The Patron Saint of Influencers | TMT #124 - Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500

Summary5 min read

Podcast Summary: Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500
Episode: The Patron Saint of Influencers | TMT #124
Release Date: April 20, 2025

Introduction

In episode #124 of Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500, hosts Pearlmania500 delve into the fascinating intersection of modern digital culture and traditional Catholic sainthood. Titled "The Patron Saint of Influencers," this episode explores the canonization of St. Carlo Acutis, the first millennial saint recognized by the Catholic Church. The hosts offer a blend of insightful discussion, historical context, and their characteristic humor to engage listeners in understanding the significance of this contemporary sainthood.

St. Carlo Acutis: The Millennial Saint

Overview of St. Carlo Acutis

The episode begins with Host 1 introducing the topic amidst the backdrop of modern influencer culture:

Host 1 [01:01]: "Across Instagram, scrolling across TikTok, and you've been seeing influencers and content creators that have lost their way... There's a patron saint for all of them here."

Host 2 elaborates on Carlo Acutis's contributions:

Host 2 [03:46]: "The first millennial saint, the Blessed Carlo Acutis. He passed away at the age of 15 from leukemia in 2006."

Life and Legacy

St. Carlo Acutis is celebrated for his devout faith and his remarkable use of technology to spread the Catholic faith. Host 2 explains:

Host 2 [05:13]: "He was a computer whiz for the time, big into developing websites for his high school and nearby churches, cataloging all major Eucharistic miracles."

Miracles and Canonization

The hosts discuss the miracles attributed to Acutis that led to his beatification and eventual canonization:

Host 2 [12:00]: "On May 23, 2024, Pope Francis recognized a second miracle attributed to the intercession of Acutis... A Costa Rican woman named Valeria had fallen off her bike and suffered a brain hemorrhage... she got better after praying to Acutis."

Comparisons with Other Saints

Maria Goretti: A Legacy of Forgiveness and Strength

Host 2 shares insights from her Catholic upbringing, drawing parallels between St. Carlo Acutis and St. Maria Goretti:

Host 2 [24:15]: "Maria Goretti was stabbed 14 times and forgave her attacker on her deathbed, becoming a symbol of forgiveness and purity."

St. Sebastian: Endurance and Resilience

The discussion shifts to St. Sebastian, another prominent saint:

Host 1 [33:26]: "St. Sebastian is often portrayed tied to a tree with arrows, symbolizing his resilience and unwavering faith despite persecution."

St. Agatha of Sicily: Strength Amidst Suffering

St. Agatha's story is recounted with a mix of reverence and humor:

Host 1 [45:20]: "She is the patron saint of bell founders, martyrs, sexual assault victims, and even wet nurses. Her feast day features Agatha's buns, sweet cakes shaped like a single boob with a cherry."

St. Lucy: Light in Darkness

Host 1 [27:05]: "St. Lucy, the patron saint of the blind, endured horrific torture but remained steadfast in her faith."

Hosts' Perspectives on Sainthood and Catholicism

The hosts engage in a candid and humorous debate about the nature of sainthood, martyrdom, and the depiction of saints within the Catholic Church.

Martyrdom and Its Implications

Host 2 expresses her discomfort with the violent ways saints achieved their sanctity:

Host 2 [26:33]: "The thing is, you have to die in the craziest way, and then the Catholic Church picks that thing you died from and makes you the patron saint of it."

Humorous Takes on Patronages

The hosts humorously critique the specificity of patron saints:

Host 1 [21:13]: "Now we have a patron saint... St. Carlo Acutis. If someone resurfaces an influencer's tweets from 2013, they should pray to St. Acutis for thumbnail help."

Catholic vs. Protestant Depictions

They contrast how saints are venerated in Catholicism compared to Protestantism:

Host 1 [34:00]: "Most Protestant churches don't even have an image of Jesus; they just have a cross. Catholic saints are often depicted with symbols of their martyrdom, which can be graphic and intense."

Modern Implications: Influencers and Digital Culture

St. Carlo Acutis as a Digital Patron

The hosts explore the relevance of having a patron saint for the digital age:

Host 2 [21:11]: "This guy was writing websites and helping to spread the faith online. Now he's the patron saint of the Internet and influencers."

Merchandising and Modern Devotion

They discuss the commercialization of sainthood through merchandise:

Host 1 [21:18]: "Go get some Carlo Acutis merch. Pull on some poorly stitched socks and say, 'Dear Saint Acutis, please bless our YouTube algorithm.'"

Community Engagement: Naming the Porch Goose

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts shift focus to their interactive community activities, specifically naming their newly introduced "Patio Goose."

Host 1 [80:46]: "We are proud to announce Bernie Gander as our Porch Goose, chosen through a poll with over 637 votes from our Patreons."

They celebrate the community's participation and the creative names proposed, fostering a sense of belonging and engagement among listeners.

Critical Reflections on Wealth and Philanthropy

The hosts engage in a critical dialogue about modern billionaires, philanthropy, and societal impact, drawing metaphors with fictional characters like Batman.

Billionaires vs. Community Investment

Host 2 [73:43]: "Billionaires view themselves as Batman, investing in flashy projects like space rockets instead of addressing poverty or funding public services."

Ethical Considerations

They question the ethical responsibilities of the wealthy:

Host 1 [75:07]: "When billionaires like Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk invest in non-essential luxuries rather than reinvesting in communities, it perpetuates inequality and social issues."

Conclusion: Addressing Haters and Future Announcements

In the concluding segments, the hosts address their critics with humor and reaffirm their commitment to providing engaging content. They also announce upcoming episodes and encourage listeners to support them through Patreon.

Host 2 [78:39]: "We appreciate your support and engagement. Thank you to all our Patreons for voting and supporting our community."

They wrap up by teasing future content, ensuring listeners stay tuned for more thought-provoking and entertaining discussions.

Notable Quotes

Host 1 [01:01]: "Today's episode is a pretty crazy one. We're going to be talking about the first millennial saint that was just named."
Host 2 [12:00]: "You gotta have miracles. Can't be on the same with the miracles."
Host 1 [21:13]: "So now we have a patron saint... St. Carlo Acutis, the patron saint of the Internet and influencers."
Host 2 [26:33]: "The Catholic Church picks the way you died and makes you the patron saint of it."
Host 1 [75:07]: "Batman is a fictional character, but he symbolizes how billionaires could misuse their wealth if not ethically managed."

Final Thoughts

Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500 episode #124 successfully bridges the gap between ancient traditions and contemporary digital life. Through their engaging and humorous dialogue, the hosts shed light on the evolving concept of sainthood in the age of influencers and the internet. By examining St. Carlo Acutis's legacy, alongside other saints, and critiquing modern philanthropy, Pearlmania500 offers listeners a rich, thought-provoking experience that resonates with both traditional and modern audiences.

Remember to smile and keep your tabs open responsibly!

