Why Confidence Is The Key to Successful Relationships | Level Up Your Relationship: Part 3 (Replay)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Impact Theory with Tom & Lisa Bilyeu

Episode: Why Confidence Is The Key to Successful Relationships | Level Up Your Relationship: Part 3 (Replay)
Date: January 19, 2024
Host: Tom Bilyeu (w/ Lisa Bilyeu)

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the critical role of confidence in successful relationships, particularly focusing on how self-esteem, supportive behaviors, and “collisions of values” affect couples. Tom and Lisa Bilyeu explore practical approaches to building confidence, managing differences, and co-creating a dynamic that fosters both individual growth and healthy partnership. The episode combines Q&A with personal stories and candid debate, all delivered with the duo’s signature blend of humor, directness, and actionable insights.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Small Gestures vs. Grand Gestures in Relationships

• Poll Result Recap ([02:27]): 92% of audience prefer daily small romantic gestures over a few grand ones each year.
  • Tom: “Society is geared towards there being, let’s say, three or four grand gestures throughout the year. This means everybody’s really sort of off the mark on this one.” [02:56]
  • Lisa: Emphasizes how unnoticed daily gestures (like boiling the kettle or putting a Diet Coke in the freezer) can have outsized emotional impact—sometimes unexpectedly so.
  • Memorable moment: Tom’s exuberant reaction to a cold Diet Coke placed in the freezer by Lisa because it “saved” a frustrating moment, showing the magic of thoughtful daily acts. [05:39]

2. Confidence vs. Empathy

• Would You Rather: Would you rather have a partner who lacks confidence or a partner who lacks empathy? ([08:03])
  • Unanimously: Better to lack confidence than empathy.
  • Tom: “Hashtag, I want to be married to a sociopath. Yeah, that one’s pretty easy.” [08:26]
  • Lisa: Points out the ideal is both, but confidence is the theme for the day.

3. Building Independent Confidence in Your Partner

• Q (Daniel Breeze): How to help a partner build independent confidence? ([09:22])
  • Tom: “She needs to find confidence herself, period…You can’t just hand somebody the answer…The real work begins and you’ve actually got to do that work.” [09:49]
  • Lisa: Shares her own struggle with low confidence during a health crisis, and how Tom’s combination of support and honest challenge (“you have to figure this out… I’ll be here for you, but you’ve got to do the work”) was the most empowering thing he could have offered her. [11:45]

4. Managing Differences in Standards and Values in Partnerships

• Q (Tess R. Periera): How to balance letting your partner be themselves with managing expectations/standards? ([15:08])
  • Tom: Distinguishes between identity (who you are) and values (the way you believe the world should be).
  • Example: Lisa values immaculate aesthetics (cords hidden, tidy space); Tom values maximizing value to the audience (content over appearance). ([19:18])
  • Tom: “If you didn’t hold yourself to a ridiculously high standard…I couldn’t. Like, literally you would seem like an alien.” [18:20]
  • Insight: The real battle is under the surface; arguments are usually about deeper value collisions, not the direct issue (the “cup of tea” metaphor). [21:45]
  • Tom: “When you identify the collision of values and neither of you are interested in adopting the other person’s values, you’re not convinced at all—it’s time to move on.” [23:47]
  • Lisa: Describes how acts like doing the dishes, even when not valued, became tokens of love once their meaning was clarified.

5. Navigating Growth “Gaps” in Relationships

• Q (Jeie McElroy): What if my partner is scared by my personal growth and wants to learn from me, not externally? ([27:14])
  • Tom: Admits he struggled when Lisa’s growth mindset radically accelerated her development, challenging old relational dynamics. [29:15]
  • Lisa: Felt the need to “keep up” or risk drifting apart. [28:44]
  • Tom: “To ask you to be any less than the greatest version of yourself was so grotesque to me…I have to work my way through this. You keep doing what you’re doing.” [31:45]
  • On partner reluctance: “If he’s not willing to put in the work…then you have a different problem. Once you understand how much you can empower yourself by learning, nobody would say ‘I just want to learn from you.’” [34:17]
  • Discussion: The danger zone is when one partner pursues a growth mindset and the other refuses to engage at all, even at a minimal level.

6. “Would You Rather” Segments – Relationship Edition

Select Highlights:

• Would you rather be unable to improve your own confidence or have a partner who is unable to improve theirs? ([37:59])
  • Both agree: Better to keep Tom’s “on-point” confidence and help a partner grow, than vice versa.
• Would you give up a relationship to build something world-changing or vice versa? ([39:05])
  • Tom: “There’s only one true answer for me…that is to build something.”
  • Until Lisa adds the scenario of already being together—then he pivots: “I could never choose something over you.” [39:33]
• Would you rather be independent and lonely or dependent on your partner for all happiness? ([40:41])
  • Both acknowledge: In their relationship, some codependence works because they both strive for emotional stability.
  • Tom: Warns that for most, total dependency is “insanely dangerous” and produces emotional chaos. “The vast majority of humanity does not know how to self-soothe.” [44:41]

7. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Tom on confidence being non-transferable:
  “Nobody can pull you out of the Matrix. At the end of the day, they have to want to get out… and then do the actual work.” [09:49]
• Lisa reflecting on his hard truth:
  “It was quite hurtful at the time… But then I realized what you were saying and it was the greatest advice you’d given me in that moment.” [13:35]
• On value collisions:
  “Never argue about the tea.” [21:45]
• Tom on staying emotionally centered:
  “Both of us are always trying to keep the center for ourselves and we work really hard to help the other person find center.” [43:41]
• On the “build vs. love” dilemma:
  “I could never choose something over you.” [39:33]
• Lisa, heartfelt outro:
  “Now I have to be 150 because I don’t want you to live without me.” [46:22]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment/Topic | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------------------------|------------| | Intro / Small vs. Grand Gestures recap and discussion | 01:32–07:44| | Would You Rather: Confidence vs. Empathy Discussion | 08:03–08:57| | Confidence-building in relationships (Daniel Breeze Q) | 09:22–14:34| | Navigating standards and value collisions (Tess Periera Q) | 15:08–25:47| | Q&A: Handling partner’s fear of your rapid growth (Jeie McElroy Q) | 27:14–37:30| | “Would You Rather” Lightning Round – relationship dilemmas | 37:59–46:28| | Emotional codependence/codependency & final thoughts on happiness | 40:28–44:27| | Closing “Would You Rather” and shoutouts | 44:40–48:41|

