← Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Q&A on Networking Tips, Deflecting Negative People, and Licensing Creatives (Replay)
01:03:56
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- [00:01]
Commercial Narrator
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- [01:01]
Tom Bilyeu
You're listening to the Impact Theory podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory Foreign. Welcome to another episode of Facebook Live. Q and A. I am your host, Tom Bilyu, and I am here with the man, the myth of legend, Dr. Finesse.
- [01:36]
Dr. Finesse
How you doing?
- [01:37]
Tom Bilyeu
All right, so Cindy is out of town today. She is off gallivanting, having an amazing time. I hope in Vegas. She got to fly jet Suite X. Full disclosure, I am an investor in the company, but. But, like, that airline is amazing, so.
- [01:51]
Dr. Finesse
Oh, man, I'm so jealous.
- [01:54]
Tom Bilyeu
Book a flight, man.
- [01:54]
Dr. Finesse
I know, I know.
- [01:55]
Tom Bilyeu
Next time you go into Vegas, dude, it is private flight experience for the cost of a Southwest ticket. It's nuts.
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Dr. Finesse
That's insane.
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Tom Bilyeu
That's just insane. Yeah, so there we have it. All right, but now let us dive in. What do we have? Are we doing like a, hey, share this and that whole thing? Do you have instructions, Dr. Finesse?
- [02:15]
Dr. Finesse
Uh, what? I just have. I just have questions here.
- [02:17]
Tom Bilyeu
All right, well, let's first say so welcome, everybody, to the live feed. And if this content is adding value to your life, please do share it. Uh, our last live, we broke records, like, twice in the feed, which was amazing. So let's see if we can do that again. It all comes down to how much you guys share it. So if it's adding value, um, obviously if it's not, feel free to close your browser now and move on. But if it's adding value. Please do share it. That would be amazing. And we're taking your your questions, so if you have them, be sure to drop them in. I'm looking at my man Chase over there. He goes through, looks for the most concise ones that he thinks are gonna really add value to the crowd, and he pulls them out for us. So your job is to impress Chase with your question, and then we will answer, answer, answer. So, all right, without further ado, Dr. Finesse, take it away.
- [03:08]
Dr. Finesse
All right, first question from Will Collette. All right. All right. Since I'm always working during the live stream, here's my question for your next episode.
- [03:16]
Tom Bilyeu
Nice.
- [03:16]
Dr. Finesse
A lot of recommendations for improving job conditions or leaving a job. Assume that we have full freedom in our choices. What if you're assigned long term to a remote, unfavorable location or with people who have fixed mindsets? Sometimes this can happen in the military. Just true.
- [03:31]
Tom Bilyeu
Okay, I was trying. I'm like, is he in a communist country? No, no.
- [03:35]
Dr. Finesse
And he has a quick note. He's very proud to serve, but it is realistic that sometimes service members get jobs or locations that most people wouldn't want.
- [03:44]
Tom Bilyeu
Right? Yeah, yeah, no, no, I know who this is, but I wasn't sure if he was being cagey about the service part or not. So, yeah, Will's in the military. It's actually a pretty interesting post that he has, which that I don't know if he wants to discuss, so I won't, but certainly very interesting. So here's the answer. At the end of the day, you need to lead by example. And humans are resistant to change, so don't expect it to change overnight. But if are there, you've always got a choice, right? So you can either give in to the fixed mindset and the way that people are looking and thinking negatively or whatever, or you can literally. What I would do is take pride in, like, I can be an island of a growth mindset. I can be in the middle of a bunch of people that have a very fixed mindset, and I can still choose to be in a good mood. It is an awesome time to practice not letting other people externally mess with your vibe, right? Because you always have that choice between stimulus and responses. Like where the human existence is, like where you get to decide whether you're going to respond, respond negatively, respond by re centering yourself around positivity or whatever. So you can't always sway the entire group, especially not a group as big and that has as much momentum as a military unit. But you can Lead by example. You can hope that other people see that. Whoa. Like this one guy, like in the face of, you know, either the PT or all the negativity or whatever, like, this one guy is positive and people love being around positivity. That's one thing about my own personality that I found is always the thing that's allowed me to build teams is I'm excitable, I'm enthusiastic, and people want to. My wife is tripping and dying over here in the background also clod hopping, which was an amazing part of the beginning of our relationship. My wife always wore the biggest, clunkiest heels and the apartment that I was living in at the time, like, was an echo chamber. And so we'd get back at like 1:30 in the morning, she'd be like, clunk, clunk. And I was the manager, so I was like, oh my God, like the manager. This clod hopping girl girlfriend is waking everybody up. So for those of you that were hearing her trod across the house. So yeah, that's, that's really my answer with that is either you sway people by being the bastion of joy and optimism, all that, and you start to collect people that are infected by your own enthusiasm, or you just practice not being infected by other people's negative attitude, which will serve you very well as there are inevitably going to be times where you're in a situation where other people are negative and. And you either don't have the time to change them or just the. The situation doesn't lend itself.
- [06:18]
Dr. Finesse
Do you know what branch of the military will serve?
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Tom Bilyeu
I do, but because he didn't post it, I don't want to sell, like, I don't know. You know what I mean?
- [06:26]
Dr. Finesse
So I'm just curious because I'm sure you remember, but I grew up an army dependent, which is aka an army brat. My dad served 35 years active duty.
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Tom Bilyeu
Whoa.
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Dr. Finesse
35 years active.
- [06:39]
Tom Bilyeu
Wow.
- [06:39]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah. So we were moving every three to four years. Every three to four years. We were always moving. I guess it was a little different for my dad because with me, I was in school and I was doing it with a bunch of kids who were in school. And you know, and kids are, to a point, if you're doing that at that age, kids are resilient, they're adaptable. So it's a different type of atmosphere. Like you, you were forced to kind of be social or meet new people, you know what I mean? Because you're going to school and you're partaking in activities. I can understand being in A work environment that being harder. I mean, I do. I can recall my dad, he kind of. He was always an introvert, I guess, but I think he really, really became an introvert in the army because he was moving around constantly. So when I think of my dad's friends, I think of my dad and my mom. Right, that's it. My mom was extremely social, so she had friends everywhere, like at the gas station, at the store, whatever. She would just talk to anybody, you know, so. But. But still they kept very much to themselves and they would just stay home and stay inside and talk to themselves. But for me, you know, I would always, you know, I was forced to be sociable. And I don't know if Will plans on having kids or if he has kids, but at least I think for the most part, if he does stay in the military and he continues to move around in those environments, his kids may benefit. Because I feel. God, I can easily say 95% of the friends that I grew up with because they were all doing the same thing, moving around. They are all the most social and adaptable people, hands down, and they can be a chameleon in any situation. So I guess using that answer, maybe you can apply that to yourself. And I know it's a little different because you're an adult, but that's. I guess.
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Tom Bilyeu
Why is that different? Dr. Finesse?