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Transcript942 lines

[00:00]
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[01:02]
Host 1
Across Instagram, scrolling across TikTok, and you've been seeing influencers and content creators that have lost their way, hopping on private planes with brand deals and flying to California to go glamping fly among the stars on billionaire rockets to become one with the heavens. You've seen them turn away, but now there is a patron saint for these influencers, these content creators, and yes, even the Minecraft streamers. There is a patron saint for all of them here. And the good news has been dropped all the way from the Pope in Rome. We've prepared ourselves, our mind and our body because we have opened too many times. Remember to smile. Today's episode is a pretty crazy one. Yeah, that we're going to be talking about the first millennial saint that was just named. But before we get into that, just for our long time listeners, I know the last bunch of episodes have been a little bit different and a little bit more intense because we've been dealing with stuff that is kind of, you know, happening right now. I just want to go ahead and hit you guys with a guarantee button I haven't hit in a long time. And that's a no Nazi guarantee for our new listeners.
[02:18]
Host 2
We had a button made.
[02:20]
Host 1
Yes.
[02:22]
Host 2
What in the season. End of season one.
[02:24]
Host 1
End of season one, we had to create a button, the no Nazi guarantee button. And that button is also to let you know this is a good vibes episode.
[02:30]
Host 2
We're going to try our heart our.
[02:31]
Host 1
Darndest we're trying our darndest because let's just face it, guys, out there is, you know, dark skies, but in here, we have bright lights, good vibes, big smiles. Because that's what our show's about, remembering to smile. And one of the things that is bringing us a smile right now and actually also brought Mrs. P. An aneurysm is the other day we were laying in bed and you had your laptop out because you were working on a future episode, upcoming book episode that we have coming out pretty soon. And you were sitting there, and all of a sudden, nowhere you went, what is this? Because Windows 11 has an update we talked about pretty recently, and Windows 11 now just blasts you with news in the corner. It's crazy and it's never good. And they thought they were doing something nice on this one.
[03:14]
Host 2
Yeah.
[03:15]
Host 1
Your computer was just like, first millennial saint is being canonized by the Catholic Church. And then you clicked on it, and then you immediately like, I'll be right back. I was like, what? And you left, and you just started doing research. And then you came back and started showing me things. And I said, this is. This is for the show. We have to.
[03:35]
Host 2
I like how showing you things was me just standing in the room going.
[03:38]
Host 1
Yeah, look at this. There's socks. Okay, we'll get to that. But let us know about. Tell me all about this first millennial saint.
[03:46]
Host 2
Thank you. Okay, so the first millennial saint, the Blessed Carlo Acutis.
[03:52]
Host 1
Okay.
[03:53]
Host 2
Okay. He is. Well, he was. He passed away.
[03:56]
Host 1
Yeah.
[03:57]
Host 2
That's part of being a saint as you pass away.
[03:59]
Host 1
Yeah. There are no living saints.
[04:01]
Host 2
No living saints.
[04:02]
Host 1
Those people will tell you, like, oh, that person, living saint. They're a liar. Or at least they're not Catholic.
[04:06]
Host 2
Whoa. He passed away at the age of 15 from leukemia in 2006.
[04:12]
Host 1
Okay.
[04:13]
Host 2
And he is being referred to as God's influencer. So, I mean, all the other influencers better look out.
[04:20]
Host 1
Look.
[04:20]
Host 2
Because you might be selling hair gummies.
[04:22]
Host 1
Yeah.
[04:23]
Host 2
Or dick gummies. I don't know.
[04:25]
Host 1
You know what? It's crazy how all of our meds are gummies now.
[04:28]
Host 2
Yeah.
[04:28]
Host 1
Whatever happened to just swallowing pills? You guys got rid of that. We don't. Nobody swallows anything Now I gotta chew it a little.
[04:35]
Host 2
I gotta chew it a little. Yeah, no, it needs to taste like candy.
[04:38]
Host 1
It does. I did. I need grape.
[04:40]
Host 2
Yeah.
[04:41]
Host 1
The only way I'm getting through anything. Grape flavoring. Maybe strawberry, but anyway. But back to Carlo.
[04:47]
Host 2
Okay. So, yeah, Carlos, he was 15 and he's the patron saint of the Internet per the Pope. The Pope says so.
[04:54]
Host 1
That's such a crazy sentence.
[04:55]
Host 2
Per the Pope.
[04:56]
Host 1
The Pope, the famously up to date Pope.
[04:59]
Host 2
The guy knows what's going on.
[05:00]
Host 1
Yeah.
[05:00]
Host 2
Especially when it comes to the Internet.
[05:01]
Host 1
Yeah. You know, I think when I think of people who have their. Their finger on the pulse, I think of the Catholic Curia. So. So this kid, 2006, he. What did he do?
[05:13]
Host 2
Okay, so here's the thing. He was in quotes, computer whiz for the time. Yeah. For 2006, in the early aughts, he was big into developing websites for his high school.
[05:27]
Host 1
Okay.
[05:27]
Host 2
And nearby churches.
[05:28]
Host 1
Okay.
[05:29]
Host 2
And he created websites and cataloged all the major eucharistic miracles that were recorded. Eucharistic miracle is just a Catholic way of saying miracle.
[05:39]
Host 1
Okay. Because. Yeah. It's a miracle through the Eucharist.
[05:41]
Host 2
Which means.
[05:41]
Host 1
It means it's a God miracle.
[05:43]
Host 2
Exactly. The Father, Son, the Holy Spirit. There's three of them. They're in the.
[05:46]
Host 1
Well, there's three of them, but there's one of them.
[05:47]
Host 2
The wine, it's the whole thing.
[05:49]
Host 1
But there's three of them. If there's one of them. Yeah, there's three of them, but there's one of them.
[05:51]
Host 2
Exactly.
[05:52]
Host 1
I don't. People died over this. There's three of them, but there's one of them.
[05:55]
Host 2
Okay.
[05:56]
Host 1
There's literally back in the day, I love how people are like, oh, what do you do? I fight in the comments section, baby. We used to have hundred year wars that were comment sections. Okay. You'd be over there, be like, I think when we eat this bread, it turns into human flesh. Oh, that's crazy. I don't stab. That's how it used to go. I love when people are like, they'll be on the Internet and they'll be like, I'm being persecuted for my religion because I can't be mean to trans people. I'm like, oh yeah. Have you been stabbed over bread?
[06:24]
Host 2
Jesus.
[06:25]
Host 1
What?
[06:26]
Host 2
Anyway, we're getting demonetized.
[06:27]
Host 1
No, we're not getting demonetized. I'm just saying if you believe it turns into flesh, you're a sinner. This is a Protestant.
[06:34]
Host 2
No. Oh my God. What? Protestant versus Catholic at the table. Are you wearing orange right now?
[06:41]
Host 1
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. My, my. My violently militant partisan Irish wife just noticed what color shirt I'm wearing.
[06:52]
Host 2
Gotcha. Gotcha.
[06:54]
Host 1
I. You know, it's. No, you know what? Not making that joke, cuz he hit the button.
[06:58]
Host 2
You Hit the button.
[06:58]
Host 1
We're staying fun.
[06:59]
Host 2
We hit the. For a fun podcast. This is a comedy history podcast where a husband and wife duo sit across from each other and tell each other silly lore.
[07:08]
Host 1
Silly lore they learned in the end. And this is. And listen, saints are lore. Okay. Especially the patron saint of influencers. So. So, so this guy, he makes websites.
[07:19]
Host 2
He made websites back in 2006.
[07:21]
Host 1
Okay. Which. Which was back in 2006 was more difficult.
[07:25]
Host 2
Yeah.
[07:26]
Host 1
There weren't people like Squarespace who does not sponsor us. Get. Get with it.
[07:30]
Host 2
Wow. We'd have a website if they sponsored us, but I'm not making one until I get the sponsors.
[07:35]
Host 1
We have a website now with pearlmania500.net and that then immediately sends you to our patreon.
[07:42]
Host 2
Yeah, because I'm not making a website until Squarespace gives me one.
[07:47]
Host 1
You're such a monster. But, but, but, you know, it was a little bit more difficult back then. It also was like pre. All the apps. 2006 for our younger listeners was a very different time in the Internet.
[07:57]
Host 2
Oh, what a time to be alone.
[07:58]
Host 1
Oh, my God. It was. Actually was better Internet back then because you had individual websites. You had individual forums. Facebook. Our parents weren't on Facebook. Facebook was new, pretty much.
[08:08]
Host 2
I wasn't on Facebook then.
[08:09]
Host 1
I know, but you had. I think 2006 was right around the time when you still had to have. MySpace was still like the top. And then you still had to have a college web email address.
[08:19]
Host 2
Yeah.
[08:20]
Host 1
Had a dot Edu.
[08:21]
Host 2
Didn't have one of those.
[08:22]
Host 1
And then like, that was like really exclusive. And so our parents weren't on Facebook. The YouTube was just rolling out. YouTube was pretty new. Instagram didn't exist. Yep. Twitter, I don't think was there yet. I think you could still.
[08:38]
Host 2
I don't know.
[08:39]
Host 1
I know. I know you don't. And also we have a lot of. No listen from reading some of the very nice messages we get. We had a lot of listeners who actually weren't like, old enough to really understand what was going on. So, like, I think in 2000 I might be wrong, but around 2006, you could still text Twitter. Like it had a number. And one of the big things with Twitter was it was one of the first places where, like I could go post on my computer. I could type basically a text and send it to be 140 characters. And then I could also go to like 4040 or whatever it was. And I had my phone number with register to Twitter. And so I could just. It Felt like I was texting the Internet.
[09:21]
Host 2
That's so crazy.
[09:22]
Host 1
And so like that was like the early thrill of it. Eventually it was used to destroy the world. But before, back then.
[09:28]
Host 2
Back then, this was very BlackBerry.
[09:31]
Host 1
No, I had on my Nokia. Oh, I had a Nokia with a chain. No, not even a slide. An actual like T9 Nokia with a changeable faceplate.
[09:39]
Host 2
Wow.
[09:40]
Host 1
And the pull out, actually I think. Was it Nokia, was it a Kyocera?
[09:44]
Host 2
I had a slide, John, where you like slid it up like that.
[09:46]
Host 1
I had it later. Yeah. For the two way text field.
[09:50]
Host 2
Bring those back.
[09:51]
Host 1
But this is, but this is the age, this is the time that we're talking about that this guy died.
[09:56]
Host 2
Yeah.
[09:56]
Host 1
Because he was young man.
[09:57]
Host 2
He's 15.
[09:58]
Host 1
He's 15. He's a teenager and he's making these websites and it's just. And it's just like a list.
[10:02]
Host 2
It's just a list.
[10:03]
Host 1
Here's a list of miracles.
[10:05]
Host 2
I don't want to say, just that's. That that makes it seem not as important. It was important work for him.
[10:09]
Host 1
But I feel like there's also like people like you can go, if you can type in list of miracles into Wikipedia and get a list of miracles.
[10:15]
Host 2
Yeah.
[10:15]
Host 1
Like there's, there's people who've been doing this. I mean, obviously they weren't as many of them. And it was also a time in 2006 where only, you know, a much smaller percentage of the world was actually on the Internet.
[10:28]
Host 2
Yeah.
[10:28]
Host 1
And also where was he from? Do you know where he was from?
[10:31]
Host 2
I think he's from Italy, Right.
[10:33]
Host 1
I don't know.
[10:33]
Host 2
I think he might be from Italy.
[10:35]
Host 1
Okay.
[10:35]
Host 2
I feel like he was, let me say.
[10:37]
Host 1
Yeah, but also it's one of those things where he was also in Italy and stuff like that. And in Europe in general, like the Internet was spread a little bit slower than it did here in America. Like we have a very American centric view.
[10:50]
Host 2
British born Italian teenager.
[10:52]
Host 1
British. Yeah. This guy's confusing. Okay. British born Italian. Okay.
[10:57]
Host 2
Yeah.
[10:57]
Host 1
But anyway, so he was writing websites and he was helping to spread the faith.
[11:01]
Host 2
Yes.
[11:01]
Host 1
Across the Internet.
[11:03]
Host 2
Also, his parents weren't Catholic. He became Catholic.
[11:06]
Host 1
What?
[11:07]
Host 2
I know, that's. So Listen, it's the J.D. vance thing.
[11:11]
Host 1
No, stop, stop. We said no names. No current names.
[11:15]
Host 2
Sorry, I just. It's when you choose to be Catholic, it's weird. You just. If you're born in fine. If you're born in different.
[11:23]
Host 1
Yeah.
[11:24]
Host 2
You wake up one day and you're like, you know what? I want to do be Catholic. No, no. That's a weird choice.
[11:30]
Host 1
It's like choosing to be a Jets fan.
[11:33]
Host 2
Choosing to be a Mets fan.
[11:37]
Host 1
This is a Phillies house. But. No, but the. So, so, so this kid, he's using the Internet. He passes.
[11:45]
Host 2
Yes.
[11:46]
Host 1
You know, dies of leukemia.
[11:47]
Host 2
Yep.
[11:47]
Host 1
And now here we are 19 years later, and they've declaring him a saint.
[11:53]
Host 2
Yeah. So he performed miracles after passing away.
[11:57]
Host 1
Okay. You got to do. You got to do.
[11:58]
Host 2
You got to have miracles.
[11:59]
Host 1
Yeah. I think it's at least two miracles.
[12:00]
Host 2
Got to have miracles.
[12:01]
Host 1
Okay.
[12:02]
Host 2
Can't be on the same with the miracles.
[12:02]
Host 1
What are the miracles?
[12:04]
Host 2
I believe a young woman was very sick and potentially dying in the hospital, and she thought of him and thought of his life, and then she got better.
[12:16]
Host 1
Okay.
[12:17]
Host 2
Right. And then I don't know.
[12:19]
Host 1
So he did that. Not the doctors that were in the hospital or anything that's going on.
[12:23]
Host 2
Yeah.
[12:23]
Host 1