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Notable Quotes and Speaker Attribution

• “You can’t rely on me to bring you all the confidence to the table… I’m going to be here for you, but you’ve got to do the work.”
  —Tom Bilyeu ([11:45])

• “When you identify the collision of values and neither of you are interested in adopting the other person’s values… it’s time to move on.”
  —Tom Bilyeu ([23:47])

• “Never argue about the T… The thing that you’re arguing about is not the real thing that you should be talking about.”
  —Tom Bilyeu ([21:45])

• “To ask you to be any less than the greatest version of yourself was so grotesque to me… You keep doing what you’re doing.”
  —Tom Bilyeu ([31:45])

• “Both of us are always trying to keep the center for ourselves and we work really hard to help the other person find center.”
  —Tom Bilyeu ([43:41])

• “Now I have to be 150 because I don’t want you to live without me.”
  —Lisa Bilyeu ([46:22])

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Tone & Style

The episode is direct, interactive, playful, and peppered with personal stories and practical metaphors. The Bilyeus encourage deep self-reflection and communication in relationships, while also acknowledging that some differences may be irreconcilable and should prompt honest re-evaluation. Their banter and analogies (such as “never argue about the tea” and the Diet Coke story) enliven complex topics and ground advice in relatable, lived experience.

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Summary Takeaways

• Confidence cannot be handed over; it must be built from within, though a supportive partner can help.
• Frequent, thoughtful small gestures outweigh rare grand ones for most people.
• Conversations about core values—not surface arguments—are vital for resolving recurring relationship friction.
• Growth gaps between partners require honest dialogue; mismatched mindsets may eventually become insurmountable if not addressed.
• Some healthy emotional interdependence is possible (and even beautiful) if both partners maintain self-awareness and strive for balance.
• For most people, radical dependency or ignoring deep value mismatches is a path to long-term discord.

Listeners walk away with not only concrete relationship strategies but also a deeper appreciation for the ongoing “work” of building both self-worth and a partnership that thrives on honesty, shared growth, and intentional care.

Transcript

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[Tom Bilyeu]

You're listening to the Impact Theory podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co founder of the billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory. Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of Relationship Theory. I'm your co host Tom Bilyeu and I am here with my wife, Lisa Bilyeu.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

What's up?

[Tom Bilyeu]

What is up?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Up early today. We're early. You've got some speaking engagements.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Flying around and driving around and yes. Plane, trains and automobiles.

[Tom Bilyeu]

It has been a lot of movement on my part and I won't say that we're. I'm certainly not up early. For me, this is actually super late, but I went to bed, ridiculously.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, it's the alarm thing that I'm not used to. We never wake up with an alarm. But thank you guys for joining us. We are live early on a Tuesday. I know we keep switching the days and times around so I really appreciate everyone watching and bearing with us. Obviously you've got a crazy schedule, so. Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

This week is pure madness. Like literal madness.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It is. But work around it.

[Tom Bilyeu]

But we do episodes.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. But we didn't want to let everybody down so we thought, all right, 8:00am so crew was here at 7 or 6:45, knocking on the door.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yes.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, let's get down to it, shall we? Okay, so from last week's results of would you rather as bonsai starts choking. So the question from last week was, would you rather experience small romantic gestures daily or grand romantic gestures yearly? And the results are in. Drumroll, please. 92% of people would prefer small romantic gestures daily. 8% would prefer a grand romantic gesture.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's insightful. That's because we've had so many that are like 50, 50, and this one is very applicable. Like you could do it right away. And especially since society is geared towards there being, let's say, three or four grand gestures throughout the year. This means everybody's really sort of off the mark on this one. That's really interesting.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. Which makes you wonder why people then when more people don't do that.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Because nobody but the shady old lady thought to ask that question.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

No, I'm saying like, oh, you're saying people won't do it because people don't ask each other that question.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, nobody's stopped to. I mean, look, there's. It's twofold. One, nobody's asking the question, so it's not really putting it in your mind. And then two, it's harder. Yeah, it's actually harder to be on it all day, every day, 365, thinking about little ways you could do something versus like. Like, I'm just gonna. Totally backward of that. I'm not even gonna think about it. And then, oh, cool, A birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, they're here. Let me do something big and cool.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Also, I think sometimes you don't even realize yourself. Like the other day. So people at home, you've probably heard us talk before about you boiling the kettle for me and how meaning, like how meaningful that is that every morning I now wake up and the kettle is boiled. So meaningful. But then the other day I put a diet Coke in the freezer for you as I was making because you were running out the door. So I thought, okay, I know he likes his Diet Coke in the freez ice cold. And you like freaked out that I did it. You couldn't believe how sweet it was. But you've never told me that in the past. Baby, it means a lot to me to put the diet Coke, because it doesn't. But you were like freaking out.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So excited. You understand why I was actually freaking out. And I thought because you were like,

[Lisa Bilyeu]

you didn't tell me.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yes, partly. So you had said, you know, about the. It being just like me turning the kettle on. And I thought it's actually not. But I didn't want to say it at that moment, because it was, like, so lovely and sweet and I was just really blown away and I was running out the door. It was because there was no way to make up for it. Meaning once I realized, oh, man. I didn't think to put a Diet Coke in the freezer. Which means that my Diet Coke isn't going to reach, like, the difference in pleasure for me between a really cold Diet Coke and one that is just starting to turn slushy is. Is massive. It is not a small difference in pleasure. So I thought, okay, I'm going to eat this meal and run out the door. And now I don't have time to wait for a Diet Coke. Like, normally I would actually wait instead of having it with my meal. I would just have the Diet Coke after my meal when it's had. It's about 12 minutes in the freezer. And I thought, I can't wait. And so, like, it was like, oh, bummer. Like, I'm going to miss out on. I'm going to have a level six Coke instead of a level ten Coke.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Okay.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And so in. In the moment where I'm feeling like that it can't be undone, like, all hope is lost. You said, oh, I already put one in the freezer.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Not the actual act of doing it. It was no. No situation.

