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Jackie Goldschneider
Do you know that Ozempic and semaglutide are GLP1s? Of course you do. How many people do you personally know that use these weight loss medications? Future Health is giving millions of people affordable access to weight loss meds for less than $3 a day. About 65% of Americans say willpower alone usually isn't enough for most people trying to lose weight and keep it up. According to Pew Research center survey, almost 2 million people in the US were taking semaglutide medication in 2021, more than three times as many in 2019. This is so much more than a trend. I myself have been taking GLP1s. It has seriously changed my life. Future Health makes it easy. Just take their quick three minute survey from there. If approved by a clinician, you'll get prescribed and get meds delivered to your door within 24 hours. Find out if weight loss meds are right for you in three minutes at trifh.com that's trifh.com again trifh.com future health is not a health care service provider. Meds are prescribed at providers discretion. Results may vary. Sponsored by futurehealth with T Mobile no.
Jennifer Fessler
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Evan Goldschneider
Six.
Jeff Fessler
Where'd you get those shoes? Easy. They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com Are you.
Jennifer Fessler
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Jeff Fessler
Hey, guys. Welcome back to Two Jersey Jays. I am Jackie Goldschneider.
Jackie Goldschneider
I'm Jennifer Fessler.
Jeff Fessler
And today we are talking about Valentine.
Jackie Goldschneider
Valentine's Day.
Jeff Fessler
Very exciting. And we have the two hottest guests on. Can you guess?
Jackie Goldschneider
I'll get carried away. Okay. Yes. They're cute. They're very cute.
Jeff Fessler
They're very cute. It's Evan Goldschneider and Jeffrey Fessler. Do you call him Jeff or Jeffrey?
Jackie Goldschneider
Depends what mood I'm in. Jeff. Jeffrey. There's other choice words that I use that will go unmentioned here. But, yeah, we both answered to just about anything, so.
Jeff Fessler
All right, well, we'll. We'll get into everything with them, but before that, let's catch up a little because I did see you at Fashion Week this week, but I saw you. I mean, everything was so crazy. We didn't get to talk too much. How was your week? Did you have fun?
Jackie Goldschneider
I wasn't. It wasn't a Fashion Week. I had a Fashion Week event, so I think you probably did a lot more than I did. But I loved it.
I.
You were the one that I was at for Graven, and it was just. It was amazing. It was so much fun. I haven't been to a lot of fashion shows, so I'm a total newbie in this category. And, yeah, it was really, really cool. I. The Graven is an amazing new brand, and I have been loving their clothing for a while now because I got a package from them probably going back, I don't know, maybe six months ago, and have absolutely loved what they sent me. And just looking at their new collection, it is so gorgeous. It is so high quality. It is so luxurious. Materials are amazing. I loved that fashion show.
Jeff Fessler
Oh, good. Yeah, it was very. It was really fun. I mean, I think we were both front row and the models are so beautiful, and the clothes were so nice. It, like, sort of transported ports you to a different world. For the moment, you forget that the whole world's on fire and, like, everything sucks once you walk out the door. But it was.
Jackie Goldschneider
I thought the first part also was. I mean, I didn't. Again, I didn't have my expectations. I didn't have. I didn't really know what I was walking into. I've only been to a few of these, but, I mean, they were serving caviar on Bellinis. What Are those little. Wait, what are the little pancakes called?
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, I think they're called Bellinis.
Jackie Goldschneider
Bellinis, right. And they were serving Bellinis because it was at Casa Cipriani. So we're drinking Bellinis and all. Like the most beautiful, fabulous people. And you saw Rachel, my daughter, working.
Jeff Fessler
She looks amazing. So Jen's daughter graduated college last year. She graduated Delaware and now she is working in pr, right? Yes, she works and living in our firm. That works. Yeah, she just like looks like a city chick now.
Jackie Goldschneider
Oh, really? She's so cute.
Jeff Fessler
Sophisticated working girl. Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
Julia Hart. And she didn't even know that it was really Julia Hart, but came in and complimented her on her outfit and she knew who she was. She was like, mom, that's. And she was sort of like trying to pull it together. I was like, yeah, that's Julia Hart. She was so flattered.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, Julia's the sweetest. Yeah, it was a great event. And yeah. Now back to life. I have one more this week. And then back, back to regular life. Back to the unglamorous life. No, I'm just kidding. Everything's glamorous.
Jackie Goldschneider
No, you look so.
Jeff Fessler
Other than that, do you. Well, we'll save some of this for with the guys, but. But do you, do you celebrate Valentine's Day?
Jackie Goldschneider
No, not really. I mean, no. Well, we have like a couple of traditions that we can save it for our discussion with the guys that are just silly. But no, we don't do anything big. We don't make big dinner plans. Do you?
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, no, you know, we used to. But it's funny now my, my 14 year old daughter's got a little guy that she's been dating for like three months and my 16 year old, almost 17 in a month and a half, has a girlfriend and so now they want to both take their, you know, others out to dinner. And so me and Evan are kind of like, well, I think we're just going to be like driving people all night. So I don't say, did you do.
Jackie Goldschneider
This with the little ones? So when mine were little, every holiday it was how to set something up with, I don't know, balloons. And then they had these little presents and there was candy when they woke up and. And then you remember you had to like make all little valentines for them to bring to school for the class.
Jeff Fessler
Oh my God. Yes. And that they were actually there was a lot because I always had to do two at a time because I have two sets of twins. Right. So I always had to do like 46 of them. And like write out the messages and unlike, seal them with the candy and everything. And like, it took a lot of time, but. Yeah, I miss those days. God, it goes so fast.
Jackie Goldschneider
It does.
Jeff Fessler
That sounds very cliche, but it goes so fast. But we'll go through everything with the guys. I mean, you know, back when we were first dating, like, everything. Everything had to be like, super special. But then, you know, you. We actually keep our love alive, but not so much in like, you know, when it's on a date and a time, you know, like, it's. We don't do things like just because.
Jackie Goldschneider
It'S a certain day, but just birthdays, maybe anniversary.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, just birthdays. Although, you know, I'm not a big birthday person. What else? And your. Your son's in law school. He's doing well.
Jackie Goldschneider
My son is in law school. My son is stressed. I don't know if you were like this, Jack, but he is first year law school. Wow. I mean, he doesn't get stressed. And it's been a lot. And it's also now the internships after first year. So he's dealing with all of that, and they are now. So I don't know if anybody even cares about this, but he's in his. He just started his second semester of his first year and he needs to start applying for internships for the summer after his second year.
Jeff Fessler
Yep.
Jackie Goldschneider
Which I don't. I'm like, what?
Jeff Fessler
You haven't even started first year?
Jackie Goldschneider
He'll be good. He'll be fine. But he's, you know, he's really not stress case. Like Rachel and I are stress cases. But he's stressed.
Jeff Fessler
No, it is very stressful. And then. But you know, you could do so many things with a law degree. For example, I'm on a podcast in the real house. That's right.
Jackie Goldschneider
There you go.
Do you know that Ozempic and semaglutide are GLP1s? Of course you do. How many people do you personally know that use these weight loss medications? Future Health is giving millions of people affordable access to weight loss meds for less than $3 a day. About 65% of Americans say willpower alone usually isn't enough for most people trying to lose weight and keep it up. According to Pew Research center survey, almost 2 million people in the US were taking semaglutide medication in 2021, more than three times as many in 2019. This is so much more than a trend. I myself have been taking GLP1s. It has seriously changed my life. Future Health makes it easy. Just take their quick three minute survey from there. If approved by a clinician, you'll get prescribed and get meds delivered to your door within 24 hours. Find out if weight loss meds are right for you in three minutes at trifh.com that's trifh.com again tryfh.com future health is not a health care service provider. Meds are prescribed at providers discretion. Results may vary. Sponsored by Future Health Are you still.
Jennifer Fessler
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Jackie Goldschneider
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Evan Goldschneider
Thanks for having me.
