← Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
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Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. You're listening to the Impact Theory podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory Foreign. What is up everybody? Welcome to the AMMA series. I am your host Tom Bilyeu and I'm going to be taking your questions. This is going to be magical. We're going to have an amazing time. It is going to be magically delicious. Like some lucky charms up in here. All right, before we begin, might I ask comment in the feed, Say hello to somebody, ask a question, do whatever it takes. But we got to get this algorithm to know that you guys are engaged in this madness. So the more comments you drop in right now at the beginning, the more it helps us. That would be amazing. And as always, share, share, share. Find a loved one, somebody you care deeply about that you know this content is going to add value to their life and share. Get this out to them peeps right now as a wee bit of housekeeping. I want to remind everybody, speaking of referring people and sharing, that we have a contest going right now, right this minute. Refer a friend to the video that is either already in the comments or about to be in the comments on YouTube. Get people to subscribe to YouTube and have them put your name in the comment section there and that Enters you to win. Every person that enters puts your name there, gives you another entry into the contest. The winner is going to be flown out here from wherever you are in the world to spend a day with me and the amazing, the glorious, the talented, and dare I say sexy impact theory team. So come spend some time with us. It's going to be amazing. This is a worldwide offering. No matter where you are, we will fly you out. It's going to be amazing. So let's do the damn thing. All right, without further ado, we have a question from Terisha YouTube. Hi, Tom. Hello. Right back. What type of workouts do you do daily? I'm curious to know if you think doing certain workouts make you feel more powerful, which, by the way, that's why I chose this question to start with or help you think more clearly due to the mind body connection. All right, so. So it is very important A, that we not scroll off this question and B, to recognize that I'm absurdly lazy. And so I'm probably not the right person to take a lot of specific workout advice from. But if you are a fan of blunt force trauma, which is how I have focused my time and attention both on diet and in the gym because I don't find either of them particularly mentally stimulating. So I put the least amount of effort into conceptualizing my workouts and all of that stuff seemingly possible. And it goes like this. I do a push, pull, legs split. So by that mean that I mean that I group my muscles into push and pull and legs. So push muscles are going to be chest, triceps, shoulders. Pull muscles are going to be bicep, back, forearms. And I group those into their separate days. And then the third day is actually legs and abs, which I do together. What is up, Bruce Wayne, everybody? We are joined by the very clingy, clangy Bruce Wayne today. So what's up? He looks like the cross between a bat and a dog for those that can't see him, which is actually pretty fascinating given his namesake. All right, so that's how I break things down. And I would say that while I don't change my work workouts up enough, if you're really going for maximum gains, you do want to change your workouts frequently. So anybody that's really paying attention to the things that I say over time will realize I've been saying that I do a push, pull, legs sequence for quite some time now. And again, that just full disclosure goes back to laziness. So, yeah, that's what I do. The whole Notion of doing things that make you feel more powerful more than there's a given workout that makes me feel more powerful. This is really like focusing on the muscle. And if you haven't read Arnold Schwarzenegger's biography, it is absolutely fascinating. It's called Total Recall in that he talks about something he's been very famous for, which is really trying to get inside the muscle mentally. Thinking about the muscle growing, thinking about his biceps becoming mountains, if I remember correctly with how he described it. And in doing that and getting that mind body connection and really thinking about it and psyching yourself up and getting aggressive, I think that you really actually do something to accelerate the growth. You certainly by focusing on it are going to be contracting the muscle harder. Which even if you want a purely scientific explanation to what's going on, in thinking about the muscle and thinking about contracting the muscle fibers, in doing that, you're going to maximize your focus, attention and thusly the micro tears that you're doing in the muscle. So that is I think really fascinating. And I think like I don't often go into woo woo but I really do think there's something and when I say woo woo in this context I mean that we just don't fully understand about the communication that's happening both ways between the body and the mind. And for those of you that are familiar with the vagus nerve, I think it's 80% of the signals that the vagus nerve transmit are going from the body to the mind, which means that your body is saying something to the brain. We know that with the gut the level of communication and signaling is absolutely astronomical, very nuanced. So I'm guessing that part of the reason that Schwarzenegger had the kind of success that he had in using that mental focus and clarity on the muscle is that you're getting this two way feedback. So you're sending these very clear signals to the body and those in return are serving something back to the mind. And that when it's focused with aggression really does make you feel more powerful. It's pretty incredible. And on those days where you're really not feeling it in the gym, doing that, pushing your aggression really like feeding into that, into your mind makes the workout way better. And I find that that, that feeling of dominance, aggression is something that will actually echo through the day. It's really, really fascinating. I'm sort of freaking myself out as I think about it right now. It's really fascinating how long that echoes. I don't think it really lasts more than 24 hours. But I'll say that it pushes a good six hours into my day. Total gut instinct. But I'm going to say I really get aggressive and have a great workout that I really, really feel that for hours and hours and hours afterwards. It's kind of a similar effect to meditation. I don't know that it gets you a full 24 hours, but it does have an echo that goes far beyond the actual time that you're sitting there and meditating. All right, next question is from John r. Also from YouTube. Hey Tom, any tips on the best ways to find partners with complimentary skill sets for a new startup? Specifically partners that are willing to work for equity but committed to working hard and long hours? All right, so this is. It's really easy to find people that say all of those things. It's very, very hard, dare I say, the work of a lifetime to find people that actually live up to that. All right, as much as I hate resumes, I will say that what somebody has done historically is the greatest predictor of what they're going to do in the future. Just beware that people lie on resumes, either intentionally or unintentionally. P.S. so I'll give you an example of an unintentional lie that I used to tell, which was I used to say on resumes that I'm very detail oriented because I actually didn't understand what detail oriented meant. Which now on the flip side of that, I can't believe that I didn't. In my 20s, I didn't understand what it meant to be detail oriented. So I used to say, yeah, I'm detail oriented because I thought that that essentially meant like you paid attention not understanding that there are some people for whom like literal, like the most minute detail, their minds are very systematic. They go from one thing