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Travis Chappell (8:25)

reps. And Alex Shamozi said this, said this best when he says confidence does not come from shouting affirmations in the mirror. It comes from. It comes from the evidence that you do what you say you're gonna do or something along those lines. But he's basically saying like you gotta put in the work. The confidence comes from the fact that you know how to do this thing. So if you are in sales and you did not memorize the script. You did not run through objections. You did not practice what you're gonna say in this particular situation, or you did not practice your tonality, or you did not come up with a story of a customer that you worked with in the past that helps push people over the edge. Is a social proof pillar of psych psychology. Like, if you don't do these things, then you are being dishonest with yourself about the work that you've put in. You're telling yourself that, like, well, I showed up every day. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, I was, I, I did what was required of me on the, in the, in the manual for my job. You know, it's like. But did you re, did you really put in the work? Did you. You can't. Jason Whitten, I think it was who said this, he said you can't cheat the muse if you don't know. Jason Whitten is, he's one of my favorite football players of all time. He was a tight end for the Dallas Cowboys. And I, I saw him on Interview one time. He's saying, like you, he was talking to another really well known athlete. I forget who it was. Must have been really well known. So much so well known that I forgot who it was. But he was talking to them and he's basically, they were, they were finding a commonality here in the fact that you can't cheat the muse. Like, you can't just show up on game day. You can't just show up to practice. It's the work that you're putting in. Outside of that do. Are, are you being honest with yourself that you left everything that on the field? Are you being honest with yourself that you prepared as much as you possibly could? Are you being honest with yourself that you put in the volume of reps required to gain the confidence that you actually want? Because again, if you start to distrust yourself, these are things that are going to withdraw from that confidence bank account and start to eat at that balance over a long enough period of time. And by the way, when you're starting from scratch, these are the things that are more detrimental than anything else that we, that we're talking about. These, like, these little things, these are, these are, these are destructive of your bank, of your confidence bank account. Just like when you're starting your, your actual bank account. You know, like you, you, you don't fill up your car with gas all the way because you're like, man, well, if I fill up this tank, it's going to be 70 bucks and I only have $150 in my bank account and I know that I gotta buy some food for the family on the way home. And like that's not, I can't do that. I gotta, I gotta fill up my tank, like a quarter tank or, or a third of a tank just to get me to be able to get to the grocery store so I can spend the rest of my money, of the money in my account on groceries. So that it's this game that you're constantly playing because you're starting with such a little amount. So if you're starting out in life with a little amount of confidence in your bank account, these are going to be the things that are, that are crippling in your journey to create more confidence and to, and to build more abundant success in your life. So not acting in line with your values when no one's looking, not being honest with yourself about the work that you put in. And then the, another one is rejection. Rejection. So I remember I asked this question to Ed Mylett when the first conversation that I had with Ed on my podcast was back in 2017, 2018. And I asked him about rejection because I know that he built his insurance organization from scratch and I was a door to door sales guy at the time trying to become a podcaster. And so we sort of commiserated together about the volume of rejection that comes with this high volume sales career. And I asked him why can't people get past rejection? I'll never forget what he told me. He said, he said, rejection is not the problem. It's, it's, it's the symptom. The actual root of the problem is your lack of self confidence. It's that the rejection is confirmation of what you actually believe about yourself. So when you present this idea and you get rejected, you don't have the ability to withstand that rejection until the next time where you might get a win and where you might get a deposit into the bank account. You don't have the ability to withstand that rejection because every rejection you get is basically just overdrawing your confidence account and it destroys your inner self confidence. And you start telling yourself these stories and you buy into those stories and then before you know it, you've quit and you've moved on to something else because you were not able to withstand that rejection. And anything in life that's worth doing will inevitably come with a crapload of rejection. That's the scientific term. I think it's, it will always come with a ton of rejection along the way. Anything in life. The, the. One of the core common denominators that I've realized, the successful people that I've talked to, but also that has been well studied by a lot of other people