← Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Tom Bilyeu's Impact Theory
Your Subconscious Beliefs Are Ruining You | Tom Bilyeu AMA (Replay)
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What is up, everybody? Welcome to another edition of AMA Live. I'm your host, Tom Bilyeu, and today's episode is brought to you by the F Patient shirt. Which is my favorite shirt because I am absolutely obsessed with going after what I want, of not waiting, not being in a passive stance. And while I totally get why people tell other people to be patient, I'm here to tell you right now, whatever you're trying to do, always play the long game. But know that even if you're going all out, it's going to be hard as hell to make your dreams come true. So if you really want to do something with your life, unfortunately you can't be patient. And I love Peter Thiel's question of how do you take your 10 year plan and make it happen in the next six months? That, to me, is how you have to go after it, not by being patient. All right? So if you want to get yours, if you buy into that, if that hits, you go to shop.impacttheory.com right now and get yours. All right, without further ado, Daniel Breeze in the Connect inbox, why is it so dangerous to make fun of yourself? Let's say you don't really mean it, but you call yourself dumb as a joke. Can our subconscious mind differentiate between what's real and what's a joke? If not, why not? What is the scientific process behind it all? So it is really, really fascinating to me how careful we have to be with the things that we say and do. And I actually just did an Instagram post about this not too long ago where when I went to college, I completely reinvented Myself, growing up, I was the funny guy. That was my whole identity. And the way that I knew how to be funny was to make fun of myself. And so subtly, in some ways, that really did begin to seep into my subconscious. And I didn't obviously at the time have a growth mindset. And I didn't know that I could get better. And so I very much wanted to make fun of myself before somebody else could do it. That if I took those weapons away from people, then they couldn't use it to make fun of me. But that was really solidifying my identity at a lower level than what it could have been. And so when I went to college, I decided I was going to completely reinvent myself. I was going to take myself seriously, I was going to allow myself to really try to get good at filmmaking. And so by doing that, by beginning to take myself more seriously, it really did completely alter my view of myself. And I find that people really frequently do things like self deprecating humor to remove a weapon from other people, to stop somebody from calling them stupid, fat, ugly, whatever, because that's their insecurity and so they want to protect themselves. The problem is you're reinforcing that as part of your identity and you're not looking for the ways that you fix that. So the scientific methodology behind all of this is brain plasticity. And the things that you repeat are the things that are going to hardwire in your brain. A big part of that is your brain is always looking for the easy path to do things that take less energy, even when you just think of something as taking less metabolic energy. So what it's doing is it wraps connection points in myelin, which allows the electrical impulses to travel more rapidly. And because of that, it actually becomes easier to think those thoughts. So when they become easier, then the brain is more likely to default into that and you get into what's called the default network, which is if you've ever driven to work and gotten to work and been like, how the hell did I get here? I don't even remember driving. It's because you've done it so many times, that pattern is hardwired into you, you don't have to think about it as much. It becomes metabolically less taxing to slip into that. And so your brain is always looking for times and ways that it can fall into the default network. So the things that you think over and over and over become your habitual thoughts, become your default network. And then, and so you really have to be careful about undermining your sense of self, your identity by repeating things like that. So if you make a one off joke, it's not a big deal. It's not going to instantly rewire your brain. But if it's something that you're doing over and over and over, it will become habituated, it will become the default, it will become the easy way for you to think. And thus you'll just fall into those patterns. And it's really terrifying how that then creates your frame of reference. And your frame of reference is essentially everything. It's going to dictate the way that you look at the world. So if you're repeating to yourself all the time, hey, I'm stupid and ha ha ha, isn't that funny. And then the next time that you want to do something that would require a vision of yourself as somebody that could pull that off, that could learn and grow and get better, you're going to say, well, even subconsciously, in fact, you won't say anything in that moment. You just won't go for it. Because there's that subconscious belief that's playing that says that you're dumb and that you're not gonna be able to do that. And that's for other people. So you really, really have to be very careful what you allow yourself to repeat about yourself, because it really is gonna matter. And I know that it seems dumb, but like, even around here we just don't joke about this stuff. And