Podcast Summary: Drunk In Love // Relationship Goals: In Real Life (Part 2)

Podcast: Transformation Church
Host/Speaker: Pastor Michael Todd
Date: February 22, 2026
Series: Relationship Goals: In Real Life (Part 2)

Episode Overview

This episode, titled "Drunk In Love," is the second part of the "Relationship Goals: In Real Life" series led by Pastor Michael Todd. The central theme is building healthy, God-centered relationships by first cultivating individual health and awareness. Pastor Mike confronts cultural misconceptions about love and relationships, emphasizing the need for "sober souls" rather than being "drunk in love," and uncovers how our early relational foundations shape every connection we have. He challenges listeners to examine their own foundations, seek true soul health in God, and allow God to restore what’s been broken or missing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Church Meets Real Life (01:25–03:30)

• Pastor Mike sets the tone for authentic, real-life transformation—not just a "professional church" experience.
• Quote: "There are a lot of people that want to go viral. I want to add value." (01:37)
• The importance of being "living epistles"—our lives as testimony rather than just biblical stories.

2. Relationships Are About Connections—Not Just Marriage (04:50–06:58)

• Healthy relationships go beyond romantic partnerships; every connection matters (friends, barbers, gym buddies, etc).
• Quote: "Some of us have connections with people that we have not actually valued in the way that they actually impact us." (05:59)

3. Healthy Relationships Start with Healthy Individuals (07:10–10:00)

• Key Principle: "It's not them, it's me." We can only change ourselves, not others.
• Self-awareness and surrender are core to building a healthy soul (mind, will, emotions).
• The impact of unaddressed issues and "soul ties" even to things, not just people.

4. The Soul as the Foundation (13:40–17:38)

• God wants us to prosper "just as your soul prospers." (3 John 1:2)
• Nothing impacts or injures the soul more than relationships.
• Old relational wounds, if unhealed, keep us stuck—even decades later.
• Quote: "If the word for our church this year is 'forward,' you might have to go back to heal some of the things that are wounds for you to actually move forward." (16:31)

5. Relational Foundations & Their Roots (18:40–26:00)

• God designed humans for relationships, but unhealthy foundations sabotage them.
• Problems often arise from wounds before our current relationships—they’re just exposed now, not created by the latest incident.
• Quote: "You gotta find the root... until we pull the root, any real gardener knows you can cut it down, but it's going to grow right back up." (22:20)

6. What God Gives Before a Person (21:30–25:40)

• Before relationship with another, God gave Adam: His presence, a place, provision, personality, purpose, and parameters.
• Don’t wait for a partner to walk in your purpose—run your race and let a partner join you.
• Quote: "If you are waiting for a plus one to step into purpose, you're playing yourself." (23:10)

7. Sorting Real Love from Counterfeits (27:39–34:50)

• Only God, the "manufacturer," has the real standard for relationships.
• Culture offers "dupes"—counterfeit versions of relationship goals that don’t withstand testing.
• Quote: "Everything seems real until it’s tested. What culture is selling seems real until it's tested." (31:01)
• The real thing (marriage, meaningful connections) is valuable and costly: "A healthy relationship is going to cost you pride… it's going to cost you time." (34:05)

8. The 'Drunk In Love' Illusion (34:50–48:00)

• Culture pushes a distorted, intoxicating ideal of love—euphoric, overwhelming, obsessive.
• Pastor Mike uses "drunk goggles" as a metaphor: when intoxicated by this idea, we can’t perceive reality or make wise decisions.
• Quote: "Nobody makes wise decisions when they’re inebriated… you will not make wise relationship decisions when you are intoxicated" (36:10)
• The call is to "take off" the illusion and see relationships clearly.

