Dirty Rush: Having High STANDARDS

Summary

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Two Ts In A Pod: “Dirty Rush: Having High STANDARDS”

Podcast: Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge
Episode Date: September 20, 2025
Duration: ~53 minutes
Key Guests/Voices: Gia Giudice, Mercedes Northup, Jen Fessler, Elizabeth, Rowan, plus several listener call-ins

Episode Overview

This episode of "Dirty Rush" dives deep into the world of sorority standards—a committee that handles member behavior and discipline within Greek life. Through candid stories from hosts, guests, and call-ins, the show exposes the realities, stressors, and sometimes the humor of being called before this mini “government.” Listeners are offered a behind-the-scenes look at what standards means, how it impacts sorority women, and the sometimes arbitrary nature of enforcement.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is "Standards" in Sorority Life? (03:01)

• The "Standards" committee acts as a behavioral oversight group within sororities, responsible for addressing violations of chapter rules and etiquette.
• Gia sets the stage: “Standards is basically a group of people who run a committee and basically punish you on your behavior. There is proper etiquette and proper behavior that is necessary while being in a sorority.” (03:03)

2. Strictness and Varying Experiences

Guest: Mercedes Northup (04:53 - 08:13)

• Mercedes shares her journey at Iowa State as a member of Delta Zeta (DZ).
  • She recalled the transition from not knowing anything about Greek life to joining, and being surprised by the rules and fines.
  • “They love sending my ass to standards. They really did.” (06:45)
  • Discusses frustration over fines for missed meetings and minor infractions—“I was tired of getting fined… It was just so expensive.” (07:12)
  • Dropped out junior year due to costs and feeling micromanaged.

3. Standards as President: Bizarre and Intense Situations

Guest: Elizabeth (08:29-10:16)

• As former president of a UCLA sorority, Elizabeth explains the frequent infractions from parties, especially bus rides to events.
  • “Every single event, without fail, somebody would throw up on the bus… the sober monitors… would report them back to the sorority…” (09:00)
  • She herself was once called in for throwing up on the bus, saying, “Not my proudest moment…” (10:10)
  • Many punishments simply involved being made a sober monitor or missing mixers.

4. The Peer Pressure Element

• Gia recounts being peer-pressured to drink on bid night, resulting in older sisters having to write apology letters when Standards found out. (10:25-11:13)
  • Quote: “No, like, 100% I felt peer pressured… Standards got wind of it, and then my older sisters got in trouble.” (10:49)

5. The Emotional Toll

Guest: Miranda (12:25-13:57)

• Opening line: “When you say the word standards, I get chills in my body. It literally brings back trauma feelings.” (12:25)
• Shared her unique story of getting called in for unpaid dues—something outside the usual party/social media incidents.
  • “I'm 19, I have, you know, $20 at best in my pocket… It was just very awkward, hilarious experience.” (13:07)

6. Social Media and Double Standards

Guest: Elizabeth’s “Heart System” Story (17:57-23:40)

• “Posting with alcohol” is a common standards offense.
  • If the chapter Instagram (with an incognito girl’s name) comments a heart on your post, you’re to delete it immediately, no questions.
  • Elizabeth ignored the heart—twice. “My ambitious self was like, oh, they're gonna forget about that… And so I was like, oh no, like two hearts. Now I should probably delete it. But I didn't.” (18:29)
• Discussed favoritism: “They pick the people they want to call out, and then they pick people that they're like, oh, they can get away with it.” (19:06)
• On punishment: “They had me write a handwritten letter… saying exactly what you said before. This is a reflection of us as a chapter.” (22:13)
  • Having to hand in a letter at chapter in front of everyone felt “shaming” and awkward.

7. Parental Perspective and Advocacy

Jen Fessler’s story about her daughter (25:34-27:30)

• Frustration with how quick the standards process is, and how little support or conversation comes before disciplinary action.
  • “The whole point of this is that you meet these girls and they become your sisters... What happened before bringing you in front of a disciplinary committee?” (26:13)
• Sometimes, emotional or mental health-related circumstances bring girls to standards, even when they didn’t do anything “wrong.”

8. Fairness, Favoritism, and Leadership

• Discussion on how being on the Standards committee can be complicated, especially when the people involved are friends or roommates.
  • “I just wouldn't want my friends or people to not act as they normally would around me just because I'm on this committee. You know what I mean?” —Elizabeth (32:26)

9. Standout Standards Story: The Stolen Composite

Guest: Rowan (33:23-41:19)

• At UCLA, Rowan jokes about never being called in until a prank gone awry: stealing a fraternity composite photo from a wall as a joke.
  • “We ripped it off of the wall and ran out of the house… I left it on the side of the road because we were worried about… I felt bad.” (34:18)
• How she got caught: “I got caught on the security cameras outside of their front door, and they had a full video of it.” (38:00)
• Consequence: Had to write a two-page apology letter to the fraternity president; the prophesized $500 fine never materialized because “the frat was too lazy to send the bill.” (39:24-40:23)

10. The Most Public Standard of All: Gia’s RHONJ Story

Gia Giudice’s own standards experience (44:28-50:14)