[Tom Bilyeu]

It was the act. It was the saving the moment, you know?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But then how do I replicate it? Because. Right. Because that's the thing. Like, your reaction was so strong and sweet to me. I was like, all I did was put a diet.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I know. It was.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I was like, okay, I've got this. I didn't realize it was so important now to get, like, this pleasure from you. Like, all I have to do is put a D in the freezer. That's amazing. And now you're telling me it's not.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Well, make a screenplay reference. So in screenwriting, they tell you the most important thing is to raise the stakes. So if what's at stake, which this is why people's families always getting kidnapped. Someone's been killed and they have to, like, go on revenge. Yeah, you. You need stakes. Like, something really needs to matter. And in fact, one of the most interesting things in screenwriting is they say, why this story at this moment in time? And I always thought that was a cool question. So that was a. The Diet Coke was not only the thing. It was at that moment in time, everything coalesced to make it special. And if you think about it as sweet and as much as you love me putting the kettle on for You. You don't react the way that I reacted to the Diet Coke.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

No, you were so over the top.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I was, because I was literally. It literally was deus ex machina, where out of nowhere, someone came and saved this. This moment that I was having all silently. I didn't say anything, but the fact that you then said it was there.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So I'm always gonna try and replicate it. Right? Because if I saw that reaction. So it's when you're leaving or when

[Tom Bilyeu]

you're in a rush and I've forgotten to do it myself.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Okay, Check. All right, I'll remember that.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Nice.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, I'm glad you, like, defined it, because otherwise now I'd be putting Diet Coke in the freezer for you, which,

[Tom Bilyeu]

by the way, is lovely. It's just. You won't end up getting. You won't get the reaction.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I'm wasting my time. Pin you.

[Tom Bilyeu]

You won't get the big reaction that, like, the just normal thing would be like the kettle.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Okay. All right, there it is. Got it. All right, guys, so we'll go on to the next question, but we are answering questions live, so please drop them in the comments below. And then if this video is bringing you value, please, please, please do share it. That is our one. Ask to share it and get it in front of as many people as possible.

[Tom Bilyeu]

There you go.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So. All right, so. Oh, we've got a kick off. Would you rather. Of course we do. All right, answer with us, guys. Drop in the comments below. Would you rather have. Who lacks confidence or lacks empathy? Whoa.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I mean, that's easy.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Empathy.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. You'd rather they lack empathy?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Sorry. Sorry. Lack confidence.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I was going to say, like, sorry,

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I'd rather have a partner that has empathy is what I meant.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Hashtag, I want to be married to a sociopath. Yeah, that. That one. That one's pretty easy. I'd much rather be married to somebody with empathy and no confidence and vice versa.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. I have to say, though, and today is about confidence, so I don't want to just, like, say everything up front, but I gotta say, like, if you didn't have confidence, that would really, like, make a difference between our dynamic, I think.

[Tom Bilyeu]

No question. No question. And I'm not saying the confidence isn't important. I'm just saying it's.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Out of the two. Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Good Lord.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It's a. It's a tough one, but definitely that. All right, so kickoff question. This is from Daniel Breeze from actually a few weeks ago. And we really liked it based on confidence, so we really wanted to Ask it today. And when I say we, I mean the shady old lady has been amazing and she's been, yeah. Digging through all. You've got your guys questions and comments and stuff. So please continue dropping them in because we've definitely got the shady old lady looking through it and then we talk and we go over them. So really appreciate all of everyone's involvement.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Nice.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, so Daniel Breeze, you always say that in a relationship your partner should feel better about themselves when you're with them than when you're not. What if your partner's self esteem starts to depend on whether or not you say or do certain things? Would you try to help them be independently confident? Or how would you go about making them feel confident in the long run without making them feel bad in the short term? That's a great question. Kick it off, Mr. Billy.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So this is one where you almost can't help her like the whole idea. So yes, she needs to find confidence herself, period. And it can be a problem where the person then just becomes reliant on external things to give them the confidence. And that's never going to work long term. And look, there's, there is always some level of your confidence that is based on what other people are feeding you. I'm not saying that, but it does need to be able to withstand quite a bit of external problems and still stay steady before it would, you know, start to shake. So this is work that she's going to have to do on her own. I think it is absolutely incredibly important work. And one of the things that I like about life is there is no way to just hand somebody the answer. There is no way to pull somebody out of the matrix and then that's it. And you've done all the work for them. Like at the end of the day a, they have to want to get out, which is work that they have to do. And then once they get out, and just for anybody joining us for the first time and hearing me make this reference for the first time, the matrix to me is just a metaphor for the limiting beliefs that we all have about ourselves and what we're capable of. So you have to, once you're, you know, woke and you realize that like, whoa, I'm doing this to myself. And you can then really begin to assess how to change your belief system so that you can empower yourself so that you can go out and take advantage of the human ability to learn, grow and adapt. Like, then the real work begins and you've actually got to do that work. So unfortunately, he can't do anything other than be encouraging and supportive. She's going to have to do the work and she either does it and gets like more confident and stronger or she doesn't. And she's always going to be in that limbo where he has to be feeding her compliments to give her the almost illusion of confidence.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Oh, that's nice. Also I think he has, but also show he's supporting her because let's do real life example with me and you. So during the height, height, I would say of my, the worst of my health. About a year and a half ago we were at Quest and I remember just like, because I, I was so sick and I could tell my emotions were just all over the place. So because my emotions were all over the place, I started noticing my confidence level was dropping and I was feeling very insecure. And I know we've told this story before, but it was when we were in your office and I was just so emotional all the time, every day, feeling insecure about my position in the company, about my delivery, about my success, about whether I was hitting my goals, like everything. All my entire confidence was shot down because of my health. And so that there was that knock on effect. I didn't realize that was the reason. Right. It's the phrase you say, like when it feels real, it is because it is real. Right. So it was very real feeling for me. And I remember you were always very sweet, complimentary, supportive of me. And so I think that's important. But one day you did turn around to me and you said, look, because I remember something like I, you had upset me over some reason. I can't remember what now, but I remember like basically blaming you. And eventually you were like, look, this is really messing with your emotions, which is messing with your confidence. And you can't rely on me to bring you all the confidence to the table. Because what if you're in a bad mood one day? What if you're in the middle of work and you, you know, flippantly, like dismiss me because you're in the middle of work. Right. Like, totally get it. But if then my confidence is all relying on how you're feeling, how you're acting towards me, then we're setting ourselves up for disaster because I'm not then taking control. I'm literally just bouncing off you. And you told me to my face and I remember and you're like, look, you have to figure this out. I'm going to be here for you, but you've got to do the work. And so that's the advice I'd give to Daniel is that show that you're supporting them, show that you're loving them, show that you care and that you're there for them whenever possible, but that they have to do the work. And you always honest, like, let me know how I can help. But this has to be a battle you have to face. And so if I'm trying to hide behind it through you, like, it will never get resolved because I'm always then going to rely on you. You. So yeah, so I think that being supportive but also being very honest. And I remember when you said that to me, it was quite hurtful at the time. Like, what do you mean? Like, you know, I want to rely on you. But then I really realized what you were saying and yeah, that was the greatest advice that you'd given me in those. In that moment. So. All right. So all right.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, just clinging.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, so we got a question. Thank you guys for asking. Okay, this is from Tess R. Periera. I always laugh at the names or the way I say them. Hey, Tom and Lisa. How do you balance letting your partner be themselves with managing expectations, upholding, respecting your own standards, total freedom or individualism versus co creating sacrifice and compromise. No one want to be a pushover, but also not a nag.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Did you fully understand the question? I need it one more time.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But if you understand it, how do you balance letting your partner be themselves with managing expectations, upholding, respecting your own standards?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Okay, so here's what I'm hearing. So what I'm hearing is actually what do you do when your partner standards are lower than yours? Am I misinterpreting that?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So, no, you want to let them

