← TranscendingX - Raw Conversations and Practical Tips to Break Through Stuttering, Communication Fears, and Become Who You Truly Are
TranscendingX - Raw Conversations and Practical Tips to Break Through Stuttering, Communication Fears, and Become Who You Truly Are
#72 Stuttering Pucks with Ryan Cowley
00:58:20
Ryan has been a sportswriter for over 10 years, predominantly covering hockey and the NHL's Los Angeles Kings for, most recently, HockeyRoyalty.com where he is a co-editor. Ryan has covered such events as the Stanley Cup Final, the Hockey Hall of Fame...
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- [00:03]
A
Welcome to the Transcending Stuttering podcast. My name is Uri Schneider from Schneider's Speech. Join me as I explore and learn from the true stories of real life heroes, people from the world of stuttering and beyond. We explore the challenges and the triumphs, and most of all, how to transcend stuttering and discover our best self.
- [00:31]
B
All right, all right, all right. Here we are, 2022. Welcome to the sick episode. When I was In High School, 94 Rangers won the Stanley Cup. Coolest word was sick. Man, that was sick. Could you imagine if it was 2022? And, like, that was the cool thing to say? Like, so not cool, right? That's been reappropriated by, like, omnichrone and a bunch of other Greek letters. Here we are. It's a new year. It's also a new episode. We are going beyond stuttering, transcending stuttering. We're going north. We're going above the border into Canada, keeping it international with an amazing guest today, Ryan Cowley. And just before I get into the intro here, I'll just share with everybody. First of all, I shared this in a message at the end of 2021 on a video. But I would just say this. If we are looking ahead and feeling a little overwhelmed, we're in good company, because I'm in that company. And if we're looking ahead and feeling like we don't know what's coming next, we're in good company. But I would just say each and every one of us, if we're here, if we're listening to this live, or if we're listening to this on a playback podcast later, we made it. We made it. And we should look back and see what were the things that enabled us, that gave us strength, that kept us in a stronger place, that kept us healthy in the past months because we've been through this already for a couple months, we're battle tested, we're coming into 2022. Whatever it throws at us, it's not our first time at this rodeo, so I just encourage everybody. As overwhelming and as much as it can feel like we don't know what's next, we feel like we've been through the worst of it, we're coming through the other end. I don't know what's coming either, but I do know I'm overwhelmed. I'm unsure. It makes me uneasy. I don't function at my best. There was a study I saw. It's been proven now that the stress of COVID actually decreases cognitive functioning. Big finding Big finding. It's now research proven. As if you needed that. But my point to everyone is to say this. It might decrease our cognitive functioning, but if we're here, we've learned a little bit of something about what triggers us, what puts us over the top, what are some ways that we are getting buried or got buried in the past, and what are some ways that we've crawled out or that we've stayed strong? So I just wish everybody stay strong, look back, look forward, and find the company of people that get it, people that can be supportive. Whatever you're dealing with, you shouldn't feel alone. And if you're in a position that you're healthy and well, take the time to reach out and share the abundance that you have with someone else. Whether it's a phone call to a family member, to a friend, to someone, a message on Facebook, whatever. Everybody is looking for that human connection in a time that we're more and more isolated. And as the world is moving into tech, we're looking for that human connection. Which brings me to my second big announcement, Big which I'll be very brief. And that is 2022 is going to be a huge year for all of us. And for me personally, I am incredibly excited to reflect and to build on everything we've done in the past. We're now going to be rolling out a easy access to a community of people, humans around the world, who are just transcending stuttering with courage, with honesty, with vulnerability, and with community kind of pulling together each person in their own way to lean into the challenges, discover the opportunities, and come out on the other side stronger and better for it. Whether that means they're still stuttering or they're not stuttering, but growing and finding community and discovering that the best stuff we have is inside of us. And sometimes it takes adversity to squeeze it out. And you can't draw a line from here to there when you look forwards, but you look back and you say, wow. And it's stories like Ryan's and others that continue to prove that message. And the intention of this is really for me to keep learning, for myself, to be a guide for others, to fuel my own fire, to be honest, and also to share these stories with others. Because if you met Ryan just a couple years ago, you might not have expected he'd be the Ryan of today. And so, without further ado, stay tuned. Send me a message if you're interested, but we got some incredible things coming up in January. We're also going to open up and release a pretty outstanding calendar for the coming month and months of all sorts of opportunities for professionals, people who stutter, parents. There we go. That wraps up what I wanted to say about that. We are in the presence of an award winning sports writer, author, celebrity. Most of those things are fully true without any hyperbole. Ryan has been a sports writer for over 10 years, predominantly covering hockey and the NHL's LA Kings. Most recently, check out hockeyroyalty.com where he is the co editor. Ryan's covered such events as the Stanley Cup Final. For those of you Americans that don't follow hockey, that's like the World Series of Hockey, the Hockey hall of Fame induction weekend. And he's written for publications such as the CBC Sports and the Globe and Mail, both based in his home city of Toronto. So shout out to all my Torontonian friends. And without further ado, I want to thank you, Ryan, for taking the time to join us this morning.
