Diamonds In The Rough: Don’t Date My Dad!

Summary

Summary of "Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge"

Episode: Diamonds In The Rough: Don’t Date My Dad!
Release Date: February 6, 2025

In this heartfelt and candid episode of "Two Ts In A Pod," hosts Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge delve deep into the intricacies of post-divorce dating, navigating blended family dynamics, and the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies major life transitions. Their conversation offers valuable insights for listeners who may be experiencing similar challenges, blending humor with raw honesty to create an engaging and relatable discussion.

---

1. Understanding the Non-Linear Nature of Grief

Timestamp: [02:42] - [05:17]

The episode begins with Teddi and Tamra sharing personal experiences related to grief and emotional turmoil following a divorce. Teddi opens up about her fluctuating emotions, stating, "My eyes are swollen from crying, so you're one up on me" ([02:51]). She emphasizes the unpredictability of feelings during such times, highlighting how some weeks feel overwhelmingly positive while others are incredibly challenging.

Tamra echoes these sentiments, sharing a key takeaway from her therapy sessions: "Grief... is not linear... it comes in waves" ([03:26]). This perspective underscores the importance of acknowledging that healing isn't a straightforward journey and that it's normal to experience a spectrum of emotions as one navigates through grief.

---

2. Balancing Control and Vulnerability

Timestamp: [04:46] - [07:22]

Teddi reflects on her desire to control her surroundings and emotions, admitting, "I like to be able to control our surroundings or our feelings... When you're feeling a little out of control, it feels scary" ([03:09]). This admission sets the stage for a broader discussion on vulnerability and the challenges of maintaining composure amidst personal upheaval.

Tamra adds depth to this conversation by highlighting the conscious decision both hosts have made to share their lives openly through their podcast and reality TV appearances. She notes, "No one shows their entire person to anyone their entire lifetime... it's just entertainment" ([07:22]). This acknowledgment brings attention to the delicate balance between public persona and private struggles, emphasizing that while they share parts of their lives for entertainment, it doesn't encapsulate their entire selves.

---

3. Real Housewives of Orange County: Gretchen Rossi's Return

Timestamp: [07:22] - [09:56]

The discussion transitions to the Real Housewives of Orange County (RHOOC), specifically focusing on Gretchen Rossi's unexpected return to the show. Teddi provides context, explaining how Gretchen's presence marked a significant shift in the show's dynamics: "season four was the first season that Real Housewives of Orange County really became a Real Housewives show" ([07:56]). She recalls past conflicts, including Gretchen's revelation about Eddie's sexuality, and discusses how these dramatic moments have shaped the series.

Tamra counters rumors about Lisa Vanderpump's potential return, confidently stating, "I say no. That's just my opinion" ([13:57]). This segment offers listeners an insider's perspective on the evolving landscape of reality TV and the impact of returning cast members on long-standing narratives.

---

4. Navigating Online Dating: Challenges and Realities

Timestamp: [09:56] - [23:47]

Teddi shares her recent foray into online dating via Hinge, detailing both the excitement and subsequent disillusionment. She recounts a specific date, admitting, "I don't think there's gonna be a second date... I need to have more" ([17:09]). This honest reflection sheds light on the emotional labor involved in modern dating, especially for individuals rebuilding their lives post-divorce.

Tamra confesses her reluctance to engage with dating apps, citing difficulties in selecting "relatable" photos and the impersonal nature of online interactions: "I don't have relatable pictures... I'm not very relatable" ([15:07]). Their exchange delves into the broader complexities of online dating, including the pressure to present an idealized self and the challenges of establishing genuine connections in a digital landscape.

---

5. Integrating New Relationships with Parenting Responsibilities

Timestamp: [23:47] - [44:17]

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the delicate balance between pursuing new relationships and prioritizing parenting responsibilities. Teddi and Tamra discuss the importance of introducing new partners to their children, setting boundaries to ensure that their personal lives don't negatively impact their families.

Teddi shares her concerns: "I said, I don't think there's gonna be a second date... I need to have more" ([17:09]), reflecting her hesitation to merge her dating life with her role as a mother. Tamra offers a contrasting perspective, emphasizing the necessity of meeting new partners to maintain transparency and foster a healthy environment for the children: "If it was someone that was important, that was going to be spending time with my children... I'd like to feel that person's energy for a second" ([37:49]).

Their dialogue highlights the nuanced decisions parents must make when integrating new relationships, balancing personal desires with the well-being of their children.

---

6. Maintaining Personal Boundaries and Respect in Relationships

Timestamp: [44:17] - [48:47]

As the conversation progresses, Teddi and Tamra highlight the importance of maintaining personal boundaries within new relationships. Tamra asserts, "I wouldn't mother your children... It's not where I'm at in my life" ([43:56]), underscoring her commitment to prioritizing her own well-being and ensuring that new partners respect her boundaries.

Teddi concurs, reflecting on her experiences with ex-spouses and the complexities that arise when new relationships intersect with past commitments: "Is this why you didn't ever go on a date with my dad? Because you didn't want to be my stepmom?" ([42:56]). This exchange underscores the necessity of clear communication and mutual respect when navigating blended family dynamics.

