The Funniest Conversation We've Ever Had - Mark Normand

Summary

TRIGGERnometry Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: The Funniest Conversation We’ve Ever Had - Mark Normand
Date: April 12, 2026
Guests: Mark Normand (comedian)
Hosts: Billy (Konstantin Kisin), Billy's British Friend (Francis Foster)

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Episode Overview

This episode features stand-up comedian Mark Normand in a rapid-fire, irreverent, and often outrageous conversation with the TRIGGERnometry hosts. The trio dive into social taboos, comedy culture, cancel culture, generational change, Britain vs. America, issues of sincerity, the decline of fun in society, and personal stories from Normand’s life. Unfiltered, over-the-top, and consistently funny, the discussion pokes at sensitive topics with jokes, dark humor, and genuine insight into comedy’s place in a world obsessed with outrage and identity.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Mark's Comedy Special, Touring, and UK Experience

• New Special: Mark announces his special is out ([04:34]), jokes about getting assassinated ("There is a Muslim joke in there" – [02:45]).
• Touring the UK: Mark recounts loving the Palladium, playing Manchester, Birmingham, Liverpool ([04:38]). UK as “a banana, the browner it gets” – a joke about shifting demographics ([05:00]).
• On the UK Royal Family: Sees it as odd and inbred; jokes about Prince Harry's Nazi Halloween costume and the ubiquity of photographic evidence now vs. the past ([07:11]-[08:19]). "Now everything is film… Kids can’t cut loose. No wonder they're shooting up schools—they’re pent up.” – Mark Normand ([08:38]).

Cancel Culture & Sincerity in Comedy and Life

• Ellen DeGeneres Discussion: Progress is Ellen getting canceled for being mean, not for being gay: “Hey, we’re not mad about you being gay anymore. We’re mad about you being mean. So that’s something.” – Mark Normand ([06:04]).
• Virtue Signaling & Sincerity: Doja Cat admits to virtue signaling about the opera for clout ([16:44]). “All I want is some acknowledgment in this world…” – Mark ([18:53]).
• On the Oscars and entertainment becoming agenda-driven:
  “It just feels so box-checky. And look, I’m all about being diverse… but it just felt like a movie. It didn’t feel like, oh, we have to have this here.” – Mark Normand ([24:06]).
• The rise of anti-fun: “We have anti-fun. Just, how do we take the fun out of this?” ([25:08]). "It's almost impressive how we can find a way to be mad about everything." ([26:40])

Social Issues, Cancellations, and Outrage

• White Supremacy/Trans Shooters: Satirically discussing the logic of “diversity is our strength” applied to mass shooters ([03:34]).
• Iran and Protest Culture: Wonders why there are so few protests about Middle Eastern atrocities versus Israel or the West ([16:01]).
  "If it's brown on brown, nobody knows what side to take..." – Mark ([16:28]).
• Black/Jewish Stereotypes: Mark and the hosts riff on cultural stereotypes, class issues in the UK vs. race in the US, and why Americans find British accents smart ([29:00]-[30:14]).
• Racism in Movies: Mark bemoans the shift from fun comedies to moralizing movies.
  "Tell me how racism is good. Now we got a joke. Now we got something interesting." ([53:04]). Discusses 90s-era movies with “mean black guys”, laments that today’s films make white characters evil and black characters paragons ([55:10]).

Mark’s Personal Stories

• Arrest/Drunken Misbehavior: Multiple stories about drunken antics, being thrown in the “drunk tank” in New Orleans, and escaping legal trouble ([45:23]-[49:58]).
• Parenthood: Talks about fatherhood, C-section birth, “dropping loads” trying for a second child, and the joys of small family moments ([27:02]-[37:49]). "You're not going to know it now, but these are going to be the good times." ([37:49])
• Alcohol: Growing up wild in New Orleans, “tick-tock to blackout,” but now drinking less ([50:20]).

American vs. British Cultural Differences

• Directness vs. Passive Aggression: Americans are more earnest/direct; British are more passive-aggressive and struggle with sincerity ([30:20]-[36:05]).
• Football (Soccer) Culture:
  • Mark: “Those football games are wild… the rage in the audience is crazy, and the chants are all very cruel and mean…” ([30:51])
  • Favorite chants and the organic, creative nature of British fan songs ([32:08]-[33:01]).
  • Prefers US sports atmospheres for being less intense ([31:19]).
• Slavery and British History: The intricacies of British and American slavery and how Britain rarely gets credit for ending slavery ([29:07]-[29:31]).

Social Commentary and Contemporary Issues

• "Don't Ask, Don't Tell": Mark and hosts argue for a return to private lives: “I like Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell with everything… Just be you.” ([70:45])
• Jokes on Jewish Identity: Discussion about Jewish stereotypes, circumcision, and who “counts” as Jewish ([61:15]-[63:27]).
• Body Positivity & Ozempic: Observations on the reversal of the body positivity movement and "Lizzo getting skinny now" ([76:14]).
• Promiscuity & Social Decay: Wonders about the link between social shifts, gender issues, sexual liberation, and societal decline ([74:54]).
• Era Comparison: The 1990s as the best decade; later decades marked by crisis and social media negativity ([24:38]-[25:04]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

[02:45] Mark Normand: “Well, we'll see. I could get assassinated. There is a Muslim joke in there.”
[06:04] “We’re not mad about you being gay anymore. We’re mad about you being mean. So that’s progress.”
[08:38] “Now everything is film. They say kids at a school dance aren't dancing because they're too scared to get filmed and be called cringe. So kids can't cut loose. No wonder they're shooting up schools—they’re pent up.”
[24:06] “It just feels so box-checky… but it just felt like a movie. It didn’t feel like, oh, we have to have this here.”
[25:08] "We have anti-fun. I just feel like things are anti… How do we take the fun out of this?"
[37:49] “You’re not going to know it now, but these are going to be the good times.”
[41:15] “There was a time when you could be funny about things without immediately being called hateful…”
[53:04] "Tell me how racism is good. Now we got a joke. Now we got something interesting."
[70:45] "I like Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell with everything. I don’t need to know anything about you.”
[77:11] “Here’s something we need to be talking about. Two things can exist. We need to come back to that world where two things can exist… let’s go back to the world where two things can be true.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:30] – Opening questions: Epstein, arrests, and early controversial banter
• [04:38] – Mark on British comedy tours, the UK, and culture clash
• [06:01] – Discussion of Ellen DeGeneres’ cancellation and progress
• [07:15] – Thoughts about the royal family and societal oddities in Sweden/UK
• [08:38] – Kids, social media, and pent-up frustration
• [16:14] – Iran, protests, virtue signaling
• [18:44]-[18:53] – Doja Cat's virtue signaling, culture of acknowledgments
• [24:06] – Oscars, agenda-driven entertainment, 90s nostalgia
• [25:08] – Anti-fun, negativity in social life and the internet
• [27:02] – Parenthood, C-section, and new father stories
• [29:07] – UK/US history of slavery and blame/credit issues
• [30:51] – Football game intensity and British crowd culture
• [32:08] – British football chants and crowd creativity
• [37:49] – Reflecting on “the good times” at home and with family
• [41:15] – Lost ability to joke and social policing of comedy
• [45:23] – Mark’s arrest stories, New Orleans wild youth
• [50:20] – Drinking less, near-misses, and comedy career course correction
• [53:04] – Nuance in comedy, challenging orthodoxy, and race in entertainment
• [70:45] – “Don’t ask, don’t tell” as a universal principle for privacy
• [76:14] – Body positivity reversal, Ozempic, and shifting social trends
• [77:11] – Final thought: The need for nuance, “two things can exist”

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Episode Tone and Style

• Language and Tone: Fast-paced, irreverent, raunchy, darkly comic, and provocative. The atmosphere is playful but frequently brushes up against the boundaries of “cancelable” material—intentionally so, in line with Mark’s comedic style and the TRIGGERnometry brand.
• Dynamic: The conversation is spontaneous, marked by witty riffs, running gags (such as Mark being “auditioned” for a threesome), and mutual attempts to one-up each other in humor and outrageousness.
• Underlying Message: Comedy should prioritize fun and freedom over fear, sincerity over cynicism, and allow for nuance rather than binary, moralizing stances.

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Useful For:

• Listeners interested in modern stand-up comedy, cancel culture, transatlantic differences, or the cultural shifts in how humor is policed and interpreted.
• Those looking to understand why comics like Mark Normand feel the need to defend comedy as a “safe space” for taboo ideas and the spirit of fun.
• Anyone wondering how generational, technological, and societal change is affecting humor and openness in both the US and UK.

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For more:

• Watch Mark Normand’s new comedy special.
• Join TRIGGERnometry Premium for extended interviews and exclusive content at https://www.triggerpod.co.uk/.

Transcript

[Mark Normand]

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[Billy]

Tell us about Epstein. How did you know him?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, I was in the files.

[Billy]

Were you?

[Billy's British Friend]

Were you?

[Mark Normand]

He came to a comedy show and I was there, and I was not on any island or anything, but. Yeah. Yeah.

[Billy]

Never been arrested.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I've been arrested.

[Billy]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I thought we all had.

[Billy's British Friend]

No, I. I've been questioned by the police, but not arrested.

[Billy]

What for?

[Billy's British Friend]

So this is.

[Billy]

There's some shears.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, here we go. Breaking.

[Billy]

So you got a black kid now?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, huge hog. He's sagging his diaper. He's walking across the street slowly. Nice kid just sagging his duck.

[Billy]

Well, you were saying something about the Holocaust being hoaxed.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Well, come on. Six million. I see Jews every day.

[Billy's British Friend]

I saw you in London and you opened with something like Al Arakba, I think were the first words when you came on.

[Mark Normand]

I was still reminiscing from that Ariana Grande concert. All right.

[Billy]

Mark Norman, welcome back.

[Mark Normand]

Good to be back.

[Billy]

How are we doing?

[Mark Normand]

We're like once a year here.

[Billy]

Once a year indeed.

[Mark Normand]

This is nice.

[Billy]

Lots of going on.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Special's out today. I don't know when this drops, but, yeah, it's out today.

[Billy]

Yeah, and that's fantastic. This will drop in a few weeks from when we're recording it.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy]

Okay, so skip that. By that point, you're already number one.

[Mark Normand]

Well, we'll see. I could get assassinated. There is a Muslim joke in there.

[Billy's British Friend]

That's how you open all your sets.

[Billy]

Now.

[Billy's British Friend]

I saw you in London and you opened with something like Allah Akbar, I think, were the first words when you came on.

[Billy]

He was just trying to blend in.

[Mark Normand]

I was still reminiscing from that Ariana Grande concert. All right, sorry.

[Billy]

All right, our time is up.