to the next to the next. They don't lose sight the minutiae and they're able to see things through very, very easily. It's like a part of the way that their mind is constructed. My wife is detail oriented and sometimes it weirds me out, like how much she gets lost in the details, is really focusing on the nitty gritty. And my mind just does not work like that. So it actually was a lie because I am not detail oriented in any way, shape or form. Certainly not by natural inclination. I have to keep lists of everything just to like meet a modicum of details. So things like that, people may just not be aware them of what their real patterns are. And hey, Chase and I were literally Talking about this in Ray Dalio before we started rolling how Ray Dalio's whole thesis is most people have no sense of objective truth about themselves. So you have to seek it from outward looking in. So anyway, that's something just to be aware of as you're looking for a partner. But to give you very specific places to go, I would start online. And this is self serving to be sure, but actually what I think go to the Impact Theory League, which is our Facebook group. Go there, you're going to find people certainly that are growth mind, growth mindsetted. I don't know why that feels so wrong right now, but they have a growth mindset. Hey, so you know at least that also you guys are going to have a similar lexicon because they're obviously watching the same kind of content that you are. They're going to be holding themselves, at least in theory to the same kind of standard. So it's a great place to start. You know that you share something in common. Going to meetups is also a tremendously good idea. And even if you meet them in the league at the end of the day you're going to need to meet them in person. So I'm a big believer that social connection needs to translate to in real life connection. That's really the magic. And if you just leave it online, I don't think you're ever going to get all the benefits. Also, I don't think there's any substitute for proximity. So if it were me, I would never partner with somebody that I couldn't meet with frequently in person. So I would be looking for somebody in Los Angeles. So I highly encourage you guys to find people that are local to you. There just really is momentum that's created when you're around each other. And I get it like the whole world is moving towards distributed workforce and all that. That is total. And I think that when you're not together it is a real problem. So hey, that's my thing. So I would meet them in meetups online then in real life and making sure that you guys spend time together, talking value system, flirting before you get married, spending time together, working on something where you can extract yourself so that it's not like this really messy, you know, tied up thing. Make sure that you enjoy working together. Make sure that you really do have complimentary skill sets. Make sure that they're skills, that is what they say it is. All of that stuff is very important. So finding a way to do something together that is very easy to unwind. I think Is. Is very good advice. And to that point, what was I going to say? I have no idea. But to that point, oh, no, don't worry about contracts. Jesus. This is something that drives me crazy. People think that they need these long, lengthy contracts before they get started. Like, do it on a handshake and just do something relatively small. But I think the success of something is conversely related to the number of pages in your contract. If you can't jot a quick email and say, like, here's our agreement and move forward, like, yeah, that's already problematic. So I can't tell you the number of relationships that I've started where we've been together for a year, multiple years, all unlike, hey, this is like a real rough outline of our understanding. And let's just go, I don't need to sign things or have lawyers review it or so. But when you're starting a company, obviously you're going to take that a little more seriously. But I wouldn't let that be the opening salvo. All right, question from. From Colleen Chadzy. This is from Facebook. Hello, Tom. How do I continue to deal with unhealthy relationships that I'm forced to deal with? Losing me a bit there with my ex and his family be. Oh, and there you just answered it because we have a daughter together. Woof. Okay. So, yeah, all right. This is how I would attack it. Like Lisa and I were talking about on relationship theory. And by the way, for anybody interested in anything to do with relationships, whether they are romantic or otherwise, I think relationship theory has a ton of value. We went into great detail on this yesterday, and I take a very particular strategy. And that particular strategy is to ask myself one very simple question. What am I trying to get out of this? What is my goal? And I don't find that people start with a goal very often. And when. If you don't outline what your goal is, and in this case, I'm going to. I'll just tell you what it would be if it were me. My goal with all of this, if it has to do with the daughter, is I'm going to have as little contact with the unhealthy relationship as humanly possible, all optimized to protecting my daughter, her relationship, her seeing how we interact with each other. And if I can only control my side of that equation, then I'm going to do everything to know that. That children aren't necessarily listening to what you're saying, but they're always watching how you are. So if you know that they're going to be watching even at times where you're convinced they're not watching, that they're not hearing you. I'm going to go into every interaction with what would I want my daughter to take away from this? So I employ a water off a duck's back strategy where I don't let things bother me. That has been wildly beneficial to me. So remember my goal. I want to make sure that this is every interaction is optimized for my daughter. So I'm going to go into this not like, hey, does this piss me me off? Not do I feel that I've been wronged in some way? Purely what advice would I give my daughter and how to deal with this? And because I think that when you're talking family dynamics, harmony is a big part of it, making sure that you're creating a safe space for your daughter that she's not constantly seeing conflict. So I'm. Since I can only control my side, I am going to be practicing the emotional equivalent of a non violent strategy. So I'm not going to escalate. I'm not going to meet aggression with aggression. I'm not going to snipe at that person. I'm never going to say negative shit. I'm not going to attack at the or pick at them because remember this is her father and so even if he's a bit of a dick like that, she needs to find a way to have a positive relationship with him. I don't know what it is about humans. I actually haven't spent a lot of time thinking about this, but I am so aware that it's real. For whatever reason, when they are your parent, even if they are psychopaths like you just hunger for a relationship with them and they will wildly influence how you think about members of that gender. So how you think about your mom will impact how you think about women. How you think about your dad is going to influence how you think about men. If you're a girl, your relationship with your dad is going to paint how you have romantic relationships, assuming you're straight. I mean, it's just, it's crazy how interconnected all of this is. So I would do everything that I could to make sure that that relationship was harmonious, that I am always de escalating, always like water, always not. And I say like water in the sense that have you ever tried to push water uphill? Right. So when people attack me, they will oftentimes find it very frustrating because I don't, I don't rise to that. I don't get baited into that. So you just water off a duck's back. So in that eventually, because there's nowhere to go, they're not able to bully you, they're not able to get a rise out of you. I'm certainly not going out of my way to spend time with