---

7. Looking Ahead: Upcoming Episodes and Personal Reflections

Timestamp: [48:18] - [48:02]

As the episode winds down, Teddi and Tamra briefly discuss plans for future episodes, teasing a special Galentine's Day edition while maintaining their focus on friendship and personal growth. They wrap up with expressions of mutual support and anticipation for their next in-person catch-up, reinforcing the strength of their friendship amidst life's challenges.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Tamra Judge

  • [03:26]: "Grief... is not linear... it comes in waves."
  • [07:22]: "These shows are not that deep... only a 45-minute, edited down version of whatever was filmed."
  • [37:49]: "I'd like to feel that person's energy for a second."
  • [43:56]: "I wouldn't mother your children... It's not where I'm at in my life."

• Teddi Mellencamp

  • [02:51]: "My eyes are swollen from crying, so you're one up on me."
  • [17:09]: "I don't think there's gonna be a second date... I need to have more."
  • [23:47]: "If you see me looking like hell at the Super Bowl parties, you're going to be on me next week."
  • [42:56]: "Is this why you didn't ever go on a date with my dad? Because you didn't want to be my stepmom?"

---

Conclusions and Takeaways

In "Diamonds In The Rough: Don’t Date My Dad!", Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge offer an unfiltered look into the challenges of dating after significant life changes, such as divorce and blended families. Their honest dialogue serves as a beacon for listeners navigating similar paths, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, setting healthy boundaries, and maintaining open communication.

Key takeaways from the episode include:

• Grief is Non-Linear: Healing from major life changes doesn't follow a set timeline or pattern. It's essential to accept and navigate the fluctuating emotions that come with it.

• Authenticity Over Image: While public personas and reality TV offer a glimpse into one's life, they don't capture the full complexity of personal struggles and triumphs.

• Balancing Dating and Parenting: Introducing new partners to children requires careful consideration, clear communication, and respect for existing family dynamics.

• Navigating Online Dating: Despite its challenges, online dating remains a prevalent avenue for building new relationships, necessitating resilience and authenticity.

• Maintaining Boundaries: Establishing and respecting personal boundaries in new relationships is crucial for personal well-being and healthy family integration.

Through their engaging and sincere conversation, Teddi and Tamra not only entertain but also provide meaningful insights into the multifaceted journey of rebuilding one's life and relationships.

Transcript

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[Teddi Mellencamp]

Hi, guys. Welcome to another episode of Diamonds in the Rough. Hi, Erica.

[Tamara Judge]

Hey, Teddy.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

How you doing?

[Tamara Judge]

You know, really good. But I'll be honest, it is my. I have on glasses not because I'm trying to be cool, but because my eyes are swollen just from allergies. So that's what's going on.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, my eyes are swollen from crying, so you're one up on me.

[Tamara Judge]

What are you crying about, honey?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I don't know. I just. I feel like. I mean, I'm sure you know this too, but, like, when you're going through divorce or there's grief or whatever, like, some weeks you really feel like on top of the world, and some weeks you're just so freaking low.

[Tamara Judge]

Yes. And that's going to be that way for a while. And I think one of the most important things I learned in therapy was that grief, let's just call it, that is not linear. Because I kept asking, when is this over? When is this over? And the answer is it's not. And it also comes in waves. So you will feel confident and then you'll feel very unsure. And so that's kind of the process. And I remember having to accept that, and I did not like it.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, I don't like it because, I mean, I think we're similar in the way that we like to be able to control our surroundings or our feelings or. And when you're feeling a little out of control, it feels scary. Like, for me, you know, I did, and I'm sure you've probably done their podcast before, but I did the Skinny Confidential, where they kind of, like, dug into, like, the highs and lows of my life. And they're amazing. Like, they. It's not a podcast where you feel like you're about to get trapped into saying something you regret, but, like, you know, I'm the type where once I do something, then I kind of block out that I've done. It apparently is a big podcast because, like, everyone and their mother sending messages, their opinions, and it just kind of like, you know, I know that we. We say we don't. We don't give any fucks, but sometimes it's hard.

[Tamara Judge]

Well, look, you do give. That's the thing. There are times when you care, times when you don't, times that you feel strong, times that you feel vulnerable. And I think anybody listening or watching this knows that. Look, we, you and I, have made a conscious choice as adults to put our lives out there. That having been said, as brave and as fearless as we think we are, sometimes we aren't. And that's just part of being human. You're going through a tough time. You and I are here having this conversation, and it's okay to be human, you know?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah.

[Tamara Judge]

And that goes for anybody that's listening or watching. It's just some days you feel good, some days you don't, you know?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, yeah. And so that's kind of. But you should be feeling good of the fact that your run on Roxy.

[Tamara Judge]

And we got extended.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

So when are you extended till it's.

[Tamara Judge]

Just two extra weeks.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

So that's a lot though. That's amazing.

