL. I'm trying to shift that. No, dude, you play in the NFL and you play in the NFL is not who you are. What's behind your rib cage. They got you to put those hours in and out, work the world, but not by a little, by a lot. And, you know, beat out millions upon millions upon millions to play on this level. That's who the fuck you want. That suddenly just doesn't leave when. When your uniform comes off. But who reminds him of that?
- [01:32]
Interviewer / Host
Jay Glazer. Welcome to the show, man.
- [01:34]
Jay Glazer
Thank you, man. Appreciate you having me. I know we got a lot of mutual friends there, so it's pretty cool that our paths cross like this.
- [01:41]
Interviewer / Host
We do, and I'm very excited to do it. And I read the book Unbreakable. It is absolutely extraordinary. You actually made me emotional several times. Yeah. It caught me a little off guard, if I'm honest.
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Jay Glazer
And literally don't judge a book by its cover, Right?
- [01:57]
Interviewer / Host
No joke, man. That obviously takes on some pretty serious implications as you read the book and begin to learn your struggles with anxiety and depression. But first, I want to start with the unbreakable side. You've achieved just the absolute highest levels of success in your area. It's really unbelievable. Very impressive, the career that you've had, but I didn't know the 10 years of struggle that led up to it. And I'd love to start there because I think that as somebody who really prizes relationships, playing the long game, your career is a beacon of hope for a lot of people to do things the right way. And so it's really exciting to hear. This sounds terrible, but it's really exciting to hear that it was actually really, really hard for you and that you still stuck it out. So tell us a little bit about why you were prepared to endure the level of suffering and rejection instead of just getting, you know, a normal day job.
- [02:53]
Jay Glazer
And now it's crazy because now I look back, now I know why. And the why was my depression, anxiety. But because of my grave, because of my darkness, I, like, I don't know how it is to wake up and like myself or love myself. And from the inside out. Like, I wake up like this. It. It's every day of my life and it fucking sucks. It. It's just the truth of it. And so as a result of me not knowing how to kind of build myself from the inside out, I had to go do everything that I could to try to get some love from the outside in. That makes sense. Like, so, yeah. So I. Those first 10 years of my career, man, living in New York City. And you're right, adversity is a gift, and it gets you.
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Interviewer / Host
Why do you say it's a gift?
- [03:38]
Jay Glazer
Because you find out who you are and because nothing, like, nothing happens by doing things that are easy. Like, listen, I've trained a lot of football players in. I started MMA cross training program for this, for when I stopped fighting for NFL players. And I've just given, like, this simple thing. Hey, man, find out who the best is and do more than them. That's it, right? You want to be the best? Find out what Tom Brady does. Do more than them. Find it. And I used to tell players this all the time. They're like, oh, we can't do that. Like, well, if you don't want to be great, that's what it is. So that's the adversity part. You got to outwork the world. And one of the things my dad taught me earlier was, if you want your dreams come true, be loyal. And loyalty is a dying art and a lost art, but be the most loyal dude on the planet and outwork the world. And so for me, I finally got a break. If you will cover the Giants in 93, which is four years after I started making zero money. And I walked in that giant locker room and I'm like, a couple things. One like, damn, I'm not more talented than anybody in here. I don't have the education, nowhere near anybody else does in here, and I don't have the experience, but how could I be different? And different is scary. For a lot of people. It's not for me. So how could I be different? And one of those is, man, I'm going to. If these cats work 9 to 5, I'm not gonna outwork them by a little. I'll outwork them by a lot. And I went. I would go there seven in the morning, eight in the morning, whatever it is, until 10:00 clock at night. Like, I wouldn't stop. And actually, I was so broke, Strahan drove me back in the city every day for seven years, whatever it was, because I didn't have enough money to go from the subway and the bus out to Giant Stadium and back. So he would drive me. And he lived in Jersey, but he drove me in every single day for a year. So I owe him, like, you know, 28 grand in Lincoln Tunnel Fair. But I said, I'll be the last dude standing in here, right? And like, whoever says quitting is not an option, it's the biggest more in the world because it's an option every day, right? It just sits on your shoulder every day. And the other thing was, man, how could I be different than them? I think back then, a lot of reporters use their pen as a weapon. I was. I said, you know what? I'm going to start relationships and I'm going to build relationships. I'm not going to go for the scoop, I'm going to go for the relationships. And that was harder because it was going against the grain and the norm, and now everything's built on relationships. That's how you do it. But I had to endure the years where I just got crushed by my cohorts for having relationships, and a lot of them killed me and Stray and for having our relationship used to make fun of us. And.
- [06:17]
Interviewer / Host
Well, because you're a journalist, he's a player. You guys aren't supposed to fraternize, not
- [06:21]
Jay Glazer
supposed to be friends, right? But look, we're just in sports, okay? We're not that important. We're not covering the Middle East. We're not covering, like, real stuff. Like, let's not take ourselves too seriously here. And you're right, we're not the rules. You're not supposed to. But I looked at it like, well, I'm going to build relationships because my jobs get scoops. Or with the relationships, those scoops will come. If I just take a scoop and burn a guy forever. Well, that's short sighted, right? You said the long game. I'd rather have the long game than. And have these relationships.
