Carrie Berk, MINDFIRE: Diary of an Anxious Twentysomething

Summary

Podcast Title: Totally Booked with Zibby
Episode: Carrie Burke, MINDFIRE: Diary of an Anxious Twentysomething
Release Date: May 31, 2025
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest: Carrie Burke

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1. Introduction to Carrie Burke

In this episode, Zibby Owens welcomes Carrie Burke, a remarkably accomplished 22-year-old New York City-based journalist, content creator, and bestselling author. Carrie brings a wealth of experience, having authored 21 children's books, including the popular Cupcake Club series and Fashion Academy, both of which have been adapted into award-winning Off-Broadway productions. Her latest work, Mindfire, delves deep into her personal struggles with mental health, particularly anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

Notable Quote:

"Carrie Burke is a New York City based journalist, content creator and best selling author. Her most recent book, My Real Life Rom com was a Barnes and Noble bestseller and peaked at number one in creating an intimacy category on Amazon."
— [03:50] Zibby Owens

2. Exploring "Mindfire"

Mindfire serves as a roadmap for individuals grappling with mental health challenges, offering guidance and a sense of community. Carrie shares that the impetus for writing the book stemmed from her experiences during the COVID-19 pandemic, a time marked by heightened anxiety and isolation for her generation. The book intertwines her personal narrative with educational insights, aiming to demystify misconceptions surrounding OCD and anxiety.

Notable Quote:

"My mission with Mindfire is to tell my story in hopes that other people might be able to relate, to teach people about the OCD and the anxiety that we don't see in the media."
— [05:40] Carrie Burke

3. Battling Anxiety and OCD

Carrie's journey with mental health began early, with signs of OCD evident from the age of eight. She describes her childhood rituals, such as needing to touch objects with both hands to achieve peace of mind, which she humorously dubbed "Qua Qua." These compulsions intensified in her late teens, culminating in a significant panic attack during the pandemic. This pivotal moment led to her diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD, reshaping her understanding of her mental health.

Notable Quotes:

"I didn't really understand how debilitating it would be until I started experiencing it firsthand."
— [06:30] Carrie Burke

"Reframing the perspective in your mind... the goal is to just exist with your intrusive thoughts and your anxiety and learn how to be stronger in them."
— [15:00] Carrie Burke

4. Coping Strategies and Recommendations

Throughout Mindfire, Carrie offers practical strategies for managing intrusive thoughts and anxiety. She emphasizes the importance of:

• Acceptance: Understanding that anxiety doesn't have a finish line and learning to coexist with intrusive thoughts.
• Grounding Techniques: Using the five senses to bring oneself back to the present moment during anxious episodes.
• Movement and Exercise: Engaging in physical activities, whether it's running marathons or taking daily walks, to alleviate mental strain.
• Community Support: Surrounding oneself with understanding individuals and accessing resources to feel less isolated.

Notable Quote:

"Movement can be something as simple as going for a 10-minute walk every day or doing yoga, just moving your body in whatever way feels good."
— [29:10] Carrie Burke

5. The Intersection of Creativity and Mental Health

Carrie discusses how her engagement with TikTok became a vital outlet for her creativity and mental well-being. Initially starting as a way to cope with anxiety, her presence on the platform evolved into a means of empowering others. She leverages her social media platform to raise awareness about mental health issues, collaborate with organizations like No Bully, and promote her book.

Notable Quote:

"Social media, for me, is not just all fluff. I have this platform, and I know it's rare to have this platform, and I want to use it to my advantage in order to spread awareness for important issues like mental health."
— [23:40] Carrie Burke

6. Personal Anecdotes and Experiences

The conversation delves into personal stories that highlight Carrie's resilience and authenticity. She shares humorous moments, such as dressing up in a Dunkin' Donuts onesie for Halloween and her experiences running marathons despite battling anxiety. These anecdotes not only humanize her but also illustrate the challenges and triumphs of living with mental health conditions.

Notable Quotes:

"I've run the New York City Marathon twice, and it always falls right around Halloween. Halloween's my favorite holiday. But when you're running the marathon, it's a few days before and can't celebrate Halloween because you don't want to go out and get sick."
— [27:20] Carrie Burke

"I've learned how to fake being okay sometimes. With OCD, it's really a facade because sometimes you can just look like you're busy on your phone or swiping through social media."
— [15:40] Carrie Burke

7. Experiences with Therapy

Carrie narrates her complex relationship with therapy, starting with a challenging first experience during her teenage years. Initially resistant to seeking help, she emphasizes the importance of being ready and willing to engage in therapy to truly benefit from it. Her journey underscores the necessity of finding the right therapist who aligns with one's personal needs.

