Podcast
Turn it Up! Marriage Tips and Tools
Hosted by by Kelly DuPée · EN
Turn it Up! Marriage Tips and Tools Podcast provides practical and easy to learn tools and tips so you can have the lifelong marriage that you really want. Each episode offers suggestions that address the various challenges all marriages face. If your marriage is struggling, if you're engaged, or newly married, this podcast will help you learn how to be married and avoid making the mistakes a lot of couples make. If you've been married for a while, it also will help you grow closer to each other and address issues that could be causing you problems.
19episodes
Episodes
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Boundaries that Work
3w ago00:10:46Tap to summarize7 Steps to Set Boundaries That Actually Work (Christian Marriage Help)In this episode, I explain how to move from simply saying no to setting clear, Godly boundaries in marriage when a spouse ignores your “no” and disrespect, pressure, or irresponsibility keep creating resentment. I share a progression I teach—suggestion, wish, request, then boundary—and clarify that a request depends on your partner’s behavior while a boundary depends on your behavior, including a consequence that stops enabling. Using biblical principles of grace and truth, I walk through seven practical steps: identify the specific behavior, consider your leverage (often distance for protection), write an I-statement and if-then script, get input from a trusted friend or coach, rehearse, share the boundary calmly and clearly, and follow through consistently. 00:00 When No Gets Ignored00:28 Series Setup and Resources01:36 Why Boundaries Matter02:11 Requests vs Boundaries03:03 Stop Enabling Consequences04:04 Grace and Truth Framework05:08 Step 1 Define Behavior05:35 Step 2 Find Leverage06:23 Step 3 Write Script07:05 Steps 4-5 Get Input Practice08:19 Steps 6-7 Share Follow Through09:25 Boundaries Heal Connection09:47 Coaching Invite and WrapHere's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my videos on Saying No: Make it okay to say no - https://youtu.be/l08-Jo8UjoASaying no with kindness - https://youtu.be/65I2YmSk86cHow to hear "No" - https://youtu.be/alS20C5DjugWhy it's so hard to say no - https://youtu.be/Vl_DbMNWzxoSaying No Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIVwkz_tHswcg7Dc5FP4LOI0OmqgkCXm-
Transcribe →Afraid to say No to your Spouse?
4w ago00:19:08Tap to summarizeWhy Saying No in Marriage Feels So Hard (and How to Rebuild a Kind No Without Guilt)In this episode of my “No Series,” I explain why saying no in marriage can feel unsafe and how to retrain yourself to say no with clarity, kindness, and confidence. I cover common emotional barriers—guilt from past manipulation, fear of conflict, fear of consequences like withdrawal or sarcasm, feeling overly responsible for a spouse’s emotions, shame and low self-worth, and trauma-driven panic responses where the amygdala overrides rational thinking and leads to “fawn” people-pleasing. I share practical steps to rebuild your “no muscle,” including naming what’s driving you, buying time with “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you,” practicing no in low-stakes situations, adding warmth, offering win-win counteroffers, expecting discomfort, and seeking help from God and wise counsel. 00:00 Why No Feels Risky00:33 About Kelly and Free Resources01:05 No Series and Missing Piece02:03 Why No Feels Unsafe02:18 Barrier One Guilt03:37 Barrier Two Conflict Fear04:14 More Barriers and Brain Wiring06:35 No Is a Muscle07:30 Step One Name the Driver08:34 Step Two Buy Time10:28 Step Three Practice No12:10 Step Four Add Warmth13:12 Counteroffers and Win Win14:51 Expect Discomfort and Grow16:31 Ask God and Get Help17:49 Final Challenge and Wrap UpHere's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my videos on Saying No:- Make it Ok to say No in your marriage: https://youtu.be/l08-Jo8UjoA- How to Say No: https://youtu.be/65I2YmSk86c- How to Hear No: https://youtu.be/alS20C5DjugHere's the link to the Saying No playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIVwkz_tHswcg7Dc5FP4LOI0OmqgkCXm-
Transcribe →Hearing "No" from your Spouse