them. And I'm always thinking about my goal. My goal is not to feel like a stud. My goal is not to up for myself. My goal is to. Unless, of course, that I feel I have to stand up for myself in order to teach my daughter the lesson that I want to teach her, which there's a very real possibility that it comes to a point where somebody's crossing a line I wouldn't want my daughter to see, hey, somebody can just be pushed around. So 100%, if I have to stand up and tell them to back off, calm down, whatever, then I'm going to do that. But letting that escalate into a fight, I think is really dangerous. It's interesting. I find myself really wanting to talk about this more so that I can process in my own mind exactly what I would do. I think it's very, very interesting. And I will just sum it up by saying water off ducks back. What is your goal? Follow that. All right. Oh, sadly, YouTube Live is not working properly. We scroll off too fast, so I don't know how that ends. So no questions from YouTube today. Boo. But Facebook is good. Now are we saying it's an Internet? Whoa. Okay. All right, next question I'm gonna guess is coming from Facebook. Sorry, Jared, did you say something? Oh, man, what a bummer. Bummer city. Well, for the limited number of people that did come from YouTube, if there are any, welcome. You're among the precious few. All right, this question is from mio drag Mickey Malenkovich. Come on. Do I? That was the first try. I hope that's close, but that felt pretty good. All right, what is the number one tip you've got for someone who is awake in the matrix but struggles to find the right way and the right thing to do? I'm gonna need some more clarity on that. So without clarification on that question, I will say that doesn't sound like you have a clear goal. It's the right way part that I don't quite understand. But the right thing to do is always going to be identify what your goal is. Hyper specific. Work your way backwards to identify the gap in skill set between where you are and where you're trying to get to. And then the right way Is whatever way that fits within your code of ethics to, you know, get those skills and then apply them in the way that gets you to where you want to go. Without more clarification that I'll say that the number one tip is ultra clear goals. In fact, man, can I just say that is like my number one tip for virtually everything. Have freakishly clear goals. Know exactly what you want. In fact, when I was saying earlier, like, what do I want my daughter to get out of this? What. What kind of person do you want your daughter to be? What kind of lessons do you want to teach her? Then when you know, okay, that's it. Like, for instance, there are people that believe. Always turn the other cheek. There's people that believe. If you're getting bullied, fight back. Like you've got to. Which of those things do you want, teacher? And then act in accordance. So that's but one example. So that's my number one tip. Hyper, hyper, hyper. Clear goals. All right, this question again from Facebook. What a shock. Jamie Lee Frederill, is desperation the best means of pushing oneself over the threshold of fear within? I don't know that it's the best means. It is the means that will show up for you in a very acute situation. So desperation has been a great boon for me in my life. Anger has been a great boon for me in my life. But I never spend more than 20% of my time in those negative places. So I spend 80% of my time in the beautiful things, the things that I'm grateful for, the things that I'm trying to create in this world, the people I want to help, thinking about them, thinking about how far I've come, all of that. Like, 80% of my time and energy goes into that. Connecting with what I really want to do, connecting with the people that I want to help. Like, all of that, which is not a place of desperation. It is a place of abundance. It is a place of excitement. It is a place of beauty and wonderment and awe. Let's talk about awe. Awe is probably the most amazing and powerful emotion that any human being can experience, will ever experience. The things that literally leave your mouth agape, where you're just like, I can't believe I'm experiencing this incredible thing. I rely on that way more as a way to deal with fear than I do desperation or anything like that. Now, when that fails me, when what I'm trying to build fails me, when the exciting things that I'm doing fail me and they're just not enough at that moment, for whatever reason, in a very acute way. Very acute. And that's what I want people to understand. I would never wallow in desperation. I would never exist in a state of like, I have to do this. Oh, my God, that's. That is a horrific way to spend your time. But in moments of like, hey, I have got to move forward right now, and I've tried all my other tactics and they have failed me, then, yes, I will focus on, if I don't do this, XYZ is going to happen. I'm going to lose this. This isn't going to happen for me. Bad things are going to come my way. All of that. Absolutely. I will lean on them as a crutch in that moment. All right, next question. Josh Jeffrey from Facebook. What is the best way to truly experience gratitude when you have a goal oriented mindset? How do you balance being thankful for what you have while continuing to keep mindset that you should continue to strive for more? Don't scroll off this. All right. What is the best way to truly experience gratitude when you have a goal oriented mindset? Well, I'll give you just, like, raw tactics. So, first of all, I do this as a part of my meditation routine. I try to experience gratitude both in, like, the big things and in the small things. They're not always tied to my goal. It is purely something to get the neurochemistry pumping in the right direction, to be in a good headspace, to really feed, feel, and internalize on a visceral, emotional level that sense of, like, real deep fulfillment, gratitude, appreciation for what you have going on in your life. So like I said, I'll pick something big and I'll pick something small. So it might be something like, you know, I'm so grateful for 17 years with my wife, somebody that really understands me, that knows my pettinesses, knows my, like, the dark, ugly corners of my mind. Like, they know all of that and they still love me and they're with me on this journey. And, you know, she picks me up and brushes me off when I'm down. I mean, it's just like, beautiful. I'm literally slipping into the mindset right now. Like, I am so grateful for that moment. And by the way, that's how easily it happens. Like, you start. And this is exactly what I'm going through in my head. These are the exact words that I'm thinking in my mind. I don't say them out loud, but I'm thinking them in my mind, which then creates this neurochemical cascade and you find yourself actually experiencing the emotions of that gratitude, then I will pick something small. Let's say day. Take my dog, Bonsai man. When he gets a haircut, there's some. His fur feels like velvet. There it is. I love to pet that dog. Just don't know when his hair is freshly cut. Super small, super stupid. But I'm actually grateful for it. And it's amazing. So I might think of something small like that. I might think of like, whoa, on a warm day like, that cool breeze is just amazing. Or air conditioning. Air conditioning is amazing. Let's all take a second to just be appreciative of air conditioning. That again, literally, as I'm talking about this, I'm actually feeling the gratitude for these things. So it works just like that. All right. How do you balance being thankful for what you have while continuing the mindset that you should continue to strive for more? Okay, so I'm in that zone, right? I'm feeling that gratitude. I'm actually feeling it like it's inside of me. I want to rock that for whatever period of time I'm focusing on that gratitude doesn't have to be a long time for me. It's usually only a few minutes. And then after I get that going, and, I mean, look, I have a whole morning routine. I'm not going to go into that now. But then