PEARLMANIA CASE FILES: 3rd ANNUAL HALLOWEEN TTRPG (featuring Hisnamewasdusk) | TMT 151

Summary

Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500

Episode: PEARLMANIA CASE FILES: 3rd ANNUAL HALLOWEEN TTRPG (featuring Hisnamewasdusk) | TMT 151
Date: October 26, 2025
Featuring: Pearlmania500 (A), Mrs. Pearl Mania (B), Hisnamewasdusk/Dusk (C)

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Episode Overview

This special Halloween episode marks the third annual TTRPG (tabletop role-playing game) event on the show, featuring guest Hisnamewasdusk as game master. The husband-and-wife duo (Pearlmania500 and Mrs. Pearl Mania) and Dusk play an original adventure using "Monster of the Week," taking on roles reminiscent of X-Files and Philadelphia folklore—complete with costumes, homemade lasagna, and a murder investigation involving Ben Franklin impersonators, organ theft, and a grotesque Franklinstein-monster.

The tone is deeply tongue-in-cheek, full of local Philadelphia flavor, playful banter, Halloween hijinks, and loving parodies of genre fiction. Listeners are treated to a blend of TTRPG actual play, improv comedy, and affectionate city roast.

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Key Episode Segments, Highlights, and Quotes

1. Halloween Introductions & Costumes (01:32–06:02)

• The group introduces their Halloween costumes—Luigi, Garfield, and Laa-Laa the Teletubby (or "Pizza the Hut"), leading to much debate about costume authenticity and budget priorities.
• Memorable bit: Mrs. Pearl Mania spends her costume budget making a real, gluten-free lasagna to honor Garfield.
• Quote (05:49):
  "Grocery prices are so spooky right now."
  – Pearlmania500 (A)

2. A Return to Monster of the Week (06:02–09:20)

• Dusk sets the stage: this campaign is a "sequel" to a previous Halloween episode, carrying forward characters Steve Stevenson and Agent Jane Doe ("like Scully and Mulder, but if Mulder was basically Kevin James").
• The pair reminisce about the previous adventure and clarify the difference between their costumes and their game characters.

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Game Begins: The Mystery Unfolds

3. The Cold Open: Murder Most Historical (09:20–11:20)

• Dusk describes a cinematic, found-footage-style scene: a colonial-era town crier is murdered on a Philly street, with the camera panning ominously and ending on a dropped handbell.
• Atmospheric beat: The gameplay's tone is playful, yet Dusk leans into horror tropes for comedic effect.

4. The Case Assignment & Background (11:20–18:00)

• Jane Doe gets a 5am call from Gray Ellis, leader of the Philadelphia Society for Cryptids, who needs help breaking into a morgue to check a suspicious corpse.
• The victim looks like Ben Franklin. Gray suspects a repeat of prior "Ben Franklin impersonator" killings.
• Introducing both the absurd premise and stakes: Ben Franklin lookalikes are being murdered for organs.
• Quote (15:35): "Why would you steal the organs of Ben Franklin impersonators?"
  – Mrs. Pearl Mania (B)

5. The Ben Franklin Files & Visiting the Boss (19:47–23:59)

• The agents convince their Tom Waits-esque boss (played by "Tom Waits") to look into the old Franklin murder files.
• It's revealed the previous killer was a cannibalistic Franklin lookalike—currently locked up in the Franklin Institute for the Criminally Insane.
• Quote (22:45):
  "We just didn't expect the cannibalism."
  – Dusk (C) as Tom Waits

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Diving Deeper: Interrogations and South Philly Adventure

6. Interview with the Cannibal Ben Franklin (23:59–41:08)

• The duo visits the incarcerated Franklin, who offers negotiations in exchange for a cheesesteak (with whiz, 'like a monster').
• His chilling, matter-of-fact admissions: he murdered and consumed organs from impersonators to prolong his immortality.
• He suggests someone is copying his crimes, but claims a cruder method ("the bruising is clumsy—a real amateur").
• Quote (25:49):
  "Us Franklins, we're allergic to TastyKakes."
  – Dusk (C) as the Incarcerated Ben Franklin

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7. Fieldwork: Death on the Sidewalk (41:08–56:58)

• At the South Philly crime scene, Jane Doe spots two different shoe prints and finds a strange orange-red hair/string—clues indicating the killer may have been in disguise.
• The neighbors are both suspicious and disinterested, offering up (after some humorous negotiation) that a man in a "grody" Gritty costume was seen on the block. The killer appeared to be dropped off in a champagne-colored 2005 Buick LeSabre.
• Quote (54:00):
  "He looked like Gritty—like, the hockey guy. But not Gritty. Like, grody."
  – Dusk (C), channeling the Philly neighbor

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Splitting the Party

8. Undercover Franklin & Costume Store Clues (65:48–74:03)

• Steve decides to go undercover as a Ben Franklin impersonator, guilt-tripping his Ben lookalike genes for the cause.
• At Party City, they learn someone named "J.J. Josiah" recently bought an orange hockey "Muppet" costume.
• The group splits up: Steve (as Franklin) goes to meet the other Ben Franklin impersonators; Jane Doe pursues Josiah.

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9. Ben Franklin Union Meeting & House of Horrors (74:03–86:48)

• Steve gathers Philly's remaining Franklin impersonators; awkward alpha-male standoffs ensue over Franklin trivia.
• Jane confronts "J.J. Josiah": after a brief chase, she discovers he's a monstrous, stitched-together "Franklinstein"—childlike, confused, and living in squalor.
• The house reeks of cleaning products; the basement is a graveyard of Franklin parts, deeply unsettling both players.
• Quote (77:22):
  "He's a Franklinstein's monster."
  – Dusk (C)

10. The True Villain is Revealed—Josiah Franklin Jr. (96:58–100:01)

• The real killer is Josiah Franklin Jr., Ben's jealous older brother, embittered by living in his famous sibling’s shadow.
• He's assembled a Mega-Franklinstein from body parts to surpass Ben—a manic, stitched horror with multiple heads.
• Quote (97:22):
  "Ben Franklin wasn't even the oldest sibling, okay? ...So not anymore. I have been feeding on all of the Ben Franklin imposters and making myself more Franklin than Ben Franklin could ever be."
  – Dusk (C) as Josiah Franklin Jr.

11. Showdown and Resolution (100:01–118:04)

• Jane deduces Franklinstein’s weakness: TastyKakes. Steve feeds it a butterscotch crimpet, weakening the monster.
• A gory fight ensues—Ben Franklin lookalikes rush to the rescue (bearing brooms, nunchucks, and a gun). The heroes, barely surviving, defeat the Mega-Franklinstein with teamwork and swordplay.
• Franklinstein is subdued (after an almost childlike standoff over a gun), and the agents return him for rehabilitation—a sweet, strange fate as he gets a job as tour guide in costume at Independence Hall.
• Steve reveals his true identity as Winchester heir, promoting Jane to regional assistant manager.
• Tom Waits, dismissed as boss, threatens a protest song (wrapping with classic office sitcom energy).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On real Philadelphia:
  "Just one time, could the monsters go after the PPA? Because then we would just let them go. The Philadelphia Parking Authority gets eaten by monsters. Oh, no, whatever shall we do?"
  – Pearlmania500 (A) [50:44]

• Neighborhood watch:
  "Why would you approach a man dressed as Gritty? No, you wouldn't. You go, you know what that feels like? Not my problem."
  – Mrs. Pearl Mania (B) [55:01]

• The monster’s weakness revealed:
  "Steve, do you still have that TastyKake in your pocket?... Feed the face the TastyKake. Feed it the butterscotch."
  – Mrs. Pearl Mania (B) [103:26]

• Meta moment on Franklinstein creation:
  "I'm going to be honest, I did come up with Franklinstein and then was like, well, I think that's just what I'm doing."
  – Dusk (C) [119:42]

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Structure & Flow Notes

• 01:32–06:02: Costume chaos and lasagna.
• 06:02–09:20: Recap, TTRPG setup.
• 09:20–18:00: Inciting murder, first clues.
• 18:00–41:08: Morgue, calamity, Franklin canon.
• 41:08–56:58: Crime scene investigation, Gritty lead.
• 65:48–74:03: Split party—costume store and Franklin gathering.
• 74:03–91:32: Ben Franklin union, Jane’s house of horrors.
• 91:32–101:10: Underground lair, mega monster, gory fight, TastyKake gambit.
• 101:10–118:04: Finale, job promotions, wrap-up.

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Tone and Style

• Nonstop banter, inside jokes, and Philly-accented humor.
• The hosts maintain a “we are barely keeping it together” energy—deliberately poking fun at the tropes of detective fiction, RPGs, and Philadelphia urban legends.
• The game master (Dusk) delivers genre tropes with comedic exaggeration.
• Even the horror is affectionate, carnival-like in tone.

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For First-Time Listeners

• You do NOT need prior TTRPG or show knowledge to enjoy—it's formatted like a comedic radio play.
• Expect a whirlwind of silly investigative steps, city-specific color, and loving ridicule of both Philly and nerd culture.
• The episode is ideal for lovers of improv, Halloween specials, TTRPGs, or anyone who’s ever gotten lost in South Philly.

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Calls to Action & Credits

• Dusk promotes his “Secret Garden Adventure Club” Kickstarter ([120:00]).
• Main plug: hisnamewasdusk.com for music and podcast projects.
• Running gags about lasagna, ads, costumes, local politics, and the dangers of too many tabs (and Franklins) close out the show with the podcast theme.

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Timestamps Reference Table

| Segment | Timestamp | |------------------------------------------------|-------------------| | Halloween costumes, lasagna bit | 01:32–06:02 | | TTRPG setup and intro | 06:02–09:20 | | The "found footage" murder cold open | 09:20–11:20 | | Jane Doe gets her 5am call from Gray Ellis | 11:20–12:53 | | Morgue scene, body revealed as Franklinite | 14:18–16:13 | | Cannibal Franklin in Franklin Institute | 23:59–41:08 | | Crime scene in South Philly, clues & Gritty | 41:08–56:58 | | Undercover Ben Franklin & party split | 65:48–74:03 | | Jane finds Franklinstein at Josiah's home | 74:03–86:48 | | Mega-Monster reveal and battle | 96:58–111:04 | | Finale, denouement, job reveal | 113:01–118:19 | | Outro, Kickstarter promo, closing jokes | 119:42–end |

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Final Words

"Remember to smile."
The episode’s sweetly anarchic, hyper-local, and full of loving jibes at TTRPGs, Halloween, and the oddities of living (and dying) in Philadelphia. It’s the Too Many Tabs crew at their collaborative, imaginative best.

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Transcript

[A]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[B]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me. So, Dana.

[B]

Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[A]

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[B]

Nice. Je free.

[C]

You heard them.

[A]

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[B]

Dude, my work here is done.

[C]

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[D]

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[A]

It's me, Luigi. I know you don't know who I really am because we are just spooks and spirits and goblins. Oh, no.

[C]

I'm so scared.

[A]

Sitting to my right is Garfield the cat, also known as Mrs. Pearl Mania.

[B]

I don't know if we should keep up the accent.

[A]

I think I should.

[C]

It's gonna be too much.

[B]

I don't think.

[A]

You don't think I should do the accent the whole time.

[C]

It's gonna be too much.

[A]

But it's.

[C]

I'm Luigi, but you gotta introduce me in my costume.

[A]

Oh, yeah, this is. His name was Dusk. And you're not in a costume.

[C]

I had a costume. But then the two of you were very. I went spooky and the two of you went like really like. Like cute and fun and I just like didn't.

[A]

We're spooky on a different level. Yeah, I have. I am a man who fights ghosts in haunted mansions. And I don't know if you've ever seen the Garfield where Garfield wakes up in a nightmare.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You ever seen that one?

[C]

I can't remember.

[A]

You know what I'm talking about. There is a whole episode of Garfield.

[C]

It's like, not episode Garfield and Friends.

[A]

No, no, no. There is a Garfield where Garfield wakes up and John and Odie are missing.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I do vaguely remember. Yeah.

[A]

It's like this oneoff and it's a terrifying thing where Garfield, like, wakes up in, like, an empty home.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's spooky.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

What's your costume? There's no way. It can't not be spooky.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What?

[C]

I'm a Teletubby. I'm La La.

[B]

You're. That is not a Teletubby.

[C]

It is.

[B]

I watch a lot of Teletubbies. Dusk that. It looks like the Scarecrow from the Batman.

[A]

You look like Pizza the Hut.

[C]

I don't look like Pizza the Hut. Pizza the Hut doesn't have.

[B]

You look like onion cheese made with spaghetti.

[A]

Anyway, this is too many times.

[C]

Remember to smile.

[A]

Welcome to Too Many Tabs, a podcast where a husband and wife duo sit next to each other at a table. And today they're joined by a third, or should I say fourth? Cuz Mr. Third's in the corner. And we have here, his name was Dusk, who is going to be our keeper in our adventure. Also, most people would know them as a Dungeon master or a games master, but for the game we're playing today, the third in our Tabletop RPG Halloween Adventures series from this podcast, we are going to be playing Monster of the Week.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And I don't know if I could do this with you wearing that mask the whole time.

[C]

Yeah, it's a lot. This is what I was saying.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I can't even. I got. Hold on. I got to take the mustache off. This is bothering me so much because.

[B]

It'S on an actual mustache.

[C]

This is honestly great content. I'm going to do this.

[B]

Oh, that sucked.

[A]

Okay, that's cool.

[B]

That's cool. Now it looks like a pirate.

[A]

Yeah, you look cool. You look like a cool pirate now.

[B]

Yeah. Can I. Can I show you part of my costume? Yeah.

[A]

What costume?

[B]

Because.

[A]

Because you just have a hat on.

[B]

Well, yeah, but that's. That's not the whole costume.

[A]

Where's the rest of the costume?

[B]

Okay, so you. We had a budget for costumes.

[A]

Yeah. $100.

[B]

Yeah, we had $100 budget for costumes. And you got this really cool Luigi costume.

[A]

Yeah, it was 50 bucks.

[B]

And then I decided we were the other 50. Go.

