Shaun T–I’m A Survivor

Summary

Podcast Summary: Toure Show – Episode Featuring Shaun T: "I’m A Survivor"

Released on November 13, 2024
Host: Torre | Guest: Shaun T
Visit: Toure Show Website

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of the Toure Show, host Torre sits down with renowned fitness influencer Shaun T to delve deep into his extraordinary life journey. Shaun T shares his triumphs over a harrowing childhood, his path to personal liberation, and his current role as a beacon of inspiration for many. This conversation not only highlights Shaun T's resilience but also his profound insights into fitness, personal growth, and family life.

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Early Life and Background

Shaun T opens up about his tumultuous childhood, marked by abuse and instability. Reflecting on his early years, he states:

Shaun T [06:14]: "I had an older brother. You'd think it was weird, but it wasn't. He was the first to stop."

He recounts the traumatic experiences with his stepfather, emphasizing the complexity of his emotions as a child dealing with abuse:

Shaun T [07:18]: "You have to imagine an eight-year-old brain... Your mind is literally a ping pong battle."

Shaun T describes the duality of his stepfather's persona—admired publicly yet violent and abusive privately:

Shaun T [08:06]: "He was like this revered person... he could never do wrong... but he had a violent side."

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Overcoming Trauma and Personal Growth

At the age of 14, Shaun T made a pivotal decision to escape his abusive environment. He narrates the moment of liberation:

Shaun T [21:29]: "I was literally born again that first night that I moved into their house."

This profound moment of release allowed him to confront and overcome the lingering trauma through therapy and self-belief. Shaun T shares his journey of healing and the importance of releasing his inner child to grow as an adult:

Shaun T [23:27]: "Being inspired by an 8-year-old kid that is yourself is very empowering."

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Current Life and Family

Today, Shaun T enjoys a fulfilling life with his husband, Scott, and their two young sons. He discusses the dynamics of his relationship and the challenges they've faced, particularly how past traumas influence his present:

Shaun T [15:16]: "Once I fell in love with Scott, I confused love with the love from my abuser."

Through open communication and continued therapy, Shaun T and Scott have built a resilient and supportive partnership, fostering a nurturing environment for their children.

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Fitness Philosophy and Advice

Shaun T emphasizes that fitness extends beyond physical appearance—it’s fundamentally about building confidence and transforming the mind. He shares his fitness philosophy:

Shaun T [35:17]: "What you need to do properly is work out just so that you feel good."

Targeting tennis players, Shaun T offers specialized gym advice to enhance performance on the court:

1. Consistency: "When you're hitting that tennis ball without consistency, you lose the point."
2. Muscular Endurance Training: Engaging in high-rep weightlifting (18-20 reps) to build endurance rather than bulk.
3. Hit Training and Tabata: Incorporating interval training to improve stamina and performance during play.
4. Agility and Mobility: Utilizing ladder drills and football-style agility exercises to enhance quick movements and flexibility.

He highlights the effectiveness of his programs like Insanity and Dig Deeper, which focus on muscular endurance and time under tension to maximize workout benefits.

Shaun T [43:01]: "Do a slow release... push your knuckles to the ground, contract your back, and then pull up."

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Parenting and Role as a Black, Gay Man

Shaun T and Scott pride themselves on creating an open and accepting family environment. Shaun T discusses the intersectionality of his identity as a black, gay man and how it influences his work and parenting:

Shaun T [57:32]: "I am a bridge to blackness... I love being that black man."

Their children are growing up understanding and embracing diversity, which Shaun T believes is crucial for fostering acceptance and confidence:

Shaun T [63:56]: "Our kids have gay dads. They know [interracial couples]... they know."

This openness not only strengthens their family bond but also serves as an empowering example for their audience.

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Daily Routines and Productivity

Shaun T shares his strategies for maintaining a productive and balanced life, especially as a parent:

1. Preparation the Night Before: Ensuring a smooth morning by organizing the day ahead.
2. Personal Time: Allocating 45 minutes each morning for self-care, whether it's exercising or enjoying a quiet moment with coffee.
3. Positive Selfishness: Prioritizing personal well-being to better support family and professional responsibilities.

Shaun T [50:08]: "Parents... get up and have 45 minutes by yourself. It is the best."

He advocates for consistent sleep patterns and short, restorative naps to maintain mental clarity and physical health.

Shaun T [55:00]: "A nine-minute nap, I'm telling you, is epic."

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Closing Thoughts and Inspiration

Throughout the episode, Shaun T reinforces the importance of self-belief, discipline, and embracing one's identity. He encourages listeners to focus on their personal growth and use fitness as a tool for mental and emotional empowerment:

Shaun T [35:46]: "The best way to actually feel great is to work out."

His journey from a survivor of abuse to a successful and inspiring figure exemplifies resilience and the transformative power of self-care and determination.

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Conclusion

Shaun T's heartfelt and honest narrative offers invaluable lessons on overcoming adversity, the significance of mental and physical health, and the profound impact of embracing one's true self. This episode of the Toure Show not only sheds light on Shaun T's personal struggles and victories but also provides actionable insights for listeners striving to improve their own lives.

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Notable Quotes:

• Shaun T [03:13]: "I'm great. Because, you know, it's very easy to focus on what's not working."
• Shaun T [35:17]: "If you're young and you're listening to this, like, I'm not one of those trainers that's like, stop being lazy. I don't think you need to have a six-pack."
• Shaun T [53:04]: "You have to focus on what you want, not what you don't want."
• Shaun T [57:32]: "I am a bridge to blackness."

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This episode is a testament to Shaun T's unwavering spirit and his commitment to empowering others through his story and fitness expertise. Whether you're seeking motivation to overcome personal challenges or looking to enhance your fitness regimen, Shaun T's insights offer valuable guidance.

Transcript

[Shaun T]

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[Torre]

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[Shaun T]

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[Torre]

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[Shaun T]

Vitur ratio okdo vitur ratio.

[Torre]

Okay, Doe, that might be the best.

[Shaun T]

Question I've ever been asked. You's a phenomenal person.

[Torre]

I mean you legendary.

[Shaun T]

I am. I'm a fan of you, my brother. You wanna know what got me here more than like the aesthetics? How confident and like sexy I feel. I feel, I feel good as hell, man. Like I like. That's why I talk about. In my book, nothing looks as good as confidence. Feels like train for the confidence. Cause everybody, if they're going on a vacation or if they're, if they are the bride or groom in a wedding, or if they're in a dress at a wedding, they're gonna spot train. Why do they spot train? Because they wanna look good and they wanna feel good on wedding day. So why don't you wanna do that for your life in general?

[Torre]

Shaun T is an extraordinary fitness influencer who's built an amazing business. But what he survived in his life, his difficult childhood, that is what makes him so inspiring. And the way he builds his life now, the family he has now, that's so beautiful. It's an amazing story. He's such an inspiring guy. Let's get into it. It's Shaun T on Torre shown. Welcome. How you doing?

[Shaun T]

Oh, I'm good. I'm actually great. I'm doing really, really good. Thank you.

[Torre]

Wa. Why great?

[Shaun T]

Well, I mean, because you specifically changed it.

[Torre]

Like good. No, no, good is wrong. I am great.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, I think that, you know, it's so funny when I go on tangents sometimes. However, this is a good one.

[Torre]

Okay.

[Shaun T]

You know, I tell people, don't ask me how I'm doing unless you really want to know.

[Torre]

You want to know.

[Shaun T]

I know. Not you, but, you know, I was going to say, like, in stores and stuff, when people are like, oh, how are you? When they go to the cash register or whatever, I'm like, do you really.

[Torre]

Want to know the cash register?

[Shaun T]

No. I got to say. So even if I go, if I'm at the cash register and the cashier is like, how are you? I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm wonderful. Or I'm like, this day sucks. Like, I tell them exactly what it is. So that's what I was doing. I was like, I'm good. No, no, no, no, no. Like, I'm great.

[Torre]

I'm great.