around here being impact theory, I'll call people out if they make a joke at their own expense, if they demean themselves or something like that, because they're reinforcing a worldview, a perspective that. That just doesn't make any sense. So if it's not going to empower you, if it's not gonna move you to your goals, don't do it. All right. Lisa Bilyeu, baby, Is she really in the feed? Oh, that's amazing. Okay. My wife is traveling right now, so I am beyond over the moon to hear from her. What is up, my love? I have a question. What do you do when your wife's away? I'm actually getting emotional right now, so normally I. There is no normal. I try not to be away from my wife. That is the real answer, baby. I've just thrown myself even more into work, so if that's possible. Yeah. I've been thinking about you a lot. It's very distressing. So how can this be a usable answer for other people? Man? So growing together and really becoming attached to somebody, I'm Realizing is it is insanely powerful. And it's really interesting to me how in your absence, my whole world seems reframed. And I realized that one of the things that allows me to push as hard as I push is when I see you, when I walk past you, I'm thinking about building something for you, pushing hard for you, creating something that we both will reap the rewards of. And when you're not here, it's really interesting how I. I have to, like, reconjure your image and pull it back into my mind, because I find it much easier to go really hard when I'm serving somebody else than when it's just for me. And, man, I'll just tell everybody. When you have that sense of purpose, when there's meaning in your life, when there's something that is beyond yourself, it is so much more powerful. And then just to my wife, I will say that this morning, like a freak, I laid on your pillow for, like, I don't know, seven or eight minutes, just smelling it, because I miss you. All right, next question. Lay lowther. Hi, Tom. How do I carry out change without being overwhelmed? I have an eating disorder right now, and being constantly overwhelmed by how much I need to do to reach my goals on causing me to relapse. So, first of all, thank you so much for the vulnerability. That's just incredibly amazing. And thank you for sharing. I know a lot of people watching this are struggling with an eating disorder right now. It is so scary how common eating disorders are. So just again, thank you. So how do you carry out change without being overwhelmed? So, number one, anytime that you're feeling overwhelmed, that's a biological response to the stimulus. So remember, nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. So learning to meditate to get out of the sympathetic nervous system and into the parasympathetic nervous system is really, really, really important. I cannot stress this enough. When you start feeling yourself getting overwhelmed, when you're placing a demand on yourself to change or you're just battling your eating disorder, and I don't know if you struggle with binge and purge or if you struggle with anorexia, but whatever it is, as that begins to pull at you, and there are other things going on in your life that are stressing you out, what ends up happening is you can feel the mind speeding up. And the way that I equate it is if you know what a rogue wave is, you get any one wave isn't that big of a deal. But what happens in the middle of the ocean is you get this occurrence where the interference pattern of the waves will every so often create this one just absolutely massive. It's like 100 times the amplitude of the other waves around it. It's crazy. And this is how, like, oil tankers and things like that get toppled in the middle of the ocean and nobody knows how or why. So that is exactly what's happening psychologically. The interference of these waves, they just begin to amplify each other. And then all of a sudden, you feel one of those rogue waves coming. Now in that moment. And I know because it happens to me in that moment. If you stop, breathe from your diaphragm and focus on letting go, focus on dissipation, focus on just release, release, release, letting every muscle in your body relax, letting your face relax, letting your shoulders relax, breathing from deep down in your diaphragm, all of a sudden, that wave, even before it can begin to crest, it just drops. And you've got to practice that. You've got to get good at that. And that's why a daily meditation practice is so important. I'm begging you, don't be a fool like I was and push it off for years and years and years. Despite all the incredible and incredibly successful people that were telling me to meditate, get into the habit in the beginning, it probably won't feel that amazing. You're going to have to stick with it. You're going to have to keep trying, try different methods. Find the one that works for you. For me, it is a simple diaphragm breath. Listening to the sounds of nature really helps. I use the Calm app. I just can't recommend this enough now. Also, I'm guessing by your name that you're female. And we just had on Health Theory yesterday, guy named Michael Ruscio, Dr. Michael Ruscio. And in his book Healthy Gut, Healthy youy, he talks about something I'd never heard before, but it really fed into something that I witnessed the other day with an initiative that Lisa has called Women of Impact. They were all here at the house, and I was banished downstairs because I lack a uterus. And when I went upstairs and I just walked by, and