Jeff Fessler
All right, well, welcome to our handsome husbands, Jeff and Evan. Thank you guys for being here.
Unknown
Thank you.
Jackie Goldschneider
Hi guys.
Jeff Fessler
So I. I want to jump right in. So Fesslers. I. I actually don't know as close as we are, Jen, I don't know how you guys met do.
Jackie Goldschneider
And you don't remember really?
Jeff Fessler
I think I.
Jackie Goldschneider
It's a fun story.
Jeff Fessler
I don't.
Jackie Goldschneider
Jeffrey, you want to tell it? You want to tell.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, you guys tell me how you met. First impressions, first date. How. Give me all of it.
Jackie Goldschneider
It is actually a really good story. Go ahead, Jeffrey.
Unknown
Okay, so I had used. This is what 97 had to be 1997. So I had used a dating service, a Couple of times, called it just lunch in New York. And one day I'm in the office.
Jackie Goldschneider
So it's just lunch. Set it. They set professionals up on lunch date. So the, the. I actually think it's still around. But the idea is like, okay, if you're a busy professional, you don't have time for dinner, but everybody has time for lunch or a drink. So the premise was.
Jeff Fessler
Right.
Jackie Goldschneider
Excuse me, fixing professionals up on lunch dates.
Jeff Fessler
It's just by the way, I used it also.
Jackie Goldschneider
There you go. Yeah, I might have met you, Jack.
Jeff Fessler
I know. I've actually been furiously searching my emails from back then, but email was so new. Really. I mean, it wasn't new new, but like, you really didn't do all of it through email. So I can't find my emails back from like 2001. 2002. But I bet you, you and you. You were my person there.
Jackie Goldschneider
Can you imagine? Yeah, I was the director of New York and then the director of Jersey. All right, anyway, go on, Jeffrey. John.
Unknown
All right, so I'm sitting in my office and I get a call. It was a Friday afternoon, I think I get a call and it's Jen. And she's like, you know, I see that you used. It's just lunch. Do you want to come back? I go, no, it was horrible. I'm not doing that again. And she was like, just, you know, why don't you come in? Why don't you meet me? And for some reason I was like, you know what, I have nothing to do. It's Friday afternoon. All right, I'll go over and see.
Jackie Goldschneider
Because I was the new director there. So you're trying to.
Jeff Fessler
So you wanted him to meet you for purposes of like, it's just, it.
Jackie Goldschneider
Was a, It's a numbers game, right? Like, okay, somebody joined you. That was the idea to get more people to join. So you called old clients to see if they would renew their membership.
Jeff Fessler
Okay.
Unknown
So I went over, I walked in and I was, you know, I met her and I was like, wow. That was my first thought, was, wow, she looks amazing. And we started talking and she, you know, does her gen thing with talking, making you feel great, you know, the whole thing. And then she goes, what is your type? And I said, look in the mirror.
Jackie Goldschneider
Oh, well, can I just jump in to say that if you know Jeff Essler, I mean, you two, do you know that is not no Jeff Fessler thing to say?
Unknown
No.
Jackie Goldschneider
So like, looking back on it, you know, I remember it happened and I was like, hahaha. Another guy Thinking he has all this, you know, game. Meanwhile, Jeff Fessler, no offense, my love has zero game. So that was like a very big.
Evan Goldschneider
Deal he did that night.
Jackie Goldschneider
He did. Oh, yeah. Well, it didn't work, actually.
Unknown
Well, yeah, of course. No, it didn't work because then she goes, she. She said, well, I'm in a Hamptons house and I have a boyfriend. And then blah, blah, blah. And this was like, may. And I'm thinking, there is no way she has a boyfriend in Megan. A Hamptons house. You may be maybe at the end of the summer, but not now. So I kept pursuing it and, you know, first date.
Evan Goldschneider
What was.
Unknown
The first date was Four Seasons. Four Seasons.
Jackie Goldschneider
Drink at the Four Seasons.
Unknown
Right?
Jackie Goldschneider
It was like, not a date. He was sending me. I was like, no, listen, I'm. You're a client. It's not professional. I don't do that. Meanwhile, I would really took the job to find a husband, but whatever. So I was like, no. And then he's like, well, we just meet up, whatever, have a drink, whatever. And I remember we went to the. We met at the Four Seasons, and I was like, this is not like we could be friends. This is not going to be a love connection. He was shorter than me. Sorry, honey, I'm just telling you. My one thing was that I wanted a tall guy that was like. I didn't. I didn't care if he was wealthy or, you know, really were bulky. Just wanted him taller than me because I always felt like, kind of like a big girl. So. Careful what you wish for, ladies.
Jeff Fessler
So. So when did you know that you were in love?
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, we just became friends. I was like, listen, this is not going to happen. I'm, you know, not. Let's just be friends. We could hang out and we started to hang out and, like, every Thursday. So for all you young people listening, Thursday night was Friend Seinfeld. ER night and back in the day. So he would come over every Thursday and I would. I was like, such a little bitch. I was like, listen, go to Chicken Kitchen, pick up chicken. Come over to my apartment. Don't make eye contact. I'm very tired. You want us to be friends? Fine. Sit there. We'll eat chicken and watch Seinfeld. And when ER is over, get the hell out. I mean, like, he must have really liked me. It was like. That was like my whole attitude, like, fine, you're a nice guy. We'll be friends, whatever.
Jeff Fessler
And then how long until you guys were a couple?
Unknown
Well, then. Then what happened was, you know, she was. They still said, still remain friends. And then one day, she said, why don't you come into the office and look through the files other women? And I said, all right, sounds good to me. And I did.
Jackie Goldschneider
And. Yeah.
Unknown
And then what happened?
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah, I wasn't. I was not pleased.
Unknown
That was it.
Jackie Goldschneider
I was not pleased.
Jeff Fessler
Find yourself women.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah. Yeah, but it was, you know. So then he wanted to be fixed up, and I was like, what do you mean you want to fixed up? You're madly in love with me. What are you. What are you talking about? Right at the time, I was dating this other guy, and who it was totally unrequited love. I was crazy about him. He was not crazy about me, but it started to even out a little bit. And, like, one day, I saw him and Jeff in the same day, and I kissed that guy. And then I kissed Jeff Fessler. And I was like, wait a second, Wait a second. Wait a second. I like Jeff Fessler. And it was. It was like, as soon as I liked him, and then I. Then I loved him in about three minutes. And about three minutes later, I was like, where's my ring? And this is gonna. Like, this has to happen now.
Jeff Fessler
And how old were you guys? How old were you when you got married?
Jackie Goldschneider
I was 30. I was 31 when we got married, 30 when we got engaged. Right, Jeff?
Unknown
Yeah, I was 36. 36, 37.
Jeff Fessler
And then. Last question, and we'll pivot. What? Where'd you get married?
Jackie Goldschneider
Mamaroneck beach and Yacht Club.
Jeff Fessler
Outdoors.
Jackie Goldschneider
It was not outdoors. It was, but it was on the water, and it was just a million years ago, and it was just beautiful.
Jeff Fessler
Oh, beautiful.
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, your turn.
Jeff Fessler
All right, well, I've been going.
Evan Goldschneider
I'll let you tell the story.
Jackie Goldschneider
Oh, no.
Jeff Fessler
Do you remember the night we met?
Evan Goldschneider
Of course. Brother Jimmy's.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, we were at Brother Jimmy's. Anyone who's from New York City or went to New York city in the 90s, early aughts, they call it, right? Everyone remembers Brother Jimmy's. It was, like, for those who don't know, it's like a beer bar through and through. It's like a barbecue joint, and they serve these fishbowls full of, like, mystery liquids, alcohol, 100 straws coming out, dirty plastic toys inside. And, like, they're designed for lots of people to share them. It's so fun. They play, like, great, you know, classic rock, great music. And I was there on a Thursday with my best friend at the time, who's still one of my closest friends, and. And I saw Evan the funny thing is that he was wearing. Evan's the biggest jets fan ever. If, you know, we named one of our children after the jets middle name is Jet, and he was wearing a Giants hat. And I always ask him, why were you wearing a Giants? Evan, why were you wearing a Giants hat?
