Totally Booked with Zibby: Kelly Cervantes, THE LUCKIEST: A Memoir of Love, Loss, Motherhood, and the Pursuit of Self

Date: November 27, 2025
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest: Kelly Cervantes

Overview

In this moving episode, Zibby Owens sits down with Kelly Cervantes to discuss her memoir, The Luckiest: A Memoir of Love, Loss, Motherhood, and the Pursuit of Self. The conversation explores Kelly's multi-faceted journey through multiple careers, the heartbreak and complexity of being a caregiver to her medically fragile daughter Adelaide, coping with profound grief, the structure and evolution of identity, the power of community, sustaining a marriage under strain, and reclaiming a sense of self after immense loss. The episode is candid, vulnerable, and ultimately hopeful, offering deep insight into resilience and the many layers that make up a life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Structure and Theme of The Luckiest

• Nesting Doll Metaphor & Layered Identity
  • Kelly was inspired by Maggie Smith’s “nesting doll” analogy, prompting her to consider all the lives and versions of self she has lived.
  • “Each chapter is a different layer of my life. … They are meant to sort of break out this life and sort of all of these different lessons that I learned whether I wanted to or not.” (Kelly, 05:10)
• The memoir is structured with each chapter representing a distinct “layer” or role (e.g., “the Ingenue,” “the Mother”) that has shaped who she is today.

Career Evolution and Sudden Change

• From Actress to Event Coordinator to Caregiver
  • Kelly recounts her zig-zagging career trajectory: aspiring actress in NYC, event planner for Tom Colicchio’s restaurant group, and then a full-time caregiver when her daughter Adelaide was diagnosed with epilepsy. (06:37–13:50)
  • The shift from career ambition to caretaker was triggered overnight when Adelaide fell ill and Kelly’s husband, Miguel, landed lead roles in “Hamilton”.
  • Profound sense of loss – likened the end of caregiving to losing a job, with corresponding grief for lost purpose.
  • “I resisted that change, and I grieved my career for like a year before I was able to like find pieces of this new life, this new career that I could appreciate and hold onto and make mine and find control in and be proud of. But it took time in that to like find my way in that caregiver role.” (Kelly, 11:39)

The Complexities of Motherhood and Caregiver Identity

• Mother vs. Caregiver Distinction
  • Kelly describes the emotional cost of turning her motherhood into a “job” and losing out on the simple joys of being a mom, only regaining those when in-home nursing arrived. (14:31–16:09)
  • “There is a distinct difference between being a mother and being a caregiver to your child. Because I had to stop being her mother for several years. … There were years where I missed out on being her mom.” (Kelly, 14:31)

The Power and Importance of Female Community

• Transformative Friendships
  • Kelly highlights the pivotal role of friends like Jenny in Chicago, who gave emotional and practical support and embraced Adelaide as she was, helping Kelly feel less isolated. (19:14–22:06)
  • “So many different pivotal moments of my life were impacted by strong female friendships and just someone stepping in and holding my hand at the right time.” (Kelly, 20:38)
  • These friendships inspired Kelly to prioritize being that supportive figure for others.

Navigating Marriage Through Grief and Change

• Maintaining Connection Amid Crisis
  • Candid discussion about the strain on her marriage during Adelaide’s illness and after her passing, including career imbalance, emotional distance, and communication challenges. (22:33–28:36)
  • Importance of scheduled intimacy and honest check-ins: “We put sex on a schedule … but it became so important that we still had that physical time together. But then afterwards … we can have these very frank conversations.” (Kelly, 23:35)
  • Realization that partners grieve differently, and the necessity of seeking emotional support beyond the marriage when needed: “Your partner can’t be everything for you. … So Miguel struggled to be there for me in these emotional aspects of my grief. So I outsourced it. I found those friends.” (Kelly, 27:36)
  • “It's okay to outsource it. Maybe not the sex part … but I do think that there's certain pieces where it's okay.” (Kelly, 28:36)

Reclaiming Self and Identity After Loss

• Pursuing Main-Character Energy
  • Kelly discusses the struggle to be “just his wife” or “just Mom”, losing herself in the process, and her newfound pride in stepping back into the spotlight with her book. (29:02–31:18)
  • “I want that main character energy, man. … I think we need our moments in the spotlight and to be seen and to be appreciated. And this book is allowing me to take that back a little bit and I cannot wait.” (Kelly, 30:20)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Career Layers and Growth:

  • “Each of those layers has really built me up to who I am today and everything that I'm doing today.” (Kelly, 05:24)

• On Purpose and Grieving the Caregiver Role:

  • “I lost my purpose. … She was my work. She was what got me out of bed every morning. … It took me a minute to realize because I was like, she's my daughter. This is not a job. I'm her mother. But there is a distinct difference.” (Kelly, 14:31)

• On Community:

  • “So many different pivotal moments of my life were impacted by strong female friendships and just someone stepping in and holding my hand at the right time.” (Kelly, 20:38)

• On Marriage Through Grief:

  • “The conclusion that we sort of came to was that I'm not going to tell him how to grieve and he's not going to tell me how to grieve. … And from him, I just asked, ‘When you have those moments when you're grieving her … can you just tell me about it?’” (Kelly, 26:27)

• On Outsourcing Emotional Needs:

  • “Your partner can't be everything for you. … So I outsourced it. I found those friends. I called Jenny, I called Courtney. … It's okay to outsource it. Maybe not the sex part.” (Kelly, 27:36; 28:36)

• On Reclaiming Identity:

  • “I want that main character energy, man. … We need our moments in the spotlight and to be seen and to be appreciated.” (Kelly, 30:20)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction to Kelly & The Luckiest: 03:48–05:50
• Book Structure and Identity Layers: 05:50–06:37
• Career Evolution and Family Upheaval: 06:37–13:53
• Motherhood vs. Caregiver; Loss of Role: 14:31–16:30
• Community & Friendships: 19:14–22:06
• Marriage and Grief Communication: 22:33–28:36
• Reclaiming Self/Identity & Main Character Energy: 29:02–31:18

Overall Tone and Takeaways

The episode is raw, reflective, and empowering. Both Zibby and Kelly keep the conversation honest and relatable, balancing heartbreaking moments with humor and hard-won wisdom. Listeners are left with a sense of hope, understanding that even in the face of unimaginable difficulty, it’s possible to find purpose, community, and rediscover oneself.

Listen If You’re Interested In:

• Real-life stories of resilience
• The nuanced realities of caregiving, grief, and motherhood
• How to navigate identity after massive change
• The sustaining power of community and friendship
• Honest talk about marriage and partnerships under pressure