TJG: The Valley S3 Finale!

Summary

Two Judgey Girls: "The Valley S3 Finale!" (July 30, 2026)

Courtney and Mary break down the Season 3 finale of "The Valley," discussing the drama-packed Halloween party, evolving cast dynamics, infamous outfits, and speculation about what’s next. Their recap is full of jokes, candid critiques, and a deep-dive into the show's messiest moments.

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Episode Theme & Purpose

• Main theme: Recap and analysis of "The Valley" Season 3 Finale ("The Valley of the Dam"), with a focus on the cast's relationships, feuds, and the explosive (but sometimes forced) Halloween party drama.
• Purpose: Entertain and inform listeners through humorous commentary, fashion critiques, and predictions for the reunion.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Opening Thoughts

• The hosts are both sad and relieved to see the season end, celebrating the upcoming three-part reunion.
  • "I hate watch this show every single week...what are we gonna sing when we're done?" – Courtney [02:38]
• Mary improvises a clever recap song about the cast, much to Courtney's amusement [02:58-03:29].

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Pop Culture Tangents

• Discussion of the rumored Whitney & Justin Rose split, dissecting Instagram story clues and social media moves [04:26–06:32].
  • "There's nothing better when a couple is communicating via Instagram stories. That was for Whitney Rose to see." – Mary [05:06]
• Commentary on the "House of Stassi" premiere and its pop culture connections, with Courtney recounting the reality TV lore of Stassi and Kyle Cooke [07:02-07:49].

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Overall Impressions of the Finale/Season

• Both hosts agree the season improved, especially in the messy dynamics.
  • "It's almost, in a way, nostalgic of Vanderpump Rules...once you realize you're not supposed to like anybody, the show is amazing." – Courtney [08:14]
• Mary notes shifting likability among cast members and the breakdown of alliances at the Halloween party [09:15].

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Fashion & Reunion Outfit Critique

(10:03–16:26)

• Both hosts lambaste the cast's lack of cohesion, poorly coordinated couples, and some notably bad individual choices:
  • "Nobody is cohesive here...I think it's just tacky, like the show." – Courtney [10:15]
• Best looks: Janet (blue dress), Zach (maroon suit), Michelle (always looks flawless).
• Worst dressed: Britney (dress too tight/unflattering for sitting), Lala (mother-of-the-bride vibes), Danny gets best-dressed for men from Mary.
• Special mention: Tom Schwartz & Luke wore the same ugly pink suit that Courtney likens to Andy Cohen’s suit, which she also hates.

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Halloween Party & Finale Breakdown

Timing of the Party

• The Halloween party took place on Nov 1st, sparking debate on whether that's acceptable [23:16–24:04].

Sweet/Heartfelt Moments

• Britney’s handling of her son Cruz’s nonverbal communication at trick or treating draws praise [24:24–25:05].
• "She is just such a good mom that she has him set up for success." – Mary [24:47]

Messy & Memorable Moments

• Kristen sucking dirt off her baby’s binky disgusts both [25:05–25:52].
• Lala’s "spiderweb/farmer-pirate" coffee shop outfit gets roasted:
  • "I'm getting farmer on the bottom, pirate on the top. Those two things did not go together." – Mary [26:15]
• Nia and Lala’s conversation strikes a rare note of sincerity, but Courtney critiques Nia for using her baby as a shield and making excuses for Dani [27:18–28:27].

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Cast Dynamics and Drama

• Nia & Dani: Ongoing question of Nia’s loyalty to Dani even when he’s in the wrong:
  • "Even though I know my husband's wrong, I will defend him. Even though I know he's wrong." – Courtney [28:27]
  • Nia likened to Raquel/Rachel from VPR, both for mannerisms and using vulnerability to deflect criticism.
• Kristen & Luke: Their relationship is described as a "Misery Olympics," with constant bickering and comparison of hardships [31:23–32:21].

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Party Fights and Alliance Breakdown

(36:13–52:36)

Natalie, Jasmine, and the Unnecessary Fight

• Minor altercation between Jasmine and Natalie, which neither host found compelling [36:13–36:41].

Danny’s Drunken Antics ("Count Bookula")

• Both are astounded by Danny’s drunken personas ("how many voices have we gotten? Not one is good") and Nia’s continuing support [37:02–38:26].
• Mary predicts Danny's drunkenness at the finale is what gets him fired:
  • "At the finale party you get the most wasted of the entire season to prove all these people right." – Mary [39:30]

Should Danny Stay or Go?

• Courtney, despite hating Danny, suggests he should remain on the show due to the drama he creates:
  • "I hate him. I think we still need him on this show though. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference." [40:02–41:22]

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Zach, Britney, Janet, and the Allegiance Shuffle

• Zach's loyalty to Kristen called "fart in the wind" behavior by Lala [42:11], and his "I pooped myself at Chili's" excuse for missing a conversation is roundly mocked [42:11–42:59].

• Hosts believe Zach is too easily manipulated and struggles with confrontation:

  • "He can't handle confrontation. No, not many of this cast can outside of, like, Lala." – Mary [43:53]
  • "Why would Britney lie about this?...How are you denying this? This is actually crazy." – Mary [44:19]

• Janet throwing a solo cup at Danny is mocked as a forced, failed attempt at a dramatic TV moment [50:32–51:22].

---

Food & Party Comments

• Britney's party decorators and the general Halloween vibe receive praise [45:28], but charcuterie boards are declared "out" — except for Danny nibbling cheese in drunken shame [45:28–45:58].

