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Tom Bilyeu
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Tom Bilyeu
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Tom Bilyeu
You're listening to the Impact Theory podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory. What is up everybody? Welcome to another rousing edition of the ama. I am your host, Tom Bilyeu and I'm going to be answering all of your long held questions, hopefully some secret desires as well, pouring in. We take your questions live, so don't hesitate, drop them in. All right, we've got one that we're going to start with and that is from Inessa Grevsova. Yeah. All right, this one comes from Facebook. Hey Tom, thank you so much for the amazing content. When you are feeling attacked, how do you de escalate yourself from becoming spiteful? Okay, so all of this comes back for me. Everything works backwards from the goal. So what's my goal? If my goal is to maintain good relationships regardless of whether the person is attacking me or not, or, or if I want to make sure that I present myself in a very professional manner. And a lot of this really does depend on in what circumstance I'm being attacked. But one of the most amazing responses to being attacked is to not take the bait, to not escalate to their level. I find that people that do that really come across the best in pretty much any situation. It's pretty rare that I'm going to escalate with somebody just because they're escalating. So that sense of identity, that sense of like always doing what moves me towards my goals, that is really what's going on internally in my head. And then the. And this applies, by the way, no matter what situation. If you want to de escalate anything in life, you're going to do the same thing. So, first of all, ratcheting up just usually isn't advantageous. So I'm going to diaphragm breathe. And so that's going to get me out of the sympathetic nervous system, because that's really what's happening is as they're attacking you, you're going to emotionally rise up to that. It's going to cause your breathing to become more shallow. Your heart is going to start racing. All of the things that put you into the sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight mode, you're literally, I mean, you're talking about being attacked, so you're ratcheting up to mount a counteroffensive. So you want to deescalate that by getting into the parasympathetic nervous system, which the fastest way to do that is diaphragm breathing. So I actually imagine, and I don't know why I imagine this, but this is exactly what it feels like to me, that pushing the emotion down. And I know people tell you not to do this, but I find this really, really works me actually release the emotion. I'm not burying it, I'm releasing it. So I'm pushing it down. And then I breathe from my diaphragm. I just. I literally just did that. And I can actually feel myself from a single breath. It's so weird. From a single breath, I can feel myself. A single diaphragm breath. I can feel myself relax more like, literally, I can even feel it in my voice as like, I'm getting more calm simply from thinking about getting calm. So. And also a lot of times you'll feel if somebody is coming after you, you're going to feel tension rising in your body. I find that releasing things through my physicality is one of the most potent and powerful ways to really get out of that mode. So I'm going to take that deep diaphragm breath. I'm like, if you imagine almost pooching your stomach out, that's what I'm doing to really get that breath to go down low out of my diaphragm. Um, and I tend to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, so. And then I just release it. And that works. And so you combine that identity, not wanting to be the asshole that's ratcheting up, that's just rising to that and responds emotionally to everything. Um, so that's very much my identity. And then the physicality of releasing tension in my Shoulders relaxing, my face, diaphragm breathing, all of those things are going to allow me to deescalate. So no matter what situation you're in, if you find the deescalating is the appropriate response, that is exactly what you do. All right, next question is from Lester Visaya. This is from Facebook. You once said, children born with great privilege are going to have a harder time achieving things in life due to their lack of motivation. How do you think conscientious parents strike a balance in protecting or nurturing their kids while instilling them with a healthy mindset for success in life? Okay, so first and foremost, I want to say that I am probably the wrong person to answer this question because I don't have children. And I don't have children precisely because of this question, because I think that it is a next to impossible balance to strike. I think it was Plato or Aristotle, one of the two, that said, the only impossible job is raising children. And that really, really resonates with me. But here's my best guess. And parents, hey, drop into the comments. Let me know if you think I'm crazy, which I'm very open to. So my best guess looks like this. There are certain kinds of suffering that are going to be very advantageous for your kids and certain kinds of suffering that are not. So bullying is the one that freak freaks me out. So if my kids were being bullied, I would immediately go into that situation and try to figure it out, find a way to either get them out of that situation, stop the bullying, whatever. But you've got to be able to accurately identify the difference between kids just being dicks, which they usually are, saying harsh and hurtful things, and bullying. And failing to realize the difference between those two could be disastrous. Because I think kids need to hear the hard truth from other kids. I think if kids are doing something stupid, it's good that other kids push back to tell them to knock it off, call them on their bullshit. But that's very different from someone systematically targeting somebody for being different, for being small, for being perceived as weak, like, whatever it is, and going after them in a relentless way over and over and over, especially if they're turning into, like, little pack animals and coming after them. So part of what I would say is bullying is if it's based on something that is intrinsic to that child, that already is going to be a problem. So it's not like, hey, the kid is actually acting like a dickhead. Then people should like, look, there have been times in my life where I did Things I'm sure that were just beyond embarrassing. And if I saw it happening now, I'd be mortified that I did that. And so it's good that people then shut you down, point it out. But at the same time, if somebody's making you feel unsafe, if they're picking on you for being a boy or being a girl or being tall or being short or having pimples or like, whatever the case may be, something that there's just not a lot you can do about that, then that definitely to me is spilling into bullying. So recognizing that and understanding one of those is useful. The other is not making sure that your kids are doing the hard things. So my parents always used to make me do manual labor. I actually think that was good. I hated it at the time, but it really did force me to learn how to push through things like that. It also made me realize I did not want to do manual labor for the rest of my life, which actually did make me get an education, which was one thing that my dad told me. He was like, hey, I do this to make sure that you'll get an education. Now, my thinking around education has very much changed. So I don't necessarily think everybody needs a formal education, but I do think everybody needs to be educated. So you need to learn the. Out of something. So, yeah, being able to identify the things that are actually going to toughen somebody up, that are going to make them stronger, I think that's good. When they're like, if they're playing a sport or something like that. Angela Duckworth has some pretty awesome rules around that. You can read more about them in the book Grit. And she said if one of her children does something, say they want to play baseball, and halfway through the they want to quit, she will not let them quit. She said you have to stick out the season. So I love that. Teaching them grit and discipline by saying, hey, you were the one that wanted to start this in the first place. You're going to see it through. But she doesn't make them play again the next year. So if they realize they didn't like it, she's going to let them out of it. Doing homework, things like that, where it's. It may be boring, it may be difficult, you know, teaching them to get through that and then giving them the frame of reference about a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset, and I think that that's really critical. And