Or any of the medication or possible. Any of that stuff. It was definitely. She had a think. She had a little think about this.
[12:28]
Host 2
Guy, let me say. On May 23, 2024, Pope Francis recognized a second miracle attributed to the intercession of Akutas. That's him intervening. The miracle attributed to it was in 2022, when a Costa Rican woman named Valeria had fallen off her bike and suffered a brain hemorrhage. With doctors giving her a low chance of survival. Valeria's mother, Liliana, prayed for intercession from Acutis and visited his tomb the same day, Valeria began to breathe independently again and was able to walk the next day with all the evidence of the hemorrhage having disappeared. Okay, that was the second one.
[13:07]
Host 1
That was the second one.
[13:08]
Host 2
Yeah.
[13:09]
Host 1
So fell off a bike, hit their head. I'm assuming not wearing a helmet.
[13:14]
Host 2
I. Well, listen, I just.
[13:16]
Host 1
I just. If your miracle could get taken out by a helmet, I just. Throwing that out there, guys.
[13:21]
Host 2
Wear helmets.
[13:21]
Host 1
Wear helmets.
[13:22]
Host 2
We're big.
[13:23]
Host 1
This is a big helmet podcast.
[13:24]
Host 2
Big helmet podcast. Okay, okay, so wait. On November 14, 2019, the Vatican's medical council expressed a positive opinion about a miracle in Brazil attributed to acute intercession. Luciana Viana had taken her son Matthias. Matthias who?
[13:42]
Host 1
Matthias.
[13:44]
Host 2
It's Matthias, I think, who was born with pancreatic defects and made eating difficult. To a prayer service. Beforehand, she prayed in novena, asking for her teenage the teenager Acutus's intercession. During the service, Matthias had asked that he should not, quote, throw up as much. Immediately following the service, he told his mother that he felt healed and asked for Some solid food. And when he came home, he was able to eat. And before that, he had always been on an all liquid diet.
[14:14]
Host 1
Okay.
[14:15]
Host 2
After a detailed investigation, Pope Francis confirmed the miracles authenticity in a decree Feb. 21, 2020, leading to his acutis's beatification. So that was the first miracle.
[14:26]
Host 1
Got it. Got it. Yeah. Because there's like a certain level of. There, there's layers.
[14:30]
Host 2
You got.
[14:30]
Host 1
You got. If you get miracle one, you get beatified.
[14:33]
Host 2
Yep.
[14:34]
Host 1
Miracle too. Then you get canonized, Then you become a saint. I know this because this was. This was like my. One of my little obsessions when I was younger.
[14:41]
Host 2
Really?
[14:42]
Host 1
Yeah. I had a. There's these books called the Big Books. So it's like Big Book of Weird and like Big Book of Martyrs and a Big book of saints and stuff like that. And one of the books I had, it was this comic book and it was written by. Written and drawn by all of these different artists. And they would take all these different stories and they'd put them in. I had it somewhere. I don't know if I still have them, but I love them. And because you'd go through. And I remember specifically, like, the Big Book of Martyrs was going through all these different saints and, like, seeing their stories and everything, I just thought it was really neat because also I always found Catholicism interesting because y'all play Pokemon with saints. Y'all play Pokemon like. Like every other. Like in Protestantism. Right? You got. You got Jesus.
[15:27]
Host 2
Yep.
[15:28]
Host 1
We're done. We're done. We're basically done. They got some Holy Spirit out there.
[15:32]
Host 2
Jesus. You got Jesus, Holy Spirit and God. That's not even one thing in itself.
[15:36]
Host 1
Yeah, but they're. And listen, you've seen it. They all. They're all like, we gotta pray.
[15:40]
Host 2
What about his mom?
[15:41]
Host 1
We don't listen. His mom's there. Yeah.
[15:43]
Host 2
What about Joseph?
[15:44]
Host 1
What about him?
[15:45]
Host 2
St. Joseph Carpenters.
[15:48]
Host 1
He bouncy. He sounds like the patron. Say to Cox to me. Whoa, whoa. But I'm just saying, it's like. I'm just saying, it is like, she's there, she's in the story. But she, like, maybe she makes it a stained glass, but she don't get a statue.
[16:00]
Host 2
You guys. You guys don't even have good stained glass.
[16:02]
Host 1
I know.
[16:03]
Host 2
You don't even know. The thing is, like, when I go. We've talked about this on the pod.
[16:06]
Host 1
Yes.
[16:07]
Host 2
When I go to other churches that aren't Catholic, I'm like, what is this? What is this warehouse you're in?
[16:13]
Host 1
Strip mall.
[16:14]
Host 2
I need marble I need oak. I need stained glass.
[16:18]
Host 1
Let's see, that's the reason why.
[16:20]
Host 2
Incense lilies.
[16:21]
Host 1
But this is the reason why, when you look at Catholic shit, right? Catholic shit inspires people to write dystopian science fiction. Catholic shit inspires people to make an entire Warhammer army. Nobody ever sits down and sees a Joel Olsteen service in the Circuit City arena and thinks, you know what I'm going to make? I'm going to base all my Eldar off of this.
[16:47]
Host 2
Nope.
[16:47]
Host 1
For Warhammer 40K. Nobody looks at some of these other ones. And, like, I've been around these places. Like, there's something about a Gothic cathedral.
[16:56]
Host 2
Nice.
[16:57]
Host 1
There's just something. You get there and you go, ah, that's. That's pretty different. I don't know if it makes me want to believe in anything, but at least makes me look up and go, holy.
[17:05]
Host 2
It makes me want to believe in artists in architecture. It makes you want to believe in putting a quarter into things. I can light a candle.
[17:13]
Host 1
You know what I.
[17:13]
Host 2
You know, lighting.
[17:14]
Host 1
You know, the evangelicals make me believe in. When I see their buildings.
[17:17]
Host 2
It's hot outside. They're always in a.
[17:18]
Host 1
No, it makes me believe this coffee's overpriced and they used AI on their board. That's what I believe. I mean, you get to a lot of these.
[17:25]
Host 2
They do be open in coffee shops.
[17:27]
Host 1
Open a coffee shop. And then it's like, listen, I have my problems with the Catholic Church, and a lot of it comes down to the fact that you guys move your priests around. I was talking about the other day, I was like, they move around, like, shell game. Yeah. Five years. Move them every five years. Got to move them. That blew my mind when I found that out pretty recently. Every five years, they move a priest around. And I was like, I don't like that. No, but. But the other. The thing is, is, like, a lot of the old stuff, it just looks cool, looks great. And especially when you get into the saint stuff, because you get all these little statues.
[17:57]
Host 2
Yep.
[17:57]
Host 1
And then there's the merch.
[18:00]
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[18:57]
Host 2
Space80@Talkspace.Com all my grandmoms and aunts, they got the St. Jude magazine.
[19:04]
Host 1
St. Jude catalog.
[19:05]
Host 2
Yeah, it's like a catalog.
[19:06]
Host 1
What?
[19:07]
Host 2
Yeah, so there's like, okay. Merch is a big deal with. For Catholics, it's just not what you're used to. It's like little medallions you put in your car for your patron saint. Every family has a patron saint.
[19:17]
Host 1
You mean every family has a paint.
[19:18]
Host 2
So like every Catholic. Most Catholic families. I don't speak for everybody.
[19:21]
Host 1
Okay.
[19:22]
Host 2
Your family has a patron saint.
[19:24]
Host 1
Your. Each family gets their own guy.
[19:26]
Host 2
You pick. Yeah, you pick your guy or gal and this is your patron saint of your family. And then cuz like I usually.
[19:32]
Host 1
I knew like a city got one. I know that like obviously like you know, because the church will be named after one. Like they get one. Yeah, each individual family gets one.
[19:40]
Host 2
It's not like the priest picks it for you. You kind of pick it based on what's going on in your family. Okay, so like if all the guys in your family are carpenters, you're gonna pick St. Joseph because he's the patron saint of carpenters.
[19:51]
Host 1
Well, why wouldn't you just pick Jesus? Because Jesus was a carpenter.
[19:54]
Host 2
Because you don't pick Jesus, you pick the saints.
[19:56]
Host 1
No, but like if I'm going to pick somebody, I'm going to pick the top guy. Why am I going to pick one of the lower guys? It's just confusing to me.
[20:01]
Host 2
You need to be able to pick the lower guys because they all have different duties.
[20:05]
Host 1
What?
[20:06]
Host 2
So like, okay, like if something gets lost in the house, what do I do?
[20:09]
Host 1
I don't know, you look for it.
[20:11]
Host 2
And I don't know, I say a prayer to St. Anthony.
[20:14]
Host 1
Who?
[20:15]
Host 2
Because St. Anthony helps you find lost things.
[20:17]
Host 1
You say a prayer one time.
[20:19]
Host 2
Remember we did it. We couldn't find parking for like an hour downtown.
[20:22]
Host 1
Yeah.
[20:23]
Host 2
And I was like, we got to say a prayer to St. Anthony.
[20:25]
Host 1
Okay.
[20:25]
Host 2
And I did. I said it out loud. I was like, Dear St. Anthony, please help us find a parking spot, because, again, it's lost things.
[20:31]
Host 1
Yeah.
[20:31]
Host 2
And we found one. Like, the next block.
[20:34]
Host 1
Yeah.
[20:34]
Host 2
I started cackling.
[20:35]
Host 1
Well.
[20:36]
Host 2
And then, like, St. Anthony got us.
[20:37]
Host 1
And then we were selling our house in South Philly. There was that one saint. There's somebody gave us a statue of. Because you have to bury him upside down in the dirt.
[20:44]
Host 2
Yeah.
[20:45]
Host 1
And then sell the house to help sell the house. And then we did.
[20:47]
Host 2
Yeah.
[20:48]
Host 1
So. Okay, I'll give you that one.
[20:50]
Host 2
I'm saying they have. They have side quests. The saints have side quests to explain it.
[20:54]
Host 1
Little power ups.
[20:55]
Host 2
Yeah, little power ups.
[20:56]
Host 1
Okay.
[20:56]
Host 2
Jesus. He's very busy.
[20:58]
Host 1
He's covering everything.
[20:59]
Host 2
He's got a lot to do.
[21:00]
Host 1
Okay.
[21:01]
Host 2
So you got it. You got to have side guys.
[21:03]
Host 1
So. So now. So now we have a patron saint. We have a millennial saint who is the patron saint of the Internet and influencers and content creators.
[21:12]
Host 2
Yes.
[21:12]
Host 1
So if. So what you're telling me now.
[21:14]
Host 2
Yeah.
[21:15]
Host 1
Is I need to go get some Carlos Acutis merch.
[21:19]
Host 2
Yep.
[21:19]
Host 1
Go get some socks. Go to the. Go to the Pope's website.
[21:22]
Host 2
Yeah.
[21:23]
Host 1
Buy some Carlo socks. Pull on moats. Poorly stitched.
[21:27]
Host 2
Yeah.
[21:27]
Host 1
Millennial. They're not going to be the same one. You know when you go to, like, those. When you're in a small town that has a tchotchke souvenir shop.
[21:35]
Host 2
Yes.
[21:35]
Host 1
And they have just that weird thing of socks.
[21:38]
Host 2
Socks and oven mitts.
[21:39]
Host 1
Yeah. But they were more important. They were. They were much more popular, I want to say, in, like, 2016, 2017.
[21:44]
Host 2
Yeah. Back when Mustache, mustache, all those different things.
[21:48]
Host 1
But. But you turn. When you turn those socks inside out, you're like, oh, these are garbage. They're so thin and the inside's all messed up.
[21:54]
Host 2
Yeah. They're made of pantyhose and paper, I think.
[21:56]
Host 1
Yeah. Awful. But anyway, those type of socks. So I got to pull those on, and then I. And I. What do I say? Do I say, dear St. Carlo Acutis, please bless this video to reach the rest of the YouTube algorithm and get us 25,000 weekly views to then expand our ever growing content creation. So that way we can pay Mr. Third a little bit more and then buy more cameras and then invest in even more of the studio so eventually we can do something. I don't know where we're going with this.
[22:34]
Host 2
So you're.
[22:34]
Host 1
Wait, is this. I'm not supposed to do this either. I think you're not doing the wrong hands.
[22:38]
Host 2
I think you're pretty bad.
[22:39]
Host 1
It's this one. Yeah, it's that Saint Acutus. Or you be Saint Carlos.
[22:45]
Host 2
I think it's St. Acutus.
[22:46]
Host 1
Okay. Usually last name?
[22:48]
Host 2
Sometimes it depends.
[22:49]
Host 1
Okay. Because he definitely isn't the first Carlo. Yeah, I know for a fact he's not the nurse. First Carlo.
[22:54]
Host 2
Camping.
[22:54]
Host 1
Because there's been too many Carlos in this world for this guy. We can't get all the way to 2025, and I'll finally get a San Carlos. So, dear Saint Acutus.
[23:03]
Host 2
Yep.
[23:04]
Host 1
Please bless us in the algorithm.
[23:08]
Host 2
You're super good at prayers.
[23:10]
Host 1
I want to point that out. Amen.
[23:11]
Host 2
Amen.
[23:12]
Host 1
Not Amen. Amen.
[23:14]
Host 2
You've been. I see you've been. Easter dinner.
[23:17]
Host 1
Yeah, it is Easter time. We're releasing this on Easter.
[23:20]
Host 2
The. The thing is. Okay, can I talk about what the thing is about all this?
[23:24]
Host 1
About what? About the millennial saint.
[23:26]
Host 2
About why I got mad about it.
[23:27]
Host 1
Well, okay, this is. This is a you thing, but you go ahead because you got real mad.
[23:31]
Host 2
Okay. So here's the thing that. That I got mad about, and it's the wrong thing to get mad about. And I know that. I know.
[23:37]
Host 1
But no, it's. Hold on. I'm gonna bless you. This is your confession. Let me get the little holy pizza, hot water. Holy pizza, hot water. Go ahead. And, child, confess your sins to the Internet, because the patron saint of the Internet, that's who you're. That's who You're. You're about to badmouth right now.
[23:54]
Host 2
I'm about to leave this in his comment section, but I got some thoughts.
[23:56]
Host 1
Yep. All right.
[23:57]
Host 2
Okay, here's the thing. He passed away of leukemia at 15. That's tragedy. That's awful. I'm very sorry. The thing is, I grew up in the Catholic Church. I went to Catholic high school. I went to Catholic summer school. Some of those years I went. I've been indoctrinated is what I'm saying.
