← Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
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Tom Bilyeu
Premier hosts on VRBO deliver quality vacation rental stays with fast responses and clear instructions so you don't have to worry about surprises.
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Tom Bilyeu
back to me super quick. See, that's a premier host move right there. I wish I had a premier group chat.
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I asked them where we should have dinner last night and they left me on red.
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Tom Bilyeu
I know you saw it. It says it Classic group chat move. Don't walk into a surprise. Book a top rated vrbo. Stay with a premier host. If you know you Verbo 9 out of the 10 largest banks get it. They get Advantagescore. The modern credit score is the leader in predictive power improving mortgage default predictions and saving lenders billions. Better predictions better for your business. With VantageScore, you're listening to the Impact Theory podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory, everybody. Welcome to another episode of AMA Live. I'm your host Tom Bilyeu and I'm here to answer your questions. So let's submit those bad boys. Today's episode, by the way, is brought to you by EverythingIsMyFault and we've dropped the link in there. So if you want to to shop.impacttheory.com right now and get yours, you can do that self signal your way to greatness. All right, without further ado, let us dive into the very first question. This one comes from Louis Christine Imbing. This is from the Connect inbox. Do you follow any morning routine? If so, what does your morning routine look like? And what is your thought process behind doing each of these actions? Okay, here it goes. First of all, your morning routine starts the night before, so go to bed early. Now, I used to say that like a religion, I was in bed by 9pm but now my schedule has gotten a little out of whack. We've got a new piece of content called Real Impact, by the way, for anybody that's into film and TV and the mindset that you can glean from that, you can go to YouTube.com impacttheorystudios and check that out. But that routinely now has me seeing movies at far past my bedtime. But I try to go to bed as close to 9 as humanly possible every night, save for the weekends. And in that I sleep without an alarm. So I Wake up. When I wake up, the reason that I do that is because I want to get as much sleep as I need. So I'm all about cognitive optimization. So I'm not somebody who sets the alarm to make sure that I'm up at 4 in the morning. But when I wake up at 4 in the morning, I'm a very happy camper. I usually get. It used to be between 5 and 6. I'm now getting between 7 and 8. I have no idea why at changed completely randomly and as far as I can tell, without reason. But I wake up. When I wake up, I give myself 10 minutes to get out of bed. And I do that because I'm lazy and my inclination is to lay in bed. So I need a bright line that says I get out of bed immediately without wasting time. So I'm out of bed and out of bed in 10 minutes or less. I put my gym clothes next to my bed so that the easiest answer is to put my gym clothes on. In fact, I'd have to make a conscious choice not to, which thusly would trigger in me a lot of conflict emotionally, because it is my identity to immediately go to the gym to work out. Again, partly for cognitive optimization, and then also for longevity, for health, and for aesthetics. But working out, I think, is incredibly important. And I actually think that for anybody that wants to achieve something extraordinary in their life, that the third thing that you need to focus on is mindset. The first two are diet and exercise, followed by mindset. So I hit the gym first and foremost. Immediately after the gym, I meditate. And the reason that I do that is because I want to practice going from the sympathetic nervous system, which is fight or flight, which you're triggering in the gym through the heavy exertion. Your heart rate is up, your breathing is shallow and rapid, and the idea is to very quickly switch over into the parasympathetic nervous system, where you're getting into rest and digest, where you're calming all of that down, you're slowing your breath, your diaphragm, breathing into the nose, out through the mouth, and really calming everything down. And I think practicing that transition is very important. And so that's why I do them back to back. But then on top of that, just meditating for any reason, I think is really important. And doing that gets you into a calm and creative state, which is where all of your anxiety, all of your stress is dropped down to zero. And I also think that we think on multiple levels, you've got the thinking that is truly you hear the voice and the words articulated in your mind, but you also have below that, where you have the notion without the. The actual words. And then I think either below that or beside that, you also have just sort of an emotional level of thinking where you're feeling whatever is going on. And I think that you want to quiet all of those down so that you can truly get into that calm, creative state. And I really feel the difference in my brain, which is why I think that meditating is insanely important. And I think, much like fasting, it's really where you want to not be taxing your metabolic processes. And I. It's not that. I think there are a lot of studies out there that show that doing that increases the efficiency of your mitochondria and a whole host of other benefits, including insulin sensitivity and on and on. I think that there's a very similar effect that happens when you meditate where you're literally fasting from thought, or at least you're trying to get out of thought and into that calm, creative space. As for as much of the time that you're meditating as possible, you're gonna find that your mind wanders. It's just what the mind does. But you really can quiet it down, quiet it down. And I think in quieting it down, there is some effect. I don't know what the actual neurological effect is, but the effects of that. What you feel is a deep sense of calm relaxation, and it's incredibly powerful for then having your most potent ideas and biggest breakthroughs. After I do that, then I do what I call thinkitating, which is leveraging that state to then process through, in a very conscious way, all of the things that I'm dealing in my business or my life. And I won't go into too much detail on thinkitating, but basically allow yourself to actually think. We're in meditation. You're trying not to. And then after that, I read, which I think is incredibly important. I think you should always be learning. I think that's really, really important to having great ideas, to solving problems, whatever it is, to getting better. You need to just always, always, always be learning. And then after that, I have a list called important things. And I go through my important things list. And that is literally just a list of the most important things I could be doing for my business. And the reason that I keep a list is because I don't ever want to waste time in a transitional moment trying to think of what I should be doing or focusing on. I want that list. Also, studies have shown that journaling before you go to bed, simply by listing the things you need to do allows you to sleep. And so this may be one of the reasons that I have such an easy time falling asleep is I know everything that I should be working on. Everything that I've thought about is not only written down, it's in priority order. And so there isn't a cycle of my brain like remember, remember, remember, remember, which I think is part of what keeps people awake. So there you have it. That's my morning routine. After that, then I get ready. And I often read, by the way, because I do audible books. While I'm getting ready, I read through making my first meal, which comes