Podcast Summary

TranscendingX, Episode #76: "Mighty Mindset with Robert O'Brien"

Host: Uri Schneider, Speech Therapist & Communication Coach
Guest: Robert O'Brien, Author, Actor, Teacher, Improv Leader
Aired: June 27, 2022

Episode Overview

In this episode, Uri Schneider has a candid, heartfelt conversation with Robert O’Brien, whose journey includes growing up with a stutter, coming out as gay, surviving a suicide attempt, and ultimately finding purpose in service, creativity, and vulnerability. Together, they explore themes of authenticity, self-acceptance, mental health—especially as it relates to men—and the transformative power of improv and openness. Robert shares wisdom and practical strategies for breaking free from shame, fear, and perfectionism to reclaim one’s voice and presence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Robert’s Journey: From “Needing to be Fixed” to True Acceptance

[04:15–06:35]

• Growing Up with a Stutter and Hiding Sexuality:
  Robert started stuttering at age eight and spent much of his youth trying to “fix” both his speech and his sexuality. He shares the profound burden of living with bullying, fear, and the daily struggle to mask parts of himself.
• Quote:
  “Trying to fix having a stutter, trying to fix being gay, working very, very hard … There was a sort of element there of running from who I actually was, but also having fun [through acting].” – Robert [12:26]
• Turning Point: Suicide Attempt and Writing His Memoir
  A low point led Robert to attempt suicide in his father’s race car. This moment spurred him to seek professional help and begin writing what became his memoir, Just One More Drive: The True Story of a Stuttering Homosexual and His Race Car.
  • “Even a failed suicide attempt is a suicide attempt and is some kind of cry for help. So I did have the good sense to go and get help. But I also began writing.” – Robert [13:50]

2. The Process of Creating and Sharing His Story

[16:21–19:38]

• Challenges of Memoir Creation:
  The journey from pain to book publication was nonlinear and emotionally intense, requiring relentless self-examination and openness.
  • “One of the things I've learned about myself, for better or worse, I find quitting very, very hard. Given what it's about ... it's essentially me. Everything that I am, everything that I was, everything that I thought was in the book.” – Robert [17:17]
• Connection with Readers:
  Readers connect differently: older readers resonate with growing up without support, car enthusiasts love the automotive storyline, and others find hope in his late-in-life coming out story.
  • “Younger people like when I talk about the whole coming out process and coming out at 32 ... as a sort of adult you would think, oh, well, I can skip all of these silly phases. And no, no, I had to go through all of them.” – Robert [21:13]

3. Parallels Between Coming Out as Gay and as a Person Who Stutters

[23:32–29:14]

• Common Emotional Threads:
  Both experiences share fear, the urge to hide, and emotional vulnerability.
  • “The coming out felt very similar to each other ... As someone who has a stutter, I was taught to make disclosures ... The amount of courage it takes to open up ... huge.” – Robert [24:32]
• Echoes of Vulnerability:
  Even now, "coming out"—whether about stuttering or sexuality—still brings up nerves and uncertainty, though it has become easier with practice.
  • “Every time I do it, I still feel a little ... take a pause, take a breath ... there’s still, I mean, echoes, ripples. And I don’t think that will ever change. And I don’t think I want it to.” – Robert [28:36]

4. Mental Health & Self-Care, Especially for Men

[31:10–38:37]

• “Being Your Own Best Friend”: Robert highlights the societal expectation for men to be stoic, and how he learned—often painfully—to be gentle with himself.
  • “Boys, I don’t think are really ever taught how to be their own best friend. And that’s the biggest thing I’ve taken from this whole journey.” – Robert [32:38]
• Practical Coping Tools:
  • Physical exercise, like lifting weights or running
  • Mindfulness: taking breaks, making tea, asking “How can I help me in the next hour?”
  • Treating oneself with kindness without guilt
  • The importance of safe spaces, men’s groups around shared activities (e.g., fixing cars, sports)
• Quote:
  “For boys and for men who don’t know how to talk about [mental health] ... they hit drugs and drink and do stupid things ... It’s not narcissism, it’s the exact opposite.” – Robert [34:08]
• On the value of sharing openly:
  “Even though I may have a stutter and even though I might be gay, I’ve got a lot more in common with other humans than I ever thought. We all feel nervousness when sharing personal things.” – Robert [36:52]

