The Moment His TikTok Fame Ruined the Date

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

U Up? – "The Moment His TikTok Fame Ruined the Date"

Hosts: Jordana Abraham & Jared Freid
Date: April 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid dive into the complexities of modern dating, from the euphoria and anxiety of new relationships to navigating social oddities and cultural clashes. With a blend of humor and vulnerability, the hosts analyze everything from texting etiquette in the age of AI to the awkwardness of financial boundaries in dating—and unpack a cringeworthy encounter with a TikTok-famous dancer. Listeners are treated to personal updates, listener emails on sticky situations, and signature games like “Red Flag or Deal Breaker” and “Petty or Prudent.”

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Main Themes & Discussion Points

1. Relationship Updates & Vulnerability (00:32–22:00)

• Jared’s Relationship Milestones:
  • Jared recounts recent travels with his girlfriend, Emily, and the newfound joy of sharing experiences—like guided hikes—with a partner.
  • “I kind of was pushed to do something a little different. We took a hike, which I would never… and we hired a guide. I recommend getting a guide for everything.” (08:00)
  • The hosts compare milestones—Jared’s relationship to Jordana’s journey with having children—and reflect on why followers get so invested in these personal victories.
• Fragility of New Relationships:
  • Both hosts discuss the anxiety and vulnerability of making relationships public, and the associated fears of judgment and disappointment.
  • Jared reflects: “The act of being happy is a vulnerability.” (15:00)
• Social Media’s Role in Relationships:
  • They talk about the pressure and self-doubt social media can introduce, especially when moving milestones into the public eye.
  • “I have a fleeting second where I’m like, that would suck if someone felt like I was giving someone the thing I couldn’t give to them.” (21:36)
• Personal Growth:
  • Jared addresses feeling lighter and genuinely happier, noting, “Her mom heard me talk about her mom’s titties and thought it was funny. So right now, I have it all.” (18:34)

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2. Listener Emails & Insightful Commentary

a) AI Accusations on Dating Apps (31:14–41:49)

• The Dilemma:
  • A listener is accused of being AI because of her “well-structured” and engaging messages on a dating app.
  • Hosts debate what actually feels human or artificial in texting.
  • Jared: “AI is a good reference for, ‘hey, this feels like you’re being surface level.’” (33:49)
• Takeaway:
  • Sometimes, being thoughtful and articulate can be mistaken for inauthenticity, especially as dating app users become increasingly wary of bots.
  • Both hosts agree: If one party accuses the other of being AI, it’s a sign there's no chemistry, not a sign you should change.

b) Petty or Prudent: House Equity After Divorce (43:35–49:43)

• The Dilemma:
  • A listener asks if it’s petty or prudent to claim all the equity from a marital house purchase, provided by her parents, after a divorce due to her spouse’s affair.
  • Jordana: “Give me back my $20,000 and then we’ll split the rest. That seems fair.” (46:07)
• Takeaway:
  • Both agree: It’s petty to keep the full profit; the fair move is to recoup initial investments, split gains, and avoid punitive accounting based on relationship fallout.

c) Culture Clash at the Country Club (50:18–63:28)

• The Dilemma:
  • A listener from rural Pennsylvania feels out of place at a luxe Jewish country club dinner with her boyfriend’s family and describes the setting humorously but with sharp contrasts.
  • Jared questions the tone: “It’s offensive, but I’m not offended… It didn’t feel like this was a nice—I didn’t feel in on the joke.” (59:15)
  • Jordana notes a lack of vulnerability: “Different is not vulnerable… because all the money makes me feel insecure—that would be a vulnerable conversation.” (58:44)
• Takeaway:
  • When dating into a culturally or financially different family, empathy and vulnerability matter more than drawing lines or making caricatures.
  • It's not just about “difference”—ownership, inclusion, and self-awareness are essential.

d) Awkward Date with a TikTok-Famous Dancer (73:16–83:32)

• The Story:
  • Listener goes out with a man who brags about his TikTok fame, real estate, and wealth, capped by oversharing his trust issues. After a quick club make-out, he texts late-night (and early-morning) appeals for a date.
  • The listener responds with firm feedback: “In NYC, most people have a lot of wealth or fame… and I’m not really interested in going out with somebody who’s making a point to talk about theirs.” (76:04)
• Hosts’ Take:
  • They find both the man's behavior (oversharing about fame and money) and the listener’s lengthy “helpful” rejection text overly self-conscious and cringe-worthy.
  • “I think the emailer is a red flag and deal breaker.” (79:17)
  • Sometimes, a simple “not interested” is enough—no need for a moral lesson.

e) Widow Facing Insensitive Date (83:35–92:34)

• The Story:
  • A widowed listener recounts a series of unsatisfying dates with a man who splits bills, withholds chivalry, and then offhandedly refers to her deceased husband as her “ex.”
  • “Are you always going to talk about your ex husband and compare me to him?” (85:37)
• Guidance:
  • Both agree: The phrasing is insensitive, and there’s a lack of empathy. “The fact that he didn’t treat her differently… says everything.” (91:43)
  • Life experience—and sensitivity—should matter in how you date.

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3. Signature Segments & Memorable Moments

Red Flag or Deal Breaker: The Dog Fork (68:13–72:37)

• Scenario: Date insists on bringing his dog, then shares a fork with the dog at dinner.
• Hosts: “Any insisting is a bad dating omen.” (70:43)
• Verdict: Deal breaker.

Other Listener Games:

• “Petty or Prudent” and “Icky or Picky” segments, where listeners weigh in on gray areas in dating and etiquette.

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Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• On being in public relationships:

  • “The act of being happy is a vulnerability.” – Jared (15:00)

• On social media jealousy:

  • “You go on social media, there’s like 10 things that make you feel bad about yourself in like 15 minutes.” – Jordana (22:10)

• On accusing someone of being AI:

  • “Sometimes, being thoughtful and articulate can be mistaken for inauthenticity…” – Paraphrased, segment (33:49–36:12)

• On TikTok fame and dating:

  • “He sounds like he put into a dating app generator: Weird topics that people might respond to.” – Jared (41:43)

• On splitting assets after a messy breakup:

  • “It seems like what you’re saying here… that you want the whole thing. That’s petty.” – Jordana (46:02)

• On culture clash in dating:

  • “It didn’t feel like this was a nice—I didn’t feel in on the joke.” – Jared (59:15)

• On empathy in relationships:

  • “You don’t date everyone the same. You don’t go on a first date with someone who’s lost a spouse… and treat them like just anyone else.” – Jared (91:18)

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Highs, Lows & Overall Tone

• Tone:

  • Candid, irreverent, and vulnerable. The hosts toggle between comedy and critical introspection, regularly poking fun at themselves and their listeners.
  • Deep empathy is present in the more serious situations, balanced with brisk comedic commentary.

• Most Memorable Moments:

  • Jared recounting his “guided hiking” date, insisting it’s “better with a guide because you can make fun of the guide together.” (08:00–12:09)
  • The tightly dissected exchange from the TikTok-dancer date and the sharp, unfiltered feedback the listener delivered.
  • The dog-fork segment, with both hosts recoiling at the shared utensil.

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Key Timestamps

• 00:32–14:38: Hosts’ life updates; Jared’s relationship news and vulnerability
• 14:38–22:50: Social media, anxiety, and relationship milestones
• 31:14–41:49: Listener email – AI and authenticity on dating apps
• 43:35–49:43: Petty/Prudent: Dividing assets after divorce
• 50:18–63:28: Dating into a culturally different family—a critique of “punching up”
• 68:13–72:37: Red Flag/Deal Breaker: Dog fork scenario
• 73:16–83:32: TikTok fame, oversharing, and icky/picky feedback
• 83:35–92:34: Widow’s email—navigating loss, empathy, and new dating etiquette

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Final Takeaways

• Vulnerability and self-awareness are key currency in dating and for navigating social differences.
• Communication style is a minefield: too “good” and you’re AI, too casual and you’re detached.
• Empathy, not judgement, should guide both feedback and personal stories—even when the other side stumbles.
• Sometimes, the weirdest thing on a date isn’t TikTok stars or rich parents—it’s sharing your fork with your dog.