- [06:52]
Interviewer / Host
Jay, this is really unusual. Though. So, you know, as I'm reading your book, it. I have the privilege, I guess, of reading it from knowing that you end up being successful. But if you were to hear in those early days, like, one of the great stories in the book is that Strahan twice offered to loan you money. He's like, I know you're good for it. And shut him down, saying it like,
- [07:17]
Jay Glazer
yeah, like, not only did I tell him, like, I jumped his shit. Hey, motherfucker, don't you ever offer me something like that again. I got there. Don't you ever. And like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, I'll do this. This is on me.
- [07:29]
Interviewer / Host
To me, you live by a code. And I'm often asked, what does it mean to live life well? And one of the things that I always tell people is you need to have a code. There needs to be some set of rules, beliefs, whatever, about how you think things ought to be done. And so few people have a code. And even if they have a code, sticking with the code would be very hard. And you open the book telling the story of Strahan trying to use the bathroom in your low rent apartment, and he had to hold the string to use the restroom. And it was one. It was a powerful reminder of that phase of my own life of where you can, you know, you can't. I. There was a time where I couldn't pay all my bills at once. And so, you know, you're like really juggling things. And it's one thing to have a code when things are going well, but what I want to know is you were so young and so broke for so long. Why did the code matter to you so much? To stick with it, you just got
- [08:24]
Jay Glazer
to be authentic to who you are. That's just. It's who I am.
- [08:27]
Interviewer / Host
How'd you become that? Did you create that just the way you are?
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Jay Glazer
It's just how I. Yeah, I've always been, like, throughout my life, I've always been the person that try to solve everybody's problems, try to lift people up and probably because I couldn't deal with my own inner problems, right? So I've always been that guy. And the way I kind of look at this, this could be a little morbid, if you will, but I look at the world and people like, my loyalty will be so high that I'm going to treat people like I'm going to be their pallbearer. Right? That's your top five or six people. And that's it. I'll be your pallbearer. And if I can get 10% of the people I'm with to treat me back the same, I got a pretty good little mafia that I'm walking with. And, you know, and I say it like this, I still get hurt by the other 90% because I don't understand why we all won't do this for each other. And, you know, I don't. I don't do things for my friends expecting something back. And that's why I think, you know, loyalty, the art of loyalty, man. How can I help someone? Because it helps me to help other people. It helps me cut through my own gray. But you're. You're hoping that other people are thinking about you independently also without ever having to ask. They do, they do. They don't. They don't. But I think if all of us do that a lot more for each other, we're not just thinking about, hey, how can I get by? How can I move myself up? How can I do this? The world would be a much better place and we'd all be able to stress a little less. But I think too many people just got to take care of themselves. Look at how, hey, how can I help me? I'm just not wired that way. How can I help you? And at least in the moment that I helped you and I lifted you up, that lifted me through my grave for a little bit.
- [10:18]
Interviewer / Host
All right, so we should probably define this idea of the gray and the slivers of blue. I think it's. It makes a lot of sense to me that the being loyal and being there for people and trying to help them and elevate them would work, certainly. So I've struggled with anxiety tremendously. And what I find is on the days that are the hardest, if I can do something where it forces me to be high energy, to be helpful, to engage, to try to be of service, that it really.
- [10:48]
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- [11:48]
Interviewer / Host
He changes my neurochemistry, like, dramatically. And you do an extraordinary job of detailing that in the book. So what is the gray and what is the blue?
- [11:59]
Jay Glazer
The blue, I'm still trying to figure out. The gray is what I wake up in every day. So gray is depression and anxiety. And for me, add. I got everything. I got ADD Elemental shit. I got everything. But it's. The gray is depression. And I think in the book, I say it's equally messed up, twin sister anxiety. And they got their own schedule. They make the rules a lot. Like, I just brought up stray and you. And I don't know what your anxiety attacks are like, but mine are. They range. But sometimes I find myself. Actually, I have a lot of anxiety attacks on the air, going on the air, which is weird because I feel really great. Like, in a gym, in a cage, when people are punching and kicking me, my teammates, I'm golden on camera, I'm great. The rest of the world, I struggle. Like, I'm great in chaos. I suck in calm. And a lot of times I'll create chaos when it's not necessary because I'm just. I don't feel worthy of the calm. And that's what the gray does. So sometimes my gray, I'll literally be on camera, I call it wrestling with my abuser. I get a little. I get a little emotional talking about it because it does sucks. Like, I'm like, damn, this is. Like, I don't deserve this. But I didn't sign up for it either, so I can't ever stop fighting against it. So I'll sit there sometimes on tv talking to myself while I'm talking to you at home with this fake smile that I have on, trying to pull myself out of it when I'm actually like, please just let me go. Like, leave me alone. Like, let me. Let me just. Please not now. Like. And I just start sweating. And. And a great self is how I kind of wake up in the morning thinking the sky is falling. Not worthy of being loved. So everybody must hate me. People must be against me. And it's not true. It's not real, but that's what it feels like. And it's a physical thing for me, too. Like, I feel it behind my rib cage And I feel it on the left side of my gut. You hear about, right? You feel something in your gut or gut punch. And that's how I feel. And it. So I was talking about Straham a couple weeks ago, I had a man anxiety and depression. I usually don't get woken up by them, but this one woke me up in the middle of the night and man, it just. They kicked my ass. And I told Michael, I said, hey, and this isn't the book because this just happened two months ago. We're supposed to have dinner. I said, hey, dude, man, I can't have dinner tonight. He said, what's up? I said, man, I just had one of these. I had one of these