TJG: The Valley S3 E12!

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Two Judgey Girls — TJG: The Valley S3 E12!

Date: June 19, 2026
Hosts: Courtney (from LA) & Mary (from the Bay)

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Overview:

In this lively episode, Courtney and Mary break down Episode 12 of Season 3 of Bravo’s “The Valley.” With their signature humor and camaraderie, they discuss cast alliances, the (lackluster) Mexico trip, recent reunions, the realities of postpartum life on reality TV, relationship tensions, fun behind-the-scenes moments, and predictions for what’s next. The episode dives into both the micro-drama among cast members and the bigger question of what’s working—and what’s not—in this season.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening: Fun with the Theme Song Impressions (02:51–07:19)

• Courtney and Mary riff on the “I’m All Right” theme song, impersonating various cast members for comedic effect.
• Memorable moment: Mary on Kristen:

  “I should have stayed home.” (04:16)

• They speculate whether this ritual will continue next season, as they might not have the opportunity with the cast potentially changing.

2. Michelle & Dr. Dre Update (07:27–08:05)

• Mary reports on Michelle's appearance on Watch What Happens Live, confirming Michelle and Dr. Dre are still seeing each other.

  “You can definitely tell she's not allowed to say much, but she does confirm they are still seeing each other. Jesse has not met him. Their daughter hasn't met him, but she's just like, yeah, he's a really great guy.” (07:30)

• The hosts note Michelle’s scripted, NDA-compliant answers.

3. Reunion Seating Predictions (08:05–11:00)

• The hosts map out their predictions for the upcoming reunion's seating arrangements, with Mary advocating for “stadium seating” so couples are closer and everyone is more visible.
• They discuss how certain cast members tend to be overshadowed depending on where they're seated.

4. Danny’s Cringe Moments & Group Dynamics (11:00–13:58)

• Courtney and Mary dissect Danny’s attention-seeking behavior, especially his attempts to entertain the group (e.g., “cutting the cheese” jokes for the kids).

  “He's also in constant need of attention.” (12:01, Mary) “If it was anyone else but Danny that was shouting ‘let’s go,’ the group would be like: yes! …but because Danny is their bitch eating chicken salad, they are like, this little Keebler elf will not shut up.” (12:15, Courtney)

• They appreciate Britney’s attempt to call Kristen out on her on-camera alliance with Danny and Nia, hinting at fourth wall dynamics.

5. Cast Alliances & Show's Future (13:58–16:42)

• Discussion centers on Kristen’s alliance with Nia and Danny and how it limits genuine drama and evolution for the cast.
• They both feel Janet and Jason are the healthiest couple and would rather keep them over Nia and Danny.
• Courtney:

  “I'm just kind of over Nia and Danny. And I think it's actually holding back some of the cast to do anything because they're in such staunch defense of Nia and Danny.” (13:14)

• Speculation on who might stay for Season 4, seeing cast shakeups as inevitable.

6. Janet’s Social Life & Reality TV Chemistry (16:42–18:27)

• Janet’s wittiness and likability off-camera are noted.

  “Anybody that you meet that's not a Vanderpump or a Valley person, but is, like, tangentially related to them in some way, always raves about how great Janet is.” (17:47, Courtney)

• Despite being well-liked in real life, Janet might not be made for reality TV.

7. Mexico Trip & Room Assignments (18:27–24:52)

• Discussion about the fairness of room assignments—why Jasmine and girlfriend are doubled up with the four single girls, and why Benji, Zach, and Schwartz have to share.
• The hosts speculate about Lacy’s attendance and overall presence in group dynamics.
• Mary and Courtney are unimpressed with the forced nature of the Mexico group trip, comparing it unfavorably to previous Vanderpump Rules trips.

8. Jesse & Michelle’s Relationship and Money Drama (24:52–27:54)

• Recap of Michelle’s revelations about supporting Jesse financially—he accrued $300,000 in debt, much of which Michelle is liable for after their split.

  “She decided to take on $150,000 of debt just to get out of this relationship because she's so done with him.” (24:52, Mary)

• Courtney wonders if Jesse’s alliances are driven by audience considerations rather than actual relationships.
• Hope is expressed for Michelle to get financial help from Dr. Dre and fully move on.

9. Forced Fun & the Flop of Schwartzapalooza (27:54–29:32)

• Both agree the so-called “fun” parties (Schwartzapalooza, 007 night) are forced and lack the wildness of earlier Vanderpump Rules seasons.

  “They're trying to capture the Vanderpump Rules essence … but it's not there. They're reheating these nachos, and it's terrible.” (28:42, Courtney)

• Juggle of parenthood, solo travel, and production pressures mean the Mexico trip is far from relaxing or escapist.

10. Kristen’s Airport Bathroom Incident & Postpartum Struggles (29:32–36:04)

• Recap of bathroom incident where someone tries to take a photo of Kristen changing her baby, which Mary and Courtney call “so inappropriate and disgusting.”

  “For you to not know in a bathroom, to not film anyone. Come on. …There should never be a phone in the bathroom coming out at all, let alone when a mother is changing their child.” (29:48, Mary)

• Kristen’s postpartum anxiety, the difficulty of traveling with a newborn, and the miscommunication/tension with Luke are discussed in depth.
  • Mary empathetically discusses the physical and emotional toll for new mothers.

  “There does come a point when I'm like, I can't like watch this because it feels torturous. I know it feels torturous for her, it feels torturous for us, the audience.” (38:44, Courtney)

11. Relationship Tensions: Luke & Kristen / Danny’s Surprising Good Advice (43:24–44:59)

• Britney tries to comfort Luke as he struggles with Kristen’s anxiety and the adjustment to parenthood.
• Court and Mary agree Danny, for once, gives good advice, telling Luke the postpartum period means “it's all about the child, then Kristen, then you.”