Notable Quote:

"When you have to see a therapist when you want to see a therapist, that's when it's going to be most valuable."
— [31:00] Carrie Burke

8. Empowerment and Purpose

Through her storytelling and advocacy, Carrie finds purpose in sharing her experiences. She aims to not only help herself but also to empower others facing similar struggles. Her work as a journalist and author is driven by a desire to illuminate the stories of individuals battling mental health issues, fostering a sense of solidarity and understanding.

Notable Quote:

"I realized that this is something that's meant for all ages, genders. It's not just people in their 20s in college and sororities."
— [12:40] Carrie Burke

9. Conclusion and Takeaways

Zibby Owens concludes the interview by praising Carrie's honesty and authenticity, highlighting the universal relevance of her message. Mindfire is lauded as an invaluable resource for anyone navigating the complexities of mental health, offering both personal insight and actionable advice.

Notable Quote:

"Your book is so helpful. It's so honest and open and raw and real. That is what we are all doing in the world—making our messy way through life."
— [32:00] Zibby Owens

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Final Thoughts

Carrie Burke's appearance on Totally Booked with Zibby provides a profound exploration of mental health through the lens of a young, dynamic author and content creator. Her candid discussions about anxiety, OCD, and the therapeutic role of creativity offer listeners both empathy and practical tools for managing their own mental health journeys. Mindfire emerges as a compelling testament to resilience and the power of sharing one's story to foster community and understanding.

Transcript

[Zibby Owens]

Hi listeners of Totally Booked with Zibby. This June we have one episode coming out every single day and to celebrate that I've started the June Listening Club. You can sign up on zibbedia.com or you can just keep listening and every.

[Carrie Burke]

Day there'll be a little quiz on Instagram.

[Zibby Owens]

We're giving prizes away every single day this month you're gonna get amazing stuff. You would all be invited to a party and a zoom at the end of the month to celebrate with a special certificate. So sign up on Zibbe Media today. Make sure following Totally Booked with Zibby on Instagram and get ready to listen. Make it a challenge. June is crazy. Find some airtime for yourself.

[Carrie Burke]

Put it on in the background.

[Zibby Owens]

Get ready to listen, learn, laugh and enjoy life.

[BetterHelp]

Better Help Online therapy bought this 30 second ad to remind you right now, wherever you are, to unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath in and out. Feels better, right? That's 15 seconds of self care. Imagine what you could do with more visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of therapy. No pressure, just help. But for now, just relax.

[Instacart]

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[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

At Designer Shoe Warehouse we believe that shoes are an important part of, well, everything from first steps to first dates, from all nighters to all time personal bests. From building pillow forts to building a life for all the big and small moments that make up your whole world. DSW is there and we've got just the shoes. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love at brag worthy prices at your DSW store or dsw.com welcome Carrie.

[Carrie Burke]

Thank you so much for coming on Totally Booked. I am so excited to have you here to talk about your book Mindfire. Congratulations.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Thank you. I'm so excited too.

[Carrie Burke]

For those of you who don't know Carrie, I have to read you this super impressive and extremely long bio because her accomplishments at age 22 surpass probably most people that I know and certainly I'm gonna guess most people in the room, but. But don't feel too bad, okay? Carrie, listen to all of this. Carrie Burke is a New York City based journalist, content creator and best selling author. Her most recent book, My Real Life Rom com was a Barnes and Noble bestseller and peaked at number one in creating an intimacy category on Amazon. Burke freelances for several publications including New York Post, Page 6, HuffPost, Women's Health and Newsweek. Burke is a best selling children's book author with 21 books to her credit. She penned her first book Peace, Love and Cupcakes in 2012 when she was eight. This is so embarrassing for those of us who had.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Embarrassing for me hearing it.

[Carrie Burke]

No, this is. This is amazing. The Cupcake Club series went on to publish 12 books selling over 300,000 copies worldwide and became an award winning off Broadway show and featured selection in 2017's New York Musical Festival. Her second series, Fashion Academy stems from her passion for fashion. The six book series also became an Off Broadway production at Vital Theater and is currently licensed worldwide by Concord Music Publishing. She also published a three book series called Ask Emma. Go into page two. She is a verified content creator with 3.8 million followers on TikTok and 880,000 on Instagram. Now an extra couple people from this audience with a combined engagement of more than 100 million. You can follow her at. Carrie Burke, welcome.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

We can all breathe now.