who talk to a lot of successful people. One of the core common denominators is they have the ability to move from failure to failure or from rejection to rejection without loss of enthusiasm. And that enthusiasm comes from the fact that they've made enough deposits in their confidence account that they can withstand the rejection that happens from time to time. And they, they can, they can get rejected 50 times in a row without being overdrawn on their confidence account. They just keep moving on to the next door, they keep moving on to the next opportunity, they keep moving on to the next investor pitch or whatever. You know, apply this to your, to your situation, what you're trying to accomplish. You know, even, even if acting or comedy or, or producing TV shows, like, the volume of rejections you're going to experience is going to be very high. So if you don't set up your confidence bank account in a way to make sure that you're not overdrawn when you get rejected, then you're much more likely to quit. Because being overdrawn in that account makes you feel basically worthless. It doesn't allow you to be able to take the next step. It feels crippling. It feels like you can, you, you can't move. Feels suffocating. So rejection from other people, rejection from the marketplace, rejection from a romantic partner that you're trying to date, whatever it is, like all those levels of rejection are going to be withdrawals from your bank account, your confidence bank account. So try to avoid these things as much as you can. Now let's move into the, the deposits. Okay, first off, because I'm trying to set this up in a way for people who are, even those who are just getting started, if you're like, man, I just don't have any confidence. And I'm trying to, I'm trying my best to learn how to build this confidence in my life. The first big deposit that you're going to get in that confidence account is the courage to commit. The courage to commit to doing whatever it is that you're trying to do. When I first started this podcast, I had zero confidence in my ability to do this because I'd never podcasted before. I never did anything online.

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Travis Chappell (16:11)

Before I was a door to door sales guy, there was no reason why I should have been successful doing this thing. If you looked at my experience and the things that I had done in the world, there's no reason why I should have just like done what I did. But it was the, it was the courage to commit that gave me a big initial deposit in the bank account. Because I knew that whatever rejection I experienced along the way, whatever withdrawals I experienced along the way, I knew that regardless of those things, I was going to be doing this for two years. That was the commitment that I made to myself. It was the courage to commit, to say two years, no matter what rain or shine, happiness or depression, you know, I am going to put out episodes of the show no matter what. And I committed to, I believe it was three episodes a week at that time back in 2017. And so from 2017 to 2019, I was like, no matter what happens, no matter if nobody ever listens to the show, if I don't get anything out of this, I know for sure, 100% that for the next two years I will do this thing. Just the courage to commit allows you the freedom to be able to move from rejection to rejection to rejection without losing a lot of that enthusiasm. It mitigates the loss, it mitigates the withdrawal that each individual rejection pulls from that account. Because I just knew that I was going to be in this thing for the long haul regardless. So if you are starting from scratch, the courage to commit to something and apply this to whatever it is that you're doing. If you're trying to get good at sales, if you're trying to reinvent your career, if you're trying to be a public speaker, if you're trying to get into acting, if you're trying to build a business, just, just start with this. The, the epic courage that's required to commit to this thing. And you'll find that in that commitment, although this is counterintuitive, in that commitment comes freedom because you don't have the choices. If I would have said I'm gonna do my podcast and, you know, if there's just some early signs that it's not gonna work out, then I'll just, you know, I'll evalu. I'll just see how it goes. If I would have done that, I would have quit, like, three months in, because there were no indicators early on that I was, like, going to be successful with it. You know what I mean? There's not. I didn't have this experience of explosion, of an explosion of success as soon as I started my show. In fact, it was quite the opposite. And probably a year, maybe, maybe, maybe month, like 14, 15 after I had accomplished a good amount of stuff like Tamiya, in my mind, it was like, if I can get this guest, it'll explode my podcast and I'll, you know, experience this level of success. And like, 14, 15 months in, I had already gotten. I already checked off a bunch of, like, my dream guests, people who I thought would be these huge needle movers that would make a massive impact in my podcast and my business. And then it didn't happen the way that I wanted it to happen. So if I would not have committed to two years at that point, I probably would have given up around month 14, month 14 or 15. But I knew that I committed to two years. And with that commitment comes this level of freedom where you don't have the choices that