- [06:24]
C
Good morning. Thank you very much for that introduction. I, I really appreciate that.
- [06:44]
B
Listen, it's not often I get to do like my impression of a radio voice introduction, but you bring out the sports writer, you gotta, you gotta bring out your best game. So thanks for joining and it was an honor to produce. What would be one thing that does not show up in that bio that you feel is something you're proud of, excited about and want people to know?
- [07:13]
C
Jesus, that's a very good question. I know I'm speaking to other people who said her. Everyone's had to. It's been like very different, very, very unique. And you know, in mine, like, there's no exception. Like, so, so for instance, like when I first started seeing Sweet Therapist, I was maybe four, but like, but I believe that was predominantly because I was so shy that I didn't speak. And like how that started, I'm not sure. I think I'm just a sensitive kid in general and I think that's really hard setting. And I was maybe six or seven, up around six and, and to be honest, like, like when I started stuttering, even the first few years of stuttering, I guess because I started so young, I didn't really see anything out of the ordinary. I just figured like, you know, I never saw myself as a person who stuttered or something, someone who's different. I just thought, well, I did this, so it's. And it's normal to me. But like, but like this is one of those things where you kind of like, I guess in a small sense you kind of like, like build your own identity over the, over the years, like, like, you know, and I'm sure a lot of people who said her can relate to this, but like, but like, as a child I was like, like I was teased a lot and bullied even. And it's one of these things as an adult, I, I, I say a lot, but like, but the te are bullied is that like, like, you know, even though there are a lot more people, like teachers, adults who are very supportive, it's like I couldn't help but focus on, on those, like on that fraction of, of people who, who were negative towards me. And no, I just remember for the longest time saying myself, well, not myself, but out loud too. It's like, like, you know, like, not to be dramatic, but kind of like, like looking up to the sky and saying like, and asking God, like, you know, why, why must, why do you have me stuttering? You know, why am I, why am I like this? And it's like, and, and part of it's just like, you know, you're at that young age where you just, you don't quite have an appreciation for like a better perspective on life because, because you know, you know, the people who are a lot worse off. But, but at the same time, it's like end of my book, you know, I just talked about how like, you know, how I, how I viewed my stuttering, you know, as a herald and purposes for the longest time and, and only in recent years, like in five, last five, ten years even, I, you know, I am still in the process of like, of getting better with my speech. But, but at the same time it's like, it's just the thought of it being cursed was so like, like archaic to me. Now it's like, I mean, I wouldn't say blessing necessarily, but like, but like it, it can definitely be advantageous. You can definitely use it like in your favor. That's how I feel at least. And I'm sorry, I'm kind of really circling around this answer. Basically what I want people to know is that like you have longest time I just had a really negative outlook on my stuttering and you know, and, and I just wanted to let people know who, who are in my position that I was in that like, you know, you can change that, but also don't be pressured to change it right away. Like, like, like for instance, if you're, if you're listening to this and think, well, I want to be positive, but like, like, don't feel pressured that like, that you have to do it like right now, because everyone's different. But believe me, like, my experience, this has not been by any means an overnight process. So, like. Yeah, yeah. So, like, when I was like, 18, I figured, like, oh, man, you know, I wish I had a better grasp on things when I was 14. Or, like. But you know what? You know, just like, don't put age or number on. It's just like. There's just like. Like, as the old adage goes, it's better late than never. Right.