9. Sober Soul vs. Drunk in Love (49:23–55:38)

• Being "sober in your soul" means clear-minded living—making decisions from a place of healing, not just feeling.
• Soul health is more important than material wealth or fleeting emotional highs.
• Sober souls can apologize, repair, and grow—drunk ones cannot.
• Quote: "When you get love wrong, it messes up all your relationships. When you get relationships wrong, it shrinks the quality of your life." (49:45)

10. The Four Foundations of Healthy Relationships (56:01–63:41)

The Four S’s (from The Cusicks):

• Seen: Do I feel noticed and valued?
• Safe: Are my boundaries respected?
• Soothed: Is there comfort and care when I’m in pain?
• Secure: Is the connection stable and reliable?
• If one or more is missing in childhood, we grow up compensating, sometimes in dysfunctional ways.
• This influences the relationships we form and the ones we parent.

Parenting Application

• Are you giving your kids what you didn't get? Are you breaking or passing on cycles?
• Healthy foundations build assertive, competent, purposeful, and identity-rooted adults.

11. From Foundations to Identity (71:02–77:14)

• If the foundational needs are met, people develop healthy identity and can be open, assertive, and purposeful in relationships.
• If not, we compensate with unhealthy identities or roles, seeking externally what must be built internally.
• Quote: "If your identity starts with your idea, you can't build nothing on this." (74:40)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Your life is going to be the Book of [your name].” (02:00)
• “We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony—what happened in real life.” (03:00)
• “Healthy relationships come from healthy individuals. It’s not them, it’s me.” (09:00)
• “Soul health is more important than material wealth.” (46:40)
• “A real healthy relationship is gonna cost you your pride. It's gonna cost you going first.” (34:20)
• “Nobody makes wise decisions when they're inebriated… you will not make wise relationship decisions when you are intoxicated.” (36:10)
• “Culture always sells a counterfeit of what Christ created.” (33:15)
• “What is not transformed is transferred.” (63:41)
• “If God is not enough, no person ever will be.” (78:00)

Action Steps & Applications

Four things a “sober soul” can believe (78:00–85:30)

1. I am seen by God. (Genesis 16:13, Hagar & Elroi)
2. I am safe with God. (Proverbs 18:10)
3. God soothes my pain. (Matthew 11:28)
4. I am secure in God. (Romans 8:38)

Suggested Prayer:

"Father, make me sober in my soul… fill in every hole in my soul… everything I didn’t receive from a parent or relationship, fill it, Jesus.” (90:30–94:00)

Structural Foundations for Listeners

• Start with YOU: True transformation in relationships starts with individual healing and honesty.
• Go to God first: Only God can meet the primal needs of being seen, safe, soothed, and secure.
• Heal and parent intentionally: Don't just break cycles, build new, healthy ones.
• Test what looks real: Don’t accept cultural “dupes”—let God’s word be the foundation for your relationships.

Timeline of Key Segments

• 01:25–05:00: Introduction to "real-life" transformation
• 05:00–12:00: Importance and types of relationships/connections
• 13:40–18:38: The soul’s health as the foundation for prosperity and healing relational wounds
• 21:30–25:40: God’s order before human relationships—what Adam received before Eve
• 27:39–34:50: "Diamond tester" illustration—testing the real vs. counterfeit in relationships
• 34:50–48:00: "Drunk in Love" metaphor, why emotional intoxication is dangerous
• 49:23–56:00: Sober soul vs. intoxicated soul, soul health over material wealth
• 56:01–63:41: The Four Foundations ("S’s") for healthy attachment and relationships
• 71:02–77:14: Moving from healthy attachment to purpose and identity
• 78:00–94:00: Restoring the soul through God, prayer, and practical teachings

Final Thoughts

Pastor Mike ends the episode with a call for listeners to examine and reconstruct their relational foundations through God’s truth, pursue healing for themselves, and intentionally create a legacy of healthy relationships. The episode concludes with a prayer for "restoration work"—inviting God to fill every gap and making a recommitment to pursuing relationship goals God's way.

Key takeaway:
Soul health is the cornerstone for all relationships. Only God can ultimately provide what we seek from others. True, healthy love is built on a sober, healed, self-aware foundation—not culture’s intoxicated illusions.