[Mark Normand]

White supremacy is the biggest problem, I think, is if you say the white supremacy thing. Okay. You can see patterns. A lot of school shootings are white. Big honkies, you know. So. Okay, you can see patterns. Let's see other patterns.

[Billy]

Are they. I think a lot of the school shootings are trans now, aren't they?

[Mark Normand]

I think they're white. Trans.

[Billy]

White. Trans.

[Mark Normand]

So they're still white.

[Billy]

Yeah. Well, that's good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

People still got it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. We got one sport, that and hockey. But yeah. So I'm just saying, you know, we can see patterns. Why can't we see other patterns or call out other patterns?

[Billy's British Friend]

I think it's good. Look, the fact that we've got trans shoes is good. Diversity is our strength. When you agree.

[Mark Normand]

Sure. And they're better than the women shooters.

[Billy]

All right. And more logical.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Well, I wonder why that is.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, boy. We got right into it, didn't he? Well, we're really staring at each other. This is awesome. I guess you go this way. Yeah. This eye contact.

[Billy]

Too much of it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So how's it got to be nice to get out of England for a minute, huh?

[Billy's British Friend]

Oh, man, we're so happy to get out of the uk. It's. It's.

[Billy]

We had two months of rain every. It rained every day for two months.

[Mark Normand]

Brutal. Yeah, well, what are the Muslims see in that country? All right. Okay, that's the last one. Sorry, guys.

[Billy's British Friend]

I think the answer is domination. Mark. But, you know, that's kind of. That's kind of benefits. It's benefits. Yeah, it's benefits and there are lots of benefits. Yeah. Did you have a good time in the uk?

[Mark Normand]

I love going to the uk. I did the. Did the. Is it the Orpheum? No. What is it called?

[Billy's British Friend]

The Palladium.

[Mark Normand]

Palladium.

[Billy's British Friend]

That's one of our. You see the ungrateful did one of our most prestigious venues.

[Mark Normand]

Unbelievable.

[Billy]

It's American. They're not good with words.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's true. But, yeah, we get the N word. We invented that one. Tourette's. But, yeah, the Palladium was awesome. And I. I did Wales and all these, you know, like, Manchester, Birmingham, Liverpool, all the way up to London. So I had. I was working out my UK chunk, and by the time I got to the Palladium, it was cooking and it went kind of viral. I did a whole thing on. I said, every time. London's like a UK is like a banana. The more. The more time goes by, the browner it gets. And, yeah, we had a bunch of good. Sorry about Ellen. I did a whole thing on Ellen coming there. Sorry about the, you know, whatever.

[Billy]

So, yeah, Ellen left and she came to the uk. I haven't noticed that, but some people have been talking about it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Ellen went to the uk. I think the neighbor. Her neighbors hate her and, like, pushed her out. So she might be back here. Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Can you imagine, like, being one of the most dislikable people in la, which is kind of a tough competition to win?

[Mark Normand]

She's a. You are what you eat. All right. But I know a guy who worked for her and he was like, it was rough. So that's all real. Really.

[Billy]

What was rough?

[Mark Normand]

Working for her. Like, she was that mean.

[Billy]

I thought that was another one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but, you know, you got to got. You got to respect the progress of. She was cancelled in the 90s for being gay. And then she kind of came back. We all supported her. We. We we cleaned up our act and then she got canceled for being a. That's progress, you know. Hey, hey, we're not mad about you being gay anymore. We're mad about you being mean. So that's something I. I like.

[Billy's British Friend]

Neil Brennan's got a great joke, is like, people ask me if she's nice, Ellen. I'm like, when have you ever met a nice lesbian?

[Mark Normand]

Well, lesbians are good too, because, you know, they say you. You become what you hate and they all look like men after a while. So I'm like, you become what? You got the short hair, the boots, the flannel. Yeah. You hate us and now you look like us.

[Billy's British Friend]

It's a good point. And then so she came and then she's back. So what were your impressions of the uk? Did you like it? Are you going to move to the uk, Mark?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I stayed in Westminster. No, I'll never move there. But I stayed in Westminster. Is that. Is that right? Yeah, beautiful. I love the pub cult. It was like a one nice day of the whole year. I just got to see it. And that area is great, but I didn't really branch out.

[Billy's British Friend]

Oh, you didn't branch out. And what do you think of our royal family?

[Mark Normand]

I think it's all silly, you know, what are you gonna do? I mean, look, every. I went to Sweden. They got weirder politics than you guys, you know, they got a king and a queen and a prince, and they're all each other. And the inbreeding and the.

[Billy]

Yeah, we kind of have that as well.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I guess you're right.

[Billy]

But then we've got Andrew, who's. Who's been. You know, he's a good friend of Epstein.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. But you arrested him.

[Billy]

Yeah, for leaking secrets. Not for the. For the beautiful.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Billy]

Legend. Peter. Philip.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's like an O.J. thing. He didn't get arrested for murder. He got arrested for selling jerseys. Yeah, but. Yeah, that's true. And then you got the. Harry's a real cuck, right, with the Markle thing. Yeah. I'm trying to try to remember everything. And then I like the other guy, the bald guy. Seems cool. William.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Oh, yeah, he is bald now.

[Mark Normand]

In my head.

[Billy]

He's still got hair.

[Mark Normand]

No, he's full. He seems all right.

[Billy]

Yeah, he does, he does.

[Mark Normand]

But one thing I like about Harry is he wore. He did a. For Halloween, he dressed as a Nazi, which I thought was fun.

[Billy's British Friend]

I mean, he did at the time as well.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but I mean, that's what I did when I was a kid. Like, to me, that was normal as a. That's like a kid joke.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, it is a kid joke. It's just. The problem is, is those jokes, when you did them back in 2002, everyone's like, that's really funny.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Billy's British Friend]

The key is not to have photographic evidence. Mark.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, see, I'm lucky. I'm working on a whole chunk about this in my act, about how, like, I had a disposable camera as a kid. That was it. And you'd give it to a guy at Walgreens and he would be in a dark room. Like, what? That was the extent of it. Now it's on the Internet, you know. Now everything is film. They say kids at a. At a school dance aren't dancing because they're too scared to get filmed and be called cringe. So kids can't cut loose. No wonder they're shooting up schools. They're. They're. They're pent up.

[Billy's British Friend]

They pen up. They're frustrated, they're angry.

[Billy]

I'm surprised he didn't say more about Epstein. I. I thought you have a whole bit.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, sorry, sorry.

[Billy]

Well, I. I set him up there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, my fault, my fault.

[Billy]

Tell us about Epstein. How did you know him?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, I was in the files.

[Billy]

Were you?

[Billy's British Friend]

Were you?

[Mark Normand]

He did. He came to a comedy show and I was there. Was on the show, apparently. So he was like, hey, I saw a show with this guy, Davitel, Rachel Feinstein, Mark Noren, whatever. Yeah, yeah, not me.

[Billy]

But you look like you could be.

[Mark Normand]

I get that a lot. Yeah, I'm circumcised and annoying, so that's something. But, yeah, you know, it looks pretty good. With Epstein is Leonardo DiCaprio, because he was always getting for the. The young girls, but he. Now he's like, I was dating 24 year olds. You. I'm. That's. I got a. You know, a MILF compared to Epstein. But yeah, Epstein. Crazy times. Nobody gets in trouble. I wish I was on the list because then I can't get arrested. Bill Clinton's reminiscing and he's. We got him dead to rights. We got the photos and the hot tub and everything. And.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

No. No punishment.

[Billy's British Friend]

No punishment. That is. That is true. So what did Epstein say about the show? Did he say you smashed it?

[Mark Normand]

He gave me a card and a. And he said, come on my jet. And I was busy. I couldn't do it. But I think we all would have gone. Yeah, right. It's a private jet to an island with Bill Clinton and Stephen Hawking. Don't forget to work the balls. Okay, Sorry. That is. Might be the horniest paraplegic out there. Can you think of a different one? I mean, he might have a crippling addiction.

[Billy]

Well, the question is, do we have any evidence that he volunteered to go? Did someone just take him against his will?

[Mark Normand]

That's a good point. I saw some on Black Twitter, which I highly recommend. Very funny. Somebody tweeted, if this guy raped you, that's on you. Which I wouldn't have the balls to write, but that was pretty funny.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know, I was at a party. This is. I've never told this story. Round about 2003.

[Billy]

Wait, are you on the Epstein list?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'm on the list.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, I am.

[Mark Normand]

Let's hear it.

[Billy's British Friend]

How do you think we got funding to do this?

[Billy]

No, we really are funded by Mossad. Anyway, carry on.

[Billy's British Friend]

Exactly. No, And I was at a party, and there was a girl there who was a stripper, and I started talking to her, and she was working at Spearmin Rhinos.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, That's a big one.

[Billy's British Friend]

Exactly. It's one of the best ones. It's a good one.

[Mark Normand]

Big strip club.

[Billy's British Friend]

Big strip club. And I asked her, I went, oh, so who's the biggest celebrity that you've done a lap dance for? And I thought she was gonna say Charlie Sheen. I thought she was gonna say, you know, maybe like a conservative politician.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know, doing a little bit of cokey cokey with. And then doing all the st. No, she said, Stephen Hawking.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. How about that legend?

[Billy's British Friend]

And I asked her what it was like, and she said, gentlemen, no way.

[Mark Normand]

Well, he literally can't move. He can't get a boner or toucher. So I don't know if he's a gentleman or more if he's just confined to a wheelchair.

[Billy's British Friend]

But he was just a lover of the game.

[Mark Normand]

I guess so.

[Billy]

Well, right. I've never thought about this and never intended to, but if he couldn't get a boner, what was the point of all of this?

[Mark Normand]

Well, you know, I think he's still got eyes, and he probably just wants to be wanted. You know, when you look like that, you're. You're all up. I think girl dancing on you is pretty exciting. Like, oh, she's not horrified by me. That's a win. Yeah.

[Billy]

That's very astute, but very sad and not funny.

[Mark Normand]

Well, you know. You know, it's kind of like. You ever get, like, a nice message from a girl who's like, I'd love to you, or whatever, and you're like, no. Oh, yeah, me neither. But, you know when you. You know when you're talking to a girl and you're like, I think I'm in. Sometimes that's better than the actual sex because the sex will only let her down. Or you'll get an std or you'll get in trouble, whatever. But the. The knowing that she would is kind of the win.

[Billy]

I see.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, Billy, People with most neuro disease can get bonus.

[Billy]

So he could get a boner.

[Mark Normand]

He could.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, all right. So maybe he's getting. You know, when you're 18, you get a lap dance and you jizz in your basketball shorts. Me neither. But I think he's doing that. Look at that. See, he's a big nerd. So I think he got to live the second half as a wild man.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know, here's the thing, though.

