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Louisa (journal entries)
For.
Leah Thomas
Centuries, colonization has fractured our relationship with the land. We've come to position ourselves outside of nature as observers and masters of it, as if it were ours to control and bend to our will. But the earth pushes back, reminding us otherwise. I'm Leah Thomas. I'm the founder of the nonprofit Intersectional Environmentalist, and I'm excited to be returning as your host for season four of as she Rises. This season we're exploring rewilding. We'll hear how communities are letting the land lead and reimagining what it means to truly coexist with the natural world. Subscribe now and listen to this season of as she Rises. Wherever you get your podcast.
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Narrator
This podcast contains content that may be upsetting to some listeners. Before continuing, please prioritise your own wellbeing and mental health. Please check the show notes for more detailed descriptions of the episodes and a warning. Strong language is used in this episode. July 2011 Three months before her tragic passing, Louisa made a diary entry into her journal.
Louisa (journal entries)
9Th of July 2011 Sunday hello? Anyone there? Sometimes I scream just to see if anyone will hear me. But nothing. No one's there. Left here on my own with no one to talk to, ask advice or listen to what I have to say. Want to feel safe and loved. Oh well, what can I say? I think God wants me to be like this. Don't know why, but I guess I just have to deal with it. And in a way I've learnt a lot that no one can be trusted. Fending on my own, controlling my brain and reassuring myself that everything's going to be okay. Tackling one thing at a time.
Narrator
Episode 5 State of Mind Louise's journal was not the traditional diary you might imagine. It's more of an A4 sized workbook, which at one time appeared to be used for notes and homework from her high school days. Looking at the baby pink vinyl cover, it's playfully adorned with cute smiley face stickers and a quirky black cartoon fish. In the bottom right hand corner, there's bold block lettering stating Louise's notes with yet another smiley face sticker next to it. She's also used a marker to write 2011 in quotation marks, a haunting tribute to her final year. As I flip through the pages of this journal, an insight into Louisa's life in 2011 begins to unf. Her journal contains a trove of mixed emotions, capturing her day to day struggles and aspirations. Amid entries about missing her mum, arguments with Jo and her ongoing serious financial issues, there are glimpses of resilience and determination.
Louisa (journal entries)
Mum, I miss you Rip. God help me. Be strong and let no one bring me down. Amen. 4-21-26. Worst time fought with Jo. He disappeared. Easter break. If your plans have failed, ask yourself if there's a better plan waiting to be discovered.
Narrator
From April onwards, she'd been crossing off each passing day on a small calendar. Inside the front cover, these markings suddenly stopped on September 9, a month before her death. What else was happening in her life and what had caused this abrupt halt? We can gain some insight into this time frame as she was also leaving somewhat sporadic notes each month about what tasks she had completed and what she still needed to do.
Louisa (journal entries)
19Th of April, call cash converters about loan library. Use Internet and apply for jobs. Clean car and sell cash converters. Loan must be paid in one day. No more time. $280. 21st of April, find assistance with financial help in rent and utility bills. 29th of April, call places for financial help Rental arrears rent advanced. 10am Contact Centrelink must attend. 2pm Northern Community Church of Christ for food start putting pure vitamin E oil on for 100 days. Scar should be gone. Apparently on the 7th of August, in.
Narrator
One of her many April to do lists in her journal there's a task. She needed to find a pet shop for some of her animals. There was a note next to it saying urgent, can't keep them here. On another page there's a list of perhaps 30 phone numbers, some of these with crosses next to them. Researching these numbers. They all belong to pet shops and there is a tick mark next to this task suggesting she must have been successful. Given how much Louisa loved her animals, we don't know why she decided to rehome some of them. There are many possibilities. Her finances seem to be an obvious one. But again, police have honed in on the option that this could have been done with foresight that her mental health was declining. Whatever the case may be, it's very clear she took time in finding a solution to rehoming these animals. We also know that despite her financial situation, she didn't try and re home her mother's favourite talking parrot, Gina, or her dog. Then in July, she wrote down her horoscope, pondering the significance of facing both good and bad days in life.
Louisa (journal entries)
22Nd of July 2011 horoscope for Aquarius Sometimes people say to me, please tell me what my horoscope says. Then they add, but don't tell me if it's bad news. I understand this, of course I do. But it's not necessarily a very helpful attitude to adopt in life. If there is bad news, aren't we better off facing it than ignoring it? Not, I hasten to add that there's bad news in your outlook now. Au contraire, as they say in Quebec. But to take full advantage of the opportunities that arise for you under the forthcoming full moon, you'll need to keep your eyes wide open.
