It's Our Party ft. Rudy Jules & Jenna Jiménez

Summary

Podcast Summary: Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn

Episode: It's Our Party ft. Rudy Jules & Jenna Jiménez
Date: December 2, 2025

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Episode Overview

This emotionally charged and candid episode of Trash Tuesday brings together hosts Esther Povitsky and Khalyla Kuhn with regulars Rudy Jules (Jules) and Jenna Jiménez. The group dubs this episode a "Pity Party," inviting each other—and listeners—into a raw, humorous, and sometimes teary exploration of personal struggles. Topics range from pregnancy woes and postpartum identity crises to nightmarish car-buying experiences and the burden of health issues, all delivered in the podcast’s signature irreverent, supportive, and relatable style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Low-Energy, High-Emotion: Setting the Scene

• The show opens with a confessional of exhaustion and stress, with each co-host detailing why “today is a rough one for everyone.”
• Kalila’s (Khalyla) day started off badly with a cystic pimple, which she humorously anthropomorphizes:

  “I name them because they're that big and they're that painful. They take on a full human identity.” (01:16)

• Jenna admits to a 4 a.m. panic episode, highlighting the closeness of the group and their reliance on one another during emotional lows.

2. The Pregnancy & Pity Party

• Esther discusses her advancing pregnancy, sharing worries about size, comfort, and future expectations.

  “I have three months left, and this is gonna be a normal-sized baby.” (13:53)

• She openly craves “pity” from her friends, using humor to mask deeper discomfort:

  “Why do I like pity so much?” (15:41)

• The group supports her, with Kalila and Jenna affirming both her struggles and her resilience, but also making space for comic relief:

  “Your pussy's already a runway. Yeah, it's already the 405 freeway. You're good.” – Khalyla (04:41)

3. Navigating Loss Amid Pregnancy

• Esther shares that her grandmother recently passed away, but admits an emotional numbness due to pregnancy exhaustion:

  “There is something about the pregnancy...either it's the hormones or the constant physical misery that, like, I'm not able to really feel or take on this death.” (14:20)

• The conversation lightens as the group jokes about the “six tablespoons” of ashes her mom will keep:

  “Six tablespoons of Grandma? Are you making her into banana bread?” (16:21)

4. On Female Aging, Beauty, and Self-Perception

• The hosts reflect on their changing looks, the cruelty of internet commentary, and their own body image anxieties, all filtered through sharp self-deprecation and genuine concern for each other’s feelings.
• A side conversation explores the merits of child-specific skincare products and the cultural backlash against making children consumers in beauty markets.

5. Identity, Motherhood, and Loss of Self

• Kalila confides in feeling a loss of identity since becoming a mother, which affects her self-image and relationship to her brand, EB:

  “I was single, I was diving, I was hot, I was aspirational…I feel very flat, very fat, very not aspirational and something to look up to.” (20:00)

• Jenna offers a powerful reframing:

  “There weren't, like, these role models of women who were real people…who were allowed to change who they were…So I feel like this is the ultimate aspirational icon: a woman who is whatever she is whenever she is.” (23:17)

• Esther relates deeply to Kalila’s struggles, expressing her own nostalgia for pre-motherhood “glory days.”

  “There’s this old life that I really fucking miss, and I don’t know that I’m ever gonna have it again.” (24:03)

6. Humor as Coping Mechanism

• The group consistently weaves humor and sarcasm into discussions of discomfort and insecurity.
• On wrist size:

  “Only my wrists… I don’t know.” (18:47)

7. Extended Pity Parade: Jenna's Car-Buying Ordeal

• Jenna recounts, in vivid detail, her disastrous experience trying to buy a used Hyundai Tucson Hybrid, which spans a four-hour drive, endless dealership delays, and shady sales tactics.

  “This seems like you. This seems like it's fake. And they do this thing where they go, yes, because here and the SWAT and the protection and this and then with the taxes...so off the number...it's going to be this.” (46:08)

• She uses humor and strategic outrage to navigate the encounter, only to leave without a car after eight hours.

  “I left without the car.” (54:44)

8. Health Struggles & Chronic Illness

• Jenna opens up about ongoing health issues, anxiety, and feeling like a bad friend as a result:

  “I feel like I'm not fun. I feel like I don't ever look good...I can't show up in the way that I want to.” (36:14)

• The group affirms her value regardless of her productivity or cheerfulness.

9. Jules’ Quarterlife Pity

• Jules, the youngest, admits to feeling “lost” post-graduation and anxious about starting her master’s program.

  “I just feel stupid and like, I don't know.” (62:52)

• Kalila reassures her:

  “To me, what matters most is that you walk away feeling like, ‘Oh, okay, I learned something.’” (62:33)
  “There isn't a molecule in my body that is even near disappointed in you.” (65:10)

10. Endnote: Mutual Support and Community

• The episode closes as the group affirms their need for one another, invites audience input, and encourages everyone to share their own stories or advice.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:16 | Khalyla | "I name them because they're that big and they're that painful. They take on a full human identity." | | 04:41 | Khalyla | "Your pussy's already a runway. Yeah, it's already the 405 freeway. You're good." | | 13:41 | Esther | "My grandma did die. ... She actually died on the same day as her mother." | | 15:41 | Esther | "Why do I like pity so much?" | | 20:00 | Khalyla | "I feel very flat, very fat, very not aspirational and something to look up to." | | 23:17 | Jenna | "There weren't, like, these role models of women who were real people ... So I feel like this is the ultimate aspirational icon..." | | 24:03 | Esther | "There’s this old life that I really fucking miss, and I don’t know that I’m ever gonna have it again." | | 46:08 | Jenna | "This seems like you. This seems like it's fake. And they do this thing..." | | 54:44 | Jenna | "I left without the car." | | 62:33 | Kalila | "To me, what matters most is that you walk away feeling... I learned something." | | 65:10 | Kalila | "There isn't a molecule in my body that is even near disappointed in you." |

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–07:00: Low-energy check-in, skin/hair issues, beauty standards
• 07:00–15:00: Pregnancy talk, Esther’s woes, and grief about grandmother’s passing
• 15:00–18:00: Humor about family, wrist size, gold bangles, and familial rituals
• 20:00–25:00: Aspirational identity and motherhood, loss of self, “glory days” nostalgia
• 34:30–39:00: Jenna’s health struggles, anxiety, and feelings about friendship
• 43:16–56:00: Jenna’s epic car dealership horror story
• 61:34–67:00: Jules’ post-grad uncertainty, group support and pep talk
• 68:00–End: Closing reflections, acknowledgment of shared vulnerability, call for listener input

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Tone, Style & Authenticity

Retaining the Trash Tuesday signature—raw, caring, irreverent, and hilarious—this episode is a potent mix of tragicomedy and heartfelt solidarity. The hosts are unfiltered and deeply supportive, poking fun at themselves and each other while still offering nuanced empathy.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode of Trash Tuesday is for anyone needing catharsis, validation for their struggles, or just a good laugh and cry with friends who “get it.” The hosts’ willingness to expose their lowest points, coupled with their refusal to wallow without sarcasm or a roast, makes this hour both comforting and sharply entertaining.

Transcript

[Jenna]

I'm just gonna start crying too.

[Kalila]

Crying.

[Esther]

It's okay.

[Jenna]

Oh, my God.

[Esther]

I'm the only one on Lexapro. This sucks. I don't get to participate. Hi, guys. Guess what? I'm doing one more show in LA before the end of the year and probably before this Pregnancy is over. December 12th in Los Angeles at the Comedy Store in the Belly Room. You can get tickets at the link below. I'm really excited. If you haven't seen me on this tour yet, this is your last opportunity in LA to come and see all material that I'm really excited to share. It'll be fun. We'll do Q and A. And it's a really intimate space. And these shows have been so much fun. I'll see you there. Hey, slugs. Check out our Patreon this week. We have new stuff coming every week, bonus episodes and more. And shout out to our golden slug, Brandon. I feel like today is a rough one for everyone.

[Jenna]

I feel so brain dead, too.

[Esther]

You look pretty, though.

[Kalila]

Yeah, you look pretty for being brain dead.

[Esther]

I don't even have, I don't know, makeup or anything.

[Kalila]

That's good, Jules. It's okay to be dumb as long as you're pretty.

[Esther]

Wait, I actually thought you walked in looking really pretty, too. I have no makeup.

[Kalila]

Look, can I tell you where my day started wrong?

[Esther]

What?

[Kalila]

My day started wrong because you know when you have a cystic pimple and then you tell yourself, I know.

[Esther]

I'm dry. It's horrible to be dry.

[Kalila]

Oh, really?

[Jenna]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

I'm flaky everywhere, and you look like you're 10 and you never age.

[Jenna]

Shut up.

[Esther]

Okay, what's going on? So just, you know, the sunglasses are not covering your pimple here. I don't.

[Kalila]

Your eyes look beautiful to all my pimply girlies. Shout out. Let me look at you. You know, the pimple hurts so bad, but it's cystic. There's no head to it.

[Esther]

Yeah, there's no head.

