Overcoming a Poverty Mindset and Handling Loved Ones with a Fixed Mindset | Tom Bilyeu Q&A (Replay)

Summary

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Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Overcoming a Poverty Mindset and Handling Loved Ones with a Fixed Mindset | Tom Bilyeu Q&A (Replay)
Date: February 15, 2024
Host: Tom Bilyeu (with guest/co-host Lisa Bilyeu)

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Episode Overview

In this dynamic Q&A episode of Impact Theory, Tom Bilyeu and co-founder (and wife) Lisa Bilyeu field live questions from their audience, diving deeply into key themes like overcoming poverty mindsets, dealing with loved ones trapped in fixed mindsets, the role of spirituality and money, daily habits for success, practical emotional strategies, and how to build resilience. The discussion is open, honest, sometimes humorous, and always focused on self-mastery and empowerment—reflecting the show’s trademark blend of actionable advice and motivational insight.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Impact Theory’s Content Direction & Community Focus

[01:43 – 08:16]

• Tom reveals his desire to feature lesser-known but impactful individuals through a new segment, "Impact Theory Discovers", separate from the main show, to curate value for the community.
• Chase Jarvis, a past guest, affirmed the show’s reputation for high selectivity—"If Impact Theory invites you... just to be invited is something meaningful." (Tom, 02:37)
• The team is building robust community engagement, with planned gamification and deeper involvement for members.
• Notable Quote:
  “Phase one is all about building community. Trust me, we’ve already laid out on the website exactly why that’s important... We will provide value and value for free to help build this community.” – Tom Bilyeu [07:01]

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2. Spiritual Beliefs, Money, and Human Potential

[08:28 – 16:42]

• Tom shares that his spirituality centers on human potential: "The reason we’re all here is to find out how many skills we can acquire... and put that utility to the test in service of something larger than ourselves." [08:55]
• Draws inspiration from Darwin's real legacy—not survival of the fittest, but adaptability.
• Meditation for Tom is about self-regulation ("lowering background radiation"), not mystical experience.
• Money is "a facilitator," simply enabling more options and control but not altering self-worth.
• Notable Quotes:
  “Only mindset holds you back. That is it.” – Tom Bilyeu [19:16]
  “Money by itself... is potential. Money is like the human mind. If you put it to work... it is incredible.” – Tom Bilyeu [39:32]

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3. Practical Mindset Strategies – Overcoming Poverty & Limiting Beliefs

[17:44 – 33:41]

• To overcome poverty mentality, practice, repetition, and emotional tactics are key.
• Tom recommends taking control of internal dialogue, referencing the corpus callosum's role in holding dual perspectives, and Tony Robbins’ advice about the power of questions.
• Useful practice: Writing letters to oneself in "emotional sobriety" (i.e., when calm), to combat destructive anger or disappointment (Tom's letter to himself, [29:22]).
• Discusses "emotional sobriety": handling emotions while clear-headed for better decision-making.
• Notable Moment:
  Lisa reveals their practical marriage tactic—she reads him the self-written letter during conflict to diffuse tension.

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4. Daily Success Habits & Self-Improvement

[33:45 – 39:09]

• Tom’s "Big 3" Habits:
  1. Work out regularly—even if you don’t like it, it’s critical for mental state.
  2. Meditate daily—crucial for reducing "background radiation" (ongoing stress).
  3. Read (and get outside your ‘umwelt’)—expand your reference frame by learning from outside your discipline.
• Tom highlights Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History as a valuable resource for broadening perspectives.
• Cross-discipline inspiration creates better results.
• Notable Quote:
  “The greatest art comes from references outside of that discipline... expand your umwelt.” – Tom Bilyeu [36:07]

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5. Reframing Failure, Positive Mindset, and Handling Setbacks

[20:36 – 28:21, 39:09 – 50:08]

• Tom reframes negative events as opportunities: “If I tell myself this is amazing, my body and chemistry change." [25:34]
• Lisa admits needing a brief "grace period" to wallow before rebounding, showcasing differing emotional recovery styles.
• Recommends focusing questions on positive re-interpretation: “How is this the best thing that’s ever happened to me?”
• Emphasizes that focusing on problems brings more negativity; focusing on solutions creates positive momentum.
• Winning the lottery can ruin lives if internal growth is absent—developing wealth creation skills is about mindset, not luck.

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6. Money, Value, and Identity

[39:28 – 49:57]

• Money = value delivered; focus on value creation, not money for its own sake.
• People mistakenly think money will increase self-worth; in reality, “you won’t feel any differently about yourself, not a lick.”
• Examples: Most billionaires are self-made, not inheritors—meaning mastery of the money mindset is key.
• Notable Quote:
  “If you love yourself, you’re going to love yourself whether you have money or not... If you hate yourself... no matter how much money you get, you will feel that way about yourself.” – Tom Bilyeu [41:30]

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7. Priorities, Time Management, and the Challenge of Teaching Intuition

[50:22 – 53:27]

• Assessing true priorities is critical and nuanced—sometimes feels like "voodoo" since much happens subconsciously.
• Tom recommends setting clear goals and working backward step-by-step ("reverse engineering") to figure out which actions are necessary each day.

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8. On College and Learning

[53:27 – 55:28]

• Tom does not believe college is necessary except for specialized fields (e.g., medicine).
• Advocates self-directed, value-based learning and suggests actively working for mentors instead of formal education.
• “Find someone living the life you want... and offer massive value—at the end of 90 days, if you’re indispensable, get hired.”
• Brutal honesty and self-motivation are critical for real growth.

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9. Relationships: Handling Loved Ones with a Fixed Mindset

[55:55 – 58:58]

• Binary answer: "Compassion is the only answer."
• Trying to “save” or persuade them is ineffective—lead by example, show love, and let them come to growth on their own.
• “The more you try, the more they will entrench... over a long enough time period, maybe they’ll wake up.” – Tom Bilyeu [56:28]
• Lisa underscores the emotional pitfalls: your help can create friction, so patience and empathy are best.
• 9 out of 10 people, Tom warns, you may need to cut out of your life if their fixed mindset is too toxic—except for the rare, truly important relationships.

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Highlighted Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• "Only mindset holds you back. That is it." – Tom Bilyeu [19:16]
• “If Impact Theory invites you... just to be invited is something meaningful.” – Tom Bilyeu quoting Chase Jarvis [02:37]
• “Money by itself... is potential. Money is like the human mind...” – Tom Bilyeu [39:32]
• “If you love yourself, you’re going to love yourself whether you have money or not... If you hate yourself... no matter how much money you get, you will feel that way about yourself.” – Tom Bilyeu [41:30]
• “Phase one is all about building community... We will provide value and value for free...” – Tom Bilyeu [07:01]
• “The greatest art comes from references outside of that discipline... expand your umwelt.” – Tom Bilyeu [36:07]
• “The reason we’re all here is to find out how many skills we can acquire... and put that utility to the test in service of something larger than ourselves.” – Tom Bilyeu [08:55]
• “Compassion is the only answer... do not try to save them... Be compassionate. Love them where they are and lead by example.” – Tom Bilyeu [56:28]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:43] – Impact Theory Discovers: New Content Vision
• [08:28] – Tom’s Spirituality & Money Beliefs
• [17:44] – Self-Awareness, Mindset, and Personal Growth
• [29:22] – Overcoming a Poverty Mindset; Emotional Sobriety Tactics
• [33:45] – Tom’s Top Daily Habits for Success
• [39:28] – Money, Value, and How to Think About Wealth
• [50:22] – Assessing Priorities & Time Management
• [53:27] – Is College Necessary? Tom’s View on Learning
• [55:55] – Dealing with Loved Ones with a Fixed Mindset

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Key Takeaways for Listeners

• Mindset is everything: Personal and financial breakthroughs are rooted not in circumstance, but mindset and repeated practical action.
• Practical growth is process-driven: Techniques like meditation, reframing negativity, regular exercise, and exposing oneself to new ideas are essential.
• Money is a tool, not an identity: Pursue wealth as ability, not validation—self-worth does not come from net worth.
• You can’t save everyone: Compassion, patience, and leading by example is the only sustainable approach to loved ones with fixed mindsets.
• Continuous learning: Seek knowledge inside and outside your discipline to fuel creativity and adaptability.