Evan Goldschneider
Because every team, if I wear their. Their hat or their shirt, I bring bad luck to it. And I have a lot of schadenfreude in my life as being a Jet fan. Any team that wins, I'm jealous of the thing with Brother Jimmy's, by the way. If you think about it, it's like the exact opposite of. It's just lunch. You go to. It's just lunch to find somebody that you can fall in love with.
Jackie Goldschneider
I know what you're gonna say to.
Evan Goldschneider
Brother Jimmy's, like, just hook up, you know, Find somebody for the night. That's the intention. You don't expect to find your wife.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah.
Jeff Fessler
So I was actually sitting at the. The bar with my friend Hannah, because we used to go every Thursday night. We had. We were friends with the bartender and the staff there, and she wanted to order something from the menu. So I made eye contact with Evan, but I was not in the best headspace at that time. I was, you know, I was anorexic. I was not, like, very secure, you know? And I saw him, and I thought, that guy will never like me. And I hate that. That's my first thought, that when I saw Evan, my first impression is, that guy would never like me. But anyway, so she's looking through the menu, and then I hear a voice behind my shoulder, and he says, I hear, the filet mignon is delicious. And I looked turned around, and it was him. And I was just so shocked that he came over to talk to us. But it was very smooth.
Jackie Goldschneider
That's very cute.
Jeff Fessler
It was cute. And then from there we went. So our first date, he took me to a Mexican restaurant, and I. Marianne. So I was in a phase of not eating. No. What was it called? It went away. It's called Zarella.
Evan Goldschneider
It was called Zarella. It's charming.
Jeff Fessler
We had our first day there. He ordered an appetizer for us to share, and it was fried. And I had a very long internal struggle over whether to eat the fried food and let the guy think I was normal or not eat the fried food and stick to my diet. So that's what I took away from our first date. But we ended up. He decided to stay for the cray, and we ended up, I think, Our third date, we had drinks at just like your Four Seasons Day. We had. We had drinks at the Man's Are in. And that's where we kind of like. We're like, this is. This is something real.
Evan Goldschneider
Well, the second date was good, too.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, the second date was good too, but the third date was good.
Evan Goldschneider
That was great. What was your third date was good?
Jackie Goldschneider
What did you think, ev. When you saw her?
Evan Goldschneider
I don't remember my first impression, but obviously if I went up to her, I was attracted to her. I have to be honest, like, at that point in my life, it was. It was late 2003. I'd been drinking a lot for a long time. You're kind of like that stage in your life where you're 29 years old. And I just saw something that I liked. Started talking to her. But, you know, I was. I was drunk. I came straight from. From the gym. I think I had my gym bag with me, too. Was wearing that stupid giant's hat. But I obviously liked her physically. And then getting to talk with her was even better.
Jeff Fessler
One last story about that night, and then we'll move on to Valentine's Day. But. So Evan said, values his sleep a lot more than I do. I'm not a big sleeper. Evan is a big sleeper. And so he said to me at about 11:30, or.
Jackie Goldschneider
Right.
Jeff Fessler
Was it about 11:30?
Evan Goldschneider
He said, I feel like it was later.
Jeff Fessler
I feel like it was 12, like, midnight. And I used to go out until like, 2 in the morning. So he said to me, listen, I'm gonna tell my buddies that I'm going to grab a slice of pizza and then come back. But I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going home because I want to go to sleep. So he took my number, whatever. We exchanged information, and then he left. And then one of his friends comes up to me like, 15 minutes later, and he goes, listen, I got bad news for you. I hope you didn't like that guy, because I think. I think he ghosted you. I think he left. And I said, oh, no, I know he's not coming back. I think he lied to you, not to me. And he was like, no, no, no. I think he lied to you. And I said, no, no, no. I think he lied to you. Anyway, he. He never came back. But he did call.
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, listen, that says a lot. Jack has back in the day, at that age, if some guy said that to me, I would have been like, all right. Over. Not interested.
Jeff Fessler
No, I was so interested. I knew. I knew My mother would like this one.
Jackie Goldschneider
Do you know that ozempic and semaglutide are GLP1s? Of course you do. How many people do you personally know that use these weight loss medications? Future Health is giving millions of people affordable access to weight loss meds for less than $3 a day. About 65% of Americans say willpower alone usually isn't enough for most people trying to lose weight and keep it up. According to Pew Research center survey, almost 2 million people in the US were taking semaglutide medication in 2021, more than three times as many in 2019. This is so much more than a trend. I myself have been taking GLP1s. It has seriously changed my life. Future Health makes it easy. Just take their quick three minute survey from there. If approved by a clinician, you'll get prescribed and get meds delivered to your door within 24 hours. Find out if weight loss meds are right for you in three minutes at trifh.com that's trifh.com Again tryfh.com Future Health is not a health care service provider. Meds are prescribed, a provider's discretion. Results may vary. Sponsored by Future Health Are you still.
Jennifer Fessler
Quoting 30 year old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide and every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now it pays to Discover. Learn more@discover.com credit card based on the February 2024 Nielsen report How to have Fun Anytime, Anywhere.
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Jeff Fessler
Tell me about your first. Do you remember your first Valentine's Day?
Jackie Goldschneider
No, do you?
Jeff Fessler
No. Really?
Jackie Goldschneider
I had no idea it was Valentine's Day.
Jeff Fessler
I remember ours. We went to a place. I don't know if it's still around. It started with a P. What was it called?
Evan Goldschneider
It's called Public. It was down, I think in the. It was probably like in the East Village or around there.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah.
Jeff Fessler
And I wore this pretty flowery dress. I was so excited. I don't think I'd ever really had like, a real proper Valentine's Day.
Jackie Goldschneider
College.
Jeff Fessler
My college boyfriend. But not really like, an exciting Valentine's Day.
Evan Goldschneider
I remember my first male Valentine's Day. Jeff would appreciate that. Men's Valentine's Day.
Jackie Goldschneider
God.
Jeff Fessler
Staking a blow. What is.
Jackie Goldschneider
What is a male Valentine's Day?
Jeff Fessler
You don't know male Valentine's Day?
Jackie Goldschneider
I forget the day.
Evan Goldschneider
It's March 23rd every year.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah, I never heard of that, Jeff.
Jeff Fessler
Have you. I'm not writing it down in my calendar. It's stake in a blowjob.
Unknown
March 23.
Evan Goldschneider
That I remember very well. We went to Sparks. And then.
Jeff Fessler
Excuse me, we don't. The listening public doesn't need to know that.
Evan Goldschneider
No, I'm talking about. No, no, the Sparks is the steakhouse.
Jeff Fessler
No, I know.
Jackie Goldschneider
I live right down the street from sparks 46 and second.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, of course. That's where. So there was like a big mafia murder there, right? Yes, outside Sparks. Yeah. Very old school for people.
Jackie Goldschneider
Oh, my God. I just. Those. All those. Those days seem so long ago. Like, did we making it up? Because just I just picturing that street and Jeff and I hanging out. I had this apartment that was like the size of. I don't have a room small enough in my house to show you how small it was. It faced a brick wall and it was a teeny, tiny little studio. And I kept like, in the city underwear in the city. 46 and second. I kept my underwear under a drawer. In a drawer under my bed. Like something I would pull out. Jeff Essler thought that he saved me. He had this apartment in Guttenberg, New Jersey, so. Right. So he bought this apartment in this place called the Galaxy. This high rise views of the city. And he thought that he was saving me from this little cell that I lived in. Meanwhile, I. I loved it. I loved having my own little space. Was the first time I'd had. I'd lived with roommates for years, so it was like mine. It was my own apartment. And it was just. There was a doorman it was safe. I felt. I just love living there. And to this day, he just is like, I. I rescued you. I'm like, no, I rescued you. Okay, well, did you move in? So you moved in with him once we got engaged?