[Kalila]

There's no head. So it just sits there for like two weeks. And you're like, kila. Every day it's a. Don't pop it, Kilila. Don't with it. K. Don't go see Megumi. Go see Megumi, my facialist, and get it sorted out there. But guess what I did this morning? I with it and it bled everywhere. And this stuff didn't even come out. I was like, I'm creating a head. I'm creating an exit. I didn't. I created a crater and a wound.

[Esther]

When you say it Bled everywhere. It sounds like you're talking about a person. Like it's not. It's like a whole thing.

[Kalila]

Well, I name them. I name them because they're that big and they're that painful. They take on a full human identity.

[Esther]

I mean, this is what your hard morning is.

[Kalila]

No, it's. No, trust me, there's more to it. I'll tell you on the side, but you know, some other work related stuff.

[Jenna]

Okay.

[Kalila]

You know, frustrations as a. As a founder who is very low energy at the moment.

[Esther]

Oh, true. We're a low energy group. Jenna's about to bust in here. She's also having a day from hell.

[Kalila]

Well, she called me at 4:00am she.

[Esther]

Called you at 4:00am you called Delilah.

[Jenna]

At 4:00am yeah, I was having an episode.

[Kalila]

I'm the person she's. I give her that phone on at 4am it's not. But I am up all night still because I breastfeed.

[Jenna]

I'm happy she didn't pick up. I didn't want you to pick up. I just was. I was feeling scared because it wouldn't stop.

[Esther]

Everyone's doing really well today. This is the day from hell.

[Kalila]

Keep your sunglasses on because I am.

[Jenna]

Okay, great. I brought. I've been crying all morning, so I brought other sunglasses.

[Esther]

Kalila looks really pretty today. Randomly with no makeup looks pretty. No, no, no.

[Jenna]

She always looks pretty gorgeous. I can't.

[Kalila]

I swear to God. Oh, my God.

[Jenna]

I look so ugly today.

[Kalila]

Bitch.

[Jenna]

You look like America's Next Top Model.

[Kalila]

You guys saying this? That the men have turned on my looks on the Internet because they' she's not that pretty. What happened to her? Did she have a stroke?

[Jenna]

They just don't.

[Kalila]

What happened?

[Esther]

The male gaze, you know, I only see like the male gaze sees.

[Kalila]

You are male gazing.

[Esther]

I do not give love and support just for trying or bravery. I'm honest.

[Kalila]

What is that?

[Esther]

Oh, the good date.

[Kalila]

I thought figs.

[Jenna]

I was going to. Oh, no, I'm allergic. How's everyone?

[Kalila]

Eat the dates. Eat the dates. They'll soften your service. Wait. Not ready. Only six months.

[Esther]

I have no room left. I am so bloated. I was up all night. What?

[Kalila]

Admit it. Say something. That Esther. That's going to hurt Esther's feelings. She goes, is Esther on maternity leave yet? I was like, she's six months pregnant, Joel.

[Esther]

What does that mean, maternity leave?

[Jenna]

You're large and in charge right now.

[Kalila]

She thought you were about to pop tomorrow.

[Esther]

Jewel.

[Jenna]

I will say what? It's not a bad thing. I walked in And I was like, whoa, you grew since three days ago.

[Kalila]

The belly.

[Jenna]

The belly.

[Kalila]

Not the best of you.

[Jenna]

Who cares? You're fucking pregnant. You be growing. That's how it happens.

[Esther]

I had my. My ultrasound yesterday from Hel, but everything was fine. And they said that this baby's on track to be 7 pounds. And Ace was only 5 pounds, 15 ounces.

[Kalila]

But that's okay. Your pussy's already a Runway. Yeah, it's already the 405 freeway. You're good.

[Esther]

No, it's a five pound pussy exit hole. It's not a seven pound.

[Kalila]

After your first baby, I'm telling you, things can fit through there.

[Jenna]

I guess you gotta get rid of it or I gotta start fisting you.

[Esther]

You guys think I look huge.

[Jenna]

No, I just don't.

[Kalila]

The belly.

[Esther]

But, you know, I know that you know that I'm getting fat. And you.

[Jenna]

No, you're not.

[Esther]

Because you can't tell me till after.

[Jenna]

No, I'll tell you right now. Genuine. I walked in, didn't notice it because I'm looking at your face and arms and your hands were like this. And then you went like this.

[Esther]

No.

[Jenna]

And you pulled it back.

[Esther]

I know that the.

[Jenna]

Esther, you know, I wouldn't lie to you. I would love to call you a fucking whale.

[Kalila]

She's foaming at the mouth. She's waiting for her moment.

[Jenna]

I want to call you a fucking. What did I call you today, Gumbo?

[Esther]

The only people I can trust are the incels in the comments. Those are my only real friends. They care about me.

[Jenna]

Lord McFarker here.

[Kalila]

Also.

[Jenna]

I came with wet hair.

[Kalila]

Oh, wait, that's a. That's a vibe. I love it.

[Jenna]

I did it for you.

[Esther]

I have anti wet hair status with. I blow dried my hair for that. Thank you. I blow dried my hair for the first time in, like, I think forever.

[Jenna]

Oh, God, this is so boring already.

[Esther]

I can't believe you can blow dry your hair.

[Jenna]

Guys, it's dry. The other day I was over there.

[Kalila]

That's it.

[Jenna]

And I. Yeah, that's it.

[Esther]

That's it.

[Jenna]

And I blew dry my hair. I was like, yeah, I want to get ready. I shower, wash my hair, dry it. She goes, wow. I mean, guys, it's like such a hack that you can, like, dry your hair with a. You don't understand, John. I did it once and it's like, game changer. I'm like, okay, so, like, you can shower now before we go. We were coming here like last week. And she's like, no, it's okay. I'm Good. Like you could do it, but she's not gonna do it.

[Kalila]

But I feel as though this is how. It's like we're shockingly similar in ways that are so unexpected. And I don't own a blow dryer. I just bought one.

[Jenna]

Me too.

[Kalila]

Two days ago. And it's not. It wasn't even for me. It was for Remy because he. He was. He pooed himself. And we had to shower him multiple times. And I. He needed a blow dryer. Did you see the new blow dryer?

[Esther]

I saw the green one.

[Kalila]

The green one?

[Jenna]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Blow dryer. I do, but I have the comb one, not just the.

[Kalila]

Oh, wait till she finds out. There's. There's this one.

[Esther]

So much easier than just like, you just brush normal one. Yeah, I just like. I go like this.

[Kalila]

I don't even know how to blow dry my hair because I refus to use. I don't have the arm energy to do this.

[Esther]

Go on instinct. Just. Just kind of feel it out. And because it's too cold to have wet hair.

[Jenna]

But timeout. Y' all have really good hair where no matter what you do, you can. And you too. I do it. This is what happens.

[Kalila]

Erosion Club, guys. You want great hair that doesn't need to be blow dried ever.

[Esther]

Is it a self drying shampoo?

[Jenna]

That's what I need. Wait, I have to talk about Eb.

[Kalila]

Oh, thank you.

[Jenna]

You know my friend Anna with really long hair and it's wavy.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

It's not super curly. It's not super straight. She's very particular. And she has curls. She gets angry when people tell her to try new stuff in her hair. Okay. She's like, don't tell me what to do. So I see her doing her process of ripping out her hair. She's already done the conditioner.

[Esther]

Why I don't brush.

[Jenna]

She puts so much conditioner on. That's why she does it just so she doesn't rip out all her hair. And she's going like this with her comb. And she goes, this is okay. Right? And I'm like, I don't want to tell her to put try ebb because she's just gonna be like, mad at me.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

I go, you know, it'd be really cool if you could just try this thing. This is Kalila's like, you know that you can trust her. And she's like, you know, I don't change my process. And I'm like, okay, but you're ripping out your hair right now. And she's like, okay, I'm like, I'll do it for you. Just let me do it. Just let me do it. So I get it before she can even think about it. I go, just a couple sprays. I like douse her hair in it. And she's like, oh, I feel like that's too much. She goes like this, what? And now she said she's fucked. She was like, how much is it? How much is it? Just tell me how much? And I told her, she's like, wait, it's not even that expensive.

[Kalila]

Beautifully affordable for everyone. And you know, here's my.

[Jenna]

I was like, yeah, Kalilah's losing money. It's not, it's not expensive.

[Kalila]

You know what's funny is that like the most messages I get are actually from parents who don't have the patience to untangle kids hair.

[Jenna]

They don't want.

[Kalila]

The kids don't want their hair brushed. And so I have this whole separate demographic demographic or customers that are like, oh, here, this is cute for our babies.

[Esther]

Are you the like Shay Mitchell skin care, but for hair babies.

[Kalila]

How do you feel about that?

[Esther]

I love it. I think the backlash is only like helping.

[Jenna]

There's backlash. I don't know anything.

[Kalila]

But you know, the Shay Mitchell came out with like a line of face masks, masks and all basically skin Korean skincare. I think skin care for really young kids. And the argument against it is like, why are we even like talking about skin care for kids?

[Esther]

But I would argue for it that kids are like the biggest customers in Sephora are like 10 year olds. So if they're already doing it and you're already like, want to have a mother daughter bonding moment, like, why not just have a product that's specifically made for them instead of having them use like the adult version?

[Jenna]

I don't know, it's just like expensive P50.

