Podcast Summary: TranscendingX Episode #79 – "Life on Delay" with John Hendrickson (October 9, 2023)

Host: Uri Schneider
Guest: John Hendrickson, Senior Editor at The Atlantic and author of Life on Delay
Episode Theme: Breaking Through Stuttering and Embracing Authentic Communication

Overview

In this deeply personal episode, Uri Schneider sits down with John Hendrickson to explore his journey as a person who stutters—culminating in his acclaimed Atlantic article about interviewing Joe Biden, and his subsequent memoir Life on Delay. The conversation traverses childhood therapy, moments of liberation through music, the power of perseverance, the evolution of speech therapy, and how embracing imperfection leads to true self-acceptance and growth. The episode provides practical wisdom, advocacy, and inspiration for anyone navigating communication fears, shame, or perfectionism.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Owning the Narrative: Coming Out as a Person Who Stutters

• John reveals how he kept his stuttering secret for 30 years and only recently learned to integrate it into his identity.
  • "I'm a person who stutters and I think that's the reason I'm on this podcast here today. And it's been interesting making that part of my bio these past three or four years, because I lived the first 30 years of my life and didn't advertise that fact about myself at all." – John (02:57)

2. The Joe Biden Interview: Poise on the Outside, Terror Within (05:32)

• Hendrickson shares the anxiety preceding his MSNBC appearance and how his article on Biden (who also stutters) compelled him to step into the spotlight himself.
  • "I was terrified...not something where I'm like, oh, yeah, that sounds great. It would be critical of me not to do it, because the thrust of my article...was about Joe Biden not fully owning the present day manifestation of his disfluency. How could I write that about someone else and then not go live it up myself?" – John (05:52)
• Uri highlights the importance of understanding the "internal experience" of people who stutter, beyond what others see or hear. (08:36)

3. The Dynamics of Conversation and Reactions (09:47)

• John discusses how the emotional weight of stuttering is most often tied to the reactions of others.
  • "I would imagine that most people who stutter would tell you that the toughest part is the reactions of other people." – John (11:05)

4. “The Little Rooms”: Evolution of Therapy Spaces (12:01, 14:26)

• Explains the emotional impact of being pulled into small, infantilizing therapy rooms as a child and the contrast with age-appropriate, comfortable therapeutic spaces as an adult.
  • "As you keep getting older and older and bigger, it reminds you that you still have this problem that you had when you were 4 and that it hasn't gotten better and that maybe it's getting worse." – John (15:01)
• Uri and John reflect on the importance of fitting the environment to the individual's stage of life.

5. Rethinking Success in Speech Therapy (20:18)

• John critiques the focus on "fluency at all costs" in older models of speech therapy.
  • "I think a lot of people who stutter would be satisfied with just being able to be conversational and be dynamic in conversation, be improvisational and not feel like a robot." – John (20:39)
• Calls for therapy to value confidence, eye contact, and authentic self-expression over robotic fluency.

6. Musical Liberation and Finding Respite (25:10)

• Music offers freedom and total fluency; creative expression provides critical relief from the daily stress of communication struggles.
  • "It meant everything. Music from a very, very early age was that respite and that liberation...I sang multiple songs in a packed bar. And totally fluent...I think it's really essential to find that respite and live it up." – John (25:10–27:52)
• Many artists find this; creative outlets are disproportionately common among people who stutter.