gray days, man, this thing just got me and I just need to get some sleep. And he's like, want me to come over? Said, nah. And he said, you want to talk about it? I said, no, I'm good. And in 30 years we've been friends, that's the first time I've ever told them that I was struggling in a day. Whoa. First time, 30 years. And he says to me, why have you never told me? I said, I don't make up the rules of this shit. For some reason I had shame with you maybe because we're so competitive and here's my best friend and you know, I'm able to write it in a book and tell the world, but I couldn't tell him. And had I, I would have had somebody to turn to for the last 30 years about this that I could talk to. But again, I don't make the rules up for this shit. And what I have realized, and I want all your viewers and listeners to know when I have opened up to him and other people in the most dudley of sports, football and fighting. It has gotten us so much closer together. It's bonded us in such a way. So, yeah, it's crazy how the shame, if you will, kind of takes over and then what you're talking about having this kind of go, go, go. So when you see me on tv, a lot of it is like, man, I'm trying to pull myself up out of it. So I have this larger than life personality which the depression, anxiety led me to. And thank God because it's led me to where I am. But the larger than life personality is to pull myself up and out of it A lot of time. It's to mask the pain and it's painful. And it's like one of my friends the other day called me and he said, joker said man, we always knew you were crazy. You didn't know you were in pain. And now I'm able to talk to people about the pain. And I literally text these words to Michael 3 days ago for the first time actually, now that I think about it, even this, like, I, man, I just, I texted to him 3 days ago just about being in the. Living in this pain. And it used to get me because of the pain. It used to be that used to get me to have a lot of outbursts and I had a lot of trouble and I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. I'm a fucked up, flawed human being and it's because of this pain. Like, I love everybody, but I'm in a lot of pain. So I do things that are not great for me and others. And, you know, I'm not perfect and I'm working on myself. So the blue, like you were saying about this book, is a prescriptive, prescriptive book about how to get us all through the gray to the blue. And by the way, level of gray is different. Like my level is deep. We all got something nowadays, especially with social media, we're comparing ourselves to everybody else's filtered fraction of a second is bullshit. We all feel left out, right? How do you not most successful people in the world like, damn, my life sucks. Look at all these people are doing. It's just so. I mean, it's hard for when people going after the dreams and they think that others have gotten theirs. It's not true. And here I am telling you I'm the top of the world and I still don't know how to feel it on the inside. So that and the shit we see on Twitter, the bad man, just the amount of hate, like the human condition is not meant for that, right? So whatever level you're out here of gray, if you will, this book is prescriptive. And the three things are being of service we just talked about. And there's a lot in the book of how you could be of service. You don't need to have money to be of service. It could be of service on several different levels. But that gives me a break from the gray. And I see blue like, like I feel all the time like, like a black and white TV show, right though gray, like I Love Lucy. Like, that's how my life, that's how I see my life for the inside out. I don't get to see the rainbows and unicorns, the beautiful sky that a lot of other people get to see when I'm of service to people. Like doing this right now, it lifts me up because I know you and I are going to touch some people and that will pull me up out of some of that darkness and what I got to do by this. And then also laughter helps me a ton because the gray hates laughter. And that's why you see me on TV all the time, always joking around when I'm having a panic or an anxiety attack on tv, I will try and crack a joke. The sooner I could laugh, the more it goes away. And I may force a joke, I may just let. May not even fit, but it helps me. And that's where I have a whole practical joke chapter, which is the perils of being friends with Jay Glazer. And then having a team. And having a team helps me. But I've been limited in my team because I wasn't so open about this as I am now. So now, man, I'm able to build this team with you and everybody else in the world that we could literally walk this walk together that gets me to see through the gray a little bit more. And I'm working on feeling like I'm worthy of the blue and I deserve it and string it together days of it. And when I have a good. And I said a Ronda Barber recently, I said today was a good day and I think great things are about to happen. I immediately said, I go, I said, with this book, great things are about to happen because I'm help people. And immediately I was like, oh, fuck, no, no. I just. I just fucked myself now. Now all the gray is going to come and fight back harder. And it put me in a hole for about a week by saying that I deserve something good to happen. I got stuck in a dark.
- [20:36]
Interviewer / Host
This, this is the part of your story that is so difficult to comprehend. So I understand people that live in the gray and it just feels like the world is crashing down around them. And this is why I found the book so powerful. So I understand that. I understand people who don't have to struggle with that and therefore can dream big and be successful. What makes the title of your book Unbreakable so perfect is that you have this gray crashing down around you and yet you still find a way to have these big dreams, even when you're not able to say to yourself, I'm going to be like, good things are going to happen to me, but you still fucking drive, man. And this is if you can help people understand this, of how things can look like they are stacked against you. Right. You talk about this with the veterans that you work with in the Unbreakable Training mvp.
- [21:32]
Jay Glazer
Merging veterans.
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Interviewer / Host
So through that and helping them reframe, like, yes, something bad has happened to you. Yes, you're in pain, but you can sit and wallow around in that or you can do something. How did you train yourself to do that? I mean, we're talking about a journey that started, like you said, 30 years ago. Dude, mental health could not be talked about 30 years ago. It was like an insta pass to being shunned. And so how did you put a strategy together and see it through under all of that?
