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- [00:00]
Capital One Advertiser
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- [00:13]
Zibby Owens
Sure thing. Barbecue sauce.
- [00:15]
Capital One Advertiser
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- [00:55]
Molly Jong-Fast
Terms apply. Lounge access is subject to change. See capital1.com for details.
- [01:01]
Paramount Pictures Promoter
Today's episode has been sponsored by Paramount Pictures Corporation. Okay you guys, there is a movie coming out called Regretting you based on Colleen Hoover's best selling book of the same name. I know many of you already know about this because I sent out an invitation to a screening when they so kindly gave us some tickets and oh, over 250 of you asked for tickets even though at the time we only had 20. We got a lot more. Anyway, I know you're all already excited about this movie, but for those of you who don't know, let me tell you more about it. This is about Morgan Grant, played by Allison Williams and her daughter Clara, played by McKenna Grace, as they explore what's left behind after a devastating accident, reveals a shocking betrayal and forces them to confront family secrets, redefine love, rediscover each other, regarding you as a story of growth, resilience and self discovery in the aftermath of tragedy. Also starring Dave Franco and Mason Thames. With Scott Eastwood and Willa Fitzgerald. In theaters October 24th. Are you excited? I am so excited. Director Josh Boone is the one who did the Fault in Our Stars, obviously. Colleen Hoover. It's about mother, daughter, relationships, heartbreak, grief, first love, second chances. It's the perfect film to share with your best friend, mom, grandmother, high school niece. It's filled with love and tears and laughter. Everyone will love it. Honestly, I cannot wait to see this movie. Come with us to one of the screenings.
- [02:29]
Molly Jong-Fast
Watch it along.
- [02:31]
Paramount Pictures Promoter
Send me notes on Instagram. I want to hear what you say. We'll all watch it together.
- [02:35]
Zibby Owens
Check it out.
- [02:35]
Paramount Pictures Promoter
Regretting you.
- [02:39]
Zibby Owens
Hi, this is Zibby Owens. And you're listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books. In my daily show, I interview today's latest best selling, buzziest or underrated authors and story creators whose work I think.
- [02:54]
Marjorie Schuster
Is worth your time.
- [02:56]
Zibby Owens
As a bookstore owner, publisher, author, and obviously podcaster, I get a comprehensive look at everything that's coming out and spend my time curating the best books so you don't have to stay in the know, get insider insights and connect with guests like I do every single day. For more information, go to zibbymedia.com and follow me on Instagram ibbyowens.
- [03:22]
Event Coordinator
My name is Marjorie Schuster. I'm the coordinator of literary events here at the Templar Manual Stryker Cultural center. And I'm very happy to welcome you today for another episode of Zibby Media Presents, in coordination with the Stryker center, our showcase of compelling female authors. Today's guest, I'm certain you all know she occupies a very, very unique place in both modern literary and political history as the daughter of Erika Zhang and as a journalist, editor and political analyst in her own right. In her memoir, which is absolutely fantastic, how to Lose youe Mother, Molly brings these two identities together, her exploration of her difficult relationship with her elusive mother. And now please join me in welcoming Molly Jong Fast and Zibby Owens.
- [04:13]
Marjorie Schuster
Thanks for coming, everybody. I'm so excited to be here with Molly. Can we give her a huge round of applause?
- [04:24]
Molly Jong-Fast
I'm just so excited to be here with you. And this is my synagogue, so it feels very meaningful. And two of my students, I don't talk about my kids, but I have kids who have had special have been bar and Bat Mitzvah here. And so it's very meaningful to me.
- [04:44]
Marjorie Schuster
You want to do a little chanting or anything?
- [04:45]
Molly Jong-Fast
Yes, I'm going to. We had such a hard time with the Haftorahs because I grew up Unitarian, even though my parents were both Jewish. My husband grew up Jewish humanist. So we were just completely lost and it was so bad. And our kids still make fun of us. So bad.
- [05:06]
Marjorie Schuster
So Molly and I got to know each other very well because our kids were in this cute program at the Museum of Natural History together. If you have grandchildren or kids who need a program, it is so sweet. But we spent hours on the floor during a very slow time of life, basically. So it is nice to remet here especially to talk about this awesome book.
- [05:28]
Molly Jong-Fast
And we also, we have kids the same age, which I think is there's something interesting about like Knowing someone for that whole stretch of time, you know, it's very lovely. And it's funny cause I have older kids, too, and the people I know from. When he went, he actually. All my kids went to nursery school here, too. I forgot that. And it was like. I don't know. There's just something lovely about knowing these people for such a long time.