- [13:51]
B
As we said before we started Showtime, you know, three periods in hockey is four quarters in basketball, and sometimes you get a overtime. But. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Tell us. As you said, you know, on the one hand, there's a very universal story arc when you talk to enough people that live with a certain condition. And even when you go broader than that, you can look at the arc of stories of people dealing with all sorts of adversity, whether it's stuttering or something else. As you said as well, each person, first of all, has a different set of circumstances. Your stutter doesn't look like someone else's stuttering. Then there's another person who stutter looks very different. I think that's the first thing that I keep reminding myself, like, 101 when we're on these Facebook groups or you're looking online, like, to recognize stuttering is this umbrella term. And then many people find identity under that umbrella with great value to that. But at the same time, if you don't know the shoes someone else is walking in, you know, don't assume it's the same stutter that you have in your mind or if it's a parent of a young person or whatever. So each person has their own journey, and similarly, each person has their own breakthrough. Hopefully each person gets to that point for you. What would you say was part of or an important ingredient or an important personality in that kind of coming around that end, as you described, kind of emerging from throwing your hands up in the air and why me? To getting to a point of what you described as kind of coming through on the other side. By no means an overnight story, but was there some ingredient, input, or individual that played a part in that process?
- [15:52]
C
Yeah, to be honest, like. Like, I only. I only started reaching out to the centering community within the last four or five years. Actually, you know, now, like, now I live in Toronto, as you mentioned at the top of the show in fall of 2018, this Canadian centering association, their annual conference, and I think I maybe spoke to one or two people who stutter. Online before that, maybe a few more. But like, I, yeah. Remember hearing about the CSA conference and it wasn't far from where I lived and not looked into it and, and I, you know, I said to myself, like, you know, this. I'm really want, want to attend because like.
- [16:58]
B
It'S.
- [17:01]
C
You know, just means like, I mean, so many other people who sutter and listening and, and hearing so many people speak and. Yeah, yeah, yes, I was excited. Went. And like, I wasn't disappointed at all. It was a fantastic conference and there, you know, speaker what was an author at the name of a David Stones and. No, no, no. Yeah, so. So Mr. Jones, David was. Was up there like speaking, just telling a story about like, you know, Don's. About his first writer is uh, you know, his time as a student at the University of Toronto.
- [18:34]
B
And.
- [18:41]
C
And they're just something about it is like, you know, stage presence, was very calm. It's like he was like very eloquent and, and fluent. It just sounded like a natural storyteller. And.
- [18:56]
B
I.
- [18:56]
C
No, no. And I remember like, like seriously thinking, uh, during the speech, it's like, well, well, like, no, was like kind of like wondering what his connection stuttering was because like, if, if you had like a friend or a loved one who stuttered because like, because like to me he spoke so fluently. It's like, well, there's no way he could be a stutterer, a person who stutters rather. And he. Yeah. And then he talked about his own, like his own challenges as the person who started. I'm like, wait, what? Because, like, because like, I mean, I don't know how old David is. I think like 50s, early 60s. And like, like just going through his stories and like, you know, and just describing his own hardships as a, as a person stutters. It's not like how. Huh. Well, at first I was really liking him because he was such a great storyteller, but now, now respect him more because he's a person stutters and. And I'm not saying I would respect him less if he weren't. I'm just like.
- [20:17]
B
I appreciate that. I appreciate that sensitivity of having respect for those of us that don't stutter.
- [20:23]
C
Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely. And like. And like, hey. Yeah. There just something about David's speech that really, really resonated with me. Really stood out and, and like. And like. And like every spoke to him afterwards and you know, I was thrilled. He was a constant gentleman. He was like, like very humble and soft. Smoking and. No, no. And the big thing for me was like, and. And. And. And, like, again, I don't know David's age exactly, but being that he's, like, in 50s or around that. Yeah, that was, like, a good reminder that, like. And, like, well, here I am, someone who grew up thinking, like, not just for sudden, but other areas of life, but, like. But stuttering specifically. Here I was thinking that, like, oh, man, I hear so many peop. Kids who stuttered, who grew out of it, and. And it's like, well, I guess I have to grow out of it at some point. Otherwise it's personally unsatisfactory, I guess, for lack of better term. No, no. And so, like, so I thought about that, and then when I heard David speak, I'm like, even though he was still a person of stunners, you know, it was clear he had a much better grasp on it. And. But just from his attitude, from his, like, his general outlook, he didn't seem, like, the least, bit, like, bitter about it at all. He was really. You know, he was a real pro about it. And, uh. No, no, you know, and that's one big lesson I took. It's like, I. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how old you are. It's just. You know what I mean?
- [22:52]
B
Totally. You know, some sooner, some later. Yeah, exactly.
- [22:58]
C
Yes.
- [23:01]
B
If, you know. You know, are. You are. Do you write your own? There's, like, a side coming at you from left field, but just curious. I'm fascinated with your profession and your craft. Do you write your own headlines? Is that something you do?
- [23:22]
C
Yes, I do. I do admit headlines have never really been my forte, though.