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Subplots: Michelle, Jesse, and Laci

• Jesse confronting Michelle about her dating life and threatening custody is decried as controlling.
  • "I can't stand that he is trying to control her...He's like, 'I will file custody agreements.' With what money, Jesse?" – Mary [55:19]
• Laci freezing eggs is addressed, with both hosts agreeing she’s clearly not interested in having a baby with Jesse:
  • "She's freezing her eggs for a reason...it's just not with him." – Courtney [54:24–54:33]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |---|---|---| | 02:38 | "I hate watch this show every single week. Every week I'm like oh, time for the Valley." | Courtney | | 08:14 | "It's almost, in a way, nostalgic of Vanderpump Rules...once you realize you're not supposed to like anybody, the show is amazing." | Courtney | | 10:39 | "I think it's just tacky, like the show. So as long as most of them were tacky, it worked out." | Courtney | | 24:47 | "She is just such a good mom that she has him set up for success so that he can say thank you. And I loved this moment." | Mary | | 26:15 | "I'm getting farmer on the bottom, pirate on the top. Those two things did not go together." | Mary | | 28:27 | "Even though I know my husband's wrong, I will defend him. Even though I know he's wrong." | Courtney | | 39:30 | "At the finale party you get the most wasted of the entire season to prove all these people right." | Mary | | 40:02 | "No, no, no, no, no, no. I still hate him...I think we still need him on this show though. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference." | Courtney | | 42:11 | "[Zach] is a fart in the wind. He's just going with who he's with at the time." (paraphrased) | Lala, via Mary | | 50:32 | "You lose the credibility because [Danny] was already ruining himself. And now with that throw, you've, like, superseded what happened, and now it's gonna reflect poorly on you, Janet." | Courtney | | 55:19 | "Jesse, guess what? Michelle can do whatever she wants. I can't stand that he is trying to control her...With what money, Jesse?...You won't even sign the divorce papers." | Mary & Courtney |

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |---|---| | Episode start, cast reactions to finale | 02:26–03:39 | | Whitney & Justin Rose split rumor | 04:26–06:32 | | House of Stassi pop culture tangent | 07:02–07:49 | | Finale/Season review | 08:04–09:15 | | Reunion outfit critiques | 10:03–16:26 | | Start of finale breakdown | 23:11–24:09 | | Britney’s son Cruz & trick-or-treating | 24:24–25:05 | | Nia & Lala’s heartfelt coffee scene | 27:18–28:27 | | Luke & Kristen relationship analysis | 31:23–32:21 | | Party drama and solo cup moment | 36:13–51:22 | | Jesse trying to control Michelle | 53:23–56:21 |

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Conclusion

• Both hosts relished the chaos, critiqued the cast, and are looking forward to the reunion — if only to hate-watch “I love to hate watch this show every week. The best part of the show.” [56:40]

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For those who missed the episode, this recap covers all prominent storylines, cast relationships, comedic moments, and sets the stage for the reunion. All the snark, no commercials!

Transcript

[Mary]

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[Courtney]

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[Mary]

Welcome back to two judgy girls. This is Mary from the Bay and

[Courtney]

it's Courtney from la and I'm sad

[Mary]

because it's coming to an end.

[Courtney]

I hate watch this show every single week. Every week I'm like oh, time for the Valley. And I love to hate watch it. And I can't believe it's ending that. This is the finale. Thank God we get three reunion parts, because what are we gonna sing when we're done?

[Mary]

Nothing is all right. Maxing is lagging, Danny is drunk Janet is throwing plastic cups Destiny wants a baby Lacey wants nothing to do with it Lala is the only one that is all right Mary, that's so good. Thank you.

[Courtney]

Wow, you improv that whole thing. I'm impressed.

[Mary]

Thank you.

[Courtney]

Sony, sign her to a deal.

[Mary]

I know. We can still sing the song for the three reunions and then it's over, right?

[Courtney]

I'm saying there's only four opportunities left.

[Mary]

Well, go ahead. Let's hear your finale. All right. Wow.

[Courtney]

I know. I don't love that one. There was, like, a few notes I think I might have missed there, and I think it's all of them. Let me go guttural. I shouldn't get off the path. I'm all right Everything is all right. Your turn.

[Mary]

I'm all right Everything is all right I'm all right. Dun, dun, dun, dun.

[Courtney]

Every time. You guys, she loves to throw a water balloon.

[Mary]

I do.

[Courtney]

Come on, we gotta find you some water balloons. Really recreate that. Before we get into the Valley, I want to talk about that the separation between Whitney Rose and Justin Rose might be real based on his photo posted on an Instagram story. That gave me the ick, but also made me very interested in the separation.

[Mary]

It's just like a picture of his muscles. No one muscle, just one arm.

[Courtney]

And I was like, is that a V on his arm? But I think it's the Roman numeral 5.

[Mary]

Oh, I. I didn't know what that bad tattoo was.

[Courtney]

It's quite faded.

[Mary]

There's nothing better when a couple is communicating via Instagram stories. That was for Whitney Rose to see. That was to make her jealous. Like, come back to Daddy, you know? And then she posted the story and she's like, hey, guys, I don't know if I should share this. Do you guys want to know about my plastic surgery problems? Look at my belly button. And I'm like, tamara, stop. Belly button.

[Courtney]

I missed the story. Is she missing one?

[Mary]

It's like a Tamara belly button.

[Courtney]

Oh, well, we know that they could still do stuff in the bubble bath.

[Mary]

It's so true. BBHJ is all around.

[Courtney]

Wow. So they're communicating, so I feel like it could be real or they're really playing me. But Justin, he's been going a lifetime. What if he's Working out with Jared Osmond. Don't you feel like they would be workout buddies? And then they go to the cafe and they eat their chicken salad together.

[Mary]

They probably are. And they're picking up chicks together.

[Courtney]

Cruising. Poor Br. She's like, what? We just got engaged again. They're cruising for chicks. You guys want some swigs? Is that what those 30 soda places called?

[Mary]

Swig. Swig, Swigs. So do you think Justin moved out or. Or Whitney moved out or they still are cohabitating?

[Brooke Devard]

I don't know.

[Courtney]

What do you think?

[Mary]

I feel like Justin moved out and he actually lives in the locker room at Lifetime.

[Courtney]

Interesting. Why can't you guys do this on the show? Because, like, I don't want cameras to be picked up, but now I have to wait for another season.

[Mary]

Yeah, we need a trailer soon because we need a tease of what's to come, and I think that's going to be happening soon.

[Courtney]

I feel your witchy ways are predicting correctly.

