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- [00:00]
Divi
Hi listeners. We have totally booked live coming up this fall and I hope you'll be a part of it. We have three events in New York City, September 19th, 25th and 30th in New York where I'll be doing six interviews live each day. We also have a petite retreat in Greenwich on October 4th. Go to zibbemedia.com and event or and or eventbrite and search the events and please come. I can't wait to meet you in person.
- [00:31]
Michael Kovnat
Ready to order?
- [00:32]
Divi
Yes.
- [00:33]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
We're earning unlimited 3% cash back on dining and entertainment with a Capital One Saver card. So let's just get one of everything.
- [00:39]
Michael Kovnat
Everything.
- [00:40]
Divi
Fire everything. The Capital One Saver card is at table 27 and they're earning unlimited 3% cash back.
- [00:46]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Yes, Chef. This is so nice.
- [00:48]
Divi
Had a feeling you'd want 3% cash back on dessert.
- [00:51]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Oh, tiramisu.
- [00:53]
Divi
Earn unlimited 3% cash back on dining and entertainment with the Capital One Saver Card.
- [00:57]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Capital One what's in your wallet? Terms apply. See capitalone.com for details. If you're a custodial supervisor at a local high school, you know that cleanliness is key and that the best place to get cleaning supplies is from Grainger. Grainger helps you stay fully stocked on the products you trust, from paper towels and disinfectants to floor scrubbers. Plus, you can rely on Grainger for easy reordering, so you never run out of what you need. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com, or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.
- [01:34]
Divi
Today's episode is sponsored by the Foxed Page, a podcast and YouTube channel that dives deep into the very best books. It's basically your favorite college English class, but very relaxed and way more fun. No exams, no participation, and only books you really want to read. Kimberly Ford, best selling author, one time professor and PhD in literature, offers up entertaining, often funny talks that will leave you feeling inspired and a little smarter. She digs right into everything from J.D. salinger to Miranda July, from Demon Copperhead to Madame Bovary, from Pride and Prejudice to Lessons in Chemistry. The talks on individual books are the heart of the podcast, but enriched read segments tackle ideas like unreliable narrators while old favorite talks to treat you to a fresh adult look at childhood gems like Harriet the Spy and Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. Want to get the most out of what you read and be entertained along the way? The Foxed Page is for you. Today's episode is sponsored by the next big Idea Daily Podcast hey everyone, it's Divi. Obviously. I want to tell you about another podcast I think you will love. Although of course keep listening to mine. It's called the Next Big Idea. Daily Every weekday, host Michael Kovnat invites leading nonfiction writers to share the key insights from their books in 15 minutes or less. It's a mini masterclass that you can listen to in the time it takes to drink your morning cup of coffee. You're about to hear a recent episode of the Next Big Idea. You'll hear from Melinda Wenner Moyer about her book, hello Cruel World. And by the way, she was on this podcast already for her previous book, which was called how to Raise Kids who Aren't Assholes. I am a huge fan of Melinda's. While you're listening, be sure to subscribe to the series on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening right now. Thanks.
- [03:34]
Michael Kovnat
Good morning. I'm your host Michael Kovnat, and this is the Next Big Idea Daily. Quick Masterclasses from the best New NonFiction in under 15 minutes. Make sure you're following the show to get new episodes and sign up for our free companion newsletter using the link in the episode notes. Now, you don't need me to tell you that the world feels a little unhinged right now. War is brewing, AI is looming, and the planet continues to heat up, metaphorically and literally. So how do you raise kids who can handle what could be a volatile, unpredictable life? Well, you're not going to do it by coddling them. No, you want to cultivate grit in your children, the kind of resilience they'll need to handle whatever shocks may come their way. To help with that, we've got some insights from science journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer, who's written a new book called hello Cruel Science Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times. She'll share some of those strategies with us right after this quick break.
- [04:41]
Divi
Foreign.