[Shaun T]

I'm really great, and I'm great. Because, you know, it's very easy to focus on what's not working.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

Instead of focusing on, like, what's working for you and I. So I played a lot of tennis, and I remember one day I was on the court, and, you know, you play tennis, so, you know, I'm on the court, and I was just so frustrated. I was probably making, like, 20 balls and I would miss one.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

And I was just so frustrated at tennis.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

And I got off the. I got. We took a break, my coach and I, and she was like, you know, what's going on? And I was, like, so frustrated. I was emotional.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

And she was like. I was like, I just keep missing. And she was like, focus on what you want. Stop focusing on what you don't want. So she's like, you're hitting 20 balls in, and you don't even realize that you're going 20 deep because you're so focused on the fact that you don't want to miss. She was like. She was like, keep focus on what you want to do. And then we went back out. So anyway, I say all that to say, you know, life has these incredible ups and downs, and, like, you know, it is truly a rollercoaster. And, you know, I can tell you all the things that are just jacked up, but, like, I'm great.

[Torre]

I want to hear about how we should be working out. I want to hear about your new workout. I want to hear about what us tennis players should be doing. So all of that I want to get into. And people who care about working out in the right way and they're wondering, what should I be doing in the gym. I want to get into all that. But before we get there, I want to talk about your life story, because you have an incredible life story. You were. You talk about that. You were liberated by you as a child, right. And you say you hated your childhood and you didn't really have a childhood. What was going on in your home that was terrorizing and traumatizing you.

[Shaun T]

Before I start to tell people this story, go to a time where you just felt like you were in a very toxic place where you just couldn't escape. And the only way for you to get through is to continue to believe in yourself. And I just want to take people in that zone now. Take that. And you're an 8 year old kid and you are loving life. Like you are. Like, I know we don't have a lot of money, I know our car breaks down on the side of the road, I know my mom has a door, the color that's not the same color of the car. But I'm good cause I'm a kid, I have my brother, like I'm living my best life. I know, I know we don't live this like glamorous life, but I'm good. And you're literally living your best life. You have your mom, your brother, you have a stepfather and it's just like a life like you don't really know anything better because you haven't experienced it. And now you have this stepfather who is now takes you around his family and you kind of look like him, you know, he's a light skinned black guy and I'm a light skinned, you know, black kid.

[Torre]

Liked him at first.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, like, you know, it was, it was just kind of like I was living this life. I like again, I knew we didn't live this great life. Like I knew he and my mom had arguments and all this stuff, but he would parade me around as like I'm not his biological kid.

[Torre]

But like he was proud of you.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, he was proud to carry me around until I realized why he was proud to carry me around. So now I go from seven years old, we moved from an apartment in Philly, we moved to a house in New Jersey and you know, it's kind of like a step up and we're feeling good and then all of a sudden one night at 2:00 in the morning, you feel someone's hand start rubbing your butt and then they, their hand rubs your butt and then they turn you over and then they perform oral sex on you as a kid and you're like, you literally fall through a trap door because you're like now you have to imagine that this is an eight year old brain, right? So you're like what, what is going on? You know What I'm saying, like, your mind is literally a, you know, a ping pong battle.

[Torre]

You haven't even had sex ed yet.

[Shaun T]

I don't know. I didn't know what sex was.

[Torre]

I don't know what. What you. How do you even process what is happening? You.

[Shaun T]

You are just. The thing that's like, really weird is when you know something's wrong but you accept that it's right so you can protect yourself and immediately. A lot of people don't understand. Like kids have this sixth sense that they're like, I know this is wrong. Think about in your mind, like, you know, this guy has arguments with your mom, you know he's an alcoholic, but then he's put you on a pedestal so much to make you feel so wonderful. So now you're like, all right, this is wrong. But I can't tell because I know he's gonna harm my mom. I'm thinking he's gonna like, kill my family. Kill. Like, at the time, I didn't know.

[Torre]

You didn't even. He didn't tell you. You felt like, I can't say anything.

[Shaun T]

100% because he was. He was like this revered person, like in his family. Like he was the oldest child. So he would walk into a room and everyone would be like, you know, oh, you know, I'm not gonna say his name. Cause I don't want to, but, oh, such and such is here. And so it's almost like this person could never do wrong. But you know, they have a violent side as well and they're an alcoholic. And you know, like when your parents fight as a kid, it's like a lot. Even if they're just having a disagreement that's less than positive. You're like, oh my gosh, this is like uncomfortable. I mean, we as adults, we hear people arguing on the street. We're like, oh, God, you know, so imagine two people that you love, your protectors or whatever. So, yeah, so that is it. You have to imagine an eight year old brain being like, all right, like, this is gonna sound so crazy what I'm about to say, but you're like, settle in.

[Torre]

You said that to yourself?

[Shaun T]

Yup. I'm like, this settle in.

[Torre]

What does that mean?

[Shaun T]

It means like, you already know that this is gonna be a journey and it's gonna be like, you already know. You people underestimate the mindset of a child. You already know you're about to be. It's about to be on. Right, so then this happens a lot? No, no, like a lot so now it becomes a part of your existence. And so, you know, when you. When I hate. I hate to use this example, but, you know when someone either harms themselves or you find out that someone, unfortunately, unalives himself, but they look like they're this happy person.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

Like, you have to understand, like, no one knew this was going on. And you're literally on the surface. You're rainbows in sunshine, going to school, making an honor roll.

[Torre]

Sean's great, but no one knows what's.

[Shaun T]

Going on inside of your brain. And you are battling every single day. So that's what you know. Like, even when it comes to, like, just judging people, like, you have to be. You have to tread carefully.

[Torre]

Yeah. You don't know what's going on.

[Shaun T]

Cause you don't know. Like, you don't. You don't know. Right. And so. And that went on from the time I was 8 to the time I was 12. And this is where I talk about where it gets really uncomfortable. It didn't stop until I had my first ejaculation. Like, my. Yeah. And then it was, like, cut off. So done. So that's how, like, when I got older, I'm like, that is true pedophilia. Right? Like, that's like, when people are like, oh, my gosh, this person's a pedophile. I'm like, this is true. Like, this guy only wanted to do it with a child.

[Torre]

What happened when you came the first time?

[Shaun T]

Like, in what sense?

[Torre]

Like, I'm like, did he react in a way that was like, oh, this is not for me anymore?

[Shaun T]

No, there wasn't. There wasn't a reaction. The reaction was like, it just never happened again. But the odd thing was. This was really odd thing. Now that I'm older, I have a degree in sports, science and health, so I know how the human body works. This is very uncomfortable. Not for me, but for people to listen to. But, like, I've always. From day one, I always had the feeling of the. Of an ejaculation. Like, always had the feeling of an orgasm. But nothing ever before that day.

[Torre]

You felt. Yeah, you felt.

[Shaun T]

But nothing ever. Expelled, if you will.

[Torre]

Right.

[Shaun T]

But it was that when I. When I eventually, you know, came.

[Torre]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shaun T]

I don't know what I could say on this show.

[Torre]

Anything you want.

[Shaun T]

Okay. When I eventually came, that's when it was chopped off.

[Torre]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shaun T]

So it was.

[Torre]

Was he also touching your brother?

[Shaun T]

No.

[Torre]

Weird.

[Shaun T]

You would think it was weird, but.

[Torre]

You'Re the older brother.

[Shaun T]

I had an older brother.

[Torre]

You were the older brother?

[Shaun T]

No, you. I was the younger. I was the youngest. Yeah.

[Torre]

How much older is your brother?

[Shaun T]

Literally, a year almost to the day.

[Torre]

Do you think about why he.

[Shaun T]

I already know why.

[Torre]

Why?

[Shaun T]

Because pedophiles, abusers, they have this innate sense of which one is weaker. It's really, really strange. Like, which is the nicer kid, which one is, like, very obedient. Which is this kid. Really quiet is this kid.