Narrator
Louise's journal clearly reflects her dire financial struggles with reminders to curb spending, to make ends meet, but also to visit the nearby church for food donations. It's her choice of words and some entries that were later highlighted by the police, suggesting signs of ongoing and untreated depression.
Louisa (journal entries)
Spending for this week, 25th of July to the 4th of August. 11 days to survive. Plan total $140. Have to spend $10 or less a day to get by the fortnight.
Narrator
Another notable statement stands out, boldly written in large black text, fucked a world before it fucks you. And ending with Never give up. The police appear to have interpreted this statement as a sign of her declining mental health, but to me it reveals Louisa's defiance and unwavering spirit, even in the face of serious setbacks. We cannot forget these are the musings of a 24 year old who has lost her mother two years earlier, was struggling financially and was in a deeply troubling relationship.
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
She was trying to hold it together, she was trying to work and pay the bills and try to look after her younger sister. But it just got very, very unpleasant for her because all she ever wanted from Tas and myself was money. And then Tass and I said, you're hungry, we'll buy you food. I will do grocery shopping and I'll leave it there. But I would never give her money unless there was a particular reason, like to pay a bill or something. And that's when she wasn't really angry. But I can see she was frustrated because she wasn't. Her needs weren't met and in a nice way she'll tell me, I have to go now. You have to go now.
Narrator
Both the police and the coroner would later place significance on the contents of her journal, depicting a downward spiral in her mental health. This is interesting, as her last confirmed entry was on Saturday 23rd July 2011, which was 72 days or over two months before she was last seen alive. A lot can change in two Months, good or bad, particularly when it comes to mental health. But even looking at one of her final entries, it just contains seemingly mundane tasks.
Louisa (journal entries)
Saturday 23rd of July, finished school yesterday. Three week short course placement acceptance at aged care. Waiting on police check to start. Went and had an interview. Waiting on someone to contact me and let me know money transfer anz pay rent, call yaya, get foundation laptop charger, service the car and pay for license. Get a haircut break like mirror on the side connect house phone, get letter or documents stating that sister doesn't live here.
Narrator
This entry actually provides no clear indication of her mental state or emotional wellbeing. If anything, it sounded more positive than some of her previous entries. So as July came to a close, things seemed to be improving for Louisa. She had completed her short personal care attendant course and secured a placement at an aged care facility. There was a problem though. Her job prospects were hindered by the results of her police check which revealed some minor interactions with the police in the past. Though she was open about these during her job interview, the unfavourable result led to the decision not to employ her. Louise's earlier assault charge also makes TAs think about whether that had influenced the investigation into her death.
Tas (Louisa's brother)
That's what sometimes runs through my mind. I mean with the police investigation that happened. I mean is it because they saw that she had a record and she wasn't, you know, she was known to police, she was that they just, they just didn't half assed investigation. Is that why, you know, I don't know. I mean it just runs through my head though. Is it a possibility if she was a young girl without any trouble, just would things have been different?
Narrator
We will be back after a short break. As a side note, it would have been these same assault charges that would play a role in identifying Louisa's body through her saved fingerprints on the police database. Regardless, these charges prevented her from pursuing a career as a personal care attendant, which would have been a devastating blow for her. With no alternative career plans at that time, it's possible that this explains the absence of further journal entries. With her work options dwindling by August, Louisa was entirely dependent on her Centrelink payments. It wasn't much and by now she had again fallen severely behind in her rent and was back to obtaining food vouchers through various community support organisations. Failing to find work, Louisa found herself with increasing the amounts of spare time, spending more hours at home. It appears she occupied herself by using drugs such as cannabis and as it would transpire with methamphetamine. Commonly known as ice.
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
She was honest and she told me she was on substances. But the last time I spoke to her, when she asked me for money, I told her she was on substances. And she told me no, she wanted to complete a course. And I said to her, okay, give me all the paperwork and I'll pay it. She goes, no, I need to go and pay it. You don't trust me? I said, I don't trust you, but I'm not giving you any money. I said, but if you really, really want to know, yeah, I don't trust you because so much things have happened and I'm not giving you the money.