- [23:30]
B
But, yeah, fine. So then I was gonna ask you, because headlines are not my forte either. I was gonna say if we could look back at that speech and give it a headline, you know, like a takeaway. Something would be like a juicy teaser. We don't have to do that now, but I think it's cool to kind of look back at complex experiences and, like, catalog them and file them, you know, as, like, capturing them in that way. And I also want to give you a shout out. You have the greatest Twitter handle of all time, in my opinion.
- [24:03]
C
Oh, thank you. Yes.
- [24:05]
B
I. You know, as a dyslexic guy who takes a long time to read, and I have to use some strategies myself and employ some things that I do to do that and thankfully, pick those up along the way. And spelling was never easy. But your handle as a. As a writer is. Ryan writes good.
- [24:26]
C
Yes.
- [24:28]
B
I've been trying to Convince my mother in law that that's the right way to write it. She thinks it's Ryan writes well when you have an adverb. I've been trying to tell her that it's Ryan writes good.
- [24:40]
C
Yeah, that's right. Hint, hint.
- [24:43]
B
Yeah. If you're listening, obviously the point is that the Queen's English would suggest that it's Ryan writes well. But apparently in Canada this is how they write.
- [24:59]
C
No, no, no. You know what, to be honest, like, like, yeah, for the longest time I went by the as you said, Queen, Queen's English. And it's like because like whenever athletes speak in post game interview or something, uh, you know, they talk about how they play and they, you know, how they play good and, and I'm there sitting on the couch saying, well, you know, as opposed to that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. And that was my mindset. You know, it's not one of those things that like gets to me. It's just one of those things I, you know, I, I just correct jokingly, it's like, like, yeah.
- [25:47]
B
I think it's great though, because I think what's great about it on so many levels and I think it goes into this whole conversation about stuttering is that if you're a sports writer, most of us would obsess about the copy, would obsess about the spelling, the layout, the font on our resume. Your Twitter handle is grammatical, for crying out loud. Like that's. It's different. It's memorable. You know, if it was. Ryan writes, well, first of all, it'd be a really lame Twitter handle.
- [26:18]
C
Yeah.
- [26:19]
B
Remember it? It's like, yeah, so does John. But Ryan writes good. There's not a lot of others like that. You know, it's memorable. And so I remember Catherine Preston in her book out with it says this at the end of her book, she says, you know, this thing that she despised, this thing that she was looking to eradicate, became a sort of signature in networking and being memorable. I think that's really profound. What would you say? One other interesting question, actually, again off the topic, but it relates to the topic. There's always this question when I'm transcribing a podcast and there's stuttered speech or there are these other sounds that may come in for someone who stutters.
- [27:07]
C
Yeah.
- [27:08]
B
Which parts of that am I whitewashing and taking away their voice versus which parts of that are not part of their intended message and should be cleaned out? So I'm wondering, put that aside for a moment. I Think that's a really interesting conversation. Let's bring it to sports. So you get these athletes, and they're like, yeah, coach taught us real good. He taught us real good. We were prepared, you know, and that's their vernacular. That's how they're speaking. When you're writing in the paper, what are the rules? Do you clean it up? Do you make it grammatical? Or if their words were spoken in that way, you put it in the way they were spoken. That's okay. This is the sick episode. That was perfect.
- [28:00]
C
Yes. Perfect. There we go. They. I just say, yeah, you know, a lot. For instance, so, like, if they're. Yeah. I was transcribing speeches a few weeks ago, and, like. And when the players. When answering something that. That wouldn't transcribe it, it was only about, like, a minute long. But the amount of, you know, she said in there, it's like, oh, my God, I can't use all these. Yeah. So, like. Yeah. So I get, as a formal rule, like. Like, I mean, sometimes leave it out. Sometimes it was like, do the brackets and then in place of it. Yeah, no, no, I mean, like. Yeah, as long as it doesn't take away from the story. Yeah.
- [29:04]
B
Right. So now to more of what some of the topics I was excited to talk to you about and that you shared, you'd be willing to talk about, which I think is really courageous and helpful, talking about the things that need to be talked about more. So not only do you have a stutter. I think that's more apparent as we're having this conversation, but you also have cerebral palsy and you live with depression.
- [29:29]
C
Yes.
- [29:30]
B
Which is less visible as we're sitting here.
- [29:34]
C
Yes.
