Podcast Summary: Totally Booked with Zibby — Jen Hatmaker on “AWAKE: A Memoir”
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest: Jen Hatmaker
Episode Title: Jen Hatmaker, AWAKE: A Memoir
Release Date: September 24, 2025
Overview of the Episode
In this emotionally charged and insightful conversation, Zibby Owens welcomes back bestselling author Jen Hatmaker to discuss her latest book, AWAKE: A Memoir. The episode dives deep into Hatmaker’s experience of profound upheaval following the end of her 26-year marriage and her subsequent journey through loss, grief, and rebuilding. Together, Zibby and Jen explore themes of love, community, parental identity, and the scrutiny public figures face—particularly women—when navigating life-changing events.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Story Behind “AWAKE” (04:44 – 08:21)
- Jen’s Life-shattering Loss:
- Jen succinctly describes the “small story” of her memoir as the loss of her 26-year marriage, after years spent as a prominent figure speaking on marriage, family, and faith.
- “The small story is that shock, the grief, the loss of everything – my marriage, my intact family, all the expectations I had for my entire life... For a while I felt like it was going to be a loss of credibility, just the loss of so many dreams, and then the slow slog back up to the surface.” (05:44–06:17)
- The ‘Bricks’ that Built the House:
- The book interrogates broader systems—patriarchy, religious shame, gender limitations, purity culture, and ingrained body hatred—that contributed to her personal collapse.
- Jen insists her story is powerful in its ordinariness: “My story is not special. And I think that's what makes it important... I feel like most of my readers are gonna go, same, same. I identify with that. I relate to that.” (07:10–07:42)
2. The Power of Community and Love (08:21 – 10:26)
- Support System:
- Zibby highlights the extraordinary support Jen received from siblings and friends, even as an adult, offering continual presence (“didn’t let you sleep alone”) and unconditional love during her darkest hours.
- Jen reflects: “I don't have any imagination for how any of that story would have gone without them... They love me back to life. That's dedicated to them. The whole book is.” (09:23–10:26)
3. Facing Grief Head-On: The Peculiar Relief of Allowing Pain (10:26 – 14:14)
- A Grief Breakdown in a Parked Car:
- Jen describes a pivotal moment, encouraged by a meditation app, when she allowed herself to fully experience her grief—“I parked under my neighbor's pecan tree and I screamed in my car. I wailed for an hour. One hour. It was insane. I have never grieved like that in my life...” (11:30–13:30)
- This moment, paradoxically, became her “first moment of relief.”
- Zibby’s Reflection:
- Zibby empathizes with Jen’s pain, contrasting the laughter and poise she first saw in Jen at a keynote event with the suffering revealed in the memoir—highlighting how outsides rarely tell the full story.
4. Public Scrutiny & Social Media in Crisis (16:47 – 20:05)
- Sudden Exposure:
- Jen discusses the “paralysis” she felt as a public figure during her family’s crisis, the impossibility of “carrying on as usual,” and her desperate need for privacy.
- She recounts a particularly invasive discovery—her divorce being revealed by a journalist before all family knew, leading to “a layer of pain onto what we were already experiencing.” (18:06–19:26)
- Gendered Scrutiny:
- Online criticism focused disproportionately on Jen, “the women are blamed and shamed for virtually everything,” while her ex-husband was “omitted in the reckoning altogether.”
5. Religion, Identity & Unresolved Leadership (20:05 – 23:35)
- A Shift Away from Church:
- Zibby asks about Jen’s relationship with church post-divorce. Jen explains she feels no pressure to have clear answers or prescriptive advice: “This book is... only descriptive. It's written in vignettes... I just write it in little moments, exact moments and memories... I don't draw conclusions about it... I just say, here it is.” (21:53–22:37)
- After examining the religious and cultural “bricks” that shaped her life, she’s uncertain whether organized religion will return to her life: “I just can’t be there right now.” (23:24–23:33)
6. Parenting Through Upheaval (23:39 – 28:29)
- Single Parenting During Crisis:
- Jen shares the overwhelming challenge of solo-parenting five kids (aged high school to young adult) during Covid, coping with her children’s pain and her own fear regarding their futures.
- Lesson in Comfort Over Coaching:
- A transformative moment comes from her daughter, Sydney, who tells Jen, “When you talk to me like that, you make me feel so lonely. Like I am the only one still sitting here in grief and pain, and you are just pushing me to be beyond it.” (26:57–27:16)
- Jen’s therapist counsels her to prioritize “comfort over coaching"—to let her kids grieve, rather than “frantically intervening” to make things better.
7. Family Reactions & Writing With Integrity (28:29 – 31:00)
- Balancing Truth and Privacy:
- Jen admits to early anxiety over how her memoir might land with her ex-husband, children, and extended family. She ultimately chooses to write with integrity, omitting the “worst of the details” and asking: “Will I be proud of this book in 10 years?” (29:29–30:02)
- Feedback from family and early readers: The book is “extraordinarily gracious,” and not salacious or exposing.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Grief & Relatability:
“My story is not special. And I think that's what makes it important... I feel like most of my readers from one entry point or another are gonna go, ‘Same, same.’”
— Jen Hatmaker (07:10) -
On Community Support:
“They love me back to life. That's dedicated to them. The whole book is.”
— Jen Hatmaker (10:22) -
On Letting Grief Out:
“I parked under my neighbor's pecan tree and I screamed in my car. I wailed for an hour. One hour. It was insane. I have never grieved like that in my life.”
— Jen Hatmaker (11:52) -
On Parenting Through Crisis:
“Comfort over coaching. And I had to learn that day that I literally cannot... fix a dad who walked away from his life. I can't fix that. I can't coach that. I can only comfort that.”
— Jen Hatmaker (27:34) -
On Hope and Resilience:
“It is stunning to find out that you can lose something so precious to you and still recover and still rise right out of those ashes... We’re made of more than we think.”
— Jen Hatmaker (31:27–32:38)
Key Timestamps for Important Segments
- 04:44 — Jen describes the “small story” and themes of AWAKE
- 09:23 — Jen on the role of friends and family in her healing
- 11:30 — The car meditation and full-body grief breakdown
- 16:47 — On public scrutiny, social media absence, and exposure
- 20:38 — Navigating faith, church, and spiritual uncertainty post-divorce
- 24:23 — Parenting teens through crisis and learning “comfort over coaching”
- 28:42 — Family reactions and Jen's choices in telling her story
- 31:27 — Jen’s message of hope and second acts
Episode Tone & Concluding Thoughts
This conversation brims with vulnerability, humor, relatability, and hope. Zibby and Jen candidly explore the intersections of faith, womanhood, and resilience, offering hard-won wisdom to anyone facing loss or transition. The episode stands as a testament to the value of community, the pitfalls and redemptions of grief, and the possibility of crafting a bold, beautiful second act—one authentic moment at a time.