• Recaps infamous RHONJ incident (2021) where a fellow Housewife made an analogy involving her and drug use, which aired on TV.
• Sorority Standards heard the rumor and insisted on formally calling Gia in to ask if it was true that she used cocaine.
  • “I'm sitting on this Zoom call with, like, a straight face, and they go, Gia, like, we saw what was… what had just aired on Bravo. Do you participate in doing the drug cocaine? And I was like, no, I do not.” (45:29)
• Felt the process was humiliating, unnecessary, and invasive, given her peers knew her character.
• The fallout: “I was so upset that I texted Jackie Goldschneider about it afterwards… It was humiliating, you know, to be called to standards for something that I didn't do.” (47:01)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mercedes Northup on being fined:
  “They love sending my ass to standards. They really did.” (06:45)
• Elizabeth on favoritism:
  “They pick the people they want to call out… and they pick people that they're like, oh, they can get away with it.” (19:06)
• Jen Fessler on supporting girls:
  "What is this for if it's not to find people that are going to be on your side? Not for everything—when you do something wrong, you do something wrong. But in this case, she hadn't." (26:19)
• Rowan on her standard story:
  “It was a huge composite… We ripped it off of the wall and ran out of the house.” (34:18)
  "I got caught on the security cameras outside of their front door..." (38:00)
• Gia on her standards meeting:
  “I'm sitting on this Zoom call with, like, a straight face, and they go, Gia, like, we saw what had just aired on Bravo. Do you participate in doing the drug cocaine? And I was like, no, I do not.” (45:29)
  "It was humiliating, you know, to be called to standards for something that I didn't do and that I would never entertain or engage in." (47:01)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• What is standards? — 03:01-03:46
• Mercedes Northup on DZ and dropping out — 04:53-08:13
• Elizabeth (UCLA) on sober monitor system and being called — 08:29-10:16
• Gia's bid night peer pressure/anecdote — 10:25-11:13
• Miranda on unpaid dues standards stress — 12:25-13:57
• Elizabeth on social media “heart” system and favoritism — 17:57-23:40
• Jen Fessler’s parental perspective — 25:34-27:32
• Rowan’s story: stealing a frat composite — 33:23-41:19
• Gia Giudice’s RHONJ/standards committee humiliation — 44:28-50:14

---

Tone & Takeaways

The overall tone is open, occasionally irreverent, and marked by moments of genuine reflection and camaraderie. The group doesn’t shy from calling out the absurdity or arbitrariness of some standards procedures or the emotional impact, but also recognizes the intent behind creating responsibility within the sorority.

Themes:

• Balancing enforcement and empathy in sorority life
• The very real pressures and anxieties of being “called in”
• The impact of public persona and social media
• Favoritism and inconsistencies in rule enforcement
• Growth, learning, and “sisterhood” despite (or even because of) the hardships

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Final Thoughts

This episode paints a vivid picture of how “having high standards” isn’t always straightforward—it’s about social navigation, perceived fairness, and facing up to both mistakes and misunderstandings. For listeners curious about Greek life, it’s an eye-opening, at times hilarious, at times sobering account from those who’ve lived it.

Moral from Jen Fessler: “Girls, don’t post things that you don’t want to get in trouble for. That’s the moral of this story.” (33:16)

---

Transcript

[Rowan]

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[Gia]

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[Elizabeth]

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[Jen Fessler]

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[Gia]

Welcome to Dirty Rush, the truth about sorority life, with your hosts, me, Gia.

[Jen Fessler]

Giudice, Daisy Kent, and Jennifer Kessler.

[Gia]

Hey, guys. And welcome to Dirty Rush, where we are giving you the inside scoop on sorority life. In this episode, we are talking about standards. Standards is basically a group of people who run a committee and basically punish you on your behavior. There is proper etiquette and proper behavior that is necessary while being in a sorority. And we are going to dive deep, have some callers calling in and telling us their standard story. And at the end, maybe you'll hear a story from me. I have a celebrity guest here with me today, Mercedes Northup. Welcome to Dirty Rush.

[Mercedes Northup]

Excited to be here.

[Gia]

So excited to have you here. Yes. So, new announcement. You just launched your podcast.

[Mercedes Northup]

Yes. Famously available with Ben. It has been so much fun, having fun. It's all about dating. So, you know, getting back into the dating world. Yes, girl, I'm back in there. It's so scary, but I'm ready, honestly.

[Gia]

This is so fun, though.

[Mercedes Northup]

Yes.

[Gia]

The dating podcast. You're kind of just doing the intros right now, but then you're gonna get into dating life. Going on dates via podcast.

[Mercedes Northup]

Yeah. Which is so crazy.

[Gia]

That's interesting.

[Mercedes Northup]

So I kind of took a break from dating. I haven't dated in, like, two years, which is a long time. It's a long time. But I just needed, like, time just to, like.

[Rowan]

I don't know. I went through.

[Mercedes Northup]

I had a really bad situationship again, you know, So I had two years off, and I was like. I was telling my mom. I'm like, I think the next time, like, I'm going to go on a date. Like, they're setting me up on a date. I need to, like, get ready. So I have. I'm calling it my practice date on Saturday. Poor guy doesn't know it, but who knows?

[Gia]

Maybe this practice date will, like, be your night in shining armor.

[Elizabeth]

Literally.

[Gia]

Oh, my God, I love that.

[Mercedes Northup]

Yeah.

[Gia]

Okay, so wait. Fingers crossed for this date on.

[Mercedes Northup]

Yeah, we'll see.

[Jen Fessler]

I don't know.

[Mercedes Northup]

I'll keep you updated.

[Gia]

All right, so Dirty Rush, you know that it's all about sorority life, and we kind of just talk about the good, the bad, the ugly, and really get into the truths about sorority life. So where did you go? Were you in a sorority?

[Mercedes Northup]

Yes.

[Gia]

What was your Experience, like, so I.

[Mercedes Northup]

Went to Iowa State. And going.

[Gia]

You stayed in state?

[Mercedes Northup]

Yes.

[Gia]

Okay.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Mercedes Northup]

Yep.

[Gia]

I went to.

[Mercedes Northup]

Went to Iowa State. Studied fashion. It was like, I loved that school. It was so much fun. But I honestly didn't know much about recruitment. But I. A few girls.

[Gia]

Were you the oldest?

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah.

[Mercedes Northup]

And my mom was, like. Had me 15. Like, she didn't go to college, so I was, like, the first one. My mom knew nothing.