[Kalila]

I think that they're. The argument for it is that like kids are, you know, little girls. They'll steal mom's lipstick and makeup and try on her stuff anyway, like why?

[Jenna]

And don't need their own.

[Kalila]

Maybe there can be like a safer, milder thing that they can use and have fun with on like a mommy daughter day.

[Jenna]

Is it makeup or just like.

[Kalila]

It's not makeup. It's like skin care.

[Esther]

So it's like sheet masks, sun mask. I don't know about you, but I'm gonna be using the baby skincare and.

[Jenna]

Geared toward what age babies? Because you said 10, but you're saying baby.

[Esther]

Well, the kids in the ads are quite little, but I think that's Just because she used her daughter.

[Kalila]

I don't know how I feel about it. I see how it, how it all pans out.

[Esther]

I think it's gonna, like, be a huge success.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Esther]

Whenever something starts, like, where everyone hates it, it's gonna be so big.

[Jenna]

Maybe that was her intention too.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

Have a little bit of.

[Esther]

Isn't like backlash like the go, especially.

[Jenna]

If you have a good product, because then people try it and are like, damn. Also, it's already started. This whole skin care for younger people with like the pimple stickers. At like 8 years old, a 54.

[Kalila]

Year old Bobby Lee is like Starface's biggest customer.

[Esther]

Tito.

[Jenna]

Bobby loves.

[Kalila]

He loves us.

[Jenna]

He doesn't even get pimples.

[Kalila]

He's just like, well, I was. We just talked about this on the last pod on tiger belly. How it's like when I would get a pimple, I was so insecure about it that, like, my friend Jessica had this hack of like, turning them into moles. So if it was in like a not too weird of a place, I would get eyeliner and just like draw on the pimple and it's like, okay, I'd rather have this massive mole than have a pimple. Because having pimples was like such like a. A bad.

[Esther]

You know, there's no way that that looked right.

[Jenna]

Guys, I think pimples are cute.

[Kalila]

I. I do too now.

[Jenna]

I do. Yeah.

[Esther]

They make you look young.

[Jenna]

Oh, yeah.

[Kalila]

That's why there's this whole number in. It was like, I don't know what fashion week it was where they intentionally made look pimply.

[Esther]

That's cute.

[Kalila]

Because it was. It gave off the, like, you know, teen acne.

[Jenna]

Years ago, when I was having really bad cystic acne, when I would like, cry every time I would get another one because it would hyperpigment and be so dark for like a year. You get it? If I. We have a little scratch. We're dark for a year there. Yeah. I posted a picture of it online on Instagram because I was just like, this is actually kind of cute if I think about it, without all the stuff that that society is putting on it. And I posted it and I said, like, pimp. Whatever the backlash that I got from men telling me how disgusting and ugly it was to post that nasty.

[Esther]

I bet you I would have been there, honest with the men. Like, this is ugly. You could trust me always. I think that today's episode theme should be pity party. And we need to go around and get pity. And I'm obviously Going first in line with my. My tray is ready to receive pity. I got no sleep last night because I'm so uncomfortable. I have anemic. So I finally started my iron supplement. So, you know, that's making me more constipated. Jules, I know you can relate. And I'm just so big and I'm bloated. Could not get comfortable. Acid reflux, burning. No sleep all night. Like, I'm so tired. By the way, you always know that I'm doing bad when I have makeup on. That's like, ever since high school. If I was like. If I had a cold in high school, I'd always put, like, purple eyeshadow. I would just, like, try to mask it by looking good. But I. I like that, though.

[Jenna]

It kind of helps you feel better too.

[Esther]

It's a good hack. But now if I'm sick, I just die. Stay in bed, do nothing. Yeah, I just don't feel good. And Jules thinks I'm ready to give birth. And I'm. I have three months. I have three months left, and this is gonna be a normal sized baby.

[Kalila]

I pity you. I pity you so much.

[Jenna]

Yes, I do feel bad for you because the lack of sleep. Six hours. I know six hours sounds like a lot for people. I need nine and a half hours to feel.

[Esther]

Also, my grandma did die.

[Jenna]

I know. I wasn't gonna bring it up.

[Esther]

It's okay.

[Kalila]

Sorry.

[Esther]

She actually died on the same day as her mother.

[Jenna]

I know. That is. That's crazy. And also, like, kind of beautiful.

[Esther]

I know. That does make me feel a little.

[Kalila]

How's your mom doing?

[Esther]

She's okay. I think it's a lot. And I do think that there is something about the pregnancy. Either it's the combo of the hormones or the constant physical misery that, like, I'm not able to really feel or take on this death. Like, I'm just sort of going through the motions and, like, trying to keep it light.

[Jenna]

Are you close with her?

[Esther]

She's my only grandparent that I really ever had. But it was ups and downs, you know? Like, she did teach me how to make pies. Oh, my God, that blueberry cherry apple. She definitely was, like, a great baker.

[Kalila]

And did she still keep her recipes? Because I always think it's so cute when you see those handwritten recipes. I would frame those.

[Jenna]

My friend got a book of those for her wedding.

[Esther]

My mom has those. I should just steal them from my mom.

[Kalila]

Steal them and frame them and put them up in your kitchen.

[Jenna]

And if she has a lot, turn into a Book laminate it.

[Kalila]

Yes.

[Esther]

Yeah, I should do that.

[Jenna]

I feel sorry for you. I do feel like that's. That's a lot. And if I were you, I'd be crying.

[Kalila]

I see how when you said, I feel sorry for her, she did the lip pouch. You went.

[Esther]

Yeah. You guys should actually replay that.

[Jenna]

Yeah.

[Esther]

I had something happen where I was really feeling good.

[Jenna]

Whatever that was you turned on.

[Esther]

Something happened when you said you feel sorry for me. Something happened in me, and it was.

[Jenna]

It was genuine.

[Esther]

Yeah, I felt good.

[Jenna]

Wow. I don't feel sorry for you now.

[Esther]

Oh, why do I like pity so much?

[Jenna]

Let me hold your hand and.

[Kalila]

Your turn. Let's pity you. Jenna, look at Esther's hand.

[Esther]

I'm not done. I just say one other thing. I have to call my mom out. So my grandma's being cremated. My mom has some of my grandfather's ashes because my grandma wanted some. So my mom is going to get some of my grandma's ashes to, like, have them together. And we're talking to my mom, and she's like, yeah, so I'm going to get about six tablespoons. And we're like, what? Six tablespoons of Grandma? Are you making her into banana bread?

[Jenna]

Are you making a pie?

[Esther]

And then I didn't say anything when she said it, but then, like, my gossipy drama self, like, I then back channel and, like, called my sister. Called my dad privately. I was like, did you guys hear that? Mom said six tablespoons? And, like, Dave was having a whole.

[Jenna]

That doesn't seem real, because at first.

[Esther]

You hear it, you're like. And then you're like, hold up.

[Kalila]

When Bobby's dad passed away, maybe he just made this up, but he was like, I want the ashes of the lower half. And he gave the other, the top half, to his brother because he says he doesn't want to be haunted by the top half. So he just keeps the lower half in his home. So it's like, if there's gonna be a ghost, it's just gonna be, like, a torso and legs.

[Esther]

I don't think you can calculate that.

[Kalila]

So with the six tablespoons, what do you think we're getting, like, a hand? Sorry. This is so dark. This is so dark.

[Esther]

It's okay.

[Jenna]

If she got hands the size of yours, you're gonna need three hands to make six tablespoons.

[Esther]

She was really tiny at the end, obviously.

[Kalila]

Oh, RIP, Grandma.

[Esther]

Yeah, RIP Grandma. She lived a great life. A woman of many secrets and many gold bangles from Saudi Arabia.

[Kalila]

I love gold. Bangles. It's very much like an older, like, Tita Filipina Tita vibe. When the older you get, the more like Allah like, which is, the more adorned you are. And it is such a vibe. They're really usually over perfumed. They take very, very, like, immaculate care of them themselves. And they just come up shiny with jewelry. Do you know that?

[Jenna]

I love that.

[Kalila]

Oh, and always really red lipstick. And it is such a vibe. And it's a. I could never aspire to be that because I know I don't have the energy for that. But I used to look up to my aunties and be like, wow, like, you're incredible and beautiful.

[Jenna]

I love that. Especially an older woman, because older women get such a bad rap of, like, don't like. That's too much. You're too old to be dressed.

[Kalila]

That's not your age. Too old to be.

[Esther]

I know.

[Jenna]

Adorning. She'll meet it this time.

[Esther]

Am I too old to wear these kinds of.

[Kalila]

My mom does that same, too.

[Esther]

No, there's no such thing.

[Kalila]

There's no such thing.

[Esther]

I, first of all, for some reason, like, become the biggest pushover when there's. I give whatever my sister, my mom want, they can have. But I do think I'll get a gold bangle or two because their fat wrists are not going to fit into.

[Jenna]

My sister's gonna say them wrists.

[Esther]

Only my wrists. You got. I don't know.

[Jenna]

Your wrists are like goals.

[Esther]

Yeah, I know.

[Kalila]

What.

[Jenna]

Guys, those are not goals. Those are accidents. You can't do anything with those wrists. What are you talking about? Come here.

