246: Thankful It's Not Me?

Summary

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Two Hot Takes – Ep. 246: Thankful It's Not Me?

Date: December 11, 2025
Host: Morgan Absher
Co-hosts: Lauren, Michaela

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Morgan and her co-hosts dive into a chaotic, no-rules collection of Reddit stories and listener submissions centered on the theme "Thankful It's Not Me." With the holidays approaching, the team encounters wild family drama, relationship dilemmas, problematic gift giving, and more, all while sharing their authentic hot takes and banter. This episode offers plenty of perspectives, emotional insights, and memorable quotes for anyone needing a dose of “it could be worse” comic relief.

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Key Discussions and Notable Quotes

1. Sports Talk and “Thankful It's Not Me” Energy

• (02:00–05:30)
  Opening friendly football banter, wild conspiracy theories, and the acknowledgment that the holidays often bring out the most chaotic human behavior.
  • Lauren: "Tis the chaos, tis the season... thankful it's not me."

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2. The Family Cookbook Conundrum

• [06:09–24:55]
  AITA for keeping a family cookbook slated for the trash, now hotly contested 10 years later?

Key Points:

• OP (Original Poster) took an heirloom cookbook from a family discard pile, now other relatives want it back.
• Arguments arise around emotional attachment vs. literal ownership vs. sentimental value.
• The difference between "he demanded it back" vs. "he asked for it"—bias and "unreliable narrator" discussed.

Memorable Quotes:

• Lauren (09:44): "You’re coming out guns blazing... could have been more of a conversation, like, 'Thank you for keeping it safe, can we make a photocopy?'"
• Michaela (13:10): “If you want it for the recipes, you make the copy and you keep it… It’s not the physical thing you’re attached to.”
• Lauren (16:43): "If a dead woman's son was like, 'I would really love my mother's cookbook back,' there's no way you can keep it from them and be on the right side."
• Lauren (20:10): [On the family tree confusion] "Can someone please draw me a feeling?"

Consensus:
No assholes—OP should return the original and keep a copy. Everyone’s stress and confusion is relatable amid family loss and logistics.

Timestamps:

• Discussion of moral ownership and family dynamics: [08:00–24:56]

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3. Radical Honesty or Circle of Bullies?

• [25:03–38:12]
  “My boyfriend calls it radical honesty, but it feels like public humiliation.”

Key Points:

• OP’s boyfriend and his friends hold “feedback” sessions, roasting and criticizing partners. OP is blindsided.
• Discussion on the difference between honest caring feedback vs. bullying and enabling toxic behavior.
• The group and boyfriend treat OP’s sensitivities as flaws to “fix.”

Memorable Quotes:

• Michaela (27:02): "There is just this obnoxious type of person who thinks honesty is an excuse to be horrible."
• Lauren (29:52): "Maybe you guys are all fucking boring. So she talks about work, because no one else can carry a conversation."
• Michaela (33:00): "Do you even like me? … There are things about me you don’t like. Maybe you shouldn’t be with me."
• Lauren (34:06): “He is a shit partner and he is single. Yay. Break up.”

Consensus:
Toxic friend group. The boyfriend is unsupportive; OP should leave.

Notable:

• Audience encouragement: “Please leave him. Please.”

Timestamps:

• Story introduction: [25:03]
• Consensus and advice: [37:40–38:12]

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4. Under Anesthesia: Truth or Fluke?

• [39:12–50:02]
  “Am I overreacting by being hurt when my husband looked at me with disgust coming out of anesthesia?”

Key Points:

• OP’s husband recoils from her post-surgery—she’s gutted, wonders if it was subconscious truth.
• Heavy discussion on viral “lovey-dovey anesthesia reaction” videos and unhealthy public comparisons.
• Multiple commenters and the hosts stress: anesthesia = wild, unpredictable behavior; not a truth serum.

Memorable Quotes:

• Michaela (42:09): “Imagine your partner gets amnesia, wakes up, doesn’t recognize you, and is like, ‘I’m married to you?’”
• Lauren (47:02): "Don’t pay attention to TikTok trends. Anesthesia is nuts and cannot be used as a truth serum.”

Consensus:
OP’s feelings are valid, but conversation and context are critical. Don’t jump to conclusions or measure love by viral standards.

Timestamps:

• Discussion of anesthesia effects: [44:52–48:45]
• Advice to talk it out: [49:10–50:02]

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5. Dysfunctional Gift-Giving and the “Great Deal” Mindset

• [50:49–73:44]
  “My husband keeps buying cheap gifts and doesn’t get why it hurts my feelings”

Key Points:

• OP keeps receiving bargain-without-thought gifts; practical items but low quality, not personal.
• Gift-giving becomes more about the “deal” than the recipient’s taste.
• Emotional labor of communicating what’s meaningful and fight against scarcity mindset.
• Multiple listener anecdotes and the importance of being seen by your partner.

Memorable Quotes:

• Michaela (54:48): “It’s very wasteful, actually, to buy cheap stuff that you’re never gonna use and isn’t good quality.”
• Lauren (55:33): “Why don’t you see me? Why aren’t you listening to me?”
• Lauren (57:36): "It's almost a scarcity mindset... Cheap, but more, so you won't run out."
• Lauren (58:56): “If he cannot stick to it this year... just go buy yourself your gift after the fact.”
• OP’s Update (71:57): "He admitted he just wasn't really thinking. Saw the deal and bought it... we returned it. We discussed making wish lists…"

Consensus:
Communication is key—even if it takes a strong stance. Partners should listen, compromise, and balance budget concerns with showing appreciation and thought.

Timestamps:

• Listener update and resolution: [71:53–73:27]

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6. Holiday Family Pressure: “Why Don’t You Have a Husband and Kids?”

• [77:49–97:21]
  OP’s mom delivers harsh “tough love” before Thanksgiving, shames daughter for not being settled down.

Key Points:

• OP is berated for being single at 35 despite her career/financial/housing accomplishments.
• Family’s focus on relationship milestones for women; emotional harm from “tough love” and cultural expectations.
• Texts show clear emotional manipulation.

Memorable Quotes:

• Lauren (80:45): “That’s your measure of success, not mine.”
• Michaela (82:35): "Even if she really did want to be partnered…these comments still wouldn’t help make that happen faster."
• Lauren (85:12): "'Doesn’t that make you feel embarrassed to be the only one without a family?' Are you not my mom? Are those not my brothers and sisters?"
• Michaela (89:17): “Now she has to…cut out her mom? Like how many people does she have to cut out who are dragging her down?”

Consensus:
Deeply cruel parental behavior. OP is right to step away and set boundaries. Hosts encourage sharing the mom’s message more widely to correct the record.

Timestamps:

• Reading of harsh “tough love” texts: [84:36–85:24]
• Advice and boundary discussion: [89:17–91:27]

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7. Jealous Stepmom Demands: Take Down the Photos

• [100:34–109:58]
  AITA for refusing to remove family photos (that include ex-daughter-in-law) for my son's new wife?

Key Points:

• Sherry, the new wife, is threatened by pictures of Gavin’s ex and reacts by treating his child (Tommy) coldly.
• OP stands firm: “my home, my rules, my family’s history.”
• Slippery slope: yielding here easily leads to more unreasonable demands.

Memorable Quotes:

• Lauren (101:52): "If you start changing your behavior and taking things out on a baby—he’s four—like, come on, grow up."
• Lauren (105:00): "If you didn't want to be a stepmom, you couldn't handle being a stepmom...don't sign up to be a stepmom."
• On husband's stance: “We do not negotiate with terrorists.” (Characterizing Sherry's ultimatums)

Consensus:
Sherry's jealousy is the issue—not the pictures. OP is right not to give in; maintain boundaries for the sake of family stability and Tommy’s well-being.

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8. Secret Group Chat Between Boyfriend and Mom

• [111:10–121:10]
  AITA for freaking out after finding a secret group chat between my boyfriend and my mom (about me)?

Key Points:

• OP uncovers weeks of messages where boyfriend and mother mock and pathologize her, discussing her anxieties and flaws behind her back with a mocking tone.
• Both co-hosts describe it as emotionally violating, condescending, and a major breach of trust.
• Difference between legitimate concern/intervention vs. chronic gossip and ridicule.

Memorable Quotes:

• Michaela (113:29): "The laughing emoji response…confirms it's not concerned, caring talk. We're gossiping about this bitch."
• Lauren (116:23): “He almost looks down on her...I don't want to be a burden to you; I want a partner.”

Consensus:
Not overreacting—a shocking violation. Call out both mother and boyfriend; even considering their departure from OP's life.

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Running Themes

• Holiday Chaos: Recurring acknowledgment that the holidays often bring out everyone’s worst, raising the stakes for conflict and drama.
• Communication / Emotional Labor: Multiple stories spotlight the toll of having to repeatedly explain boundaries or desires to people who should already care.
• Validation of Feelings: Frequent reassurance that even if situations seem “small,” pain, embarrassment, and betrayal are real and deserve to be named.
• Setting Boundaries: Clear support for standing up for oneself, shutting down unreasonable demands, and not tolerating toxic behavior—even from family.

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Episode Timestamps for Major Segments

• [06:09–24:55] – Family Cookbook Dispute
• [25:03–38:12] – Radical Honesty or Public Humiliation?
• [39:12–50:02] – Husband’s Anesthesia Reaction
• [50:49–73:44] – Cheap Gift-Giving Husband
• [77:49–97:21] – Thanksgiving Single-Shaming
• [100:34–109:58] – Stepmom Jealousy/Photo Battle
• [111:10–121:10] – Secret Group Chat Discovery

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Memorable Moments

• Lauren’s “draw me a feeling” about family trees (20:10)
• Wild analogy to “don’t negotiate with terrorists” regarding family ultimatums
• Numerous calls for OPs to “break up!” or “don’t go to Thanksgiving!”
• Raw, authentic sharing of how childhood financial trauma can impact adult relationships and gift-giving
• Broad, supportive message: your accomplishments aren’t defined by relationships or parenthood

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Episode Tone & Style

• Conversational, unfiltered, and a blend of empathy, snark, and humor.
• Hosts provide sharp analysis but also frequently validate emotional realities and share personal anecdotes for relatability.
• Quotes and personal stories interspersed for connection, lots of “hot takes” and encouragement not to settle or people-please at one's own expense.

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This episode is perfect for listeners craving honest, funny, and insightful takes on modern family and relationship problems—especially before a long, chaotic holiday with their own loved ones. And as Morgan and the crew remind us: sometimes, the truest gratitude is just thinking “thankful it’s not me.”

Transcript

[Lauren]

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[Michaela]

I never really knew that you could dance like this. You make a man wanna speak Spanish. Como si ama si bonita. Si, Picasso. Shakira. Shakira.

[Lauren]

I love her.

[Michaela]

Did it work?

[Lauren]

I mean it sounds beautiful to me.

[Michaela]

Cool, cool, cool.

[Lauren]

There we go. Locking in. Did you see Speaking of Shakira, did you see Zootopia 2 is out?

[Michaela]

I've heard rumblings of it and you know it's competing with Wicked for good. In.

[Lauren]

And.

Are those the two. The two BL blockbusters?

[Michaela]

I think so. For the. Well and then Marty supreme is coming out as well.

[Lauren]

Why do I not know what that is?

[Michaela]

It's the Timothy Chalamet ping pong movie. It's coming out on Christmas.

[Lauren]

Ping pong? Yeah.

[Michaela]

He plays like. Well, he plays Marty.

[Lauren]

I'm doing paddle motions. I don't like. Never mind.

[Michaela]

It is hard sometimes to remind myself that not everyone is watching the video version of this.

[Lauren]

You should be. We got video on Spotify now. Like you should be.

[Michaela]

Wow. I can't believe you. My audio about Marty supreme on Christmas day.

[Lauren]

No. Are you going on Christmas Day? Is that you're playing?

[Michaela]

Probably not. Probably not.

[Lauren]

I think I'm going to a football game on Christmas Day.

[Michaela]

That sounds like actually a really fun that. That feels Christmassy to me.

[Lauren]

My good old Minnesota Vikings.

[Michaela]

How are they doing?

[Lauren]

Yeah, not good.

[Michaela]

It's hard.

[Lauren]

Not good. You know, I'm just chalking this up as A building year and let the packers and the Bears have a good year. And the Lions and yay, go Lions. I actually. I would love to see the Lions win a Super Bowl. I think it's I overdue and would be well deserved.

[Michaela]

That's a beautiful sentiment for the people out there who are Lions fans.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Morgan thinks you deserve it. Anyone but the Chiefs.

Is how I really feel. They've just had too many. It feels too scripted at this point. Speaking of, like, football conspiracies. Okay, this is like deep football conspiracy. But did you see the Browns game the other day where they were like 29 yards out and they decided to punt it?

[Michaela]

No, I've been like, I've been missing. I went. I've been busy these weekends.

[Lauren]

So there was a huge bet in Vegas like, that the over. Like the over under. And what it would be. And so if they would have gone for the field goal and made it, like, Vegas would have lost millions.

[Michaela]

I've been seeing. I've been seeing this on the Internet, people saying, like, they're only doing this because of Vegas. And I don't know.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I need.

[Michaela]

Doesn't sound crazy to me. It doesn't sound too conspir.

[Lauren]

No, I think it's a chance. Don't take me out Vegas, like now I gotta have like a little look over my shoulder. But that's a very niche, like sports conspiracy. And I. I'd be very curious if anyone else, what your thoughts are on it. But today's stories I'm really excited to get into. I kind of just have a theme of chaos. Like, no real theme overall. But you, like, shared a meme or something with me and you're like, what was it? It was like when it was like, thankful it's not me.

[Michaela]

Oh, yeah. Thankful like parentheses that this isn't me.

[Lauren]

That.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

So, like, that's kind of what I'm going for today. Like, thankful it's not me.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

So just like, no real theme. Just overall. Tis the chaos, tis the season. Yeah, we're getting a little bit of mix of things. I'm putting together a full holiday kind of episode.

[Michaela]

So that naughty or nice, Coal or toys.

[Lauren]

Coal or bust. Yeah. So that'll be a vibe later in December, but this is, you know, kind of kicking us off. Yeah.

[Michaela]

Love it.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's Thanksgiving this week for us because we're recording this probably well in advance. And so Thanksgiving just kind of has brought out some crazy. But overall, the holidays.

[Michaela]

The holidays, people are on their worst behavior, genuinely.

[Lauren]

I was talking to One of my team members at Spotify last week, Megan, she's like, okay, like, everything's in retrograde and. Or something's in retrograde. She's like my little astrology guru. Like, she's on it. She's like, and then this is doing this. And then like, it'll be a cleanse. And I'm like, get me to the cleanse. I don't understand.