[24:15]
Host 1
Yeah. Yeah.
[24:16]
Host 2
I live this life. I didn't choose this life now. And there's one thing I know about saints. Saints, you die in the most crazy, horrific way.
[24:26]
Host 1
Yeah.
[24:27]
Host 2
It's part of the deal is like, martyrdom is about how terrible could this possibly go for you? And then somehow you're still like. But God is good. Fingers up. And then you get to become a saint in the. If people pray to you about how awfully you died, I guess. Okay, I'm gonna put it this way. I went to an all girls Catholic high school there's a lot. There's a few of them in the city.
[24:54]
Host 1
Yeah.
[24:54]
Host 2
One of the ones that was nearby that I was friends with a bunch of girls that went to is Maria Goretti High School.
[25:00]
Host 1
Okay.
[25:00]
Host 2
That's one in South Lake. And St. Maria Goretti. This is a school for teenage girls.
[25:07]
Host 1
Okay.
[25:08]
Host 2
Okay. Do you know how Maria Greta passed away?
[25:12]
Host 1
No.
[25:12]
Host 2
Okay. She was essayed, and then when she tried to fight back, she was stabbed 14 times. And on her deathbed, she forgave the man that did it to her and blessed him. And then when she died from the essay and the stabbing, she performed miracles in her death or whatever. And he did go to prison. And I believe he came back to the family when he got out of prison and asked for forgiveness. And within that, forgiveness of the family and her. That is how she started her sanctum. This was a high school. Her low. The Maria Gretti logo is on the uniforms. You know what I'm saying? Like, the martyrdom aspect of sainthood is burned in my brain. The Saint Bartholomew. Do you know how to. Saint Bartholomew died. No, he was. Okay, I'm going to tell you something. He's the patron saint of leather workers, bookbinders and tanners. You know what tanners do?
[26:15]
Host 1
Yeah, they tan hides.
[26:17]
Host 2
Yes.
[26:17]
Host 1
Yeah, they, like, die. Yeah, they dye them leather goods, book.
[26:20]
Host 2
Binders, things like that.
[26:22]
Host 1
Yeah, the stuff they do at Chinese factories with Hermes.
[26:24]
Host 2
Yeah. Where they make their mess. Hit the button. St Bartholomew was skinned alive and that's how he died.
[26:33]
Host 1
Wait, and they made him? He's in charge of tanning? Yes, and working leather.
[26:37]
Host 2
That's what I'm saying. I'm sorry I yelled. Sorry. Headphone.
[26:39]
Host 1
No, it's fine. Be. I'll be on your shit.
[26:41]
Host 2
But, like, this is the thing is, like, the Catholic Church.
[26:44]
Host 1
Yeah.
[26:44]
Host 2
Fucking. They. You have to die in the craziest way, and then the Catholic Church picks that thing that you died from, most likely, and makes you the patron saint of it.
[26:55]
Host 1
Well, you don't know. Listen, I'm just saying, it's like maybe. Maybe Saint Acutus got. Got leukemia from the Internet. You don't know.
[27:01]
Host 2
Okay. Do you know how. Okay. St. Lucy. She's the patron saint of the blind.
[27:06]
Host 1
St. Lucy.
[27:07]
Host 2
Yeah, she's the patient saint of the blind.
[27:08]
Host 1
Her Name's Lily. Lucy.
[27:09]
Host 2
St. Lucy.
[27:10]
Host 1
Like, hey, St. Lucy. Lucy.
[27:13]
Host 2
Patron saint, the bind. Okay, okay. Do you want to know how she died? Do you want to guess?
[27:17]
Host 1
No.
[27:17]
Host 2
Okay.
[27:18]
Host 1
I really don't.
[27:19]
Host 2
Her husband that she was forced to marry. Yeah, she didn't want to marry because she wanted to, I guess, give herself to the Lord. So she was going to just be celibate for whole life, but her parents forced her to get married. And that guy got so mad at her for her Catholic beliefs because he wasn't a Catholic. I think he was a pagan. He sent her to a brothel to be essayed multiple times. And then when she didn't die from that, they set her on fire. And when she didn't die from that, they took her eyeballs out. And now she's the patron saint of the blind. The Catholic faith is insane with saints. So I'm trying to tell you that when I saw this young man passed away, I was like, this does. What do you mean? Is this woke? Is this woke?
[28:04]
Host 1
I.
[28:05]
Host 2
Is the Catholic Church woke right now?
[28:07]
Host 1
Hold on, hold on. Whoa. Hold on. I. First thing, I just want to tell you something. This is the Good Vibes episode.
[28:18]
Host 2
So hard. I tried so hard.
[28:22]
Host 1
But also you. Okay, I get where you're coming from. I do understand where you're coming from.
[28:30]
Host 2
Because I'm not mad at this young man.
[28:32]
Host 1
No, you're not mad at this.
[28:33]
Host 2
What I'm saying is this stolen valor. Is this stolen saint valor.
[28:37]
Host 1
You're becoming a concern.
[28:38]
Host 2
He made a website.
[28:40]
Host 1
Okay? That's it.
[28:41]
Host 2
He just made a website. St. Lucy had her eyesballs taken out.
[28:45]
Host 1
Okay, hold on.
[28:47]
Host 2
He didn't even have a YouTube channel.
[28:49]
Host 1
He wasn't even Mr. Beast.
[28:51]
Host 2
Had to make a fucking thumbnail. Thumbnail.
[28:54]
Host 1
Oh, God. You know what? I'm gonna start praying to this guy for thumbnail help. Because, listen, there's nothing when it comes to doing the YouTube, I don't mind, like, posting the vid, you know, doing all this different stuff, doing all this other stuff, making the thumbnail. That right there, that is. That's worthy of a graphic.
[29:10]
Host 2
Design is your passion. It is my Christmas.
[29:12]
Host 1
Oh, you proud of yourself? I. Okay, so I knew from our conversations, and I knew obviously what the topic was going to be about. And like I told you, I had those big books about martyrs and stuff like that. And so I also looked up a couple martyrs. Because here's the thing that's crazy, actually about saints. What a lot of people don't realize, especially depending on the form of Protestantism. You follow, though, is some of the saints carried over? Yeah, because it depends on when the schism is between the churches. So for, like, the Episcopalians, they keep everything, like, up to Henry viii. Okay, so, like, they. But some of them, they ended up dropping. Because, like, I think even who's the one that everybody would wear when the. Who's the. Okay, there's the one saint. He's a giant who was crossing the river, and he carries a baby, and it gets really, really heavy. It's a St. Christopher.
[30:06]
Host 2
I don't know.
[30:07]
Host 1
He's not a saint anymore.
[30:09]
Host 2
Okay.
[30:09]
Host 1
Or like, they. They like he is, but he isn't. There's, like, some. That the Catholics are going through, and they're like, there's no proof that if we go back to the 2002.
[30:16]
Host 2
Yeah.
[30:16]
Host 1
There's no proof these guys ever existed.
[30:18]
Host 2
Got it.
[30:19]
Host 1
This is like a story. And in some cases, a lot of the saints were accused. Like, historians and other people have looked at it and said that the reason the Catholic Church has so many saints is so that way they could glom on to polytheism. So they went to a pagan place, and you had Woden and Odin and all these other different gods around.
[30:42]
Host 2
For sure. Everything that the Catholic Church does is pagan. Incense, sacrifices, lighting candles.
[30:48]
Host 1
But they just rebranded it. They just rebranded it. They are the apple of Christmas trees. Yes, But I'm saying it's like they're just like, apple. Apple didn't invent anything. They just show up five years later, and then they go, this is what we're going to do on our phones. Like it always is. They always show up a little bit late. Say the Google, all these different guys, they just show up and they just. They go, oh, that's some pretty cool shit you're working on over there. What do you got there?
[31:11]
Host 2
Be real shame if somebody was to buy it and change the name. What do you.
[31:13]
Host 1
What do you got? You got a bunny that lays eggs? I'm going to take that. I take that and put that right over here in my religion. Right over here. But they did the same thing with a lot of the different saints. And so there's a lot of these ones. You know, we talked about St. George on our Too Many Dragons episode, stuff like that. Like, some of these are just crazy stories that are put together. But I pulled up.
[31:31]
Host 2
You did some research.
[31:32]
Host 1
I did some. I did some. Listen, I did my research, everybody. And I found three saints, but I didn't live with them like you did. Yeah, I didn't have them like Maria Goretti, where you're looking down at the Goretti girls down the street and be.
[31:42]
Host 2
Like, girls were mean as shit. I loved them one time, the gritty girls. Okay, so here's the thing about going to Catholic school. Girls school. Sidebar.
[31:50]
Host 1
Go. Go ahead.
[31:50]
Host 2
Sidebar. Sidebar. A Lot of times, grown men would follow us home or drive slowly next to us or do awful things, because grown men have an obsession with girls in uniform. And it's really gross when you think about it, because we were underage children, and they would follow us home in their cars. Yeah.
[32:11]
Host 1
At 12, 13, 14.
[32:12]
Host 2
At 12, 13, and 14. And so, you know, we are mean inner city kids. And one time, this guy was following these girls home, and I believe he exposed himself to them.
[32:25]
Host 1
Whipped it out.
[32:26]
Host 2
Whipped it out. And these three Goretti girls turned around, took off their earrings and rings, and beat the bloody shit out of this dude on the street, his dick still out. Right. And then they held him on the ground till the cops came, because people passing by were like, yo, the fucking granny girls got this dude on the ground, his dicks out. They're just punching.
[32:49]
Host 1
Okay, hold on, hold on. Wait a second. Second. Roll it back here. I want to point something out.
[32:53]
Host 2
Okay.
[32:53]
Host 1
You said Maria Gretti. Here's our Tarpon story. She was sa. She was stabbed. All these different things. So these girls knew. They learned from her story.
[33:01]
Host 2
Yeah.
[33:02]
Host 1
That, listen, you can. If it happens, you should forgive, because Christ is about forgiveness and blah, blah. But at the same time, like. But this could also happen.
[33:11]
Host 2
Yeah.
[33:11]
Host 1
So beat his ass on the street while his dick's out.
[33:13]
Host 2
Yeah.
[33:14]
Host 1
Okay.
[33:14]
Host 2
Teach him a lesson.
[33:15]
Host 1
Honestly, I'm starting to get on the saint side here. I might be. Listen, I'm not saying that you're converting me, but I'm. You're kidding me with different information. Here's. Here's some. Here's some saints I pulled up.
[33:27]
Host 2
Okay, good.
[33:27]
Host 1
The first one, which is one I've been seeing a lot, is St. Sebastian.
[33:31]
Host 2
Okay.
[33:31]
Host 1
Do you know who that is?
[33:32]
Host 2
Yes, I've heard of him.
[33:33]
Host 1
Okay. So St. Sebastian is well known in the Catholic Church. If you go to many cathedrals, you'll see his image. And the image is typically him tied to a big post or a tree.
[33:44]
Host 2
Arrows.
[33:45]
Host 1
And he's riddled with arrows.
[33:46]
Host 2
Yeah.
[33:46]
Host 1
And I think actually Muhammad Ali did something where, like, he did, like, a photo shoot or something like this that it was used, like, later. Because a lot of Catholic imagery, especially in, like, the 60s, 70s, and 80s, is reused and repurposed.
[33:57]
Host 2
Yeah.
[33:57]
Host 1
I think a lot of, like, Madonna's Like a Prayer.
[33:59]
Host 2
Absolutely.
[34:00]
Host 1
Which was, like, a very controversial. Controversial music video. And. And Protestants got very mad at Madonna because they said it was her making out with Jesus.
[34:09]
Host 2
Yeah.
[34:09]
Host 1
But I always viewed it because it was a. And they were. But they're really mad about Was that in the video? They said that she was making out with a black cheese Jesus. But even when I was a kid, I was like, no, that's just a Catholic saint. Because, again, it's just a random guy.
[34:20]
Host 2
Yeah.
[34:20]
Host 1
And most Protestant churches don't even have an image of Jesus. They just have a cross.
[34:24]
Host 2
Yeah.
[34:25]
Host 1
Happy Easter, everybody. If you're listening to this on Sunday.
[34:28]
Host 2
I hope people are listening to this while they're driving to Easter lunch or dinner or whatever they're doing.
[34:33]
Host 1
It might be a little late, though. It might. Unless maybe dinner. Maybe they're going to Easter dinner.
[34:36]
Host 2
Driving Easter dinner.
[34:37]
Host 1
We're dropping this at noon Eastern. Maybe if you live in the west coast, you're hitting it at 9am but. But anyway, this St Sebastian, riddled with arrows. That's how they like to remember them. That's how I like to show them. Because much like Jesus, they like to show the saints, typically on how they died. Because, hey, they're probably. They're spreading the good news. So. St. Sebastian, good news? Yeah, the good news. Hey, when you die, hey, it's. It's better.
[34:59]
Host 2
I don't know.
[35:00]
Host 1
Saint Sebastian was a Roman soldier in the late 2000s.
[35:03]
Host 2
Okay.
[35:03]
Host 1
Okay. Now this late 2000s is a weird time.
[35:05]
Host 2
Yeah.
[35:06]
Host 1
Because this was like, you got Rome, things are going all right. Sometimes it's collapsing. Sometimes doing all right. You know, Sometimes they gotta. But Christians, it wasn't so good.
[35:14]
Host 2
Yeah.
[35:15]
Host 1
To be Christian in the 2000s. And this. This Roman soldier, Sebastian, he was a secret Christian.
[35:20]
Host 2
Secret Christian.
[35:21]
Host 1
And at the time, the Roman Emperor, his name was Diocletian, he had a whole purge about Christians. He was like, if I see you're a Christian, you're out. You're out of here.
[35:28]
Host 2
Yeah.
[35:28]
Host 1
And by out of here, I mean we're gonna kill you. Yeah. So. But this guy was a Roman soldier, and he was part of the Emperor's Praetorian guard.
[35:36]
Host 2
Okay. So he's real close.
[35:37]
Host 1
He's real close. And so Diocletian found out that this guy was a Christian.