[Gia]

When I go, you have to pay dues. She goes, what?

[Mercedes Northup]

She's like, what is that?

[Gia]

Literally, you're rushing a sorority. What's that?

[Mercedes Northup]

Literally, that was me. I had no idea what I was doing, what I was getting myself into. But my roommate, she was like, I'm doing it. You should do it with me. And I'm like, okay, sure. Why not? Let's just see what it is. Went through recruitment. Had a really good recruitment process, honestly. In my top three were dz, Kappa, and Tri Delt. And then pref Night, I went Kappa and dz, and then I ended up going dz. Bidded them. They bidded me. So that's where I went. And I love dz. It was so much fun. I met all my best friends. But there was some issues, too. They were very hard on us sometimes, just having, like, certain things that we could do and couldn't do. And I was, you know, a freshman. I'm like, I'm literally in college. I can. This is my time to, like, do what I want. Like, let me go to a party, let me post a beer, and.

[Gia]

Well. And you couldn't.

[Mercedes Northup]

And we would get fined.

[Elizabeth]

Yes.

[Jen Fessler]

Oh, my God.

[Mercedes Northup]

I got s. I was. Stayed in Standards.

[Gia]

Yeah.

[Jen Fessler]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mercedes Northup]

Like, they love sending my ass to standards. They really did.

[Gia]

But it was until you were initiated after initiation. Then you were able to.

[Rowan]

Right?

[Gia]

No. Oh, no.

[Mercedes Northup]

No. They were very strict.

[Gia]

Maybe they didn't want that image.

[Mercedes Northup]

Which is so crazy, because we were, like, kind of known as the party house. But they, like, were very. But, like, the. Yeah, they were strict.

[Gia]

And you were in your sorority all four years?

[Mercedes Northup]

No, I actually dropped my junior year.

[Gia]

Did you just not think it was worth it or not?

[Mercedes Northup]

I was getting. I was tired of getting fined, like, random things. Like, I don't even remember what I got fined for, but I was like, I'm not paying that. Like, I'm not doing this anymore. Like, and it was just so expensive.

[Gia]

Oh, yeah. Sometimes it's a money grab.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah.

[Mercedes Northup]

I think my dues were, like, $300 if you a month, and then if you missed which, as a college student, it's, like, pretty expensive. Like, I was paying for it. So that was that. And then also, like, if you missed. What's it. Why am I forgetting what it's called? Like, chapter. Chapter. They find you, like, a hundred dollars, and I'm like, I'm not doing that. And I loved going home and, like, being with my family. And it was always on Sundays.

[Gia]

I was like, yeah, after, it was always on Sunday.

[Mercedes Northup]

Always on Sundays.

[Gia]

I hated that when I would go home for Sunday dinner and I had to leave to go to chapter.

[Mercedes Northup]

That's what I'm saying.

[Rowan]

So annoying.

[Gia]

And I would have to, like, request, like, can I go on Zoom today for this chapter meeting?

[Mercedes Northup]

Literally. And Chandra was so.

[Gia]

They would always say no. Sometimes we were in chapter for five minutes.

[Mercedes Northup]

I know. And then you needed to do. Yeah, it was so dumb. Then you.

[Gia]

Five minutes.

[Mercedes Northup]

Yeah. But, yeah, I was just over the fighting and over getting in trouble with them, so I was like, all right, I'm just gonna drop.

[Gia]

Sarah, welcome to Dirty Rush.

[Jen Fessler]

Hi.

[Elizabeth]

Thanks for having me.

[Gia]

So excited to hear your story.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

So I think I kind of have a unique, like, experience, because when I.

[Gia]

Was in college, I went to a.

[Elizabeth]

Really big public school in la. Some people might know it. It's ucla and so sick. And I, like, definitely loved my experience, but I so much so that I was president of my sorority. And so when I was president, I served on standards. A big reason why a lot of people got called to standards was because a lot of our events were off campus at different venues around the city in la. And so there would be these long bus rides where people would heavily pregame prior to these bus rides to these events, and every single event, without fail, somebody would throw up on the bus. And we had members of our sorority called, like, sober sisters, sober monitors, whose role was to, like, of course, make sure everyone was safe and okay, but also to, like, give trash bags to anyone on the bus that would looked like they were about to throw up and then also, like, report them back to the sorority if they did throw up. Because, like, then the sorority would have to pay that huge fine or whatever. Yeah, so that was a big standards call in. And I, yes, was president, was serving on the on board of standards, but prior to that, had been called into standards for throwing up on a bus. I was a freshman, and I was actually supposed to be a sober monitor.

[Gia]

Oh, no.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. So it was really bad. It was like, not only did you throw up on the bus, but you.

[Gia]

Also threw up watching everyone yeah.

[Elizabeth]

Was not my proudest moment, but that. That's my standard story.

[Gia]

That is so funny. Girls got brought to Standards because they were encouraging me to drink on bit night.

[Elizabeth]

When you were just. When you had just.

[Gia]

Oh, I, like, just went home. Like, I just went to Zeta. I just got my bid. Like, we ran home, and it was bid day, so we were all just, like, having a big party in the house.

[Elizabeth]

And be honest, though. Were you. Did you feel peer pressured or were you. Oh, take part?

[Gia]

No, like, 100% I felt peer pressured. Like, no, because I knew I wasn't supposed to, but somehow Standards got wind of it, and then my older sisters got in trouble because they were like, like, what are you doing? This is obviously unacceptable. And then that girl literally had to write an apology letter to me.

[Rowan]

I didn't think it was that big.

[Gia]

Of a deal, but obviously it was a big deal to the sorority because a liability for liability purposes.

[Elizabeth]

Then it's like, once Standard catches you.

[Gia]

Then what do they do with you to punish you?

[Elizabeth]

The standard punishment was like, you have to be a sober sister again.