Unknown
Yes.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yes.
Jeff Fessler
That's.
Jackie Goldschneider
I was actually doing it. I was like, I really wanted that ring. So I was like, listen, I would never, ever live with a guy before I was engaged. Like, just trying to pull every.
Jeff Fessler
Oh, I think you need to. By the way, I would advocate for that. I think that you need to know if you can live with somebody well before engagement. Well, together. What?
Jackie Goldschneider
Maybe after engagement. Because you could always break off an engagement. Do you guys work together?
Jeff Fessler
Yeah. You're going to spend all that money on a ring for somebody that you don't know if you can live with?
Jackie Goldschneider
I mean, yeah, I guess.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I would advocate for it, but, yeah, we. We live together. Well, you know, it was like a matter of, like. Like, our leases running out kind of thing. And, like, what do you do? Do you resign for another year? We'd already been dating for six months, you know, so do. Do you wait or seven months? Do you wait another year? You know, at our age, we already.
Jackie Goldschneider
We got engaged. It happened very quickly. Once it happened, like I was ready. I wanted to get knocked up before I wanted to nail him in. I was like, oh, really? Oh, my God. Like, once I realized, because I was 30, and, I mean, I used to have these dreams, these baby dreams, or I would wake up and just be so upset that the baby wasn't there. Like, these. Really maternal. Yeah, like, the. The. It really. My biological clock was loud. And so once we got engaged, I was like, let's do this. Let's go. I want it done now. Let's go. And then we got married. And he's like, well, can we travel a little? This is all happening very. I was like, no, we have to get pregnant now. Like, we got pregnant fast. Everything. Once I knew that it was going to be Jeff, I was like, make this happen.
Jeff Fessler
Well, Evan and I were like, let's travel. And then it's funny because we got married in August of 06.
Jackie Goldschneider
Right.
Jeff Fessler
So February of 07, just a few months later, we go on vacation. And we had planned to, like, wait a little bit before having kids because I had just turned 30, and I wasn't in a huge rush. I was a young lawyer. And we go to Mexico, and I'm laying at the pool, and there's this old lady laying next to Me. And we start talking, and she says to me, she goes, and I told her that I just got married a few months ago. She says, when are you going to try to have a baby? I said, no, we're going to travel a little first. And she was adamant. She was like, no, do not wait. She actually happened to live. Even though I met her in Mexico, she happened to live a few blocks from me in the city. She was like one of these longtime Upper West Siders. Side note, I stayed in touch with her forever until she passed away about two years ago. And her name was Lois. She was lovely, but she was, like, 100 years old. And she was like, no, don't wait. You might have trouble getting pregnant. You never know. She gave me the name of a doctor, and I left the pool, and I said to Evan, we need to get pregnant now. We need to go see this doctor now. I literally made the appointment from Mexico, went as soon as we came home, and we ended up using that doctor, and I ended up having problems. So it was good that we went. But, you know, whatever trajectory brought us to having the children that we have was the right one one. But we did intend to travel a little bit more. I don't think Evan was thrilled with the timing.
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, I mean, it was all glad that not as it wasn't as long ago as it was longer for us than it is for you guys. My point is that, like, that time seems so. It was so fabulous and fun and exciting and just feels like another life. Like, we have one of. We talked about, you know, we talk about what we're going to talk about before we actually talk about it here on the pod. So we said, you know, would you change anything about your wedding? That's one of the questions here, right?
Jeff Fessler
Yeah. Would you change anything about your wedding? Our wedding?
Evan Goldschneider
Yes. I would have done a destination wedding. Really?
Jeff Fessler
Oh, I don't think I would.
Evan Goldschneider
With like. Like, four people and then. Then gone. Just because it's. I feel like a wedding is done on behalf of other people. And it's just. You don't have to. You know, you don't have to have a huge wedding to kind of prove your love for somebody else and to do all that work, which you did most of it, like, 99% of it, of. Of finding the flowers, finding the band fight, ending everything, and then narrowing it down to, like, the three of which I helped choose. I just think it's a lot of work and a lot of money for something that, you know, the marriage would be just as Strong. And you'd have maybe even a better experience if you'd gone somewhere exotic to get married.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah. But then you have the video.
Evan Goldschneider
Yeah, exactly.
Jackie Goldschneider
I don't want to say that.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah.
Evan Goldschneider
The.
Unknown
The. The first. First song for the first dance.
Jackie Goldschneider
Why?
Jeff Fessler
What was it?
Unknown
What was it? It was. It was the Carpenters. We've Only Just Begun.
Jackie Goldschneider
Oh, I love that song.
Jeff Fessler
Why would you change it? Oh, the first dance.
Jackie Goldschneider
Oh, yeah.
Jeff Fessler
The first dance.
Evan Goldschneider
Rex and effects.
Unknown
At last.
Jeff Fessler
We had through the years. It was a little ironic because we had only known each other for, like, two years.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah. We wanted. He wanted it last. And looking back, I hate our. Our wedding song. I chose it because some girl who worked it. It's Just Lunch. Who was at our wedding, but she said, you know what would be a great. I always wanted this would be the best wedding song. And I was like, yeah, okay. And, like, looking back, it just was not the right choice. But, yeah, we always laugh about it when it Last comes on.
Jeff Fessler
So we were going to. We were gonna coordinate a dance for our first. For our first dance. And we went to a dance school together. And I am not a very good dancer at all. And we had a lovely relationship. Evan and I were, like, deeply, madly in love and never, ever fought. We still hardly ever fight. And we went to dance school and had the biggest fight. Like, we just hated every second of it. Do you remember?
Evan Goldschneider
It was horrible. Fred Astaire.
Jackie Goldschneider
Oh, my God. I can't believe you guys did that. That was so bad.
Jeff Fessler
We couldn't. We just could not coordinate. And we had a big fight, and we were like, you know what? Forget it. We'll just generically dance. So I was saying we did through the years as our first dance, which.
Jackie Goldschneider
Is ironic because that's also one of my absolute favorites.
Jeff Fessler
I know. But we had only known each other for two years, so. What? Through what? You.
Jackie Goldschneider
That's a thing. I know. It's more of an anniversary song.
Jeff Fessler
What were we talking about? You know? So the thing I would change about our wedding is that there were just so many people there that I didn't know and that Evan didn't know, actually. I remember sitting at our dais, and somebody came over to congratulate us. And when they walked away, I said to Evan, who is that? And he goes, I don't know. They're on your side. I said, no, no, they're on your side. We had no idea who half the people there were.
Jackie Goldschneider
So I feel like we. We did. I mean. Well, like you, though, Jackie. I was in the throes of an eating disorder at the time. So I do. There's also something I would change. Like I could not eat that cake. No way. And that was like a whole weird thing. And I brought along my own food to my own wedding.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
So yeah, like that's. Would I change that? I don't know. Would I change anything at all? Let us hear. So, but okay, so let's talk about what has changed though over the years in terms of our relationship.
Jeff Fessler
You guys go first.
Jackie Goldschneider
So go first.
Jeff Fessler
Do you still. Do you still do like romantic stuff? How do you keep your like, your love like kind of like exciting and romantic?
Jackie Goldschneider
Jeff Essler. I'll let you answer.
I want.
Jeff Fessler
I bet you still celebrate Valentine's Day. Let's start with that.
Unknown
Yeah, I buy cards. Get her some chocolates. She doesn't like flowers.
Jackie Goldschneider
Tell them about the chocolates.
Jeff Fessler
I don't like flowers either. Isn't that weird?