Narrator
One person we know Louisa was obtaining drugs from was from a guy called George. We'll learn more about him later. But while some may have assumed Louisa's continued substance use was due to boredom, when given a listening ear, she would usually open up and provide a more detailed explanation for her choices.
Kaz (Friend)
She told me that she used to take it to numb the pain. I said, what kind of pain are we talking about? She goes, all the pain, the emotional pain, the physical pain, the heartache. She goes, I just want to forget. So she used to smoke a lot of marijuana, which I knew for a fact. But then I think towards the end with seeing how thin she got, we knew that it had gone to another space. And she used to wear singlets sometimes. And you could just see bruises. And her arms were so thin. She goes, I just don't care what I look like anymore. I said, this isn't you, Louisa. So, yeah, she told me she used to take drugs.
Narrator
What was also becoming evident to some of those closest to her were the bruises they observed on her small frame.
Kaz (Friend)
I saw bruises on her arms, on her neck, like if it was a grab mark. Like sometimes I could see really vivid fingerprints on her. Like down on this side of the side of her arm. Didn't see anything else on the rest of her body. Cause she was wearing long pants or anything. But yeah, definitely saw neck, shoulders, arms, wrists. Just bruises and very big bruises. So they would take so long to heal if there were no new ones on top of it.
Narrator
The alleged bruises on her neck are of particular concern.
Kaz (Friend)
She told me he would beat her and you could hear it. And I said, where have these come from? No, he choked me.
Narrator
Domestic violence expert Betty Taylor.
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
Sometimes the signs are very subtle and they're very hard to miss.
Narrator
And even for a victim, they self.
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
It very easy for them to say, no, I'm fine. Because the only first 50% of a strangulation victim will have external signs of injury.
Narrator
A word of caution here. We're relying on Caz's recollection of a conversation with Louisa in which she claimed to have been choked and there are no sources we can rely on to independently verify it. And a reminder, Jo refused our request for an interview, so we can't put this allegation to him. There were also other requests she made around this time to friends she hadn't spoken to in a while. Some friends received calls from Louisa asking if they wanted to purchase drugs from her. It was very out of character for her to do this, but when friends questioned her why she was doing it, she wouldn't respond. As a mental health clinician nurse Helen could tell Louisa was struggling.
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
She was very, very paranoid. She was very unwell. Yeah.
Narrator
In terms of the paranoia, did she express what she was concerned about?
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
I was just really concerned. I was really concerned because I knew she was using substances and being a clinician, I can see that she wasn't well at all.
Narrator
Did she speak about being depressed or unhappy?
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
Yes, in a lot of ways. And I said, you can only change things. But at the same time, she'll always reflect on Jo. But I know Jo loves me and I would always say to her, if someone does love you, they don't treat you this way. The day she asked me for money and I said no and she got really snappy, she rang me a couple of days later and apologised. And then I spoke to her in gree and I said to her, look, you know, let's meet up, let's talk about you moving forward. Leave him, don't worry about him, concentrate on you. Because I know how do I get myself out of here?
Narrator
As August arrived less than two months before her tragic death, family and friends began to notice a change in Louisa's behaviour. She was actually reaching out. It was difficult to know what Louisa was reaching out for, though, as she would quickly stop talking if she realised she wasn't alone.
Tas (Louisa's brother)
At later times, when she finally jerry that this bloke's no good for her, she was in a situation that she couldn't get out of because he was so possessive, so protective, so she couldn't do anything without him. Towards the later times, the later years, that even when she came to visit me, she couldn't come by herself. She came with him. A lot of the times that I saw her, when I went to visit them, he was there, so we couldn't have that one on one moment discussion, conversation.
Narrator
This was also A sentiment shared by Kaz.
Kaz (Friend)
And in the moments when she did sort of talk to you, you just had to be really quiet because you didn't want to cut her off. You wanted her to be able to talk about however she was feeling. But we knew she wasn't happy.
Narrator
Tas wasn't the only person Louisa had been reaching out to. Even though Louisa had become distant from her long term friend Indigo, she was, she would still reach out to her sporadically.