[Mark Normand]

And he's going to hell.

[Billy]

Anyway, that man was a great man. Not just for his physics, but also, you know, that he got divorced.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

And then married the nurse. I mean, that guy had game.

[Mark Normand]

He had game.

[Billy]

He had real game.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was a brilliant guy, so he could type some. Smooth. Yeah.

[Billy]

I don't know why we're defending an alleged pedophile here, but.

[Billy's British Friend]

No, but if you think about it, that is having a comic. In fact.

[Billy]

Sorry to interrupt, but actually, that is what we do on the show every time. Last time we were here, you were defending Bill Cosby.

[Mark Normand]

I just think he's a good comic.

[Billy's British Friend]

That's why I ended the show. Tried to end the show half an hour early. I was like, I'm not gonna tolerate this.

[Billy]

No. But then I think you fact checked us, and we found out he actually was found not guilty. Bill Cosby, Wasn't he? Or was that you?

[Billy's British Friend]

No, no, it was me. I said that he. No, no, he's not guilty. He's. He's been found innocent on all charges.

[Billy]

He's been found not guilty.

[Mark Normand]

Jmo, what do you got here? Yeah, Bill Cosby was found guilty about. Thank you. Aggravated indecent assault in 2018, but his conviction was overturned in 2021.

[Billy]

Oh,

[Billy's British Friend]

there you go.

[Mark Normand]

Who overturned that? Pennsylvania Supreme Court.

[Billy]

The Pennsylvania Supreme Court overturned his conviction.

[Mark Normand]

Good to know.

[Billy]

He's not guilty.

[Billy's British Friend]

He's not guilty. An innocent man walked free.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Billy]

Just like Stephen Hawking.

[Mark Normand]

He rolled free.

[Billy]

I mean, we are.

[Mark Normand]

The guy can't drive, but he loves trafficking.

[Billy]

If you normally tune in for the political analysis. I'm sorry, but this is so much better.

[Mark Normand]

I'm an idiot. I don't know much. You know, like with Iran, I want to know, but I just. I gloss over.

[Billy's British Friend]

You gloss over?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, just, you know, too many big words and too much news.

[Billy]

What about the gay Atolla?

[Mark Normand]

Well, that's fun. Is he gonna throw himself off his own roof? Somebody in a good post, they said he's gonna get to the 72 virgins and be like, ah, it's all, you know, so that sucks. But, yeah. Yeah, the ayatollahs, they just. It feels like they just pull a lever and another guy slides in who looks exactly like the last one. Yeah. There's no diversity.

[Billy's British Friend]

I know. And I think that's why they're losing the war, because it's not their strength.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Billy]

Diversity is our strength. And they just. They don't. They just don't have enough. They need Some trans shooters in there, they know to fight.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. But also, you got to hand it to them because they're really committed to the Allah thing. They keep saying, allah will protect me, and then they blow up. You know, like, imagine you're banging a hooker with no condom and you're like, allah's got me. You know that the balls that takes. They really believe it.

[Billy]

AIDS infested balls.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Crazy over there. No protest about it. Strange you don't see any protests about Iran killing each other. Where's all the protests? Where's the colleges?

[Billy]

Interesting point.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, yeah, it is an interesting point, isn't it? Like, you see the occasional one, but even the lefties are like, dude, these guys are crazy. Crazy. I'm not gonna.

[Mark Normand]

Is that what it is? I thought it was a brown on brown thing.

[Billy's British Friend]

How'd you meet a brown home brown thing?

[Mark Normand]

Well, if it's brown on brown, nobody knows what side to take. It's kind of like. Like a lot of. Statistically, a lot of black people shoot each other in America, but no one ever said talks about those lives mattering, you know? So you're like that we cared about the lives.

[Billy]

No, no.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, okay.

[Billy]

We care about the virtue signaling.

[Mark Normand]

I guess so. Did you see Doja Cat?

[Billy's British Friend]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Pull this up, fatty. All right, so you know Timothy Shalamu is in all kinds of hot water for on the ballet and the opera, which he's not wrong. Nobody likes it. It's like 0.3% of people watch the opera. But he got a ton of for it from Doja Cat. Who I don't even know who that is, but apparently she's a big hot actress pop star or something, and she wrote a bunch of on, you know, he sucks. He's out of touch. He sucks. And then two days later, she retracted and goes, I gotta be honest, I don't even care about the opera. I was just virtue signaling. Wow, that's a win. No one's ever done that. That's a shift, I think, in culture. It's, tell me when you find it. And said no one cares about the opera anymore. No, no, that. That. We have. We have that. I'm talking about Doja Cat.

[Billy]

Doja Cat.

[Billy's British Friend]

We're so old.

[Billy]

I know we're old.

[Billy's British Friend]

Not only.

[Billy]

You're not old. You're clearly on top of this.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I just saw it on Twitter and it blew my mind. But I don't know any of her music.

[Billy's British Friend]

Not only did I have never heard of her songs, I didn't even Know who she is. Like, if you. I only. Only a few months ago, because of your people going mental, found out who Bad Bunny is.

[Mark Normand]

The Bad Bunny thing was wild. I mean, I think the alternative halftime show is super gay. You know, it's like a weird vegetarian option at a dinner. Ed, Kid Rock has another hit in 30 years. Can we get a new conservative face of for this? For the music, but whatever.

[Billy]

Are there any conservative musicians?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. I think Morgan Wallen, he's a bunch of country guys, I think.

[Billy]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

But I'm sure there's some other ones are secretive. Secretive, conservative. It's like being gay, but. Yeah. So did you find it? She said people do give a. About these art forms and then retracted it, saying that she didn't really know.

[Billy's British Friend]

She was just trying to make a

[Mark Normand]

bunch of care of. Yeah. That's big. That's a. That's a big sign.

[Billy's British Friend]

I mean, that is kind of. That's kind of the end, isn't it, where you just go, I was just doing it for the. For the clout, as the kids say.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. But it's just nice because we all kind of know that. But when all I want is some acknowledgment in this world and no one acknowledges anything, you know, like, they never go back and go. Maybe Palestine was a little angry. You know, they just keep moving. Then no one ever goes back.

[Billy]

Maybe cove.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe we shouldn't have opened the border. Oh, maybe Covet was a little low. We did handle that crazy. You know, they never go back and go. That was bad. So when someone does it, I'm like, I'm in the back of a waymo jerking off.

[Billy's British Friend]

I mean, if you're gonna do it in any car, it might as well be a Waymox.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. No victimless crime.

[Billy's British Friend]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

The Mexican guy was gonna clean it later. Boy, I feel like you guys are two gays and you're auditioning for the threesome, the new guy to come in. I feel like we're.

[Billy]

That is exactly what this is for. Except it's on camera.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy.

[Billy]

With a big audience.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. I'm not gonna do it.

[Billy's British Friend]

Talking about auditioning in front of camera and being gay. What did you make of the Oscars?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, well, I think. I think Conan had a good time. He had a good opening, I thought. I don't know. It's just. Did you read the Oscar? Like, what, you need to get an Oscar now? They put out the requirements, and it's like, you got to have so many of this, and the Lead has to be that. And this guy's got to be disabled and he's got to be gay and she's got to be whatever. And you're like, what are we doing? It's a movie. Like, we have all these great movies. Everybody talks about how movies now suck, and movies in the 70s were amazing because you could just let people have art. What if Stand up did that? Hey, you gotta have six jokes about how whitey sucks and how Jews are bad or whatever. Like, you can't put restrictions on this. You know, in the. In the old days, Thomas Edison started a. A movie company in Edison, New Jersey. And that was like the movie company. And then he made all these rules. So the Jews said, we're going to start our own movie Hollywood. And that's what became the big movie producer movie studios. I think it's going to happen again. See what I'm saying?

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, like, if you keep implementing all these rules and. And making people have these regulations for art, I think people are going to make their own. That's kind of what the Internet is. You know, you got your Tonight Shows and whatever, and then you got this.

[Billy]

Right. You know what, though? We'd like to talk shit about it, but I was watching a John Oliver clip. Well, I wasn't watching it. In my defense. It came up on my YouTube. Yeah, that still crushes. I mean, it gets like millions of views online. Online.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. But he's very good at what he does, so I think. I think they're doing it now for the views online.

[Billy]

Yeah, they are.

[Mark Normand]

But like, I just did Seth Meyers yesterday, and he's a great guy. Thanks for having me. But there's like a guy standing around a lady doing nothing, and you're like, this is all wasted money. It's crazy when you go to studios now and you're like, we could shoot half of this on our iPhone if I did one of these on the toilet. Hey, folks, check me out at the Chattanooga Dick Jizz house. You know, I think that would do better than all these grips and roadies and gaffers and all this. They're all on the union die. It's. It's a lot of money.

[Billy's British Friend]

It totally is. And as well, like, I kind of. I don't take any pleasure in the fact that it's dying. I was watching the Oscars. We were at the comedy setup the other night and they had the Oscars on. And then I was watching it and I was going, I used to love this.

[Mark Normand]

Me too. I loved. I Never missed it.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. And because what would happen is you would see these movies and go, oh, I haven't seen that movie or I want to see that documentary or that's meant to be great or no, whatever it may be. And you were. It was a way to find more movies and also movies that weren't mainstream. But now I was like,

[Billy]

the news doesn't just tell you what's happening. It often tells you what to think is happening. And these days, the biggest red flag isn't what's said, it's what gets left out. That's why I use Ground News. It's the only app that compares how the same story is covered across the political spectrum and show you what whole audiences are not being told. The Blindspot feed is one of my favorite features. Every day it flags upwards of 20 stories that are being ignored either by the left or the right. Follow along at Ground News Trigonometry like this. A new study from UC San Diego found that climate change cost almost twice as much as we thought because earlier estimates left out damage to the oceans. That's a pretty big update. And yet no coverage, literally zero, came from right leaning outlets. Or this. A recent Gallup poll found trust in the media has hit a record low with just 28% of Americans saying they trust newspapers, radio and TV TV to report the news accurately and fairly. That's a staggering result. But if you only read left leaning news, you likely never saw it at all. Go to Ground News trigonometry to get 40% off their unlimited vantage plan, the same one we use, and stop being managed by the media.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, same it, well, it's, it's become agenda driven. It feels, it feels political and you just want, you just want to go, ah, I'm just trying to have fun. Before it was like, oh, she's hot. That's a great movie. That was a funny thing.

[Billy's British Friend]

He's a rapist.