Jackie Goldschneider
But also all I ever wanted growing up as a little girl was like one of those big pink heart shaped boxes. Chocolate, literally from cvs. Like a Russell Stouffer's with the bow. So he. That's like all I ever wanted was some. Was a boy to bring me.
Jeff Fessler
Well, Aiden's, Aiden's girlfriend's about to have her dreams come true because that's what I got.
Jackie Goldschneider
I love that.
Jeff Fessler
So are you.
Jackie Goldschneider
That's what I wanted.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
Do you do anything? No, we don't do much. I mean, I give him a card, he gets me a car.
Jeff Fessler
Okay.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. Cards, chocolate. That's it.
Jackie Goldschneider
We don't go out to dinner.
Jeff Fessler
We did for a long time.
Jackie Goldschneider
No, really don't.
Jeff Fessler
A long time.
Unknown
I don't think we ever.
Jeff Fessler
We did.
Unknown
I don't think we ever did.
Jeff Fessler
I mean, it's just hard now because like most of the time it's on a weeknight. This year it happens to be on a Friday night. But even on this Friday night, like our older boys have a game at seven. And then Alexis wants to go to dinner with her little boyfriend. And then Aiden wants to go out to dinner with his girlfriend after his game. So I mean, when are we gonna go? You know, I'll hold your hand to the basketball game. What else are we gonna do?
Evan Goldschneider
You know, I think that's the best. Yeah, I think that's great.
Jeff Fessler
And I think it is what you make it. You know, we could always do it belated.
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, so these questions that we have also coming, you guys are really more about not just Valentine's Day, but like relationships are Specifically ours, and how they've changed over the years. And we wrote down a bunch of questions. Jackie, actually, you wrote down most of them. I'll give you that credit. But, like, what do you do to keep the love alive? Has the meaning of love changed over the years? How often do you talk about your relationship to each other? I think those are really good questions because, yeah, ours. Our relationship has certainly evolved. We've been through. We've been married over 25 years now, so. Yeah.
Jeff Fessler
So in what ways?
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, I mean, whoever watched the Housewives this first season? I was on. Been only on two, but heard me talk about the fact that Jeff and I were separated for a year and a half. That happened at, like, year seven of our marriage. And for me, I don't know, that changed things. I'm not recommending this. So whoever's listening, I'm not telling you to get separated, but for us, I feel like everything changed after that for the better. What do you, Jeff, do you think?
Unknown
Oh, 100% you appreciate.
Jeff Fessler
You.
Unknown
You. You appreciate. But you don't have anymore. I mean, you appreciate it more because you've lived through the fact that you may never have it again, and then. And then you get it back.
Jackie Goldschneider
Not many people do. We felt very lucky, right?
Jeff Fessler
You are very lucky.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah. No, I know. We really are. I mean, we just couldn't make it happen. Like, we just. Neither one of us really wanted to go to the lawyer. Neither one was really wanted to. You know, and Jeff was Jeff. So, like, whatever I said, I was like, we would tell. We would tell the lawyers. Like, I don't care. Like, Jeff will be fair with me. And the way, like. Oh, you don't know that. No, no, you don't know. Jeff. Jeff Fessler. He's not screwing me, and he's not screwing his kids. And both we would, like, try to make an appointment to go to the lawyer, the mediator. We would blow it off and go, like, to Chili's and sit and just hang out. We just didn't. Neither one of us, I think, really wanted to get.
Jeff Fessler
And did you have to have, like, a solid conversation? Like, let's just, you know, call off the dogs and get back together. Move back.
Jackie Goldschneider
I don't remember. Jeff, do you remember that, like, us deciding to.
Unknown
Yeah, I think it was when. Wasn't it when I went to the Jamaica with the kids and you went to Saint Barts with the other.
Jackie Goldschneider
My boyfriend.
Unknown
Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yes.
Unknown
And. Yeah. And you. And you wanted to.
Jackie Goldschneider
Exactly.
Unknown
You.
Jeff Fessler
You caught.
Jackie Goldschneider
I. So, yeah, they were like, some Beaches, Jamaica. And I was at like the Eden Rock and Saint parts, but it just wasn't right. And the thought of. I don't know, this is really not all Valentine's Day.
Jeff Fessler
That's okay. It's day material stuff and other people.
Jackie Goldschneider
Go through it, so it's real life couple stuff. And. Yeah. So, Yeah, I just missed them and I would have. I just wanted to be at whatever, wherever. Beaches, Jamaica, wherever they were. Yeah, that was. I guess that was the beginning, right?
Unknown
Yeah. And that was that.
Jackie Goldschneider
This is not.
Unknown
Then we bought a new house.
Jackie Goldschneider
Just. Why?
Jeff Fessler
Where were you before? Same town.
Unknown
Same town, new house.
Jackie Goldschneider
Okay.
Jeff Fessler
All right.
Jackie Goldschneider
And then, like, although we had so many good memories in that. The first house, though, like, beginning of our marriage. It's like we had a bad marriage. It started to disintegrate a little bit, I guess maybe you're six, but it's not like we babies. It was fun, you know?
Jeff Fessler
Yeah. Well, then I think that's maybe a cautionary tale that you have to, like, keep the level. Like you have to communicate. You have to tell each other. Yes. Evan and I are big on telling each other I love you. We. We say I love you when we get off the phone with each other, when we see each other in the morning. Like we do. We're a big I love you family. We're kind of gushy. One of our 16 year olds is pulling away, but the other ones are all like, mushy, gushy.
Jackie Goldschneider
I love you.
Evan Goldschneider
They're all babies. Yeah, right.
Jackie Goldschneider
Jeff's not mushy, but the rest of the three of us are mushy. So he has no choice.
Jeff Fessler
No. We've turned Evan into a big mush ball. But we, we do, you know, I enjoy like a date night. We just don't get many of them. It's hard. You have to prioritize that. And we get so, like, life gets very overwhelming. Our kids schedules are crazy. And then you have your own shit. Right. And like, so you have to carve out these. These times and these nights to reconnect with each other. We've only had like two nights away without kids, like, since we've gotten married. Well, a little more than that, but had kids. Yeah. I don't mean like two nights total. I mean like two nights at a time. Maybe like once or twice a year.
Evan Goldschneider
Yeah, we'll have a lot of that in a few years, which is great.
Unknown
That's what we have now.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah. So do. What do you guys do? What do you do with all that emptiness or time is it easier now to prioritize each other or is it harder without the kids there to kind of like glue you together?
Jackie Goldschneider
It's easier. But also, Jeff, don't you think, like, it's just saw something literally on. Before we came on to do this, I saw something on TikTok about this guy talking about the best marriages are the marriages that have companionship. Is it like all of that, you know, sparks and the, the tummy rolling and the craziness of when you first fall in love changes, period. I don't care what anyone says. You don't have that for a lifetime with someone. I don't think you guys. Maybe you guys do have it. And I just don't know. It just, it just changes. But like now. So when you say prioritize each other, even if it's we, Jeff and I, the kids gone, it's just we like each other. So like, like all the other stuff. But I just. We just have fun together, whatever it is. It's like. And we travel together, we have fun together, and we're not like all over each other. I mean, we. On any given night, Jeff's in his office and I'm upstairs watching tv. Right? I mean, we don't, like, we don't. Right. But I mean, I feel like somebody said also maybe Mel Robbins, like, I don't want to be madly in love, I want to be peacefully in love. Something like that. But I feel like that's how our relationship has changed. Like, it's just. We're just more first, foremost, above everything else. Like we're best friends. And I'm doing all the talking, Jeff, so feel free to jump in, please.
Jeff Fessler
No.
Jackie Goldschneider
And tell them all how much you adore me.
Unknown
You don't have the pressure anymore with the kids not around to like, you know, just. I mean, you're. You're focused on each other.
Jackie Goldschneider
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Jeff Fessler
What are your best times together? Is it like, what are your like when you realize oh this is the right person for me and we've all ever.
