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Tom Bilyeu
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Tom Bilyeu
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Tom Bilyeu
What is up everybody? Welcome to the fasted edition of ama. I am day five of my fast. I have about four hours, three hours left. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm hungry as hell. But doing the hard things is how we improve. So I'm super excited. I was actually stoked to be doing this AMA at the end of a fast because it will show something to myself to have to be high energy and do the damn thing. So yeah, I'm super amped and I have a feeling that many of my answers are going to revolve around food or fasting. Forgive me for that, but. And cold exposure. By the way, I've been doing that now for a while and for those of you were brave enough to join me on this double whammy of five day fast and 30 showers of cold exposure, which I'll probably keep doing because it's been pretty powerful. But yeah, to all of you that joined me on this, you guys are studs. I love it. Okay, if you ever want one of your questions answered on an AMA, all you need to do is submit to ama pacttheory.com if you want to remain anonymous, just say that and we will make you anonymous. All right, here we go. First question is from Michelle Kessler. My question is regarding how to best break through my own self sabotage habits and really alter my limiting beliefs and patterns. My habit is that I get really excited about a new book idea, business or project, put my heart into it until about 75% of the way and then for some reason I cannot seem to figure out but why sabotage my efforts either by quitting directly or deciding I can't do it. I know that you, Tom, claim that you were able to change your mindset through books and personal research. How did you do that and do you think I need a coach, or is there another way? Well, first of all, I think a coach could be amazing. So if you're even asking the question that might be a perfect solution for you, that isn't what I did. So the way that I went about this was believing fundamental things about humans and the human condition. That was a huge breakthrough for me. And I've been saying this for a while, and I don't know if it's like, hitting home with people, but this is, like, I can't let go of it because I really believe that this is something that will benefit people. So for me, I really had a hard time believing that I was special. And anything that required me to believe that I could do something that other people couldn't do, it just, like, did not stay with me. I had all this anxiety around whether I was actually good enough to outsmart or outwit or outperform other people that. Excuse me. That I really had to figure out, or not even that I had to figure out. Thankfully, I made a decision about brain plasticity, which then led me down this path of just, like, assessing what is the human animal like? And that was the thing that really set me free. So the whole thing about brain plasticity, this is in the late 90s when I was really struggling with this. And it was hotly debated as to whether or not people could learn new things as they got older. And I was in this position where I had failed as a filmmaker. And I really felt like, oh, my God, my entire identity is tied up and being naturally talented as a filmmaker. And here I am, I'm not naturally talented, and what the hell do I do with that? And so, in trying to not fall into depression, I began to research the brain. And one of the topics that I came across was people saying that no brain plasticity really is real and the science is outdated that says that we can't learn new things and that we don't get new brain cells and all of that. And so I was like, whoa, I'm going to choose to believe that. Even though it's hotly contested, I'm just going to choose to believe it because it's so much more empowering. So I allowed myself to believe that that was very beneficial, to think that I can learn something, that I set my. So that allowed me to then put in the energy, because people will not put in the energy if they don't think their efforts are going to be rewarded. So allowing myself to believe that my efforts were going to be rewarded I began to pour myself into things. So that was huge. And then also just thinking about, humans are the ultimate adaptation machine. So what we are designed to do is grow, get better, adapt. So I thought, okay, cool, then all I need to do is believe that I am the average human. The average human is capable of such radical, radical transformation that simply being human means that I them am capable of that same radical transformation. Okay. So that was the framework with which I got myself in a position where I could see things through. Why? Because when I stopped believing in myself, I was like, hey, maybe you're not wrong to not believe in yourself. But, but, and this is the key. Just because you're not good enough yet doesn't mean that you won't ever be good enough. So there are often times where I feel overwhelmed by the task of building the next Disney. I think, oh my God, I am not at all the person that I need to be to pull this off. But I am so ravenously, I believe in it so ravenously. That's not really a sentence, but you get the point. I believe in that so much that I keep going because I know that I can figure it out. So I shift away from worrying about whether or not I can execute against it right now. And I start asking myself, what are the skills that I'm lacking and how do I go out and get those skills? That's what I would encourage you to do when you say you get 75% of the way there and you start to lose faith in yourself. Don't worry about whether or not you're good enough yet. Man, I don't know why I'm choking up today. Don't worry about whether you're good enough yet. Just focus on learning in those moments of self doubt. Refocus on learning. And just, it's not like when I have a moment of self doubt, I stop and go read something. The reality is when I have that moment of self doubt, I self soothe by reminding, reminding myself that I can get good at anything. And that on a long enough timeline, I am going to be able to figure this out if I put my mind to it. And so that allows me to just keep going. And that's really the thing. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. All right. The other part of this you said is. You self sabotage your efforts by quitting directly. Okay. So this is, I think when people really begin to get overwhelmed and just the scope of the project seems too big to accomplish and it boils down to the same thing. You just have to keep going, you have to enjoy the process. And that's a big one. And I know people hear that all the time, and it's been said so many times that it's become trite. But things become trite usually because they're true and there's so much truth in it that people just keep repeating it. And unfortunately, as that happens, the words themselves begin to lose power. But continuing to move forward, the reason that you want to do that is one, you're giving skills time to really develop in yourself. If you're putting in the energy that will happen, Two, relationships and acquaintances, and quite frankly, just a bit of luck to come across your path. You're giving it that time to happen. And for those things to begin to accumulate. And when you just keep going, which the only way to do that is to really make it a part of your identity that you keep going, that then all those things that have to coalesce to create that opportunity for you to take advantage of, you give them the time to do that and to speak a little bit more to luck. And I forget the name of the person who said this, but they said luck is like a bus. There's always another one coming along. But the real question is, will you have the right fare to get on the bus? And that fare is your skill set. So continuing to go, one, by moving forward, by engaging in something deeply, by practicing something, you're going to be getting better and so you're going to be getting that fare that you need. And then two, if luck is really coming all the time, which I really believe that it is, you just have to be present for it to manifest at a moment where you actually have the skillset that you need to take advantage of that thing. All right, so that is what I would recommend that you do. All right, next question is from Greg Hammond. Hey, Tom. I'm 18 years old and have been working on growing an E commerce business from my laptop. Even though I'm excited about everything I'm doing, I seem to have slumps of energy regularly. I was wondering if you have any vitamins. Not what I was expecting you to say. Or general nutrition suggestions when eating. I always have been eating whole and nutritious foods for the most part, since I've been very serious about my diet for a long time now, but I feel as if there are some things I could still be lacking. Thanks. Okay. I don't know your diet, but it is a very good sign that you're focused on whole foods. I don't know what whole foods you're doing. And if you're doing something that is high in carbohydrate, that may be part of your problem because you have to constantly feed to keep your energy levels up. I might suggest, suggest doing something that relies more on fat metabolism, since you have plenty of body fat to get you through those moments. And that's one fascinating thing about the fast. As I told you, I would talk about that. Even now I'm able to generate a tremendous amount of energy. Now, I won't lie, it takes more oomph to get that energy going. But once it gets going, it's all there. I don't feel fatigued, I don't feel mentally cloudy or anything like that. So migrating your diet to something that is closer to a ketogenic diet is probably going to be advantageous, but that may not actually be your problem. So let's assume that your diet is just money, money, money, money, money. And the thing you really need to focus on is desire. So I think that this is an area that people often don't think about enough is do you really want the thing that you're building towards? Because when you do, my friend, the amount of energy that will give you alone is unimaginable. I really don't even understand, like at a biological level, I don't understand why passion and enthusiasm makes such a fucking difference, but it does in terms of having the energy that you need to see something through. Oh my God. Interest is a huge part of that. And I don't think that people really know how to build interest in their lives. I don't think that they're disciplined enough to make sure that the thing that they're pursuing is actually something that they're interested in. So I'd highly recommend that. And then, hey, in reasonable quantities, you may find that caffeine may be just the right sort of low level thing that you need to give you the focus and the energy. I have found that I went through a period, I forget how long, north of 30 days, 45, 60 days, something like that. I completely cut out even a single gram of caffeine and I noticed a unpleasant lack of midday energy. So I reintroduced caffeine and that completely went away from me. And that's somebody speaking who already has a super tight diet, who's already exercising regularly. And that's another thing you may need to exercise. You'll definitely get more energy if you're in better shape. A sad reality. I wish that weren't the case, but it is. All right, those are my Recommendations? All right, Daniel Breeze. What is up, dude? All right. Recently my dad told me that, I mean, too much eye contact when listening to. When listening. Got it. And it actually made him uncomfortable. His point was that I need to break eye contact once in a while in order to make the person speaking feel more comfortable. I've started to develop subtle ways of doing this, like