Episode Summary: Jayne Mattingly on "THIS IS BODY GRIEF: Making Peace with the Loss That Comes with Living in a Body"

Totally Booked with Zibby hosts Zibby Owens engage in a profound and heartfelt conversation with Jayne Mattingly, the author of "THIS IS BODY GRIEF: Making Peace with the Loss That Comes with Living in a Body." Released on April 7, 2025, this episode delves deep into the multifaceted experience of body grief, exploring its universal presence, personal impacts, and pathways to healing.

Introduction to Jayne Mattingly and Her Work

Zibby Owens begins by introducing Jayne Mattingly, highlighting her roles as a disability advocate, eating disorder recovery coach, CEO of Recovery Love and Care, and founder of a nonprofit aimed at supporting those with chronic illnesses and physical disabilities. Jayne's comprehensive background sets the stage for an insightful discussion on body grief.

Zibby Owens [03:10]:
"Naming something that heretofore was not named and giving sort of this, this way of talking about things to the many people out there who have gone through any sort of physical setback, disability, on and on. And, you know, all of us are just one step away from this potentially being our lives..."

Understanding Body Grief

Jayne introduces the concept of body grief as a universal experience, not limited to those with visible disabilities but extending to anyone experiencing loss related to their physical being. She emphasizes that body grief encompasses a range of experiences, from chronic illnesses to everyday bodily changes.

Jayne Mattingly [03:57]:
"Body grief is something that I really do believe is universal. I think that it's something that, especially now in this climate too, when we talk about just like loss of bodily autonomy wherever we are, it's something that..."

Personal Journey: From Able-Bodied to Disabled

Jayne shares her personal narrative, detailing her transition from identifying as a non-disabled person to navigating life with a rare neurological disorder, intracranial hypertension, which led to multiple surgeries and eventual disability. This transformation was pivotal in her understanding and conceptualization of body grief.

Jayne Mattingly [04:19]:
"To make a really long story short, I was once a non-disabled, identified as a non-disabled, you know, woman, and quote, unquote, healthy person... I had an eating disorder when I was nine years old. It went undiagnosed... I found myself disabled. I found myself in a wheelchair, and now I am disabled and in a wheelchair and I live a very wonderful life. But it looks so different."
[07:02]

The Realization of Body Grief

As Jayne faced increasing medical challenges, she recognized the disconnect between her previously advocated message of loving one’s body and her new reality of physical limitations. This cognitive dissonance led her to understand body grief as a mourning of the body one once had and the life it enabled.

Jayne Mattingly [07:22]:
"I realized as I was getting all of these surgeries and I was in the hospital, and I was like, shoot, now that my body can't do, how am I supposed to love it? How am I supposed to do all of this? And here I was telling all these people these things, and that was a very ableist thing. And I realized, this is body grief."
[07:22]

Body Grief Across Different Life Experiences

Jayne explains that body grief is not confined to severe disabilities but can be triggered by various life events such as menopause, injury, aging, infertility, or pregnancy loss. This broadens the understanding of body grief as a common human experience.

Jayne Mattingly [08:15]:
"It might look like menopause, it might look like injury, it might look like aging, it might look like infertility, pregnancy loss... it could even be the common cold where you have this cold and you're like, why is my body betraying me?"
[08:15]

Coping with Body Grief: Strategies and Challenges

The conversation shifts to coping mechanisms, where Jayne emphasizes the importance of feeling and naming grief to avoid maladaptive behaviors such as eating disorders or addiction. She underscores the cyclical nature of grief and the continual process of healing.

Jayne Mattingly [09:51]:
"If we heal it and we work on healing it, there's joy and there's gratitude and if we feel our feelings, we can feel that. But if we don't, then we use our maladaptive coping skills."
[09:51]

The Role of Community and Relationships

Jayne highlights the significance of community support in navigating body grief. She shares how embracing her disability community has been instrumental in her healing, providing a sense of belonging and understanding that alleviates the isolation often felt during such times.

Jayne Mattingly [15:07]:
"As I lean into community and community truly is the antidote to body grief. It really is. Because as I lean into community, I feel like I'm embraced and I feel like I can learn and I can become just like a student of it."
[15:07]

Body Positivity vs. Body Grief

The discussion transitions to the distinctions between body positivity, body acceptance, and body grief. Jayne critiques the unattainability of complete body acceptance for those constantly grappling with bodily changes and emphasizes a more realistic approach of working towards healing and trusting one's body.

Jayne Mattingly [25:51]:
"If some of us can't like use our bodies, if some of us are grieving our bodies and can't, you know, are constantly losing our abilities... it's very hard to be like, just be neutral about it, you know, just love your body."
[25:51]

Therapeutic Process of Writing the Book

Jayne shares how writing "THIS IS BODY GRIEF" served as a therapeutic endeavor, allowing her to process her own experiences while creating a resource for others. The book aims to facilitate conversations between therapists and clients, making body grief a recognizable and addressable aspect of mental health.

Jayne Mattingly [22:32]:
"I was writing a book like this so that professionals and clients could sit down and have a real conversation about it without fearful that they would need to be committed or go to a higher level of care."
[22:32]

Balancing Grief and Gratitude

Jayne touches on the interplay between grief and gratitude, asserting that both emotions coexist and are essential to the human experience. This balance fosters resilience and a deeper appreciation for the moments of joy amidst life's challenges.

Jayne Mattingly [22:37]:
"Grief and gratitude go together. They are symbiotic, just like hope and hopelessness. They can't exist without the other."
[22:37]

Final Reflections and Takeaways

In concluding the episode, Zibby Owens and Jayne Mattingly reflect on the ongoing nature of body grief and the importance of acknowledging its impact. They emphasize the necessity of open dialogues, community support, and self-compassion in navigating the complexities of living with body grief.

Jayne Mattingly [29:16]:
"It's just kind of every day is different, right?"
[29:16]

Zibby Owens [29:19]:
"Yeah."
[29:19]
Jane Mattingly [29:19]:
"Yeah."
[29:19]

Key Takeaways

• Body Grief is Universal: It affects anyone experiencing changes or losses related to their physical body, not just those with severe disabilities.

• Coping Requires Acknowledgment: Naming and feeling grief is essential to prevent maladaptive coping mechanisms.

• Community is Crucial: Supportive communities provide understanding, reduce isolation, and facilitate healing.

• Balance of Emotions: Grief and gratitude coexist, contributing to resilience and a more profound appreciation for life’s moments.

• Ongoing Process: Healing from body grief is nonlinear and cyclical, requiring continuous self-compassion and support.

Notable Quotes:

• Jane Mattingly [07:22]:
  "I realized, this is body grief. I'm grieving the life that I used to live. I'm grieving the body that I used to have."

• Jane Mattingly [15:07]:
  "Community truly is the antidote to body grief."

• Jane Mattingly [22:37]:
  "Grief and gratitude go together. They are symbiotic, just like hope and hopelessness."

This episode serves as a compassionate exploration of body grief, offering listeners both personal insights and practical frameworks for understanding and navigating their own experiences with bodily loss and change. Jayne Mattingly's honesty and expertise provide a valuable resource for anyone grappling with the complexities of living in and loving their body.