[Michaela]

I feel like there's always a retrograde. I feel like, is it true that every other month or so there's a retrograde of some sort?

[Lauren]

We're going to have to phone a friend named Megan.

[Michaela]

Okay, yeah.

[Lauren]

Or some astrology. But like, if I'm a Pisces Gemini. Sag. Maybe I forgot the last one. But I'm definitely Pisces main. And then Gemini is my rising. Like, tell me what I should expect for the rest of December and going into the new year. I need a good reading.

[Michaela]

It's gonna be positive things.

[Lauren]

Okay, are you ready for these ones? Yes. Okay, let's dive in.

[Michaela]

SA.

[Lauren]

This episode of two hot takes is presented by Di Serono. This holiday season, I'll be raising a glass with Di Serono, the world's favorite Italian liqueur and mine. One of my go to holiday drinks has Di Serono in it. Di serono 7 splash of crayon. And it's so, so good. Everyone loves it. It's light, it's refreshing, and it just has this smooth almond with a hint of vanilla flavor. It tastes so good. You could just drink it on the rocks if you want. It's sweet, but not overly sweet. Just super sophisticated and good. And to mark 500 years as an icon of the Italian Dolce Vita, Disarono has released five limited edition bottles. Visit dicerono.com to learn more. 1525 the Legend of Di Serono begins. Okay, this first one, it is coming from Amma the asshole, two days old, titled Am I the asshole for keeping a family cookbook that was previously thrown away. More than 10 years ago, my sister in law's mother in law passed away. The family cleaned out her house, took what they wanted and then decided to toss the rest. Before it was tossed. My sister in law said to see if there was anything I wanted. All I could find was an old cookbook which was in plain sight on the kitchen table. Fast forward to this year when I posted a photo of my island with cookbooks all over it. I was looking for a certain recipe. My brother in law saw the photo and his mother's cookbook and then demanded its return. I refused. The whole family is in an uproar. Half are on my side, half are on his. I've had to block quite a few of them from being able to contact me as they were getting really rude. Am I the asshole for not returning it? If I hadn't taken it, it was going to be thrown away.

[Michaela]

So this is his wife's mother's.

[Lauren]

Whoever's writing in op? Yeah, it's sister in law's mother in law. My brother in law saw it, so I feel like it's OP's husband's brother or sister.

[Michaela]

Okay.

[Lauren]

So, like, there's a decent removal there. Right?

[Michaela]

Okay. And they were going through. They were gonna get rid of everything. Pick what you can. They're not an for taking it?

[Lauren]

I don't think so.

[Michaela]

I mean, if they are fairly removed, I feel like it'd be different if this person had come to them and be like, oh, my God, can't believe we missed this. It would actually mean a lot for us to have this. Is there any way we could? Because, you know, if that is this person's, like, actual child, then I would see why maybe they should have it more than this ambiguous relative. Yeah.

[Lauren]

Because it is an heirloom. I look at. I look at cookbooks, like heirlooms. Like, baking is really, really important to me and my grandma. It's like our tradition around the holidays. So, like, I understand wanting this recipe book like that is an heirloom, but at the same time, you were going to throw it away. Yeah.

[Michaela]

And it's the energy that you came in with. It's like, I didn't do anything wrong by grabbing this thing that anyone's gonna throw away. If you, like, genuinely missed it and didn't see it, that's fine. We can have a conversation about it. Like, family recipes are really important. That's like a huge thing. But why are you. Why are you yelling at me when you're asking me for a favor? Actually, yeah.

[Lauren]

Like, you're coming out guns blazing.

[Michaela]

Like, come on, I don't want to give it to you.

[Lauren]

A little rude. Yeah, no, it could have been more of a conversation too. Like, oh, my God. I don't know how that got into the pile. Thank you for keeping it safe all these years. Could we at least make a photocopy of it?

[Michaela]

Right.

[Lauren]

Like, we'll take it to office Max. You can come with. Let's photocopy it so we can, you know, still have that.

[Michaela]

That's honestly, like, that's one of the first things that I would want to grab if my. Oh, I don't even want to say it.

[Lauren]

No, it's. It. I'm really bad with that. No, so I completely agree.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

First thing in a box.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

If I was gonna write, like, one question, OP Though, I would say info was the other piles of trash on the table, too. Because OP does say before it got tossed, they wanted check to see if I wanted anything. All I could find was an old cookbook, which was in plain sight on the kitchen table.

[Michaela]

Right. And then everything else was in trash piles. Oh, this is an interesting catch.

[Lauren]

Cause I'm like, wait, maybe. Yeah.

[Michaela]

Because Opie isn't mentioning. But maybe they did put that aside and just, like, didn't think someone would take it. And then they were like, oh, wait, where did the. Where did the recipe book go?

[Lauren]

That's what I'm like, what was the distinguishing thing like? Was everything truly in one spot? Was there multiple stuff spread out and there were other items on the table? Or was it like, hey, yeah, check and see if there's anything you want. Like, the rest we're getting rid of. And that was just solely sitting on the table. Like, someone had already set it aside but hadn't plucked it yet. That's the thing.

[Michaela]

I could easily see that happening with clearing out. Like, a parent's house. People have to put their own stuff down to the side. You find something like, where is a safe place that you can put something where you know, someone won't take it before you leave? I'm interested. This is why I wish I could. I wish I could talk to both parties.

[Lauren]

I know, because then if it was, like, at that time and you were the one that set your mom. Whatever, whoever it was to you, if you set their cookbook on the table and you're like, okay, I'm gonna get that. I've set it aside for myself. I'm gonna keep rummaging through things.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

But I'm. Set it there. I wonder if afterwards they, like, reached out to the family and was like, did anyone see mom's cookbook? Does anyone have mom's cookbook? Because I understand, like, intent, like, 10 years ago, addressing this and being like, oh, no, no, no. I wanted to keep that. Like, can I have that back? But now you've gone 10 years without really noticing. Or was this, like, a tragic thing where she was like, I set it aside.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And it got thrown away. Yeah. And then, like, you know what I mean?

[Michaela]

Totally, like, thinking that it somehow got mixed up in the trash. Pile. Yeah. I feel like OP I don't think Opie did anything wrong on purpose, but I, in this situation, if I were sort of a distant, distantly connected relative of the deceased and I found, like, the family cookbook, I would probably be like, hey, just making sure that this is something none of you guys want. Because clearly they did. Because I don't think this is a situation where it's like they intended it to be trash and now all of a sudden they care.

[Lauren]

No, I think it, like, accidentally.

[Michaela]

I think it's a mix up.

[Lauren]

I think it's a mix up.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Regardless, I don't think you're the asshole. Like, you've had it for 10 years. I think at this point it is yours. Like, even though it is an heirloom and they've got sentimental value to it. But I would 100% say you would be the asshole if you don't at least make them a copy.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

That you should do that. Bare minimum. Yeah.

[Michaela]

Because I don't know, I guess how close OP Also was to the deceased. It's like, I feel like they could have the copy of it and then the direct children could have the original. Because if you just want it for the recipes, like, you don't need the sentimental aspect of it.

[Lauren]

True.

[Michaela]

But I don't know.

[Lauren]

I know. Top comment on this one. Quote, look and keep what you want 10 years later. No, not that. Not the asshole. They're being ridiculous. You could offer to maybe let them copy the book or give them recipes if they want, but you're not obligated to give a book away that they specifically didn't want and let you keep for 10 years. But again, I. Like, I don't think they knew that she had it or they had it. But yeah, I mean, it's possible.

[Michaela]

People can be crazy, but.

I think the issue is that they were coming at this person with such anger that.

[Lauren]

And that's what someone picks up on too, because someone replies to the top comment and they go, you're responding as if the person who said the first thing, take what you want is the same person who said the second thing, please give it back. Maybe it was overlooked. Maybe he wasn't given the opportunity to get it and thought it was just lost to the situation. It does seem like the brother in law is making this out to be a bigger thing than he should and really should have gone for calm negotiation instead of whatever this is, though. And then someone responds and goes, we don't know that brother in law is being unreasonable. Quote Demanded it back. Makes one think of someone storming over angrily shouting. But it could just as easily have been a message saying, quote, that looks like my mom's cookbook. I thought it was lost forever. I was supposed to have it. When's a good time for me to pick it up? Not sure I trust the phrasing of the kind of person who thinks it's reasonable to start a family feud to keep a dead woman's cookbook away from her son Dam.

[Michaela]

I think I fall in line more with that comment than the first, like, top comment.

[Lauren]

I think so.

[Michaela]

Because, again, like, with these stories, we get OP's perspective, and it's always gonna be sprinkled with a little bit of, like, bias. Yeah, absolutely. I'm sure most of the of them tell to the best of their ability, but it's like, again, saying demanded or, like, whatever.

[Lauren]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michaela]

There's a chance that that's not exactly how it went.

[Lauren]

That's a really good point because demanded, like, the word you choose totally changes the meaning, the context, the implication.

[Michaela]

If he had just said he asked for it back, we would. There wouldn't even be a question. No, we'd.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, he really wants it. It's his mom's.

[Michaela]

Yes. I can't imagine, like, even if it's been yours for 10 years and, like, someone told you, take whatever. If a. Yeah. A dead woman's son was like, I would really love my mother's cookbook back.

[Lauren]

Ooh. Okay.

[Michaela]

Like, there's no way you can keep it from them and be the person in the right.

[Lauren]

No. And that's where I'm like, I guess you made a really good point where you're like, make a copy of it. Like, it doesn't have the sentimental value to you, so if you want it for the recipes, you make the copy and you keep it.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Because it's not the physical thing that you're attached to. Like, it is his mom's. It's her handwriting.

[Michaela]

Oh, my gosh. The most, like, prized possession I have is my mom, like, got me this pie plate, and it has her chocolate pie recipe in her handwriting etched into it.

[Lauren]

It's like, holy shit, that's so cool.

[Michaela]

It's so sweet. It's like, my best gift that I've ever gotten.

[Lauren]

That's such a thoughtful gift. It is, like, gift season right now. And that would be such an easy DIY to do.

[Michaela]

I think it was Etsy or something like that, but, yeah, totally.

[Lauren]

That would. Like, anyone could do that too, for A loved one. Like, I'm like, okay, wait, I want to do that for my grandma or something. Or well, I want my grandma to do it for me.

[Michaela]

Yeah. But no having it in their handwriting. Yeah.

[Lauren]

So, so beautiful. So, yeah. Okay. I don't think given all of this, I don't think any assholes here, like no assholes here. I think would be my final, final vote after all the chatting. I think that's fair.

[Michaela]

I think this is like a mix up. I think it's. Both parties are confused. I think when someone passes and things are being given out, like there are so many moving parts and so many different people involved. I think, yeah, make a copy, give the original back to the sun. Keep it for yourself. I'm curious to see what OP actually does though.

[Lauren]

I know there's no comments from op, no updates. It's only two days old at this point. Does look like a real account as far as it goes right now. Like has commented on other subreddits, like, am I overreacting? It's a year old account and there's nothing inappropriate on it right now. So leads me to believe it's genuine. So hopefully we'll get an update. But I think that would be the plan because you also have to consider when they were cleaning out this house, was it right after his mom passed?

[Michaela]

Right.

[Lauren]

And like who said, oh yeah, like.

[Michaela]

Sorry, I wasn't the sharpest I've ever been in my life that week, you know.

[Lauren]

Yeah, well. And I. Okay, so it is the brother in law's mother's cookbook. Here's where I get confused. So my brother in law saw the photo of his mother's cookbook. Maybe they're siblings. Maybe because sister in law was this one that said if you see anything that you want, take it. But then brother in law who it's his mom said, I want the cookbook back, but it's also my sister in law's mother in law. Why is like this family tree really messing me up now?

[Michaela]

Right? So is OP married also to a child of the deceased? Is that how that would work?

[Lauren]

I don't know. Because it says my sister in law's.

[Michaela]

Because the spouse is being mentioned at all. You'd think that that would be mentioned if it's like my spouse really wants this as well.

[Lauren]

I know because if it was also your mother in law. But I still think her son in the hierarchy, like it's your mother in law. This is his mom's cookbook. I still think he's more up in the Hierarchy of things. But my sister in law's mother in law and then my brother in law, and it's his mother's cookbook. Can someone please draw me a feeling?

[Michaela]

Wait, if it's the brother in law's mother.

[Lauren]

Yes. Is he married?

[Michaela]

Then that means that.

[Lauren]

But sister in law's mother in law.

Is it like a stepmom to your partner?

[Michaela]

We need someone with a PhD.

[Lauren]

People are gonna be like, these girls are really dumb.

[Michaela]

No, I swear to God.

[Lauren]

If I had, like, if I had.

[Michaela]

Paper and a pen, I think I could figure this. But I need my.

[Lauren]

Like, we're gonna come back to this. We're gonna move on to the next story. And then at the very end, we're gonna get a piece of paper and we're gonna try to write this out and like, maybe insert a photo of it.

[Michaela]

No, because honestly, like, when you were reading this story, like, I kept in my head going back, I'm like, so who. But who is who to whom?

[Lauren]

Yeah, my sister in law's mother in law. So it's your partner's sister. Okay. And then that sister is married to this guy and it was his mom. There we go.

[Michaela]

Oh my gosh.

[Lauren]

There we go.

[Michaela]

I could have never gotten there in my wildest dreams.

[Lauren]

It hurt.

[Michaela]

Are the comments confused about that at all? Like, are we the only ones not?

[Lauren]

Like, no one's mentioning it so far. Someone does say, agreed, I would return the original and buy myself a replacement copy or photocopy it if a replacement purchase is impossible. It's the kind thing to do. I really couldn't imagine keeping something of my deceased mother in law's if one of her actual children requested it back and they go edit. Jesus. This isn't even Op's mother in law. It's apparently her husband's sister's husband's mother.

[Michaela]

Right.

[Lauren]

OP has no tie or relationship to this woman at all. Give the damn book back. Opinion. Okay. I can't believe this is even a question for you.

[Michaela]

That's what I initially thought, is that OP was like, pretty fairly removed in this family tree. But then as we kept going, I started to question myself and wonder, am I reading this wrong?

[Lauren]

No, I. I think now we're on it.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And someone responds to that comment and goes, I would return the cookbook. Several months after my dad died, my mom did a big cleanout out of the house before listing it to sell. She was tossing so many of my dad's things, including photo albums from his childhood. She was still grieving in such a Zombie like way and just tossing everything in sight without really seeing or noticing what she was actually tossing. I went through the pile and pulled the photo albums and other items I felt were important. She didn't even realize she tossed those things. Chances are no one realized this cookbook was in the toss pile. Make a copy and return the original.