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For those who haven’t listened, this episode provides a raw and actionable look at what it takes to break free from limiting beliefs—whether around money, self-image, or relationships—while building resilience and compassion along the way.

Transcript

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[Tom Bilyeu]

You're listening to the Impact Theory podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory Foreign. Welcome to another episode of Facebook Live. We are taking your questions and I am joined by my lovely and very talented wife and co founder of Impact Theory, Lisa Bilyeu. Welcome.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Hello. Hello. Hello.

[Tom Bilyeu]

All right, so hit us with that first question again. This is fascinating that we're starting with this one because we were just talking about that this morning.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

We really were. Which is kind of bizarre. All right, so this is from Rob Weird. I'm fascinated by everyday people and their impact and their awesomeness. Do you have any goal to include people like this on Impact Theory that is not well known? Titans.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. So yes, there's a content type that I have in my soul that we're sort of codenaming. Impact Theory discovers where we're bringing on people that we're fascinated by for whatever reason. And I want to discover them in real time. And the, the thing that we really use as a barometer of whether or not to bring somebody on to Impact Theory is I have already encountered them in either their book or stuff that I've seen online. And there's somebody that I know is going to bring value to me as I research and to you guys as we present them in the interview. And it's obviously I've researched them to death. I know their story and what I call their loop from sort of every conceivable angle. And then because of that, I know that I'm going to be able to bring value to you guys. And if I don't already Know them, am not sure yet how much value they're going to bring. We've always issued it, and I think of it as will I have to fake the funk in the intro. And that's been a really powerful barometer for us. And in fact, when Chase Jarvis came on the show, we always do these things at the end where we ask them just to tell us a little bit about their experience on the show. And he said something which was really, really meaningful to me, that it's becoming known, which is, dude, if Impact Theory invites you to be on the show, because they curate that list so hardcore, like, just to be invited is something meaningful. And that really meant a lot, I think, to the whole team, because from day one, that's been like, the focus is, you know, we're thinking about you guys, we're thinking about creating value in your life. And so we see it as an obligation to really make sure that we have a high bar for people to pass. And so we're. We know we're passing on incredible people that either just haven't quite reached that level, or we just don't know them well enough or whatever the case may be. So that's really been a big thing for us. It's obviously people are beginning to understand that, but there are people that I'll read about a headline, I'll hear a story, someone will say something, and it's like, whoa, that's so interesting. Now I don't know enough about them, and I'm not prepared yet to go spend a day or a day and a half researching them and writing the intro and all of that, especially on a gamble, because I may, at the end of all that, go. I'm just not sure that it's the right fit. So we want to do this thing called something like Impact Theory discovers where I can discover them in real time. So I would sit down with them, they would tell me about their book or whatever. And then just like you guys, I'm going to be discovering them, and you'll get to follow my flow and see how I see things and how I chase someone down when I don't know them. And I think that that could be really valuable content, but it would need to be something separate. And so that was the big debate today is do we do. When we had the two people cancel, do we bring somebody on the show that I haven't done the research, but could be an intriguing human being? And the thing that we came to was, yes, it's a great show, but it would need to Be a separate piece of content. It shouldn't replace a main episode. And so what does that look like? And where would we release it? How frequently would we be willing to do it? Because, God, another piece of weekly content would be difficult. So that's a very long way of saying, yes, they're intriguing people. We will be bringing them on. We just need a new show format

[Lisa Bilyeu]

because, yeah, we get a lot of people that write in and tell us their stories and what incredible things that they've done, and that really impacts us internally. Like, we love hearing those stories. And.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And, man, I'll tell you one thing. I really want it to become a thing. Like I was on Impact Theory discovers, and that's like. That becomes the. We're the tastemakers, right? So that, like Ed Sullivan back in the day, if you. I think Agent Smith is trying to flag something for you. Back in the day, if you were on the Ed Sullivan show, then it was like you were going to next big thing. And obviously that's how the Beatles broke into America and all that stuff. So I think that could be pretty cool.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, all right.

[Tom Bilyeu]

What did he flag down for?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

No idea what. He's flagging me down.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Nice. All right, let's give him a shout out. Who said that?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

You seeing that? I'm learning the ropes forever.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. My wife is giving herself away right now. She is rubbish on Facebook.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I mean, I have no shame. No shame. If you don't ask.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Oh, say that. That's important.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. If you don't ask, you're never gonna learn.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Right? Never be afraid to look stupid. Respect.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Let me tell you, in school, I used to pretend I knew because I didn't want to get picked on. And now I'm kicking myself because of all the lessons I could have learned. And I could have been more powerful.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Dude, I respect that. That's awesome.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right. Okay. I'll have to refresh every time. Sorry, guys.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Hey, you're learning in real time sometimes.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Ah, there's a lot of people on.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Hey. All right. But let's give a shout out. Who said they want to be on? Laura Dufresne.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Laura Dufresne.

[Tom Bilyeu]

What's up, Laura Dufresne?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right. In fact, yes. Comment below if you think that this is a new show we should be doing.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's a good question.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

And then who wants to be on it? Come on, Laura.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Love it. Love it. And guys, please, if you haven't already, share this content, get it out there. Phase one, build community. Phase one is all about building community. And trust me, we've already laid out on the website exactly why that's important. You can check that out there. But I want people to know we're calling our shots. Like, we have a grand vision for what this is going to become. And we need the community in order to help us identify the types of content and companies that we're going to be supporting in the not too distant future. In fact, we've already got. There's two companies now that we're sort of in. In contractual talks with to officially take ownership in their company and help them develop it. So this is all happening very, very rapidly. And we want to involve you guys as much in that process as humanly possible. But the only it to be sort of statistically relevant is for the community to reach a certain size. Our thing is that we will provide value and value for free to help build this community, to make sure that it's worthwhile for you guys to come and engage in that. We're working on the technology piece already. We have a technology partner. It's going to help us gamify being a part of the impact theory community. So, yeah, that's. That's a thing. So it's all coming. We're working on it literally around the clock. So we're trying to just smash value

[Lisa Bilyeu]

and I'm gonna give myself away. I just asked Jared. Thank you.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Thank you.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Gotta have my coffee.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Indeed. You're sort of dribble of coffee and lots of water.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yes.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Is how you rock it.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