[Mark Normand]

Sure, sure, she's hot. Yeah, yeah, he's also a rapist. Yeah, he's a pedo. Yeah. But, you know, back in the day and Billy Crystal coming out on a horse or, or funny stuff, and now it just feels so box checky. And look, I'm all about being divert. Like we all grew up with Friday boys in the hood, menace to society, all great movies, but it just felt like a movie. It didn't feel like, oh, we have to have this here.

[Billy]

We talk about this all the time. Like the 90s were literally the best decade in human history.

[Mark Normand]

And I wonder, are we just old boomer queefs. Or is that true?

[Billy]

I think both.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy]

I think we are old, but also, objectively, no one has presented me with evidence that denies the claim. Right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Because let's be honest, the 2000s were not better.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Billy]

Because you get 9, 11. And then financial crisis.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Billy]

Everything goes to.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

20 tens.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, then the phone kicks social media.

[Billy]

And now 2000s. Look at it. Wars everywhere.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And you know, we have this thing now. It's in the air, you know, antifa. We have anti fun. I just feel like things are anti. You know, like us wins the hockey thing. Men and women both win. Yeah. But the women didn't get enough love. I'd rather men web dead. And you're like, how do we take the fun out of this? With two teams for the U.S. won the hockey. That's incredible. We should be high five and getting drunk. But instead we had to be like, well, they took a call with Trump and they laughed. And we don't like when people laugh and try. And you're like, all right, how did you make this a bummer? You know, so we have this weird urge to just like, fuck. Ruin everything. Anti fun comes in.

[Billy]

People like to. On things.

[Mark Normand]

I guess so.

[Billy]

They really like to. And we were talking before we started, like, anytime you open your phone now, if you post anything.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Billy]

The comments are just like, everyone's being

[Mark Normand]

of different varieties immediately.

[Billy]

Like straight away.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Unrelated to what you post is crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I know. I hate it. And like, like one battle after another. I enjoyed the movie. I like Paul Thomas Anderson. I thought it was a good movie. But the right and the left are both mad at it. And I'm loving it because the right is like, this movie's too woke. And, you know, it's obviously about this and about that and, you know, blah, blah, blah. And then the left is like, he used a black woman to win an Oscar and he denigrated her and all. And you're like, look at this. You're ruining. You're ruining your own life and my life. Enough. And go to the movies, have some popcorn, then go home and try to your wife and get turned down. That's life. It's just crazy how we can find. It's almost impressive how we can find a way to be mad about everything. Someone's watching this. Mad.

[Billy]

Oh, they'll be in the comments.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's just three retards around a table trying to get laid, you know, with who? Well, this feels like a. You guys are auditioning me for the

[Billy]

you already said that. But you're a married. You're. You're married, right?

[Mark Normand]

With married guy. With a one year old.

[Billy]

With a one year old. No wonder he's so horny.

[Billy's British Friend]

Because he. You know.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. But we got the C section. That was her call. So we went in and I got to tell you, the whole thing lasted 12 minutes. It was incredible. Get the C section.

[Billy's British Friend]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, 12. In and out. They. They drugged her, slit her open, opened her up like a Tatooine. Is a tattooing one of those things in Empire Strikes Back? Get on it and open her up. Pulled that piece of shit out. He was black. We were all upset. They hit it with a water pick and hose it down. And then I took. And that was it.

[Billy]

So you got a black kid now?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, huge hog. He's sagging his diaper. He's walking across the street slowly. Nice kid. Good kid. Oh, yeah.

[Billy]

Is that a thing, that black people walk across the street slowly? I've never.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that's a thing here, right? Yeah. You don't have that, do we? No, no. Really? Yeah.

[Billy]

That's not one of my stereotypes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, It's. It's all culture. Like, African black people, I notice in American black people really butt heads. Oh, really? Oh, oh, yeah. Just like you're a N word and they're like, well, you're a dumb African and ooga booga and they like, they don't get along.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. You get that in a different way in the uk where you get the first and second generation Caribbeans against the Africans.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, they don't like each other and they kind of. They butt heads about that.

[Billy]

Please don't do any quotes or the accent.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. How come you guys don't get any. Any slavery backlash or do you?

[Billy]

Oh, we do.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, you were slave. You had slaves.

[Billy]

We send them here. Yeah, yeah, no, we send them here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Remember when we used to own you?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's right. When we broke away.

[Billy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Before that.

[Mark Normand]

But you had. Did you have African slaves or what?

[Billy]

Yeah, yeah. Well, we send them here. We didn't really have them in England because we had. We had poor people. They did all the work.

[Mark Normand]

You guys are more class issue. Class based.

[Billy]

That's right.

[Mark Normand]

Got it.

[Billy]

So we let the poor people do all the work, and then the African slaves got sent here. But the interesting thing about that is the British Empire is actually the first empire in history to end slavery. But we still get blamed for it.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Billy]

Even though Britain actually spend a lot of money forcing other countries, particularly Arab countries, to stop slavery.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Yeah. Why don't you get any credit for that?

[Billy]

Because you know why we don't get any credit for that.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know why? I blame the Americans. And I'm being serious about this. I was giving this some thought. It's because of Hollywood. We're always the bad guys.

[Mark Normand]

Is that right? You got James Bond. Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

But that's the only one. Think about. All right. Think about the Lion King who played the evil villain.

[Mark Normand]

Scar was a British accent.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. Hello, Simba.

[Mark Normand]

But. Okay, I'll give you that. But you also get to be the smart guy.

[Billy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Smart guy's always got a British accent.

[Billy]

Oh, yeah. That's the great thing about having a British accent. In America, everyone thinks you're about 10 IQ points above where you actually are.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. In America, you are probably.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Your education system is way better than ours. But, yeah, you get the smarter. And I think you guys get classier. You just seem classier.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Even if it's like a garbage man. He's like, hello, Governor, and you're like, look at that guy. It seems cool.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. I. We can't get used to one of the things that I always struggle here with in America. She's kind of blunt.

[Mark Normand]

Are we? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Billy]

Well, that's the classy thing. Right. You're more direct.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right. But you guys are more passive aggressive.

[Billy]

Yeah. Oh, much more.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Billy]

Because we can't actually express our feelings honestly.

[Mark Normand]

Got it. That's why you drink.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I. I assume.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, where do you get it out? You got to get it out somewhere in violence. Oh, the soccer games or football?

[Billy's British Friend]

Football.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Those football games are wild. I mean, have you been. I've been to a few. And the. Just the. The rage in the audience is crazy. And the. The. The chants are all very cruel and mean and aggressive. Even on the Tube on the way there, I could feel it. It was just like jizz running through everybody.

[Billy's British Friend]

Ah.

[Mark Normand]

Then they ran out of the train and ran up the stairs and ran to the st. It was heavy.

[Billy]

It's intense.

[Mark Normand]

It's intense. That's the word.

[Billy]

I used to go to football games, and I kind of stopped because of that. I didn't enjoy it. No, no. I much prefer American sports for that reason. Like, you get fans from different teams sitting next to each other, having a good time, you know, I prefer that kind of atmosphere.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It was a. I felt. I felt like they were going to know I wasn't into it. And I got the hell out of there. Really? Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know, the thing that I love about British sports is the banter, is the songs, the cruel songs, they were great.

[Mark Normand]

It's like, I, your wife, your mom's a fat bitch. All this stuff.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. But it's also done with humor.

[Billy]

Yeah, they're more inventive than that usually. That was very American.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. I went to an LA Dodgers. Yeah. And I went to an LA Dodgers game. The chant was, let's go, Dodgers, let's go.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

I'm like, come on, that's weak.

[Mark Normand]

That is weak. You're right.

[Billy]

What's your favorite English football chant?

[Mark Normand]

Now we're talking.

[Billy's British Friend]

Uh, you know, there's a classic when you play Liverpool, stand up. If you've got a job, you sing to the Scouses. You know, there's so many. And then there was a guy. You might not get this because it's a European reference. There's a guy who paid for Arsenal called Emmanuel, and they used to sing he's blonde, he's quick, his name's a pono flick. Emmanuel. Emmanuel.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that's clever. You know, good stuff.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know, one of my favorite was there's a player called Gary Neville, and he had a brother called Phil Neville. And Phil Neville was much worse. And all the fans used to sing to him. You're just a Phil Neville

[Mark Normand]

now. Is there a guy who's put on that job who has to figure out the writing or is it just. It's cool how it just pops up? Like, who wrote that?

[Billy's British Friend]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Billy]

It's kind of organic, I think.

[Mark Normand]

I think so.

[Billy]

Comes up with it.

[Mark Normand]

That's what's fun about it.

[Billy]

Are you a sports fan, Mark?

[Mark Normand]

I go to games, but I don't really follow it. I'm not one of these fantasy football losers who just, like, you know, keeping tally with a spreadsheet and all that. Like, oh, they traded Johnson. Ah, I got to hit my wife. Now, I'm not one of those guys, but I love a hockey game, I love a basketball game, I love a football game, tennis, you name it.

[Billy]

And you mentioned the hockey thing with the male team and the female team one. I didn't follow it, but I guess people were saying the female team didn't get enough credit. Yeah, well, did they have a Jewish person leading it, though?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Billy]

Because that was the big talking point I heard is like, oh, is one of them. He's a good one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, they've never play Sports, you know. Right. So I always. I didn't know he was Jewish till he bit that gold medal. But I think the thing was, the women's team is very good, and they always win.

[Billy]

Oh, I see.

[Mark Normand]

And the men's team hadn't won in, like, 45 years or something. Crazy. So when the men's team won, it was like, oh, my God, we haven't won in decades. So then Trump called the locker room and put. They put on speaker. They're all going nuts with Trump. And people didn't like that. And he. And he made a joke about the women. He was like. And I got to guess I got to have the women at the White House, too. And they all laughed. So the women were like, you see, no one respects us. So I get it. But it's also like, okay, didn't you already hate Trump? So he's just doing another thing you hate. Let's enjoy the win.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. That's such a profound point. We can't enjoy anything anymore. And even I've noticed this. Even when you like something now or when the kids like some. I'm going to sound old. It's always like they're being ironic. They like something I want to just like something.

[Mark Normand]

Just like. It's a cowardly thing. I think that's. They're insane, insincere. Because sincerity takes a little bit of guts. It's too vulnerable. I think they're scared of being vulnerable, so they have to. Everything's cringe and dumb and stupid. So they got to. They. They don't have the balls to actually own something. You see this with these comics, or these comics go like, mug. I took a drink out of here. It was a mug shot. And you're like, why? They're doing a thing where they're making fun of stand up. And you're like, oh, you wrote a bad joke and you can't stand behind. It takes a lot of guts to actually write a joke and go, I think this joke is good. Here it is. But they have to make it corny on purpose. See what I'm saying?

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

All right. Yeah. Sorry. You guys are staring at me.