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Dr. Finesse
I think it's different because I remember me reading this GQ article, and it was a fascinating article and it made so much sense, and I'm sure you could weigh in on this. The article was about how men socially shut down at around 22 and stop feeling the need to make friends. And most of men have lifelong friends that they had in either college or towards the late end of high school. Depends where they live. But their lifelong close friends, they didn't add any after 22, for the most part. Whereas women could God, become friends with anyone. I mean, we see it all the time. We see women's like, oh, let's have drinks, or let's get together. Let's have coffee. You know what I mean? And women can say that to each other, but you really see guys like, hey, man, man, let's have some coffee, man, let's have a beer. Let's have this if they don't know the guy, you know what I mean? So this article profiled several men. And one man, for example, was. He did some type of business which caused him to move from city to city, and he had moved from New York to Chicago. And he was miserable because he couldn't make new friends. All his lifelong friends were friends that he had in college, but here he was in Chicago and he liked to play basketball, but he just couldn't go up to someone and be like, hey man, you want to go play basketball? It was just something. There's something with men that they can't adopt, adapt to new social friends, so to speak, after 22. I mean, of course there are a lot of different exceptions, but sure, it was interesting. So I think that has a lot to do with my dad, maybe even will, you know, you're. And plus will it. Military work environment is. I mean, again, just knowing from my dad, I can't really weigh in on it completely. It's not the most social atmosphere where you're like, hey, what's up? Hanging out and having fun and everything, you know, So I could understand it being a challenge. So I guess that's, that's my, my point. I dig it. Yeah, I dig it. All right, well, the next question from Max G. Milton Archer.
- [10:15]
Tom Bilyeu
Wow, that's a name.
- [10:17]
Dr. Finesse
That's a name.
- [10:17]
Tom Bilyeu
That's a name.
- [10:18]
Dr. Finesse
Max G. Milton Archer. It's like an assassin. That's amazing. Hey, Tom, what are some quick fire tips for taking an idea for a physical product that has not been done to actually creating it and selling it?
- [10:33]
Tom Bilyeu
So basically, how do you prototype it? Is that how we're going to interpret that question? So it really comes down to what the product is. So, God, there's a town in China. I think it's Shenzhen. I could be wrong about that. Let's not quote me on that. If this were national television, I'd say, hey, there's a thing in China. I don't remember what city it is, but there's a city in China that's becoming known as like the, the Silicon Valley of physical products. So it's like if you're looking to get a prototype made, like, certainly if it has to do with technology, like if your physical product is clothing, then it would be a totally different answer. But finding like, what's that hotbed when one of the things that we'll be doing ultimately from a merchandising perspective is socks. And like Turkey of all places is like really known for their socks.
- [11:20]
Dr. Finesse
Okay.
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Tom Bilyeu
Like, who would have known, right? But so you go. And there are different places that have really specialized, because what it is, it's huge capital investments into the equipment. So it's certain equipment that makes socks. It's certain equipments that make hats, shirts, shoes. Right. So. And different places are known for different manufacturing types. So really, to give you a very specific answer, I'd have to know exactly what the product is and then I would just start doing research. Online and trade shows are huge, huge, huge. So finding the trade show that has to do with what you're trying to make and going to that. So because we're going to be so heavily invested in merchandise, I went to Magic and magic has a whole floor that has unimaginable amounts of square footage for different things. So like, there's an area for shoes, there's an area for textiles, and you know, you can go and figure out like, okay, if I want to make xyz, like where is that? So I was looking at direct to garment printing. That was like a big thing for me. And so it was like, like new technology, 3D printing, all that stuff. And there's an area on the show floor for that. So just doing the research, finding out what the trade shows are for that identifying the region in the world that's best at that, that has the best equipment, that's going to be able to give you the quality that you're looking for or the price point, which you may be more sensitive to. Price and quality, it really depends on the kind of business that you're trying to make. But all the information that you need is out there online and at trade shows. That's really the long and the short of it.
- [12:42]
Dr. Finesse
All right, thank you, Max G. Milton Archer the Assassin the Assassin Stacy Smith As a creative, I'm curious about how the production or support of original narrative content is going to unfold. I know from watching past episodes that there are plans for a studio, but I'm curious whether that will involve producing content that will overtly fall under the it manner in the way Paramount or Sony or Disney produce content, or will it be by backing overtly or silently, creatives that are already working on producing content that holds similar values to that of impact theory or both. Or am I on the wrong track or neither. That's Stacy. And she, she covered a lot of bases there. She did. And she also cited peace, love and music.
- [13:27]
Tom Bilyeu
Peace, love, music. And before we started we were talking about peace, love and death mode. Yeah, I like that sign off, but the, the range of music could make that somewhat of a collision. So what we're going to be doing is really. So what does a studio look like in the 21st century in a highly connected hyper social world where the Internet exists and you can reach content creators all around the world? So we will be pitching ideas to Other production companies, we will be keeping ideas in house. We will be acquiring the life rights. I'm a huge believer in the following setup. Acquiring the life rights to somebody and then doing a fictionalized account of their life, but getting them to be very active socially to build their own brand, to get out there and say, look, this is me. The story is sort of loosely based in my life, and it's a model that they did with Entourage. And I haven't seen anybody else really follow up on that, but I think it's a really powerful model. That's the first thing that we're moving on is there are three people right now that we're working on finalizing contractually that we want to get their life rights, but do a fictionalized account. The reason I want to do a fictionalized version is it lets you be more sensational, it lets you exaggerate, it lets you tell a bigger story where you can really see the themes and all that, and the ways that people's real lives don't line up. They're a little bit messier. They're not. It doesn't let you take people on the right kind of roller coaster and then you're beholden to the timeline of their life, which becomes problematic. But knowing that this is something that was inspired by a real person, that you could get to know that person, I think that we would ultimately help that person do a biography or an autobiography. So, you know, okay, this is the real story. Here's the fictionalized accounts, here are the themes, here are the crossover points. Um, and so that, I think, is a model that's going to be really, really powerful. And in a hyper social age where people are stepping out front, where personal branding is a big deal, I think people are going to want that more and more. And I don't know about you, but I actually have a harder and harder time watching more and more sensational things if it's not, like, tied to something. It feels a little bit like I can't enjoy movies about magic. And the reason I can't is I know they're just doing camera tricks. And what makes magic so powerful is that it's right there in front of you and you still can't tell how it's being done.
- [15:46]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah.
- [15:47]
Tom Bilyeu
So that, like, to me is, I won't. It's not exclusive. We won't only do things that are a fictionalized version of a real story. But I think that it's a very powerful genre that I think is only going to gain steam. So, yeah, ultimately because what we have to balance is, you know, you look at a Disney, you look at a Paramount, whatever, they came up in a totally different time when just having a camera, knowing how to operate it gave you a huge leg up. So we're not living in that world anymore. So now what's happening is the studios are just throwing more and more capital at it. So to be a big studio means to have just massive financial backing so that you can do a 200 million summer, $200 million summer blockbuster. And their ability to immediately go from like nothing to this is in, you know, thousands of theaters worldwide, globally. I'm not sure why I said worldwide and globally those are the same. But to be able to like that sort of infrastructure to get that out there is, is really, really incredible. So that's what they're good at. So trying to compete with them at that would be suicide, right? Where we don't have the backing to do that. And I, in raising the capital, I want to do this ourselves. I want to maintain creative control. So I believe the play is to go out to find creators to essentially take what they're doing on spec and make sure that they're rewarded for that all the way through the system. So one of the big complaints right now is if you're not a big artist, you're never going to participate in things like merchandising rights. So they lose creative control, they don't reap the financial benefits. So we want to be a very artist friendly studio. I'm saying this to you, you already. We want to be a very artist friendly studio. We want to make sure that it's financially lucrative to associate with us. That way we don't have to do the huge outlays up front. But that does mean that we're going to have to enrich artists on the back end. And I think that's incredibly powerful anyway, because, you know, paying somebody 100,000 or even 250,000 for an idea up front and then that becomes like a massive blockbuster. And you know, we make $6 billion. I mean, think about what Star wars did. I mean, just untold billions of dollars in merchandising, right? And that's like a special case because he created all of that himself. And but you know, imagine that that had been submitted by a writer and then you're like, oh my God, like this thing that I created, I have virtually nothing to show for it. And that that story is as old as the Hollywood system, right? So what we want to do is if you really know about United Artists and how that went and how they said, look, we're tired of being taken advantage of. We're going to come together as a collective of very well recognized actors and filmmakers and we're going to make our own studio know. And then ultimately they implode. But I think there's lessons to be learned from that. And then obviously I've drawn a lot of parallels to what Disney did and we'll be leveraging a lot of that. And I think we sort of come full circle back to the way that Walt put himself up front and became the ethos of the brand. And I mean that's why we're doing so much social content. I'll leave it at that. I mean I can obviously keep going. It's the, the central thing that I think about, but that gives people an idea.