after all of that. And there you have it. That's my morning routine and my thinking behind it. All right, next question is from Daniel Breeze. Hi Tom. I go to bed at 9, my man. Alarm at 5:30. Shame on you. It's still not enough sleep. Get more. I want to wake up without the alarm. Any tips on how to feel rested with less sleep? I have absolutely no tips on how to feel rested with less sleep. My only tip is how to feel rested, which is to get as much sleep as you need. Now, while it's really annoying to me that right now I'm sleeping seven and eight hours versus my normal five and six, it is what I have to do to be cognitively optimized and therefore I do it. I won't say that I don't complain as you hear me doing right now, but I think that the priority remains being cognitively optimized, not being tired. I think being tired is a unique form of torture that I absolutely despise. And to get the most out of my day to day, make the most of whatever hours I'm awake. I would rather be super sharp and well rested than try to wake up really early, be tired, be slow, be miserable, and quite frankly, not have the ideas coming from my subconscious, which I find is slowed or even muted if I'm too tired. So while there are rare occasions where I will set an alarm, I wake up to an alarm certainly less than ten times a year. So a year? A year. So if you can do what I've done without setting alarm more than 10 times, then I just truly, truly go to bed early. Sleep as much as you need. Now, what you're probably going to find is in the first couple of months you're going to sleep a lot. You might be sleeping eight to 10 hours because you've been so sleep deprived, but sleep is Just incredibly, incredibly important. I read a study this is so fascinating. Your brain reduces in size. So think of it as. As inflammation, and then reducing that inflammation, not actually, you know, growing and shrinking, but it. It reduces in, which allows it to flush out. I'm going to use the word toxin. I hate that word. But it allows it to flush the system clear of things that it wants to get out of the brain. And the only way that it can do that is by reducing the inflammation, which it only does when you sleep. So that's but one of the many things that they're beginning to uncover is incredibly potent and powerful about sleep in terms of its relationship to the brain. So I just cannot stress enough. Get whatever sleep you need, suck it up. If you have to start going to bed at 8 in order to make it to work on time, do it. If you have to go to bed at seven, seven, do it. And I know people always push back. I need to unwind all of that. No. If you're watching me, I make the assumption that what you need is to become great. It is to really actuate and actualize all of the potential that you have latent within you and that you're trying to do something extraordinary with your life. And you're trying to do that, by the way, because it is the thing that makes you feel most alive, not because there is some moral imperative to do so. So that's what you need to do. And the only way that you're going to be able to get that is to get your sleep. So then beyond that, I will say eat right. Eating is massive. I don't think that exercise gives me more energy unless I take a day off. So if I've been working out like a demon and I'm in great shape and then I take a day off, on the day off, I actually have more energy. Other people say that they feel more energized from working out. That just has not been my experience in 15 years of working out. So I won't propagate that myth, at least for me. My wife, on the other hand, does feel more energized. So, hey, there you have it. But eating right, exercising, and then getting your thoughts in the right place, that and then getting your sleep, that's the only way that I know how to feel energized. All right, next question is from Ian Grigsby. Tom. I am currently a PhD math student. That sounds hard. At Baylor. Congratulations. This is the first time I've tried to train my focus on one thing versus being a jack of all trades, as with anything good, tough. Any advice? So, yes. So my advice is regardless of whether something is hard or not, because even something that comes easily to you, let's say that mathematics comes easily to you, or I'll use my example. So for me, speaking was always the thing that I got early wins in. So even when I was young, I was able to talk fairly rapidly. But ultimately you're getting to the point where you've maxed out your natural ability and now you're trying to push it, you're trying to go beyond. And that got. Got hard as hell for me. And I spent a lot of hours practicing, practicing always at the edge of my competence, which the real danger being at the edge of your competence if you don't have a growth mindset, is it makes you feel badly about yourself, which makes you want to go into the psychological immune system and begin to protect yourself from that. So as you're doing math problems that are hard for you and really start making you feel stupid, which is exactly what happens, you're going to want to back off. You're going to want to go into places that you're better, stronger that you have. You're dipping into your more natural talents and you're not pushing those to the edge of your abilities. But that's the way to keep your life small. That is not the way to become extraordinary. So you really just have to admit this is going to be hard. This is going to make me feel stupid. This is going to make me feel badly about myself. But on a long enough timeline, if I keep doing this, if I keep practicing, I keep pushing myself, what I'm doing is extending, extending that region of where you start to feel stupid. So it may, you know, right now it's maybe something that's relatively basic for an advanced mathematician, but. But five years from now, ten years from now, that begins to extend really far. And your mathematics becomes incredibly usable and potent in your life, and you're able to do things that other people were not able to do. And when you look back, and this is one of the few times that I encourage people to really look back on their life, when you look back at where you were like six months ago, it's not often that exciting. But when you think about where you were 10 years ago, like when I think about what I was capable of 10 years ago, I am embarrassed. And I read somewhere and I don't remember where, but they said if you're not embarrassed by who you were even a year ago, you're just not learning enough. So understand that. Just continuing to push that, continuing to drive forward, continuing to live at that edge and soothe yourself with the identity and building pride around being a learner instead of being smart. Good, whatever. That you will just go so far and it will be so impactful on your life. So that is my advice. All right, next question is from Clutch Media. Clutch. I've seen you in the comment feed before. Thank you for engaging on Instagram is where I think of you. So thank you for joining today on YouTube, Tom. Hope you're doing well. I am. Thank you very much for asking. Can you speak about a way or ways you would go about cutting off a relationship with a friend and business partner when the partner just has not been reliable? Ooh, okay, so a friend is pretty easy because there's no contractual things that extend the pain in that relationship. So, first of all, I really, really believe in Princip. And by that I mean that the truth is the highest value. So, honestly, there's only a certain ring of my friendships that are so important to me that I would employ the principles. But let's pretend that they are, because I think this is the far more interesting way to look at this. So if somebody's really a part of my inner circle and I care deeply about them and I want them in my life, before I would distance myself from them, I would first just tell them exactly how I'm feeling. I would point out examples of times where I felt like, hey, I was counting on