so they'd been. They'd spent the whole night together. And so they were in, like, this really interesting vibe and. And they were wrapping up, so there's only like four or five of them left. And they were uniquely feminine. It's the only way that I know how to explain it, because if I try to put words to it, it's not gonna make sense. And if you're a woman, you already understand it and probably take it for granted and it's just completely invisible to you. But Dr. Michael Ruscio put words to it and he said that women have a need to tend and befriend. And I thought that was so interesting. And he talks about how men spend a lot more time in fight or flight because a response to a stressful, it's going to push them in that direction. They're either gonna have to fight to protect the tribe or go hunt or whatever. Traditionally, from an evolutionary standpoint, whereas women, they double down in the social bonds. And so this need to tend and befriend may be something that you will find really beneficial to you in terms of keeping that overwhelm at bay. So doing something to go out to connect with your friends. And if you have an eating disorder, chances are one of the primary ways that that your friends express themselves and bond is to go out to restaurants. So it's possible, I am guessing, but it's possible here that one of the biggest things that you're suffering from is actually disconnection. And recognizing that our modern lifestyle leads to ever increasing disconnection. And so finding ways to really engage with your friends could be just incredibly powerful in terms of keeping that overwhelm at bay. And then once you have the overwhelm at bay, that's when you're going to be able to really focus on what your goals are, write them down and find joy in that process and understand that it is a process and that whether or not you achieve your goals, ultimately don't reward or punish yourself for that. Really just focus on enjoying that process, being engaged with that, rewarding yourself emotionally for being willing to try, for going after it so that you don't emotionally rise and fall with your successes and failures. Because the failures are knowledge, they're information. It's going to teach you something. And if you're willing to learn from that instead of beating yourself up over it, then you're going to be able to get that momentum and it's going to be beautiful and positive fun. And then you've got a shot at really going after your goals without that sense of overwhelm. And then if you marry to that a breathing practice where you're really able to release that tension, release that stress and pressure, then you ought to be just fine. Michael Gaynor what do you do when procrastination becomes a habit? How do I stop the self defeating behavior of procrastination? Here it is, boys and girls, write this One down. The only way for you to overcome procrastination is to actually care about your goals. When your goals are exciting, when you want them to come true, when you ache for them to come true, which is something you build, it is not something that naturally happens. I don't think an infant is born with some innate love for anything in particular, which is why you can take a child and put them in any country, any culture, and what they want and go after will be different at the level of specificity, maybe at the level of sort of deep driver. The desire to have something in their life that they're pursuing, maybe that's universal, but the specifics, the way that it plays itself out, takes soccer, for instance, which is absolutely gigantic worldwide and is only just now beginning to gain steam here in the USA, 100 ish years behind everybody else. So just the culture, so understanding that, that you have to build that into your life. But once you're able to build a love, a desire, a passion into your life, that's going to be the thing that gets you out of bed and gets you going. I listen, over the last couple weeks I've been working between 100 and 110 hours a week. Run the math. That's an insane amount of fucking hours every day. And the reality is I've been having so much fun, so it's giving me energy. So this week hasn't exhausted me. It's really been feeding me now when I want that time off and I want to do something to recharge, like this weekend, for instance, because the last two weekends have been pure madness. This weekend, I hope, is a little more chill. So. So it's not like you can't take that time when you need it. It's just about knowing that you're really going all out in service of the things that you love. But without something that you love to be driving you and getting you out of bed and stopping you from procrastinating, you've got a problem. Now, I find that procrastination may hold the key to something that you love more than the thing you're supposed to be doing. So what do you do when you procrastinate? Do you play video games? Do you hang out with friends? Like, what is it in the things you do when you procrastinate that you could put at the center of your life? There are so many ways to build a life. It's pur. Insanity. Remember, don't optimize for money, optimize for joy. If you're optimizing for joy. And you have that and that core thing is there, then you can start asking questions about how could I monetize this bigger or scale it or whatever. If money is a driver for you, but otherwise, no. The only thing that matters is joy. So figure out what that thing is. If it's the thing that you're procrastinating around, shove that to the center of your life. Nine out of the 10 largest banks get it. They get that. 