[Kalila]

Look.

[Jenna]

Tiny. I have small wrists and. Come here, Jules.

[Esther]

You're tiny, too.

[Jenna]

Look at this, Jules.

[Esther]

How tall are you, Jules? Five. Five.

[Jenna]

Someone could grab her and break her wrist. That's not goals.

[Esther]

All right, who's getting pity next? Because I'll just keep going if somebody doesn't take over.

[Kalila]

Well, mine's gonna take only 30 seconds.

[Esther]

You wanna go?

[Kalila]

Yeah, I'll go.

[Jenna]

Okay.

[Kalila]

I'm having a crisis. An identity crisis.

[Jenna]

Okay, next.

[Kalila]

And that's it. That's all.

[Esther]

That's it. That's like what I do to Dave when he finally speaks up. I'm like. And I'm joking. And then he gets mad and then won't continue.

[Jenna]

I've been there when you're like, leah, just tell me. Tell me. And then he starts talking. You're like, okay, done.

[Esther]

Boring. I know that's you.

[Kalila]

That's your line. You're like, boring.

[Jenna]

And he goes, never mind.

[Esther]

And then he never Talks to me again. Okay. I'm just kidding.

[Kalila]

When I started my brand, E.B. i was single. I was diving, I was hot, I was aspirational. I lived all of these things. We're about to enter a very, like, important season with. With EB and the business, and I feel very flat, very fat, very not aspirational, and something to look up to. And I feel a little bit like, yeah, just like, kind of like out of sorts. Like, I love being a mom. My whole. You know, in the beginning when you were like, oh, my whole identity is being a mom. Like, I get it now. I'm like, nothing will ever top that. But, yeah, I feel a little lost in, like, who I am. I feel like I'm not someone to, like, look up to, like, in any way. And when you. When you're starting a brand and they need you to be aspirational, I'm finding it hard to find. And, like, I don't feel that way. I don't feel like I'm someone to, like, look up to, like, right now because my. I'm splayed in the dark with my baby. I breastfeed. And that, to me, is my whole world. But maybe to others, that's not quite what they need from me. And so I'm having a little bit of a crisis.

[Esther]

This is really interesting. And obviously, like, so many things I'm hearing I can relate to, so it's very easy for me to hand the pity over.

[Kalila]

Thank you.

[Esther]

I know that, like, you're. When someone tells you their problems, I guess you're, like, not. Not supposed to try to fix them, but I. Part of me does at least want to ask, and you don't have to answer, like, is there and. Because I'm over here feeling very similar to you, but, like, I feel like I'm trapped by pregnancy. And in my mind, I'm like, once it's over, I'll be, like, amazing again. I'm just curious for you. Like, is there any light at the end of the tunnel? Is there any or not even that, like, a path? Is there any one step that you could take or anything that could get you to feeling a way you want to feel?

[Kalila]

I mean, I have been doing all of the above. I am starting to work out again all of these things, but it's more of like a. My. It's like. It's weird. It's like a Madonna whore complex. When I'm a mom, I'm so locked into that, and I'm so just like, one. One brained about that, like, one lane. It's so hard for me to switch channels and be this other fun, exciting thing. I don't feel fun and exciting. And my whole brand is fun and exciting because I. I founded it when my. I was fun and exciting, Excited.

[Esther]

Do you feel at least, though, that, like, you will be able to. Are you at least, or in this moment, are you. Like, it's. I'm just. It's over for me.

[Kalila]

Oh, no, it's not over. Because, I mean, all of the things that I love, like diving, all these things, like, are all still there. I just, like, I don't have the time and the resources to do that now. Like, my baby's so young. My baby needs me.

[Jenna]

I don't want to invalidate you're saying and what you're feeling because it's real and it's. I can't even imagine. But I also wonder if, like, you don't feel like you're inspirational because you're not meant to feel inspirational about, like, real people.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

You know, like, I think.

[Esther]

What?

[Jenna]

Not inspirational. Aspirational.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

You didn't grow up feeling like you wanted to aspire to be who you are.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

Because there weren't people like that. Yeah. There weren't, like, these role models of women who were real people who were allowed to change who they were, who were allowed to grow, who were allowed to be.

[Kalila]

I see what you said.

[Jenna]

Women and mom in sweatpants and who are also allowed to be free and adventurous and fun, like you said. And so I feel like this is the ultimate aspirational icon. Like, a woman who is whatever she is whenever she is. And there's so many other women out there who are probably being like, oh, fuck, I thought this was only, like, a hot girl brand. And I had to be fun and diving and doing these things. But I'm a mom at home with sweatpants with leaky titties. And this is also a brand for me.

[Esther]

I feel like you're feeling it in this very specific context. Right. You have this. Your storyline right now. It's like, I have this brand. I can't live up to it. It's really clear, and I feel like I'm relating to it. Like, it's so many emotions are coming up for me because I'm like, I feel like this, too. I feel like I. 3 years ago or whatever, before Ace, like, I was like. I'm gonna say it. I was skinny and I was fucking going to Pilates, and I was getting a latte and walking an hour and 15 minutes. And like, I was going to New York all the time and doing sets and walking around, and I just feel like there's this old life that I really fucking miss and I don't know that I'm ever gonna have it again. And I'm, like, upset about it and I think about it a lot and I'm sad. And that's really not. That's a new experience. I've never, like. I mean, I guess it's not because, you know, I fucking reminisce about high school and shit and I can't get that back, you know, And I think I, like, every once a week I feel like I text you guys and I'm like, I'm gonna be skinny again one day. And it's like, that is only like a sliver of like, what the pieces that I. The pie is that I'm really missing. And it's like, I just don't. I don't know if I'm feeling extra trapped by the pregnancy right now. I think that's adding to it. But. But, yeah, I'm really missing, like, some stuff that I just don't think I'm ever gonna get back to. A version of me that was, like, really cool and, like, had a great go.

[Kalila]

Yeah. And it doesn't mean that, like, we both don't think that, like, motherhood is the honor of our lives, like, 100%.

[Esther]

It is so conflicting because you're right.

[Kalila]

Yeah. This is the absolute honor of my life and I'm happy to be here. Wouldn't.

[Esther]

Would not trade it. This is actually way better on the whole.

[Jenna]

But that doesn't mean you did it again. So you obviously.

[Esther]

Ye mean that I don't still really miss, like, a little bit of that.

[Jenna]

And both can be true and are true at the same time.

[Kalila]

Yeah. I do think there has to be some acceptance of. Thankfully, we did live big lives before motherhood. We didn't get, you know, big enough.

[Esther]

I don't know.

[Kalila]

Mine was plenty big. A little too much, actually. I should have had a baby sooner.

[Jenna]

It was robust.

[Kalila]

It was big and robust. Bust. And a little too much adventure.

[Esther]

It's also embarrassing to share. Then it's like, oh, just another mom's complaining about they gave up the glory days. Like, it's so hacky.

[Kalila]

And you don't think that dudes cry about or talk about or, like, live in the past? They do.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

They absolutely do. And you know why? How they do it? They date young, young, young chicks. They go about it in a nasty way at Least we just reminisce. We're not over there trying to pick on 16 year old boys.

[Jenna]

It's so n. Whatever.

[Esther]

Jules, I want to hear from you what's your sadness?

[Jenna]

But I feel extra pity for you too because.

[Kalila]

Thank you more.

[Jenna]

But the reason I feel the extra pity is because you're having this experience instead of just being allowed to process. You also have kind of like an external weight, an external pressure of, oh, I can feel this. But I still have to show up for this other thing. That's not just my life, that's not just the pot. It's this brand that I started.

[Kalila]

You know, here's the thing. I will say like what I always come back to is like, you know, when, even when we came up with the name EB like an ebb tide means you. You come back to yourself. It's the returning to yourself. The tide recedes. It. The ocean goes back to itself. I'm trying to work towards just not chasing the past anymore. Whoever that aspirational version is, I can be that version, you know, 2.0 in a very different way. That, that maybe might not feel so aspirational since I'm still in like the thick of it and I'm still breastfeeding, I'm still very tired, I'm still very anemic. But there will be some, you know, Phoenix rising out of this and maybe she will be a much more well rounded, cooler, more aspirational version than 1.0. Right. And I, I do believe that that can happen. And yeah, I'm very proud of the brand that I started. And I'm like, I'm, you know, powering through these feelings and we are entering like an amazing new chapter and you know, I'm just going to have to be a mommy while I do that. And that's totally okay. I don't have to be some hot girl diver right now.

[Esther]

Yeah, you're a hot girl diver, mommy.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

And you know what? When waves ebb and flow, you think when they go back that they're the same bitch. No, them waves are different. There's different water in it. There's different molecules. Okay. They're still in the ocean.

[Esther]

Well, I'm going to be the exact same. Everything will be exactly the same. You'll see.

[Jenna]

I hope that free you.

[Esther]

What do you think of. Of Kalila and what she's sharing? Cuz you obviously are really close with her. Like. And what do you observe personally? I've seen you at your lowest. I've seen, I've seen So many things.

[Jenna]

So many chapters, and I feel like nothing has changed. I've always looked up to you.