[Michaela]

Absolutely. I, oh my God. I feel like, have a little bit more empathy for like that period of time.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Michaela]

Also when a family member passes or when someone passes, like it puts you on such an immediate timeline to like do the funeral to get. And if, and if children are inheriting a house, like if they can't pay the mortgage, for instance, they have to sell it really fast. And like all of this stuff is really hard to do quickly, even if you're not grieving. And then.

[Lauren]

So true.

[Michaela]

When you are grieving like one of the most important people in your life, like, you can't hold that against them.

[Lauren]

No, no. And it also, like, I don't know, like, I would have maybe cleared it with your sister in law's husband, AKA your brother in law first. Because like, maybe it wasn't even your sister in law's place to be like, yeah, take anything you want.

[Michaela]

True.

[Lauren]

It's not her mom, it's her mother in law.

[Michaela]

True.

[Lauren]

So I don't know, like, maybe she was trying to be helpful. Her husband was dealing with a lot, you know, the loss of his mom. But this is clearly important and important enough where you post a picture of your kitchen island with a bunch of different cookbooks on it and he's able to look at it and be like, that's my mom's right.

[Michaela]

That's so true.

[Lauren]

After 10 years of that clicks in his head amongst a bunch of cookbooks.

[Michaela]

Just seeing it and like immediately give it back.

[Lauren]

Yeah, no assholes here. But you would be the asshole if.

[Michaela]

You don't give it back.

[Lauren]

If you don't give it back and like make a copy and just like Best of both Worlds, like, come on.

[Michaela]

You can get like a beautiful new book made of like, you can send in things like that and get, you can send in like old like photo albums and get beautiful like digital ones made. Or like, like you can, I don't know.

[Lauren]

No, you could literally have this like photocopied, but then like bound in a new book. Like it doesn't have to be a binder with like photocopied pages slipped in or like, you know, three hole punched and you have the little tacks that you fold over. Like this could Be a really nice book for you still.

[Michaela]

And last thing I'll say. Also, like, OP never mentions she was really important to me too. Or like, I understand that this was this person's parent. But, like, I also really cared about. Like, there's. I just feel like if there were a little bit more emotion here of, like, kind of making me understand more why there might be a sentimental reason for them to really want to keep the cookbook, maybe that would change my opinion a little bit. But it's like, it's not even saying that.

[Lauren]

No. No mention of any attachment.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Like, you described it as my sister in law's mother in law. So it really makes me feel like you didn't really know her.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Give it back. But curious what you all think. Moving along.

[Michaela]

Yeah, that was interesting because I feel like my opinion changed the more and more I thought about it. I know, because it was like, wait a minute. Unreliable narrator. Maybe.

[Lauren]

Mary maybe. I love that. Unreliable narrator. Okay, this next one is coming from our very own too. I'll take subreddit nine hours old, titled. My boyfriend calls it radical honesty, but it feels like public humiliation.

[Michaela]

Oh, I already know I hate him. Oh, I don't.

[Lauren]

I, 26, female, have been with my boyfriend, 27, male, for a year and some change. When we started dating, he told me his friend group is brutally honest, and I thought that just meant they roast each other a lot. Nope. Apparently they have this rule where if someone complains about their partner, that partner is fair game for group feedback.

[Michaela]

Okay.

[Lauren]

I did not fully understand what that meant until last weekend. We were at a hangout and his friend casually said, quote, so did you ever fix that thing where you cry every time a plan changes?

Everyone laughed and then started listing stuff they think I should work on. Like, you apologize too much. It's kind of manipulative. You act shy, but actually you like control. You talk about your job too much, it's boring for the rest of us. All delivered like they're doing me a favor. My boyfriend just sat there nodding and occasionally adding examples. I felt like I was in some live Yelp review of my personality when I got upset. Later, he said I was being dramatic and that I should be grateful they, quote, care enough to be real with me. Is this actually some healthy communication thing that my thin skin can't handle, or is this just a circle of people who enjoy tearing others apart and slapping a self help label on it?

[Michaela]

No, I. Oh, this is. This went exactly how I thought it was gonna go because there is just this Obnoxious type of person who thinks, like, honesty is an excuse to be horrible to people. Honesty in itself is not this, like, moral, all good thing to do. Like, especially when it's. You don't know this person. You don't know, like, what has caused them to have these issues in their past. Like, a therapist might be able to help them with this, but you just making fun of them for it isn't going to help them with this. Like, what's the end goal here?

[Lauren]

I don't know. I don't know. This just sounds like such a toxic friend group.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Because there's. There's one thing too. Like, I feel like what they said aren't really things that, like, can be addressed. Or they're things that, like, maybe stem from something else, like trauma or ptsd. Like, we don't know.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

But, like, you apologize too much. It's kind of manipulative. Well, I don't know. Maybe I just want to make sure no one's mad at me because whatever. You cry every time a plan changes. Maybe they're on the spectrum and that is really jarring for them when things that have been set in stone are then changed. Like, not everyone can be fluid like that. I don't know.

[Michaela]

Yeah, it's certainly not on purpose.

[Lauren]

I'd love to not cry. I'd love to not be stressed out if things just change. I'd love to be more adaptable. But, like, maybe for her, she can't.

[Michaela]

Yeah, no, I don't like this. I think that this is also just an indicator of, again, a lifetime of being gaslit by not only your partner, but also all of their friends. And, like, they will try to hammer into you more and more that the way that they act is actually good and you're the one with the problem. This is just what making fun of someone in elementary school or bullying is. Like, the things that you might bully a kid for when they're five years old or whatever. It might be true. Maybe, like, oh, you have glasses. Or like, what? Like, but that doesn't mean. It's, like, not mean or, like, not something to make fun of someone for.

[Lauren]

Well, it's also. It's not like none of these are something to make fun of anyone for. And like, I, at this point, like, they're 26, 27, probably in their late 20s. Like, you're beyond bullying people and having that rudimentary elementary. Ha, ha, your glasses are big. Like, jokes. Like, you're beyond that. You're too old for that. And I think One of these here that, like, really pisses me off, too. It's like, you talk about your job too much. It's boring. For the rest of us, maybe. You guys are all fucking boring. And so she feels the need to talk about work to, like, maintain a conversation, because no one else can carry a conversation.

[Michaela]

Yeah. This is all just really mean. If they were, like, there.

[Lauren]

Maybe she loves her job. Maybe she fucking loves it and she is happy and, like, in her dream career and is exc. Yeah.

[Michaela]

Have they ever considered us actually a them problem?

[Lauren]

I don't think so. God.

[Michaela]

Like, maybe you just don't care about her and so anything she talks about is boring to you. Yeah. And anything that makes her excited is just, like, annoying.

[Lauren]

It.

[Michaela]

I think it'd be one thing if the friends were, like, coming to her about an actual bad thing she was doing in their relationship, and they were like, hey, we've noticed that our friend has been, you know, acting differently lately. You know, if someone was, like, treating their partner badly and the friends came in and tried to intervene about that. Sure. But I don't think that this is their business. And they don't seem to know her well enough to be like. Like, she didn't ask for this.

[Lauren]

No.

[Michaela]

I've asked sometimes my friends to tell me what I do. That's annoying. Cause I'm like, I'm prepared to receive this information.

[Lauren]

You're brave. And then.

[Michaela]

And then they'll tell me it hurts a bit.

[Lauren]

Damn.

[Michaela]

And I've had that happen. But, like, most. For the most part, I don't know anyone else who likes to get that back. Unless they're, like, talking to a therapist.

[Lauren]

I think therapy, because that's kind of a safe place where that should happen.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

But no, I feel like there are some people that can handle stuff like this. I think, like, criticism in regards to, like, your work is different than, like, personal attacks on you.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And these were all very personal attacks. They're, like, very demeaning of her character. Like, calling someone manipulative, like, that doesn't feel good. Where it's like, you apologize too much. That's manipulative.

[Michaela]

Well, so do most women. Like, this is sort of just like a learned behavior. It's kind of hammered in.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Well, also, like, I think it is. Yeah. Yeah, it is very hammered in. I'm like, the things I apologize for.

[Michaela]

Someone will bump into me, and I'm like, sorry all the time.

[Lauren]

A lot of it is, like, Midwest Minnesota. Nice, too. Where it's like, oops, sorry. Like, you're just like, you just spit it out. Even things like, I know I'm not wrong to ask for, or like, I had a team call the other day with, like, a group that I'm doing a project with, and one of the ideas that a creative agency person involved brought forward, like, I didn't really resonate with. They're like, let us know. You know, all of these are flexible. If you don't love any, that's cool. Just like, let us know. And I'm like.

Keep it in. Keep it in. It's fine. It's not yours. Like, keep it in. I'm like, yeah, I don't like that one. I'm like, I'm so sorry, but it's like, that wasn't even a.

Asking you.

[Michaela]

For that in that situation.

[Lauren]

I know. It's like, why do we do that?

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Like, why? And so I understand being a people pleaser and apologizing and that's okay. Yeah.

[Michaela]

I also, if this were me, I would go home that night and to my partner, I'd be like, do you actually like me like this?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Michaela]

Makes me feel like there are so many things about me that you don't like. And, you know, some of that, you know, maybe crying every time plans change is something that I would benefit from talking to a therapist about and working on or blah, blah, blah. But most of these things are, like, actually just innate personality things that aren't even due to trauma or whatever else. They're just how I am. Like, talking about work because I like my job or, yeah, you know, whatever else it is, apologizing, that's just how I am. And if you don't like that, you shouldn't be with me. And like I said, when I'm asking my friends about things that are annoying about me, there are things that they could say where it would be like, oh, well, that is just the way that I am. And if you don't like that or, like, you can't get past that, then we're probably just not meant to be friends.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Michaela]

But I don't know. I would just. I would just not think that this person actually appreciates me and likes me.

[Lauren]

No, because if they're saying this to your face.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

What is getting said behind your back?

[Michaela]

And so happy when his friends are, like, going after her.

[Lauren]

And this all started because apparently this friend group has a rule where if someone complains about their partner, that partner is fair game for group feedback. So if I'm understanding their rules correctly, he's gone to the group and complained about her. Yeah, which. That's fine. Like, you can vent to your friends about your boyfriend and partner, but it's. It's not open season then, on your partner.

[Michaela]

Right. Because the. The partner isn't the one who did anything. They're not asking for this just because he complained about her. It's like, oh, now we get to talk to her however we want.

[Lauren]

Nope.

[Michaela]

It's like, aren't you forgetting to ask one person?

[Lauren]

Nope.

[Michaela]

Yeah, assholes.

[Lauren]

Diabolical. Yeah, asshole. And I would do what the top comment says, which is this. Give him some radical, honest feedback. He is a shit partner and he is single. Yay. Break up.

[Michaela]

Let's do it.

[Lauren]

Break up.

[Michaela]

You're probably. You're probably listening. Tua. Take subreddit right to please find someone who likes those things about you. Like, oh, my God. There are people who will think it's endearing. There are people who will think, like, that you're just a really thoughtful person, that you really enjoy your job. There are people who will see that as a positive. So it's actually not just honesty. It's your interpretation. It's your subjective interpretation of her actions.

[Lauren]

I know. And, like, you just look at all of the feedback they gave her. I mean, getting told you're manipulative, controlling, you're a crybaby, you're also boring. It's just like. It's just so toxic. They called her boring. Oh, and Shug's out of work. Yeah, I mean, I'm reading between the lines here. I'm inferring some things, but there is a comment here that says, I grew up in a toxic family with three bully brothers. It was a game called make her cry. And your boyfriend group calls it brutal honesty.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

If you want to see all hell break loose, try brutal honesty on them. Because 100% those who dish it out can't take it.

[Michaela]

Mm, no. It's interesting that the rule is it becomes open season on everyone's partners, but it's not about any of the people in this friend group who get to have open season on them.

[Lauren]

Well, and when you're so taken aback in the moment, my brain never would have been able to come up with anything to fire back. Yeah, and you also shouldn't have to be on the defensive and firing back at these people like they're not the one dating you. You don't even have to be my friend. You're my boyfriend's friends. So if you don't like me, that's okay, but my partner should like me. My partner should have my back. And so if he doesn't, especially in front of other people, you don't have a partner. I think that's some of the best advice I've seen going around online right now is, like, always a united front in public, and then, like, you can deal with that shit when you get home. Like, if you disagree, you get home and you talk about it there. And that's for relationships. That's for parents and their kids. If your kid gets in trouble at school, you go in and you have their back and you defend them.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

But then when you get your kid home, you're like, hey, that wasn't cool. Like, totally. I mean, everything.

[Michaela]

There's like, a cha. I mean, unless the child is being terrible, like, yeah, there. There's, like, a chance that there are times that she's apologized and it has been manipulative. That is, like, a thing that people can do. But again, yes, when you get home, you can say. To be honest, there was one conversation we had, and this is the feeling I got from it. But, like, this is an open discussion, and we can talk about what your actual intentions behind that were and if you really just were feeling bad or trying to, like, get the peace early. But, yeah, in public, in front of everybody. And, like, he's the one causing it, so obviously he's not gonna be the one offending her.

[Lauren]

Mm. Mm. No. Okay. I really hope we get an update on that one. There's nothing to tell you guys about right now. No nine hours old, no comments, no updates. So if you're out there, op, let us know.

[Michaela]

Please leave him. Please.

[Lauren]

Please. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth and for you to break up.

[Michaela]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

Okay, moving on to this next one. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Just like choosing which picture makes the grid, State Farm has options to choose from to help you find the coverage that best fits your needs. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state. Also, my friend switched to State Farm and saved a lot. Just a thought. Okay, number three here coming from R. Am I overreacting? Nine days old, titled Am I overreacting by being hurt when my husband looked at me with disgust when he was coming out of anesthesia?

[Michaela]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

I know. Yesterday my husband had A minor outpatient surgery. It wasn't anything life threatening or super serious. Anyways. Before his surgery, we joked about seeing videos of husbands coming out of surgery and being so doe eyed and loving when they see their wives. He wanted me to record him and his reaction when he woke up. As he woke up, I got my phone out and started recording. He looked at me and he couldn't remember me. At first he asked who I was, and when I replied that I'm his wife, his lip curled and he had a look of utter disgust on his face. He even said, ugh. I stopped recording and just sat in silence while he went in and out for a while. I got him home and comfortable. Then I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. Is that what he really feels? Is he disgusted with me? Is he showing his true feelings? Now I'm questioning our whole relationship. Did he settle for me? I am so hurt at this thought. He asked to see the video today, and I lied and said I forgot to record it.

[Michaela]

Oh my God. So he doesn't even know that he did that.