[Carrie Burke]

We can all breathe now. Wow. So you just like to kick it and relax? You're not like a doer or anything?

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

No, I actually love taking naps. I try to fit in like one nap every day.

[Carrie Burke]

Wow. I mean that's even more impressive.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

It's necessary.

[Carrie Burke]

Your productivity per minute ratio is like off the charts.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Thank you. I just started a full time job too, which makes the naps a little more difficult, but we make it happen.

[Carrie Burke]

Anyway, what is your new full time job?

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

I'm a writer reporter at OK Magazine. So I'm trying to make the switch from doing only freelance to actually being a part of a company and trying to grow with them.

[Carrie Burke]

Well, that's fun. Well, after reading your book and having you go through all of the anxiety and isolation of COVID knowing that you've now ended up in a community where you're surrounded by people is great.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Thank you.

[Carrie Burke]

That deserves a round of applause.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Very grateful.

[Carrie Burke]

So Carrie, tell us about Mindfire.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

So this is my latest book, Mindfire and I'd like to describe it as a roadmap for anyone who is struggling with their mental health and looking for guidance and Looking to feel less alone. So I wrote this because back in 2020, I was the class of 2020. I didn't have a prom or a graduation or anything like that. So my generation was really struggling. And one night, I was sitting on the couch and just started having a panic attack. And I didn't really understand what was happening. I took myself to get a COVID test because I thought the shortness of breath was because I was sick. Obviously, it was not Covid. And that's when my mom proposed this idea that it's anxiety. And to me, anxiety was just synonymous with stress. I thought it was like that butterfly feeling you get in your stomach before a test. I didn't really understand how debilitating it would be until I started experiencing it firsthand. And it started off as purely physical symptoms until one day I was at a pumpkin patch with my friend, and she told me that her anxiety got so bad to the point where she actually cut her wrists. And then she showed me her wrists. And in that moment, I was extremely triggered. And my brain started to make this false association that if she had anxiety and I had anxiety, that maybe I was destined to end up like her, that I was destined for doom, that because I had anxiety, I was gonna hurt myself just like her. And it was confusing because I valued my life. I was blowing up on TikTok. At the time, everything was seemingly great, but there was this thought at the back of my head that I was just going to end up like her one day, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. And eventually I brought myself to a therapist, presented all of this information to her, told her that I had all these contradictory thoughts in my head that I didn't align with. And she diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder and ocd, which I was confused about, because ocd, as it's portrayed in the media, is cleanliness and organization. You don't really see the mental rumination and the mental obsessions. But as she described it, all the pieces really started to fall into place. So my mission with Mindfire is to tell my story in hopes that other people might be able to relate, to teach people about the OCD and the anxiety that we don't see see in the media. Because I knew that if I had a portrayal like this that I could look up to when I was 18, I would have felt so much less alone.

[Carrie Burke]

So this didn't just start for you during COVID You started having intrusive thoughts when you were about 8 years old. You call it qua qua. With your mom.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Tell me about that. So it was different. So my OCD symptoms started all the way back when I was 8. It wasn't necessarily intrusive thoughts back then. It was more like that cookie cutter OCD that you see in the media. So if I touch something with my right hand, I would have to touch it with my left hand, otherwise I wouldn't be at peace in my mind. And I didn't understand what it was. I didn't know what OCD was. So I made up this silly name for it. I called it Qua Qua because it made it seem less serious at the time when I knew how debilitating it was. And one day I kind of just sat down and told myself, almost set an ultimatum with myself and said if I continue on this path, if I keep doing this every day, that I'm just gonna lose people I love. Cause I'm gonna make myself so isolated from the world. I don't know how 8 year old me managed to do that, but I did. And my anxiety and my OCD didn't really manifest itself until I was 18.

[Carrie Burke]

My gosh. Well, I have to tell you, I was reading sections of this out loud to a friend last night on the phone and I was like, no, no, no, let me keep reading. Let me read this section. What do you think? And it made the person feel so much better.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

No way. What section did you read?

[Carrie Burke]

We were reading about you have OCD and then you have ocdp, right?

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Ocdpd.

[Carrie Burke]

Ocd.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Ocpd.