I won't go down that rabbit hole right now if you don't know about a growth mindset, Essentially watch any other piece of content that I've ever put out because I address that. Or read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. All right, next question. And this is from our boy Sim Land on Facebook. Tom, what's your meta belief? The belief above all beliefs? Well, I suppose that gets into. First of all, if you haven't Already, go to impact theory.com Download the 25 point belief system that I created. Those are my, my meta beliefs. But the one that really sits atop everything is you can do anything you set your mind to without limitation. So that is to me, the, the sort of ultimate one. Now, if you're ready for the advanced class, the thing that follows that up is that's a lie, but it's an empowering lie. And we do and believe that which moves us towards our goals. So if you take those two in conjunction, if you'll let me be a little cheeky and give two answers, those two things put together really form the absolute foundation of my belief system system. All right, next up is from Steve Troutman. What do you suggest for someone who's not very introspective? A lot of what you do is based on awareness of self. But what if you lack that awareness? Obviously you can build it, but how would you go about building it personally? Okay, so first of all, yes, the answer is build it. I think that you do need to build self awareness. I think if you can't be introspective and figure out what's going on, what you're going through, then you're really going to be in trouble. So the key is to develop that self awareness. To develop it. It looks like this, you have emotions, everyone has emotions. So the TR is when you have an emotion to be able to identify. I'm having this emotion to identify what the emotion is, to backtrack into what is causing that emotion. And then from there you can decide what to do with that emotion. And if you want to leverage that emotion or you want to shrink the time that you feel that emotion, if you want to get closer to identifying that you're having the emotion very right at the beginning of that, then all of that comes from practicing that. But the ultimate process is exactly that. I'm having an emotion. What is the emotion? What's the cause of the emotion? And then what do I want to do about it? So that's the four part process to developing self awareness. All right, next question is from Jenny. Jenny Sveland. How much time do you spend on meditation versus thinkitation? I want to tell you that it's about 50 50, but the truth is it's probably closer to 70 30. In favor of thinkitation, I find that I do more meditation or more thinkitation, depending on what's on in my life. So if I'm really stressed out, if I'm feeling a lot of anxiety, then I'm going to be doing a lot more meditating. And if on the other hand, I'm not feeling stressed or anxious, then I'm going to edge up more towards thinkitation. And to be quite honest, the only real meditation that I'm doing at that point is to get into an alpha wave state so that I can get the most out of my thinkitation. So that's the split that I normally err on. For me, thinkitation is just. It's way more usable if I'm in a positive frame of mind already. Okay. Question from HG51. This comes from YouTube. If no questions are off limits. Tom, have you ever gotten in a fight? I assume. And by the way, no questions are off limits. And either we won't feed me the question if it's too ridiculous or I'll just choose to skip it if something comes up. But I don't mind this at all. And my answer is if. If you mean a verbal altercation, I've been in many, many, many, many. You. You certainly don' Level in business without and fight probably isn't the right word, but without being in many very intense debates that feel like they're edging up to a fight. I've been in precious few physical altercations in my life and I'm a they happened when I was younger and when I was younger I was an unimaginable wuss. I wanted to avoid the fight at all costs. I don't consider myself by nature a tough person in any way, shape or form. Any toughness that I have now, I've had to develop and face some really gnarly weaknesses in myself and my personality, which none of them make me proud of who I am certainly by nature. So I've had to develop all of that and still like man, when I see people that they just seem totally unfazed by fighting, that would not be me. Like a phase or a fight would be something that I would not enter into lightly. I'll give you one story that happened. I was a grown ass adult. In fact, I'd already found a quest and it was the fact that I'd found a quest that made me go, I need to back the out of this because I'M stupid, starting to act like an idiot. And if somebody were filming this, I'd be really, really embarrassed. And I could just read the headline, founder of Quest Nutrition gets in fight at the gym, which is exactly where it happened. So this was super weird. I'm going to be a little indulgent here, and hopefully Chase will pull me back if I get too indulgent. But it went like this. Let me have a drink here. As you guys know, I get up really early. So I was in the gym. I was in the gym. This was at a time when I worked out at a public gym. And I'm in the gym at, like, I think they open at 5am and I was literally standing outside the door when they opened. So I'm in the gym at 5. There's, like, me and lit, me and one other guy. Like, there might have been one or two other people by the time the. The altercation happened, but it's me and him. There's so much equipment. I'm at this one station, I'm doing tricep pull downs. And if you guys know a cable crossover machine, it usually has, like, you'll have a freestanding version for doing the pull downs. And then you'd have that same thing again on the inside, and then you'd have it replicated again on the other side of the cable cross. And then in this particular gym, they had double cable cross. So on the other side of that was another version that you could do pull downs, then another version. And so there were 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Five stations to do this exact exercise. Five. I'm at the outermost so that I don't take up the cable cross. So if somebody wants to do a cable crossover, they can I start doing my pull downs. This is a large commercial gym. There are two, maybe three or four people in the entire gym. That is not an exaggeration. And I'm doing my cable cross or my pull downs. I have my headphones on. This guy comes up and goes, do you mind if I work in? And at first, I honestly thought he was joking. And so I look around and I'm like, you know, very funny. I take my headphones out. Oh, that's really funny. He's like, no, no, no, I'm serious. Can I work in? And I was like, do you mind, like, maybe just using one of the other ones? And. And he was like, no, I really want to use this one. And I. I honestly thought this guy was fucking with me. I was like, I am on Candid Camera right Now, there is no way, when there are five of the exact same thing that this guy wants to work in on the one that I'm working on. So, anyway, to make a long story short, it fucking escalated. And it gets to the point where I'm literally like, if you want to fight, let's fight. And that was so stupid. And I caught myself in the middle of that going, wow, this is really embarrassing. I am acting like a child. I can't believe I'm doing this. So, yeah, at that point, I stopped and went about my workout. And in the end, we both looked at each other and were like, that was really fucking ridiculous. I can't believe we were both escalating like children. So, yeah, but it didn't go to fisticuffs. I'm very grateful for it, but the whole thing was so patently absurd to me, I couldn't allow myself to back down. So that was one of those where you have two competing value systems. One, I don't want to be a who acts like a child. And then, on the other hand, I don't want to back down when somebody's doing something that I think is patently stupid. So I was sketching out for a minute like a thermostat that turns on and off at the same temperature. So finally I realized acting like an adult in this moment is probably better than proving a willingness to stand up for myself. So I moved to a different machine and just continued with my workout. But, yeah, that was both embarrassing and the most recent time that I was almost in a fight. All right, next question is from Justin Banaga. Justin Banaga. My question is related to the Think and Grow Rich book. It said that your mind needs to be dominated by positive thoughts because it will attract positivity in your life. But what if I'm being driven by something dark, like hate? What's your opinion here? All right, I'm all about the 8020 rule. So spend 80% of your time in the light, in the beauty, in gratitude, in the things that you