[Tamara Judge]

You know, this show schedule, it's great. It's great to be on stage. I was thinking, you know, we have a five show weekend, so you have one on Friday to it on Saturday, two on Sunday. So hence why my eyes are swollen up. And then after this I'm gonna go to the theater and do it all again. So. But you know, it's really great to be asked back. Feels good. Anytime I can be on stage, I'm always happy. And so look, I think everybody should cut everybody a break. When you're going through the toughest time of your life on one of these shows, and it's super easy to stand in judgment and say, well, I this and I would have done that. But you don't know until you've gone through it.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah. And you know what? You, not only are you the voice of reason on this pod, you're the voice of reason this season, which everybody's been like, and I know we're not going to talk about Beverly Hills, but you have been a voice of reason and a really good friend. And I think that goes to show, like, no matter what the highs and lows that everybody's kind of gone through in this world of reality television, like, you're a good friend and you're a good human and that's, that's, that goes for a lot.

[Tamara Judge]

Well, look, it's just not that deep. These shows are not that deep. I mean, I think that, you know, people expect, you know, what are the limits on reality tv? Like, should you show your entire life? The answer is you can't. No one shows their entire person to anyone their entire lifetime. I mean, we talk about it on this pod frequently, that people are consistently revealing themselves no matter how many years We've known. So for people to look at entertainment, which is what these shows are, even what this podcast is, and to think that someone's 100% going to reveal their, you know, full human selves as unrealistic. Yeah.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

In a 45 minute, edited down version of whatever was filmed.

[Tamara Judge]

Again, it's entertainment. You know, you're watching a show, you're.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Listening to a podcast, and because we did. Recap, Orange county together, that is not, you know, what Diamonds in the Rough is about. But this has been a big headline.

[Tamara Judge]

Because it A big headline.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

It's a big headline. Okay. So Gretchen Rossi, it got asked back as a friend. I think it was kind of one of those things that none of the women knew was going to happen until right when it happened. I think last year we saw that Alexis Bellino was brought on as a friend, and clearly she was brought on and it was for a takedown. And also, I'm not gonna be the world's best of explaining it because I haven't watched these episodes yet, but that Gretchen came on because I do a recap with Tamara of past episodes, and we only have gotten through season three, so I don't know exactly, but I do know that season four was the first season that Gretchen Rossi came on, but it was the first season that Real Housewives of Orange county really became a Real Housewives show.

[Tamara Judge]

Okay.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Like, it was on. Like, it no longer was. Like everybody's lives filmed separately. It came on and it was dramatic. And they had this big fight in Bass Lake. And I think when Gretchen left may have been the season that Gretchen came after Tamara and said that Eddie was gay.

[Tamara Judge]

Oh, and this poor man consistently being called gay.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

And also it's.

[Tamara Judge]

I mean, I'm gonna tell. I'm gonna give a good. Like, here's a little tip. Don't be doing that this year. That ain't gonna fly in 2025.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah. It's not gonna be tired.

[Tamara Judge]

And. And we need to move on as a culture.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

But, you know, and if we're still talking about it this many seasons later, clearly something else. We need something else. But the gist is Gretchen came on her first season with an older husband, but now she is with Slade Smiley, who was also on the first season of Orange county with this girl named Joe. And he was, you know, one of those douche lords, like with the Hummer and the, you know, it's all a thing. But also, you could zip your type. Teddy, just my way.

[Tamara Judge]

Before we waste too much time on these people, we need to waste time on ourselves and our hinge profiles, but hurry up.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Oh yeah.

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[Teddi Mellencamp]

So any who everyone's saying that Gretchen coming on is so that it can be a big fight with Tamara because of what happened in the past. Which leads me to the next question. Rinna, who I already teased to her face so I can say it in the pod. Rena, who doesn't do podcasts, did a pod where she talked about that she thinks they are going to bring back Lisa Vanderpump to Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

[Tamara Judge]

I say no. That's just my opinion. I say no.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

But then in the same breath, I think Rinna said something along the lines of like, I don't want to be 65 years old on reality television.

[Tamara Judge]

Listen, Lisa. I was just looking at Lisa who had an amazing week in Paris for haute couture. And that's how I. I choose to love my Lisa. And I don't think I disagree. I don't think LVP comes back. I think if she did, it would be catastrophic. Yeah. And then I think that, you know, hey, who cares? You know, nobody wants to be 60 on Housewives show. She's not wrong. Yeah, but some are. So there you go.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

There we go. And every. Everybody is getting more mature by the day. So whether it's her or somebody else, somebody is bound to turn 60 sooner or later. But yeah, and then in the world of hinge, I gotta tell you, I may have been all pumped on hinge at first. It's taken a turn. Are you still into hinge?

[Tamara Judge]

I haven't even gotten on.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

You haven't gotten on yet?

[Tamara Judge]

Because I can't pick the six pictures that are relatable. I don't have relatable pictures, Teddy. And I'm not very relatable. I have discussed this with my Chicago friends at the theater, and I was like, guys, like, look like. You know, I mean, it was a brief. I just. And then I went to some of my male friends, and I said, what am I gonna put up here? And then Lia, poor thing, she's worn out and she's over me, you know, and so I just haven't picked six pictures. Tell me about your downturn with the hinge.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, it's not really the downturn. It's like, I'm not really interested on going on a bunch of first dates.