Jackie Goldschneider
I'm curious.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, like do you have those moments going on vacation? Traveling?
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, traveling.
Jackie Goldschneider
I was going to say that too.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah. We don't get to. We haven't gotten to travel to too many exotic places. We just started. So we went a few places before we had kids, but we really just started taking our kids far away. So we went to Rome with them last year and we're going to Barcelona with them this year. But those, those really are the best times.
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, with our kids, for sure. Like by ourselves, which we always kind of did because they always were in sleepaway camp. So we take like at least one trip a year.
Jeff Fessler
Oh, you had sleepaway kids? We don't.
Jackie Goldschneider
Right. We sleep with kids, but we're literally never, ever alone. We also have like a bunch of friends that go away together always in the summers, and we never join them. Maybe one day I would like to, but. And I feel like, though we are so very specific in the way that we travel together, we are exactly on the same rhythm. Like you have to be. We want to do this much sightseeing. We base the whole trip around three meals and this much sightseeing and then this much chilling out time. I don't know. It's just that those are our best times, for sure. Evan, jump in.
Evan Goldschneider
But about. Oh. So I have a philosophical thing. So I think when you're. When you're single, you're like 100. That's selfish. When you get married before you have kids, it's like 50 selfish. And then immediately when you have that first kid, it's like 100 selfless and 0% selfish. So what I look forward to, I'm not trying to rush it, is when the kids are all in college because then you can become back to that 50, 50. Maybe it's a little bit less because you still have kids that have demands on your time. But the stuff that I love is.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah, yeah.
Evan Goldschneider
There's the banality of life, right. Where a lot of people do the same things every day and that's fine and that's great, but it's really traveling and seeing the world and doing it with someone that you love. That's the best. So, you know, that's the best part.
Jeff Fessler
You know, I would just hope I met my best self when I have a good balance of friendships, family time and work. And right now, you know, also, like, work is very up in the air. So Jen and I were just discussing, like, our contracts are up and I think this week.
Jackie Goldschneider
This week. Oh, is it this week, Jack?
Unknown
I think so, yeah.
Jeff Fessler
I don't know. I think.
Unknown
I think so, yeah.
Jeff Fessler
I think our Bravo contracts are up this week. We still don't know what's going on with the show. I mean, either way it'll be fine. But, you know, like, right now I don't feel like I have that career part down because I don't know what's going on with the Bravo job, which does take up a lot of your time. You know, it's funny because when you watch these shows and someone's like, what do you do for work? Well, like, it does take up a lot of your time and you do get paid for it. So that is kind of work. But, like, it's not work because that's what you're, you're on your job talking about what you do for work. So. Right, right. You know what I'm saying? You can't say that that's your job. But like, in reality, that is a large portion of how you make your money when you're on one of these shows. So right now I don't really feel like I have closure with where I am with work until I know what's going on with.
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, I think also, like, Jack, you're.
You're our worker.
Like, you always want to have a million things going on. I need.
Jeff Fessler
I need to have a million things going on. I like it.
Jackie Goldschneider
But also, like our husbands, I think both. I think, Evan, you're like this too. But Jeff is a, an insane workaholic. And I don't even say that. I'm not even. It's not like a compliment like, oh, my husband's. He just is. He has like a sickness. It's not even. And I think it stems from this weird financial insecurity that for some reason he thinks at any moment we could be homeless. I don't know what goes on there. But anyway, I think that it's the greatest things when at least for us, like Jeff is so absorbed in work, we're not on top of each other as empty nesters like he's got. And I've always had. Yeah, well, I, I mean, what do you think, Evan?
Evan Goldschneider
I always want to be busy with some outside pursuit, whether it's teaching or my current job, definitely. But I want to start scaling down. So I, I don't want to be a lot. I, I don't want to be a 75 year old in 25 years and, you know, be working 10 hours a day. That's 100. Because I can't take the money with me. I live once. I don't live for work, I don't live for money. I don't live for material goods at all you could probably tell by the way I dress, what I care about is relationships and experiences. That's it. So, you know, one, you know, within 40 years or whatever. I'm nearing the end of my life. I want it to be with no regrets if forever. I'm not gonna be able to do that.
Jeff Fessler
You do need money in order to live the kind of life that you want to live.
Evan Goldschneider
100%.
Jeff Fessler
Evan teaches at Georgetown. I don't. I don't think many people know that. Evan teaches two classes this year.
Evan Goldschneider
Well, three. Three. Three this year, actually, coming up.
Jeff Fessler
I know. Yeah.
Evan Goldschneider
I feel bad for the students.
Jackie Goldschneider
No, yeah, I'm sure. I feel bad for the females.
Evan Goldschneider
Not gonna learn anything.
Jackie Goldschneider
Definitely not.
Jeff Fessler
Don't feel bad for the college student. The female college students at the hot professor feel bad for the wife.
Evan Goldschneider
50 year old guy. Yeah, exactly.
Jeff Fessler
But anyway, so let's get back to love. Let's talk about love because it's a Valentine's episode. So when you. Jeff, when you buy Jen a gift, does she choose it for herself? And then you buy it or laughing. Are you good at picking this out? And I will preface this with a story. My friend called me about 15 years ago. She was dating her husband, and she said to me, I don't know what to do. He bought me a Dooney and Bourke bag. Do I return it? Or. Like, he was trying so hard. He went to a department store and boy, I mean. But nobody carries a Dooney and Burke bag anymore. They're, you know. So I always advocate for picking out your own gift. I don't think there's any problem with that. Some people think that's horrific. Where are you guys?
Unknown
Well, I've learned over the years because I would. I would buy her a gift and she'd be like, oh, my God, I love it. I love it. And literally the next day she'd call me, well, you wouldn't mind if I take it back and get this? And it happened constantly.
Jeff Fessler
So now did you mind? Were you insulted or did you not mind?
Unknown
No, no, no, not at all. So now it's just, what do you want?
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah, what do I want? But also, like, at our jeweler, like, we have all, like, there's a wish list. So, like, people come in and they give their wish list. Their spouse can come in, or their boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever it is, and pick something out of that. It's all very manufactured and not romantic at all. But then you get what you want, so.
Jeff Fessler
Right. But then you always have this thing that you can look at and remember when they gave it to you. Like, so most of my jewelry are things that Evan has given to me, and I've picked most of them out. But after that one little occasion where you pick it out, I forever look at this thing that I love, and I know exactly which occasion he gave it. He got it for me, and it's still him getting it. So I don't mind it. But I think we don't do gifts for Valentine's Day. We do gifts for birthday.
Evan Goldschneider
Oh, good, good.
Jeff Fessler
I got out of it.
Evan Goldschneider
Oh, no. Yeah, we do get. But I once got you a gift of, like, a pack of massages. It's probably, like, 15 years ago, and you say, oh, thank you. Thank you.
Jeff Fessler
Oh, yeah.
Evan Goldschneider
And it sat there and. And you're like, I thought, all right, maybe she'll use it. And then you didn't use it. And then ever since then, I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna defer to.
Jeff Fessler
Whatever you want because I'm really bad with going for, like, spa days because it takes up the entire day, and I'm not big on being, like, touched and needed and prodded. I don't love that. I don't love.
Jackie Goldschneider
I do. Jeff doesn't at all. He doesn't like to be touched, period. Full stop. I never get a couple's massage. Not for him.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah. Evan, do you like massages? I'm, like, not that into being touched like that.
Evan Goldschneider
Yeah. I mean, well, depends what type, but yes.
Jackie Goldschneider
I can't.
Jeff Fessler
Like, we went. We went to Mohonk for a weekend. You ever go there, like, scrub on me, and, like, I was sitting in the scrub, and I was like, oh, get it off me. I was, like, twitching. I can't do those.
Evan Goldschneider
I like it. I like it.
Jeff Fessler
I don't get facials. I don't get.
Unknown
No.