love about your life and the beautiful things you're trying to make come true in your life. But then spend 20% of your time with a chip on your shoulder, totally dissatisfied with where you are tapping into the anger, the rage, the hate. You just have to be very, very careful about spending too much time there because it really does become corrosive. It will eat away at you. But I think that humans are meant to play in both. I think that the darkness serves you in very acute moments, meaning very finite in their Time, you spend very little time there. But when you and I've talked a lot about this, they did a study where if you wanted to test how long somebody could endure pain, they'd have them submerge their arm in like an ice bucket. They would clock the time. And then if they wanted to push somebody beyond that, they would say, okay, now you can express anger, rage and go crazy. And people could say, I think it was 30% longer they could endure the pain. So very much. The anger, the hatred, the rage, all of that will serve you in very acute moments. So if you think about us as evolutionary creatures that we've gotten to this point through a steady process of evolution, anger, rage, all of that must have conferred some advantage. And I think that's the advantage it gives you ability to endure more pain. So I think attacking hard things is a great way to go about it. And it's even something they talk about in cross country. When you're running and you're super fatigued and you're about to come up against a hill, what do you do? You attack it. Like, you get intense, you fire yourself up, you go for it. So said another way, literally hate that hill to death and go up that hill. All right, so. So that's my thought. 80, 20. All right. Question from Tess Linden. This one is from Facebook. Once I get on a roll and momentum is building, it's so easy to keep going and delve deep into my work. But on those days when I get really low, I lose the momentum. And this can take me. This can make me lose a week out of my work. Got any tips for pushing yourself once you hit those low moods? Yes. So first of all, energy creation has a physical component. So I think that addressing that physical component, always a very good idea. So generating energy in your life when you're feeling low, if you don't then have the physical reserves is going to be a real problem. So this is a big part of the reason why I exercise and eat, right? So that from an ATP standpoint, the energy source of the body that I do have that energy created and I'm. It's just an emotional low that I'm dealing with. So if it's just an emotional load that I'm dealing with, then I'm. A lot of times I'm going to focus on the result that I'm trying to get or just. Just identity, right, an evaluation system. So I evaluate myself every three hours to see if I've been as productive as I want to be. And then if I'M not. That triggers my identity to, hey, wait a second. Like, I don't tolerate that for myself. I have high standards. Come on, let's go. And triggering that identity gets me going. Also, there's ways to access it from a physicality. Get up, stand up, move around, jump around. Do whatever you need to do to, like, get the blood flowing, get pumped. And then third, I think about the results. So, like, for instance, the gym. I have low energy a lot in the gym emotionally, because I don't enjoy, enjoy the gym. And so in those moments where I'm thinking about what I actually have to do, and my problem with the gym isn't the pain. My problem with the gym is the time. I resent the time. So because I resent the time a lot, I find myself getting a little bit deflated in the gym sometimes. And when that happens, then I've got to think about the result that I'm trying to get. I'm doing this because I want to be able to generate ATP. I'm doing this because I want to look good naked. I'm doing this because I want to be strong. Right. All the things that you want to do, you start thinking about those ends, results, and that then gets me through.
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Tom Bilyeu
Okay, next question is from. We're scrolling like a twitchy person here. All right, there we go. This one's from Daniel Bro on Facebook. After the Lewis Howes interview. I have been looking at myself and what masks I wear. What ways have you found yourself wearing masks and how have you changed it in the moment? Okay, so first of all, all, if you haven't watched the episode that we did with Lewis Howes, check that out. It was this week or last week? Very recently. This week. Last week. Okay, so this one was Layla Johnup. So check it out. Lewis brought the goods. Amazing. He wrote a new book called the Mask of Masculinity. And he talks a lot about the different masks that people wear. I think he has a really, really unique perspective. So here I will say I don't necessarily internalize everything that Lewis said. So that's actually an important reason to watch the interview is because I think that you guys need to get varying opinions and really synthesize your own. So, Lisa, Lisa, Lewis's thesis is that we all wear these masks and that these masks stop us from being our true and authentic self. And by the way, if that is what's happening to you, then definitively he's right on the money. And I think finding a path to being true and authentic to yourself is absolutely critical. I find the way he defines masks, though, is like, I think of as putting myself in that zone. So aggression is one of the masks that he talks about. And I have found that I've had to cultivate that in myself, that I don't have that naturally. But the way that I am naturally makes me feel weak, made me feel like as being taken advantage of was not helping me in business. And because my meta belief, going back to one of the earliest questions, my meta belief is to do and believe that which moves me towards my goals, I realized I had to cultivate that and I had to learn to be aggressive. But fascinating how this is all sort of coming together. In the earlier story I was talking about the last time I was almost in a fight, that was me literally having these two conflicting values, or masks, if you will, where I wanted to be dominant and aggressive, but then also realized I wanted to be an adult who's in control of his emotions. And so these two things, neither of which I would say is necessarily my natural state, were coming into conflict. And I, at that moment, I had to choose, like, in what way do I want to act right now? And so for me, it was letting go of, in Lewis's world, it's the aggression mask and leaning on my identity as a very rational, calm adult who's in control of his emotions and not the other way around. So go back for a second to the question, so, and how have you changed it in the moment? Yeah, so it really comes down to identifying what you're doing if you're. And Lewis talks about in the. The interview that there are times where the mask can help you. And so you need to really begin to differentiate between when it is going to help you and when it's hurting you, and if it's hurting, hurting you, to drop it. Like, I'm not afraid to be super vulnerable. And so that might be part of why I see the. The notion of a mask a little bit differently. If you'd asked me that question maybe 10 years ago, where I really struggled with that and didn't want to be vulnerable and would have been really tense to put my real self out there because I thought that people were going to judge me or whatever. It would have been very, very different. But at some point you get good enough at things that, you know, it doesn't matter what people think about me. What, what matters is my ability to execute. And so knowing that I can execute against the things that I want to do has really allowed me to be vulnerable, to be myself, to not posture, not try to pretend. So, yeah, that's how I address in the moment. All right, next question is from Elizabeth Sullivan. This is from Facebook. Hi, Tom. What is a good place to start with making a physical product? Should I seek an invention company or just go straight to a manufacturer and pitch the product? Product, it's interesting. So if you already have. So you can only go to the manufacturer if you already have the product. So let's start with that. And if you already have the product, I don't know why you'd need to go to an invention house. So some of this is really a question about how do you get to having a product? So start with what's the problem that you want to solve? Do you have a unique insight that's going to allow you to make that product, even just conceptually? If yes, you have it conceptually, but you don't know how to get a prototype, then working with a prototype house would be amazing. And if that's what you mean by an invention company, then yes, definitively go to the prototyping house with your idea, with your schematics, get them