[Carrie Burke]

Ocpd.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Lots of letters.

[Carrie Burke]

So, okay, how you can be OCD or you can have a generalized perfectionistic tendency where things have to line up and it's not about the hand washing so much as a thought process. And I read about break and the trauma of that, and I read about intrusive thoughts and how you just can't sometimes get out of your own head and what to do, how you recommend. Well, actually, maybe you should answer that like, what do you recommend from your experience when you are having these intrusive thoughts? And it can be something, it doesn't have to be about everything. It could be about like, well, why didn't this one thing work in my life? Why? What if I went back? It's like you're replaying the reel over and over again. What if I had done this? What if I had done this? How did you learn to get through?

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

It's like that thought loop where over and over and over again you go over this one memory or event and you Feel like you can never fully be at peace with it. I'll say, first and foremost, I'm not a doctor or a therapist or anything like that. I don't pretend to be in this book. There's enough data out there and statistics about mental health and hashtags on social media. What I was trying to do here is just to be as real as possible and present myself as someone who is in their 20s, who's going through this and presenting these themes that are not just pertinent to people in their 20s, even though I'm going through it in my 20s. But these are universal themes. I think we can all relate to the feeling of being so deep in our heads sometimes that we can't pull ourselves out to ground ourselves back to reality. And I've kind of realized as I'm writing this, this is something that's meant for all ages, genders. It's not just people in their 20s in college and sororities. Like, I'm not trying to pigeonhole it. So to go back to your question, how to handle intrusive thoughts, but this.

[Carrie Burke]

Is good because now you've expanded your market audience by like, a million percent. So it's good. This is a book for everyone. There we go.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Okay, I'm glad I clarified that.

[Carrie Burke]

Yeah.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

How to deal with intrusive thoughts. So it's tough because I still go through it myself. Of course, I would say, first and foremost, reframing the perspective in your mind so. So you realize anxiety does not have a finish line. You're not trying to get cured. If you're continually trying to get better or cured, it's gonna be like trying to fill a cup with a hole in it. If you look for your anxiety, your anxiety's going to always be there. I think the goal is to just exist with your intrusive thoughts and your anxiety and learn how to be stronger in them so that one day they just get a little quieter and fade into the background of your mind. They're always gonna be there, but they're not gonna be as loud and you're not gonna wanna pay as much attention to them. So I would say that's number one, just realizing it's not gonna go away. And you need to learn how to just exist with them. And then I'd say another really good way to handle them is movement exercise. Using your five senses to ground yourself back to reality. It feels silly in the moment, but naming five things you see, et cetera, can really help bring you back to reality. And then it sounds simple, but just surrounding yourself with people who get it and they are out there. It might take a little extra searching for something as sticky and taboo as ocd, but there are people out there, there are resources out there, and the goal is to just make yourself feel as less alone as possible in your anxiety.

[Carrie Burke]

Well, what you do really well in the book is you feel like you are our. Like the reader feels that you are our coach and that there is nothing wrong with whatever we might be feeling and that we are not worriers, we are warriors. There's a shift in how we're experiencing it and that you don't have to. I think sometimes people, when you're having an issue, then feel bad again about having the issue.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Right.

[Carrie Burke]

So it becomes even worse. What are some of the inspiring things? And I could read a few if you want.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Oh, I'll probably let you search for a few. But she mentioned we're not worriers, we're warriors. So it's all just a means of switching your perspective. I think I say in there, self care isn't selfish. All these little golden nuggets I like to say that you can kind of take with you and you read it and you're like, oh, like that makes sense. I'm going to actually take this little phrase and into my everyday life and use it as a tool next time that I have anxiety. I also have in there. I will mention, although the book is primarily memoir and me talking about my experiences and self care tips, I learned I do include a few boxes where therapists provide real textbook definitions of what is an intrusive thought. Like you said OCD versus ocpd. So you can get like that real scientific definition to substantiate all the anecdotes in the book. But go ahead, what'd you find? No.

[Carrie Burke]

Well, first of all, you used to your aunt's brother, when you ran a marathon, carried a sign that said, carry on Carrie. Her name's Carrie. As a way to motivate. And I feel like that's a good. I feel like that would be the name of the subtitle, how you learn to carry on.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

You know what's so funny? Everyone is pointing out that section to me and they're like, your answer, brother, isn't that your uncle? And I'm like, it's not my uncle. It's literally my. It's my dad's brother's wife, her brother. And so many people have sent this to me and they're like, oh, so your uncle's really great. And I'm like, it's not my uncle, but I don't know. It's really funny that that's the section you found.