[Gia]

I think that was the main punishment for Zeta, too. It was either, like, they would take away some mixer. Some mixers, you were unable to go out, or, like, they made you a sober monitor for the next date party. And obviously, if you got that, you were pissed because your night was ruined. I think Standards definitely has their normal protocol and what they follow. I think the end goal is just to make you a more. Like, a better and more responsible person in the long run. Thank you. This was awesome, but I'm glad you made a step up. You went from throwing up on the bus on the way to a day party to then becoming the president of your sorority. Yeah. So that shows growth. This is exactly what the sororities wanted. Miranda, welcome to Dirty Rush.

[Jen Fessler]

Thank you so much. When you say the word standards, I get chills in my body. It literally brings back trauma feelings.

[Gia]

No, I hate that. Yeah.

[Jen Fessler]

In a funny way, but I feel.

[Gia]

Like everyone felt like that when they got called to Standards.

[Jen Fessler]

It's so true, because no one gets called in for a great reason. And our Standards was made up of our friends, sorority sisters, and then an advisor or two. So it's pretty intense. And my. Funny enough, when I was in my sorority, my sister was also in the same sorority, and she was on Standards.

[Gia]

She probably, like, internally wanted to kill you. Like, oh, my God, My sister just getting called in.

[Jen Fessler]

The honest truth is, I wish it was for an exciting, fun reason, like a behavioral one, but I was called in with my sister to standards and again she was on standards because our bills were never paid because my dad is just a very fun kind of traveling guy who just would completely forget or not send in the paycheck or the bill. And so we would get called in together and again, she was on standards because our bills were not being paid. And I remember sitting there thinking, I'm 19, I have, you know, $20 at best in my pocket. Like I don't know what to do about this. And it was just very awkward, hilarious experience because it was my friends saying pay your bill and me saying, okay, call my parents because I barely have money for dinner this week. When I hear standards now, it just brings up a little PTSD because it was not fun.

[Gia]

Looking back at standards, I feel like they were just trying to constantly teach you a lesson.

[Jen Fessler]

I so agree. I think there were so many lessons. Being in a sorority and learning to live with all the girls and absolutely standards was is reality. Before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes, shopping used.

[Gia]

To feel more fun.

[Jen Fessler]

But here's a confession.

[Gia]

Are you a Charlotte listeners?

[Jen Fessler]

You can find that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping.

[Gia]

It'S a full on fashion pursuit.

[Jen Fessler]

And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit is real. I went on to ebay to look for a super special vintage jacket for.

[Gia]

Charlotte to wear to the gallery and I found the most amazing Mugler jacket.

[Jen Fessler]

And the costume department loved it and it felt so good and I still have it at home.

[Gia]

Like when you score that rare Adidas collab that's lived on your mood board. Or the Dior saddle bag that you.

[Jen Fessler]

Ripped right out of a magazine in.

[Gia]

2007 and never got over.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah, those.

[Gia]

It's about the thrill and the pursuit.

[Jen Fessler]

Of finding those pieces that feel like you. There's always more to discover.

[Gia]

Ebay has millions of pre loved finds.

[Jen Fessler]

From hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love did.

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[Jen Fessler]

Hi guys, it's Jen Fessler here with another standard story here on Dirty Rush. We have Elizabeth today who's going to talk to us about her experience that she had in terms of standards and what happened and how it all went down. So hi Elizabeth.

[Elizabeth]

Hi. Okay, yes. So my standard story was kind of the typical of posting with alcohol, not being able to post with alcohol. And I knew that. But basically in my sorority we have an Instagram account and it's a normal girl's name. But if they comment a heart on your post, it means delete that post immediately and we won't say anything to you. And it's all good. But my ambitious self was like, oh, they're gonna forget about that. They're not gonna remember they commented a heart. So I did not delete that post. And then I posted again with what looked like a lemonade cup. It could have been a lemonade cup, but it was alcohol. And they commented another heart on my post. And so I was like, oh no, like two hearts Now I should probably delete it. But I didn't.

[Jen Fessler]

Why didn't you?

[Elizabeth]

I don't know. I think I was just kind of like, it looks like lemonade. Like. And I was like, this is such a double standard. So many of them post with alcohol, like, and they. It's just a favoriting thing. They pick the people they want to call art, and then they pick people that they're like, oh, they can get away with it.

[Jen Fessler]

So it was almost like you're almost not giving them a F you, but kind of like you were. You were sort of standing up for yourself. And so it wasn't as if you were just like, yeah, they won't notice. It was more like, no, this is not fair.

[Elizabeth]

I think it was a little bit of both. Like, the first time it was like, oh, they won't notice. And then the second time it was like, this is so annoying. I keep seeing all these people in my sorority posting with alcohol as well. And all these posts are not getting hearts on it. Like, why am I getting a heart? Comments. And of course, I'm like, thinking my private story on Snapchat is, like, a safe place to go. So I'm like, they're trying to take my rights away. I can post whatever I want. Whatever.

[Jen Fessler]

Listen, I mean, I'm not. I don't even. I don't think that's so out of the realm of right and true. You should be able to post what you want. Although I get that, I guess, you know, what you guys post is in some way a reflection. We have problems. When I was. When I was in a sorority a million and ten years ago, we didn't have social media. But was it also. Was it a particularly fun post? Were you like, I love this post. I don't want to take it down.

[Elizabeth]

It was a semester recap. So I was like, okay, I have to take the.

[Jen Fessler]

Spend time on it. Yeah.

[Rowan]

Yeah, right?

[Elizabeth]

I was like, yeah. And I think this was before the Instagram update of, like, you can delete one, like, slide out of your post. So this was before.

[Jen Fessler]

That's good for me to know you can do that.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. But before you couldn't do that. So I was like, oh, this is my semester post. Like, I'm in college, whatever.