you to be there. Which, by the way, I would have been abundantly clear about, about my expectations, wanting them to be there, whatever the case may be, that it's important to me. I would define those words so I wouldn't just say, hey, it's important to me that you, you know, whatever, come out to dinner tonight or meet me for bowling or whatever it is you're doing. I would define the word important and say, look, I'll never be abusive of this. I'm not going to say this every time I get, we're all busy. And so maybe it's one out of 50 times that it's actually important to me that you show up. But when I say it's important, if you're not going to be able to make it, just tell me right away so that I know I'm not counting on you, et cetera, and really define those terms. So if I've, hey, this is important, they failed to show up, I'm going to tell them in real time exactly how that makes me feel. Why that's troubling to me, what that, you know, makes me want to do, whether that's to not continue to invite them or not invest in them as a friendship or whatever. I would say all of those things. And so being really truthful, being really open, being honest, being direct, I think is the only way to have a truly deep and meaningful relationship. So I'm of the ilk where I have a lot of acquaintances and I have very few real deep friendships. And those real deep friendships are the people that I really deploy the principles on. I explained to them what the principles are. If you want to read them for yourself, read Ray Dalio's principles. I think that they apply not only to business but to personal relationships. In fact, I've deployed the principles nowhere more profoundly than in my marriage. So check it out. But yeah, so having that high level honesty, I think is really, really important. And then if they're not living up to it, then I would just, just be honest about that and say, look, I get it, maybe that you're too busy for this and I totally understand. And meeting them with compassion, by the way, and not being passive aggressive or a dick about it, it's like, look, either they're, they just don't see friendship the same way that you do, or it's not as important to them in that moment or, or they're just not that into you, which I think applies to friends as well. So, and you know, just without being weird or harsh, I would, you know, know enjoy what time that I have with them if I want to continue to invest in that friendship. And then I wouldn't expect anything beyond that. And that's something that I think is, is really important, is to understand where people fall on the spectrum of your friendship. To meet them where they are, to enjoy them for what they have to offer, not expect them to be more than they want to be or capable of being. And yeah, so if it's just somebody that dips in and out of your life, but they're fun to be around, then enjoy them for that and don't expect them to be more. And then if they're in that range and you just don't want to spend time with them because you're not getting anything out of them, then simply stop spending time with them. Now when it's a business partner, this gets much more difficult and you're going to have to really look at what's going on from a contractual standpoint. But even before I would say just like cutting them out of your Life, which is pretty simple of sitting them down and saying, hey, this partnership isn't working anymore and we need to figure out what we're going to do contractually to dissolve the relationship. I would look at how do you make the relationship functional? And I think that making the relationship functional has everything to do with defining terms. It has to do with agreeing on values. That's really important. You may find that, that you have different languages of appreciation. So while you think they're not being reliable, that may just be something that they don't value and they don't communicate in that way. So there's a communication style that is acts of service. There's communication style that's quality time. And so you may be somebody that communicates in quality time. So you're thinking that they're unreliable because they don't communicate in that way. And so they don't carve out that time to really be there for you. Now, if you're saying that they're not reliable about the business, that could be something entirely different. And then that's going to be defining expectations. Here's what I expect expect from you. The amount of time, the amount of energy, and quite frankly, what are the metrics that you expect them to hit. And then all of the sort of wishy washy stuff goes away. If you guys agree on what the metrics are and the metrics aren't being hit, becomes very easy to have. The conversation of this partnership is not working out. Okay, I'll leave it there. All right, next question is from Sim Land. What is up, dude? You're gonna be here soon, which is crazy and cool, and I can't wait to meet you face to face. Tom, what do you make of the quote from George Bernard Shaw? Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself, yourself. This is crazy. I just did this on Alexa. Did it already come out and that's why he's bringing it up, or are we just simpatico? Not entirely sure. I think it's an amazing quote and I think it is 100 true. And this to me is like the real gap that people have between where they are and what they want to accomplish. They think that it is an archaeological dig that they're going to find within themselves things that have been laying dormant somehow. And that's just not how this works. You're going to craft yourself. You're going to have a vision of the person that you want to become. You may even have a model of somebody who's like that, somebody that you look up to somebody that you inspire to be like, and you're going to map out your life, your decisions, your beliefs, your actions, everything on what you believe is going to get you to that state. And somebody I was just talking to, who was it, and they said that when you. What you need to do is describe what success looks like. Like, what would I be saying, as I'm describing to somebody, this thing being successful? I think it Ray Kurzweil and then back into that. So if the press release, if you will, of this success were xyz, like, what would I need to be saying and writing into that press release and then actually go and act in accordance with that. That, to me is how you become the person that you want to become is what does that person act like, and then start acting like that. So I don't think it matters who you are. I don't think it matters what situation you were born into. I don't think it matters what your natural talents and inclinations are. I think it only matters what you craft into your life. I think excitement can be crafted. I think that love can be crafted now because I know that that one is controversial and slightly misleading. I think all of this stuff starts from a flicker of interest. And then, like with my wife on our first date, I was like, whoa, this chick is super interesting. Now, I don't believe in love at first sight. It certainly was not love on the first date. But going into that and fanning those flames and feeding into this notion of I want to be around her, I want to spend more time with her. Like, literally fanning that and staring at it and investing in that, like, by investing in a desire to spend more time with him, her, and cultivating, like, this want to be around her in, like, replaying in my mind the time that we had spent together and all of that stuff, it really begins to turn into this bonfire because you're obsessing on it, you're pointing at it, you're looking at it, you're cultivating, you're crafting it, you're creating it, as George Bernard Shaw said. So that I think is really that is the truth and that people want love to be like this effortless thing that just happens automatically. I don't think it works like that. Same with excitement. I think all of this stuff peters out if you