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If you missed this episode, you’re missing a sharp—often hilarious—deconstruction of the modern dating world, with real-life stories, ethical quandaries, and the kind of honest, occasionally brutal advice that only Jordana and Jared can deliver.

Transcript

[Jared Freed]

Focus features in Blumhouse Obsession.

[Jordana Abraham]

When I have a crush on a guy no one knows.

[Jared Freed]

Be careful. I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone in the entire world. Who you wish for? Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten Tomatoes.

[Jordana Abraham]

I love you so, so, so, so much.

[Jared Freed]

It's blood soaked nightmare fuel. What kind of spills you put on her? You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17, animated without parent only. Theaters May 15 with special engagements in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hello and welcome back to the U UP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham.

[Jared Freed]

And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's the haps? We are virtual. We're in our little boxes here. Can't even escape. And so for Those watching on YouTube, you can see us, me coming from Delray Beach, Jordana from her castle on Long Island. What is going on? How are you?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm good. I'm good. I've. I'm trying to like, like think what I've been up to. A lot of the same. You've been traveling around, though?

[Jared Freed]

I travel this great country of ours. I am on the road. Heavy. It's been a lot of travel. I. I gotta say, my voice, I have been talking more than normal. I am. I'm. I'm so. I'm doing the audio version of the book Walking Red Flag, which I can show you right now. I'm. I'm sitting here. Walking Red Flag is right here. You can pre order the book. We need those pre orders again. I've been making videos saying thank you to people who have pre ordered. I will make a video. If you send me a receipt, I will.

[Jordana Abraham]

How many videos have you made?

[Jared Freed]

About a thousand. Wow. No, no, no, no. I keep doing them. I do them as they come in, as I see them.

[Jordana Abraham]

So you're not counting?

[Jared Freed]

No, I'm not counting. I. And they're a little embarrassing. There was one. I made a couple like, I. So I flew last week to Tempe, I will say the Tempe Improv in Tempe, Arizona. One of the best clubs I've ever been to. It is fabulous. And I didn't. Honestly, I didn't sell that well. I'm saying this as a comedy club.

[Jordana Abraham]

People stink.

[Jared Freed]

The people. You know, you could have bought more tickets, but the club was just a great experience. I really enjoyed my time there, so. And the staff just want to make sure I let me give them their flowers. When did that become a thing, giving someone their flowers? Was that always a thing? Feels like that's a recent.

[Jordana Abraham]

It feels like an old timey saying,

[Jared Freed]

but that came back.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it is recent. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Well, here are some flowers to the staff at the Tempe Improv. Just great people, fun people, great shows. And I traveled with my lady. I've gotten a lot of response on do you know, people have some interest in my relationship status and me seeing.

[Jordana Abraham]

Really?

[Jared Freed]

Did you know that?

[Jordana Abraham]

No way.

[Jared Freed]

No way. People were.

[Jordana Abraham]

People are very excited.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, very excited. I keep. I don't know. Do you think people are cheering for people to get in relationships no matter how little they know or how well it's going?

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, everyone loves like a. Everyone loves like an underdog story.

[Jared Freed]

So I'm an underdog. I'm a big loser.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I don't think it's that you're a big loser, but I think, like, it's an under, like an unlike. It feels. It felt, like, unlikely, I would say, for a while. For a while, like, it seemed.

[Jared Freed]

It seemed like it wasn't gonna happen for me.

[Jordana Abraham]

For a while.

[Jared Freed]

I would just say that we were. Would you say that to a female friend?

[Jordana Abraham]

No.

[Jared Freed]

You would?

[Jordana Abraham]

But. No, but here's. But here's the difference. I feel like a lot. Most of the. If I had a female friend who was single, it's more likely she would be talking about how she was upset about being single.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

And I think for you, and I don't mean an underdog, like, you've been trying so hard to get into a relationship and it hasn't worked out for you. Although we do love those stories for people.

[Jared Freed]

Yes, we do.

[Jordana Abraham]

Especially more for women. I think it's more like you seemed, like, frustrated with the state of your dating life. And I think you've talked about it vulnerably and openly. And I think when you get a win, people get excited. I think it's kind of like me and the babies. It's like, I think if I had just had some kids, I don't think people would be so excited for me. But I think it's like this idea of there was. It was a struggle. There was some struggle involved in it. There was some mental hurdles involved in it. And at the end of the day, you kind of, like, persevered. It feels like a movie.

[Jared Freed]

You're right. I've always thought of me getting into a relationship as the same as you having trouble getting pregnant and then finally having a baby. That's pretty much the same struggle. No, the.

[Jordana Abraham]

I mean, they're both. They're.

[Jared Freed]

I understand. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, Life milestones.

[Jared Freed]

Sure. And I think my frustration was like, you know, I, and I think there was doubt out there that maybe it could have been thought and it would have been fair to be like, well, Jared thinks he wants something that he doesn't really want. You know, like. Cuz I, I, I, I think, you know, I, I did, I was looking for companionship and I just didn't know if that would happen. And it feels like it's been like. We went on the. She, Emily came with me on the road this past week.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

So she came with me on the road, she came to pass over here and then we went on the road. We took a flight, a 6am flight for Lauderdale to Phoenix to get to Tempe. And that's when I made the video. This is what started this conversation for Walking Red Flag. I responded to people with videos and I guess I did it before they like sent over Instagram, dm and a couple people just got selfies of me and it just looked like I, it was just like me being like. And like, if you could see YouTube. Yeah. And I think a couple of them were like, is this what you promised? Like, they didn't know if this is like, it was like, it just looked like I.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's a picture of you. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I was like, okay. Yeah. So then I had to resend the

[Jordana Abraham]

Screenshot from the YouTube recording.

[Jared Freed]

Right. That's, that's what you get. You're welcome. So. And then we spent the weekend together and you know, I did all the things I would do on the road, but like, I kind of was like pushed a little bit to like, do something a little different. Like, and we took a hike, which I would never. You, you know, if anyone has followed my travels over the years, I do get a guide. Like, I've done food tours and I've like said, if you go. Yeah, I go on food tours. And one of the most memorable food tours is when I went to Melbourne, Australia, and I signed up for a food tour and I was the only one on the tour. So it was just me and the tour guide. And it was like, awkward.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was a private tour, if you will.

[Jared Freed]

Truly private. And him and I just like ended up getting drunk, you know, on the food tour. And I, you know, so I hired a guide to take us on a hike.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

The guide was, you couldn't just go on a hike, so. No, I couldn't just go on a hike.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why did, why do you need a guide to go on a hike? Like, there's a tree there's another tree.

[Jared Freed]

Like, I had to. First of all, I had to show off. I had to make it a thing, you know, like, if you just. What do you like, you don't want

[Jordana Abraham]

to be seen as cheap.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, I didn't want to be, hey, let's go on a walk on a woods. You know, like, let's go on a walk in the desert. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, okay, you had to make it fancy.

[Jared Freed]

I tried to make it fancy again. These are very, like, beginning relationship things. Maybe a year from now, I'll be like, hike. Who the are you? We're going to sit on the couch and do nothing, you know, I don't know. And we went on the hike. And so, yeah, I got a guide. And, like, I'm just like, doing these things that are, like, a lot more fun. Like, it was more fun to like, have someone else there to like, you know, we could make fun of the guide together. We could like, the guide together. We could, you know, the guide. I actually would encourage anyone to get a guide for everything. Like, it ended up we went up Echo Canyon, which is like, apparently the most hiked hike in the country. Like, the most people take it a year, which is like, the least guide necessary hike you could ever take. Like, people saw us with the guide and there we looked stupid. Like he was. And I think he knew that. He was, like, showing us things. He was like, showing us. He's like, this plant is called, you know, plant us Arabicus. And I'm like, probably just making up, right? Just to feel like it was worth the money. Yeah, I just had, like, a really nice time. So it was like, nice to do those things in a relationship. Like, have you. Do you and Mike do things together?

[Jordana Abraham]

It's so funny. I was just talking to him about how we, like, don't. We used to do so many things. I don't know why. How it came up.