[Tamara Judge]

Right.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

That is, like, I barely get to see, like, my friends that I love and miss because I don't like doing things at night. So, I mean, I did go out with the one person, and it was fine, but it was definitely not something I needed to do again. You know, like, I was like.

[Tamara Judge]

Meaning that you guys. Hold on. I just want to make this clear. Meaning that you don't find him interesting, or it's just that you don't find the process interesting?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, I. I mean, it wasn't that I didn't find him interesting. It was more like going on a first date with somebody, it takes a lot. It's like. It's like doing a podcast with zero prep.

[Tamara Judge]

I was gonna say it. I. This is why. I think if I'm gonna speculate why I've not put myself on online dating is because, number one, I think it requires a lot of energy to focus and, like, really, like, be present right for the date. And I can say, I mean, is this person an interesting person or not?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Leading up to the date, it was pretty good because it's like phone calls, and you're, like, having those. Like, that's all kind of fun. And it's like you're having the phone calls when you probably wouldn't be doing anything else. And it feels like a little bit of a void. But then the, like, getting dressed up and going to meet for, like, a 6:00pm dinner. Um, yeah. I mean, what did you guys talk.

[Tamara Judge]

About at the dinner, if you don't mind my asking?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I mean, we talked about life, and we've both. You know, I'm in the middle of divorce. He's divorced. Like, we talked about all kinds of things, but at. Right after the date, there was no. There was no. Nothing. You know, whatever, whatever. But then he sent a text, like, what's your schedule? Like, next week? Let's plan something. And, like, what days do you have? The kids, blah, blah, blah. And I Just said, I have to be honest with you. I don't think there's gonna be a second date. Like, not because I didn't enjoy the Human, just because, like, I don't know, I need, like, more. I. I can't also, like, I'm such like a chemistry person that, like, I. I don't know, I'm not gonna create it.

[Tamara Judge]

And like, let me ask you this. If you say chemistry, what was it about you and Edwin? What was the chemistry?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, we definitely didn't meet on a date.

[Tamara Judge]

Yeah.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

You know, I think that's a lot.

[Tamara Judge]

There's a lot of like, like presumptions when you meet on a date.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah. When you meet and you're like, what's your favorite food to eat? All right. I like sushi. Me too. You know, like, all of that lead up. Like, I met Edwin at a club.

[Tamara Judge]

Yeah.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Like, I met my first husband because he was friends with one of my friends. You know, like, it just was more organic.

[Tamara Judge]

I waited on Tom for an entire year before we ever went to dinner. So I actually slowly got to know him and just had small talk with him for a year before we ever went to a. A sit down dinner.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah. So that's where it's like I've kind of taken a pause. Like, I haven't even opened it in so long. Like, I tagged you in something. Because if you don't respond for so long, then hinge sends you like a little thing like, hey, we can't send you any more matches until you start responding to the ones. And I was like, oh.

[Tamara Judge]

I also feel as if I would need to go out with someone. Someone has to know this person somehow, some way. That's what kind of sort of been around in our orbit somewhere. Oh, yeah, that guy. I know him, you know, through whatever. Or I've seen him at blah, blah, blah, house.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well. And I think that's the thing why I felt comfortable to go with the last person. Because, remember, we had known each other 20 years ago. There was. There was already like a. An original connection. I'm supposed to go out with somebody else again this week. And I know that it's probably gonna have to get canceled because I've been thinking about how I'm gonna cancel for about four days.

[Tamara Judge]

Oh, yeah. That's definitely not a good thing.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

And he's totally cute, has a good job, locationally desirable. Like, there's no.

[Tamara Judge]

Well, I'm sure it's nothing personal.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah. But I'm like, is that really what I mean? I have to and then I'm such a lunatic that I'm like, you know, I'm working the super bowl, so I need to pack.

[Tamara Judge]

Oh, my gosh. What are you doing? Maybe we can hook up with an athlete down there. You.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I'm going to the super bowl for the podcast. We have, like, some branding things and.

[Tamara Judge]

I am so jealous.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I know, but what am I supposed to wear? I'm not actually. I don't know that I'm going to the game, but.

[Tamara Judge]

Okay, so. Well, first of all, I think your location as to where you're doing the pod says a lot about what you're wearing. I think you need to look. Well, your bod's rocking, so I think you need to look sporty and hot. You're gonna catch a man. You know what? You. I am jealous because I ain't catching them over here on Broadway.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, one. What team am I going for?

[Tamara Judge]

Neither. You're going for the one that hires you the most.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Okay, but what color do I wear?

[Tamara Judge]

Like the color that looks good on you.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[Tamara Judge]

So it's the Chiefs and the Eagles.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yes.

[Tamara Judge]

So it's red or like, not teal, but blue. Green, right?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah. So, I mean, I have green on right now, but I'm not sure. That's like my look going forward. There's also multiple nights. There's like glams. There's. I mean, there's lots going into this. I don't have time for a hinge date.