7. Beyond Stuttering: Embracing Life

• John uses "person who stutters" vs. "stutterer," emphasizing that stuttering is only one facet of his life:
  • "This is a book about being a person who stutters. But more than that, it's just a book about life, as broad as that sounds." – John (30:47)

8. Adversity as Motivation (32:10)

• Struggles with stuttering have built resilience, perfectionism, and drive in John's life, shaping both his personality and purpose.
  • "This thing, this daily problem of yours will be your biggest motivator in life. And it's going to make you work harder." – John (61:46)

9. Role Models: Cal Ripken and Perseverance (38:25)

• Cal Ripken's consistency and "perseverance" poster inspired John to keep showing up, a metaphor for living with stuttering.
  • "It was just a role model. And there are kids who face and continue to face much, much, much greater adversity than me...In your 10 year old brain, being the only kid in class who stutters...you need a role model and Cal was mine." – John (40:20)

10. Strengths Gained from Stuttering (42:43)

• Observation, listening, curiosity—heightened skills in many people who stutter, forming the foundation of journalism and deep relationships.
  • "The power of observation...listening...curiosity. And I think people who stutter are great at being curious about other people." – John (43:50)

11. The Value of Community (47:29)

• John only recently formed friendships with other people who stutter; these connections brought joy and support.
  • "Writing my article about Biden just completely opened the floodgates to making many, many beautiful friendships with people who stutter." – John (48:09)

12. Radical Acceptance and Love (51:52)

• Meeting his wife Liz—who openly shared her own neurological disorder—was transformative:
  • "Liz just immediately greeted me with that radical acceptance. And we just immediately had this bond where we understood each other, even if we had completely different disorders." – John (53:12)

13. Change is Always Possible (57:24)

• Profound message of hope for transformation at any age, echoing John's last four years of radical growth:
  • "It's a little cliche to say, but change is always possible. Change in yourself, change in others, change in perceptions, change in what you think your limitations are." – John (57:24)

14. Advice to His Younger Self (61:46)

• "That day [of not stuttering] is not going to come, but it'll be okay...this thing, this daily problem of yours will be your biggest motivator in life...it's going to give you grit."

15. On Perfectionism and Authenticity (68:16)

• If he had a message for the world:
  • "Give up on perfection...perfection is not the goal. It's not as beautiful as something that's unvarnished and authentic and real...if you can work to actually get past that idea, I think it opens up so many more possibilities in your life." – John (68:16)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On taking the TV opportunity:
  • "How could I write that about someone else and then not go live it up myself?" (05:52, John)
• On the impact of others' reactions:
  • "The toughest part is the reactions of other people." (11:05, John)
• On therapy spaces:
  • "As you keep getting older and older and bigger, it reminds you that you still have this problem that you had when you were 4." (15:01, John)
• On music as respite:
  • "It's just an incredible feeling just to not have to think at all." (26:57, John)
• On his wife, Liz:
  • "She has allowed me to see the whole me and to stop running from it." (51:52, John)
• Core message:
  • "Change is literally always possible." (57:24, John)
• Advice to his younger self:
  • "That day is not going to come, but it'll be okay." (61:46, John)
• Billboard for the world:
  • "Give up on perfection." (68:16, John)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:57] John’s coming out as a person who stutters
• [05:32] Behind the scenes of the Biden interview & TV appearance
• [09:47] The internal and external experience of stuttering
• [12:01, 14:26] "The little rooms" of childhood therapy
• [20:18] Critique of fluency-focused therapy
• [25:10] Music and moments of liberation
• [30:47] Identity beyond stuttering
• [38:25] Cal Ripken: perseverance and role models
• [42:43] Strengths people who stutter often develop
• [47:29] Finding stuttering community in adulthood
• [51:52] Relationship with Liz and radical acceptance
• [57:24] The enduring possibility of change
• [61:46] Advice to his 12-year-old self
• [68:16] "Give up on perfection" – the ultimate message

Final Reflections

The conversation is a testament to living authentically, embracing adversity, and transforming the label of stuttering from a source of shame to a wellspring of empathy, perseverance, and connection. John Hendrickson’s story—paired with Uri Schneider’s sensitive, insightful guidance—serves as a beacon for anyone striving to speak freely, move beyond perfectionism, and claim their place in the world.

Listen to the episode for a front-row seat to vulnerability, humor, wisdom, and the realization that everyone, stuttering or not, has something that holds them back—and also something within them to transcend it.