[A]

What do you mean, the other 50? It was $100 for each of us.

[B]

Oh, I thought we each. I thought we each had $100.

[A]

Oh, you just bought a hat. Was that a hundred dollar hat?

[B]

No. Okay, so here's what happened. I had an idea, which is I wanted to be Garfield for Halloween.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And then I was like, what's Garfield favorite thing? Lasagna.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So then I was like, I'll make a lasagna.

[A]

Is that what that is?

[B]

Yeah, I made a lasagna. Hold on, let me show you. Okay. Okay. Pull the lid, pull the lid, pull the lid. Oh, my God, look, I made a lasagna.

[A]

You made a lasagna?

[B]

Real lasagna that I baked.

[A]

You made a whole lasagna?

[B]

So. So here's a habit.

[A]

It smells so good. Is that real basil?

[B]

Yeah, I got it from the basil from the garden.

[C]

Every game of Monster of the Week now in the new edition has to have a lasagna.

[B]

So I made the. I bought. I went to the grocery store and I got all the ingredients for a lasagna, and they cost $80 for a gluten free lasagna. Yeah, look, I have the receipt because you said to keep the receipt for tax purposes because this was a write off. And. Yeah, it was $80 for the ingredients for the lasagna. And so I only had 20 bucks left for my Garfield costume. And that's. So I just got the hat.

[C]

It's a nice hat.

[B]

Thank you. So really, my costume is the lasagna.

[A]

You're. That's spooky. Grocery prices are so spooky right now. Oh, Terrace.

[C]

Hey, no spoilers. Don't spoil my monster.

[A]

Don't spoil the monster of the game. So with that being said, his name was Dusk. Can you quickly take us through what is Monster of the Week? The game we're going to be playing and kind of remind us, because this is actually like the sequel to the game we played two years ago.

[C]

Yes. So if you remember two years ago when the show was called Pearl mania. Yeah.

[A]

When two years ago, when the show was called Pearl Mania 500 we did.

[C]

Pearl Mania 500 case files.

[A]

Okay. Yes, I do remember. And it was like. It was like an X File style.

[C]

X File style thing. You played Steve Stevenson.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And Mrs. P played Agent Jane Doe.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Doe spelled like bread dough.

[C]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That was a funny joke about gluten. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And y' all investigated a monster that at some Point you realized kind of looked a lot like the Philly fanatic, which I hadn't intended.

[B]

No, that's not for copyright purposes. It definitely was not the Philly fanatic.

[C]

I guess there was a lot of, you know, resemblance. Yeah.

[B]

But, like, he wasn't from the Galapagos Islands or anything.

[A]

No, no, there's not nothing that. The backstory was completely different. He was just green and lived underneath the sports complexes in South Philadelphia. And then I think he bit me and gave me salmonella.

[C]

He bit you and gave you salmon. A weird mutated salmonella.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds about right.

[C]

You broke the arm that he bit, too. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Bad.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But then you got in the plumbing.

[A]

But now I'm a plumber.

[C]

Right.

[A]

No, this is. The costume has nothing to do with the game.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We are just wearing costumes because it's Halloween.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We want to be clear about that because that might be confusing to people.

[C]

That is going definitely to be confusing to people because they're going to be like, oh, why is Luigi playing Kevin James?

[A]

Yes. Because Steve Stevenson is basically Kevin James.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, just Kevin James energy. Oh, he's not a mall security guard. He is just Kevin James is who I'm playing. I'm playing Kevin James playing Steve Stevenson.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I'm Garfield playing Agent. That is. That's very similar to Kieran Reese. Yes, very. A woman of business.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. It's very. It's very scholar, Scully and Mulder. Except for my partner is not David Duchovny.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kevin James.

[A]

And we have no sexual chemistry.

[C]

Right.

[A]

That was the thing that came through very clear. It's the only thing I remember from two years ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I don't know if you know this, a lot has happened over the last two years.

[B]

What's changed?

[A]

Well, we have a baby now. And the world is on fire constantly.

[C]

Well, you know what's crazy? Hold on. Your characters have a baby? I need to write this down.

[A]

No, not our characters. I'm in a real life.

[C]

In real life.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Also.

[A]

Also, we're recording this episode a month early. Right.

[B]

So you don't even know it's gonna happen.

[A]

We don't even know, like, who. Who foresaw troops from Iowa invading New York City? Right. Like, who saw that coming?

[B]

Literally everybody.

[C]

No, Yeah.

[A]

I was. I was really shocked by all the judge purges. Anyway, let's get into the show and the actual the Pearl Mania case files where we're going to meet Steve Stevenson and Agent Jane Doe two years later in their Lives. And, and that's the show. Just as Monster of the Week is set up in a way where it's like the X Files, where it's like a 90s style television show that is going to be narrated to you by his the Our Keeper. His name was Dusk, who we're gonna refer to as Dusk from this moment forward.

[B]

Yeah, Dusky.

[A]

So it's, it's Dusk.

[C]

Dusk.

[A]

Take Dusk.

[C]

Dusk.

[A]

That's what I said. Take it away.

[C]

Okay. We see a shaky camera following a man in old timey 1800s era clothes and a triangle hat. The man is carrying a large pizza box and has a handbell tucked under his arm. As he walks down a small cobbled side street. The camera follows him from a distance in a jerky, lumbering, paced point of view CAMERA ANGLE the man arrives at an old looking gray house and passes the bell up to hold it with his chin against his chest. As he fumbles in his pocket trying not to drop the pizza box and bell. The camera starts moving towards him until we hear the sound of a dropped keyring and dagnabbit. The man shouts and bends down to pick up the keyring, dropping the tricorner hat off of his head. As he stands, we see that he has long white hair with a horseshoe bald crown on his head. The man sighs and with his eyes closed, takes a deep breath in frustration. He leans over and starts unlocking the door. Just then the camera moves again and we hear a muffled garbled voice say franklin. The frustration lines on the man's face grow, grow deeper as without turning he says, no, I'm afraid not. I'm a town crier. The man says patronizingly. Franklin? The voice insists, no, like I said. Then the man turns to the camera. It's a bit early for Halloween, isn't it? Is that blood? Do you need me to call? The camera lurches forward towards him as he yells, what are you doing? Unhand me this inst. We hear a sickening crunch and the bell drops to the ground. Right before it hits the ground we cut to a cell phone on a nightstand which begins ringing. We see a title card that says two days later. We see a hand grab the phone and we see a close up of Special Agent Jane Doe as she answers the phone.

[A]

That's you, Sleepily.

[B]

That's me.

[C]

So as you're picking up the phone, the phone says it's a quarter to 5am okay? And the display says Gray Ellis, who you know is what is like the person who runs the Society for Cryptids and anomalies in Philadelphia.

[B]

Got it. And I'm in a book club with them.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So we're like friendly.

[C]

Yes, you are. You are friends.

[B]

Yeah. And I say. So I answer the phone and I say. Hello?

[C]

Hey Jane, I need you to help me into a morgue to look at a corpse.

[B]

Listen, I don't want to have to get all the paperwork.

[C]

No, I've got a hunch that it's happening again. They sound very excited and they're not usually that excitable. Unless it's something serious and having to do with like cryptids or the supernatural. I think we've got an anomalous pattern of murders. And then you hear them go. What's that? No, hold on. You can't drop dogs off here. No, you've got the wrong place, sir. Hey, hey. I'm gonna have to go, but can you see if you can get me into a Jefferson Hospital morgue? I have to see a corpse and see if it looks like him.

[B]

Okay, listen, I'll do the best I can.

[C]

Yeah. Oh gosh. Because if it's another one that looks like him like. And then we cut to a phone call and we see that it is Agent Jane Doe that is calling. And we see Steve Stevenson waking up.

[B]

Steve, where are you?

[A]

I haven't answered the phone yet. I haven't answered the phone yet.

[B]

Ring, ring. Ring. Ring. Ring, ring.

[C]

It's like. It's like five in the morning. Hold on.

[A]

No, your wrong number.

[B]

No, I'm calling again. Ring, ring.

[A]

All right, I'm gonna groggly answer whoever this is. I want you to know I have superpowers. And I'll stab you.

[B]

Steve, it's Jane.

[A]

Jane. Hey, Jane. Jane. I was. I've been. I'm watching the footage right now.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

It sounds like you're sleeping.

[A]

Well, it's. What time is it?

[B]

Is it five in the morning?

[A]

Oh, thank God. I know when it gets dark out this early. I thought it was five in the afternoon.

[B]

Wait, what?

[A]

Cuz you ever have that happen where you wake up, you fall asleep during the daytime and you wake up and it's 6:30 and you think it's 6:30am because it's dark?

[B]

No, that is not happen to me. I'm a grownup. That does not happen to me.

[A]

Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean it doesn't happen to kids cuz like kids have parents in a schedule cuz of school. But I'm just saying, what's the. Well, why are you calling me? It's five in the morning.

[B]

Because we have to. We have to get on this case.

[A]

Case? We don't have any cases right now.

[C]

We cut to a. A morgue.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And we see the title card says Jefferson Hospital Morgue. And Gray is there. Gray is played by Tig Notaro and is, like, very excited as, like, the morgue attendant is like, walking you down. You know, like the filing cabinet style morgue shelves is like just kind of like. You see her, like, tapping her hands together, like, kind of excitedly. Yeah.

[B]

Which is not creepy at all.

[C]

Right. And they're like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I'm really hoping it looks like him. And they pull open the. They pull open this file, this cabinet, and we see that there is the body file.

[B]

It's a body cabinet.

[A]

It's a body cabinet.

[C]

And you do see a man who looks a lot like Ben Franklin.

[B]

Like Benny Frank.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So bald on the top, little white rim of hair.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Buckle shoes.

[C]

Exactly. And gray goes. It does. It looks like Franklin. Oh, my God. It's a copycat. I think it's a copycat.

[A]

Copycat of what?

[C]

Well, like some years ago, there was a spate of murders of Ben Franklin impersonators.

[B]

Wait, what?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't remember seeing that on the news at all.

[C]

Well, that's the thing is it was hushed up.

[A]

Somebody was going around killing Ben Franklins.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

How many Ben Franklins were killed?

[C]

It's hard to say because it was over a period of years. And so they're like, but this is perfect. Cause this guy wasn't a Franklin. Like, you look at him and it's like, hard to believe that this guy wasn't afraid of.

[B]

Oh, so he just looks like Ben Franklin?

[C]

He looks like Ben Franklin.

[B]

He wasn't actually a Ben Franklin impersonator.

[C]

But I don't know if whoever or whatever killed him knows that, but if my conjecture is correct, he'll be missing at least one or two organs.

[B]

What?

[C]

Yeah. Well, that's the thing is all of the murders, all of them were missing organs or body parts.

[B]

Why would you steal the organs of Ben Franklin impersonators?

[A]

That makes no sense whatsoever. Like, listen, we've covered some creepy things over the years, Gray, and we've dealt with some creepy monsters, but Ben Franklin organ stealing is a new level of weird.

[C]

Yeah. The thing is, you remember how I said that there was like, there was a bit of a cover up? Yeah, the COVID up was by the Winchester.

[A]

We did the COVID up.

[B]

I don't want. You don't understand. When we do the COVID up. The paperwork is so much more intense. It's all redacted.

[A]

Everything is awful. Why did we work for an organization that's just like cartoonishly, weirdly, like bizarre?

[B]

Money.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, do you think that maybe this could be like a case file? Like, could you try to get to see if you can find out any information about it?

[A]

Yeah, I guess we can.

[B]

I guess I can. Look, I mean, I'm happy to do it to help you out. Of course. It's incredibly inconvenient and I.

[A]

And I feel like looking at my track record of how I've lived my life, I'm probably going to look like that guy someday. So we should probably make sure that nobody's killing people that'll end up looking like me in the future.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Bald on the top, long hair and a big old pot belly.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

With little glasses.

[A]

With little glasses.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, look at this pot belly.

[B]

Audio listeners. The Luigi costume he has on came with a belly.

[A]

We don't know why Mario's the fat one.

[C]

So I'm going to cut here because I think this is probably a good time for the show to cut to commercial.

[A]

That's actually a really great point. And we'll be right back after we hear from this sponsor. You can't mess around when it comes to things you use every single day. Like your mattress. You need something built right and built to last. You need Brooklyn bedding. Every mattress is handcrafted in their Arizona factory with no gimmicks and no price gouging with with mattresses that suit every body type and sleep type. Brooklyn bedding has it all. Just take their quiz. In less than two minutes you can find out which mattress in their lineup is best for you. And as you guys have heard us say in the past, Mrs. P and I have had the best sleep on our Brooklyn bedding mattress. In fact, we got the cooling top on ours when we picked out our specific one. And it's getting a little bit chillier. We were kind of worried about it. But you know what? We mixed it with flannel sheets. We, we are staying warm and at this just the perfect temperature the entire time. And I've only ever felt this through Brooklyn betting. Brooklyn betting also offers 120 night comfort trial. Love it or they'll help you return it or swap it hassle free. Go to Brooklyn betting.com and use our promo code too many at checkout to get 30% off site wide. This offer is not available at anywhere else. That's Brooklyn betting.com and the promo code, too many for 30% off site wide. Support the show and let them know we sent you after checkout. Brooklyn betting.com promo code, too many. And we're back with more of the Pearl Mania case files.

[C]

We see the two of you are in a office, okay, that fans of the TV show would recognize as your boss's office. And you are waiting for your boss, as often is the case, you have been here for some time.

[A]

It's like a Charlie angel style thing. Yeah, it's like we gotta wait around.

[C]

For him all the time. Wait around for a while. And you see, suddenly a man bursts into the door. Burst, like, opens the door, like, real quickly and takes his pork pie hat that he's wearing and completely misses the hat rack. And then he turns and says, oh, yes, sorry about that. As you see the camera turn and we see that it is Tom Waits, who, as you both know, your boss is Tom Waits, who is played by Tom Waits playing himself. Gotcha, Gotcha, gotcha. And he sits on the edge of the desk, like, uncomfortably close to the both of them, right? Like, just like a little too close. Like, kind of between the two of you. And he's like, so you came in. There's no case for you. What is. What is this all about?