[Tamara Judge]

You're taking glam?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Glam is meeting there. They have glam already. So I won't be looking like this at this.

[Tamara Judge]

I'll be honest with you. You can't be looking. You have to look like you're. You're. You have to look like a star. That's what you're doing.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Does that mean I have to put nails on? I can't go in with bloody cuticles and chapters.

[Tamara Judge]

No, you may not. No, you need to go, Erica. No.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

How am I going to get all these things done when I supposedly have a wins a hinge date on Wednesday?

[Tamara Judge]

Fuck the hinge, man. We're going to the Super Bowl.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

But the other crazy thing is, I asked the hinge guy. Well, he had already kind of made me laugh. He's like, on the thing, he's like, here's my Instagram. So you don't think that I'm an 85 year old catfish. Blah, blah, blah. So we started Instagramming back and forth and he's like, I don't really Instagram. Can we switch to phones and I'm like, sure, this is my number. He texts. And I'm like, before we continue texting, can you send me a voice note? Like I. Because to me, somebody's voice. Granted, this is rich coming from me because my voice is not pleasing that I needed to hear his before even saying yes, that's okay. Would you be the same like this.

[Tamara Judge]

Annoying voices and the most annoyingly recognizable voices on the planet? The answer is yeah, I'd like to hear your tone. Yeah, that's not an unreasonable request.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, but it then his tone, like he didn't say anything quippy or funny or it was just like, hey, it's me. Blah.

[Tamara Judge]

Yeah, but a lot of people aren't used to sending shit like that.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, I mean, you know what, Give.

[Tamara Judge]

It your best and like, ooh, Teddy. I mean, you know, cut the guy some slack.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, he's gonna be cut at least a week slack because I gotta plan for the super bowl and the boys. You really do.

[Tamara Judge]

You need to get your looks down because now you have to go full on. Teddy, I' you, this is a target rich environment. You need to go down there. I.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

If you see me looking like hell at the super bowl parties, you're going to be on me next week.

[Tamara Judge]

I am. Because this is a great opportunity, not only for you, but for your brand and personally. You can have some fun down there.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, do you think that I'm going to be met with like a baller or like a sports agent? Like, where do you really put me? I need to know what I'm going in looking for.

[Tamara Judge]

Well, no, I know what. Look, I guess my question is what do you intend? What do you want? I mean, do you want Jerry Maguire or do you want Patrick Mahomes? I mean, it's, you know, I don't know.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Jerry Maguire.

[Tamara Judge]

Really?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, I think so. I don't think I'd be good. Like, I'm kind of a jealous person in general. I don't think I'd be good with like the constant travel.

[Tamara Judge]

Oh, I'm sorry, wait a second. I. I thought you meant just for a brief moment.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Oh, well, I mean, it may be for just a brief moment, but like then I'm still gonna go.

[Tamara Judge]

Let me take my lens off.

[Ibrance Advertiser]

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[Teddi Mellencamp]

Oh, you thought I meant a Super bowl one night stand? That. Yeah. Then it's gonna. Then I would have to like get in a fight with Taylor Swift because it would be Travis Kelce. It's not gonna be Patrick Mahomes though. He's with child.

[Tamara Judge]

I meant as an archetype, not as a person. Everybody calmed down. I meant like as an archetype, like you know, not as like the literal person.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, speaking of Kevin Costner's ex wife, who Kevin Costner is at all the majority of the horse shows, by the way, this week at the horse show, Kevin, Kevin Costner was there and so was Mark Wahlberg.

[Tamara Judge]

So is it their daughters that are.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Writing, I don't know who Kevin, Kevin Costner's daughter must ride. I know it's Mark Wahlberg's daughter that rides because she's friends with Slate, but either way, I mean, Mark Wahlberg's happily married. Kevin Costner's ex wife, Christine Baumgartner. This is on one of our headlines. I didn't know this on my own just from seeing at the horse show is now engaged to Josh Connor. This is a big article because it's all, it's only a year after Kevin and Christine finalized their divorce, Baumgartner is making things official with her new boyfriend. They're entering a new chapter together. All I know is that I think Christina's rich, honey, as Rena would say. But she said it was about to rain. So no one else was on the beach when Josh got down on one knee. I don't want to be proposed to in the rain. I'm here to tell you I don't.

[Tamara Judge]

Know that I want to go from one marriage to another.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I don't know that answer for myself at this point.

[Tamara Judge]

I mean, clearly I haven't.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

But could you. But aren't you still married? You can't unless you want to be a bigamist.

[Tamara Judge]

Yeah, I'm still married.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

But you don't have that range right now.