[Tom Bilyeu]

be themselves, but you want to hold them to a standard.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It's total freedom of being, being an individual versus co creating sacrifice and compromise.

[Tom Bilyeu]

No, no, don't switch to a different part of the question. Read the first part again.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

How do you balance letting your partner be themselves with managing expectations and upholding respecting your own standards? So, yeah, I guess your standards are

[Tom Bilyeu]

different because there's friction between different standards. So this to me is very akin to collisions of values. So obviously I know no details about the situation whatsoever, but I will say that we have a collision of values. One person believes things should be one way and the other person believes things should be the other way.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, like no one wants to be a pushover, but also not a nag.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah, yeah. So you've got to have the real conversation. That is the real Answer. And it what you value isn't right or wrong objectively. And I think that it's important for people to come into any sort of exchange with a significant other understanding. Hey, look, I'm not saying my way is better, but I am saying it's mine. And so when you manage procurement for

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[Lisa Bilyeu]

But I think that kind of goes into like people fall into that trap, right? Where you naturally start judging the other person and the way they are judge away. So you're saying you don't care?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I'm saying you, you've got to live a life that is going to be interesting to you. You have no moral obligation to be in a relationship. So if you have a collision of values, you need to have the conversation about the values which are very deep. And so I'm writing my book right now and this is like I am having such a hard time explaining. It is so self evident to me that there is a difference between identity and values. But when I actually have to put the words on paper, it gets really hard. Identity is who you are. Values is like what you hold to be. Not objectively true, but the way things should be. In fact, maybe. Will you remember this? Values are about how you view the world in terms of how it should be. So whether or not the world actually is this way, I am moving towards this thing because it is how I believe the world should be. So for instance, I could not be with you if you had low standards. I couldn't, like if you didn't hold yourself to a ridiculously high standard.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Like standards in every aspect of my

[Tom Bilyeu]

life or probably not, but I haven't thought through that. Just at a high level level. If in the things that we were engaged in, you weren't holding yourself to a standard. Yeah, like that would really wind me up. Meaning a high standard. If you looked at me like I was crazy when I really go in on something and I'm really working hard and I'm trying to make it great. If you were like it's good enough, like why are you working so hard? Literally you would seem like an alien

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Can I then say, really jump in. That's how I feel when you say you don't care about the mics and then the chords.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Very interesting.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Like, I feel like your standards are low, that you can't have the. The mess. But you always look at me like I'm nuts.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. That it. Without going into the specifics of why, I will say that that is a perfect example of what we're talking about. And if at some point you were like, the mic cables are the only thing that matters, and the aesthetics of this are the only thing that matters versus. Because this really is a collision of.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

This really is.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So for me, it's like. Like to get lost in the minutiae of where a mic chord is hanging. And that's the same time you could be allocating towards delivering value to the end person and thinking about, how do we structure the show? What should the segments be? How should we be talking about them? Which. That is where I'm at from a standards perspective. So I only ask one question. How can I add the most value to the person watching that? Like, that's my fundamental values. So, like, the cables couldn't matter less.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Then this is a perfect example. Right. Where it's like, I don't want to be a nag, because I think that's what she's saying. Right. We have different standards on this, the aesthetic right here. So we have different standards. For me, it's very important to hide the cables. I hate these fricking mics. I want to wear lavs. So that's a collision of values. I have given up. I think you broke my will to, like, push that forward. But, yeah, like, I was nagging for a while and we were kind of butting heads a little.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. I mean, maybe it was more on your side. Like, it almost doesn't make my radar that we've talked about the cables, but that is sort of a. It's one way that reveals that there is something going on underneath the hood. So arguing about the cables doesn't make sense. Getting down to a collision of values. And I, I, in fact, let's do it in real time. What's more important, the aesthetics of the show or the ultimate value that it brings to the end?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Ultimate value. But I don't think I have to decide. I think I can do both.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Sure. And Peter's Law, right. When given a choice between two options, Take both.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Both.