[Billy's British Friend]

I don't know what was going on. We were listening.

[Billy]

This is normal behavior.

[Mark Normand]

It's very intense.

[Billy]

Not in autism world, but here it's normal. Okay, look back at us. Can you do that?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. I got an elbow.

[Billy's British Friend]

But interestingly enough, that's what I love about Americans. You are more earnest. Like, in Britain, we can't be earnest. You ask a British person to be earnest. Or have some especially middle class British people. They'll have like an aneurysm while trying to be honest about something. But Americans, you got love, America.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, thanks. Well, you know, we like you guys too. Not enough to stay there, but we like you. But. Yeah, you guys are earnest, aren't you?

[Billy]

Nah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Billy]

No.

[Billy's British Friend]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy's British Friend]

No. No, we're not. No, we're not. We can't.

[Billy]

Next time you're in Britain, right, go up, talk to any person, say, why do you love your country? Oh, you're going to get some hilarious reactions and none of them are going to be an explanation of why they like that country.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that could be like a weird patriotism thing because that's kind of out right now.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So you sure that's earnest?

[Billy]

Well, you could. Well, partly, but you could ask them anything, really. Anything that requires an honest answer, how you actually feel about something.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy]

You know, why do you love your wife? They'll make some kind of deprecating job.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you're right.

[Billy]

No one's going to be like, oh, I love my wife because she's so sweet and she takes care of me and big boobs or whatever it is, you know, is.

[Mark Normand]

And that's just a cultural thing, by the way.

[Billy]

I don't know why I said I'm not even into boobs. Are you into boobs?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. What question is that? See, this is that threesome again. You're auditioning me. How do we like boobs? You like?

[Billy]

I just like men, you know?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I like.

[Billy]

I'm not into boobs.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Big boob guy. I like boob and butt. I don't know why we have to choose one. I like both. I'm bi. Moving butt. I like a small waist.

[Billy]

You're married with a small child, so you denied both. How are you finding parenthood?

[Mark Normand]

I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I mean, it's okay. Now I got to live out in Brooklyn. I got a little money, so that helps. I can get a. I can get help and I can go on the road, do comedy, come back with a check. There you go. Wife doesn't hate me. Kids cute. Life is good. My friend had a good point. I was playing with my kid, we were laughing, we're like wrestling. My wife's cooking up some bull. I had the TV on and my friend was over and he's like, you're not going to know it now, but these are going to be the good times. Later you're going to go, man, remember that? And I. It like, it hit me.

[Billy]

It's true, I think. Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So you. You want another one?

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, me too.

[Billy]

Yeah. When have you got it on the way. You already planned the C section?

[Mark Normand]

That's a great name for a. Never mind. I was going to say the view. That's the C section.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's what you see is okay now. Well, we want another one, but I keep dropping loads in her, but nothing's happening. What am I missing?

[Billy]

Well, a year is not that long. Sometimes it takes a little while, right? Yeah. We're getting very anatomical here.

[Mark Normand]

Well, the first one was she got the IUD out and it was. Right. Ready to go. Really? Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

You're a fertile man.

[Mark Normand]

I thought I was, but I can't make number two. Having trouble?

[Billy]

Well, like I say, it can take a while to recover the fertility for. For the woman.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, is that right?

[Billy]

Is she breastfeeding still?

[Mark Normand]

No, she gave it up.

[Billy]

Did I gave it up?

[Mark Normand]

Well, she did a couple months. It's like smoking. Yeah.

[Billy]

Why'd she quit?

[Mark Normand]

I think she was just saying it was getting too. Too tough. And she has a job, so she couldn't really be, like, you know, fit tit on the.

[Billy]

You haven't retired her?

[Mark Normand]

She wants to work. I would love to retire.

[Billy]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

She's. She likes it. You know, it's something that it's. She has her own money, she has purpose, something to do. What about your lady? No job.

[Billy]

Not anymore.

[Mark Normand]

So it's all baby?

[Billy]

No. I mean, no. She does stuff and she will do other stuff, but right now she's all in on the baby.

[Mark Normand]

Nice.

[Billy]

Yeah. And us is approaching four now, so.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. Is that right? Jeez. Yeah, that flew by.

[Billy]

It's good time to potentially have another one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

And you both want another one?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Awesome. Will it happen then? Yeah, just keep, you know, keep playing. Keep at it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Keep dropping loads.

[Mark Normand]

That's the plan. Do you know what?

[Billy's British Friend]

One of my friends was struggling to have a kid with his. With his wife, and they did all this stuff and all these interventions, and nothing worked. And this is a true story, by the way. They then went to a wedding, got absolutely battered. He had a little bit of cheeky, and they were just like, you know, a little bit of cheeky. And then he went, you know what? Said to the missus, come on, let's, you know, let's just have fun.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Bam. Wow. How about that?

[Billy]

Yeah. Can I just say, this is not medical advice.

[Mark Normand]

Ivf. Do some cheeky. Wow. See that? I think that's. That's there's something to that.

[Billy]

There is something to that. Only in the sense that if you chill out.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Billy]

Don't put any pressure on it. I think, A, it's more enjoyable and B, more likely to happen, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Billy]

You know?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I guess you're right, because I'm now going into it like. Like idf, you know, hey, we got to drop some bombs. Get in, get out. So I should just.

[Billy's British Friend]

You wear the uniform.

[Billy]

Is there really that much collateral damage going on?

[Mark Normand]

Well, she has a beeper.

[Billy]

Does your wife watch any of the podcast appearances that you do?

[Mark Normand]

No. God, no.

[Billy]

Yeah, because I don't imagine she does.

[Mark Normand]

No, she's cool. She. I mean, she's with me. She knows what. What the deal is. She gets it. She. We do all kinds of horrible things at the house. I got Tourette's. I mean, I'm saying crazy and jokes. And I do gay voice. You guys do gay voice at the house?

[Billy's British Friend]

What's gay voice?

[Mark Normand]

You know, you open the fridge and you go, hello, Blueberries. And it's no hate to gay. It's just so fun to do.

[Billy]

It is. That's the thing that I actually felt we lost and maybe we've won it back a little bit, but, like, there was a time when you could be funny about things without immediately being called hateful for that.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Those were the days. And that's what Blazing Saddles was and all that stu. We just. Somehow we just turned a corner where everything's hateful. And I'm like, so I just keep doing it. I'm just going to keep being that guy. And you can yell at me and yell at me, but I'm not going to change. And then hopefully it'll change back.

[Billy]

Well, you've written that really well, to be honest.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, thanks.

[Billy]

You've got the Netflix special. By the time this comes out, I'm sure it's absolutely crushing it. Hey, you are the mainstream now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And that. Weird. That's the real sign of a society in decay. I'm the mainstream.

[Billy]

I think the opposite, actually. I think through the fact.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, thanks.

[Billy]

I think it's sign of society making a comeback.

[Billy's British Friend]

I've been doing that thing where you tell yourself you'll sort your finances out properly at some point. You know, when life calms down a bit. Spoiler. Life does not calm down. What actually got me moving was realizing I wasn't just bad at saving, I was bad at knowing what I was saving for. Monarch changed that for me because it's not just tracking what you've already spent and making you wince. It gives you actual targets. Debt payoff timeline, saving goals, net worth. All in one place. So you can make decisions that move the needle rather than just logging your failures in real time. Simplify your finances with Monarch. Monarch is the all in one personal finance tool designed to make your life easier. It brings your entire financial life. Budgeting accounts and investments, net worth and future planning together in one dashboard on your phone or laptop. Feel aware and in control of your finances this tax season. And get 50% off your Monarch subscription with Code Trigger. Achieve your financial goals for good with Monarch, the all in one tool that makes money management simple. Use code triggeronarch.com for half of your first year. That's 50% [e-mail]. code trigger.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I just want to have fun. And not everything is a thing. Not everything is activism or an agenda. I'm just trying to. I call my tour mumbo jumbo. Cause I'm like, it's just silly bullshit. There's no point. There's no message. I'm not trying to save the world. I'm a comedian.

[Billy's British Friend]

And that's so important because one of the great things that comedy does is it gives you a break from life.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Hope. Yeah.

[Billy]

Wait, he started looking at us. Now I feel very uncomfortable. Now you're doing eye contact, so you need to chill out a little bit.

[Mark Normand]

It felt a little intense in the beginning, I'm not gonna lie. It just felt interrogation. Where were you at the night of the 15th kind of body, but it's getting better.

[Billy's British Friend]

Y. Is that a memory you've got, Mark?

[Mark Normand]

No. No. No memory.

[Billy's British Friend]

No memory.

[Mark Normand]

I was not on any island or anything, but. Yeah. Yeah.

[Billy]

Just never been arrested.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I've been arrested. Really? Yeah. I thought we all had.

[Billy's British Friend]

No, I've been questioned by the police, but not arrested.

[Billy]

What for? So there's some sheer stories breaking here. He was on the island and.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, I looked, but I didn't inhale. No, I. I was walking with a friend who was black, and this was in. I'm just that kind of guy. And there was. Somebody put a pint glass through the pub window of the pub down the road, and they blamed my friend.

[Mark Normand]

Ooh.

[Billy's British Friend]

Because he was black. So we got stopped and searched and whatever else, and it wasn't. It was just because he was black. So they blamed him.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. I thought this was an American thing. No, that happens over there.

[Billy's British Friend]

No, this was in Essex. And if you know anything about Essex, you'll be like, okay. That kind of makes Sense. And this was like, in the early noughties. So everybody was like, oh, the black guy did it. We actually had a game we used to play. We used to go to the sports store, and he used to walk in, and then the security guard would follow him, and he would just do laps of the store with the guy behind him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's fun. Yeah. If you bring a black guy to a convenience store, you can steal, because they will take up all the attention. Fun fact.

[Billy's British Friend]

So the decoy.

[Mark Normand]

So how did you get Decoy? That was his name. Decoy Jones.

[Billy's British Friend]

So what was your story? How did you get arrested?