- [05:55]
Marjorie Schuster
Speaking of things that happened a long time ago, I also just want to acknowledge that today is September 11th. How terrible a day it is in our city's history, the country's history. My very best friend was killed that day. My college roommate. Her name was Stacey Sanders. So it's always a very emotional day today. So it's fabulous to be sitting on stage and talking about books and getting a community together when so much in life is tearing us apart. Violence escalates in yesterday's attack. And everything is just feeling so overwhelming. So now we can just, like, talk about books. But wanted to acknowledge that.
- [06:34]
Molly Jong-Fast
I think that's really important, too. It's like a very. God you did.
- [06:38]
Marjorie Schuster
So from that, let's talk about aging and weight and take.
- [06:42]
Molly Jong-Fast
Yes. Let's get to something joyful like aging.
- [06:46]
Marjorie Schuster
Yeah. How many people here have already read Molly's book?
- [06:53]
Zibby Owens
Amazing.
- [06:54]
Molly Jong-Fast
Oh, this is a good crowd.
- [06:55]
Marjorie Schuster
How many have read Molly's mom's books?
- [06:59]
Molly Jong-Fast
That's a lot more, actually. You know, it's funny.
- [07:02]
Marjorie Schuster
You have to catch up. I mean, come on.
- [07:04]
Molly Jong-Fast
It's funny because my. I was interviewed in California at a bookstore that is, like, sort of Way north, by a woman who had been in publishing, who had worked in publishing before, Jennifer Walsh. And she had said this.
- [07:22]
Marjorie Schuster
Godmothers.
- [07:22]
Molly Jong-Fast
Right, godmothers. And she had said this very interesting thing. An independent bookstore, like Zibby's Books, but in a different town. So it's okay. And she had said this very interesting thing, which is. She had said. What we don't remember about Fear of Flying is that it sold 27 million copies. And if you think about that, like, think about Michelle Obama's book, which was like a blockbuster. It sold like 4 or 5 million copies. So, I mean, I think part of it is, like, it was a very different time. And people, you know, books were much cheaper. They were different. You know, there were these paperbacks that you could buy for, you know, a couple dollars, maybe less. But it just. It is something to think about this idea that it was so big. You know, it was such a big, big book for the time, and it did have an outsized impact. But also books had a different Impact back then, I think.
- [08:17]
Marjorie Schuster
True. Well, you talk in the book about your mom and celebrity and you called it like an adrenaline junkie itch for fame and acknowledgement that came in the aftermath of being so famous. You also talk about how being a famous author is of course different because sometimes you don't get recognized. Although your mother did. You talk a little bit about her fame and how that played into then her slow journey into dementia.
- [08:43]
Molly Jong-Fast
You know, I would say that it was very, you know, I don't know how much that had to do with the dementia piece, but I think it had a lot to do with just, it's just very. I think she was very committed to her career and her career had a very outsized place in her life. And so it was very hard when that career, you know, she became very. She became sort of. She sort of was overly invested in her career and maybe didn't get the same kind of self esteem from other stuff. So I would say that was tough, you know, but not unusual for people. But I had always sort of been a caretaker and I didn't know when I could come in. And like, part of the book is about me just trying to figure out when it was okay to say, like, we gotta do something now. And that part is very tough. And I think a lot of people can relate to that. What I tried to do with the book was not write. I mean, certainly there are interesting things about being famous and I think for her it was very traumatic. But what I tried to talk about more was like the experience of having parents that you want to care for in a way that is good to them, but also where you can sort of put the oxygen mask on yourself. And like, I wanted to be there for my children, but also be there for my mother. And I also had sort of way I wanted it to go with my mom, which was not realistic. And so that was very hard for me. And so I had to make peace with that. I was going to be sort of the best daughter I could be in the circumstances, which was not the daughter I wanted to be. And why, I think you should read this book and why people. So people come up to me and they say, like, I'm going through it, but I don't want to read your book because it's too close to what I'm going through. And what I want to say is like, no, this will make you feel better. Like you will not. Like, the whole point of this book is that you just need to do the best you can. And. And it's okay. That it may not look like what. Cause I had always hoped that I would move my mother into my apartment and I would be this dutiful daughter. And that was just not. That just couldn't happen for any number of reasons. And I felt really just devastated by the fact that I was unable to do that. And so part of why. What I want in this book was to sort of share that experience and to be able to give people permission to. For it to look just the way it looks.