[Torre]

But he must have done or said things to test the waters. And Sean said, x. Okay, I can keep trying more and more and more. Right. Like, I know he's not gonna, but I bet he'll. Right?

[Shaun T]

Yeah. And interesting you said that, because I actually never thought about that, because I never. I would never understand the process. However, when I tell you about, like, he's parading me around like I'm the best. Like, I'm, you know, I'm his child kind of thing. I think that was, like, the grooming. It's like, making me feel like I'm so special. And now you said. I mean, I just had a little aha moment myself, you know?

[Torre]

So he's kind of.

[Shaun T]

He's grooming you.

[Torre]

Love bombing you, making you feel good about yourself and him.

[Shaun T]

Wow. Yeah. Wow. And so this is another part where people get really uncomfortable. So, like, when he stopped, I'm like, what do you. Like, what? I'm like, what do you mean?

[Torre]

I've heard people say before, when there was a stop, then I felt rejected 100%. Which is. So.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, it's crazy because. But people listening to this story would be like, oh, my gosh, you must have been so relieved. No, bitch. Like, I was like, what the fuck? Like, I have endured. Exactly. So everyone's like, you know, when was your first heartbreak? I'm like, my first heartbreak was my abuser bitch. Like, because, like, I took on all this. I'm like, I took on this for my mom, my brother, my family. Like, I didn't tell my church. Like, I took all this on. I'm like, I'm gonna take this on. That's why earlier I was like, you know, settle in. And then all of a sudden, like, you just don't want me anymore. It's so wild. And I say that a lot because that's the only way for me to describe it to the point where I tried to seduce him after that.

[Torre]

How?

[Shaun T]

Like, he would come upstairs and I would like, oh, I'm gonna take off my pants, and I'm gonna be in my underwear, and I'm gonna face. I'm gonna have my door open and I'll face the back so he can, like. I wanted him to see my butt, like to think that he was. It's crazy. It's so crazy. Don't worry. I've been to therapy, like for a very long time. I mean, I see your face and that's mostly. It brings his joy, you know. And it is, you know.

[Torre]

So, yeah, I wanna talk about the escape. But did that experience have a lasting impact on you sexually when you started to get into mature sexual, you know, consensual sexual situations? And that's still affecting you, right?

[Shaun T]

Yeah, and slightly so. And the way that it affected me most was, you know, when I. When I got into like a loving relationship with my husband. Right. Like, there's. There are two things. One is very mental and the other one is physical.

[Torre]

Right.

[Shaun T]

So once I, like, Scott is the first person that I truly fell in love with. Like, I completely let down any guard that you would have. And I'm just like, oh my gosh. So mentally it would be like 2:00 in the morning and I would like start fights with him. I would wake up in the middle of the night and I would just be really aggressive with him. And he was just like very calm. And we were like, get out of the bed. We were going to the living room and we would like, talk. And it's like, it didn't happen every day, but it happened often. And so one day I couldn't make it to therapy to my therapist. I couldn't go to see her in person. And she was always like, if you are really going through something, like, try to call me. If I'm not doing anything, we can talk through something really fast. So I called her on the phone and I was like, last night it happened again. Like, I Woke up at 2:00 in the morning. I started this fight and all she said was, well, what happened at 2 o'clock in the morning? And that's when I had this, like, the craziest. That's the craziest aha moment. So that was the mental. Because I was confusing love with a man that actually truly loved me for me. And I'm confusing it with the love for my abuser. Because you have to understand the foundation of love and relationship for me was that.

[Torre]

But also your body or your mind is expecting something at 2am and you're. Then you're re responding at 2am Years.

[Shaun T]

Later, Scott would tell me that, like, I would wake up like screaming mad. He would have to wake Me up. He would have to wake me up as I'm in this rage. Like, one time I woke up on a. We were in a hotel room and I woke up on a couch. I like, you know, he was just like, he's so wonderful.

[Torre]

Were you ever able to get some modicum of revenge or.

[Shaun T]

We'll talk about that. Hold on one second. Let me go to the physical part of this. So I never had any physical sexual situation. Well, I kind of did. I'm gonna go here. So one. Like, you know, if you have a spouse, like, sometimes you go up to them, you go behind them, like you grab their butt, like, just like a loving way. And Scott would do that. And I would get so pissed. I'm like, do not. I'm like, do not do that.

[Torre]

Cause that's what he did.

[Shaun T]

But I didn't realize it until I realized it. Right? And then I'm gonna go here too. Like in homosexual relationships, you know, I was like, that part is completely off limits for anything. Because the very first time, actually. The first time.

[Torre]

Are you saying you wanted to top because he. Cause that's. Cause you had been.

[Shaun T]

No, I didn't want to bott.

[Torre]

You didn't want to butt. Right, Right. You wanted to top, right? Because that's what you had.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, because I was. Because the per. Like having my butt touched was like, very triggering. But I skipped a whole section of this that I want to just, like, clip this note really fast. So that was the first time that the oral sex happened when I explained to you. But the first time that anything was like, the water was tested. I'm going back to what you asked me before. Oh, I gotta. I'm gonna try to do this quick. Cause I'm very long winded. But we were. We had a movie night in our basement. It was my stepmons, what I call him, my cousin and myself. And during the commercial breaks. Cause, you know, back in the day, we didn't have Netflix. Like, you had commercial breaks. Commercial breaks. He would like. Oh, he would tell. He would tell my cousin, like, go get this and this from the kitchen. And the first time he kissed me. French kissed me. Right. So we going back to that grooming thing that we were talking about. And then the second time, he. This is like. This is a lot. This is a lot. The second time my cousin left and he turned off the lights and he like, literally put his penis up against my butt. Yeah, I know. It's so crazy.

[Torre]

You're saying this is at 8 years old?

[Shaun T]

Yes, it's 8 years old. So you have to understand, this is like, it's very hard. It's not hard for me to say.

[Torre]

Right.

[Shaun T]

But I just know that people are cringing at me.

[Torre]

No, it's just what he did is disgusting and horrific. But an important part of the story is you liberating yourself because you're 14.

[Shaun T]

I was 14. I was 14 years old. And I just had this moment of wanting to escape. Because now I'm 14 years old. It's two years after the abuse has stopped. So now, obviously I'm getting older. I'm more mature. I'm like now hating him.

[Torre]

You know, I went from getting close to his height.

[Shaun T]

Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like, hey, he was tall. I wasn't there yet, but I'm like. I'm like, I don't even want to be in a house the same room with him. So I'm like, how do I get out of this situation? And my grandmother would never come in our house. My grandfather's a pastor. My grandmother was the first lady. And she would never come into our house. She would only drive by and we would talk to her outside because of him. Cause she's like, I don't wanna have anything. I don't wanna be in that.

[Torre]

She caught the vibe.

[Shaun T]

The vibe. So I remember she pulled up one day and I just walked up to the window. I was like, mom, can I come live with you? And pop up. I'm like, you know, you guys are getting old now. You know, you need some money.

[Torre]

This idea just came to me.

[Shaun T]

This just came to me. I'm like, how do I escape this? And I think she knew that something was wrong. Cause she was like. She was like, yes, I'm gonna go home and talk to Pop Up.

[Torre]

I mean, for a 14 year old to say, I wanna leave my mother.

[Shaun T]

Exactly.

[Torre]

And live with you, there's gotta be something.

[Shaun T]

Exactly.

[Torre]

Right. Cause he loves his mom, but he don't. Right. But he don't wanna be like, she could vibe it. Wow.

[Shaun T]

So then the first night there, this is like. So my. You know, I talk religion a lot because of them. And you know, in the Bible it says, you know, accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior and that's how you're born again for me. Like, I was literally born again that first night that I moved into their house. Like, I.

[Torre]

Freedom. Yeah.