Apr 2900:18:19Tap to summarizeHearing No in Marriage: How to Respond with Strength, Love, and RespectI talk about why many marriages don’t break down because of a “no,” but because of what happens in the next 60 seconds—disappointment, anger, and pressure turning into conflict. As part of my series on incorporating no into your relationship, I share a biblical foundation (Ephesians 5:33, Matthew 5:37, 2 Corinthians 9:7, Amos 3:3) and practical tools for hearing no in marriage: don’t debate the no, don’t punish honesty, regulate disappointment like an adult, ask clarifying questions without pressure, address repeated patterns at the right time using I-statements, and ask permission to revisit the issue to pursue a win-win. I also encourage prayer and support, including a free 30-minute strategy call and other resources at https://turnitup.coach. 00:00 When No Sparks Conflict01:07 Series Overview and Who I Am01:59 Biblical Foundation for No03:48 Why No Builds Trust05:15 Tool 1 Stop Debating06:38 Tool 2 Don't Punish Honesty07:16 Tool 3 Regulate Disappointment09:00 Tool 4 Clarify Without Pressure10:20 Tool 5 Address Patterns Later12:04 Tool 6 Ask to Revisit13:33 Get Help and Coaching17:57 Final Encouragement and Next StepsHere's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my video on Making it Ok to say No: https://youtu.be/l08-Jo8UjoAHow to say No: https://youtu.be/65I2YmSk86cSaying No Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIVwkz_tHswcg7Dc5FP4LOI0OmqgkCXm-
Transcribe →Saying No to your Spouse
Apr 2100:14:33Tap to summarizeSay No Better to your Spouse. How to Set Boundaries with Clarity & Kindness (Without Starting a Fight)In this episode, I teach how saying no in marriage can be safe, clear, and kind—so you can protect your peace without damaging connection. I explain that no is not rejection but information, and that honest boundaries support unity and trust. Using biblical guidance (Matthew 5:37, 2 Corinthians 9:7, Genesis 2:24, Amos 3:3, Philippians), I share five practical steps: buy time before answering, evaluate what the request will cost and what it means, say no clearly (no hints or “maybe”), add warmth through tone and body language, and make a counter offer when possible. I also warn against vague maybes, harsh shutdowns, reluctant yeses, and spiritual guilt trips, and I give real-life scripts for common situations like events, help, intimacy, and budgeting.00:00 Why Saying No Matters02:36 Biblical Boundaries Basics03:51 Build the No Muscle04:54 Step 1 Buy Time06:08 Step 2 Count the Cost06:38 Step 3 Say It Clearly07:45 Step 4 Add Warmth10:54 Step 5 Counter Offers12:45 Real Life Scripts13:53 Healthy No ConclusionHere's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my video on Making it Ok to Say No: https://youtu.be/l08-Jo8UjoA
Transcribe →Making Saying No OK in your Marriage
Apr 1400:09:32Tap to summarizeSaying No in Marriage Without Starting a Fight (A Biblical Way to Make “No” Feel Safe Again)I share a simple Biblical way to make saying no feel safe again in marriage by treating “no” as information, not rejection, so you respond with curiosity instead of control. I explain how conflict escalates when a request becomes a fight over what it “means,” and why you actually want your spouse to be able to say no—because if they can’t say no, they can’t truly say yes. Using Ephesians 4:3 and Matthew 5:37, I emphasize integrity, peace, and avoiding pressure or manipulation. I then give five practical tools: ask in a way that allows a real answer, respond to no with curiosity, add warmth and a counter offer when you say no, separate the request from your worth, and say yes as much as you reasonably can. I end with a weekly challenge to practice kind no’s and curious responses.Here's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my video on How to ask for what you need in your marriage: https://youtu.be/2sUcdK5dPCg00:00 When No Explodes00:55 Why No Feels Personal02:10 The No Means Yes Problem02:41 No Is Information03:23 Biblical Foundation04:43 Five Tools Overview04:51 Ask For Real Answers05:34 Curiosity Not Control06:07 Warm No With Options07:49 Don't Tie Worth To No08:10 Say Yes More Often08:40 Weekly Challenge Wrap09:09 Final Encouragement
Transcribe →Making Requests