you would normally have. You're just like, I'm heads down, focused on this goal because this is what I committed to doing. And I told myself I was going to do it. Therefore, I will make sure that I continue to do this thing. So courage to commit is, to me, a great place to start. When you're starting from scratch, it just allows you to have this level of freedom that will help mitigate the rejection or the pain that you feel when you. When you get rejected. So courage to commit. Second thing, consistency to continue improving or practice. In other words, reps. Volume. There's a phrase that my buddy AD and I use all the time, which is violent volume. And it was funny because we talked about my podcast and the fact now that this is what I do full time. But when we met, it wasn't what I was doing full time, and I wanted it to be full time. And so I told him, all right, well, I'm moving from three episodes a week to an episode every day. He was like, oh, cool. You know, violent. Violent volume is the answer. And I moved to two episodes a day. Now we're doing three episodes a day. And every time I talk to him, he's just like, yes, I love it. Violent volume is always the answer because the more consistently you improve, the more reps you put in, the better you get at the craft. And the better you get at the craft, the more you enjoy the practice and the reps that are required to get better at the craft. Which means that you're more likely to continue doing that thing because whenever you start anything new, there's going to be this. I call it the callus building phase, because I liken it to playing the guitar. My guitar is sitting over here out of the frame. I picked it up in high school. I started trying to learn how to play guitar. And I'm not like a, you know, amazing musician or anything like that, but I can chord around and have fun on it. And when I first started, I literally was telling myself, like, man, I think I made a mistake. I think. I think I'm just. I think there's probably just a category of people that exist out there that just can't learn the guitar, and maybe that's me. And that was a story that I was starting to accept because it sucked, man. Like, the first two months, three months of trying to learn to play guitar, it's the worst. Like, your fingers hurt all the time. You can't get. You can't even strum a chord without it buzzing and sounding terrible. Even if you could somehow manipulate your fingers into the chord formation and then strum it, it's like. It's just this weird, crazy noise that is. And it's not fun at all to practice the guitar when you're in that cow's building phase. What happens is in. In. In guitar, specifically, especially a still string acoustic guitar, you literally develop calluses on the tips of your fingers. And those calluses on the tips of your fingers allow you to press down the steel strings on the guitar and then finally be able to strum a chord where it actually sounds good. Now it's like, okay, well, I got that first chord and it sounds good. Now, hey, I can play this chord and it sounds okay. And then it was chord switching and it's like, okay, now when I move to this ch, takes me five seconds to get my fingers placed in the right position, and then I can strum that chord. But then once you get past month three, month four, you have those calluses built and then you learn three or four chords. It's like, well, now I can learn a song. And once you play your first song, it's like, now it's actually becoming a little bit fun to practice the guitar because things are sounding okay and I'm moving in the right direction. And you have the ability to look at the progress that you've made over the past couple of months. So the, it starts with the commitment, because without the commitment you probably won't continue through that callus building phase. But then it continues with a consistency, the consistency attacking the thing with violent volume and just being willing to do more reps than anybody else is willing to do. That consistency, that continued practice will continue to make deposits in that bank account to give you the confidence that you need. I just had a public speaker on the show actually earlier today, Alan Stein, and he came from working with a bunch of superstar NBA players. He was a basketball trainer coach, mental performance coach, and then strength conditioning coach for a lot of of superstar NBA players. And he pivoted his career into public speaking. And then he told me that for the first three years of his public speaking career, he did over 100 speeches completely for free in those three years, even though he had 20 years of experience doing this other thing, even though he had the name recognition of having worked with Kevin Durant and Steph Curry and all these people on the, you know, of the USA Olympic basketball team, even though he had all of that, all of that stuff stacked in his resume, he knew he was starting something over from scratch and that he was going to have to put in the work to do that thing as well as he had put in the work to do the other thing that he had done for 15, 20 years of his career up to that point. So a hundred free speeches for somebody who's already at that point in their career is a lot of speeches, especially when you consider all the times you have to travel. And then I've been in this position too where like you have to pay to travel because they can't afford to fly you out. So like you're paying to go out there, they're not paying