  “I was like, oh my god, he would be a fantastic minister at his church or, like, life coach for these people. The way that he was giving advice, I was like, oh, he is hitting all the points.” (44:13, Courtney)

12. Zach & Benji: Butt Facials and Future Uncertainty (46:11–47:49)

• The “butt facial” scene (and extended camera focus) leads to joking about Zach and Benji’s future: green card, marriage, kids.
• They note Zach’s anxiety about future family plans and whether Benji is truly single/divorced.

13. Commentary on Forced Parties & Show Formula (48:38–49:27)

• The hosts reiterate the problems with “forced group fun” and set pieces, contrasting with the more organic drama of Summer House and old VPR.

  “Maybe not as much forced group fun. I think that might be the problem here. The James Bond party, the housewarming party, it just doesn't feel as organic.” (48:52, Mary)

14. Closing Thoughts: Season Themes & “Depressing” Reality (52:05–52:37)

• Both say they wouldn’t rewatch the episode, but love recapping and analyzing it together.

  “The season is the season of surgeries. We're getting babies. We're getting postpartum. It is a real representation of life. And all I know is that it's depressing.” (52:05, Courtney)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Courtney on Danny’s Attention-Seeking:

  “He’s also in constant need of attention.” (12:01)

• Mary on Reality Show Cast Alliances:

  “I just don’t know why she’s aligning with this [Nia & Danny]. And I really do think … there’s just no way that I think the show’s going to move forward if we continue with the exact same cast.” (15:32)

• Courtney on Kristen’s Postpartum Struggles:

  “She has postpartum anxiety to the extreme, which I think is also … very common.” (34:50)

• Mary on Forced Parties:

  “Maybe not as much forced group fun. I think that might be the problem here. …it just doesn’t feel as organic.” (48:52)

• Courtney on Season’s Mood:

  “The season is the season of surgeries. We're getting babies. We're getting postpartum. It is a real representation of life. And all I know is that it's depressing.” (52:05)

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Important Timestamps

• Theme Song Impersonation Game: 02:51–07:19
• Michelle & Dr. Dre update: 07:27–08:05
• Reunion seating predictions: 08:05–11:00
• Danny’s need for attention & group reactions: 11:00–13:58
• Discussion of cast alliances/future: 13:58–16:42
• Mexico trip, room assignments & “forced fun”: 18:27–27:54
• Money drama, Jesse/Michelle, banter: 24:52–27:54
• Kristen’s airport bathroom story & postpartum issues: 29:32–36:04
• Luke & Kristen relationship therapy: 43:24–46:09
• Zach, Benji, butt facial, marriage pressures: 46:11–47:49
• Show formula critique: 48:38–49:27
• Wrap-up & season commentary: 52:05–52:37

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Tone & Language

Courtney and Mary maintain their classic blend of sarcasm, genuine empathy, and pop-culture savvy. Language oscillates between lighthearted teasing and real talk—especially around parenthood, relationships, and what makes good TV drama.

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Conclusion

This episode of Two Judgey Girls offers a sharp, engaging, and occasionally emotional dive into “The Valley” S3E12. Courtney and Mary balance biting commentary with moments of empathy for the cast’s real-life struggles, while dissecting why the show’s current formula feels tired and what might save it next season. If you’re a Bravo fan who loves reality TV breakdowns with plenty of laughs and honest critiques, this recap is your perfect catch-up.

Transcript

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[Mary]

Welcome back to two judgy Girls. This is Mary from the bay, and

[Courtney]

it's Courtney from la. How you doing?

[Mary]

I'm feeling all right.

[Courtney]

Everything is all right oh, the riff was good on that. I thought it would be funny if we did our own version of, like, the wow. Okay. Trend where we did I'm all right. But then we would do it as our interpretation of different people on this show.

[Mary]

I am ready for this challenge.

[Courtney]

Okay, so first up for I'm all right, your best theme song version.

[Mary]

I'm all right Everything is all right I'm all right Water balloon. Okay, now for you.

[Courtney]

I'm all right Everything is all right that's it.

[Mary]

That was good.

[Paige DeSorbo]

It was good.

[Courtney]

Yeah. I'm just. Yeah. Okay, Next up, I want you to do your best. Kristen.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Courtney]

All right.

[Mary]

Everything is.

[Courtney]

Luke. God damn it. I'm all right Everything is all right

[Mary]

I should have stayed home.

[Courtney]

Okay. Britney. I'm all right

[Mary]

I'm all right. Brandon, stop touching me there. Those are my balls. Those are my drains. You can't touch those. My God.

[Courtney]

Okay. I'm all right. I got my sparkle back. I'm all right. Hey,

[Mary]

I'm so sorry, you guys. This is fun, though.

[Courtney]

Okay? Give me your best, Zach.

[Mary]

He's had a tough season. I feel like he has been pretty emo.

[Courtney]

So where's the monster fridge? What's gonna happen with Benji? I'm so stress.

[Mary]

Give me the butt facial. Okay?

[Courtney]

It's my birthday.

[Mary]

All right.

[Courtney]

I'm trying to save this sinking ship of a freaking show. I'm all right Be all right we need a season four be all right. Okay. Nia,

[Mary]

she's, like, pretty perfect in a lot of ways.

[Courtney]

Okay, Don't. You don't need to. No need to give us the reasoning of why.