- [22:04]
Jay Glazer
Well, it was just like my depression anxiety motivated me because I always had that thought of.
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Interviewer / Host
Because you were like, fuck this. Like, I'm going to.
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Jay Glazer
And if I do this and this and this, maybe this will bring me happiness. If I do this, maybe this will bring me happiness. So it was my journey for happiness. And what I've really learned is it can't come from the outside. It's got to come from the inside out. And that's what this journey is for me now. Like, I've got to learn to love myself from the inside out. It doesn't work. Like, I can't just go get Fox Animal Sunday and be fucking the happiest guy in the world. Like, it's got to come from here. And that's why the motivation for me was convincing myself, man, if I go, if I become rich, if I become famous, if I become that, all, all this shit's going to go away. And it does. And then part of my struggles too. There's a lot of us out there who are antidepressant, anti anxiety medication resistant. So I've been on, I've tried 30 something different medications over the years, and none have worked. Like, none. And like Vicodin worked for me. And that was before. That was before the opioid crisis. And I was like, wait, I play a sport of pain. Like, I was fighting. I was like, hey, take these. Oh yeah, it feels good.
- [23:17]
Interviewer / Host
And then realized, okay, and that helped with your depression.
- [23:20]
Jay Glazer
That, well, make it feels good. And then until it doesn't, until you go. Until you act like more of an asshole to people because the roommates in your head do not play along nicely with each other. But you're looking for any sort of break from the pain. And there are painkillers.
- [23:36]
Interviewer / Host
Did you end up struggling with addiction?
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Jay Glazer
Not addiction, but I've been coaching for a long time. Lucky I started him in the 90s. We didn't know Any better. Like I was doing mixed martial arts in the early days. Hey, it's a game. It's a, it's a game of pain. Painkillers. Sounds good to me. Like made a lot of sense to me. But it did cause me a lot of problems when I went out. But yeah, it would, it would dull the pain for me of the gray short term, but cause more long term problems, especially in my behavior and my outbursts. And me, me vico and alcohol and these are not a good combination at all. And like, man, Mike, you know, for, For a dude like me who, who, who really thinks like, man, it's so hard to be my friend and my friends are getting people. I'm too much for my crew. I've done a lot of fucked up shit over the years and here they are still with me, you know, like, and I get choked up because it's like sometimes I realize when I say it things like that, like, damn, maybe I'm not as bad as I thought. Like they're still with me like these stray hands and these constant Schwartz, you know, and Mike Marini and my Andrew Whitworths of the world, man, these people are still by my side. Despite me having these blow ups, the Randy Couture's, the Chuck Liddells, despite me having these meltdowns, they're still there. So maybe I'm not as bad as I think, but it takes things like that for me to. I don't know why, it just hit me so hard right there. It did, but because I don't talk about the drug side of it rarely ever. So yeah, they've been out with me with a lot of manic moments, if you will, caused by that. So it's something. I've had a curve, but that's the motivation of Ben. I'm trying to find the outside love so much where it gives me enough of a break where I can kind of be on this ledge here as I'm working on how to love myself from the inside out like I'm worthy. The universe is not against me and the sky is not falling, hasn't fallen all this time yet. I wake up every day feeling like it's going to. And a lot of people, successful or not, have that same fear. But no one talks about it. I'm like, fuck it, I'm going to talk about it. I'm going to put it all out there for us. So we are like, literally, I say we walk this walk together.
- [26:09]
Interviewer / Host
Yeah, the, the aggression that you have comes across in the book And I have to imagine that that has served you well. There is something when you look at people that really achieve the kind of outsized success that you've achieved, there's oftentimes a pain point. It could be dyslexia and feeling like you're dumb and everybody's making fun of you and so you overshoot things. It could be growing up in the inner cities, like looking at what Jay Z has done. It's like the inner cities break most of the people that it touches, but the people that get out, they really hit escape velocity. Depression, same thing.
- [26:41]
Jay Glazer
Jake.
- [26:42]
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- [27:41]
Interviewer / Host
Destroys most of the people that it touches. But then there's occasionally somebody like you where you're able to focus enough aggression to get beyond it and you come up with these tools and tactics. And for people that don't know all of your background, which is freakishly well rounded, so obviously very recognizable for the commentary that you do on Fox for the NFL. I didn't know the depths to which though you were involved in mixed martial arts. And so that is very interesting to me and how much you're using that to help players and veterans who have, as you say, lost their tribe. They transition out of sports, they go from having this big group or they transition out of the military, they have this whole group around them in an ethos that carries them. And now they're in an isolation game, which is the worst thing for somebody struggling. And as you bring them together, you bring them together over fighting, which I think is really interesting. And there's something out of the book I want to quote. This really hit me I thought this was really powerful. And you were talking about how to become a warrior. You said, this is how we create warriors. You have it all in you. One, find out who is the best and do more than them. Talked about that earlier. Two, be relentless. Three, push your breaking point. Push your breaking point. Push your breaking point. Push your breaking point. Four, neutral face. Don't ever show you're hurt or tired. And five, it's your honor to fight hurt. And I was like, dude, there's something about that. Like, go hard. Fucking. Don't. Don't take it. Don't take it from yourself. Don't take it from anybody else. Like, you can't. You can't be weak. Like, you've really got to push through. And there were a couple times, like you were saying, like, I get hard on people that I know are contemplating suicide or whatever. And I'm not trying to villainize that, but, like, there is a moment where you just have to fucking say, like, you gotta get tough. You've gotta push through this. And I'm very curious, when you came to that, was it something you found early? Why is that universal? Like is because you seem to use that. I mean, from Demi Lovato, who obviously did not begin as a trained fighter, though I'm sure after time with you, like, there's some pretty unexpected people.