you and you're speaking to a group of 13 people in like a city hall somewhere in like the middle of nowhere. But his commitment to continuing to be consistent and to put in the reps and to put in the volume that was required to get better at the craft was now what has been able to get him to the point where he is a full time professional speaker and actually gets paid to go to corporations and has the ability to say no to people who aren't going to pay his fee, who aren't going to cover his travel. And now he can select the things that he's doing and built the career that he wanted to build. But it didn't come as soon as he, as soon as he told somebody that he was going to be a public speaker. It came from years of consistent commitment to improving his craft and practicing his craft. And every time you put in another session of strumming that guitar, every time you put in another rep, of speaking on stage, every time you put another rep, of writing another paragraph for your newsletter, every time you do that, you are depositing a little bit into your bank account, that confidence bank account. And over time, that's what's going to really continue to grow that account. Next thing. So courage to commit, consistency, to continue improving and practicing those things with a high volume. Third thing is results from your work. Once you see the results come from all of the work that you've been doing behind closed doors, right? You, you, you're, you're acting in line with the values when nobody's looking. You're being honest with yourself about the work that you're putting in. You're actually putting in the work. You're putting in a high volume of reps. You've done all of the things that you're supposed to be doing. And then you see a result happen, happen. Like, you know, let's use this publicly speaking example. You do 100 free speeches, and then that 100 first speech, somebody pays you your exact fee that you wanted. Man, that feeling is worth so much more than whatever you get paid to do that thing because it just taught you that all of the work that you put in is, has now become worth it. And people are starting to see that I've actually put in the work to put myself in a position to deserve the level of success that I'm actually achieving at this point. So the results from your work are those, are those, are those like big, you know, confidence deposits. These are the wins. So like in a sales scenario, if rejection is a withdrawal, then a closed deal is a deposit. So the cool thing to me is that if you can make that commitment and practice that consistency, you can mitigate the loss, the withdrawals of the rejection, and then you can fully experience the deposits of the wins. So when you get those wins, feel how awesome that feeling is and then get after it again and go find that next win. And then the better you get at it. It, the coolest thing about this is that now it doesn't take as many rejections to get to the win as it used to. So to use a classic example, because this is what I did for door to door sales. You know, maybe it took you a hundred doors to get a sale when you first started, but the better you get at it because you committed to showing up and getting better at it, the better you get. And maybe it doesn't take you 100 doors anymore. Maybe it takes you 75 doors, maybe it takes you 50 doors. Then it starts taking you 30 doors. And then to the point where we got. When I was knocking with my team, like, we would just cherry pick sometimes. Like if it was like a long day or, or it was a long weekend or something and we were just going out, we only had two or three hours, just be like, man, well let's hop in the car. And then we would just drive around neighborhoods and cherry pick houses and say like, ooh, like that's a deal, that's a deal. Somebody get out, go knock that door, because that's a deal waiting to happen right there. And like our, you know, we, we would knock 10 houses and then get a deal. It was no longer just this like volume game of just knocking on doors ad nauseam. It was, it was because we put in that type of work before we could then start to spot the ones that were more likely to be, you know, a positive result and then spend the majority of our time working on those ones so that we could be more efficient with our time. But then you, you mitigate each rejection along the way and then you feel the, the big deposit. Then this is how you start seeing how your bank account can just start exploding with growth in terms of keeping that confidence balance way, way, way, way, way higher so that each individual rejection, even though it might withdraw a bunch of, it doesn't matter because your balance is, is so massive. Kind of like the Starbucks example, right? If you have $10 million in your bank account, you're all of a sudden not really super concerned about how much your Starbucks drink costs you on a monthly basis. So results from your work and the wins that you get along the way, huge deposits into your confidence account. So you gotta be willing to stick into the consistency piece of this so that you can start collecting those wins so that you can start. This is where, this is where the balance of your account can get, get, can get massively high. Because the cool thing about it is that it's not, it's not linear, it's not just like one point per win deposited into the account, right? It's like depending on the quality of the win or the work that went into that win, or the, the enormity of the