[35:41]
Host 2
Yeah.
[35:42]
Host 1
And so he ordered that that Sebastian be tied to a stake or a tree. We don't quite know what he was tied to. And he was riddled with arrows.
[35:49]
Host 2
Yes.
[35:50]
Host 1
So they just shot him a bunch of times. So typically they show him with, like 14 arrows sticking out of them.
[35:53]
Host 2
Yeah.
[35:54]
Host 1
But this didn't kill him.
[35:55]
Host 2
Yeah.
[35:56]
Host 1
And so this other lady, who is also a saint, shows up. She takes him down and she. She heals him and he gets better. Yeah. So when he gets better, he Goes back to the Emperor. Because the emperor's like walking down the street, he's like leaning against the wall and he steps out, he goes, hey, you didn't kill me. Fuck you, I love Jesus. And the emperor's like, hey, kill that guy. And then these guys like, all right. And they beat him to death with clubs.
[36:17]
Host 2
Damn it.
[36:18]
Host 1
And now St. Sebastian is the patron saint of soldiers who, remember, beat him to death with clubs.
[36:23]
Host 2
Yeah.
[36:24]
Host 1
Plague stricken people.
[36:25]
Host 2
Sure.
[36:26]
Host 1
Archers.
[36:27]
Host 2
Yep, there it is. They always do it right on the nose. Yeah, always right on the.
[36:32]
Host 1
But he has archers. Disabled people. Athlete. Because he got better being shot. Athletes and cyclists. I don't know. I don't know. What? I have no idea. I have no idea how St. Sebastian got bikes. And it's like, again, bicycles aren't till like the 1800s.
[36:48]
Host 2
Yeah, it's a long time to go.
[36:49]
Host 1
I mean, maybe penny farthings you had in like the 1700s, but like, like late 1700s maybe.
[36:54]
Host 2
It's like, okay, you know how like that idea, like if you get off, if you fall off a horse, you got to get up and get back on it.
[37:00]
Host 1
Yeah.
[37:00]
Host 2
And same thing on a bicycle. If you fall off your bike, you got to get back. Okay, so like if you get shot by 14 arrows, you gotta go back.
[37:06]
Host 1
And still yell at the emperor again. Yeah. Okay. Maybe that's it.
[37:09]
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[38:11]
Host 1
Looked up was St. Catherine of Siena.
[38:13]
Host 2
Okay.
[38:13]
Host 1
All right. Now this one's Fucking nuts.
[38:15]
Host 2
Yeah.
[38:15]
Host 1
Do you know this lady?
[38:16]
Host 2
I've heard of this one, yeah.
[38:17]
Host 1
Okay, so she's. I'm gonna tell you her whole story.
[38:19]
Host 2
Okay, tell me.
[38:20]
Host 1
She's the 23rd of 25 kids. Too many kids, too many tabs. So she's the 23rd of 25 kids.
[38:29]
Host 2
Your kid. Your parent doesn't know your name at that point.
[38:31]
Host 1
Her dad is a cloth.
[38:32]
Host 2
Sixteen. Catherine's in.
[38:34]
Host 1
Well. And also they die a lot. Yes.
[38:36]
Host 2
You gotta name.
[38:37]
Host 1
She was. She was twins.
[38:38]
Host 2
Yeah.
[38:39]
Host 1
I think the other one died.
[38:40]
Host 2
I bet.
[38:41]
Host 1
So she has. Her dad is a cloth dyer.
[38:44]
Host 2
Okay, cool.
[38:44]
Host 1
He dyes cloth.
[38:46]
Host 2
Love that.
[38:46]
Host 1
Good job back then.
[38:47]
Host 2
Great job.
[38:48]
Host 1
They replaced it with AI. No, it's just he would dye cloth. And when she was a kid, she had visions of Jesus and the different saints.
[38:56]
Host 2
Probably from the dye.
[38:57]
Host 1
Probably from being around dive. Probably just huffing.
[39:00]
Host 2
Yeah.
[39:01]
Host 1
But she never wanted to marry.
[39:02]
Host 2
Yeah.
[39:03]
Host 1
And one of the reasons she never wanted to get married is because her sister that she was close with died in childbirth. And she put them together. She was like, when you get married, you get pregnant. When you get pregnant, you die.
[39:12]
Host 2
Yeah.
[39:13]
Host 1
So I don't want to do.
[39:13]
Host 2
And also I'm sure that the husband remarried one day later probably. She was like, oh, I see. So they don't actually like you.
[39:19]
Host 1
Yeah. They don't actually like you. Yeah. She was like, I don't want to do this.
[39:22]
Host 2
Yeah.
[39:22]
Host 1
And so she, she started. She got super into religion. She's. And she got into like, like, I don't want to get married. Actually I am into abstinence. And she started to live as a servant for the rest of her family.
[39:35]
Host 2
Yeah.
[39:36]
Host 1
And they were like, they didn't treat her like, terrible. But they also weren't like, oh, you're never going to be. We can't marry you off.
[39:41]
Host 2
Yeah.
[39:42]
Host 1
So we're not going to get a dowry. All these different things. So you're. You're a second class family member now.
[39:47]
Host 2
Great.
[39:48]
Host 1
But then she also started regularly fasting.
[39:52]
Host 2
Yeah.
[39:53]
Host 1
And she started to starve herself regularly for religious purposes. And now you would say that she's anorexic.
[40:01]
Host 2
Yes.
[40:02]
Host 1
And she then one night had a mystical marriage to Jesus Christ.
[40:07]
Host 2
Again, probably the hallucinations from.
[40:09]
Host 1
From starving herself. But she was married to Jesus.
[40:12]
Host 2
Okay.
[40:12]
Host 1
And Jesus gave her a ring.
[40:14]
Host 2
And what was that ring made of?
[40:16]
Host 1
It was made of flesh. It was made of the flesh of his foreskin.
[40:20]
Host 2
Oh, God.
[40:21]
Host 1
And she said, I wear a flesh R, but you can't see it. It's invisible. And everyone's like, okay.
[40:28]
Host 2
She's like, it's his foreskin.
[40:30]
Host 1
Yeah. They said he got snipped. It did not grow back because he's not Wolverine from Marvel Comics. But it's on my fingie.
[40:38]
Host 2
She rolled it down.
[40:42]
Host 1
Stop. Oh, my God. With the visuals. Audio. Forward, audio. But the thing is, is that she was. Because her family was well off. She was very well read. She wrote a lot, and she got super into, like, the internal politics of the Church and also, like, of Italy and France. And at that time, the Pope was in Avignon, France.
[41:03]
Host 2
Okay.
[41:04]
Host 1
Because there was this whole thing with. With anti popes and fake popes and all this different, like, crazy shit that happened. But she was the one who actually convinced the Pope to finally move the headquarters back to Rome.
[41:16]
Host 2
Yeah.
[41:17]
Host 1
And she was so well known, and she was so skinny, and she stopped eating almost completely. Lived, like, a few months on, like, nothing but, I think, water. And then she had a stroke and she died at the age of 33 from lack of food.
[41:32]
Host 2
Yikes.
[41:33]
Host 1
Yeah. And she is the patron saint against fire.
[41:37]
Host 2
Okay.
[41:37]
Host 1
Against bodily ills.
[41:39]
Host 2
All right.
[41:39]
Host 1
Against people who are ridiculed for their piety.
[41:42]
Host 2
That's.
[41:42]
Host 1
So if somebody's like, hey, man, you're being pretty crazy religious. You go, St. Catherine of Siena. Get that. Asshole. How dare you get in the comments of my YouTube. I'm gonna sex St. Catherine of Siena on you. She's the patron saint of nurses, so, you know. She's a bitch.
[41:57]
Host 2
Yeah, sorry, sorry.
[42:02]
Host 1
That's gonna get a comment.
[42:03]
Host 2
Girls in high school.
[42:04]
Host 1
Yeah, they were. Especially the ones went to Maria Goretti. All right. After that, she's the patron saint of sick people again. Never wanted to be married. Patron saint of miscarriages.
[42:13]
Host 2
Yeah. Because of her sisters.
[42:14]
Host 1
Because of her sisters. She's the patron saint of all of Europe.
[42:18]
Host 2
The whole thing.
[42:18]
Host 1
The whole thing.
[42:19]
Host 2
Got it.
[42:19]
Host 1
Also of Italy.
[42:20]
Host 2
Yeah. Yep.
[42:21]
Host 1
And of Allentown, Pennsylvania.
[42:23]
Host 2
Yeah.
[42:24]
Host 1
Which I was like, what a. Why would you. That's mean.
[42:28]
Host 2
I was waiting till the very end because I. I saw that you wrote down Allentown. Because I been. I've been to St. Catherine of Siena.
[42:35]
Host 1
Yeah. Yeah. Because it's a big church there.
[42:37]
Host 2
It's a big thing.
[42:37]
Host 1
Yeah. It's a big church.
[42:39]
Host 2
Okay? So fun fact. In Catholic schools, sometimes they don't take you to places where you learn stuff.
[42:43]
Host 1
Yeah.
[42:44]
Host 2
Like, you're not going to a museum, but they're gonna take you to go on a field trip to St. Catherine of Siena.
[42:50]
Host 1
Now, listen, you gotta go look at a cathedral. Cathedral.
[42:52]
Host 2
Gotta go.
[42:52]
Host 1
Gotta look at a cathedral.
[42:53]
Host 2
Yeah.
[42:54]
Host 1
And honestly, that was the one thing, the one thing I really did love as a kid when going to Europe with my family and, like, seeing history. Great cathedrals out there, incredible cathedrals. Don't ask how they paid for them.
[43:03]
Talkspace Advertiser
Whoa.
[43:07]
Host 1
Gold room, you say? But the. The. This all part. The other part of the reason why this happened is the double down. Because we watched Conclave.
[43:16]
Host 2
We did watch Conclave.
[43:17]
Host 1
We watched Conclave. We opened up the peacock, and they're like, you want to watch Conclave or Wicked? And I was like, well, Conclave. Shorter.
[43:24]
Host 2
Also, my dad had come over.
[43:25]
Host 1
Yeah, your dad came over.
[43:27]
Host 2
You gotta watch.
[43:27]
Host 1
You gotta watch a Conclave. It is good. And. And I don't know if you know this. I don't know if you've been on the Instagram. Ray Fines. Love him ripped under there. Oh, have you not seen the picture of ripped Ray Fines?
[43:37]
Host 2
No.
[43:38]
Host 1
Google it right now while I tell you about our next saying. Okay, because I got. I did a three bagger. Okay? Ripped Ray Fines.
[43:44]
Host 2
Ripped Ray.
[43:46]
Host 1
Pull him up.
[43:47]
Host 2
Fine.
[43:47]
Host 1
I want you. I want to see. I want to see. Nobody else is going to see him. I'm going to see your react.
[43:51]
Host 2
Shut the.
[43:52]
Host 1
I know. Yo, he's stat. Yeah. He's like 62 years old. That gives me faith that if I actually started going back to the gym. Yeah, I might be able to do that.
[44:02]
Host 2
You okay? I think he might be on the Liver King pills.
[44:05]
Host 1
You think he's the Liver King pills? You mean hgh?
[44:09]
Host 2
Yeah.
[44:10]
Host 1
There's no allegedly on that, by the way. Liver King admitted it.
[44:13]
Host 2
He did. He did admit it.
[44:14]
Host 1
Yeah. Liver King did admit it.
[44:16]
Host 2
And then he went back on, which.
[44:17]
Host 1
Is why he needs to do seven Hail Marys to St. Carlo Acutus, the patron saint of influencers and content creators. It's always, have you committed a sin? Have you done the bad. Do you need to come back when.
[44:32]
Host 2
You make your apology video on?
[44:34]
Host 1
Listen, when you have the hoodie up and you're sitting on the floor.
[44:37]
Host 2
Oh, that's what he looks like. He's got the hoodie up.
[44:39]
Host 1
Yeah.
[44:40]
Host 2
Gray hoodie. And that's what's on the memorial candle you burn.
[44:44]
Host 1
That would be. He does have memorial candles for sale in the shop. Show me. I love those candles. I'm big in those candles. You know, we got a couple of them downstairs. Somebody sent us one that was gritty. Yeah, that's good. Someone made one of me.
[44:54]
Host 2
There is one of you.
[44:55]
Host 1
There's one of me. That was pretty nice.
[44:57]
Host 2
I got Dolly Parton ones.
[44:59]
Host 1
Yep. All right. My last thing.
[45:01]
Host 2
Okay.
[45:01]
Host 1
Okay. Just because again, I want to compare these to our saint of influencers, Agatha of Sicily. Do you know this one?
[45:08]
Host 2
I, I, I, I vaguely remember Agatha.
[45:11]
Host 1
Okay. 251.
[45:13]
Host 2
It was her all along, right?
[45:16]
Host 1
Okay. Agatha was a witch. We are talking about Catholic saints. All right.
[45:21]
Host 2
They're definitely not.
[45:22]
Host 1
Both get burned at stakes. All right. Agatha. Agatha of Sicily. The year is 251ad. We're in the Roman Empire.
[45:29]
Host 2
Great year.
[45:29]
Host 1
We're in Sicily.
[45:30]
Host 2
Okay.
[45:31]
Host 1
She's a 15 year old girl who took a vow of virginity and she spurned the advances of a Roman official.
[45:38]
Host 2
She said no.
[45:39]
Host 1
Yeah. And then he said, you need to reject Christianity. And she said no. And very much like your other story, he sends her to a brothel.
[45:45]
Host 2
It's kind of the most fucked up thing you could do because that was.
[45:48]
Host 1
One of the things he was like, hey, I'm gonna send you all these place. And then you know what they're gonna do? Bang, bang, boom. You're gonna get super into it.
[45:53]
Host 2
That's not.
[45:54]
Host 1
And that's not how that works. No. She went to the brothel and did, did not change her mind because that's not how things work.
[46:01]
Host 2
No.
[46:02]
Host 1
So they took her out of the brothel.
[46:03]
Host 2
Yeah.
[46:04]
Host 1
And then they tortured her.
[46:05]
Host 2
Yeah.
[46:05]
Host 1
And they, they removed her. Her girls. Yeah, her, her boobs.
[46:10]
Host 2
Yep.
[46:11]
Host 1
Her breasts with iron tongs. Then they left her in a cell for a while. And then she was supposed to be burned at the stake. And right as they're about to get ready to do that, an earthquake happened. So they just put her back in jail again. And then eventually she died in prison.
[46:31]
Host 2
All because she said no.
[46:33]
Host 1
Yes.
[46:34]
Host 2
I don't want to go on a date with you or anything with you.
[46:36]
Host 1
Anything.
[46:37]
Host 2
Soldier.
[46:37]
Host 1
Yeah. No, not even a soldier. Official. This is a Roman official.
[46:40]
Host 2
Just say no.
[46:41]
Host 1
Now here's the thing. When Agatha is portrayed, she is often painted carrying her severed breasts on a plate.
[46:47]
Host 2
Yes.
[46:48]
Host 1
She's holding them. And on her feast day in Sicily, they have a special treat that they serve that are called Agatha's buns, which are these little Sicilian sweet cakes that are shaped like a single boob with a cherry, a maraschino cherry as the nipple.
[47:06]
Host 2
Yeah. This all goes to prove my point.
[47:10]
Host 1
Are you ready? Are you ready for her patron saints? Yes. Okay. She is the patron saint of. Let me go ahead and let's start at the worst part. This part. Jewelers.
