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SOLO | Make Money by Taking Radical Responsibility and Strengthening Your Relationships - Lessons from my Keith Yackey interview
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Travis (Podcast Host)
You're listening to the Travis Makes Money podcast presented by gohighlevel.com for a free 30 day trial of the best all in one digital marketing software tool on the planet, just go to gohighlevel.com travis what's going on, everybody?
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Welcome back to another episode of the show. On this episode, it's just me, you and the mic and we are continuing along the series of talking about some of the past guests that I've had on the show and some of the takeaways that I've had from them. So this episode we're talking about a buddy of mine, Keith Yackey. Keith's a real estate investor and entrepreneur based out of Orange County. He's also does a bunch of standup comedy. He has been an author and he now focuses all of his time's attention on a new business which is called the Married Game. And he basically has, has a full coaching program and content system built to help men show up as better husbands and to, to save their marriage to become attractive wife again. And this is sort of all from his personal experience of almost losing the love of his life and then getting her back. And now they've focused so much on this over the last few years that he, people started asking about it and he started sharing a little bit more about it and then they're like, we want more of this. And then he eventually turned that into, you know, his full, his full business now.
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But I like Keith.
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He's a good dude and like I said, I, I, I like the mixture of the business and the comedy and there's a lot of the same. We have a lot of the same through lines in our life, including ministry and, and, and you know, starting starting a career in ministry. So a few lessons and takeaways from my conversation with Keith. Number one, if you are the problem, you are also the solution. This is the core of everything that Keith teaches. And it came out of one of the worst moments of his life, which was watching his wife Jesse load up a U haul and drive Away. He described it like a light switch going on in a dark room. Been sitting there in dark, thinking everything was fine, and suddenly he could see clearly that every piece of that mess was his. And it's a brutal feeling, but it's also freeing because if it's yours, you can fix it. This obviously applies in a marriage context when you don't want it to apply, but it also applies everywhere else. This is one of. One of our core family values is take radical responsibility. Because if you are the problem, then you are the solution. And there's hope in the idea that it's your responsibility. There's no hope in the idea that it's somebody else's responsibility. Because then it's just a matter of like, well, I guess we'll just let the winds of life blow me where they may, and if I'm not successful and if I'm not fulfilled and if I'm not happy, just wasn't in the cards for me. And it's probably somebody else's fault. And all these stories that you tell yourself, but ultimately, if you can just accept the truth that it's. That you are the one who is the problem, then it's going to suck. It's not going to feel good, okay? It sucks to admit that you were the cause of your failure, that you were the person who could have changed it had you been a different version of yourself. It's. It's somebody else said it this way. The truth. The truth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off. And this is one of those things, because as soon as you get past the pissing off phase, you realize the hope in the situation, which if you are. Which. Which is that if you are the problem, then it means that you are also the solution to the problem. And you can then take the action that's necessary to become the version of yourself that would have thrived in that previous context and that can thrive in a future context. So you are the only one that has the ability recognize that and then enact a plan to actually change who you are. So if you are the problem, you are also the solution. Number two, comfort is where attraction goes to die. Keith's whole framework, the Five Dials is what he calls it. It's essentially a system to fight complacency inside of a marriage. And the pattern is always the same. Well, for a lot of people, guy figures out how to get paid, stops doing the things that made him attractive to his wife in the first place, then gets confused on. On, you know, why his partner stops being attracted to him. And Keith calls it the downward spiral of entitlement. It starts with entitlement moves to apathy, and then it moves to rejection. And the antidote isn't grand gestures. It's not buying another, you know, bouquet of roses. It's just consistently showing up as the person that you were when you were still trying to. It doesn't mean that you have. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't change. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't become a different version of yourself. Like, we're always going to be growing, we're always going to be evolving. But there's a difference between trying and not trying. And so a lot of times what can happen, especially for like high performing men, is that they, they get so caught up in the performance part that they forget about the attraction part. And, and of course, high performance is something that is attractive to a lot of women, especially in a relationship, but it's not the only thing. And they can quickly lose sight of what really is important when you sacrifice everything else in pursuit of high performance. So comfort is where attraction goes to die. Do not get complacent in your marriage, in your relationships and your business partnerships. In any, in any relationship, do not get complacent. Comfort is where attraction goes to die. Number three.