[Jen Fessler]

Right. Right.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. But then they DM'd me, and I'm like, still in this stubborn state of mind of, like, I just won't open it. It doesn't say seen if I don't open it. So, like, so this Instagram account, DMs me badass.

[Gia]

Listen, like, I don't know.

[Jen Fessler]

I want to meet your mom. I want my daughter to be just like this. She is actually like this.

[Elizabeth]

I think my mom would be so, so upset with me.

[Rowan]

Really?

[Elizabeth]

She would just be. Just delete it. It's Instagram.

[Jen Fessler]

And I'd be like, maybe she's right. I don't even know. But I'm kind of like, I'm just happy to hear about you not letting yourself get pushed around. Although, yeah, okay, I'll let you finish your story.

[Elizabeth]

So then, anyways, I'm like, oh, I got away with it. But little did I know, I get a standards email. So I think every school does it different, but for mine, we get an email, and it's like, come an hour before chapter on Sundays, and you just go into this room, and they basically tell you what you did. Some people go in there, like, completely blind. Like, I don't even know what I did. I obviously had all of this, and I knew what I did. So I go into this meeting. It's the president, risk chair, the standards committee. Just, like, all of them. And I'm like, they sit in a.

[Jen Fessler]

Circle, or do they, like, you have to face them all?

[Elizabeth]

Like, it's just, like, around a table, and you just sit down at, like, of the chairs. It's actually, like, pretty chill at my school. They don't make it very crazy, but it is a little bit intimidating sitting down with, like, the president, your sorority, and you know exactly what you did, right? And so, yeah, so they just sat me down, and they were like, listen, like, we commented the hearts. You know the drill. We DM'd you. I know you didn't open it. Like, they knew exactly what I was saying.

[Gia]

Right?

[Jen Fessler]

They're not stupid.

[Elizabeth]

And I was just like, I'm sorry. Yeah, it won't happen again. I'm just explaining that. And then there has to be a repercussion for everything, basically, with standards. And so they had me write a handwritten paper, like a letter to them, basically, saying exactly what you said before. This is a reflection of us as a chapter. This isn't just because we want you to take down your Instagram post. And I was like, okay, that's okay. I'll do that. So it had to be a handwritten letter, and I had to bring it into chapter the week after on Sunday. And so in this letter, I'm just like, this won't happen again. I understand. This is a reflection of my sorority. I committed to something, like, just kind of writing what they Want to hear? I'm like, it's an Instagram post. I don't really care. And then. Yeah. So then you have to bring it in the next week into chapter and hand it to them. But of course, you're walking into chapter with a piece of paper, and everyone knows what this means. Like, it's a hammer.

[Jen Fessler]

Does anyone really care? Isn't everyone, like, kind of laughing about it?

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, it's a laughing matter. It's not like, oh, my gosh, blah, blah, blah. I mean, so many people have to do this. Half my friends had to do stuff because they didn't show up to events that were mandatory, and they had to write a letter saying that it's really rude to commit to something, and then whatever. So it's all handwritten letters. But when you're showing up to chapter with a handwritten letter, like, everyone knows that you went to standard.

[Jen Fessler]

Right, Right.

[Ad Read Announcer]

My eyes.

[Elizabeth]

I'm, like, slyly handing my piece of paper to the person. Were you embarrassed?

[Jen Fessler]

Did you feel. I mean, I just think I'm thinking about why they make you do it that way. Like, why they make you walk into chapter with it.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Jen Fessler]

Written in front of everyone and hand it over. I mean, it's so obviously to. I'm sorry to say, but you may not agree, but to kind of shame you a little bit.

[Elizabeth]

Oh, yeah. I think half of it is. But I also think my sorority is, like, traditional with a lot of things. We don't like to do a lot of stuff on technology. So I think maybe the traditional part of it is, like, oh, handwritten letter. It's a little bit more, like, authentic and, like, you mean it. It rather than, like, chat. Gpting something or whatever.

[Jen Fessler]

I get that.

[Rowan]

So.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

But I think that actually, like, physically handing it to them during chapter is definitely like, oh, we're gonna change. Yeah, exactly.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah. I mean, were you upset? Were you. Did it take any. Did it take a toll on you?

[Elizabeth]

I think I'm just, like, my stubborn self was like, they got me. Like, it didn't upset me, but I was just hilarious. Of course, I couldn't get away.

[Jen Fessler]

That's so funny. Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

Like, so many people get away with stuff like that, though. I mean, like, I was a sophomore when that happened, so a little bit of me was like, okay, just whatever. You're still an underclassman. Like, this happens. Maybe you can get away with it junior and senior year if you really want to again. But I just think some of it's kind of like, I didn't know anyone in the Standards Committee or, like, the Risk Chair or anything. Like, I wasn't friends with them, so they weren't gonna, like, favor me like, they favor their friends. Like, can you say that to them?

[Jen Fessler]

Like, can you say, I know another.

[Elizabeth]

Really well, I wouldn't personally.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

But I. I'm sure people would. Like, ballsy people would. But I personally was just like, okay, I'll write this letter.

[Jen Fessler]

Like, Right.

[Elizabeth]

No worries.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah, no, I get that. I get that. It just wasn't worth it.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, it wasn't worth it to me.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah. You know, it's funny. I want to have my daughter. Come on. She has a story about standards. Well, I should say we do, because she got called in to Standards her senior year for something that happened to her. But instead of, like, there being any kind of real talk with her or, like, what happened? She just got an email. She had to go in front of Standards, and really inappropriate, because at some point, you all are grown women and your mommies should probably stay out of it. But I completely lost my shit. And I knew it was just like, there's no. They haven't even heard what you had to say. And Standards. I guess she could have told them what she had to say, but Standards is almost like you've done something wrong. Yes. And anyway, so I called. I guess I called the house mother. What are they called?

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, the house mother.