[Carrie Burke]

Well, there's another section that really resonated. And you said, I've learned how to fake being okay. It's a talent, really. People assume I'm just obsessed with my phone, when really I spend hours checking and double checking things that are unnecessary. They'll tell me I'm so organized, but they have no idea how much time spent organizing drains my energy. Tell me about this.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Oh, my God, it's so true.

[Carrie Burke]

Facade.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

We can all relate to just the feeling of faking being okay sometimes. And with ocd, it's really a facade because sometimes you can just look like you're busy on your phone or swiping through social media, but you can get caught in these compulsions, like checking and double checking emails to make sure you didn't miss anything. Or for my own life, I have a lot of B roll for TikTok. And I'll make sure that I put all the B roll away and, like, filed them correctly. And it becomes difficult with so much stuff. Stuff going on in our lives to make sure everything is compartmentalized. So that's where the traditional organization OCD comes in. But it's also pretty debilitating. It can take up so much energy and so much of your life just being stuck inside these compulsions.

[Carrie Burke]

Well, the way you write about it is really motivating and clarifying for everybody else. Everyone has stuff they're trying to get through, and the way that you did it here and give us all these specific tips and tactics and. And advice, it's so. It just makes you feel like you're not alone in whatever. Just like you were saying, like, that you went through this and I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this on your own.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Hey, it's all good. It made me empowered enough to write this book. I think I mention at the end of the book that throughout my whole anxiety journey, I really struggled to find purpose. I didn't understand how I was going to live with these random, taboo thoughts popping out of my head all the time. And eventually, as I started journaling and writing more about my anxiety, I realized that this is a part of my purpose, to tell my story in hopes that other people will be able to relate and eventually branch out and tell other people's stories. That's what I really want to do as a journalist. I mean, I'm primarily an entertainment journalist. I write about celebrities. But for example, yesterday Madison Beer, who's like a big pop star, came out and said she was like suicidal when she was 19. And I got assigned that story and I got to tell her a story. So moments like that are really valuable for me where I can bring other people's stories and their struggles to light and hope that other people can relate.

[Zibby Owens]

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[Carrie Burke]

Fit, just better everything.

[Zibby Owens]

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[Carrie Burke]

So adorable.

[Zibby Owens]

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[Carrie Burke]

So we spoke earlier to Debbie Millman about creativity and how many people who are creative have this desire to just keep doing things, putting new things in the world. The act of creating is something that never stops and that sort of unites them. You as a content creator have that same thing going on. Obviously you've been writing your whole life and you're still so young. You have all these TikToks and you talk about how even at your lowest moments you turn to your TikTok creativity as a way to escape and something to help you through. Talk a little bit about how creativity helps you and then go into the TikTok thing and how you made that happen.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Well, I'm being a little lazy lately with my TikTok, so I feel like a little bit of a facade talking.

[Carrie Burke]

About this, but I can't imagine you're really lazy about anything. This is my I don't know you that well, but I did read the.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Book and no, with TikTok it's becoming increasingly difficult with a full time job, but I do keep up with it because it is such a great source of creativity for me. I love being able to connect with people online, even like your daughter. When you told me your daughter was a fan of my TikTok, those are the things that really keep me doing it. I feel like burnout is a real thing, especially when you're in social media for so long and your views fluctuate and everything like that. I mean, being an influencer was never really my goal. I'm a writer first and foremost. I fell into TikTok during the pandemic in the thick of my anxiety. I just was bored. I just graduated high school and I had the whole summer to do nothing. Started posting videos online and I just had one take off and they just kept taking off. And that's why I kept with it, because I realized that my whole platform as a writer was about empowering other people. And then I was starting to empower people through these short form videos and I realized that if I could maintain a platform like this, eventually post college when I have a job and a career, I could use that platform and leverage it for good. So now I'm leveraging it to promote my book. Back in 2021 I was working with no Bully, an anti bullying organization and I was posting stuff about them. Right now I'm partnering with nocd which is an OCD support talk therapy website and app. They're fantastic. And I'm just. I don't know. Social media, for me is not, like, all. All fluff. I feel like a lot of people just see it as, like, a quick endorphin boost where you're just gaining followers and making money. But I don't know. If that was all it was about, then I would have stopped much earlier. The reason why I continue it is because I have this platform, and I know it's rare to have this platform, and I want to use it to my advantage in order to spread awareness for important issues like mental health.