- [11:27]
Marjorie Schuster
And you talk about your mother and her becoming a body. Like, you refer to her over and over. My mother is now just a body. And then you even talk about it in the context of October 7th and how you were watching the video and there was a grandmother, and you're like, she's just like my mother.
- [11:42]
Molly Jong-Fast
Yeah. When I was watching that video of the grandmother on the car, not knowing where she is, I was thinking about my mother. And it just. It's just so. For me, it's so profoundly painful to see her and not for her not to be in there. I actually. I want to tell a story that happened after the book. So I moved her to a different place, and I went to visit her, and I was like, oh, you know, I just. Every time I go, I want to die. And I come and I'm like, oh, this is so sad. And, you know, I just feel horrible. And then I came out and I saw this woman in a wheelchair just sitting by herself. And I thought. And the aides left her, and this poor woman. And I walk closer, and I see she's smoking a cigarette, looking thrilled. And I realized, like, you know, my perception is maybe not always accurate. You know, like, this woman. I should be having as good a time as this woman. So I just, you know, I don't. This is, like, to say that, you know, I have one vision of how things are, but they may not actually be accurate.
- [12:59]
Marjorie Schuster
Well, when you talk about your relationship with her, too, you said at one point that your mother treated you the way that a Jewish mother treats her son.
- [13:07]
Molly Jong-Fast
Yes, she did. That is true. And that is one of the many great things about her as a mother. So it's funny because I have Jewish sons, and I have a Jewish daughter, and I don't have that so much because I think it's like a different generation. But I talk about this a lot because I think it's really important. My mom was born in 1942. So, like, if you think about the sea change that women born in 1942 to women born in 1978. Like me. Like, when my mom was born. When my mom was born, women couldn't have checking accounts, couldn't have. Your husband had to sign off on your credit card. You couldn't. I mean, couldn't get a mortgage. Like, just so profound. And my mom did really believe that I. Like, she had. This is funny. Cause I saw that always with my husband and his mother. Like, his mother really did. She was a little older than my mother, and she always did believe that he was like the second coming of Christ. And I'd be like, he's great. Don't get me wrong. But she'd be like, oh. And he could literally do anything. And his sister would always get in trouble for everything. And I'd be like, you know, I feel. I feel like this is not totally fair. But anyway, so I do think my mom was absolutely like that. She was just like, you know, I think also part of that is the function of being an only child. As an only child, I did definitely feel a lot more pressure.
- [14:36]
Marjorie Schuster
Well, you also write about the guilt, and I know you just touched on it. But what should people do when they are feeling torn? How do we take care of aging parents? How do we make sure that they're getting the treatment they deserve? And yet we're doing all that we can. What's your advice? How do you navigate that?
- [14:58]
Molly Jong-Fast
So this is like. These are like, the unanswerable questions. Like, there's a story about how Obama used to say when a problem got to his desk, there was no answer because it was so complicated. You just couldn't. Like, once it got to his desk, it was. And this is like, that question, right? Like, there's just no good answer for it. But what I would say is, I made the decision that I had to put the oxygen mask on myself. Some people don't do that. In fact, so I do. Whenever I did readings for this book, people would get into, like, sort of the Q and A. And you'll see it today gets into, like, a little bit of group therapy, which. Which I love as a sober person, I love. So we got into a whole conversation about, what do you do? Do you move your parents in with you? Do you not? How do you deal with this? This woman came up to me afterwards at the book signing, was like, I moved my mother in with us. She lived another 14 years. My husband and I got divorced, and I was like, okay, so, you know, there's the road not taken there too.
- [16:13]
Zibby Owens
Well.
- [16:14]
Marjorie Schuster
I do just want to acknowledge how much you had on your plate at that time, too. Your husband had pancreatic cancer at the same time you had your kids. Three kids. I mean, there's. The pressure on caregivers is absolutely enormous. And you were in it.