[Shaun T]

Like, I went to bed and you have no idea what. It's like, maybe someone that's like been divorced or was like in a really bad relationship or something, and they're finally out of that environment. And they're like, oh my gosh, I have my new apartment or whatever. So I go to bed that night and my lights were still on and my grandparents were in the bed. And I just started bawling, like loud, Like I was just like releasing every energy and demon. It was, it was the worst sounding cry probably, but it was like, you know, when you sneeze like four times and you're like, it kind of feels good to get that out. Like, I know that's a really weird analogy, but that's what it felt like. It was just like so liberating. My grandparents, like, they ran in the room and they kneeled down by the bed and they like prayed for me. And you know, it was just like.

[Torre]

What did your mom say when you said, when you or your grandmother said he's gonna come?

[Shaun T]

Well, she probably wanted to get the hell out of there too, you know, because he was like, he always. He was.

[Torre]

But mom won't keep her babies near her. Like, it must have been a conversation. It couldn't. Yeah, go ahead.

[Shaun T]

No, it was pretty much, you know, she didn't know. She didn't know. She didn't know that was going on. But she, but it was a terrible household. So she's like, if one of my kids can get out of here, great.

[Torre]

When did you tell her what happened?

[Shaun T]

I was 21.

[Torre]

What did she say? Did she believe you?

[Shaun T]

Yeah, I mean, I told her about that and I came out to her as gay on the same night. It was a night for her.

[Torre]

It's a long night for her.

[Shaun T]

It was a night.

[Torre]

But you talk about the strength of that kid to say, here's how I can get out of this traumatic situation propels you even now, right? And you think about, he is an inspiration for you now. How is that continuing to inspire you decades later?

[Shaun T]

Very interesting. So, you know, being inspired by an 8 year old kid that is yourself is very empowering. And it was like, there would be often times where I'm like, if he got through this, like, I can get through this. And then I like continued through therapy and my newest therapist, the, my therapist now who is wonderful. He's like, the way I was talking, he was like, do you think it's time to release that 8 year old kid now? He's like, let's, let's release him, you know, and he was like, now you, he's like, you're a man now. Like you, like, now it's time to like take what you know and move on. So Now I look at my 8 year old self as definitely a stepping stone to who I am now. But like it was important for me to release him so that I can like, the situation will always be there. It will always be a part of my history. It will always be a part. But I don't have to rely on that. I don't have to rely on a traumatic time to get me through a tough time now. It's like, it's like what my, what my tennis coach said. It's like focus on what you want, not what you don't want, you know? This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You might say all kinds of stuff when things go wrong, but these are the words you really need to remember. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. They've got options to fit your unique insurance needs. Meaning you can talk to your agent to choose the coverage you need. Have coverage options to protect the things you value most. File a claim right on the State Farm mobile app and even reach a real person when you need to talk to someone. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there. Whole Foods Market has Thanksgiving gatherings covered. First things first, reserve your no antibiotics ever. Fresh whole turkey today starting at $2.99 a pound. Or go with their organic spiral cut.

[Torre]

Bone and ham full of seared in flavor for sides.

[Shaun T]

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[Torre]

Let's switch to fitness superstar influencer. I want to help folks make the most of their time in the gym and do it properly. And you know, you brought up tennis. I play tennis every day. Let's start for tennis players. Cause a lot of tennis players out there wanna go to the gym and so they can be better on the court. What should we be doing in the gym? How should we do it to be better when we go play?

[Shaun T]

I love that. I do wanna, I do wanna add a quick bridge.

[Torre]

Please, please.

[Shaun T]

So for those people who have done my workouts, whether it was hip hop as was my first one, all the way to dig deeper. Those who did insanity and everything when I'm on the screen, like the way I communicate with you is everything that we just talked about. I take the power of believing. That's why like I have tattoos. Trust and believe conquer your mind. Transform your life. The things that I say in the video all come from what I had to do to sustain happiness as happy as I can be. So when they hear me Talking, number one, I'm not scripted is very important. I'm always in the moment. And so I just wanted to tell people, like, I like to transform people. I transform people's minds more and confidence more than I transform their body. Like, I want to instill the confidence. So now when I go to the tennis player, the first thing you need to do is be consistent. Because, you know, like when we're hitting that tennis ball without consistency, you lose the point and that's just what it is. And you lose too many points. You use the match. So the game, the set, the match. Right, but. So this is not a plug. Insanity. Like, my insanity workout is the perfect workout for a tennis player.

[Torre]

Okay.

[Shaun T]

You use. What is. What do we use mostly in tennis? Our legs and our core. Right? And insanity. You use your legs and your core. You have good upper body strength, but you don't need to use your chest. You don't need to use your shoulders. You don't need to use, like, your arm should literally be a string, right? And you use your wrist and hitting certain places on the ball to direct the ball where you want to go. Anyway, I say all that to say.

[Torre]

How good are you? What level are you?

[Shaun T]

I mean, when I play a pro, if I'm in a pro AM tennis tournament, I'm a pro.

[Torre]

Okay, what's your level?

[Shaun T]

Probably a 5 0.

[Torre]

Oh, man. We got to play.

[Shaun T]

Like, I play D1 athletes, we gotta play. But you know, I'm 220 pounds right now.

[Torre]

You're not ready to play.

[Shaun T]

I'm playing four or five real quick.

[Torre]

Cause I'm a 5 0. So I'm like, let's do.

[Shaun T]

That's why I'm like, when you were like, the ball would go by me. I'm like, nah, not if you play every day. And if you do it, if you play every day and the ball's going by you, I'm gonna have to, you know, I'm definitely gonna have to put you through some challenges. But so tennis. So I would say hit training. Hit training. 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off. 20 seconds on, 20 seconds off. Any kind of hit training or tabata that is without weights, you know, it's usually body weight anyway. That's pretty much the best. Now if you want to lift weights high reps, because you don't need big muscles, you don't. You don't want to look like me on the tennis 15, 20, I would say 18 to 20 reps, like stay up there and you're working on muscular endurance, not strength.

[Torre]

Okay. Yeah.

[Shaun T]

Because for sure, muscular endurance is like really, really, really important. So if you do that, I would say if you, if you do muscular endurance training like three days a week, you're, you're pretty much in a good place. Like you can do a full body workout, you can do upper body, lower body, full body, but just that would be three. And you only need 30 to 40 minutes. You don't need an hour because when you do a muscular endurance, you can do like you super set bicep curl, shoulder press, triceps, shoulders, bias tries, hit some. You know why? Bicep curls, hammer bicep curls. You know, just, you don't need to do, you don't need to look up with like a bodybuilder training is you just, you want to put muscular endurance training. And, and I say you don't need a lot of rest, you know, because if you're super setting, you go from bi's to tries to shoulders. By the time you get back to biceps. Yeah. You want to take a little break for breathing purposes, but your biceps would have recovered by then. But do that three days a week and you do hit training like twice a week. But if you're playing tennis like you play or like I know I used to play, you're on the court.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

Too. So you don't, you don't want to train over, train off the court because you're not trying to be a pro. But I mean if you are five.

[Torre]

On the low, hoping it's not going to happen. But you know, I feel like I transformed my tennis a little bit when I started going to the gym and doing sprints and I'll do like seven sprints. So you got to get up to the highest level that I can run at and then do that for 10 seconds and then stop.

[Shaun T]

Right.

[Torre]

And like just pushing the lungs like that was transformative.

[Shaun T]

Yes. That's wonderful.

[Torre]

Right. It's a 30 second because we're like go, go, go, go. Stop.

[Shaun T]

Yeah.

[Torre]

Right. Stop.

[Shaun T]

So a tennis point oftentimes can last 10 to 20 seconds.

[Torre]

20 seconds would be an eternity. Right, right. Like that would be insanely long.

[Shaun T]

Right. So if like a 400 meter runner.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

Is doing eight, four hundreds. So but you need. So in tennis like you, if you're doing like when, when I trained, I went to a spring training basically for tennis players. So I'm not, I'm sure you're familiar with Patrick marauderglou.

[Torre]

Sure.