once I get back to my important things list, which is the list of things that are most important things I could be doing to move the company forward, then it's like I slip back into first and foremost. The 80% of my time focused on the excitement about what we're trying to create, which I really am fucking excited about. Just out last night with a guy named Dougie. Dougie is amazing. And we were just talking about, like, the studio that we're trying to build and all of that. And it was so much fun to just talk about and dream about what we're building and to think about it and where this goes and, like, to see it reflected back and to see his excitement, it was just really, really cool. So those are. Because I'm so excited about it. I've got that energy. It's pulling me through. And this is somewhere that I think a lot of people get lost is they don't spend any. Any effort making sure that the thing that they're doing with their life is actually something that generates excitement. It builds excitement. It gives to them more than it takes. Now, it doesn't mean I'm not fucking exhausted at the end of My days, I am really tired, but I am having a ball. I'm having a ball. It's fun. I believe in what I'm doing. I'm excited by what I'm doing. And so that's where you should be spending the vast majority of your time. Times. But that's all stuff about striving to do more, to be more. I'm excited to acquire the skills. I'm excited to push myself. It isn't a dark and dingy place. Like, I'm legitimately amped up to do it. And that's what I want people to understand. Like, I'm. The amount of hours that I work, the hardcore way that I'm driven, the overwhelming majority of that energy comes from a place of excitement. It comes from a place of being enthusiastic about what I'm doing. There is 20%. It's the dark side. I leverage it. It is a real thing for me. And it helps me in those acute moments when for whatever reason, the excitement just isn't enough. At that moment, then I will think about the people who wish me ill. Then I will think about the things that are dragging me down. Then I will focus on the inadequacies in my life and that I demand that I get better at those things 100%. But it's an 80, 20 split. You've got to learn to balance that split. You've got to put something that you give a about at the center of your life. That is so, so, so important. All right, all right. YouTube notifications just went out. The lovely YouTube audience is back. Welcome back, guys. It's good to have you. All right, question from Julita Alonzo from Facebook. I know you use movies to get yourself into the proper mindset. What movie would you or your wife recommend specifically for women? I feel I'm the wrong person to answer this question. And my wife is working somewhere and is nowhere in Eyeline, so I don't know what movie she would recommend. What movie would I recommend for women? I'm just going to say the Matrix is good for everybody. That's a crutch, a total cop out. But we'll have to get you a better answer from Lisa. All right, question from Shirog Garg. That may be one of the coolest names of all time. I want to know if that's a real name or not. This is on Facebook, so I guess we have a shot. My question is how to embrace uncertainty. What we want to do in the future is all our imagination. Question mark. How to truly believe that I Can make it happen. Embrace that. I will figure out a way Even if I mess up. Oh. Ah, this is awesome. Okay, so this is like the, the question that people need to answer affirmatively right now. And that is you need. So humans lead with belief. Have the arrogance of belief, as I say, but the belief is not that you are already capable. It's not that you will be able to do this and not mess up. It is only the only thing you have to believe in. Lean close, hear my words. The only thing you have to believe in right now is that humans are capable of learning. That humans, for whatever reason, nature has chosen to not endow us with a whole bunch of like pre programmed things. So for instance, a baby horse, a foal I believe is how you say that when they're born, they can already walk. Literally, boom, they come out and they're walking and all is well because that's all hardwired into them. But a horse is a horse is a horse and they're going to stay a horse and that's that. And you're never going to find a horse reading Chaucer. Just not going to happen. So that's all those decisions are pre wired. Humans, on the other hand, come out, they cannot take care of themselves. They're a lump of flesh. They basically know how to suckle. And that's sort of the extent of it. But now humans have the ability to go in all these crazy different directions and they can learn to become an astrophysicist, they can learn to become a carpenter, a doctor, an astronaut. Like the number of directions that humans can go in is crazy. The amount of what was once known as junk DNA we now know as epigenetic signaling. The way that we can respond in all these different directions to our environment, to the things we choose to focus our energies on is, is truly unique to humans. Is, is just absolutely astonishing. So understanding that that's baked into the human animal is the ability to learn and go in any direction. So once you realize that humans are adaptation machines that we can learn anything, now it's like, okay, whatever you want to do, you can do it as long as you're willing to pay that price. I'm not saying that it's not going to be hard. It is going to be very, very hard. I'm just saying that it is doable and that you will receive a return on investment in your energies. And that's what people need to do to know and believe to the core of their being that my time in this direction will be Rewarded. Now here's where people themselves up there is this retarded debate about whether or not it is, hey, am I pre programmed? I'm good at math, and so that's it. And I should go do things that are math or I'm good at verbal and I should go do things that are verbal. I'm naturally gifted as an athlete, so I should go be an athlete. Look, I'm not saying people don't get early wins. Wins. People get early wins. And if you happen to love the thing, you're getting early wins, and that's awesome, man. And you'll find it just a little bit easier. You've got a headwind or a tailwind, I guess. A tailwind. You have a tailwind. And so that. Yeah, love that. But if there, the thing that gives you the most energy in life is something that you have no natural inclinations for, then go learn that. When I say that I have zero, zero natural ability as an entrepreneur, I mean zero. I had to learn everything from not being lazy to problem solving to overcoming my paralyzing fear, to look at world like a puzzle dealing with anxiety. Literally, it. It was comical as I was going down my journey in the beginning as an entrepreneur to figure this out. It's ridiculous. And then I meet people who are like, ripping flowers out of people's front yards and selling them back to them. Like when I say that was not me. I had a paper route and I was so chicken to go up to people's doors that I actually only got half the money that I could have gotten for the same paper route, the same amount of effort, but because I was so afraid to go knock on people's doors and ask to collect the money that was due, that for like two years, I did a paper route for half the money. Okay? That's how spastic of an entrepreneur I was when I started. So you can learn this stuff next. Now, my goals demanded that I learn entrepreneurship, so I fucking learned it. So that's what I want people to understand. What is your goal? Work backwards from there. If it lines up with what you're naturally good at, that's amazing and congratulations. But there are going to be times where it doesn't line up. And you've just got to either change your fucking goal or recognize that I'm going to have to figure these things out. And because I'm an adaptation machine as a human being, I can do a lot of of that. All right, so that's how you do that one. There was more to that chase has decided you don't get an