5. The Value of Improv for People Who Stutter

[41:52–43:29]

• Getting Out of One’s Head:
  Improv provides a chance to be present, spontaneous, and unfiltered, countering the habit of editing oneself.
  • “For someone who has a stutter or for someone who’s gay or hiding, we edit before we ever open our mouths. And most of all, it’s fun to actually PLAY.” – Robert [42:18]

6. The Unblockables: Improv Course for People Who Stutter

[43:36–48:27]

• Collaboration and Community:
  Robert co-leads The Unblockables, an improv acting course for people who stutter, in partnership with Tightrope Theatre. The program emerged from community connection, therapeutic insight, and lived experience.
  • The process is collaborative, and, for Robert, has been the first time he has really worked and grown as part of a team.
  • “I’ve been very much a lone wolf ... learning how to work as, as a team, having a team, working as a team, it’s been great.” – Robert [47:50]
• Get Involved:
  • Tightrope Theatre’s Improv for Stuttering
  • New cohort begins in the fall.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|----------------| | 00:06 | "You are enough. You are enough." | Robert | | 12:26 | “I tried to fix myself. I tried to be someone else ... I was left in the car … At 35 after working hard ... I have no idea how to pick up any of these pieces.” | Robert | | 17:17 | “Quitting [the book] was very, very hard … it’s essentially me. Everything that I am, everything that I was, is in the book.” | Robert | | 21:13 | “As a sort of adult you would think, oh, well, I can skip all of these silly phases. And no, no, I had to go through all of them.” | Robert | | 24:32 | “The coming out felt very similar to each other ... As someone who has a stutter, I was taught to make disclosures...” | Robert | | 32:38 | “Boys, I don’t think are really ever taught how to be their own best friend ... That’s the biggest thing I’ve taken from this whole journey.” | Robert | | 36:52 | “Even though I may have a stutter and even though I might be gay, I’ve got a lot more in common with other humans than I ever thought."| Robert | | 42:18 | “For someone who has a stutter or ... is hiding, we edit before we ever open our mouths. Most of all, it’s fun to actually PLAY.” | Robert | | 51:26 | “You are enough. You are enough.” | Robert |

Key Segments & Timestamps

• 00:06 — “You are enough” Billboard
• 04:15 — Robert’s bio and journey beginnings
• 12:26 — Memoir genesis and the suicide attempt
• 16:21 — Writing the book: emotional journey
• 23:32 — Coming out: similarities with stuttering
• 31:10 — Mental health, men, and self-kindness
• 41:52 — Value of improv for communication
• 43:36 — The Unblockables: origins, team, info
• 51:26 — Final billboard/message: “You are enough”

Language & Tone

The episode is raw, supportive, and insightful. Robert is candid, reflective, and often humorous. Uri is empathetic, validating, and keeps the conversation accessible and practical. Their dialogue is honest, sometimes heavy, but always hopeful.

Takeaways

• Authenticity comes through embracing vulnerability and imperfection, not “fixing” yourself.
• Mental health, particularly for men, requires developing self-kindness and breaking stigmas around sharing pain.
• Improv and creative risk-taking help people move beyond shame and restrictive self-narratives.
• Community, service, and “showing up” vulnerably are powerful tools for connection and healing.
• The simplest message—“You are enough”—can be the most profound.

Resources Mentioned

• Book: Just One More Drive: The True Story of a Stuttering Homosexual and His Race Car by Robert O’Brien (available globally)
• Improv Course: The Unblockables (Tightrope Theatre)
• Podcast Archive & Community: TranscendingX.com

Closing Quote

"You are enough. And I think...when it actually lands, and they actually get to feel it – yes, you are. That's really profound for all of us. For all of us." – Robert O’Brien [51:26]