[Carrie Burke]

By the way, what Carrie was saying about my daughter. My daughter has been a fan and following Kerri since she first started, I guess, posting videos. And even today it's like, oh, my gosh, like you're interviewing Kerri Burke. But Carrie was so nice, and she actually went and met my daughter in real life, and they filmed a little TikTok together, and it literally made my daughter.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Oh, my God, we had so much fun. We had, like, a play date. I was actually looking back on this yesterday. I was showing a friend at dinner that I said I was doing this podcast and that her daughter was a fan, and that's how we kind of connected. And then I was just digging through and trying to find the video, and I found the video and I showed her.

[Carrie Burke]

Don't post it again. My husband had dyed my daughter's hair during COVID Just leave it. Don't dig it back up, but thank you so much for it.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Oh, my God. No, I was the same. I was looking at it last night, too, and I had the worst, like, bleach blonde hair that was just, like, frizzed out to the gods, and my roots were awful. So that's funny. Both of us had hair issues at the time.

[Carrie Burke]

Which videos of yours started going viral? And how did you feel being so exposed? Because going viral on TikTok is like becoming a movie star overnight.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

So I loved it. I mean, I'd been in the public eye since I was doing, so it wasn't really anything too drastic of a change. At the time, I was getting recognized on the street a lot, like, in front of my house, which was a little weird because I needed to maintain privacy. But my first video that blew up was a fitness video. Actually, it was how to get abs in 10 days. It just didn't work. It wasn't real. It was something I found online and.

[Carrie Burke]

Like, oh, these are here three years later, five years Later. Still working on the abs, but it's okay.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Yeah, literally. I don't think. I think everyone knew it was kind of like satire. But basically the move was there was a foam roller, and you lay on the foam roller with your arms behind you for five minutes, and that's supposed to stretch out your abs. I don't really know if it worked, but it got like a million views overnight. 10 million views to date. People were just obsessed with this hack. I started a trend, and I didn't even know I was starting a trend. So I continued posting fitness videos since that's what seemed to do well. And then at one point, I just started getting, like, PR mailings. So makeup brands and skincare brands. I started getting products, and they were really cool, and I wanted to share them with my followers. So I started posting those. And that's when my niche kind of moved from fitness to product reviews. And that was good for me because then I started getting brand deals and, like, monetizing my platform more. And today it's kind of a combination of both. Because I don't want my account to just be one large cash cow where all I'm doing is posting brand deals. I'm a runner. I love fitness. I want to share that part of my life with people. But also, people love product reviews. So I keep doing that. And it's been like five years, and I'm still doing that.

[Carrie Burke]

You mention in the book your love of running and how you actually had a panic attack. I think about mile 20 on a marathon that you were running and you just were crying and you couldn't even call your family. Cause your phone was so sweaty and you were all alone. And it was just the crowds sort of getting you through and how you still run for hours. And you said in the book, yes, hours.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Yeah, hours.

[Carrie Burke]

So how do we know if something we're doing is adaptive? Good for us. Too much. You know, no judgment. I'm just wondering.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Yeah, adaptive. I don't know if you guys want to run for hours. It's brutal. I don't even do that unless I'm training for a marathon, which now is probably going to be every other year. It's funny. I've run the New York City Marathon twice, and it always falls right around Halloween. And Halloween's my favorite holiday. I'm obsessed with Halloween. But when you're running the marathon, it's a few days before and can't celebrate Halloween because you don't want to go out and get sick. So the reason why I'm Doing it every other year is because I want to celebrate Halloween and I want to have a Halloween party. So this year's my year off. Thank God.

[Carrie Burke]

Do you have a costume picked out?

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Not yet. I gotta start looking.

[Carrie Burke]

Okay. It's April, FYI, for whenever this comes up.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

It was so pathetic. Last November, for Halloween, like, right before the marathon, I had a little house party with my friends, and I just bought a Dunkin Donuts onesie, Like head to toe, Dunkin Donuts logo. So I was Dunkin Donuts for Halloween last year, which is just.

[Carrie Burke]

Was that part of a brand deal?