[Esther]

That's so sweet. Like, oh, my God. Like, nothing.

[Jenna]

Like, I still feel like you're so, so, so cool.

[Kalila]

I know. I just feel like I'm, like, letting everyone down because I'm just this, like, anxious mess around you guys, and I'm always like, the baby.

[Esther]

The baby.

[Kalila]

Is he eating okay? And I'm just, like, everything just falls by the wayside, like, including, like, everything else just pales in comparison to, like, my focus on the baby. And, like, I don't know, like, I feel shame around, like, how they see me. I'm like, I'm so, like, a shell of myself. But we understand why you're going through that.

[Jenna]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

It's like. Like, we're not talking. We're not saying anything bad about you.

[Jenna]

We understand it even then. I'm like, I want to be like, atika, lie. I think you're my role model.

[Esther]

I always like, oh, what would Atikalai.

[Kalila]

Do if, like, I would always think.

[Jenna]

Like, oh, if I do this, what would Atikala do?

[Esther]

What would she think?

[Jenna]

Like, what would she.

[Kalila]

So that's.

[Jenna]

I don't know.

[Kalila]

I do feel bad because, like, the Internet comes free after you.

[Esther]

They hate me so much, these dudes.

[Kalila]

Like, it rubs off on you sometimes, and I'm like, no, no, no. Jules is her own. Like, they love her so much, but sometimes I feel like my relationship with Bobby and that hatred for me kind of like. Like, they take her down as if we're a package deal. And I'm like, please don't.

[Esther]

Like.

[Kalila]

Like, you can keep me as a villain. Like, Jules is. Is her own beautiful thing. But thanks, Jules. I really do appreciate that. Only because, like, I have a lot of shame about, like, even your mom. The other day, she was like, you used to be our hero. Oh, my God, Mom.

[Jenna]

Oh, my God.

[Kalila]

No, I'm not kidding you. She said, you're our family hero.

[Jenna]

And she said, used to be.

[Esther]

Keep going. I love this.

[Kalila]

She said, you used to be our hero. Anytime anyone in the family had a problem, it was one phone call away, and you would fix it, would fix it fast, and you would make us feel like we could tackle life. And she was just like, that's too much the way that you are right now. She was like, you know, again, think she's a. But it's true. But she was like, you're broken. And she was like, crazy, you know? And she's like, you're just you can't keep being weird. And.

[Jenna]

And I was like, I don't see you as in a weird. In a weird phase right now. I've seen you be weird, and you're not being weird.

[Kalila]

I'm being like. Just. I'm very tired, and I'm like. You know, I thought that a year into motherhood that I would have already, like, bounced back, and I'm so far from it, and I still feel very, like, postpartum me. And I know that we just laugh a lot in these podcasts, and that's not necessarily, like, what you see on camera, but. Yeah, like, I'm still struggling, like, daily, and I think that my family has really, like, noticed. And as Honey puts it, like, I. I have been demoted. I'm not the family hero right now. I think.

[Jenna]

Jesus, it's too much work to be the family hero. You should demote yourself. And when you're better, don't let them know. Keep that shit a secret.

[Esther]

I know you're gonna do that to me one day. You're gonna pretend like you've fallen and not tell me that it's better just so I leave you alone.

[Kalila]

Yeah. Sorry. That was not 30 seconds, was it?

[Jenna]

I don. I don't know. We want to hear you, but you.

[Esther]

Guys are sharing all.

[Kalila]

That's so sweet. I do feel like Jules has really taken on the brunt of the hero work in our family. Like, anytime anyone calls that we need something, she's always like, yep, I'll be there.

[Jenna]

So, like, and where you think she learned that from?

[Kalila]

Thanks, Jules.

[Jenna]

Her hero. That's.

[Kalila]

Thanks, Jenna. I mean, same.

[Jenna]

Same thing.

[Esther]

I don't know.

[Kalila]

So if you have a heart attack in the middle of the night, call her instead.

[Jenna]

I'll put. Probably asleep, though. Yeah. I would not call Jules if I were having an episode ever. Even if she were, like, next to me in the other room.

[Kalila]

No, she's so helpful because I feel.

[Jenna]

Like waking you up, you'd be like.

[Esther]

No, I. I'm quick. Like, I can get.

[Jenna]

I do believe you're right. You're right. You are quick.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

Because you can go right back to bed. Yeah, I don't. I don't want to wake anyone up with my episodes.

[Kalila]

It's just, I. I love to be woken up by your episodes, Truly. Because I can help you. I know that I can help you, and I have helped you many times, and I'm sorry that you're going through that. And you should sleep over tonight.

[Jenna]

I kept picturing Aloha and you there last Night. Because I was just, like, no one would answer. I'm just gonna start crying too.

[Kalila]

Cry.

[Esther]

This is okay.

[Jenna]

Oh, my God.

[Esther]

I'm the only one on Lexapro. This sucks. I don't get to participate.

[Jenna]

Go. Like, no one would. No one was answering who I was calling last night. And it's like, obviously people are sleeping, and I don't want to wake them, but I also know that if I go to the er, like, there's nothing that they're gonna do that's really gonna help me. And I just kept picturing, like, you and Aloha and being at your house and him coming in and, like, taking my. My heart rate. And I kept being like, it's gonna be good. It's gonna be okay. Like, the body likes to regulate itself, but it just, like, as you know, like, when you're so over tired, the episodes get worse, and it just, like, would not budge. And then it. It started this whole thing of me being like, I've obviously been okay, but I've been dealing with health stuff since 20.

[Kalila]

For a long time, Jenna. A long time. And. And this arrhythmia that you're going through, I just want to let everyone know, like, it derailed me. I eventually got an ablation, but it derailed me for, like six years.

[Jenna]

I mean, I was there when it deraile, and I, like, now I understand why. I mean, I was understanding before, but I didn't understand it.

[Kalila]

When you tell someone. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like, you know, your heart's going like 200 beats a minute. Like, it's an awful feeling. And that's why I'm so happy that you do reach out to me, because I can help you. I can be like, okay, let's put ice on your face. All right? If nothing breaks. I have a Tenol. I have.

[Jenna]

I sleep next to an ice beer pack for, like, the last seven months every night. So in the morning, I wake up, I replace it, I put in the freezer. At night, I bring it back, I put it next to me. I know that I'll be okay. And, like, I'm grateful that I have health insurance, but I'm definitely, like, in another phase and funk of being like, oh, like, my eye y. Like, I can't see well. They're like, if it lasts more than six to eight months, you could go blind. Like, it's just.

[Kalila]

It's a lot. You've been. I think that the thing with you is you've been quietly dealing with a lot for a very, very long time. And it's like, I think what people don't realize about you is because you are so, like, fun and funny and you come on here and we always just have a good time. Is that Esther and I know and that it hasn't been like a one, two year thing. It's been a lifelong battle with your.

[Jenna]

Health, you know, specifically the last five years. I'm like. Like you guys are saying. I'm like, I'm not that person anymore. I feel like I'm not fun. I feel like I don't ever look good. Like, there's no. Like, I don't look like myself. I. I can't show up in the way that I want to. I'm just, like, not a good friend anymore and not a good partner. Like, just not a good anything.

[Esther]

I'll say you're a really bad friend. You have been just really bad bad.

[Kalila]

If anyone were to ever call you out and say you were a bad friend or not your real friends, anyways.

[Esther]

How you feel is more important than what I say. But I feel that you have been extremely fun. You have showed up.

[Kalila]

Exactly.

[Esther]

You have been showing up as you in a way that I don't think you were, you know, even years before. So. But what I say doesn't matter. How you feel is more important. But at least I can give back to you that, like, I feel that you. I mean, I. With Jenna, the way she was there for me in my postpartum, I. The Lexa Pro. I don't know if it's strong enough, like, to hold the tears back. Like, you are a good friend. And I hate. I really don't like seeing you like this. Can you just pretend that you're okay? Because I marry you.

[Kalila]

Fall apart.

[Esther]

It's making me uncomfortable.

[Kalila]

Yeah. She's pregnant, for sakes. Jesus Christ.

[Esther]

Be happy.

[Kalila]

No, I will say that too, Johnny.

[Jenna]

If my caretaker is not well, where am I?

[Esther]

Where does that leave me?

[Kalila]

I don't know how much this means to you, but the way I view you now is a more evolved, a more, like, considerate and a more available friend than you've ever been. Because I think before you were running around with your head cut off. And yeah, you had the energy and yeah, you. You were a yes man to everything. But it's like, I didn't necessarily love that version of you more. I think that who you are now is, like, you understand yourself better. You're more grounded, you're more boundaried. And I think that you've never stopped showing up for any of us. You've always been there, like, through and through and through there. I've never been. I've never called you and you've outright said no. You always stop to be like, okay, let me see if I can do that for you. Always consider the people around you. So you have been an exceptional friend and an exceptional part of our lives, I think. And you've not even dropped the ball once in my eyes, so.

[Jenna]

Thanks, guys. I think I also, like, feel like I don't care about being the best friend to everyone anymore.

[Kalila]

And that's good. That's a great.