[Jen Fessler]

House mother. And this is completely unacceptable. You know, she was so upset because. And I'm hoping that she will come on and tell her story. I don't want to tell it for her, but it was really something that happened to her and really an awful thing anyway, so I said, I don't really get this. These are. The whole point of this is that you meet these girls and they become your sisters first. Like, want to get behind you, talk to you. What happened before bringing you in front of a disciplinary committee? Right. It just seemed egregious to me. And I was, like. Just pissed. I was like, what is this for if it's not to find people that are going to be on your side? Not for everything. When you do something wrong, you do something wrong. But in this case, she hadn't. And so it just made it worse that she was getting called into Sanders. Needless to say, they said, you're absolutely right. She has Neptune come in. Good. But. Which is good for them because I was ready to go down there and.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, they didn't want to deal with you.

[Jen Fessler]

Exactly. Good for Rachel, too. So mortified her. But I. You know, I think that probably for a lot of young women, girls, that it is really scary, and it's intimidating. And I'm glad to hear you guys just kind of sat or sit around a roundtable, and I think sometimes it's even more. It's, like, meant to be intimidating a little bit.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, I think so.

[Jen Fessler]

You know? Mm.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. I think especially, like, just seeing your president and, like, people who are supposed to be, like, risk chair and all that in front of your face.

[Jen Fessler]

So, I mean, I think that, you know, you join a sorority to be part of this sisterhood and to know that all of these girls have your back. Right. And I'm. Again, I'm not taking away from the fact that if you screw up and you are doing something that is reflecting badly on your sorority, that there shouldn't be consequences for that. I absolutely know that. That's true. And even back in my day, even though there wasn't social media, you know, there was, like, a level. You could get in trouble, you can get thrown out, whatever it was. But I don't know, I feel like maybe I'm a little biased because of what happened to my daughter. But let's first, like, talk about it without going to standards, you know, before we go to a disciplinary committee. Like, what happened? Maybe not in your case, because there was hard evidence you were ignoring them, giving them, like, you're kind of giving them the little fingers, the middle fingers. So maybe not.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, yeah, no. They definitely gave me warnings, but I will say that is just true, because people who go in there blind and, like, have no clue what they did, like, that's got to be intimidating, and that's got to be, like, who knows what they're about to say to me? Like, would be the worst day of my life. Could be okay. And you just don't know.

[Jen Fessler]

I mean, at the end of the day, the worst thing that they. That could happen is that they can kick you out. Right? Yeah, I mean, I guess there are also. Well, I'm sure G probably already talked about it, but there's things that they can do. I mean, whatever. I don't know what. In your sorority, what are your. What are the. Like, the consequences? There are probably different levels, I would think.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, you could be on probation, which I don't really know what those all entail, like, with details, but, yeah, you could be on probation for a little bit, or you could, like, not be able to go to a formal, which is the fun part, obviously.

[Jen Fessler]

Right, right, right, right.

[Elizabeth]

They definitely have different consequences. I think mine was, like, one of the lesser versions of what they do. I know a lot of my friends who have had to go also have to write handwritten letters. So I didn't think that was crazy that I had to do that. But, yeah, they could have told me, like, you're not going to this next formal, like, whatever. But, yeah, they didn't do that. Thank God.

[Jen Fessler]

Thank God. I'm so glad.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Jen Fessler]

That is the fun part.

[Gia]

Well, anything else?

[Jen Fessler]

Any other ideas or thoughts about standards? Your experience?

[Elizabeth]

I mean, with me, that was the only time I've gone. I will say that. Like, I know we've talked about, like, shame and everything, and I don't think that's their intention with everything that they do. So I want to, like, take it with a grain of salt type of thing. Like, I know a lot of my friends who have gone through, like, emotional stress and all of that get called into standards, which, like you were saying with your daughter, that's not a great thing that they're getting called into standards because it makes it seem like they did something wrong. But when they actually are in the meeting, standards will be like, hey, we're here for you, and we want to provide resources, but we. To kind of get you in, like, an area where we could all be with you. And this is just the protocol. So I know that they do definitely help with that. They probably should go about it in a different way and not call it a standards meeting.

[Jen Fessler]

But listen, I'm glad to hear that. I really am clarifying that because, again, like, when I. When my daughter went through it, I was like, you're getting called into what?

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Jen Fessler]

Stand in front of who? I don't think so. So. Yeah, no, I hear you. If it's. If that is. I mean, I think girls probably do still get scared, you know? Oh, yeah. For sure. Which I don't. I don't love. I mean, you should feel like you're talking to your sisters. Yes. You know, per se.

[Elizabeth]

You're also talking to girls your own age. Like, I mean, a couple of them were older than me, like, the president and stuff, but I was like, why am I next to someone who I literally just rushed with and she's telling me what my consequences. That's so awkward.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you ever be on a committee on standards? Committee? No.

[Elizabeth]

Because I don't think I could do that to people that I'm, like, really good friends with.

[Rowan]

I don't know.

[Elizabeth]

It's so awkward. And I've heard the stories of, like, it gets complicated with friends and like, if you're roommates with them and it kind of gets weird, like, are you going to do the same things that you would do before they were on this committee? Like, I don't want my friends to have to, like, hold back from their, like, lives just because I'm on this, like, committee. You know what I mean?

[Jen Fessler]

I only think people would do it because it looks good on your resume. Maybe, right?

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, it is great. It's a leadership position. It probably does look really good on a resume.

[Jen Fessler]

But wanting to do it otherwise.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. I just wouldn't want, like, my friends or people to not do or act as they normally would around me just.

[Jen Fessler]

Because I'm on, like, you don't want that either? Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Okay, well, Elizabeth, thank you, sweet girl. Thank you for coming on. And I'm glad that you escaped a bigger punishment and. Right. And that you're doing your thing and that you're still going to the formals.