- [16:29]
Molly Jong-Fast
Yeah, my husband. So I write about my husband. My husband was, like, never wanted to be written about. He was, like, so horrified. I'm thinking to myself, you married into this family, and you somehow thought you were gonna get out without being written about. Like, what? So when I think Pilar can tell this Pilar is my wonderful agent who I love so much and who is responsible for any success I've had in my career. And she. I think that it was like, January, and I had decided I wanted to write another book, a different kind of book. And I was talking to publishers about this book, and my husband one night was like, I don't feel well. I'm going to the emergency room. And I am proud to say that we are very bad hypochondriacs in our family. Like, I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but very bad hypochondriacs. And our kids are also terrible hypochondriacs. So we have spent a lot of time in the emergency room. Like, a lot. So my husband says, I'm having pain. I'm going to the hospital. And I said. Because this had not been the first, second, or third time. I said, good luck. Call me if anything. You know, it's like three o' clock in the morning. I was like, call me. You know, And I was like, really? Don't call me, but whatever. So he goes to the hospital and they find a mass on his pancreas. And he calls me at 3 o' clock in the morning, and he's like, they found. And I. And I remember thinking, like, this is not good. Like, just, this is not gonna be good. And so one of. A mutual friend of both of ours had just had this very horrible experience where her mother had died of pancreatic cancer. And so I called her up, and she is very smart and very organized, and she had a whole, like, PowerPoint presentation about, like, what to do next, which was amazing. And so she sent me to this doctor, and we went to this doctor and went to Sloan Kettering, and it was amazing. And they said. The doctor said to us, you know, she was just like, we hope it's this kind of cancer because it's a very treatable. Slow cancer is like a game of inches. So if it's a cancer that grows more slowly, you can live much longer and if it grows much faster, you can. So we just went down this rabbit hole of he had surgery, was this very treatable cancer. He, we had then some metastasis we got, you know, we just did it in this very kind of bite sized way. But while that was happening, my stepfather was in the hospital and so he kept having these falls. And so I would go from one hospital to the other hospital and they were very close to each other, so walk from one to the other. And then I would go home and go to sleep at 7 o' clock at night and just be like, I'm so happy I can go to sleep. And I have to say like, the one thing I've really been impressed with myself is like I have really, there is something great about not having to do anything and being able to go to sleep. And so I still, that's like my, like I have about three or four really good coping mechanisms and going to sleep at seven is my best.
- [20:05]
Marjorie Schuster
We'll all try to emulate that. Everybody go to bed at 7. 7 tonight, report back tomorrow and you'll.
- [20:10]
Molly Jong-Fast
Wake up and you'll, you can't believe how good you'll feel.
- [20:13]
Marjorie Schuster
Amazing.
- [20:14]
Zibby Owens
Today's episode has been sponsored by Quince. Cooler days call for layers that last and Quince is my go to for quality essentials that feel cozy, look refined.
- [20:25]
Marjorie Schuster
And won't blow your budget.
- [20:27]
Zibby Owens
Think $50 Mongolian cashmere premium denim that fits like a dream and luxe outerwear you'll wear year after year. These are the pieces that'll turn into your fall uniform. I'm eyeing their wool coats. They look designer level but cost a fraction of the price and the quality. Honestly just as good, if not better because Quince partners directly with top tier ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. They deliver luxury quality pieces at half the price of similar brands. It's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that feels smart, stylish and effortless. I am particularly a fan of the fisherman cashmere Mongolian skin sweater in brown. The light brown is already sold out. I am obsessed and it is so cozy and is a staple. Find your fall staples at quint. Go to quinte.com zibby for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com zibbee Z I B-B-Y to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com zybee Today's episode is sponsored by Live it up. If you are someone who wants real results and not watered down promises, it's time to upgrade your greens game. Most powders out there either taste like grass or overcharge you for hype. Live It Up Super Greens is different. My cabinet is now stocked with so many different products and it all tastes good. I have a hard time finding time to fit in all of my vegetables. Sometimes I don't even get to eat meals. This is the perfect solution for me and anyone else out there who's running around trying to just make life. Fit it all in and have a good time while you're doing it. Live It Up Super Greens contains more than 20 superfoods from organic vegetables and natural ingredients, all traceable nutrition designed and third party tasted and did I mention it tastes good. A survey of real Live it up customers who take their greens daily report actual benefits. 98% say it helps them feel healthier overall and 96% say say it increased their veggie intake. 95% say it improved digestion. Bottom line, Live it up delivers premium quality at a price that actually sticks. No gimmicks, no bloated margins. Live it up has become a quick and easy way for me to stay on top of my health. It's such a simple step that fits into my morning routine without any hassle and I love that I don't have to overthink it. One scoop and I am set for the day. Honestly, I was surprised by how good it tastes. Not grassy or chalky like so many others. I actually look forward to drinking it, which makes it easier to stick with. I've noticed I feel more balanced throughout the day when I make it part of my mornings. It gives me that feel good energy I can count on without the crash right now. Get 33% off your first Live It up order when you subscribe at letsliveitup.com booked and use code booked. You can cancel anytime with a 30 day money back guarantee or to get 15% off when you purchase without a subscription. Head to letsliveitup.com booked and use code booked for 15% off your first order. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Today's episode is sponsored by Wayfair. As you all know, I am obsessed with Wayfair. In fact, I have a new office chair waiting in my lobby for me today to make my pack feel even better. But let's talk about how the holidays are coming up because there's so much.