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

No, it was just weird. And I wanted to be comfy. I don't know. So I need a better costume this year. But anyway, how do we know it's adaptive? I don't think anyone has to become a marathoner. I mean, if you want to, like, power to you. It was something I found during the pandemic. I was just so anxious one day I just kept running down this road and kept going, and I was. I had all these intrusive thoughts and I was like, running away from them. And I reached the end of the road and I turned back around and I think it was like seven and a half miles. And I came home and I was like, mommy, I'm gonna run a half marathon. And she's like, you do that. And then I did, and then I broke both my legs.

[Carrie Burke]

Oh, my gosh.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

But that's a story for another time.

[Carrie Burke]

That's like the ultimate teaser.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

It wasn't like anything crazy. I just. I was training myself and I was over training and I was in the wrong shoes and I stress fractured, like both shins.

[Carrie Burke]

Oh, my gosh.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

That's the story. But yeah, I think movement can be something as simple as going for a 10 minute walk every day doing yoga, just moving your body in whatever way feels good. For me, it's putting my body through hell and running for hours. But it does not have to be that for you. I think just the overarching theme is how much movement is medicine and how much it can support you in your mental health journey.

[Carrie Burke]

You also recommend therapy and finding the right person for you. And you said in the book that your first experience was not very pleasant. You had gone to see a therapist for your eating disorder, and they had suggested you had to work with a nutritionist. We're quite didactic about everything. And you said, this is not for me. And so you were resistant to seeking therapy when you needed it for something else. Can you just speak quickly on that first Experience?

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Yeah. So I had an eating disorder when I was maybe 14. It was like the prime age when everyone has their issues with body image. And I went to see a nutritionist. I didn't really want to, but my parents wanted me to, and I don't know. I was open to it. I feel like she knew about my whole life story, and. And I just, like, revealed all of myself to her. And then one day. Wait. It wasn't a nutritionist. A therapist. I saw a therapist. I was telling this to my therapist, and one day the therapist said she wouldn't continue seeing me unless I saw a nutritionist. Like, she would not let me schedule another meeting until I saw a nutritionist. And I felt so lost, because here I am, like, revealing my whole life to this person. And now she's saying I'd never see her again just because I wasn't ready to go to a nutritionist. And I wasn't at that point yet. So that was it. That was the last time I saw her. And I was kind of scarred, actually. Saw her on the subway the other day, oddly enough. And I gave her the most dirty look, and she gave me the most dirty look back, and we just, like, stared each other down. Yeah. Really weird that that happened. But years later, I feel like when you have to see a therapist, when you want to see a therapist, that's when it's going to be most valuable. At the time, I was open to it, but I wasn't fully there. I didn't want help. Like, you can't force yourself to see a therapist, and nobody's gonna force you to see one. Like, you have to have your heart in it. You need to want the help. Like, when I got therapy for my ocd, I was genuinely needing the help. Like, I was the one that stood up and raised my hand and said, this is something I want. This is something I need. I know this is gonna help me. It can't be, you know, your parent forcing you into it and saying, you have to see them at this specific time, this specific day. Cause then you're just not gonna be receptive to anything they're telling you.

[Carrie Burke]

Well, Carrie, your book is so helpful. It's so honest and open and raw and real. And we're not catching you when everything is tied up with a bow. We're catching you as you make your way through it. And that is what we are all doing in the world. Making our messy way through life through whatever we have to deal with and seeing you authentically and openly tell us. And do it in the public eye, no less, is really, really helpful and I know will help so many people. So thank you so much for coming on Mindfire. Great for all ages, everybody in the world.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Yeah, we should put like all ages on the front.

[Carrie Burke]

Thank you so much.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Thank you.

[Zibby Owens]

Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books.

[Carrie Burke]

If you loved the show, tell a.

[Zibby Owens]

Friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram ibyohans and spread the word.

[Carrie Burke]

Thanks so much.

[Zibby Owens]

Oh, and buy the books.

[Paige]

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[Carrie Burke]

You were made to be rechargeable. We were made to package flights, hotels.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

And hammocks for less. Expedia made to travel Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

[Max Rushton]

Hello American podcast listeners. Max Rushton here from the Guardian Football Weekly, which I think you should give a listen. It is good. It comes out three times a week and the podcast delivers you analysis, news, both the good and the bad from the beautiful Game and maybe even the occasional laugh. He's angry about everything.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

He doesn't have a great poker face, does he?

[Carrie Burke]

I would like to play cards with Bruno Fernandes.

[Max Rushton]

You can listen to the Guardian Football Weekly wherever you get your podcasts. Hopefully see you soon.

[Designer Shoe Warehouse]

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.