[Tamara Judge]

Yeah, but I'm not even like, it's just I just don't think that at where I'm at in my life. On a personal note, that I wouldn't even consider that.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, the couple have been going together strong for over a year. They spent Christmas in New York together last month, where it all began. The news comes 11 months after Christine, 50, finalized her divorce to Kevin following a tense legal battle. Christine, who shares kids Kaden, 17, Hayes, 15, and Grace, 14, with I love that Kevin Costner is now considered the Yellowstone alum filed to end their 18 year marriage in May 2023, citing irreconcilable differences. Months later, the split came before contentious as they disagreed over child support. Then at this time, Christine denied she was in a relationship with Joss, who she went on vacation with in Hawaii earlier that summer. I mean, all in all, this is going to be a little bit of a sitch, but I also need to know, is Kevin Costner dating Jennifer Lopez? I mean, they've been pictured together at more than one location in Aspen. And would you date Kevin Costner or have a Super bowl rendezvous?

[Tamara Judge]

Yeah, I would. I've always thought Kevin Costner was handsome. I always thought he was a good actor. You know, he's a La Canada guy.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Oh, he's from La Canada. Flintridge.

[Tamara Judge]

Well, I don't know if he's from there, but I know he used to live there, and I think he's an SC guy.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

But do you think this is too fast to move on? I'm.

[Tamara Judge]

I'm.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

You know, I'm not asking for personal reasons, clearly. I just asked for who?

[Tamara Judge]

Him or her?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

For her. Because now she. I mean, that it took them 11 months to get divorced, and now we're engaged.

[Tamara Judge]

I mean, I guess everybody has to do what's right for them. It's not something I don't think I would do because I would worry that I was going from frying pan to fire. Not a bad way. But just like, emotionally, if I'm going to disconnect from a marriage that I was in for almost 20 years, I might need some space. Maybe she felt like she had enough space, but for me, personally, I probably.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Would have not done that, especially because we've got kids here. Which leads me to another big question that we've had on the pot.

[Tamara Judge]

Are older, though, than you?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Like, they're older than mine, but they're still teenagers. Yeah, but at what point do you think is okay? Like, do you remember the first time you met Tom's kids?

[Tamara Judge]

Yes.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

How long had you been with him?

[Tamara Judge]

Oh, well, a while. But, I mean, Tom's children were my age. I'm the. I'm the age of his youngest child.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Right.

[Tamara Judge]

So there wasn't really anything to say other than, hi, how are you?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

You weren't, like, dropping her off at her first day at kindergarten?

[Tamara Judge]

No, no, no. He had three children. And, you know, they had. We were all grownups, all of us. We were all grown. I had been married before, had a six year old at that time, so there was no, you know, everybody was an adult. It was a different situation.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

And let's say that you're better suited.

[Tamara Judge]

To talk about this because you have a stepchild.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, but they weren't married, so it's a little bit different. Like, probably in hindsight, I met Bella too soon. Like, if I were, like, I'm very good friends with Edwin's ex at this point in time. However, going back to where we were when I met Edwin, he had just broken up. Him and Christina had just broken up, and Bella was six weeks old, and I met her shortly thereafter.

[Tamara Judge]

So you've always been in her life.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I've always been in her life. But I think it made things harder for me and Bella's mom to have that connection because immediately, like, Edwin and I jumped into, like, an insta relationship. By insta, I mean, like immediate. Not Instagram, pre Instagram. But, you know, I can't imagine what it would be.

[Tamara Judge]

Well, let me ask you this. First off, I can see how Christina would not be happy with that at all. But number two, now that you're single, at what point would you let a man meet your children?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, I was actually talking about this with Edwin the other day because he's different than me in the way that he likes. Now that we're not together, he's more open to going to events and public things where I'm more of a one on one. I'd go to dinner with you and Rena and Kyle or whatever, but I'm probably not going to a big birthday dinner unless it's a best friend. Like, I'm not. I'm not into all that. So we were talking and I said, so what's like, the general rules? Because I think he's gonna have a Super bowl party here with the kids. I said, what do you think the general rules are with, like, if. If you're dating girls, are they gonna be here and just not be introduced? And he's like, it's really up to you. Like, I haven't even kind of thought about that. And is he dating, by the way? Yes.

[Tamara Judge]

Oh, yes. Both of you are dating.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Both of us are.

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[Teddi Mellencamp]

So I don't really know. I mean, it's. We're in a really weird situation because we nest. So, like, one of us is always living in our home. So, like, if and when we're not living in our home, the other person is not living in another home that we own. Like, we're at Kyle's and he's at his friend Zach's. Like, things are very.

[Tamara Judge]

Kyle and Zach are pulling through here.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Kyle and Zach are handling it, but I think that's what I said. Our therapist actually asked, if it gets serious enough with one of your guys, future people, do you want to meet them before they meet your kids? And I. I mean, I got emotional when asked and I said, I actually don't. I don't know the answer to that question yet.

[Tamara Judge]

I think that's pretty reasonable, though. I'll tell you why I would like to know. You have small children, right? Yeah, you know, like, little dove and, you know, stuff like that. I would like to know who's around my kids.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Right. But then at. Where do you draw the line? Like, I could have been like, you know, he had people over for a playoffs event, and I know none of the girls he was dating were there, but there were girls and there were people I didn't know, and the kids are there. And do I think anything unsafe was happening? Absolutely not. But, like, I can't be micromanaging his.