don't fan those flames. So I think you craft everything in your life. All right, next question is from Charles B. This is on YouTube. What are your views on emotional intelligence and how much control do you Think we have over our emotional states. All right. My views on emotional intelligence are that it is insanely important and I believe that you can get hold of your emotional states. I think it is very hard. Actually, I was, I was about to say it's very hard not to feel the emotion. But even that will dim with time as you craft your identity. So at first it starts with identity. I think behavior is born of identity and your values. So as you begin to shape your values, which are a decision, as you begin to shape your identity, which is a choice, and you craft it. Going back to the last question, as you begin to do that stuff, I think that over time your emotions to a given situation will change very dramatically. Um, so that's, that is an important thing to recognize. And then I think that by developing your self awareness, by understanding that you're having an emotion, processing it in real time, saying, okay, I'm having this emotion. What is this emotion? What is the cause of this emotion? And really at the cause level, being willing to admit, when it's insecurity, pettiness, jealousy, whatever the case may be, being able to really truly admit, whatever deficiency, inadequacy, just general lameness that exists in your personality, like if you're willing to be honest about that, that then you can go, okay, what is it that I'm lacking or believe I'm lacking or whatever that's causing me to have this cascade? And if you can nip that in the bud by changing your identity, your values, whatever, your belief system, all the things that make that up because you want to change that, because you think that whatever emotional state you're having is disempowering, then you can diminish the amount of time that you experience that. And the idea being to start recognizing the emotion very fast, recognizing what it is, the cause, and addressing that cause through what I call the mental pachinko machine, which is a belief system of things that take a negative belief and insecurity, jealousy, pettiness, whatever, and turn it into something positive. Getting very good at that. And my goal with myself, and I'm definitely not 100 at this, but I've gotten so much better over the years, is to not even let that emotion register on my face. So I may feel it. But so quickly the pachinko machine takes over and I flip that negative thing into something positive. So that's very important. I think that humans can get insanely good at that. And you will be shocked at how many emotions you can get control of and flip or use them as A trigger for an empowering behavior. So you may have an insecurity. That's the emotion, but you use that emotion as a trigger to trigger an empowering behavior. So I'll give you an example, maybe a slightly weak example, but when I'm at the dentist, that shit hurts. Even when they numb you, like, even if they're just cleaning your teeth, that shit hurts. And I hate that. Such a weird pain. So. So I find that that pain triggers this, like, desire to recoil, to get out of there, to curl up on my mother's lap and cry like a baby. But I use that very negative emotion, which does not make me feel good about myself, to literally lean into the pain, to open my mouth wider. And then in doing that, that makes me feel proud of myself, that I'm not shying away from pain, that I'm not slinking away from it. And if I'm willing to do it on something that is obviously positive, make sure that you have healthy gums and teeth. And I will do it in other areas of my life where it's also empowering. So that is one example. I don' why that one came to my mind right now. But that's one example of ways that you can flip something that starts as this negative recoil want to get away from and turns it into something empowering. All right.
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Tom Bilyeu
Next question. Nicole Page, YouTube. What are your thoughts and suggestions on creating better communication in relationships, I. E. Getting over the fear of confrontation and being able to hold the people around you to a higher standard. It's interesting, at the beginning of that question, I thought you were talking about intimate relationships, which is not necessarily what you're talking about. So fear of confrontation. How would I get over that? So part of that fear is coming from you have a vision of yourself that you're worried will be diminished because you will either be unable to convince people of your point of view, or you'll be unable to look cool, or they're going to browbeat you into submission or whatever it is that's causing that fear of that confrontation. And I would say, instead of trying to come out the other side of a confrontation looking cool or being right. Right. Or any of that, go into that confrontation with a desire to find out what is really true, what is really optimal. There may be a realization about yourself, which is, hey, maybe I'm not good at making my case, and maybe I need to focus on getting better at that. And so if that's the thing that triggers your insecurity, going into that, and that's why you have a fear of confrontation, go into it telling yourself. And this is one way that I've addressed this literally in my own life. Instead of thinking, oh, I need to perform well in this, I'm going to go into this as practice. So, hey, if I totally mess this up and embarrass myself and I don't think of the cool things that I wanted to say or the very convincing things that I would have said, you know, and I think of them an hour later, which is very common, I'll just go in and. And remember, this is practice. I'm going to try maybe a new technique. Maybe that new technique is simply lowering my anxiety levels. So I'm going to go into this. I really don't want this confrontation. This sucks. I don't want to do this, but I'm going to go into it, and I'm just going to practice getting out of the sympathetic nervous system into the parasympathetic nervous system. So as that fear of confrontation kicks in and my heart rate starts speeding up and my breath breathing gets irregular, I'm just literally going to, hey, this conversation isn't about winning the argument. This conversation is about practicing calming myself down, diaphragm breathing, staying aware of my thoughts, not answering too fast, and, you know, trying to give a fast answer instead of a thoughtful answer. So in going into practice those things, I find that the fear of anything, whether it's confrontation or just general anxiety, is going to be lowered. So I think that that's really, really helpful. And I do fear that we scrolled off the question and there was a second Part to this. Can we go back up? Thank you. Being able to hold people around you to a higher standard. Okay, so that, to me, is totally different. And this is all going to come down to what your relationship is to them. Sadly, in a business environment, depending on where you are in the company hierarchy, you may not be able to hold people. Hold people to a higher standard. You can certainly set a high standard through your behavior, and that's what I would encourage you to do. And I think that people, over time, always recognize the high performers. They certainly recognize the people that are actually making things better. Even if people are just blanket stealing your ideas, if you've got enough good ideas that they want to steal from you and they're actually paranoid of being without you, and they have fear of loss, and you've gotten that good at generating amazing ideas or moving things forward or whatever, that won't go unnoticed. So you've got a lot of leverage if you're able to generate those kinds of ideas. It puts you in a position of power. And while not always easy to figure out the political maneuverings to move up and around somebody that's just dealing your