[Mary]

I want you guys to know my thought process.

[Courtney]

Okay? Okay.

[Mary]

Okay. I'm all right Nothing is all right Everything is all right I'm all right. You know, she wanted it to be all right, and she's trying to make it all right, but nothing's right.

[Courtney]

We are all right Daniel and I are all right Everything is all right Buckle Mountain's all right. Hey, that was good.

[Mary]

That was good. I like it.

[Courtney]

Okay, then finally, Schwartz.

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[Mary]

My channel. My schwartzy. Everything is all right I got a new girl. I got back on tv.

[Courtney]

Everything is all right okay. For shorts, I think I'm all right. It feels like it could be all right Everything is All right, Right, right.

[Mary]

I think we did a really good job.

[Courtney]

That was good. That was good. We can't do Danny. He really is the theme song because it always sounds like he's singing it. And I just feel like we should cut it off. Then maybe we have another week where we do it again.

[Mary]

I actually was thinking about this because I feel like we're getting kind of towards the end of the season and we're not going to be able to sing this every week.

[Courtney]

Oh, we can figure out a way to.

[Mary]

Also, you guys, Michelle was on Watch what Happens Live last night and Andy is asking about Dr. Dre. You can definitely tell she's not allowed to say much, but she does confirm they are still seeing each other. Jesse has not met him. Their daughter hasn't met them, but she's just like, yeah, he's a really great guy.

[Courtney]

Yeah, the. There's NDAs involved. There's definitely NBA.

[Mary]

She came in with a very prepared answer.

[Courtney]

She was reading from that script. She's all right.

[Mary]

Okay, let's do our reunion seating predictions. Would you like to go first?

[Courtney]

Sure. I will say we are recording this on reunion day, so the predictions might already come out by people listening to this, but it'll be funny to see if we're right. As you like to say, Andy in the middle two stage left. So we're watching. This is the left couch. Kristen, Luke, Danny, Nia, Jesse, Lacy, Zach, Benji to the right for the right side for us. Britney, Lala, Janet, Jason, Schwartz, Michelle, Jasmine.

[Mary]

Okay. We're very, very similar.

[Courtney]

Okay.

[Mary]

Andy is in the middle.

[Courtney]

Absolutely. Great choice.

[Mary]

To the left. And I actually, I wanted stadium seating, so I want.

[Courtney]

Oh, you're switching it up.

[Mary]

Okay. I think it makes more sense. I want to make a tighter frame and so I want in the first two seats, but stadium. So Danny in the back, Nia in the front. But they are closest couples behind. Yes. And then next to Nia is Kristen, Luke in back of her. And then we have Lacy and Jesse and then on that side too, we're going to have Jasmine and Zach in back of her on the other side. Now, this doesn't necessarily work with the stadium seating on this.

[Courtney]

Well, that's okay.

[Mary]

Yeah. So then it's going to be Britney,

[Courtney]

Michelle, Janet behind Britney.

[Mary]

No. Oh, no.

[Courtney]

This is on a couch.

[Mary]

Yes. Janet. Jason is behind Janet and then Lala is on the couch and Schwartz is behind her.

[Courtney]

Like the stadium idea, they haven't done that in past Valley reunion, so it's

[Mary]

just too long, you know, and it's like, a lot of these people are couples. So I feel like when we do Rhode island, the men are going to come and they're going to be in back of the women. And I'd like to see that.

[Courtney]

I think you bring up a good point about stadium seating that they should do because sometimes when the people are on the very end, they get, like, forgotten about. I think we need to, like, bring them all up closer and do that. So I love the idea of stadium seating. I think instead of chairs, those that they should just elevate another couch, get them a little step ladder, pop them up there. And honestly, like, Danny, he can't get down. Keep him up there the whole time. Imagine they all break for lunch and he's like, nia, can you get me down? And he has to, like, hold on to her.

[Mary]

Oh, man.

[Courtney]

Opening this episode looking for an audience from children to cut the cheese. And the girl's not laughing hard enough. He's like, where's Asher, my number one boy? Asher, get over here. Daddy is so funny.

[Mary]

Right? He reminds me when I used to babysit and the dads would always say jokes, but you never really understood them. But you knew to fake laugh. That is exactly what Danny reminds me of. And he'd always be the dad that had to drive you home because the mom drank too much and you had to sit in the car with him and you were like, oh, my God, please drive faster. I'm just so bored. I'm done. Fake laughing. I'm tired.

[Courtney]

Yeah, yeah. He's cutting the cheese for an audience of 14 year old.

[Mary]

I literally wrote, how does Nia live with him? It just feels obnoxious.

[Courtney]

All everything is all right, Mary.

[Mary]

He's also in constant need of attention.

[Courtney]

Yes. And I think that comes from the lack of height.

[Mary]

Direct correlation, needing more attention and your height.

[Courtney]

Yeah. Because the annoying part is when they're in Mexico and he's shouting, let's go, let's go. If it was anyone else but Danny that was shouting it, the group would be like, yes, let's go. But because Danny is their bitch eating chicken salad, they are like, this little Keebler elf will not shut up.

[Mary]

He's hard to be around. And Britney sums that up when Kristen goes over. I liked this scene because I like that Britney is trying to call out Kristen like, no, this is an on camera relationship and why are you riding so hard for them? You have such a big alliance and you want Janet off this show so bad that you're aligning with Nia and Danny, like, you're on the wrong side of history, babe. I also, I wish they kind of would have gone into that a little bit further, breaking the fourth wall of it. I agree.