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Benji I'm 48. My mom accidentally dropped me down a flight of steps when I was a baby. Ouch. I have a scar next to my left eye. My life has been difficult. Could that drop have anything to do with my difficulty? Here's the great news. Yes, it could. And it absolutely does not matter. So if you have this narrative, and I'm going to guess that there's some resentment that you have about being dropped, let it all go, man. Let it all go. Because where we are is where we are. Now the question is, where do we go from here? What are we going to build on top of? And I will give you an example. My mom smoked while she was pregnant with me. So could I have been more incredible than I am now had that not been the case? Probably. But if I spend anytime thinking about that, it's not going to serve me. So I've done everything from think maybe if you know what hormesis is. Hormesis is that you can get a positive effect from something toxic, painful, stress or whatever. If I were you, I would start telling myself a story that went something like this, even though I know I'm just making this up to give myself a better frame of reference that there was a hormetic response to me being dropped. And I'm only as amazing as I am right now because I was dropped down the flight of stairs. In fact, I owe my mom a debt of gratitude. I don't want to do it again because there's a lot of potential for it to go wrong. But hey, it happened once. Super empowering. And now it's about seeing how far I can go. And even if your life is difficult, that is where it is. Thinking about it, investing in how difficult it's been, investing and being upset or like, what could my life have been if I hadn't been dropped? All of that's going to make you less than you could be. It's going to make your life more difficult than it needs to be versus deciding that you're going to reframe it as something potentially positive. And in doing that now, at least we know all of the like bullshit that would otherwise crowd into our positive frame of reference. That's all gone now. We're giving ourselves every opportunity to really become as extraordinary as we can. So put all of your energy into asking how is it the best thing that ever happened to me that I was dropped down those stairs? If you can reframe it that way, that, that was empowering. Even if, even if the only answer that you can come up with that really resonates with you is now I can help other people deal with these difficult things. So make it positive. Now. The second part of this is get your diet right. There's a woman, jj virgin, I think is her name. I'm almost certain her son had a massive traumatic brain injury. And she said that what she wanted to do was get him better on the other side of it than he was before the accident. It's an extraordinary story. Look it up. And she talks about how diet played just an absolutely massive role in his recovery. So watching some of her content, finding out what they did, learning about diet, you will be shocked. Most people live regardless of whether or not they've had a traumatic injury. Most people live suboptimally on a day to day basis because they're not eating right and they're not exercising. So wherever you are now, I promise you, I promise you, you can go up from here. So focus on that. And you mentioned your age, so I'm guessing that's a factor for you. You're still insanely young. So get after it. Eat right, exercise, reframe, positively. Figure out how that was the best thing that ever happened to you. Let go of any resentment, let go of some fantasy life of what could have been and just start thinking now of what, because you can definitely build from here. Thorge, Thorge Heman. Thorgy Thorge. I like Thorge Thorge Heman. Hey, Tom, what are the words I should tell myself to feed my subconscious mind in a positive way? So that really depends on what you're struggling with. But I'll give you the universal. The universal is I'm a learner. I can do anything I set my mind to without limitation. So once you do that, once you begin building your self esteem around your ability to figure things out, even if you're slow, like I am an impossibly slow reader. So for me in the beginning I really just had to get myself psyched up that on a long enough timeline I can win at anything. And that was my thing. I just kept saying on a long enough timeline, on a long enough timeline because I know that I'll put the energy and I'll put the focus, I'll give it the dedication, I'll keep working at it even though it's hard, even though oftentimes it is damaging to my self esteem, how hard it is for me to read things that other people find really simple. I just know I'm going to keep going. I'm going to keep going, I'm going to keep going. And every time that I do that, every time that I spend a little more time on an idea, a little more time with a book, I refine something a little bit more. I practice by speaking it out loud. Every time I do that, I feel a little bit better about myself because I'm reinforcing that sense that I'm a learner. I just give it more energy than other people. Then it reinforces something very positive in my mind. So that to me feels like the universal thing. So I highly encourage anybody to do that. But then there's also probably specific things that have to do with your insecurities that you could be repeating that would empower yourself without knowing you