- [18:50]
Dr. Finesse
It's great. That's great. Thank you. Stacy. Question from Daniel Breeze. Hey Tom. Finish the mindset, which is amazing. That's Carol Dweck, correct? Yeah. Okay. Help me figure out a new approach to talk to my 10 year old sister. But I'm still not sure how I can show her that getting control of her body will allow her to get control of her mind. Is it just leading by example or is there more that we can do?
- [19:16]
Tom Bilyeu
Well, first of all, it's a 10 year old, so their brain hasn't finished developing yet. So you're not gonna get very far with log your way through that one. Leading by example is going to be huge. Trying to leverage behavior instead of trying to change it. So I'm going to guess that hiding in this is that she has a bad diet and that she's getting into maybe a not so great place physically. So yes, lead by example, show how much fun you're having. Making sure she sees things that are pleasurable, that also happen to be very active. Those are all big. And then most importantly, I think when you change, change her mindset that will echo in other ways. And I wouldn't overly obsess about the body just having and I don't know like what the relationship is because it's his sister. So. But controlling the food that's in the house is probably the most important thing because if there's a whole bunch of junk food laying around, people are going to eat it because it tastes amazing and it has huge brain chemistry reaction. So the things that I would do, lead by example. If you can affect the food in the house, that would be amazing. Don't preach, but do show excitement. Like show how delicious healthy food can Be show how much fun playing and being active can be. Find things that she likes doing. Don't make it about exercising. And don't. When she does something that's really fun and she enjoys it physically. Don't be like. And see, that's exercise. And it's good for you. Because then they want to rebel against it because you're trying to push them. It feels like a judgment to them. Right? It feels like you're saying, hey, you're not good enough the way that you are. Right. And so you have to be so, so, so, so careful of that. So more important is to don't say things like, oh my gosh, you're so smart. That's so amazing. It's. You worked really hard. That's awesome. You got such good results because you just keep putting in the effort. And man, like, this is really going to turn into something. And that's so incredible. Well done for the process. Right? So. And that's what Carol says. Don't. Don't reward the results, reward the process. And so when she works hard, compliment her on that. Don't say things like, you're smart, you're talented. You know, it's. It's got to be about you put in the work, you did something amazing because you worked so hard and you were so diligent. You learned from that failure, and that's amazing, that kind of stuff. And then finally, like, first and foremost, make her feel loved, make her feel accepted. Don't make her feel judged. When, like, the people that venture the farthest, the people that take the biggest risks, the people that feel the best are the people that have a strong core somewhere. A brother, a parent, an uncle, a friend, whatever. Like, when you feel like you have a strong base, then you're able to go do things. But if she feels insecure everywhere, if she doesn't feel like anybody, like, loves her and really cares about her and isn't trying to push her in a direction, like, and if she's rebelling against that now at 10, wait till she's 13, 14 team, when her whole life will revolve around pushing back against people. So you really have to be way more subtle and love them, like, no matter where they're at.
- [22:24]
Dr. Finesse
Fantastic answer. Fantastic.
- [22:26]
Commercial Narrator
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- [22:56]
Dr. Finesse
Question from Jumeni Cabrera.
- [22:59]
Tom Bilyeu
Jumeni. Jumeni, I believe is where we came down on that one.
- [23:02]
Dr. Finesse
Jumeni. Sorry. Jumeni. Jumeni. Cabrera says, Tom, you said that networking is super important to excel your business. I'm finally going to be diving in. So what advice do you have for that?
- [23:17]
Tom Bilyeu
Well, going to the right networking events. So going places where you're going to be able to meet people who are like minded. Going to places where. And because you framed it in the sense of business, like what is your business? Who are the kinds of people that you need to meet? Who are people that are either playing in that same space or tangential so that you guys. There's going to be some synergies to that. That's a big deal. Getting out there, getting over any social anxiety that you may have. I mean, this is literally to your point about making friends and not trying to like get something out of every interaction. So the real key is when you talk to somebody, talk to that person. And this is, this is really critical. There's nothing more obnoxious than talking to somebody who's doing this.
- [24:00]
Dr. Finesse
Oh yeah, right.
- [24:01]
Tom Bilyeu
Where they're looking like who's the more powerful person in the room than this person I'm talking to?
- [24:05]
Dr. Finesse
That is this city. City. Everywhere in the city. It's unbelievable.
- [24:10]
Tom Bilyeu
That's not good. It's human nature.
- [24:12]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah.
- [24:12]
Tom Bilyeu
It's really ineffective as a strategy. Literally. I don't remember when I heard about this, but it was a very long time ago. I heard that Bill Clinton doesn't do that. Like when he talks to you, he's talking to you. And even though, like, I mean these are. It's normally somebody sort of that's not like on a political spectrum. Right. They're just the guy.
- [24:32]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah.
- [24:33]
Tom Bilyeu
And so they'll be telling the story and they'll be like, he was literally zoned in on me. Like we were engaged, like, and maybe we only talked for five minutes, but it was like for those five minutes I felt like nothing else existed. There was no one else in the room. He was totally focused on me and just thinking about the human animal and how good that feels. Like, what an amazing strategy. And so that's a big one. When, when I'm meeting new people, when I'm networking, when I'm talking to somebody, I'm talking to that person. And I just shut off to the rest of the world. And it's like, I want to get to know this person. And I am hyper aware. Yeah, I might be missing other opportunities. There might be somebody here that could blow my business up, that could launch me forward. But it is so detrimental to the people that you're talking to when you're always, always looking like it is. It is. Play the long game. It is so much more important to have the reputation of, like, I actually care about this person. I actually want to know something about this person. I want to learn about this person and to really, really engage with them. Like when that becomes your reputation. And sure, maybe that takes you five years to earn that reputation, like meeting after meeting after meeting, always doing that, always doing that, always doing that, missing out on opportunities. But let me tell you, the people that you connect with, you will connect with so much more powerfully. And so for real. And they'll actually want to help you because it'll be a real connection. And versus if you're constantly trying to find that person who's the most powerful person in the room when you get them and you try to engage, engage a, it's going to be awkward. And the chances that that person's doing the same thing, like looking, looking and you're not really building a connection is extremely high. So don't try to, like, close the billion dollar deal right now, today. Try to be authentic. Try to actually connect with people. Try to deliver value to other people and know that's going to come back to you in the most incredible way in ways that you can't yet anticipate. And just be a good person. Don't be a dick. Like, right. Like that's such an important strategy. Like, be a real human being and actually connect with people.
- [26:39]
Dr. Finesse
It's amazing how people forget that, though. It's abs. I mean, I see people forget that. I just wonder what, what happened. And as for Bill Clinton, I can attest to that. I had the privilege of meeting Bill Clinton.
- [26:50]
Tom Bilyeu
Really?