[Courtney]

And I'm sorry. I would rather keep Janet and Jason than Nia and Danny. I'm just kind of over me and Danny. And I think it's actually holding back some of the cast to do anything because they're in such staunch defense of Nia and Dani. And I feel like if Kristen does. We didn't have Nia and Dany, we would be also seeing, like, a different side of her. Did you watch the after show this week? Yes. And like, her talking about this pitbull attitude that she has and she's going to ride hard and the rest of the cast is like, why does she come in so tough? What is going on? And I think that Kristen, she idolizes Nia and Dany and I'm like, the healthiest relationship on this show is Janet and Jason.

[Mary]

Yes.

[Courtney]

And when they asked on the after show, you know, when have you been a pit bull for Janet? Kristen had no example to give except for that they were in a group of four. They were best friends because they had friendship rings. Friendship rings. They all had. And so if she needed to for Janet, she would have.

[Mary]

I think Kristen knows reality TV very, very well.

[Courtney]

And so it's so like, that's the funny part. Does she? Because when we watched her on Vanderpump, she was always crazy. Kristen, the reason that we really besides everything with Janet was like, that Janet came in on such a fan and tried to be against Kristen, which is like, you don't get to go against the person we know. But is she wrong?

[Mary]

But I mean, she knows reality TV better than Dani and Nia and Janet and Jason. Fair. So she's a seasoned, experienced person. I just don't know why she's aligning with them. And I do understand, like, her and Nia are going through very similar experiences. I'm sure she asks her a ton of questions, but I just love when Brittany's like, how many times have you been to their house? Let's be honest.

[Courtney]

I can't even count. I can't count. I've been there so many times, I can't even count on my two hands and my two toes and feet and like, crisscross applesauce. And like, no, we're like, we're best friends. And that is Kristen too, right? She is the number one. Nia's number one. She has to be. Because if she can't be, like, Britney's number one because Brittany might hang out with Janet a lot or, like, might spend time with Lala. She has to find someone that she is their number one.

[Mary]

Yes. And I just don't know why she's aligning with this. And I really do think, you know, we're going to be in season four next year, and there's just no way that I think the show's going to move forward if we continue with the exact same cast. And that leads me to believe that either Danny and Nia are going to be off the show or Janet and Jason. And at this point, from what you've seen, what couple's going to go?

[Courtney]

I want Nia and Dani to go. I find it funny, too, though, that Kristen is now calling Dani Daniel.

[Mary]

I know, you're right. You're right.

[Courtney]

Like, she idolizes Danny and Nia, and you know what? That's like, the path you want to, then, great. If you like their relationship, then great. But it is an alliance. And I think you are right with understanding reality TV better than them. And it's actually, though, making it harder to watch this show because they're drawing such a line in the sand and it doesn't work this way. And I know that Zach wants to have a good time with Janet, and I can see why they're friends, but he's so afraid of the group reaction that he can't do that.

[Mary]

Janet was very funny this episode. She keeps on me, like, so we are friends.

[Courtney]

Yeah. Well, when she was talking about the birthday parties, because we're going for three birthdays, the way that Zach says birthday just makes me laugh. Every time he's like, it's my birthday.

[Mary]

And some people say, like, birthday, like, with a F and then instead of a th.

[Courtney]

No, I just like the way he says it. Birthday.

[Mary]

How do you say Bertha? Birthday.

[Courtney]

Birthday.

[Mary]

Yeah. Happy birthday. Yeah. I think I kind of blended together more than it should be, but you

[Courtney]

blend a lot of words together, but I think that that's the charm in you.

[Mary]

Thank you.

[Courtney]

Yeah. I love it when she's talking about the different birthdays and she's like, yeah, so then Danny's is Miami Vice, and I don't think that Danny needs another vice, but here we are. She was making me laugh because I think if she just pulled back a little bit, she's actually, like, funny. Think about it. She has a ton of good friends outside of the show. Anybody that you meet that's not a Vanderpump or a Valley person, but is like tangentially related to them in some way. Always raves about how great Janet is.

[Mary]

I know. I maybe she just wasn't meant for reality tv.

[Courtney]

And that could be. That could be. And I like her and Jason together. I think when she was like, are you sure you want me to go? She's like, I'll stay home. I would rather take care of you and your leg that doesn't bend than go on this trip.

[Mary]

I would be a little scared if I was her to go solo on this trip.

[Courtney]

Well, I think the nice part is though, is that like Britney solo, Lala solo, Michelle solo. So there is that built in foursome right there. And that brings me to this point. Why are Jasmine and her girlfriend having to share with the four girls? And why do Benji and Zach have to share with Schwartz? That doesn't feel fair to me.

[Mary]

That was very strange. I did not like it.

[Courtney]

No. And made me think of Hawaii last year too, when Zach and Benji had to share with Jesse. Like, Lacy's not even on the cast. I mean, she is, but like she's not even there on day one. She doesn't even like him.

[Mary]

Okay, let's take a break and talk about that.

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[Mary]

Our trip up the coast was perfection.

[Courtney]

With my Sapphire Preferred card we earned three times the points on gas, unlike grocery and dining.

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[Courtney]

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[Mary]

why do you think she keeps kind of showing up to things later like San Diego? She didn't take the train down. She's going to Mexico the next day. Is it to avoid filming?

[Courtney]

No, because she wants to film is to avoid Jessie. I think she wanted to be on TV, which fine. You know, she auditioned 17 times for RH OC. I think she's in on the Valley and I, I think there's some banter, I joke but like, I think she like likes Jesse like 10% of the time. But I think she likes the filming aspect. I don't know why she's with Jesse. I don't get it because I'm sorry, his credit card's declined. I think she's renting that aston Martin for that 007 party the other week. He is the new Jax. If he steals sunglasses on this trip, we know.