- [04:48]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Hi, my name is Melinda Wenner Moyer. I'm an award winning journalist and a regular contributor to the New York Times. My work explores the intersection of science and everyday life. I'm going to share with you five key parenting insights from my book, hello Cruel World Science Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times. Preparing is better than Protecting when we ask ourselves what our number one job is as parents, I think we would all agree that we want to help our kids become independent and well adjusted adults. We want them to grow into human beings who can take care of themselves as well as others, and who can manage all kinds of situations, including ones they've never come across before. Ironically, though, many common parenting trends and instincts work against this goal. First, we often think we should protect our kids from hard experiences and curate their environments so that they're always comfortable. Yet these approaches make kids less able to tolerate and work through challenges and discomfort. What makes you get better at hard things? Practice. We need to give our kids lots of opportunities to practice dealing with frustration and disappointment. We also sometimes fear for our kids physical safety when we shouldn't. We don't let them walk to school or play outside with friends because we've been fed misleading statistics about stranger danger. But by constantly hovering, intervening and protecting, we rob our kids of opportunities to build social and problem solving skills. We often step in and do things for our kids to ensure that they don't fail too. We take over their science projects, pay them for good grades, hire private baseball coaches, and put them in intensive acting classes. We do this because we love them and we worry about their future. But this kind of overprotection and pressure can backfire, ironically putting kids futures at risk. The pressure parents put on kids to excel increases the chance that kids will develop low self esteem, use substances, and suffer from mental health problems. And when we emphasize that success is the only acceptable outcome, we make kids less willing to try hard things and work through frustration. We make them less resilient. Sometimes we overprotect by shielding our kids from what we consider to be adult topics. We think our kids are too young or innocent for conversations about drugs, money, racism, or pornography. But it's possible to have age appropriate conversations with kids about just about anything. Children are typically more aware of societal issues than we give them credit for. If we don't talk to them, all we are doing is ensuring that the information they get comes from someone else. Whenever I'm faced with a difficult parenting decision, I ask myself what will help my kids grow into the adults I want them to be. Often we need to pull ourselves out of the present and consider what will help prepare our kids for the future. Listening is better than lecturing One strategy I recommend over and over in my book hello, Cruel World is is to ask kids questions. It's simple, takes the pressure off, and is a great way to start a conversation about just about anything. Asking kids questions gives you a moment to breathe, gives them the chance to share their perspective before you jump in, and can help clarify the aspects of the topic you may want to zero in on. Next, Asking questions also models a curious mindset, which is important for kids to see in us. We want kids to learn that life isn't about always having all the answers, that everyone is a lifelong learner and that it is okay to make mistakes. Asking kids questions tells them that we as adults are still curious and willing to learn and that as they grow up, they should be too. When we ask kids questions, we also have the opportunity to listen to them. Listening to Kids really, truly listening is crucial. When kids feel heard and understood, they feel valued and loved as well as calmer and safer. They become more connected to us and more willing to listen to our perspective. They feel less aggrieved. They learn through our modeling to listen to their friends and other loved ones as well, which helps them build stronger relationships over the course of their lives. Listening to our kids benefits humanity more broadly too. From the research, we know that when people feel listened to, they become more self reflective and humble and less extreme in their beliefs. When we deeply listen to our kids, in other words, we are helping to build a less polarized, more open minded.
