Totally Booked with Zibby

Episode: Kati Morton, WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS?: Unlearn the Habits Keeping You Stuck and Unhappy
Date: December 11, 2025
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest: Kati Morton, LMFT

Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, Zibby Owens interviews Kati Morton, licensed marriage and family therapist, bestselling author, and digital mental health thought leader, about her new book Why Do I Keep Doing This?: Unlearn the Habits Keeping You Stuck and Unhappy. The conversation delves into the roots of self-sabotaging patterns, the illusion of control, empathy and its pitfalls, and the nuances of modern mental health—both as a professional and an individual. Kati shares her journey as a creator, therapist, author, and human, all with disarming honesty and approachable wisdom.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Book’s Origin and Mission

• Kati shares that the book was initially expected to focus on eating disorders, but evolved into exploring the broader “illusion of control” universal to many people, especially women.
• She explains her intention:

  “The idea was essentially for me just to be your Sherpa…here’s what I know, but I don’t know everything, and here are my struggles so that people don’t think they’re alone with it.” (04:06)

Control & Self-Sabotage

• Kati reveals her personal struggles with needing control across her life—work, relationships, emotions—and how it led to feeling “trapped in an endless cycle.”
  • Quote:

    “I was holding on so tightly...I didn’t even realize how much I was suffocating myself.” (07:08)

• She discusses the particular expectations placed on women, multitasking and “spinning plates,” and how chasing success can leave no room for joy.

Empathy, Toxic Empathy, and People Pleasing

• Empathy is described as a superpower, but without boundaries, it can devolve into people pleasing or “toxic empathy,” where one’s own wellbeing is entirely contingent on others.
  • Quote:

    “People pleasing...means that I can’t be okay unless you’re first okay. That gives all our power away.” (11:00)

• She stresses the importance of learning healthy boundaries and not letting empathy harm oneself.

The “Pufferfish” Analogy

• Kati recounts a formative term from therapy—her tendency to “pufferfish,” or become emotionally prickly and defensive when intimacy threatened her sense of safety.
  • Quote:

    “You can’t have real relationships if you aren’t real...that connection can’t exist if you keep puffer fishing people.” (14:18)

Healing and the Roots of Behavioral Patterns

• The conversation emphasizes that maladaptive behaviors like perfectionism, control, or people pleasing are rooted in positive, protective impulses such as self-preservation and adaptation to chaotic environments.
  • Quote:

    “Part of healing always comes with this first piece of thankfulness and acknowledgement of your system...brain and body are wired to keep me going.” (16:01)

• Kati warns against self-shame during the healing process, encouraging kindness toward oneself.

Contemporary Mental Health Issues: GLP-1 Agonists and Food Noise

• Zibby queries the impact of GLP-1 medications (like Ozempic and Wegovy) on eating disorder treatment.
  • Kati notes their promise in reducing persistent “food noise” for some, but stresses the importance of concurrent therapeutic work to address underlying issues:
    • Quote:

      “A GLP-1 doesn’t fix that, it just fixes the symptoms. I want you to also do the therapeutic work and realize why your eating disorder exists. Otherwise, it's never really going to get better.” (23:40)

  • Both discuss the concept “food noise” and the relief (and risks) these new drugs offer.

Writing as Therapy & Practice Integration

• Kati reflects on her growth as an author, from imposter syndrome to a more natural, story-driven writing style, aiming always for honesty and connection.
  • Quote:

    “I want every book to feel like me, like you’re talking to me...it needs to be...written by me in my house, probably in my pajamas.” (26:01)

• She discusses how balancing her online presence, clinical work, and writing career has evolved.

Taking Charge of Your Own Narrative

• Kati shares a recent insight about setting intentions and choosing to “decide” how her day unfolds, reframing rather than controlling.
  • Quote:

    “I decide, I'm in charge and I don't want this. And it was so impactful...So often I just let the things happen…I can choose ways to make that better or worse.” (28:50)

Advice to Aspiring Authors

• Kati encourages would-be writers to simply begin, trusting that every voice brings value.
  • Quote:

    “We need different voices...that’s why they’re here, to put their voice out...it’s a daunting task but like anything in life, one step at a time.” (31:08)

Notable Quotes

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|----------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:06 | Kati Morton | "The idea was essentially for me just to be your Sherpa…here’s what I know, but I don’t know everything, and here are my struggles so that people don’t think they’re alone with it." | | 07:08 | Kati Morton | "I was holding on so tightly...I didn’t even realize how much I was suffocating myself." | | 11:00 | Kati Morton | "People pleasing...means that I can't be okay unless you're first okay. That gives all our power away." | | 14:18 | Kati Morton | "You can’t have real relationships if you aren’t real...that connection can’t exist if you keep puffer fishing people." | | 16:01 | Kati Morton | "Part of healing always comes with this first piece of thankfulness and acknowledgement of your system...brain and body are wired to keep me going." | | 23:40 | Kati Morton | "A GLP-1 doesn’t fix that, it just fixes the symptoms. I want you to also do the therapeutic work and realize why your eating disorder exists. Otherwise, it's never really going to get better." | | 26:01 | Kati Morton | "I want every book to feel like me, like you’re talking to me...it needs to be...written by me in my house, probably in my pajamas." | | 28:50 | Kati Morton | "I decide, I'm in charge and I don't want this. And it was so impactful...So often I just let the things happen…I can choose ways to make that better or worse." | | 31:08 | Kati Morton | "We need different voices...that’s why they’re here, to put their voice out...it’s a daunting task but like anything in life, one step at a time." |

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:52] – Why the book is broader than eating disorders; roots in the illusion of control
• [07:00] – Kati on suffocating herself with too much control
• [09:15] – Empathy as power, and the danger of people pleasing
• [12:28] – The “pufferfish” anecdote about emotional self-protection in relationships
• [16:01] – Adaptive behaviors are rooted in self-preservation
• [21:51] – The impact of GLP-1s on food noise and recovery
• [25:47] – The challenges and evolution of writing as a therapist and author
• [28:50] – Intentionally reframing your daily narrative
• [31:08] – Kati’s advice to aspiring authors

Memorable Moments

• Kati’s vulnerability about her controlling tendencies and the cost it imposes on joy and authenticity.
• The lighthearted “pufferfish” analogy, making complex psychological defenses relatable.
• Candid discussion about current diet drug trends and their real implications in therapy.
• Zibby’s personal reflection on her own experience with GLP-1 medication and “food noise.”
• Kati’s encouragement to new writers and her delight at building connections through the written word.

Final Thoughts

This episode stands out for its honesty about the challenges therapists themselves face, the compassionate reframing of “bad habits” as survival strategies gone awry, and Kati’s approachable, nonjudgmental tone. Listeners can expect both practical insights and heartfelt reassurance that growth comes through understanding, not shame.