[Mark Normand]

It's all booze related. I got. I got pulled over. Drinking and driving. Boy. Let's see. One time. This is a bad story. I was a real alcoholic. I had a real problem. And I was at a bar in New Orleans called Balcony Bar. And I was. They had tables out there on this giant balcony. And it overlooks Magazine Street, Big street in New Orleans. And they have glass ashtrays on all the tables. And I was so drunk, I was just whizzing them off like Frisbees. And you could hear cars, like, you know, whatever. So eventually I throw one, and I hear a guy from down there go, what the do you gotta kill you. What the hell happened? And I forget all about it. I'm drunk as hell. And I go down there, and the guy's, like, jumping up and down around his car. He's like, look at this. Look at this. And I see a glass ashtray sitting in a windshield. Like, right in the middle, just sitting there. And he's like, I'll kill whoever did this. That's my car. It's my baby. Whatever. And I was so drunk, I was like, oh, that was me. And so he's like, I'm gonna kill you. He starts chasing me, and he's gaining on me. This is a big, big frat guy. He had shorts and a polo shirt and boat shoes. And I'm nervous now. So I start trying to get into cars parked on the sidewalk. Cause I'm so nervous. And I get into a car. It's his car. I see the ashtray in the window. So now he's like, get out of my car. I'm gonna kill you. And I'm like, hey, back it up. I'm not going anywhere. And he starts doing the boop, boop, boop, boop. So the locks are going up all over the car. And I keep hitting him down. And eventually we do this lap of retards and he goes and gets a cop. The cop comes over, pulls me out of the car, and he tells the guy, like, hey, back up. He's like, I'm gonna arrest this guy. Give me some space. Pulls me out of the car, cuffs me. Guy runs up, hit me. I dropped to my knees. Very embarrassing. Cop picks my limp body up and puts me in the cop car. Go to jail. Drunk tank. You know about the drunk tank?

[Billy's British Friend]

Explain.

[Mark Normand]

Drunk tank is. You know, all these idiots go out drinking all night. They do something stupid. Fist fight, whatever. They're. They're not really bad guys. They're just too drunk to drive or function or whatever. So they just throw them in a drunk tank and you just sober up for like two days and then they let you out. So they threw me in the drunk tank, and I was the only white guy in there, and they just throw you in. So I'm like, based. And I'm in there, I'm the only white guy. Everybody's hanging out. And my phone rings. I had a cell phone on me, and it's just like. And they all were like, what, you got a phone? So then they start ganging up on me. They're going through my pockets, and they get the phone, they all call their baby mamas. And it was the 90s, so I was like, my minutes. I got minutes. And then eventually they let me out. Wow. And I walked home.

[Billy]

So you've never done time, though?

[Mark Normand]

No, no, never done time.

[Billy]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Wow. You're a wild man.

[Mark Normand]

Well, we had a crazy time back then. I was a feral child. My parents just said, go, get out of the house. So we used to do a thing where we'd knock. We'd take a Doc Martin, stick it out the car window, and knock rear view mirrors off. Cars. You guys do that one?

[Billy's British Friend]

No, we did. There was. There's an equivalent, but. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. So then we got. Eventually got caught. And a guy chased us in the. One of the cars that we knocked the mirror off. And he was like showing us a knife while driving. He had it coming out of the sunroof like, I'm gonna kill you. And we were like 14. 14 year olds. We had high school uniforms on. And he eventually got us in a traffic jam. And he came out, he started shaking the car. Big dude, no shirt on. Because he was in his house just hanging out, shaking the car. And he's slicing the knife up and down the car. So we're freaking out. We call the cops on a phone. So the cops come over, see him with a knife. Doing this to the car. So they arrest him. And we got out of it. Apparently, he had a bunch of priors.

[Billy]

That doesn't surprise.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Big Asian guy with a ponytail.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Billy]

How was his driving?

[Mark Normand]

Great driving. He had one of those Lexuses with the hard top that would go into the trunk. I remember. So it was like a sporty little car. We were in a jeep. Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

I mean, that's quite an achievement to hold a knife up and drive at the same time.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he was. You could see the ponytail waving in the wind. I mean, this guy was. He was like a Seagal character defying all the stereotypes. Yeah, yeah. Big buff Asian guy. So we got a court date. We had to go meet him in court because of course he's pressing charges on us. We. We had this.

[Billy's British Friend]

We.

[Mark Normand]

We stayed up all night making up this horrible story. We're gonna stay in court, we're gonna lie under oath, and we get to the courtroom and we're terrified. We're in our dumb suits. And he didn't show. And we're like, oh, he didn't show. What happened? They go, he killed a guy at a bar fight two nights ago. So he's not coming. You're good. So we got off.

[Billy's British Friend]

Wow.

[Billy]

You were kind of playing with fire a little bit.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that was. That was my whole childhood. I'm lucky to be alive.

[Billy]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Drunk driving, fist fights, you name it. Good times.

[Billy]

I just thought you were a bit of a nerd.

[Mark Normand]

Mark. No. I mean, I guess I am, but. You get a little sauce in me, I turn into Popeye. It's my spinach.

[Billy]

So you don't drink anymore, I'm guessing.

[Mark Normand]

No, I'm hungover now, but I don't drink as much. I mean, before it was like, tick tock to blackout. Really? Yeah.

[Billy]

Well, that's kind of rare. Most people, if they were like that, they have to go all. They have to go down to zero.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

But you just managed to taper off.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, I had some. Some scares like that and that kind of. And I failed out of college three times. I mean, I got mugged three times in New York just from being drunk. So I had a lot of, like, wake up calls. And eventually I was like, all right. And then you start wanting to be a comedian. You want to have a family, you want to have somewhat of a life. So I had to kind of get my together.

[Billy's British Friend]

Because you grew up in New Orleans, and it's a great town, but it's a wild town.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Lawless. You can drink outside There's a million bar and jazz fest, Mardi Gras. Like we get off two weeks for Mardi Gras, two weeks for parades. What kind of, what kind of society is that?

[Billy's British Friend]

Latino society, mate.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, I guess so. It's like Carnival from Brazil or whatever, but it's just kids running around drinking at like 11.

[Billy's British Friend]

And so that must have, that must have kind of influenced you in the way that you behaved because maybe if you grew up with a, in a society or a town like that where everybody's wild, everybody's drinking, what are you going to do? You're going to be a nerd? No. Are you going to drink?

[Mark Normand]

Yes, of course. I loved it, you know. You know, I'm anxiety fueled. Weirdo. So this, that was a nice way to like medicate too, back then.

[Billy's British Friend]

Oh, yeah, that's the thing. That's the thing most people don't talk enough about when you have a drink problem. They go, oh my God, it must have been terrible. You're like, yes, it was.

[Mark Normand]

But the early days, fantastic. Had a great time. I wish I could remember it.

[Billy]

This is also not medical advice.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I don't know. Don't, don't you find life's kind of boring without booze or drugs or cheeky or whatever the hell I mean? You guys are killing it. You, you're workaholics, baby.

[Billy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we like work.

[Mark Normand]

Me too.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I just watched the Paul McCartney doc. It's not great. There's all the Beatles meat has been taken, I think. But they squeezed some stuff. But it was about Wings and how he went to the Beatles were over. So then he's like a nobody who had to try to come back up with Wings and failure and the bad reviews and all that. But he had one great line. One guy, one interviewer says, you're a workaholic. Huh? And he goes, well, I play music, so I'm really a playaholic because I want to just keep playing. And that's how I feel. This is play. Stand up is play. Drinking is play. It's all play.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. You know, and that's, that's a great point because sometimes you see stand ups and they take it so seriously.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

And they're like, yeah, mate, you. Because what we're doing is we're pushing back against society and we're doing this and we're the free thinkers. Like, mate, you're doing jokes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, you hope they're doing jokes. You know, this, this whole save the world thing. Like, nobody wants that. Some Guy works at a mill all day, and he's like, all right, I'll scrape together $18. I'll go see a comedy show. And then they're like, racism is bad. Whoa, what a take. Oh, my God. I never put that together. Also, that's not funny. Tell me how racism is good. Now we got a joke. Now we got something interesting.

[Billy]

Why? Why is racism good?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I'm not saying it's good, so I'm going to clip that. Some asshole. But that's good. There's some perks, I guess.

[Billy's British Friend]

Racism's funny. I watched, you know, going back to the 90s scene.

[Mark Normand]

It's very.

[Billy's British Friend]

I watched Rush Hour. Do you remember Rush Hour? Oh, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.

[Mark Normand]

Hilarious.

[Billy's British Friend]

Hilarious. The amount of black joke, Asian jokes, gay jokes, Latino joke. It was incredible.

[Mark Normand]

He makes him say the N word in the movie. He makes Jackie Chan say the N word. He's like, I don't want to do it. He's like, come on, say it. And he says it.

[Billy's British Friend]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

I. I don't remember that.

[Mark Normand]

I might have made that part up, but give that a fact check there. He says, you my N word. You my N word. And he's like, come on, say it. And he's like, all right. So he says it, and the whole theater's laughing.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know what I think everything went to is like, okay, you got the Farrelly brothers. I'm a big movie guy. They did Dumb and Dumber, something about Mary, Me, myself, and Irene, all these fun comedy movies. Then they made Green Book, which was a movie about racist white guy who has to drive around a super smart black guy. And it won the. Won the Oscar. Those goofballs made all those wacky, kooky slapstick comedies that were all hilarious. And then they realized the way the wind was blowing, and they said, let's make a movie about a racist guy with a black guy as the lead who's a cellist or whatever. He was a trumpet player. And then they won the Oscar. And then you're like, okay, fun is out. Dumb and Dumber is out. That is in. And look, it's a fine movie, but I'm just saying a shift has been made. That was the shift, you know, I

[Billy's British Friend]

hated about those movies above all else. It's like, the white guy was always a bad, evil one. The black guy was always his paragon of virtue. And I'm like, just for once, can the black guy be a dick just like black people are in real life? You get nice ones, you get dicks.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Well, I'm trying to think. It's got to be some black dicks in movies. Wait a minute. Well, there's got to be. Gotta be some mean black guys, right?

[Billy's British Friend]

You get them in the 90s.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know, like when you like Menace to Society, for instance, or like Boys in the Hood, which was a great movie. Which was actually very nuanced. It's just the movies now, it's like the black person's a hero, the white guy, and it's like, come on.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right.

[Billy's British Friend]

White people are brilliant.

[Billy]

Producer, instead of fact checking is on the phone now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Who are you calling and who are you reporting us for?

[Mark Normand]

With Jackie Chan said the N word.

[Billy]

She did say the N word. Jackie Chan said the N word.

[Mark Normand]

There we go.

[Billy's British Friend]

Maybe don't brace your fists like that.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, sorry. That was horrible what Jackie Chan did. He should be ashamed of himself. He owes us all an apology.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Billy]

You know what, though? The movies have been terrible for a while, but we watched Nuremberg. Did you watch that?

[Mark Normand]

I have not. With Russell Crowe. Yeah, no, I saw the answer.

[Billy]

Really inspirational and very funny as well.

[Mark Normand]

Really? Yeah.

[Billy]

Sorry, I talked over his punchline. So he just sounds like he said inspirational and meant it.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good friend.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Billy]

So just trying to help you out there, mate. But, yeah, it's really good and funny.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy]

Funny, yeah, really funny.