[Mary]

Honestly, it's kind of crazy how nonchalant he is about things. And you would think a person is. He's in a severe amount of debt. We know only about this $300,000 loan that he got in 2020 and has spent all of it that Michelle is now responsible for. And she decided to take on $150,000 of debt just to get out of this relationship because she's so done with him. She was on Watch what Happens Live and Andy asks her questions about money, about things that you spent money on for Jesse and they like gave her this gun to, to shoot out. Money, money, gun.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Yes. And she paid for everything in their relationship. They talk about Chateau Marmont. If he like bought you gifts and. But they really were from yourself. And she's like, he didn't really buy any gifts. Any trips.

[Courtney]

I mean you guys, not even the Capri trip every year.

[Mary]

I, I would be so curious what his credit card bills are. I mean he needs this show so badly. He needs a job to make money.

[Courtney]

It is interesting because there's a power dynamic between Jesse and Michelle and now that the divorce papers have been presented to be signed, I don't know if they're signed at this point. Michelle has all of this power with the two of them and it's such an interesting dynamic to watch because you see them in Mexico together and now that Michelle is not like under his thumb or he has something he can hold against her, they actually had this really great banter. I can see why they were together when times were good. Like I see the chemistry and like the good times. And I also think too, I think you're going to think I'm crazy for this. Okay, are you ready for a conspiracy theory? He actually doesn't really like Luke and Danny and that side, but he's aligning with them because of the audience and he actually really wants to hang out with Michelle and Lala and that side but he can't because of Janet.

[Mary]

I think he also wants to align with Kristen.

[Courtney]

Right. That's why, I guess that's what I'm saying is like that side, he like wants to align because of the audience but I don't know that he actually really wants to be friends.

[Mary]

Yeah, I, I don't even think that's a conspiracy theory.

[Courtney]

Oh, okay, great. Yeah. Look at us. Look at us.

[Mary]

I also just keep on hoping and wishing and praying that Dr. Dream gives Michelle 150 and she just is done with that loan.

[Courtney]

But they say nothing in life is free.

[Mary]

That is true. That is true.

[Courtney]

Oh, so you know, and also she like looks so fantastic. Her dress on Watch what happens live. I'm like, oh my God, it's so cute, her little outfits. I said I feel bad for these single girls over here on this trip because these outfits are being wasted for these terrible parties. Schwartzapalooza. Oh my God. I'm going upstairs. Get me off of this trip.

[Mary]

In the after show they were so funny about it. They were like, that was such a bust. That was the worst party I ever went to. Schwartz, like, owned it. He was like, I know, it was awful. I also feel like they want to have this big party moment and get wild, but they're at a different age and a different point in their life. Kristen and Nia brought their babies to Mexico. They had a few full day of travel with infants. Even like Britney, I'm sure was a lot for her to get on the plane because she's got the pumps, but also taking care of Cruz before she leaves. Lala, she has two children as well. There's a big lead up for a lot of these people to get on the trip. Even Jesse and Michelle. They both, you know, share Isabella. Like, who's watching Isabella? That's probably challenging for them as well.

[Courtney]

They're trying to capture the Vanderpump rules essence of when they used to go to Mexico, but it's not there. They're reheating these nachos, and it's terrible. And you're so right. All those different complications of just having life in general, trying to get onto these trips to where then they also have to just hang out with each other. Like, we just saw the 007 party. Okay, stop. It's not summer house where we can host a theme party every week.

[Mary]

It's.

[Courtney]

It's bad. The Schwartzapalooza. This is just what the Valley is sad. As I think about it, I'm like, oh, God, it's sad. You know, my big thing is I want to move this year. And I'm like, not there. Not there.

[Mary]

You're not going over the hill.

[Courtney]

God. No respect to everybody who lives over there. No hate there. Just when I watch this show, I think, wow, I don't want that.

[Mary]

Right?

[Courtney]

I don't want that. Let's talk about Kristen. Let's talk about this travel, because first off, I don't think Kristen is reacting enough about these weirdos in a bathroom trying to take pictures of her while she's changing. Kaeya, you guys are weird. And I know it's nobody here, obviously.

[Mary]

This is so strange too. And I actually thought about this in terms of the people that watched Vanderpump Rules are probably around our age, in their 40s or late 30s. For you to not know in a bathroom, to not film anyone. Come on. That is human decency. There should never be a phone in the bathroom coming out at all, let alone when a mother is changing their child. That is so inappropriate and disgusting. And I think Kristen's reaction was very, very warranted.

[Courtney]

I think she could have been crazier. I was thinking about you in that situation. If that had happened and I was there, and I was like, I'd be arrested because I would have grabbed those phones. I would have screamed at them. I would have gone nuts. You're changing your baby, and someone's putting a phone in your face in the bathroom. You don't need to be in your 30s or 40s to understand that that's not. Not okay. You should never be doing that at any age. It's so crazy. I was like, she's underreacting. I felt so bad for her. She's already a terrible traveler.

[Mary]

I also imagine what happened is, you know, you're super focused on changing the baby and just doing that, and then you're probably hearing people behind you talking and, like, starting to talk to you, and you're like, oh, yeah, like, trying to be polite and nice. You're literally changing your baby. And then you come to realize, oh, oh, my gosh. They have their phone out, and it's not even, like, fully processing. Then you fully change the baby, and you're like, wait, did they take a video or a picture of me changing her?

[Courtney]

You know?