better. I can't answer what those are, but that's a general one. You can get good at anything you set your mind to. Humans are the ultimate adaptation machine. That was big for me because I didn't, I no longer had to believe that I was innately special. I just needed to accept that I'm human and that humans are designed to grow and get better. And that the way that we do that is through stress, it's through failure, it's through trying something and figuring it out. And then the body begins to adapt to that demand, that stressor by getting better. And that's just, that is a universal human response to stress. So since I'm human, then I know that's going to happen. So just believing in that, that always helped me. I know it seems stupid, but that really always helped me. All right, Nabila, Tahi, Tom. Can we overcome guilt and self loathing after making mistakes? Absolutely. But it's not going to happen easily, especially not if you're asking that question. So you know that that's just the way your mind works. It defaults to that. Maybe that's how you were raised. Maybe you just have, from an evolutionary standpoint, an overactive amygdala, which is the fear based centers. I'm not sure where guilt springs forth from. So it is just very possible that you're wired to be a little bit more prone to guilt than the next person. But you can, through cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, begin to squash that out. So every time that you begin to think negative thoughts about yourself, what you're going to do is use that as mental jujitsu to flip it into thinking something positive about yourself, something that you believe, something that's real, something that you've earned, but something that's positive about yourself. So you're going to use the negativity as a habit loop trigger to think something positive. And there's a guy named Dr. Daniel Amen, and he talks about his notion of ants, automatic negative thoughts. And he said, you need to squish the ants. So every time an automatic negative thought rises up, you're going to squish it and replace it with something positive. If you do, that won't be easy in the beginning. So you're probably thinking about it for five or ten minutes before you realize, damn it, I'm thinking a negative thought again. And I want to flip this over to something positive. Another thing, write down a list, as many things as you can think of. 5, 10, 20, 50, 100, whatever the number is of things that are real about you, that you admire no matter how small they are. And if you find that you're having trouble with that, then the real game you have to play is earning credibility with yourself. And the easiest ways to earn credibility with yourself, I find, are diet and exercise. Because it's something that you encounter every day. And every time that you make a good choice, then that's another thing that you've earned credibility with yourself. You told yourself you were going to go to the gym, you did it. You told yourself that you were going to eat eggs instead of french fries, and you did it. Whatever. And every time that you do that, then you're going to allow yourself to really feel good about that. That's going to be an anchor moment you're going to write it down. That's going to be something you're going to return to. So when you start beating yourself up over that mistake, you're going to remember. Ah, yes, here we go. Also, if I could give you just one insight about mistakes is if you're willing to learn from them, then it's like, okay, well, I know I'm never going to do that again. Also, if you need to make amends, make amends. If it's something where you're like, oh God, I really need to apologize for this, then go apologize. And that in and of itself can really lower your internal pain around that thing. So do all of that and I think that you'll be able to claw your way back from whatever mistake. Roman Enrique Figueroa. Hi, Tom. How can we as men change from that fight or flight mode and be more in touch with others, male or female? So the fight or flight mode is very easy in like a momentary way to get out of which is to diaphragm breathe. Going back to meditation, it is the mechanistic way that the body has a moving from fight or flight to rest and digest. So you want to breathe from the diaphragm. Learn to do that. Practice that. Get a meditative practice where you can really improve your ability to rapidly go from the fight or flight to a much calmer state in the parasympathetic. Now, one of the ways that I've practiced this, where I can artificially create stakes and then practice getting out of that, is video games. So especially if you're playing against another human, I find that this really can heighten your anxiety. Your heart starts racing, your breathing gets more shallow, you get really tense. And in those moments, if you can learn to relax and stay calm, it gives you a great way to practice that over and over and over and. And then just on top of that, making sure that you're spending time creating and investing in your friendships with people, I think is a really big deal. So taking the time to go out to a lunch or a dinner or just hang out with your friends is a big deal. Investing in your relationships is also another big deal. So like my absentee wife, we spend so much time on the weekends making sure that we reconnect and just like, really, really, man, when I say she feels me and she gets me and she supports me emotionally and I can just drop my guard with her and the things that are weighing