[Mary]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Courtney]

So, okay, last night was the House of Stassi premiere in New York at the corner store. And there were some little Easter eggs if you just look close enough.

[Mary]

Oh, tell me about them.

[Courtney]

Well, Kyle Cook was the dj, and I don't know if you noticed Stassi's dress, but there was a turtleneck.

[Mary]

Turtleneck, yeah.

[Courtney]

Steve Jobs. And I just thought the lore of these two go back because Stassi kicked off Kyle Cook's career as a reality TV star.

[Mary]

She sure did. Yep.

[Courtney]

They went to the Hamptons for Stassi's birthday. They went to that clam bake where Kristen and Sheena don't eat seafood because Kristen's vegan and Sheena doesn't like shells. And then they went back to that house and they went in that pool.

[Mary]

I think it was an indoor hot tub.

[Courtney]

You are correct. You are correct, yes. And they were in that hot tub with that white bathing suit that she wore, and the rest is history.

[Mary]

I'm looking forward to watching House of Stassi. It's going to be on Freeform and then Hulu, so I will be watching.

[Courtney]

Okay, great. So I wanted to ask what your overall thoughts were of this finale.

[Mary]

I loved it. I think the season got better and better and better, and I loved this Halloween party, and this was a good time to me. What about you?

[Courtney]

It's so funny because who you like, each week I feel like changes because at the end of the day, nobody's likable on the cast in a way. And so some people just rise in the Ranks, and some people lower themselves, and some people stay exactly where they are, and they have been all season. But it's almost, in a way, nostalgic of Vanderpump Rules, of when you first watched Vanderpump Rule once you realize you're not supposed to like anybody. The show is amazing.

[Mary]

Right. But I like Lala.

[Courtney]

That's fine. I feel like there's certain things, though, that happen. Everyone's nuts on this show. They're all crazy. They're all strategizing. They all think they know what the audience likes, and so they literally are playing their alliances and then all crashes and burns for all of them. I don't think anybody after this party walked away in a good light. Except for Britney, maybe, but not even that. There was a problem that everybody had with everybody at this party.

[Mary]

Right. And she really walked away, losing a friendship with Zach. In a lot of ways, I felt really bad for her in that moment that Zach was like, no, I'm gonna believe Kristen. I'm like, whoa. What does Kristen have on you, Zach?

[Courtney]

Well, people were saying that Kristen pays Zach to do his social media, and they cleared it up on threads the other day where it was like, no, I just, like, help her. I don't get paid. Like, there's not a power imbalance, but I think it's because it's Kristen. And people kind of turned on Britney last year, and so Kristen was on the right side of town, and everybody liked Danny and Nia, and they want so badly to push Janet off the show. And it's crazy because it's like, they're all wrong. All of them are wrong.

[Mary]

They really are. And you know what was also wrong? A lot of their reunion outfits.

[Courtney]

Oh, God.

[Mary]

Let's talk about them. Let's start with Lala.

[Courtney]

Also.

[Mary]

Nobody is cohesive here, which is crazy, because I saw this video of Jesse Lolly saying, you have to get your outfits approved. And he talked about last year how he kept on sending in outfits and none of them were getting approved. And he ended up landing on these Amazon ugly pants, and those were the ones approved. So it's like, what was the theme? Metallic.

[Courtney]

I think it's just tacky, like the show. So as long as most of them were tacky, it worked out. Yeah. I don't understand why most of these people all have partners, and yet they refuse to coordinate with each other. You're sitting right next to each other. You would think that you would want to not necessarily be matchy, but complimentary. And it's like the only People who are matching are Tom Schwartz and Luke, which.

[Mary]

Why did they let them wear the same exact suit? Tom Schwartz's is like a slightly darker pink also. You've seen Andy Cohen in this suit before. It's ugly. Both of them are. All three of them ugly suit, Andy included.

[Courtney]

Yeah. The brown shoes, it doesn't work for me. It just looks unkempt.

[Mary]

It's just such a mess for me. So then we have Zach wearing all maroon, including the top.

[Courtney]

Zach looks chic. I think he looks put together. I feel like his suit is nicely pressed. It really fits him. I love his ice out pin that he is wearing. This is one of the best looks across the cast, women included.

[Mary]

Okay. I actually, I have. I have to give the best look to Danny for the men.

[Brooke Devard]

Wow.

[Mary]

I think he looks great. It's a green suit. He looks nice, and that's the nicest thing I'm gonna say about him.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I. I agree. I think he does look nice. I think it looks nicely fitted. I feel that they go a little too casual because Jesse's is a version of Luke and Tom's. Just a baby blue.

[Mary]

It really is. Luke and Jesse are wearing the same

[Courtney]

suit in different gender reveal. I like Jason's. Jason and Danny are wearing similar suit jackets.

[Mary]

You're so right. This is, like, actually really weird when you look at them all together. But I also don't like that Jesse is wearing the tennis shoes. I think wearing tennis shoes with suits is out now. I think it was in for a while, but I don't like that anymore. Too cash.

[Courtney]

Comparative to everybody else, it just goes a little bit more casual. If we go into the women, Laci's wearing yellow. And while it does look nice together, it feels very like if Lacy's going like Beauty, as in Beauty and the Beast, maybe you should be doing something similar. Muller.

[Mary]

I will say I think Lacy's is very elegant, kind of Grecian goddess. It reminds me of someone's reunion dress that we've seen in the past.

[Courtney]

I think it kind of washes her out, to be honest. I don't know. That's the right yellow.

[Mary]

Okay. Okay. Then we also have Jasmine in yellow doing the Angie leg.

[Courtney]

She's full. Jolene. I think this is okay. It's okay.

[Mary]

Yeah, it's okay. I will say I think Janet is probably best dressed.

[Courtney]

I love this look on her. I wish she had maybe an earring of some sort. It's very simple. But this is easily the best dress. Actually, my best dressed are her and Michelle. Michelle's always pretty good. But this blue is really complimentary on Janet. I like the fit of it. I think it's really pretty.

[Mary]

I think Janet looks fantastic. Michelle. She always looks flawless.