[Mary]

And so she's, like, kind of playing it back, not even in real time. And she's like, I can't even believe that just happened. What do they have on their phone of the baby? This is so bad. You know, feeling guilt and just rage and. I mean, yeah, I would want to take Kya home, too.

[Courtney]

Well, and she's four months postpartum still at this point, too. She's a terrible traveler. It's like, this trip is not starting off well. It took him a full day to get Kaya's passport photo done. I felt so terrible for her in the moment. And then she couldn't move on from that. So it became Murphy's Law. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. And she couldn't get over it. And it was like, Luke, in a way, just had to be right. He had to be right. So he had to talk to anybody who would listen about how he's a battered wife. And it was like, I feel so bad for them in a way, because I'm like, oh, God. Once they're, like, out of this, I feel like they're gonna regret that they had cameras on it. And I think it's so real. And it happens to a lot of couples who are going through this. Not. I'm sure you could probably give your own experience too. But I just thought, now she's gonna have to be in those comments over and over defending this man because of the bad place that they were in at this point. Stay home.

[Mary]

No. I felt bad for both Luke and I felt bad for Kristin because the travel was too much. The baby is so young. They brought her sister and the brother in law to be.

[Courtney]

Have you ever seen her sister? No, we've never seen her sister. That was like a weird thing when they kind of did a flash of her. I'm like, ah, she has family. We've never met anyone from Kristen's family except her mom. That one episode when the girls were all Katie Stassi and the moms, remember Stassi's mom had a breakdown.

[Mary]

I just want her to love me. Yes. But obviously Kai is having, like, a really hard day and she's been crying for two hours. So Kristen's like, I can't leave her right now. I know we flew down my family to deal with this, but, like, I can in good conscience leave her. And then also there's so much of, like a physical thing. I remember when I had Charlie and he would cry, I. My boobs would hurt. You have a physical reaction. I think it is more jarring for the mother to hear them cry. It physically, like, moves through your body. I would say he came out of you. Yes. And you also have 40 weeks of them inside of you to create this bond. And you physically got mentally ready for it when the man. It's just plopped down for them. So they just don't have the same attachment, in my opinion.

[Courtney]

But that does not mean that they can't be a caring dad. We're not saying that. You're just saying the relationship you have is different. I just want to. I feel like sometimes we have to say that.

[Mary]

Right? I mean, this is my thoughts and experiences. But it was just like, so hard for me to also watch Kristen just be like, well, of course you'd want to just leave her and leave us so you can go get drunk with your friends. Because she's like, I would like to too, but we can't now. Okay? This is our priority now. And she is crying. And yeah, we flew in my sister, but we can't leave her right now. Okay? This is our new life and this is our new normal. And our plans are going to constantly pivot and we have to adjust all the time because we have a baby. And just because we have childcare doesn't mean we can leave her and There

[Courtney]

is a little bit from her side. She clearly has ppa. She has postpartum anxiety to the extreme, which I think is also. Tell me if I'm wrong. Very common.

[Mary]

Yes. I wonder if she was actually diagnosed.

[Courtney]

Oh, unclear. But it's like she has this. And so she's also getting mad because I don't think she's a very strong communicator with him either. And I feel like she's feeling crazy in her own mind, too. So instead of being like, hey, this is what I need, instead, she's passive aggressive. Oh, you want to go party? Of course you do. Of course you do. So she's kind of, like, beating up on him a little bit, and he can't take it as much. When they had that conversation in San Diego when they were on that swing, okay, there's progress. They're talking through it. They're able to do it. But it's like, this day has just gone so wrong.

[Mary]

I also think the baby is having a hard day because the baby traveled also at four months, it's like, they're like, do they have gas? Is it the formula? Is it something I ate for my breast milk? You have no idea. Their cries don't make sense at that point. And I think she probably went through everything, and she's just like, I don't know how to make her better, and I can't feel better until she feels better.

[Courtney]

Right. And I totally get that. And I feel like Luke does, but Luke also wants to be like, kristen, we have help. It is okay. And Kristen's just not there. And I don't think it should make any sense of, like, how obviously we're like, kristen, just give the baby to your sister. Everything's fine. And it's like, okay, so then I can. I would not be able to do that.

[Paige DeSorbo]

No.

[Courtney]

And so then I think the reaction that she has downstairs is exactly why she gives a baby to her sister. And she's miserable. She doesn't want to drink anymore. As you said, she's in a different phase in her life. She doesn't want to get wasted. She doesn't want to be hungover. She just wants to stay inside with Kya all day.

[Mary]

Right. She's stressed out being at the palooza.

[Courtney]

And it's like, at this point, too, it's not even a fun palooza. Kristen, go back. Take the quesadillas and go back upstairs and let Luke party. Hang out with your sister. It's not worth it. This party sucks.

[Mary]

Well, and then you also wonder too behind the scenes is production. Like you do have to go down for it. But I mean, she is doing her job. So she's getting pulled in a lot of different directions and her easiest target is Luke, as everyone's partner is.

[Courtney]

Yeah, well, it's also funny too because I'm like, again, I think there should be this maternity clause. Like give them time off or don't make them go on these group trips with a 4 month old. Kristin was fine on the San Diego trip with Kaya and Nia. We were focused on Nia and the baby and Danny there. And now it's like kind of the opposite. Nia and Danny are okay because their baby traveled better that day and everything was just okay for them. But it's Kristin. It's so unpredictable of raising a child and how it's all going to happen. I just can't imagine. And on the after show too, Kristen was like, yeah. And then we're like going through security and they're touching everything. So now in my mind I have to wash all of this stuff again. And so she's just like, this is becoming more of a problem. I wish that I had the opportunity to say no. I wish that my job wasn't on the line if I couldn't go on this trip. I wish I would still get paid if I didn't have to physically be here because I'm a new mom.