[Lauren]

I think you show him the video.

[Michaela]

I. I keep, like, wanting to say he was under anesthesia. That wasn't him like that. But I also. It would be so impossible in this situation to not have feelings about that happening.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Michaela]

Like, you can rationalize obviously, that, like, he was not in his right mind, but that is so hurtful. I think she has to show him and, like, have an actual conversation about it.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Because I. People do and say crazy things coming out of anesthesia. Like, I, as someone that, like, had it recently, like, I don't really remember much and I was rapping happy feet like penguin songs. Like, I was so out of it.

[Michaela]

But that was still true to your heart, I believe. Yeah.

[Lauren]

So in that you would kind of want her to be like, is this his subconscious coming out? Like, I don't think you need to reconsider your whole relationship. Like, but I can understand why you would be really deeply hurt by it. Like, your feelings are so valid. I always think honesty in these situations is kind of the best way forward and just be like, hey, I did record it.

[Michaela]

I.

[Lauren]

However, I stopped recording because of how it went, and now I'm just kind of worried that maybe you just don't think of me the way I thought you did. So I'm gonna show you the video and then, like, can we talk about it after?

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And show him the video and, like, see what he says.

[Michaela]

Absolutely. I mean, this is sort of a nightmare scenario. Like, imagine your partner Gets amnesia, and they wake up and they don't recognize you, and they're like, I'm married to you.

[Lauren]

I would. Dude.

[Michaela]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

Would you do. There's so many movies on this, too.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Because even if that Channing Tatum one.

[Michaela]

Yeah. Even if someone doesn't recognize you, they would still be like, oh, but that's a beautiful woman. I don't. Like, I don't know you. I don't remember you. But, like, that's the hope. Like, I'm married to you.

[Lauren]

Oh, yeah, right. Scary.

[Michaela]

Which, of course, like, fear unlocked. There's still a world in which he was just so out of it and, like, maybe couldn't even really see and, like, maybe was just having some kind of dream about being single or I don't know.

[Lauren]

And you never know.

[Michaela]

And it wasn't even about you. It was just like, oh, I'm not actually a bird who can fly through the sky. I'm a man, a normal man who's married. I don't know. It's tough. It could really be nothing. But it would be very hard to get over this. And it would be almost impossible to get over this if you don't have a conversation about it, because the only person who can make you feel better is him. And, like, having a conversation with him about it.

[Lauren]

I agree. I wonder if anyone, though, is going to be on the opposite side of it, where it's like, he clearly doesn't mean that he was coming out of anesthesia. He loves you. How about all of his other actions over the years? Like, you guys are married, right? So he clearly loves you. I wouldn't even bother. Like, don't even show him that. It's only gonna make him feel bad and, you know, just move forward knowing that he was fucked up from the anesthesia.

[Michaela]

I feel like I could see someone feeling like, that's the healthy advice, and that's, like, the advice that I'd love to give. But then the reality of it happening, like, once again, I'm just like, that would. That would hurt.

[Lauren]

If this were me in this situation and it happened with me and Justin. I also know that, like, Justin would want to know so he could be like, no, I was messed up. Like, that was not me. I'm really sorry. Like, Justin would want to make the whatever between us, like, better. Yeah, he would make. Want to make sure that, like, I'm not hurt. Absolutely no fault of his own. Like, that's not on him. He got anesthesia.

[Michaela]

And I think. But there are some people who, if they experience this. Maybe they wouldn't even question if that was a real thing because they're so confident in their relationship and because they feel so beautiful with their part. I mean, there's a chance that there already was a dormant fear here or something like that. Because maybe some of the people giving this advice are imagining this scenario and being like, oh, that would never worry me. Like, I know my husband doesn't. Would never feel that way.

[Lauren]

I know. I mean, you don't know how you're going to react. I saw a video of a girl the other day and her mom was in the room with her after anesthesia. I think she must have got her wisdom teeth out or something. Or tonsils. She got her tonsils out and she's just like the whole time like, I'm so mad at you. I don't like you. I love you, but I don't like you right now.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And her mom didn't do anything, but she was just like, she was pissed.

[Michaela]

I mean, I could handle that more.

[Lauren]

That sounds better than, uh, yeah, you're my wife.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Ugh. Top comment for every rainbows and unicorn video, there are 150 moments like this. Anesthesia is absolutely wild and his wake up response has nothing to do with how much he adores you.

[Michaela]

Okay, good. That's good to hear.

[Lauren]

Next comment. To add to this, a lot of people have adverse reactions to waking up from anesthesia. I remember when I had my first surgery, they explained to me that the process of waking up from anesthesia can be difficult for some people and they can have a semi violent reaction. Generally it's just people being upset, but it runs the gamut from happy and silly to angry and upset. What I'm really getting at is the reaction is generally one outside of the patient's control. Op, your husband coming out of anesthesia and looking at you like that almost certainly is just their brain reacting to the medication of sedation, not you.

[Michaela]

That's true. There's like absolutely a chance or like maybe even more than likely chance that the reaction isn't even directly to her. It's just like to maybe the pain he's experiencing or the confusion or something like that. And it's not like looking at you and thinking, ew, gross.

[Lauren]

I agree. There's so many comments on this of people sharing their stories. Someone says, I woke up from one procedure in love with my doctor. I didn't want to leave without seeing him because I thought he was so beautiful and amazing. This guy was 30 years my senior, had A bad ponytail, a dead tooth, and no discernible personality.

[Michaela]

God.

[Lauren]

Long story short, don't pay attention to TikTok trends. Anesthesia is nuts and cannot be used like a truth serum. Wow.

[Michaela]

This is a very informative comment section.

[Lauren]

They are on it. Yeah, they're really on it. They're really trying to, like, hey, don't worry about it.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Someone also says the major feeling I had coming out of anesthesia was one of nausea. I threw up several times. You may have mistaken that look of feeling sick to one about you. And that is true. That's a very common side effect. Like, coming out of anesthesia is like, nausea, vomiting, crying. Like, a lot of people just cry.

[Michaela]

Oh, yeah. I think when I got my wisdom teeth out, I was crying about, like, wanting to get Chick Fil A or something like that.

[Lauren]

Yeah. What did I want? All I wanted was potbelly.

[Michaela]

Yeah. Which we had.

[Lauren]

It was so good, and it was ready for you. Oh, my gosh. There's only one response from OP in all of this, and I've got to do some digging to find it, but all it said is capybara. Oh, I'm expanding every comment, you guys.

[Michaela]

What could that possibly mean?

[Lauren]

I cannot find what capybara is in response to.

[Michaela]

Wow. If anyone has a guess, but I'm not finding it.

[Lauren]

I've, like, expanded every comment. I don't see OP Anywhere in this mix.

[Michaela]

So I. I do hope that this comment section was, like, reassuring for OP I hope, because again, this is such a good point. In the second comment, I think it was about how TikTok isn't real life. I think the. The reason that this hurt so much is because this was led by all of these videos of husbands looking so sweetly at their wives coming out of anesthesia.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Michaela]

And then you're comparing to that. So you're thinking, like, oh, all of these men really, really love their. This must mean my husband doesn't love me in the same way.

[Lauren]

And.

[Michaela]

And that's hard.

[Lauren]

Like, oh, comparison, man.

[Michaela]

It reminds me of, like, you know, a groom sobbing as the bride walks down the aisle or something. And then it's like, oh, if everyone doesn't have the exact same reaction in every situation, then that must mean, like, this love isn't as strong or, like, the attraction isn't as strong here.

[Lauren]

That's true. A lot of people do judge based on stuff like that.

[Michaela]

Yeah. Like what other people do.

[Lauren]

No, that's a really good point. Don't judge. Don't compare. Harrison is the thief of joy. Don't do that. But definitely, definitely have a chat with him. And I think it'll get better.

[Michaela]

Yeah, I think so, too.

[Lauren]

I think they could laugh about it.

[Michaela]

I think maybe this is one of those situations where a few days go by and, like, obviously in the moment, it was like, oh, my God. That's not what I was expecting. But a few days later, you bring it up, he's like, oh, I was thinking about. I remember waking up and thinking about being in a dumpster truck or something. Like, I don't know, like, you can laugh it off.

[Lauren]

Definitely can. I mean, I think that, like, this isn't divorce worthy. No, not divorce worthy. You guys will work through this.

[Michaela]

Unless. Unless there is a. Like, unless there is a chance that actually he was waking up and disappointed that that was his wife. But that might come out years later. I don't know.

[Lauren]

We're not. We're not gonna ca. Spiral. Totally. It's all good. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be so good. It's all. It's fine. It's totally fine. You're not overreacting. Your feelings are valid, but chat with him. Don't hold it against him. Okay. We're gonna get into some stories about presents. Okay. You know I love a good present. Yes. I just like gift giving is my love language. But for a lot of people, I feel like gifts. Giving gifts can be really hard. So we're gonna get into this. Maybe we'll have some tips, tricks.

[Michaela]

Yeah. Some of the people about to come up.

[Lauren]

Yes. This is coming from the Too Hot Takes subreddit six days old titled My Husband Keeps Buying Cheap Gifts and Doesn't get why it hurts my feelings. Mmm. How do I explain this to a man? My husband loves finding a good deal, but his deals aren't like an amazing deal. On a good item. He finds cheap versions of the thing and thinks he's saving money. For example, when we were dating, he asked my friends what I would like for my birthday. My friend sent a link to nice paintbrushes that I would have liked. Think like a nice brush equals $20. Instead of buying one or two nice brushes, he ended up gifting me a craft store set of kids paintbrushes because more brushes equals better deal. As an artist, I couldn't use them for my art. I guess I did get to use them with my nieces, though. Another year, we went on holiday and I mentioned liking a beautiful piece of jewelry at an art market in passing and how I regretted not buying it again. It was like, maybe $60 max. He saw the ring too. He got me a different piece off of Amazon for $15. I told him I liked flowers. He buys me really cheap wilted ones from Walmart. I tried to explain, I don't like generic flowers. I like fun, unique flowers. And you can buy pretty, affordable, cool flowers at the farmer's market that are actually in season. He still gets Walmart flowers.

I appreciate him giving me gifts, but it honestly kind of hurts my feelings that he goes cheap every time we're married, and I love him, and in every other aspect, he's great. I honestly wish he would just save his money and let me buy my own gifts. This year for Christmas, I noticed an advent calendar was purchased under my Amazon account addressed to his name. I guess he used my account by accident. It was a $10 jewelry advent calendar. $10, dude. And to add salt to the wound, its original price was listed at $20, and he got it on sale for 24 pieces. $10. That's like kids jewelry that turns your skin green. I'm upset how cheap he went, and honestly, I'm more upset that he wasted $10. That could be a box of donuts. I would rather have donuts. And the jewelry are like butterflies, horseshoes, reindeer, which aren't my style. I'm hoping it's for our daughter, but we already mutually agreed on a book advent for her, and I feel like he would tell me if he got her a second one. I'm not the type to care about the dollar amount, but I would appreciate it if he put more thought on the gift and not all of his brain power on finding the best discount for himself. It feels almost selfish. Like it's not about what I'd like, but instead it's about the satisfaction for him in finding these crazy deals. So how do I bring this up? Do I ask him to return it? How do I let him down nicely? I've brought this concern up before, and he says he understands, but he keeps doing it. Has anyone else experienced this with their partner? How do I get through to him?

[Michaela]

This kind of reminds me of how I was at age, like, 18, 19. And then I feel like there came a point in my life, like, with clothes or something, like Forever 21 clothes. And then I was, like, getting trash, basically. And it's just very wasteful, actually to buy cheap stuff that you're never gonna use and, like, isn't good quality. I think buying, like, one or two really nice quality, like, the brushes, like, there's. It's probably streaking off the little, the brush hairs when she's using it. If these are kids brushes. Yeah.

[Lauren]

No, you're not gonna be able to get a smooth line or like if you're an actual. Yeah, the kid brushes are a joke a lot of times they're like plastic bristles, not actual like horse hair. And like nice brushes. Yeah.

[Michaela]

And you're gonna have to keep buying the same thing every year. If you just spent a little bit more money on less one year, you could have that for like a decade. It's just, it's such a, a childish way of looking at purchases.

[Lauren]

It's really weird. I just like, and I don't understand. I think across the board, I think a lot of people struggle with this. When someone very clearly tells you what they want, hey, this is what would make me feel good. Why do you feel the need to not listen to them?

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Like Walmart flowers. I, I honestly, I think you could save money if you went to Trader Joe's and bought like three different kinds of cool looking flowers. Because Trader Joe's has really cool flowers a lot of times and you put those together and made a little bouquet that's going to be cheaper than the bouquet typically. Granted, you could go to Walmart and find one on sale, discounted, ready to go out the door because it's almost dead and it's been there a while. But like typically those bouquets are way cheaper than what you'd find in a grocery store. Like, why are you going against what she wants? And it's almost, it's harder, it's, it's worse quality.

[Michaela]

Like I wonder if there's any way she could explain this to him that would like if there's any parallel she could draw to something that he uses where it would make like, hey, you know how if we got plastic forks for all of our meals and they might break and not work well, but if we get one nice metal fork, it could last us a very long time.

[Lauren]

A million years.

[Michaela]

The same thing is true of my paintbrushes and my jewelry and, and she's not even like a $60 necklace that she thought it's thought was so lovely. It's like, yeah, that might be a splurge, but it's, it's something that she could now have as like a key part of what she wears for years to come.

[Lauren]

And jewelry is like something that you do have a while. Like it typically lasts for people. Yeah. I wonder if there's something he's into where like maybe he's a dewalt tool. Guy and a ryobi. Like, if he had to get a ryobi, no chance. He wouldn't buy a ryobi. He's a DeWalt guy. Or he's a Milwaukee household. Like, yeah, that's his jam. So maybe there's something like that where you could kind of flip it, where it's like, hey, certain times you do splurge. Like when you got that Milwaukee, like, drill set.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

That was really important to you because you recognize the quality behind that brand versus buying. You know, just the generic Lowe's brand.

[Michaela]

Like, it also doesn't even seem like it's just about it being cheaper. It seems like he's also thinking, more equals better in all these. Like, I'm gonna get an advent calendar of cheap jewelry. I'm gonna get a big box of children's paintbrushes. And it's like, that is not the case. Like, he.

[Lauren]

It's almost like it's like a scarcity mindset, almost. Where it's like, it is cheap, but also he's getting a lot of it.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

So then it's like, double whammy. It's like, oh, my God. Cheap. Yay. Also more so you won't run out. Like, Right. It's like a weird, like, scarcity mindset in a way.