There's an awesome question that I'd love to ask.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Please.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right. This is from Woot Ekh Ekhut. So I have a really long Greek maiden name. And so people always used to butcher it. And so I really do apologize for that. Woot Ekut.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, Woot Ekut.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I dig it.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Hey, Tom warriors. What are your spiritual beliefs and practices like? Also, how do you combine these with vocation and money? Wow.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So the path of spirituality that I follow is really all about human potential and being able to actually develop that potential. So I believe that the reason that we're all here is to find out how many skills that we can acquire that have utility and put that utility to the test in service of something larger than ourselves. Now, when I say something larger, I'm talking about humanity very specifically. And when I think about. So Charles Darwin is often misquoted as saying that it is the survival of the fittest. He never said that. So that actually came from somebody. Well, after Darwin had died, what Darwin actually said is it's not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but rather the most adaptive to change. And what I think he understood is that humans certainly are adaptation machines. Like the reason that we have become the apex predator, the reason that we're the only species that you can find literally on every part of this globe. I mean you, you could find, at one point, you could find James Cameron at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. Okay, so like humans are everywhere. It's crazy. And the reason that we're able to do that is because we adapt so we can go in and not only adapt our physiology. And if you look at like the Inuits and I, I'm, I'm admittedly right now I'm, I'm at the edge maybe a little bit beyond what I truly, truly understand from the physiological perspective. I'm almost certain that this is true, that their levels of what, brown fat are higher than people say at the equator because so brown fat is more insulating and I can see that. There we go. Brown fat is more insulating. And so it, it's going to help you stay warmer, which is I, I very much doubt that you would see Inuits with six pack abs just because from an evolutionary perspective it's not at adaptive for survival. So again, sort of at the edge, maybe a little beyond what I could really say. I've read the studies on that, but I've heard enough about it to know that that's directionally true, even if it's not sort of highly specifically true. They're alternate facts. Right, Jared, Throwing out alternate facts today. So that, that to me is really fascinating. So that, that is like the core of my spirituality is seeing like, okay, how far can I push myself? How far can I develop myself? No, I think there's something beyond us. There is clearly. In fact, this is one of the things I wanted to talk to Jay Salmon about was a kid, I would have trouble falling, I'm talking like seven years old, I would have trouble falling asleep because I was obsessed with the notion of if the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I remember you talking about like Dr.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Finesse just walked by. Dr. Finesse, what the hell is the universe expanding into?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

If anyone there has an answer, write it below.

[Tom Bilyeu]

What was that? Right? Nobody knows. Okay, so the universe is expanding into what? Nobody has any idea. That totally freaks me out. And as a kid I used to sit there, think, if you build a house, you have to build it on a plot of land. Like what is the plot of land? That the universe is expanding into. So I get it. There is something bigger than me that I do not understand. I don't comprehend it. I don't pretend to comprehend it. I find it amazing. That's why I'm utterly fascinated with things at the cosmological level. That's why I think about that stuff all the time. That is why I want you guys to start a campaign. I want to be on StarTalks with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. No one knows that side of me. I never get to talk about it, but I'm totally, totally obsessed. And Dr. Finesse, whose job it is to get me on StarTalks, is back there giving the thumbs up. But I really, really, really want to do that. That would be just a lot of fun. So thinking at the cosmological level is an echo of that side. The way that I think of spirituality, There were two other parts of that question of business and money. And money. No, there was something else. Use another word that I found interesting. All right, so, I mean, I guess I can talk about it from money. How is my spirituality tied to that?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So. Oh, I found it. Okay. What are your spiritual beliefs and practices like? Also, how do you combine these with vocation and money?

[Tom Bilyeu]

So my spiritual practices, basically the. The only thing that's really a deep practice is read, read, read. I'm just reading at all times. I guess meditation, you could call that. But I don't. I actually don't think of that as being spiritual in any way because I'm not trying to commune with anything other than my brain. So I fully.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So for you, spirituality is outside of yourself?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I think that's how most people would define it. Yeah. And I think it would be a little misleading to. But I mean, look, I guess my own definition is about seeing how far I can push my own skill set, but acknowledging obviously there's something bigger than myself. But I'm not. I'm not like when Jamie Wheel was on and he said that meditative practice, when really taken to the extreme, can take you into a non ordinary state of consciousness that has like, sort of remnant tones of what you can get through a psychedelic experience. That just did not ring true for me in my experience because I don't meditate that sort of aggressively. And I've only been doing it for like a year, year and a half or whatever. So maybe like 20 or 30 years from now, I'll realize, whoa, like, once you really develop your skill set, that you can push it that far. But for me, I'm just. It's gas and brake for me. So you've got the parasympathetic nervous system and the sympathetic nervous system. So the sympathetic nervous system is fight or flight and parasympathetic nervous system is rest and digest. Where calming yourself down. I'm just trying to tap into that. I'm trying to apply the brakes. Lower what I call background radiation. So doesn't feel like communing with anything for me. The other part. Vocation. Would I say I have a vocation? Not really. I don't think in terms like that. My calling maybe. I guess you could say money. Money is a facilitator to me. It just. It allows you to do things. So money is incredibly powerful. I think the desire to accumulate wealth makes sense because there's so much control in that it allows you to do what you want to do and without it like when you don't. Like there. Yeah. Oh God. I'm self censoring right now and I apologize. But there are just things that money are going to let you do that we'll hopefully be able to talk more openly about in the next month or so. But there's things that you can do that you otherwise would not be able to do. And having that level of control is very, very important to me. And I can feel I'm going on way too long in this question.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, it's all good. And I've actually noticed a huge difference since you started meditating. And I know you're trying to get me to do it. I've tried. I haven't really dedicated time to it. But yeah, I've definitely noticed a difference.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, you. You, my dear, more than most would benefit because your background radiation is through the roof.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Can you hear it right now?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yes, I can feel it's keeping me warm. That is what the buzzy's coming from. Agent Smith knows what's up. Yeah, he ratted you out on that one. So. Yeah. My wife's background radiation levels are astronomical. So you would love it like if you got into it. You just have to understand like there's no. It's not like you're doing it wrong. If it's not amazing at first, it's just getting good at lowering those levels. And truly when we have gone through hard times in our life, it really has. The only thing that feels true is to say that it saved me.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And. Yeah. And. And when something is. It's like the way you feel about your favorite food and you just want other people to experience it like you experience it. That's How I feel about meditation, it's like, it's so amazing. But you have to, you have to push past either the. You feel like a little bit awkward at first. And remember, I just use just breathe meditation. So it is literally I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. It is very simple. That's it. I'm not trying to do anything. Lots of questions, let's get started.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yes, I know there are lots of questions.

[Tom Bilyeu]

In fact, Agent Smith, let's. We're gonna, I'm gonna hold myself to speed round here. Here we go, short answers. In fact, I would love to know. Agent Smith thinks that I'm at my best when I force myself to go really short. And I don't agree. I wanna know what people think, which is all that matters. So if you guys like short punchy answers, then I will start giving more short punchy answers. So tell me you want them.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, so this is long or short?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Long or short? I want to see it in the comments.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

This is going to be a short

[Tom Bilyeu]

answer, but these are going to be short no matter what because I want to.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

What's your favorite video game system and game?