sipping my coffee or water or pretending to itch a scratch or some sort. But it's so distracting to think about having to break eye contact. Based on your experience interviewing guests, do you have any tips for making the person feel comfortable speaking? Do you break eye contact or do anything of that? You know what's interesting? This is definitely a case by case basis. And I find that in normal human interactions, absolutely, you actually do need to break eye contact occasionally finding a rhythm. And it's weird because I actually am quite cognizant of that myself. And so I think the more you do it, the less it'll be a distraction. But yeah, it can be a little bit freaky when somebody is just like really looking at you intensely. But now, having said that, in interviews, I almost never break eye contact. And I've never had a guest complain now that maybe because they're too polite, I don't know, maybe I'm freaking people the fuck out. But I actually have people comment afterwards, like about how well I listen and all that stuff, which I think has something to do with the level of eye contact. But now we're talking about professional speakers who are really trying to get energy and enthusiasm when they're explaining something. And, man, I have found when, when I'm being interviewed by somebody, if they don't look like they're paying attention, it really fucks with my energy. So I try to keep that eye contact as a way of letting them know, man, I am listening to this shit. I am fully engaged with what you're saying, man. And you can trust my cues and my body signal and all that to know if I'm really into what you're saying or not. Now, I do that because that's the gift that I want to receive. So as a speaker, I really like it when the person is looking at me. And if I need to break the eye contact when I'm speaking, then I will. And I find that most people, when they're speaking, their eyes go all over the place. So my gut instinct is that that's not really an issue. But yeah, I'd be curious to actually get feedback from people specifically about that. But I don't Think it's an issue. And certainly for me as a speaker, it's like I'll break eye contact when I want or need to. And having that person looking at me makes me feel really good because I know that they're paying attention. But remember, that's only in artificial environments. So it's probably good to listen to your dad. I would keep trying that, see if it can get more natural for you. Because when I'm in like interpersonal relationships. Yeah. I don't do the like ultra intense eye contact thing. All right, next up, Nicole Nadera. My goal this year was to become the valedictorian of our year group. I aimed high. However, I know it wouldn't be easy since there's a lot of competition. Recently, I've been putting in the work, the time and the effort to study and do better in my classes. However, when the weekend comes, I find myself less productive on Fridays and Saturdays and I don't want to do anything but watch TV or use my phone. However, the guilt kicks in and then I start working on Sundays. I want to take the path to achieve my goals and attain success. But with this, I know that I need to be constantly focused and determined. How can I deal with this? Any advice is very much appreciated. Alright, so here's where we're going to get real real about goals. So first of all, make sure that your goal is something that you give a shit about and you care deeply about it. Because goals require sacrifice. They require you to be all the fuck way in. Like, you're going to have to go ham. That doesn't mean that you never take a breather. And in fact, listen to your body. And if there's a time where you need a break, take that fucking break. But man, let me tell you, if you're trying to be the best in your year, you're going to have to pay a price more extraordinary than anybody else is willing to pay. And God forbid there are people that are just naturally smarter than you, because then you're really going to have to outwork those motherfuckers. So it is not an easy task that you place before yourself. But if you really believe in it, man, you were talking to the wrong person. If you want me to let you off the hook and say, just chill. If you really want that, go after it. Pour yourself into it. Be willing to break yourself in half to get that thing. Now don't make yourself sick. I think that's just stupid. But I have given myself over to the things that I want to accomplish. In life. And my friend, that is the most emotionally rewarding thing I have ever done. To really be all in at something and go all out and know that nothing is going to stop you. There is nothing more intoxicating than that feeling, really, truly being a Goggin, Goggins level badass at something that should feel so good. So I fully respect that. That's the path that you want to take and if you want to take that, you got to go all out, you got to get after it. And it's going to be all about identity. You've got to have the identity of somebody who does that. You have to have the identity of somebody who is going to make their goals happen no matter what. You're not going to let anything stop you. You've really got to have bright lines. So it's like, hey, if you want to take Saturday off and do your thing, but you know that you're going to work on Sunday, awesome. Then it's like, cool, Saturday is my play day. Sunday is the day no matter what. Under no circumstances do I slack off and I'm back at it. And you've got bright lines around the times that you're going to be putting in the effort and you're going to put in your effort all the way. So those are two of the things that are going to get you there. Nine out of the ten largest banks get it. They get that. VantageScore, the modern credit score is the leader in predictive power, improving mortgage default predictions and saving lenders billions better predictions. Better for your business with VantageScore.