[Michaela]

I think she'd have to be like, hey, I have done the research on what I want, and you might find more, more similar items for less. That isn't because I overlooked it.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Michaela]

That's because it is not as good of a quality. It's not gonna get the job done that I want. Can you put, you know, bad gasoline in a nice car?

[Lauren]

I shouldn't. You really shouldn't. It hurts. It hurts. It. That's a good example, too.

[Michaela]

I don't know. I'm doing. Trying to think of things he might understand.

[Lauren]

That one would fit. I. I think this year I would make it kind of a test, too, where you're like, this is what I want for the holidays.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Here's my list. You can get anything off this list, whatever you find meaningful and special to you. But, like, you. Like, these are items I would really want.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And if he cannot stick to it this year, like, I don't know, go. Just go buy yourself your gift after the fact. Like, just take it out of his hands. But at the same time, it's like, why don't you see me? Why don't you see me? Why aren't you respecting me? Why aren't you listening to me? And I saw this TikTok today, it was a girl that works at Ulta, and she's like, telling this story about a customer that came in, and this guy comes in and he's like, hey, I need to get my wife mascara. What do you recommend? And she goes, oh, this Essence brand or whatever it was. This is great. Another woman stops him and was like, no, you should get the tarte mascara. It's way better. Anyways, the lady leaves, he goes, what should I really get? And she's like, well, what is your wife like? And he goes, oh, well, you know, I've gotten her this Essence one before. And so the Ulta girl was like, well, get her this one. And then also do the tarte mascara in the travel size, so then she can try it and she'll have both. And then he's like, okay, can you help me? I'm gonna get my wife some other makeup. And she's like, well, what does your wife wear? What does she want this year? And he goes, well, you know, she told me that she really, really, really, really only wants us Ulta gift card. But I'm not getting her a gift card. I'm gonna get her all the makeup. It's fine. I'll pick what she. No, no, stop right there. Stop right there. You've been down this road with her, right?

[Michaela]

Exactly.

[Lauren]

She wants the gift card because you've botched it before. Yeah, you just need to follow instructions and get her the gift card.

[Michaela]

And when you're a family, it's like the money that they spend is also your money. So it's like, now our money is wasted on makeup that I don't want. If you can just give me the gift card, I can get whatever I want. I don't have to feel bad about it. I'm getting the things that I'm actually going to use. And he could also. Like, he still doesn't know what to get her. He could go through her makeup drawer. Like, he could find out, like, I have notes on all my friends of, like, do they wear gold jewelry or silver jewelry? Like, what do they get from different places? Like, what's their shoes? I'm trying to. Like, I try to remember. Like, you have to remember things about people, and if you don't care enough about your wife to like to know those things. But I don't know. Did the. Did the lady tell him to. To just get the gift card?

[Lauren]

She said that she really tried to convince him to get the gift card, but he refused. And that happens so much where it's Just, like, just please stick to the list. And it's like, I know a lot of people have problems with buying gift cards. Yeah, I love a gift card. Love it. But if you feel the need like, that you can't get a gift card, then, I don't know, like, maybe get a gift card and a little something. Like a little cookbook from TJ Maxx or, like, like, hey, maybe a candle and the gift card. Like, if you feel the need to physically gift me something that's not just a gift card. There's other meaningful ways you can do it. And I think you can also go very affordable. Like, something I'm doing for people this year is I'm gonna make everyone little stockings instead of, like, doing a bunch of, like, big gifts. Because, like, this year's just been crazy. So I'm doing, like, little stockings, and I'm getting, like, each person a little gift card that they can go pick out something for themselves. Like, my brother's gonna get Best Buy because he's into video games and whatever. His wife. I'll get her, like, a spa gift card. And then just, like, little things, like a vintage deck of cards, a vintage matchbook. Just stuff you can find on Etsy and ebay that are really cute and thoughtful and also not junk, because people don't love junk.

[Michaela]

Yes. Like, the fuck. 24 jewelry pieces for $10.

[Lauren]

Nope.

[Michaela]

Now she just has to, like, either throw that away or, like, find the bottom of a drawer to clutter with that stuff. She's not gon that. It's. It is. It does suck when someone just asks for a gift card, but I think, you know, I've done this with my mom. Like, before the holidays, we'll go to the mall together, and, like, I'll be like that and that and that. And then she'll, like, secretly go buy it for me. And then, like, she'll be like, forget what we did here today. And then she'll box that up, and that's what I order. Open for Christmas. Which, it's like, she would ideally just pick stuff out for me, but she wants me to be as happy as I can be. Yeah.

[Lauren]

Yeah. No. And it's. I know. Like, you shouldn't have to be dictated what gift you get someone, because it is a gift, but it just feels nice to be seen. Yeah. Especially by your partner. Absolutely knows you. Maybe the best. Hopefully the best. Loves you, wants to make you happy and feel cherished. And if you're getting someone junk, especially, like, this story, they're not gonna Feel the love.

[Michaela]

And what is it that makes someone think like, oh, they asked for this, but I know better and I'm gonna get something else.

[Lauren]

Illusion.

[Michaela]

It's just like, self centeredness. Yeah. Like, in both of these cases, they couldn't have been clearer about, like, specifically what they want. And he even, like, in the story that we're reading right now, he saw her point out the necklace and based what he purchased off of pointing out that piece of jewelry, but still didn't just get that piece of jewelry.

[Lauren]

Y. Yeah. No. This is crazy and so confusing. I like, I think there's just like, I. I think you, you in this story. Cuz this is a listener. It's too hot. Take subreddit. Oo I think you need to have a conversation and just like, really articulate your feelings, but in the same breath. Like, don't settle. Like, do not keep settling for these gifts. Like, he does need a little bit of a wakeup call. Like last year, Justin did an advent calendar for me. And your advent calendars that you do for your partner, like, they do not need to be expensive. They can be thoughtful. Like, he in one, like, of the days would get me, like, a gift card to go get coffee. And then the next day would be a puzzle piece to, like, a big present. At the very end, I had, like, put together this puzzle to then get the key to unlock the treasure chest.

[Michaela]

Oh, that's so fun.

[Lauren]

He put so much effort and love and thoughtfulness into this. Like, another one of the days was a T shirt of like, my horse on it. And like, that can. You can do that. That's attainable. But then he still made sure I was getting things that, like, he knew I wanted. Like, the very end, it was a little bit of a splurge for him. It was like a tennis bracelet because mine had been stolen in, like, one of our house robberies.

[Michaela]

Oh.

[Lauren]

So it's like, just like, you shouldn't have to settle. Like, that is what love and gift giving should, should feel like. And I know everyone's not a good gift giver. It does take practice. Yeah. So start putting yourself in. Like, put me in, coach. Tap in. Right. Game on.

[Michaela]

I know what I want. I'm telling you what I want.

[Lauren]

And again, it doesn't need to be insanely expensive or, like, don't tie finances to it because I know everyone right now. Like, a lot of people are in hard spots this year.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

It's the thoughtfulness. It's making sure that person feels seen. Go thrift. Yeah. I'm like I'm literally thrifting my mother in law's Christmas present because I know what she wants and I'm only gonna find it at a thrift store.

[Michaela]

Well and it's actually better for your money if you buy one thing one time for $60 than like spend $20 this month and $20 again next month and then you know, like you have to keep trying to cover it.

[Lauren]

I agree. I'm with ya. Top comment Ask him if he changed his mind about the book for your daughter because you saw the purchases on your Amazon and that it has to be sent back nonetheless because cheap jewelry is dangerous for both kids and adults. Also add that you save money for your family. Not on it.

[Michaela]

Whoa.

[Lauren]

Next comment. Gift him things that you want. Quote here babe, a nice set of new bed sheets and the quality I like. OP Responds Not a bad idea. Someone says, ah, my oldest daughter and you would get on well. Lol. Her partner loves a bargain. One year for her birthday he gave her a mop and a bucket set. A really cheap, nasty set. He was extremely lucky he didn't get the handle of that mop. Well, you get the idea. Lol. My daughter would then shove an advertisement pamphlet under his nose with what she wanted circled. He was told in no uncertain terms that any deviation from that circled item would result in a mop handle coming into play. Seriously though, she told him how it made her feel like he didn't value her at all. He has slowly learned he got down on one knee last year and proposed with an expensive ring. So he's learning there is hope.

[Michaela]

Yeah. I mean maybe these people can just get into extreme couponing when it comes to groceries and then when it comes to gift giving. Hey, that's when we spend money on those that we love. We can save on Triscuits and.

[Lauren]

Yeah, and biscuits. Oh my God. I like really? The extreme couponers. That stuff's crazy, but that's a good area to do it. You can save in all other areas in life that aren't gifts for your family and friends.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Let those savings spread to items that like really matter.

[Michaela]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Lauren]

So it seems like this Next comment is responding to like, has anyone been through this? Like, what did you do? And they say I was finally unpleasant about it. He now buys exactly what I ask for. I just got tired of getting almost what I wanted. I think it's worse than nothing at all.

[Michaela]

Yeah. And I think that's what's hard is like you don't want to be mean about a present that was given to you. And you can tell that, like, with these gifts, there is some thought to it. It's not like he's getting her these completely random things that she would never want. They're within the realm of something she would want. And in his mind, it seems like he's thinking, oh, I'm gonna do something really awesome and actually get her 24 brushes for the same price. And that's hard to be like, oh, I didn't want this. Actually, don't get me this. Don't do this again. But I think eventually after, like, trying to give that hint gently and it not being taken, like, yep, Being a little bit unpleasant about it might be what you have to do. Like, I'm not gonna use these. This is gonna create more waste. I really would have just liked one pretty necklace.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Well, in response to that comment, someone goes, how did you go about it? Details, please. And that person responds, I flipped one Christmas day and I told him to take it all back, that I didn't want these crappy things and that if he didn't want to buy me decent presents, it was better to buy me nothing. Not my best behavior. Someone responds, proud of you. Next person goes, but it worked.

[Michaela]

Yeah, yeah, it has to be like that at some point because you're both. I mean, you're just going to continue being unhappy and suffering in silence and, like, they're going to continue to not really understand.

[Lauren]

Someone does comment here. I had a boyfriend like this. He didn't buy me things, but always bought the cheapest thing for himself. He only bought grapefruit juice when it was on sale. I had to convince him that he has enough money and if he prefers grapefruit juice, to just enjoy his life and get the juice he likes. He grew up very poor and every penny mattered. He wore his clothes until they had holes and then added patches to them. It was hard for him not to think this way. OP responds, I think you nailed it. My husband grew up poor, and although his parents are pretty well off now, they all sort of kept that mentality. I just don't know how to make him realize that buying super cheap things isn't good in the long run.

[Michaela]

Yeah, sounds like they have to have a serious conversation about adult spending.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I don't know. We get an update. Oh yeah, this has popped up since I opened this post. Oh my God. Update Edit this got so many more replies than I expected. Thank you to those who provided actual advice and shared your pain with me. Felt good knowing others went through something similar and figured out a solution that worked in your relationships. So a day after posting this, I did what a lot of you suggested and brought up the mysterious Advent calendar that popped up on my account. He looked nervous and tried to pretend that it wasn't him. I think he meant it to be a surprise for me and got caught. Lol. I told him although it was a nice suggestion, I'm a 30 year old woman and I have no use for cheap jewelry. At first he was a little hurt and offended, but I tried to explain to him that he basically got me jewelry that's cheaper than the toys you get out of a gumball machine.

[Michaela]

Yeah. Wow. That's a crazy comparison.

[Lauren]

Like less than 50 cents a piece of his thought was it would be fun to open for Advent and I could wear it for the day and throw it away. And I replied that that is super wasteful and I would never enjoy a gift like that. I told him next time for $10 I'd prefer something edible instead so we can all enjoy it together and it wouldn't be a waste. I asked if he would enjoy 24 watches that cost 50 cents each and he agreed. That sounds crazy when I put it like that.

[Michaela]

Yep, yep, that parallel.

[Lauren]

I told him all future Advent we should discuss together and decide what to get as a family so we can enjoy it all together. I could tell I hurt his feelings a little bit, but after mulling it over for the remainder of the night, he came and apologized before we went to bed. He admitted he just wasn't really thinking. Saw the deal and bought it and thankfully it's Amazon so we returned it. We also discussed making wish lists to share with each other and keep it strictly to the list. So we'll see if that works. I know you guys wanted some more drama, but we do love each other and he is a good guy. We both grew up in poorer families and that does affect how we view purchases and et cetera. I just swung to the other spectrum of buying really nice pieces but few of them and he swung to the other end of let's find the best deal we can. So that is all. Hopefully this will be a more permanent solution that works.

[Michaela]

Well. I'm happy. I don't think anything was ever ill intentioned.

[Lauren]

It's just like I really, I did not read this update and I just could feel the scarcity mindset.

[Michaela]

But if that's, if that's the case, why is he like buy something that you throw away each day? I don't know.

[Lauren]

It's. It's something, dude. Psychologically, like, me and Lauren both really struggle with this. Like, we talk about it quite a bit, but, like, we have a lot of, like, trauma surrounding money because of, like, our childhoods and, like, things that happened growing up. So, like, money for us, it's like, it's just a really hard conversation. It's a hard thing to navigate. We have a lot of, like, scarcity mindset mentalities. Like, food. Like, I will. I can't throw food out. Like, I have to eat it. Like, I'm just, like. It's just. Just I'm goofy. I fully recognize I'm goofy. So I feel like I probably recognized myself in him a little bit. And, like, there's just something psychologically about getting a deal. I don't think you really, in the moment necessarily consider, like, how cheap it could be or, like, maybe it won't work as good. Like, I think little things, even, like a Swiffer, like, or a wet jet versus the Swiffer. And you're like, well, that one saves me 40. But if you invest and get, like, something a little more expensive, it'll last a lot longer. I think vacuums are a good example of that.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

A cheap vacuum, that's a hundred dollars versus now you ball out and you maybe get the Dyson. My Dyson's lasted me six years.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Still going strong. Sucking a lot. So sucks everything. Sucks it all.

And I. So good. I literally. I, like, posted on this, on my stories, like, maybe two years ago when I needed help buying a new vacuum, and everyone, like, was raving. They're like, team Shark, Team Dyson, team. A different one. Hoover. Like, vintage Hoovers were getting thrown out there. And recently I bought a shark for my house in Minnesota because, like, the vacuum there broke. So we went to Costco, and I buy the shark. I don't know how you shark girlies are doing it. That shark did not suck up anything. I'm loyal to Dyson. Dyson. I'm here if you want to sponsor me.

[Michaela]

Wow. Sponsor her. Send some air wraps.

[Lauren]

I do. So that was on my. That's on my Christmas list. That's like, the one I said, I want one thing. This is it. And it's at Costco right now.

