Podcast Summary: Totally Booked with Zibby

Guest: Tiffany Graham Tcharkovsky (author of Living Proof: How Love Defied Genetic Legacy)

Date: October 21, 2025

Episode Overview

In this insightful episode, Zibby Owens interviews memoirist Tiffany Graham Tcharkovsky about her new book Living Proof: How Love Defied Genetic Legacy. The conversation explores Tiffany's deeply personal journey through genetic illness, the impact of her mother's early death, motherhood, identity, and the process of writing and publishing a memoir. The tone is candid, reflective, and supportive, with Zibby and Tiffany discussing grief, family, the challenge of generational trauma, and ultimately, hope.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Living Proof is About

• Tiffany’s memoir began with the discovery of a family genetic mutation (Lynch syndrome), which causes early onset cancers and explained her mother’s death at a young age.
  • “It starts with the discovery that I might have had a genetic mutation... discovering that she most likely had a genetic mutation called lynch syndrome, which leads to a whole host of early onset cancers, it really made sense. And it also was pretty scary...” — Tiffany, (03:44)
• The book details Tiffany’s journey through genetic testing and her evolving understanding of her mother, while grappling with fears for her own children.
  • “It was really a book about learning how to live inside a body that is different than what you thought and how to continue building a meaningful life around it.” — Tiffany, (04:56)

2. Processing Early Loss and Writing through Grief

• Tiffany shares how writing the memoir forced her to revisit difficult childhood memories—especially the prolonged illness and death of her mother.
  • “You have to sort of force yourself to sit inside memories that might feel sort of shadowy...” — Tiffany, (06:30)
  • She explains how writing offered compassion for her younger self, and deeper empathy for her entire family.
  • “Writing this book... helped me find a story inside of all of this and make sense.” — Tiffany, (07:16)
• Zibby notes the emotional power and honesty embedded in the memoir: “You shared so much about your motherhood, your, the losses in your life, your husband, your kids, you know, this genetic situation... You just took us so in the middle of all of the emotions.” — Zibby, (02:55)

3. Place, Identity, and Urban Planning

• The geography of Tiffany’s life (moving to Oberlin, Ohio) is pivotal in shaping her identity and values.
  • “Oberlin is such an important place to me... It’s this amazing liberal arts college surrounded by basically farmland... [And] it’s also where I had my first date with my husband.” — Tiffany, (08:43)
  • She draws metaphors between physical landscapes and the many emotional “landscapes” we occupy.
  • “We live with all of these different things all the time. All the different versions of me live in the same place at the same time.” — Tiffany, (09:22)

4. Memoir Structure: Mirroring Real Life’s Fluidity

• Zibby highlights the memoir’s non-linear structure, praising how it mimics the way our thoughts move between past and present.
  • “You have us keep going back and forth to different moments... which I found made the pacing work really well...” — Zibby, (10:06)
• Tiffany admits finding the structure took years, but it allowed “moments in the past and this other moment in the present... [to show] how are they mirroring each other and why are they next to each other?” — Tiffany, (10:56)

5. Motherhood: Vulnerability and Breaking the Myth of Perfection

• The memoir openly addresses mothering through the lens of loss—how her past shaped her desire to protect her children.
  • Notable scene: Tiffany, pregnant and ill, feels guilt and fear as her young son witnesses her vulnerability (12:12). She confronts the pressure mothers feel to be perfect and the lessons children learn by seeing their parents as fully human.
  • “They’re going to learn how to be human by us showing them what being human looks like.” — Tiffany, (13:10)
  • “I felt so much guilt during that pregnancy that I wasn’t like the mother that I wanted to be, that I was kind of dealing with so many things…” — Tiffany, (13:36)

6. The Body, Hormones, and Accepting Help

• Late in the memoir, Tiffany discusses the emotional toll of receiving an incorrect hormone replacement dose, highlighting the intersection of biology, mental health, and self-trust.
  • “My husband said, you know, tiff, this isn’t who you are... and I was of course offended by that...” — Tiffany, (19:12)
  • She unpacks how difficult it is to differentiate her feelings from her biology, and the challenge of accepting care from others.
  • “Being able to say, no, I have to let somebody care for me in this way... I think that that’s a hard thing to learn how to do. And I hope that I’m still doing it because it’s not a perfect thing... It’s an active practice.” — Tiffany, (20:49)

7. The Path to Publication

• Tiffany details the practical realities: querying nearly 60 agents, iteratively refining her approach, finding the right agent, and a whirlwind publisher submission process.
  • “I submitted my book to, you know, 60 agents over the course of maybe two years... I sent my query out in batches... If I was getting no bites... I would kind of pull it back and say, how can I tweak this a little?” — Tiffany, (21:50)
  • Her project eventually sold quickly in an atypical deal—a reminder that perseverance and flexibility matter.

8. Advice for Others Facing a Genetic Diagnosis

• Tiffany offers empathetic, practical advice for people living with genetic risks:
  • “I say, feel your feelings and live proactively... this wasn’t a thing that I had done. I didn’t do anything wrong.” — Tiffany, (26:44)
  • She stresses the importance of genetic counseling and allowing oneself space and time to process emotions.
  • “Try to give yourself space to feel what you feel, but don’t be afraid to learn more and forgive yourself if you can... Don't feel bad if it takes you longer than you think.” — Tiffany, (28:05)
  • On living with ongoing risk: “I had to say to my agent and editor, like, I don't know how to end this book because this is still a story that I'm living through right now." — Tiffany, (28:50)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On making sense out of loss:
  “Writing this book... helped me find a story inside of all of this and make sense.” — Tiffany, (07:16)
• On place and identity:
  “All the different versions of me live in the same place at the same time.” — Tiffany, (09:22)
• On motherhood and breaking the myth:
  “We want to be the best possible version of a mother. But anybody who you’re with, you know, basically every minute of every day is going to see the good, the bad, the ugly.” — Tiffany, (13:10)
• On trusting others & self in health struggles:
  “Being able to say, no, I have to let somebody care for me in this way... I think that that’s a hard thing to learn how to do.” — Tiffany, (20:49)
• On advice for those with genetic risk:
  “This wasn’t a thing that I had done. I didn’t do anything wrong... Try to give yourself space to feel what you feel, but don’t be afraid to learn more and forgive yourself if you can for however you’re sort of responding to these, responding to the emotional piece of it.” — Tiffany, (26:44; 28:05)

Timestamps of Key Segments

• [03:44] — What the memoir is about: Lynch syndrome, family loss, and the emotional journey
• [06:30] — Writing through grief and finding compassion for her younger self
• [08:43] — Oberlin, Ohio, place and identity
• [10:06] — Structure of the book mirroring real-life thought
• [12:12] — Motherhood scene: vulnerability, guilt, and generational echoes
• [19:12] — Hormone therapy mishap, mental health, and the importance of self-trust and accepting help
• [21:50] — Publishing journey advice for aspiring memoirists
• [26:44] — Advice to people living with genetic risk
• [28:50] — On living an ongoing story with no easy resolution

Episode Tone & Takeaways

Candid and compassionate, this episode provides a window into living with the inheritance of trauma and genetic risk, as well as the small miracles in resilience and science. Tiffany’s story, as explored through Zibby’s gentle questioning, is affirming for anyone who has faced uncertainty about their body, lineage, or future. Memoir writing is framed as less about catharsis and more about meaning-making—a lesson for both writers and readers.

For more interviews and recommendations, follow Zibby Owens and visit zibbymedia.com.
To learn more about Tiffany Graham Tcharkovsky and Living Proof, check her features in Gordon Square Review, Mother Magazine, and more.