[Mary]

You guys, I saw this video recently about the tsa, the, the buckets, you know, that you put your luggage in everyone and how they're like never cleaned. And it's actually so disgusting to think everything that goes through the airport and we all put it in the same exact thing and then have no opportunity to clean or wash anything. And so, yeah, especially then you have the OCD with the sterilization and the cleaning. I'm still, I still have like weird quirks about cleanliness with.

[Courtney]

I don't think that that's crazy though. I really don't. I think it's completely understandable. And I think you literally, as you said, like, you are living your life right now for this child. This just felt like such a tough situation to watch. And to be honest, I understand them representing this real thing and I'm sure it's probably relatable for a lot of people who have already gone through this. But there does come a point when I'm like, I can't like watch this because it feels torturous. I know it feels torturous for her, it feels torturous for us. The audience And I'm just like I. I feel terrible for them.

[Mary]

Everything is all right.

[Courtney]

We are not. Alright, let's take a break and come back.

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[Courtney]

It was a mansion.

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And with three times the points on dining, we ordered a Wagyu steak dinner

[Courtney]

and that pistachio gelato was too good.

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So where should we go next year?

[Courtney]

I've got ideas.

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[Paige DeSorbo]

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[Mary]

What did you think about? You know, Brittany had to leave the party early because she started to slunge over because also she was like, this is. This party sucks. I'm going upstairs.

[Courtney]

Zach's like, we'll be up soon with shots. Don't worry. She's like, hey, y', all, if anybody wants to make out with me, I'll make out with them. I can't do any touching because, you know the drains, but I can make out. So if you see someone, I would love to make out with them. I'm. Hey, guys, I don't know if you know, I am single, but she's ready to make out because the last time she was in Mexico, it was with Brandon when she paid for everything.

[Mary]

Wait, let's talk about Janet being able to make out with girls and that she's bisexual. And then they walked that back so fast in the after show, you guys, it was hysterical. I feel like Janet was, like, trying to be cool because she wants to be such good friends with Zach. She's like, yeah, so, you know, I'm bi and I can make out with girls, you know, on vacations and stuff, and literally watch the after show. She's like, so I think I kind of missed spoke. And Jason's like, yeah, so that. That's never been talked about. We don't do that. And that would be cheating.

[Courtney]

Yeah. I think she really was just trying to be cool with Zach. She wants Zach to be her best friend again.

[Mary]

I know, I know, but sorry. Let's talk about Britney talking to Luke kind of upstairs.

[Courtney]

I think Britney was just completely understanding this postpartum journey. Being like, she doesn't mean that. I'm happy to talk to you about if you want an outlet. The problem I was having with Luke is that he want to talk to anybody about it, and I want to do it on camera so that people know I'm not the bad guy. And that was where I was like, luke, it's not good for you, Mr. Van Gogh.

[Mary]

I also felt like when Luke was talking to Danny and Jesse about it. I feel like Danny was actually saying some correct things.

[Courtney]

This is what's so crazy.

[Mary]

He's like, no. Like, these are hormones. Like, everyone goes through this. It's just like kind of a rite of passage, if you will. And it's gonna take some time, but just know you'll get past it. I feel like he was giving Luke good advice.

[Courtney]

This is what's crazy, Mary. I was thinking about this because I'm like, actually, besides the cutting the cheese because he's Danny. I was like, danny had a good episode this week. He was trying to rally the party. Let's go. He gave Luke advice, and then I thought, oh, my God, he would be a fantastic minister at his church or, like, life coach for these people. The way that he was giving advice, I was like, oh, he is hitting all the points. I could see why people think Danny is likable in that state, because at that point, too, I thought he was saying to Luke, too, because when he's not wasted, he's like, luke, don't do it on camera.

[Mary]

Well, and he's like, luke. So right now, it's all about the child. Then next, Kristen has to take care of herself. And you are third. Know that.

[Courtney]

I know.

[Mary]

I was like, God, I'm losing my goddamn mind. Everything's been compounded. Something needs to improve or there's not going to be a wedding saying that.

[Courtney]

I was like, do not threaten that, Luke. That is gross. You're lucky she wants to marry you.

[Mary]

He didn't look good. He didn't look good, But I did feel sorry for him.

[Courtney]

I feel sorry in the way because I think she's just so upset and taking it out on him.

[Mary]

But.

[Courtney]

But instead of just, like, walking away or being like, kristen, I'm just here to help you. He's like, I don't want to drink. He's in the pool with all the guys. Yeah. Kristen's upstairs with her sister and brother. He could have just. What?

[Mary]

Zach in the pool with his hair cap? I can't mess up this hair.

[Courtney]

Did he have fresh color or something?

[Mary]

Or is it the toupee?

[Courtney]

Yeah. Is that a thing?

[Mary]

Remember, everyone was like, it's toupee. It's Lego hair.

[Courtney]

But this is such a different cut now. I was thinking, like, oh, maybe he got fresh color so he can't get his hair wet yet unless it's in a shower because he doesn't want the color to, like, drip down.

[Mary]

We also didn't talk about the butt

[Courtney]

facial feel Free to. Because we spent a lot of time on his ass. The camera was on his ass. But I thought. I think this butt facial is cathartic. This woman is releasing pressure points in his ass right now that is making him.