- [23:58]
Paramount Pictures Promoter
That we all can do to get.
- [24:00]
Zibby Owens
Ready to host for all the assorted holidays from Halloween to Thanksgiving. And actually I just picked up a few of these pumpkin white soup terrines because it always. They look so pretty when I go to people's houses.
- [24:13]
Marjorie Schuster
And I was, I was like, I.
- [24:15]
Zibby Owens
Think I want some of those. So with Wayfair, as the holidays approach, you can get whatever you need to personalize your house like I just did, whether it's your dining table or a guest room or anything. It's so convenient that Wayfair has literally everything your home needs this season. There is such a huge selection of home items in every style and it really makes it easy to find exactly what's right for you. There's something for every style and every home, no matter your budget. Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your home goals this holiday season with endless inspiration for every space and budget. And there's free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff. No more huge delivery fees for furniture. Get big stuff like sofas, dining tables, beds, desks, and more shift free, which I have done and it's amazing. So just find all your seasonal must haves, from furniture and holiday decor to appliances and cookware, all in one convenient place. Hosting just got a lot easier. Get organized, refreshed and ready for the holidays. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. And now I have to go get my office chair.
- [25:28]
Marjorie Schuster
Well, despite all of the heaviness and all of the things you were coping with in the book, you still have time to write in such a funny way about aging and as you said, the joys of aging. Can I read this little passage about it? You said, I started to notice the bags under my eyes around the time Matt got diagnosed. That's the thing about getting older.
- [25:48]
Zibby Owens
You get little peeks into it. It happens slowly, then quickly.
- [25:52]
Marjorie Schuster
Your body unravels like a loose knit, slow sweater. One day there's a moth hole and the next day you're wondering how much.
- [25:58]
Zibby Owens
A neck lift would cost and where.
- [26:00]
Marjorie Schuster
You would hide out for a few weeks while you recover.
- [26:03]
Molly Jong-Fast
Oh, that's so good. Yeah, it's true. A neck lift. Yes. And also, I just want to say about that. I was so smug about not having bags under my eyes. I don't know why. I was like, I don't have bags under my. And then one day, so there's A lesson there.
- [26:20]
Zibby Owens
But.
- [26:20]
Molly Jong-Fast
But yeah, I think one of the things about this book is I write a lot about the sort of slow moving midlife crisis that I currently find myself in. And I felt like it's actually really interesting to write about aging because I always thought I would never be a person who particularly got. I always felt like I was never someone who was so interested in how I looked at. But for whatever reason, the whole trajectory of aging really bothers me. And I also don't understand why you can't skip one year. You have to just keep getting older and older. I feel like you should get one or two free years where you don't get older. That's my hottest take.
- [27:07]
Marjorie Schuster
Wait, tell me about your midlife crisis.
- [27:09]
Molly Jong-Fast
What does that mean?
- [27:10]
Marjorie Schuster
What does it look like for you?
- [27:11]
Molly Jong-Fast
So supposedly. So it's like this thing where it's like, oh, I'm getting older. Oh, I'm heading towards death. Oh, where will I be in 20 years? Where will I be in 40 years? What will happen to me? And then what was interesting about this book when I was writing, it was like, so here's my husband being like, will I be alive when our kids graduate college? What will that look like? And then I have my mom who's like, not in there, but who's super healthy, you know, and there's this question of like, how what, you know, sort of how do you measure your life? And I don't know, it just was. It was a very fraught moment. And I don't love getting older, I have to say. Really don't. Like there's.
- [28:03]
Marjorie Schuster
But my dad always says, well, it's better than the alternative.
- [28:07]
Molly Jong-Fast
Yeah. And I think that's. I think ultimately that's where we all get to lovely.