[Tom Bilyeu]

PlayStation 4. Destiny without question.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Destiny, Warlock.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And she's good. And, and she's a liar though, actually.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, I am a liar.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. So tell them what you really are.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

A hunter.

[Tom Bilyeu]

There you go. I can't believe she made that mistake. She only ever plays with a hunter.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But it's the pressure. It's the pressure.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, it's all right. She's amazing.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

What do you think you are best at? Dan Bro Fitness.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Dan Bro Fitness. I am best at analyzing why, understanding. I am better at understanding why I do what I do. And because of that, because of that self awareness and clarity, I can adjust.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I like this question. Good answer, by the way. Thank you, Ben Evans. Thank you. Ben, for this question. Could you talk a little bit about your passion for social justice and some of the ways you were doing to reach people in need?

[Tom Bilyeu]

God, talk about asking a big question I have to give a short answer to.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Some people are saying they like long answers.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Okay, but we, I, I'm doing. This one's for Jared, this one's for Jared. So here we go.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Multiple people are saying long answers. Thank you guys.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Thank you. We'll stick with the short for a minute. We can always circle back around. So here's my thing. The I actually shy away from the term social justice because I think that it has a like crusader icky vibe. But I care deeply about helping people be their best. And I think that whether through people being sinister or accidental, it doesn't matter to me. We trap people in a mindset and it is only mindset holds you back. I want like write that down. Only mindset holds you back. That is it. And once you free people from feeling like they have to act a certain way to please somebody or that they're. They're just not educated. Educated and they don't have the right frame of reference to empower them, once you give them that, then I believe you're on an equal playing field. But until people have the mindset that a lot like think about billionaire pa, right? Grew up rough, grew up impoverished, was living in his car. And then one day I'm going along here and then one day realized that it was his mindset that was holding him back, period. And so he started telling himself these really empowering phrases over and over and over and over and over and has gone on to do amazing things. And I really think that kid, 10 years from now, he will have done something incredible. And so that's why I'm so. Because I'm not saying that once you have the mindset, all of a sudden you're at another place in your life. I'm saying you're capable of getting there. And that is the thing to which I'm prepared to dedicate my life. Making sure everybody gets that mindset they need. And then if you choose not to build from that, that's on you. But at least that you have the mindset.

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[Lisa Bilyeu]

Question from Marquit Carney. After you made your shift in your self image, did you backtrack at all? That's a really good question. If so, how did you maintain that new image?

[Tom Bilyeu]

So I think the the only truthful answer is research the corpus callosum and you'll see that if you so the corpus callosum is what connects the left and the right hemisphere in the brain. And if you cut people can actually have duality of personality. And it gets the most fascinating way that that expresses itself is you can have one half of the brain that believes in God and the other that doesn't think about that for a minute. One is convinced God is real and the other is convinced that God is not real in the same brain, okay? So no matter what, I have a voice in my head that tells me I'm a loser. I'm not good enough. Like that I'm, you know, a failure, always going to be a failure, a fraud, a fake, like. Like anybody. So I have not silenced that voice because I actually think that voice is incredibly, incredibly useful once you know how to harness it. And I've just tried to put a lot of tactics in place to deal with that voice, to never let it hold me back or never let it have the reins and control which direction I go. So in that sense, I slide back 50 times a day, a hundred times a day, and I just catch myself. And what I've tried to do is get good at assessing what's going to move me towards my goals. And if. And there are times where believing that I have failed is useful and to use that as motivation to get better. And so, yes, occasionally, for very brief moments, I will stare nakedly at that I'm bad at something, that I'm not good enough, that I need to do more. So if that. If we're calling that sliding back, then, yes, I have slidden back.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But you're really good at asking that question. Because I remember when I first met you, there were certain things that I really believed in. And you're like, oh, but have you thought about this? And I never asked myself the question to then open my mind to having those two ideas. So is that just. Would you say that's just based on, again, mindset and make pure strategy.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Pure strategy. That is. I read in a book somewhere and somebody says, hey, in fact, this is a Tony Robbins thing. The. The quality of your questions will determine the quality of your life. And so I thought, what, like, the first time I read that, I thought, that doesn't make any sense. And then he's got this whole thing about whatever you think that thing in your life that is the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Think about being abused, right? Let's just go right to the heart of one of the things that really, really destroys people. You've been abused. Mentally, physically, emotionally, sexually. Whatever you've been abused. How is that the best thing that ever happened to you? And I promise there's an answer. And it, for some people will be something like, it's made me stronger, it's made me more Compassionate. It's deepened my empathy. It's made me committed to helping other people. Right? I mean, those are going to be the things, right? So once you. And now, because you get what you focus on now, you've flipped it. You're not thinking about. It's not that it isn't bad, it's not that it didn't introduce other. A thousand horrific things to your life, because I'm sure it did. And the way that it messes with the mind like 100%, but it's because you've been focusing on the negative side. The way that it made you feel bad, that it made you feel weak, insecure, alone, unloved. Whatever the case, you focused on that because you focused on that, that became real, that became dominant. The same exact scenario you flip it and you're not diminishing that it was horrible. You're just saying there is also something amazing that came out of it and I choose to focus on that thing. And it all came from just flipping the question. So every time something horrific. In fact today when we had the, when the first guest canceled, like nobody took it too seriously. It was like, that's a little more manageable. When the second guest called in sick, then we were like the, the initial messaging was that, you know, okay, this is bad. And my thing was, this is awesome. Like, what are we going to do now? Like, this is amazing.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Everybody should be, can we, should we be really real?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Let's see how real you're prepared to be.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Right? So I woke up this morning, get a text saying got canceled. And I came down ready to work out. Come downstairs. You're already awake for hours. I can't believe we've got a guest that's canceled. What are we gonna do? Oh my God. And he just was like, well, this is amazing. And I literally looked at, what do you mean this is amazing? You do realize all the knock on effects that this has. And you were like, no, this is amazing. What can we now do that we didn't have time to do before? Or you know, what doors does this now open? And just that reframing in my mind. And then we as a team, we got together and everyone spitting out ideas and all the cool stuff we can do all the projects we wanted to do, but haven't had the chance to do it. So that that switch in the mindset of just saying that one little film made all the difference to how at least I approached this morning.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And it's all technique. It's all technique. When I said it, I Didn't know how it was good. You know what I mean? It's like. But I just know that if. Yeah, like, if I respond with, if I tell myself this is amazing, like, everything in my body changes, my brain chemistry changes. So I just don't allow myself because it's not effective. And that's what I want people to understand. It's just not effective. If it were effective to wallow, I would wallow with everybody else because it's not effective. Then I just know, hey, like, go with, this is amazing. This is the best thing that ever happened. This is awesome. I'm so stoked on this. And they've done so many studies. You can give. You can make. Take Stephen Hawking literally robbed of his body. He has. He can move one muscle in his cheek and he can move his eyes. Think about that for a second, right? If right now, today, all of a sudden, for the rest of your life, by the way, you could move a muscle in your cheek and your eyes, period. Most people are going to be pretty traumatized, but he will tell you that he's had the breakthroughs in physics that he's had because his body shut down on him and all he had left was his mind. And he wanted to make the most of his mind. So if you ask him, would he say that was the best thing? Maybe. But he would certainly say it's the most important thing that's happened to him. And so, excuse me, that's where I think people have to get to, is you just have to understand the way the mind works, and you will get more of what you focus on. If you focus on how it's bad negative, then your life is going to seem bad negative. If you focus on how it's amazing and positive, you will actually start to see solutions that other people won't see, period.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