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Tom Bilyeu
And then another one that I will say is obviously it's all about the skills and making sure that you're actually learning the things that you need to learn. That's the key. So it's not just about like going ham and making sure that you're working your ass off. That is a huge part of it. But the other part is actually making sure that you get good. And now the most seamless transition into an ad ever. If you want to get good at something, skillshare is the place to be. And I want to encourage you guys to check out skillshare. They are amazing. And if you don't know, they're an online learning community for creators. With more than 25,000 classes in design, business and more, you're going to discover countless ways to fuel your curiosity, creativity, and your career. So if you want to be the valedictorian, might I suggest something like that? Get after it. Figure out how skillshare can help you. They will be an extraordinary asset because you can take classes in basically anything. Social media, marketing, mobile, photography, creative writing, or even illustration. Whether you're looking to discover a new passion, discover Shame on me. I've really got to change that. You don't discover it, you develop it. As you guys know, start a side hustle or gain new professional skills. Whatever the case, skillshare is there to keep you guys learning, thriving, and reaching those New Year's goals. All right, guys, join the millions of students already learning on skillshare today with a very special offer just for my listeners. You guys are going to get two months of Skillshare for free. That is right, my friends. Skillshare is offering Impact Theory listeners two months of unlimited access to over 25,000 classes for free. To sign up, go to Skillshare Skillshare.comImpacttheory. again, that's Skillshare.comImpactTheory. you're gonna start your two free months right now. That's Skillshare.comImpactTHEory. all right, now to Emma Campbell's question. I'm a trained psychologist, so I've spent most of my life focused on facts, science and evidence. However, recently I've learned a lot about this wave trend around manifestation and the law of attraction. First, you have to believe that the universe has your back. And whatever you believe will come to you through the power of attraction. It sounds like the confirmation bias flipped on its head in an empowering way to me, but I'm very intrigued as it seems very powerful. My question is, what do you think of manifestation? Okay, the last thing I want to do is break your heart, but here's the reality. Manifestation is partly amazing and partly total bullshit. So. So thinking that the universe has your back already is just absolutely false. Honestly, I don't think the universe cares about you. That's the truth. I don't think it dislikes you. I just don't think that that's. It's not a human. It doesn't think like that. It is just a thing that is following rules. Now, one of the rules is that if you believe that you can make something happen, then you're going to invest the time and the energy to actually get good at that thing and to check yourself and see if you're actually getting better. Here's the fucking reality. You've got to leave people in awe if you want them to follow you. Buy your product, whatever, that's the name of the game is to add value to somebody's life. And if you're adding value to their life, then you're going to progress, then you're going to succeed. And if you're not, you won't. No matter how much you think about it, no matter how much you believe it. Like it is just bullshit to say mantras like I live in abundance and money comes to me effortlessly. That's not fucking true. The reality is you've got to add value. And adding value to someone's life doesn't have anything to do with the. Just thinking about it has everything to do with. Sure, believing in yourself, believing that your efforts are going to be rewarded if you put in that time and energy because you will develop a skill. Because you know that that is true of the human animal, that the human animal is the ultimate adaptation machine. But here's the fucking reality. No matter how much you think about it, the struggle is guaranteed. The success is not. That is the truth. So. So focus on skill acquisition. Focus on believing what the human animal is capable of. Absolutely understand that luck does play a part in it. But understand that luck can only be taken advantage of if you have the skill set. So to me, when I hear people talking about just sitting there thinking about something, I want to jump out of my skin because they're never going to get where they want to go. Positive thinking is real. You need to think positively 1000%. But you can't think that somehow just thinking about it is going to make it happen. I wish it were so. That would be amazing. But the reality is life does not work like that. So yes, you need to think positively. Yes, you need to understand the power of the mind, because that shit is real, powerful. But you need to understand that you must take massive action consistently over a long period of time if you actually want to get good enough that you have a skill set that is valuable enough that you can add value to people's lives. There are just realities to be faced there. And even if you have a product that adds value to people's lives, you have to understand how to market it. You have to understand how to galvanize a Team, none of this shit happens just by thinking about it. If you guys haven't already, be sure to see the John Assaraf episode that we did, which is killing it, by the way. And he was in the Secret, and he is the first person to say that you can't just think your way to success, you have to take massive action. Next up, Aaron Warwick. I am trying to help my dad, who is currently struggling with his mental health, depression, anxiety. He has suffered both. He has suffered with both for a number of years, but has recently had severe decline in his mental health after my mom, I'm guessing you're British, asked for a divorce and she could no longer deal with his mental health and the damage that had been done to their relationship over the last three to five years. One of his main issues is getting out of bed in the morning one day. On days that he manages to. Manages to, he goes on the win, goes on to win the day. But when he's unable to. When he's unable to, he gets stuck in his thoughts and spirals into deep depression and often has suicidal thoughts. He's been trying to use the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 model from Robbins to help with getting up, with