[Mark Normand]

Nuremberg is a bunch of Holocaust stuff.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy]

Yeah, but they. They have some, like, funny bits that they've introduced to take the. The seriousness off it every now and again. It's really good movie.

[Mark Normand]

Well, Jews are funny. Yeah. Are the Jews funny or the Nazis?

[Billy]

There's not that many Jews in there.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I thought it was all Nazi.

[Billy]

It's kind of after the war. The numbers are down a little bit. I don't know how closely you followed it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I think it's all a hoax, but. No, no. Well, Jews you can still trash, I've noticed.

[Billy]

Oh, yeah, that's kind of popular right now, isn't it?

[Mark Normand]

Very popular. And they get no victim credits or victim points.

[Billy]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Which is weird.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because I thought, hey, we're all about helping the downtrodden. Well, they're. They're having a tough go. What do you think that's about?

[Billy]

Well, I think it's because people think Jews have lots of money and power, which isn't true. A lot of them are poor.

[Mark Normand]

Sure. Yeah. I mean, the word ghetto, I think, is a Jewish word.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy]

They didn't do it like black people, though.

[Mark Normand]

No, no.

[Billy]

Like, if you said that he's ghetto, like, right, Right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

You're not thinking of the Warsaw Ghetto, are you?

[Billy]

No.

[Mark Normand]

No, no. No, you're not. That's a good point.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Point. I lost it. Sorry.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, we'll come back to it.

[Mark Normand]

But.

[Billy]

Well, you were saying something about the Holocaust being hoax.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, come on. Six million. I see Jews every day. You know what's weird about Jews? They ask me if I'm Jewish. So I walk through Brooklyn like, you Jewish? You Jewish? I'm like, no, but it's weird that you don't know. Like, also, it's weird to hate Jews when you can't even tell who's a Jew. You know what I mean? Like, you hate black people are Asians, especially Asians. You can eyeball it. But Jews, you have to be like, what's your last name? How's your penis? You know, where you from?

[Billy]

But even that, like America, American men are mostly circumcised, right?

[Mark Normand]

It's going down every day, but, yeah, mostly I'd say.

[Billy's British Friend]

Well, and why is that?

[Billy]

Yeah, why do you.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I think we have a lot of influx of people coming in, and I think there's a hygienic thing involved or some people think it's wrong.

[Billy's British Friend]

It's wrong.

[Billy]

What, foreskins are wrong?

[Mark Normand]

No, no, cutting it is wrong. Right, yeah.

[Billy]

Because what I'm asking is, like, you know, in other. In other places like Britain, the only people who would be circumcised are people who do it for religious reasons. So Jews and Muslims.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Billy]

Whereas here you get other types of Americans who also get circumcised.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it. There was a big mutilation movement. You know, it's circumcision.

[Billy's British Friend]

All right. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

But are you guys hooded?

[Billy]

Yes.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You got a cap on the toothpaste? Right now. Wow. Now I can't stop picturing it.

[Billy]

And you. And you are not.

[Mark Normand]

No, I'm wide open. I. I'm at graduation. My hat's off. Hats off to you. Yeah, yeah. My head is out there. It's like a squirrel coming out of a tree.

[Billy]

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[Billy's British Friend]

You know, do you get as somebody, like, I get mistaken for being Jewish all the time. Same, you know, have you ever been in a Jewish wedding where people start, I remember once I was at a Jewish wedding and someone goes to me, oh, what synagogue do you go to? And I went, I don't. They went, what? You don't go to synagogue? What does your mother say? I'm like, I'm Catholic. And she just refused to accept that I'm Jewish.

[Billy]

Well, you're not Jewish.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, exactly. Refuse to accept that I'm not Jewish. And I guess, like, I don't. I've forgotten what my point is.

[Billy]

Let's do what we did last time and just end the show.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. They want you to be Jewish.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. But I guess my point is, like, no, I've forgotten. I've forgotten. You started.

[Mark Normand]

I tried to get you back.

[Billy]

Circumcision.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Nuremberg.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yes. I guess my point is the reason I kind of kept it is the knowledge that, like, if things go south for the Jews, my real concern is, like, I'm gonna get bundled in.

[Billy]

Oh, you think that when the Nazis arrive, they're gonna be like, pants down. Let us see your penis. I don't think that's gonna happen. They're gonna look, take one look at your face.

[Billy's British Friend]

That's my concern. Genuinely. Genuinely. Because, like, when the Jew stuff, when the anti Semitism starts rising, I kind of feel invested.

[Billy]

Oh, I see. So what you're saying is, when the Nazis do come back, you'll just drop your pants and be like, I'm not one of them.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. I'm not. Look.

[Billy]

And you'll start speaking Spanish as well, which annoys me. You should be shot just for that.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. And they'll go, oh, it's a Venezuelan Jew. Get in the van. But, yeah, but I guess that's my concern because, look, you're pretty much the way that you kind of look Jewish. You're a comedian, you're funny.

[Mark Normand]

New York, New York. Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

No hood, neurotic, angsty.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you got it.

[Billy's British Friend]

I mean, you've got the whole set.

[Mark Normand]

I got the whole set. I can. I can throw a ball, though. Like, that'll be my proof. And they go, you Jewish? I want to go watch this spiral. And I go, all right, he's good. Ton of Jewish football players.

[Billy]

You get some hockey players.

[Mark Normand]

We got one. We got one now. Or one or two. Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Beckham's apparently Jewish.

[Mark Normand]

No. He's too handsome.

[Billy's British Friend]

No. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

All right. He's not Jewish.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, he's come out and he says that he's got Jewish heritage. Yeah.

[Billy]

This is a bad time to be outing yourself like that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's true.

[Billy's British Friend]

I mean, look, he's ultra successful. He's made, you know, very rich.

[Billy]

How many me. How many banks does he own

[Billy's British Friend]

to be one of the biggest football clubs in the world because of Messi now and into Miami.

[Mark Normand]

Ah.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know, he's. He's a successful guy.

[Mark Normand]

Is he done. He's. He's done playing.

[Billy's British Friend]

Oh, yeah, of course. Long time ago, so.

[Mark Normand]

But he's just set for life.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Billy's British Friend]

Must be a billionaire at this point.

[Billy]

Or billionaire.

[Billy's British Friend]

But in terms of assets, maybe.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

So, yeah.

[Billy]

Is. Is David Beckham a billionaire? Is he Jewish?

[Billy's British Friend]

Same.

[Billy]

Same thing.

[Mark Normand]

Really? Maternal grandfather. Oh, then he's not. Because on the mother's side.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

No, wait. Well, that was his mom's dad.

[Billy's British Friend]

Maternal grandfather.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, maternal. You're right.

[Billy]

This is like that meeting the Nazis had before the war when they were trying to work out who goes in the cast. He is a quarter joy, but is down the ma. Is he a billionaire, though?

[Mark Normand]

But I bet if he had his wife's money in.

[Billy's British Friend]

He was having to bail her out because her fashion company was.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Spice money's over.

[Billy]

He's not a billionaire. After he married his wife. Yeah, well, you know that super old joke. It's actually my mom's favorite joke. Can I. Can a woman make her husband a millionaire? Yes, but if he's a billionaire.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's good. That's a great joke. And you hate to be that guy, but all the richest women in America divorced from billionaires and millionaires. Yeah, not true.

[Billy]

In Australia. You know, the richest person in Australia is a woman.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy]

She actually worked for it.

[Mark Normand]

What'd she do?

[Billy]

She owns a bunch of, like, coal and other, like, big industrial.

[Mark Normand]

Good for her. Lesbian.

[Billy]

Let's do the eyeball test. Billy, is she lesbian?

[Billy's British Friend]

She.

[Mark Normand]

We need a name.

[Billy's British Friend]

Kind of. You know that.

[Mark Normand]

He's gonna be rich. Australia.

[Billy's British Friend]

Could be, could be, could be.

[Mark Normand]

Are we gonna. Are we gonna. Are we gonna.

[Billy]

Let's find out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Billy's swaying.

[Mark Normand]

At this point, you really start to appreciate Jamie.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Jamie would have had this done. Mainly Jamie's working with a computer and not an iPhone.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Billy]

But, you know, Billy's got four fingers up. I don't know what that means.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, well, that doesn't mean anything.

[Billy]

Can you answer our question, though? She's got four children, but could be adopted.

[Billy's British Friend]

Could be a surrogate inseminated.

[Mark Normand]

There you go. What's the name? We gotta shout her out. Gina. Now some guy's gonna marry her and divorce. That's the plan.

[Billy]

Presumably. She's already married. I would think that's true.

[Mark Normand]

Well, he's gotta pull out of that marriage and get that cash. What's good?

[Billy]

Maybe he's happy, Mark.

[Mark Normand]

No, I'm just joking.

[Billy]

No, but maybe he is. I'm just saying, it is so cynical.

[Mark Normand]

Fun when it goes the other way sometimes. You know, I think Britney Spears got. Got raked through the coals with her husband.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Billy]

What's happening with Britney Spears? Because literally, the last time I saw Britney Spears, it was like 30 years ago with Hit Me Baby One More Time. I haven't followed her since. And then I opened my Instagram the other day and she's, like, there with the knife.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes.

[Billy]

What's happened?

[Mark Normand]

She just got a dui, actually, recently. She's. I think she's in jail or something. But I think that's another. That's another great sign of the shift, right? You know, Britney Spears, fun cleavage, pops star. Here we go. And then Ah, I can't take it anymore. I'm on pills. I want to cut you with a knife. I'm dancing alone in my underwear. Something happened.

[Billy]

Sounds kind of sexy, actually.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Alone in our underwear.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Watch out, though. She'll. She'll cut the hood right off those dinner knives.

[Billy's British Friend]

So you hopeful for America, Monk?

[Mark Normand]

I'm hopeful, yeah. Well, you know, things always come back, you know, like, things always change, you know, like the. The word gay when I was a kid was an insult. Now it's like, cool. Yeah. So that's. That's progress. So you never know where things are gonna go, you know? Look at.

[Billy]

Wait, hold on. Where. Is it a good thing to be gay?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I think in New York, if you. If you're in the arts, you go, hey, I'm bi.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

There's a lot of people pretending to be bi. A lot of people pretend to be

[Billy]

autistic, but that's just straight people who want in on the action.

[Mark Normand]

That's what I'm saying.

[Billy]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. But I think real regular gay people are like, oh, we got to have a. We got to have a gay guy in this movie. Call that guy. So that's a plus.

[Billy's British Friend]

But you see, why do you want a gay guy in your movie? This is Hollywood. There's loads of them. You probably got loads of them in your movie.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I think we just count any minority as better, you know, or Hollywood does.

[Billy]

Yeah. So you ever thought about going by for the roles?