- [29:36]
B
What would you say has been the more challenging of those three? Are they equally or each in their own way, or is one more so? And I'll just preface that by saying you could kind of think a little bit about it, but I know, I know. I met one Canadian country singer. I believe, if I'm not mistaken, he's blind and he stutters. And he said stuttering is far more challenging for him than being blind. And I know another performing musician who was also blind, ultimately was confronted with cancer and had a stutter and also depression. And she, too, when she dealt with cancer and faced the end of her life, depression and blindness did not challenge her as much as the frustration of not. Not finding her way with her stutter. So in a way, this stutter, which many outsiders could feel would be, like, of the lesser sort compared to something like cerebral Palsy or depression for the lived experience of this person, this was the biggest one. So I don't know if you relate to that in any way, but I think it's just an interesting insider's view. I don't know if you'd like to share on that or take it where you want to go.
- [30:54]
C
Yeah, absolutely. Well I'll be honest. Like true palsy was, was a fact that maybe the first nine, ten years of my life and that was more or less that still happened obviously. But like, but like, I mean I talk about this in my book. It's like back when I was born it's like most babies come out with head first. I came with my bum first. So I. Yeah, yeah, so it was a breach and like, like your feet.
- [31:21]
B
First or your bum bum.
- [31:26]
C
Yeah, yeah. So yeah I, I never had been good at science or anything like that. So like. But, but more or less it's like I've. I just lost a bit more oxygen at Bertha than I should have. So they put me in a brace and, and geez, I remember the first like Well I don't remember but, but my mom always told me that I like when I was a baby, her, my dad had to like rearrange my body for like well reposition rather I say free arrange. I think they're like yeah anyway but they had to do that for like maybe 20 minutes a night because I couldn't move under my own volition for a certain part of that stage of my life. And like you know, and in fact I mean it affected me in gym class that we had to like run track or something or play football where I just, I just were very slow runner. But, but, but honestly you know, well I never thought of a career in track anyway. It, it just, it, it you know, was never a big deal. And like I mean in school I had occupational therapy and like, and like I, I took a lot of typing classes because like a lot of people who have CP are left handed and like. And like so the less dominant side is he's like considerably weaker. That hasn't been an issue in my adult life but, but as a kid it's like they want to get me typing using both hands but like I just could never get comfortable using my right hand except I just use it for like the shift in anarchy. And honestly it's like you know, I just type so much over the years. It's just like, like I'm able to type like I guess like 80 words for me using just my left hand and it's like, you know, people look at me and I'm like. And they're like, oh, man, how do you do that? I'm like. And it's nothing to me. I'm just so used to it. But. But it's like, yeah. So in that sense, for palsy, hasn't. Hasn't really affected my adult life.
- [34:12]
B
Question, Ryan.
- [34:13]
C
Sure.
- [34:13]
B
Just on that. I just think that's fascinating. So, as we're having this conversation, how taxing is your stuttering right now? Is it kind of like fluid flowing and doesn't really phase you, or is it more taxing? Moderately taxing?
- [34:33]
C
I don't know. More or less. The more comfortable I am, the better I get. Like, for example, when we first went first began talking, I was a bit. Well, actually, the first question you asked me, I was like, it took me a while to get a word out. I mean, I'm still having trouble. I mean, I'm not fluent by any means.
- [35:03]
B
I just want to make sure my intention is clear. I found it fascinating that as you were explaining about typing, if I heard you right, you're typing with one hand, is that right?
- [35:14]
C
Yeah, that's right.
- [35:15]
B
You're a writer. You write a heck of a lot. I think all of us, if we sprained our wrist or had an injury to a finger and had one hand immobilized or not at full use, and we had one hand to type with, many of us would start having a fit. I know I would. And you said, yeah, it's really no big deal. Like, I can do 80 words a minute. So I found that fascinating because essentially that was what you were given. You're working with what you got. It has become somewhat not taxing, meaning it's a thing. You don't have the facility of ten fingers to work as quickly and in coordination as some other people do. But you express yourself through typing and you get the job done. And it's not that taxing. You don't see it as a big burden. And so I was just wondering, with the stuttering that's going on, not so much measuring or looking at the acoustic interruptions or flow or whatever cadence, but more so, like, is it taxing to you, or do you just kind of groove through it as we're having this conversation, in relation to the way you kind of said how the hand is really not a big deal.
- [36:25]
C
Oh, yeah. Especially in situations like this. It's not. My stuttering is not taxing at all. I just. I just get through it. Well, well, well. It's either it's easier with this and speak with you because, like, because.
- [36:43]
B
Kind.