- [29:55]
Jay Glazer
She could fight. Trust me, she could fight.
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Interviewer / Host
She knocked one of your teeth out, if I remember.
- [29:59]
Jay Glazer
Little fucker. Yeah, she got my teeth with a spinning elbow that I taught her. And, you know, we're not supposed to do that to each other in the cage. And all of a sudden, wow, I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. And then, yeah, knock my tooth out. And she was so proud of herself. And then she was like, I'm sorry. I'm like, you're not sorry. And then, you know, obviously she did a whole sorry, not sorry thing. But, yeah, it's interesting, the thing you're talking about, the unbreakable mindset, right? Find that warrior. That's what I use for our athletes, okay? That's the athletes. The other part of the MVP part, which, you know, we take former combat vets and former First NFL players, but now expires, Olympians, NBA, nf, NHL, mlb, anything, we put them together. Because one of my things in here is you gotta have a team, right? When that uniform comes off and you lose your team, that's scary as shit. That's when the roommates in your head really start talking to each other. So I said, man, I know they don't do the same job. But combat vets, they look up to pro athletes. Pro athletes look up to combat vets. Let's build a new team, put them on a new team and let them build each other up. It's peer on, peer counseling, if you will. And I use a lot of the stuff in this book as our mantras and as our teachings. And I learned a lot from them in our talk. So we train together for about a half hour just to give you a burn. Then after we have these hour, hour and a half mental health huddles, we just sit there and we just talk our shit and open up. And like, for our vets, like, they're ingrained not to have individuality and they're great not to talk about it. So how are you supposed to get through the transition if you don't talk about what you've done? Everybody else lies on their resume. Combo vests don't talk about their resume. Well, it's hard to get through the transition if you won't talk about yourself. And so it's one of the things. Yeah, I kind of get on about it. Like, hey, you know, they have all these, like, you go overseas and you do incredible things. You've saved people and you have grace under fire, courage under pressure. And then they come back over here and they're like, oh, I'm different. Oh, I don't belong. I don't. And I'm like, no, fuck that. You're different. Different is good. Different leads to success. Like, don't be a face of the crowd. Be the fucking crowd. Let's be our own damn crowd. So that's one of our matches. And same like our football players. We're seeing too many of them go by the wayside right now because when their uniform comes off, they're like, oh, man, I used to play in the NFL. I'm trying to shift that. No, dude, you play in the NFL and you play in the NFL is not who you are. What's behind your rib cage. They got you to put those hours in and out, work the world, but not by a little, by a lot. And, you know, beat out millions upon millions upon millions to play on this level. That's who the fuck you are. That suddenly just doesn't leave when your uniform comes off. But who reminds them of that? So I put them together so they can remind each other of that. And yes, you've got to. You got to be around. Suicide cannot be an option for us because, you know, I know you're in pain, but Then you're leaving your pain and putting it on us. Like, don't do that. You got to stick around for us. As much as it sucks and hurts and like, we've had a lot of members attempt suicide that they now haven't since they're part mvp and every single one of them has saved somebody since. So, like, you never know what lies around next Tuesday. But if you hold on, like, you could do something that can impact somebody else so greatly, and then the people that they save, they might end up saving 10 people, 100 people, a thousand people. 100,000 people. I've gotten saved. So, you know, I'm able to. I say save. I'll never get to the point where I will kill myself, man. I get to the point where I'm like, man, I hope something takes me out. And if something like that happened, if I didn't, like, in the end, you saw my, like, last chapter, I'm on a. A gurney and Cedar Sinai is both my lungs aspirated. And if I just gave up there, there'd be a lot of people who wouldn't be with us right now. Right? So I've got to make sure that I'm there for everybody. And I can promise you this, man, our. Our crew and we've had this in our huddle. You'll see. You read in the book right about those have made that unfortunately have that decision. I can guarantee you they're in whatever afterlife you believe in. Guarantee you they're not up there seeing everybody cry like, yes. They're up there like, oh my God, what did I do? No, no. So I point this out to our group and say, this is your chance to have a. I bet you they wish they can have a take back now. Well, this is your opportunity to have a take back for those of you who attempted it. This is what you would have left behind. And you get to see it firsthand. I know you don't want to leave that behind. So it's really made a huge impact. So that's the MVP part. I know that that's a lot. We're in seven cities right now. We had three zooms a week and it's me again, me just grinding and my crew trying to raise money. And it's free for all vets, combat vets and active duty military combat zones and pro athletes also. So we're in seven cities. That's vetsandplayers.org is our website for that. So I'll take a little breather there. Because then the other part was the unbreakable part.
- [35:18]
Jake Stauch
Yeah.
- [35:18]
Interviewer / Host
To me, it's.
- [35:19]
Jay Glazer
It.