ideas, it starts with being so good that they fear losing you. So I would focus on that. So lead by example. And yeah, when you're the one that's delivering and you really don't abuse this because you can turn into a dick real fast by trying to hold people to standards. But when your standard is like miles above everybody else, and you in a super optimistic, pleasant, and encouraging way, say, hey, like, we can accomplish xyz, if we all do xyz, that's probably the way to do it. And if you're leading from the front and taking the hard jobs and really charging in everything with an amazing attitude and always trying to inspire and motivate those around you and be super encouraging, I think you'll find that people rise up to that. It's just good leadership. All right, next question is from Samrat Sengupta. Hey, Tom. There is absolutely no goal in the world that fires me up to go after it. No passion, nothing. Any suggestions? All right, so first of all, this is harkening back to something we were discussing earlier, which is, is nobody starts with a passion. Some people develop a passion very early in their life, but they don't start there. So I'll give you an example of how something in my own life started. So as a kid, I really enjoyed watching movies. Okay, so that's that flicker of interest. And then my dad ends up bringing a Camcorder home. And because I really dug movies, I thought, oh, let me play around with this camera. And I start playing with it and it's kind of fun. And I have a friend who thinks it's kind of fun. And so we goof around on the cameras and it's kind of fun, and that's it. And then we're shooting some stuff. And I remember, like, I just had an intuition of, like, where to put the camera. My dog just jailbroke. I'm kind of impressed right now that she was able to jump over that and half the team has come to get her. So I just found that I had that intuitive thing of where to put the camera. And my dad made an offhanded comment, and he may have been trying to tell me that I was terrible at being in front of the camera, but he said in a very sweet way instead, I actually think you're better behind the camera than you are in front of the camera now. I took that as like, whoa, he thinks I'm good behind the camera. That's amazing. And so that, like, feel good thing with my dad wanting to impress my dad became me really focusing on being behind the camera. And as I got better at it then I was able to actually express myself behind the camera. And then slowly, over time, reinvesting in that, fanning those flames, really sitting in that, wanting to get great and loving the obsession. And all a sudden of that, then I actually really started to get good. And in the process of gaining that mastery and fanning those flames, it became a passion, but it wasn't a passion right off the bat. So that's how literally the sort of, oh, flicker of interest, random comment from dad, desire to impress, ends up becoming this massive passion of my life. So now you don't always fall in love with things like that. I'm sure there were a thousand things my dad wanted me to be really good at. Cars. And I fucking hated working on cars. And so that did not turn into even an interest, let alone a passion. But when you get good at that process of cultivating that, creating that, fanning those flames, investing in it, understanding the power of obsession, that obsession is a choice that it starts with something that merely, like, interests you, then that turns into capturing your imagination through engagement. And then you fan those flames and it really becomes a passion. So just because you don't have one now doesn't mean that you couldn't find one. But you're going to have to invest. You're going to have to invest in forcing yourself to embody excitement over something, sort of exaggerating it. And there's all kinds of studies that I could talk about. But I will give you one brief thing, which is that there is a mechanism, mechanism in the mind where whatever your reaction is, however big it is, however theatrical your reaction is, your brain goes, oh, it must have been worth that reaction. Which is why when people get really pissed off, they only further invest in that they were truly wronged or whatever. So if you do the same thing with excitement and embody that excitement, push that excitement out, share that, try to radiate that excitement, you'll find that your brain goes, whoa, this must have really been worth that level of excitement. So that thing that only started as an interest really becomes something. All right, that's enough on that. Next question is so from Michipreneur, a very clever name. I'm motivated and ready to suffer, but I tend to stumble on actually finding what I think is a good model or idea. Any thoughts or strategies on finding the business that jives with your passion? Okay, so what is the real way to answer this question? You have a passion, but you don't know how to build a business. So this is going to be intersecting circles. Think of a Venn diagram. So you're going to be looking at what is my passion, what is a need that the world has, and what can I mon. So in the area where those three things meet, that's going to be the business opportunity. So I, I'll walk you through what I did with impact theory, but it actually didn't start with the. The passion that I have for the path, which is where I think people get confused. So I have deep passion for the path that we're employing right now, which is media, filmmaking, tv, storytelling, all of that. But the actual goal, the mission, is to pull people out of the Matrix, meaning to help people get rid of that limiting belief system that's holding back. Because the thing that I, I just, I am over the moon. I get the. The biggest chemical reaction from neurochemical reaction is that moment of awakening where somebody realizes that they can do something that a minute ago they didn't think they were capable of because they simply shifted their belief system. And then that opens this whole world of ways that they could go and grow and get better and all of that, and that it will have real world impact on themselves and their family. Now when that happens and somebody turns to me and says, dude, it is because of you, you that I'm able to do this. That is the juice for me Nothing gets me as excited as that. Nothing amps me up like that. Literally absolutely nothing. Which, by the way, if you see me out in the world, trust me when I say, you're not interrupting me. I absolutely love it when people come up and say, hey, man, because of the content, I'm doing this or whatever, or dropping in comments like, I love that stuff. So that is incredibly meaningful to me. That is the absolute juice. That is the thing that I'm just over the moon about now. I'm starting with that. Okay, that's the thing that I love. Now, where is the business opportunity? What can I monetize? What's the problem that the world needs to solve now? I really believe that there is an in just an unimaginable amount of human suffering that comes from having a belief system that holds you back. The easiest way for me to think about it is inner cities. Now, this is not the only way that this manifests, but it is certainly one of them. What your zip code is when you're born has such a freakish determinant on your life that is so terrifying to me. I absolutely hate that. And this really just became incredibly clear to me at Quest when we were manufacturing and working in the inner cities and just seeing these incredible, extraordinary human humans with like all these beautiful stories and tragic stories and all this potential. And I just knew they weren't going to do anything with it because of their belief system. And so I thought, okay, that's. That is a huge problem. That when people realize what they're really capable of, like, they're lit on fire in a way like nothing else. So what is a business opportunity around this? And then what we came to was building out the studio. Because