[B]

So there's been an incident, and I wanted to look into a potential case about Ben Franklin's going missing and having their organs stolen. Is that something that maybe we would have information on?

[C]

You could roll me. You have a move that is called. You have a move that under suspicious mind, where it says when you deal with the agency requesting help or gear or making excuses. Okay, Roll plus sharp. So you're going to roll the dice under that.

[B]

Okay. For under sharp.

[C]

Correct. Just the ones that are under the. Under that move. Yep, got it.

[A]

No plus or minus.

[C]

No, no plus or minus.

[B]

Nailed it.

[C]

12. So on a 10 plus, you're good. Your request for gear or personnel is okayed. And so he says, oh, the Franklin files. Sure, that was. That was a whole cluster fuck, and says, well, sure, I can give you some information about that. We did have someone that was collecting organs, and we thought it was some kind of. We thought it was some kind of, you know, serial killer or something like that. And I guess by all technical means it was. We just didn't expect the cannibalism. But I guess I guess I could give you access to talk to him. Just like, let me make a phone call. And he.

[A]

Wait, are you giving access to a file or a person?

[C]

Well, He's. We caught him.

[A]

Oh, you caught the guy who was killing Ben Franklin's and stealing their organs.

[B]

And he ate him.

[A]

That sounds like he's eating them like a lasagna.

[C]

Hey, have a little respect. He signed the Constitution.

[A]

Wait, what?

[C]

And then we see that. We cut. And we see y' all walking through a long hallway.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And we see a title card that says. No, no. We see a title card that says, the Franklin Institute for the Criminally Insane.

[A]

The Franklin Institute for the Criminally Insane. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, nice.

[C]

And as you walk, you hear there are like, some prison cells. Picture the scene in. In, what's it called? Silence of the Lambs. You're walking, there's like, prisons. And then you get to a. You get to one where there is a glass, like, Hannibal Lecter thing. Yeah, not like that. Yeah, yeah. Just like. And then you see a man that looks exactly like Benjamin Franklin turns and he says, I've been expecting you.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So am I to take. There's a copycat. Ben Franklin, killer of copycats.

[C]

Yes. Wait, that was a question for me, or are you asking Ben Franklin about it?

[B]

Oh, no, I was. The way that I'd phrase that to Ben Franklin is, Mr. Franklin, it's nice to meet you. These are unbelievable circumstances.

[A]

Hold on real fast. Are you really Ben Franklin?

[C]

Let's not skip the pleasantries. And then he makes a noise and goes. And like, his nostrils flare and he says, I see you have brought me tribute. What did you bring Ben Franklin as tribute?

[A]

I reach into my pocket and I pull out a tasty cake. It's a butterscotch. Crimp it. I've eaten one of them and I've rolled the package back up on the other side and used a lighter to reseal it.

[C]

And I'm like, you hold up the tasty cake and you see. Actually, could you roll me?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Boy, this would be. Let's just call this a sharp. You know what? Let's call this Investigate a mystery.

[A]

Okay, I got a six.

[C]

A six. Okay. You don't really recognize anything here. You pull this up. He gets a look on his face that is like a look of shock. And I'm going to say that you are like walking towards and Agent Jane Doe. You can see that there is some fear in his eyes. He puts his hand over the slot so that you can't put the tasty cake in. And he says, no, no, no, no. Us Franklin's, we're allergic to tasty cakes.

[A]

Oh, wait, did you say Franklin's plural, like your family?

[C]

Yeah, I had 16 siblings.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[A]

But there aren't like other Ben Franklin's.

[C]

I mean, they're imposters.

[A]

Oh, okay. No, that's.

[B]

But are the imposters related to you?

[C]

Well, no.

[A]

All right, though.

[C]

So I guess some of them, once I took their organs and he'd like. You see, he does the thing again, the like breathing in through his mouth thing, and he's like.

[A]

Did you think we brought you organs?

[C]

No, normally they know the procedure. You didn't bring me a cheesesteak. Chopped long hots.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Okay, that's just like normally it's. Normally people bring me a cheesesteak.

[A]

No, but you made it very much sound like we were supposed to bring you organs. Yeah, I assumed that it was going to be an organ.

[B]

No one told us that we needed to bring.

[C]

They don't let me. They don't let me eat organs anymore.

[A]

Yeah, well, duh. So they're gonna eat cheese steaks, though.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What about chicken cheesesteak?

[C]

What about chicken cheesesteak?

[A]

Are you allowed to have a chicken cheese.

[C]

I'm allowed to have a chicken cheesesteak.

[A]

We can get you a cheese.

[C]

I would prefer a regular cheese steak if you could get me a cheesesteak.

[A]

All right, I'll go get. How about this? I'll get you a cheesesteak. Agent Jane Doe. Yeah, you talk to him. I'll be back in like, I don't know, 30 minutes.

[C]

No.

[A]

What do you mean, no?

[C]

The pretty one stays.

[A]

So I said, she, like, looks at.

[C]

He's like, looking at you, and he's just like, no. And you realize, like, you've. As you said, you do have, like a weird kind of resemblance. It's like. Has anyone ever told you that you could be an excellent Ben Franklin impersonator?

[A]

It's just. Okay, listen, is this because I'm a little fat and I have good, good calves?

[C]

Yes, and you have an excellent shaped head.

[A]

I knew it. All right.

[B]

I really don't feel comfortable leaving you alone.

[A]

No, it's okay. And I reach down and I start to roll up my pant legs to show off my calves more because that was a big deal back in the day. He's like, oh, yeah, I got it, I got it. He's behind glass.

[B]

Do you want a cheesesteak, too? Should I just get us lunch?

[A]

Yeah, I want a pizza steak.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, actually, if they have. If there's. If you could get water ice too. I'd like. I would love a water.

[A]

Okay. That's too much.

[B]

Don't don't do that.

[A]

Don't do a water rice.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Get them. All right, we want. I get a regular cheesesteak for him. He said chopped onions.

[B]

Chopped long hots.

[C]

He said, yeah, Chop. No, the. I want the cheesesteak chopped.

[A]

Okay, yeah, obviously.

[C]

And then I want long hots.

[A]

Long hots on it.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Do you want cheese?

[C]

No. Wiz. What?

[B]

Oh, my God. What?

[A]

What?

[C]

Yeah, I want wiz.

[A]

You want wiz?

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

It's the grossest thing I've heard all day.

[C]

Hey, I'm Ben Franklin. I am Philadelphia.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but you ate people. But putting. You would actually put Wiz. What are you from New Jersey? No, you're actually from Boston. I know your backstory pretty much. You know, because everyone in Philly knows you're originally from Boston. And then you move down here.

[C]

Yeah, he's like, I invented the bifocals.

[A]

I love that you have a list of things right over there that you.

[C]

Scream out, don't look at my screen.

[A]

I can't help it.

[C]

Don't look at it.

[A]

It's just how we're set up. I'm trying.

[C]

Stop trying to cheat.

[B]

All right? I'm gonna go down the street. I'm gonna get us some cheesesteaks. For lunch.

[A]

Okay. No, but for other. I want a pizza stick. I want to be clear about that. With marinara and with mozzarella. And he's getting his with whiz.

[C]

But I'm the monster.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Delicious.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

All right, child.

[A]

Okay, go.

[B]

I gotta go.

[A]

Go get the. And don't forget it's for the files.

[B]

Oh, so it's a write off. Yeah.

[A]

So, hey, big boy. What do you got to tell me about all these. Them there murders?

[C]

There's much I could tell you, Mr. Winchester.

[A]

For those of you guys who haven't caught up to this show in a very long time. That's my real name. Steve Stevenson is a fake name I've had. Because I'm actually the heir to the Winchester Corporation.

[C]

What was it?

[A]

Yeah, whatever it is. I'm actually the.

[C]

I got Winchester Foundation.

[A]

The Winchester Foundation. And I gotta. I gotta do some stuff.

[C]

We'll talk about it just now.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

Oh, all right.

[A]

I was giving the listeners.

[C]

Yeah, you're good.

[A]

Okay. Oh, yeah. We should put it in context clues, what you're saying.

[C]

Yeah, I'm gonna. You'll. You'll see.

[A]

Okay. Got it. How do you know my real name?

[C]

There you go.

[A]

Ben Franklin.

[C]

He says, I know a lot about the Winchester Foundation. I was one of the people on the founding board.

[A]

Oh. Who else was there?

[C]

Lots of people. I don't want to list them right now, but could you please don't have that much time.

[A]

Please, just name maybe three of them.

[C]

Thomas Jefferson.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Was that awkward for you?

[C]

It was very awkward. I did not care for him.

[A]

Who else was there?

[C]

There's a. A woman named Linda. I can't remember her last name.

[A]

Linda. That seems a very uncommon name for 1781. Yeah, that's why you remember it.

[C]

Yeah, that's it. That's why it stands out.

[A]

And who was the third person that you definitely remember from the board?

[C]

Me. Ben Franklin.

[A]

No, beyond yourself. That's cheating.

[C]

Ah, you mean David Winchester?

[A]

Dun, dun, dun. My great grandfather.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Sorry. That was. Too many greats. It sounded like that. I'm actually just kind of spooked right now.

[C]

Yeah, I understand. I understand.

[A]

And I have a stutter.

[C]

The. The. The cheesesteak place is very close.

[A]

Yeah, but cheesesteaks. It takes time. They're probably.

[C]

Have you killed four out of the five that you need?

[A]

Yeah, I've killed four of the great monsters that we need to go take out through investigations and all those different things to prove that I could be the CEO, the foundation.

[C]

Okay, so how long do you have?

[A]

I got about 48 hours left. It's, like, really coming down. It's kind of stressing me out a little bit. But then again, I remember my mantra that my mom always told me.

[C]

Oh, what's that?

[A]

You're more than just a name. You're also have an okay personality.

[C]

She sounds like a lovely lady.

[A]

She was. I wish she wasn't the third monster.

[C]

I had to kill. The kind of thing that Linda used to say. So it seems like you really need my help.

[A]

Yeah, we do. Because I think this Ben Franklin killer, who is also stealing organs, might be one of y'. All, like, might be, like, a big, creepy monster.

[C]

I see. Mm. So what do you bring me? What do you give me as an. As a trade?

[B]

That's.

[A]

Trade.

[C]

Can you get me out of here?

[A]

Oh, I can't get you out of there. You're. You can't get out. You did too much last time.

[C]

Yes, I did kill a number of Ben Franklin impersonators. Yes. Wait, and two horses.

[A]

Okay, the horses was weird, but it was also kind of like, nobody really clocks horses in that way. Are you just. Just. So I go ahead and cover all my bases, are you currently sneaking out of here and killing people, or are you locked in the Whole time.

[C]

No, I'm not. It's not me.

[A]

Okay, good. Because, I mean, that's. I don't know if you noticed the camera in here once a night, right around midnight. It doesn't record for exactly one minute.

[C]

I see.

[A]

It happens every night.

[C]

I guess they're switching out the tapes.

[A]

That's what they tell me, but I'm like. I don't know. It's not every night, though.

[C]

Yeah. Excellent.

[A]

You said it's right around 11:59 and 37 seconds.

[C]

Excellent. Yeah.

[A]

For exactly one minute. Yeah.

[C]

Excellent, Mr. Stevenson.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Okay, I'm back. I brought. I got the sandwiches.

[A]

Oh, thank you so much. And then there's no. There's no pizza sauce on this.

[B]

What?

[A]

This is a dry cheesesteak. Oh, sorry. That one's yours. Let me put it through the slot. Give you that to Ben Franklin. And this is a dried cheesesteak as well.

[C]

This is not chopped.

[A]

You're chopped. Unk.

[B]

I wasn't gonna order a pizza steak.

[A]

Why not? Pizza steaks are delicious.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not saying out loud.

[C]

I understand. You see, he is like pulling the long hots out of the sandwich and eating them by themselves.

[B]

I agree with that.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I. I don't think I got what I came for. Do you know have any information about who the killer is?

[C]

Well, who would stand to gain from killing imposters?

[B]

You.

[A]

You?

[C]

Well, sure. Well, I was using it, but I wasn't really killing them because they were imposters. I actually like that people do that, you know, it's like imitation is the greatest. The sincerest form of flattery.

[A]

Yeah, 100%.

[C]

But I needed organs.

[B]

What did you need them for? Well.

[C]

I. I ate them. Yeah, I had to eat them for. To prolong immortality.

[A]

Oh. You know, you can just take it from kids. It's called adrenochrome.

[B]

Okay, so I have a question. The. The potential other Ben Franklin that's killing other Ben Franklin's to eat their organs. Now that we know that, do you think that person is getting immortality?

[C]

I guess they could be.

[B]

It's not that. They're just hungry. And grocery prices are really expensive right now.

[C]

Well, I guess I hadn't really considered that grocery price.

[A]

How long have you been in here?

[C]

Me?

[A]

Yeah, you. In here.

[C]

Seven years.

[A]

Seven years?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, wow. So he. He's missed a lot. Yeah, you did.

[C]

I did break out briefly during the. You remember when the Phillies won the World Series?

[A]

Oh, okay. Wow.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, people were really celebrating pretty hardcore. And they didn't notice. And I just kind of got out. But then I saw the state of the city and I was just like, you know what? I. This is dangerous. I'm going to.

[A]

1980 was a really bad year.

[B]

What?

[A]

Anyway. So you think it's probably somebody who just really wants to eat organs?

[C]

It's possible they may be trying to do a ravenous situation like I was.

[A]

Oh, you have ravenous immortality.

[C]

Yeah. You have to keep eating the. You have to keep eating. People say immortal to stay alive. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Which is just eating.

[C]

Yes. Do you.

[A]

But I mean, like, you have to eat to stay alive. So. Like that script doesn't make sense.

[C]

The case files.

[A]

What?

[C]

Could I look at the case file?

[B]

Oh, no, absolutely not. You cannot look at the case files. Why would I allow you to look at the case files?

[C]

Well, perhaps I could be of some assistance.

[A]

He's saying that if he looks at the weird stuff of Ben Franklin's being cut up and eaten, that he's not gonna get weirdly sexual about it. He might try to help us.