- [35:19]
Interviewer / Host
I read the book feeling like the two things were interconnected, and I'm curious if you see it that way. So the book obviously begins with, you know, how hard your career. What I mean, first you set us up with the gray, and then you talk about, you know, look, I really struggled for a long time to make it. You detail things out. It is so, so inspiring to see how hard it was and how long it took you, but how you live by that code. You were super consistent. And throughout the book, you do a couple times where you're like, okay, here are the keys to success. And this. You talked about some of those earlier. And then you get into this warrior mentality and how we can all build that inside of ourselves. And if I remember right, that was tied to this, you know, where people are struggling.
- [36:02]
Jay Glazer
Well, that was tied to the gym. So it was. It was funny because when I first did the book, well, people have asked me to do a book, being the NFL Insider for years, like, oh, my God, the secrets you must have. I'm like, yeah, I'm putting that shit out. I'm not looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. And I probably put out 1% of what I know on the air because it's also build relationships. I don't want to burn people, so I want to continue to have the most inside information is anybody else. And, well, if someone deserves to get burned, they deserve to burn for the most part. Where, you know, we're. I'm not trying to look at it and screw someone over because I know something dicey on them, but you know this. So I'm at an event for a friend of mine, Mike Bayer, who just wrote a book, and I know him well. And so Doc. Dr. Phil was there, and Dr. Phil threw the party, and all these people were there. And these woman walks over. These three women walk over to me. Jan, Lacy, Carrie. They said, okay, we don't know who you are. Everybody in this room's talking about you, but we cannot figure out what you do. Like you're an actor. I said, no, no. She goes, yeah, you're on Ballers with the Rock. I go, yeah, that's. But I'm not an actor. I'm just playing my normal dickhead self. And that's because I'm friends with Dwayne. Well, okay, but you're. You're a trainer and an MMH for Demi Lovato. Yeah. Okay. Okay. No, but you're a vet. I said, no, I'm not a vet, but I have charity that's helped a lot of vets, and that's what I'm most proud of. But. And then Dr. Phil walks over, he says, hey, the Cowboys going to re sign Dak Prescott or what? And they're kind of looking at him like, why are you asking the guy with the veterans and Demi and the baller guy that, like, no, I do the NFL. And they go, all right, your shit's so confusing. Can we buy you a drink? And I said, yeah, I'll take a Sauvignon blanc. They go, well, we didn't expect that either. They ended up being my literary agents and Jan Miller and Lacey lynch and Carrie Thornton was the publisher. They were like, we need to do this book. Especially when I started talking about MVP and how many lives were saving empowering over there, I said, we'll do it. But I always said, how am I going to do a book? Because I got six different careers going on because I've always done these crazy, outlandish things to try to find the rainbow and just try and find the blue. So I've always had to go do push myself more and more. And in that book, you know, Unbreakable, we have the number one gym in the world. And that's what the name Unbreakable came from. It's my gym where again, we're trying to push your breaking points. And there's two things about Unbreakable. A couple things, Unbreakable that are really unique. One, we train you as a team, right? I talk a lot about teams. And as a result, we're the only gym in America. We got zero mirrors in the gym, none. Because I don't want anybody's back turned to the rest of the team looking at themselves. We're in this together. And you'll have Demi Lovato working out with Sylvester Stallone and Wiz Khalifa coming over here doing this, and the head of this company over here and head of this company doing there and this person. And it's just the weirdest shit you've ever seen. But we are a group, dude. We're a team. And I said, hey, you got a fight team. It's a scary world out there now. And I give you, like, man, I build good communities and a great locker room. So I'm like, I'm going to put a therapist in here because I'm telling you, we're going to build you from the inside out. That needs to be in mind, body and soul. But this Unbreakable mindset It's how I live life. It's how I coach our athletes to play. It's how I fight. And the moment I make the decision to get out of bed every day, which is a hard one for me, like the gray keeps me in bed, it's hard. And somebody just asked me this recently, like, how are you able to go after life and it's hard for you to get out of bed? The moment I make that decision, I get out of bed like, yeah, I am going to be sober lentless in everything I do. And look, I'm not. I'm a little five foot seven Jewish guy, man. I got everything against me physically. So what I don't lack is that relentlessness of man. I will push my breaking point. So much as I push my breaking point, I look back and I go, man, I can't believe that used to be hard for me. Two weeks ago, three weeks ago, four months ago. And now I know I have more in the tank, but also like the way we train, I do not stop. I don't stop. I don't stop. I don't stop until somebody goes, holy shit, get them off me, right? And talk about our neutral face. And it's the complete opposite. How I want everybody to be in life. So this is for athletics. I don't want anybody to show it in life. I want you to talk about everything. It's one big, you know, why does
- [40:47]
Interviewer / Host
talking work so well? That that one, while I agree it feels counterintuitive.