on my mind, like every now and then I will just go into an absolute tirade and talk Almost without breathing for like 20, 30 minutes, just because I need to, like, be understood by somebody. So that can be really, really cathartic. Allowing yourself to lower your guard, to have somebody that you have that kind of intimate relationship with where you really trust them, they really trust you. You can be open, be super real with each other. That is super beneficial. But it comes down to time. You got to put the time into it. So, yeah, spend time, invest in your friends. Connect, connect, connect. It's a big, big deal for humans. Noah Jacobs. Hey, Tom. Lately, I can't stand going to the office as I feel I'm wasting my time. I can't wait until I go home and focus on more important stuff. Does this mean that I am escaping the Matrix? Hating going into the office does not mean that you're escaping the Matrix. Escaping the Matrix is really about building an empowering belief system. It's realizing that you can do anything you set your mind to if you're willing to go out and earn that skill set. So really, you have a pretty fundamental issue here. If you hate your job, you either need to fix what's broken at your job, if it's the people or what you're doing, or you need to go find another job. But just to live in this cycle of hating what you're doing while you're at work, that doesn't make any sense. So I really, really, really encourage you to find a way, whatever those important things are that you're doing at home, find a way to put those at the center to monetize, to make that what you do with your 50% of your waking hours you spend at your job. So I would find a way to make your job about something that really feeds you, nourishes you, brings you joy, that gives you meaning and purpose. It is possible there absolutely are jobs out there like that. You just need to find them. And now that you have the security of the job, arguably the most important thing you could be doing when you get home is looking for another job, applying for it. And if you're not skilled enough to get the job that you want to start working on those skills. And if you know that you've got a map and a plan and you're working towards getting out of that job, that can alleviate a lot of the stress. And you know, okay, I'm doing this to collect my check. I choose to do that because that buys me the time to learn the skills that I need to go get my idealized job. Alternatively, if you've got, let's Say six months in the bank, which I encourage everybody to do, is to have, one, a lifestyle that isn't outrageously expensive. Two, to make sure that you have enough saved up that you have six months. So if you wanted to quit to go intern, let's say somewhere and hope to turn that into a job just through absolutely crushingly amazing performance, that you have the latitude with which to do that, to get that job that's going to light you on fire and make you feel most alive. So, yeah, I would get out of that situation as quickly as you can. All right, next question. Jessica N. How can you control your subconscious and make a change? I'm almost 42, and I feel I can't find that one thing I want to go all in for for the rest of my life. So. All right, we have two separate questions. So one, more than I will say that you're controlling your subconscious is you're creating the environment that creates your subconscious. So the things that you think over and over, the feelings that you allow yourself to embody over and over, those things are what your subconscious is built around. So spending time repeating things to yourself that are positive, spending time repeating things to other people that feed into that positive notion that is going to begin to seep into your subconscious. Your subconscious is also built around the beliefs that you have. So really taking time to take stock of what those beliefs are is a very big deal. Identifying what trigger your emotions can help you get to some things you may not be consciously aware have become a part of your subconscious. Those things that trigger you probably lead to something that's pretty deep seated in you. And if you can really get to that by asking yourself why, why you feel that way, you might be able to get closer to the subconscious driver, something in your past that's created that subconscious feeling or belief. And so that you can begin to unwind that by feeding new beliefs around that, changing that narrative, that narrative about yourself, that narrative about the world, that's really what's going to become the crux of your subconscious. All right? Once you've got that under control, now that's very separate than what you want to give yourself over to for the rest of your life. That really is about something entirely different, which is building a passion into your life. So it's again, passion is not an archaeological dig. Passion is about creating something. So what you want to do is start with a flicker of interest, which we all get. We encounter something, and we're more interested in that than the next thing. By diving into that thing and really engaging with it, then you're going to see if it turns into a fascination, if it turns into a fascination, then through the process of gaining mastery, of doing that really hard work, of actually getting good at that thing, it becomes this, what I call a reciprocal relationship, like love. Now, the reason that I call it reciprocal, reciprocal is because as you develop the skill set, even though developing