[Mary]

It feels like he might have to marry Benji sooner than maybe he would want to, so he could get the green card or a visa. And then the thing is, Benji's like, I definitely want kids. And Zach is unsure about that. So it feels like they're in a tricky situation.

[Courtney]

I just need confirmation that Benji is divorced himself.

[Mary]

I don't know about that.

[Courtney]

I know it. It just seems like he's at a crossroads where he's like, I want to be with Benji, but what if I change my mind? And I think if you're in this state of where you think you do want it, but it's not tomorrow. Don't put the pressure on yourself. It's a process. I mean, for them, it will be a process to have a child. So go with today, go with tomorrow. And then you have to see what happens and confirm he's divorced so you can marry him.

[Mary]

But isn't the rush to get married so he can stay in the United States?

[Courtney]

No.

[Mary]

Right.

[Courtney]

But I'm saying, like, that's the first step for me. So I feel like he's putting a lot of pressure on, well, what does five years look like from now? And just this is their first step. Jasmine's ass does look great.

[Mary]

Amazing.

[Courtney]

And then. And then it made me think about Lala. At one point during Vanderpump Rules, she went and got a butt facial because she was talking about those asses. Take a pounding. We hit it from behind. We sit on a toilet seat and I thought, oh, wow. We are rinsing and repeating on the things that we are doing.

[Mary]

I will never forget when Lala was in Mexico and she pretended that she took a bottle every night like a baby. Lala, whatever happened with that?

[Courtney]

Oh, I think it was a Randall Kink. I think he wanted to see her drink a baba.

[Mary]

Stop, stop.

[Courtney]

Do you think it could be.

[Mary]

I don't want to think about that. I do not want to think about that.

[Courtney]

And Sheena had her little frog because she brings that everywhere. And even Sheena was like, the.

[Mary]

Like, that was so gimmicky.

[Courtney]

I take a baba with milk and honey because I'm a baby. Oh, okay, enough. Daddy, what do we think overall about Mexico? We need to just stay in the valley.

[Mary]

Okay. I enjoyed the lightning. That was like a fun storm to watch.

[Courtney]

It ruined Schwartzapalooza. There was gonna be a bonfire. I was like, I worry for these other parties. I hope they're better.

[Mary]

Maybe not as much forced group fun. I think that might be the problem here. The James Bond party, the housewarming party, it. It just doesn't feel as organic. I think what's making summer house so good is that you do do this consistently for, like, eight weekends and 48 hours. And that formula does seem to be working, but maybe they need to even have cameras up more often, because everything feels very set up at this point.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I think there's something about them going out in Mexico. Maybe it is just the comparison to Vanderpump rules, where they would just have drinks the moment they landed. They would get wasted. They would go to Senor Frogs and party. And now we're just, like, in such a different phase of our life that it doesn't hit the same. And to be fair, too, is like, even though the party sucked, it's like Kristen and Luke coming into the party. I was like, oh, God, this isn't even fudgeing dinner in a show. This is actual work. They said this is a work trip. They weren't lying. There's no relaxing on this trip. At this point, I'm saying, hey, Brittany, rub body glitter in my eyeballs. In my.

[Mary]

I'd rather go to the hospital than be here.

[Courtney]

I can't be here any longer. Like, this is terrible. I want to be in the girl suite, and I want to just party. I want to take shots so I can go to bed. Like, I want to be short, and I want to disappear to a different resort.

[Pura Advertiser]

Yeah, yeah.

[Courtney]

Remember that one time he woke up,

[Mary]

I were in Tulum.

[Courtney]

What do you mean you were in a different resort? He's like, I don't know. I just woke up, and there I was. What?

[Mary]

But I didn't cheat on you.

[Courtney]

But the thing is, I feel like Schwartz could do that today. He's really obsessed with Kiana, huh?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Courtney]

He's like, they were talking about her frontal lobe. I'm like, schwartz, they weren't making fun of her. They were making fun of you. They were asking about your taste in women because you keep getting older, but they're staying the same age. It's nothing against Kiana going back to the butt facial you brought up last week. Why did Zach bring up the drinking for Danny? And he brought it up again this week.

[Mary]

Right. Which made me think that he was trying to catch him in the lie because he knows Benji noticed at his party. I think it's going to become more. I don't like that you're lying about your drinking. Because I know.

[Courtney]

Exactly wants to defect to Janet's side, but he can't right now. But he wants to because he knows it's fun over there. But I also thought it was funny. He called it a homecoming party, not like a housewarming party. He's like, my homecoming party. It was like, what did you come home to? The guy took everything. And then he's like, yeah. And then Benji said my part. I'm like, doesn't Benji live with you, too? And then I was like. And then Benji, that secret, secret assassin over there, he's like, I did see Danny drink. And then they flash back to him pouring in the bourbon. No.

[Mary]

The cameras have been trying to catch Danny.

[Courtney]

It made me giggle.

[Verizon Advertiser]

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[Mary]

You guys, people say it's dark and it's terrible.

[Courtney]

Mary, it's terrible. But I can't stop talking about it.

[Mary]

Right. Exactly. Exactly. I keep saying I'll never rewatch this, but I do enjoy dissecting it with you.

[Courtney]

Yeah. Am I gonna go back and rewatch the episode again? Absolutely not. Am I gonna talk to you about it for hours on end and probably text you something later? Be like, and another thing we forgot to mention. But I need you to know that I thought about this. The season is the season of surgeries. We're getting babies. We're getting postpartum. It is a real representation of life. And all I know is that it's depressing. All right,

[Mary]

Let's have a good weekend. Bye, everyone.

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[Courtney]

It was a mansion.

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I've got ideas.

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