mixed results, often saying that his brain stops him from even starting the countdown, which he becomes extremely frustrated by. Any advice on ideas or tools, techniques he could use to help with his mental health would be appreciated. Okay, so whenever we run into issues of mental health, I go through the basic checklist first. So, one, getting his exercise and diet right, those are the two most important things that he could do. So make sure that we're eating whole foods, make sure avoiding carbohydrates, make sure that he does a lot of individualized testing. So, like right now, I'm wearing a continuous glucose monitor. The reason that I'm doing that is the carbs that I may have a horrible response to, somebody else may do just fine and vice versa. So there may be things that I can eat that your dad can eat, but you've really got to invest in yourself. You've got to figure out for yourself what works. So he should experiment with different diets to see which ones alleviate his anxiety and depression. I will say that the most universal, though nothing is truly universal, would be a high fat, low carbohydrate, or I'll even say moderate protein, virtually no carbohydrate diet. Make sure that you're getting some green leafy vegetables. That's the one area where you can take in carbohydrates. Doing that first Then second, work out. You've got to work out. And everyone listening to this, I think knows I don't like working out, but I do it every day. Well, Monday through Friday. I think that's super critical to managing your anxiety. I also think it's just critical to getting the physical cellular structures of your brain to the place where they need to be. If you want to cognitively optimize and balance your mood, you've got to start doing that. I think it is just absolutely critical. Jordan Peterson actually talks about how his mood is stabilized a lot since I think he just eats beef, as crazy as that sounds. But this is why everybody has to try it for themselves. And when I say just eats beef, if I'm not mistaken, I'm not 100% sure I'm correct on this. But if I'm not mistaken, when I say just eats beef, I mean literally just eats beef, nothing else. So finding out what you respond to, where your microbiome is, what's your microbiome? Oh my God. The amount of a role that that plays in your mental state is probably the best way to say it in terms of the neurochemical state that your brain is in is, is. It's insane and it cannot be overstated. So I really think that the number one thing that people dealing with mental health issues have to focus on is their gut health. So it is a long road of experimentation, but you have to do it. There's just not a shortcut to that. Okay, then once you have those things in check, then it becomes, what are your thought patterns? How can you use identity rules, beliefs as a way to begin to motivate yourself? Also, earning credibility with yourself is huge. So he needs to really reward himself for sticking to the things that he says he's going to do. So for instance, as a fellow person who struggles with getting out of bed every day, even at this point in my life, I have to have a 10 minute rule. I have 10 minutes to get out of bed. Just simple as. And to be the person that I want to be, I've got to get out of bed in that 10 minutes or less period that comes to my aid every day. And I will say that 99.99998% of the time I get out of bed my 10 minutes or less. And when I miss it, it's usually by less than 60 seconds. So that is something that has served me incredibly well. But the only reason it serves me well is because when I do it, I'm like, yeah, like you said, you were going to do this and you did it. And he's got to have that neurochemical reward for doing the things that he said he was going to do. Now if somebody's really struggling with anxiety and depression, they have to be super careful about using punishment. But when you feel that way about, fuck, man, I said I was going to do it and I didn't do it. I'm a schmuck. You kind of got to let that sink in so that you don't do that again the next day. But you can't let it become this self reinforcing death spiral where it's like you just feel worse about yourself every day. Every day. Which makes it even harder. So I would say for him to really focus on like a 95. 5 split between 95% rewarding himself and being stoked when he does the things that he said he was going to do. And then only 5% of the time, like poking himself in the ribs and being like, y, you said you were going to do this and you didn't. And man, here's the thing. Like when you tie it to your identity, like, being the kind of person you want to be feels so amazing that I want that for everybody. I want people to know what it's like. And look, you don't set it to like, you know, the ideal, ideal version of myself where I'm perfect and I'm Nelson Mandela. Like you said it, someone that's better than you are now, 50% better than you are now. And you aim for that person. When you get near that person, then you're going to stretch it out again and again. But being the kind of person that you want to be feels extraordinary. The other day, and I post about this on Instagram. The other day I opened the fridge and I was probably in day three, maybe day four of my fast, and I saw jicama in the fridge and I had this emotional crisis because I was like, no one will know if I have that piece of hiking enicma. Literally no one would know. I could have eaten it. Not even my wife would know, but I would know. And so for me, it was like, even though it was this momentary impulse, there was no way that I was going to give into it because I want to feel some kind of way about myself. And I'm telling you, the only thing that really matters is how do you feel about yourself when you're by yourself? If you know you're upstanding and you do the things that you say that you want to do, that you're always striving to be more, be better. You're going to feel amazing about yourself. And so that's where your dad really has to focus. He's got to start earning credibility with himself. And that only comes from doing hard things and doing what you say you're going to do. So he's probably not ready for cold showers, but, man, even 30 seconds in a cold shower, you need more time than that to get the cold shock proteins. But even just being able to stare down that nozzle when you know you're about to turn on a shower that is going to be ice cold and is going to blast you, like, even if you just do it real, real fast, it's powerful, man. It is powerful. And you begin to earn that credibility with yourself. So those are the things that I would say he needs to start doing.
