Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500

Episode: Mrs. P's Top 6 Gates of Hell | TMT 149

Date: October 12, 2025
Host: Pearlmania500 (A), Mrs. P (B)

Overview

In this Halloween-season episode of "Too Many Tabs," the husband-and-wife duo take listeners through Mrs. P’s painstakingly researched list of the world’s “Gates of Hell.” Far from being just metaphors or meme fodder, these are actual places around the globe that, due to their natural, historical, or folkloric weirdness, have been deemed portals to the underworld. From American haunted houses and fiery sinkholes in Turkmenistan to haunted castles in the Czech Republic, this globetrotting episode combines creepy folklore, deep dives into history, a dash of skepticism, and the show’s signature banter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introduction: The Premise and Too Many Gates (01:33–03:00)

• Mrs. P originally planned a focused episode about one legendary “gate to hell,” but “as I started doing research, turns out there’s a ton of them.” (02:14, B)
• The episode aims to highlight six of the most fascinating and infamous “gates,” based on Mrs. P’s research across the world.

Defining "Gate to Hell": Literal, Not Metaphorical (03:00–03:56)

• These are actual, physical locations—no internet, no Twitter hellscapes.
• “...opening up Twitter would be a gate to hell.” “Yes, absolutely.” (02:47–02:48, A & B)

The Gates of Hell: Mrs. P's Top 6 (and a Few Extras)

1. The Bel Air House | Ohio, USA

Segment: 08:08–28:13
Key Points & Quotes:

• Mrs. P introduces The Bel Air House: “This is a haunted house in Ohio that is called the Gate to Hell because it’s so haunted.” (10:10, B)
• Allegedly built atop a ley line and near a legendary “sacred Shawnee burial cave.”
  • Skeptical fact-check: “Whenever somebody says, ‘oh, it was a Native American burial ground,’...I’m immediate, like, no, disagree.” (17:23, B)
• Haunted status fueled by a 19th-century mining disaster and local lore, including a “demon child named Emily.”
• “...Edwin contacted mediums and conducted seances…which opens spiritual portals and let several spirits into the home.” (19:49–20:01, B)
• Pearlmania500 is skeptical: “If a house is abandoned, sometimes people are still in it.” (15:41, A)
• Mrs. P wants to do a ghost hunt here; A flatly refuses, citing bad Ohio experiences: “The first time I went to Ohio, I was nearly killed in a tornado.” (26:03–26:15, A)

2. The Door to Hell | Darvaza, Turkmenistan

Segment: 29:47–42:19
Key Points & Quotes:

• “A Soviet exploratory team...accidentally...created a huge gas crater...called the country’s most sought after site called the gate to Hell.” (31:52–32:10, B)
• The “Door to Hell” is a giant, continuously burning methane fire pit, set alight by Soviet scientists as a safety measure, expected to burn out in days, but still burning decades later.
  • Pearlmania500: “It looks so cool...like the eternal flame for JFK’s grave, but...metal.” (32:13–32:25, A)
• Spiders: “Hundreds of spiders running towards the hole...once I saw that, I’m like, you know what? Gates of Hell.” (40:18, B)
• Capitalism update: Now a tourist site, complete with yurts and safety fences (added only in 2018).
• Sci-fi tangent: “That’s a Warhammer 40K Demon Hole...now you gotta call in Space Marines.” (40:18–40:42, A)

3. "Gates of Hell" Storm Drain | Clifton, New Jersey, USA

Segment: 44:01–55:39
Key Points & Quotes:

• Local urban legend about a series of storm drains and tunnels allegedly “home to the Devil himself.”
• “This is a storm drain. This isn’t like Devil’s Den in Gettysburg...this is a fucking storm drain.” (44:33–45:07, A)
• Colorful local folklore: “...a spirit known as Red Eyed Mike who guards the tunnel.” (47:30, B)
  • A: “He has red eyes because he’s smoking pot.” (47:39)
• “This article...made people want to go there more, right?” (48:45, B)
• After an article in Weird New Jersey, teens and thrill-seekers flooded the site, often carrying absurd weapons.
• Hilarious moment: The Clifton Police Chief writes a letter to warn that all trespassers will be arrested, because “there will be zero tolerance. If we find them there, they will be arrested.” (53:47–54:23, B)

4. Houska Castle | Czech Republic

Segment: 58:53–82:29
Key Points & Quotes:

• “Most locals avoid the castle and the surrounding area, fearing that evil lurks there.” (60:05, B)
• Ancient site—first a 9th-century fort, then a 13th-century castle purportedly built to seal a yawning chasm in a limestone cliff: “They believed...half-animal, half-human” creatures would emerge from this portal. (61:22–61:34, B)
• The castle’s architecture is defensive—but towards the inside: “It looks as though it's...built to keep an enemy inside.” (70:31–70:58, B/A)
• Nazi occupation: The SS took over the castle—“no strategic significance in the German war effort,” but Nazis were deeply into the occult. Lore suggests sinister breeding programs or Hellboy-esque rituals (79:24–79:36).
• Dark, atmospheric folk tales: Prisoners lowered into the hole returned “stark raving mad” or didn’t survive. (81:26–82:05, B)
• Pearlmania500: “That is a gate to hell. I don’t care about anything on that—that is a portal to something...” (116:20–116:27, A)

5. Seven Gates of Hell | York County, Pennsylvania, USA

Segment: 91:50–98:27
Key Points & Quotes:

• An old, overgrown road with seven gates, each allegedly bringing the passerby closer to the underworld.
• Two stories: one about a burned asylum, one about a sinister doctor.
• “I don’t like haunted asylums...it’s a really negative thing to do to people with mental health issues.” (93:03, B)
• Mrs. P’s research finds no historical fire or asylum, but does find doctor with a weird sense of humor who “put up signs threatening people to not come down his road,” peppered with toad jokes (96:39–96:49, B).
• Ultimately chalked up to classic “whisper-down-the-lane” urban legend: “It’s a campfire story.” (97:57–98:00, A)

6. The Catacombs | Paris, France

Segment: 99:00–114:10
Key Points & Quotes:

• More than 6 million bodies moved into a labyrinth of underground ossuaries beneath Paris after cemeteries overflowed in the 18th century. (99:51–100:03, B)
• Bodies moved every night for years, resulting in a grim spectacle and the “Gate to Hell” entrance called Barrière d’Enfer.
• “Bodies would just, like, float to the top one day and have to be stomped back down.” (101:04–101:06, B)
• Some of the fat from bodies was rendered into candles and soap: “If you’re going to make corpse wax candles, you’re going to use them wherever.” (103:08, A)
• Early access points eventually closed for safety; modern explorers (“cataphiles”) still sneak into illegal raves and found hidden “cinemas” under the city—“imagine going to a Eurotrash rave and you’re surrounded by skulls.” (113:48, A)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Highlighting Speaker & Timestamp (MM:SS)

• “[Ohio] is so haunted...ghosts, Nazis, a demon child named Emily.” (01:56, B)
• “You can find dots on a map, and connect them. People do it all the time.” (11:00, A)
• “Why are we doing stolen valor in Ohio? Why Ohio have coal mines? That’s a Pennsylvania thing.” (13:08, A)
• “Standing around the rim, you can feel intense heat emanating from the hole.” (35:44, B)
• “[In Turkmenistan,] a drunk farmer drove his tractor into the hole.” (37:26, B)
• “There’s a spirit known as Red Eyed Mike who guards the tunnel.” (47:30, B)
• “All the knives you described are dead mall Asian store knives...a kimono, a glass case full of weird knives.” (51:07, A)
• “[Houska Castle’s] defenses...are actually on the inner parts...it looks as though it’s not being built to keep the enemy outside; it’s being built to keep an enemy inside.” (70:31–70:58, B/A)
• “The SS took over the castle. No records. It looks like a castle from a movie where commando units have to stop Nazis from opening a portal.” (75:24–76:17, A)
• “He would make these threatening signs [in York PA], but...would write them with a lot of toad-related humor.” (96:49, B)
• “The [Paris] cemeteries were taller than man. The pressure...squishing below in the dirt and coming out into people’s basements.” (100:28–100:57, B)
• “I don’t want to go to Ohio.” (59:09, A)
• “Some locals believe that a Soviet threw a hand grenade in there.” (36:40, B)
• “That is a gate to hell...that is a portal to something into a dimension we can’t even imagine.” (116:20–116:27, A)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Mrs. P reveals the “Gates of Hell” topic: 01:24–01:41
• Defining physical gates vs. metaphorical: 03:00–03:56
• Bel Air House in Ohio: 08:08–28:13
• Turkmenistan’s Door to Hell: 29:47–42:19
• Jersey’s “Gates of Hell” storm drain and the police chief’s letter: 44:01–55:39
• Houska Castle & folklore: 58:53–82:29
• York County, PA Seven Gates: 91:50–98:27
• Paris Catacombs: 99:00–114:10
• Final rankings of the list: 115:41–119:18

The Final Rankings (by Pearlmania500)

(115:41–119:18)

1. Houska Castle (Czech Republic): “They built a castle to keep whatever they think is in it, in it.”
2. Catacombs of Paris: “Even if it isn’t a portal, it’s still terrifying.”
3. Turkmenistan Door to Hell: “That is cool as hell.”
4. Bel Air House, Ohio: “I’m putting it higher...autostrip of Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey barely even showed up to the game.”
5. Seven Gates, York PA: “The woods is scary. Solely just because the woods as a portal sucks.”
6. Clifton, NJ Storm Drain: “That is a fucking stormpipe in New Jersey. There is nothing spooky about that.”

Mrs. P: “I agree with your list completely.” (118:50, B)

Tone & Style

• Playful skepticism mixed with love for spooky folklore: Both hosts enjoy the stories, but regularly fact-check, poke fun at local legends, and highlight the sociocultural context.
• Personal anecdotes and running jokes: Whether about ghost-hunting aspirations, cranky New Jersey cops, or crackheads squatting in Czech castles, the episode is peppered with memorable asides and callbacks.
• Interactive spirit: Listeners encouraged to debate the rankings: “When we get done with this list, tell us how you would rank them, 1 to 6.” (08:35, A)
• Halloween/Spooky Season energy: Frequent references to “ookey spooky” vibes and seasonal chill.

Useful Takeaways for Listeners

• The world is full of “Gates of Hell,” but their origins often combine geology, history, and folklore.
• Many legends are fueled by local anxieties, architectural oddities, catastrophic events, and opportunistic tourist marketing.
• The modern “gate to hell” can be just as much about illicit raves in Paris tunnels as about crater fires or abandoned haunted houses.
• Ultimately, just because a place is famously haunted, doesn’t mean it’s mystical—but it may make for a great story on a long car ride.

End Note

If you love spooky stories told with wit, skepticism, and a dash of affection for weird local legends, this episode—equal parts research and riffing—delivers. And if you have your own gate to hell to add to the list, let them know how you’d rank them!

For more:

• New merch: “Miscellaneous Immorality” T-shirts (06:03, B)
• Mrs. P’s new Ghost Hunting YouTube: "If I get followers, I'm gonna make this happen." (119:18, B)
• Support via Patreon at Pearlmania500.net

Remember: “Too many tabs, remember to smile!”