[Tamara Judge]

We're talking about somebody that was dating. You forgot the whole condition. You just put on that. Like, I know people coming over and being friendly. We're talking about someone that he would be dating consistently.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Right. But if that person that he was dating was just here with a group of 30 other people and they weren't showing that they were dating, would I care or would I not? I do not know.

[Tamara Judge]

It can't.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I can't. Right?

[Tamara Judge]

Yes. It's not your. Hey, listen, the rules have changed. So there you go.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah. So I think that's where it gets tricky. I think, you know, yes, it's easy to say I would want to meet the person first, but if there's any kind of social interaction, I don't need to be managing that. But I guess if it gets to the point where, like, hey, I'm taking the kids to dinner with. I'm just making up a name. Janet. Right. I would probably want to know. I wouldn't want Cruz to be like, hey, mom, we met Janet tonight at dinner. Her and dad were holding hands.

[Tamara Judge]

Yeah. You would like to Know that before. And you'd like to get to know Janet or at least be introduced to Janet so it doesn't come out of the.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

You know, I don't know that I need to meet Janet.

[Tamara Judge]

Oh, okay. Well, then you don't.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, that. But I'm asking you, would you, if it was reversed, would you want to meet Janet? Poor random person named Janet that thinks I may be talking about her. I'm not. I just made up.

[Tamara Judge]

Let me. Let me. Let me roll back 30 years in my brain here. Yes. The answer is yes. If it was someone that was important, that was going to be spending time with my children, possibly spending the night with, you know, my former spouse and the kids, getting to know them, yes, I'd like to at least put my eyes and energy, you know, I'd like to feel that person's energy for a second. I. I don't think I get wrapped up in it because I made a choice not to. I made a choice to disconnect. So I can't. You know, you have to be a big girl here and say, okay, well, and. And I think it would be fair for the opposite if you had someone spending time with your children. Everyone has the right to, you know, lay eyes on this person and at least meet them and, you know, look at them. Not saying that anybody's making bad decisions. Let's not do that. It is fair.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, I agree. And I mean, I think in hindsight, you know, when I think about it, you know, my relationship with Christina has really evolved through the years.

[Tamara Judge]

Sure.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

And it took time because of the way it started. So if we could eliminate that initial. But I don't know if you can eliminate it. I don't know if that feeling, like, once you're getting divorced or once you're divorced, whether it's mutual decision. One person decided. I don't know if those feelings are going to come back. Like, are there feelings of jealousy? Is there going to be feelings of sadness?

[Tamara Judge]

You have to look at it the same way. We were talking earlier about grief and that it's not linear in that it's just sort of one of these things that rises and falls. It comes in and out, and you're going to have to address it when it comes up and not let it take hold of you. Try to keep it all in perspective.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Right. I guess that makes sense. This is a fan question, Erica. Did you ever experience resentment with Tom's exes? Did they have a say in your relationship with Tom?

[Tamara Judge]

No.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah.

[Tamara Judge]

No, they did not. I think that And I think one of the great things is that when I was with Tom, I had also been married and divorced and I was already a mom, so I didn't have unrealistic expectations. Like I'd already been through some life stuff myself. And Tom had already been married twice before. And like I said earlier, I was an adult, he had adult children. I kind of feel like whatever happened before is. Whatever happened before, I kind of like don't want to know, don't care. When you're with me, you're with me. And I just. And it's so funny because like I was thinking about it now, if I was in a relationship, I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody that has a crazy ex wife or crazy children. It's. That's a real turn off for me. Yeah, I don't know how you feel about that, but that's not something that I'm interested. I'm not interested in raising somebody else's kids. Kind of don't want to know your. And it's not where I'm at in my life.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, I mean, for me, because I have such young kids, I wouldn't be. To me, it would be a bigger red flag if I met a 50 year old man who had no kids and was never married. Well, then I agree with then somebody that's 50, has three kids, divorced 10 years ago, you know.

[Tamara Judge]

Well, to anybody that's listening, let me just say this. If I end up dating your dad, don't worry. I don't want to know you and I'm not trying to take him away from you and I don't want your fucking money and I'm really not into it. So don't worry. I don't want to know. You don't give a fuck about. You don't give a fuck about your inheritance. I'm here to have a good time with your dad. That's it. I have my own shit going on. And if you know anything about me, you know I'm not really interested in you or your life. Now if that doesn't sound.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

You know what, that should be your hinge profile.

[Tamara Judge]

Not here to steal your dad's money. Don't really give a fuck about you or your family traditions. I'm just here for a good time.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, what if you had to go to Christmas like you went on a Christmas trip together? Would you? If the kid.

[Tamara Judge]

No, no, no. Now if I liked this family and I thought they were lovely and they liked me, of course. But if you're talking about trying to make something work? No. The answer is absolutely not. If everybody meets and they get along and it's cool, great. I'm like down to have the best time. But if you think for one iota I'm gonna spend one second of what's left of my life trying to assimilate into some man's family. No.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Is this why you didn't ever go on a date with my dad? Because you didn't want to be my stepmom?