And it's been incredible to see how. Because when something bad or something happens, how do you switch that mindset? How long does that take you? You now go straight to positivity. Like, you don't even spend two seconds wallowing or thinking like that. I sadly haven't got there yet. And right now I think that we've come up with, like, almost a system. I'm like, I just need a day or I just need an hour. I just want to express my disappointment, my upset, my trauma, whatever that situation is. And I don't know if that's because I'm a female or whatever, but I really do just need that time to wallow. And then you're like, cool. How long do you need? And you're like an hour. And you're like, cool. Time starts now. And then after that hour is done, literally he's like, all right, so where's the positivity? What are we going to do, like? And so, yeah, that's at least a technique that I use because I just need some time to get it out. Because I notice if I don't get it out, it just starts kind of piling on as like, you know, the hay, the boat, the camel's back, the shore, the shore, say the boat, the hay.

[Tom Bilyeu]

She's British. Everybody cut her some slack. Not that they say that in the

[Lisa Bilyeu]

uk, so in a way. So that's at least a technique I use. You go straight to positivity.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So I just need that kind of grace period.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, fair enough. Know thyself.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right. There was a great question. You guys are asking great questions. I just need to find it now. Oh, God. Jo, do you have any that you like over there?

[Tom Bilyeu]

We really do have to get a mic for the third person.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

We have a mic. I just haven't had time to set it up. Sorry, guys.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And what she meant to say was it hasn't been important enough to set it up because there's plenty of time just so that we're not sprinting.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, that's true. It hasn't been at the top of my priorities.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, fair enough.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Okay, so question from Paolka Fascus.

[Tom Bilyeu]

God, we're so bad at this.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I'm really bad.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I really apologize. I was in a meeting all day yesterday, though, where the guy kept mispronouncing my name. Does that give me anything? So. No.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It's too bad. So much.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Tough luck.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So this is a two part question, Tom. How do one, you overcome a poverty mentality, and number two, destroy the limiting beliefs about ourselves? So the feeling bad and being worthless, et cetera.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, It's a process. So Jared assures me that. That you can repeat the same things over and over because it takes a while for like. What'd you say? They say it takes seven touches to get a conversion. But you were saying today that it's more like 10 with some of the things we're trying to do. So I'll repeat myself. It. I actually, in saying all that, forget the story that I was about to say. How do you just. It's a process. Oh, the letter. There we go. I found my way back. You guys know I'm always practicing that. So I wrote a letter to my wife because I used to get really. When I got angry, which took a long time, when I got angry, I would stay angry, and I would waste Saturdays, because that was basically the only day that my wife and I would spend any time together because I was working around the clock, was. Yes. And so it just seemed like a catastrophic waste of time. So I wrote myself this letter, because my thing is, when somebody upsets you, of course they want you to not be upset anymore, because they have every motive in the world. They don't want to feel bad anymore, so they want you to be nice and calm and happy again so they don't have to feel bad about upsetting you. And I realized that I was going to later in the day realize what a mistake it had been to waste all that time, that I had no motive to cheer myself up other than to do what was right for me, what's moving me towards my goals as I define right. And so I wrote this letter and gave it to her to read to me the next time that I got really upset. And it seemed like that I was gonna stay upset. And it was like, hey, me, it's me. You know that you have no agenda to try and cheer you up other than that you're gonna regret that you wasted all this time. And I just walked myself. I mean, this is a long time ago, but I just walked myself through all the studies about faking a smile and how that can change brain chemistry. And I would. Part of the letter said, and I want you to right now, even though you really don't feel like it, I want you to laugh out loud. And as soon as I would laugh out loud, I'd stop being angry, because it would just alter my brain chemistry just enough so that I could see my wife loves me. She's not trying to wind me up. She didn't mean to upset me. So whatever it was, like, let it go, move on. And I think one of the lines in the letter was, if you doubt for a second that she loves you and wants the best for you, you have other problems. So if you don't doubt that, then, you know, this is a game of brain chemistry. So I would play games like that with myself. It's all about understanding the brain, the anatomy of the brain, the human condition, what. It's my own things, like knowing that I have a really long fuse, but once I get upset, that then I. There's so much momentum behind that that I had to find ways to break that momentum. So practice, practice, practice. That's the. The big thing. Just keep doing it and keep hounding me to write the book so that I will actually get all these things put down for people. How to Escape the Matrix.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

And because that also goes back to a phrase you used a lot, which is emotional sobriety.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So you get those moments where you've got this emotional rush and you're sad and you're upset or you're angry, act in a way that you wouldn't necessarily obviously act if you were nice and calm. So a lot of. At least one thing that we've kind of done is talk about things when we're emotionally sober. And writing that letter was in your emotional. During your emotional sobriety where you're very clear headed. You can be, you know, very blunt about it. And I remember reading it out the first time because it's like we're in an argument. Now imagine you're in the middle of an argument and you know, you may have like a golden ticket next to you, but you have to actually read it out loud. And in reading it out loud, I think that made us laugh because I'm reading it to him saying, hey, me, it's me. And I think even just that broke that kind of the tension there.

[Tom Bilyeu]

No question.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So that's cool. All right.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Welcome to our marriage.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It's true. It's all the tactics we've put in to be able to.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, no question.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. And someone ratted me out. Joe Baxter. I'm from the UK and I've never heard of it. Thanks, Joe.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Putting the hay that broke the camel's back. Yeah.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, let's see. Question, question, question. Yes. Someone mentioned it's similar as putting the pencil in your mouth to force yourself to smile. Yeah, that's very true.

[Tom Bilyeu]

No question. Awesome study.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, what's the key? This is from Kassan El Kasani Ghassan El Ghasani. Yeah. Hi, Tom. What's the key daily or what's your key daily habits you can recommend for the people who are just who have decided to do whatever it takes and take it to the next level? Like, what are the key habits?