to mock it up to create it. And then if you are talking about going to a co manufacturer to pitch your product, this really gets into IP and who's going to own the IP and depending on who's working with you, how they're being compensated and all that, you can get yourself in trouble going to a manufacturer. A lot of times when you go to the manufacturer to have them help you develop the prototype, they're going to have a lot of this depends on what it is. But they may want ownership. If it's a recipe or something like that, they may make that their proprietary recipe, which is a disaster. You don't want to be in that situation. You want to make sure that you own the intellectual property. So I would, as much as I could, either do it myself or hire somebody in what's called a work for hire perspective so that you own it at the end and you can write that directly into the contract. Although most states in the US are going to recognize work for hire. If you're paying somebody a salary to develop something for you, usually even without a contract, that's going to be recognized as yours. But it can get tricky. So man, the more you can just lay things out on paper upfront, the better. But yeah, so that's ultimately you need a prototype. Having somebody that can help you make that prototype is critical. And then because I'm not a big fan of taking in investments up front, if you can make it yourself, even if it's a rough off, that's better than having to, you know, raise capital and go straight to having somebody do it in a high end fashion. Cobble it together, do it yourself. The guy that I'm interviewing today, by the way, a guy named Taylor Wilson, super interested in this kid created nuclear fusion, nuclear fusion at the age of 14 by cobbling pieces together. That's insanity. So anyway, if you can build a nuclear reactor by begging, borrowing and buying at very, very low cost, scrounging around in junkyards and all that to create a nuclear reactor, then you can probably cobble just about anything together. So yeah, that is where I would start. If you can. All right, this next question is from Kevin Corona on Facebook. Hi Tom. I plan on building a self sustainable community. Very interesting. Right now the hard part is bringing people together. I have the right group. Is it hard to bring them together? But you have the right group? But we are in different states. Okay, here we go. But we're in different states and haven't been able to come together to buy land. What do you suggest is the best way to bring people physically together? I'm with you now with common ground. Well, so the, the tricky part is actually how to get the right group. So I'd actually be interested to see how you got them together. But my advice is these days with the Internet I would put together, I'd probably just start with a really simple Facebook group. I'd make sure that I was putting out the kind of content that let people know who I was. And then I would start attracting like minded people. I would try to have physical meetups so that we actually come together physically so that I don't think there's any way around proximity. So you need to spend time with people, you need to look them in the eye. So I don't. Yeah, I don't think you can get around that. So do that. Spend time with them together on a non permanent basis. Really see who you gel and jive with and then you don't need to be together to get the funds to actually go and buy the land. But I would definitely have spent time, then raise the money and then go out and buy the property. I mean, Jesus, these days you could do a Kickstarter campaign. So yeah, that's what I would do. Meet them online first, meet them physically in a non permanent fashion. So I wouldn't like buy the land without having met with them them, get to know them very, very well. Make sure they really are the right people that you're looking for. Raise the funds if you don't already have them, using a Kickstarter campaign or something like that to raise money from the people that would want to come be a part of it and then go out and execute. All right, next question is from. I have no idea how this is supposed to be said. Muzzingikt. It's something like that. Tom, do you play games? Not just video games. Are there any games you play that have made an impact for you from a game designer who loves your content? Okay, so I only play board games if that's like what we're talking about, other than video games, but only at Christmas. So if I'm together with family, I play it. It's a lot of fun. I won't say that any of them have left an impact on me, but when I play, I play to win and I try to practice some skill, technique, whatever. So if it's like charades or something like that, I don't necessarily love getting up in front of people. So God, the irony of ironies of the way that I live my life now. But I, I try to use that as an opportunity to practice. So I go up, I want to kill it, I want to force myself to think fast. So I use this practice. The only game I will say that's really had an impact on me is Destiny is the game that I play. But I'll say that first person shooters in general probably all have a degree of this where you can. And literally just, just today I was using this as an off camera example, if you want to know. This is very real to me. I use first person shooters as a way to practice a lot of how to deal with stress, how to get out of the sympathetic nervous system and into the parasympathetic nervous system. It's a great way to artificially create high stakes to trigger a physiological response and then practice getting out of it. So man, I've even got my wife playing it. I think it's a really, really good strategy for practicing that. So yeah, that's that one. Okay, next question. While twitchy scrolly man here finds us one. I'm going to take a drink. Okay, this question is from Carla Ayala. This is on Facebook. As you know, females have a harder time to rise to a position of power. How can a woman strategically move into a position of power when there are men who do not want her there, keeping in mind that she is already so fucking good that she cannot be ignored? Thanks. Thanks, Tom. Okay, so you're trying to take away the real answer, and I'm not going to let you. The fact is, if you really are so good that you can't be ignored, you won't be ignored. So it may be harder. You may have to work twice as hard. But that's part of the can't be ignored part. So, yeah, I'm not saying that you don't have to put in the extra effort. I'm just saying that you actually are putting in that effort. You're being more strategic. You're figuring out how to get those guys what they want and need so that they want to champion you and help you rise. So. So I'll totally agree. It's. It's much harder for women. But now I will say that that just means that to get so good that you can't be ignored, you have to work harder. That's the truth. Go watch the episode that we did with Sarah, Rob o'. Hagan. She talks about this and she said, I never thought of myself as the best female executive. I just saw myself as the best executive. And she said, maybe that's the reason that I ascended the way I thought about myself. The way that I just. It didn't even occur to me that people were going to try and hold me back. I just focused on getting fucking great. I focused on adding value to the company. I focused on knowing no matter who I have to go around under, over, through, if I'm adding value to the company in the form of tangible dollars and cents, boys and girls, no one's going to get rid of me, especially not if I do it in a way that's positive. I bring a positive energy. Watch her episode. She's amazing. She addresses that directly. And at the end of the day, it all came down to to make more money for the company, bring in sales, period. Nobody, man, you've got to be a real jerk for people to get rid of you if you're bringing a tremendous amount of tangible, tangible, measurable, bottom line value to a company, period. So as. Oh, God, I forget the guy that wrote this book, but there's a book out there, I've actually interviewed him. This is terrible at him forgetting his name, but he wrote a book called the no Asshole Rule. So if you're not an asshole and you're delivering bottom line results to the company, you will rise, plain and simple. So. But watch her episode Sarah Robbohagen. Watch her episode for specific examples of some of the things that she did to get around people is pretty impressive. Okay, question from West Knight Facebook. What is the single best decision you have made this week and what has been its ripple effect? I've started refining my important things list. So my important things list is getting really long and really robust and it's very exciting. But that also diminishes its usability. So I've started doing today. So I've got my important things list and then I've got like here