- [09:32]
Divi
And more respectful society Today's episode is sponsored by Quince. Fall is in full swing and it is the perfect time to refresh your wardrobe with pieces that feel as good as they look. Luckily, Quince makes it easy to look polished, stay warm and save big without compromising on quality. Quince has all the elevated essentials for fall. Think 100% Mongolian cashmere from $50, washable silk tops and skirts and perfectly tailored denim all at prices that feel too good to be true. I'm eyeing their wool coats. They look designer level but cost a fraction of the price and the quality just as good, if not better. By partnering directly with ethical top tier factories and cutting out the middlemen, Quince cuts out the middlemen to deliver luxury quality pieces at half the price of similar brands. It's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that feels smart, stylish and effortless. Quince's sweaters have become staples in my wardrobe. They are reliable and beautiful and I just get excited every time a Quince package arrives. Quince has really become a one square stop shop so keep it classic and cozy this fall with long lasting staples from quince. Go to quince.comzybee for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quincy.comzy to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.comzy today's episode has been sponsored by Live It Up Super Greens Moms. You do everything for everyone else and somehow your own wellness always gets bumped to the bottom of the list. That's where Live It Up Super Greens comes in. It's a daily habit that actually works. No hassle, no fuss, just scoop, mix and go. Whether you're tackling school, drop off, conference calls, Zooms or the laundry mountain, this is one easy win that supports digestion, energy and immune health in just 30 seconds. Live it Up Super Greens is an all natural blend of over 20 superfoods formulated with organic vegetables, probiotics, digestive enzymes and naturally derived ingredients. Just one scoop a day can promote gut health, support your immune system and give you the feel good energy you can count on. It's designed by nutritionists, third party, tested for purity and made to be easy on your stomach. No grassy taste or chalky texture. Mix it with water, milk or a smoothie and make it a healthy habit you'll look forward to. You'd never believe a green drink tastes so good if you haven't mixed Super Greens into your routine. Live it up is a must add it tastes so much better than the others and it's way more affordable. Live It Up Super Greens offers premium quality without the premium price. It's one of the most affordable ways to support your health daily. And by the way, it is absolutely delicious. I love it. Easy to clean up, easy to use, easy and amazing. Live it up has become a quick and easy way for me to stay on top of my health. So Live it up is offering you 15% off your first order, including subscriptions with code booked. Shipping is always free. Head to letsliveitup.com booked and use code booked for 15% off your first Super Greens order. These statements have not been evaluated by the fda. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
- [12:55]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Hi, this is Kim and Pen Holderness from the Laugh Lines Podcast. Boost Mobile offers the same nationwide coverage, network, speed and service consumers are used to, but at more affordable prices. Why pay more if you don't have to? Boost Mobile offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee Love your service or get your money back, no questions asked. While other carriers blow millions on super bowl ads, we put that money to work for you, delivering reliable 99 nationwide nationwide coverage at affordable prices. Start saving on wireless today with Boost Mobile's Unlimited plans. Starting at just 25amonth, the Boost Mobile network, together with their Roaming partners cover 99% of the US population. 5G speeds not available in all areas. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store. Find us online@boost mobile.com Customers who cancel within 30 days of activation will have boost service fees refunded activation fees if applicable, and phone payments will not be refunded. Comforting is Better than Chiding Kids have lots of big feelings. Emotions are part of the human condition, so we all have them, although some of us are more attuned to them than others. Feelings are useful too, because they provide us with essential information about our wants and needs. For a long time, parents were encouraged to ignore, diminish, or chide their kids for their emotions. Children should be seen and not heard. The problem is, when we communicate to kids that their feelings aren't welcome, a number of unfortunate things can happen. First, when kids perceive that we are uncomfortable around feelings, they may stop coming to us. When they're upset and in need of help or support because they assume we'd rather not know, we may then close off crucial opportunities for connection and understanding when we chide kids for their big feelings. Kids may also learn to suppress or repress their feelings instead of expressing them, which then makes it harder for them to listen to and interpret the useful information their feelings offer. When feelings are suppressed, kids are also not given the opportunity to practice different coping skills and learn how to emotionally regulate. We also know from the research that when parents comfort kids and regularly talk about feelings, children become more compassionate. If a child wants to do something nice for a friend, she