[Jared Freed]

Isn't it? I remember how annoying the new relationship person asking the person who's been in a relationship for a minute, oh, do you guys do things too now?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm like, oh, are we happy? I don't know how it came up, but literally we were driving the other day. I was like, do you remember when we started dating?

[Jared Freed]

Dating?

[Jordana Abraham]

And we would do, like, sushi making and we would do like. We did like a trapeze thing and we carved pumpkins.

[Jared Freed]

I'm like, you did a trapeze thing?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. When we first started dating, we did like the.

[Jared Freed]

He.

[Jordana Abraham]

He took me to this, like, New York City trapeze. Like. Like, you swing from the.

[Jared Freed]

I know what a trapeze is. I can't imagine it. I. I can't see you guys.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'll send you a pic.

[Jared Freed]

I can't wait to see it.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's on my Instagram. It's on my Instagram.

[Jared Freed]

And when you guys, like, you know, flying around the. The flying wool.

[Jordana Abraham]

It was like the Bachelor.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. That is a bachelor date.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. It was pretty cool, actually, because he. I remember when we were. Had been talking, he had said that he had done it before, and I was like, that sounds really cool. I want to do that. And then it was my birthday when we first started dating, and he took me to a. A trapeze thing. But, yeah, we haven't done anything in a long time.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I'm telling you, do more things if Mike is listening. Get a guide. Yes. For, like, anything. Like, I. I think getting a guide. This is my Jared Freed Relationship Tip 1. Get a guide. It is this guy James. He was great. He was fun. He knew stuff. He was passionate about the subject. He fed us water. It was great.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's true. I think some of our most memorable trip moments are us making fun of our guide. Yeah, the guy, like, making references.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. The guide serves as the. As the. You know, the. The. The fodder. You know, like, it takes the attention off of talking about the relationship.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And then you have, like, inside jokes to come for years to come.

[Jared Freed]

Totally. Well, because at first, I mean, now I'm not sure what's funny and what's not funny. Like, when you talk to, like, in a relationship, everything's funny between you two. And then you tell people stuff, and you're like, boy, I'm a real boar now. Um, I told Emily. I'm like, we got a guide. His name's James. And she goes, gaines. And I'm like, gaines. Like, how is that even an option of names you could choose from, like, Gaines? Like, that's not like James or Harry. It's Gaines isn't a name Gaines. Yeah. Okay. So I called the guy Gaines the whole hike, and he didn't know why I called him Gaines is because of a mistake. So he really served as our father. He might be listening right now. Hi, Gaines.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's someone who's getting paid so that you can make him feel uncomfortable by making inside jokes about him.

[Jared Freed]

Absolutely. Worth it. Worth every dollar.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. You should go to, like, a winery or go to an app or something and then have, like, the person who's, like, teaching you about the wines. That's the best person.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, my God.

[Jordana Abraham]

They take it very seriously.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And I'd have so many bits. My whole thing is. Is to make the. The tour guide uncomfortable. And Emily, like, I. I. That's my goal. I want to make everyone. I really get into dad mode in a relation. I. I'm a totally different person.

[Jordana Abraham]

I can't wait for more.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's gonna be great.

[Jared Freed]

If you're. If you're on the road, you want to witness me doing all my different guided tours. I'm gonna be insane. Norwalk, Connecticut. Vegas, Louisiana. Jacksonville, Austin. I'm gonna be in the Hamptons, staying at Jordana's place.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. You know, I'm not exact. I'm still, like, an hour from West Hampton, but I think it'll be fun.

[Jared Freed]

Train is.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, no.

[Jared Freed]

I want you to kind of like this. They. They've been saying you're avoiding having me over. This is. No, you're coming over.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're coming. No, you're gone. I just don't. I don't want. I'm. This is me avoiding you, being like, Jordana didn't tell me that she doesn't live in the Hamptons.

[Jared Freed]

What? This isn't East Hampton. Where am I?

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, speaking of relationships, Mike has gotten in my head. He was, like, in the kitchen, listening to our podcast on his headphones while he cooks. He doesn't even want. He doesn't like to talk to me. He just likes to listen to me where I can't talk back to him.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, he's, like, cooking something.

[Jared Freed]

You just hear him yelling into the

[Jordana Abraham]

space, and he's like. And he's like, we're going to Jared show in West Hampton. I'm like. I'm like, yeah. He's like, you just said, like, we'll be there. He's. He's like, does Jared know it's an hour, like, and Jared staying here? I'm like, yeah, like, he's gonna stay here. It's gonna. He goes, does he know it's an hour away? I'm like, I'm sure he knows it's an hour away. He's like, you should tell him it's an hour away.

[Jared Freed]

Tell him, don't worry. I'm getting a guide to lead us on a hike from your place to the Hamptons.

[Jordana Abraham]

Great. I'm on a party bus. You're staying. I have. I'm getting. I'm getting your room ready.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. Get it ready. Also Maine and Cleveland. Cleveland added to the. The show list, Cleveland. I'll be there. Yeah. So what else is up?

[Jordana Abraham]

I want to circle back on one thing you were talking about before. So you were saying you're surprised that, like, of all the people who are excited about your relationship, did you anticipate, like, a more negative response? Like, did you have a. Like, did you have a fear going into, you know, publicly acknowledging your relationship of, like, a negative response?

[Jared Freed]

No, I fear. I didn't fear any. I feared. I, I, I can't say I didn't fear anything, because I did have anxious anxiety. I did say that to you, and that feels a little stupid now, you know, having being over the hump of it, like, this anxiety of fragile in the beginning.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think everything in the beginning is fragile also.

[Jared Freed]

How will I feel? I don't know what I'm going to feel on the other side of putting this out there. Will I be, you know, will I put it out there and be bored? You know, like, there's a fear of, like, the next step. The next step is fear again. I'm sure you had some fear. You have a baby. What's gonna happen between Mike and I? Will be. Will we. What's our new. What's the new dynamic? Like, you know, what's the new dynamic like for me in this relationship? The next step. It was also, like, you know, my anxiety a lot had to do with, like, you know, past relationships. That guy, you know, just the act of being happy is something. Is a vulnerability. Like, and, and, you know, people only

[Jordana Abraham]

get taken down more vulnerable than the other way, right?

[Jared Freed]

People only get taken down when they're successful, you know, like, they. People go, you know, if you. For every successful person, it's like someone else is like, well, let me tell you the real story. This makes it sound like I think there's a real story, that I'm hiding something, but I'm not. I don't know. Maybe I'm online too much. It feels like everything I read is like, let me tell you, you know, threads don't go on threads. Are you on threads, Jordana?

[Jordana Abraham]

A little bit. Like, yeah, what a horrific. Not, not actively.

[Jared Freed]

What a horrific group of losers. On threads. It is, like, more than Twitter or X, whatever the. It's called now X. X and threads. X is like being people being horrific. And then threads is people thinking they're better than other people while also being horrific. Like, it's like, I, I don't know. It also depends on what algorithm you're on. Like, I see a lot of comedians complaining about comedy I'm like, well, you could have written other things, like funny jokes. When the time you took to write this. I don't know, it just feels like there's a little bit of a. A self master. There's a masturbation going on on threads that is disgusting to me of like everyone piling on someone they hate.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're afraid of someone feeling like they have something on you and coming out with something now. Now that you're happy.

[Jared Freed]

Well, it's not even. Or in a relationship that even makes it sound like I'm hiding something. That. That's not the. That's not the case. No, it's more. It's more like, you know what? I met Jared and, you know, at a bar and he was a total. And then someone's like, he's an. I've always thought he was an. And then someone goes, I always got bad vibes from him. You know, like, right as I'm happily with my arm around my new lady, you know, doing Eskimo kisses, you know, like, it's like, I don't know. I.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're on guard.

[Jared Freed]

It weighs on me. But not anymore as much I feel better. And then I also, you know, the thing I am shocked by is like someone saying, you sound happier. That's the thing. I. I am a little shocked. Yeah. Because I don't. I never thought of myself.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think.

[Jared Freed]

Do you think I sound happier than I did before?

[Jordana Abraham]

I think you sound, I mean, I think when. Here's the thing. I talk to you about things other than like, dating.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think when you talk about dating, you seem a little happier.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or you, you know what it is? I think you just seem. It seems like you're genuinely, like, really excited and really into this person.