[47:21]
Host 2
Yeah.
[47:22]
Host 1
She's a patron of martyrs. Of sexual assault victims.
[47:26]
Host 2
Yeah.
[47:26]
Host 1
Of single laywomen.
[47:28]
Host 2
Sure.
[47:28]
Host 1
Of People who suffer from sterility of victims of torture. She's the patron state of natural disasters. Fire, earthquakes. The eruptions of Mount Aetna. Volcanic. All volcanic eruptions. I don't know why volcanic eruptions.
[47:42]
Host 2
Volcanic eruption caused the earthquake.
[47:44]
Host 1
She is also the patron saint of wet nurses, of bakers. Because of the cakes.
[47:50]
Host 2
Yeah.
[47:50]
Host 1
Because of the cake of breast cancer patients. And this is the craziest one, bell founders. Now, I know you're thinking, why is it crazy that they picked bell founders for the boob saint? Because they said, hey, bells look like boobs. So obviously that's what she's into, so. Hey, what are you doing? Making a bell. Love you. Looks like a shitty bell. I pray to Saint Agatha of Sicily about it.
[48:16]
Host 2
The Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. The. The prayers aren't working.
[48:19]
Host 1
Prayers aren't working. Still cracked.
[48:21]
Host 2
So cracked.
[48:22]
Host 1
But this is just such a fucking crazy list. And then sitting next to. Yeah, like, listen, I don't know in Catholic heaven if they have their own, like, Saint Wing, but you're up there and there's Saint Agatha just like sitting there with a plate with her boobs on it. And then this kid walks in. What'd you do? Well, I made a spreadsheet. I know c. I know JavaScript. And she's like holding her boobs on a plate. Like, I can't even fucking reattach these things. St. Sebastian standing next to him with air. It's like that show Ghosts.
[48:56]
Host 2
Oh, yeah.
[48:57]
Host 1
It's like that show goes where all the different people are stuck with the way they're dead and they're just like, what the fuck? Oh, and then you died. I mean, I had leukemia. I got real skinny. And then the fucking. Literally Catherine Sienna said, oh, you got skinny. You got real skinny.
[49:12]
Host 2
Yeah. That's why we're going to hell for this, Bartholomew.
[49:16]
Host 1
Oh, you know what? I remember actually, Bartholomew. Bartholomew is often. Because you mentioned him. He's the one who's skinned.
[49:20]
Host 2
Yeah.
[49:21]
Host 1
And a lot of his icons, he's often portrayed carrying his skin.
[49:25]
Host 2
Yeah, he carries his skin over his arm.
[49:26]
Host 1
Over his arm, like a coat.
[49:27]
Host 2
Sounds like it's so gross.
[49:28]
Host 1
No, no, no. He carries it like. Cuz he's like a flayed man. He carries it like a coat.
[49:31]
Host 2
Yeah.
[49:32]
Host 1
Like, he's like, he's just carrying his bait. Like he's carrying a long jacket. He's like, I thought it was gonna be cooler today.
[49:36]
Host 2
Okay. We're Catholic. People were crazy.
[49:38]
Host 1
Yeah, yeah.
[49:40]
Host 2
And you can't choose this life.
[49:42]
Host 1
Yeah. I'm just saying, it's like when somebody is like. Because again, all of the other. Most of the Protestant religions, they kept the saints. They're around. Yeah, but we don't talk about them. They don't got into them. No, they're just like, yeah, what's that over there? Oh, yeah. Well, they just named the church after him. Who is that? That's saying Bartholomew. What'd he do? Spread the good word. Oh, cool. You should be like him. Spread the good word. All right, cool. Nobody ever brings up how they died. Yeah, the Catholic church starts with how they die. They don't even get into the good shit. They did. Like, the first thing you learn about that. That guy, they ripped his skin off. Anyway, when an influencer does a bad, this is what we're gonna do. When an influencer does a bad. Right. When somebody resurfaces an influencer's tweets from 2013, and I don't know why they're always from 2013. They're always 2013 based tweets. Instead of being like, you're canceled, you should write time for you to pray to Saint Acutus.
[50:40]
Host 2
Time for you to get better.
[50:41]
Host 1
Get a Santa cutist candle.
[50:43]
Host 2
Yeah, better start praying. Get them socks on.
[50:45]
Host 1
Honestly, I think we can. Should we maybe. You know, we've been talking about merch for a while.
[50:49]
Host 2
No.
[50:50]
Host 1
Maybe we start selling Santa cutist candles. That's not very Santa cutist of you.
[50:56]
Host 2
Yeah, Santa. Cute. It says a merch store.
[51:00]
Host 1
Hashtag blessed.
[51:05]
Host 2
Oh, what's his promo code?
[51:09]
Host 1
Hey, guys, go to Pearlmania500.net and hit that promo code. Lookin acute. If you're tired of making those three boring dinners on rotation, it's time to try something new with Factor. Yes, our absolute favorite sponsor and also our favorite meals are back again. Cause Factor is awesome. They send fully prepared meals right to your door that you just heat in two minutes and right in your microwave or right in a skillet. And guess what? I don't think we've ever been clear about how good these meals are because these are not your, like, divorced dad microwave dinners that are sad with a burnt brownie in the middle. These are gourmet level cooked chef meals that are in a perfect little tray you can throw right in the microwave. You can pop them out and they're so. Oh, my God. Good. Mrs. P has some favorites.
[52:00]
Host 2
Tell em. Well, no, my big favorite right now. And this is gonna sound really bougie, but the truffle butter filet mignon.
[52:06]
Host 1
Come on, I know you can get truffle butter filet Mignon delivered to your.
[52:09]
Host 2
Door in two minutes in the microwave. I'm living in the future.
[52:12]
Host 1
It's crazy. It's crazy. They have 45 meal options to choose from each week across a huge variety of lifestyle and diets. And as you guys know, we have some pretty important diet requirements here at our house and they fit all of them at Factor. So get started today. FactorMeals.com TooMany50 off and use code Too Many 50 Off off to get 50 off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code Too Many 50 off at Factor Meals.com Too Many 50 off for 50 off plus free shipping. If you don't remember the code, go right down to those show notes and click the link right now.
[52:49]
Host 2
Chinese people are hilarious. And we found this out when we all went to Red Note.
[52:55]
Host 1
Yeah. So for those guys who don't know, back in January, back in January, when they first banned for the 14 hour ban, in the hours running up to that, a lot of people ran to the app Red Note. And Red Note is, is an app that. And we, we all got on there and then we quickly discovered that Chinese people are hilarious.
[53:15]
Host 2
They're so funny.
[53:16]
Host 1
They're so funny. But also then people also discovered in weird ways that like, hey, some of the propaganda we know about them and some of the propaganda that they know about us is backwards.
[53:27]
Host 2
Yeah.
[53:27]
Host 1
And weird. But we just discovered they're very, very, very funny, especially when it comes to, and friendly.
[53:32]
Host 2
And it was for the time that I spent like scrolling through Redno, I was like, wonderful. I love this. This is great. And then so people have a context that the people, the citizens of China are funny and welcoming. And there's just like this, this opening that happened in social media through Tick Tock and rednote.
[53:55]
Host 1
Yeah.
[53:55]
Host 2
And so when this tariff war started, I use the word war loosely because I feel like it's, it's dumb. The Chinese factories and people that work there, where they make the items that we as Americans purchase, started making tik toks walking through the factories, basically calling out all these designers. They were like, oh, Gucci handbags, we make them here. Oh, air Mace handbags, we make them here. You can buy them directly from us. You don't have to go there, you don't have to pay a tariff. Tariff. Or if you do have to pay a tariff, it will be. So it won't, it won't even matter because you're gonna get such a deep discount because it's like, oh, this Gucci purse is $20. So even if you have to pay.
[54:42]
Host 1
200 tariff on it, you're paying $60 for a 400. 500.
[54:46]
Host 2
You're still paying less than this, like, two grand.
[54:49]
Host 1
Because. Yeah, because the. The markup. The luxury brand markup especially, is so crazy.
[54:55]
Host 2
Yeah.
[54:55]
Host 1
And that's. That was one of the things it's been. It's been so funny scrolling through them, though, because, like, there's some. There's some every now and then where I'm in there, like. Because part of it is those you guys who don't know about Canal street in New York, it's a place where people would go and get knockoffs.
[55:12]
Host 2
Yeah.
[55:12]
Host 1
Of all these big luxury brands, there was a really good joke about it in the show Broad City, where a character and her mom goes and, like, they get to the good knockoffs versus the bad knockoffs, sell tourists to New York versus actual New Yorkers and covering everybody for, like, a low amount of money. But one of the things is, like, with these factories and everything else over there, this almost, like, legitimized Canal street overnight.
[55:37]
Host 2
Yeah.
[55:38]
Host 1
Even though, like, it's just so funny.
[55:40]
Host 2
I think the thing that makes me laugh, made me laugh really hard, is that now all of these huge designer brands, they need to come out with videos showing how their shit's Italian or French factories. Because they keep. Keep claiming, oh, it's made in Italy. Oh, it's made in France. Okay, well, show us. Yeah, I know your employees have cell phones. Walk in there right now. But now it's been a week, so it's like, by now, you could have bought a fake warehouse. Like, I don't trust you.
[56:07]
Host 1
Yeah.
[56:07]
Host 2
To not. But also.
[56:08]
Host 1
But the thing is, is, like, back in the day when they were trying to sell you on this, right? Like, let's just say, like, an Italian handbag.
[56:14]
Host 2
Yeah.
[56:15]
Host 1
All right. It's Italian handbag. First thing they would do is they would go all the way to where the leather comes. Comes from. Like, we use the finest Spanish leather or Italian or whatever. We're gonna go to the farm. This is where we locally source the leather from. And then it's brought over here to this Tanner, who's been doing this with their family for 600 years. Look, St. Bartholomew is on the wall. Huh? Call back. And then, you know, they do that. And then we take it to our factories. And here are craftsmen who've been doing this for 200 years.
[56:41]
Host 2
Yeah.
[56:42]
Host 1
And all of this different stuff. And they. Back in the 80s and even in the 90s, they. These were, like, these videos they would make and it would be clips of them going together. And obviously a lot of them will be staged. Yeah, but like, you could do that now with cap cut on your phone and walk through and make a 90 second Instagram reel or TikTok showing us. But they're not. And instead what they're doing is they had 60 minutes.
[57:04]
Host 2
I think that was an old clip.
[57:05]
Host 1
That was an old clip.
[57:06]
Host 2
Yeah, but they released a statement.
[57:08]
Host 1
But.
[57:09]
Host 2
Yeah, but like, releasing a statement doesn't mean it anything. You need to show video, it's 2025. We need to see proof.
[57:16]
Host 1
Show us. Show me, show me.
[57:18]
Host 2
Also, what you just said, there was another round of videos because again, I got pipelined hardens. Because of course I'm watching all of them. I need to know.
[57:25]
Host 1
I. I do want to say that this is straight up. This is Chinese propaganda. Yeah, it's incredible.
[57:30]
Host 2
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I ate it all up. I was like, this is incredible.
[57:33]
Host 1
This is p. Immediately. If you aim Chinese propaganda at my wife, she will enjoy it. Incredibly. She can't actually eat most Chinese food, like at the mall. She can't add Panda Express. She got the celiacs.
[57:46]
Host 2
Yeah.
[57:46]
Host 1
And they put, they even put gluten in the soy sauce.
[57:49]
Host 2
Yeah, it's the number one ingredient in soy sauce.
[57:51]
Host 1
Yeah. Unfortunately, it's not actually soy sauce. And so she gets real sad. So she doesn't get to have the sweet treats like we do. So when Chinese propaganda comes her way, she goes, oh, it's gluten free.
[58:01]
Host 2
I love it. Well, no, the other thing that came out is that a lot of the leather sourced from Nigeria.
[58:07]
Host 1
Oh, yeah.
[58:07]
Host 2
Nigerian tech talkers got on and were like, hey, just so you know, this isn't Italian leather. This is African leather. That's being sourced in Africa. Because again, China's been making such headways with their trade in Africa that that's part of it. Also. The other thing that I was saying about the watching these videos is there is this inherent racism that is being called to the front that people, people are bearing witness to that they can't unsee, which is that if it's Italians making the bags, it's. Oh, they're artisans. Oh, they're artisans at their work. But if there's Chinese people who have been doing this specialty labor for 20 years, that this is the thing they do, and they're very well qualified at it. They're like, oh, no, it's. It's just sweat shop labor. It's like, no, they're artisans. They're Showing you that these people are well qualified, well trained, this is their life's work. But for some reason, if they're not Italian, it's not an artisan.
[59:02]
Host 1
There was a lot of people screaming about sweatshops and child labor over the last, like, couple weeks.
[59:07]
Host 2
With good reason, because it does exist.
[59:08]
Host 1
It does exist.
[59:09]
Host 2
Yeah.
[59:10]
Host 1
Also, it exists in America.
[59:11]
Host 2
Yeah.
[59:12]
Host 1
We have. We have child labor being. Your food is being sourced through child labor inside of the borders of the continental United States.