[Tom Bilyeu]

There's. There's really three super critical things work out. I just can't stress enough now that's coming from God. I do not like working out. So this is not me recommending it because I want to see the world fit. Like, this is me recommending it because it is the surest fire way to get your mind into the right chemical state to approach the rest of your day. It's just super, super important. And we as A species just were not meant for the level of sedentary life that we lead. And because there's like physicality forces you to do things you don't want to do, right? When a weight is heavy, you want to put it down. And so some part of your brain has to tell you to fight through that. It's just while small, like those are really, really critical things for you to learn something about yourself. I just think it's super important. The next thing is meditate. Everyone has background radiation. We live in like this always on, always going, hard charging world where we reward people for being type A and just pushing, pushing, pushing. So I think that inevitably leads to what I call background radiation stress. Right? You just. But it becomes where you don't even know what you're stressed about. You're just stressed about something. And so meditation is going to help you reset that. And by resetting it every day, I'm. It's super effective. And when I'm going through a period of like really, really high stress and I have like, I can tolerate a pretty freaky amount of stress. But for me, like one of the ways when things really get out of hand, I'll meditate multiple times a day. There have been times in my life where I'll meditate one or two hours on the weekends, like every day just because I need to, like, I want to keep. It feels so good, I want to keep dropping it because I don't, I don't mess around with drugs. Like that's a way for me to like have a drug like effect where, you know, like for people that smoke or drink or whatever, it's like you're trying to alter your brain chemistry to get into a more pleasant state. That's exactly what happens to me through meditation. And then third is read or I just discovered. Oh man. I want to know who in the feed. Like do you guys know Dan Carlin's hardcore history? That's the bomb. It's so good. I'm like, I don't know a quarter of the way through one right now is my very first one. But it's amazing. Yeah, amazing. And the reason I started reading it, who was just saying Chase Jarvis. Chase Jarvis, like actually had a pretty big impact on me. Researching that guy was a lot, a lot, a lot of fun. So if you guys don't know Chase Jarvis Creative Live, he's the guy that created that. He's also. There are some amazing people out there that have these tales of like, Chase Jarvis should have made hundreds of millions of Dollars. He had a photo app a year and a half before Instagram came out. Long story short, he made some bad decisions and didn't end up selling it, and then it went away. But what he learned from that and what he's built on the back of that is just amazing, amazing, amazing. So anyway, super incredible guy. And one of the things he was saying, this is what triggered this in my head, is the greatest art comes from references outside of that discipline. So great paintings can be inspired by sculpture, can be inspired by architecture, can be inspired by industrial design. A conversation, a book that you read. And understanding how to go outside of your world to draw inspiration for what you're doing, I think is super important. So, you know, the temptation for me is to just look at entrepreneurs all the time, look at businesses, read business articles, think about finance, like business models and, and marketing and like that. Right. And I do spend just a tremendous amount of time reading about stuff like that. But today I thought, you know what there. Every time I encounter history, I am blown away by what it reveals because it's giving you macro trends, it's revealing things about the way that humans operate. And so I thought, I've heard Tim Ferriss talk about Dan Carlin like a thousand times. Let me actually go listen to Dan Carlin. I was blown away. Blown away. So. And that's tied into reading. It's just getting information from outside of your normal. And I'm gonna keep saying umvelt. Like, every time I say it, I feel a little bit guilty. But anyone in my community is going to know what the word umvelt means because it's so cool. And it's basically like the universe of things that you take in. Right. So humans can't see an infrared. Okay. So it's outside of our umwelt. It's there, it's real. But we don't think about it because it's outside of our umwelt. So if you think of it that way, the spectrum of light that we see, that's part of our umwelt. The things that we can hear, which is different than what a dog can hear or a dolphin, like, those are the things that are in our umvelt. And when you expand your umvelt, then things get really interesting. So trying to get things from outside your umwelt in so that your world of things that you have purview on expands that. That to me is just so important. And Jared, I did like maybe three questions short and I slipped back to long, so sorry. Yeah. Oh, they do well, hey, there we go.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, I've got a question from Joe Baxter. I struggle to make my mind think positive of certain things. Sometimes I can, and others I cannot. I get scared of failure. But I have started my own business and won't get money coming in until I nail it. What are the best ways to forget about money and focus on deliver results?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Whoa, that's a weird question. What's in Joe?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Joe Baxter.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Joe Baxter. Don't forget about money. Those are the results. So remember, people will pay for value. It is the only thing that they will pay for over time. So you can get a spike where you deliver fancy marketing or whatever and get money out of people. And that is what makes people think that companies are evil and a bunch of jerks. But when people are talking about sustained value and that they want to deliver something, what somebody's doing is they're saying, okay, I have this money. Money. Money is latent potential. Okay? Money by itself. And during the Civil War, they had these things called Confederate dollars because they were trying to break away from the US Government so they can't use US Currency. So they created Confederate dollars. And at one point, it was like inflation was so bad in the Confederate states that it took like a wheelbarrow full of money to buy a loaf of bread. Okay? So money inherently doesn't do anything, and that's why it's like. Like its relative value can fluctuate so dramatically. So understand that money is potential. Money is like the human mind. And that's probably why I'm so fascinated by wealth creation, because, like, the human mind, if you put it to work to do something amazing, it will do it like, it is incredible. We have agreed as a society that it's the currency that you can exchange for things that we say it has value, and therefore it has value. And so you can get things that are very meaningful with money. So money is the game that we're playing right now.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Why don't people like to talk about it?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Oh, God. You want to talk about a big question that because people mistakenly tie about talking about, because they tie self worth to it, they. Because other people do not. Here's what the fundamental thing people don't understand about money. Please, I'm begging you, pay attention to this one. The thing that people don't understand about money is they think that money will make them feel about themselves the way they feel about other people with money. So they look at other people with money and think, oh, man, they've achieved something. They have something I want. They are something I want to be. And there's a reverence for that. Now they think when I get money I will feel that same way about myself. And so they are chasing this external thing thinking it's going to make me feel amazing and people are going to look at me with reverence. And the irony is people will look at you with reverence but you won't feel any differently about yourself. Not a lick. So if you love yourself, you're going to love yourself whether you have money or not. If you hate yourself, if you think less of yourself, if you think you're unworthy, no matter how much money you get, you will feel that way about yourself. Promise. So. So money is inert, meaning it has no intrinsic value. It does nothing. It just sits there. It's what you want to do with the money that becomes important. Right? That you can dedicate yourself to that you can get excited about. And if that thing that you want to do with the money is enrich your experiences, I think everybody can get behind that. That's amazing. People love to have awesome experiences. If you want to improve the quality of life for the people that you love. Better healthcare, a roof over their head. Just stability. Right? Stability is one of the natural human drivers. If you want to do something for other people and you want to build something. Bill Gates is going to cure malaria. Elon Musk is going to get us to Mars. He's going to create the first really powerful electric car. And just there are amazing, amazing things that people can do with money. But most people are chasing it because they think having a fancy car and a big house and a lot of cash will make them feel differently about themselves. Period. End of story. That's it. And so one. That chase is so empty because it's so internally directed. You just won't have the energy to see it through. You just won't. It's just too hard. Right? So fighting for like having that. Part of what we're doing at Impact theory for sure is about wealth creation. 100 but that's why I'm not tense about, like there's going to be a huge chasm between where we are today and when we start making our first real money. I don't care because it doesn't make me feel differently about myself. I just know that it's. It. There's a delay between when I'll be able to execute on some of the things I want to execute on because they're going to require capital. So that. But knowing what I'm trying to do Right. Knowing that what I'm actually trying to do is change the frame of reference for anybody who has an impoverished mindset, that that is my calling. I feel I have built a lot of skill set that let me do it through just spoken word. I've developed a skill set that lets people just watch me. Right. So if you're on this team and you watch how I behave, you will see, oh, like, okay, there's just a different way to think and approach things.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Lead by example, for sure.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And then there's being able to really reach people on a global scale to help get them out of that situation, which I worked from a business perspective to be able to do. And I think that commerce is the only self sustaining engine that we have today. So the only way to, I mean, even look at governments, while they may not generate revenue through anything other than taxes, they need money to sustain. That's just, that is the engine. So, yeah, those are, those are very important. And once people break free from the limiting belief that money is icky and wrong and bad because that will stop you from having the resources that you need in order to execute. And Mother Teresa is sort of my favorite example to give to people because Mother Teresa, I would say transcended money. But at the end of the day, she's trying to influence economic systems. She's trying to say, hey, we need to help the poor, but how are we going to do that? We're going to do that. We're not going to revert to a bar charter system. We're going to do it because hospitals either write things off and help people, donate equipment, donate their time, you know, whatever, things that are monetizable, they're going to give for free. But at the end of the day, it all was based on, at some point it was an economic vehicle that created that thing. So, and even she just was, she was a master at media, she was a master at capturing people's imaginations. So but at the end of the day, what she's trying to do when she captures people's imaginations is take something that either is monetary in nature or could be monetized and get people to give it to somebody. But that's not a sustainable vehicle for the whole world to do without collapsing back to a barter economy which just isn't efficient. Read Matt Ridley's the Rational Optimist where he talks about one of the greatest advances that we made is specialization. So as we're able to specialize, we're actually able to further culture and society and That's a good thing. But then you need some sort of common currency. So it used to like. He gives, gives some great examples about how there was a time where people traded seashells and there's always going to be something and then it was gold. And the thing that makes me laugh, seashells, gold, they're purely aesthetic spices. Right. Which was like gold dust at one point. And so much of the. What's that?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Tea?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Like things that are purely just consumable become massively, massively important. But you could do without spice. It just masked the fact that the food was disgusting. Truly. And became like the most sought after commodity. I'm derailing. But that is fascinating.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