[C]

Put words in my mouth.

[A]

He might try to notice something that we're not seeing here.

[C]

Just.

[A]

Tammy, can I have one of the pictures?

[B]

Here you go.

[A]

Okay. I just take one of the pictures and I press it up against the glass. Okay. What do you see that we don't see?

[C]

He looks at it like. You see, he gets like real up close and he. He says, when did this happen? It was like two, three days ago.

[A]

Two, okay, two, three days ago.

[C]

And he says, I don't see anything.

[B]

Can I. I. I have a. I have an inkling you're lying. Can I use signs?

[C]

Yeah, he is definitely lying.

[B]

He's lying.

[C]

He says he doesn't see anything and he's lying.

[B]

Yeah. So I. I want to clock you're lying.

[C]

Well, I may have noticed something. The. The bruising, it's clumsy. When I killed, I made sure to keep the Franklins looking as fresh as possible. This is. This is an amateur. Hmm.

[B]

That's number one. Really gross and disconcerting. Where would someone have learned. See, this case file wasn't public knowledge.

[A]

Who?

[B]

Is there someone who might want to be copying you? Is there someone who's reached out to you about this?

[C]

He says there are. I have a couple of correspondent.

[B]

You get fan mail?

[C]

I have a pen pal or two.

[B]

And has anyone written you recently saying that they wanted to murder other Ben Franklin's to steal their organs?

[C]

No, nothing like that. Like, it's. It's mostly about the look. And then people want to Talk about my inventions a lot, honestly. And people want to make sure that I actually said certain things and whatnot.

[B]

Do they ask you a lot about France?

[C]

They do. There's a lot of questions about France. And honestly, a lot of things have been really exaggerated about my life. And, like, it's kind of. Kind of nice, but it's also, like. And I wish that the things that I actually did got as much.

[A]

Does anyone ask you about the water. The water organ you made?

[C]

The. You mean the glass armonica?

[A]

Yes. Does anyone ask you about that?

[C]

The glass harmonica? And you see, like, a real wistful look, and he says, what I wouldn't give to play the glass harmonica again.

[A]

Anyway, I think. Hey, boss, I think. I think we're good on this one. I think he's given us everything he can and now is slipping into a weird sort of, you know, old guy thinking about when things were pretty good back in the day mode.

[B]

All right, so maybe we should get going. Take the picture down from the glass.

[A]

Oh, yeah, no, that's fine.

[C]

Oh, wait.

[A]

Yeah, you're done, bud.

[C]

Okay, you're done.

[B]

You're cut off.

[A]

You're cut off. Bank it. And we. We begin to leave.

[C]

Has there been anyone else other than Franklin's taken.

[A]

Stop. I got. Not that I know of.

[C]

There was. Oh, this. Get. This last guy wasn't a Franklin. He just looked like Franklin. Oh.

[B]

Oh, right. You told us.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, this last guy, he wasn't a professional Franklin impersonator. He just happened to kind of look like you.

[C]

A bit incredibly handsome.

[B]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Calves.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

He says. Interesting. Then it's possibly someone who doesn't have bifocals. You know, I invented those.

[A]

Yeah, man, you invented a lot of stuff. Like democracy.

[B]

Yeah. It's not going.

[A]

You know, we're not doing that anymore. Right.

[C]

You know, it's possible that he can't tell the difference between Franklin and non Franklin.

[B]

Oh. Because he's not wearing his bifocals.

[C]

It could be that. It could be other things. This. The bruising, the clumsy nature of the death. You might want to look into that. I am going to cut there to the two of y' all at, like. I'm gonna say, like, at a diner. And like, you know, with, like, the. All the information spread out in front of you, the pictures and everything. And I'm gonna have Agent Jane Doe, if you can roll me an investigative mystery, which is at the top. All the way at the top.

[B]

Investigative mystery. Hit the dice button. Okay. Use it sharp.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Submit Submit again. Submit again. Six.

[C]

Six. Okay, so on a failure here, you don't get any. You. You don't like, you're not making any headway as you're looking at this. There's a. I think that there's like a. There's like not enough in the case files. Like, you have this sense of we need to go do the legwork. We need to go talk to people. Like, I think that there's. Normally you're used to seeing a crime scene and you got a call several days later, unlike that. So I think that there's this. We need to go and try to pick up more of the pieces.

[A]

Can I get a refill of my coffee? It's gotten cold. Yeah, Jan. Yeah. Jan, can I get a refill of my coffee?

[C]

Yes. Here was a decaf.

[A]

No, it was regular. Why would I drink two drinks decaf?

[C]

I'll be back.

[A]

Okay, thank you.

[B]

She's just gonna put decaf in there. Listen, we really need to. I think we need to go visit where this last murder happened because we can't just keep looking at these pictures. We're missing something and we need to see where this happened.

[C]

I know.

[A]

I get you. We need to get a feel for the alleyway. We need to understand the room. We need to get exactly. With the sponsors who have brought you this episode, fall has arrived. And with it comes cooler nights and the craving for heartier meals. Something warm and satisfying. And that's where HelloFresh comes in. HelloFresh brings comforting chef design recipes and fresh seasonal ingredients right to your door. Already America's number one choice for home cooking this season, HelloFresh is taking things to the next level by doubling the menu options. Now offering 100 choices every week, including new seasonal dishes and recipes from around the world. And guys, hellofresh is such a great way to one, make sure you cook yourself a great fresh meal at home, but also a great way with your partner and with your family to enjoy the joy of cooking and feel confident as you're moving around that kitchen. Get steak and seafood recipes delivered every week for no extra cost. And get healthier with new veggie packed recipes. The best way to cook just got better. Go to hellofresh.com/tabs10fm now to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life. One per box with active subscription free meals applied as discount one first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com/tabs10fm and get 10 free meals plus a free Item for Life all this talk of food and there's literally a full lasagna sitting next to me. I know, and I'm so hungry.

[B]

We can't eat while we're recording. Recording. This is an audio forward podcast. People don't want to hear us eating.

[A]

But I could. It could be. It could be an asmr.

[B]

Nobody wants that.

[A]

No, very few people. But there is an audience for it.

[B]

Yeah, but it's not this audience.

[C]

But maybe.

[B]

Hey, Jinx, you owe me a lasagna.

[A]

All right, but if you are part of that audience, maybe we'll add a special ASMR lasagna eating to pearlmania500.net no.

[C]

Eating sounds maybe in the, like cooking with the food yet. Because at least that one, there's like a food vibe.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. See, I could eat a whole lasagna. You're not a gluten free lasagna.

[B]

If anybody eats the whole lasagna, it's me. I'm Garfield.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but I want to. I'm also Luigi. Yeah, so I'm Italian.

[B]

That doesn't.

[A]

So lasagna was promised to me 3,000 years ago.

[B]

I have a question that's not related to what we're doing right now.

[A]

Sure, go ahead.

[B]

Why are you wearing white gloves?

[A]

Okay. In the 1920s.

[C]

Check for dust.

[A]

Minstrel shows.

[C]

Okay, we've got a no.

[A]

What?

[B]

Let's get back in the game.

[C]

Okay. The two of you have gone to the crime scene. South Philly. Home where the crime scene took place. Got it.

[A]

South Philadelphia. So we take time to park.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

It's taking us a while.

[B]

I'm. I'm praying to St. Anthony right now.

[A]

Who is driving?

[B]

Please help me find a.

[C]

You have a van?

[A]

I'm. Oh, I'm trying to park a van in Philadelphia.

[C]

Night, is it?

[A]

Wait, we didn't establish this night. Is it night or is it daytime?

[C]

It's daytime.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, that might be a little easier.

[C]

Like 6pm Ah, geez.

[B]

Son of a bitch. We're gonna be circling for hours.

[A]

Oh my God. And how is it. How big of a van? Is it a minivan or is that like a full size?

[C]

We'll get there. Because right now it's just Agent Jane Doe who got dropped off. Like, I think there's like. I'm gonna drop you off and I'll try to find parking.

[A]

I'm gonna try to find parking.

[C]

Okay, so this is like. It looks like a pretty regular home. The. There's still some of the, you know, the chalk outline that was on The. They haven't, like, completely wiped it away. So you can see where it is. You can see that there's, like, he seems to have fallen on a pizza box in the photo. And inside or outside?

[A]

What do you mean outside?

[C]

He was outside.

[A]

He was outside the home. So there's chalk outlines on the sidewalk.

[C]

On the sidewalk. Got it. Yeah. Outside of his house. And if you want to roll me, Investigate a mystery here.

[B]

Okay. Investigate a mystery. That's me. Because you're still parking. Submit Submit 9.

[C]

Great. So you get to ask one of the questions from that list.

[B]

Okay, let's see. Yeah, I see the list. I'm going through. There's a few questions here I'm trying to see. Hmm. What am I missing? What is being concealed here?

[C]

Okay, you can see that there is a set of footprints in the mud that are. There's like a. Like a. The shoes are different sizes.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

And so, like, as you were, like, just kind of looking, like, in the mud, it seems like someone did that and that they were there for some time. And it kind of is in the place. In the position where a murderer might have stood to make the town crier fall in the exact location that he did. And as you're looking, there is also a orange red hair.

[B]

An orange red.

[C]

Like a long orange red, like hair or string.

[B]

Okay. And when you said the. The feet were different sizes, so, like, the person. I'm saying person had two feet, but each foot was a different size. Or there's two sets of feet.

[C]

No, it's like they're wearing two. And, like, you can see in the imprint. There's, like a sneaker, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then, like, one of the sneakers is a little bigger than the other.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. All right. Wow. When. When he gets back from parking the car, we are really gonna discuss this, huh? And then you drive by and yell out the window.

[A]

Yeah, I've drive. Beep, beep. I'm still looking. I'm still looking. It's real busy right now. And I don't know if you know this. There's. There's like, four funerals happening down the street. So the usual parking spots down there, they're all taken right now.

[C]

And then I might just park in the middle.

[A]

Abroad.

[C]

As you're driving around. Can you roll me an act under pressure?

[A]

Act under pressure. Got it. Six the failure. That's a fail because you don't act well under pressure.

[C]

You are trying. Well, it's. It's also. It's a tough situation trying to find parking in South Philadelphia.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Is an absolute nightmare.

[A]

But also what's even better is I. And because of this fail, I think I did find a spot, but the person behind me pulled up and then another car pulled up behind them, so I couldn't reverse into it, so I had to abandon the spot. I want to parallel parking people like.

[C]

Honking and I'm like, I was trying to.

[A]

Had the signal on.

[C]

No. And then like that person. Just one shot.

[B]

One shot in perfectly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then it was a wide spot. Yeah. And then you end up having to like park in the middle of Oregon, like on like one of like the things. And you. The worst thing is you can see a PPA guy, like coming down the line, like putting parking tickets on things. It's like you just have to. You've. It's been 30 minutes. Like, what are you going to do? Yeah.

[B]

Luckily we can just hand them into the boss and he's definitely not going to be a dick about it.

[C]

Yeah. So you do walk up as you are.

[A]

Sorry, Jane. It was a nightmare out there. I had to park all the way over on Oregon in the middle on the median. And I know, I just know I'm going to get a ticket. I know I'm going to get a ticket.

[B]

That Tom Waits is going to be so pissed.

[A]

I know. But you know, it'd be honestly one time, just one time, could the monsters go after the ppa? Because then we would just let them go. We would just let them go. Philadelphia Parking Authority gets eaten by monsters. Oh, no.

[B]

Whatever shall we do?

[A]

It would be so crazy how nobody would ask us to investigate that. Even their own families would be like, go, monster, go. Anyway, how. Why is there mud on the sidewalk here in Philadelphia?

[C]

South Philly?

[B]

Oh, it's. There used to be a tree here, but it got hit by a car. So now it's just that little open square mud. And it's mostly where just dogs just pee all the time.

[A]

Yeah. That's a lot of poop.

[B]

Yeah. No, that's mud. Don't you see? There's two footprints in there. Two very different sized footprints.

[A]

Oh, yeah, look at that. It looks like two separate people stood here.

[B]

Yeah. But it's only two feet, huh?

[A]

Yeah. They are like exactly two feet apart. Like in the exact way somebody would be standing in different. Totally different types of different shoes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You see a woman who is clearly like a neighbor, like a couple is like smoking out of. Smoking a cigarette outside of her, like on her stoop.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And she says, you with the police?

[A]

Kinda. Sure. What do you know, she says.

[C]

Is this about the. The town crier guy?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we're trying to figure out who killed him.

[C]

Yeah, he's. He was. He's a weirdo. Always dressing up as that town crier thing and doing that whole gig, but he was okay.

[B]

Did you see anything that evening?

[C]

I don't talk to cops.

[A]

We're not cops.

[B]

We're not cops.

[C]

You said you were cops.

[B]

We said we were, like, cops.

[A]

We said we're kind of sorta.

[C]

What does that mean?

[A]

It means that, like, we know we're not here to yuck anybody's yum.

[B]

We are private citizens that worked for. We work for an investigation firm, basically.

[A]

Okay, you're talking to her too smart. I got it, I got it, I got it. We don't have.

[C]

I understood.

[A]

If you want to sell drugs, we don't have a problem with you selling. If you want to sell your body, I don't. I don't know who's purchasing, but I don't. We don't care.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

We just trying to solve this murder to make sure there aren't more murders.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

What if you got murdered?

[A]

Yeah, what if you got murdered?

[C]

Is this a threat?

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Why did you tell me to say that?

[B]

I didn't tell you to say that.

[A]

No, no, no, no. What I'm saying is, like, we want to stop this murder so then you don't get murdered by this monster.

[C]

Can you roll me a charm? Roll?

[A]

Sure. Gonna go charm and submit 12. That's an advanced success.

[C]

She's like, okay. Cop wouldn't tell me that I could do those things. This guy's definitely not a cop.

[A]

Yeah, I'm definitely not a cop.

[C]

She says, well, I didn't tell you or nothing, but there was a guy in a car who dropped the other guy off.

[A]

There was a guy in a car who dropped off the dead guy?