[Michaela]

Really good Black Friday sales on that, too. Really? Yeah.

[Lauren]

Really good price at Costco. And, like, I think with Costco, you usually get. I don't know if it counts on that, but if you buy, like, appliances or, like, like, a vacuum or whatever, you get an additional year warranty on top of the Manufacturers. Oh, I know that through Costco.

[Michaela]

That's awesome.

[Lauren]

Costco. Costco.

[Michaela]

Costco sponsor.

[Lauren]

I love the co. My dad kicked me off his membership finally at the age of 31.

[Michaela]

Oh my God.

[Lauren]

So I need to go get my own membership now.

[Michaela]

I have my roommate as my plus one on my Costco membership.

[Lauren]

That's really nice of you.

[Michaela]

Thank you.

[Lauren]

That's really nice of you. I didn't realize you could do that. But I. I added my mom on.

[Michaela]

Mine and I'm gonna.

[Lauren]

I just gotta go in and take my new picture and then I get my new card. Finally, my own account. Like a big girl.

[Michaela]

Oh my God. It's like healthcare all over again.

[Lauren]

Yeah, healthcare. Especially right now. Marketplace is a nightmare. This episode is brought to you by Ollie. You know what shouldn't be? A hot take wanting great sex and a healthy hoo. Ha. Ollie gets it from loving libido so you can get yours. Or period hero for PMS support. Ollie puts women's wellness first. Find these supplements and more at any national retailer [e-mail] that's O L L Y dot com. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Toast the holidays in a new way.

[Michaela]

And raise a glass of Rumchata, a delicious creamy blend of horchata with rum.

[Lauren]

Enjoy it over ice or in your coffee. Rumchata. Your holiday cocktails just got sweeter. Tap or click the banner for more. Drink responsibly. Caribbean rum with real dairy cream, natural and artificial flavors. Alcohol 13.75% by volume. 27.5 proof. Copyright 2025 Agave Loco Brands, Poke, Wisconsin. All rights reserved.

Okay, let's get into this one.

[Michaela]

Okay.

[Lauren]

Little turkey day drama.

[Michaela]

Wow.

[Lauren]

Gobble gobble. This one's coming from. Am I overreacting? Three hours old.

[Michaela]

Oh my God.

[Lauren]

This feels. I need to re. I'm scared to refresh. I'm going to. I'm like three hours. That's is six hours old now.

[Michaela]

Wow.

[Lauren]

I found it a couple hours ago, but it's titled Am I overreacting to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I'm an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now. Me, I'm 35, female and single for three years. I was engaged but he Charles was doing weird sexting role play with people on a video game which was disgusting. It me up. And yes, I've been in therapy. I've dated since but. But nothing serious. I have never had my mom say Something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way that she said, don't shoot the messenger. It's clear that the rest of the family have been talking about me, and she was the one elected to say it. I don't want to drive two hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating, degenerate little bitch. Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you ever say this to your daughter? Like, I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my own condo and I have three car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? I don't know. I'm pissed.

[Michaela]

Yeah, this is. This is so mean. And it's also just like, have you considered that I'm happier now than I was back then? Like, does that matter to you? Would you rather I be miserable and have a significant other than be happy and be alone? I think it's really hard as a 35 year old woman, as an any age woman, when you start going home and like, I don't know, the years are passing and you're still not bringing anyone back. But I think especially because she was engaged, I think they like saw her so close.

[Lauren]

Yeah, but it's just like, I know. Well, I was like, how do you even know her goal in life is to have kids? Maybe she doesn't want kids and that's okay. Like, not everyone needs to have a kid. Like, I hate, like, how much pressure we put on people to like, do these like, traditional things. It's like, that's not a measure of success for me. That's your measure of success. That's what you wanted for your life. But it's okay if I don't want that for mine. And there's so much pressure put, I think, specifically on women. Like, your biological clock is ticking. Oh, you're 32. Like, are you getting ready to have kids? When are you having kids? Like, since getting married, that's been like everyone's question now. It's like, when are you having kids? Are you gonna start trying? Are you having kids yet?

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

What are you thinking about? Oh, you don't want a glass of wine? Are you pregnant? Are you pregnant? Oh, you're craving a little extra chocolate. Are you pregnant? You look a little big today. Morgan, are you pregnant?

[Michaela]

No.

[Lauren]

God damn, I'm Just in my bloat era, like, no. And I just, like, men's biological clocks tick, too.

[Michaela]

Yeah. In a different way.

[Lauren]

In a different way. Yeah. Every thing basically, all issues basically increase as men get older because their sperm quality goes way down.

[Michaela]

So. I know.

[Lauren]

Come at him.

[Michaela]

Honest. Honestly, I'm at everybody going home. The last couple years, my family doesn't harass me about this, but they will make comments like, about, oh, it'd be so nice, you know, to see you with also someone here if you were bringing someone home. And I, like, finally starting to understand that in all of those holiday movies where people make some kind of contract to pretend to be in a relationship to go home for the holidays. Like, oh, I actually get why they did that. Like, that always seemed like such a funny, random concept when I was growing up that they would do this. Like, can you just be. Pretend to be my girlfriend or my fiance for the holidays when I go home to see my family? And I was like, that seems dramatic. But now I'm, like, kind of getting it. I get why they're doing that.

[Lauren]

Michaela might be hiring this season.

[Michaela]

Be hiring this season.

[Lauren]

She might need a little buddy. Go back. My partner.

[Michaela]

Yeah. They would love that. Oh, my God, they'd be so happy to be like, michaela, you're finally dating again. This is all we could have ever hoped. Just kidding. They would be really. They'd love it, though. Yeah. I just think. I think it's hard because especially in this last sentence, she's listing all of the things that she's doing so well right now, which I feel confirms that, like, she's living the life that she wants to be living. Ev. Even if she really did want to be partnered right now, these comments still wouldn't help make that happen faster.

[Lauren]

Nope.

[Michaela]

And it's like, I. I can't force, like, a beautiful relationship upon myself. I could try to date more, but, like, ultimately, you're kind of trying to get me to settle for someone that. That's not going to make my life as good as the perfect person could be.

[Lauren]

Ooh.

[Michaela]

And also, I'm like, if I. If I started dating right, and I waste two years, let's say, on maybe someone who isn't my perfect person. Maybe the perfect person was a year and a half away, and I'm.

[Lauren]

And I'm actually just forcing yourself to make something work.

[Michaela]

And now I'm 10 years out from my PER. Because I missed that one and a half year one.

[Lauren]

That's a really good point. I think that's What a lot of people don't realize, too, when it comes to, like, sunken cost fallacy. Like, like, the op in this story is so on it. Like, yeah, the fact that they were like, why would I have wanted to stay in a relationship with a fudgeing, cheating, degenerate little bitch? Literally, she's like, I'm not going to waste any more time. But I think there's also the flip side of that where someone could have been like, I've been in this relationship for two years. I'm in this deep. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You can't think sunken cost fallacy and, like, hope and, like, bank on potential because being with that person could be blocking you from a bigger blessing. Like, don't block your own blessing. Like, don't do that.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Bye bye. Bye bye.

[Michaela]

There's such a, like, thing of if you've suffered for something, you, in your mind, have to make it have more value. Which is, like, true of frats and, like, hazing and, like, all these different things where because you had this tough initiation into it, you're like, now I want to hold onto it tighter because. Because who am I if I let myself suffer for something that isn't even that great? Like, how stupid must I be?

[Lauren]

Damn.

[Michaela]

And we don't want to think that way about ourselves. No.

[Lauren]

It's like, almost like a cult mentality of, like, getting sucked in a little bit. We do. I will say, we do have a screenshot that mom sent. So this is all coming from Mom. Okay. There's like, four different text bubbles here.

[Michaela]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

Sorry if this hurts your feelings, but it's time for some tough love. You made a big mistake when you broke it off with Blank. I know you don't like what he did, but giving up over it was stupid. Everyone else has a family. Your sister, your brother, cousins. Doesn't that make you feel embarrassed to be the only one without a family? Doesn't it make you feel lonely?

[Michaela]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

To be the only one without a family.

[Michaela]

Oh, I'm sorry. I actually kind of thought I did have a family. Maybe I don't now, though.

[Lauren]

Doesn't it make you feel lonely?

[Michaela]

No, actually, I feel less lonely than I ever did.

[Lauren]

You are too old for roommates. It's time to grow up. Just my two cents. Don't shoot the messenger. Love you, sweetie. Just something to think about.

[Michaela]

No, she shouldn't go to Thanksgiving.

[Lauren]

I wouldn't.

[Michaela]

This person. Well, your mother being this person.

[Lauren]

Bitch.

[Michaela]

Oh, my God. What a awful way to talk to somebody.

[Lauren]

Doesn't that make you feel embarrassed to be the only one without a family? Are you not my mom? Are those not my brothers? Are those not my sister? Like, what?

[Michaela]

And it's so.

[Lauren]

That is my family.

[Michaela]

Like, Op actually seems pretty proud of herself. Like, she's talking about all of her accomplishments. She's made a good life for herself. And. And actually, she should be.

[Lauren]

Car. Cat.

[Michaela]

She should be so proud of the fact that she left that guy.

[Lauren]

Yeah. And it sucks that knows her worth.

[Michaela]

Yeah. It sucks that the people around her aren't like, actually, that's something you should be proud of instead of. You should be ashamed of it. Like, what treatment are you okay with? Sorry. I. I actually want to be happy more than I want people to see me as having one in life because I have the traditional partner that everyone thinks is what I'm supposed to do. Ugh, that's so. That's despicable. The way that she spoke to her.

[Lauren]

It's so bad. Bad. It's so bad. Like, just.

[Michaela]

It's not her fault, too. She wanted it to work out with that guy. She didn't choose for him to do that. No.

[Lauren]

I'm sure she loved him, but, like, why would you want to stay with someone who doesn't respect you and is cheating and doing whatever online?

[Michaela]

Like, no. Oh, my God. On a video game, no less. This.

[Lauren]

Come on. Come on. Like, love is so, so magical when it's equal and balanced and like. Like, you just feel like good love shouldn't make you feel bad. Shouldn't make you untrustful. I don't know what the word is.

[Michaela]

Distrustful.

[Lauren]

Yep. Yep. Thank you. It just, like, it should all be, like, positive. Like, is it going to be hard at points? Yeah. Are you going to fight? Yeah. Are you going to have health issues? Probably. Like, yeah, you're going to go through all this shit, but, like, make sure you're with the right person when you go through all this bad shit.

[Michaela]

Because.

[Lauren]

Because if you're with the wrong person, the bad shit will be 20 times worse.

[Michaela]

I remember going through a really hard time in my life right after I had a breakup and thinking, thank God I went through this breakup before this happened, because if I were still with him right now, this situation would be so much worse because I would feel so much lonelier and, like, I would just feel so much, like, sadder if I still had this person in my life, which feels counterintuitive. Like, the having someone would make you less.

[Lauren]

It makes complete sense. Yeah, it really does, because you have that thing that you're going through on top of dealing with this, like, other person. I think that like, you see it a lot with moms that like have kids, but then they're also like parenting their partner.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And then it's just like you don't have two kids, you've got three. Rope your husband in. Cause you're doing everything. It's like your life becomes easier co parenting than being his mom and doing everything yourself. Like, I just, it's. I totally. Yes. That makes so much sense.

[Michaela]

I think it's hard because again, this is Op's mom. So it's like this is some of the only family she has. I think in the ideal scenario you would like, make her understand and see things from your perspective. But it's just so hard to reason with someone who fundamentally doesn't get it. And not only that, but is like talking down to you and being in the life of someone who wants to make you feel bad about yourself is just like, now she has to. I, I don't know. Does she have to cut out this person too? Like she has. She's already had to cut out this horrible partner. Now she has to cut out her mom. Like how many people does she have to cut out who are just like dragging her down?

[Lauren]

So sad. I think mom definitely needs a timeout.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Like, maybe you don't have to cut her out completely and go no contact. But maybe it's a low, low contact situation. Yeah, I know mom was like, don't shoot the messenger. But I don't think you should automatically assume everyone in your family feels the same way. Like your mom could just truly be deranged and also like, like, whatever. Like, don't maybe cut everyone else off so quickly. Unless you feel that no, everyone is talking about you, then. Yeah, but I agree with the top comment, which basically just says not overreacting. I would not attend any holidays or other events at her place. She's not the messenger. She's the problem.

[Michaela]

I know. I, I think I would in this situation have a serious conversation with her and maybe my other family members of like, like, look, I know my life may not look like the life you would want to have, but I'm proud of myself and I'm happy right now. And the things that you're telling me I need to do are the things that would actually make me less happy. So if you can't understand that and if you're going to keep looking down on me, then I don't know how we can have a positive Relationship.

[Lauren]

I know you really need to like set the boundary with her and like, hey, this is not appropriate. Like, this is not okay. This is cruel. This is is.

[Michaela]

And I'm not sad.

[Lauren]

No. A lot of people are in the comments saying 100%. I'd be screenshotting this and sending it in a group chat to the whole family. Sorry guys, can't make it this year. Next comment. Came here to say exactly this. I would screenshot send it in a group chat to everyone who will be attending and make plans to be elsewhere on Thursday and not responding to your phone. All the other guests should either feel like shit and or let mom have it for being a jerk work. Next comment. Came to say this. Share with your siblings and sit this year out. I would put money on them being horrified by this message. Next comment. I would be sharing this with the entire family. All caps. Siblings, aunts, cousins, grandparents, everyone.

[Michaela]

Damn, that's so funny. I probably wouldn't be that messy but like if she did, I'd. I'd be cheering her on.

[Lauren]

I'm kind of down for it because I feel like you should almost know one way or another because at this point.

[Michaela]

Yeah, the mom's pulling everyone else into it and acting like they're co signing this.

[Lauren]

Yeah. And I don't. I really feel in my gut she's just kind of like delusional, self centered and like, just like don't shoot the messenger. Like I already know everyone's thinking it. Like she wants to almost have that protection of like kind of splitting the blame on everyone else. But I, I really don't think everyone else has been this dramatic.

[Michaela]

Like, I mean there's a chance one or two of them, but it's like not the whole.

Family. Like surely someone or at least a couple people in the family would see the way that the mom is talking and be like this is not cool. Or understand that like that guy sucked.

[Lauren]

And that's what I'd be talking about. Yeah. Like Michaela, I'm so glad she got out. That guy was a puke.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Hopefully she finds someone else that's better.

[Michaela]

Someone so lovely.

[Lauren]

That's the extent that you would talk like, God, thank God she dodged that bullet. OP has a lot of comments.