it's the only way that I believe people are going to change our belief system is through narrative. That's just how humans work. And so I didn't want to leverage or I didn't want to change behavior. I wanted to leverage it. So what's a way that people already assimilate their belief system? They assimilate their belief system through their parents, through their friends, and through media stories. So I knew that, well, I can't impact their friends or their family, but I can impact the stories that we're telling. So that's where we started. It's a massive business already. So telling stories that I think people will be more into than the next story, building a community around that, creating social content that I think is better than the other stuff, all of that becomes that monetizable event. So you have to get good at identifying that, walking backwards, starting with, what is my goal? What do I really care about? What am I? My dad gave me a plaque, and it said, find something that you will would die for and live for it. So find that thing, like, what's that thing that amps you up? And then work backwards into that opportunity. All right, next question is from Mike Persachilli. Persachilli. Hi, Tom. I often have trouble communicating concepts I read to others in a clear, concise way. Is there a specific process you take when trying to convey a concept to an audience more effectively? Yes. So, one, breaking things down into constituent parts is really important. So you need to understand, like, what are the building blocks? What are the basic concepts that they would need to understand to really get the big concept? Relate it to things that they already know so that you're tying it through analogy, metaphor to things that they already understand and then meet them with compassion. Don't be. Don't talk down to them. Really try to share your own raw enthusiasm for this idea, why it is that to you, it's worthwhile explaining or getting people to understand. And then also, always, always, always be open to being wrong. So. So have strong convictions loosely held. When you go into something like that, with the humility and excitement and then breaking things down into their constituent parts, using analogy, using metaphor to. To tie it to something that they already know and understand, I think then you can really communicate something. Don't try to be clever. Don't try to come across as smart. Really just try to break the concepts down into their basic building blocks. And then here's one thing that, like, people really don't think about. You will not notice that I'm doing it right now, and I wasn't even thinking about it until this minute. You need to speak in a way that draws people in. If I answered every question like this and every now and then, I'll interview somebody and their answers are like this, and I want to stab myself in the face during the interview because the human mind is meant to respond to emphasis changes in inflection, rhythm, all of that stuff. So if you can find a way to say it in a way that will also draw people. People in. They will say that you're charismatic, but it's really just understanding how to make people feel encouraged, welcomed, and then draw them in with the way that you're speaking. All right, so next question is from Star Hardgrove. Can you explain how you explain your T shirt to people? I find I get pushback and Backlash when I say that to peeps. All right, Star Hard Grove. So first of all, welcome to the club. So there's nothing that I do that is more reviled, more violently reacted to in the general public than the shirt that I'm wearing right now. The notion that everything is my fault. I wrote an article. Now, I want you to imagine when I first decided I was going to start creating content. This probably, God, three and a half years ago, when I first decided that I was going to start creating content. Content, I. I thought, what is like the most powerful, important idea that I have? And I'm gonna start with that. I'm gonna write from that position. And the thing that I came up with was this article about how if I were hit by a drunk driver, I would blame myself. And I go into all this detail about, like, how this situation ends up. So I'm literally like, there's nothing I could do. And that I knew any sane person would say. When I asked, whose fault is that accident? Everybody, Insurance companies, everybody is going to say, oh, dude, it's a drunk driver's fault 100%. So when the punchline came that it was my fault, I thought, people are going to be liberated. They're going to realize, oh my God, this makes so much sense. Because if I take ownership, even in that moment, when everybody else is going to say, no way, that's not your fault. If I take ownership in that moment, I'm impressed. Power of everything in my life. I'm. While I may be a victim or while I may be victimized, excuse me, I'm never a victim. And that choosing to play the role of the victim is my choice. And I can even in that moment, choose to be empowered to remember that I could have done something differently, including not getting into a car, that I'm always in control. The backlash I got on that article, which I was trying to give people the gift that had taken me from scrounging in my couch cushions to find enough change to put gas my in my car to building a billion dollar business. Like, that was the thing that was one of the biggest breakthroughs that I had. It was one of the most important realizations ever that I think anyone can have. And people flipped the fuck out. And like, the comments were gnarly and I was like, wow. So here's the reality. I preach to the fucking choir. I am not trying to convince people the truth of the fucking world is that until you take ownership of everything in your life, until you stop making excuses and blaming anybod, you will never go as far as you could go. Never. I don't care. I don't give a fuck about fairness, any of that bullshit. Like, the reality is, if that's how you think, you will go less far than somebody who takes ownership of everything, no matter how absurd. That is the truth of the world. I don't know what people want me to say. If you go underwater and try to breathe without an apparatus, you will drown. That's the truth. Whether people want to agree with me on that or not is totally irrelevant to my life. So. So it's a very energetic way of saying, I don't try to explain my T shirt to people. And if they don't like it, hey, full respect. The response that I just gave you I would never give to somebody because I actually feel bad that people are stuck there. Like, the whole point of impact theory is to make content that hits people, not the social content, to make narrative content. That somebody who is antagonistic. Antagonistic to change. Who's antagonistic to a growth mindset lives in this world that we create, these stories that we tell. And they admire the characters and they watch the characters go on a journey and they learn a lesson of empowerment from those characters that makes it impossible not to begin to adopt that belief system because they see how powerful it is. But I don't spend time trying to convince people. Explain it. Nothing. This is my bat symbol in the sky. And I wear this shirt not to convince anybody, but to find the person who walks up and says, I totally agree with that. And then I know that person is my people. They are part of my tribe and I want them in my life in some way, shape or form. So don't worry about convincing people. Meet them with compassion. Compassion, don't, don't proselytize or any of that. Understand that a fixed mindset is its own punishment and simply wear it to remind yourself of something powerful and to find other people who think like you think. All right, next question from X Bouncers. All right. Hey, Tom, what would your advice be for a 24 year old who just went back to college and is trying to optimize their schedule developing good organizational skills such as writing things down.