Jeff Fessler
I just started going again. I just started going for facials again.
Unknown
We did that Thai massage in. In Bali on our honeymoon. On our honeymoon.
Jackie Goldschneider
And that miserable.
Unknown
That was it.
Jackie Goldschneider
That was it. Because it was also probably a bad idea. He. I don't know if you'd ever had a massage before, and it was the kind of massage where they pick your foot up and basically spin you up like this. Insane. Insane. I loved it. I thought it was great. But, yeah, he was like, never again. No, I'm just saying. I'm being facetious. I'm saying, like, that. Where their. Your legs are up here, and they're moving you on all these crazy ways and massage. But, I mean, I loved it.
Evan Goldschneider
Yeah, I would love that.
Jackie Goldschneider
I do, too. Yeah, I do too. But no, that was it. That was probably his last massage.
Jeff Fessler
So if you were. If you were talking to. So you guys have. I think we have two beautiful, solid marriages, which is. A lot of my friends are dropping like flies by the way. I find out about a new couple getting divorced constantly. But so I feel very fortunate. I do. Because I feel like we're. We're pretty rock solid. And that's not to say that everything's always perfect, but we're pretty obviously. If you were talking to a couple just starting out, what pieces of advice would you give them about marriage? Love, you know, the long haul?
Unknown
I would say I think the biggest thing is to communicate. That's what I've learned. You just have to communicate. And if you're. If you've. You know, if you've got these feelings and, you know, you're not letting them out and not telling your partner, you.
Jackie Goldschneider
Know, I don't know what he's talking about right now. When was the last time you communicated with me? I talk about your feelings. I don't even know what you're talking about right now. Communicate. I mean.
Unknown
But you definitely talk about your feelings.
Jackie Goldschneider
I do. I. Yes, that's true. I would say that it more. I don't know. Listen, we don't have the answers. I feel like a lot of what we got, very luckier. But I think that I say this to my daughter all the time, not to my son, because he's no interest in what I think in this area. But I tell Rachel all the time, like, more important than what he looks like, more important than what he does, more important than, like, the most important thing is that. And sounds so obvious, but that is he a nice guy. There's this Jewish word you guys who are listening, you might not know, called is he a mensch. And that means is he somebody who actually cares about the people around him? The world around him is he. And I was very. Got very lucky in that area because I dated a lot of guys that were not mensches. I was just drawn to not bad guys. I was really drawn to every guy. I was completely boy crazy. But I think that part of why we have worked so long. Well, I'm crazy bitch. And Jeff is such a mensch. He's such a good person. He is such a good father. He is such a good husband. So he's, you know, I am out of my mind and. But he is rock solid. I want that for my daughter. I want her to find a guy that, yeah, a good guy, you know, is just a good, devoted mensch.
Jeff Fessler
Right. Because everything else can change. Looks, your job, all of that could change, but like, the inner. I think. I think what I would tell people is not to let little fights turn into big fights.
Jackie Goldschneider
Right.
Jeff Fessler
Like, put it to bed quickly, like, so when we have like a thing, like, we're pretty sure to talk, talk it out or it turns into something bigger. Right. What would you tell people?
Evan Goldschneider
Me?
Jeff Fessler
Yeah.
Evan Goldschneider
So you're right. Jeff's right about communication and listening, but it's also, I think it's perspective. Right. So if you have a little fight, nothing's ever like a straight line up of, of greatness. And Jackie makes a lot of mistakes and I always forgive her for them. But no, when I'm a crazy too. Right. But when you. When you have something that you disagree and there's kind of a step back in the relationship, the right perspective of, of understanding the main things of, is this a good person? Is this somebody that you want to be with the rest of your life? Which, you know, has never changed in my eyes. It's always been, yes. Just remembering all the good stuff and the key things. Because when little things come up, I think more people than not probably take them and kind of lead to a dangerous path. Whereas you got to realize. You just got to let it go and realize that they're waves in the ocean, so to speak.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah.
Jeff Fessler
Also, you know what, if we ever do have a hard time, I look at my kids and they all really look a lot like Evan. They've got a mix of both of us, but some of their strongest features are Evans. And like, I just. I love them so much. And I look at them and I see his face, you know, and I realize, like, nothing is worth, like, having, like, any kind of, like, dispute within your family. Like, that's your people, this is your safe, like, place of. Of love.
Jackie Goldschneider
Right.
Jeff Fessler
And, like, don't let anything from the outside world fuck that up. Right. And so that's what I always come back to.
Jackie Goldschneider
I know I came from divorce, a lot of divorce. I was the child of multiple divorces. And Jeff grew up with the greatest parent, very just this. It was him and it was his sister and it was his two parents. And they just. We came from such different worlds. And, like, I wanted that so badly. I think I lost sight of that at some point during our marriage and that led to what it led to. But, like, I feel very lucky to have this family and like, this man who loves my kids as much as I do. And I'm not saying people shouldn't get divorced because there are certainly many, many, many cases where it's better to get divorced and stay together. I truly believe that you don't always just stay together. But if. If you can, it is. There is something so fabulous to be said for it. Right to be.
Jeff Fessler
My parents haven't lived together in 25 years. They're very happily married. More happily married now that they don't live together. Did live together, yeah. A lot of fighting when I grew up. Now, not so much fighting because they don't know where the hell each other are half the time. So it works out. But this is nice. Thank you, boys, for joining us.
Evan Goldschneider
Thank you for having us here. Valentine Jeff.
Jackie Goldschneider
Thank you, Evan. Happy Valentine's Day to you guys. Jeff, what did you get me for Valentine's Day? Valentine's Day. What'd you get me, honey? What'd you get me?
Unknown
What do you want? Oh, I already got it.
Jackie Goldschneider
I already got it.
Jeff Fessler
It's on the registry at the jeweler.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yes. And then Russell Stouffer's, please. Pink box, lots of bows.
Jeff Fessler
A. All right. Thank you, guys.
Unknown
Thank you.
Jackie Goldschneider
Happy Valentine's, love.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah. You guys sign off. I'm gonna chat with Ms. Vessel here.
Evan Goldschneider
See you later.
Unknown
Byebye.
Jeff Fessler
Bye.
Jackie Goldschneider
Very cute.
Jeff Fessler
You're cute. Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
Very lucky. Very lucky.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
I hope that our kids, a lot.
Jeff Fessler
Find a lot of people dropping like flies. And I do. I do think, like, if you're in a bad marriage, that that's probably the way to go.
Jackie Goldschneider
You know, I don't advocate for, like, stay married no matter what at all.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
Like, I just think it's. It's.
Jeff Fessler
I don't either.
Jackie Goldschneider
I just. To have this.
Jeff Fessler
Deal with that.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah, but. Yeah, but I mean, that's not always the answer. I think it's better for your kids if you're miserable to. To not to get divorced, probably.
Jeff Fessler
Is your mom remarried now? Yes, she's married now. How long she's been with her husband now, so 20.
Jackie Goldschneider
20.
Jeff Fessler
Oh, that's a long time. So this was the one. This was the best two years. Married.
Jackie Goldschneider
Well, my mom and my dad got divorced when I was very young, like 3, and my sister was 2. And then they both remarried, and then that marriage did not work out for either of them. But then my mom got remarried again and he died. Oh. And right. So. And then my dad got married again and they got divorced. I mean, that's a whole other. We could do a different pod on this, but no experience with divorce.
Jeff Fessler
Not in my parents, not in me. Nothing. Yeah, no experience of it.
Jackie Goldschneider
Listen, I think also divorces, people are doing them in a way that's way better, I hope. I think better for the kids now. I think like people. There's a lot of lessons that have been learned over the years about divorce. What not to do. I know when we were separated, neither one of us would say one bad word about the other one. I mean.
Jeff Fessler
Oh, really?
Jackie Goldschneider
Loved each other.
Jeff Fessler
No. I was a divorce lawyer for a year and.