[Tom Bilyeu]

No problem with that. But when you get to the. If they were butting heads and they're the problem, you get to the value system, because hopefully everybody just saw, like, that was so easy to go. Which do we value more? Spending the time focusing on making the show better so that we can add more value or spending the time making sure that we make the show look better? And in fact, maybe another way to ask it is what adds more value? The things that we're saying and, like, the way that we structure the show or the way that the show looks now, I think that's super easy to answer, especially because many people are going to hear this only as a podcast and they have no idea if we're wearing lobs or we have mics in front of us. So once you get down to, like, the foundation of the issue, it becomes very easy to deal with. This is what you and I call never argue about the T. So we've talked about this on the show before, but the. One of the biggest arguments that we've ever had was over a cup of tea. Now, somewhere around hour three of the argument, we begin to realize, this isn't about the tea. So what is this actually about? Like, what are we actually arguing about? And the problem was we were young enough that I don't think it was immediately apparent to either of us that we were arguing about something other than the tea. And now it is. Like, now, whenever we're arguing about something, almost always whatever the something is that you're arguing about is not the real thing that you should be talking about, because it's always the spark. It's the catalyst. It's the straw that broke the camel's back. It's that little thing that represents something far bigger. So in this question, I hear a need to talk about what they value. And the important part for each person is recognize there's no empirical truth. You simply believe the world should be one way. The other person believes that it should be another way. Or. Or maybe even better. This would be a saving grace. Oddly enough, the other person just hasn't thought about it. So they're at the level of the T or the mic cables, and they haven't gotten down to, oh, you're right. Like, I'm thinking aesthetically, there is something that, like, when things are off center to me, right. Whoa. Like, I have a neurochemical reaction to things being off center. But I can rationally, even though I have that visceral reaction to it, I can rationally go, it doesn't make sense to overly focus on that. Most people don't even notice. So what's a far bigger fish that we could be frying right now. So in that scenario, when she brings it up, he may go, oh, wow. Yeah. You know what? I actually haven't even thought about that. Oh, cool. You're right. I totally get that. So I get why you don't want to be a nag. Let me really see what I agree with, what I believe in, and what I'd be willing on my own to be pushing myself to do. But the reason I started my initial answer the way that I did is I want people to understand that when you identify the collision of values and neither of you are interested in adopting the other person's values, you're not convinced at all. It's time to move on.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Move on in what sense?

[Tom Bilyeu]

The relationship. Peace out.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But also, like, even taking, like, the dishes, we always say don't. What is it the phrase you say, don't want me to want to do the dishes.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Is that the phrase?

[Tom Bilyeu]

That is a phrase I can't remember. I think that comes from that movie, the Breakup with Jennifer Aniston.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

He said, you. I want you to.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

You.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Jennifer Aniston says to him, I want you to want to do the dishes. And he's like, what? That doesn't make any sense.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Right. Because ultimately, even if you don't want to, like, you'll still do it if it's meaningful to me. And that's kind of almost a little switch where it's like, collision of values. I want a house tidy. You don't really care because you're more focused on, like, it doesn't get the results in the bigger scheme of things. And so don't want me to want to do the dishes. But if it's important to you and this is something that you value, then I'll do it did. To show you that I care. But it's not something that you're always going to do naturally that you think should be done. You're actually just doing it for me. And so that was a little shift as well, where it's like, okay, now I'm not nagging you to do the dishes, but when you do, like, I really appreciate it because I know it's not actually something you want to do, but it's like a gift to me. And so I think, like, that's the difference. Whereas if we didn't have that discussion and you were doing the dish, I'd be like, yeah, you should be doing the dishes.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. And I think it's important to note that the collision of values has to be of, like, real import before that would be a peace out moment. But getting to what your value. Like you like the house clean. I literally couldn't care less in a business environment, which is the thing you always throw back at me. And I will say that the office needs to look nice, but the house not so much so but that I get it. I see your point. I just don't feel it. Don't really care. I think there's time spent better elsewhere. But that, I mean, Jesus, like, doesn't make my radar of things that would be so offensive as the cause of crisis in our relationship.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But it's something that's small that could.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Eventually it stopped us from having arguments to get to what we were valuing where the collision actually was.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. All right. Oh, we've got some fan thoughts on the mics. All right, let's have a look. Lauren Fanning likes lavalier mics. So you can express more body language in the show. Right. Like this gets in the way. Daniel, bro likes the mics. We have Daniel.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And I do want the record to reflect here that I said let's test. And in a blind test, if I can't tell the difference in sound quality between the lavalier and the studio mics, then we'll use the lavaliers.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, no, that's true.

[Tom Bilyeu]

In a blind test you can tell the difference. It is significant.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But that's why I couldn't argue and that's why they're still here.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Right? Right.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. All right, so next question.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Did you sneak on?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Thank you guys for submitting your questions. The wookie monster is.

[Tom Bilyeu]

She knows she's not supposed to be here. She's got her ears and everything.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

If she sits on you at least and stays quiet. And this is the wookie monster. You guys at home have never met her before. Okay, so fan question. And I. You got to pay attention though. She'll be distracting. Okay, this is from Jeie McElroy. I love impact theory and all you teach. My husband is scared by by how quickly I'm growing and learning, yet is scared to get a teacher or read for himself to grow. He wants to learn from me. That's interesting. What are three things I can share with him to help him while still maintaining the wife lover relationship rather than mum relationship.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Wow, what an amazing question.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Okay, so here's the bad news. I've lived through this and when you first started. Well, so let's really back up. When we first got together, I wanted a housewife and I took tremendous pride.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Caretaker.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's not the word I ever would have used a nurturer. Is that what you're looking for?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So because a caretaker sounds like a

[Lisa Bilyeu]

ground, the housewife sounds like you just want a maid.