[59:21]
Host 2
Yes.
[59:21]
Host 1
It has been called out. And it was caught repeatedly in the butcher shop. Not butcher shops, but the factory packing plants. Yeah. Meat packing plants. Had children working and mopping the floors and cleaning and working on, like, cleaning machinery and shit like that.
[59:38]
Host 2
Like dangerous jobs.
[59:39]
Host 1
Dangerous jobs. We have sweatshops in this country where, like, again, we have what we had, osha. We had other things that are supposed to be catching these things.
[59:49]
Host 2
Yeah.
[59:49]
Host 1
But especially when it comes around our food. There are laws that have been put in place by lobbies to make sure that journalists and activists and others can't point out that this shit's bad.
[60:02]
Host 2
Yeah.
[60:02]
Host 1
And it's like those laws are the equivalent of the ones that other oligarchs have overseas and their areas where they control. And so, like, one of the things that's really happening right now, especially on TikTok users, that is then trickling through the rest, which we touched about a little bit on the last episode, is that all of our ideas about the world that is not inside the continent. I always will use the term continental United States is. Are so outdated.
[60:32]
Host 2
Yeah.
[60:32]
Host 1
And they are locked mainly because our leadership views the world through the goggles of the 1980s.
[60:39]
Host 2
Yeah.
[60:40]
Host 1
And so because they haven't seen the changes in the rest of the world in their technological level, their connectivity to the rest of the world, and because of just, you know, how our supply chains work, which is what these guys are calling out in the videos. Like, there's some things that are happening in the videos where I look at. I'm like, okay, that little thing might not be true. And this guy actually might be a scammer. There's a couple times. But there was one guy, it was a very powerful video. And again, it was. Even if it. I've been accused of making propaganda videos too. And sometimes it probably. I have a feeling. This is a feeling I want to get across. This guy had the same thing, and he pointed out. Out that the trade between China and the U.S. yeah, China made money, but then China took that money and reinvested into China and they Built high speed rail, they built roads, they built ports, they built schools, they built whole towns, cities, and just everything.
[61:36]
Host 2
Yeah.
[61:36]
Host 1
And they put that back in. What did our oligarchs, who also made billions of dollars. What did our billionaires do to reinvest? They built dick shape rockets to launch Katy Perry to be able to sell her.
[61:52]
Host 2
Oh, my God. I want to say I was right. Last week I said this Katy Perry. Yeah, I called it. I said it was.
[62:00]
Host 1
I think it was two weeks ago.
[62:01]
Host 2
Two weeks ago I was. I was pre mad. I was pre mad about her and Gayle King going to space.
[62:07]
Host 1
Yeah.
[62:08]
Host 2
But now it happened. And you know what happened? Everybody said, what the fuck? That's out of touch.
[62:13]
Host 1
Yeah. Well, the thing is, we knew, much like many things, they announced and we go, oh, we're not gonna do this one good.
[62:18]
Host 2
That's not gonna be good.
[62:19]
Host 1
Listen, they're not gonna do good. And then I actually was shocked of how tone deaf it all was.
[62:24]
Host 2
Ow. Katy Perry's always tone deaf. I don't think she can sing at this point because she doesn't understand tone. Like, she's always been tone deaf. Whether it's letting nuns die because she wanted to buy property, or if it was changing the recipe for apple cider vinegar, or if it was siding with Dr. Luke, the guy who sexually abused Ke$. And we are always on Team Kesha in this household. This is a Kesha ass household.
[62:51]
Host 1
Kesha, if you want to come on the pod, anytime, baby.
[62:53]
Host 2
Tick tock, baby. Tick tock. She's the original.
[62:55]
Host 1
She's the original.
[62:57]
Host 2
But so just out of touch at all times. And like, the things that were going through my mind as I was seeing, the reaction is just like. And what I thought two weeks ago is like the Katy Perry is floating in space, staring at a flower that she brought with her.
[63:12]
Host 1
Yeah. Holding it in front of the camera.
[63:14]
Host 2
She's floating in space. Like she's tripping on shrooms.
[63:17]
Host 1
Yeah.
[63:18]
Host 2
While the rest of us are drowning down here. Yeah, you're floating while we're drowning.
[63:23]
Host 1
There is a very famous Gil Scott Heron pop poem called Whitey on the Moon. I think I referenced it in the last pod, but it's, it's. It's making the rounds again, which is. And it's just so much of it, because it was. The other one was. I think it was Bezos's girlfriend or wife.
[63:38]
Host 2
Yeah.
[63:39]
Host 1
When she couldn't close the boob hatch until she was finally on the rocket. They're like, you gotta zip up. But she's Like, I paid a lot for these. I paid a lot. Jeff paid a lot for those.
[63:50]
Host 2
But getting a surgery is a big deal.
[63:51]
Host 1
It is a big deal.
[63:52]
Host 2
Okay, okay. So she worked hard for this.
[63:53]
Host 1
No, it's fine. I'm just saying put them on the plate. But the. The. But in general. And, like, seeing the backlash. Seeing the attempt of the backlash to the backlash has been so fun.
[64:07]
Host 2
Oh, my God.
[64:08]
Host 1
Because I saw Gail had to, like, come on. Oprah.
[64:10]
Host 2
Had to shut off her comments on all platforms because you were like, yo, Your. Your friend Gail.
[64:15]
Host 1
Yeah.
[64:15]
Host 2
Out here.
[64:16]
Host 1
But it's like. It's one of those ones where even when we're watching, like, if you watch the clips, Katy Perry is, like, floating because she. She's out of her head. Yeah. Jeff Bezos. I don't remember. I don't. I don't give her a name. I don't want to give her.
[64:30]
Host 2
I don't know her name. I'm not going.
[64:31]
Host 1
I refuse. I'm not. You know what, lady? I'm not even giving you agency. That's how little. And I. I give a lot of women agency. I don't respect you enough to know your name.
[64:40]
Host 2
A lot of women, I do, but not all of them.
[64:44]
Host 1
You know what? Go ahead. Oh, oh, you're gonna write a. You're gonna write a paragraph about that on YouTube. YouTube. Go ahead and start deleting it, buddy, because we're just gonna hide it. All right. Thank you for the engagement.
[64:55]
Host 2
That's blueberries.
[64:56]
Host 1
That's blueberries. Thank you for the blueberry money.
[64:58]
Host 2
Thank you for the blueberries.
[64:59]
Host 1
But anyway, with. With specifically them, like, Gayle King walking to the rocket. That is a lady who's like, why is this meeting at 8am yeah. Why is this a beginning of the shift meeting?
[65:10]
Host 2
She.
[65:11]
Host 1
I can't believe the look on her face. Everyone else is, like, walking by. They're ringing the bell. They're excited. Gayle King's just like, God damn. Okay.
[65:17]
Host 2
She knew she shouldn't have done it.
[65:18]
Host 1
No, it was whatever the check is.
[65:20]
Host 2
Yeah.
[65:21]
Host 1
She didn't. Gayle King doesn't have it in her to fake it anymore.
[65:24]
Host 2
Yeah.
[65:24]
Host 1
So she went. She got her check. And then she's like, why y'all getting mad at me? I got the check. But she can't say she got the check.
[65:32]
Host 2
Yeah.
[65:32]
Host 1
That's the other thing.
[65:33]
Host 2
Sign that in.
[65:34]
Host 1
And the thing is, allegedly, the thing that got me is I woke up the one day, and it was. I was with the baby the one morning, and I turned on. We watch. I Watched the news with the baby in the morning. Because usually the local shit and I'm watching.
[65:46]
Host 2
Our local guys are crazy.
[65:47]
Host 1
Our local guys are insane.
[65:48]
Host 2
They're worth waking up for. They're worth waking Shout out Mike Jerrick.
[65:51]
Host 1
And the baby loves a car commercial because the baby doesn't see a lot of commercials. You know, the baby didn't grow up like us with constant commercials. So when a car commercial comes on, the baby's locked in.
[65:59]
Host 2
He's like, what's a Buick?
[66:01]
Host 1
A Jeep can jump a volcano. I'm like, yeah, that the volcanoes patron saint is Agatha of Sicily. Did you know that? Pearl, baby up. Anyway, so when that's happening, I was like watching it. I was like, okay, that's cool. And I was like, oh, you know what? I should check one of the other ones. I was like, CBS this Morning. What do they say about the world? So I switched over to CBS this Morning and I did not know, but because of Gayle King, CBS this Morning was only covering the rocket launch.
[66:32]
Host 2
Oh.
[66:32]
Host 1
And I'm like, again, I don't give a shit that there's rockets taking off. But with everything else happening in the world, that's the thing. Doing two hours of coverage. I only want to know if the rocket doesn't come back. Oh.
[66:47]
Host 2
Because I can't believe it came back. If you put me in a rocket to space, I'm not coming back.
[66:50]
Host 1
But also, here's the thing with the rocket. When you watch it, it's that one. It's the Tower of Doom drop, right?
[66:56]
Host 2
Yeah.
[66:56]
Host 1
You go up, it comes down.
[66:58]
Host 2
Yeah. The end.
[67:00]
Host 1
You're not. You don't circumnavigate the globe.
[67:02]
Host 2
You know what? I'll.
[67:03]
Host 1
You don't. You don't float for a minute. You go up, you come. You go up, you come down. 11 minutes. 11 minutes. I want to tell you something. If the news covered me doing a good job for 11 minutes. All right. I'm just saying I'd have some money. 11 minutes is a long time in the world. I'm talking about 11 minutes.
[67:30]
Host 2
11 minutes.
[67:31]
Host 1
11 minutes is crazy. Work at 40.
[67:36]
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[68:42]
Host 1
Shall now address her haters.
[68:47]
Host 2
I last week talked some on Elon Musk and the pizza guy. The misogyny pizza guy.
[68:55]
Host 1
Yeah.
[68:56]
Host 2
Dave Fortnoy. Okay. And I was making a joke. Misogyny pizza guy.
[69:04]
Host 1
No, you're right. It just took me a second because my first thought was Papa John, the original Papa John. It took me a minute because I was like, no, no, the original Papa John. That guy guy is an so misogyny pizza guy though, is Dave Portnoy. Oh, my God, yes.
[69:19]
Host 2
So I made jokes that these out of touch billionaires and millionaires have this thought because they grew up watching Batman movies.
[69:29]
Host 1
Yeah.
[69:29]
Host 2
And they don't use their wealth the way that old timey billionaires and oil barons and railroad barons did, which is you invest in the community around you so that they don't grab pitchforks. Basically, the Rockefellers built libraries and museums. Carnegie built institutions to form education. It's crazy to me. And so anyway, I made a joke about it, I did a little bit last week. And when I tell you, the comments section has lost their goddamn mind. On the clips.
[70:04]
Host 1
Yes. And the clips. Mr. Sard, good job on the clips. Mr. Good job. You've been doing very good job on the clips. We love. The clips are great. You're doing good clips. Don't call him great clips. He doesn't do haircuts. But he, he made the clips. And the thing is, is actually on the full episode.
[70:20]
Host 2
Yeah.
[70:21]
Host 1
People were good. They're like, what an amazing metaphor. What a great analogy.
[70:24]
Host 2
Yeah.
[70:25]
Host 1
On the shortened clips though, the paragraphs. The paragraphs are mad.
[70:30]
Host 2
The boys are mad.
[70:31]
Host 1
Yes.
[70:31]
Host 2
And 1% of girls, 1. There's like two gals that really.
[70:39]
Host 1
They got real mad at you.
[70:40]
Host 2
And I was like, okay, whatever.
[70:41]
Host 1
Well, and because they specifically, I saw the comments over and over and over again like in the comic books. Oh, tell me look at this lady. She clearly has only ever watched the movies. Which you said. Yeah. The same way the billionaires have only watched the movies.
[70:55]
Host 2
The way that statistically most of the public has only watched the movie.
[70:58]
Host 1
Yes. And what's crazy is they don't know that as you were saying all that. You're sitting next to a huge comic book nerd.
[71:06]
Host 2
Yeah.
[71:07]
Host 1
And fan who has read all of the fucking shit you're referencing.
[71:12]
Host 2
Yeah.
[71:12]
Host 1
That all these people are down there in the comments. People should clearly know about this. Oh, she don't know about the Thomas and Martha Wayne Foundation. Oh, yeah. I mean the tax dodge.
[71:20]
Host 2
The tax dodge. Oh, I'm sorry, the non profit they started. You're gonna talk to me about how non profits work? The. The woman that's been working in nonprofits for way too friggin long in this sector and how. I'm sorry, the billionaire president who isn't even allowed to have nonprofits anymore because he used them improperly. Because that's what rich people do.
[71:38]
Host 1
Yeah.
[71:39]
Host 2
They don't help anybody. They just use them as a fundraiser.
[71:41]
Host 1
Somebody actually got in, somebody actually got into the comments and said there's been a lot of arguments about Batman's superpower. And Batman superpower is that he's the only ethical billionaire there. The floor is yours.
[71:57]
Host 2