are the things. Absolutely. These, like don't go to bed until these get done today. And so that's been really great. It's just helped me get to another level of efficiency and deadly efficiency is what I'm all about. So. Yeah, I've liked that. It's been a cool addition. Okay. This question is from Ruth Tejeda. Hello, Tom. What are your. What was your experience with the education system? Did you ever say that you would not amount to much? My experience with the education system, I saw the, the education system through a child's eye. And what I mean by that is I didn't really. I thought the problem was that people were judging me and they were giving me grades and like, how is this ever really going to help me in life? And all of the things that I think kids say versus really recognizing the problems with the education system which, which I'll get into in a minute. But. So that's how I saw it since that was your question. Actually that's technically not your question. Your question was what was my experience? So my experience was actually good. It was positive. I had great friends in high school. I was very effect cheating. So with very little work, I managed to get very good grades. This is high school. I'll get to college in a minute. So I cheated my way through high school. I had amazing friends. I got to practice my standup comedy, so which helped me develop my verbal abilities. My after school activities, speech and debate have helped me immeasurably in life. So I actually had, I'll say, a very positive experience. Now the one thing about it was I was very judgmental about school and I thought that the way that they taught was stupid. I, I was right, but for the wrong reason. So I. Now if you look at what people are talking about with the education system, they're making way more enlightened arguments than I was making, which is they were saying one size fits all doesn't make sense. I think that makes a lot of sense. It certainly wasn't what I was decrying when I was in high school, but I think that makes a lot of sense. I think finding a way to focus on problem solving is probably the biggest thing. So we teach essentially rote memorization. So here are the facts and figures. Memorize those. And then the third thing I'll say is being a teacher is one of the most time consuming endeavors ever. We pay them virtually nothing. So it doesn't attract the best and the brightest. That doesn't mean that there aren't amazing, amazing, amazing teachers out there who touch people's lives and their lives are immeasurably better because of it. And I had some early encouragement from teachers I'm eternally grateful for. So no question, no question, I had amazing teachers along the way. But I will say that they're in the minority. The majority of teachers it be should just people that are really, really good at stuff and they know they can monetize it. And money makes your life easier. It just does. And so people tend to go towards jobs that pay more money. And so because teaching doesn't pay well and it doesn't necessarily reward teachers for being innovative, for really engaging, you just get an education system that was designed to make factory workers and not high level entrepreneurs who are problem solvers and being creative. So those are all my things. Since I said I would address college. When I went to college, I decided to take it very, very seriously. Seriously and to learn and study. And since it was all in service of something that I actually want to be good at, I think that they made a decent attempt. The problem is I think that certainly myself, I learned best by doing. And so there was probably still a little bit too much theory class, all that and not enough, just hardcore get out there and do it. Embarrass yourself, fail, suck, grow and get better. And so I think doing is a lot more important than abstract sitting in a classroom memorizing fact. So there you have it. All right, next question is from Sarah Na. This is on Facebook. How do you handle fear from doing something you know doesn't deserve? Fear. How do you handle fear from doing something you know doesn't deserve? Fear. The only Way I know how to answer this question is to say that whatever you're doing is triggering an anxiety response and that the anxiety response doesn't make a lot of sense. So I address anxiety from a physiological perspective and that's really been the biggest boon that I've gotten. Uh, one of the ways that I've dealt with anxiety is playing first person shooters, which triggers that fight or flight response to me. And so I teach myself how to de escalate. Um, the other is meditating. Meditation has been a huge help. A huge help. In fact, I very, very recently was in a very, very stressful meeting and I found my anxiety was fucking off the charts. And so my heart is racing and I just thought, these are the moments. I've been practicing for this my entire life. So I'll walk you through exactly what I did. I reminded myself, all of life is practice. It's not performance. O so that was de escalation number one. Even if I fuck this up and embarrass myself, and everybody knows that I'm super anxious, eh, doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. What matters is am I able to perform over the long run. So that helped me calm down a little bit. And then I was just like, diaphragm, breathe. So relax, relax. My shoulders don't hold tension. Sit in a really comfortable, what they call a power pose. So don't collapse into myself. Like broaden my shoulders out and breathe from my diaphragm. So nice low diaphragm breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth. And I did that probably four or five times, literally right there in the meeting. Nobody noticed. I was very thankful for that. But I thought, if I don't do that, I won't perform at my best. So I did that. And regardless of whether people were going to notice or not, didn't really matter to me. And so I de escalated. Even I am still shocked at how well meditative breathing helps. So, man, my recommendation, if you take nothing away from today, hey, take this. Learn to meditate, learn to breathe. Learn to get out of the sympathetic nervous system into the parasympathetic nervous system. It will serve you well in a thousand different arenas. And then as like your bonus point, all of life is but practice, it is never a performance. So whether you mess it up in that moment, that day, whatever, even if it's some huge meeting and everything is riding on it, if you just remember that look there is, it is the rarest of rare, rare, rare opportunity. Opportunities that truly only come once. And that if you're really crushing it, that you couldn't even if that opportunity only comes once, that you couldn't find another path, even if it's a little bit harder to go and execute and add value to people. So don't over invest in any one moment. You can create more opportunities in your life.
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Tom Bilyeu
All right, question is from Luca Mazai. When faced with a fearful thought pattern, health anxiety, anxiety, how do you go about rewiring your brain's response in order to go the positive route instead? Literally exactly what I just described to you guys. And then also the other part is dealing with things like automatic negative thoughts, which is a part of the rewiring pattern. So we all have these automatic negative thoughts. It is an inevitable part of being a human. But you can make them the trigger for a habit loop to think something positive. So my whole thing is obsess on how right things are going to go. So as your anxiety is triggering, rather than saying to yourself, oh my God, like, imagine if I can't get this under control and then the people can hear that, like I'm anxious and oh God, and now it just spirals. And this is an important meeting and if I don't get this right, like that's gonna make you more fucking anxious. So that's not gonna help anybody. So what I try to do is obsess over how things are gonna go right? Oh, man, I'm getting anxious. So I'm gonna diaphragm. Breathe. It's gonna work immediately. This is gonna be so amazing. And I can feel myself getting more calm. Even if I don't feel myself getting more calm, I'm gonna say, wow, I can actually feel myself getting more calm. Oh, that's awesome. My heart rate is slowing down. And this is just practice anyway, and it doesn't up. But you know what? I'm not going to. I'm going to nail this. It's going to be amazing. I'm going to think of all the things that I want to say. I'm going to deliver it. And I find that thinking Obsessively about how all the things are going to go right. It just crowds out the negative thoughts. And as you obsess over things going right, you're going to find that from a physiological perspective, that the anxiety begins to lower, begins to diminish, and it's replaced with positive thoughts. Anxiety literally