- [28:12]
Marjorie Schuster
So your body, you said you've never been that interested in sort of how you look. And yet we do write. You do write about eating and your body over time, as anybody our age with Jewish parents probably will at some point. Here, let me read one more little section. One sec. You said I was fat because I ate. I ate because I didn't have anything else to do. This is when you were a kid. Besides therapy and tutoring, food was the only place I was happy. I loved frosting and birthday cake. I still love birthday cake.
- [28:46]
Zibby Owens
Even now.
- [28:47]
Marjorie Schuster
I keep thinking that there's gotta be a piece of birthday cake that will scratch that happy childhood itch. Fondant is still my thing.
- [28:54]
Molly Jong-Fast
I ate confetti cake last night and my other friend was like, you know, it's not that Good. And I was like, shut up. So, yes, it's funny. Cause last night we were talking about what it was like before cell phones. And I was thinking. I was talking about how my mom would take me to these. This is. Again, boredom is not child abuse. It's just what happened in the 70s and 80s. But my mom would rent these houses, and like, we just. And I'd just go. And there'd be nothing to do, because why would there be? And Italy had this, like, very. This dubbing. Everything was dubbed. So you'd turn on the television and you'd be like, all right, well, it's mash. I'll watch. And it would be all in Italian. And you'd be like, oh, like, no subtitles. Just straight dubbed mash. And so there was, like, nothing to do. So I would just, like, stare at the wall. And my friends and I were talking. Like, they were like, phones are so bad. And I was like, we literally had nothing to do. Like, there would be hours of just staring at the wall. So I think phones are good. Like, maybe not for little kids, but, like, can read a book. There's stuff to do, you know?
- [30:10]
Marjorie Schuster
Can we go back to cake for a second?
- [30:12]
Molly Jong-Fast
Oh, cake. I love cake.
- [30:13]
Marjorie Schuster
Bess, where are some of your favorite cakes in New York?
- [30:16]
Molly Jong-Fast
So let me just say this is, like, something I've. Now you've really gotten me going on. Something exciting. I do love the monkey bar. Has a really good, like, coconut cake. Or it's like a. It's like a carrot cake that has coconut in it. I like the polo bar. Has a very good coconut cake. I am very into cake. That is a.
- [30:36]
Marjorie Schuster
How do you feel about Greenberg's?
- [30:38]
Molly Jong-Fast
Greenberg's has a very. Oh, Greenberg's has a good cake. And that birthday cake was a little chocolate. And then I eat a ton of ice cream. And I am on a statin. You'll be surprised to hear that I have very high cholesterol, but not so much since I've been taking the statin.
- [30:57]
Marjorie Schuster
So how does podcasting fit into your midlife crisis? You wrote a book, you have a podcast, you have a huge platform you've developed. Talk a little bit about all that.
- [31:05]
Molly Jong-Fast
I mean, everything. I mean, I don't know. I think work is extremely. Has been extremely. You know, my whole thing with work, my whole thing with everything, and this is maybe because I got sober when I was 19, is that I just try to chop wood and carry water and not get focused on outcomes. So, you know, I try to do the best stuff I can do. And then I try to write the smartest things I can write. I don't get so involved in what happens next, which I think is there's sort of a very meditative, sort of spiritual way to work in the world and not. It's sort of a non attachment kind of thing. So I try to do that with my work and I feel really grateful that I get to write. I actually, it's funny because I was like for about three months, I was just obsessively worried about how AI was going to replace me. And I had this really dumb conversation with Mark Cuban and he was like, well, you'll just have an AI version of you. And I was like, that is terrible. I was like, I don't want an AI version of me. I was like, I want a me version of me. And he was like, and then the AI version of you can write for. And I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever heard. And now it seems like this new AI, this newest chat, doesn't really work that well. So now I feel like I'm not going to be replaced by AI. So I'm feeling pretty good, all things considered.
- [32:47]
Marjorie Schuster
I have to say, I got pitched an idea. There's a website where you just put in the main characters, names, a few plot points, and you press click, and there's your book.
- [32:57]
Molly Jong-Fast
That's terrible.
- [32:58]
Marjorie Schuster
I know it's terrible.
- [32:59]
Molly Jong-Fast
But also then someone else can read it too. You know what I mean? Like have a robot read it. If a robot wrote it, you know, it gets infuriating. I mean, the good news is that it's still bad. And now it's now.