- [36:43]
C
Of like second nature. I've always been like, you know, I'm always reminding myself to, you know, I was like, I start speaking and if I have trouble, I'll say, oh, sorry, by the way, I stutter, which, which for some reason I say fluently. And that's the thing like especially, you know, especially getting to know the siren community over the last few years, whether the, whether a podcast or the people from the nsa, like anything. And it's like, you know, whenever I stop to, to make that forewarning, I'm like, I'm like, oh, wait, so most people, you stop for people who don't. Don't know, you don't understand. These people already do. So there's no need for that.
- [37:43]
B
So I just think that's, I think that's profound and probably surprising. So if you're listening, you know, drop a comment or a question or a like on that. Because if I'm hearing you right, Brian, you're saying, yeah, the stuttering right now, it's actually more easy for you. Even though there might be much stuttering going on, it's not taxing because we both know what's up. Is that what you're saying?
- [38:10]
C
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
- [38:12]
B
That's incredible. Again, I think just taken for granted. So I'm just trying to punctuate that. I think it's extraordinary. So something else that you shared and I'm actually going to read the Amazon description of your book as a lead in.
- [38:26]
C
Sure, go ahead.
- [38:26]
B
But I think the question is, what's your main goal when you're writing articles or you wrote your book, like, what's your goal? What's your hope? The title of your book and I recommend everybody check it out on Amazon and your local bookseller. All the right words. My Journey as a Sports Writer who Stutters by Ryan Cowley Forward by Eddie Lack. Those of you that don't know former NHL goaltender, since this is the description here, I'll read it and then maybe you could share with us what's your goal in writing articles and books. Since early childhood, I've been a person who stutters. I also loved hockey and writing or Canadian hooky. Growing up as a person who stutter came with its share of challenges. I. I was bullied, mocked, doubted, and even dismissed because I had considerable difficulty speaking. These were catalysts to long term depression, leading me to doubt myself as a successful person. As an escape, I would write. And while I loved writing stories and Screenplays. Nothing gave me more pleasure than writing about my favorite teams and players. Players commenting on their victories and even their defeats. It wasn't until I was an adult, though, that I wanted to be a regular sports writer. Unfortunately, due to being a person who stutters, I couldn't conduct phone or in person interviews. Or so I thought. For years, I had limited myself due to my stutter. However, during a dark time in my life, I decided that something needed to change. With new creative methods, I gave interviewing a try. Lo and behold, it worked. And since then, I've interviewed hundreds in the sports industry while having the privilege of covering some major events and writing for some major platforms. In this book, I take you on my journey as a sports writer who stutters. This includes some important people in my life who helped me achieve what I've always wanted to on a journey filled with its share of sadness and frustration, but also perseverance and vindication. I hope you enjoy reading my story as much as I've enjoyed telling it. Read on and enjoy. Well, I got shivers.
- [40:41]
C
Oh, you do?
- [40:43]
B
So just, just one more time. That's. That's Ryan Cowley's book. You can get it on Amazon. All the right words. And wasn't that piece right there all the right words or what? So, yeah. What's your goal, Ryan, as a writer of articles and book and this book, what do you, what are you hoping it brings to the world?
- [41:01]
C
I mean, honestly, when I, well, started writing, but when I really got into sports writing, like, like, you know, like the attitude of, you know, of I'll make someone proud or also, also some skeptic. Those are like the furthest things from my mind. I started writing basically. Like, I explained it like, I just love telling stories. As for this book, and I've said this before in speeches I made for like centering organizations. It's like, like, you know, there have been some close friends and some family members who have, you know, who have suggested that I should, you know, that's Sharma's story. And, and, and like, I honestly didn't think too much of it because I thought, well, they say, like it could be inspiring to someone. And, and I mean, I never, I'll be honest, I never saw my story is anything like that. And like it was just my story and how I did things and it wasn't a big deal. And that's, and that's really. I was thought. And then the more I thought about, I'm like, well, well, you know, okay, maybe we'll try this because, because like My attitude is that like, it's like I said my speech speech before, this will be completely worthwhile. Excuse me.
- [42:44]
B
It's the sick episode. Just a reminder. That's great. What would be if you were do one more question before we get to the golden question, which I share with you at the beginning. If you have a few moments. Yeah. Take a little bit extra time overtime. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who was that biggest influence or mentor in your. I guess, in your life. And I don't know if that dovetails with or is separate from in that Amazon description that I shared. You said you were in a pretty rough spot. And then from that rough spot, you kind of leaned into an epiphany of opportunity. I don't know if these things are connected, but it's kind of an unpredictable and a certain amount of dissonance with that. So I don't know, you know, was there someone that was a part of that or was that an internal spark and might have been one of those people in the life.