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Dr. Finesse
Yeah. He came when I worked for Tavis. Tavis interviewed him, and we did it at some hotel in Anaheim. I don't know why, but we all took a trip down to Anaheim time. I remember for some reason, we, we were in a white limo. I still don't know what we were doing in the white limo. I think it was some company that worked with the show, and they said, hey, take our white limo. And we rolled down to this hotel in Anaheim. And on Tavis, you know, he interviewed a Lot of politicians. So we had a lot of important people come to the show. Ex presidents, acting presidents. And when they came to the show, their security details, Secret Service would come, like, for two weeks beforehand that show up probably two or three times, and they scout the area. They scout where they need to put people. They do background checks on everybody. I remember there's a coworker of mine, I don't know what she did, but she could never appear to any of these interviews. Anytime Jimmy Carter would come or anybody, she couldn't be there. Wow. What did she do? It was the craziest thing. Yeah. So. So it was always such a big deal, and you never quite knew how to approach them. Like, if Jimmy Carter came, like, he was very friendly, but just so many people around him. When Obama came, same thing. Right.
- [28:03]
Tom Bilyeu
While he was an acting person, Obama
- [28:04]
Dr. Finesse
was running, so he wasn't an acting person. But they still treated him like that at the point. But it's the same almost type of detail. And so we were thinking just like, oh, man. Oh, Hillary. Same thing when she came, same deal. So we were thinking, okay, this is going to be crazy at the hotel. They're gonna. The floor is gonna be on lockdown, whatever. So we go upstairs to the room, and Bill walks in, and it's literally him.
- [28:30]
Tom Bilyeu
You guys are on a first name basis. Me and my boy. What's up, Bill?
- [28:34]
Dr. Finesse
At this point, everyone calls him Bill. I don't know, there's something about him, like, hey, what's up, Bill? But he walks in and he's with two Secret Service guys. That's it. And those guys, which they were so aloof, just hanging out. And I remember I was afraid because I had a camera. I was like, do I take a photo? And no one even asked. No one chat. He went up to everyone individually, just like you said, every single person individually, and had something to say to you. Everyone. And I remember thinking, I absolutely love that. Absolutely love that. And I'm in another quick tangent. Another person who's just like that, say what you will about Tom Cruise. And again, God, I feel like I'm name dropping. But I've met him three times, and it's the same deal every time. He will look you in the eye to the point where you're like, this guy's looking into my soul. It's a little crazy, but. But he takes the time to talk to you. Every single time. Same thing. When he came to Tavis, he went to. We had a huge staff. He was there for probably two hours because he went to every single person to say hi and have a quick conversation. Every single person. And I saw the same thing happen once I was at a Laker game and. And I look and I'm like, oh, Ms. Tom Cruise. And he's trying to get. They have this back room where they take the celebrities during halftime or before the game. And he was going back there and there were fans in the stands just going nuts for Tom Cruise. Like, ah, Tom, Tom. And. And he always has security detail. And he stopped and I swear to God, it seemed like he talked to the entire stadium because he just kept stopping. I don't even think he made it back to the back. Like, halftime was over. And it's like, all right, the game's starting back. Because he literally stopped and talked to every single person. And that's just how he is. And I, you know, again, like, besides the fact that I, I think he's a great actor. Actor. No matter how crazy people, you know, think he is. And certain I won't say why, but people think he's crazy for some reason. He definitely is a personable person and he will talk to you directly and treat you like you're, you know, on his level or he's on your level, whatever. And that says a lot about somebody.
- [30:30]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah. So two things to that. One, if you think he's name dropping now, like, you should spend a day with this guy. He knows everybody. This is crazy. It is crazy town. How many people this guy knows most. So trust me, he's not even begun to name drop. And then two, I've heard stories about Will Smith and Tom Cruise doing that. Like standing out in the rain, out in the cold for hours and hours and hours, talking to any fan that wants to talk to them. And I think it was Will Smith that said the reason that he and I are the biggest global stars. And this was back when they were like at their hike. He was like, the reason that we're the biggest global stars is because of the. That like, that we're not being ushered off. We don't come in the back and leave out the back. Like we go, we meet the fans. We don't take a single one of them for granted. And that's part of what plays into my notion of when I go speak, I will answer every question. If I have to stand there for six, eight, 10 hours, whatever, it doesn't matter. The only thing I will say is if they're doing it to with me, like, because they know that I'll stand there, like, I'm not Like, spastic. I will recognize that and say, all right. Like, we're. But I mean, I've stood, I think eight hours is my record of just standing and answering questions. Wow. And. And that's like, dude. But so when Gary was on the show, Gary Vee. He said, name drop. Hey. When Gary was on the show, he said, like, I don't get this whole karma thing. He's like, being good to people is a good strategy. Like, it comes back. That's just crazy. So, yeah, less like going out, meeting people, acknowledging them, totally engaging with them, not worrying about what opportunities you're missing. Just really talk to that person. It's just a good strategy. And it feels good. As a human man. It just feels good.
- [32:13]
Dr. Finesse
It feels good. You know what Will's party trick is? Is he has a knack for remembering name.
- [32:20]
Tom Bilyeu
Really?
- [32:20]
Dr. Finesse
That's his party trick again. Name drop. He came to Tavis twice, and, like, probably three years apart, part. Wow. I had no effect on. On him. I just was like, hey, what's up, man? And took a photo with him, was happy because, you know, everyone loves Will Smith. And three years later, he came up and was like, hey, what's up, Chris? And I about melted.
- [32:40]
Tom Bilyeu
I was like, he knows my name.
- [32:45]
Dr. Finesse
And it's. And it's so funny because I was going around telling people. I was like, he remembers my name from three years ago.
- [32:50]
Tom Bilyeu
That is pretty crazy.
- [32:51]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah. And this one booker, who I used to work with, who's been booking for, like, 30 years.
- [32:55]
Tom Bilyeu
Years.
- [32:55]
Dr. Finesse
Booking celebrities for 30 years. He was like, oh, that's like, that's his thing. He remembers names.
- [33:01]
Tom Bilyeu
Wow.
- [33:01]
Dr. Finesse
And I wonder, because there's someone like, do you wear an earpiece for someone? Like, that's great. But he just does it and. But, hey, like you said, it worked. Wow. It worked. I love that. But I noticed you remember names, too. Like, even God. Jumani. I was like, humani. And you're like, nope. Jumani.
- [33:18]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, well, it's. It is. It's Jumani. You said Jumani.
- [33:21]
Dr. Finesse
See, there I go. Exactly. I guess I'm the Will Smith to Tom Cruise or Tom.
- [33:28]
Tom Bilyeu
Don't, like. Don't put that on me, because I am actually terrible with names. And I mean no disrespect, I will answer your question forever, but you are going to have to retell me your name.
- [33:37]
Dr. Finesse
It is.
- [33:37]
Tom Bilyeu
It is an unfortunate current limitation that I have. I haven't gotten good at that yet.
- [33:42]
Dr. Finesse
Okay. Okay. So.
- [33:43]
Tom Bilyeu
But it is something that I would like to do.
- [33:45]
Dr. Finesse
All right, well, next question from Eli Officer answer. It's a great question. Hey Tom, what is your def. That's a fantastic name. Hey Tom, what is your definition of rock bottom and what are the advantages, disadvantages of being there?