[Jared Freed]

I feel very light from it. I feel very, like, airy. Her mom heard me talk about her mom's titties and thought it was funny. So, you know, I really have it all, you know, like, if, you know. So right now I have it all, you know, Like, I. Yeah. And I think last week's episode when we talked about, you know, it was like the episode after the episode, you know, like, you came back and I talked about the relationship, you talked about the babies. And then we really had like a real you up episode last week. And I don't think we ever like, lost a step via me being dating and. But I. I definitely felt more free to like, be as honest as I could ever be and fun with the topic. I could go and direct. I don't know, but I, I never thought of myself as being heavy on the topic while going through it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think maybe there was a sense of, like, it felt like you were in, like, a cycle that you weren't enjoying that you wanted to get out of.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And I think that is true as far as meeting really people that are wonderful and, you know, worthy of a relationship. Everyone's worthy of a relationship. But I'm saying, like, except, except I can name a few. Yeah, let's go to the list. No, but I, I, that's my job on this show, is to make it a little less personal with whoever you're dating a little bit, like, to kind of like. And that was really a hard thing to, like, date people that I thought very highly of that I was like, I, I don't know why. I'm like, just having this stomach ache of this next step and then again and a stomach ache I felt while being with the person I'm now with. So, you know, so that, that was a little bit of, that was heavy for me. That was hard because I'd feel badly. And I think that's like, you know, I, I, maybe that's the anxiety of, like, getting a relationship. I still feel a little badly, like, which feels like a little bit of a narcissism. A little bit like, anyone I did is going to be fine. They're going to find someone. They're going to be great. They're going to find someone wonderful. That is going to be their story and awesome. But I do feel like I'm like, you know, I don't want to be dancing in a meadow with my, you

[Jordana Abraham]

know, no one wants to hurt anyone.

[Jared Freed]

No. And I, I just think, like, I know, like, like I did on Tick Tock, I put out a food video of me going to get pizza with Emily and, like, she's in it, you know, like, again, in the way I told you I wanted someone to be part of my life. I want to be able to, like, put the camera on them and say, what do you think of the pizza? You know, And I, you know, you have a fleeting second where you're like, that would suck if someone felt like I was giving someone the thing that I couldn't give to them. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, I have a little angst.

[Jordana Abraham]

Social media sucks.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. And, and just I, maybe it's from the show or just being aware of how we get emails about, like, and I saw him dating someone. You know, I'm like, and I, Right. I think of that email. I do have that cross my mind a little. And, And I hope that doesn't take away from.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think it's nice.

[Jared Freed]

Is it? I'm not trying to be here. I. I actually feel like I sound like a. No saying that. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

No, I think that's nice and I think it's relatable beyond relationships. I think social, like that, like, you go on social Media, there's like 10 things that make you feel bad about yourself in like 15 minutes.

[Jared Freed]

Right, right, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that that's kind of just like a natural. Whether it's. Whether it's someone who went on a date with you in a relationship or you see someone doing better than you in your career, or you see someone who, like, looks better than you in a bathing suit. I think that's sort of like if you go on social, that's why some people can't handle it. I get it.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

There were times I couldn't handle it either. But it's sort of like that's the nature of. Of living online is like, you see things that don't make you feel. Not every post makes you feel great.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I. I'll give an example. I did a. A show for Passover last night. I did a Passover show and people were taping. I hate when people tape. I. I think it's stupid.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, with their phones.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Like, literally, I'm on stage and they're holding up their phone like they're the aunt at the wedding who has the iPad in the middle of the aisle. It's like, we're, We're. We've. Oh, we hired a fellow. A videographer. Like, you know, also someone holding up their phone, taping. You can't. That's not a real good position to laugh. You know, like, you're taking yourself out of the laughers and then also you're being a distraction by taping for some reason.

[Jordana Abraham]

I, I was thinking. I'm thinking about when we saw John Legend and Ken.

[Jared Freed]

I taped. I did.

[Jordana Abraham]

I feel like we were. What we were all doing. Do you think that annoys him, too?

[Jared Freed]

I don't know. Because music, you know, it's the reason comedians. That's so funny because I was taping and singing with John Legend. I might have that video. I like, I'm going to have a

[Jordana Abraham]

whole rant about you.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Because I was doing my own words. I'm like. And I was like adding words in. So he must have really hated me. But that's why. Well, I guess. How do I rationalize my own behavior. He has

[Jordana Abraham]

comedians, he's really, really, really famous.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, he can take it well. Comedians always want to be musicians, and musicians always want to be comedians. And my thing for musicians is they can re. John Legend can play all of you anywhere, anytime, everyone wants to hear it. I can't redo a bit that like someone else posts online. If it goes viral, I lose the bit. Also, if it's taped in a way that makes it look bad, I guess that's the same as John Legend. But like, if my bid is taped and looks bad, you're never coming to my show. If John Legend is taped and looks bad, I think you're still going to a John Legend show. You know, like, I think you're going, oh, there's a random taping in the corner. He's singing with it. I don't know. You may.

[Jordana Abraham]

I would think that about a comedian. I think I'd be like, oh, that, that was not his best joke.

[Jared Freed]

That's even worse. You have no idea.

[Jordana Abraham]

Or that was not John Legend's best performance. Whatever.

[Jared Freed]

It was even so that's horrific. That's like the worst thing I could ever hear. Like, you know, everything that I put out is to get more people to enjoy what we do and the joke. So. Well, okay, I'll take it under consideration. But I, I. Last night I did this passover show. There's people taping. I made fun of it, but then I moved on, you know, like, and I'm like, well, I guess they like tape it and then they put it away or they show a friend or whatever. So later that night I get home and there's a two minute, like a full on bit is taped and it's from like my right side underneath. It's like the worst angle ever. I look, yeah, I look like a blimp. They the, you know, it's like the full Joe. It's like a two minute taping. They posted and then I messaged them,

[Jordana Abraham]

like, where do they post it?

[Jared Freed]

On their Instagram main feed. It was crazy. And I look at their other videos. They had like a little tiny following. And I'm like, I don't want this. And I, and I go to look at who they. And they don't follow me. The worst crime of them all, they don't even follow me. So it's like, now you're putting up my stuff, you don't even follow me. You don't care whether I live or die. You know, like, then I go to the. Who do they Follow. And now I'm looking at who they follow. And it's all these comedians that I know. I'm like, good enough to follow them. You can't follow me. You know, like, you're, you're not posting their two minute bit. What the. And I'm getting angrier and angrier. So I messaged them, like, hey, I'm happy you had fun at the show. I Can you please take down the video or put it up with music over it? Because I don't like my bits going out unless they're on a special and they didn't get back to it. And I'm like, this fucking asshole. They don't even like my stuff. And they posed myself and then they wrote me back this morning, like, the nicest message. We had the best time. Oh, no problem. I'll take it down right away. Like, and all those things I made in my head were my own insecurities, you know, like, it had nothing to do with them as a person or how they felt about me or other comedians they follow. You know, it's just, it was stupid. And it's the same for all social media. Like, that's what it social media is. It's like this, you know, the, the cigarette comparison's been done before, but, like, I think we're gonna find the effect these things have on us is gonna be. Is like something we can't even control.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's this thing that happens when your foundation pieces are actually good. You just move differently. You're not adjusting, not uncomfortable, not thinking about it at all. That's how I feel with skims. The fabric, the fit, all of it. It's the kind of thing you don't fully appreciate until you try it. I love Skims. I've been trying their new underwear collection and it is so, so, so comfortable. And for me, having comfortable underwear is like the number one thing because you're in it all day and if you're like adjusting at it or if it's kind of like pulling at you, it really just ruins your ability to focus on anything else you're doing. So to me, doing well at work, weirdly, strangely tied back to how comfortable my underwear is. And Skims has the best, softest, and most utilitarian underwear. It's like, great. They have kinds for every different shape and they're all serving a specific purpose. And no matter what they're doing, you're looking good in them, but you're also really, really comfortable, which is a super hard combination. I also have their cotton bras which are so, so, so comfy. And you know, I also love knowing where everything is and their bras are perfect for that. They make me feel like I can go about my day and not have to think about my underwear and bras, which is honestly the whole point. Shop everyday cotton and all my favorite bras and [e-mail] after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and make sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.