[C]

No, no. There was like. There's, like, a guy standing there for a while.

[B]

Do you remember what he looks like?

[C]

Yeah, it's hard not to. It's hard not to. Can you describe the hockey guy?

[B]

He's the hockey guy.

[C]

Yeah. This is like the. You know, the big. The big orange hockey guy.

[B]

Wait, are you talking about gritty?

[C]

Yeah, gritty. Look like gritty.

[A]

Wait, you said a guy who looked like gritty was standing out here or gritty was standing out here?

[C]

No, no, it was like. It was probably, like, orange Philadelphia hockey mascot. Like, it was like. It was, like, gritty, but it was, like, not gritty. Like, you could tell. It was not gritty, grody. It was like a guy in a gritty costume. Okay.

[A]

Because it wasn't the official gritty from the now known as Xfinity Mobile arena, where the Philadelphia.

[C]

I would never bad mouth gritty. And then she crossed the as herself. Yeah.

[A]

Gritty. Protect us all.

[B]

The spirit of gritty. Protect us all.

[A]

Yeah, but.

[C]

But the guy in the gritty costume, he got dropped off.

[A]

Okay, so there was a guy in a gritty costume, right?

[C]

And he was hanging around the neighborhood.

[A]

Okay. And nobody approached him and said, hey, what are you doing here?

[C]

No, I guess not.

[B]

Why would you. Why would you approach a man dressed up as gritty?

[A]

I'm just saying, if there's a guy dressed as gritty standing on my block, I would be like, yo, what are you doing?

[B]

No, you wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. You go. You know what that feels like? Not my problem.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

So now that I know that you didn't say anything, did you see what kind of car it was?

[C]

Yeah, it was a Buick Lesaber.

[A]

Oh, that doesn't narrow it down.

[B]

Did you see the person driving.

[C]

2005?

[A]

You knew for a fact it was a 2005 Buick Lesaber?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

What color?

[C]

Champagne.

[A]

That doesn't narrow it down. So many. There's so many. This is Philadelphia. Do you know how many 2005 champagne, Buick lesabers there are?

[C]

Yeah, 232.

[A]

I know. I drove past 231 of them. Oh, to park here?

[C]

Yeah. Well. Yeah. No, all I know is it was. It was. He got dropped off. And the other guy, the. The guy in the gritty costume?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He didn't. He didn't walk like normal.

[B]

He. Oh, did he have, like, a limp?

[C]

Sort of. Like, he kind of, like, staggered.

[B]

Did he look drunk? Was gritty drunk?

[C]

No. More than gritty normally seems, I guess.

[B]

For the standard of a random South Philly night. Was he, like, mummers drunk or random guy on the sidewalk?

[C]

More random guy. More random guy. Yelling. Yeah, but without the yelling.

[B]

He. So he stood silently? Yeah, he just got out of the van, or. I'm sorry. A sedan. Yes, he got out of his sedan, stood on the corner silently.

[C]

Yeah, well, he, like, wandered around, and then I. I lost interest.

[B]

Okay, so you went back in the house?

[C]

My stories were on.

[B]

Oh, you're lying.

[C]

No, no.

[A]

Her stories.

[C]

My stories were on.

[B]

I thought. You're saying your stories are wrong.

[C]

No, my stories are on. I had to. Like, I was like, oh, well, I Want to protect the neighborhood and everything, but also, I'm not gonna miss my stories. Charmed. Charmed. I know it's reruns, but I just. I gotta watch it.

[A]

What year is this set?

[C]

Well, it's reruns.

[A]

Okay, but did you see Gritty kill the town crier?

[C]

No, I didn't see that.

[A]

He was just standing there.

[C]

It was a guy in a gritty costume standing out there.

[A]

Okay, but when he went. Okay, but did you see the. The gritty and the dead town crier at the same time?

[C]

No, I don't know. I'm just telling you. Look, there was a. You could ask. You could ask his widow if she don't knew more.

[A]

Wait, the town crier has a widow?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why are we talking this random lady?

[B]

I don't know. Is. Is she in the house? Does she live here?

[A]

Did you not knock on the door?

[C]

Knock on the door?

[A]

I've been sparkling for 30 minutes. You never knocked on the.

[B]

I didn't knock on the door.

[A]

And walks up. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

[C]

A woman walks up and opens the door, and I wrote down the name of the actor that I have for this, but I cannot find it. But it's the. Oh, Beth Grant. Who is the woman who. You would recognize her. She's the dance mom in Donnie Darko. She's in, like, everything as this exact type of role.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you see her, she opens the door, and she is in, like, a robe, and you could see that she's been crying and she's like. Yeah, I already spoke to the police.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, got her. I just pulled up her picture.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I think she was also.

[C]

Wasn't she this in everything.

[A]

She's in everything.

[B]

And I'm gonna say, good evening, ma'. Am. No, we're not the police.

[A]

Yeah, we're better. Whoa.

[B]

We just have some questions. We're looking into your terrible loss, and I was just wondering if you had some information about that night so we might be able to help.

[C]

Sure. I mean, I could. I could tell you everything I told the police, but, I mean, it won't do no good. It's one of those. The other Ben Franklin impersonators. I just know it is.

[B]

Oh, but I thought that your husband was not a Ben Franklin impersonator.

[C]

I know, but they always think that he is. Everyone thinks that he is. It's ever since he went bald.

[B]

Oh, I understand completely.

[C]

Mike Thomas had the loveliest hair.

[B]

And then. Oh, my God. And that. Was that a recent situation where the hair fell out?

[C]

Yeah, like, 20 or so years.

[B]

Oh, okay. So this has been a while that the other Ben Franklin's have been harassing him.

[C]

Yeah. And the thing is, they're real territorial. So every now and then they would see him on. On a block and they'd get real mad and, you know, he was just there being a town crier at a kid's birthday party and Ben Franklin would run him off.

[B]

Who's hiring town criers for a kid's birthday party?

[C]

Oh, lots of people. You'd be surprised.

[B]

Really?

[C]

It's real big this year.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Not as big as it should be.

[B]

Oh, okay. Does he. I mean, this is just personal because I was thinking about throwing my kid a birthday party soon. What kind of things did he cry out?

[C]

Well, just any kind of thing. Like, here ye hear ye. Tyler's turn 12 starts like, full on, like, crying. And she's like, oh, he was so good at his job.

[A]

I. I turned it. I was like, all right, listen, you don't got the. You're too intense.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

You're too intense, Agent Jane Doe. And so I turn, I go, hey, hey, lady. Sorry about your dead husband, Annie. Okay, Annie. Sorry about your dead husband.

[C]

Yeah, thank you.

[A]

Is there any.

[C]

You kind of look like him.

[A]

And I go, is there. Is there anything that you thought of that they didn't tell the cops? Like, maybe when, like, like, you know, like, was there anything that you maybe noticed that was around maybe after they left, when you were cleaning up, when you were, it looks like trying to hose off the chalk off the sidewalk?

[C]

Oh, yeah, they. I don't know what they use for that chalk. It just doesn't come off.

[A]

No, it doesn't come off.

[C]

It's going to have to rent the. One of those power spray washer things.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. There's an attachment that works really good on sidewalks. Kind of run it right across.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Ask her about Gritty.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Did you notice a Gritty out here?

[C]

The hockey mascot?

[A]

Yeah, the hockey mascot. A guy dressed like Gritty. Do you notice him out here?

[C]

At one point there was a guy. I did see a guy dressed like Gritty on that day, actually. It was like waiting around on the block. Does that have something to do with it?

[B]

It might.

[A]

Do you know who that guy is or you just saw a guy?

[C]

No, he was. I think it might have been. Might have been something wrong with him.

[B]

What? Well, because of. Did he walk strange? Is that what you mean?

[C]

No, like, there was like. It was just like something about the way that he leaned like he was standing in a way and leaned in a way. It just felt weird, like, you know, when. When. When someone's, like, out of it or whatever.

[B]

Okay. And did you say anything like, hello or, how you doing? Or what are you doing here?

[C]

No, I didn't. I didn't try to talk to him or anything. It's just like, a guy out there, you know? You get crazies out here. Yep.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

Do you want to come in? I. I made a fresh lasagna.

[A]

Oh, you got.

[B]

I mean, we did just eat cheesesteaks.

[A]

Yeah, we just had cheesesteaks, like, a minute ago with a guy who, you know. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

[B]

Had your husband ever thought about becoming a Ben Franklin impersonator?

[C]

No, he's Mike Thomas. He. He wasn't up for the whole. There's a whole bunch of politics, and they're ruthless.

[B]

Why are they so ruthless?

[C]

They want the power that comes with the position.

[B]

What power?

[A]

What position?

[C]

Of being a Ben Franklin impersonator.

[A]

Okay. There isn't, like, a King Ben Franklin, though.

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

King Ben Franklin. What do you mean?

[A]

I'm very confused. I am.

[C]

No, I mean, like, you know, people see you out there, you're a Ben Franklin. People, you know, people are attracted to that there. People trust you.

[B]

Oh, they trust you. Hmm. And he wasn't. He wasn't attracted to the trust of the people and the power that came with it?

[C]

No. My. My Tommy, he just. He just really loved town crying.

[B]

Hmm. And what do you do for work?

[C]

I'm retired. I used to. I used to work for the. I used to work for septa.

[A]

Well, that sounds like it was a good job. Anyway, we gotta go. Sorry about your dead husband.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Thank you so much for everything.

[C]

Are you sure you don't want any lasagna?

[A]

No, we're good. We're good. We start walking. I'm getting a ticket. I'm getting a ticket. I'm getting a ticket right now. I can feel I'm getting a ticket. So we walked back to the van. On our way back to the van, I'm like, boss, I got nothing. Yeah, I got nothing from that. We had two ladies tell us that they saw a gritty that wasn't a gritty. I got in a car, drove away.

[B]

Nobody's gonna say anything. There's a gritty standing on the corner, and nobody's gonna say anything.

[A]

But when I said that, nobody. It's weird that nobody said anything to the gritty that was staying on the corner. You point out, of course, who would say anything to the gritty stand on.

[B]

The corner, But I mean, like, theoretically, still somebody. If there's two different people, one person's gonna do it.

[A]

I'm just saying. I got nothing.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Just get in the van. All right, let's get the van. We'll go think about this for a little bit.

[B]

Oh, there's a lady writing a ticket right now.

[A]

God damn.

[C]

I already started writing it. I can't, like. Don't even bother.

[A]

No, it's fine. It's.

[D]

AI Agents are everywhere, automating tasks and making decisions at machine speed. But agents make mistakes. Just one rogue agent can do big damage before you even notice. Rubrik Agent Cloud is the only platform that helps you monitor agents, set guardrails, and rewind mistakes so you can unleash agents, not risk. Accelerate your AI [e-mail]. that's R U B R I K dot com.

[A]

And a thank you to the sponsor for giving us the time for Mrs. P and I to talk off a camera and come up with a brilliant plan. Oh, sorry.

[B]

I'm doing.

[A]

Luigi. Yeah, you gotta stop doing, because I'm gonna impersonate.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is my plan because it's been referred to so many times of how much Steve Stevenson looks like Ben Franklin. I. Steve Stevenson has decided to go undercover as a Ben Franklin impersonator.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yes. So this is my idea. The first thing we're gonna do is we're gonna go to a costume shop. Yes, we're gonna go to the costume shop that is on Columbus Boulevard in between the faux restaurant and the Chinese buffet.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

I think it's a party city.

[B]

I think it is.

[A]

We're gonna go into that place, and I'm gonna buy a Ben Franklin costume.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. While we're there, we are going to inquire, have they sold any gritty costumes recently?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, we were not legally allowed to sell gritty costumes. We did sell one orange hockey Muppet.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Costume.

[A]

Got it. Do you have the sales record for who you sold the orange hockey monster costume, too?

[C]

Well, I could check if it was. If it was a credit card record, I could. Do you have, like, a warrant or anything like that?

[B]

No, we're not.

[C]

You seem like good people.

[A]

Yeah. Warren, I don't need a Warrant.

[B]

This is 20 20.

[A]

Hey, watch this. Watch this. Oh, you want your warrant? Watch this. Go birds. He.

[C]

He hands you a. He hands you a receipt with a credit card on it that is linked to a J. J. Josiah. And there's an address. J O S I A H. Got it.

[A]

Boss, I think we have to split up.

[B]

Okay. Why would we split up?

[A]

Because I'm gonna go down to the Ben Franklin impersonator hq.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I didn't just spend all this money for this costume to not join the union. To not go and find out what's going on with these weirdo Ben Franklin impersonators.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you, you go check out this J.J. josiah guy.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

All right. And bring your gun.

[B]

Always.

[A]

Do you have a good. Do you have a flashlight?

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Good, you have a gun and a flashlight. I have a Ben Franklin costume. Split.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So where are you going? To the Ben Franklin. What was the.

[A]

I'm assuming there's a Ben Franklin hq.

[C]

Uh huh.

[A]

And the best way for me to find fhq. The best way for. I think for me to find that is for me and my Ben Franklin costume to go down to Independence hall and be around there and just hang out carrying a kite, take pictures and be like. Anybody here need any instructions?

[C]

Ben Franklin?

[A]

Anybody here want to hear about historic Philadelphia?

[C]

Okay, so for.

[A]

Only for two. How much is.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

$2.

[C]

Let me set the scene. We see you, like, right out front of where the Liberty Bell is. Yes. It's just like. And then we see you dressed as Ben Franklin and people are just like, stopping to take pictures with you, assuming that you're part of the whole experience.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm trying to throw the kite into the air.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I'm not good at kite.

[C]

Right. It's like, oh, can you like, somebody like, hold up the kite so that they can, like, take a picture with you? And I think you see two men dressed as Ben Franklin walk up to you and they're like, they just like. You see, they're like, they're the same size as you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But they try to act real imposing, you know, like arms crossed. And they're like, hey, Ben. To like the. Of the, like, looking to his friends like, hey, Ben was like, yeah, Ben. It's like, seems like we've got a. A rogue Franklin on our hands. Doesn't seem like a good idea to come here of all places and be a Ben Franklin, does it? No, Ben Franklin, it doesn't. What are you doing here, bud?