has to be able to perceive her friend's feelings and needs. She has to be able to read her friend's face and body language and translate that into an understanding of what her friend is going through and what she might need without letting her own feelings and desires get in the way. Studies have shown that the more parents talk about feelings, the more helpful and generous kids, even little toddlers, tend to be. Negotiating is better than controlling. As parents, we often feel the need to assert ourselves and take control. If we don't, our kids will just take advantage of us, right? But this is not what the research shows. When parents are overly controlling, kids tend to act out more, and they are also more likely to develop mental health problems and use substances. Yes, we should be in charge, but we will be much more successful if we do it in a way that is respectful and allows for our children's autonomy. This notion is especially important to keep in mind when we manage our kids screen time and social media use. We know that rules and limits can be helpful, especially with younger kids. But with tweens and teens, research suggests that what works best is when parents set limits while also considering their child's perspective and involving them in the decision making process instead of saying you can't have TikTok, end of story. We will be much more successful if we ask our kids what they find compelling about it, research the app along with them, discuss its benefits and drawbacks, and help our kids understand our concerns. When we restrict or assert without open communication, our kids may not understand the rationale behind our decisions and may be less likely to respect them. Blundering is Better than mastering One reason parenting seems so hard is because it feels like the stakes are very high. We are expected to always know what we're doing, to know what to say and how to react. We're expected, in a word, to be perfect. But the research suggests that when it comes to parenting, imperfection is preferable to perfection. When we make mistakes, we illustrate to our kids that nobody's perfect, so it's okay that they aren't too. When we accidentally yell at our kids, we are then given the opportunity to model to our kids how to take responsibility for our actions and how to apologize when we fight in front of our kids. We are giving our kids the opportunity to learn how to engage in healthy conflict when we don't have the answers to their questions. We can model curiosity and information literacy, and by inviting our kids to research the topic with us, we can show them how to use Google and how to identify trustworthy sources. When we tell our kids something and later realize it wasn't accurate, we can be honest with them about it, illustrating to them the value of acknowledging our blunders and keeping an open mind. I firmly believe that parenting is a form of activism. Through the ways we engage with our kids and the conversations we have, we can help our children learn key life skills, healthy coping, resilience, empathy, financial literacy, humility, open mindedness and media literacy, among others. We as parents can build a stronger, more humane world based on how we raise our kids.
- [18:42]
Michael Kovnat
Thank you, Melinda. All right everyone, you can get a copy of hello Cruel World using the link in the episode notes. That's our show for the day. If you got something out of it, please leave us a five star rating and a glowing review so others can find it too. And stay tuned to the Next Big Idea daily because this week we'll be bringing you lots of big ideas that will make your life a little brighter. I'm Michael Kovnath. See you tomorrow.
- [19:18]
Divi
You just heard a preview of the Next Big Idea. Subscribe to the series on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you're listening now.
- [19:28]
Michael Kovnat
Ready to order?
- [19:29]
Divi
Yes.
- [19:30]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
We're earning unlimited 3% cash back on dining and entertainment with a Capital One Saver card. So let's just get one of everything. Everything.
- [19:37]
Divi
Fire everything. The Capital One Saver card is at table 27, and they're earning unlimited 3% cash back.
- [19:43]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Yes, Chef.
- [19:44]
Divi
This is so nice. Had a feeling you'd want 3% cash back on dessert.
- [19:48]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Ooh, tiramisu.
- [19:50]
Divi
Earn unlimited 3% cash back on dining and entertainment with the Capital One Savor card.
- [19:54]
Melinda Wenner Moyer
Capital One what's in your wallet? Terms apply. See capitalone.com for details. If you're a custodial supervisor at a local high school, you know that cleanliness is key and that the best place to get cleaning supplies is from Grainger. Grainger helps you stay fully stocked on the products you trust, from paper towels and disinfectants to floor scrubbers. Plus, you can rely on Grainger for easy reordering, so you never run out of what you need. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. Imagine a world of extraordinary comfort where Bolen Branch Bedding wraps you in the softest. Embrace the coziest experience made from the world's finest 100% organic cotton, all so you can sleep better. Start building your fall sanctuary with Bolen Branch's iconic Signature sheets, made with a buttery, breathable weave that gets softer with every wash. Enjoy 15% off your first set of sheets with free shipping and returns at B O L L& Branch.com with code BUTTERY. See site for details and exclusions.