[Shaun T]

He's a really good friend of mine. So I've.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

So I've trained at his facility. We've gone to spring training, like training, preseason, I would say, with Serena and all, like the pros, like, we did it all and they're like, those pros are playing in the morning. They're doing fitness and they're running four hundreds like a track athlete. Two hundreds and four hundreds. So push your. If you get back into those sprints, push the 30 to 40 seconds.

[Torre]

Run for 30 seconds. 40 seconds.

[Shaun T]

I would do 30 seconds.

[Torre]

10.

[Shaun T]

40 seconds is tough, but go for 30 and you can take like a 45 second break. But go harder. Go longer than what a point would be. Because if you're only training at what you think the point would be, then you're only, your lung capacity is only going to go there. But if you are training for longer, if a point gets longer, your opponent gets tired and you're still in it.

[Torre]

You'Re like, what about for mobility stuff?

[Shaun T]

The easiest way? Because I can be like, oh, you know, do these stretches the easiest way. If you can do just like a general yoga practice, okay, you're, you're, you're opening up the hips, you're doing all this stuff. You're, you're doing everything.

[Torre]

I mean, I want to do toe taps and movement like that simulates what we do on the court. And like.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, well, so for agility, you can do like ladder work. I have an asylum workout that has Asylum Volume 2. It's called X Trainer. It's really great for tennis players. You can stream it. It's really, really, really good. Cause the ladder's there.

[Torre]

Okay.

[Shaun T]

So that's really fun. But you know, you can always. If you're doing agility training, you can Google football agility exercises, track and field agility exercises. I like football ones better because they have like bigger movements.

[Torre]

Okay.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, there's a lot.

[Torre]

But all this stuff that you are getting into, weights and movement. And it's really critical as you age, right? To age, let's say gracefully. It's really critical to be in the gym and lifting and running around and move, right?

[Shaun T]

I mean, like, yeah, muscle is the fountain of you hands down, point blank. Like when a person gets older, right? And let's take somebody who maybe just like stumbles a little bit, you know, now we got, we have the agility. We can. You have your fast twitch muscle fibers and you have your slow twitch muscle fibers, right? Like now we got it. But the less you start, the less like load work you do, meaning like weightlifting, whether it's muscular endurance or heavy, like that stuff goes away. So that's why you hear like a lot of older people fall and break their hip. It's because they haven't kept the load. Right. And so there's this one woman I follow on Instagram. I forget her name. She's an older woman and she's a weightlifter. And it's incredible just to see her muscular development is still really, really good for an older person. And I've. And people who have done my new Dig Deeper workout, like there's a. I do a podcast. My new series is coming out in January. It's called T is for Transformation, where I took people that have transformed their life and body with my training and my motivation and I interview them. And there's a gentleman that you'll see, 65 years old, took his body fat from like 18% down to like, I think like 12 or something. Wow. And so, you know, so people think like, oh, you know, I'm too old to do that. I'm like, you're too old to not do that.

[Torre]

Yeah. You know, you gotta, you gotta work.

[Shaun T]

Out, you gotta keep going. So it's just a little thing for people. So if you're young and you're listening to this, like, I'm not one of those trainers that's like, stop being lazy. I don't think you need to have a six pack. I don't think you need to try to look like the best person on the beach or a fitness model. But go work out just so that you feel good. People have no idea. The best way to actually feel great is to work out.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

Just like, forget about, like, I need to lose £20, I need to lose £30. Like just moving your body, the blood flow, the water, like all of that stuff is a natural. It's natural euphoria, you know?

[Torre]

Yes, yes. No. People talk about walking out of the gym with more energy.

[Shaun T]

Right.

[Torre]

And you might be tired cause you pushed your muscles or whatever. But like, it is uplifting. Right. I don't walk out like, oh my.

[Shaun T]

God, I need a nap, man. Like you, like even myself, I mean, I've been, you know, training sports and fitness for what, 27 years. And I walk out of the gym today and I'm like on cloud 862.

[Torre]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shaun T]

I mean, yeah, I'm sore.

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

I'm 46 years old and I gotta, you know, I gotta grab the banister a couple times after a leg day. But you know how good it feels to be like. You just feel good. You transform every single day. You're in the gym, whether it's like a soul cycle class, a Barry's boot camp. Cause I've done both of those. An insanity workout, a yoga class. Anytime where you have to contract your muscles for a length of time, you are going to feel better.

[Torre]

I think about it like, I don't go to the gym because I feel motivation. I go to the gym because it's on my schedule, right? I wrote down, I'm going to the gym at 2:00 or 3:00 on Tuesday. And I go. It's not like, do I feel like going to the gym? Do I feel motivated? Do I feel energy? Do I feel tired? Like, that does not enter the equation. I said I'm gonna go. So I go, no matter how I feel. And I know once I get into it, I'm gonna feel like, okay, I'm having this fight, I'm developing here, lifting a little bit more, learning more about, oh, you should squat like this more, whatever, and having that experience. But people who are like, I don't feel like going to the gym. I'm like, I don't understand that.

[Shaun T]

You know, again, I'm not like one of these tough trainers that just thinks everybody, not everyone's gonna work out. Like, I know that. I'm not trying to make people do that, but don't complain to me that you feel that way if you're not going to do anything about it, right? So when people are like, oh my gosh, like, I want to lose weight, oh, I'm feeling sluggish. And the first thing I say is just go walk around the block afterward. Yeah, but the minute you say, but I'm out, I'm like, because you don't really want it. You don't, you don't want, you want the, you want the aesthetics of it, but you don't want to do the work to get there. But you're going to go get your tracks put in. You're gonna, you know, you're gonna, you're gonna, you know what I'm saying?

[Torre]

But this is part of what you're saying is that what, what we see as human beings. When I look at you and the development you have, partly I write discipline. This person cared enough about themselves to make time to go to the gym a lot, to where he looks great.

[Shaun T]

You wanna know what got me here more than like, the aesthetics? How confident and like, sexy I feel? I feel, I feel good as hell, man. Like, I like, that's why I talk about, in my book, nothing looks as good as confidence feels like train for the confidence. Because everybody, if they're going on a vacation or if they're. If they are the bride or groom in a wedding, or if they're in a dress at a wedding, they're going to spot train. Why do they spot train? Because they want to look good and they want to feel good on wedding day. So why don't you want to do that for your life in general? You're going to go to the doctor less, you're going to take less Advil. You're going to, you know, you're going to go to the pharma. You ain't going to, you know, all this stuff like, oh, you know, let's go take some Tylenol, you know, whatever. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you're going to do. You're going to. You're going to be better at work. Like, people are going to be like, what happened to you? Because you're going to be bright, you're going to be light, your skin will change. People using all these, like, skin products, like, oh, my God, you know, I gotta do this. I'm like, go sweat four to five days a week, eat whole foods. You know what I mean? I'm not saying you can't have a burger, you know, some McDonald's french fries on the weekend. There's a little shade throw to you. I'm messing with you. I'm totally messing with you. I'm talking, you know what I'm saying? But, like, doing these things, like, we go to the pharmacy to do these things to make ourselves look good. I don't have a face care routine. I sweat. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't, like, I don't have to do all that. And I know a lot of people are like, why have to. I have to. I have a friend that just started. She was just like, you know what? I need to change. She's like, on this, it's not even a strict plan. It's just she's now cooking her own food, measuring her own food, and she's like, I just feel really good. And she looks like she's wearing makeup when she doesn't have makeup on.

[Torre]

But this is what it is that they say muscles are makeup for men. Yeah, right. And gives you confidence that you feel better.

[Shaun T]

Yes. And especially men. You'll. Most men will feel it when they turn and when they get to that 40s, you know, I mean, first of all, for men specifically, you are crazy to be turned 40 years old and to not want to make sure you're going to the gym and lifting weight. Because listen, you your 40s is like, you're sexy as hell. Like everybody's gonna think you're attractive. Like the 20 somethings and the 6 you like right in the middle. So I'm like, why aren't you gonna do that? Like this is it, you're in the prime, you dig deeper.