- [33:58]
Tom Bilyeu
Rock bottom is self loathing. When you legitimately hate yourself, you wake up, you hate yourself, you go to bed, you hate yourself, you wake up in the middle of the night because you hate yourself. Like that. I, I can't imagine much lower than that. And so, yeah, like, getting to that point is actually dangerous. And so we've gotten to the point now where people reach out to me a little too frequently saying like, hey, I'm. I'm in a really dark place and I don't know if it's worth like continuing. And my response is the same every time. Get help right now. Like you are gambling with your life and that scares me. And, and the, the one thing that I'm grateful for is I have a rule about that. So I have like no fear that that will ever be a thing for me because a. I recog that it's temporary brain chemistry and you may have wired it so that it feels permanent, but even that wiring can be undone. And if I were in a state like that, I would tell myself, this too shall pass. I know how permanent this feels right now. But nothing lasts forever. Nothing. Not good, not bad. And so you have to put in the work to undo the wiring. But recognizing that when you get into a state like that, that you, you're, you're quite literally gambling with your life to not go seek help, you, you just, you have to, have to get help. But that's rock bottom.
- [35:22]
Dr. Finesse
Sounds like rock bottom. Yeah. And that's, it's terrifying. I mean, I can, I fortunately can say I've never reached rock bottom. Like, I don't think I have, especially according to that definition. So it's a scary thought, that's for sure. Question from Jo Lee. Hi, Tom. You discuss harnessing rage with David. God happens. Is this rage purely at your own state of being and not rage you may feel at another person other than yourself? Thanks. From Australia.
- [35:51]
Tom Bilyeu
It could be either. There's definitely times where it's going to be outwardly focused and there's. What I want people to understand is there's. There's so much power in certainty. Okay. And certainty in not being unsure. Being unsure is a hell of its own. But when you are, are truly happy and full of joy. Right. Nothing's bothering you, just feels good. There's a certainty in that. And when you're enraged, there's a certainty in that now that rage can be aimed at you, that rage can be aimed at somebody else. But the. It's the intoxicating nature of the certainty. There's nothing stopping you from acting. And because it's so potent to get you to act that that's where its usability comes from. Now you have to be very careful, and it can't ever control you. Like, there has to be some part of you that sits outside the rage and goes, is the behavior that I'm unleashing through this rage going to serve me? Because let me tell you, going up and punching someone in the face almost certainly is a bad idea, right? So it's battery, first of all. So now you've put yourself at risk to going to jail, being arrested, so almost certainly a bad idea. But using that rage to stand up for something, to, even if done in a strategic manner, to take action immediately. And that's one of the things about rage is there's an immediacy to it. So the rage is going to dissipate, usually very, very fast. And so taking advantage of it to take action, to do something that's productive, that moves you forward. In the Goggins example, he's really using it to go inward, to demand more of himself, to push through what he calls eating somebody else's soul. But in eating their soul, like with the example that he gave, which I absolutely loved, was during Hell Week in. In trying to become a Navy seal. He said he wanted the. The person that was putting him through that to see how comfortable he was being uncomfortable and that he would smile through everything. So that when you went home into your comfortable bed with your wife and kids, that you were thinking about how badly you wanted to quit and that, you know, Goggins isn't thinking about quitting and that in that in seeing his superior will, that he would take your soul. And I love that, right? Because he's not throwing punches, he's not lashing out, he's not saying anything, but he's saying everything, right? By his behavior, by his action, by being indomitable, by not allowing himself to stop, not even entertaining the thought of quitting. And that's really. In fact, I just wrote, it hasn't gone out yet. I think it goes out early next week. But I just wrote an Instagram post about this, talking about how the thing that feels the best is when you know about yourself, that you have a willingness to suffer and you have a willingness to keep pushing through that moment where you feel lost, right where you feel like, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, I, I feel totally adrift, I feel assailed, I feel under attack. I don't know what to do. And instead of quitting, which is what most people do, right, because that's the easiest solution is to back yourself out of, of that environment, that situation that's making you feel like that. And when you know about yourself that you're going to push through that, when you know that you won't back out, when you know that you won't quit, when you know that you're willing to suffer. Like, that is confidence, that is knowing something about yourself. But when in your quietest moments, in the deepest recesses of your heart, you know, you might, quote, quit. Like, that sucks. And I've been there. And focusing on that, on conquering that, on knowing, okay, once I put myself in this, like, I may, I may be very careful about what situations I put myself in because I know that I don't care enough to fight through whatever, but once I put myself in that situation, I'm not going to quit. Like, simple as. So, you know, even something really simple, like the three day fast when I went into it, it was, was like it never crossed my mind that I would quit.
- [39:56]
Dr. Finesse
Really?
- [39:57]
Tom Bilyeu
No. No way. Like, it crossed my mind to not do it.
- [40:00]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah.
- [40:01]
Tom Bilyeu
But it didn't cross my mind to start it and then not quit or to start it and then quit. Like, you just have to, like, have conquered that part of yourself. Like, once you do something, like, you do it and you don't like bright lines, right? You don't give yourself an out. So I had a very bright line with the fact that, like, I am not eating food, period, for 72 hours. Like, it's that fucking simple. Like, there is nothing, Christopher, there's nothing in the universe that's going to make me eat. So once you understand, like, once that line is that clearly drawn, then it's like, oh, wow, this actually sucks more than I thought it would. Oh, well. Because there's no world in which I eat. And so once people know that about themselves, like, I know that about myself when I draw a bright line. Line, dude, that's it.
- [40:49]
Dr. Finesse
That's it.
- [40:50]
Tom Bilyeu
So I won't be backing off now. I'm careful about what I draw. Bright lines. I'm not like, hey, bright lines everywhere. Like, you really have to think about, is this important enough? And this is something that's happening to me. It's all happening in the DM Dr. Finesse, where people be like, hey, Tom, you want to take the mile a day challenge with me? No, I literally don't. Hey, Tom, like, come on, do a triathlon. No, I'm not doing a triathlon, Avalon, because I don't care enough. Yeah, right. So I'm like.
- [41:16]
Dr. Finesse
But is it also because, you know, if you'd said yes that you're gonna do it? Yeah, of course I'm not gonna quit. I'm gonna do it now.
- [41:21]
Tom Bilyeu
Exactly. And so then it becomes like, am I willing to marshal all of my internal resources to make that the most important thing in my life? No, I'm not. So, like. And I don't have. Like, I'm not squeamish about that. Like, I'm not gonna do that. It doesn't. It isn't interesting to me. So once people, like, really come to understand what's my value system? System, what do I care about? What's my identity? Who do I want to be? What are the actions and behaviors that I need to do in order to live in accordance with my identity? That's when you start putting the bright lines that make sense. That's when you're able to get to a point where it's like, yeah, I'm not backing off from this. And that is the real juice. Book a loved by guest property with
- [42:06]
Dr. Finesse
VRBO and you get a top rated
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Tom Bilyeu
vacation rental that's loved for all the right reasons.
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Commercial Narrator
Reasons. I love my VRBO for the location.
- [42:12]
Tom Bilyeu
Good reason.
- [42:13]
Dr. Finesse
Oh, and for the pool.
- [42:14]
Commercial Narrator
Cause pools are cool.
- [42:15]
Tom Bilyeu
I feel the love book of verbo that's loved by guests. If, you know, you've erbo.
- [42:19]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah. You know, we have a couple upcoming guests. You know, I won't say who, obviously, but where. You had the flu. And I remember Lisa was thinking, okay, well, maybe we should cancel or reschedule. And you were like, no, I don't cancel home. I don't reschedule. We're doing this.
- [42:38]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah.
- [42:38]
Dr. Finesse
And I remember thinking, like, oh, man. Because I. When I had the flu, I am a baby, I shut down, man. If I have the common cold, I'm a baby. So I was very impressed. I was like, wow, this, this. And I remember, you know, hearing you say, knowing that about you, that you have your mindset on something. If it's something you do, you're not going to step away. So. And yeah, you did it that day. I don't know how you did it.