[Jared Freed]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. May is mental health awareness month, so consider this your official check in. How are you actually doing? And I don't mean the I'm fine version. If you've been feeling overwhelmed or stuck lately, therapy can be worth a shot because you don't have to go through it all on your own. I would say Better Help is an amazing asset to anyone who wants to put their toe in the water of therapy. These are licensed therapists who can give you the tools you need to get through whatever you're going through. And also you can switch at any time. No waiting room, no making an appointment that's like four miles away. No, no, no. You can do better help at your own leisure, so to speak. It's really makes therapy accessible, which I love. With over 30,000 fully licensed therapists, Better Help is the world largest online therapy platform having served over 6 million people globally. They do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And if you aren't happy with your match, as I said before, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored wrecks. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com UUP that's better. H L P.com/UUP Speaking of things that

[Jordana Abraham]

could be bad for us. Yes, AI is the is the subject of our first email.

[Jared Freed]

Let's do an email. Jordana, any oversharing? The episodes have been great. I'm a listener.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm a fan. Yeah, I'm, I'm excited to be back. Let's do this. All right.

[Jared Freed]

You've been back. Enough with the back.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've been back. All right, all right. I'm here. I'm here still. I'm very excited to still be here.

[Jared Freed]

Screw these babies. We get it. You're a mom.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. All right. Hi J and J. I love the pod and I'M a proud benefit subscriber. I had a weird experience on the dating apps this week that I wanted to share. I think I'm a really engaging texter on the apps and I think it's annoying when people are dry and don't ask questions back. I think most people feel this way, but I got a really strange response to a message I sent. Someone told me they thought I was AI. Screenshots attached. I feel like that's like the new insult. It's like, yeah, insult.

[Jared Freed]

It's a little bit of a neg. It feels like. And it's funny. While reading this email, I was like, do you sound like AI? Like, I didn't trust them even though they were writing in.

[Jordana Abraham]

Is the AI write this email right? Seemingly. Okay. Is the possibility of there being AI users on dating apps going to make people skeptical of those of us who type with good grammar, complete sentences, punctuation, and follow up questions? My profile is completely built out, so there's no other reason anyone should think I'm not a real person. It's just frustrating that, that putting in effort, like communicating clearly and asking real questions is being mistaken for AI. And now I'm afraid other people have felt that way about me. I'm not copying and pasting anything or trying to sound overly polished. I'm just showing interest. Sincerely, a very real, not artificial, fetch. All right, let's read this conversation. I'm glad she included the text.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, without the text ourselves, it wouldn't have really made. We needed the text.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. So we can, so we can decide if she sounds like AI. And I read this with the eye. Yeah, I read this with the, like, you know, I'm a detective. Does it feel like it's AI?

[Jared Freed]

Absolutely. I, I, because I didn't trust her, I was like, maybe she does sound like AI. Let's. I've. Have you ever been on a text with Mike and been like, are you being a human right now?

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe not with Mike, but with like other people. I've gotten like, if someone has, like, I feel like if someone's trying to tell you something difficult.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm more on guard for it.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, did you put this through a machine first?

[Jared Freed]

Right. I mean, I, I've said to Emily recently, I was like, can you not AI respond to me on this one?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

While we were having.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're not getting enough.

[Jared Freed]

I, yeah, I didn't get enough from that answer. And I do think AI is a good reference for. Hey, this feels like you're being surface level with me right now. Like. But maybe that's why you would have a conversation over the phone, to get away from text. But I.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

I. You know, I think you can do that with someone you care about too. You know, Like, I. I think you can for sure pull back because you're like, I don't know how to answer this, so I'm just gonna go corporate speak, you know?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Not offend anyone. All right, let's. Let's.

[Jared Freed]

I'll be him. Anyway. Any dating conversation where someone says anyway. I. I don't know. I. I feel like we've already on a.

[Jordana Abraham]

They hated the last topic.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Like, next topic, please. Anyway, so, random question, but I'm trying to build a playlist for divorced moms. Got any suggestions?

[Jordana Abraham]

What the hell? Why would someone be doing that?

[Jared Freed]

But anyway, that's what she wonders.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why are you building a playlist for divorced mobs? And what kind of music would that typically include?

[Jared Freed]

Because they're full of bangers. And I made one for divorced dads. Lol. And I don't know. Would. Would you think Landslide by Fleetwood Mac fits the vibe?

[Jordana Abraham]

I didn't understand any. That explanation doesn't. Is very weird. Anyway, I think it depends on the divorce. Is the mom feeling sad, angry, empowered?

[Jared Freed]

No offense, but I'm reading your last message and thinking that was written by

[Jordana Abraham]

AI it was definitely not written by AI Crying, laughing, emoji. Just not sure what would be on a divorced mom playlist.

[Jared Freed]

What do you think? Does she sound like she's being AI?

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't think she sounds like she's being a. I think she's doing what you're supposed to do on these apps, but I guess AI would, too. About, like, she's engaging. She's doing, like, a yes, and she's, like, having fun with this person.

[Jared Freed]

She didn't do a yes. And if. If I'm to be very hypercritical, she did just question him. You know, there was no yes, which is kind of what he's looking for. I. I would say this is not. Obviously, they're not a connection.

[Jordana Abraham]

They're not a match.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, they're not a match anytime. I do think saying anyway, so random question in the middle of a conversation means this isn't getting messy enough for him. Like, this isn't getting deep enough for him. This isn't getting fun enough for him. And I. I do kind of empathize with his position where he's, like, trying to draw blood from a stone.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't know about that. Okay, well, she Responds to him and asks him a question, why are you building a playlist for divorced moms? He doesn't really answer the question. Like, I think she's tr, she's like, play. She's like, I'll play. Why are you doing this?

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is, I think the more interesting conversation.

[Jared Freed]

Totally. And I, I think it is two improv partners that are trying to do their own scene. Like it feels like he came into this conversation with an idea of where it was going and he's kind of like dancing in the corner and doesn't care that she has her own thoughts and her own questions to the matter. So I think like for him, he wants to be laughed at. He wants to be fun, funny guy. And she's just funnier. Right? I agree. It's not funny enough because you're right. When he says cuz they're full of bangers, it's like she didn't ask that question. She says, why are you building a playlist for divorced moms? Because they're full of bangers. No, no, no. Who's full of bangers? That doesn't even make sense to what,

[Jordana Abraham]

that doesn't make sense.

[Jared Freed]

Right. He's doing his own thing and it's like I, I, I think for him, he's trying to say, like, why aren't you giving me what I want from this conversation?

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. He's like asking her to set up a joke for him. But it's not landing.

[Jared Freed]

No, it's not.

[Jordana Abraham]

Which is why it's not a match.

[Jared Freed]

Right? It's not a match. I, I, as far as, does she sound like AI I guess, like I do think I, she says, say hm, it depends on the divorce. She kind of play, she does play along there.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's what I'm saying. She's like, she's doing her best, I think to like, she's doing her best.

[Jared Freed]

I, I, I don't know. Give me, I wrote down a list. Okay. How would you respond to these playlist questions, these playlists that I want to build if we were talking on a dating app. You ready? Like I was trying to think of like, is there any other direction she could have gone? You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Anyways, so random question, but I'm trying to build a playlist for long bathroom visits. Got any suggestions?

[Jordana Abraham]

That's, that's funny.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I would say, how would you respond? Yeah,

[Jordana Abraham]

I would have to, I would have to, it would bring out, I would have to elicit my creativity. I'd have to think of a good bathroom song.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. Anyways, I'm. Anyways, so random question, but I'm trying to build a playlist for eating a plum.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay.

[Jared Freed]

Okay. Anyways, so random question, but I'm trying to build a playlist for looking at a body of water while feeling sad about a lost aunt.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Got dark.

