← Travis Makes Money
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- [00:01]
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- [00:29]
Travis Chappell
You're listening to the Travis Makes Money podcast presented by gohighlevel. Com. For a free 30 day trial of the best all in one digital marketing software tool on the planet, just go to gohighlevel.com travis what's going on, everybody? Welcome back to the show. This episode, it's just me, you and the mic. Just. Just the. The three of us. Just the three of us. Even though the three of us is technically a lot more than just the three of us. You understand what I'm trying to say? This is a solo show where basically I just share things that I found to be helpful for me over the years. And today we're talking a little bit about reaction management. Media is making you lonely. Not just social media, Media in general. Loneliness has been increasing since the 1950s and steadily since the 1970s. Once UCLA came up with a standardized measurement of loneliness and, you know, TV became a form of media that made people stop facing each other and stop talking to each other, stop playing with each other, and they started rel on, you know, outside influence for their entertainment and connection time, which is why living rooms are set up as the television is the focal point instead of the coffee table as the focal point where people would then connect with each other and be facing each other. Now everybody's facing television screen. So this has been happening for a long time. Social media is not the. The main culprit now. It's just the chosen form of distraction over things like television or what radio used to be. But. But media in general is. Is making it lonely. And now marketing and capitalism are also contrib that to a certain extent they're engineered sort of to make you feel bad about yourself. We see up to 10,000 ads per day now, 10,000 potential marketing messages that reach your brain on a daily basis, 80% of which are designed to make you feel worse about yourself. They're pointing out something negative about you. They lean in a negativity bias because those are the headlines that get you to click because those are the marketing messages that get you to realize that there's a problem that you have in your life that you need to solve and that their product or service can be the solution for said problem. And any ads or ad campaigns that are designed to make you feel good tend to not work as well because it doesn't factor into the negativity bias that's in our minds psychologically. Look at Victoria's Secret. I don't know how long ago this was. Now, maybe a year or two ago they tried, you know, this body positivity campaign and then they lost a billion dollars in revenue and then immediately went back to where they were. Now I don't want to live in a society where free speech is oppressed because ultimately it's up to all of us to do the work to try to avoid these messages and intelligently dissect information to find the truth. But you know, you look at a company like Victoria's Secret, their whole message is about being sexy. So the body, the body positive. The body positivity campaign didn't work for their ideal segment. Not because it was woke or whatever, but because you can't change internal identity with a simple purchase. It just isn't how it works. It's, it's subjective. And feeling sexy is internal, right? Now, of course, if you had a lineup of women and had people rate them based on that, then you'd no doubt find trends that keep in line with what's traditionally held as beautiful or something like that. But I'm going to bet you that if, if you surveyed those women, the ones who were found most attractive by others would probably not be the ones who found themselves that way. Because it's internal and subjective. And how do I know this? Because sometimes I go to Walmart and at Walmart I've seen many people wearing things that seems like they borrowed them from the closet of their nine year old child. And my first thought is, ew, gross. Why are you wearing that? And my second thought is, hey, good for you for being confident enough to walk out in public like that. But either way, to them it feels obviously doesn't matter at all because what I think doesn't have any bearing on their internal feeling that tells them something different, which good for them. Now to wrap that up, there's. I don't think it's healthy to be delusional to the degree where you're actively, you know, contributing to self harm by not taking care of your body and things like that. But that's a wildly different conversation. The whole reason I bring all of this stuff up is what can we do on a daily basis to combat the level of negativity. Negative messages negatively spun articles and headlines, the volume of messages that we're getting on a daily basis that are telling us we're not enough or that are telling us that the world is burning around us. What can we do to combat that level of distraction and negativity that's so readily accessible to all of us on a daily basis? Enter what I call the base method. It is my reaction management method of choice. And by the way, if you've listened to the show at all, my I meant this episode of the show is brought to you by Mars Men. So look guys, I don't know if everybody listening knows this, but a couple years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. And around that time I also noticed that my testosterone levels were dropping like crazy. And I know that some of it was due to the fact that my body was sort of in disarray. But then I also learned through this experience that most men start losing testosterone levels around the age age of 30. And then it starts just getting worse and worse after that. About 1% every year after that. So what I learned during