[Torre]

That's the new dig deeper. Is this like I have some new research, right? There's some new study that I understand. Okay, we need to rearrange it like this, we need to add this and subtract that. Or is it like how can we, you know, like let's change the package around and tell them like, okay, like how do you come to, like, let's give them a new product?

[Shaun T]

Well, every product that I ever put out is what I'm doing. It is like authentic to where I'm at in the moment in my life. Because otherwise I'm going to research something just to sell it to you. To sell it to you. I'm 46 now. I was 45, whatever. We're not 45 when I developed it. And dig deeper basically is if you went to, if you went to a college class or university class and you wanted to have Kinesiology 101, that is what's happening. Not only are you lifting weights, I'm literally teaching you how to use your muscle so that you get maximum benefit. With lifting, there's no jumping. All you need is a bench and enough dumbbells to push through. It's done in three different, basically three different modalities. It's that muscular endurance that I was telling you about for tennis players that is basically priming your muscles to be ready to know my muscle connection and you know, just being able to, you know, isolate the muscles in a good way. Then the second modality that we do is time under tension mixed with super setting. So opposing muscle group so it slows it down so that now you have to have control over your muscles. Now you have mind muscle connection. You're able to activate the muscle and you're keeping yourself balanced by doing chest and back.

[Torre]

People talked about before we started, you talked about lift the weight until it's at its hardest point and hold it for a second and then go down, but don't go all the way down.

[Shaun T]

Do a slow release. Yeah.

[Torre]

And I think some people think I gotta lift it fast. And you're saying, no, no, let's lift it slowly and pause within there.

[Shaun T]

Yeah. So what happens is bodybuilders, people will see like really big bodybuilders and then they think that they're curling like 75 pound dumbbells or whatever, something crazy. A lot of them only curl like 35s because they know how to use their muscle. Yeah. Most times like you want a full extension. Like if you're doing rows. Like people don't know if you're doing a bent over row. They just row like they're doing a lawnmower, like they're trying to turn on a lawn mower. I'm like, push your knuckles to the ground, contract your back and then pull up, get to the top, squeeze, and then release it again. You will find that using lighter weight, like if you're like, oh, I can roll like 100 pounds, dumbbell. I'm like, if I come into the gym with you, I'm going to give you £70 and you're going to do it how I tell you to do it. And you're going to be like, holy crap. Like, this is harder than that, £100. And so dig deeper. Is that. I'm literally teaching you how. So you go muscular endurance time under tension with supersets. And then you go to the build phase, which a lot of guys like. Cause now it's like, all right, get those 80 pound dumbbells. Chest press. But it's because I taught you how to use your muscles.

[Torre]

But you're really good at naming these things. Right? When you say hip hop abs, I'm like, oh, I'm interested. When you say insanity, I'm like, oh, dig deeper. Like, oh, I'll follow you. What's up? Right? The marketing, the way that you pitch it to the consumer is really valuable and really important.

[Shaun T]

Well, it is. What I try to do is tell you the more about the experience you're gonna get than anything. Like hip hop abs. Like, wait, I'm gonna do hip hop and work on my abs. Insanity. The first thing you're like, what is that? I wanna know what that is.

[Torre]

You know, somebody who likes to work out and he called his workout insanity. Oh, that's for me.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, exactly.

[Torre]

Barry's doesn't push me hard enough, right? Insanity. Oh, let's go.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, it's for those like weekend warriors, you know, the, the people who are.

[Torre]

Like, this is the hottest buffalo wing in America. And there's a certain consumer who's like, I want that.

[Shaun T]

Oh, burn my mouth.

[Torre]

And you're like, insanity.

[Shaun T]

Like, yeah, sign me up and dig deeper. You know, to be quite honest. So dig deeper has been my phrase for insanity. I have the tattoo on my body and so everyone knew like, what Dig Deeper is. And you hear it all the time. You hear it. And like you hear it in the Survivor show, like, dig deeper. You know every, you know, you hear it all the time. I trademarked it. But the whole thing, what I'm trying to say is, yeah, like I need to. You know what I'm saying? Like, even people who work out every day is like, well, yeah, I do need to dig deeper. Botox Cosmetic adobotulinum toxin. A FDA approved for over 20 years. So talk to your specialist to see if Botox Cosmetic is right for you. For full prescribing information, including boxed warning, visit botoxcosmetic.com or call 877-351-0300. Remember to ask for Botox Cosmetic by name. To see for yourself and learn more, visit botoxcosmetic.com that's botoxcosmetic.com at the home.

[Torre]

Depot the holidays have arrived and so.

[Shaun T]

Is all my family.

[Torre]

So I'm working on keeping up with the laundry. The Home Depot is here to help with Black Friday savings. Up to 40% off select appliances. Spend less time doing laundry with smart efficient appliances from Samsung ranked number one in customer satisfaction. Perfect. Less laundry time means more family time. Get Black Friday Savings now with free delivery and financing on select appliances at the Home Depot. Visit jdpower.com awards for more details. Offer valid November 6 through December 4, US only. SE Store online for details. You talked about the perfect morning for productive day. What is the perfect morning?

[Shaun T]

Oh gosh. Well that changes monthly but and include.

[Torre]

Because you got twin six year old boys so you know the morning can be chaotic when you have children in there. So for parents, what is the perfect morning for a productive day?

[Shaun T]

The perfect morning starts the night before.

[Torre]

Okay. Yep, for sure.

[Shaun T]

Parents. If you're married, yeah like having time with your spouse on the days that you set aside for that or you know, spontaneity is good. Having time with your spouse the night before is really important. But also getting your butt to bed, like going go to bed, go to sleep. Like Instagram will be there tomorrow. Watch one show and go to bed. Don't you know, don't have the late night snacks or whatever.

[Torre]

How long do you want us to sleep?

[Shaun T]

I want you to sleep. So here's the best way to know how long you can sleep because it's not up to me and it's not up to like what they say because I don't know a lot of people that can sleep eight hours. I know some people who get really good at six. Right. Have a day where you're like, all right, I can go to bed. I'm not gonna set an alarm. If you can get that day and go to sleep, and when you wake up and you feel refreshed, that's how long you need to sleep. For me, it's seven hours. Like, for me, like, my body will go to sleep. I will literally wake up. Seven hours on the dot. So I don't know how long you need to sleep.

[Torre]

I don't know either. There's such a weird. There's two sort of cultures in society, and this one's sort of dying out a little bit. But the notion of, like, I barely sleep, right? Cause I work hard, right? Like, I don't need sleep.

[Shaun T]

Well, that's it.

[Torre]

Right? But then there's the folks who, you know, J.J. watt, LeBron, you know, I think Tom Brady, who were like, no, I sleep 10 hours a day. And I'm like, I don't know. But, like, you want to be a super performer, sleep a ton.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, but they have money to sleep 10 hours a day. You know what I'm saying? However, what I'm saying is, like, that day you get. Because you can go to bed early. What I was going to say, oh, I want to go back to what you said about, like, I'm a no sleeper. That is American culture.

[Torre]

Yeah, for sure.

[Shaun T]

It's American culture. I remember 17 years ago, 16 years ago, I remember going to Tokyo. I had. I did, like, I released hip hop abs in Tokyo. I did an infomercial. Was so fun. But I just remember going to the production company's big office, and they're like, you know, we take naps. You know, like, we. Like, you're done working. You take a nap in the middle of the day, and when you're done working, you're done. They don't do this whole, like, I'm getting. And I'm getting in early. Like, your boss ain't paying you more money. You know what I mean? Like, go, like, live your best life. Like, you can do that. But I'll say, what were we saying? Shoot. What was I saying?

[Torre]

I go on, perfect morning.

[Shaun T]

Oh, perfect morning. Perfect morning. Starts the night before. But especially if you have kids, get up and be by yourself.

[Torre]

Mm. It's hard for parents in the morning.