[Courtney]

It's.

[Mary]

It's gorgeous. Lala mother of the bride. They did her dirty here.

[Courtney]

They did. She did. She chose this. She chose us.

[Mary]

But she got it approved.

[Courtney]

She wore this purple version for a Vanderpump Rules reunion before and it just ages her. She's so gorgeous that I feel like it's just aging her in. In the silver and the black. Very mob.

[Mary]

Definitely the mother of the bride here. Okay. Gotta talk about Britney. It also feels like this is not a sitting down dress at all.

[Courtney]

At all. It's not a sitting dress. I just want so much better for Britney. I don't know if she has a stylist. I hope she doesn't. I would love for someone to style her. So Abby Bonadees did what I think they should have worn this TikTok and she nailed it across the For Britney. Her best look that she has ever had, I'm telling you is dress shopping for Jasmine's wedding. And that black fit and flare on her, it was beautiful. It complemented her body so well. She looked amazing. I wish that she would have done something that is just a little looser on her because the problem is it's a too tight dress. It's not going to look good sitting down.

[Mary]

It feels like it would hurt sitting down. This is a standing dress.

[Courtney]

Yeah. I just don't think this dress does her any favors and unfortunately makes her worse dressed for me across the board.

[Mary]

I know, I know. And let's talk about Nia. Nia is also wearing like a corset and then she has like a drape scarf. This is just a mess.

[Courtney]

It's okay. It's fine. I mean she's so pretty. They're also very pretty. It just doesn't do anything for me. I. I think I also just don't love this color. Brown, bronze.

[Mary]

I think it's a hard color to pull off. And then finally we have Kristen. She's got long curly hair.

[Courtney]

I think she needs to cut 6 inches off of her hair. As someone who's just cut 6 to 7 inches off of her hair, you don't realize you need that cut until you cut it.

[Mary]

You cut six inches. Does it not look like that?

[Courtney]

Yeah, I cut six inches. Mary doesn't notice anything on me. That's okay.

[Mary]

I would have never been able to tell that that was six inches.

[Courtney]

Yeah. And I think Kristen just needs to do the same because I feel like it's just weighing her down a little bit. The dress to me is slightly too casual. I don't know why I think that, but I think it's a good sitting dress. Yes, I think she will be comfortable. She's probably got one of the more comfortable dresses to wear all day long

[Mary]

or the three parts guys.

[Courtney]

Three parts. Three parts. She posted two. When she did her dress reveal her like second photo was like kind of touching her toes because they've been sitting for so long and I'm like, she looks hot there.

[Mary]

I think she looks great and can't wait to talk about her and Luke. Let's take a break and get into the episode. If your skincare isn't working, you're probably skipping one essential step, that is Gentle daily exfoliation. Bare face toning pads remove dry, dead skin cells so the rest of your routine can actually work. They help reduce clogged pores, improve tone and texture, and leave skin looking smoother and clearer without irritation. One of These sells every three minutes and they have over 653,000 five star reviews and the results speak for themselves. If you want real results and routine that you'll actually stick to, start here, visit bareface.com and use code JUDGYGIRLS for 20% off. Bare Faced Less steps, Better skin

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[Mary]

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[Courtney]

hello,

[Brooke Devard]

hello, it's Brooke Devard from Naked Beauty. Join me each week for unfiltered discussion about beauty trends, self care journeys, wellness tips, and the products we absolutely love and cannot get enough of. If you are a skincare obsessive and you spend 20 plus minutes on your skincare routine, this podcast is for you. Or if you're a newbie at the beginning of your skincare journey, you'll love this podcast as well. Because we go so, so much deeper than beauty. I talk to incredible and inspiring people from across industries about their relationship with beauty. You'll also hear from skincare experts. We break down lots of myths in the beauty industry. If this sounds like your thing, search for Naked Beauty on your podcast app and listen along. I hope you'll join us.

[Mary]

Okay, this finale episode was called the Valley of the Dam.

[Courtney]

Ha ha ha. I have a question for you. October 31st is Halloween. What do you feel about parties that take place after Halloween? This party took place on November 1st. Is it allowed or is the holiday celebrated and over?

[Mary]

I actually will accept this because is it falling on a weekend for some

[Courtney]

reason this Halloween fell on the last Friday. It was a Friday. So November 1st was a Saturday. Yeah.

[Mary]

So that's acceptable to me. However, if the Halloween was on a Monday or a Tuesday and we're not celebrating till the next Saturday. No.

[Courtney]

Yeah, I'm of the ilk that November one babe. We are in Thanksgiving time. Now we're basically at Christmas. It's New Year's Eve.

[Mary]

Well, if you go into Michael's store right now, they already have the Halloween stuff out.

[Courtney]

Oh, I know. I went into a hobby lobby the other day. It's fall, baby. You know what? It is a sweltering 92 and I've got about 75% humidity. Get those walking leaves out of here. Okay, can I just say the cutest thing? When they went trick or treating and Britney had cruise and then Janet, them were all dressed as doctors and the patient, I thought that was really cute. But when Britney said, you know Cruz say thank you and he pressed his button and it said thank you. And I'm so happy to see Cruz thrive. Every week that I see him living his best makes me so happy.

[Mary]

I remember she did a post about this. When someone comes to trick or treat at your house, the children don't say thank you. She did this post about how some kids are non verbal and can't say thank you. And then I thought she is just such a good mom that she has him set up for success so that he can say thank you. And I loved this moment.

[Courtney]

Yeah. Which just was so cute. Then we get this clip of Kristen dropping Kya's binky into the dirt and we have to spend 15 long seconds watching her suck that dirt off the binky. Just walk back inside.

[Mary]

They were in front of their house. I could understand if you were out. Even if you're out, you can find a water fountain.

[Courtney]

She's always carrying her hydro jug.

[Mary]

You're so right. Also, they're outside. Like turn on your hose.

[Brooke Devard]

Yes.

[Courtney]

Just take walk back inside two seconds. Kai's not even crying. She doesn't need the binky right now.

[Mary]

You're so right. You're so right.