[A]

And I look up, I go. It's called the First Amendment. I can do whatever I want. You know, be the First Amendment. You have freedom of speech. You got freedom of. To remonstrate to your government.

[C]

Do not speak to me about remonstrating. The government. Young Franklin young. What are you, 30?

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

You don't even know what it means to be a Ben Franklin.

[A]

I know plenty of things. What it means to be a Ben Franklin.

[C]

Oh yeah?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Name one thing that Ben Franklin invented.

[A]

The Poor Richard's Almanac.

[C]

That's not really an invention.

[A]

It is an invention. He invented the book. Did he do something with like rocking chairs? You know, rock. I feel like there's one of the guys did a rocking chair thing.

[C]

No, he like turns. He's like. No, it's like they like. You hear them arguing. It's like. Well, they didn't. It wasn't really an invention. It was really more of a modification on an existing thing. It doesn't. It's a chair that doesn't fall over. It's like a chair that if you lean it back, it doesn't fall over.

[A]

Yeah, because then it rocks. It rocks back into the thing.

[C]

No, but it wasn't really an invention. Some. Okay, fine. So you know some things about Ben Franklin.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What are you doing here?

[A]

What do you mean what am I doing here? I'm out here to meet you other Ben Franklin's. Oh, I didn't know how. Where you guys HQ is. Where's your headquarters?

[C]

Do you have like a.

[A]

Do you have like a Franklin union?

[C]

No, we're more of a. A loosely unaffiliated group with similar goals.

[A]

What does that even mean? Is there like a. Is there like a Ben brotherhood?

[C]

They like look at each other like. They look at each other like. And then they both go, no, got fellas.

[A]

And I put my hand on one of their shoulders. Can I be Franklin to you real quick? There's a lot of Ben Franklin's running around Philadelphia and you guys don't discuss anything.

[C]

Here's the thing. It's. There's been a lot of shady happenings lately. Several Ben Franklin's have been killed. And so we're kind of trying to make sure that you're not part of that problem.

[A]

Oh yeah, I'm not a killer. I'm like a better cop. Oh yeah. It's like a cop, but better. Okay, don't worry about it. Listen, call in all the. All the other bends, okay? We need to have a meeting tonight. All the bends in one place.

[C]

All of them.

[A]

There's. There's security in numbers.

[C]

Okay, I see. He's like, okay, call Stephen. George. Yeah, call Steve and George. Who? Ben and Ben. He's like, oh, yeah, got it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where are we meeting?

[A]

Wait, are there only Four.

[C]

There's only four left.

[A]

Oh, wow. That's terrifying.

[C]

There were seven. Eight. No, that guy's a town crier.

[A]

Oh, you're not here.

[B]

I'm not here.

[A]

You're not here. Okay, well, we need to pick a space to meet.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You guys don't have, like, a place you guys usually meet up at?

[C]

We sometimes. We sometimes meet up at a place. Little place called Lou's. Lou's Diner.

[A]

Okay. I don't know where Lou's Diner is.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

How about Melrose? How about where Melrose Diner used to be?

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Want to meet up there? Sure. Okay. In the old Melrose Diner parking lot.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Meet me there tonight, 7pm okay.

[C]

What? That's like 20 minutes from now.

[A]

Yeah, but guys can't get together. It's just right downtown.

[C]

Yeah, but I mean, like, are we gonna separate and then go there separately? Seems like wasteful.

[A]

Okay, well, call. Where do the guys live? Where do the other two guys live?

[C]

I'm just gonna cut there. Yeah, just like, as they're continuing to argue. And then you are going to the address.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And by you, you mean Agent Jane Doe.

[B]

Agent Jane Doe is going to the address where J.J. josiah is.

[C]

Sure. So this is one of. This is, like, in that, like, north area. It's like, technically Philadelphia. But it's like, doesn't feel like it starts to not really feel like Philadelphia. It's like there's a big, like, house that's been converted into a duplex. Okay. And we see you, like, walking up. It's like, very, like, everything is, like, kind of antique and stuff. Yeah. And are you. What are you. What are you. What is your, like, approach? How are you doing this?

[B]

Well, I'm gonna go up. I'm knocking on the door to see who the answers, and I'm. I'm just gonna ask some questions about why we. Someone might want to buy off. Brand orange Muppet, Scruffy hockey guy.

[C]

So you see, you knock on the door and there's, like, no answer for a bit. Just as you're about to knock on the door, you see some, like. You see movement in the shades, and you see a figure kind of like look and then, like, bolt away from the window.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, listen, my name's Agent Jane Doe. I just have a few questions. Not a cop, just out here investigating something on a private matter. Just wondering if I could have a moment to talk to you.

[C]

So you have an ability called battlefield awareness.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Where you always know what's happening around you and what to watch. Out for. And so I'm going to say that you can hear him running.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

In the. Like, in the house. He is, like. He has bolted. Like, as you're talking, like, I think, like, picture you grabbing your gun. And, like, I'm not with the Cubs. I'm like. And then, like.

[B]

And then I'm gonna run to the back of the house because he's trying to make an exit through the.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

Okay, so I run around back, firearm in my hand, running, ready to go.

[C]

And as you step, you're gonna give me a act under pressure roll.

[B]

Act under pressure roll. Is that the top of the thing? Act under pressure.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Got it. And under the cool button. That's me. I rolled a 10.

[C]

Perfect. The door to the back opens, and you see a flash of orange red. And your leg just goes out. And you see just, like, trips and falls full down the stairs. Like, rolls down onto the ground. And I think we see you at the top, like, standing in front of him. We see you, like, upside down from his point of view. And you just, like, pull the mask off of him.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Scooby Doo style.

[C]

And this man looks like if someone tried to make a collage of Ben Franklin out of images of Ben Franklin. His face is stitched together from pieces of flesh and, like, this, like, very monstrous thing.

[A]

He's a Franken Franklin.

[C]

He's a Franklinstein.

[A]

Franklinstein.

[C]

Please. Franklinstein's monster. And yeah, that is exactly what you see. You could see the stitches are real rough and somewhat coming apart, which has caused. You could see that there's some blood on the suit where it's. He's, like, bleeding through it. And he just, like, freezes, has his hands up as you're.

[B]

Because I'm holding a fire.

[C]

Yeah, you're holding a firearm.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, great. And I'm like, hey, hold it there, Josiah. What are you doing? Why are you running?

[C]

He just looks at you, and then I think he. Sorry. He, like. He, like, looks at you, and he says, not Josiah.

[B]

Josiah.

[C]

He says. Not, like, not Josiah. Like you had said Josiah. And he says, not Josiah. And then, like, he, like, taps on his chest and he says, franklin.

[B]

Oh, okay. I'm gonna. I'm gonna grab my cell phone. I have. I. My firearm is still pointed at me. I'm gonna grab my cell phone, and I'm gonna call Steve. I'm gonna say, steve, get down here.

[A]

I'm walking with the Franklins. I don't hear the phone ring.

[B]

Okay, great. So I'm gonna.

[C]

I'm gonna he's just, like, getting to the van and just, like, another ticket, like.

[B]

And then all the Franklins agree that fuck the ppa.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, well, I'm gonna hang on my phone aggressively. I can't. He never fucking answers. It's like, why is your phone always on silent? Just. Oh, my God. You have one job anyway, Franklin.

[A]

Frustrating, isn't it? Yeah, it's frustrating.

[B]

Franklin, you said your name is. Right. Because now I'm gonna talk to the Frankenstein, Frank Franklin. Are you in the house alone?

[C]

He, like, looks at the house, and then he, like, looks at you kind of afraid.

[B]

Okay, if. Can I go inside the house and look around? Would that be okay?

[C]

Not supposed to let anyone in.

[B]

Okay. What happens if you let someone in?

[C]

He gets mad.

[B]

Oh, he does. I don't want to make him mad. Is he home now?

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay. So he won't know. I'll just go in and take a quick look around.

[C]

He, like, looks like he wants to stop you, but you have a gun. And he, like, understands that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What do you do? Are you leaving him where he is? Are you walking him into the house? Like, how is that?

[B]

Yeah. No. So I wanted to gather how he was gonna react, because I immediately clock that he is childlike in the mind. Right. And so I'm. I'm gonna say, hey, why don't you come in with me? And I'm gonna keep my firearm pointed at him, and I'm gonna. I'm gonna put. I'm gonna walk him into the house with me so I can look around to see what's going on and still engage with conversation with him as much as possible.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

He's really hitting me with the one word, sure.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

So. And I'm gonna say, okay, Franklin, let's go in the house and take a quick look around the house.

[C]

Like, immediately, you are hit with, like, there is a strong smell of lots of cleaning products. Like, someone who has tried to cover up smells or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you see, like, you walk out or you walk in through the kitchen. Right. Because you're in the back. And he. He, like, kind of starts, like, pointing out things and are just like. But is. You know, he doesn't, like, necessarily know really what you're looking for. So it's kind of like brooms and, like, shows you the brooms. And then he walks into the living room. The smell is, like, stronger here.

[A]

Yeah. And I. And I call.

[C]

You're not here.

[A]

I know, but I'm calling on the phone.

[C]

We'll deal with that in a moment. The next room is like the living room, and there's like a basement to the side. And then he says, my room, and he shows you. There is like. There's like. You know how in some South Philly homes, there's like a broom closet or a bathroom in an area. There is like a five by five square, like, rectangle that he, like, opens and he shows you. And it's just covered in photos and pictures and lots of very childlike drawings of Ben Franklin.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's like very clearly they were done by him. And he's like, been collecting them here. And he's just like, real proud and showing it to you. And then you can see from where you are that the basement door is open.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And hanging at the top of the basement door is like hanging from the ceiling of the inside, the basement door is like 500 air fresheners.

[B]

Okay. Okay. So I'm gonna. I'm clocking this. I'm feeling the vibes, and I'm gonna say, hey, listen, bud. Franklin, these pictures are so good. These are so good. I like them. I'm gonna go downstairs real quick. Why don't you go sit on the couch? Okay. Maybe draw me a new Ben Franklin. And then I'm gonna go down the basement.

[C]

Can you roll me a charm? Roll.

[B]

Yeah. Seven.

[C]

He. He's like, okay. Okay. He does, like, he goes over, but you could see that he's like a little watching you, like, as you're like. He seems uncomfortable by the fact that you're going down there. I'm gonna say, like, you open that door and the smell of like, clearly something rotten, something bad hits you over top of all of these things. And just in that moment, your phone rings.

[B]

Okay, I answered my phone. Hello?

[C]

Hey.

[A]

You called.

[B]

Yeah, I'm at the house and I found a Franklin Stein. And you need to get over here.

[A]

I'm in a van full of Ben Franklin's.

[B]

Bring them. We're gonna need backup.

[A]

But I'm still. I'm short too. I only have. I have two of the four Ben Franklins. I'm picking up the other two. Do you have a gun? Right?

[B]

I have a firearm, yes. I need you to just bring the Franklins. You have. We don't need to collect all the Franklin.

[A]

They're already waiting for us at the Melrose Diner.

[B]

But I need you to come here to this house. Remember the address we got from the party store?

[A]

Yeah, I didn't write it down. Do you. Can you. Can you text it to me?

[B]

Yes, I will text it. To you after this call, but you need to come here now. It's disgusting. I think there's dead bodies in the basement.

[A]

Okay, I'll be. I'll be there. I'm gonna pick up the other two.

[B]

Franklin, no, I want you to not.

[A]

I gotta go. I gotta go. I can see them. We're pulling it up. We're pulling in right now. All right, I'm gonna get in the.

[B]

Van and get down here.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Great. You show up to one of the houses where a. The Ben Franklin impersonator lives. And they. They're, like, waiting there, like, full. Ben Franklin get up and was like, what's this all about? Who's.

[A]

Get in the van. Get in the van right now. Get in the van.

[C]

Who's the new guy?

[A]

Get in the van. Get in the van.

[B]

Get in the van.

[A]

And they just grab him and pull him in.

[C]

He gets in the van.

[A]

Yeah, I know. They grab him, though. They pull him in, too.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So it looks like we're kidnapping him. The people on the street.

[C]

It's a Ben napping. It's a Ben napping Franklin nap. No, that doesn't. It doesn't work.

[A]

Franklin napping.

[C]

It's not.

[A]

Okay. It's fine. It doesn't matter. Smash cut back to her.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, so I'm walking down the basement stairs holding my nose.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

Because it smells so bad. And I have a flashlight because, of course, the lights aren't working right.

[C]

So the basement stairs actually go deep. It's like someone, like, dug out this basement.

[B]

You know how much it costs to dig out a basement?

[C]

Bigger thing. And then you realize, like, this is clearly. There was, like, an area under the house that this is connected to. It's got a catacomb y vibe. You know what I mean? Clearly, this is shot at a different location. Right. But they did a cut where suddenly you're in this kind of catacomb y area. And there is over top of the smell of the rotting, There is also this smell of ozone. And you. Can you. What is it? What is your, like, what are you, like, looking for? What are you trying to do here?

[B]

I want to see where the source of this scent is coming from. Because I'm assuming in my cop brain that there is a dead body.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Or even worse, parts.

[C]

Dead body parts.

[B]

Franklin parts.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

And so I want to get eyes on the situation and then immediately head back upstairs.

[C]

Absolutely. Can you roll me? Investigate a mission Mystery.

[B]

Investigative mystery. Is that down a top? Okay, here we go. Got it. Submit. Submit six. Oh, no.

[C]

Okay. I Actually think as you are, like, searching. I think that what we see is like, there's like a big cooler, right?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And you're like, oh, great. And like, we see you, like, opening up the cooler and then we see like a wrench. Oh, like hit you in the back of the head.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

And then we cut.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

To Franklin's.

[A]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[B]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you. Teach me. So, Dana.

[B]

Oh, no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mob. We'll get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[A]

Wow. Impressive. Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[B]

Nice. Jeffrey, you heard them.

[A]

T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible trade in in any condition. So what are we having for launch?

[B]

Dude, my work here is done.