the skill set can be taxing and tedious and very boring, because it's hard and you've got to keep pushing long after it stopped being fun in and of the moment. Think of mastering a language or mastering an instrument, something like that. There's a lot of hard and boring work in the middle to get good at it. But as you're getting good at it, it allows you to serve other people in some way. And that serving of other people, seeing that, that skill set that you're building, that was hard to acquire. Even though it's around something that you find a lot of joy in, but you're going way beyond the joy and you're going into truly getting extraordinary at that thing. And as you get great at that, it allows you to serve other people. And that creates this reciprocal feedback loop that makes you feel better about yourself. So as you're getting good and serving others, it makes you feel better about yourself, which makes you want to get better. And you get better and you can help other people more. And you see how you get into this positive loop. So that to me is the nature of passion. You need to build that into your life. You need to go explore, do a whole bunch of random things, find the one that like, really sparks with you, and you're like, wow, I really like this. Don't worry about whether or not it's turning into money right away. Just find something that you're really enjoying and that's the place to start. From there, then we can begin to worry about building something out that can be monetized and all that. But find that thing that really feeds you, sustains you from an interest perspective. Keep pushing down that gaining mastery. And that's how it blossoms. Cringebert. Cringebert. Cringe. Nificent. Cringebert the Cringe Nificent. So I bet we can guess my feelings on having a name that has cringe in it. Dear Tom, I started a great business, but now all my customers are complaining that the product isn't working. How do I get them to be quiet and leave me alone? I will lean in close for your answer. Oh, Cringeburt, my friend, I meet you with A sincere amount of compassion. What you need to do, though, is really start switching your mindset. So when you're building a product for somebody, you want to really create something amazing for your customer, something that really solves a problem, something that they want to use that is really beneficial in their life. And if you can learn to hunger for that instead of them just going away, if you can think about evangelizing them, really listening to their concerns and thinking of yourself as like going into a lab and tinkering to make it better and better and better until it really is serving them, it really is doing something amazing for them. And your customers are giving you the feedback. I mean, this is one of the best things about social media is they're giving you the feedback that I hope that you really, really want, which is you want to make their life better. You want to give them something that really serves them. And if you're missing the mark, hey, at least you're getting the feedback. And that feedback is insane, insanely important. But if you don't want to listen to that feedback, being an entrepreneur may not be for you, because at the end of the day, you have got to really be fed by actually helping people. Not playing at helping them, but actually helping them. And if you can flip your mindset to really get enthusiastic when you get feedback. So get equally enthusiastic about the following two things. Failing to help, but getting feedback so you know how to address it and actually helping. Both of those two things are highly actionable. So if you, you see that something isn't going right, then you can go back, tinker and fix it. And if you see that it's serving people, then you can look at scale and how can I do even more of this? And hopefully either of those two things really, really are deeply encouraging to you. But as long as you have the feeling that your customers are the enemy, it's just never going to work. It's going to be really frustrating for you. It's going to be really frustrating for your customer. And yeah, so flip that mindset. Serve people. Build something that you're excited about and that really solves a problem for them. And you will go a very, very long way. Way dibella. Hey, Tom. I know we should be working toward a bigger goal. I'm not aware of my bigger goal right now. I do read a lot of books and on Blinkist, shout out to Blinkist, one of our sponsors. Amazing, by the way, I really dig what they're about. Would you still say it's wise to build other soft skills if you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H vac and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. So when I find that building skills that are moving towards something, always to be way more powerful than just building a set of skills that I don't know where they're going. So personally I would say identifying what that bigger goal is is really going to be the key to your success. So figuring out what it is you want to do, and if you're not sure, that's fine. Then go into exploration mode. Go try to figure out what it is that really lights you on fire rather than just sort of randomly. And that's not even true. I was going to say randomly touching on a lot of things, but that may be your process of exploration, but just hit a broader swath. Start asking yourself what's meaningful to you in your life. Start asking questions like, when was the last time I felt really truly alive? Because