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Most people take years to plan an
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exit before you ever see it coming. So Keith and his wife Jesse have now worked with hundreds of couples and the men almost always say the same thing. This, this episode of the show is
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Travis (Podcast Host)
Amazing deals. Came out of left field. I just could not believe this app that like I had no idea that she was thinking these things. And the women almost always have the same response. I told you for years. How could this possibly have come out of left field. Now, I understand that there's a little bit of a perception gap there that, that, that maybe, maybe she was hinting for years and maybe she didn't just outright tell you and you didn't pick up on the hints and maybe that's something that she could work on as well. But it's still ultimately, again, like we said at the first point, it's your responsibility to recognize these things and then take action to avoid those things. So when Keith finally got the hint, it was Jesse loading up a U haul and leaving, which was a signal that he couldn't ignore. That there it was like, you know, you try to put through all these hints and give all these signals and they're just ignored, ignored and ignored. And then eventually she was just like, all right, well fine, I'm leaving then. And that was one that he couldn't ignore. That finally made him like that, that finally made him go, oh, well, there is obviously a real problem here. So by the time somebody is loading a U haul and moving out, the conversation has obviously been going on for quite some time. You just were not listening to the conversation. So have those check ins, man. Like, my wife and I are pretty relentless about our weekly date nights. And a lot of weeks we do two date nights. We have an awesome, awesome gym. I know not everybody has the ability to go to a gym like this one, but it has something called parents night out. So we can go drop our kids off at the gym for a couple hours and go out and get some dinner. And then my mom usually watches the kids once, once a week as well. So we try to get a couple date nights in and try to re. Engage with each other because life can get so busy, man. And especially if you got kids. It's like you're, it can be difficult because in your mind you're like, oh, I'm prioritizing family time and you're spending time with your wife and your kids and it's all at the same time. But like that's not, that's not intimate time between husband and wife, between partner and partner. That's not, that's not the same thing. It's, it's focused on the kids. And if you have kids, you know that it is impossible to have a conversation with another adult when kids are present. Like, there's no, you can't have that type of, that, that intimacy, not sexual intimacy, just intimacy of conversation and of connection when you got kids running around. So you have to take time to, to spend time with each other so that you can have these types of conversations, even though they might be difficult and even though it might be the end of day, and it's the last thing you want to do is fight with your partner or get into, you know, you don't want to hear about your deficiencies. You know what I mean? Like, when you have a free hour and you just want to grab some food and get a drink, and then all of a sudden you're hearing about all the things that you're doing wrong within the context of your relationship, and then you're just like, okay, well, I can't catch a break. I'm getting this at my business. I'm getting this from partners. I'm getting this from. From clients. And then I come home and I get it from my wife, too. Like, is anybody. You start really, like, you can tell, you can. You can spin to this negative spiral really quickly. But I'll tell you this. Those difficult conversations may be difficult, but they're way easier than a divorce. I'll tell you that right now. So most people take years to plan the exit and before you see it coming. So don't let that be you. Number four. To get the person back, you have to actually move on. And it sounds a little bit contradictory, but Keith is really clear about this. The needy, desperate version of you, the. The PowerPoint presentations, the crying phone calls, the. The yout tutorials on winning your back, all of those things just make it worse. Just makes them want to run away from you. And the research that he cited is striking. Rebound relationships have a 97% failure rate. Let me say that again. Rebound relationships have a 97% failure rate. His strategy at that point was just to genuinely become the man that he should have been previously, make that change extremely visible, and just trust that if it was supposed to happen, it's going to happen. It's not manipulation. It's not. It's not. It's not him trying to do these things in order to get her back. It's just you have to mentally compartmentalize and say, I am going to move on. And whether it's with her again or it's with somebody else, I am not going to accept that version of myself as a man ever again. And I'm going to become this version of myself because this is the ultimate version of me, and that's what I should have given her to begin with. And again, even if that is not the case, even if she doesn't come back, the next person you'll be able to show up like that for them and hold on to that person. So you actually do have to do the work of moving on and becoming the person that you should have been when you were with the other person. Number five. This one was a little bit like pre some of this conversation but don't let small minded people set the ceiling on your life. And Keith talks about this in the context of ministry because he's talking about his, his exit from ministry happened because a church congregation made an issue out of his wife getting a cosmetic procedure. And they did not like that. They did not think that she should have done this. And his response was to basically just turn to the associate pastor, hand him the church and then leave. He was just sort of like a, I call it a crack in the dam moment. It's just like yeah, you, you, you can't unsee what you have now seen which is that oh, all these people are caring wildly more about like this weird checklist thing than they care about the person that I am. And those aren't the people that I want to be around. So he looked around and realized that these were small people thinking small thoughts about small things and refused to let that continue to be his world and, and, and change to be accepted by that community. And the, the moment that you're outgrowing a room is exactly the moment that you need to leave it. And I really liked, I really like that he brough because it was similar to my own experience in that, in that context and in that culture. But this is a really fascinating conversation with Keith. If you are a man or a woman in a, in a marriage that you feel has been going downhill for some time and it is something that's important and meaningful to you and you want to try to get it back, I highly recommend going and checking out some of Keith's content. Give this full episode a listen over on Travis Makes Friends and I know you'll get something out of that. So that's it for this episode of the show. Thanks so much for tuning in. We'll catch you guys on the next episode where we will be talking about some of the less that I learned from John Salley who is a former NBA champion with the Detroit Pistons. Played against some of the greats like the MJ's and the Dennis Rodmans and all those types of people. So really, really interesting conversation. And now he's built an incredible broadcasting career and had a really good post professional basketball career as well. So tune into the next episode to hear me talk about some of my takeaways from my episode with John Salley. That's it for this one. Thanks for tuning in. Catch you guys next time. Peace.