[Shaun T]

If you go to bed early. If you go to bed at a decent hour, you get up and you have 45 minutes by yourself. It is the best. 45. The reason why I have a great morning. Almost every single morning. If I'm not sick or not stressed about work or something, it's because I get up 45 minutes and guess what I do. Like, I'm ready for my kids to get out of bed. I create an experience where I turn on music. I have their food. I asked them the night before where they went for breakfast. I can go into their room and give them all of my energy. Like, if they're in a bad mood or not want to get up, I have the patience. Right. So give yourself time.

[Torre]

What are you doing in that 45 minutes?

[Shaun T]

So sometimes I'll actually just go right in and get on my exercise bike. And I just like, sometimes I'll just go on social media. Because that's the time I have. I go on social media. But if you follow me on Instagram, like, that's when I'm pretty much looking at the dance that I wanna do that day. Like, I'll get up, I'll be dance, I'll have my coffee. Having coffee by myself is like, this is like hitting the lottery every single day. Because it's my. I know it sounds crazy, but like, when the day gets started, it starts to roll. You know what I mean?

[Torre]

Yeah.

[Shaun T]

You know my lovely assistant that's sitting here? I usually have a text from him. Cause he's in New York and I'm in Arizona.

[Torre]

Right, right, right, right.

[Shaun T]

So, I mean, I'm just being silly. But, you know, you get up, you know, and so that's that part. And then you have time for your family. If you have a family. Right. Like for me, I'm with my kids first, and then my husband comes out the room. I'm in a great mood. Like, people are eating, my kids are reading their book. And it sounds like your house can't be this perfect. Well, 90% of the time it is like that. Because Scott likes to be in a room by himself. When he wakes up in the morning, he's like, I wanna sleep as long as possible. And I know he wants to do that. And I'm like, I don't wanna talk to anybody in the morning. Not because I'm not a morning person. Cause I really am. But I know to be a better person, I'm by myself. And then, you know, hopefully, if you have time, like, I dropped the kids off, I go right to the gym. Now, mind you, I have a different life and a different schedule. But if you don't have kids, after you have your time to yourself that you're not checking emails for your job. Go to the gym, go for a walk, get on your exercise bike. Do stuff for you. Buy something off Amazon, like gift yourself something like this. These are the kind of things you should do. Because in my book, I talk about being positively selfish. Selfish. When people are like, oh, my God, you're so selfish. I'm like, I absolutely am. Because if I don't give myself 100%, I can't give 100% to my kids. I can't give 100% to My team. I can't give 100% to my spouse.

[Torre]

No, you gotta be aware of what your goals are. Be it. Finish your book, you know, work out six times a week, whatever it is. And I have to protect that and make sure I do that before I can give you what you need. Go to your party, go to lunch with you, whatever it may be, right? Like, if I don't take care of my goals, then I'm like, well, what happened? You just let the day get away and you did what other people wanted you to do, and you didn't satisfy your goals. So that positively selfish is really important.

[Shaun T]

It's so important. I mean, that's why I don't, like, never sleep culture. Because if you never sleep, like, if I promise, I don't like to make promises, but that person is like, I'm not losing weight. I'm whatever. I'm like, you're not losing weight? Probably partly. A lot of people don't lose weight because they don't sleep. Like, if you find your range of sleep you. And obviously you're eating healthy, like, you wake up. That's why I don't know about you, but if you do an AB check in the morning or a body check in the morning, if you slept good, like, you are as thin as you're gonna be throughout the entire day. Like, your body has reset, has digested all the food, the fuel is ready to be used and going, you know.

[Torre]

I don't think I sleep enough, but here we go.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, let's change that. How many days a week, how many hours do you sleep a day? Average?

[Torre]

Probably like six. Probably like six.

[Shaun T]

All right, so I have a question for you. When you wake up, are you waking up, like, yeah. Or are you like, oh, I'm kind.

[Torre]

Of like, yeah, okay, let's get after it. Let's figure it out. Let's go. Let's do some stu. You know, like, yeah, I mean, you know, I don't necessarily want to have a bunch of conversations right away.

[Shaun T]

But, like, right, So I think you're getting enough sleep. You probably need a nap.

[Torre]

Maybe there are times of the day when I'm kind of like falling asleep a little bit.

[Shaun T]

Nine minutes. I'm telling you right now, a nine minute nap, nine minutes is epic. Do people say, don't do the 29 minutes will change your entire life.

[Torre]

But it would take me time, I don't know how long to come down to be able to.

[Shaun T]

All right, we'll set a 20 minute timer on your phone. I'm telling you, I do this, like, if I wanna sleep for, like, usually I sleep for, like, I'll set my timer for like 15 to 17 minutes. And it takes me that moment to be like, all right, I'm going to get this out of my mind. Like, the things that I'm thinking about. And I fall asleep and I usually wake up right before the alarm goes off. But you have to condition yourself to do it. It is glorious. The minute you start doing this, that is the minute you put it, put it down. Because your body is telling you. Like, I just. You'll reset your phone. You'll charge your phone battery before you charge your own battery.

[Torre]

Yes, that's right.

[Shaun T]

Like, I want people to look at their life like it's their phone battery.

[Torre]

But I feel like if I smack my face and get some caffeine and rejuvenate the mind and then like, okay, now I'm awake again.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, you're pushing your body into. You're pushing your body into a stressful zone is what you're doing. You will have so much mental clarity if you just take a nine minute nap, I'm telling you. And you should have a boss that allows you to do that. Not you per se, but people out there. Like, you should have a boss that's like, yeah, go take a nap.

[Torre]

We gotta move to Tokyo to get that. Not in America.

[Shaun T]

Or work for team Shaun T. Y'all can take naps whenever you want, just.

[Torre]

Not during my interview. I want to captivate well.

[Shaun T]

No, I'm fully prepared for this. I worked out. I slept well last night. I'm good.

[Torre]

I ask people who come on the show, what does being black mean to you and where does it show up in your work? And a lot of what you're doing doesn't have anything to do with race. Yeah, we're working out. Like, I'm not thinking about that stuff. Like, I can work you out. Black, white, Asian, whatever. Yeah, but, you know, it's a Part of everything. So how does it function for you within the context of your work?

[Shaun T]

You know, I am a bridge to blackness.

[Torre]

Okay.

[Shaun T]

And, you know, as a black man, that's really, obviously really well known in the fitness space and, you know, being connected. Like, I have a group on Facebook called Dig Deeper Nation. I'm pretty sure, like, you know, maybe 90% of them are white. I don't know. It's more of, like, I love being that black man. That's, like, successful for people to look up to, to. Not necessarily. Like, you know, there are times where I gotta be black, but, you know, but I don't. I don't feel like I need to be. Like, I'm black, but I'm also. It's the same way. I look at it as my sexuality. Right. It's like, I don't have to scream that I'm gay, but I have a lot of people that are like, oh, because I follow you. Like, I understand gay people now. I understand, like, they. People who have had some prejudices with black people.

[Torre]

They're like, oh, this is a safe space where I can interact with a black person. Right? I'm. As an average American consumer, a black man is saying, I will work you out. I'm probably gonna trust, right, that he can get it down. Right. I feel comfortable. Like, interact. Oh, he's gay. So cool. All right. I feel comfortable, right? And I haven't. I don't have that many black gay friends in the world, but I interact with Sean and. Oh, well, that worked out. I love him. So now, right. I'm a little more comfortable with other. Right. Is that sort of the experience?

[Shaun T]

Yeah. And the thing that's really, really interesting. So there are a group, women who did hip hop abs. And then I came out with Insanity, which is like, you know, more of a hardcore program in 2008, but not until I got married in 2012 did a lot of those people know that I was gay. They were like, wait, he's gay. They didn't do hip hop.

[Torre]

Hold on, hold on.

[Shaun T]

Don't. They didn't do hip hop. Don't. Don't play.

[Torre]

Just what I'm saying. I mean, I. Who would not know?

[Shaun T]

I don't know. They didn't have the gay daughter you have, apparently. Let me tell you. No, no, no, You're. But that's what I'm saying.