[Tom Bilyeu]

No, that's actually. That's really interesting. That is not what I mean when I say that.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

That's all. Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Wow. Interesting.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Love the choice of words.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Which words matter? You know how I feel about that. No, I wanted to be able to provide for you. I wanted to. To be able to, like, live. Here's how I thought of it. I wanted you to be able to live whatever life you wanted and that I was going to be able to provide that for you. And I had a really bizarre notion of, like, I'm going to go slog it out and like, grind myself into the dirt so that you can live a life. It's like, if you want to go out with your friends, you can go out with your friends. If you want to pursue art, you can pursue art. That was so meaningful to me to think that I could give you that life. And so that was where my early thoughts were. And then as I started getting a growth mindset myself, I started being like, why don't you have one? Like, why aren't you pursuing something that you love? And why aren't you making the most of your time? And then it was like a total shift for me. Flash forward. You do start thinking like that and wanting to do something with your life. We start quest.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Well, let me flash forward though. The reason why was because I knew that for us to really, like, bond and have like this lifelong relationship, if you're moving 100 miles an hour, I gotta keep up. Like, I remember thinking, like, I gotta step up my game because there will be a time where I feel like you're so far ahead of me and you're looking like, like, come on, don't you know this? Or aren't you part of this? And I was very aware of that.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Very interesting. So flash forward quest. You start working and it's.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It.

[Tom Bilyeu]

It is one of the most surreal things that's ever happened to me in my life to see how radically and rapidly somebody can really change. Like when you talk about going from not necessarily a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, but those early days of you now have a growth mindset and you're in a position to really be learning a lot, that it was crazy. And I watched you go from thinking it more like the, you know, traditional housewife, in my words, not a maid, but like, where you were staying at home and you didn't have a career. And there wasn't, like, you weren't trying to make massive gains and things like that. And all of a sudden, you had that environment where you could do that, you could express yourself that way you could get better. We were growing so fast. You know, first it was you were by yourself, then you have one employee, then you have 10, then you have 40. And watching you transition and, quite frankly, harden up, up, like, that was dizzying for me. And to see you go through that. And I remember saying, like, I'm actually having a hard time with this. Like, you're changing so profoundly that all the things that I've come to value you for, the emotional support, the just time and attention that I was able to get from you, I mean, you were making all my food, laying out my clothes. Like, you want to know how my day was? It was like, there was the invisible. Like, oh, this has all become about me. And, hey, I'm pretty comfortable with that. And then all of a sudden, it wasn't all about me. And it was truly, we were peers in the relationship. And it was only at that moment that I realized, whoa, like, we weren't before, not in that way. Right. Like, everything was sort of aimed at what I was doing, and you were an amazing support system to that. But now it was like, while we both had the same end goal of making the company big, you had literally your own department, I had mine. And so for you to be effective at that, you really had to change. You really had to get tougher. You had to be way more assertive. You had to focus on your own stuff. And I thought, I need to externalize this because it's becoming a struggle. And so I did. We ended up talking through it. And in talking through that, it becomes abundantly clear to me that. That. Because I think at one point you were like, I'll back off. Like, I don't want to damage the relationship.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

It was basically exploring all the options, because I think you don't close any doors. You have to look at all the possibilities and then make a decision based on that.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And my thing was to ask you to be any less than, like, the greatest version of yourself was so grotesque to me that I was like, absolutely not. Like, this is me. I have to work my way through this. Like. Like, you literally, you keep doing what you're doing. It's amazing. Objectively, from the outside, it's beautiful. It's incredible to watch you blossom into this person that can hold her own. With a team of 40 people, I mean, it's pretty breathtaking. And so I had to process through that. So I get what it's like when somebody is really changing rapidly.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Well, this person is saying they're changing, and then their partner.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's, like, part two. Right. So I get why he. He's. Because doesn't she say, like, he's.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

My husband is scared by how quickly I'm growing and learning. Oh, that's.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's what I was addressing. So now you've got sit down and

[Lisa Bilyeu]

talk about the changes that are being.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Like, identify why you're scared. Like, he has to understand what that means. He feels like he's losing power, control, attention. Yeah. Who knows? Like, they're like, if we're gonna slip into stereotypical male being the alpha, being dominant, like, whatever. It's all stereotypes. And this may not at all apply to their relationship, but just knowing that there is a lot of baggage that people oftentimes have to process through. You need to process through it, talk through it together, identify what it is exactly uniquely to him that's actually making him afraid. Then, like, one sets out in the open. And by the way, it may be ugly, it may not be something that he's proud of, but if he can admit it. Right. Like, then we can begin to get on the other side of it.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

And for her not to judge him, because if he says, like, I like being taken care of, she has to just be very open to that. Right. Instead of going like, oh, so you just want me to be.

[Tom Bilyeu]

You know, I think this is about the growth mindset, though, so tell me if I'm wrong. So the. What I was using to illustrate is very much specific to us about the fear of. The fears that I had about you changing. It sounds like that's not necessarily what's going on in their relationship.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Maybe it is. Maybe it's. I mean, I don't want to keep guessing, but, yeah, maybe it's that he's scared about the fact that she's growing so much further. Like, is she going to surpass him? Does that then affect his own ego? Because he.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's what I think is. Is more going on. Is that, like, what you went through earlier that sort of prompted this for you is the sense of being left behind.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And which then makes sense with her saying, like, I don't want to slide into a mommy role, where it's like, I'm so far ahead of him. I'm the teacher. So to what?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. Well, how would you handle that second half?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I think that the Honest answer is the only way to deal with that is he's going to have to start doing some learning on his own. May I Recommend going to impact theory.com and read my book list? Literally, that's what the book list is there for, is to help people develop a growth mindset. They're in order. So. And if he's not willing to put in the work to read those books, then, you know, you have a different problem. And you need to identify, like, what's going on, why he's not taking action, what he means by I want to learn from you. Like, what is the comfort zone in that? Because there's something in that that isn't awesome. I'm just going to be really frank. So there's either a fear or a laziness or something in that. I just want to learn from you. Like, once you understand how much you can empower yourself by learning. Nobody would say that.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