[Courtney]

It was like watching that and then it was like she missed a spot. So she need to lick it again.

[Mary]

It was dramatic.

[Courtney]

Luke's like, build that immune system up. I'm like, are you talking to Kristen or Kai? I honestly don't know at this point. This is the L for Lala for me. Part 1 the outfit 100. I thought, am I trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that she's dressed as like a spider in a spider web because we're Halloween time. But I said this is just a terrible fudgeing outfit.

[Mary]

Oh my gosh. I'm like, I'm getting like farmer on the bottom, pirate on the top. Those two things did not go together. Was it a dress or was it a Corset and a skirt. It was so awful. Let alone to find out you're just meeting Nia for fudgeing coffee. Like, this was. No. All around was like, is she. She should have pretended like, oh, sorry. I just took out Ocean and Sosa trick or treating, and I was going for the farm Pirate look. Like, it was so embarrassing.

[Courtney]

That was a tough, tough outfit. I don't know what she was thinking. But she also doesn't have great fashion. I think when she went to go meet up with Kristen, Zach, and Britney at a dinner, and she came in a long collared white shirt with a corset over the stomach area, and it was like, she just has terrible taste.

[Mary]

I. For the coffee shop, I think it's cuter to just wear, like, a white tee and jeans.

[Courtney]

It was a lot for a 2pm coffee.

[Mary]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Courtney]

She's always kind of dressed in costume.

[Mary]

She sure is. This one took the cake for me. I was fascinated to see the two of them sitting down together. And I feel like Lala really listened to Nia in this situation and wanted to hear about her backstory. And Nia really was open to her. She's like, my dad basically raised me, and there was infidelity. I just, like, had no stability. I was in and out of shelters and, like, my dream and my goal is to have stability for my kids. And I have found that with Daniel, and I am going to do anything to protect that. And we're like, you sure will.

[Courtney]

Well, okay, I'm gonna be negative.

[Mary]

Oh, go ahead.

[Courtney]

1. I felt like she kept using the baby as a shield to be like, be nice to me. I'm a mom. I'm sure maybe the baby was just hungry. I get it. But then also, when she was telling her story, and I'm sympathetic towards that, the story, but she was making excuses for Dani. I want stability, so I'm gonna do whatever I have to. Even though I know my husband's wrong, I will defend him. Even though I know he's wrong.

[Mary]

I completely agree with that. And that's what she's been doing the entire season.

[Courtney]

And I think it's because they've done beauty pageants. But this scene, I saw so much of Raquel, Rachel.

[Mary]

Oh.

[Courtney]

Because they have, like, very similar mannerisms and how they talk. And I think it's also because I always have old Vanderpump rules on. And Lala, after she found out that James was gonna go to an AA meeting, she asked Raquel to meet her for a coffee. So maybe that's Just, they're like parallel scenes. But she was being nice to Raquel. Rachel, too. And Raquel, Rachel was like, wow, like, thanks for listening to me, Lala. And I felt like that was what Nia felt too. It was like, thanks for letting me tell my side of the story, Lala.

[Mary]

Lala feels a lot calmer and a lot more open to listening to people. She really has become very likable and the voice of reason for me this season. I've enjoyed her a ton and I'd love to your idea of seeing Sheena Shay come back and us figuring out that story. But I like what Lalo said too. And she's like, I genuinely do like Nia and I think I could get along with her. It's just tough because her partner's Danny and I don't like the guy. So I don't know how I'm really gonna have a relationship with her if she's constantly gonna defend her man.

[Courtney]

And I think the answer is, you don't exactly. You just unfortunately don't. Because, by the way, she's calling you terrible again this episode. Terrible people. These terrible people. Why are we with them? Let's talk Luke and Kristen, because, God, Kristen just break up with him. Kristen's on her apology tour right now where she's like, I don't condone Dani at all. She says, I talk about the reunion and I'm like, I want to see the way that she talks about it at the reunion, though, because I want to give her a point that she missed it even though she was in Mexico. People have been telling her and she just didn't quote, unquote, seeing it. But she's in her postpartum journey, so, like, she just wasn't privy and paying attention. I want to believe that.

[Mary]

I don't.

[Courtney]

But then I see a scene with her and Luke and I'm like, oh, my God, he's the fucking worst.

[Mary]

Luke Ryan. Luke Ryan. Don't say that. I'm never having sex with you again. Actually, I really like that name together, by the way.

[Courtney]

Him being like, let's put pregnant Kristen in a coffin, but also have my baby so we can just get it over with. Even though I don't want to marry you when you're pregnant and postpartum, because I hate you, but let's have two kids. What the hell?

[Mary]

There's a lot to unpack here, and I hope they don't get pregnant again any time soon. I am worried they feel like they're at each other's throats. And then come to find out they had a nanny. When did this nanny come about? I was like, what?

[Courtney]

Yeah, that was a little jarring. And it's also the same day, by the way, where she's sucking the dirt off the binky because they're in the same outfits. And when he was like, yeah, so I didn't like the therapist because, like, the therapist was trying to hold me accountable for things that I've said that I've moved on with. It's not my problem. You haven't moved on. She's like asking me like, how did I get over something?

[Brooke Devard]

I don't know.

[Courtney]

I just did. It's like, well, yeah, therapy is putting in the work to say, hey, you did this. How did you move on? Because if you can tell your partner how you've moved on or you're thinking, then that helps them understand the process of it all.

[Mary]

Totally. I like what Kristin said about the Misery Olympics because, you know, they're constantly like, tit for tat. Like, no, no, no, my day was worse. I woke up with Kya at 4am Then I fed her, then I changed her diaper. You got to sleep in today and you got to leave the house. It's just like constantly comparing each other and feeling like, no, no, no, my day is worse than yours. And that's just like no way to live.

[Courtney]

And you know whose day is worse? Hours when we have to watch scenes of them together, we win the Misery Olympics. When Luke and Kristen are on our screen together talking about their relationship, they

[Mary]

are together in real time.

[Courtney]

Yeah. Okay, let's take a break and come

[Brooke Devard]

back.