- [33:15]
Marjorie Schuster
Hopefully it won't get better.
- [33:16]
Molly Jong-Fast
Hopefully it won't stay.
- [33:17]
Marjorie Schuster
Okay. So from AI to actual eye, what are you doing in terms of writing going forward? Are you writing another book? I hope.
- [33:24]
Molly Jong-Fast
Pilar, what am I doing? And just kidding, I'm taking audience. I don't know, you know, I don't have like a lot. I don't know. I have to sort of figure out what I need to. What I want to do next. And it's fair, you know, in some ways it's like quite wonderful because I wrote this book. People really connected to it. The editor who edited it was amazing. The publishing experience was wonderful. And I've met a lot of people who I feel like have related to it. And so it's been kind of the dream publishing experience. So in some ways it's like hard because it's not part of a series. It's not but in some ways it's been sort of wonderful in itself. And so I don't know is the answer. I feel like that's very unsatisfying. But it's okay.
- [34:22]
Marjorie Schuster
I mean, who really knows what's coming next? We all make the best guesses, we make plans and God laughs, right? Isn't that the whole thing? Speaking of God, how do you feel about being Jewish these days? Because in the book you talk about growing up, you were not those kinds of Jews, right? How do you feel about it now?
- [34:38]
Molly Jong-Fast
So growing up, we were not religious and my grandparents were very anti religious. So my grandmother. So my mother and father, My father grew up on the Upper east side and my mother grew up on the Upper west side and the Upper west side. Back then, everyone in that group ended up going on to do great things. A lot of the people of those kids of that vintage. And my grandparents, my great grandparents were born in Ukraine. So my mother's parents, actually maybe they were born in the uk, but they were Ukrainians or whatever. The point is they all were very anti religious. They didn't, you know, they were Jews, but they didn't really believe in religion. In fact, my grandmother once said I was dating someone who wasn't Jewish. And I said, you know, I might marry him. And she said, as long as he doesn't believe in God, I don't care. Which I felt like was such a good encapsulation of that ethos of that time. And, you know, there were a lot of reasons not to believe in God back then. And they had been through a lot. And, you know, coming from Ukraine in the 1800s, they had had their own experiences with antisemitism. So I understand their hesitation towards religion. I really like my synagogue. I'm not just saying that because I'm here, I promise. And maybe some of the rabbis are here, but maybe not. I really love my synagogue and I feel very connected to Judaism. I probably feel more connected to Judaism than how I was brought up. And I really did with my kids. I said, I don't want to pressure you. I think you should have Judaism so you can reject if you want to, so you can have something to reject in an easy, low stakes way. And then you come back if you want or if you don't, fine. And they all sort of decided they wanted what we have here in Judaism, which is lovely. So I don't think that my, I mean, this is controversial, but my husband and I, turns out were on 23andMe, we discovered, were distant cousins. So I would like my kids to maybe get out of the gene pool a little bit, but I like the religion a lot, so. But I don't. I think might be time for.
- [37:11]
Marjorie Schuster
Wait. Paint a picture for us of what the day looked like when you clicked and found out your husband was your cousin.
- [37:16]
Molly Jong-Fast
He said it to me, like. He was like, do you have. He said, it's the best part of this story just to get into. So my father was always like, you know, your husband's. My husband's mother. He was like, she's a fancy German Jew. And I'd be like, who are you? Like that you care. It's like such a. And they're related, so.
- [37:41]
Zibby Owens
Ha ha.
- [37:43]
Molly Jong-Fast
But, yeah. So he founded on 23andMe. And he was like, do you have something to tell me? And I was like, so it's not the best. And we do carry a lot of Jewish genetic diseases, which we discovered, and so I think perhaps it might be better not. But just to broaden out the gene pool a little bit.
- [38:08]
Marjorie Schuster
We'll take questions in just one minute. But as a last question, what advice would you have for people here who love to write? You maintained a writing career since you were, what, 19? How old were you when your first book came out?