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Tom Bilyeu
And then also, he just needs to understand this is a process. And so undoing the, the spiral that he's in of anxiety and depression is not going to happen overnight, but it can and will happen. He just has to be consistent. So I don't normally preach baby steps, but this is one time I will say it is very okay to take baby steps to start things going in the right direction. And hey, let's talk about some really simple shit. Watch some comedies, man. Find some comedians that you think are absolutely hysterical and put that stuff on. Laughing and being upbeat and allowing yourself to feel light, all of that stuff makes a huge difference. But you just have to do it, man. This is all like, you know, tending the garden kind of stuff. You have to do it. You've got to put in the work. All right, I could keep going, but if he does those things, actually does them, it will begin a turnaround of extreme proportions. Shannon Yakub. I want to develop my understanding of the brain in relation to physiology and human behavior to a deeper level. What books or online resources do you recommend to really go deep on this? Okay, so Dr. Daniel Amen, who was recently on Health Theory, definitely check that out. In fact, I'm growing more and more obsessed with health theory by the day. It's now a weekly show. You guys should definitely check that out. Dr. Daniel Amen has had a profound impact on me in terms of my understanding of the brain. That would be an amazing place to start if you really want to get a little more esoteric about the brain that in a fun and just insane way. Look at VS Ramachandran. We also had him on the show. He's extraordinary. Now we had these people are on the show because they really impacted me. So this isn't just me hyping the show. These are really the people that were teaching me and that I've been learning from for in some cases over 10 years. So highly, highly recommend both of those. David Eagleman, who we've also had on the show, again for the same reason, dive deep into that. You can watch his episode, read his book the Brain just or Incognito, which is actually my favorite book of his, really goes into the brain. And then also the there are many people, including Ben Greenfield, that you can check out on health theory to hear how they talk about nutrition, which is incredibly powerful. We just had a lot of people on there talking about nutrition. I don't think we've had, I don't think we've had anybody, at least off the top of my head that talked about nutrition in a way that I thought was a little bit crazy. We've had some pretty outrageous ideas on there. But I think at least for some subset of humanity, they will be very powerful. They are at least worth trying in terms of getting your brain function to where you want it to go. But the oh, one more for human behavior, since you specifically call that out, would be Dan Ariely. Now all of these people are on my must read book list, which you can find on impacttheory.com, it's completely free. You can go there and check it out. So yeah, you will learn a lot about the brain and human behavior there. Dan Ariely is the book that we have on the list called Predictably Irrational, which talks about how human behavior is pretty crazy. But when you understand it and you understand the things that drive us to do the things that we do, it's really, really powerful. So those are the resources that I will point you to. All right, next up we have having trouble turning the page here. This is from Anonymous. Can you please discuss the psychological battles you face during weight loss? My struggles with weight and body image have really eroded my self esteem of my sense of self confidence. And I find myself thinking that I will never finish anything because I can't finish this weight loss goal. To be clear, I exercise, track food and eat very clean. I lose weight every year and then my binging gets out of control and I gain it back. Have you ever suffered from binge eating thoughts on how to control it? Okay, so yes. I went through a psychotic period in my life where I had cheat days of such epic proportion you can't imagine. My wife once woke up and text me wondering where I was and I was sit sitting outside of a Cheesecake factory waiting for it to open so that I could get cheesecake as a part of my cheat day. They used to be all day affairs where I would eat, oh my God, I shudder to think. 