TRASHFUTURE Podcast

Episode: "Full-Spectrum Puppet Warfare feat. Séamus Malekafzali"

Date: January 13, 2026
Guests: Séamus Malekafzali
Main Theme:
An in-depth, characteristically irreverent discussion of the current crisis in Iran, the bizarre and fraught geopolitics surrounding it, and the larger pattern of international mismanagement, sanctions, and imperial confusion. The hosts and Séamus analyze protest movements, foreign meddling, the strategic calculations of global and regional powers, and the "museum of ideologies" that shapes the present moment.

Episode Overview

Trashfuture gathers its regulars and analyst/journalist Séamus Malekafzali for a sweeping and darkly comic breakdown of the political chaos sweeping Iran. From the latest round of street protests and police crackdowns to the foreign actors – and intelligence agencies – more or less openly jockeying for influence, the conversation traces how years of sanction, neoliberal “reform”, diaspora infighting, and American/Israeli opportunism set up a dangerous and unpredictable future. The team connects the current flashpoints to a broader crisis of legitimacy and competence across the so-called global "block" systems, highlighting the absurdities of puppet warfare, failed statecraft, and the persistent delusions of Western and regional actors alike.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Parodying the “Museum of Ideologies” (00:16–07:12)

• Opens with jokes about the idea of a Chinese "Trashfuture" podcast, riffing on Confucian philosophy and the Western obsession with calligraphy and filial piety – lampooning Western self-help Calvinism meeting “new systems.”
• Satirical speculation about Western “liberal order” nostalgia, using examples like Monocle magazine coverage of Damascus and ski resorts for progressive politicians (05:00).
  • Quote: “Europe is a museum of the various sort of beneficiary being the beneficiary of the colonial plunder of the world…The museum element of it doesn't stop in like, 1919. The museum element of it keeps going.” (B, 06:04)
• Suggests that both Europe and Iran are stuck in a historical loop, unable to adapt or reform, and always looking for the next “progressive” or “modern” veneer.

Spec Ops Fetish and the “Spectacle of Power” (02:04–03:51)

• Ridicules the American (and now UK) infatuation with special forces, referencing Trump’s claim he could “fast-rope out of a helicopter”—the absurdity of spectacle replacing substance in elite politics.
  • Quote: “Donald Trump thinks he could fast rope out of a helicopter. And I think that's beautiful. It's a beautiful diversity in the sort of...due to elite overproduction. The sort of CIA agents of tomorrow have ended up as podcasters. And that's fucked up.” (C, 03:27)

Brand Identity & the Western Political “Block” (04:21–12:00)

• Discusses how British/Western establishment types obsess over brand identity (e.g., Monocle) and try to reinvent diplomatic rituals, even as their regimes are “sclerotic” and only react to threats from the Left.
• Explores the “organised campaign” rhetoric around attacks on democracy, with a sarcastic take on hybrid and “puppet” warfare.
  • Notable Moment: “We've got a new version of 'can the Subaltern Speak?' I suppose the British MP is silenced by people in their mentions.” (B, 10:36)
• Draws an analogue between the UK and Iran—both unable to reform and thus vulnerable to the dumbest possible reactionaries (“the former Shah of Iran, Nigel Farage”).

“Full Spectrum Puppet Warfare”: Iran’s Unraveling & Diaspora Schisms (18:27–30:41)

• Kicks off main segment with Séamus: anti-regime protests erupt in Iran, with external actors whipping up/channelling unrest, especially exiled monarchist Reza Pahlavi.
  • A U-Haul crashing a protest in Los Angeles sparks riffs on the chaos of diaspora infighting: “This is a man being commanded from Albania.” (B, 19:32) (Reference to MEK, an exile opposition group)
• Describes how various protest movements in Iran—in response to inflation and U.S. sanctions—have been met with severe police brutality, and now Pahlavi can actually “move people into the streets,” unlike previous years (D, 21:03–24:27).
• Notes increasing violence on both sides: “Mosques were attacked where they weren’t before. Buses were burned, ambulances were attacked.… Just a revolt against the whole system.” (D, 21:53)
• Observes Tehran regime’s inability to reform; protests are more anti-systemic than ever before, but:
  • “This is a bad draw. And then at the end of it, you get Donald Trump just to push the whole thing over.” (C, 35:06)
• Compares Iran’s internal repression with worsening state responses in the U.S. and Venezuela, highlighting hypocrisy and the global trend toward clampdowns under the guise of “defending democracy.”

Foreign Meddling and Collapse of Pretenses (25:03–28:37)

• Israel and the U.S. now openly brag about orchestrating Iranian protests (“Congratulations to Mossad for successfully orchestrating all of these protests”—C, 25:03).
• Unlike the coyness after the 2009 “Green Movement,” officials and media now compete to claim credit, hoping to either topple Iran or discredit the opposition (“play all my cards at once” confused strategy).
• General sense that uprisings lack both “internal hands” and street organization: “No one really has a clear idea what they can do.” (C, 28:53)

The Problem of the Monarchist (and “No Future” Under Sanctions) (30:41–41:42)

• Focus on Reza Pahlavi’s outsized influence: “It's just him. And because it's just him, he can do whatever he wants. He's not really beholden to anybody.” (D, 41:16)
• Monarchists are loud and organized abroad (tactical embassy-flag takedowns), but remain a minority opinion inside Iran. Most young people feel shut out by both the monarchy and the Islamic Republic, with sanctions and privatization destroying opportunity.
  • “If you have no future...and you’ve been told by the President of America that if you go out into the streets and are killed, we will come in with jets to protect you—that is a very tempting offer.” (D, 41:17)
• Joke about the Western fantasy: “What Iranians want is to wear bikinis… That’s the future of Iran.” (A, 28:53)