this is that basically your body makes testosterone, but a lot of it gets locked up and can't be used. So there's this protein called SHBG that basically handcuffs your testosterone. So even if your body's making testosterone S H G, SHBG locks it up so you can't access it. It's like having money in the bank, but your debit card doesn't work. So Mars Men is designed to help free locked testosterone so your body can actually use it. No synthetics, no needles, real ingredients that help optimize energy, focus and strength. And since I started taking stuff like this, I noticed increased physical performance, especially recovery in the gym, which as I am getting older, I'm starting to realize is a real thing. I, I have to like stretch a lot more, I have to like take breaks more, I have to have rest days and things like that. And, and Marsman has helped me to be able to recover a little bit faster. Plus more consistent natural energy. It's different than having a cup of coffee or an energy drink or something. It's a steadier sense of throughout the entire day. It supports healthy T levels, energy and stamina with eight natural clinically dosed ingredients made in the USA and third party tested. Plus it's got a 30 day money back guarantee, so there is absolutely no risk to you. Worst case, you don't absolutely love it and you get your money back. But over 91% of users report higher energy levels. Thousands and thousands of guys are feeling incredible results from this. So just check out the reviews on the website to see for yourself. For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off. That's 5, 0 50% off for life plus free shipping and three free gifts at men. Go to mars.com that's mengotomars.com for 50% off and three free gifts. When you check out. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Just please support our show and tell them that we sent you. That's mengotomars.com
- [07:51]
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- [08:19]
Travis Chappell
Should this one time the reaction management piece to my friend Dan Martel. And if you hear him say reaction management, just know that he picked that up from me. Okay, you're welcome, Dan. No, he was on the show and I, and I said that he's like, I like that term. I'm going to start using that a lot. But the reason that I think it's really important is that we have to become proficient at distracting ourselves from the distractions, meaning that we have to try to focus on all of the good things rather than allowing marketing messages and political news and the opinions of other people pull us into this negativity spiral. And then we are just left to experience some sort of a human emotional experience and then allow our internal state to be depicted by all of these other external messages that are around us. So this is, this is the base method. This is Breathe, Ask, Solve, share is what it stands for. So I'll give you an example. This is a little while ago. This is probably a couple years ago. I was just having a day, you know, I did not have a great start to the day. I was dropping my mom off for a medical procedure which made me late to picking up my daughter from preschool. And then when I was pulling in, I got a flat tire. And I am not a car guy, okay? It's one of those things that makes me feel like less of a man. But I'm the guy who popped Pops the hood to make it seem like I know what I'm doing. Like I'm like poke around and be like, oh yeah, you know, touch something, move something around. But I really have no idea what's happening under there or what I should be doing. So I was hoping that I could just, you know, figure it out. And I was hoping that it wasn't actually a flat tire because I had, had never to that point changed the tire on that vehicle. So I don't even know, you know, like what I would, what I would do. I didn't know exactly even where our spare tire was in that car. So I was just like, it was just something that added up to having a bad day. Now I don't know if you've ever tried to do anything for the first time with a three year old present, but it immediately introduces more complexity to the situation. And I caught myself just getting more upset and more frustrated with the entire situation. And I don't always do this, but this time I took a second and I purposefully took a deep breath. And that's not a thing, by the way. There are plenty of studies that prove that breath work is a hack to immediately change your, your internal state. And when I'm in a heightened emotional state, you know, I'll take all the hacks that I can get. So I took a deep breath. Actually, three deep breaths is, is what I try to do. Three deep breaths. You can change your physiology to a certain degree. So take a few deep breaths. And then I asked myself one really important question. What if I looked at this as an opportunity instead of a problem and I ended up sort of forcing myself to put a smile on my face and then I gave my daughter a choice and just said, hey, I gotta change this tire. It's flat tire. And I said, do you want me to put on a show for you in the car and you can watch this on my phone, or do you want to help me change the tire? And she said, I want to help you change the tire. So what started off with a, you know, super annoying, terrible interruption to my day ended up becoming just a fun, you know, bonding experience with, with my, with my daughter because we ended up changing the tire together and both of us were super sweaty. You know, have black hands. You know, Vegas is obviously pretty hot. And I want to say it was like towards the end of summer, so it was, it was very hot outside and I was getting really sweaty. Obviously filthy. But at the end we both had filthy, you know, dirty black hands from the rubber on the dire. But we high fived with