[Jenna]

It's been hard, but I'm like, oh, that's like, where my identity and my pride was. Like, I am the best friend that anyone could ever have. And it brought me joy and it brought. It was fun for me. But then when I stopped having the energy because of health stuff, I'm like, well, now what do I do? You know, like, if I'm not the joy of the party and I'm not, like, making people laugh and I'm not being everyone's best friend, I'm like, oh, what do I do? And obviously the answer was like, oh, you just take care of yourself. Yeah.

[Kalila]

And you just be you and be real. And, like, if you thought that any of that stuff is what made you shiny, you're dead wrong. That's not what made you special was being best friends with everyone. Sorry, guy.

[Esther]

The other day, she's at my house. She's. She takes her shirt off. She's wearing a see through bra. Dave walks and he's like, oh, I'm so sorry. She's like, what? Dave's like, okay. So it just comes in. He's like, so uncomfortable.

[Jenna]

Wait, can I show you what he did?

[Esther]

What did he do?

[Kalila]

I don't know.

[Jenna]

This is what he did. It was so awkward.

[Kalila]

Your boobs look really nice today.

[Jenna]

It's fake. I'm wearing a skims bra.

[Kalila]

No, I mean when you look out, I was like, oh, it looks bigger. Yeah, they're bigger.

[Jenna]

Oh, yeah, I gain a lot of weight. No, I was like, hot. And I took off my shirt, and as soon as I heard Dave was coming in, I was like, oh, Esther, are you like, Are you okay with this? I'm just like, it's like a bathing suit. And she's like, I don't get. No, take it off. Dave walks in and he goes.

[Esther]

He turned toward the wall. Poor Dave.

[Jenna]

He turned toward the wall and went.

[Esther]

Oh, he's so traumatized.

[Jenna]

And I was like, I was like, are you doing that because of my bra? He's like, yeah, I can go. I'm like, you can turn around, it's fine. It's like a bathing suit. And he was like, okay. But I feel like he was trying to avoid eye contact.

[Esther]

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[Kalila]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[Jenna]

It's got to be when I'm really.

[Esther]

Craving it and it's convenient.

[Jenna]

Could you be more specific when it's cravinient? Okay.

[Esther]

Like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter available right down the street at am pm. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at a.m. pM. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Jenna]

Well yeah, we're talking about what I.

[Esther]

Crave, which is anything from AM pm. What more could you want?

[Kalila]

Stop by AMPM where the snacks and.

[Esther]

Drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience ampm. Too much good stuff.

[Jenna]

When it's time to scale your business.

[Esther]

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[Jenna]

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[Esther]

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[Jenna]

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[Esther]

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[Jenna]

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[Esther]

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[Jenna]

I'm particularly in a shit place because I know this is a first world problem, but I tried to buy a car yesterday.

[Esther]

You know, she totaled her car from the car wreck.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

I was looking at a Honda CRV hybrid. And then I was looking at, you know, a RAV4 hybrid.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

The other option was a Hyundai Tucson hybrid. And after test driving all three, I loved the Hyundai over all of them. So I'm like, this is my car. I found a really great deal. Okay. My brother's a car salesperson. He goes, this is actually really great. I talked to my used car sales manager. He said, that's a great deal. It seems too good to be true. Okay, well, it's not because I talked to them on the phone. He goes, right. But like sometimes I just tell you stuff to get you in. I'm like, no, no, no. They know I'm coming from la, renting a one way car there.

[Esther]

Four hour drive.

[Jenna]

Four hour drive in the torrential rain yesterday. Okay. My appointment's at 1. I get there, I've already spoken to five employees. I named their names. I got the screenshot of the list price. Okay. I get there, I like, where's the car? What's going on? Is the car actually here? They're like, yeah, we just haven't been able to find the key. They go, okay, they make another key. They come. It's like wrapped up. I go on a test drive, I've already test driven and I just wanted to, you know, make sure that everything was Gucci with this. There's 4,000 miles on it. It's like incredible. I go, this is my dream. They bring up the cost of the car and then they go, what were you hoping to pay? As if they were going to allow me to negotiate.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

I go, well, I would like 1,000 less.

[Esther]

I thought you were going to say 1,000.

[Jenna]

1,000 less. Okay. They do this thing where they go, walk back, they still do the.

[Esther]

This.

[Jenna]

It's theater. I've never seen this in my life. It's theater. So this one guy, this is now the sixth person I've spoken to, but the second person in store, he walks back to the room. I keep calling my brother, letting him know what's going on. He goes, jenna, they're not, they're not talking to any manager, all right? Yeah, they're playing video games, they're Around. Yeah, they're just. They're wasting your time because they're hoping that you'll get to a point where you. Where you'll just cave. Yeah. I'm like, no, but I already know the price. So I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna get the price. And if they can't give me a thousand less, I'll just pay the other price and I'll leave. Because that's how it works, right? When you've already been given a price. He comes back to show me the deal that they can give me on the 1000 less. I can't believe I have this. He lays it out and I go.

[Esther]

Please lift your glasses and see.

[Jenna]

Go.

[Kalila]

Sir.

[Jenna]

That's $9,000 more. Guys, I'm not making this up. This seems like you. This seems like it's fake. And they do this thing where they go, yes, because here and the SWAT and the. That and the. The protection and this. And then with the taxes. So that's that. So off the number of what we were giving to you before, it's going to be this. The. Let's just say the number is 30. Okay, yeah. And go. But you told me that it was 30, so why is it 39? I don't want all of the added protection stuff. Because my brother's like, you don't want any of the things? No. Okay. All right, sure. Yeah, we'll go to. They walk back to the room now. It's 2:30. Okay. I walk back there, I knock on it, I go, hey, no one else. Everyone respects the. The thing. And they just sit in their chairs for hours. And I go, that's cruel. Hey, what's going on? Can you just give it to me for the list price? The list price that you told me that it was over the phone. Let's go. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're working on it. We're doing our best. We're working on it. They come back, 36,000. They had taken like 3,000 off. I go, okay, here's the thing. It's still 6,000 more, and it's not even with the taxes. So can you just get it back down to the thing? Boom, boom, boom. They go back. Now it's 4:30. Okay. I'm still feeling good at 4:30 because.

[Kalila]

What are they doing in there? Just like I saw them.

[Jenna]

They were tickling each other at once. Oh, no.

[Kalila]

They were.

[Jenna]

Yes, they were.

[Esther]

No, they weren't.

[Jenna]

I can corroborate the story with my friend who they were tickling.

[Esther]

He literally.

[Jenna]

She goes, they're hugging each other right now. And I turn around, and then they go, heh hee hee. And start tickling each other. There's a glass you can see through. I knock on the door, I go, hey, listen, it's 4:30. I have only until 5. If this doesn't work out, to rent a car to go back because I rented a one way. Yeah. So if this isn't going to work out, I need to know.

[Kalila]

You just told them how much time to burn. Basically.

[Jenna]

So Emma goes, my friend who's with me, she goes, they're gonna wait until. Yeah. A minute before 4:58 comes around. All right, so it's down to 34. I go, okay, what is happening? I get my brother on the phone. He goes, yeah, I understand. You guys are doing. You've been doing this for 18 years. I get it. It's not your fault. This is your job. I'm trying to be compassionate. I get what you're doing. This is how you make your money. He goes, it's illegal to offer her packages. Everyone who's buying a car. It's illegal not to offer. To force a person to buy any of the protections. It is illegal.

[Esther]

Wait, it's illegal to offer it.

[Jenna]

No, not to offer.

[Esther]

To force.

[Jenna]

To force. For someone to say, take that off of my thing. And you don't.

[Esther]

Okay, wow.

[Jenna]

And then they try and add it on in other ways. So they'll raise the list price and say, now we're giving you the swat for free. And I go, the math is not mathing. So I get out my calculator.

[Esther]

Oh my God.

[Jenna]

And then he goes, no, I got my calculator. This was showing us that said, well, you're. You're missing something. Now it's 6pm they finally bring the price down to what they told me. Yeah, I'm sending pictures to my brother. He goes, okay, yeah, sign off on that. That's an incredible deal. That's wonderful deal. I wouldn't even sell you a car for that. Whoa. And the guy goes, well, we're losing money. And my brother goes, I'm sure you are losing money. That looks like you're losing money, but that is the price that you have it listed for online. And I can't help that that's what you listed it at. And he goes, well, we have to charge you an extra 500 because we don't know who told you that price. And I said, I'll just make up a name. Heather. I go, heather told me. Let me talk to Heather. We don't let customers talk to the online sales reps. I said, okay. You record your calls, don't you? Yes, we do. Pull the call. Pull the call. I have the timestamp for you. Just pull the call. And so what they intentionally do is they don't tell you via text the number. I kept saying, can you send me this? Can you send me the breakdown? Itemized in writing. They call you. My brother goes, you just gotta make it to financing.

[Esther]

This is so crazy.

[Jenna]

It's like. I'm like, is this the Hunger Games? I need to make it to financing. This sounds like severance. So in the meantime, like, I'm making turkey sandwiches on their desks. I've got avocado chips.

[Esther]

That's so funny. They did not know who they're.

[Kalila]

I know. Had, like, six weeks worth of food in her car.

[Esther]

She's here to camp out.

[Jenna]

Yeah, they felt like I was gonna.