- [43:01]
Tom Bilyeu
Identity, identity, identity. Like, and it really comes. And this is a gift I really want people to take and make a part of their life. Do you know how good I get to feel about myself for doing that. So. And that's literally what I'm saying. Like, okay, having the flu sucks. And I remember, dude, I did not want to get out of bed. And. And I had one of those moments where I'm like, whoa. Like, this is bad. This is worse than I thought it was gonna be, and how do I get going? And so I was like, you just. You put one foot in front of the other, and sometimes in life, that's what it comes down to. So I remember thinking, okay, step number one. You know, as soon as you lift the sheets, you're going to get that really weird chill sensation that you. And it's unique to the flu, right? Because it's not a. It's not even really about being cold, but from the inside, you feel shivery, and, oh, it's so horrible. And so I was like, okay, step one. Deal with that, right? So put your feet on the floor. Get out from under the blankets. Okay, here it comes. And I was like, oh, God, this sucks. And then it was like, okay, I need to pee, right? So just pee. And it was just that. It was like, one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other. And. Yeah, so. And then the only thing that scared me was when I was losing my voice, and I was like, the fuck do I do? Like, I actually can't talk. And it was happening in the middle of the interview. And I remember one time to the first guest, because we hadn't figured out the T thing yet. Yeah, to the first guest. I was like. Like, I was trying to push with my voice. And I still can't wait to see how that sounds, because it felt so weird. And I'm trying to be all, like, nonchalant, casual.
- [44:39]
Dr. Finesse
I remember Sydney and I were panicking on the sidelines. We were like, oh. I was, like, clutching my shirt and my invisible pearls, like, oh, God, you can't breathe. And I was so worried. I was like, oh, my God. But, hey, I mean, you still powered through it.
- [44:51]
Tom Bilyeu
It was hilarious. Yeah, you have to, man. It's identity. And so I just kept telling myself, like, dude, if you deal with the chills, if you deal with the fever, if you do the research, if you show up and play, you get to feel good about that. And it's a cookie jar moment, right? To use Goggins language, I was like, this is a cookie in the cookie jar. Like, to be able to look back and say, I did it. And, you know, I mean, I've Got Jordan from the flu game hanging over the fireplace. And it's all part of my identity.
- [45:15]
Dr. Finesse
That's amazing. All right, so question from Katie Germain. So I think that the political system is broken. I'm sure a lot would agree degree what do you think should happen? What do you think will happen? And can you fix it on the inside or staying on the outside and being an external body of change better. So this was.
- [45:33]
Tom Bilyeu
The political system is broken. So few things scare me more than where I fear we're going as a divisive nation. And there are few things I feel less qualified to talk about than politics. Politics. So you're going to see me addressing this in creative. This is why I'm obsessed with Brian Wood. Anybody out there that's into comic books, look this guy up. I, I feel he really has a, just a super, super important voice. And one of the things that impact theory tried to do is get the rights to his comic book dmz because it deals with exactly this near term future America where we're actually in the middle of civil war. And so his voice, I think is, is very, very important and very interesting and would have loved to tell stories within that universe so we could explore like what that looks like and. But man, at the end of the day, I don't consider myself political at all. Like, I come at it from the human side. Like I, I want people to realize divisiveness is a bad strategy. It's a bad strategy. So like when you're trying to come together as a group and really, like, we can do a lot more as a group that's together than we can when we're divided. Like accepting that it's like a marriage, like, at the end of the day, think of my wife. One of us is Republican and one of us is a Democrat. That's not true. But I'm just saying, like, think of us that way. If that were true, to have a good marriage, which we'll call being in a successful country that's able to help its people thrive and do well, it doesn't do me good to heckle her, to try to trip her up, to want to see her fail just so that my ideology is the prime ideology. Right. It doesn't make sense. So like, you need to support each other and you need to find ways to come together and what's the common ground and where do we make compromises that make sense and just. Yeah, like, that to me seems like the critical thing. And because I am so wholly unqualified to talk on this subject, I will just reiterate that. But I haven't looked at it closely enough to understand. Like, I guess it's because you have to get reelected. So it's like you have to pander to the people that can keep you in power. So it's like, ah, God, I. I have zero answers. I. I don't spend a lot of. Even though I say, like, it scares me, like, to see how divisive we're becoming, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about that because I think if each and every one of us focuses on optimism, focuses on the beautiful things that we're trying to make come true, to go out and actually execute against those and make them come true, to help each other to do. I mean, we live in such a world where your access to other people and to get your ideology out there in a positive and uplifting way has been democratized. So every day, you know, we can do this kind of stuff and reach people, help people focus on the positive, help people empower themselves, help people take control of their lives, understand what they need to do internally to be able to live the life they want. I really think that's the answer. And so I'm a one at a time, at scale kind of person. So rather than try to fix the system, which I don't believe I am not yet capable of doing that because I put absolutely no energy into that because I'm so invested and I so believe in building ideology in the form of narrative and giving that to people in a way that will help them empower themselves. And I think if enough people do that, that we can get past this stuff that's sort of, not sort of, that is my answer.
- [49:01]
Dr. Finesse
Okay.
- [49:01]
Tom Bilyeu
But it's very much just sort of ignoring the system. It's. I don't think there's a great quote and I forget by who, but it's the way to build something new is not to focus your energy on tearing down the old, it's to focus entirely on building the new. So I'm much more interested in focusing on building the new, which I believe, you know, social media give us a big opportunity to get ideology out there without any gatekeepers. And I believe if that ideology is actually real and it helps people and it empowers them and makes them feel better, then it will spread like wildfire. And I'm banking on the fact that we will, in the not too distant future, have millions of people following what we're doing, that there'll be millions of tens of millions, hundreds of millions of lives touched by our content. Not just the social content, but the narrative content. That. And through the social commentary, we'll be able to help people extract the meaning from the entertainment. Um, and that's really the play. And I think that's how you have global impact.
- [49:54]
Dr. Finesse
Sounds good. Sounds good. I'm gonna do a few shout outs right now. First from Leanne, Smead from Cape Town, and then Mike.
- [50:02]
Tom Bilyeu
Is it always Leanne from Cape Town? Cause we get Cape Town in here a lot. It's always Leanne, dude. What's up, Leanne? Mad respect. Thank you.
- [50:10]
Dr. Finesse
And Mike Burkhart. What's up, Mike?
- [50:12]
Tom Bilyeu
Mike Burkhart is a deep supporter of impact theory.
- [50:15]
Dr. Finesse
Thank you. Yeah. From Florida. And then L. Martin from Bakersfield. Jared. That's Jared stuff. Yeah, yeah.
- [50:23]
Tom Bilyeu
What does he call Bakersfield?
- [50:25]
Dr. Finesse
Oh, God. What does Jared.
- [50:26]
Tom Bilyeu
Oh, God. He's got a name for it.
- [50:27]
Dr. Finesse
I know.
- [50:28]
Tom Bilyeu
I always forget, man, where is Agent Smith right now? Is he just downstairs?
- [50:32]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah.
- [50:32]
Tom Bilyeu
So we're not going to get his commentary.
- [50:34]
Dr. Finesse
I always call it Merle Hagard country. That's what I call it.
- [50:37]
Tom Bilyeu
Because he's from Bakersfield.
- [50:40]
Dr. Finesse
Originally from. I don't quote my name. I don't think he was born there, but. But he moved to Bakersfield and he kind of created the Bakersfield sound, so to speak. And then when a lot of people associate that, you know, west coast country music, they attribute it to the Bakersfield sound. And Merle Haggard is certainly one of the pioneers.