And when you've got two. When you've got two people. So you're way ahead than I am. You read so much more than I do. And so there was a time for me where I literally sat back and was like, I can't keep up. I can't keep up. And then I thought, you know what? It's okay. Like, I actually don't want to keep up. Like, the amount of time and energy you put into reading and growing, like, I'm okay with my comfort level, and I don't have to compare myself to you. And so that was actually a massive revelation for me because I always wanted to be, like, right at your. Like, on the same level that, like, I was getting exhausted and I wasn't enjoying it and. But I kept feeling like, you got to keep up. You got to keep up. So being okay with it is also, like, I think, important to think about. So, like, for him, if he just doesn't have that. That thirst for knowledge and growth like she does, so he's kind of like, yeah, I kind of want to know. But, like, that's okay. I think you need to discuss that as well and be okay with the fact that maybe, like, you do have different goals. And her goal is to really learn and grow at an exponential rate, and his isn't. Like, there shouldn't be a comparison there. So getting to the core of, oh,

[Tom Bilyeu]

you think you're totally on the money. And then, like, four seconds ago, you went somewhere that I can't abide because,

[Lisa Bilyeu]

like, you be, like, 30 books a month.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So now we're getting into the specifics. So And I. And I think you're right. The specifics don't matter. So, for instance, I'm not interested in working out in the gym like you do. Literally. I just have no interest in that. But what she's talking about is a growth mindset. So. And I think, unless I misheard the question, the thing that he wants to learn from her is about a growth mindset. It isn't like about neurosurgery. It's very specifically how to obtain a growth mindset. So. And that. I think, getting that, developing your mindset, there's. It's not okay to be in a relationship with somebody. For me. For me. For me. I just want to make that really clear. For me, it would not be okay to be developing my mindset and be in a relationship with somebody who's not developing theirs because of the thing that you put your finger on early in our relationship, which is, I'll pull away from you. So how much I know about a given subject, how many books I read, that's irrelevant to me. So I would just say that they have a potential danger zone. And I think we should move off this question. They have a potential danger zone. If what they're talking about is one person is rapidly developing a growth mindset and the other's not the specifics of, then what they deploy that mindset against is irrelevant.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Cool. All right. Oh, we've got some. Would you rather. We have to actually wrap slightly early today because you've got to leave, so let's throw these out very quickly. Oh, I don't see them. Oh, no. Do we have a. Would you rather. Okay, just holding on for a second. And. But when. But when I said, by the way, reading, I meant not about neuroscience, but about growth mindset.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Interesting. Trying to drag me back into that question. I see.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, would you rather segment. Okay, here we go, guys. Answer with us. Drop your comments in below. Would you rather be unable to improve your own confidence or have a partner who is unable to prove their confidence?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Are we. If we're dealing in reality, my confidence is on point, so I'd rather be. Okay, well, if this is, like, the top level of my confidence, fine. I don't feel like it's holding me back. So you think my confidence is. No, I'm just saying in the scenario where my confidence is what it is now, do I want my partner to be in a position where they can't improve theirs and they're struggling? No, I'd rather help them.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But let's say me and you Right now. Now. Yeah. Probably me.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. I mean, the honest answer is, here's the thing.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I would say, yeah, I agree, actually, because your confidence is pretty damn good. Even when you're getting knocked, you're like, I learned from it. So. Which I want to steal from you.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Steal from Carol Dweck.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. Okay, next. Would you rather. Oh, we got a fan submitted. Would you rather. Love that. Thank you, guys. This is from Stepan, Ukraine. I'm sure that was exactly right.

[Tom Bilyeu]

That's exactly how he says it every time.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Would you rather give up a romantic relationship to create a business that will change the world and never be able to have a relationship or be in a happy relationship for the rest of your life and never build anything in your life? It's great. Would you rather, please, please submit more? That was great.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. And. And my. And there's only one true answer for me.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Go ahead.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And that is to build something.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

What if we're already together?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I could never choose something over you. So that also is equally easy. But I would literally have to find an outlet for that. Otherwise it would. Being in a relationship with me would be a misery.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think that, like, before I met you, it would probably have been a relationship because I didn't really have, like, a. A personal drive to be in business. I had a personal drive to be in movie business as a creative, but not as an actual business owner. But yeah, right now, like, I, for sure, I'd never give you up. So. All right, next one. Would you rather be independent and lonely or completely dependent on your partner for your happiness? If it's talking about reality, me and you, then I. I would want to be dependent on you for my happiness. Happiness.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yeah. Yes. Now I'm just going to give a counterpoint. And that is to say it is so insanely dangerous to have the totality of your happiness wrapped in somebody else.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Agreed.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And, like, I consider us independently codependent. And what I mean by that is your emotions dramatically affect mine, but I'm so hyper aware of the situation that I can separate myself from that if I need to and go, okay, right now just doesn't make sense. Like, we'll come back and address this, and I can literally hit the emotional reset button and go on with my day and then come back to the table. So. But for people who can't do that, they get into death spirals.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

But you're just like, if. Emotional mania if somebody, like, basically you rub off on each other. So if one person's having a really bad day, Then it's yes.