[Jared Freed]

Okay.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I. Anyway, here's the thing. Here's the difference between yours and. And this guy's. Yes, yours is like, here are some universal experiences minus the ant thing, sort of.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I don't need to even ask you that. I. I don't even need to ask you why you're doing that. Because it's like, sort of built into the joke. Divorced moms. You're a. A man asking to build a playlist for divorced moms. It sounds like. I. I don't know what you're talking. You know what I mean? For, to me, I'm like, well, who is this for? What's. Why is it? Why are you doing it? Whereas, like, if you're like, I need a. If someone said, I'm trying to build a playlist for a long bathroom break, I wouldn't say that on a dating app just because. Not the sexiest thing to think about. But I think that's like, oh, I could see why someone would want to build that a shower playlist. Whatever it is.

[Jared Freed]

I'm going to add on to your point, I totally agree with what you're saying. Vulnerability produces vulnerability. When you say, when you're a man who randomly takes the conversation to playlists for divorced moms, you're not even talking about yourself. You're not even talking about your life. You haven't admitted to. Is your mom divorced? Does she need a pick me up? Hey, I. I got a random question. My mom has been looking for a playlist. What would you get for a mom who's been divorce recently? Like, that is a different. You know, she asks if she's ruining the conversation by having proper grammar. There's nothing you can do to ruin a conversation if you're vulnerable and personal. Like, this to me is, he's ruined the conversation. When you're going to random.

[Jordana Abraham]

I make a bad joke, right?

[Jared Freed]

To also to like, what are you going to do? Make fun of divorced moms. And now divorced dads are kind of. You're making fun of them too. If he said, I'm a divorced dad. My favorite playlist is this one Divorced dad playlist that I listen to. It's kind of weird, but it has some funny songs on it. That's a different conversation that he's not even engaging.

[Jordana Abraham]

Agreed.

[Jared Freed]

So, like the examples that I gave. Long bathroom visit. You're saying I sit on the toilet a long time. That is vulnerable. That's why it's funny, right?

[Jordana Abraham]

It's funny because you understand. Because it's like relatable, right?

[Jared Freed]

And we're in on it. I'm in on it. When you say divorce mom, like I. It's funny that she's like, do I sound AI? He sounds AI. He sounds like he put in to a. Like a. Like a dating app generator. Weird topics that people might respond to.

[Jordana Abraham]

He sounds like AI.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. I'm not AI.

[Jordana Abraham]

Validated.

[Jared Freed]

You're AI.

[Jordana Abraham]

Not a match.

[Jared Freed]

Regardless. Yeah. This episode is sponsored by Instacart. If you actually care about what ends up on your table, grocery shopping can become a whole thing. And finding the time to do it right is its own challenge. With Instacart, you don't have to compromise on quality for convenience. You can be specific about what you want, communicate directly with your shopper, and get groceries selected with the same care you take yourself. I love what Instacart is doing. I love that you can free up your day by taking one of your chores and making it so you have an assistant. You have someone to go to the grocery store for. You find the things you love and I think the most important part, direct communication. Truly, the convenience cannot be beat. With just a few taps, you can shop from your favorite stores and have quality groceries and household essentials carefully selected and ready for pickup or delivered to your door in as fast as 30 minutes. Instacart helps take care of delivering the things you need with quality you deserve so that you're free to take care of life. Life. Download the Instacart app now and get groceries just how you like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Ready to soundtrack your summer with Red Bull Summer All Day Play. You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer All Day Play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit red bull.com bright summer ahead to learn more. See you this summer.

[Jared Freed]

Let's do another email uup betches.com uupp bet.com we need your emails. We love a screenshot. We love a screenshot. We love the data. We love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Specifics. Raw materials.

[Jared Freed]

That's right, specificity. Find out what it means to me. Petty or prudent. J and J. I have A petty or prudent. So the game here is things end. Are they being petty with how they acted after the ending, or was it a prudent move on their part? A year after my husband and I got married, my parents gave us $20,000 to put towards closing costs and a down payment on our house. Two years after we purchased our house, my ex cheated on me and we divorced. So when it came time to split up assets, he wanted to sell and split the money we would make off the equity in the home. But I reminded him that we wouldn't have a house if it weren't for my parents money. So petty or prudent. I made him sign over the equity of the house to me, even though he paid into the mortgage for two years. Context, if it helps, we met at 27, married at 30, divorced at 33. Jordana, what say you about the petty or prudent?

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, I'm trying to get a grasp and clarify what's going on here. It sounds like her parents contributed to the closing costs and the down payment, and then they split the mortgage payments and now they're getting divorced and he wants them to split whatever the proceeds from the house are.

[Jared Freed]

Sure, that's what it sounded like. Split the money would make off the equity in the home. I mean, she really. She must be a real estate agent now because honestly, 20,000 towards the home would mean the same as the cost and down payment. Right? Like, it's not like you split those up. I would assume when you close on the house, right.

[Jordana Abraham]

You have to pay all that stuff. It sort of gets lumped together right

[Jared Freed]

in the mortgage too, you know, so it's like I, it's all things that like the real estate agent would say, and I'd be like, what's the, the number at the bottom? You know, like, I don't need to see how this goes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

So they sell the home for, you know, they. So they bought it for 800,000, they sold it for a million. There's $200,000.

[Jordana Abraham]

And he says they should split it. He's saying they should split it and she's saying she wants the whole thing.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Which. Okay. Yeah. How do you feel? That seems like crazy to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

That seems like what she's saying here. She doesn't break it down like that.

[Jared Freed]

So basically, if they made $200,000 from the home, she gets it all, is what she say. We're on the same day.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that's. That's petty.

[Jared Freed]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

To say I want an extra I of that. Give me back my $20,000 and then we'll split the rest. That seems fair to say. Okay, it's $200,000. I get. I. I immediately recoup the 20 that I put in more than you. So that's 180, and then we each get 90.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, that. That seems like what should happen. Plus the fact that they made the investment decision together. Like, they chose.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

It's not like she chose the home and then he moved in and it was her decision. You know, it's like she didn't.

[Jordana Abraham]

They did it together. Right.

[Jared Freed]

They did this together. So the profit is.

[Jordana Abraham]

He's been paying into the mortgage.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And the profit is due to the decision, the financial decision they made as a team. Like, if you sold a company and you put in more money, you'd get your money back in the same way you just explained.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And then you would split whatever the profit was.

[Jared Freed]

Right. It's totally petty. It's.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it's petty. Well, she's saying, because I was cheated on, does that entitle me to take, like. No. I mean, you'll go to. Here's the thing. There's a divorce court where you can please your case for why you deserve whatever you think you deserve or more from him.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But that's like a legal thing.

[Jared Freed]

So.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it's petty to say I'm keeping the whole. That's basically you saying, like, I'm keeping the whole house. Like, I'm taking the house.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And if this was part, like, also, let's say I don't know who the breadwinner is in this scenario. So, you know, if someone said, well, they're making money and I stop my work, you know, and I have to keep up, there's so many other things at play, don't you think? Like, Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

There's a million other factors, which is why you should just split it. Or, I mean, you can let a legal court decide.

[Jared Freed]

And do I want someone equipped with that story to talk about me for the rest of my life with, you know, like, you kind of have, like, there's a point where you're paying for pr. You know, there's a point in a relationship ending where it's like, what's the cost of good priority and what's the cost of, like, the story that gets told after. I think for a woman who. It sounds like this is a woman writing in, there's not as much bad PR to cheapness that there is for a man. And again, the cheating thing is as bad a PR as it gets so she kind of has the leeway to do kind of act however she wants, which is what she's kind of taking advantage of.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. Or she thinks she deserve deserves. You're basically saying like you would have, you would have to say $90,000 was the cost to me of you cheating on me.

[Jared Freed]

Right. And like, and if I paid someone $90,000 as the cost of cheating, I would also want something back in that deal.

[Jordana Abraham]

A public statement that we're cool.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, that's. But that's the truth. Like you can't take the 90,000 and right into a podcast. Yeah. My ex is a cheating loser who.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

You know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, that's why when you, when you settle a court case, there's usually like you're not allowed to talk about it. Right. Because that's part of the deal. I'll pay you. But now you can't complain about McDonald's to everyone.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's because McDonald's has paid you. Now they bought your silence.

[Jared Freed]

Right. It seems like she's having her cake and eating it too. So like I would consider her petty, but that doesn't really sting as much as guy who cheated and now he's also lost money. So like she wins again. Who cares?