[Esther]

Get hungry and be like, her Bunsen burner.

[Jenna]

Dude. I got three different sunglasses for the different light. For my migraines. I have two. Oh, my God. I have two rags from home. I make a picnic. I've got hard boiled eggs. I've got a thing of mayonnaise with a knife. Oh, my God, we're feasting up in there. I'm like, anyone need food? I got. Got you. So I'm like, I'm right. I'm going to eat dinner. Then I make dinner for me and Emma. I cut avocado, I slice it.

[Kalila]

They're probably all in there. Like, she's not leaving. She's still here. The lights are all off. She has her own, like, night lamp headlamp.

[Jenna]

I. I pull out a lamp. They're like the. We've got no electricity. I've got an external charger. I mean, was crazy. So that then we get to the point where it's like, I'm taking it home. They go fill it up for gas, they go detail it. And the guy tells me, like, you know, please don't leave me. Bad review. And I said, you know, regardless of whether we reach this deal or not, I'm not leaving you a bad review. All right? That's not how I am. Like, I understand that this is your job. I'm not trying to fuck with you. I just want you to be honest because you wasted my time and my money.

[Kalila]

Yeah, that's a long drive to and fro.

[Jenna]

Then I realized that the numbers aren't right. So I get out my. I get on my calculator and I.

[Kalila]

Go, college pays off.

[Jenna]

I go, okay, this, right? He goes, no, no, no. And he tries to do on his phone. I go, no, no, no, sir. Okay?

[Kalila]

This is at financing, right before I.

[Jenna]

Go into financing is when I realize, hold on. This number still is not right.

[Esther]

Like, the total was too high.

[Jenna]

The total was still too high. The breakdown was right, but the total was too high. So I go, sir, add this. Huh? Read me the numbers. Okay, I added that. Huh? Added this. It's still 2000 over. So how is that happening? He goes, hold on, hold on. Let me do this on my calculator. He does it. And then he. Like I said, I can see the numbers that you're adding. It's not the numbers here. So go back and give me the number that is written here. I make it to financing. Let's just speed this up, okay? And make it to financing. It is.

[Esther]

Honestly, I'm good if you slow it down. This is enthralling for me.

[Jenna]

It's. And by the way, every 15 minutes, I'm walking around the dealership, knocking on doors, asking people questions, where is it? What's going on? Can I speak to your floor manager? Can I speak to your store? Where's Julian? Julian won't come talk to me. He doesn't want this.

[Kalila]

He's terrified. He's probably just holed himself up in his office.

[Jenna]

They've already given someone else they've given someone else the responsibility of taking care of me now. So now, like, they've already two people who were once the people I was working, they would just swoop another person in, not even say hi. Go, whoa, who are you? What's happening? Yeah, homies. Like, I filled up your car with gas. Woo. I send my brother the last. He goes, send me everything. They make you sign as you're signing it. Around the last paper is where things might start to look funky and you got to be willing to walk. Oh, my God. And I'm like, but I already signed the number. I send him the last picture. He goes, why are they charging you $3,000 for the registration? Oh, hell no. And he goes, so then he calls. He said, hey, we're gonna handle our own registration. Because I had already let my insurance company know the VIN number, everything. We're handling our own registration, and the plates are registered already through May of 2026 because it's a used couple, so it's already Gucci to be on the road. They go, you can't drive it off this lot without letting us handle the registration. And my brother goes, are you. He used some terms That I don't know. And they go, we don't know. He goes, no, you have to know. You're in financing. Like, you have to know now. It's 8pm they're closing.

[Esther]

They're closing early to get you out.

[Kalila]

They think they're closing. They're actually there till midnight.

[Jenna]

I'm looking. Budget's closed. Avis is closed. Dollars closed. We're in Fresno.

[Esther]

Oh, my God.

[Jenna]

It's pouring rain.

[Esther]

Oh, my God.

[Jenna]

And I've got my friend there who I feel so sorry for. That's another. The weight of. Of the burden that I've now put on my friend is like, double it. And they had an air freshener in the finance room. It gave me an immediate headache. You hate that, an immediate headache.

[Kalila]

I would start. If I knew that about you.

[Jenna]

I would.

[Kalila]

Would put like 50 of those in there.

[Jenna]

And I left without the car.

[Kalila]

Good for you. Good for you.

[Jenna]

Because they wouldn't budge. And I said, so you're still charging me 3,000 over? If this. Are you going to charge me then take 3,000 off? Yeah, and I'll pay for this registration. My brother was a fucking hero. Like, he was. So I wouldn't have known anything that was happening. I probably would have paid $70,000. They would have given me some fucking numbers and shit and been like, this is what you're paying monthly. Okay. And the thing is, I went there prepared. I had a cashier's check. I was ready. Yeah, they did. They sell so many cars. They didn't give a. About selling a car.

[Esther]

Oh, my God.

[Jenna]

They wanted to waste my time. 20, 25.

[Kalila]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

And then I had to Uber us to the airport, find a rental car place at one of the desks that still had a car. You know, it's like an extra hundred dollars if you drop it off at a different location than once you. Where you pick it up. Then I drove back in the torrential rain. Can barely see because of my eye. I told Esther I was scared, and she was like, that's weird. Like, I've never seen you scared before. I was like this on the wheel, okay? Lines, lines. Every moment. I was just like, line, line, line, line. That's where the line is. That's where the line is for four hours.

[Kalila]

It's no wonder why you had an arrhythmia last night. Are you kidding me? That would send me into.

[Esther]

That's a nightmare night. That's a nightmare evening.

[Jenna]

And I kept thinking like, jenna, it's okay. It wasn't that big of a deal. Like, you went to a car dealership and you had like a car dealership experience. It's fine. You're healthy, you're safe. Like, I kept reminding myself of these things, like, healthy. I'm like, you're okay and you're in good company and you gotta have a positive attitude about this. But for some reason, it was so draining on my body.

[Kalila]

Well, yeah, it's like the back and forth and the mind fuck of it all. And like, just, you know the feeling like you've been. People are trying to con you.

[Jenna]

Like, when I'm confused, it's very draining for me because I feel confused. Yeah. Whether it's in a relationship, romantic, or friendship, if I'm confused about someone's intentions or what they're thinking, even if their intentions are not bad, I'm like, just. Just tell me. Just tell me. There's something that I'm not understanding here, but I'm picking up on something. Please just tell me. And it drains me.

[Esther]

That sounds horrible. What? Everything you just described was like a horror movie.

[Jenna]

And then I went to bed at like 1:30, woke up at 4 with the episode, and that was still like, basically before I got here.

[Esther]

And now, what with the car, I.

[Jenna]

Have to return the rental today.

[Kalila]

And back to the drawing board.

[Jenna]

I'm still obsessed with getting a Hyundai Tucson Hybrid, though. It's like, there's no convincing me otherwise, really.

[Kalila]

Well, Jules is on the search, but she only has one car and one car only in mind. And would you like to share?

[Esther]

What?

[Jenna]

Subaru. Subaru out back. Damn, they're so.

[Kalila]

You know, our family is really expensive. For me, we've been really kind of figured, trying to figure out if she's gay or not.

[Esther]

She is.

[Jenna]

I think a lot of things. I'm like a full blown lesbian. And I went to Joshua Tree for my birthday week and she was just.

[Esther]

Like, oh, are you gonna have like.

[Jenna]

A scissor gang bang with all your girlfriends? First off, she also set it up that they were, like, having a lesbian weekend.

[Kalila]

Well, that was me. I'm saying, oh, Jules is on her lesbian retreat.

[Jenna]

When I was at your house the other day, she didn't say no. So I was like, oh, yeah.

[Esther]

She went for nothing happened.

[Jenna]

Nothing happened.

[Esther]

Yeah, we went naked in the desert, but no scissoring.

[Kalila]

Yeah, that's. I could believe that Jenna was like.

[Jenna]

Has thousands of videos of me naked doing handstands in the desert.

[Kalila]

Yeah, I remember that when we were at Doggy K the first time, how she was just like, naked in our backyard. All weekend. This you and at the Shaindy. But Jenna was just like. Like doing cartwheels naked. Like her all out.

[Jenna]

Yeah. I did not know I look like that.

[Kalila]

And then we would, like, wave from the window, and she would, like, run up to the window and smash her boobies into the window.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

Yeah. Oh, that was my first year. You have the most incriminating videos.

[Kalila]

It's her first year in the United States, and look what happened. Now he's a lesbian.

[Esther]

Why do you want that car so bad?

[Jenna]

It just looks so cool and, like, it's long and I can just fit anything in it. Maybe we should go to a dealership to get together. Look at the Hyundai Tucson hybrid together and tell them two for one deal right here.

[Kalila]

Yeah. You're trying to match with Bobby.

[Esther]

That's what he has. Yeah.

[Jenna]

But hoping no one would bring that.

[Esther]

Wait, Bobby has a. I think that.

[Kalila]

Bobby has a deal with Hyundai. Where is it Hyundai or Hyundai?

[Esther]

It's Hyundai. Like, Sunday. I did an ad once.

[Jenna]

Really?

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

I feel like they're wrong. And you're right, though.

[Kalila]

How do you say it in, like, the Korean way, Right?