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[Mary]

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[Mary]

Okay, next we see Michelle and Natalie and I'm like, why is Natalie in this? I was so confused. Well, we find out really quick because Natalie and Jasmine get in a huge fight at the Halloween Party.

[Courtney]

That was so weird. And now I know that I've said, like, we are not focusing on the right people and we should explore Jesse and Michelle's friend group. But I will say I don't want Natalie on the screen.

[Mary]

She was like nothing to me. Honestly, I feel like they were trying to make these, like two big fight scenes. And the one was Jasmine and Natalie, which I didn't really care for. And the other one was obviously like Janet throwing the red solo cup at Danny and that felt like such a miss.

[Courtney]

You think those are the two fights? I would say the fight in the kitchen with Kristenia and Zach versus Britney and Lala was like one of the bigger fights. Jasmine was just looking for a moment.

[Mary]

Jasmine just drank too much.

[Courtney]

Jasmine was wasted. She was wasted.

[Mary]

Not as wasted as Danny.

[Courtney]

No, but she was really sorry. You mean Count Bookula?

[Mary]

You guys, I texted Courtney and I'm like, oh, my God, I am fucking dying at Danny Booko right now. I cannot believe how many voices we have heard from this man. Not one of them is good. And he is a paid voice actor. That's the craziest part of it all. I'm like, this is genuinely nuts. Nia is like, see the. I'm sure her hairs are rising on her. She's like, freaking out. She's like, oh, my God, put on pageant mode because I want to rip his fucking head off. I can't stand this man, but I will support him and be a trad wife.

[Courtney]

I said I wanted stability and you have to take the good with the bad. And God damn it, I'm always taking the bad. I am always taking the bad. When Michelle's like, I don't understand how Nia can be around him. And it's like, because she has to be Michelle. She has to be. Danny is like, I'm telling you, he is the number one guy at church. His family thinks he's so frickin funny. Like his parents. His extended day, he is the most hilarious. And then he comes in this group and they're like, we fucking hate you. And he cannot figure out how he's not the number one guy in the group because everybody was fawning over him over the past seasons because Jax existed. And then it's like, oh, my God, when you take Jax out, you're so annoying.

[Mary]

His confessional at the end, when you have to tell someone, I'm actually a really good guy, that means you're not a good guy. And he's like people with a lot of wisdom, AKA his church Say, I am a man of character and integrity. And he's like building himself up to the cameras. It was very creepy, very eerie. And he's just like, I don't want these people around me. I am done. I'm like, oh, are you quitting the show? I am so curious how he's going to show up to this reunion because I've said this all season long. The only way he can get out of this, especially after this episode. I was shocked to see how drunk he was. Like, the entire season has been about, you should not drink on camera. We're not even saying don't drink. Were saying don't drink on camera because it's not coming across well. And that the finale party, you get the most wasted of the entire season to prove all these people right. It's actually insane. I mean, he is so creepy. And he's not going to have gone to rehab. He's not going to have worked a program. And I think he got himself fired. And I think that last confessional scene was him saying, I'm done. And there Bravo's like, yeah, and you are. You are done. That's it. What do you think?

[Courtney]

I think you're correct. Like, that felt like a sign off for if he doesn't want to come back. He's like, well, I gave myself the out. Here's the thing though. I'm changing my tune, you guys.

[Mary]

What?

[Courtney]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I still hate him. I hate him. I hate him, hate him. I think we still need him on this show, though.

[Mary]

Oh, my God. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. No, explain.

[Courtney]

There's something about watching him think he is the perfect person and just hating on him week after week that I kind of love. I hate watch this every week. I love to hate watch. I get excited to watch the Valley because I hate it so much that I love it so much. The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference. Okay? Love and hate are much closer than we think. And there's something about how terrible he is, but how great he thinks it is that I'm like, I gotta watch it down. I need to watch a season with him now that he has the audience reaction of how much we can't stand him. I need to watch the alliances change as they've realized that their strategy of backing the wrong horse didn't work. I need to watch the fallout. Them leaving the show actually gives them a full out to blame editing. That's not who we are. I need you guys to force them into another contract because they need to pay their bills for Booko Mountain and I need to watch the fallout.

[Mary]

Did we even see in the reunion trailer Nia and Danny talking? I don't recall anything about them.

[Courtney]

Not that I'm. Not that I'm aware.

[Mary]

The reunion trailer was pretty lackluster, if you ask me.

[Courtney]

Oh, I think it looks interesting. I just feel like it might not go the way that we want it because I think on our end of audience members is we're watching this whole season and the alliances are already there. And unless Kristen and Zach decide that they're going to up and leave this alliance, we're going to see the same things play out because they don't have the audience in there with them to tell them that they're wrong or right. I, like, gang up on probably one side of the couch. And I think if Zach has drawn his line that he's not going to be friends with Brittany, he's staying with Kristen.

[Mary]

I like what Lala said about Zach, and I think it's, like, really true. He's a fart in the wind. He's just going with who he's with at the time. And I think that is really, really true. And he has been mesmerized by Kristen. He must think that she really knows reality tv and he wants to stay on her side because when they're confronting him about the Chili's lunch when he actually tells them, okay, guys, so I shit myself at Chili's. That's really why I was gone for 30 minutes. Like, you are not getting out of this, Zach. That is not gonna happen, okay? And he's like, no, no. But I, like, literally pooed my pants. I had to take off my underwear. And they're like, no, that's. You can't get out of it. Don't blame the ranch and the dippers, babe.

[Courtney]

But when Zach was like, well, I want Kristen, you get to have three of your best friends. And Jan's like, bring Kristen in. And Jesse comes in to ruin it. Like, Jesse, go away. You're not wanted in this conversation. But I'm like, zach, admit to it, though, because you do like Janet. Yeah, yeah, you do like her. So why can't you just admit to it? You're being swayed by Nia and Kristen, who I think both do guilt trip you whether they're joking or not or manipulating. Even though Kristen used the word. Well, you're not supposed to take the word that I said and take it for truth.

[Mary]

She's like, manipulation was the wrong word, even though I used that word. That's not what I meant.