[C]

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[D]

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[A]

I pull up my van full of Franklins and we just. I just put my four ways on and park in the middle of the street. I'm like, nah. But get out. Get out of the band. Get right. Come on, come on.

[C]

What are we doing?

[A]

Don't worry. And I hand one of them nunjucks.

[C]

Ben Franklin. It's not.

[A]

I just. Don't worry.

[C]

Ben Franklin never used.

[A]

It doesn't matter. All right? You need to defend yourself. I hand one nunchucks. Okay. I hand another one a gun. And then I pull out the sword of Winchester, which is a. It's A katana.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Because it's definitely a katana.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no way it's not a katana.

[B]

Are these the. The things that the Ninja Turtles have?

[A]

Yeah, it's like. But it's the sword that you get, you know, like when you go to the mall.

[B]

No, I meant because you said the thingies.

[A]

I had a nunchuck, a gun and.

[C]

A sword, just like the Ninja Turtles.

[B]

You had all those and then the two little tries. Try, guys.

[C]

No, no, Ninja Turtles.

[A]

It was size. They're called a sword.

[C]

A set of nunchucks. And then Donatello had a gun. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Everyone knows one. Okay, so I'm gonna give one Ben Franklin a gun. I'm giving one Ben Franklin nunchucks.

[C]

We.

[A]

We only have three of the four. Ben Franklin.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Because I didn't pick up the fourth one. Yeah, so that last one, I'm gonna hand him a broom.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

There's a broom in the van.

[C]

Okay, got it.

[A]

And so I hand him a broom, and I'm like, just remove the head because it's a push broom.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So he's just gonna use the stick of the push broom.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And I said, get. Fellas, you're with me. We got a lady to save.

[C]

A lady.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And they all just say a lady at the same time.

[A]

Yeah, and we gotta save a lady.

[C]

You know, Ben Franklin wasn't as much of a womanizer as people say he was.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but he was a hero.

[C]

He was.

[A]

He was.

[C]

We were.

[A]

And I say, follow me into the breach. And we go.

[C]

It's actually onto the breach.

[A]

Shut up. We run in and we kick. I. I run up to kick in the front door. Okay, I'm gonna kick it.

[C]

Can you roll me a. Kick some ass? Roll.

[A]

Kick some ass. Where's that? All right, here. Got it.

[C]

Yeah. All right.

[A]

A ten.

[C]

You kick. You kick the door open, and the smell, like, wafts out immediately. Gross. You see, like, a guy that looks like a. You see the Franklinstein who is sitting there drawing a Ben Franklin on a piece of paper. And, like, turns to you all, and it's like. Like, you just see, like, a huge smile on his face and you just. But it's weird because he's got, like, clearly different teeth and different. This is a really monstrous, monstrous thing. And. Could you roll me? God, what would. I'm trying to think of. Can you just roll me a tough roll?

[A]

Tough. Okay. Seven.

[C]

Okay. You managed to keep it together.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But two of the Ben Franklin's just, like, throwing up like, oh, God. And, like, oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But you managed to hold it together. Your adrenaline's pumping, but this guy just looks like a monster.

[A]

Yeah. I point my sword at him and I say, back up, monster, even though he's sitting on the couch. Back up, monster. Stay where you are.

[C]

He just, like, hands up, like, drops the crayon that he was drawing with.

[A]

All right, so you understand words?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Good. Have you been eating people?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay. Where's the lady?

[C]

He's just, like, points to the. The basement door, which is like, a jar.

[A]

Okay. And I turn to the Franklins, and I get the one with the gun. And I say, you keep the gun pointed at him just in case.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Nunchucks.

[C]

And.

[A]

And. And, Donatello, you're with me.

[C]

We have names.

[A]

Shut up, Ben.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

And then I go dead first, and I'm like, into the breach.

[C]

Oh, it's. It smells real bad down there. I'm not. I'm not.

[A]

And I grab him, and I'm like, be cool. Find the power inside of you. And then I'm like, put on a coonskin cap. Remember, that's the thing Ben Franklin did in France.

[C]

Yeah, I don't. I don't love. Can you roll me a persuas? This is not persuasion. It's gonna be charm. No, this is actually gonna be manipulate someone.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Seven.

[C]

Okay, so I'm going to say with a seven. The nunchuck guy is just like, yeah, but the other one's like, no. And, like, he's, like, looking down at the broom, and he's, like, here. And just, like, hands the broom back to you, and I'm just like, then.

[A]

Stay up here, all right? Guard the door.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And then, I mean, nunchuck, head down the steps.

[C]

Yeah. Ben Nunchuck Franklin. Yeah, he, like, you actually have to calm him down a little. Like, he's like. You see, he's about to run with, like, the nunchuck over, like.

[A]

Like, stab with the nunchuck. It's a swing.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. So we come down, and we're going to start. So we're coming down. I'm taking in the room, and I'm looking for Agent Jane Doe.

[C]

Yeah. So again, the smell is, like, wild. Like, the smell of, like, this rotted meat and stuff. And as you turn a corner, you see Agent Doe on the ground, seems to be unconscious. And you see that there is a figure in, like, a white lab coat who is, like, moving stuff around.

[B]

In.

[C]

In, like, the background. And, like, there's, like, a Big, like. Like a. What do you call it?

[B]

Like a.

[C]

Like the type of chair you'd strap someone to, like.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he seems to be readying this stuff. All right.

[A]

I turn to Nunchuck Ben, and I go. I point. I go make a noise, and I point in the direction of where the. The lab coat guy is, and I say, I'm like, you him. I go walk. Hit him.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

In the head.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But I do it, like, quiet.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

With, like, hand signals.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Right. And then I go towards where Jane is to make sure Jane's still alive.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Because if she's not killing the. Out of that. Right, right. Yeah, that's the plan.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

He's like. He, like, nods, like, gives you a thumbs up, and then he starts, like, tiptoeing over there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm going to say, can you give me. We're going to call this help out. So you're going to roll help out.

[A]

A4.

[B]

Okay. Oh, no.

[C]

I'm going to say you are able to wake her up, but she has taken a considerable amount of damage from this. I'm going to mark three harm on this. It would have been like, two harm, but you kind of, like, shook her away kind of thing.

[A]

I may have bashed her head as I was shaking her a little bit.

[C]

Right. And I'm going to say, you are, Jane. You are, like, somewhat out of it. Like, there's, like, a little bit of blurring in one of your eyes.

[A]

She's got a concussion.

[C]

Yeah, very. Yeah, you definitely have a concussion, though you might not 100% understand that that's what's going on.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Except probably, you know, in monster hunting, this is not your first concussion. Right. So, but you are here. You're up. Your gun is gone.

[B]

Oh, okay. And I immediately clocked that.

[C]

Like. Like, the first thing you think is, like, my gun. Oh, I was holding it. Where is it? It's gone.

[B]

And I'm going to look at Steve and be like, steve, do you see my firearm?

[C]

At that point, you hear a gun.

[A]

Go off in this room or upstairs.

[C]

And you see Ben. Nunchuck Franklin, no go.

[A]

My favorite Ben.

[C]

And, like, he gets shot in the chest, and he's, like, clutching his chest, and he's like, why? And he falls to the ground, and you see that the guy has clocked that the two of you were there, and now you can see him. And he looks almost exactly like Ben Franklin.

[A]

How many Ben Franklins are there? There's too Many Ben Franklins.

[C]

You say too many Ben Franklins. And he's like, I am not Ben Franklin.

[A]

Who are you?

[C]

Then he says, I am Josiah Franklin junior.

[A]

Oh, that doesn't help any.

[C]

Do you not know who that is?

[A]

No.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Do you know?

[C]

Ben Franklin wasn't even the oldest sibling, okay? Our dad named me after him. I was supposed to take after the. The family name. Everyone. All that he wants to talk about is, oh, poor little Ben. So not anymore. And he likes the gun. And he's like. Because I. I have been feeding on all of the Ben Franklin imposters and making myself more Franklin than Ben Franklin could ever be. And as you are. As he is saying this, he sits in the chair.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

The big torture chair thing. Yeah, Got it. As I'm looking, I'm like, wait, so you're Ben Franklin's brother?

[C]

He's my brother. I came first. As he's saying this, he pulls down what looks like a spaghetti strainer onto his head. It's connected to a bunch of wires, and he's like. But soon they'll all.

[B]

I mean, I don't really want to intervene.

[A]

And whatever he's doing, we're just kind of taking it in right now.

[C]

He just goes to reach for a switch. It's, like, just a little out of his way. And then he's just like, ugh. And then he, like, picks up the nunchucks, like, hits the switch. You just see, like, he gets electrocuted, and he's like, oh. And then he seems to die.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I think that took care of itself. I'm gonna walk towards him with the sword, and I'm like, just to be safe, I walk over and using the sword. Actually, I'm not using the sword because the swords will carry electric current anyway. So I just walk over to the switch, and I'm like, let me just flip the switch back. So I'm gonna walk over to the switch to flip it back.

[C]

Sure, yeah.

[A]

Do I do that?

[C]

You start walking over there. And again, perfect battlefield awareness of Jane Doe. You know that. That something is up. Something is moving towards. Towards Steve from the shadows.

[B]

Yeah. And so I'm going to run and try to push Steve out of the way while he's trying to flip this switch.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

I'm going to try to push him to the ground.

[C]

I'm going to say, no, roll. You were able to push him out of the way. And then the two of you see this large monstrosity.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Made out of. Mostly they look like Ben Franklin.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But like at some point he must have run out.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

There's like several heads. Like three or four of them are Ben Franklin. But then there's like a guy with a face tattoo. And there's like. There's like some women. There's just like. It's just someone at some point they ran out and they just started collecting bodies.

[A]

So he's like a Mega Franklin Franklin.

[C]

This is like a Mega Franklin Stein.

[B]

But also just kind of like a representation of South Philly neighborhoods.

[A]

Correct. Yeah, yeah. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

[C]

It would be really nice and inclusive if they weren't all dead and reanimated and stitched together and angrily running towards the two of you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna scream like, just like, not even.

[C]

Cool.

[A]

Yeah, just like a. And I'm gonna try to hide behind my sword.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Because I am gonna jump for my firearm, which the guy in the chair dropped after he shot.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

And I'm gonna grab my firearm and start shooting at the Franklin Stein.

[C]

Absolutely. So you are able to do some harm to it just immediately with the gun. You are holding this sword as it's running towards you. So I imagine like running towards you to impale it kind of thing.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Roll me. You could roll me. Kick some ass when you do. When you fire, it doesn't actually. You don't have to roll. You just deal the damage.

[A]

I got a three.

[B]

Oh, no, three.

[C]

Okay. This thing deals is as it like leaps, you see, grabs onto you and several of its mouths bite you.

[B]

Me?

[C]

Yeah. And you can. You could feel like that it is like there's like, there's like it's getting some energy from you or something.

[A]

Oh, it's draining me.

[C]

It's draining you.

[A]

Okay. Do I take any harm?

[C]

Oh yes, you take three harm.

[A]

Oh, Jesus.

[B]

I'm gonna yell at you. I'm like, punch it in its faces. Hit it.

[A]

I try to elbow it in the face.

[C]

Uh huh.

[A]

Because I'm guessing I can't do. The sword is too close.

[C]

It doesn't seem like that's doing much.

[A]

No. Okay. I tried kicking at it.

[C]

Yeah, you're kicking at it. It's fighting you.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Like if only you knew it's weakness.

[A]

If only I knew.

[B]

Lightning.

[A]

Hold on, there's a thing here.

[B]

What? Here?

[A]

No.

[C]

Yeah, you could roll. Investigate a mystery.

[A]

Which.

[C]

What can hurt it is one thing.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I was looking for. All right, There you go.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm gonna roll investigate a mystery. Sure. Fail Five.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I didn't figure out.

[B]

Can I do it?

[C]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Let's see. I'm gonna do investigated Mystery. I don't. Do I have that one?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Scroll back up. Up at the top.

[B]

Very top. Very top, very top.

[A]

Keep going. That one.

[B]

Okay, here we go. Oh, here I am. Okay. I'm gonna submit. And I'm doing it. I got a 12.

[A]

Of course she did. Of course she did.

[C]

There is. You hear, like, echoing in your head.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, no. Us, Frank. Us Franklin's are deathly allergic to tasty cakes.

[B]

Okay. All right. And I say, steve, do you still have that tasty cake in your pocket?

[A]

And I'm as. I'm elbowing the. The faces. I'm saving it for later. My blood sugar, Steve.

[B]

I understand. Feed the face the tasty cake. Feed it the butterscotch.

[A]

That's my butterscotch.

[B]

We can get you another one.

[A]

All right, so I'm gonna reach into my pocket, and I'm gonna pull out the butterscotch. As I'm tussling with it, I have to remember I resealed the package.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm going to try to, like, reopen.

[C]

Futzing with it, like, trying to, like. I just, like, use your teeth. You always say not to do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Use your teeth. We don't have time.

[A]

When I rip it, like, it's a.

[C]

Pan, I picture you, like, rip the package, and the tasty cake flies through the air, right? Like, it just, like, pops out. You're like, oh, no. Like, trying to grab it, and then it falls right into the open mouth of. Of one of the biggest heads on the Franklin behemoth. And you hear him swallow instinctually. And then he's like, no, I'm weakened. I am somehow weakened. This seems like the right time to attack it.

[A]

Yes, 100%. I'm gonna do a backflip off the behemoth.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. I wanna land into a superhero pose. Can we do that first?

[C]

Roll me an act under pressure.

[A]

An act. Got it. A two. Rolled a two.

[C]

So you try to backflip. You try to backflip and, like, you make it up and side and then just drop, like, full on your back. Full on your back. And your sword clangs and, like, clangs and clatters away.

[B]

All right.

[C]

You know that the finishing strike has to be with this sword for the final one.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna crawl.

[C]

We see you scrabbling and trying to crawl for the sword.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

What is Agent Jane Doe doing?

[B]

I'M watching this first and foremost, and I am very excited that he got the butterscotch printed out. But I also, I'm hearing noises upstairs, and I'm like, did you bring more Ben Franklin's? I'm gonna yell that out to you. Are there more Ben Franklin's upstairs?