answer. So the next question is from Josh L. Future this from YouTube. Hey, Tom. I have my first meeting with a potential client in a few hours. With that being said, I am nervous. Full fully understand that. And I'm experiencing fear of succeeding. Whoa. Is that really possible that you a are afraid of it but are aware? That's really, really interesting. We'll go into that in a second. Are there any tips that you have to overcome it? Okay, so let's get super tactical and then do not scroll off this one. We're going to get super tactical and then we're going to talk about this whole thing about fearing succeeding. Okay, so the tactical is. Yes, you're in. You're. You're already in. It sounds like the sympathetic nervous system and it's going to ratchet the up. So you need to practice getting out of the sympathetic nervous system into the parasympathetic nervous system. They exist in what's called negative feedback loop. Now, I think that's a total misnomer. All it means is that it's a seesaw. When you're in the sympathetic nervous system, you can't be in the parasympathetic nervous system. When you're in the parasympathetic nervous system, you can't be in the sympathetic nervous system. By the way, full disclosure that there's actually a swe slight tweak on that the doctors assure me is true and there is some way but like the average human is not going to be in both at the same time. So we're just going to talk to it at as a seesaw. So one is going to be high or the other. So meditate. That's going to be how you're going to get out of the sympathetic nervous system, which is known known as fight or flight, into the parasympathetic nervous system, which is known as rest and digest. Okay, so it's going to calm your heart rate, it's going to slow your breathing, all the things that are the symptoms of anxiety. And this is the one that really people up. The blood is actually leaving your prefrontal cortex, which is your. The seat of higher cognition, the neocortex. So you want to get the blood back there, you want to calm down. One of the ways. So meditate. That's first. First two is for me always to remind myself there's no such thing as performance. There is only practice. This will be but one of many, many, many, many, many, many, many opportunities that are going to come Your way. Well played, Chase. So don't live in like a scarcity mindset. This, this like I love. There's a quote from my boy Jim Carrey and he said, until someone tells you tonight is your make or break night, there's someone here watching you tonight, man, if you mess this up, your career is over. He said times you haven't even started. So that's just a way of saying people are going to tell you that this is some like rare opportunity, some make or break moment. It's not if you keep putting yourself in a situation where you're at risk of something extraordinary happening which is not easy. And look, you want to take advantage and you for sure like want to really go in with all of your might, having taken it seriously and try your best to absolutely crush it. But just remind yourself this is practice and I'm going to try to like play to the best of my ability in this practice moment. But if I fuck it up, I'm not going to panic. And, and in that I find that it lowers my anxiety levels that I'm now I've got less pressure on myself to perform even though I'm taking it very, very seriously, even though I'm coming in insanely prepared, that I am lowering to the best of my ability that sense that like, oh God, like if this doesn't happen right now, it's never going to come back. So that's been massive, massive for me. Okay, now to the very interesting. Experiencing fear of succeeding and being self aware. So that's insanity and we're going to stop doing that immediately. We're not going to put any time and energy into that. And the only reason I can think why somebody would actually fear failure, fear succeeding, excuse me, is because they think that when they get success somehow that that's a more terrifying drop or they, they think that they're a fraud and that if they get success that it's not earned. And so now it's going to be this super really fucking tenuous thing. So that all comes back to look, the only thing you need to believe is that you can learn. So if you hey, stumble into success and oh my God, I didn't deserve it, this, so what, like you're there, make the best of that opportunity. If tomorrow you're down again, who cares? You can build back up, you can take advantage of the opportunities, you can learn from both the success and the failure, always moving in the direction that you want based on what your goals are. If you're afraid of succeeding because you're you actually don't want that goal, then say, hey, yep, I picked the wrong goal, I'm going to change my goal, whatever. But being willing to play at the highest level, understanding that you are worthy of success, and maybe that's part of it as well, you don't feel that you're worthy. And oftentimes I'm not saying this is you, maybe this is you to a T. If it's not you, it certainly is hundreds of millions if not billions of people that something happened to them in childhood or development or yesterday that for whatever reason strips them of their belief in themselves, the belief in their worth. And whether that's abuse as a child, whether that's an abusive relationship, whether that's in their mind some sort of moral failing because they have a negative relationship with food, drugs, alcohol, whatever, they're obese, like all of that self judgmental, like literally it doesn't serve. You do and believe that which moves you towards your goals, period. So beating yourself up over that kind of stuff is, it is so counterproductive. Remember I would do it if it moved me towards my goals a hundred percent. It's not going to. So let go. Goal of, let go of all of that stuff because it isn't productive. I'm not even asking you to believe that you are a worthy person because that is a whole like setup for failure because now we're dealing with a really deep subconscious part of yourself. I'm just saying accept the reality that it doesn't serve you. It does not serve you to think that you're not worthy. It does not serve you to think that you're a bad person for all of the reasons that I just listed and a whole slew of shit I'm sure that I didn't even touch on. And the crazy thing is, guys. Chase, are you with me? So billions of people feel that way. Now it's very easy for us from the outside to say, oh, that doesn't make sense for them and yet internalize it for us. There's no logic to that doesn't make any sense because it doesn't make sense. Immediately drop it. And hopefully over time you will see that it's just not true. But remember right now I don't even need you to believe that you're worthy. I just need you to believe that focusing on the fact that you're not worthy is totally useless. So don't focus there. Focus your energies on what you can learn. Go out, do your best. It's practice, it's never performance. Yeah, make it thus. All right? And then get out of the sympathetic nervous system. Okay, that was a fun one for me. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery. So you can keep your facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. Craig Marsh. This is from YouTube. Hi, Tom. How do you deal with being ill? Ooh, I am a dangerous person to ask this question to, but I think I'm the right person. We'll get to that in a second. Does your goal change to getting better sooner or keep working while not at your peak? All right, here's where we slip into the Goggins sets so very much. I will grind myself into the dirt to prove something to myself. Now, I do try to balance it. I try to get a ton of sleep. I think that's very important. I don't. I try not to put myself around people, though, admittedly, if we have an episode, I'm fucking showing up for that episode. Barring, like, what are those? The tubes they put down your throat? Like, barring needing to be respirated, I'm showing up for an episode. There's just no two ways. That is my identity. So I do apologize to the team in advance for that. When I sanitize before I come down, though, I don't shake people's hands. But, dude, that right there, I'm looking at it right now, is the Jordan flu game painting that I have hanging in the place of honor in my house. That is my obsession, not letting anything slow you down or stop you. So I. I don't understand. And I accept. I fully accept this is not where most people are. I get that. I just don't understand is a chance for you to prove something so cool and extraordinary to yourself that you're capable of pushing through. Now, part of this is because I so believe in what I'm doing. I'm so excited by what I'm building. I'm so eager to become a better version of myself. And I get so much joy and pleasure out of being the kind of person that shows up even when they're sick. Like, that brings me an immeasurable amount of pride. And I think that everybody needs pride, and we can have that argument. I will Win. But everybody needs pride. And this is something that gives me a tremendous amount of pride. So, yes. And does it piss my wife off? Yes, because she wants to see me get healthy as soon as possible. And I do want to say I get a metric shit ton of sleep when I'm sick. Okay? So clear. I eat the way you're supposed to eat when you're sick. Very healthy, very clean, all of that. Because I hate being sick, so I want to minimize the amount of time. But if I have something to do and those two things come in conflict and it's either show up and be who I am or get better sooner, I am going to do what I need to do to be the person that I want to be, even if that means an extra week of being sick. I don't care. Care. So there it is dangerous to ask me that question, but I have very clear feelings. I think we'll all agree on that. Very clear feelings about that. All right, Raymond Colin from YouTube. How did you become comfortable behind a camera and find your voice? Do you mean in front of the camera? Behind the camera was easy because you're essentially invisible and hiding in front of the camera. I resisted for a very long time. And how did I do that? Can we assume just one person? Right. Okay, so I'll answer the question you didn't ask, assuming that this is what you meant. How did I do this? Let me really think about that. It wasn't until it became clear that to achieve my goals I needed to step out front that I sucked it up and dealt with my anxiety, which was crushing to be in front of the camera. I was in a near state of panic. The first episode that we filmed, yeah, that wasn't a lot of fun. So I. In fact, I've said this before, but so back when Periscope first came out and I would do lives all by myself and like seven people would show up, I would get such tremendous anxiety over that that I would have to do meditation and breathing exercises. And this is funny, I would have to try to surprise myself, meaning that I wouldn't. I wouldn't guarantee that I was going to go live. I wouldn't set a time. And I remember even with impact theory, when we finally said, like, there was going to be a set time that we were going to go live, every, like, whatever. I forget the first day that we went live and that it was like at 10, and I knew ahead of time that it was at 10. I was like, whoa. Like, God, like, this is really, like, provokes anxiety in me. So remembering there's no performance, there's only practice. Inviting you guys into that world. Not trying to be cool, always, like, being willing to admit the truth of my experience, like, talking about my anxiety, all of that actually helped lower my anxiety, first of all. And then having the arrogance of belief. The arrogance of belief, boys and girls, that I had something to say, that I had fucking killed myself over the last 15 years to learn entrepreneurship being, like, the exact opposite of that. Like, having to claw my way and figure it all out. Yeah. Like, eventually I just had to say, to serve the people that I want to serve, to build the audience that I want to build, to build the studio that I. I want to build. All of this mandates that I believe that I have something to say. And then as you believe that you have something to say and you start getting feedback and you see that you're actually helping people, it only further, like boasts boosts your confidence. And then you go at it more and harder. And anybody that goes back and watches my earlier content, I don't have the bravado and the conviction that I have now, because as you do it and you reflect on your life and you see what you've done, and I see, like, literally. This is one of my favorite quotes. Quotes, and it's so Sad. I'm glad 50 Cent is building himself back up, because this rang hollow for a little while there while he really struggled. But he had this great quote in one of his songs, and he said, I came in the game humble. Can't nobody tell me now. And I love that. Like, there's. There's nothing you can tell me about losing fat, about building a business, about building social following. There's nothing you can tell me because I've done it. So. So all I ask you to believe is that it worked once. It at least worked for me. So. Because I have that. Because I have the confidence that comes from competence. Yeah, it's. That is huge. So if you really want to find your voice, go get good at something. All right, question from Charles Rowe on Facebook. My question is about bright lines. Did you start off with a big list or have you added to them over time? What makes you decide to make something a bright line? All right, so I did not start off with a big list. It started very small and almost entirely around food. Food first, then working out, actually. Is that true? Yeah. There was a lot of coinciding with the diet and working out, and those were my first bright lines. And they worked so well that it began to spill over into other areas of my life. But yeah, that's how it started. And then how do I decide to make something a bright line? And by the way, for those that don't know what a bright line is, it's like hard and fast rules. Like, there are certain things that I eat during the day in certain quantities, and that is it. I don't deviate from that whatsoever. So that is the real juice. So I find for me that abstaining is very easy and having one Dorito is impossible. So I just don't. With Doritos, that's very easy. I can even have them in the house, by the way. I could watch people eat them. I could. They could bake fresh cookies. In fact, when I'm fasting, people eating stuff that smells delicious is awesome. I love that so much because the arrogance that it fills me with because I know that I have a bright line and I will not eat those things under any circumstance. There's nothing you could do to make me give in. You could tempt me all you want. And I have proven to myself over 15 years that I will not give into that temptation. It is a really good feeling. As Jocko willing says, discipline equals freedom. When you have those bright lines, you know that you're not going to spill over. And if you prove that to yourself time and time again, it's really, really amazing. Okay, so deciding what to make a bright line, I'm really, really cautious about that because I know that I'm going to go to the ends of the earth. It's not really the ends of the ends of the earth. I'm going to go to the nth degree. I'm just combining those to make sure that I adhere to that bright line. So I am very, very careful about what promises I make myself about what bright lines. I don't want to lose credibility with myself. So it's got to be something I really care about. All right, next question comes from Parijit Chowdhury. Chowdhury, definitely. The last name is. There's another person. I don't remember the name Paridrat, but Perry. Jat. I'm really fucking this one up. Anyway, thank you. Yay. Here's the question. Hello, Tom. How would you suggest for time distribution among focusing on working up tasks for a goal? Start that over. How would you suggest for time distribution among focusing on working up tasks for a goal? I don't know what that means. Soaking in information, research, mentored