[Courtney]

But in fact, you should just say, look, Janet, we are growing our friendship. I do enjoy you in small doses. I have to build the trust back. But he, like, can't because he can't handle confrontation. No, not many of this cast can

[Mary]

outside of, like, Lala. Really? He's like, no. Like, when Nia confronts him, he's like, no, no, I manipulate you. I manipulate you.

[Courtney]

He's like, yeah, see, you totally do. And Lala's like, I know the real story here, Zach. Just say the truth. You don't want to stand up to Kristen. Okay, so you're going to throw your friendship with Britney. Why would Britney lie about this? That's the thing in this situation. Why would Britney lie?

[Mary]

Britney's like, in shock. She's like, are you kidding me right now? Kristen, let me set the scene. Remember when you came to my photo shoot? Lala was right there too. We know what you said. How are you denying this? This is actually crazy. And then Zach's like, yeah, and I'm gonna back Kristen. And it's like, what?

[Courtney]

That was literally crazy when Kristen said, I never said Nia gaslights Zach and even me, I'm like, what? Here's what annoys me about this situation as well is because at this point, people have been drinking throughout the night because we literally see scenes of Danny drinking the blood from the IVs. We know people have been drinking. Lala doesn't drink. So if I want a source of truth, Lala is the person that I'm probably going to believe right now at this party.

[Mary]

The only people that over drank at this party were Dani and Jasmine. Yes.

[Courtney]

Yeah.

[Mary]

Yes. So I mean, all of them fighting in the kitchen, they're in their right minds.

[Courtney]

I feel like alcohol was induced throughout the night. Like, I think they're taking shots. I think that they're having a good time because this party looks super fun to be real.

[Mary]

Britney throws a fantastic party. The house looks great. All the red candles, the red balloons. Like, she did a fantastic job. I think charcuterie boards are out. What do you think? I love no one. No one even eats them, to be honest.

[Courtney]

Danny does. That's because Danny doesn't eat all day, gets wasted, then tries to stuff his face. Was it Michelle or Jesse? Someone's like, you have cheese all over your face. She was like, so disgusted with him.

[Mary]

Lala's like, let's get you a napkin. Jesse's like, so let's get two waters. Let's take some water.

[Courtney]

Shot.

[Mary]

And Nia looking at the camera, knowing how wasted Danny is, she's like, like, oh, my God, this is bad.

[Courtney]

This is bad.

[Mary]

And she's like counting down, how much longer until we can leave? Actually, Danny, go take a nap in the pool house because you should not be on camera right now.

[Courtney]

Now, here's where I get annoyed though, because, okay, if Danny's gonna remove himself from the situation, he's gonna go pass out in the pool house. Why are you guys going to go instigated? I feel like Janet was like, jason, you need to say something because you've been a friend of all season because of this patell. If you do it, I'll give you a blowjob.

[Mary]

You're so. You're so, so right. It was very put upon. Jason's like, oh, yeah, I just got

[Courtney]

to like, put up my leg.

[Mary]

There's nowhere to put up my leg. Danny's like, why the are you here? Leave me alone. I'm trying to pass out wasted, okay? I don't want any drama. And then Jason's like, well, I heard you did a lot of in Mexico. And he's like, what? No, no, I didn't. Just deny, deny, deny, deny.

[Courtney]

By the way, I feel like he probably was sleeping for 20 minutes and then Jason came in. You know when you are like. People are like wasted. You wake them out of a stupor that they're like, where the am I? You're even more drunk than 20 minutes ago. So you're like, I don't even know what's going on. You're asking me questions. You're confronting me. There's a camera in my face. I forgot that I was even at this party because I was sleeping. I'm gonna be on Danny's side in regards to them doing this because obviously they were gonna get a rise out of the drunk guy who was passed out. And when Lala and Janet decide to walk in, you just know. I'm like, this is not going to end well. Why did you guys do this? This is where you're taking it too far to try to make a moment. He's done enough shit on his own to be unlikable to not do well. You didn't need to go in here and do this.

[Mary]

That's kind of what Lala says in her confessional. Even Jason, like, when Janet started making fun of his looks like, you hear five, seven, piece of shit. And Jason, don't go there. We don't need to do that. And then she tried to have this red solo cup moment. And it did not land at all, actually. Danny not reacting and just removing himself, like, running over to Nia and saying, oh, my gosh. They. They poured water on me or alcohol on me. And then Mia's. Kristen, Kristen, do you know what happened? And then Kristen walks over and is

[Courtney]

like, you should leave.

[Mary]

It's not even Kristen's house. And Jan is like, like, what? And Kirsten's like, do you want me to get Britney? Because you should leave.

[Courtney]

I'm a pit bull for my friends. I think what pissed me off is that they're trying to get this apology out of him. What are we apologizing for? But then when Janet's like, if Jason ever did what Danny did, he would never drink again. He's told me that when they say to him, you've made no changes. You're saying, like, it could happen again. And Danny goes, you've never blacked out before. And they're like, what? Like, no, he's never blacked out and grabbed a woman's ass.

[Mary]

You guys, at the party, Jason accidentally went up to someone. Oh, he grabbed their ass. I know. It was a total accident. And he thought that was Janet. But, like, what are the odds of that all going down the street?

[Courtney]

He grabbed your ass. I thought he, like, tried to, like, Kyle raspberry her neck.

[Mary]

I don't know. I mean, he thought it was Janet. It just was, like, really weird that

[Courtney]

they made sure to show that when Janet then. Because Janet's getting so heightened over this, and it's like, you guys can't talk to him right now. You want him to apologize too long. And he's like, yeah, I'm sorry about the husband comment. And Jan's like, that's it. That's it. It's like, you're not looking good in this moment either, Janet, because you're escalating a situation that shouldn't be happening. He's removed himself from the group. Why is this going on? But then when Danny points his finger at Janet and Jason can't move, so he's like, don't start. And then he's like, oh, what are you gonna do? He's like, my wife's gonna beat you up. And then she throws it. I'm like, see? And Lala says this. See, you lose the credibility because he was already ruining himself. And now with that throw, you've, like, superseded what happened, and now it's gonna reflect poorly on you, Janet.