- [40:52]
Jay Glazer
It not for this stuff. Well, I'm like talking to you right now. Fucking therapy session. For me it's great. Like the more we could talk because we share it bonds us because you probably have something that's going on also a lot that resonates with you and you're not going to feel so alone. And you may not. It's probably things that you won't share with other people. You're afraid to share a for shame or being judged or I don't know if someone's going to like this. And also we share it. Well, that's that team, right? We're bonding over something. You're not as alone that you get to hear it maybe say yourself, I was always afraid to say that. Now I don't have to be so afraid because I'm not. It's not. I'm not the only one, not the only one who thinks that. I'm not the only one who fears that. But the other part is like again, back to the athletics part. Our fighters cannot take a Stool in between rounds, I want them pacing back and forth, pacing back and forth. I want, you know, their opponents are looking like, why the is Randy Couture not sitting down? Like, what's wrong with him? Why is he story in the book? Great, right? How is he not hurt? And man, I will just like, our guys can't take us. No hands on our hips. I say neutral face because I want, I want to see like you when someone breaks. When you break someone in athletics and sports and fighting or football, you could hear it. It's awesome. There's nothing like it. When I break somebody else's will. There was nothing freaking like it. You could. It's like a branch breaks for a twig. You could hear it and feel it. And you know, I tell our football players all the time, man, if you're, you can do three minute rounds with a one minute break with us and you don't show it, you damn sure could do a six second round or seven second round the NFL field with a one minute break. And the moment you turn around, you see someone. I see someone. Gas. I see someone with their hands on their hips. I see someone doing that. I forget I'm tired. I start sharpening my weapons even more. And then I start becoming more relentless and ramping up, ramping up so they'll beat my ass in the first round or two. We still got a couple rounds to go. And eventually every one of them, they're going to go, I did not sign up for this. Like I. And, and you know, I tell us all, tell them all that game starts, that cage door locks. You better make that guy across. When you beg to get out of that cage with you, that's your job. And again we talk about the pain part of it, man, I've had, I got, I've ruptured L4 L5 four times. L1 L2 twice herniated C2345. Broken this seven times.
- [43:24]
Interviewer / Host
Jesus.
- [43:25]
Jay Glazer
Twice dislocated. That tour, that tour, that. And every time I'm hurting, I don't tap out and go, oh, I'm not going to train today because I'm not feeling good. Instead I'm like, man, if I could give this guy a handful, I didn't win. If I can give him a handful. And I'm only at 50%, man, that makes me a gangster.
- [43:48]
Interviewer / Host
It's your honor to fight hurt.
- [43:50]
Jay Glazer
My honor to fight hurt. Like it's your honor to go out and drop 100 yards on someone with an ankle sprain or an elbow because
- [43:58]
Interviewer / Host
it tells you something about yourself.
- [44:00]
Jay Glazer
Yes. And that's where, like our crew, we don't really give a shit if we win or lose. And I learned, look, I've been around a lot of greatness, and I have a God blessed me with the ability to communicate their greatness, I think, in a more relatable way and to the masses. And a lot of times what's normal to them is great. And they realize, bro, that's not normal. So the more I can teach people on how to be a champion, I'm a lousy competitor. As I've started to coach, I've gotten really good because now I get it. No one ever taught it to me in the past. Now I'm. Now that's my mindset. Like, if I am hurt, dude, you will never, ever, ever, ever know. And in there, like, you'll never see me, nothing. I'll never show it. Now after, I may pass out over there, that's fine. But during, that's. That's one of the ways I'm going to try and break you non verbally.
- [44:53]
Interviewer / Host
Jay, there really is something. So people need to read the book, which I truly found extraordinary. And you're flirting with this dichotomy through this whole conversation, which I find so useful in real life, which is, okay, look, I'm teaching people how to be so hardcore. Don't show your weakness. Break them mentally. You're like, you can hear it and I love it. And yet you're also the guy that's like, I have a therapist in the gym. Because after we spar for a little while, that's when the real emotions come out. We can cry and really bond and heal and, and something we haven't talked about, but that you go into great detail in the book is, you know, all the ways, big and small, that you've served people and all the people that you've helped is really, it's incredible. When people read the book, they're really going to be impressed with the number of different ways that you serve. It's. It's really pretty breathtaking, which means we
- [45:40]
Jay Glazer
all could do it. That's why I'm saying I'm showing it because everybody could do it.
- [45:43]
Interviewer / Host
Like, here's, here's the truth, Jay. You talk about shooting straight, I'm going to shoot you straight. The reality is most people can do one or the other, but they can't do both. And this is, this is what I find interesting, that you both, in the ring, when you're training, you want to break somebody's will in that competition. And you want to love them and protect them. And in the book, you. You must use the word teammate 300 times. I mean, it's you. You refer to the reader as your teammate, which will make sense when you read the book.
- [46:13]
Jay Glazer
But because I can't be alone, because I'm not, I don't like getting stuck with this. I don't know how to love this dude or like this dude. So I need teammates. So I never feel alone.
- [46:23]
Interviewer / Host
Yeah, it's really important that I think people learn. So I talk about it in Star wars terms, that there is a light side and a dark side, and that if you eschew one of them, you've given up half of your options. And the dark side, that, you know, breaking a competitor spirit, if you can do it well, where it's like, hey, in this moment, we. We slip into that mode. And then in the other moment, we would never dream to be in that mode. But it's. So there's this idea of the meek shall inherit the earth. And I heard an interpretation of the word meek to mean instead of weak, which is how I always assumed it to be. Instead of that, it means somebody who is strong and very capable of fighting, but they keep their sword put away. If. If you are not dangerous, then you are not being gracious by not getting into a fight.
- [47:13]
Jay Glazer
Right.
- [47:14]
Interviewer / Host
I heard that from Faras Sahabi. I don't know if you know him, but MMA trainer, amazing, amazing guy. And I was, like, really struck by that statement.