Apr 800:12:27Tap to summarizeTurn Conflict Into Clarity: Making Requests in MarriageIn this episode, I share a simple “volume knob” tool to reduce everyday marriage frustration by improving how we communicate. Using a real example from a couple with an infant, I explain four levels of communication—suggestion, wish, request, and boundary—and how moving from hints to clear, respectful making requests can prevent resentment and power struggles. I teach you to start requests with “Would you please,” and to make SMART requests (specific, measurable, action-oriented, reasonable, time-limited). I also cover healthy options for responding to requests—yes (with follow-through), no (with clarity), or a counter offer (changing the task or time)—and when boundaries are needed to protect respect, safety, and trust. Here's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my video on How to ask for what you need in your marriage: https://youtu.be/2sUcdK5dPCg00:00 Why Marriage Feels Hard00:54 Infant Naptime Conflict02:22 The Volume Knob Framework02:54 Suggestions Can Sound Critical03:37 Wishes Share Your Heart04:28 Make Clear Smart Requests06:20 Responding Yes No Counter09:24 When You Need Boundaries11:13 Try This Tonight11:56 Final Encouragement Next StepsAre you feeling like your spouse just doesn't hear you? A lot of everyday marriage frustration isn't about WHAT you're asking for, but HOW you're asking it. This video offers practical marriage advice to improve your communication skills and address common relationship problems. Learn to speak clearly and with love, fostering effective communication in marriage.
Transcribe →Faith and Patience
Mar 3100:12:16Tap to summarizeWhen You Feel Like You Can’t Do This Anymore in Marriage I spoke to the spouse who said, “I can’t do this anymore,” and shared Hebrews 6:12 to encourage: "Imitate those who through faith and patience inherit God’s promises. For marriages that feel hopeless but are safe, I highlight God’s promises of oneness (Genesis 2:24), agreement (Amos 3:3), and unity through peace (Ephesians 4:3). I define faith as expecting God to work and patience as staying in the process without making permanent decisions in a temporary storm. Learn practical steps—the ABCs of faith and patience: Admit and ask (1 John 5:14–15), Believe (Mark 11:24), Confess life-giving words (Proverbs 18:21; Philippians 4:13), and Do actionable next steps (James 2:17).Here's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my video on How to Invite God into your Marriage: https://youtu.be/AH41nBtWzW800:00 When You Feel Done00:59 Hebrews 6 12 Hope02:04 Safety Comes First02:56 Gods Marriage Promises04:59 Faith And Patience06:33 ABCs Ask Admit07:49 Believe For Change08:27 Confess Life Words10:27 Do The Next Step11:33 Final EncouragementFeeling like you can't do this anymore in your marriage? This message is for you. When you're running on empty, remember that enduring through faith and marriage is what God desires. Just like James 2:17 says, 'faith without works is DEAD.' Don't give up on your relationships; there are steps you can take to address these relationship problems.I'm Kelly Dupee, your Christian marriage coach. God wants to do GREAT things in your life and marriage. 🙏❤️
Transcribe →The Respect Revolution
Mar 2400:13:56Tap to summarize7 Faith-Based Ways Wives Can Show Respect (Without Losing Your Voice)Join me as I share a faith-based strategy for changing the emotional climate in your marriage through intentional respect—especially how wives respect husbands—without becoming a doormat or ignoring sin, abuse, addiction, or betrayal. Using Ephesians 5:33, I explain that respect is not agreement and that tone, honor, and sincere affirmation can soften defensiveness and create a virtuous cycle of respect, security, and healthier leadership. I walk through seven practical steps: seeing respect as “oxygen” to a man’s heart, separating respect from agreement, using gentle tone, catching what he does right and saying it out loud, building a virtuous cycle with shared responsibility, adding clear boundaries with grace and truth, and getting help from God and trusted mentors or coaching.Here's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my