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I think the argument like, we wouldn't have the house if it weren't for my parents money. It doesn't. Is not really a fair way to look at anything because like you wouldn't have had the house if not for seven other million things that fell into place in the right way.

[Jared Freed]

Right. His money to pay the mortgage. You probably have a more expensive mortgage because it's two people contributing, you know, than you would have had. So let's do another email. Jordana. This one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let's do it.

[Jared Freed]

This one. I am very interested to hear your opinion on this email.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, I. I'm ready.

[Jared Freed]

Go for it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hi, J. And Jared. I saw you at your parents country club during a passover dinner in Boca. I wanted to say hi, but I was with my boyfriend's family and I got a little shy in that setting. Let me give you some context. I grew up in the Appalachian Mountain dew drinking foothills of Amish country, Pennsylvania. Weren't we just joking that Emily was like Amish?

[Jared Freed]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because you said she lived in the deep woods.

[Jared Freed]

In the woods. Yeah, yeah. Woods woman.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Is this her writing at the end? Anyway?

[Jared Freed]

Maybe it's her.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, that'd be, that'd be really funny. When I got.

[Jared Freed]

I sent this. I actually did send this. Derek.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. Be like Are you writing into my podcast?

[Jared Freed]

You okay? Everything good?

[Jordana Abraham]

When I got accepted to Penn State main campus, my town treated me like I was going to Harvard. For the record, I'm not Amish, but my former neighbor Jedediah is. Now she's Amish adjacent. Now I live and work in Florida and. And this country club lifestyle is still a culture shock to me. I've been dating my boyfriend for nine months. He obviously comes from a great family, but admires the fact that I'm a self made woman and shows her own clothes. Let me give you my interpretation of this dinner. The aroma was an assortment of strong perfumes, designer leather, and various meats. Does that sound accurate to you, Jared? Is it?

[Jared Freed]

Could be. I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Do you remember that scene in the movie Mean Girls where people acted like animals at the high school fountain? That's what the buffet felt like. Okay. I've never heard 800 people collectively speak at such a loud decibel. I was so overstimulated, but also fascinated. Anyway, I love living in South Florida, but I still get a little nervous going to family functions with my boyfriend just because it's so different from what I grew up around. What's your advice on dating into a family with a very different lifestyle? Yours truly, shy Amish adjacent country club girl. P.S. latkes are awesome. I don't really understand the P.S.

[Jared Freed]

i guess because there were latkes at

[Jordana Abraham]

the Passover because there are a lot of Jews there. Is this like a Jew thing?

[Jared Freed]

Well, it's Passover.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay. Yeah, I guess so.

[Jared Freed]

I guess maybe it's the way she wrote it. Sounded like she's not.

[Jordana Abraham]

I say, right. Oh, right.

[Jared Freed]

And latkes are awesome. That that's been an added benefit to being at a seder is that latkes are awesome. How do you feel? Okay, about this email, Jordan?

[Jordana Abraham]

I guess my question is like, at first I was reading it and I was like, oh, this sounds like it's about money. But then, you know, as the email progresses, it sounds more like it's about like culture. Is that what you did you. Do you agree with that sentiment that it's more about like, I mean, the loudness of the culture or like the. The type of people who there she's around.

[Jared Freed]

I want to admit that this email hit me in a way that I was like, am I being sensitive? You know, like I'm willing to be. Let me. Let me be vulnerable on my end.

[Jordana Abraham]

Do you think it's anti Semitic?

[Jared Freed]

I never said that. I wouldn't go Far enough to say it's anti Semitic. I, I'm not going to be that person. I would say that if someone took it that way, I'd be like, you know, chill on that. You know, I wouldn't go that far. I think she's doing a lot of coded language that, to me it's, I mean, I see this email and I, I was like, I was off put by it. I'm not, I think it's offensive. I'm, I'm, it's offensive, but I'm not offended. I don't know, I'm trying to like, okay, I understand that someone could look and be like, Jared, you're, you're taking it personally. But I think there's a thin line between making fun of something and being offensive. That's the hard part. You know, that's the work. You know, I think the work is when, if you're going to speak about other people and make fun of things is you have to make the people who you're making fun of feel somewhat loved or included. If I were this person's boy and I know they've liked the show and they saw me at Passover dinner and they were too shy to say hello, I would dump this person immediately if I found out I was dating them. And I would say they.

[Jordana Abraham]

You're not though, right? It's not.

[Jared Freed]

No, I'm not dating them. I, I did send it to my girlfriend to make sure it wasn't her. Yeah, I think this kind of is like a little bit of a taste of what's going on online, you know, like, I think this email, they feel free to say these things that, you know, these people smell and it looks like a bunch of animals attacking each other over the food. They feel okay to say that because it's country club. So these are rich people. And she's self made woman who sews her own clothes from the Appalachian hills. And that's the picture she's painted in a very professional way where if you're of the. And again, it's created by the Internet. I see it on TikTok more than anywhere else. There's persecutor and victim. If you're in the victim group, you can say whatever you want without having to be more creative or careful of the feelings of the person you're talking about. And if you're of the, you know, the punch down class again, in this case, if you're country club people, you have to be more careful about how you talk about people that you would be hypothetically punching down on, on, on the, on the group that doesn't have it as good as you. So I don't think, because when I read this I was like, I don't know, like she's the self made woman who made it out of her hometown and he, he's from a family. Like I can only assume that she would say other things about him that he didn't have to work as hard for what she has and that he doesn't have to. You know, like, I, I, I think I kind of read this and, and oh also the potatoes are good. Like, I don't know. Like I, I was kind of grossed out by this email, to be honest with you. Like, I think this idea and I think this happens in dating a lot and I, I notice this from women who are speaking in the same tone as the men in the manosphere and being allowed to do it and cheered on for it. So.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because they're punching, because they're punching up.

[Jared Freed]

Which again it's a little bit like you're saying like it, you know, you're taught right one, you know, two wrongs don't make a right. Because I don't know when this ends. I don't know when this. Do you know what I mean? I, I don't know how you came because you said anti Semitic. I wasn't gonna say anti Semitic.

[Jordana Abraham]

Well, it speaks a little bit to like some Jewish stereotypes about people being loud.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I think that's, you're at a, you're at a Jewish event, you know, like, and maybe again she, she listens this podcast. I don't think she hates, I think she designer leather. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Like, I think she stereotype.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I think she's trying to be fun with the show and I don't mean to like hammer her because I don't think that she's a bad person and if she'd like to say hi to me, I would love to say hello. She's a little smarter than she puts on. Like she paints a picture very well where she is the hard working gritty from the nowhere sticks and all these people are, you know, you know, grabbing for food and all their cake and, and, and riches and aren't you know, like it just rings that were these unappreciative monsters who are elbowing each other to get to the prime rib and she's little old country girl who saying please and thank you and excuse me, you know, again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I, my issue. Yeah, I, I mean I could agree with, with that. I think there's some thinly veiled stereotypes going on here. But I think my main issue with the email is that there's no real vulnerability.

[Jared Freed]

No.

[Jordana Abraham]

Similarly to what we were talking about before where she says, I get a little nervous going to. Going to family functions with my boyfriend because it's so different from what I grew up around. Where's the vulnerability in that? Different is not vulnerable.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Because all the money makes me feel insecure about, you know, not not having had the same things or trying to keep up with this lifestyle. That would be, I think, a vulnerable. Interesting conversation if it's about this because I kind of. I'm always worried maybe she write because I'm always worried that I'm not acting or doing or saying the right thing. You know, I think there's like a. But what she's saying is like, I don't want to be around these loud, annoying people. That doesn't really feel like, nice.

[Jared Freed]

No, I, I read. Well, I'm happy you said that because it didn't feel like this was a nice. I didn't feel in on the joke. If, if I'm to be honest, and I, and I agree with you, the vulnerability is key. It is because that's how I thought she was going. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

But it's the original email to me.