[Elizabeth]

Yes, I am staying out of trouble.

[Jen Fessler]

Good for you. All right, well, thank you so much, and we love talking to you. Thanks, everybody that's listening. And girls don't post things that you.

[Elizabeth]

Don'T want to get in trouble for.

[Jen Fessler]

That's the moral of this story. Okay, so now we have Rowan. Rowan. Hi there. How are you doing?

[Rowan]

Hi. I'm good. How are you?

[Jen Fessler]

I'm good. I appreciate you calling in from abroad. Where are you?

[Rowan]

I'm in Portugal right now, but I study abroad in Florence.

[Jen Fessler]

Wow. How great is that?

[Rowan]

Yes, it's amazing. I love it.

[Jen Fessler]

I'll bet. Do they have standards in Florence?

[Rowan]

No, they don't. Good thing.

[Jen Fessler]

That's nice. That's a good thing. So, Rowan, do you want to share where you go to school?

[Rowan]

Yes, I go to ucla.

[Jen Fessler]

Oh, you're a brainiac.

[Rowan]

Just a little bit.

[Jen Fessler]

Very nice. Okay, so, yeah, we've been doing a lot of talking about standards and different young women's experiences, so I'd love for you to share yours.

[Rowan]

Yes, of course. I would love to share mine. Basically, I. This is my first time ever getting called into standards. For my sorority. I had been at a frat event, and I had just seen some stuff on the Internet that was funny about people stealing composites and people, I don't know doing silly things when they were out. And I thought it would be funny to steal a composite off of the wall because they were in the middle of the hallway and no one was inside. Everyone was outdoors, so I thought it would be funny. And I was talking to one of my friends about It. And she told me that I should do it. And I was like, okay, but I don't want to do it by myself. And she didn't want to do it with me. And so then I was like. I mentioned it to someone, one of my other friends, and she said that she was. She wanted to do it with me. So we both just decided to pick one, a random one close to the door to escape. And we ripped it off of the wall and ran out of the house. And then I was worried about getting. I was worried about stealing it and not returning it. Like, I wanted them to have it back. I just thought it was funny in the moment. So I left on the side of the road next to their house because we were worried about. I mean, they're pretty expensive. And I was just. I felt bad. There's people on it and people that. Their pictures are taken and stuff.

[Jen Fessler]

Like that year. Do you remember, Was it from a long time ago?

[Rowan]

I think the picture was 2011. So it wasn't too recent, but it wasn't too old.

[Jen Fessler]

Okay.

[Rowan]

So it was like a little in between. But we left on the side of the road. And then I think it got circulated. Someone found it on the side of the road, and it got. I think it got maybe returned to them. But anyway, I. It had been a while, and then I had received an email from my sorority that had basically said. It said, dear Rowan, you are called into a meeting with standards for your actions at said Fraught. Please meet with us at this time. And that's when I started to freak out a little bit because I had never been called into standards before.

[Jen Fessler]

Right.

[Rowan]

And I did not know what to expect because I was a freshman in college, and it was something that I was so new to, that I was like, I don't know how they're going to punish me. Like, I don't know if I'm going to get fined. I don't know what's going to happen. And so my friend had gotten the same email. And so after chapter, we get called into this room and she got the same email.

[Jen Fessler]

Did you guys then think, okay, so this is probably about the composite.

[Rowan]

Yes, I think, I assume because it had said the fraternity's name, I knew that it was probably in regards to this. And since we both got the same email, we kind of connected the dots and were like, this is probably what it's for.

[Jen Fessler]

Okay.

[Rowan]

They didn't say specifically in the email. I think what I was being called in for. Just, I was being called in for something. And Then I think they. They mentioned it in the meeting. Once I got there, they were like, this is why you've been called in. But in the email, they didn't say that got it, but I kind of figured that it was.

[Jen Fessler]

Right. Yeah.

[Rowan]

And then I went into the meeting, and they had basically asked me why I did it, and I had explained that I was really sorry and I regret doing it, and that it was. I thought it was funny, but it was kind of a stressful meeting. I don't know. And then I thought. Then. Then they told me that I had to write a letter to the fraternity president to apologize. By the way, you have to forgive.

[Jen Fessler]

Me, because at the beginning of this, I thought you had stolen a composite off of the sorority house. I didn't realize you stole it off of. Oh, now it is funny. Now I think it's hilarious.

[Elizabeth]

Yes.

[Rowan]

Because if I had taken one out of the sorority, it would have been, I think, a little bit less problematic because it would be my own house.

[Gia]

Right.

[Rowan]

This was not my own house, so it was a little bit problematic.

[Jen Fessler]

Okay. All right. I get why you'd have to go to standards for that. But between you and me, nice move. I think it's hilarious.

[Rowan]

Thank you. Thank you. It was fun. It was. I thought it was funny, and I still think it's funny.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah.

[Rowan]

But the whole reason. So when I got into standards, I at first was kind of like, how did they know I. I personally did this? Like, Right. Because I was seen by nobody. Like, no one had watched me do it, and it was just me and my friend. No. I got caught on the security cameras outside of their front door, and they had a full video of it, of us running out the door with the. It was a huge composite. Like, it had to take two of us to carry it. And it was a. It was a video of us, like, running out the door, sprinting down the steps, and that's how I got caught. And they, like, pulled it up and were like, is this you? And it was me. But that's basically how I got caught and got sent to standards because the frat, I guess, sent it and were like, do you know who this is? And it was me and my friend, which is crazy.

[Jen Fessler]

So what were the consequences?

[Rowan]

I had been told I was going to get fined and that I had to write a letter to the fraternity president stating my apology. And it was two pages long, and I had to sign it and address him, and. And then I was told I was going to get fined and billed by the frat. But I'd never received that fine, like the billing from fraternity because I found out that it was because they were too lazy to actually send me the bill. Like, they just didn't want to go through the process of I guess, billing us.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah.