- [47:25]
Jay Glazer
Say to me again, if you are
- [47:28]
Interviewer / Host
weak and don't know how to fight, you are not being gracious by, you know, avoiding conflict. You're avoiding conflict because you know you're going to get your ass beat if. If you're, for us, a hobby, and you're a trained mixed martial artist, and you know that you could fuck this guy up six ways a Sunday, and you decide to leave it be to calm the situation. There's. There is gratitude in that. There's gratefulness. There's. There's a gift. There's graciousness in that.
- [47:53]
Jay Glazer
Yes.
- [47:53]
Interviewer / Host
And. And that, to me, is what your book encapsulates. This is. Look, you fucking struggled, man. But this is not the book of somebody who has had it easy and therefore was persistent. It is a story of somebody who's struggled in every way imaginable, still managed to keep a North Star and move towards it relentlessly. When people hear you detail out those 10 dark years, dude, it is unbelievable. And then punchline is, oh, and by the way, I spend all my time loving on other people because of that. It echoes back, right? So it's this, this incredible tale, and this is what I think life should be for everybody, is to find that ability to both break somebody's competitive spirit and find joy in the ability to pull that off and at the same time care about that person as a human and love people so much that I can only imagine how many times you've taken phone calls and like suicide watch and all that. It's like you deal with heavy shit. But dude, Jay, I am not glossing over how much you continue to struggle. But what I want people to hear in your story is that this is somebody who has built up every tool that he can. You are slathered in muscle, you know how to fight, you're quick witted. You have proven tenacity and loyalty, win over everything. It is an amazing journey that you take people on in your life, which you happen to have detailed in a book. It is not surprising to me in the least that you have collected this extraordinary group of people in your life. Every one of the people that I know that you know are incredible human beings. So anyway, your book details a strategy that I think is breathtaking.
- [49:36]
Jay Glazer
Thank you, man. I really appreciate that. That's a wow for me, man. That's a big wow factor for me. I appreciate that a lot. Again, things like this, like, I'm trying to piece a lot of these together so I can learn how to celebrate myself from the inside out, know how to do it from the outside and, you know, hang with all our friends and party and this and that and, you know, fight and all that stuff. But for the inside out, that's where my. That's where the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is for me. And this is the next step for me and trying to figure that out and attain it in the meantime, yeah, I get to use my pain to help other people through theirs. Right? I could use my own gray to help people through their darkness. And that for me is that's, you know, probably why God put me here and found my why. I do. I told this astray the other day. I said, I think I found my why for the first time. I think I found my why. So I appreciate it. And again, I don't try and figure life out like I was for years. I'm like, damn, fuck. Why are you like this? Why you like this? And I don't try and figure life out. I don't try and figure out why Good things happen to bad people and bad things having a good people and all that stuff, you know, I just for me now I kind of know the why of man. I had to go through all this so I could help other people through theirs.
- [50:58]
Interviewer / Host
I get it, man. I respect it. So glad you wrote the book. Where can people follow along with you? Where can they get the book?
- [51:04]
Jay Glazer
Oh, go. You can go to HarperCollins or Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Sold everywhere where you would normally buy books. Audiotape Audio comes out soon. Also, January 25 is the launch date. So go on pre order now. I do the read for the audio version. So yeah, as I, the way I talk is the way I write. As you, as you probably saw, I'm honored. Like the Rock wrote my forward, which is like, man, like such an honor. And he and I are able to get deep in it also, which is just great. Where he could use. He wanted to do it because he's like, hey, you're going to be that voice of the gray for all of us. And again, here's the biggest star in the world and we all have some gray that I'm hoping to be this, like I said, hoping to be a light for people through their gray. So maybe they'll help me get through mine. So. And then if you go to my Instagram or Twitter, there's a link on it there also. But yes, I would love you all to walk this walk with me and the more teammates we can have and I want people also to sharing their own struggles with this with other people who are like when I I've been on social media in real time, like, hey, this is what this shit feels like. I don't want to do filtered crap and make people feel worse about their lives. Like, this is it. So when you see those comment, you're struggling comment, it's been really cool to see other followers then lift them up and be teammates together and help them out. And also like it's good for us to remember to celebrate and love ourselves up, right? So things like this allow me to celebrate myself and love myself up. Gee, it's even hard for me to get it out, like celebrate. No shit. It's hard. It's really hard for me, man. It's legitimately hard. But things like this get me a little bit more toward why I need to get to that blue.
- [52:59]
Interviewer / Host
Amazing. The book is amazing, guys. If you have ever struggled with anything, whether it's just having a hard time achieving what you want to achieve in your life, this book, trust me, is for you. If you've carried the weight of any kind of mental illness that creates that sense of overwhelm that things aren't going to go your way. This book is definitely for you. If you want to laugh, this book is for you. It really, really is phenomenal work. Jay, thank you so much for coming on the show today, man. I really appreciate it.
- [53:26]
Jay Glazer
And unbreakable is things that could have broken us but didn't. That makes us unbreakable like all our scars again. Be proud of your scars. Be proud of the stuff that has knocked you down. Be proud of the crap, the adversity that you've gone through and it didn't break you and you came through that other side of the tunnel. That's what being unbreakable is.
- [53:44]
Interviewer / Host
I like it.
- [53:45]
Jay Glazer
Appreciate it.
- [53:46]
Interviewer / Host
Thank you guys. Speaking of things that will help you become unbreakable, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Peace.