And there's something you mentioned.

[Tom Bilyeu]

All right, Jared, what? I think it's in the backpack, which is right over there.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

You have to our tech issues that we have or deal with every day.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I'm not sure. Check.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

One thing you mentioned actually that reminded me. Do you remember that documentary we watched about all the people who had won the lottery and where their lives ended up? Like, that's so incredible because every. Everyone always thinks that money is going to solve all the problems and then it's. I think it was called something like the curse of winning the lottery. But I think the truth is bad things always happen in our lives. It's just people assume that if you have money, you can get rid of that sort of thing. So when the bad things happen, you're like, it's because I love, you know, won the money. But the truth is that may have already. That may have happened anyway.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I actually think the money did ruin their lives.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Really?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Because what's going on is they. Nothing has changed for them internally. One of the nice things about having to earn your money is you're going to have to do things to your mind in order to get there. And Jay Samit talks about this and disrupt you. He said only 13% of today's billionaires inherited the money. All the rest. So the remaining, what, 70, 87%. Yeah, 87% of people had to do something to their mind to become capable of that level of performance in order to become a billionaire. And so in doing all of that, like there's so much internal reflection, soul searching, all of that. And once you remove that equation, people don't know how to deal with relatives who then, then come looking for money. They don't know how to manage money. So the money starts going very quickly. And there's an overwhelming sense of the fragility. Excuse me, the fragility of money in that. Like you, you know, easy come, easy go, but they don't want to go backwards. And so there's a sense of, you know, wanting to hold on to it. And how do you say no, no to somebody who comes and asks for money when you just want it? And it's somebody that, you know it's your family. And so suddenly, you know, you've got. There's that great line in the Eminem song. Suddenly I have 30, some cousins or, you know, whatever it is, and people just coming out of the woodwork looking for money. And so I think people have sort of this weird feeling about it because they didn't do anything to earn it. And so it's like, well, then what right do I have to it? And you just trigger some weird psychological things.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It's actually really interesting.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. And then, I don't know, I also have, like, I never played the lottery, even when we were dirt poor, because I felt that that said something funny about me. Like, I want to earn what I get. Like, that was really important to me. So.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, because it's interesting because so many people go back to, well, if I won the lottery, right. So it's not that they, they don't want the wealth. It's that maybe they just think it's not accessible to them, them. And so the only way they can get wealthy is to win it versus change your mindset. Work on something that can bring value and kind of do it through that way 100%.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And, and that was one of the, like, I, I don't mind. And I have so many people that I love play the lottery. And so I totally, totally get it.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It's fun when you do a scratch card and you win a couple of bucks.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I actually don't. I. And I, your mother, bless her, I love her so much, beyond measure. Always buys them for Christmas. And sometimes I don't even scratch him.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Oh, you're breaking a heart now, you realize.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And she watches all the content. So I'm saying this knowing, like, Diana, I love you so much.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Everyone else appreciates. Imagine your son in law.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Because I don't like to win money. Just a thing.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, so got a many good questions are coming through. So let's go with how much time do we have? All right, so this might be a short.

[Tom Bilyeu]

We could do a lightning round. Why don't we do lightning round?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right. Sophia, Catherine wants to know, why are you doing things you don't like?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Like 90% of my life is doing things that I don't like in service of my goals.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But why?

[Tom Bilyeu]

So I'm trying to achieve my goals. I do what my goals demand, whether I enjoy them or not.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, Amber Jacobs, speaking of priorities, how do you best assess priorities for time management?

[Tom Bilyeu]

You know, this one scares me because I don't know how to teach it to people. So your ability to assess what you need to do is going to be the difference between you being successful and not. If you can't see the things you need to do, you're really in trouble. And I, I will have to think

[Lisa Bilyeu]

that I was going to say, because obviously that can be taught and practiced.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I like to think everything can be taught and practiced. Even I sometimes feel like it's voodoo.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Okay, but let's say for instance, and I know it's supposed to be short, but let's say for instance, you sit in the morning, you go, okay, these are all the things I need to do today. How do you then prioritize that day is, forget that.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Ask the real question. How do I know those are the things that need to be done right?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I. Yeah, right.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So that freaks me out. So I'm very good at understanding what my goal is, is working backwards to those steps. And I'm surprised nobody's called me on it before. Working backwards to those steps feels like voodoo. So, like, and this is one of the things in Jay Samit's book, like, he'll go, he'll say stuff like, he just gives amazing examples of times where it's like, hey, think like an entrepreneur. Like, let me give you an example of a time where I did it and I hit this obstacle, and here's what I realized. And I was like, how the hell did you realize that? Like, so brilliant. Brilliant. It is so brilliant. But I know better than to dismiss him and say that he's extraordinary. So there is something going on. I just, I haven't dissected it yet to figure out. Like, because I'm clearly going through some sort of step by step, even if it's happening below my conscious level. Like, I know that all the information that I'm feeding it is playing in. So, okay, how do I decide? Like, why did I watch Scott? Not Scott Carlin. He's an amazing human being, but not who I'm thinking of. Dan Carlin Garland with the hardcore history. Like, why did I decide to listen to that? But I guarantee something he says in that episode is going to come up later in Facebook Live or in an IT or in a business meeting. And I knew enough to go Outside my umvelt. But that was the critical decision. The critical decision which the. The what to do this morning is going to be born from that I was smart enough to go. That I was not smart. It's not the right word. I was strategic enough to know, hey, I need to get outside of my own felt. Don't just read things that are in this universe, like, get outside of it. That's going to be the thing that makes it clear what thing to do one day. Like. And as I'm processing this out loud, I'm beginning to sort of piece together so without the spiraling out of control. Because we could do a whole episode just on this. You really. You really have to. I'm going to have to figure that out so I can teach people because I think it's going to be an important part. But. But that's like the critical skill is knowing what to do. So set goals. Most people don't do that. And then accurately be able to assess what the steps are between you and there.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Awesome. All right. Question from Cindre Hellesmark. What is your view on college now as there is such a large amount of quality education online for free? That's a great question.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, I don't think college is necessary at all. And so colleges can be powerful and there are certain degrees that are still going to require it. I will not go see a doctor that didn't get a degree. But I was thinking the other day, like, why anyone becomes a doctor is totally beyond me. You want to talk about a system that just seems broken. If I had to do it over again, I would not go to college. But I loved it. I really enjoyed my time.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So you think you learn any lessons from college that you implement today day?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Of course I did. Tons. But the question is, in those four years, knowing what I know now, would I be better off going to college or would I be better off doing what I tell everyone they should be doing? Which is the second you can go to somebody who's living the life you want to live and give them the following speech, right, I'm going to work harder and smarter than anyone you've ever met for the next 90 days. At the end of the 90 days, if I brought so much value to you that you would rather pay me than lose me, thank you. Put me on payroll. Like, that's what people should do. And it's either yes or restraining order. Like, that's it. And that always turns out is every time I give the speech, people then write to me. Keep in Mind, there's only so many people I can do that for. So make sure. Make sure that I'm the one that's living the life that you want to lead before you write me. Because first of all, I think I'm a little bit. I may be harder on people in that domain. When people say that they want to be me, like, I flip a switch in my mind. Mind. It's like, you sure? Because then. Then you have to work like I work. And most people just.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