project, this could be like 50,000 points in a single win. That then enables you to withstand another four years of nothing but rejection before you'd run out of confidence, out of the end of it. You know what I mean? So you gotta be able to stick in the game long enough to be able to get the wins because the wins make massive deposits in your bank account. Lastly, this is probably the best piece of advice that I've ever gotten in terms of how to really build confidence like the grassroots. If you're, if you're really trying to go from I'm not confident at all to I'm very confident. Keep the promises that you make to yourself. Having an impeccable relationship with yourself is the path to lasting confidence a hundred percent of the time, bar none. Keep the promises that you make to yourself. And this sort of goes into the not acting in line with your values when nobody's watching. It's like if you are only going to the gym so that you can post about it on social media and everybody can see it, but then you're not willing to go to the gym when you're not going to post about it on social media, or you're like, if you're only doing it to appease the perception of other people, then, then you are not. Then you are cheating yourself out of the confidence that you gain from doing it just for the purpose of the fact that you told yourself that you are going to do it. The better relationship that you have with yourself, the more trust that you have with yourself, the more respect that you have for yourself because you know you've put in the work, the more confidence you're going to gain from doing that activity. And the cool thing about this one in particular is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what realm it's in. It will translate to other areas where you might need confidence. Meaning that if it's just something as simple as I'm going to get up at 6 o' clock every day or I'm going to read 10 pages of a book every day, these teeny tiny, like perceived teeny tiny acts of keeping the promises you make to yourself will translate to some of the other maybe higher stakes situations in life where you're trying to get this new job or you're trying to win this big deal for your business, or you're trying to get a great guest on your podcast, or, you know, whatever. Whatever that big milestone project is to you, these little deposits that you're making along the way by keeping promises to yourself will directly translate to these massive, potential huge deposits along the way. So that's why I say, like, if you're just getting started, just start with keeping the promises that you make to yourself. The way that I do that is I stopped making a ton of promises to myself. I caught myself being like, I'm going to do that, I'm going to do that, I'm going to do that, I'm going to do that, I'm going to do that. And it's like, it's impossible for me to do all of these. These things. And inevitably, when I actually fail at doing all of these things that I told myself I was going to do, then I start having that negative self talk again. Like, man, you don't. You can't even do this laundry list of items that you gave yourself. How can you possibly do this other thing? It's like, well, just start with something small that's. That's seemingly small, because even that seemingly small thing that you've committed to doing will directly translate in your ability to create confidence later on. Which is why I think it's a, you know, organized sports, weightlifting, getting healthy and in shape as a young person. I think those things are wildly underrated. Not just as. Not, not just as the goal in and of itself, right? Like, living a healthy life is obviously a really good goal and a worthy pursuit in general, but it's because it's like the earliest form of this level of confidence that you can gain is from, like, I started going to the gym. It sucked. I didn't know what I was doing. I hurt every day. I was sore, and I did, and I saw on virtually no results for four months straight. But then you keep doing it. You keep doing it, you keep showing up, you keep doing it. You have the courage to commit, you remain consistent, you put in the work you've done, the volume, and you can look back in 12 months from now and go, like, wow, what a transformation I've seen in my body along the way. And that is such a great, siloed, perfect example to use to say that, like, what else could I potentially change about my life by just having the courage to commit to it and remaining consistent and putting in the work long enough to see a result, to win these big deposits in my bank account? So that is it for this episode. How to build more confidence in your life. Find the courage to commit, be consistent, get the results from your work, get those wins, keep the promises you make yourself stop or stop acting out of line with your values when nobody's looking, stop being dishonest with yourself about the work that you put in and then do your best to mitigate the rejection that you feel from the market from other people. And this will be a really great springboard into your ability to build self confidence in your your life as always. Travis chappell on Instagram travisravishapple.com if you want to shoot me a question, something we can tackle on a later episode, please let me know what that is and I look forward to engaging with you guys over there. Thanks again for tuning into this episode. We'll catch the next one. Peace.

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