7 to 10,000 calories almost entirely comprised of sugar. And that was gnarly and that was very much a two steps forward, 1.9 steps backwards. So I was making progress, but it was really slow because I just was starving myself during the week and then on the weekends also because I didn't have bright lines and things that I have in place now, my identity and all that. I just went insane. So I totally get it. I know what it's like to be like I'm depriving myself and then to want to just go ham. So one thing you need to separate yourself from and some people that I love very dearly struggle with this one, which is to stop thinking you deserve to eat something, man. People get themselves in a whole lot of trouble. You deserve to have health and longevity. You deserve to feel the way you want to feel, you deserve to look the way you want to look, like all of those things you deserve. But the whole I deserve to eat these things, man, that's just denying the reality of human physiology. The reality is if you eat the foods that are hyper palatable, they are going to you up metabolically. They're almost always going to be high in sugar, salt and fat, which in combination is, is just a death sentence. So understand that you're gonna need some sort of release valve, we'll call it. So maybe on Saturday you have one meal that you just. Yeah, have whatever you want, man. There are times when Lisa's stomach is in order where we'll have ice cream on the weekends. And I do it without any sense of guilt or hesitation because A, it's pretty rare and B, the rest of the time I'm eating super clean. So you just have to find that system that works for you. But you've got to get yourself out of this mentality. One that Once you have one thing that that means, oh, fuck it, it's all gone. I just need to keep going. I've already ruined it anyway, which I know a lot of people struggle with that and there's just no logic to that. So think about everything you eat has a reaction on your body. So if you have a bowl of ice cream or a piece of cake that you didn't intend to have, cool, that did some damage. But if you keep having more, it's just going to keep doing more damage. So it's not like there's some invisible line that you crossed and now it doesn't matter. Like every additional bite that you have is worse. So rather than getting in the loop of, oh, well, I've ruined it and therefore now I can just go off the hinges. Own up to the fact that you want to go off the hinges, you want to eat that stuff, you are desperately looking for an excuse to have more of that stuff, which is why people do the, oh, well, it's all gone to hell in a hand basket anyway, so I might as well just go hog wild. So own that you want those things. So now what we're going to do is use bright lines. We're going to carve times out where we are going to have whatever the hell we want. And then, and once you have those bright lines, you're going to stick to those bright lines. You're going to use your identity so that when you do stick to those bright lines, you get to feel very good about that. You feel very good about yourself. And also you've got to get amped up about the goal that you're trying to reach so that when it gets really hard that you're able to stick with it. I will tell you, man, oh man, today, for whatever reason, I only have, by the time I woke up, I only had what, like 10 hours, 12 hours or something left in my fucking fast, guys. I didn't want to do it. Be real honest with you. I really wanted a reason to break fast. I wanted a reason, who am I kidding? I wanted a reason to break fast yesterday. But I so want the things that this fast leads to, let's name them, because this is how I stick with it. Longevity. I really want to live forever. And if I'm not willing to do a five day fast to make sure that that happens, then. And obviously I don't really want it that bad, but the truth is I do want it. And I obsess about it and I think about it and I think about what cool Things the future may bring. And I just have to stay alive long enough for technology to catch up with me. So I'm gonna do that fast for that reason. Identity. I want to be the kind of person that when they say they're gonna do a five day fast, there is no universe in which they don't do the five day fast. That feels so fucking amazing. And to repeat myself, that is the thing that I want for you guys to know how good that feels. So in those moments of weakness yesterday and today, it wasn't like I actually ever considered giving in. At one point I was like, legitimately worried. I have a continuous glucose monitor, as I mentioned earlier, and it was outright panicking yesterday. It kept. I'm not joking. It every 30 minutes would send me an alarm that I was urgently low in blood sugar. So I was like, what do I do? What do I do if there's a reality that your blood sugar can get too low? Now I reached out to a physician and just said, is there such a thing? Is like, can it get too low? And they said that because I was producing ketones at a very high level that they would see me through and that I didn't need to worry about it. So. But I was having blood sugar events in the 40s, so that's pretty low. But even at that, I was thinking I had a Goggins moment where he said he ran some race. I forget which one. And he was like, I might actually die in this race, but I will worry about that later. Like, first I just want to finish. No, it was frostbite. He said I might be