Indigo (Friend)
There was another time she rang me and she said, I need to get out of here, I need to leave. And I said, like, I think she was itching to come stay at my place. And at the time I didn't want her to come stay with me because I was scared of him. And I said, look, well, you tell me when, I'll pick you up, I'll take you to the airport, I will pay for your ticket to Greece. But a one way ticket, Louise, you go, you don't come back. And she goes, I'll get back to you, I'll get back to you. Naturally hung up the phone, didn't get back to me, but she had messaged me. It was a couple days before I'd seen the message saying, hey, girlie, are you alive or what? And then I came back and said, yeah, girl, I'm alive, you know, do you want to catch up? No, I said, here's my number. If you need to speak to me, call me. Because I couldn't call her because if he picked up the phone, I was scared that she would get bashed.
Narrator
Considering Indigo had presented the offer to Louisa of a one way ticket to Greece, it's reasonable to assume that this idea must have lingered in the back of Louisa's mind. However, a significant challenge arose. How could Louisa possibly make an escape to Greece a reality when at this point she had already confided in friends that she no longer had control over her own finances, phone, Internet or personal documents.
Kaz (Friend)
He was always like, I control you, I own you. I heard him say that all the time because he wasn't quiet. He wasn't like trying to hide what he was doing or saying, you know, I could be sitting in my kitchen and I'd hear them in their kitchen. I'm like, oh my goodness. So, yeah, even at the front of the units, he'd scream and yell, come out. You know, just profanities.
Narrator
On the 26th of September, the week before her death, Louisa called her brother Tas and told him she needed to see him. It was around lunchtime when she turned up at his house. She didn't come alone, though. Jo was also with her.
Tas (Louisa's brother)
She tried to tell me within present that I need to leave this guy. I don't want to be with him anymore. It was quite awkward because her just springing all this just there and then in front of him, it was difficult to accept. And so I do recall telling him, listen, you need to separate in front of him as well, mate, you gotta get her own separate way. You just gotta leave her and then just go your own separate way. She's not happy. Doesn't look like you're happy. And sure enough, I mean, they left thinking that, you know, they were just gonna agree to that and separate. But not long after is when Louisa went missing. That was the last encounter I had with Louisa.
Narrator
After leaving Tass's house, Louisa and Jo returned back to the unit at Seston Street. That night, Joe alleged Louisa was upset but wouldn't tell him what was wrong. According to Joe, when he went into the backyard, he saw the birdcage containing Helen's prize parrot, Gina, wide open and the bird gone again. According to Jo, he knew Louisa was unwell, as she would never let her mother's bird free. That bird was special to her. But this was also the same bird who could repeat things. It heard.
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
They had a cocky. And this cocky repeated everything that you would say. Helen had taught it to talk. So when I went to the property, everything, all the arguments that they had, the names that Jo will call the girls, vice versa. The cocky will say it like, I would go out to the cocky. I can't remember his name, and I'll talk to him in Greek and he'll say, you know, slut, slut. And then, really bizarre, when Louisa was found dead, the cocky disappeared.
Narrator
There's no further information to confirm exactly when or how Louisa is alleged to have released Gina the bird. This is a mystery, particularly since, according to Nurse Helen's recollection, we were missing one important fact.
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
I still ask myself, what happened to that cocky? Because they're cocky, you'll let it out, it will fly around the neighbourhood, you'll know all the neighbours, but you'll always go back to the cage. And then Helen will shut the cage.
Narrator
Did you witness that yourself?
Helen (Mental Health Clinician Nurse)
Yes, many times. And I used to say to Helen, aren't you scared he's not going to come back? She goes, I cut its wings. It doesn't go far, but he comes back. And Helen will stay at the front and call him and he will come back.
Narrator
Given that other people only realised the talking bird was gone after Louisa went missing. It makes you wonder if there's another reason why that bird was never seen again. Still to come on Troubled Waters, I.
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Collected a female from the Melbourne airport. She was upset and crying. She told me she didn't have any money and used my phone to get someone to pay the fare.
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Hi Duke, thank you so much for ringing me. And what do you think?
Tas (Louisa's brother)
But I was thinking, why hasn't this come any sooner?
Narrator
Casefile Presents Troubled Waters is written and produced by Julia Robson and Claire McGrath. Audio production by Mike Megis Audio editing by Anthony Telfer Voice actor is Taya Nicholas. Special thanks to Betty Taylor. If you need any support regarding any of the topics raised in this podcast, please reach out to services such AS Lifeline on 131114 1, 800-Respect or the Men's Referral Service on 13007666 491. Listeners outside of Australia should refer to their local.
