Totally Booked with Zibby Owens

Special Feature: The Next Big Idea Daily – Melinda Wenner Moyer

Date: September 18, 2025
Host: Zibby Owens
Guest/Segment Host: Michael Kovnat
Featured Author: Melinda Wenner Moyer
Featured Book: Hello Cruel World: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times

Episode Overview

This special episode of "Totally Booked" features an episode from "The Next Big Idea Daily" podcast, hosted by Michael Kovnat, with guest science journalist and parenting expert Melinda Wenner Moyer. The main focus is Moyer’s pragmatic, research-backed advice for raising resilient and well-adjusted children in an increasingly anxious, uncertain world. Drawing on her latest book, Hello Cruel World, Melinda shares five essential, science-based strategies to help parents empower their kids for a volatile future—emphasizing resilience, communication, emotional intelligence, and collaborative decision-making.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Preparing is Better Than Protecting ([04:48])

• Main Idea: The instinct to protect children from all hardships is counterproductive. Instead, parents should prepare kids for adversity by letting them experience and handle manageable challenges.
• Insight: Overprotection can inhibit problem-solving and emotional regulation skills. Helicopter parenting, over-scheduling, and preventing exposure to discomfort or "adult" topics may hinder the development of resilience.
• Notable Quote:

  “What makes you get better at hard things? Practice. We need to give our kids lots of opportunities to practice dealing with frustration and disappointment.”
  — Melinda Wenner Moyer [05:41]

• Practical Examples:
  • Allowing children to walk to school, play outside, and handle schoolwork on their own.
  • Discussing difficult social topics in age-appropriate ways, rather than omitting them completely.

2. Listening is Better Than Lecturing ([08:14])

• Main Idea: Engaging kids through questions and reflective listening rather than top-down lectures fosters curiosity, self-worth, and open communication.
• Insight: Parents should model a learner’s mindset and demonstrate that it’s okay not to have all the answers. This approach deepens parent-child connection and encourages children to become thoughtful, reflective, and less reactive.
• Notable Quote:

  “Listening to kids—really, truly listening—is crucial. When kids feel heard and understood, they feel valued and loved as well as calmer and safer. They become more connected to us and more willing to listen to our perspective.”
  — Melinda Wenner Moyer [08:52]

• Societal Impact:
  • Genuine listening nurtures not just individual relationships but also contributes to a “less polarized, more open-minded and more respectful society.” (Summed up by host Michael Kovnat [09:31])

3. Comforting is Better Than Chiding ([12:54])

• Main Idea: Children experience intense emotions and need validation and comfort, not dismissal or reprimand. Supportive responses help kids learn to process and understand their feelings.
• Insight: Ignoring or suppressing children’s emotions diminishes trust and robs them of the chance to develop emotional intelligence and coping skills.
• Notable Quote:

  “When we communicate to kids that their feelings aren't welcome...they may stop coming to us when they're upset and in need of help or support.”
  — Melinda Wenner Moyer [13:08]

• Benefit:
  • Children whose feelings are acknowledged are more compassionate and capable of healthy relationships.

4. Negotiating is Better Than Controlling ([14:57])

• Main Idea: While boundaries are necessary, excessive control leads to rebellion and increases risk of mental health issues. Collaborative rule-setting, especially around hot topics like screen time, is key.
• Insight: Creative negotiation respects children’s autonomy and opens opportunities for learning and trust. With older kids, especially teens, involving them in decisions leads to better outcomes.
• Notable Quote:

  “When parents are overly controlling, kids tend to act out more, and they are also more likely to develop mental health problems and use substances.”
  — Melinda Wenner Moyer [15:15]

• Practical Example:
  • Instead of an outright ban on apps like TikTok, explore your child's interest, research the platform together, and make joint decisions.

5. Blundering is Better Than Mastering ([16:30])

• Main Idea: Parents need not be perfect. Modeling humility, admitting mistakes, and displaying a willingness to learn are invaluable for children’s development.
• Insight: Perfectionism creates an unrealistic standard and suppresses vulnerability. Owning blunders teaches accountability, conflict resolution, and lifelong learning.
• Notable Quote:

  “When we make mistakes, we illustrate to our kids that nobody’s perfect, so it’s okay that they aren’t too.”
  — Melinda Wenner Moyer [16:38]

• Parenting as Activism:
  • “Through the ways we engage with our kids and the conversations we have, we can help our children learn key life skills… We as parents can build a stronger, more humane world based on how we raise our kids.” [17:42]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Practice is what helps kids get better at handling hard things.” [05:41]
• “When kids feel heard and understood, they feel valued and loved… and become more connected to us.” [08:52]
• “When we communicate to kids that their feelings aren’t welcome, they may stop coming to us.” [13:08]
• “When parents are overly controlling, kids tend to act out more.” [15:15]
• “When we make mistakes, we illustrate to our kids that nobody’s perfect.” [16:38]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:48] — Introduction to author Melinda Wenner Moyer
• [05:07] — “Preparing is better than protecting”
• [08:14] — “Listening is better than lecturing”
• [12:54] — “Comforting is better than chiding”
• [14:57] — “Negotiating is better than controlling”
• [16:30] — “Blundering is better than mastering”
• [17:42] — Parenting as activism

Summary

In this brisk, wisdom-packed episode, Melinda Wenner Moyer distills the most effective, research-backed parenting strategies for our turbulent era: actively prepare (not overprotect), open up honest two-way conversations, comfort kids’ real feelings, share rather than dictate power, and model imperfection and growth. Her advice is direct, practical, and deeply empathetic—helping parents reframe anxieties about the future into actionable lessons for building strong, compassionate, adaptable children.

For anyone wrestling with how to help kids thrive in tough times, this episode delivers clarity, hope, and plenty of concrete tools.

For more:

• Find Hello Cruel World where books are sold.
• Subscribe to The Next Big Idea Daily for more author-led masterclasses in nonfiction.