- [51:00]
Tom Bilyeu
Wow. Not a lot of people know that you've got some country in you.
- [51:04]
Dr. Finesse
Oh, yeah. I love my country music.
- [51:05]
Tom Bilyeu
What's that festival you go to?
- [51:08]
Dr. Finesse
Well, I've been to Stagecoach, but what I get invited to is I have a lot of friends in the country world in Nashville, and they come out to the music awards. Country Music awards. Actually, technically, it's Academy of Country Music Awards in Las Vegas. So since it's close, I go up and meet them there. And, man, country people know how to party.
- [51:31]
Tom Bilyeu
Are we selling anybody out to say that at the country parties that you go to, they're usually playing hip hop music?
- [51:35]
Dr. Finesse
No, no. I'm sure it's hilarious. Other people, like. That's right. Yeah. It's true. I'm. I'm telling you, I went to an abundance of country parties. And I mean, like artist parties, like their own parties. And I was thinking, are they going to play their music? Are they going, you know, whatever? No, I'm telling you, 99.9, maybe 100%. It was hip hop. It's like, this doesn't make any sense. That don't make no sense.
- [52:00]
Tom Bilyeu
That'll make no sense.
- [52:01]
Dr. Finesse
No sense. They were all playing country. I mean, hip hop music, but. But hey, worked out for me, I guess.
- [52:06]
Tom Bilyeu
It's got a good beat, man. It drives me trying to dance.
- [52:08]
Dr. Finesse
But the funny thing is, if you look at a lot of current country music, especially the what people would categorize as country, pop music, there is hip hop and that popular country music, they do kind of bleed into you.
- [52:22]
Tom Bilyeu
Sound crazy to me right now.
- [52:23]
Dr. Finesse
No, they really do. I'm telling you. Take a look.
- [52:26]
Tom Bilyeu
Your body is a back road or whatever that song is. That's how there's zero hip hop in that, my friend.
- [52:31]
Dr. Finesse
I love it, but I know, yeah, I'll pull up some songs and show you. There is bleeding. And I'm just like, oh, I get it. All right. I get it. All right. David Diaz, he asked, what did you do? Wait, what did you do? When there are way too many distractions taking you away from pursuing your passions, interests, and you have constructed so many for yourself to the point where they have taken over your daily life and seem so ingrained that you can't seem to think of a way to get rid of them. In other words, you have given them way too much misplaced importance, and they now seem essential.
- [53:10]
Tom Bilyeu
Questions like that are so interesting to me because he has the clarity. He knows what's happening. So here's a new analogy that has been worming its way into my mind. You're standing in a room. There's a thousand doors. Doors. And people are paralyzed. The paradox of choice. They're paralyzed because there are so many options. So think of those doors. Each one of them is an interest or a passion or whatever. What makes successful people successful is they'll shut 999of those doors and only leave one. And with, like, maybe there's a little twinge of, like, sadness that, oh, man, I'm not going to be going through that door. Like, I'm never going to be a professional video game player. I'm sad about. About that. I'm never going to be an MTV vj. I'm sad about that. But it's like, I'm willing to those,
- [53:59]
Dr. Finesse
what are MTV VJs? Like, I'm joking.
- [54:02]
Tom Bilyeu
Back in the day, man, you and
- [54:03]
Dr. Finesse
I grew up, existed.
- [54:05]
Tom Bilyeu
That was the jam. Do they really not? I haven't seen MTV in so many years.
- [54:08]
Dr. Finesse
I haven't. But every time I turn on tv, I'm like, what? Wait, what is this? It's like some reality show or something. I didn't play music anymore.
- [54:14]
Tom Bilyeu
That's weird.
- [54:14]
Dr. Finesse
It's weird.
- [54:16]
Tom Bilyeu
But yeah, like shutting doors. You have to be willing to shut doors and you have to be able to say this is the priority. And people are really bad at that. And I think they're bad at that because they don't know the impact they actually want to have on the world. And that's why I end with that question in every Impact theory interview. You need to know that, like you need to know what that answer is. For me, I want to pull people out of the Matrix. Okay, well then what's the noble answer? How do you actually do that? It's all about mindset. So how do you give somebody mindset? Right back to the 10 year old girl question. How do you give somebody mindset that doesn't want it? Like they literally, and I mean, there are people in my life that I love so much, they do not want mindset. And I know that proselytizing doesn't work. So you can't go to them and preach. It's not about turning up the volume. It's about finding ways to incept them where their behavior already lies. And you can go in and leverage the way the human mind works to get them to adopt a more empowering belief system. And so that's how we ended up in narrative. But at the end of the day, it's shutting doors. Like you've got to shut those doors. You've got to figure out what do you care most about. Because there are many things that I'm passionate about and I've said before, like, there are so many things that I'm passionate about unless I can live forever. And this is when I became obsessed with living forever. Unless I can live forever, I'm never going to be able to do them all, let alone the things that I'm wildly interested in, let alone the things that I find fascinating. Right. So it's like I'm in a room with a thousand doors and I'm prepared to shut 999 of them.
- [55:43]
Dr. Finesse
I, I, I've never heard that term or phrase I should say before that phrasing, and I love it. That's amazing. A room full of a hundred doors.
- [55:53]
Tom Bilyeu
A thousand doors.
- [55:54]
Dr. Finesse
A thousand doors.
- [55:54]
Tom Bilyeu
Sorry to really make it difficult.
- [55:56]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah, you're going to shut 999 them
- [55:58]
Tom Bilyeu
and then walk through the last one. That's the thing. You have to walk through the door.
- [56:02]
Dr. Finesse
That's amazing. The visual itself, you've heard me talk about this Book that I love. It's this fiction book that came out this year at the top of this year called Dark Matter Matter. Absolutely amazing. It's a author who wrote Wayward Pines, but it's an amazing book and it's about a guy who gets trapped in this cube. Sorry, this box in each door, like thousands of doors, leads to a parallel universe. And he's just trying to get back to his wife, so he has to figure out which door to go through. So that visual just reminded me of that.
- [56:37]
Tom Bilyeu
I love that. So people probably don't know how obsessed you are with like parallel universes, time travel, all that, which I love. Do you ever see the movie the Cube? I think it's called the Cube.
- [56:50]
Dr. Finesse
Yes, I did see the movie.
- [56:51]
Tom Bilyeu
It's like a late 90s indie film when indie films are still a thing. Yeah, that was interesting. Sound quite as interesting as what you're talking about?
- [56:59]
Dr. Finesse
No, it was fantastic. And I feel like although it's an indie film, it's something that could. Could have been a blockbuster today, so to speak.
- [57:07]
Tom Bilyeu
Interesting. Why do you think that?
- [57:09]
Dr. Finesse
Just the concept. It's. I feel like a lot of people are.
- [57:11]
Tom Bilyeu
You have to put the rock in it.
- [57:13]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah, yeah.
- [57:14]
Tom Bilyeu
I mean, to make it a blockbuster, you kind of have to.
- [57:15]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah, yeah. I think you're right. Or Kevin Hart and you're like, wait, what's Kevin Hart doing that movie? Like this. Or both of them. But yeah, I thought. I thought it was fantastic. Anything like that, I'm just obsessed with. I can't get enough of.
- [57:28]
Tom Bilyeu
The thing I liked about that was it was real ingenuity. Right. It was one set. It's a box.
- [57:33]
Dr. Finesse
Oh, yeah.