is born of obsessively, over time, thinking about how things might go wrong. So you don't, like, all of a sudden have anxiety. It may start very, very early, so you may not even remember a time when you didn't have it. But it is not inst. So it starts small. It starts with being nervous and then really nervous, and then anxious and then really anxious, but only about specific things. And then it becomes generalized anxiety disorder. And you have. I remember there was a time in my life where I used to work in. I had this. There was a parking garage, and every day I would turn right. And one day, for whatever reason, I just thought, why don't I ever turn left? And the thought of turning left gave me anxiety. The thought of turning left gave me anxiety in a parking garage. And I was like, that is so absurd. Like, actually, that was when it really started to scare me. I thought, whoa. Like, this is seeping into some seriously terrifying parts of my life. And so then I started forcing myself to turn left, to turn left, to turn left, to realize nothing bad happens. Like, this is generalized anxiety. Like, what is happening? So you start turning left, you start thinking about the way things are going to go right? You start learning how to breathe, you start meditating, you start deescalating. You start using automatic negative thoughts as a trigger to obsessively think about things going right. It isn't one thing. It's a whole bunch of other things. And if. When you said health anxiety, you literally mean, like, you're almost hypochondriac, and you think that everything you have is cancer. Which, by the way, is something that I used to think all the time. I was always dying of cancer. And I'll give you an example. There was one day I showed up to work, and I could just feel something in the back of my throat. And it was like, right. Like, right where I could touch it with my tongue. But it was really starting to be the back of my throat. So I thought, what is that? And it was a lump. And of course, lumps mean you're staying stage four, dying of cancer, and that. I'm gonna go to the doctor, and they're gonna say, you literally have six hours to live, so call your Wife right now. I mean, this literally what I was imagining. And do you know what it was? It was a clogged saliva gland at the back of my throat. And the doctor was like, wow, that's a super weird place to have a saliva gland. A and B, for it to get clogged. That's really weird. And I had to have like a biopsy and it was like this whole terrifying four day ordeal of my life. And but at the end of the day, it was a saliva gland that somehow got misplaced and then clogged. So there, there, there's so many weird things that it could be that to jump immediately to cancer is ridiculous. So I just remind myself there's a thousand and one things that it could be. So I'm just gonna assume it's one of the benign and easier ones to deal with. And even if it is fucking cancer, I'm gonna deal with that. I'm going to overcome it. Like you just obsessively think about how things are gonna go, right? And that has helped me tremendously. All right, question from the most interesting. I think it's Jesus, but the most interesting spelling I've ever seen. Jesus Revis, how do you deal with a boss that you can't talk to openly? Especially at times when she acts like a toddler, never satisfied with anything you do. There are specific moments they don't like and they lose their cool. How would I handle the situation? Okay, so let's, let's predict how Tom is going to answer this question for first of all, in fact, right now, motherfuckers, I want you guys to put into the comments, what am I about to say? Because if you don't know this answer by now, I'm going to chew through my own eyes. So what am I going to put? Write it right now. You watching the feed? Want to see if people are actually writing this? Write. Right, right, right, right, right. If you're listening to this later in a podcast, I want you to say out loud, don't just think in your head, because then you could like be having two things. You think I'm going say to say say out loud. What do you think I'm about to say? All right, everybody have their answer locked in? Shaw, do you have your answer locked in? All right, the answer is, it's all your fault. It's all your fault. So here's what I mean by that. Especially at times, she acts like a toddler, okay? Now maybe she really does. And maybe your boss is a total psychopath, but you've got to be thinking, like, what am I doing to trigger her and make her acting like. Make her act like a toddler? Or when she's acting like a toddler, why can't I get her back into immediate adult mode? Or what am I doing working for somebody who's so irrational that they act like a toddler? That's what this is. I'm externalizing how I think about myself. So this is exactly what I'd be thinking. I'm not going to get pissed or be like, I can't believe she's a toddler. I'm going to accept and acknowledge the reality of this situation is this is where that person is. So now what am I going to do? So first it just starts with, you've got to take responsibility. Now I get it. You're asking me for what, like the actual steps are. You're ready for that answer. So now here's what I do. So I look at myself first, what am I doing? Second, I'm really going to assess the situation. Is this. How much time and energy would it take me to get good at dealing with this person? If the answer is too much and I don't love my job or whatever, I'm going to leave. So I'm going to find another job. I'm going to find my dream job, somebody where people aren't psychopaths. But let's say that I think, you know what, this is actually worth my time and energy. I love what we're doing. I love the mission of the company. I really want to get around this. I'm going to identify what is triggering them, what's making them act like a toddler. O Almost certainly it is insecurity. Okay, So I know that people are what they call promoted to their level of incompetence. And what that means is you're really good at your job here, so they promote you to here. You're really good at your job there, so they promote you to here. And you ultimately stall out at the place you're not good anymore. So you were good at all those other things, but now finally you get to the point where you just don't shine at it. So, okay, I get it. I accept it. And I actually have empathy for that. So I'm going to meet this person with empathy. They're insecure about something, and chances are I'm triggering that insecurity. So what is it that I'm doing that's making them insecure? How can I bring them in on this? How can I help them Win with whatever idea or whatever it is that I'm doing or, hey, can if they're. You're frustrated that they're never satisfied with what you do, ask them ahead of time, what does success look like? Lay that out for me so that you know exactly what you're aiming for. Because maybe they're not clear. And honestly, I'm going to own that. Maybe it really isn't that good. And so I'll say, what are we trying to get out of this? I want to make sure that I really crush it. And then when I go in, I'm going to be totally defenseless. So even if they're acting like a psychopath toddler, and I realize, okay, I wasn't able to not trigger their insecur at this point, so now they're reacting to my work. Okay, but now I actually want to know. So maybe their insecurity is just lowering their defenses, and now they're gonna lash out on something real. Because normally that's what people do. They go for your real weakness. So now she's attacking something that probably is real. And maybe 99 things about my work are awesome, and they're triggering their insecurity. So I'm only gonna hear about the one thing that sucks, But I wanna know about that one thing that sucks. So now I'm gonna lower my defenses, despite the fact they're acting like a toddler. I'm gonna look at the one thing that they really hone in on, and I'm going to ask, is that real? I'm going to separate the message from the messenger. Then I'm going to say, whoa, maybe that really is something that I can get better at. And now I'm so stoked. This, by the way, is actually how I think. I'm so stoked that this person is freaking out acting like a toddler right now because that's causing them to help me shore up my game and to get even better. So I'm super, super excited about the fact that they pointed out the one thing that I'm doing wrong. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so grateful for that. And then I'm literally going to thank them for pointing that out, and I'm going to, you know, address it and try to do better. So that's how I with somebody, because ultimately, I accept that I'm the one that wasn't able to either stop them from acting like a toddler or help them out of that with empathy, with compassion, and strategy, quite frankly. Okay, next question is from Mark Babik. Hi Tom. Just heard your comment on fighting. I was a wimp, just like you wanted to avoid at all costs. Do you find this was helpful in developing your negotiating skills? I always found myself trying to find a way to avoid fighting at any cost. You know, it's funny actually. Yes. So when I was growing up I found that I could talk my way out of any fight and so I did that with self deprecating humor. Then when I went to college, I stopped using self deprecating humor altogether and found that that actually did rob me of that ability. And it's really fascinating. And I'm not saying that either one is better than the other. If like it doesn't make you feel weird to always have to default to making fun of yourself to get out of a situation or to accept that you're, you know, not going to be able to use like dominance to back somebody else down to get out of a situation. Like if you're okay with that, man, I don't think there's anything wrong with that if you're legitimately okay with that. And to be honest, like in high school it didn't bother me. I thought it was, I was totally okay with it. And it was just as my identity changed and I wanted to take myself more seriously, um, that I really began to hold myself to a different standard, to change my identity. That it then became important to not do that and to, to stand up for myself. So it's fascinating. I don't think one identity is right or wrong. Um, you just have to acknowledge what your identity is and then build your life around that. So yeah, I actually think it was easier to talk my way out of things. I won't say negotiate because I find in negotiations empathy, compassion is very useful. Standing up for yourself at times is very useful. Knowing when to give, like, so I, I would never want to be negotiating from a position of it's my only option is to self deprecate, to get out of it. Because sometimes you need to draw a hard line. You need to stand up, you need to stare them down. You've got to be willing to do that. And so that, that to me is a very different question. But yeah. All right, there it is. All right, next question is from Emma Parker. Tom, you often speak of the Matrix in your language. I want to know what was it that pulled you personally out of the Matrix? When was the moment that you realized, did you ever feel crazy? No, I never felt crazy. The getting out of the Matrix, I wish was a binary moment of Course it's not. It's a long string of things. And it was, I'll give you just a few key touch points and then I'll say the one that was probably the most important. But it was things like when I went to college, I wanted to take myself seriously. That was big. And that began to reframe things. Seeing the Matrix gave me the metaphor, the language to think about, about like what that looked like that there is no spoon, that you can learn Kung fu, right? It was all of that stuff that everybody falls the first time when they try the big jump, right. So that like started lingering in the back of my mind. One of the biggest breakthroughs for me. Oh, and just getting into business was another one. Having mentors that were farther ahead of me that showed me like what hard work, discipline, not making excuses, all that stuff look like. And the, the biggest one was what I built my self esteem around. And that that was just an internal moment of crisis. But if you force me to say like one moment that really changed everything. It was that moment to realize that what I built my self esteem around mattered. And that building my self esteem around being right or being smart or being good or being talented, like none of those things were very effective. It was a very fragile strategy because I would often meet people who are smarter than me. I was often wrong. People had right answers way more frequently than I did. Meaning as a collection, collective right. The ask the audience, like the, the crowd is right way more than you're going to be right individually. So all of that really was just made me feel like constantly in this weakened position. And so once I finally realized, okay, I need to feel good about myself, I need to be proud of myself, but I can choose what I build my pride around and that I could switch that to being the learner. So learning faster than somebody else, being willing to admit that I was wrong faster than somebody else, like all of those things became the thing that I was really proud of. And so that became just incredibly incredib, really empowering and is the thing ultimately if you said pick one that I would say pulled me out of the Matrix. But in truth, it was years and years of work, reflection, reading, learning from people, trying stuff, and having moments of real deep pain. And the only way out of that pain is to think in a new way. That's the truth. Okay, so next question is from Marie Eve Gagne. How do I stay flexible while keeping my integrity on uncertain efforts, eg, sleeping in, feeling rundown, or getting sick? Although I always work out in the morning. Okay, so this is one of those things where I'm going to give you two very conflicting answers and you have to live in the friction between the two. If I'm awake, I'm either working or working out. If I get sick, I'm going to show up and play. And If I have 103 degree temperature, you can still count on me to deliver a world class interview to lead this company. To do what? Whatever the fuck it takes to get where I'm going. Okay, that is true of who I am. And I've backed that up enough privately that I have absolutely no concern that somebody's going to call me out on that publicly. None whatsoever. So at the same time, if I want to break, I'm going to fucking take it. If I want to take two weeks off, I'm going to take it. If I want to go on a vacation and do nothing but drink alcohol and eat bad food, I'm going to, I'm going to do it because I know that I go all out every day. And by the way, when I say that I'm either awake or I'm either. When I'm awake, I'm either working or working out. That's Monday through Friday. And I balance my time way more reasonably on the weekends. And I feel absolutely no guilt about it because I'm working so hard during the week that I know anytime in the weekend I'm more than happy to go all in. If that's what that weekend needs, I'll do it. And because I leave it all in the field, I'm never hesitant to relax when I need it. And so I think that's really the key. If you know that you're doing, you're going to the best of your abilities, that you assess your performance, that you hold yourself to metrics, that you believe in what you're doing, you're totally committed to it, you're all in. And you play that hard every day. Like you're just not going to be afraid to take time off. So I listen to my body. So even though like, if I got not sick, I would still play through that if I needed to in a moment where I needed to shine. But at the same time, if like the team's on, the team's going and things are working, nobody needs me. I'll take a nap during the middle of the day if I'm sick. Yeah, like, and I would tell my team, do the same. Go home, relax, get better. I take the gym off. If I'm sick, I'm not working out the out of here, like that doesn't make sense to me. So it's because I'm so confident in how hard I work. I just don't have any guilt or anxiety about that. So you want to get to that point and then it just becomes a no brainer. All right, next question is from Marie Malinish. Hi, Tom. How do you keep your mind so quick and lucid? As I stumble through your question, you recall so quickly and are so articulate. Do you take supplements? What's your secret? Okay, so first and foremost, no, I don't take supplements. I don't fuck around with them. I actually, there's a company, they're growing so fast and they offered me a piece of their company to rep their supplement. I just couldn't do it. So money is not my highest priority. So that's one of those times where, man, hey, even when a lot of money's at stake, you can count on me to be true to myself. So choking to death, I don't take supplements. If I found one that worked though, by the way, I would take supplements. I'm not like morally opposed to them. I just haven't found any that work. And I only want to get behind things that I really believe in. So the way that I make sure that my mind is working fast is I eat right. And that's one thing to understand about me, dude. My diet is so clean. And it is clean. It's not 365 days a year, but oh my God, it is so close. So I don't cheat. Like even on my birthday, did I cheat? I don't think so. So I, I probably. And when I say cheat, I mean like eat a lot of sugar, carbs, stuff like that. I probably cheat five or six times a year. So it, it's really, really rare for me. So you literally are what you eat. The cells of your body are actually made up of the material that you consume. So I think