[Rowan]

But it was gonna be a crazy amount, like 500 plus dollars, because I think composites cost like $2,000. So we were gonna have to split the fine and then it getting billed to us. But I guess they never even. They didn't, I guess didn't care enough, were too lazy, didn't want to send us the bill. So I never got billed. But I still had to write a letter.

[Jen Fessler]

Right.

[Rowan]

I still got sent to standard.

[Jen Fessler]

The boys never even sent you the bill?

[Rowan]

No.

[Jen Fessler]

Frat boys are the best.

[Rowan]

Yes. And I didn't have to pay $500, which was amazing, for my bank account.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah. From your bank account. You wouldn't have gone to your parents?

[Rowan]

No, no, I. I have not told my parents. They still do not know to this day.

[Jen Fessler]

That would have been, I don't know, I think my kids would have told me and I would have said, well, that sucks for you that you have to pay it. But I still think it's funny.

[Rowan]

Wait. Yeah. I think my mom would have had the same reaction of that sucks for you and you have to pay that.

[Mercedes Northup]

But yeah.

[Rowan]

Yeah, you know, it's kind of funny.

[Jen Fessler]

There are a lot of really kind of scary stories, scary standard stories. So I actually appreciate hearing this one because it makes me giggle. It doesn't feel really that serious. And it's something you would have absolutely done at your age. And I would probably do it today. Yep. And now you have a story.

[Rowan]

Yes, exactly. A story that I'll have for the.

[Elizabeth]

Rest of my life.

[Jen Fessler]

Yeah. Thank you for coming on. Of course.

[Rowan]

Thank you for having me.

[Jen Fessler]

Appreciate it. Foreign.

[Gia]

Before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes, shopping used to feel more fun. But here's a confession. Twat stirs. You can find that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay, it's not just shopping. It's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing, that adrenaline hit is real. I have sold clothes on ebay and know the feeling of finding the perfect item on ebay. My daughter Sophia is the one who inspired me to use ebay. She loves it as well. We are big fans. It's about the thrill of finding pieces that feel like me. And I want you to find the pieces that feel like you. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love did you know?

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[Gia]

All right guys, now let's get into my standard story. So my standard story is a little different than the norm. It happened season 11 of Real Housewives in New Jersey, which aired in 2021. So in that episode of Real Housewives in New Jersey, my mom and Jackie were arguing. My mom heard a cheating rumor and Jackie goes, that's like me hearing that Gia snorts coke in the bathroom at parties. My Mother flipped out. Like, that was. It was obviously, like, a very insane statement to make, regardless if it was an analogy or not. Like, you're talking about somebody's child and drugs.

[Mercedes Northup]

Like, there.

[Gia]

There was just a lot wrong with that statement, and it blew up. So 2021, it was my junior year of college, and my friend was on standards, and Zeta got wind of it that this was out there. And they said to my friend, do you think we should call Gia in to standards to ask her one, if I do coke in the bathroom, and two, if she's okay? If she's okay was just kind of their, oh, let's be nice. Make sure that, like, her mental health is in check. They really wanted to know if I did coke in the bathroom. And my friend on standards looked at them and just basically said, this is a bad idea. Gia is going to be so mad that you are bringing her mom's show and something that didn't involve her, but a comment was made about her, and now you're bringing that into her college sorority life. My friend knew that I was gonna be so pissed. So she warned me I was gonna be pulled into Standards. I was pissed. And I'm sitting on this zoom call with, like, a straight face, and they go, gia, like, we saw what was. What has been on the tabloids and what had what just aired on Bravo. Do you participate in doing the drug cocaine? And I was like, no, I do not. I do not do coke. And they saw just how, like, unfazed I was and how pissed I was, and it kind of ended there. It was a very quick phone call, but it just annoyed me that something so avoidable and a very stupid comment that was obviously made on the Real Housewives in New Jersey affected me in my college life. And just that people were talking about it. And also the girls in my sorority knew that I didn't engage in cocaine. They knew that I didn't do the drug. So it was just such a crazy statement and such a crazy question to ask me. You didn't have to bring me to standards for that. It was. And they blamed it on National. They said that Nationals got involved and wanted them to clarify and just ask me about the topic. And I was like, also, you know, if you guys really knew me. And they all were out with me all the time at mixers, day parties. Like, you knew the girls that did drugs, or you. Like, you just. You knew. They knew that I never participated in any of that. So that's what got me even more mad, because I'm like, oh, what did you guys just get off on asking me something that had something to do with the Real Housewives in New Jersey? I just thought it was a very immature move, very immature thing. And they probably just were on their high horse for a minute and got off on it. But definitely annoyed me. But yeah, that was the only time I got called to standards and I was so upset that I texted Jackie Goldschneider about it afterwards. And I was like, I just got called to standards because of the comment that you got that you made. And I understand, like this is a reality TV show and my mom did something that hurt you, but I had nothing to do with what my mom did to you on the show. So I just didn't appreciate that you had to bring me into your argument. And now it costed me. It was humiliating, you know, to be called to standards for something that I didn't do and that I would never entertain or engage in. And I was like, this is. This is just unacceptable. And she obviously apologized and she never wished for that to happen to me. And yeah, now me and Jackie are fine and all is. All is good. So this was our inside look into what the life of standards is. I would say it's kind of a little government that runs sorority life and keeps everything in check. And that was it for this week's episode of Dirty Rush.

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[Jen Fessler]

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[Gia]

Learn more at don'tsleep on OSA.com this.

[Jen Fessler]

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[Rowan]

It matters that CVS is here to.

[Jen Fessler]

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[Rowan]

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[Jen Fessler]

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[Jen Fessler]

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[Gia]

Guaranteed Human.