training, systematic learning, socializing. So basically, all the different things that are going to help Me get there. Okay, so. And then one quick parenthetical here. I have the strange fear of missing out on important information while working on a task at hand, which is the main reason for life lacking focus. This. Okay, that's. That's really helpful clarification. So here's the key. Picking a direction and going after it is. Is the juice. It is the most important thing. Going into a room with a thousand doors closing 999 of them. That is how you make progress. Now, here's like a mildly controversial thing. I cannot believe this is controversial. I'm going to say it anyway and hopefully wind some of you people up, because hopefully you will see on the other side of this is a real breakthrough. I would rather run a thousand miles an hour in the wrong direction than stand still. Let me say that again. I would rather run a thousand miles an hour in the wrong direction than stand still. Now, I'm going to make every fucking attempt to make sure that I'm going in the right direction. But the whole point in saying that is I'm never going to be paralyzed by the fact that I may be doing the wrong thing to stop me from doing something thing. So pick one and go with it, whatever it is. Pride yourself on the ability to pick and decide. So do a breakdown to the best of your knowledge and ability of the things that you should be doing, and then execute on them in the order that you put them in. Do not be paralyzed by. Should number three be number one? Who the fuck cares? Go do something. Then. In doing it, if you realize, oh, I'm actually getting more out of number three, great. Move it up into position number one. But you won't know that until you engage. You won't know if you're running in the wrong direction. Direction until you're running. That's what drives me crazy about people that push back on that. One can already feel the YouTube comments. So first of all, I want to clarify. I'm not saying this is. People always misquote me. I've never said run a thousand miles in the wrong direction, but even that would be a fine outcome. I say run a thousand miles an hour, meaning go all out, full tip tilt, and end up realizing later, through engaging with it, through hitting top speed, oh, this is the wrong direction. Then I will pivot and immediately start going in the right direction. You don't know until you engage with it. All right, next question from Jason Wild, Facebook. We have someone from Tacoma, fellow Tacoma native here. What is up? Have you ever caved in when you thought you were when you thought that you were going to fail. When the pressure mounts and I think that I might fail, I sometimes decide that failure, failure is inevitable and just rip off the band aid. Oh, that's a really bad strategy. How do I go about destroying this self sabotaging behavior? Well, at least you know that it's self sabotaging. Um, to me, this is all about my understanding of what the, the real nature of failure. So when you fail in something, it's so instructive. But you have to fail because you really gave it your all and you really tried. Now that doesn't mean if I realize, oh, okay, this path isn't going to work, I don't need to like carry it all the way out and then like get to the ultimate failure before I pivot. Like, if I'm doing it and I'm like, this isn't work. Even like something that isn't working as well as I thought, I'll pivot and change direction. So but like intentionally imploding your efforts. And so I'll liken this to video games. Hopefully you play if I'm playing. In fact, here's a great example. So let's say that you get into the match and it's 4v4, which happens to be the game that I play, and you're losing. I'll play all out every round trying to learn something, trying to test the different strategy to see if I can get a little bit better in that match. Even though I know this sort of mathematically, the odds are way stacked against me. Other people that I play with, you can they literally just leave? They'll, you know, bounce out of the game before the end of the match. I think, wow, that's crazy. But on the other hand, if it's, let's say we load into the game and Internet connection for two of the people drops and so now it's 2v4. That that's to me, a waste of time. I'm not yet in a position where I'm trying to get good at being two people against four people. My skill set just isn't there. So that seems like a waste of time. So I will bounce out of that and start a new one. So I'm not leaving because the emotion of losing sucks. I would only leave if I feel like the skill set that I'm trying to test can't now be tested in that situation. So it's a fundamental different way about how I think about practice versus performance and what the point of failure is. And then Also, I just get something out of sticking with things. I prove something to myself. So yeah, align your value system and it'll change your behaviors. So that's my advice there. Okay, question From Scott Padgett, YouTube. I'm just starting to build a website business that will make money off of advertising for distilleries. Should I invest money into it off the bat or start off with more simple website that is free? So that really comes down to how much capital do you have at your disposal, how much capital can you afford to lose and how much would capital accelerate your learning curve? So it's usually a good idea to do as much as you can for free, assuming that it's not causing you too much of a slowdown. Inevitably it's going to slow you down. But if you're still able to generate a lot of momentum and really get something going, improve out the model and learn. Learn without investing capital way, way better so that you can, as you learn more, you can invest that capital more intelligently. But I'm also not afraid. Like if I realize throwing a hundred bucks at something or 200 bucks or something, it's really going to give me accelerated knowledge, I would do that in a heartbeat. So yeah, it really comes down to you. If you only have 200 in capital, then using that just to accelerate you is probably a really terrible idea. And you should just do everything for free, as much as possible, learn as much as you can. Get to the point where you don't feel there's anything to learn until you invest some capital and then invest that then. So that would be my advice. All right. Question from Aaron Marie Kramer. This is from YouTube. How do I break the belief I was given as a child that I'm only successful if I'm behind a desk in an scrolling please in an office that provides benefits? Okay, I feel that I'm blocked from following my dreams. What should I do to act on it? Okay, well the fact that you're asking the question shows you have a pretty high degree of self awareness. I think that's really important. So now that you know that, now it comes down to how do you actually make sure that you're going to be able to make ends meet. I think that is important and I'm not one of those guys. It's like, look, I would burn the ships if I needed to if I felt that was the thing that my goals demanded. But if my goals don't demand it, then I'm not going to burn the ship. So I would keep your job where you have benefits. And I would start building something on the side and I would do the side hustle as long as humanly possible keeping my benefits until that company was really taking off that it was able to support some amount of my income. In fact, I was just at the New York City Comic Con and I met a comic book writer and artist there. Mad shout out to TJ Sterling for anybody who's interested. Ray Comics, I believe is how you say it, R A E Comics. Check him out. Super nice guy. I haven't read the comics yet, full disclosure, but really, really interesting guy. And I asked him like, where do you make your money? And he said he makes half of it on touring around to the comic book conventions and the other half was just a normal 9 to 5 job. So I think that's a winning strategy. So try to build whatever you're building on the side without, you know, just setting your life