eating frostbite on my toes, but I will worry about having toes amputations when I'm standing in the champion circle. And I thought, that's fucking interesting, man. That is really seeing something through. Now, admittedly, if I legitimately believed I was going to die, I would have eaten food. But anything shy of that, because I'm so obsessed with being the person that I say that I am with, striving to be something better, that I live by bright lines. When I say I'm going to do something, I do it. All of those things make me feel so good. So. So that is going to be something that you're going to want to leverage those bright lines. All right, those are my thoughts. All right, guys, thank you so much for joining me for this fasted edition. I, oddly enough, had a harder time reading questions today, so that says something. But I feel like my energy was here. Super excited. Thank you guys for letting me do this because I have been the least hungry during this that I have been probably in the last two days. So I'm very grateful for you guys joining me for this. I hope that some of you are taking the time to do hard things like fasting, like cold showers. Not only are there health benefits, but it's so important to push yourself and see what you're capable of. I think that on the other side of that, you're going to have a tremendous amount of credibility with yourself. You're going to feel a lot stronger. And that has been a theme certainly in today's question. So I think a lot of people struggle with that. And doing the hard things is one way to solve that problem. All right, guys, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And by the way, if this is adding value, please do share it. Please do rate and review. I am desperately trying to get this thing into the top 100 podcasts. And rating and reviewing, as weird as I think that is, is one of the main ways to climb the charts on itunes. So it'd be massive if you guys did that. It'd be really, really appreciative. All right, until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to itunes, go to Stitcher, Rate and review us. That helps us build this community and that is what we are all about right now, building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can deliver as much value as possible. And you guys rating and reviewing really helps with that. Alright, guys, thank you again so much. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care.
Date: September 21, 2023
This AMA (Ask Me Anything) episode features Tom Bilyeu answering listener questions on topics ranging from breaking self-sabotage cycles and overcoming limiting beliefs to nutrition, manifestation, mental health, and the psychological battles of weight loss. Tom, on day five of an extended fast and intense cold exposure regimen, brings his trademark intensity and candor to every subject, blending insights from personal experience, neuroscience, and practical advice. This episode is especially focused on the mindset and habits necessary for transformation and dealing with adversity.
Timestamp: 00:46 – 09:29
Question from Michelle Kessler:
Tom’s Core Advice:
Brain Plasticity & Belief:
Embrace Being Average:
Skill Focus over Self-Worth:
Perseverance and Luck:
Timestamp: 09:30 – 12:10
Question from Greg Hammond (18):
Tom’s Core Advice:
Carbs vs. Fat Metabolism:
The Role of Desire & Passion:
Caffeine & Exercise:
Timestamp: 12:12 – 14:40
Question from Daniel Breeze:
Tom’s Core Advice:
Context Matters:
Advice:
Timestamp: 14:41 – 18:05
Question from Nicole Nadera:
Tom’s Core Advice:
Goal Alignment requires Sacrifice:
Create Identity and Bright Lines:
Timestamp: 21:12 – 24:22
Question from Emma Campbell:
Tom’s Core Advice:
Critical Distinction:
Power Comes from Action, Not Wishful Thinking:
Timestamp: 24:23 – 31:29
Question from Aaron Warwick:
Tom’s Core Advice:
Focus on Fundamentals:
Identity and Rewards:
Tend the Garden:
Baby Steps and Lightness:
Timestamp: 31:30 – 33:59
Question from Shannon Yakub:
Tom’s Reading & Viewing List:
Timestamp: 34:00 – 39:59
Anonymous Question:
Tom’s Core Advice:
Lived Experience:
Mindset Shift:
Identity & Bright Lines:
Goggins Moment:
On Perseverance and Skill Acquisition:
On the Process of Change:
On Passion and Energy:
On Manifestation:
On Self-Credibility:
Tom Bilyeu’s fasted AMA episode is a high-intensity masterclass on inner transformation. He roots answers in his own struggles and research, driving home the need for practical action, skill-building, self-belief, and the power of identity. Major topics include breaking the cycle of self-sabotage, using mindset and diet to enhance energy and mental health, developing social intuition, interrogating the narrative around manifestation, and overcoming obstacles like academic burnout and binge eating. Across all questions, Tom’s message is consistent: “Do the hard things, build credibility with yourself, focus on what you can control, and your identity will become the pathway to lasting change.”