- [43:53]
C
Yeah. My biggest inspiration is my brother Adam. I have two brothers. Rob is the other one. And now I don't wanna.
- [44:12]
B
You really. Now you really got your foot in your mouth.
- [44:15]
C
I've really brought myself in the corner here. Yeah. Before I go on with that, I just want. It's like, let everyone know it. Like, it's not that Rob is not an inspiration. Rob has been.
- [44:30]
B
We'll let you guys resolve all the brotherly love and all the greatness. Go with.
- [44:36]
C
Yeah, yeah. If there's any Christmas conflicts, it's not for another 12 months. So. Yeah. Rob has been like a huge help to me over the years. And, you know, I would ask for Adam, you know, we go back the dark time in my life, 2016. He was actually the one who suggested that. That I try the alternative communication method, if you will, to, uh, to ask some those questions. Because. Because at that point, I mean, like, I was just so. I mean, I was unemployed, I was lonely. I was like, you know, throw it every adjective out there. I was just like, oh, just. I was just like angry and bitter generally. And you know, one of those things that really took a toll on me, like men, emotionally. But, like, even physically, it was like I couldn't even. I mean, I could get out of bed, but it. It took a while. Yeah. And I remember around that time, it's like, hey, I want to do this to keep myself busy, if nothing else. But I, again, too badass. Thought of that. The whole like, that negative mindset that I've had For such a long time. And then Adam said, suggested that. Well, because like the late movie critic Roger Ebert had, at the end of his life when he had cancer, he had a voice synthesizer to help him speak. Now of course I knew like, I didn't have the funds to, to get that, but. But also made me think because like, like 2016, you know, and the adage, there's an app for that, it had been around for a few years at that point. And that's how I thought of like, of recording my questions into an app and then, and then playing them. And yeah, and Adam was a big help because whether it's writing, whether it's, you know, whether even like my non writing career, it's like, you know, you know, he always gave me suggestions and he was always like, very encouraging. Uh, man, like, I mean, I mean not all of his ideas were great, but like, but, but a lot of them were. And like at no point Adam or anyone really in my family, you know, had said like, like, oh, well, well, honestly don't know what else you can do. Like, like at no point that he or they had ever said that. They were always. Well, Adam especially was always giving me like a lot of like, good encouraging ideas to like, try this, try this, try this. And, and like, you know, and I'm thankful to Adam for that. But a lot of things, like for, for instance, I mean, I'm a LA Kings fan because of Adam, because Adam was a big wink rescue fan and, and because we lived on the east coast, Kings game started like three hours later. So Adam would always take that time if my parents were in bed or something. And we always take that time to bond and I mean, talk about hockey, but also to talk about like life in general. So yeah, I'm sorry, going back, like a lot of people who have inspired me, who are my inspirations, but, but arguably my biggest is my brother Adam. Yeah.
- [48:27]
B
Awesome.
- [48:28]
C
Yeah.
- [48:29]
B
And I'm going to assume he does not stutter, is that right?
- [48:32]
C
Yes, that is correct. He does not.
- [48:37]
B
You can be an inspiration and be a supportive ally and family member and friend, even if you don't stutter.
- [48:44]
C
Yeah, that's right.
- [48:46]
B
And also it's encouraging for those of us, parents, friends, partners, siblings who feel so overwhelmed by the experience to just like, yeah, just show up, just have those conversations and be the brother, the spouse, family member, parent. That would be for anybody. And obviously with a little extra, little extra topic to explore, a little extra something to connect around. So the golden question that I like to finish with is Knowing what you know now, what would you want to be able to kind of go back and tell your, tell your 12 year old or 14 year old self? What would be one bit of wisdom if you could go back Marty McFly style?
- [49:35]
C
Yeah, I just watched that the other night. Back to the future, by the way.
- [49:44]
B
Now there's no doubt in my mind as I, I was kibitzing with you before we got on. Clearly your younger self would look at you today and say, what's with the Boston hat? But we're going to leave that.
- [49:56]
C
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was a lifelong rat.
- [49:59]
B
Okay, we're not gonna. Again, there's some things we're not gonna get to resolve in this, in this few minutes that we have. But yeah, just for the record, I had to just make sure to make a point of that being a, a Bronx born bomber, you know, New York Yankees.
- [50:12]
C
I know. And out of respect, I will not talk about the 2004 ALCS. Okay.
- [50:18]
B
Okay. Do you want to end it here or do you want to. Yeah, let's.
- [50:22]
C
Okay. I'm sorry I said that.