[Esther]

Maybe, but that's how you say. Say it. Hyundai.

[Kalila]

How do we say in the Philippines? Hyundai. Right.

[Jenna]

Hyundai. I don't think.

[Kalila]

I don't think we're Filipinos are right either. So somewhere in between is the correct answer. But they give him a new car.

[Jenna]

To drive every year because he's Korean.

[Kalila]

Korean.

[Jenna]

It makes sense.

[Kalila]

He's a Korean superstar.

[Esther]

Korean.

[Kalila]

American superstar.

[Jenna]

Korean. He's my Tito. So if Hyundai. Hyundai. Hyundai wants to bring me in on the deal after the horrific, horrific experience that I had. Wait, should I start? This is a real question. Should I genuinely. Do you think? And be honest with me. Don't just make me feel good. Do you think if I started an only fans for my feet that I could help get money to pay for a car?

[Kalila]

I feel like the only fans feet thing, like, that ship has sailed.

[Jenna]

Okay.

[Kalila]

There was a time in which she probably really could have raked in some dollars.

[Jenna]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Probably right around the pandemic when it popped off. But I feel like now it's, like, so saturated that there has to be more of a shift stick outside of just feet.

[Esther]

Like, you'd have to. I think if you were gonna. You'd want to be, like, also doing, like, tick tock. Like, you. You got to get the people interested in your feet in a way.

[Jenna]

But I'm on wiki feet, and wicked feet's not enough.

[Kalila]

I mean, we all are.

[Jenna]

But man, this is really what I thought was going to change my life.

[Esther]

Feet. Selling feet pics.

[Jenna]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Yeah. I feel like that's a very. Like, we were all at that stage four years ago. We, you know, it was a very common. Common conversation to have amongst girlfriends, to be like, yeah, we're doing feet. We're not doing feet.

[Esther]

We selling underwear.

[Kalila]

Yeah, we're selling underwear.

[Jenna]

But I feel like Atijana can still do it, but is the time.

[Kalila]

What are we doing? Like, some overly produced, like, tap dancing.

[Jenna]

Video, I think, like, keeping it simple, putting lotion on my feet, showing how they spread, picking things up with it. Maybe I'm not a consumer of, you.

[Kalila]

Know, feet porn, but I'm.

[Jenna]

Okay. Well, if anyone else has some other ideas, I am. I appreciate you guys being honest, though, and not being like, yeah, do it go off, queen.

[Esther]

Wait, Jules, are you. How are you. Are you traumatized by the women, these women here today that are all lost in identity?

[Jenna]

No, not really. It makes me feel. I don't know, because I feel like I'm also lost.

[Esther]

Really?

[Jenna]

Yeah. That's normal for your age.

[Kalila]

But also, like, post graduation is really a weird place to be where it's like, all right, I got my degree. Like, what now? Now is a. I. I hate that. I say I hate that feeling as if I didn't graduate at, like, 27, as if I didn't spend 10 years in college.

[Jenna]

That's great, though.

[Esther]

But what is your do? What? Can we pity you for today?

[Kalila]

Yeah, let's pity you for something.

[Esther]

Or are you lost? What. What's going on? I don't know.

[Jenna]

I'm starting my master's program next. Oh, my God. And I just feel like I'm not gonna do well.

[Kalila]

Yeah, you are. I mean, sorry to just dismiss it like that, but, like, whatever you touch.

[Jenna]

Whatever you do, look who your mom is. You're gonna do well.

[Kalila]

It's in your genetic makeup to just get things done. And who cares if you. Your grades in masters doesn't matter, does it? It's like, who gives a. Yeah, you.

[Jenna]

Don'T have to be the best.

[Kalila]

And what have I always told you about grades in general?

[Jenna]

Who cares?

[Kalila]

Who cares? To me, what matters most is that you walk away feeling. Feeling like, oh, okay, that's an. You know, I learned something.

[Jenna]

Can I ask. I just don't want to disappoint you or anyone.

[Esther]

Why do you feel like it's not gonna go well? Because I feel like you do a really good job at everything that you do.

[Jenna]

I just feel stupid and like, I don't know.

[Kalila]

Well, not good enough.

[Jenna]

We're all, we're all not saying anything because we're trying to validate what you're feeling. But it's like, we know you're not stupid and we know that you would succeed. So we're just, just going, how do we tell her? What's this? Dumb as.

[Kalila]

Yeah, we're. There are a lot of bum ass people out there, truly. And you are so universes away, far away from being that. I think the, the idea. I think you're. You thought that by now you'd know what you want to do, right? Like, that's where the pressure comes from. But I'm here to tell you, even at 4, I still kind of don't know. It changes. You don't know what you want to do.

[Esther]

And how could you know?

[Jenna]

It's always just an idea of like a direction that you're going to go in until you find what the next thing is that you want to do. And then that changes. It's none of it's real.

[Esther]

And also, let's say you are stupid. You know that like, putting in work and effort always is more valuable than someone that's like naturally smart but lazy. Or like naturally talented but lazy. Like, being stupid is really not a problem. It's work ethic.

[Jenna]

Yeah, look at me drive. I'm stupid as fuck.

[Esther]

She's good.

[Jenna]

But I have that work ethic.

[Esther]

Like work ethic. Drive, care, passion. Time and time again in the business that I'm in, in other businesses, I see it. That's what matters. And I know that I could say I see that in you. So I feel. But again, this is just how I feel and it's not how you feel.

[Kalila]

And I have to stay.

[Esther]

Stop, like telling everyone how to feel.

[Kalila]

No, I hear you, Jules. It's. It's a really tough age.

[Jenna]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

And, and any age is a tough age, truly. You're gonna have these feelings of like, what am I doing in life? Like, to the very end? I think for a very long time it's just the human condition of like, okay, what next? Like, yeah, am I living up to, you know, my own potential? Am I, you know, really chasing after my dreams? Am I just, you know, like, I basically like raised you here in the United States. There isn't a molecule in my body that is even near disappointed in you. I want you. All I ever cared about was that you were kind, that you were a compassionate human being, that you care about your, the world and the people that you Love, a job, money, all of that. It will come. Everything else does. Like, the world is so shit shitty. And you. I pro. I promise you, you offer your friends and family so much more than you think you do.

[Jenna]

Yeah. Like, even if you did nothing.

[Esther]

Yeah.

[Jenna]

Succeeded. Let's just say you succeed at nothing that you want to do. You fail out of school, you decide that you want a podcast and hang out with your family and help take care of their babies, you would still be a huge success. You're a kind person. You're funny, you're compassionate. You.

[Kalila]

You show up for people.

[Esther]

You're a valuable member of my community.

[Jenna]

And you're learning how to show up for yourself. Like, that's what. That's ultimately why people who care about you push you, because they just want you to be able to push yourself and show up for what you want to show up for. You don't have to do anything like.

[Kalila]

And I know it's not necessarily, like, a personal goal of yours to have reared and helped with in Esther's motherhood to watch our babies. I know that's. You know, you didn't come to the United States thinking, hoping that. God, I. I want to, like, you know, play with toddlers all day. But when I tell you, like, that has meant so much to me for you to show up in that way and for my kid to see you to scream when he sees you, like, walk through that door.

[Jenna]

Yeah.

[Kalila]

Like, I know that doesn't mean a lot to you right now, but you are what you. What you're doing for two young mothers, I think is, like, so fucking cool and so irreplaceable.

[Jenna]

You're irreplaceable, and you're not stupid.

[Kalila]

And you. You're doing a ton. And, you know, shit is just after graduation. It's just weird.

[Esther]

And just for me, I would just love for you to be feeling skinny and pretty and get the best matcha this city has to offer and take walks and have fun and have days where you.

[Jenna]

You.

[Esther]

All you do is get a matcha. Like, just for me, please do stuff like that.

[Kalila]

Don't spend your days worrying about that stuff, because this is, like, this is it right here, right?

[Jenna]

Esther?

[Esther]

I was such a loser. I would just wake up and look at Yelp and just find the best latte that day. Like, I was and I didn't. Now I'm just a nobody.

[Kalila]

Well, today, lots of tears, you guys.

[Esther]

Better like this one. But you might have hated it. I don't know. I never know.

[Kalila]

I need to see you cry soon. Did you cry recently?

[Esther]

I cried yesterday.

[Jenna]

She also kind of cried here today. She got teary eyed.

[Esther]

I did get worked up at different points where I felt close but I.

[Jenna]

Yesterday one was when I told you I pitied you.

[Esther]

No, that was like horny.

[Jenna]

Yeah, I know.

[Esther]

No, I cried really hard yesterday and I had a great day afterwards. Honestly, I left.

[Kalila]

That was cathartic, isn't it?

[Esther]

I needed that. I was like manic the whole day after. It was so much fun. You guys thank you for being here and I also am just like so grateful for this group of such honest like tragic like I need you guys because same share in the comments please what you relate to and it give us advice too.

[Jenna]

Like unsolicited please, but not about my hair.

[Esther]

Don't say anything about her ugly ass hair. Just kidding. We love you guys and we are to finish this conversation on the Patreon right now and we'll see you next week the brand new episode or at the Patreon link below.

[Jenna]

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