that's a big part of it. So my diet's super clean. And then I work out five days a week, so I'm in good physical condition. Th. Those two things are like the absolute core of everything that I do. Then I make demands of myself. So for instance, I, when I'm doing this, I sit down in this chair and I remind myself to answer quickly, to be lucid, not to say too much. I do it, there's no question, but I try to say it as little as possible, that that's a very conscious thing, that when I catch myself, if I'm about to repeat myself. I force my brain to go into a new direction to add more value. I'm thinking about value creation. I'm trying. Like, when I do Amazon, I'm trying to make the information as dense as humanly possible so that the sort of insight per minute is very, very high. So all of that stuff is making demands, holding yourself to a ridiculously high standard. I don't think people hold themselves to a high enough standard. You put all that together and then add in 20, 25 years of relentless practice, and you can do anything. All right, three minutes remaining. Okay, so next question is from Gray on. On Facebook. I am new to finding. I am new to finding yourself. I'm new to finding myself and have a lot of ambition to becoming an entrepreneur. When do you think you wanted to become an entrepreneur? And how did you go about losing before winning? Okay, so it went like this for me. I knew I wanted to be a filmmaker. I didn't know how to do it. I had failed, embarrassingly, in college, and I was, like, trying to figure out, like, how am I really going to pull this off? I felt totally lost. I always wanted to be the smartest person in the room. I routinely wasn't. So I kept putting myself into smaller and smaller rooms, only to realize I'm. I'm never gonna get where I wanna go. I meet these two guys who are rich, successful entrepreneurs. They tell me, you're coming to the world with your handout. The only way to control your art is to control the resources. So come with us and get rich. So I did. It was a very foolish endeavor. For almost 10 years, I chased money. It was really stupid. But I learned a lot, including what I don't wanna do. Chase money. I wanna make a lot of money. Do not get it twisted, boys and girls. I wanna get way richer than I am now, but I wanna do it in service of other people. I wanna do it in service of something that I believe, believe in. That's very, very important. But that was the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey. I wanted to make money so I could control the resources to make films. So now, as I begin to realize, hey, the thing that really lights me on fire actually isn't just filmmaking in and of itself. That's still my first love. It's a deep, deep, deep passion. But the thing that I care enough about to risk my fortune to pour myself into every day is helping people eliminate a limiting mindset. So in my vernacular, I want to pull people out of the Matrix. So in that Process of thinking I wanted to be an entrepreneur just to get money, only to hit emotional rock bottom and realize that being an entrepreneur is the most powerful way to make change in the world. That's when I really. So it was almost like a decade into being an entrepreneur that I realized I truly wanted to be an entrepreneur. Because I believe that you can bring about change. How did I go about losing before winning? I didn't have a choice. Ha ha. The only thing I knew how to do was lose. And so I just lost the and lost and lost. And the question was, how did I learn to deal with it emotionally? And that was the earlier I was talking about the breakthrough that I had about what I built my self esteem around. I finally switched my pride from being built around being right, being smart, being good, being talented, and switched it to no. Because I'm sometimes those things and sometimes not. So having my self esteem built around that seems really dangerous. So I'm going to build it around being a learner, admitting I'm wrong. Like being able to admit that I'm wrong faster than other people. Being willing to be vulnerable, all of those things will become source of pride. Being willing to stare nakedly at my inadequacies so that I can address them and get better. The mere willingness to stare at it will become my source of pride. Striving for something rather than accomplishing it, that will become my source of pride. Okay, so that's how I did all that. We're out of time, guys. Thank you so much for joining me. By the way, if you're into film, comic books, TV shows, all of that stuff. Books where we've started. Impact theory studios on YouTube. Impact theory studios on YouTube. Go right now if you're into that stuff, but only if you're into that stuff and you want to see how mindset and media interact, where they intersect, where I walk you through things like why the Matrix changed my life. We're putting out content now on a weekly basis. It's going to be even more so go to YouTube right now. Subscribe to that. That channel. That would be amazing. So if you want to see how you can extract value from movies, TV shows, and all that to justify your Netflix binge watching, if you want to make that one of the most advantageous things you could possibly do, in fact, you could go right now and watch our this is your brain on Stranger Things Season 2. Go check that out right now. Impact theory studios on YouTube. All right, guys, thank you so much for joining me. If you haven't already, subscribed. Be sure to subscrib. Subscribe here and until next time my friends be legendary. Take care everybody. Thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to itunes, go to Stitcher Rate and review us. That helps us build this community and that is what we are all about right now. Building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can deliver as much value as possible. And you guys rating and reviewing really helps with that. Alright guys, thank you again so much and until next time my friends be legendary. Take care.
Host: Tom Bilyeu
Podcast: Impact Theory
Date: May 9, 2024
In this AMA (Ask Me Anything) episode, Tom Bilyeu takes live questions from his audience, covering a wide range of personal development topics. The central thread is de-escalation—emotionally, professionally, and interpersonally—especially when feeling attacked or in high-tension scenarios. Tom shares actionable techniques to stay calm, maintain perspective, and respond skillfully to life’s challenges. Throughout, his perspective is solution-oriented, relentless in self-improvement, and rooted in practical psychology.
On De-escalation:
On Kids & Bullying:
On Growth Mindset:
On Empowering Lies:
On Using the Dark Side:
On Handling Anxiety:
On Female Advancement:
On Ownership:
On Self-Transformation:
On Grit and Rest:
| Time | Topic / Question | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:00 | De-escalation: Strategies when you feel attacked | | 08:05 | Parenting grit and privilege | | 15:00 | Tom’s meta belief system | | 17:20 | Building self-awareness | | 18:12 | Meditation vs. “thinkitation” | | 19:44 | Conflict & fighting: gym altercation story | | 25:06 | Positive vs. negative motivation (light vs. dark) | | 28:00 | Regaining momentum during low periods | | 33:00 | Wearing “masks” and authenticity | | 37:20 | Creating physical products: first steps and pitfalls | | 39:44 | Building community: bringing people together | | 43:58 | Women and the path to power: excelling beyond barriers | | 51:30 | Fear and anxiety: practical de-escalation and mindset tips | | 54:51 | Rewiring negative thought cycles: “automatic negative thoughts” | | 1:00:13 | Difficult bosses: taking responsibility and responding with empathy | | 1:06:20 | Negotiation skills developed by avoiding fighting | | 1:09:27 | Personal journey: escaping “the Matrix” | | 1:13:54 | Balancing hard work with rest; no-guilt recovery | | 1:15:44 | Mental sharpness: habits, diet, and practice | | 1:18:30 | Entrepreneurial journey: losing before winning |
Tom’s style is energetic, forthright, and unsparingly introspective. He repeatedly stresses extreme ownership, actionable mindsets, and the need to practice self-regulation—whether facing conflict, fear, or opportunity. Throughout, he backs up points with personal anecdotes, references to books/authors (Angela Duckworth, Carol Dweck, Lewis Howes), and a healthy dose of humility.
This AMA offers high-density advice for anyone looking to master self-regulation, navigate difficult professional and personal situations, build grit, and learn the mental frameworks that have powered an elite entrepreneur’s success. Tom’s actionable breakdowns, memorable stories, and honest self-assessment are a resource for thriving in a complex world—whether you want to de-escalate a heated moment, parent for resilience, or rewire your thinking for long-term growth.
Memorable Final Quote:
“Be legendary.” (end of episode)