[C]

I just pictured like, you hear noise upstairs and you hear a penny saved is a penny earned. And like, just like.

[B]

Yeah. And you need to tell me whether or not there's Ben Franklin's upstairs.

[A]

And I go, yeah, they're pretty cool. But also there was like a zombie.

[B]

No, he's cool. He's like. He's fine. He's just coloring.

[A]

I left one of them has a gun.

[B]

Well, call them down here. What are their names?

[A]

Beeeee. And I just yell Ben at the top of my lungs.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Because that's the. That's the international call of Ben Frank.

[C]

You hear some commotion?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But what is agent Jaden Doe doing?

[B]

Oh, well, I am. I'm gonna go and try to kick him over this sword that he wants so desperately.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Because I know that he really likes having a weapon like that to feel powerful. And sometimes it's important to have you.

[C]

Just kick the sword over to him.

[B]

But what's it called when you. You have to have like self esteem. And I know Steve needs to have self esteem sometime, so I don't want to take that away from him. Yeah, absolutely. So I'm gonna go kick the sword over.

[C]

Okay. You kick the sword. Steve catches it.

[A]

Grab it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Is there anything like oil or gasoline.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Around everywhere.

[A]

Got it. I would like to just quickly grab a can, like a small thing of like, lighter fluid or whatever.

[C]

Yeah. There's like a.

[A]

Cover the sword in it. And then I'm going to strike the sword on the ground. Spark.

[C]

Lights up. Yeah.

[A]

And then I'm going to rear back and I go take this Ben Franklin Stein and I'm going to charge the. The monster.

[C]

Sure. You could roll me. Kick some ass.

[A]

Kick some ass. Seven mixed success.

[C]

Okay. So it deals its damage to you, and you deal your damage to it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So it does. Does three harm to you.

[B]

Oh, snap.

[A]

Oh, man, I am nearly dead.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I got one hit.

[C]

You could mark unstable because you are bleeding to death as well. Yeah. And this is. It like bites you like real hard, but you do lop off like a whole bunch of several of its arms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, they get cauterized because of the thing. But you are like down now on the ground. You're still alive, but you have been downed here.

[A]

And then as I'm on the ground, I want to yell to me, my Franklins.

[C]

You hear like on the stairs, like these Franklins running. And they just see this big behemoth. And one of them is holding a broomstick. One of them is holding a gun.

[A]

Yeah. And one of them is a zombie.

[C]

One of them is a Franklinstein.

[B]

A Franklinstein.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he actually seems to have gotten along well with the other Franklin's. Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna run over and get my medic kit out before the dying man.

[C]

Oh, sure. Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

So I'm gonna. I. I acknowledge. I see the other bends and I. I'm yelling to them, can you shoot it? Shoot the thing?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm at the same time, I'm running towards him to get my medic kit out.

[C]

They. The guy that has the gun just starts unloading the clip, firing this thing. It's like, it's. It's doing some damage. Can you roll me a the. The. Your medic role?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Eight.

[C]

Eight. Okay. So you can either heal to harm or stabilize the injury. So he is not taking any more harm.

[B]

Heal to harm.

[C]

Okay. Okay. So you're feeling better. Like you've got like, you. I think I picture it being more of like a. Like you. You stick him with something like adrenaline, like adrenaline kind of thing. So it's like somewhat quick. And you see this thing like yells Franklins. And then like with this weird long arm made up of a bunch of stitched together arms, like smashes a bunch of smashes the Franklins against a wall. The gun falls to the ground in front of the Franklinstein.

[A]

Got it. I'm gonna use my sword of Winchester and I'm gonna go stand up, dragging the sword all battered. And I'm gonna be like, you and me, mofo. And I'm gonna go.

[C]

I just want to reset. Yeah. You are dressed like Ben Franklin. Yeah. Like full on. But I think like the bald cap is like kind of coming up. Like it's kind of like blowing up a bit. You could see your hair. Like, you're like walking with like it's causing the sparks as you're like dragging.

[A]

And I'm walking towards them and I'm gonna take the sword and I wanna just again try to like lop. How many heads are left?

[C]

It's got like two heads left, but.

[A]

I'm gonna try to lop one of them off.

[C]

Okay. What are you saying?

[A]

I'm just. I'm just like, I. This is that this Is on. This ends now.

[C]

Okay. You can roll me a kick some ass roll with a plus one.

[A]

Okay. Actually, I'm really gonna say is those who would give up liberty for security will have neither.

[C]

10 full success. You lop off the second to last head and then the last head and this thing falls to the ground.

[A]

And then I just start stabbing it.

[C]

Just like 100%. Just stab and stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab. You see the. You like, look up and you see there's what looks like a bit of a tense standoff because while you were stabbing, stabbing, stabbing Jane Doe. We see Jane Doe with her hands out and the Franklinstein holding the gun.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

@. Oh, my God, Steve.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And you like kind of, you know, like in the like everybody calm down kind of thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So what do you like. What are you saying? What do you. What is your plan?

[B]

Okay, so I. I'm like Franklin Ben. It's okay, bud. Everybody calm down. Put down the gun. Okay? It's not. You don't point the gun. Because I'm trying to calm down like a little kid again.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know, I'm a moon. I'm saying, hey, why don't I just take it from you? Why don't you just hand it to me? Okay. I'll hold it for you. It's very, very dangerous, so I don't want you to get hurt.

[C]

Okay. I picture this like you're kind of nearing, nearing. And then you do like a judo thing.

[B]

Yeah. Then I'm just gonna.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So you could roll me two fisted science. Which. This is just your knowledge of how like the body works to use your smarts for combat.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

10 full success. You just like disable him and he's like wincing as he holds his hand. I'm like, you've caught the gun. Yeah. Which is your. Oh, no, this is. This is actually Steve Stevenson's gun. There's so many guns. You are. You have caught the gun and he's like holding his hand and y' all are out of combat. You have.

[A]

I am walking over and I'm stabbing the body that's in the chair.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm Just for good measure, I'm stabbing him a couple times too. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You see, he's like, you stab him. He's like, oh, I thought I was.

[A]

Get away with it.

[C]

No, no, you won't.

[B]

And nobody remembers the older brother.

[C]

He dies. Good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I killed him.

[B]

It's gonna be a lot of paperwork. I can't believe you just stabbed him. We could have taken him in.

[A]

No, he needed to go. It's fine for the bends we cut.

[C]

What do y' all go do after this?

[A]

We take Franklin Stein to the office.

[C]

Huh.

[A]

The good Franklinstein.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

The fun one.

[C]

And what about the other Franklin's the other Franklin?

[A]

Well, one of them's dead.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Unfortunately, paperwork.

[A]

So we're gonna take him and we're gonna throw him in the van.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

The other two Franklin signs.

[C]

Like, for me?

[A]

No, not for you. Not for you. Don't worry, don't worry. The other two, we're gonna drop them off at home. We're gonna drop them.

[B]

We have to go do.

[A]

Listen, we're gonna drop them off.

[C]

Yeah. We're then gonna go like a montage of like, Frank, Ben Franklin's getting dropped off at different locations by you in a even shoddier by the moment. Like, Ben covered in costume.

[A]

Yeah. Soaked in blood, head to toe. And we're gonna drop them off. So 1, 2. Then we're gonna go back to the office and we're. I'm gonna have Franklin Stein carry the dead Ben Franklin with us to the Ben Franklin.

[C]

Who is in the Franklin Institute for the criminally insane.

[A]

Yes. We're gonna walk it into there.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And we're gonna give.

[C]

See, like there's like a guard who's like, you can't bring that. And then like, I picture like someone with like, you with a gun. Jane Doe with a gun. Just like. Just like, oh, you know, I didn't see nothing.

[A]

Yeah. And we're gonna give the dead Ben to Ben Franklin. That'd be like. Like, I think we're good now.

[C]

It says, oh, I think this more than equals the scales.

[A]

And then I'm like, before you see.

[C]

And then you just like walk away.

[B]

There's no time.

[A]

And then for Franklin Stein.

[C]

Where, Where?

[A]

Then we'll cut. And then we're going to have him. We're going to take him back to party city.

[C]

Uhhuh.

[A]

And we're going to be like, whatever costume you want, bud.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he is going to dress up.

[C]

Steve walks over and he's like, anything.

[A]

Anything you want.

[C]

You see, he pulls out a Ben Franklin costume. It's like a child sized Ben Franklin costume. And he's like, Franklin.

[B]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna fill out some paperwork and see if I can't get him a job at the independent center.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

As a tour guide.

[C]

Yeah, sure, sure.

[A]

We're gonna Constitution.

[B]

He's gonna need a work study program. And so I think he'd be saying.

[C]

That, like, the We. We. It pans over, and Tom Waits is like, oh, yeah, no, we have agents in that. And, yeah, we could get. We could get that.

[B]

I think he good in the kids section of Independence.

[A]

I don't know about having them near the kids. But the. And then. Then, yeah, that's. That's it. And I find her, and I'm like, hey, Jane.

[B]

Yeah?

[A]

I got something to tell you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My last name isn't Stevenson.

[B]

You're. I'm sorry, what?

[A]

Yeah, my last name's Winchester.

[B]

Are you kidding me right now?

[A]

And, well, Tom, I think I'm your boss now.

[B]

What?

[C]

There's still paperwork to fill out. And then, like, the door, like, opens, and you see David Winchester, your uncle, not your ancestor, is like, I've already filled out the paperwork. Tom Waits, get out of here. He's like, what? And he's like, get out of here.

[A]

He doesn't have to go.

[C]

We don't need to fire.

[B]

He's really good at his job.

[C]

No, I'm not firing him. I just don't want to talk to him. He doesn't need to be in on this conversation.

[B]

His personality can be a lot.

[C]

Sometimes it is. Go write a song or something. He's like, maybe I will write a song about a bad boss. It's like, don't you dare write a song about me. I was like, sorry. Okay. I got off track. It seems like you are finally able to take on the mantle of the Winchesters.

[B]

Have you been undercover bossing me this whole time?

[A]

The whole time, man. And you. I want to just say something. You have been an amazing employee.

[B]

Well, thank you.

[A]

And that's why here, at this penultimate season of the show, I want you to know that I am gonna give you a raise.

[B]

Oh, really?

[C]

Wait, we didn't discuss this.

[A]

I'm the boss now, aren't I?

[C]

Well, technically, yeah.

[A]

Wait, I mean, technically, it's not a figurehead thing. I can give people raises.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

I just chain. All right.

[C]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

We'll just cut somewhere.

[A]

We'll cut somewhere else. Make it work.

[C]

Okay. I guess.

[A]

So, anyway, you're gonna be. You are now officially the regional assistant manager of the Winchester Foundation.

[C]

I think from there, we cut to David telling Tom Waits he's gonna have to find somewhere in the budget for this. And Tom Waits being like, fuck, okay, I guess I could take one of the guards off from the Franklin Institute for the Criminally Insane. And then we just cut to him, and he, like, looks at the camera, like, face covered in blood. Like Ben Franklin with his face covered in blood and just does that thing again. And then that's. That's it. We will leave it there.

[A]

Then we roll the theme music. Well, that was fun.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I tell you something really funny that I've been holding on to this whole time?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Is that one of my dear friends? His dad is a professional Ben Franklin impersonator.

[C]

I bet I know his. I mean, I bet I recognize his name because I. There are three. Yeah, there are three big ones.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was like, real close to just using their names. And I was like, no, I'm not gonna.

[B]

You know, it's very. Even more funny. Well, I'll tell you the thing. I don't want to give his anonymity away, but my friend's name is Ben.

[C]

Amazing.

[B]

His dad is a professional Ben Franklin impersonator, and they named him Ben, their child.

[C]

Amazing.

[B]

So this story, I'm not saying that it's real, but I'm saying that Ben Franklin impersonators take their lifestyle very seriously.

[C]

I. You could tell that they do. Like, it's just like such a. It's such an all in thing. You have to be Ben Franklin for so much of it. But yeah, I. I'm going to be honest, I did come up with Franklin Stein and then was like, well, I think that's just what I'm doing.

[A]

Yeah, well, beyond just what you're doing, you have actually signed that you came here to promote today because you have a new Kickst.

[C]

I do. I have a Kickstarter which you can [e-mail] or you go to the link.

[A]

Down in the description below to all of your different stuff that we'll have down there. Multiple ones.

[C]

I'm doing a Kickstarter for a D and D module zine called the Secret Garden Adventure Club. A song for Cadence. I used a bunch of friends of mine who are artists to do art for it. So it's going to be. It's like really, really nice. I'm really proud of it. It's a over the garden wall style adventure as opposed to, you know, sword and sorcery type thing. And I think that people will really like it. Again, if you go to secretgardenadventureclub.com, you can find the Kickstarter which is. Should be live now. And yeah, get yourself a copy of it so that you can play the game as well.

[B]

Also, you got to shout out your podcast.

[C]

Oh, yeah. You could also find my. Me playing Dungeons and Dragons more at Adventure Services which you can find at. His name was dusk.com. you could also find all my music and stuff there.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Yeah, love that. Well that and also you can hear him all the time because he does.

[A]

All of our he does all of our music. So now you guys have a face.

[C]

Well, you can hear some of the theme song.

[A]

Some of the theme song. Can you throw, throw your mask on for me one last time before we go? Just so that way we're all here in costume.

[B]

Scare people because it's the scariest mask of them all. Yeah. I don't know why you didn't want to leave that alone, friend.

[A]

Okay. I don't love that.

[C]

Don't you picture. I will say if you picture the what the Ben. The Ben Franklinstein wearing a gritty costume. Yes. Like doesn't that it kind of works.

[B]

Okay, I see what doing you're doing.

[A]

Yeah. Well with that guys, thank you so much for for watching this episode. Remember like subscribe follow all those fun things, get some comments down below, check out his name was Dusk and find us at pearlmania500.net another fun time here at Too many tabs, too many frauds.

[C]

And too many scammers that we wish weren't real. Too many cons and too many spammers and we're starting to feel feel like we've got too many tabs. Open it too many times. Remember to smile.

[D]

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[A]

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