- [57:34]
Tom Bilyeu
You show people crawl out and then in reality they're just crawling back into the same box. But they like change the colors a little bit. I thought, all right, that's smart.
- [57:41]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah.
- [57:41]
Tom Bilyeu
And then it's literally a feature length film of people stuck in a box talking.
- [57:47]
Dr. Finesse
Pretty cool. It reminded me of many old Twilight Zone episodes. That's not a tr. I'm obsessed with Twilight.
- [57:54]
Tom Bilyeu
Really? You'll have to pull some, like, episodes for me. I'll watch them.
- [57:57]
Dr. Finesse
Oh, yeah, for sure. And you know, each season was so long. Like each, you know, like the average network show now is, I think, you know, 22 to 23 episodes or 24 episodes. And the Twilight Zone, they turned out like 60 episodes a season. It was insane. Wow. It was nuts. So there's so many to watch and they're all on. They're all on Netflix now.
- [58:18]
Tom Bilyeu
Wow.
- [58:18]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah. All Right.
- [58:20]
Tom Bilyeu
Name me.
- [58:20]
Dr. Finesse
If you all watch them, I will for sure. I will for sure. Question about the Gary vee episode on YouTube from Joseph Savino. It is that smugness about my dissatisfaction that I often get criticized for, if not most of it. How can I avoid having others think I'm conceited? Maybe a better question is, is loving yourself fundamental to success? How can I avoid having others think I'm conceited? Did you leave out a word? Not, can I avoid having others think I'm not conceited?
- [58:52]
Tom Bilyeu
No. How. How do I avoid people thinking I'm conceited? But he said, it's the smugness of my. My. My dissatisfaction.
- [59:00]
Dr. Finesse
Oh, sorry. I'm all mixed up. You're right. Okay. Yeah. Yes. Let me rephrase that, Joseph. I'm sorry. I'm butchering your question. You know why? Because I haven't.
- [59:09]
Tom Bilyeu
We may have to downgrade him to Mr. Finesse here really fast. You're gonna have to reapply for your doctorate.
- [59:15]
Dr. Finesse
It is that smugness about my dissatisfaction. It's just so poetic. It tripped me up, that I often get criticism for, if not most, most of it. How can I avoid having others think I'm conceited? Okay, maybe a better question is, is loving yourself fundamental to success?
- [59:31]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, I think loving yourself is super important. But there's loving yourself, like, quietly and. And manifesting externally is like, hey, man, I want to see great things for you. Like, I'm so chill with who I am, and I'm so happy about who I am and who I'm becoming and, like, what I'm willing to do to improve myself that I want it for you too. And, like, putting your energy into empowering other people. Like, if you're doing that, if it's external, and what you're doing when you're around other people is making sure that they're uplifted, that they feel good about themselves, and. And really putting at the center of your universe that you want other people to feel better about themselves when they're around you than they do when they're not around you. No one's gonna think that you're smug. But if you're. If you're actually being smug, like, that's gonna be read as being an asshole. Like, nobody digs that. So. So it's just that he says it's the smugness of my dissatisfaction that. So I get the concept, because the thing that makes me feel smug internally is that I know that I'm way more willing to look at my inadequacies like, just stare at them raw than other people. And because of that, I've been successful. But I don't like, go around being like, you're not willing to look at your inadequacies like, I am, mother bugger. Like, I'm so much better than you. Like, because I know people. That's such a huge turnoff.
- [60:46]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah.
- [60:46]
Tom Bilyeu
So at the end of the day, like, focus on putting at the core of like, your being, wanting to see other people shine. Right. When you can legitimately enjoy other people shining like you're on the right track. And fine, hold in the back of your head that, like, take Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Bill Clinton, like, they're giving an inordinate amount of their time to other people. So on the surface you could be like, man, like that, that's, that's a bad strategy to get something for what you want. Like what? You're such a powerful person, you have to do that. Like, those people come to you. But there's a reason that Tom Cruise survived the Oprah couch jumping thing, because he had spent probably, I mean, Christopher, it's got to be months or maybe even a year, years of his life shaking hands, paying attention to somebody, giving them his time. So that in that moment those people go, go. Would you, like you said, say what you will about Tom Cruise? My experiences have been positive. And so he's touched so many people that at the end of the day, it's like the undecideds maybe thought he was crazy, but all the hundreds of thousands of people that he had touched positively that said, say what you will, but I've had only positive experiences and I've met him three times or whatever. Like, they came to his aid and he was able to come back and continue to be just insanely successful, successful. So hold in the back of your mind if you need to. This is a good strategy. Right? Like, look, when I'm there answering people's questions, I'm doing it because I'm like, we live in a time where I. You, like, I'm. This is going to sound a little icky for a second, but we live in a time where you can have access to somebody who's done what I've done.
- [62:30]
Dr. Finesse
Right.
- [62:30]
Tom Bilyeu
I've built a billion dollar brand. I've learned like all these hard lessons and I'm willing to go out there and I'm not being paid. I'm willing to go out there and like, spend the time, time. And I'm doing it thinking, if somebody had done this for me, I could have Cut years of suffering off my life. So what I. That is what I'm thinking in that moment is like, oh, my God, like, how cool is this that this person, hopefully not everybody, but this person will suffer less because they've met me. Like, that makes me feel really, really good. Now when I'm there at, like, hour six and I'm fucking tired and it's way past my bedtime and like, like, I am totally fine if there were no more questions, right? But I'm like, I'm going to stay here and I'm going to keep rocking this out. Sure. There's a voice in my head that's like, and this is why you'll survive a storm, right? Like, because I know a storm is coming for me. I know at some point I misspeak. I say something, I piss somebody off, and like, like, something happens that I was not expecting. And at that moment, I know that all the people that I've touched in a positive way, they'll be there for me. So I get that it's a good storm strategy, but that's not what I have, like, in my heart when I'm standing there talking to them, that isn't the thing that pushes me through. It's this person's life will hopefully be a little bit better. Because I was willing to stand here and do this and to pay it forward. And as a way of being grateful to all the people, Like, I am literally the summation of all the mentors and authors, authors that have been generous enough to put their ideas out into the world. And I feel like, like, part of what makes culture work is the willingness to pay that forward. So if you put that at the core of your being, people will get it. And. And if you actually just are insecure and you're trying to cultivate smugness as a way to bury and smother the insecurity, people are going to feel that. So the. The way to not have people read you as smug or condescending is to truly, truly, truly focus on. On creating something beautiful for somebody else.
- [64:28]
Dr. Finesse
It's a great answer. Well, we're two minutes past the hour. This is 11:02, so I always forget, is there a cutoff time at 11?
- [64:38]
Tom Bilyeu
Yeah, unfortunately.
- [64:39]
Dr. Finesse
All right, all right. Well, a lot of great questions, great answers.
- [64:43]
Tom Bilyeu
Thank you.
- [64:44]
Dr. Finesse
Yeah.
- [64:45]
Tom Bilyeu
Well, guys, thank you so much for joining us. These are always a lot, a lot, a lot of fun. Really, really appreciate it. And Dr. Finesse, always amazing to have you on. Thank you so much for stepping in. I'm still convinced We've got to find a do with you. You're so much fun. You have so many great stories and like a Santa Claus magical bag full of names left to drop. So we, we definitely have to give this man more screen time, guys. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe and until next time, be legendary. Take care everybody. Thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to itunes, go to Stitcher Rate and review us. That helps us build this community and that is what we are all about right now. Building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can deliver as much value as possible. And you guys rating and reviewing really helps with that. All right guys, thank you again so much and until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for time. Tip off and Granger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H vac and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.