[Michaela]

Oh wow.

[Lauren]

A lot of comments. Someone was like, yeah, your mom's right, you shouldn't live with roommates. And Op's like, I'm guessing you don't live in a City because 35 with roommates is completely normal here.

[Michaela]

Wait, you said, is this the six hour old one?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Michaela]

Oh my God.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Op I think like immediately just kind of was like, I need to talk to people.

[Michaela]

Right?

[Lauren]

Like just anxious or something. Because like, I mean that's how I would be. That's how I'd be talking, talking as I relate to it. But basically kind of highlights what he was doing. He was spending his time doing creepy, nasty, gross sexting shit through a video game with a bunch of strangers. Straight up unforgivable degenerate shit.

Not Catholic. Someone knew what he was actually involved in. And OP goes, yep, that's the one. He got really into it and had a whole secret discord account account for his disgusting behavior.

[Michaela]

Wait, what is it that he was into?

[Lauren]

They name a game and the person is like, was this game blank? I don't even know what it is.

[Michaela]

FFXIV Final Fantasy Final Fantasy 14.

[Lauren]

Yes. There you go.

[Michaela]

I love Final Fantasy. Wait, what are they doing on Final Fantasy?

[Lauren]

I'm not sure what just disgusting behavior. But the person does say because I role play on there a lot and I've met people that would hide it from their partners. You're definitely not overreacting.

[Michaela]

Also, if you read like, if you read your partner's messages to people and they're saying like very gross sexual things to other people, I, I think it's very valid to be like, I cannot look at you the same. Like this was, this was an end point for me.

[Lauren]

Yeah, OP does say, you're right. I don't have proof that it's all of them. I'll probably end up talking to my sister after the holiday to find out. It scares me to think about her saying that she agrees though I'm not child free, I'm just child agnostic. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Child agnostic is like a really like I. Why do I love that?

Someone was like, is your mom drunk? And Op's like, it's entirely possible. Except I hope not because she texted me this morning and I want to hope she doesn't drink before noon. My mom is definitely someone who's male centered. Her entire life is all about my dad and every single thing is oriented around him. I've gone out shopping with her to catch up and all she will talk about is your father this and your father that. I'll ask her what she is up to and she just turns it right back into what she's doing for him.

[Michaela]

It did kind of feel that like I do feel like there was this weird mother in law, son in law thing. That she had about her daughter's ex partner that was like, oh, no. Like, he was so great. You just don't understand him. Like, he was amazing. You really screwed up losing that guy.

[Lauren]

Well, it makes me almost wonder too. Like. Like, hey, mom, what have you put up with?

[Michaela]

Yeah, no.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God.

[Michaela]

I was thinking that too.

[Lauren]

Like, what have you put up with? For you to give me this advice.

[Michaela]

And be like, oh, that's. That's totally fine.

[Lauren]

Goofy.

[Michaela]

You're the. You're the one who's in the wrong for leaving him.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I'm not seeing, like, there's. There's a lot of other comments just kind of in response to people.

Again, just, like, still keeps calling their ex a degenerate little bitch, but says that they doubt he's a pedo, so. Oh, that's positive doubt. I doubt he's a pedo.

[Michaela]

When did that even become a part of the.

[Lauren]

I think people are being like, oh, yeah. Well, I don't know. I think people are inferring, oh, because.

[Michaela]

It'S on a video game. And, like, a lot of people might be younger on the video game.

[Lauren]

I don't know.

[Michaela]

Jesus. Wow.

[Lauren]

We're moving along.

[Michaela]

Well.

[Lauren]

I'm happy for her.

[Michaela]

I feel like.

[Lauren]

I think. Yeah, I think this will be good.

[Michaela]

And it sounds like this is someone who's actually a very strong person with, like, good boundaries and, like, respects herself and ultimately she's gonna. She's gonna have her shit together.

[Lauren]

I think so. I think, like, this is a growing thing. Like, is it hurtful? Yes. Is it Right. Your mom said this. No. But I think now, going forward, like, you'll have better boundaries. Don't respond to her. Don't go to Thanksgiving. Like, yeah, just move on and just try to be happy. Life is too short. It. Yeah. I also, like, I hate when people just, like, put pressure on you and like, when are you getting married? When are you doing this? It's like, I don't know.

[Michaela]

Like, if it happens, it happens. I'm fine for now.

[Lauren]

Child agnostic. That one's going to stay with me for a while. I like that one.

Meet the computer you can talk to with co pilot on Windows Working, creating and collaborating. Collaborating is as easy as talking. Got writer's block. Share your screen with copilot vision to help spark inspiration and use copilot voice to have a conversation and brainstorm ideas. Or maybe you need some tech help with copilot vision. Copilot sees what you see. Let copilot talk you through step by step guidance so you can master new apps, games and skills faster. Try [e-mail] copilot okay, this one is coming from Aitah 4 hours old titled AM I the Asshole for not taking down pictures of my family in my own home to make my son's new wife feel more comfortable? I late 50s am a picture person. I have hundreds up in my home. It started when I was caring for my aunt with Alzheimer's and has just gone from there. I have three kids and four grandkids and as you can imagine I love having photos of them up in my home. My middle son Gavin, 27 is no longer with my 4 year old grandson Tommy's mom Helena. They're still friendly and co parent well and I see her often enough because I help with Tommy. Last year he married Sherry, also 27 after only being together a few months, but she seemed sweet and like she makes him happy. We had no issues until this summer when my son asked me to take down any and all pictures that Helena was in to make Sherry more comfortable. I don't have any of her alone, just a few of the entire family and a few when Tommy was younger that my son is also in. I said no, it's my home and I like having them up. I certainly have added many with Sherry in them but it's silly to take some down just because Helena and Gavin are no longer together. It's it's still a part of our family history. He asked again a few weeks ago and I gave him the same answer and told him that I would be happy to explain that to Sherry, but he dropped it. He called me yesterday and told me that it was the last time he was going to ask the pictures needed to come down or Sherry wouldn't come to our home anymore. I told him that was ridiculous and he said that it was important to him because they made Sherry jealous and it was affecting the way that she was treating Tommy. Oh, I am appalled. Apparently Tommy mentioned a picture in my house and Sherry threw a fit and Gavin says that it's making his life difficult. He brought it up around my daughter, the oldest, who told her younger sister as well and they both agree Sherry is being ridiculous. I told him if your wife is treating Tommy poorly because of some pictures in my home, then you need to rethink if this is the right person. Obviously he disagrees but has been hounding me leading up to Thanksgiving. My husband is also on the side of we do not negotiate with terrorists but has also pointed out that they are married and we should Pick our battles. I'm wondering if I'm missing the forest for the trees.

[Michaela]

I don't. If Sheri can't even handle, like, a picture of Helen or Helena.

[Lauren]

Helena.

[Michaela]

Of Helena. Like, how is she going to co parent with her? Like, this is a part, not even just a part of your family history. It's a part of your current family. This is the mother of your stepchildren. Like, you're gonna have to see her. And, like, this mindset that if you can just get rid of photos of her, like. Like, you won't have to think about it anymore, is it's only going to get worse and worse from there. She needs to get used to the photos. She needs to get used to the person.

[Lauren]

Unless.

[Michaela]

Unless Helena did some, like, terrible, terrible thing and was, like, abusive and awful, then I would understand wanting the pictures being removed. But, like, no, that if this is just a normal, like, former relationship.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Which sounds like it is. There's no mention of, like, oh, they ended poorly, and maybe she's trying to defend my son Gavin. No, this sounds like a jealous, insecure witch. And, oh, if you start changing your behavior and taking things out on a baby.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

He's four.

[Michaela]

Oh, my God, A little nugget. Yeah.

[Lauren]

Like, come on, grow up.

[Michaela]

Also, because how is it, like, because of the photo. Like, this is a real person who actually is the. Like, how is a photo, the line that you're drawing at, like, now you're upset about it.

[Lauren]

You have to co parent with this person forever.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Like, this person is in your life. Why are you threatened?

[Michaela]

You. You won.

[Lauren]

You're married. You have him. And if you feel so threatened that you have to worry about him, you probably don't want him. Like, that's just a good rule of thumb. I understand where Op is at, not wanting to take these pictures down, especially because I, like, a lot of these pictures didn't sound like they were of just Tommy and Helena.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Like, it sounds like they were old family photos. And, you know, I would say, like, hey, maybe move those pictures of Tommy, Helena, Gavin, maybe those ones could go in your office. But if they're full family photos where it's like, it's all of your kids, all of their partners, that's the only.

[Michaela]

Photo you have of them at that age.

[Lauren]

You're not to then take every photo that's like that off your wall over the years.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And Photoshop Helena out like, it's Tommy's mom. She's in all of your lives. And if you are this threatened, you need to go and get some help. Yeah, it's not going to be me. It's not going to be me taking my pictures off the walls in my home. My own home. Yeah.

[Michaela]

This sounds like a dangerous person. Just to the point of taking it out on the child. Like, I agree there is something very wrong here.

[Lauren]

Very, very wrong. Like, I. Deeply unhinged. And OP does have an edit. Just a quick edit. If there was abuse, I would have already called cps. Sherry has decided that when Tommy is there, she will make herself sparse and not be involved with him anymore. I have told Gavin that's not acceptable and he says he's working on it, but there's nothing to report. And Helena knows all of this.

[Michaela]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

Team Helena. Fuck it.

[Michaela]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Lauren]

Fuck you, Gavin.

[Michaela]

So when the child is at like their house, she's just ignoring him.

[Lauren]

Doesn't help if he wants a snack. Doesn't engage with him.

[Michaela]

You signed up for a marriage with someone who has a child and an ex wife.

[Lauren]

If you didn't want to be a stepmom.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

You couldn't handle being a stepmom. Yeah, don't sign up to be a stepmom. You're 27.

[Michaela]

This is a doomed relationship.

[Lauren]

You could have found someone who didn't have any. Any past entanglements.

[Michaela]

Totally.

[Lauren]

You could have found a virgin if you wanted. You could have dated someone who has been saving themselves until marriage so you had no one to worry about if you're that insecure.

[Michaela]

Maybe I haven't met one, but I bet I.

[Lauren]

We also. I don't know, I'm like, we live in la. I don't know. There's people saving it.

[Michaela]

No, there for sure are. I was.

[Lauren]

I kind of like. I wonder what that experience would be like. Like, in hindsight, I had sex way too young. I do wish I would have waited longer. Like a lot longer. I mean, I was in ninth grade when I started having sex. Like, that's just so young.

[Michaela]

I mean, it's young, but it's not unheard of.

[Lauren]

Not unheard of. But I just wonder what it would feel like to be.

[Michaela]

To have your first time be with.

[Lauren]

In.

[Michaela]

In love or.

[Lauren]

I don't know if I can wait. In love. I mean, I was in love, but like where my prefrontal lobe was maybe a little more developed.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

I'm just curious. I don't know if there's anyone out there that's waiting until marriage that is a strong person.

Strong.

[Michaela]

That is a. That what willpower.

[Lauren]

They must have a Lot of toys, I would hope.

[Michaela]

Good for you.

[Lauren]

It's hard.

[Michaela]

It's really hard.

[Lauren]

Ugh. Top comment on this one. Quote, my husband is also on the side of we do not negotiate with terrorists. Mvp. I love that saying. I say that constantly. I love it. I'm like, I just like, I hope that one is never at a point where we can't say because it is a good one. Next one down. The rotted wench is treating her new stepson like trash and using pictures as an excuse. Even if the pictures come down, the terrorist will ask for more. And the next thing you know, Tommy won't even be able to mention his mother. Then it'll be, tommy's mother can't come to the house to pick him up. Finally, Tommy should go live with his mother. Gavin married an asshole.

[Michaela]

Yeah, absolutely. That's the thing is, like, if you are having such a problem with the pictures, it's not going to get better just by removing the pictures.

[Lauren]

No. Because if you give in to that.

You'Re gonna be giving in to other things. It's like if you give a mouse a cookie or if you give him an inch, they take a mile. Like, she's not gonna let it end with this. And these are pictures that are not even in their home. Right. And it's okay if Tommy wants a picture of his mom in his room. Tommy should be able to see his mom in pictures around a house where he lives.

[Michaela]

Absolutely. This is like such a recipe for a toxic co parenting situation. It's like. Like, how is Tommy gonna feel hearing, like his mom is a. A topic they can't talk about half the time? Kids pick up on it often.

[Lauren]

Like, kids pick up on this. You feel it. I was this kid. I've talked about this on the podcast, but, like, I made a comment when my stepmom was cutting my French toast, and I was like, well, my mom cuts it like this. It was insane. It was absolutely insane. I. I still remember sitting at the table. Like, I remember the table and what it looked like. I remembered the chairs. Like, I remember everything.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And it's just like, I was little, like, maybe the same age. I wasn't even in school yet because I. I would go down there and, like, stay down there long periods of time. I was just like, what?

[Michaela]

That's disgusting.

[Lauren]

Like, what?

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And then it hurts the kid mentally, emotionally. Yeah, it's not good. So, no, I wouldn't take the pictures down. I just. You have to make your stand.

[Michaela]

You have to make your stand there.

[Lauren]

A lot of people are worried about, like, OP getting cut off from Tommy, like, the little one. And OP Is like, that's not gonna happen. Like, I see my grandson daily and have a wonderful relationship with both of his parents. I'm not worried about him cutting me off like everyone else is. Someone goes, do you want to be right or do you want to have a relationship with your son and grandkids? Take the damn pictures off the wall and make your son's life easier. You're the asshole.

[Michaela]

No.

[Lauren]

And Opie goes, no, that's just giving in to her piss poor behavior. I'm not trying to start a precedent that Sherry can hulk over the slightest annoyance and get her way.

[Michaela]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Lauren]

I agree with that. I think you gotta hold strong. Opie's like, I'm not holding any money over his head. Like, it's all good. I pick Tommy up from preschool every day. They depend on me. There are pictures of Sherry up. Yes. I don't have any pictures of just Helena or just Helena and my son in them. Just larger family shots, like, again, kind of hammering it home. And like, I wouldn't touch those pictures.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Let her shoot herself in the foot and destroy her own relationship. And I hope your son wakes up and sees it.

[Michaela]

I mean, and also, didn't they say this was like, like a very short relationship before they got married? And like, this just seems like this.

[Lauren]

Is why you should a disaster. Wait. Yeah, I, like, I know everyone kind of chimes in and has their own stories about this. Like, I really do think you should wait at least a year before marrying someone. Like, you don't really even know them until like, nine months to a year. And I know everyone always has, like, their, like, exceptions to the rule of like, well, I met my husband after two weeks and we're still together 14 years later. Yeah, that's cool. But for the average person, they don't get that lucky. And I would rather be safe than sorry. I'd wait a little bit.