You have to say the brutal honesty that you tell yourself, and people aren't prepared.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Oh, people really aren't prepared for that.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I've pissed a lot of people off with that.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. Me included sometimes.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But look now, I mean, that's actually what I need to then get better. So, you know, I appreciate it. Just doesn't. It doesn't feel great in the moment.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, yeah, no, I get it.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

That's what you gotta do.

[Tom Bilyeu]

All right, we have time for one more.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, let's do one more. Jared, we've got one more more. All right, one more. This is from Laura Dufresne. How do you deal with Laura?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Coming through. This is question two for Laura DeFrain.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Oh, wow. Really?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Every time. I know, because every time I think of Andy Dufresne, so. Oh, nice.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Nice. Laura, I'm really digging your questions and a lot of coming through, so amazing. Sorry if I've doubled up and haven't. I've left people out. Sorry, guys, but I really like this question.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Cool.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

How do you deal with people that you love dearly but are determined to maintain a fixed mindset? Yeah, I know you can't save everyone, but when it's a close friend, friend that you truly love, what do you do? And the reason why I love this question so much is every single person I'm sure watching right now that wants to develop their mindset has someone in their life that they would love to just shake awake.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Right. And we talk about this all the time because we've got people in our lives that we definitely want to shake awake. But. Yeah, so what do you. What's your advice? Because obviously it's not a. It's not a cut and dry answer.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Oh, yes, it is. Every answer. Every answer is cut and dry. The. All the world is binary. And I hope somebody throws that in my face the next time I'm, like, waffling on in some, like, abstract realm. But all the world is binary. And if you're not thinking in binary terms, you're holding yourself back strong. Opinions loosely held. I think that's the quote. I forget who said it but oh, it's so good. I did not make that up. You have because I've said it so many times. But I probably said them to you at times when you were not happy to hear that answer. So. But strong opinions loosely held. Here is the truth. Compassion is the only answer. So do not try to save them. Do not try to educate them. You. Why? Because it's not effective. So the, the reason I say compassion is because it's effective. It's the only thing that you have any hope of working in the longest of long runs and in the short and medium and even sort of near long term. It's the right thing to do to another human being is to show them compassion and empathy. Not sympathy. I'm anti sympathy, but compassion and empathy. Love them. Love them where they are. Let them be where they are. It is not your job to save them. And the more you try, the more they will entrench. You will move yourself backwards. You will not get what you want out of the exchange. It will make them dislike you. They won't want to be around you. They're deep, deep seated lizard brain will begin to associate you with pain. So just stop. You will just push them. Trust me, I've tried. This is, this is one of those lessons I have learned the hard way because I was convinced and for a long time was just preaching that, that I could help anyone, anyone, that anyone could be reached. And now while that may be true, just because my worldview forces me to acknowledge that the, the amount of effort, effort would be catastrophic. And so it just act as if it's not possible. Don't waste your time with it. They won't like it and it won't get you where you want to go. So do what's effective. Be compassionate. Love them where they are and lead by example. And over a long enough time period, maybe they'll wake up.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, because I think the one thing people do is they so want someone to improve to they see an issue, a problem. They so want them to get better at it. That sometimes almost causes friction between the two people. Like if you just listen like I'm really trying to help you and then they end up almost doing the opposite. Like you're trying to help that person because you love them and then you butt heads and now you almost like.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And you've backed them into a corner. Oh a hundred percent. You've backed them into a corner where now for them to do what you've suggested they would have to admit that you've been right this whole time, which by definition, sort of a fixed mindset just isn't going to let them. Whereas if they come to it on their own and they just see your life getting better and better and better, and you're loving them and you're being kind and you not judge me judgmental, and you're just always warm and welcoming. And by the way, the only catch to all of this is 9 out of 10 people with a fixed mindset. 9 out of 10, you got to cut them out of your life. You just can't be around it. So. But there are people, and we can all think of who that might be in your life. You're just never going to cut out. And so. And those are the people that you show compassion to. And look, show compassion to everybody. Like, nobody's trying to be in a fixed mindset. They're scared. Scared. So accept that. That they're there and have empathy for them being stuck and. And, you know, just acknowledge that. That you should be grateful that you're not awesome. All right, with that, I think we have to bid you all adieu. Guys, thank you so much for joining us for this episode of Facebook Live. Q and A. Thank you to Lisa for filling in for Cindy, which I really, really appreciate. It was awesome. And I am, I am admittedly trying to get Lisa to come in front of the camera more and more. And for those of you that don't know, she. She's weeks, mere weeks away from launching her own podcast. And I know some of you are going to hear this when that podcast is live. Her co host is somebody big and amazing that is a dear friend of Lisa and has been a friend for a very long time. We're not saying who it is now because don't want to seem like we're trying to leverage them, but it's just. It's super, super exciting what you guys are doing. I'm super amped up about it. It's going to be a lot of fun. Female empowerment is at the core of. Of it. It's going to be awesome. So if you want more of this amazing woman, soon, my friends, soon. And until then, we'll keep plucking her in for fun stuff like this.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

And thank you for the awesome questions, guys. Amazing. Really?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, always. Always appreciative of that. Thank you guys for being a part of this community. And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. Oh, God. And please, guys, tell people inside Quest we're not doing that anymore. It is now all about Impact theory. You can get to this show at Tombillu. We're doing it all under my personal brand right now. So tombillue tell people, share, tell the world. It's all the action. It's all going down here. So all right, subscribe, tell people and until next time my friends be legendary. Take care. Peace.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Bye everybody.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to iTunes, go to Stitcher Rate and review us. That helps us build this community and that is what we are all about right now. Building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can deliver as much value as possible. And you guys rating and reviewing really helps with that. All right guys, thank you again so much and until next time my friends be legendary. Take care.

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