[Mark Normand]

I just. I could lie because it's one of the things you can't really prove. So I can. I could say I'm bi, but I don't want to. I don't want to be one of those guys, because then I'm just another liar.

[Billy]

I. I think that's what you should have to do if you're going to declare that you're by at the audition. They just go, okay, Mr. Smith, please drop your pants.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, Mark, let's see it. I heard. And get your. Get your fingers ready there. I heard that in. In Russia, if you are gay, you. You don't. You don't have to serve in the army, but you have to prove it.

[Billy's British Friend]

We have to prove it.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Billy]

This sounds a little far fetched to me.

[Mark Normand]

Oral does not count, so you got to send a video in of you doing anal or whatever. So.

[Billy]

Giving or receiving?

[Mark Normand]

Either you hope to give.

[Billy]

Yeah, I think you do.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

That's not as gay.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Billy's British Friend]

I mean, if it's a Choice between.

[Billy]

This is a great episode. I'm enjoying it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Between receiving and fighting in Ukraine. I mean, which one would you pick?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You're getting either way. Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah.

[Billy]

Billy gone. It might be an unofficial thing, but there's no legal ban on Konig. Where did I see that there's no legal ban.

[Mark Normand]

Is there a legal ban anywhere in that area?

[Billy]

On case. In the military?

[Mark Normand]

Because it could be like Slovakia or some. That I'm forgetting. Lithuania somewhere.

[Billy]

We're all the same, too. Are we?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, just vodka monkey, angry people, scary whites. I'm not saying, you guys, I'm talking

[Billy]

about that I'm from Russia originally.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, do you not know that? Yeah, I forgot that. Yeah, you really throw that around. Good timing on that one.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Or bad timing.

[Billy]

Well, bad timing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

So Billy does. It is anywhere in Eastern Europe that bans gays from the military?

[Mark Normand]

Eastern Europe.

[Billy]

That's the word you were looking for.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Two words.

[Mark Normand]

In fact, I think being gay was almost illegal in Russia.

[Billy]

Yeah, there was a. Well, yeah. In the Soviet Union it was illegal.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Wow. What a weird thing to call the cops on. So you guys kissing? Get over here. They're breaking the law.

[Billy's British Friend]

I mean, it was gay in the UK until, what, 1964?

[Billy]

I think it still is gay.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, it was illegal. Yeah, it was illegal to be gay.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, crazily so. They're not banned in any particular armies

[Mark Normand]

officially, but there's apparently a don't ask, don't tell policy.

[Billy]

Don't ask, don't tell.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Billy's British Friend]

You know what? I'm gonna be controversial here.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

I kind of like don't ask, don't tell.

[Mark Normand]

I like it with everything. I don't know anything about you.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

So what do I need to know?

[Billy]

I've never looked into. What does don't ask, don't tell actually mean?

[Billy's British Friend]

It means, like, you just shut your mouth and keep it to yourself.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's clearly gay. I'm not going to ask him. And don't tell me either. And we'll just move on about our day.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah, you. What you do in the privacy of your own home is cool. Just.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Don't ask, don't tell. Sounds kind of progressive.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You do your. You know, it's like libertarian. I'll do my shit. Leave me alone.

[Billy's British Friend]

I think that's. And that's a good way of being. I think that's a problem now we don't do enough don't ask, don't tell.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. You're Right now, we come out as a woman, as a Jew, as a Russian, as a gay, lesbian, whatever you guys are, we just come out with it. Yeah.

[Billy]

I love the way you pointed at

[Billy's British Friend]

you when he said gay, lesbian, gay, lesbian. I mean, I do. I do look like a lesbian.

[Billy]

However, unlike Gina Reinhardt, I'm going to be in trouble.

[Billy's British Friend]

However, I genuinely think that. And it comes to opinions. We don't need to know every one of your opinions.

[Mark Normand]

No. And saying as a whatever doesn't. It doesn't make you worthier or anything. Just be you.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. And I long for the day when we just. You know what? When you just go and watch, like, the football or whatever else. Let's not talk about Iran.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Right.

[Billy's British Friend]

Because of the show. I always. I know Constant does as well. People come up to us and they want to talk about politics, and I get it. And I'm just like, can we just not.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, enough's enough.

[Billy's British Friend]

I'm queuing for the urinal. Can we just, like, just. Just call it just for a minute,

[Mark Normand]

you know, let's talk body Blue. So she is pregnant.

[Billy]

Well, she slept with a thousand men.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Right. In a day.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Is that how she got pregnant?

[Mark Normand]

I assume. I don't think she's going on extra credit after that.

[Billy]

Well, if you and wife continue to struggle.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, could I watch? All right, we'll get you a little destiny.

[Billy]

Chair in the corner.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Billy's British Friend]

Did you see that tweet that went viral the other day? It's a guy who got a message from Bonnie Blue.

[Mark Normand]

I did. On LinkedIn.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

What happened?

[Billy's British Friend]

So he got a message from Bonnie Blue in 2020 when her. Under her real name, which is Tia Billinger, I think it is, when she was a recruitment consultant.

[Billy]

Okay.

[Billy's British Friend]

And he was just like, hey, really nice to see you. Have you thought about applying for these jobs? And he's like, man, this lady has taken her career, has taken a turn.

[Mark Normand]

She's world famous. Yeah.

[Billy]

Why did you want to talk about Bonnie Blue?

[Mark Normand]

She's British, right?

[Billy's British Friend]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Well, I think the. The Ayatollah are like, guys waiting to Bonnie Blue because they're just in line as one after another, and they're just waiting to get. All right, it was a. I forced it in like, Harvey, cut that. That was terrible.

[Billy]

No, that was good. But we actually interviewed her, like, you know. You know. You know, there's like a Messian Ronaldo of the only fans shagging everyone. Girls. So there's Bonnie Blue and there's Lily Phillips.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, that's right.

[Billy]

We had Lily Phillips on the show,

[Mark Normand]

and I was sexually. Did you plow her?

[Billy]

I'm a happily married man, Francis.

[Billy's British Friend]

That was for the. You know, that was for the Patreon.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, nice.

[Billy]

You got to see, you know, paywall content.

[Billy's British Friend]

Paywall content.

[Billy]

We had to pay them to watch that.

[Billy's British Friend]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Could you ever be one of those guys in line? No, that would be horrible.

[Billy]

I don't know that I'd be able to perform under those circumstances.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Especially looking at who's before you.

[Billy]

Right.

[Billy's British Friend]

And the balaclava thing. Like, wouldn't that make you feel kind of claustrophobic?

[Mark Normand]

What's that?

[Billy's British Friend]

A balaclava is a ski mask. Ski mask.

[Mark Normand]

What? I didn't know that. Yeah.

[Billy's British Friend]

Loads of those dudes, because they want to hide their identity, therefore they wear the ski mask.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. Well, could you say in a weird way, she's curing the loneliness epidemic? A lot of incels out there. Bonnie Blue comes to town, they get a little relief.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. I mean, Andrew Schultz in that very seat said that she's curing grooming gangs.

[Billy]

She's the solution to our grooming gangs.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, I like that.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. It's a weird phenomenon, isn't it? It just shows how the Internet just distorts everything completely.

[Mark Normand]

I think, too, they always say, like, in Roman times, the end of society is crazy, promiscuous women, gender stuff, and then something else. And it's a lot of. They're like, oh, we're in that.

[Billy]

Well, inflation and war.

[Mark Normand]

There it is.

[Billy]

And we have all that.

[Mark Normand]

So we just happen to be born in this crazy. We've had. We've had a lot of go on. Just, you know, pandemic and school shootings and fentanyl and war and Gaza and Ukraine and. I mean, the list goes up. Blm. Me too. You know, it never ends. This is a lot of stuff we're taking in, and I don't. We're evolved for it.

[Billy]

Mark, before we go, is there anything we forgot to talk about? He's turned away from me again. I got serious. I scared him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I feel like I let you down on that. I was. I was going off on a topic, and then you're like, all right, we gotta get on here.

[Billy]

No, no, no, no, no. We've been talking for like an hour and 15.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, geez. Well, after editing, we'll get that down about 31. No, let's see. What do we want to talk? Well, I wanted to bring up the anti. Fun. I think that's a real problem. Our. Our Society all over the world. It's a global thing. I will say I went to Australia and it feels like America in the 90s. Yeah, everyone's thin, they're on coke and you can say retard. It's a fun place. Their politics are a little kooky, but I like it over there.

[Billy]

Well, everyone's getting thin here now as well. Have you noticed that?

[Mark Normand]

I got a bit about the body positivity movement was a sham. They lied to us.

[Billy]

Yeah. They all wanted to be slim.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Billy]

There's a shocker.

[Mark Normand]

And these fat. They made us call them pretty. Yeah. What the hell?

[Billy]

And then they took the jab and now they're happy. Well, no, they're not. They're slim. They're still.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they're still happy. But Lizzo was the fat champion. Now she's getting skinny.

[Billy]

Oh, is she?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I like fat Lizzo. I stood behind her, you just couldn't see me. But yeah, yeah, she's getting skinny now. And you're like, I like when reality kicks in. That's very fun for me. Like, did you see there's a girl who's identifies as a dog and she got attacked by a dog. And it's on video. It's a real story. Pull that one up. Chachi.

[Billy]

Dog bites dog.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly. So you want to play in these waters, you know you're gonna get bit.

[Billy's British Friend]

Yeah. So, Mark, final question. Always the same. What's the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be?

[Mark Normand]

The climate. No.

[Billy]

What do you think about the climate?

[Mark Normand]

I think. I think, you know, the glaciers are melting, we are losing coral reef. But I think. I think we do overblow it. I think people use it. It's kind of like a guy with anxiety. Sure, he might want to fly with his dog, but that doesn't mean everybody wants to fly with their dog. And I think here's something we need to be talking about. Two things can exist. We need to come back to that world where two things can exist. You know, we go, hey, trans is a real thing. These people deserve rights. You shouldn't be mean to them. But also, maybe not Every actress has 17 trans kids. Two things can exist. Because if you go, hey, this lady has nine trans children. Feels a little off statistically. And people go, whoa, what are you transfer. And you're like, no, I'm just saying. I'm with. I'm believing this. But I'm just saying this is. Two things can be true. I wish we could come back to that. You know, we just go right for the jugular immediately. Everyone's running off emotion. So let's go back to the world where two things can be true.

[Billy]

Mark, awesome to have you on. Everybody go watch the special. But before you do that, head on over to triggerpod.co.uk, where Mark's going to answer your questions. With more comics today having podcasts with huge followings, do you think they'll become more politically influential like Theo Rogan? Woe with Trump. Where's this all going?

[Mark Normand]

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