[Tom Bilyeu]

So now imagine people who warn you against being codependent. This is the scenario. The vast majority of humanity does not know how to self soothe. So their emotions feel real to them. So they indulge every emotion they have. So their day to day life is swings, mood swings. One thing tips them this way, then that way, then. And, and I'm not even talking about people who are truly manic depressive. Right? Who. Now manic depressive means super high lows, elated, having a great time. Today was the best day of my life. And being around people when they're in their mania can be fun because they're just having a great time. But then also the depressive. But either swing like these hard swings in any direction, it just becomes exhausting. So now bring that down several notches and you've got the average person and it's ups and lows. Yeah, it was good and bad. Every day is sort of a mix. But like they're, they're not trying to keep to center. Now put them in a relationship where they feel codependent with another person who is not making an effort to stay in center. And so they're having these, oh, it's good, oh it's bad, you know, not, not massive manic depressive swings, but like the normal swings now it's like fucking dropping pebbles into a water. So it's not just the single ripple anymore. You get the wave interference of the moods and it is just chaos. So what happens when you're down and I'm up? You're up and I'm down. We're both down, we're both up. It's like when you're both up, it feels amazing. When you're high and the other person's low, you feel like they've buzz killed. Now you're annoyed. And so then that annoyance creates another ripple ripple which then they ripple back because they're already down and you get this wave interference pattern that is total madness. So while each person on their own would have been okay because it's just the normal swings of day to day life when you put them in an emotionally codependent relationship where neither of them are making an attempt to stay in the center, it becomes this total cacophony of emotions going everywhere and bouncing off each other. It's, it's just crazy town now. Now the reason that I can say you and I are codependent without being, without thinking. I know what people think when they hear it, but I know the reality of being in that relationship. And the reality is both of us are always trying to keep the center for ourselves and both of us work really hard to help the other person find center when they're not centered. So if I'm in a good mood and you're in a bad mood or vice versa, and the other one sort of spoils that mood, we don't go, oh, I can't believe it. You fucking ruined it. It's like we recognize the pattern. It's like, hey, how do we get you back to neutral? We've got all these tricks to get ourselves there, to be receptive to the other person bringing us there. So it's like you've got two people always fighting to be in the center, to enjoy the highs, to learn from the lows. So it's like it just works. But that's not where most people are. And so it is terrifying. So that was very, hopefully useful answer to the flip side of your coin. Even though I would agree with you in our relationship, I think for most people being codependent is so dangerous, you're probably better off being alone.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Drop the mic. Bill you.

[Tom Bilyeu]

There it is.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

That was freaking great. I got nothing to add to that. Which doesn't happen often. Okay, we've got a last one because we've got a wrap. Would you rather live to 150 really fast?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I'm going to stop you there because this is so sincere and I've taken flack on air for not not. People think I'm not good at this. That tops looks. Top looks lovely. Yeah, I really like that.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Thank you. Funny thing is, woke up this morning, it was cold. So I was like, ah, get to put on my sweater now.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I'm like, it's still showing your shoulder. I would just like one shoulder.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

One shoulder. And the funny thing is because I'll be honest with people at home as well. This is backwards because this is supposed to be on this side like the tag. But I was like, oh, I want the right shoulder to show you are

[Tom Bilyeu]

a rule breaker through and through the top.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Sorry. Okay, last one. Would you rather. Would you rather live to 150 with the body of your 30 year old self or live to 30 with an with the knowledge of your 150 year old self?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Oh, 150 for sure, for sure. Like the.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Really just the other day, maybe you don't have any more knowledge. Then I'm gonna throw that rent.

[Tom Bilyeu]

You mean that like my knowledge caps out at 30?

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Yeah, because she's so. It says with the body of your 30 year old. But I want to say with the. Do you mind if I change it a bit? All right, let's change it. Yeah. With your knowledge of your 30 year old self.

[Tom Bilyeu]

150. 150. Knowing what I knew at 30, at least I already had a growth mindset. Like I knew how to center myself emotionally. For sure. I'm mortified to lose all the things that I've lost, but I would have been capable of living a very enjoyable and joyful life. And at the end of the day, since the only thing that matters is brain chemistry and all of the other stuff is just about wanting to accomplish on a world stage. Yeah, for sure. 150 with my 30 year old.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

Well, the funny thing is now I have to be 150 because I don't want you to live without me.

[Tom Bilyeu]

No. There you go. I trapped you.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

So. All right, we've got some fan shout outs. This is to Namer A R, who was just watching last week's episode when we went live. All right, thank you for joining. And Jason McCowan.

[Tom Bilyeu]

What's up, homies? Yeah, super good dude, by the way. Check him out. Anybody out there that has struggled with weight loss? Jason. I'm on the board of his company, by the way, and I'm incentivized to believe what I'm about to say, but I actually do believe it. But I'm incentivized to believe it and I want people to understand that. But if you've struggled, go check his site out. Modius. Hello, Health.com. really fascinating. They made a device which messes with, not messes with. It stimulates your vestibular system which then has potential to help people lose weight. It's pretty incredible. They were crushing it at CES when I was there. Amazing.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

And to be honest, like when very, very, very first start, you're like, oh yeah, it's this device. And so you start wearing this weird head thing. And as the wife, I'm like, are you killing yourself? Like, what are you putting on your head? So it's like I was so worried about because obviously, you know, I want you to live to your 150.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And I'm. Can I make a guess right now that Patricia, his wife, is sitting with him at this moment? Because I know that they watch Impact theory. So it's not probably not just Jason. His wife is so cool. I really enjoyed my time with her. I got to hang with her at ces and they are a lovely couple. I see us like 10 years ago in them. It's so cool. Cool. Because they work together on the business and it's really neat to see the dynamic that they found with each other. It's really, really cool. Nice. So there it is. Yeah. Good peeps. Good peeps.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

All right, guys. So we are. Yeah, we have to wrap early, unfortunately, next week, so actually switch on your notifications because our days and times are varying a little. And we love it when you guys join live so you can kind of join in the conversation, add your thoughts on your would you rathers. So next week, are we on normal time, Michelle, or. Oh, okay. So. So same time Tuesday at 8am that

[Tom Bilyeu]

tells me that next week is equal insanity.

[Lisa Bilyeu]

I know. Yeah. But yeah, love it.

[Tom Bilyeu]

All right, guys, thank you so much for joining us and again for joining us at at a weird time. We do really appreciate you guys showing up, asking your questions. It is amazing. We're eternally grateful if this added value to you, like Lisa said at the top of the episode, please do share it. That's how we're going to grow this community. And if you haven't already subscribed, be sure to do so. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Bye, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to itunes, go to stitcher rate and review us. That helps us build this community. And that is what we are all about right now. Building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can deliver as much value as possible. And you guys rating and reviewing really helps with that. All right, guys, thank you again so much. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care.