ablaze. I don't think there's any reason to, to do that. Okay. Question from Sophia Miharam. This is from YouTube. Thank you so much Tom for all the great content. Absolutely, my pleasure. Can you define extreme ownership? Absolutely. What would be considered extreme and would that differ from wanting to be in full control of your services business? It is very different than wanting to be in full control of your services business. That's, that's really like control freaky territory, which is not extreme. Extreme ownership. So extreme ownership one, I would say read the book by Jocko Willink by the same name. It is an incredible and transformative book. But I will say, I'll tell you a story. How about that? And this is my example of extreme ownership. My wife is British, as long time followers well know. And let's say that my wife were back in London visiting her family. She's sleeping in the bedroom that she grew up in. The doors locked, the alarm is on, on, she is safe and sound. Her mom is right down the hallway. At that moment, a meteorite comes screaming through the atmosphere, smashes into her bedroom and kills her. Whose fault is that? Now, without trying to guess what you think I'll say, and if you know me, you already know my answer. But if you don't, most people will say that it's fate, it's nobody's fault, Divine providence, force majeure, like it's just dumb bad luck. I, on the other hand, will say it's entirely my fault. And let me tell you why. Right now there is an organization that track what are called near earth objects. They're trying to figure out what they should do. If one of those is on a collision course with Earth and whether that's a laser planted nuclear explosion, whatever that's going to be, to knock that thing off a collision course with Earth, they're trying to figure that out now. I know they exist. I know where they are. I've actually had someone from the organization reach out to me because I've told this story so many times, times, and I've still never sent them a dime of my money. I've never sent them an email with ideas. I've never given them a phone call to give them encouraging words. Now, the reason I haven't done any of that is I think the odds of my wife being killed by a meteorite are vanishingly slim. But if it does happen, I'm not going to waste my time fooling myself that there wasn't something I could have done. I've chosen not to do it. That is extreme ownership. When even something as ridiculous as saying I could have done something about a meteorite killing my wife, if I take ownership of that, you can imagine I take ownership of everything leading up to that. So I'm not trying to point the finger at other people and look at their failings. I'm trying to ask myself, what could I have done differently? And I do that because I want to remain in control, not because I want to feel badly about myself. In fact, it doesn't make me feel bad badly about myself. I make choices. Those choices have consequences. I could always make a different choice and get a different outcome. And I want to be reminded of that at all times. So that's why I take extreme ownership. Now, in a business setting, I'm always asking dual questions. If something somewhere falls down, I'm saying, what could I have done differently to make sure that this didn't happen? My answer is almost never do it myself because you've got no leverage if you can't delegate things to other people. If you don't have teammates that are playing at the absence of absolute height of their potential, if they're not showing up every day trying to get better. I'm looking only for Linchpin employees. Lynch Pin employees. Which reminds me, by the way, I am creating Alexa content. Alexa content on a daily basis. I just did a 90 second segment about being a linchpin employee. If you have the Alexa echo, whatever. I literally woke Alexa up. This is amazing. So if you have Alexa, then you, you should be adding me, add me to your Flash briefing. I'm really putting energy into making that great. It's a huge investment that I'm putting into voice. We've got a secret project that we're working on. Don't tell anybody. It's going to be amazing around that, that technology. But it's a slightly different spin I'm really excited about anyway. So being a linchpin employee, I want people that are really all in, that are doing their best. So I expect them to crush it. They're not always going to. Sometimes they're going to fall flat on their face, and I'm going to tell them, you fell on your face, and here's why and what I think you could have done differently. And I'm going to hold them to a standard. And if the problems that have arisen have arisen out of them not pushing themselves, now I really have a problem. I'm really going to hold them to a standard, let them know what's expected of them, push them to exist at that level. I'm sure that sometimes it gets really frustrating to be around me because I am holding people to a very high standard standard, and I will never lax my standards on that. Those are the kinds of people that I want to be around. But I'm also asking myself what I could have done differently. How could I create a better environment? How could I have been more clear? How could I have set them up for success? So that's all very important. All right, one last question. It's going to have to be short. This from Michelle King, Facebook. What happens when you make a mistake? How do you rebound? This comes down to how you view mistakes. So, first of all, I think it is the nature of being a human. I think. Let's just ballpark it. You're going to. 90% of the decisions you make are going to be mistakes. 10% are going to not be mistakes. So knowing and. And that is true of anyone trying to create momentum, you could obviously play it way safer. So I'm just not afraid of making mistakes. I'm always trying to take my best swing, to move really, really fast, to play at a really big scale. And by the way, I am realizing more and more those two things are my fucking superpower, dude. I'm willing to believe that I can pull off crazy stupid, that I have no idea how I'm going to do it. And I keep just pushing myself forward. So in that I need to accept I'm gonna make a lot of mistakes in doing that, but I will be able to bounce back from those, because I'm gonna learn from each and every one. I'm not gonna be paralyzed. I'm not gonna feel stupid. I'm not gonna let it teach me the lesson that I should take less risks. I'm just going to try to learn from each of those so that I can make my 10% of getting it right are just more and more powerful every time. All right, that brings us to the end, boys and girls. Thank you so much for joining me. This is, as always, a lot of fun. For those of you that are paying attention to my vocal woes, I went to see another doctor yesterday, and I can feel at the end of this live that I need to go see the vocal coach that that they're telling me to see so I can figure out how to speak with all the enthusiasm and passion and not all of the strain. So there we have it. Thank you for joining me. I love doing these. These are amazing. You guys are my everything except my wife. Admittedly, my wife's more important to me than you, but, hey, you're in position. Number three goes wife, team, and then this beautiful community. I love you guys. Thank you so much for showing up. This is absolutely incredible. Your questions are awesome. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And for all the feedback that you leave. Everywhere I read it all, it is amazing. I'm so grateful. I try to reply as much as I can, but I get really close to reading it all. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Keep it coming in. Much, much, much obliged. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe yourself. If you're right now on Facebook and you haven't subscribed to YouTube, please go do that. Getting our YouTube numbers up is how we're able to get more and more guests on the show. That would just be absolutely incredibly valuable to us. So thank you, guys, and until next time, be legendary, my friends. Take care.