[Tamara Judge]

That's right. And your dad never wanted to date me and I never wanted to date your dad. But truthfully, your dad is a nice man.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

What if I just start. Mom, can we do the pod earlier?

[Tamara Judge]

You know what? You need to stop right there because I'm starting to feel some kind of weird way about that. That would just be horrible. But you know what? It's true. And I don't think that you would either. I. I am at a phase in my life where I want to be with people that want to be with me. If somebody's lovely and they have great kids, that's wonderful. I can guarantee you, if I get with someone, I am not going to mother your children. I am not going. It's not where I'm at in my life. It's just not, you know, I want people who are squared away, who feel good, who've got great situations because my shit is nailed down, you know.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Well, also, going through your hinge profile that you haven't completed, I don't think that you need to have relatability photos. I think you just post the photos.

[Tamara Judge]

Of you and people can anything very relatable about me. I think that those who relate will relate. I don't think I should try to make myself something other than what I really am.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Yeah, that's my kind of weird and.

[Tamara Judge]

Kind of out there. And if you get to know me, like, you've gotten to know me, you know, I. I am a regular person. I just happened to present a little differently.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

But you also, you're a good advice giver and you can, I mean, granted, like us all, you can, you know, have a hot head, like we all can. But you actually, like, have the ability to read people and kind of, you're able to suss out situations that I wouldn't say everybody has the ability to do.

[Tamara Judge]

I think that I'm able to just like, take a step back and look at things and be like, you know what? I don't know if that's the right answer for this, but. And I don't have the answer. So, you know, I just, I try to just take it as I see it. But I'm excited for you when you're dating and I'm really, I'm really. I will say this. And, and I. As I was scrolling, I saw you on the pod and I'm. I have to take this time to say I'm very proud of the way that you're recovering because, you know, you got smacked in the face.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I smacked myself in the face. I got smacked in the face.

[Tamara Judge]

And I tell you though, but that's part of life. It's part of why your people enjoy listening to you and enjoy watching you. You've been open and as honest as you can be, as one can be. And no, you, they don't deserve your, you know, entire blood God's history. But you've done well and you've picked yourself up and dusted yourself off and that's really all you can ask for. So keep going. I'm really proud of you.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Thank you. I really appreciate being able to talk to you. And I miss doing. You know what, I'm happy. But I selfishly miss seeing you in person.

[Tamara Judge]

Same.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

So, I mean, I'm gonna, I'm gonna deal with this extension. But then. Enough. Get your ass back here.

[Tamara Judge]

It's only two weeks and I'm coming home. And then we're going to sit down, we're going to do a proper catch up, we'll do some really good pods and we'll have some good face.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I'll go back to applying makeup.

[Tamara Judge]

Me too.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Making an effort.

[Tamara Judge]

I won't be in this corporate apartment, which no shade to this corporate apartment. But you know, I like being with you.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I like being with you too. But you guys, thanks for tuning in for another episode of Diamonds in the Rough. Next week we are going to do a little special Galentine's episode.

[Tamara Judge]

I think it's a Galentine's day for us.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I think it's a Galentine's day. I don't think even if you get set up on hinge prior to then or if I end up going out with a guy, we're not gonna get.

[Tamara Judge]

Any Valentine's Day dates.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

I don't think I'm getting any Valentine Grahams.

[Tamara Judge]

Let me tell you. Amen. I'm not either.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Maybe we should spend the night not together, but spend the night focusing on guys. Do you need a cameo? And we make money on Valentine's.

[Tamara Judge]

That was bad. I've never done a cameo. Is it good?

[Teddi Mellencamp]

It's good. But this is my issue. If they come in in waves, I don't want to do them. But if I got like 40 cameos at once and could bang them all out on Valentine's Day when I'm feeling lonely and sad, I think I could probably do it. And that's pretty good money. And then you're like doing something positive on the, you know, it might be.

[Tamara Judge]

Interesting to do like a, like a Valentine's Day cameo thing or Christmas time, you know, like, kinds of things. But I don't think I could do it on a daily basis. This is Erica. You know, you're, you're.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Hey, I heard you're turning 37. Happy birthday. GNA be your best year yet.

[Tamara Judge]

Probably not. Probably not.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

We're on year five of so don't take advice from us.

[Tamara Judge]

Yeah, don't take any advice from us, honey.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Oh, my gosh. Well, I miss you. And we'll be back next week. You guys. Thanks for tuning in to another episode, sweetheart.

[Tamara Judge]

See you later.

[Teddi Mellencamp]

Bye.

[Tamara Judge]

Bye.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Teddi Mellencamp]

Teddi Mellencamp and Tamara Judge. Home emergencies wait for no one, and you shouldn't either. Whether it's plumbing, electric, heating or cooling, HomeServe has you covered. Get a plan from Home Serve for Peace of mind starting at 5 bucks a [e-mail] find out how to save on repairshomeserve.com homeserve a subscription for Peace of Mind not available everywhere. Most plans range between $3.99 to $11.99 a month. Your first year terms apply. Uncovered repairs.