- [44:19]
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- [44:51]
Tom Bilyeu
Beyond my morning routine. So the things that we've already covered in this episode, and I'll run quickly through them, cognitively optimize, which means getting sleep, work out, eat right. Those are massive. Write everything down. Sounds like you're already on top of that. Schedule your time. If it's not in your calendar, it is not a priority. So start scheduling your days and you will see, see proof positive what you actually think is important, because it is the things you actually give time to. So that's really critical. Keep an important things list so that you never waste time in transitional moments trying to think of what you should be doing next. You should have a list in order. Remember, you can never have two top priorities. So priorities need to be put in order. That doesn't mean that there aren't multiple things that aren't important, but there can only be one top priority. So the important things list is in order. Boom. As soon as you have downtime, a free moment, um, which, by the way, there won't be a whole lot of them because they'll be scheduled. And things like my important things time is one of the very. In fact, it is. It is almost always the very first thing that I schedule. So my schedule right now through the next several months has important things already blocked out of my schedule. So if you look at my schedule like for today, it's fucking mayhem. But the thing that I put first would be important things. So as you look out, the farther you get away from the current day, the less and less things are on my schedule. But there are already huge blocks for important things. Now. Important things with the air quotes is that list that I have of the most important things that I could be doing to move the business forward. Keep that list, whatever it is, what books you should be reading, things you should be studying for, you know, based on your class load and all of that. And then as soon as you have time that you haven't already scheduled, or when you hit a block that's scheduled for the important things that you just then go down, down that list. All right, so that's my advice. Next question is from Jeremy Stickney. Hi, Tom. How do your goals shift from ending? How did your goal shift from any metabolic disease at Quest to focusing more on the mind and pulling people out of the matrix and starting Impact theory? What was your thought process? So my deepest, most honest truth in life is that I want to Pull people out of the Matrix. Now, I really believe that part of that is diet and exercise. That's hugely important. And I felt that we'd made absolutely massive strides there and the business was going and we'd had just all kinds of absurd financial success. And it was amazing. And I was in the position where I could ask myself, I can do anything now and what do I want to do? And So I started InsideQuest and I was super stoked on it. And people were asking, why the hell is the protein bar guy talking about mindset? That superficial, weird. My partners didn't share the vision for that either. It was going to be very expensive to execute against that, to make the brand of Quest flexible enough that it could incorporate Mindset. I'd be dragging my partners along in that journey, which isn't fair to them. And I have deep concerns about any brand's flexibility and getting the. The great irony. And this will explain the struggle, the great irony of my life. When I was at Quest, people were like, why is the protein bar guy talking about Mindset? Now that I've done Impact Theory, we're about to launch a new show called Theory, and we're not going to be able to launch it on my channels because people want to know, why is the Mindset guy talking about protein bars? So. Oh, the fucking irony. So brands are a thing. They. People go to a brand for certain things. They like. You guys think of me in a certain way. You think of me all about mindset. That is one part of my personality, and that is certainly the core central focus of the brand of Impact Theory and the brand of Tom Bilyeu. But that is not the sum total of my existence. The only thing that I focus. Focus on all of that. So getting people to understand a brand in a much broader context I think is probably futile. And so rather than trying to do that, I realized that if I was going to do the thing that is most honest in the thing that makes me feel most alive, which is pulling people out of the Matrix, I had to spin it off as a separate brand. And so here we are. Yeah, that's it. All right, next question. Stephen Davis. In the beginning, did you work as much as you do now? Or have you improved over time? How have you increased productivity and discipline to work 18 hours a day? All right, so it depends on when you're starting that clock, because when I was just out of college, I was insanely lazy and I'm so embarrassed. And I never. I actually don't want myself to lose sight of how lazy I was. Nor do I want people who follow me to lose sight of how lazy I was. Because I want people to understand. You can become anything you want to become. You create who you are. You don't discover it. Talked about that earlier, so that is really, really important. But I used to be insanely lazy. Now, as I began to change my identity and strive to become the person that I wanted to become, instead of focusing on who I was, then I realized that being lazy and giving into that was not going to take me where I wanted to go. It didn't make me feel more alive. And so as I fed into the things that made me feel alive, as I fanned those flames, as I changed my identity, made demands of myself, altered my belief system, and really began to invest emotionally by rewarding myself for my ability to go hard, to work, to push forward on things that I really believe in, to invest in things that make me feel alive, to make the demand that the thing that I'm working my ass off for is something that I really believe in. And that's why, man, do not follow me, nor listen to my advice if you don't love what you do, because if you don't love what you do and you work 18 hours a day, you are a fucking fool and you will hate your life and you will look back with nothing but regret. So the last thing I want is somebody to take my advice on the surface. And miss the part where I say, find something you would die for and live for it. Make the demand that the way you make your living, the way you earn your money, is doing something that you care deeply about that gives you more energy than it takes. Now, if you have all of that in place, you cannot accept weakness from yourself. You need to be pushing forward. You need to make huge demands of yourself because. Because that is how you will optimize your abilities. That is how you will actually actuate your potential and do the things you want to do. And gaining skills and getting better at something is what's going to allow you to actually have the kind of impact that you want to have. Now, when you have that core, when you understand that the harder you work, the more reverberations you can have in the world. Remember, my very definition of power is you close your eyes, you imagine a world, a world that is better than the one you currently live in, one that you want to be real. And then you open your eyes and you have the ability to make that world come true. That's power. That is power. If you want to cultivate that power in your life, it comes down to busting your ass to gain skills that matter to you and live in service not only of yourself, but of other people. So that's how I