that's a good indicator of something that you should be going down the path of learning about. Like for instance. So the whole reason that we started health theory was I was doing all this research to try to fix my wife's microbiome. And I knew, wow, I'm gonna A, I found this really interesting and B, if I'm gonna be doing all this work and helping my wife, could this be something that helped a lot of other people? And yesterday when I was doing research for Dr. Michael Ruscio, I was like, this is so interesting. I was having so much fun. And it's one of those where that was when I was like, I have set this up so right in my life. The to do the content right demands that I do a lot of research going in, but I'm now researching something that I find really, really interesting. So that's once you have that goal, like for me it was I want to help my wife with her microbiome and I want that information to be able to serve a lot of people. And so now all the things that I have to do for that goal really feed into my joy, the process, enjoying that process. So that my day to day moments are incredibly enjoyable and they give me more energy than they take. So that dictates the things that I go in and learn about. So it isn't just soft skills, sort of randomly, it's something very pointed, very specific. So I highly encourage you to spend the time to find that goal that really interests you and then build a passion around that and then everything else will take care of itself. Olek Leis. Hi, Tom. I feel that I'm in a comfortable spot right now, but I want to push for more. I'm super grateful for everything and I don't have enough rage. How do I cultivate rage to give me that extra push? You know, it's interesting. So all of this stuff should be coming from a spark of something that is real rather than really just trying to manufacture it. And here's the thing, if you. I really want to know why you want to push for more. Like if that isn't innate in you and you have to like go and like try to reach for rage and all that, which is a really amazing tactic and it will work very powerfully. But seeking out something to be enraged about probably isn't the best way to go about it. I always take something that is that flicker that's already there, just like an interest, and then I build that into a passion. If I have a flicker of something that bothers me, then I'll build that into real rage and let it really get under my skin and I'll fan those flames to keep me sharp. But if nothing hit me like that, I don't know that I'd go out of my way to really find it. So it'd be really, really interesting to know why you want to play on that world stage. So don't let other influencers, myself included, paint a picture of a world that's actually at odds with how you really feel and how you really want to live. There is no one right way to. There is only a way that really feeds you, nourishes your soul, gives you joy. Like, my thing is I want to be the best. Nobody's told me to want that. I just really want that. And I find that the harder I go after that, the more that I get excited, the more energy that I have. But my self esteem isn't tied up in actually becoming the best. It's just the pursuit of that, playing at the highest level, wanting to be on a world stage, wanting to be the best of the best. Like it's so much fun. But I would never want to be that Olympic athlete who then messes up their run and like their life is over and they're just emotionally broken. I'd want to be able to laugh at that and say, wow, I really crumbled under the pressure that time. And then go back to the drawing board and figure out how I get better. I don't want there to be like this one singular moment of performance. To me, all of life is but practice. And I think if you guys look at that, that there is no sort of final moment. It's just practicing and striving for what you want. In my case, I do want to be great. I do want to play on a world stage. But I don't think that makes me better. It just is the truth of my life. And I'll quote Ray Dalio in his book Principles. He said, I don't know that my life is better or more joyful than the person who just wants a stress free, relaxing life. I just know this is the only life I could have lived. That's exactly how I feel. This is the only life that I could have lived. But that's just true for me. So if that isn't true for you, don't be afraid to chase the life that really makes you feel alive. Doesn't have to be the same thing as what you see on social media. All right, guys, that's all we have time for today. Thank you so much for joining me. It was absolutely amazing. I always appreciate your guys questions. Absolutely phenomenal. Remember to head over to shop.impacttheory.com right now to get your f patience shirt because if you're like me and you want to play on the world's grandest stage, the only way that's gonna happen is if you say fuck patience. All right guys, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. And if my wife's still here, I love you. Peace, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to itunes, go to Stitcher rate and review us. That helps us build this community and that is what we are all about right now. Building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can deliver as much value as possible. And you guys rating and reviewing really helps with that. That. All right guys, thank you again so much. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care
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