Jackie Goldschneider
Oh, right.
Jeff Fessler
The things I saw were just. I mean, these divorces were bad. I was at a very wealthy Park Avenue divorce form. I had clients, a lot of wives who were a lot younger than their very wealthy husbands. It was their first marriage, but their husband's like, fourth marriage. And, you know, it was sad a lot of times. Sad. And I, I just hated, like when the kids were involved. And so it was sad, you know, so.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah, it was not. It's not divorce. I mean, as a being, you know, I'm a kid of divorce. It's definitely, definitely not easy.
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, well, let's not talk about divorce. Talk about Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day to you. Are you doing any Galentine's with your girlfriends?
Jackie Goldschneider
I just did a Salent Times, which I, I, you know, I have this partnership now with the Avenue at American Dream.
Jeff Fessler
Oh, yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
But I. So I am working with the Avenue, which is that luxury wing of American Dream, and just trying to. I don't think people in Bergen county specifically, or in the city really know. And for all of you, all of those of you who are not listen. Who are listening and don't live in one of those places. This is going to be fast. And working with them anyway to sort of like show people how fabulous this area of the mall is. It's all the luxury stores. It was champagne and caviar bar and this unbelievable restaurant called Carpaccio's, blah, blah, blah. But I did this promo and I talked about Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day I made up is self love. Oh, I love that.
Jeff Fessler
I Buy yourself a bag, right? Yeah.
Jackie Goldschneider
I took myself right to the mall by my little self. Took myself out to lunch. It was fabulous.
Jeff Fessler
That's fabulous.
Jackie Goldschneider
And no, I don't.
I haven't.
No, I don't do Galentine's things going on. Do you?
Jeff Fessler
Yeah, I got two of them this week, but we'll see. It's supposed to snow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fun. I enjoy it. I think I like the Galentine's better than the Valentine's because I'll just be like sitting. You know, I like being with my girlfriends. I love it now that my kids are a little less needy. You know, I I enjoy going out with my girlfriends. So.
Jackie Goldschneider
Yeah.
Jeff Fessler
And you know, but Valentine's, we don't really have any plans. But anyway, happy Valentine's to you.
Jackie Goldschneider
Happy Valentine's Day from two Jersey J's.
Jeff Fessler
From two Jersey J's. And we will see you guys next time.
Jackie Goldschneider
Enjoy your day guys.
Jeff Fessler
Bye.
Jackie Goldschneider
Hope you get lots of gifts by.
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Podcast Summary: Two Jersey Js: SOs & XOs
Podcast Information:
Timestamp: [11:47]
The episode kicks off with hosts Teddi Mellencamp (Jackie Goldschneider) and Tamra Judge (Jennifer Fessler) welcoming their guests, Jeff and Evan Fessler. They warmly introduce Jeff and Evan as "handsome husbands" and express their excitement for the discussion centered around Valentine's Day and long-term relationships.
Notable Quote:
Timestamp: [12:06] - [17:50]
Jackie shares the origin story of how she and Jeff met through a professional lunch-arranged dating service called "Just Lunch" in 1997. Initially hesitant and unsuccessful in establishing a romantic connection, Jackie recounts her persistence and eventual realization of her feelings for Jeff after a series of encounters and mutual support.
Notable Quotes:
Jackie: "When you see Evan, my first thought is, that guy would never like me."
[20:29]
Jeff: "When I saw Evan, I realized something real was happening."
[22:08]
Timestamp: [17:25] - [30:09]
The conversation delves into the early stages of Jeff and Teddi's relationship, highlighting moments of doubt, personal challenges, and the decision to commit to each other despite initial setbacks. They discuss their first dates, the decision to get engaged quickly, and the influence of supportive mentors and family members in strengthening their bond.
Notable Quotes:
Jackie: "Once I realized, I wanted to get knocked up before I wanted to nail him in."
[30:09]
Jeff: "Our wedding was beautiful, but we both have things we'd like to change in hindsight."
[35:01]
Timestamp: [37:33] - [44:25]
Teddi and Jeff discuss their approaches to Valentine's Day, emphasizing simplicity over grand gestures due to their busy family lives. They share their traditions of exchanging cards and chocolates instead of elaborate dinners, adapting to their roles as parents and professionals.
Notable Quotes:
Jeff: "We don’t do much. We just give cards and chocolates."
[38:34]
Teddi: "More important than what he looks like, more important than what he does, is that he is a nice guy."
[59:31]
Timestamp: [39:33] - [54:37]
The guests delve into strategies for sustaining love over decades, focusing on communication, mutual respect, and prioritizing each other amidst life's chaos. They share personal anecdotes about overcoming disputes, the importance of saying "I love you," and finding time for each other despite demanding schedules.
Notable Quotes:
Jeff: "Don't let little fights turn into big fights. Put it to bed quickly."
[60:55]
Evan: "Remember all the good stuff and key things. Let the waves of minor disputes pass."
[62:17]
Timestamp: [40:04] - [43:22]
Jackie recounts a challenging period when she and Jeff were separated for a year and a half. This separation, though difficult, ultimately deepened their appreciation for each other and reinforced their commitment, leading to a stronger and more resilient marriage.
Notable Quotes:
Jackie: "Everything changed after our separation for the better."
[40:28]
Jeff: "What you have now is rock solid, even after going through separation."
[43:22]
Timestamp: [52:42] - [66:24]
The conversation shifts to the topic of divorce, with Jackie sharing her personal experience as a child of multiple divorces and how it shaped her views on marriage. Jeff adds insights from his brief stint as a divorce lawyer, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a loving and stable family environment for the sake of their children.
Notable Quotes:
Jackie: "I don't advocate for staying married no matter what, but we were lucky to make it work."
[65:14]
Jeff: "Don't let anything from the outside world fuck that up. Your family is your safe place."
[62:47]
Timestamp: [54:37] - [66:24]
Jeff, Evan, and Jackie provide heartfelt advice to couples striving for long-term happiness. They stress the importance of communication, choosing partners who are genuinely kind ("a mensch"), and not letting external pressures undermine the relationship. They also highlight the significance of shared experiences and prioritizing the relationship over trivial disagreements.
Notable Quotes:
Evan: "The biggest thing is to communicate. If you have feelings, let them out."
[59:00]
Jeff: "Everything else can change, but your inner bond should remain strong."
[60:55]
Timestamp: [67:06] - [68:40]
As the episode wraps up, the hosts and guests discuss how they celebrate love beyond Valentine's Day, including solo self-love traditions and Galentine's Day gatherings with friends. They share plans for future celebrations and emphasize the joy found in maintaining meaningful connections with loved ones.
Notable Quotes:
Jackie: "I took myself out to lunch. It was fabulous."
[67:57]
Jeff: "Happy Valentine's Day from two Jersey Jays."
[68:35]
Timestamp: [68:40]
The episode concludes with warm farewells and well-wishes for Valentine's Day, reinforcing the themes of love, communication, and enduring partnerships. The hosts thank Jeff and Evan for their participation and encourage listeners to cherish their relationships.
Key Takeaways:
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
Jackie: "If you know Jeff Essler, I mean, you two, do you know that is not a Jeff Fessler thing to say?"
[14:50]
Jeff: "We couldn't make it happen. Neither one of us really wanted to go to the lawyer."
[41:38]
Evan: "When you're single, you're like 100% selfish. When you get married before you have kids, it's like 50% selfish."
[50:41]
Jackie: "He is such a mensch. He's such a good person."
[59:31]
Jeff: "Don't let little fights turn into big fights. Put it to bed quickly."
[60:55]
This episode of "Two Jersey Js: SOs & XOs" offers an intimate exploration of sustaining love over the years, highlighting personal stories, challenges, and invaluable advice for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Listeners gain insights into the Fessler's enduring partnership, making it a relatable and enriching listen for anyone navigating the complexities of long-term love.