- [50:25]
B
It's okay. That's okay. Okay, let's take a walk through one more, you know, Monument, Monument park and see what we got.
- [50:32]
C
Oh, no, no, no. Oh no. As a baseball story. And I fully appreciate that. So. Yeah, yeah, I'm happy to do that. Sorry that we got off track of it.
- [50:46]
B
That's okay. So we're with your younger self, taking a walk. We're taking a walk through Cooperstown. Okay.
- [50:52]
C
Yes, that's correct.
- [50:53]
B
And there we are, Field of Dreams style, Cooperstown. And. Yeah. What would you tell your younger self as you're looking over the lake there in Cooperstown?
- [51:08]
C
Yeah. I would tell myself, don't ever give up because it gets better. Yeah.
- [51:25]
B
Yeah.
- [51:26]
C
Because you know what? Now even though I had certs of pressing, I mean, I have unfortunately contemplated and even tried suicide in later years. You know, my, my idea of giving up as a 12 year old, it didn't involve suicide. But no one, like, I think the point still stands. It's like, because I remember like my younger self, let's say 10 to 12, for argument's sake. Yeah. There's just so many times that like. And going back to what I was saying earlier about, you know, how I viewed my stuttering as a curse for all intents and purposes and like.
- [52:28]
B
You.
- [52:29]
C
Know, just like, oh, you know, I, I'm so angry at those kids for, for bullying me, but I can't stand up to Them because, like, well, one, I don't want to get in trouble, you know, one, one vest, you know.
- [52:42]
B
And.
- [52:44]
C
And it just brings me back to that age where like, everything was so over overwhelming and nothing, it seemed good. And it's like, well, if I'm being boxed out and because I stutter and I would box out as an adult too for that reason, unfortunately. But like, you know, yes, it does seem like, you know, like everything sucks and that, that nothing's good. But, but just remember, basically, three points, four points. One, don't give up. Two, it gets better. Three, be patient, and four, be zillions. And you know what? You know, it did. It may have taken me a bit longer to get where I am, but like, you know, I went through a lot of hardships, but the last five, six years have been, have been beyond rewarding to say the least. And it's like it has been completely worthwhile as a result.
- [54:19]
B
You know, I think that's four incredibly valuable pieces. Don't give up. It gets better. Be patient and be resilient. And even more than the value of those words, they're valuable words written, they're valuable words spoken. I could speak those words, but they're even more valuable coming from you and listening to you say them. And.
- [54:53]
C
Thank you very much.
- [54:57]
B
I think that too many people have been encouraged and given encouragement and often with the best intentions, but it could be, it could be suspect or thought of as shallow or inconsiderate. If someone doesn't really know the shoes you're walking in, maybe they do. You don't even know if they do. But I think on the receiving end, it's sometimes hard for someone who's dealing with something challenging to receive those words from someone who isn't in the thick of that or doesn't know that firsthand. So that's why I think for so many people and for me in this moment, listening to you say those words carries enormous strength. Thinking of you as a man with a stutter, sharing these words as you're stuttering, listening to you as a man living with depression and cerebral palsy. And I just can't get over you punching out prolific articles and books. 80 words a minute with one hand, I mean, blows my mind. So I wish I was that kid to get that message from you. So I thank you for sharing that wisdom with us. And I hope this is the first of more conversations and opportunities. So I just want to reiterate. Ryan Cowley. Ryan seems to be a great name for modest heroes from Canada. If you know who else is named Ryan? Well known Canadian. You get a prize. But check out Ryan's book All the Right Words on Amazon and it has been a privilege. And if you've enjoyed this episode, check out all the others. We recorded several incredible episodes with some outstanding people which have not yet come out, but you can find all these podcasts everywhere that you enjoy podcasts at Transcending Stuff, Stuttering with Uri Schneider on any podcast platform and we will be bringing out our new website@transcendingx.com that'll be up within a few hours with some great opportunities coming up. But I want to thank Ryan and thank all of you for joining us and look forward to a strong 2022.
- [57:11]
C
Thank you.
- [57:13]
B
This has been the sick episode. Hopefully the next one will be the healthy episode.
- [57:18]
A
Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode and you want more, check out transcendingx.com podcast Sign up for our email. You'll get exclusive clips, invites to events and access to join our community and much more. If you just want to listen to more episodes, you can subscribe and drop a review on Apple, Google, Spotify, wherever, wherever you listen to podcasts. Your subscriptions and reviews help us reach more people wishing you a great day.
- [58:11]
C
Sa.