The floor is how is the ethical. How this is nothing that kept happening in the comments. Speaking of the ethics of Batman is. Oh, well, he only beats up criminals. He only fights criminals. What I was trying to convey to you is that statistically, if you look at the studies on criminality, it comes directly from poverty. And so instead of spending, I don't know, $500,000 building a special bank, that motorcycle or that flying thing that shoots greats that capture things. Because again, like, well, he puts money in the foundation, but how much money is he spending on all of his little toys that could be used to help people get out of poverty? And like, oh, well, he could do this. I'm like, he could have built low income housing. He could have funded public schools and food banks. Right now our local food bank is. Is empty. It's empty. But I'm sorry, we got Pennsylvania millionaires. I know who they are. I want to go to space. I want to. I want to buy a new. What's that ugly ass truck? The cyber truck. They want to buy all these things. That's what Batman did. He bought cyber trucks instead of helping people. And because you don't understand the correlation between poverty and how it leads to criminality. Because when you put poor people in a bad situation, it leads to crime, and then they are over policed. The way that white criminals are not over police and rich people are not over police. Those are two different categories. There is a over policing of certain demographics. Okay. And I do not want to yell about this too much because I don't have the statistics in front of me to prove my point. But I'm saying.
[73:39]
Host 1
But also. But also, your real. Your true point was back to the billionaires.
[73:44]
Host 2
Yes.
[73:44]
Host 1
Which is the billionaires view themselves as Batman.
[73:47]
Host 2
Yes.
[73:47]
Host 1
And you guys kept getting crazy and being like, not all of you. These people in the comments kept getting crazy and started defending Bruce Wayne when the whole point was about Jeff Bezos. It was about Elon Musk. It was about all of these other different guys and how they could just be paying in on taxes. Like, the thing is, is when you guys start talking about nonprofits, like, nonprofits are a way for billionaires and other rich people, like the Waltons, who own the Walmart family. The Walmart family of everything. Sam's Club, all that different shit. The Walton family, they're billionaires and they. They pay into nonprofits. They get a tax write off because they're praying enough to help poor people. You know who the poor people are? They're fucking employees.
[74:42]
Host 2
Their employees. They pay in the non profits to help their employees get food stamp benefits.
[74:48]
Host 1
Mm.
[74:48]
Host 2
You know, I'm saying is, like, at.
[74:50]
Host 1
The same time, guess what? Here's another good thing the Waltons do. They invest in art that they then loan to museums.
[74:57]
Host 2
Mm.
[74:58]
Host 1
They invest into art that they then loaned to museums. Listen, Batman, Bruce Wayne is a fictional character.
[75:08]
Host 2
That's the other thing. I just kept writing the comments. Dude's not real.
[75:10]
Host 1
He's a fictional character's not real. That exists as a form of propaganda to make you comfortable with what the possibilities of a rich person could do if they were good. But also that we need to have rich people to go up against unseen forces. But in many of the stories themselves, Batman is actually the fucking bad guy. Justice League, Tower of Babel, Batman, White Knight, the fucking Dark Knight Returns. That is literally a fascist allegory. Like, you go through all these different things. How many times? How many Robins?
[75:53]
Host 2
How many Robins?
[75:54]
Host 1
How many Robins did Batman go through? There's not one. Name me. Name me the Batman issue where he stops Jeffrey Epstein. Name me. Like, y'all are like, the people were screaming. Like, people got so mad at you.
[76:11]
Host 2
So mad.
[76:11]
Host 1
And I just kept laughing because in all of the years of fucking content we've made.
[76:15]
Host 2
Yeah.
[76:16]
Host 1
There's been two times we've gotten fucking blowback back.
[76:18]
Host 2
Yeah.
[76:19]
Host 1
One. I joking. I jokingly. It was a joke. I said Stanley Tucci wasn't hot and it was weeks.
[76:26]
Host 2
Weeks.
[76:28]
Host 1
I jokingly said. And guess what? I see it now.
[76:32]
Host 2
Oh yeah, I would like to re up there. Sorry.
[76:34]
Host 1
I would let Stanley Tucci get into that and fill it with garlic and oregano and whatever else he wants to do. Clean out my dishwasher, old man. I let you in there, but that was the first time. And that was two years ago. Yeah, two years ago. And now two years later you said billionaires are insane because Batman and it just.
[76:59]
Host 2
People were like, how dare you? How dare you love Batman.
[77:02]
Host 1
How dare you. Yuck. My yum. You didn't even say Mr. Met.
[77:05]
Host 2
I.
[77:06]
Host 1
You listen, listen.
[77:07]
Host 2
And the whole thing is bed on people. And then we're like, oh, the fucking. Dave Portnoy is a good guy. He helps people. And I'm like, this is the thing you understand about the idea of an ethical billionaire or extreme millionaire. Right at the top end of millionaires is like, he said he had 20 million to lose.
[77:26]
Host 1
Yeah.
[77:27]
Host 2
If I had, knock on wood, one day, 20 million in my bank account, I'm not going to lose it because I probably invested it in my fucking community. Like if you're hoarding wealth like a dragon, you got 20 million in a stock market you're not utilizing. It's not trickling down like Reagan promised in any fucking way. They're just hoarding it like dragons and then using it to shoot pop stars in space.
[77:56]
Host 1
Yep.
[77:57]
Host 2
Or send them to the Titanic.
[77:58]
Host 1
Or in Dave Portnoy's cases, you know, what's the word where they do the.
[78:04]
Host 2
Podcast about teenage girls.
[78:05]
Host 1
Yeah. Podcast about college girls and accuse them of horrifying.
[78:09]
Host 2
Yeah. He's just obsessed with what's going on in young girls lives. It's very strange.
[78:14]
Host 1
I mean, just like, like he's like 50. Yeah.
[78:16]
Host 2
And he has a. He had a podcast with like a 20 year old. I don't understand.
[78:20]
Host 1
It's just one of those things.
[78:20]
Host 2
I don't know. The misogyny pizza man. I only learned about him because of this.
[78:24]
Host 1
I know, I know. And it's one of those things where I always feel bad whenever somebody has to find out about him or barstool or any of those different things. But there's that. That was Mrs. P addressing the haters, everybody. Let's get it.
[78:35]
Host 2
Yeah. Also somebody did comment. It's clear you went to public school.
[78:39]
Host 1
And I said.
[78:40]
Host 2
I said, absolutely not. Worse, Catholic school.
[78:43]
Host 1
No, you actually, you actually, you read it out loud and says, it's clear she went to public school. And you just yelled false. And that's why we did this entire episode. This entire episode was to prove that this lady over here did not go to public school. You think she went to a Philadelphia public school? No, they barely even have those anymore.
[79:03]
Host 2
Anymore. I went to a Catholic school that had gates on the iron gates in the windows and barbed wire around it in the middle of a city. Yeah, okay. I went to school. I went to classes about imaginary sky angels instead of math. Okay? I'm at a way bigger deficit than.
[79:22]
Host 1
You'Re giving me credit for instead of going.
[79:24]
Host 2
And yet I figured out that rich people don't contribute to society. And in the imaginary world where we're making America great again and back in the time when it was all good, guess what? They were taxed at 90%. Back when things were great. That you want to live in a world like that again, the billionaires were taxed at 90 fucking percent. Now they don't pay shit.
[79:49]
Host 1
You know, you're really making me feel like a co host on this podcast.
[79:53]
Host 2
Wow. Wow. I'm on my shit.
[79:56]
Host 1
Well, Mrs. P. Yeah, I. We are coming near to the end of the episode.
[80:00]
Host 2
Okay. We got a big announcement to remind.
[80:01]
Host 1
To remind all the listeners out there before we get into our big announcement here at the end of the show. For anybody who is looking for their shout outs. Those have all been moved to the warm up, our Patreon exclusive Parasocial Pearl Maniac podcast, which you can hear typically on Thursdays that we record before every episode. But the big announcement is that the Patreons have spoken. We opened a poll and that poll was to name your Patio Goose.
[80:32]
Host 2
That's true.
[80:32]
Host 1
And that Patio Goose.
[80:34]
Host 2
Hold on.
[80:34]
Host 1
Has joined us.
[80:35]
Host 2
The poll was crazy, everybody. The poll was on Patreon and everybody could vote. We picked our five favorite names. And do you want to pull up the name of.
[80:44]
Host 1
I have the names. No, I have. I have everything.
[80:46]
Host 2
Okay.
[80:47]
Host 1
These are the names. Names that were listed in the order that you had them in the poll.
[80:50]
Host 2
Okay.
[80:50]
Host 1
First was Patty O. Goose.
[80:53]
Host 2
Yep.
[80:53]
Host 1
Then there was Bernie Ganders. There was Morris Goosebine.
[80:57]
Host 2
Great. That's a callback to Morris Fishbine.
[80:59]
Host 1
There was Reba Honkintyre.
[81:01]
Host 2
Incredible.
[81:02]
Host 1
There was Goose Mania.
[81:03]
Host 2
Goose Manium.
[81:04]
Host 1
And a last minute edition Terry Goose. And this is Fresh Air. You added that one at the last one. Second.
[81:10]
Host 2
Yeah.
[81:11]
Host 1
And we've now closed the poll. And thank you to the over 637 people who voted.
[81:18]
Host 2
Thank you. Thank you for your support, your engagement.
[81:21]
Host 1
I have done. I've checked. This is. We have over 50% of all of the Patreons who voted for this. So we have actually a higher turnout than the national elections in America.
[81:34]
Host 2
We did better turnout.
[81:35]
Host 1
We had better turnout. And we. We have him here. Let's go and bring them up. This is. This is our porch goose.
[81:46]
Host 2
The porch goose. I had a custom knit outfit prepared. They are wearing a little raincoat that has a little frog in the pocket.
[81:57]
Host 1
This was. You were obsessed with it. It's got a little frog in the pocket.
[81:59]
Host 2
Frog in the pocket. I'm obsessed.
[82:00]
Host 1
It's just a cute. A cute little person and it's just. And you got this from an Etsy store?
[82:05]
Host 2
I got it from a lady on Etsy who makes them by hand.
[82:08]
Host 1
It's a hand crocheted one. And it came pretty quickly.
[82:10]
Host 2
Yeah.
[82:11]
Host 1
But we now know what we have to buy future outfits for because the poll is now closed. And in a first of American history, on a national, dare I say, international poll, I am proud to announce that this, my friend, is Bernie Gander.
[82:32]
Host 2
That's right.
[82:34]
Host 1
That's right, Bernie.
[82:35]
Host 2
Call her Bernie, but that's because she has on a bit of a little ladies outfit. But that being said, I feel like for Bernie Ganders, I need to have a little outfit made where he has mittens and like the glasses from the.
[82:51]
Host 1
21 inauguration when he was sitting kind of cunty in the chair with his.
[82:55]
Host 2
Hands across little brown mittens, face mask on.
[82:58]
Host 1
And we want to give a big shout out because she sent us a message to the person who came up with the name Bernie Ganders. Jesse might panic. Thank you, Jesse.
[83:06]
Host 2
My panic. Thank you.
[83:08]
Host 1
Thank you for both the names and thank you for the wonderful message. Yeah, as you stated in the message. Yes, it did. Boom. Me too. Hard Y. Because it was a very sweet message and we are always grateful to hear what our podcast helps people, you know, fix our hat, you know, just. Just survive. Yeah. It is easier for me to just get thrown threats, I will say. But it has been. It was a very nice.
[83:33]
Host 2
Thank you so much for listening and thank you for the message and the amazing name.
[83:36]
Host 1
Yeah.
[83:36]
Host 2
And everything is going.
[83:38]
Host 1
And also for being a member of the Patreon for so long, you. We love having you as part of our community. And thank you again to all the Patreons, your wonderful messages, your wonderful comments and just how we have just been interacting with you all, it's just been such a crazy time. So with that, we are here with Bernie Ganders. Now, I do want to say something.
[83:57]
Host 2
Okay.
[83:58]
Host 1
Unlike the Democratic Party, we allowed this direct democracy to go through.
[84:02]
Host 2
That's true. Somebody disagreed. Somebody was upset.
[84:07]
Host 1
I said it on the warm up. I didn't realize of how important one of the names was to me and how further it stuck out. So, Mrs. P, I do want to say.
[84:19]
Host 2
Yeah.
[84:20]
Host 1
That with having Bernie Ganders here, that Bernie Ganders need not be alone.
[84:25]
Host 2
Okay.
[84:26]
Host 1
Because I demand a second. Because I need Reba Honkintyre on our front porch. A single goose who works two jobs, who loves her gooselings and never stops. A gentle wing and the heart of a tiger. Reba Honkintyre is a survivor. I had to go slow because I think of every fucking lyric on that one to do it right.
[84:55]
Host 2
Wait till he does. Fancy, don't. I'm gonna get her.
[85:00]
Host 1
Reba Honkintyre. Just singing Fancy would break me.
[85:03]
Host 2
I'm gonna get a little red dress slit all the way up her thigh.
[85:06]
Host 1
Yeah. So we've made it to the end of the show. We only got smited once by a Catholic saint. You.
[85:13]
Host 2
Our own fault. Our own fault. Really?
[85:14]
Host 1
You address. Addressed your haters.
[85:16]
Host 2
No, no, not my haters. The haters.
[85:18]
Host 1
You address the haters. And. And we also just let everybody know that that story report is coming soon. And we also have some deep dive episodes in the works. In the works that we are working on right now. So want to say thank you again to everybody who's listened to us. If you enjoyed this show, please, like, subscribe, comment, give us 5 stars wherever it is you are listening. Whether or not that be Spotify over there on itunes and leave us a review, it really, really does help us out. Thank you guys for everything. And we will see you next week for a new episode of. Too many Porch Gooses. Too many frauds and too many scammers that we wish weren't real. Too many cons and too many spammers, and we're starting to feel like we've got too many tabs. Open it too many times. Remember to smile.
[86:23]
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