[Michaela]

Absolutely. Just seems like a disaster that's not waiting to happen. It's like begun happening and it's just going to get worse.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I think so.

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[Michaela]

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[Lauren]

Jeans, halter top, velour, tracksuit, puka shell, necklace, disc belt. You likely placed these in the dark of your closet in 2004, never to be seen again. But if you can find it in.

[Michaela]

Yourself to dust them off, there are a Lot of people who will give you money for them.

[Lauren]

Sell on Depop where taste recognizes taste.

[Michaela]

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[Lauren]

Amazing new gifts into stores right up.

[Michaela]

To the last minute. Like a designer perfum for that friend who never RSVP'd wishlist topping toys for her kids who came too. Belgian chocolates for the neighbor, a cozy scarf for your boss, and a wool jacket for your husband that you definitely did not. Almost forget Marshalls.

[Lauren]

We get the deals, you give the.

[Michaela]

Good stuff even at the last minute.

[Lauren]

Phew.

[Michaela]

Find a Marshall's near you.

[Lauren]

Okay, we're moving into this next one here. I'm gonna give you a choice. Okay.

[Michaela]

Okay.

[Lauren]

Option one. Am I the asshole for freaking out after finding a secret group chat between my boyfriend and my mom?

[Michaela]

That sounds like a pretty good one.

[Lauren]

Or option two. Am I the asshole for not allowing my daughter in law to join a camping trip and doubling down on it?

[Michaela]

I think the first one. Group chat.

[Lauren]

Okay, here we go. I am 27 female. My boyfriend is 29 male and we've been together for three years. We do not live together, but he stays over a lot and we're pretty serious. My mom and I are close, but she can be kind of controlling and likes to know everything. This weekend she asked to borrow my old iPad so she could watch Netflix in bed. I had not used it in months so I just handed it to her. No big deal. Tonight I picked it up to charge it and saw a banner from messages pop up at the top. It was from a chat with my boyfriend and my mom. Title was literally helping her get it together. I know I should not have, but I opened it.

[Michaela]

Come on.

[Lauren]

There were weeks of messages. My boyfriend venting to my mom that I am too sensitive and spiraling again when I get anxious. Him telling her I hate my current job and they need to push me to apply for something more stable. My mom sending long paragraphs about how I need structure, how I am messy, how I never finish things that I start.

[Michaela]

Oh my God.

[Lauren]

At one point he wrote that sometimes he feels more like my babysitter than my partner and my mom replied with a laughing emoji. They also talked about how to present it so she doesn't melt down.

[Michaela]

Oh my God.

[Lauren]

I feel humiliated and weirdly ganged up on. I get that people vent, but this feels like two of the closest people in my life building a case file on me. I also struggle with anxiety and I have been in therapy, which they both know. I have not confronted either of them.

[Michaela]

Yet.

[Lauren]

Because I honestly feel shaky and kind of numb. Am I the asshole if I call them both out and say that this crossed a massive boundary, or am I overreacting and this is just normal, caring talk behind my back?

[Michaela]

No, because the laughing emoji response, I feel, like, confirms that this is not just, like, concerned, caring talk about her. That's. That's like, ooh, we're talking shit. Like, we are gossiping about this bitch. Oh, my God. This reminds me of honestly, like, the story where the mom was mad that her daughter broke up with her partner because it's like, like, why are you on. Why are you on my partner's side and, like, not on mine? And I. I guess this is ne. Like, in the same way, like, an issue between the partner and op. This is just, like, a completely shocking thing. But I. I can't imagine this. This is like, there's. This can't be healthy. There's a way if you're, like. If you're genuinely worried about some kind of, like, addictive behavior or something, like, really serious, I can understand and, you know, talking on the side and being like, we might need to have an intervention, or blah, blah, blah. But this, again, sounds like it's just making fun of her personality.

[Lauren]

Yeah, kind of everything about her, too. And, like, the minute my partner goes to my mom and says, you know, I feel like her babysitter a lot of times. Whoa. I mean, this person is 27. Like, are they not an adult? Yeah, everyone, like, has their own struggles. Like, she says, I have anxiety. I've been to therapy. I'm working on it. It's almost like I don't want to be with someone who starts looking at me like I'm a child or like I'm their burden. I don't want to be a burden to you. I want a partner. I want to build this life and go through life together. But if you feel like you're my babysitter, that's kind of a problem.

[Michaela]

And the group chat name what she needs to get it together.

[Lauren]

Quote, helping her get it together.

[Michaela]

That does not sound like genuinely wanting the best for someone. That sounds like they talk shit about her and it makes them feel good. And this is funny to them.

[Lauren]

I mean, I'm flabbergasted. The things they're saying to each other.

[Michaela]

This would break my heart.

[Lauren]

Also too sensitive. Spiraling again. When I get anxious. She's messy. She never finishes things that she starts. She needs structure. I'm an adult.

[Michaela]

Like, also, is this my parents talking about Me and am I like 12 years old? How is this a conversation between my mom and my partner? That is so weird. That is bizarre.

[Lauren]

He almost like. I mean, he's two years older. Like their age gap's great. They've been together three years. So like solid footing all around age wise and like maturity wise. But it's almost like he. He kind of like looks down on her.

[Michaela]

Absolutely.

[Lauren]

Like he's very. Almost condescending where it's like, oh, she's spiraling again.

[Michaela]

Anxiety. Like. Yeah, both of them.

[Lauren]

It's very condescending in a way.

[Michaela]

Yeah, absolutely. They're. And, well, and they're laughing about it.

[Lauren]

Dude, dude. No, not the asshole. If you call them out, I really would. I think this is like a big breach of trust between you and your partner. Like, yeah, if your partner feels like you're not carrying a load fairly or hey, you know, like you're not handling your stress well, I think you need to continue with therapy and develop more positive coping skills. Like, that's fine for them to feel that, but they should be communicating with you about it, not venting to your mom.

[Michaela]

Absolutely. If OP was again, like actually doing something really bad or really dangerous and they were genuinely concerned, I think this could be a very different story. But it doesn't feel like that's true on either front. Like they. I don't know.

[Lauren]

No. No. So I've got comments sorted by Best. I think when this post was starting out, because it is only six hours old right now and I think I said it comes from the 2outtakes subreddit. I forgot. Maybe I didn't. This is from the 2outtakes subreddit. Guys, someone post this response into here because I think people were questioning, like, is this even real? Like, this is crazy. And someone says this. I mean, this might be a bot, but I'm 1000% a real human. And I just found out that this was going on with me Saturday night and it's been for years. And my mom just wildly shares the most insane personal details, like quote, remember when she used to cry all the time? Now she's crying watching Toy Story 3.

[Michaela]

Oh my God.

[Lauren]

It was my first time seeing it.

[Michaela]

It.

[Lauren]

The end is emotional. The hell? So I don't know if this is a bot, but it really does happen. Someone responds, this sounds so violating. I'm really sorry you had to find out like that from your own mom.

[Michaela]

This is terrible.

[Lauren]

And I do. I don't think this is even that far fetched.

[Michaela]

No.

[Lauren]

Like, out of all the things we've come across over the years. Like, I could see this.

[Michaela]

No, I don't think so. Because again, like, this reminds me just like of a dynamic between like a mother in law that's just way too close with the son in law and like sort of starts taking his side.

[Lauren]

Yeah. And I mean like I've talked to Justin's mom about like, yeah, you know, something came up with work and it's just like a really stressful time, you know. I wish he wouldn't take it like it was a music tour that he did and it was like right before the wedding. I'm like, oh my God, I'm drowning. And he ended up like after we talked, he only did a couple of shows and not the full tour. And like it made sense. Like the decision we came to. But like before we came to a decision, like the news, I kind of got sprung on me and I was like, I don't really like this. Like, I just, I wish he would.

[Michaela]

Like, yeah, no, that's so normal, I think.

[Lauren]

But I was like, it's not like I'm like talking shit about Justin. Like, no, Justin. So inconsiderate. I wasn't like doing anything like that. It was just like.

[Michaela]

And you start crying all the time. Lol. And I feel like his babysitter. And when he was watching Toy Story, he started crying. Isn't that so embarrassing?

[Lauren]

Like, no.

[Michaela]

That is crazy talking. That's so different.

[Lauren]

It's so different. Like, I think a lot of people when they have healthy relationships with their in laws. Yeah. Can have conversations and like, I don't know, like, I don't know if venting is the right word. But like just like discuss things but not have it turn into dog piling on the partner.

[Michaela]

Totally. Especially to the extent that you have like a chat specifically for it. Like, that's crazy.

[Lauren]

Yeah. I mean the title alone, like that shows the intention there.

[Michaela]

How do you can you put a title on a chat just between you and one other person?

[Lauren]

I don't know. And then I would wonder what.

[Michaela]

Because they called it a group chat. Is there like another person in it?

[Lauren]

That's what I would want to know. Because like you can't change your text message. Like I'm trying to drag someone to the top.

[Michaela]

You might be able to on like Instagram or WhatsApp.

[Lauren]

Like a WhatsApp. You can, you can change things.

[Michaela]

Maybe that's what it is.

[Lauren]

Stuff like that. So I'm like, maybe that's it.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Maybe it's not. Whatever. And she was on the iPad.

[Michaela]

Right. So she probably, like, logged into some kind of account, which.

[Lauren]

Ma', am, it's not your iPad. Why are you logging into your imessages or whatever you want?

[Michaela]

I don't want to get caught. Like, I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Maybe she wanted her to see it evil.

[Lauren]

There's another comment here with a few votes now they formed a secret alliance about you instead of supporting you directly. That's a major boundary violation. Not caring.

[Michaela]

No, it does. Yeah, it feels like an alliance against her.

[Lauren]

Dude, that's crazy. No comments from OP no update yet, so we'll have to keep our eyes peeled.

[Michaela]

Yeah, very interested in that one. Wow, there is some poor behavior going around right now.

[Lauren]

What is wrong with people?

[Michaela]

Why can't we act normally and speak to our loved ones with kindness? That's what I'm taking away from this episode. Why are we speaking so harshly about those that we should love the most?

[Lauren]

How's that a field goal?

[Michaela]

What the heck?

[Lauren]

Just exasperated.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Tossing up your hands. I don't know. People need to get it together.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Embrace some happy ho, ho, ho, holiday spirits.

[Michaela]

I mean, gossiping does feel good, but God damn, I've been there. I've enjoyed some gossiping.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Yeah, this was a good gossip.

[Michaela]

Yeah, that's true.

[Lauren]

Good gab.

[Michaela]

That's true. We gossip about these people.

[Lauren]

Yeah, we sure did. We sure did. That's all I got for you guys. Doozy of an episode. Doozy of a month it's gonna be. I already know people are coming out of the woodwork. Reddit has finally felt, like, juicy again. O know, I'm like, I was really. I'm going to be honest, I've been dealing with a lot of burnout. And I also genuinely think, like, I don't want to chalk it up to, like, well, it's wedding blues, but, like, I've been a little, like, in the dumps, like a little blue, a little down in the dumps, not feeling great.

And I just think it's a combo of, like, burnout. And then, like, I planned, like, you planned something for two years, and then it's just over. And it's.

[Michaela]

You had such a thing that you were, like, putting everything into, and then that came and went.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Michaela]

So that makes a lot of sense.

[Lauren]

Finding myself again. So I don't know. It's weird vibes. Weird vibes over here, but it's going to be a good month with stories and November Patreon was insane. We had some really good episodes. Michaela was on not just one, but two episodes.

[Michaela]

Whoa.

[Lauren]

Yeah, you were on. I forget what theme. We kind of were all across the board on, like, unique experiences. Slash, like some other stuff.

[Michaela]

Oh, yeah, like the leftovers from. But, like, really good. And then we had a really good half with Justin's episode, that final story, the wedding one.

[Lauren]

Oh, that is really good. And then Lauren's bonus episode on Patreon for November. And that. That's like a two and a half hour long episode over there. So if you've run out of content and you need some long stuff, go over there. There was actually a story from the People are Ill theme that I deleted. I just never made it into editing. Somehow. I, like, removed it when I was setting up the episode to then pass off to my editor Jenna, and. And my silly self deleted it. So there's some really good stories from the People are ill theme over there, along with just a bunch of other chaotic ones. So head over there if you want more. Need a little extra this holiday season. Yeah.

[Michaela]

The Patreon isn't like just leftover stories. Like, some of my favorite ones are over there.

[Lauren]

I know. Like, I. I honestly feel like I. I try to, like, make it very balanced between, you know, what's over here on this side of the things versus what's behind the paywall. But, like, I don't know what it is, but I feel like every co host, like, we kind of, like, recognize. Oh, no, no. Like, we're behind the wall. And, like, things get a little more chaotic over there.

[Michaela]

True.

[Lauren]

Things get a little rowdy and they get rowdy here, but Patreon's a lot of fun, super intimate community. I'm doing a live show With Patreon actually, December 11th. If you can't make it, it will be posted on Patreon. It's a live show with me. Chris Clemens is one of the co hosts and Lily from another podcast that's really big on Patreon. So it's gonna be really fun month over there. And that's gonna be for everyone on Patreon.

[Michaela]

Oh, that'll be so fun.

[Lauren]

All members, even the free tier. Oh, cool. Yeah. So just come over and join. You don't even have to pay. There's a lot of content that gets put that's totally free.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And then you get a little community over there. There.

[Michaela]

Yeah. The comments are so nice.

[Lauren]

I know. It's really fun. It's really fun. But that's all I got, guys. Thank you so much for being here and being here another year. It's crazy. Next year is 2026.

[Michaela]

I know. It's not an even number any.

[Lauren]

Well, like, in the sense of math.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Michaela]

No, it's 2025 just feels like such a. Like, that's a year. 2026 is like, is that even a real year?

[Lauren]

I, like, still remember being a kid and. And, like, doing New Year's Eve, and the glasses were 2000 or like 2001.

[Michaela]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And the glasses were the zeros. Like, those are the best years. And now here we are, 2026. What does that look like?

[Michaela]

I guess you could have a six, a six hole and a zero hole, and you make the two in the between really tiny. Designers reach out.

[Lauren]

Yeah, she's got it. But it's crazy. It'll be five years of two outtakes in February.

[Michaela]

Oh, my God.

[Lauren]

Insane.

[Michaela]

2021 is when you started. Wow.

[Lauren]

February, like 11th or something.

[Michaela]

Time flies.

[Lauren]

Time flies when you're having fun and you got a good family on board with you. That's all she wrote, though, guys. Until next time, by.

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