Macro Strategy, Russia, and “Eating the Chess Pieces” (33:57–52:25)

• Nova introduces an “eating the chess pieces” theory: Iranian state tries rational “chess” moves against unpredictable opponents, who don't play by rules.
• Iran’s geopolitical bets in Syria and with Russia yield little return: “Had they not intervened so strongly in Syria, they may have gotten a more friendly post-Assad governance.” (D, 35:12)
• The killing of Soleimani marked a missed opportunity for the Republic to rebrand as anti-imperialist and popular among youth.
  • “They could’ve focused on anti-imperialism as the unifying factor, rather than Islamism.” (D, 37:23)
• Critique of the “block” system: relying on Russia or the U.S. as security patrons turns out disastrous when those leaders are “insane,” unreliable, or have other priorities (C/B, 49:24–51:19). China, meanwhile, is distant and offers platitudes.

The Stain of Non-Nuclearization, Looming Intervention (44:24–54:18)

• Harsh assessment of Iran’s faith in rules-based international order: “America is a rabid dog... North Korea built nukes; Iran did not, and kneecapped itself.” (D, 46:35–47:20)
• Cycle of attempted rapprochement/negotiation (JCPOA) always ends in betrayal, bombing, or new demands by the U.S.
• The opposition’s tactical claims for a future monarchy echo the same ambiguous promises Khomeini made in 1978 about post-Shah “democracy”—implying the cycle is likely to repeat.

The “Syria Model”: Bomb to Oblivion, Not Regime Change (54:18–64:59)

• Even if the Islamic Republic were toppled, foreign powers (especially Israel) would prefer “Syria 2.0”—a destroyed, fragmented Iran rather than a sovereign monarchy or republic.
  • “Even in this fantasy… they still bomb everything into oblivion and make it a weak state.” (D, 56:32)
• Monarchist leader Pahlavi is widely derided for his lack of popular support and, humorously, his bad suits and preference for tracksuits (A/D, 57:09–57:26).
• Trump and the Americans remain scornful of exiled royalty—pointing to the emptiness of the “restoration” vision (C, 58:11).

Prospects for Foreign Intervention (65:00–64:59)

• U.S. airstrikes against Iran now seem likely, though an Iraq or Syria-style invasion is out of reach; spectacle and destruction, rather than actual regime change, are now goals.
  • “They can easily do spectacle…to embolden protesters on the street…Because now they’ve seen that the American president will back up his words with action.” (D, 62:23)
• The taboo of “rallying around the flag” amid foreign attacks has been broken; rising protest in the face of Israeli/American escalation reflects total loss of legitimacy for the current regime.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Welcome to the Chinese Trash Feature… The podcast where the future will and always will be Chinese.” (A/B, 00:33–00:39)
• “We've got a new version of ‘can the Subaltern speak?’ I suppose the British MP is silenced by people in their mentions.” (B, 10:36)
• “You’ve heard of hybrid war? Total war? Welcome to puppet war.” (B, 13:40)
• “Monarchists are…a rabidly supportive bunch. In the diaspora, especially in the United States and Europe, they are willing to go to bat for this guy. But…domestically, no.” (D, 41:20)
• “America is a rabid dog…North Korea built nukes; Iran did not, and kneecapped itself.” (D, 46:45)
• “The block system is not working out for really anybody.” (B, 51:22)
• “It is time of monsters. Again.” (A, 65:01)
• “My thing is irrespective of any geopolitical thoughts about it, I tweeted the other day: I hope the people overthrow the regime — whichever regime. And that’s basically where I come down.” (C, 65:52)

Structure & Timeline

• 00:16–07:12: Satirical opening; “Chinese Trashfuture”; museum/nostalgia for liberal order.
• 07:12–20:07: Jokes segue into political/cultural analysis of brand identity, British/Western response to “defending democracy,” Parliament’s ineptitude.
• 20:07–30:41: Iran protests context; analysis of internal and exile politics; monarchy as the only “option” after decades of repression.
• 30:41–41:42: U.S. sanctions, neoliberal reforms, and pervasive corruption; generational and economic despair.
• 41:42–52:25: Strategic foreign policy failures; failed “block” alliances; China and Russia’s limitations.
• 52:25–64:59: Nuclear nonproliferation as national self-sabotage; prospects of U.S. (and Israeli) military escalation.
• 65:00–End: Summary reflections; critique of the Democrats/Biden/Obama foreign policy “dominoes”; exit banter and plugs for Séamus’s work.

Conclusion

A deep-dive episode blending bleak humor, historical context, and critical examination of the intersections between domestic unrest in Iran, diaspora politics, and vast international failures. The episode excels at exposing the absurdities, tragic cycles, and emptiness of modern regime change rhetoric, while skewering the delusions and self-aggrandizement of both Western and regional players. A must-listen for anyone wanting to make sense of an incredibly messy and dangerous geopolitical moment.

Further Reading/Listening

• Séamus Malekafzali’s writing: seamusmalekafzali.com
• Turbulence Podcast (hosted by Séamus): turbulencepod.substack.com

For full context and even more jokes about tracksuits, European museums, and puppet warfare, listen to the full episode.