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Casefile Presents | June 16, 2024
Episode 5, “State of Mind,” delves deeply into Louisa Ioannidis’ mental and emotional state in the months leading up to her death in 2011. Using Louisa’s own journal, as well as interviews with those close to her, private investigator Julia Robson and producer Clare McGrath explore Louisa’s complicated inner life, her mounting challenges, and the warning signs that went unseen or misinterpreted. This episode raises sharp questions about how society—and police—interpret the struggles of vulnerable women, particularly in contexts of relationship abuse, addiction, and mental health crises.
Journal as a Window (02:28–03:32):
Louisa’s A4 workbook-style journal, playful on the outside, blends high school notes with adult reflections. It records everything from daily tasks and financial anxieties to soul-baring entries about grief and resilience.
Financial Desperation (04:22–05:11):
Louisa meticulously logs her efforts to survive: seeking loans, paying overdue bills, applying for jobs, and even trying to rehome her beloved pets because of her financial strain.
Signs of Decline or Defiance? (07:01–07:35):
Police and coroner read the journal as evidence of mental decline, but the podcast team suggests it also documents defiant spirit and attempts at survival.
Anger, Frustration, and Need (08:12–08:52):
Helen, a mental health nurse and family connection, recounts Louisa’s constant financial requests and the limits set by family support.
Police Bias & Missed Opportunities (10:52):
Tass, Louisa’s brother, voices suspicion that minor past criminal charges colored the police’s view of her case—possibly leading to a less thorough investigation.
Lost Opportunities (10:02–11:20):
After nearly securing work in aged care, Louisa’s job offer is rescinded due to a past police check. This setback might explain the abrupt stop in her journaling.
Escalating Substance Use (12:27–13:14):
Louisa’s drug use, initially marijuana and later methamphetamine, is described not as escapism or boredom but as self-medication for “emotional pain, physical pain, the heartache.”
Physical Abuse (13:57–14:29):
Friends note worrying bruises, particularly grab marks and fingerprints, and report Louisa telling them about being beaten and choked by her partner, Jo.
Barriers to Escape (16:57–18:39):
Friends and family recount Louisa’s attempts to reach out and leave Jo, but his control over her finances and documents, combined with her own fear and isolation, left her feeling trapped.
Opening Up and Reaching Out (16:40–17:44):
Increasingly, Louisa tries contacting friends and family, sometimes asking for help to get away. Even so, fear—both hers and her friends’—and Jo’s constant presence limit what help is offered or received.
Lost Connections and Missed Chances (17:55–18:39):
Indigo, a former close friend, offered Louisa escape to Greece—flight, support, and a new start—but Louisa never takes her up on it, her isolation compounded by Jo’s control.
The Night Before Louisa Disappears (19:47–21:10):
On her last visit to her brother, Louisa tries to confide in him that she wants to leave Jo—while Jo is right beside her.
The Case of the Missing Parrot (21:10–22:23):
The disappearance of Louisa’s cherished talking parrot, Gina, adds an eerie layer. Jo says Louisa let the bird go as a sign of her decline, but the timing and the parrot’s ability to repeat everything it hears (including abusive language) raise suspicions.
On survival and isolation:
“Sometimes I scream just to see if anyone will hear me. But nothing. No one’s there... Fending on my own, controlling my brain and reassuring myself that everything’s going to be okay.”
—Louisa (Journal, 01:32)
On job loss and unfairness:
“Would things have been different?” —Tass (10:52)
On domestic violence:
“I saw bruises... She told me he would beat her... No, he choked me.”
—Kaz (14:29)
On entrapment:
“He was always like, I control you, I own you.”
—Kaz (19:08)
On Louisa’s plea for help:
“I need to get out of here, I need to leave.”
—Indigo (17:55)
The episode maintains a compassionate, investigative, and empathetic tone—deeply respecting Louisa’s voice and the perspectives of those who loved her, while sharply questioning the institutional and social failures exposed by her story. Louisa’s words are presented with vulnerability and tragic immediacy, contrasted with frank commentary from friends, family, and experts.
“State of Mind” is a sobering examination of how personal, social, and systemic challenges entangle to leave vulnerable individuals—especially women—at risk. Through Louisa’s writings and the recollections of those close to her, this episode not only humanizes her struggles but also challenges assumptions made by authorities and society at large. The enduring mystery around her death, further complicated by the disappearance of her parrot and the silences of those involved, keeps listeners questioning: How many signs must be missed before help arrives too late?