video on 12 Ways to Show Respect to your Husband: https://youtu.be/LBTNols1P3M00:00 Respect Changes Everything01:41 What Respect Is Not03:28 Step 1 Respect Is Oxygen04:36 Step 2 Honor Without Agreement05:19 Step 3 Tone Matters06:13 Step 4 Catch Him Right09:00 Step 5 Virtuous Cycle10:24 Step 6 Respect With Boundaries12:14 Step 7 Get Help13:05 One Week Challenge13:40 Final Wrap UpWhat if the biggest turning point in your marriage isn't another hard conversation, but a quiet revolution you start with respect? This faith-based strategy can soften a defensive spouse and rebuild partnership, offering powerful marriage advice. Embrace spiritual growth and biblical wisdom to cultivate a strong marriage and a happy marriage, without losing your voice. 🙏❤️
Transcribe →Breaking the Silent Treatment
Mar 1800:14:40Tap to summarize7 Biblical Steps to Break the Silent Treatment in Marriage (Without Making It Worse)Silence after conflict in marriage is often another expression of anger or fear, and warns that ongoing silence paralyzes a relationship and gives the enemy an opportunity. You'll learn seven practical biblical steps to break through the silent treatment and resolve the underlying issue: identify what caused the silence, determine whether it’s rooted in anger or fear, pray for courage and wisdom, ask permission and schedule a specific time to talk, use “I” statements to express hurt without attacking, invite your spouse to share their heart with curious questions, and apologize effectively using five “R” elements (reflect, responsibility, remorse, repent, request forgiveness). You'll also be challenged to break the silence within 24 hours and seek help from God and wise counselors if needed.Here's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my video on the 5 R's of an Effective Apology: https://youtu.be/kKUgGgV2M9c00:00 Silent Treatment Explained00:59 A Couple in Standoff02:03 Why Silence Happens03:43 Step 1 Find the Cause04:16 Step 2 Anger or Fear06:49 Step 3 Schedule the Talk07:48 Step 4 Use I Statements08:33 Step 5 Invite Their Heart09:40 Step 6 Apologize the Five Rs12:01 Step 7 Get Help and Pray13:36 24 Hour Challenge and Next Steps
Transcribe →Show Understanding then Apologize!
Mar 1000:10:30Tap to summarizeShow Understanding + The 5 Rs Apology: The Skill That Calms Hard Conversations (Marriage & Work)I share how a coaching client used a marriage communication skill to calm an explosive workplace meeting by choosing to slow down, listen, repeat the complaint back, and show understanding (James 1:19). When people feel heard, tension drops and collaboration becomes possible. I then explain what to do after things cool down: offer an ownership-based apology using my “Five Rs”—Repeat the offense clearly, take Responsibility without excuses, express Remorse by acknowledging the pain caused, Repent with a real change plan and make things right, and Request forgiveness (especially in marriage). I warn against apology killers like “but” and “if,” and connect these tools to biblical wisdom like Proverbs 15:1. Here's the link to download my free couples communication guide: https://www.turnitup.coach/communicationguideI'm also offering a free 30-minute strategy call for personalized help. Schedule your free Strategy call today at by calling or texting 626-804-1731or go to https://tidycal.com/kdupee1/30-minute-strategy-callHere's the link to get your free copy of my book, Turn it Up - how to have the lifelong marriage that you really want: https://turnitup.coach/75Here's the link to my video on how to Show Understanding: https://youtu.be/UR3aW4oHBEw00:00 Marriage Skill Surprise00:47 Work Meeting Turnaround01:26 Show Understanding Method02:18 Resources And Coaching03:46 Five Rs Apology07:26 Apology Killers08:29 Christlike Leadership09:26 Weekly Challenge09:55 Next Steps And OutroI taught a client a specific skill to improve his marriage, and he then used it to avoid a work disaster. This approach quickly turned a room full of angry individuals into a productive partnership, demonstrating its use in difficult conversations. This essential skill will help you lead better at home and in the office, fostering peaceful relationships and effective communication.
Transcribe →