our dirty hands at the end and then we Ended up having a great remainder of the day. And then of course when I got home I was able to take a second to connect with my wife about the full day and like a debrief on what had happened and what I wanted to do and then how I didn't allow myself to do that and then how we ended up having a great time together, my daughter and I. So what did I do? First was breath work and that's the B in the base method. So first is breath work. Don't just take one breath. Take at least three deep breaths where you fill your lungs all the way up through your nose and then shove the air out through your mouth. Then I asked a question, which is the A. Ask a question. That's what it means to interrogate your feelings. The best thinkers I know are also the best question askers that I know. So get used to asking yourself questions like why am I feeling like this? Is it really that bad of a situation? Will this matter in five years from now? Will this matter in one year from now? Will this matter tomorrow? A lot of times the answer to those questions is no it won't. What if this was an opportunity to get better? What if this were a game show and it was my job to solve this problem and the most fun way possible? Just allowing yourself to realize that the majority of the things that we're automatically marking as a bad part of the day were only. It's only bad because we have decided to perceive it as bad. Most events are just events. They're just things that happen. We have the ability to control whether or not we perceived it to be a good or bad event. So these questions can help reframe the problem as just another opportunity to have fun or to get better or to learn a lesson. Because here's. Here's the thing. We all want to get better. We all want to improve. We all want to get more out of life. But then when the opportunities to do those things present themselves, we let our
- [13:44]
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- [13:49]
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- [13:51]
Travis Chappell
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- [13:53]
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- [13:58]
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- [14:20]
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- [15:03]
Travis Chappell
N Pushins get the best of us. And this is why I say this is reaction management. Because what most people do is that an event happens. They have an emotional reaction to the event and then they allow their emotions to govern them and essentially ruin the rest of their day or at least dictate how the rest of the day is going to go. Whether it was something that they perceived as good or something they perceived as bad. The emotion is what's, is what's setting this, setting the tone for how the rest of their day is going to go. But if you look at it as an opportunity to get better and not allow yourself to let your emotions dictate your response, then life will continue to present opportunities like this to get better every single day. It's just up to you to actually get better from the experience. So take the opportunity to get better and learn to interrogate your feelings. So after asking the questions, after the A, then I can go about solving the problem from that third party viewpoint of the place of stress that I was just in. Which makes the solution not only more likely to work effectively, but also makes it more enjoyable. You can turn it into some sort of a fun experience sometimes. And afterwards I, I think, I think this step is really important for ultimately the creation of a new identity. I shared the situation with somebody close to me. Somebody, somebody who I, I trust, somebody who I love when in this case my wife. And to me it helps to share those interactions where you're proud of yourself for handling a situation properly. Not necessarily to brag about, about yourself, but basically to, to publicly solidify your identity with somebody you care about to, to instead of, you know, basically if you, if you, if you allow yourself to identify as somebody who solves problems in this way Then the times that you don't solve problems this way, where you allow your emotions to control the scenario, then you'll feel this internal struggle, this incongruency about the way that you present yourself to other people and the way that you actually handled that situation and in the future, actually help you remain accountable to using that method again the next time some sort of an event happens like this in your life. So if there's one thing that I can point to that's been a really helpful tool in checking my feelings as an adult, it's this exact process. And in stoicism, they teach you that no single event is good or bad. Only your reaction makes it so. In other words, these are just events, right? The way that you perceive the event is now the reality of the event. And I tend to be somebody that agrees on this, on most things. You know, there are some events that I think might be, you know, just bad things that happen. You know, like, it's hard to. It's hard to be like, Hey, 9, 11 is neutral, and it's only your perception that makes it a bad event. It's like, yeah, I think. I think that one might be one that the stoics maybe didn't think about or plan for. Although maybe they did. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe I'm just misinterpreting their intentions on that piece of advice. That being said, though, foremost things, even things like that, that are really difficult to go through, they're. They're just events. They're things that happen. It just is. And because you're human, you're going to have this visceral emotional response to an event happening. But the better that you can get at asking yourself why you're feeling something in the middle of going through that thing, the faster you'll be able to learn, adapt, or find the silver lining of the event that helps you process that emotion. The timing is really important. Okay, it's gotta be in the middle of the emotion, which is the last thing that you want to do while you're experiencing that emotion. Like, when you're really upset about something, you just want to. You want to feel that anger. It's almost addictive to allow yourself to remain in this angry emotional state because you feel justified that I should be able to be angry. And the last thing you want to do when you're feeling that sort of visceral emotion is take a step back and ask yourself why you're feeling that way. Because you might come to the conclusion that you have let something control your reaction in a negative way. And that means that you have to do the hard work of changing the way that you feel in that moment. And you don't want to, because sometimes we just. We don't want to change it. We don't want to admit that we don't want to change it. We want to feel that feeling of anger. We want to feel that frustration or that bitterness or that spite. And it can almost feel safer than a more positive state like peace or something like that. Especially if your neural pathways are trained to take you down that path, that path of anger or frustration more often. Which is why it's way easier to recognize your error, you know, an hour later or the next day or a week later. It's a lot easier to look back on it and go, like, yeah, I lost my temper there. Yeah, I. I reacted in a way that I should not have reacted. Or turns out, that wasn't that big of a deal. It's easier to look back on it when you're now in a good, positive emotional state or you're feeling at peace or you're feeling happy. It's easier to look back and go, like, you know what? I was kind of being. I was being kind of an asshole, wasn't I? You know, it's really difficult to do it while you're experiencing the. The emotion, but it also. It also gives you this sense of, like, autonomy and control and power when you can pull yourself out of a really negative emotional state. When something like that happens, it gives you this. This great. This great feeling like, you know what? Ultimately, nobody else has power over my emotional state except for me. So you. It's not to say that you should never feel any of these other emotions, right? You can and should feel your emotions sometimes to their fullest extent. The full range of emotions is what makes us human. However, if you let your emotions rule your actions and more importantly, your reactions, then you'll find yourself struggling through parts of life that you shouldn't even be struggling through. And that's even more true. The older that you get, the people in your life will be less likely to deal with your bullshit. And then get this. That doesn't make them, quote, unquote, not your people. Sometimes you're just being an immature asshole who never learned to regulate your emotions and be an adult about things. It's not always that it's everyone else's fault. In fact, it rarely is. And the sooner you come to terms with that, the better. The sooner that you can understand that, like, you know what it's not just them not supporting me and not having my back in the situation. It' probably that I was acting like a petulant child in the situation and let my emotions rule me and they were distant, distancing themselves from the asshole that I was being in that situation. So probably actually better on them to, to walk away from the situation in that context rather than supporting my addiction to anger in that moment. So the, the the Base Method. Breathe, Ask, Solve. Share. Take three deep breaths, ask yourself some questions about the emotional state that you're feeling, solve the problem and then share that experience with somebody close to you so that you can solidify that identity as somebody who handles problems with that type of, of temperance, that type of self control. So that's it for this episode of the show. I think. I genuinely believe that reaction management is one of those things that will pay off, pay, pay huge dividends in your life. And it's wildly underrated as a skill set. And it's extremely difficult because of how much we feel these emotions. Especially if you tend to be more of an emotional person, like really high highs, really low lows might be a little bit more difficult for you because when you start feeling that anger, you start seeing red. It can be really difficult to force yourself to take three deep breaths, ask yourself why you're feeling that emotion, then allow yourself to solve the problem and then share that with somebody else. You know, later on that day. You can feel really difficult at those things. However, I think you're going to find that if you do that, you will have much more control and power over your emotional from day to day. And you can train yourself to put yourself into better emotional states throughout your day more often and more purposefully. So the Base Method. Remember that next time you feel this big terrible emotion because of some external circumstance, whether it's a marketing message that you saw, a political campaign that irritates you, or an event that happened in your day. Like, you know, you got a flat tire that you have to change in the middle of the Las Vegas heat with your 3 year old also present. So that's it for this episode of the show. Thanks so much for tuning in and as always, travischappel on Instagram shoot me a DM happy to tackle any questions you guys have. Travisravischapple.com, shoot me an email. Look forward to connecting with you all over there. Thanks for tuning in. Catch you next one. Peace
- [23:35]
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