- [38:23]
Molly Jong-Fast
19 or 21? It sold at 19. But, you know, you and I both have had very similar trajectories in certain ways, which is we did stuff, and then we had lots of kids. I had one less than you did, by the way, as an only child. Like, any number of kids seems like a lot of kids. And then I sort of took some time. Right. And then I came back to it. So I would say that the thing that I've told my kids, and I think is really good advice, and I think you've done this, too, is that I sort of pushed on the doors, and the doors that were meant to open, opened, and the doors that were not meant to open. I did not, like, run up and bang my head on the door. I just went to another door. And I feel like, you know, you have a publishing house, you have a bookstore. Like, you've sort of figured out the right uses of. You know what I mean? And that's sort of how I feel about my career, is I've sort of, you know, maybe I'm supposed to write about this, maybe I'm supposed to write about that. Maybe I'm, you know, and I've been very open to what it looks like, and sometimes it hasn't looked like the way I thought it was gonna look like, like, but in a lot of ways it may have looked better. And so that is, I think that's like good advice, just more generally for other stuff too.
- [39:50]
Marjorie Schuster
Well, at the conclusion of your book, you say, I guess we're adults now. And your husband who's like, I'm 59 years old. I think it's about time I'm an adult. Like, I hope so. So I guess this introduction to adulthood, however late it comes, comes with lots of doors to open and always more experiences to be had. So there's that.
- [40:10]
Molly Jong-Fast
And you know, I feel like Zibby, we're both the same age and we both did the same thing of just sort of looking at what was around us and what we loved and trying to sort of incorporate that in our lives. And so I feel very grateful that I get to, to be here with her and that she has done so much to elevate women writers, which is a huge testament to your generosity. And I'm really like, moved by that and also just, I think it's really wonderful. So I'm really grateful that I get to be here and I get to be with you.
- [40:46]
Marjorie Schuster
You're so sweet.
- [40:47]
Zibby Owens
Thank you.
- [40:54]
Marjorie Schuster
So Molly will be on stage signing books after this. For those of you who signed up for lunch, it's on the fourth floor. And if you want to hear this conversation again later, it will be on my podcast, Totally Booked, which if you haven't listened to, go subscribe now. Thank you.
- [41:15]
Zibby Owens
Thank you for listening to Totally Booked with Zibby, formerly Moms don't have Time to Read Books. If you loved the show, tell a friend, leave a review, follow me on Instagram, ippyowens and spread the word.
- [41:28]
Molly Jong-Fast
Thanks so much.
- [41:29]
Zibby Owens
Oh, and buy the books.
- [41:35]
Paramount Pictures Promoter
Today's episode has been sponsored by Paramount Pictures Corporation. Okay, you guys, there is a movie coming out called Regretting youg based on Colleen Hoover's best selling book of the same name. I know many of you already know about this because I sent out an invitation to a screening when they so kindly gave us some tickets and over 250 of you asked for tickets even though at the time we only had 20. We got a lot more. Anyway, I know you're all already excited about this movie, but for those of you who don't know, let me tell you more about it. This is about Morgan Grant, played by Allison Williams and her daughter Clara, played by McKenna Grace, as they explore what's left behind after a devastating accident, reveals a shocking betrayal and forces them to confront family secrets and redefine love and rediscover each other. Regarding you as a story of growth, resilience and self discovery in the aftermath of tragedy. Also starring Dave Franco and Mason Thames. With Scott Eastwood and Willa Fitzgerald. In theaters October 24th. Are you excited? I am so excited. Director Josh Boone is the one who did the Fault in Our Stars, obviously. Colleen Hoover. It's about mother, daughter relationships, heartbreak, grief, first love, second chances. It's the perfect film to share with your best friend, mom, grandmother, high school niece. It's filled with love and tears and laughter. Everyone will love it. Honestly, I cannot wait to see this movie. Come with us to one of the screenings.
- [43:02]
Molly Jong-Fast
Watch it along.
- [43:04]
Paramount Pictures Promoter
Send me notes on Instagram. I want to hear what you say. We'll all watch it together.
- [43:08]
Zibby Owens
Check it out.
- [43:09]
Paramount Pictures Promoter
Regretting you.
- [43:14]
Capital One Advertiser
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- [43:40]
Molly Jong-Fast
Terms apply. Lounge access is subject to change. See capitalone.com for details.
- [43:44]
Zibby Owens
This Halloween, what's under your costume might just steal the show.
- [43:48]
Molly Jong-Fast
Wait, is that Glow in the Dark underwear? Boo.
- [43:51]
Zibby Owens
Yeah. Meundies has dropped their spookiest collection yet. Glow in the dark undies and PJs. So comfy it's scary.
- [43:59]
Molly Jong-Fast
Tricks, treats and buttery soft briefs.
- [44:03]
Zibby Owens
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