[Mary]

Right. I. I was very impressed that he did not react. He just walked away. He was like, all right.

[Courtney]

I think he literally didn't even realize what happened. He got hit in the head with the plastic, and I feel like he was like. I think that's my cue to go.

[Mary]

At first, I didn't even realize there was liquid in the cup, and I just saw the red solo cup, like, bounce off of him.

[Courtney]

But I feel like you hear it dink, too. It's like, dink, because there's nothing in that head.

[Mary]

But I don't even think we saw her actually throw it. Like, you just kind of see the red solo cup. And I was like, where did that come from? Like, I thought it was, like, a passerby or, like. It just felt very silly. It felt silly. It was so undramatic. It was so forced and trying so hard for a moment. Yeah, I. I didn't.

[Courtney]

I didn't love that at the end of the day is like, danny already made an ass. So now the story is that you're gonna let them be a victim because you threw that cup. And Kristen just. She just thinks she's so cool. You're gonna have to leave. You want me to get Brittany? Jan's like, sure, go get Brittany.

[Mary]

She's like, I'm not scared. I can walk home.

[Courtney]

Brittany hates me, and she hates Danny, so I think she's probably just gonna be like, you know, Danny's drunk already, and the baby needs to go to sleep. So why you guys just leave?

[Mary]

You guys. When I found out that the baby was upstairs, I was like, what?

[Courtney]

She has to go everywhere. I know. I forgot.

[Mary]

And I was like, oh, my gosh. India's like, I will put her in the car. I'm like, please do.

[Courtney]

These people are terrible. We're surrounded by terrible people. He's covered in alcohol. I can't believe that. Kristen, Zach. Oh, my God. And then Danny just being dumb and dumber. Grease. Duh. And Janmer. Dumb, dumber. I was like, shut up, Danny. You're so embarrassing. You had one party to get through, and you couldn't get through it without drinking. It was so, so bad.

[Mary]

It was so bad. The only thing I could think that maybe he was gonna say at the reunion is, well, I actually was on antidepressants because it was so hard to film. And then if I had one drink, it would really affect me. Something like that. It's gonna be like how Alexis Bellina was like, I had to go on Xanax.

[Courtney]

Lydia, you're so right. He's gonna come with something. That's why you see me eating so much at that parties. I was really trying to get it out of my system because that one half white claw that I drank took me over the edge. It took me over the edge. But I want to make sure that Jesse doesn't leave unscathed here, by the way, because I want to talk about him cornering Michelle to discuss her relationship with Maximini.

[Mary]

Mm. And even seeing Laci freeze the eggs and saying she didn't want the embryos with Jesse was so uncomfortable. And then the producers being like, so, Jesse, what's your dream scenario? Lacy, what's yours? And she's like, well, I know what Jesse's is gonna say, but I'm living my dream right now. Like, I'm never going to marry this guy. And he obviously wants to marry Lacy.

[Courtney]

I'm surprised that Lacy even let Jesse go to that appointment. I couldn't believe that she was like. And I. Look, I know that they have sex. I know that they're, like, intimate. But the fact that she let him, like, hold her hand while she was on that table, I just kept thinking, like, there's no way she even wants him in this room. She's just filming a scene. I do find it fascinating, though, like, her story. Oh, the endometriosis. Do I have to remove the ovary? Like, I don't think so. And that was, like, such good news for her when she was like, okay, maybe, like, I'll freeze my eggs. He's like, embryos. And she's like, like, never, never. Because she doesn't like him.

[Mary]

It's also interesting, like, she's freezing her eggs for a reason.

[Courtney]

Well, I think it's just not with him. Okay.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Courtney]

Who knows? Down the line, there's just something where she's like, I'm not tying my horse to Jesse until he sells a house or two.

[Mary]

Yeah, she's apprehensive. Okay, let's talk about Michelle. So I do think she's been dating this guy.

[Courtney]

She's with Dr. Dre.

[Mary]

No, I know, but I think Jesse probably does have the facts right. And I do think that Isabelle has met the guy. But Jesse, guess what? Michelle can do whatever she wants. I can't stand that he is trying to control her. And it's not like she has presented this man as her boyfriend or something. It's just Mommy's friend. And she probably had to go to this appointment, and then maybe she started dating him after. I do think Isabelle has met this

[Courtney]

man, but I don't think in a date, like, where he's picking her up. I think At a house showing, as she said, and whether she's dating him and has gone to Vegas. Like that literally doesn't matter. Jesse, you don't get to decide where Michelle vacations.

[Mary]

Exactly. He is trying to control her life in some way and he hates that he can't control her. And he's like, I will file custody agreements. With what money, Jesse? Like, yeah, go for it.

[Courtney]

Yeah, do it. I dare you. You won't even sign the divorce papers.

[Mary]

Right, right.

[Courtney]

And then, okay, I will say Jasmine's line did make me laugh when she was like, michelle's dating a comedian. She doesn't even laugh. That made me laugh. But then when she went to confront later, I was like, jasmine, go away. You're coming at her to defend Jesse.

[Mary]

Yeah, embarrassing.

[Courtney]

Stop, stop. It doesn't reflect well. Okay. And then like, you're coming at her friend Natalie. Michelle said she doesn't have a boyfriend. I'm just going. What I heard from Jesse, it's like, yeah, we know you look stupid. You do, you do.

[Mary]

Team Michelle all the way.

[Courtney]

To be fair, most of them look stupid this episode.

[Mary]

I loved this finale. It felt like a finale. There's a lot of things not resolved. I'm looking forward to the reunion and singing. I'm all that three more times with you.

[Courtney]

Oh, the best part of the show. The best part. Yeah, they all came dressed as vampires, but they all really came just as stupid.

[Mary]

Dumb and dumber.

[Courtney]

Dumb and dumber. Andy Samberg, snl And Dumb and dumber.

[Mary]

Okay, on that note, we're gonna get going, guys. Talk to you later.

[Courtney]

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