increased my productivity and discipline. Because I care about what I'm doing. It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel energized. It is exciting. I wake up excited to see if I can pull this off. I wake up excited to work hard to get better, because I know that it actually, actually has real world implications. So I didn't start this way. I don't think anybody does. You have to cultivate it. You create this stuff. And it all starts with cultivating that passion. All right, next question is from Dr. Jack Callahan. How can I deal with an insecure mom. Mom, technically. And aggressive and stubborn stepdad who both say, I'm the worst part of the family. Should I be selfish and focus on myself? I also use the 80, 20, and it's amazing. Okay, that's awesome. So 80, 80, 20, 80% of your time in the beautiful. The things you're grateful for, all the things you're trying to make come true in your life. 20% chip on your shoulder, you. I'm going to succeed no matter what anybody says. Dark side. Never spend more than 20% of your time there. Becomes super corrosive. All right, so I'll just say that if you can get out of this situation, like, if you live with them, I would get out immediately. Second, I would meet them with compassion and in no way, shape or form let them influence how I think about myself. So anybody that can actually say, you're the worst part of this family, a, that is so horrific and cruel that it doesn't make any sense to say, because the only hope you could have by saying that is to diminish somebody. Now, if you wanted to lay out metrics and say, hey, as a family, can we all agree these are going to be our goals? Then you may say, hey, some of your behaviors are moving us away from those goals. So I really want to talk about that, and I want to see how that we can address. Address them, because I know that you could. Since you agree on what these goals are, I know that we could get your behavior in alignment with something that makes that better and you're valued and loved, remember? Right. Like, there's a way to handle that. If somebody has behaviors that don't make sense. And maybe you do, but saying something like, you're the worst part of this family is so corrosive and ridiculous. That already, it just shows a fundamental lack of understanding of human empathy and human psychology. But this is where I think you bring your understanding of human empathy and human psychology to understand that somebody that can say that, like, there is a negativity in them, there is a, an unhappiness, a sadness, an insecurity, a sense of being ineffective because the only thing they know how to do is lash out and hurt that I, I would meet them with compassion. Now I would meet them with silent compassion. I'll be really honest with you because I'm not going to try to convince them. I'm not going to argue with them. I would be like water. And so if they tried to push, it's very hard to push water. So I would, yeah, I would just let that roll off me. And I think you have to get very good at that, at understanding what people are capable of, at understanding where they are mentally, emotionally, and not try to worry about convincing them. I don't fall for the impossible to please father routine, which I know a lot of people do, but that is not something that resonates with me. So when I realize that somebody's impossible to please or that they're broken in their own ways, I don't spend my time trying to convince them of my worth or anything else. It's. I will love them for what they have to offer. And I think that total writing off your mom would be very, very difficult for you. There's just something hardwired in us to make that next to impossible. But I certainly wouldn't expect praise from her. I would not allow her to hold any of my self worth or anything. And you have to totally detach yourself from that. It is not easy. There is much sadness that's going to be around that. But I think that it is absolutely imperative that you not take her opinion of you seriously now. Separate the message from the messenger. If your mother ever has, even in a hateful, meaningful way, something that is real and something that you want to address in your life, don't be afraid to stare at that, accept that, and make that change and grow and get better. Um, but if she's saying things like, you're the worst thing, the worst part of the family, chances are she's never going to recognize your improvement. So don't improve in the hopes of getting approval from her. Don't improve with the hopes of getting approval from her. It just won't work. All right, um, we have very little time left. Probably time for one more question from Mia Jaffrey. Hi, Tom. How do I maintain faith in myself when the people empower and my field have very low trust in me, even when I have proved my ability multiple times? All right, so here's the reality of being so good that they can't ignore you. If they're ignoring you, then chances are you haven't proven yourself as far as you think you have. And so that's the reality. I would highly encourage you to watch Genius, the Story of Albert Einstein, season one. What he does when the establishment tells him that he's like a total jackass and he doesn't know what he's talking about, and he barely passes college and everybody just thinks that he's this flighty guy and he can't get a job at a university, and so he's working as a patent clerk. Watch what he does to get acceptance and become the Albert Einstein that we all know. He doesn't publish one groundbreaking theory, he publishes like three or four in the span of something like 18 months. They end up still to this day being the most important documents of or breakthroughs in physics. And it's like he did it literally because he had a chip on his shoulder and people wouldn't pay attention. And so he had to go that far to prove to people beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was a real deal, that he had insights that people weren't taking seriously. So my thing is, if you haven't gone that far, if you can still be ignored, if your detractors have enough ammunition to shut you down, you just haven't gone far, far enough. And I get it, that is not what people want to hear. But that is the God's honest truth, man. If you can be ignored, then by definition you haven't gotten so good that you can't be ignored. Focus all of your time and attention into getting better skill acquisition. It is the only thing, the only promise I can make you. If you focus all of your time and energy into the beauty, the joy, the wonderment of skill acquisition, not from a dark or negative place, but focus on, on how awesome it is that as humans we can get great at things. It's the one decision you won't regret. It is five years, 10 years down the road, whether that group of people ever recognizes you or not, you will become so much better. So focus all of your time and energy there and don't be afraid to look for another job. If people in your world don't recognize you, and if it's people industry wide that don't recognize you, then we're back to the Einstein problem. You just haven't gone gone far enough yet. All right, that's it. Thank you guys so much for joining me as always. I love that you guys are submitting your questions and today's episode was brought to you by Everything Is My Fault. Go right now to shop.impacttheory.com get yourself signal your way to greatness. And if you're in the YouTube feed, we've dropped the link into the comments. So go check it out. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care.
- [59:01]
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