[Torre]

But very proudly, overtly. I mean, like, I. Yeah, but I don't ha.

[Shaun T]

But that's the thing. Like, when I'm. When I'm. If you're only doing insanity. You're just like, I'm working out. And they're like, oh, he's gay. Because, like, back then, like, think about all the gay people they put on tv. They would only put, like, people who were like, you know, very gay. Like, the stereotypical gay. They don't. They don't put people who are just like, oh, no, I'm just like, I'm chilling today. Like, I mean, we all, like a lot of gays we have are like, you know, hey, girl, like, what's good? You know? But for sure, when I'm working, I'm like. So then they're like, wait, he's gay. And then. So what's really, really cool is like, they now are like. They can't say they don't like gay people. I know for sure because I'm just like, you just worked out with me for. For four years and now you wanna act like it.

[Torre]

Just yesterday, I happened to be listening to Tig Notaro, who I love, and she was telling a story about how they're driving in the car with her boys and her wife, and somehow the word gay came up. And the younger child was like, what does that mean? And she's like, how do I explain this to you? And she explained it. And then somehow the child came around to wait, you're gay? And she said, you haven't figured this out. You're like 8, 9 years old. You still haven't figured this out. Like, yes, I am. So where are your kids? Like, they know we have two dads, but are they, like, are dads.

[Shaun T]

Yeah, they know what gay is. We don't. Like, we have always talked to our kids like adults, and they don't understand what we're saying. They keep on asking questions, right? Like, they know. Like. Like my one kid, Silas, he's just so funny. He's like, oh, yeah, there's the buff dad. And you know, he goes, dad, that papa's a little more buff than you. And like, he walk around being like, you know. Cause they're like. And then his friends at school is like, oh, you have. Your dads are the buff dads. Like, you know. Yeah, they know. But they also know what's really cool about our kids life. They have. They have gay dads. They know one of their nannies is like. Both of their nannies are white. One is. Has Latin in them, but they're white and they're with black men. So they know interracial couples. We have another. We have other friends that are lesbian couples. And Then, you know, they have their grandparents. Like, my Scott's parents are just like a white older couple. Like, they just. They just know. And they traveled the world with us. So. Yeah, they know. They know. They know. They know. They'll teach you about it. You know, it's. So we don't. It's just really, really interesting the way we parent. We parent them. Because we're like. So I'll tell you this. Cause we started with my story, and I'm gonna. I think we can kind of go here with this. So one day, my kids, we were going to bed, and they always either want a bedtime story, now they're reading themselves, which is really annoying, because they, like. They're like, can we read our own bedtime story? Or they want a story. They want me to tell them a story. So they're like, can you tell us a story about your childhood? So then I'm sitting there like, how do I do this? I'm like, I want to tell them this story. So then I'm like, once upon a time. And so I go down, I tell them this story. I don't go into graphic detail or whatever, but I go on a story. And then they're like. And then at some point in the story, they're like, oh, papa, you're talking about you. So, like, every now and again, when something comes up, they'll be like. They'll be like, what do you mean? Like, your stepdad was mean to you? Or like, were they brave? Like, you were brave. You know what I'm saying? So we tell them in a way. So we just have a very open. And they read. They read a lot. They can read. They will pick up a book. And like, one of my kids is, like, always trying to figure something out, you know? So we are just. We're very open family. Like, one of my kids, this is gonna be so bad, but I literally don't care. Like, one of my kids loves the F word. Like, he's like, can I say it? Can I say it? And I'm like, you can say it around me, right? But you can never say it to someone to be me.

[Torre]

Right? Right.

[Shaun T]

But then Scott was like, well, if you wanna say it, use it in a sentence. So he's like, where the fuck is my toilet? What the. Where the fuck is my toilet? He's so hilarious. To the point where now he's just like. He'll just. What did he say? And he's like, oh, fuck. And then he's like, can I say I'm like, you already said it. You already said it. You already said it. But the funny thing is, our other son is like, I will absolutely. I will never say that word. He's like, absolutely not. And I'm like, I'll pay you to say it. No. He's like, I'm like, I'll take you to Target. And so it's so funny. They're like complete opposites. One is like. One is, like, very. You know, he's gonna be the street smart when, like, you know, that kind of kid. And the other one's like a brainiac.

[Torre]

And he's like, you know, we grew up and a lot of times things are very hard, right? And you hear stories about. This one came out and they got kicked out or they had problems at home. And I think a lot of folks in our generation were like, when we grow up, we'll be better, right? And I was like, you know, if my kids are like, I'm gay, like, cool, like, whatever it is, like, whatever you wanna do, whatever, whoever you really are, like, be who you are. It's all good. We are ready to accept and embrace whatever. And. But even within, still within that, you're like, you know, 6, 7, 8, 9. Are they straight? Are they gay? Like, I'm just watching to see what it is. Are you watching to be like, are they straight? Are they gay? Like, what?

[Shaun T]

Yeah, like, I mean, you can't not. You're kind of like. And not in a way of like. So I'll tell you this story. This is gonna. People might think I'm, like, a really bad parent, but you will understand, like, this is amazing as a parent who really loves their kids and don't care what they're gonna be. So when our kids were really young, like two and three years old, we would take. They would just want a costume. We would be at the costume store all the sudden. And I'm not talking about on Halloween. I'm talking about all the time. Where do you guys want to go? We want to go get costumes. So Sander would always. He would want to be Shuri, Wonder Woman, like, all the female characters. All the female characters. Like, he went on Amazon one time and built his own she Hulk costumes. And he's like, now this is like, he's four. And Scott would literally take them. He would. Cause it was where we used to live. It was around, like, we had like, a lot of, like, kind of hiking areas, if you will. Like, it was kind of like that neighborhood. So Scott would take them on little walks and stuff. Like, that. And people, oh, you know, that's a nice outfit. They would say to Sander, you know, he just loved it. So then it got to the point where, you know, I'm like, what do you like? What do you want to wear? And he started choosing, like, boy costumes. I'm like, damn. Like, I'm like, oh, I wasn't, like, disappointed, but I'm like, man, you know, But I mean, obviously, we don't care. Like, you know, we don't care.

[Torre]

No, you don't care.

[Shaun T]

But I also.

[Torre]

Watching as a parent, who are you?

[Shaun T]

And I know this is, like, really crazy, but as parents will understand this and won't think this is weird, but Silas, like, I think he's, like, really into black women because he sees, like, a black woman. He's like, oh, I have this friend Cherish. She's a bodybuilder and she's coming this weekend. But we went to her show, and he was like, oh, do you think Cherish would, like, let me have her phone number? And then I was like, cherish is coming this week. And he's like, oh, I'm gonna give her the biggest hug when she goes, like, you know, like, it's just like, really? It's cute because, you know, these. And then, like, Silas is also the one that will say, sandra has a girlfriend at school. And Sandra would get so mad. He's like, I don't wanna talk about that. So, you know, but, you know, I don't know if they're gonna be gay or straight. I really don't care, but I'm excited to. I'm excited we're here, but we wanna see. I'm like, I can't wait till the first person they bring home and be like, this is my boyfriend or girlfriend. And then me and I pull Scott aside and we have, like, little sidebars. It's gonna be fun.

[Torre]

Sounds like the perfect little family.

[Shaun T]

I mean, we. I mean, perfection is temporary. Change is constant. And right now, like, you asked me in the beginning of the show, I'm great.

[Torre]

Thanks so much to Shaun T for a great interview, and thanks to you for listening. Torre show gives you fuel to power your dreams because you can use your dreams like a rocket ship to blast you into a life you never imagined. You can make your dreams a reality. And maybe this show can help. You can find me on TikTok or Torreshow, on Instagram or Torreshow and on Twitter or. Torres show is written by me, Toray, and produced by Ashley Hobbs. Our editor is Ryan Woodhull. Our booker is Ray Holiday, and we're distributed by DCP Entertainment. And we will be back next Wednesday with more amazing guests because the man can't shut us down.