[Jared Freed]

She's. She's insecure that the people at this event would say things about her behind her back that she would say about them behind their back. And, and it. Listen, I see this a lot at events that I get invited to, especially when they are like high end events. Like when they're like, maybe with people who have money and people feel comfortable talking to me, which I appreciate that they're the insider who's the outsider. It's kind of like a movie trope. You know the movie Titanic, the one that rose.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

You know, there's the rich woman who wasn't always rich that she can confide in because she gets it.

[Jordana Abraham]

She gets it.

[Jared Freed]

You know, like, and I think that trope, that character, people put that on themselves of like, I'm here with all these monsters, but I'm not like those monsters. I know how to say please and thank you. Like, that's not a vulnerable place. Just like you're saying, like, it's actually mean and it doesn't really.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Have any empathy to it. And I do think, again, not to make it about, like social media, but this happens in dating. This happens a lot. Like, listen, I would say this to. We had rich BFF on the show right. When she Said she was the breadwinner and screamed about it about her now boyfriend. And he. I. If a guy came on the show and made a big point to say that he's the breadwinner and the person that he's living with is not, I'd be like, kind of sounds like a douche, Right. In the same way, I think it sounds douchey from her. And I would send her the fucking clip. I don't care. Like, I would say I had a great time with her on the show, but I. The breadwinner thing, I go, you know, like, I. And I would say that about anyone.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Who would say that? So, like, I. I do think when you're the. Again, when you're punching up, you're not being asked to be as creative as the person who. Who might be punching down. And we're not even saying that's happening. Like, I didn't go to her event and then say, you know, all these horrific things, you know, like, I didn't even get a chance to go. So she's putting. Maybe her. This. His family hasn't got a chance to go and see her family. Maybe she's afraid of that. That would have made this email better, I think. Like, yeah, I'm really afraid of inviting them to my family's thing. And then it's not, you know, we don't have a big buffet. We, you know, we kind of have, you know, my mom cooks when we have the holidays. And I could understand that. That would be a different question.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. And I think that's a relatable part of it, I think. And I think the. I think the mo. The financial part of it is also kind of an interesting thing, like dating. But again, I don't think she's even say if she was going that route, I would have a lot more advice and empathy and thoughts. But it seems like she's just saying these people stink.

[Jared Freed]

Right. She says, what's your advice on dating into a very different fam. In dating into a family with a very different lifestyle? Well, I would start with not thinking that you're better than that lifestyle. Like, trying to find a way to not sounding like you feel that you're better for having grown up your way versus their way. Like, again, why would I dump this person if I were dating them? Based on this email, I would assume that they think that I have had an easy life that in some way didn't prepare me in the way they got prepared because I didn't have my hometown give me a parade for Going to Penn State, you know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

That's how I was.

[Jordana Abraham]

Feel like. Yeah. And if you feel that strongly that that's the case, then don't date someone in that. In that circle. Don't go to their family Passover.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I was at that Passover at a great time. And I would make fun of the. Here's the thing. I would make fun of things that. That Seder, believe me, like, I did. I talked about, you know, the rabbi didn't seem to have a good plan. I would have had a better plan. I. I talked a whole. I gave a whole spiel about how when you do a Seder, when you run a Seder, I wish they would just, like, stick to three things.

[Jordana Abraham]

It's different to make fun of something when you're in it than if you're. I think it's different if you're, like, different.

[Jared Freed]

Well, I think you.

[Jordana Abraham]

You can make. You can make fun of your mom. No one else can make fun of your.

[Jared Freed]

Well, people could if they want. The. Well, Sebastian Maniscalco, okay. He has a bit about Passover. It's like. It's actually. The most famous Passover bit is from Sebastian Maniscalco. Like, everyone's seen.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, I've seen it. Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

And in no way do I watch that and go, well, he doesn't get it. He's Italian. I watch it and I go, it has a lot of love and empathy. It's his wife who's Jewish. He's talking about the food and how he says jewish food sucks, you know, like, in the bit, basically. And. But he only says that because, again, that's the talent and the work that was put into the bit. Like, when people say, oh, people are sensitive, that's someone who doesn't want to work at the opinion. And I do think a lot of times in the Internet world we live in today, a lot of the people who come from the punch up don't have to work as hard as someone who might be punching down. And that's like a. Might be like a hot. Take it. Depending on how you take that. But, like, you look at those manosphere guys. Those manosphere guys sound a lot like her. Like, in my opinion.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I could. I could see that. I don't. I'm not that. I'm not that in tune with the manosphere. I'm not.

[Jared Freed]

Did you watch the documentary?

[Jordana Abraham]

I understand.

[Jared Freed]

No, you gotta say. Yeah, you gotta. It's like. It's wild. Like, I mean, like the guy, Lewis Thoreau, he's to me, it's so funny that he's. He, the documentarian is the most wonderful form of masculinity on the whole documentary. And he's like, he is the example to be followed. Like, he's not. He's not. Like, he is in no way a Beta. Like, he has his own presence. He asks questions. He's thoughtful, he's vulnerable.

[Jordana Abraham]

He.

[Jared Freed]

He takes, you know, when. When some people would be so angered by it that they might get too emotional and, you know, get in an argument.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right?

[Jared Freed]

He's attacked. I. I think it's so funny. It's so interesting that he is the. He's the thing to be looked up to amongst all these men who want to be looked up to so much. It's just very interesting.

[Jordana Abraham]

I've got to watch.

[Jared Freed]

It ends with, so spoiler alert. It ends with, they all hate the Jews. So it's like. And I was so.

[Jordana Abraham]

Maybe she.

[Jared Freed]

I was shocked. I was like, oh, I didn't know. Was this play about us?

[Jordana Abraham]

Wait, is this play about us? Right?

[Jared Freed]

Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

I saved it for the end.

[Jared Freed]

I had no idea. It comes at the end. You're like, oh, oh, okay. I had no idea.

[Jordana Abraham]

I feel like that's. That's usually how any of these sect things end, right?

[Jared Freed]

I, I actually, just in case. I. I should have said I at the end. I. I actually thought to myself, I go, I. I guess I should have seen it all along. This is. You know,

[Jordana Abraham]

they buried the lead, right? This episode is brought to you by.

[Jared Freed]

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[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freed]

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[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freed]

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[Jordana Abraham]

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[Jared Freed]

Watch only on Prime Girl.

[Jordana Abraham]

Winter is so last season. And now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders that perfect hang on the patio sundress. Those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough. Enough of shopping from your couch. Done. Hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear open that envelope. It's time for a little in person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic.

[Jared Freed]

Let's play some games. Red flag. Deal breaker. It is the game that's sweeping the country. You're dating someone. One thing happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it and move on. Or is it a deal breaker? You end it sight unseen. You ready?

[Jordana Abraham]

I'm ready.

[Jared Freed]

Long time, first time subscriber. Feather. Feather. Love you both. Thank you for all the laughs over the years. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Writing in with a red flag. Deal breaker. I, 36, female, just went on a second date with a guy, 36, male. First date went great. Very similar interests and lifestyles. He talked a lot about his dog, and I mean a lot, including showing me a whole album of photos of the pup. But I get it. I love dogs, too. Scheduling for the second date followed with several texts from him emphasizing, almost insisting that the dog had to join us. Really? The second date? You just can't bear to be parted with your pooch for two hours on a weeknight. We eventually settled on dinner at a place where I knew dogs were welcome. And I wrote it off as it's a nice spring day. Can't blame him for wanting to bring the dog. Dinner outside will be fine. Thankfully, the dog was well behaved. But this guy fed his dog directly from the fork. As in, scooped up some food, then leaned over and let the dog take a whole bite off the fork. What? Again? Don't get me wrong, I. I love dogs too. And giving them food from the table is fine, but, like, use your fingers, put it on a napkin on the ground. What's worse is the guy then continued to eat his dinner using the same fork. Gross. Now I feel like I'm intruding on a special thing of theirs, like the spaghetti scene from lady and the Tramp. And I'm stuck watching this guy and his dog lovingly eat the same strand of spaghetti. So, red flagger, deal breaker. A guy and his dog share the same fork at dinner. Thanks, man's best friend. Great. Side off.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, I'd be out. I would be out.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

This is like a little. This is a little much. Insisting on bringing anything besides yourself to a second date is crazy.

[Jared Freed]

Any form of insisting.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Is crazy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Insisting that. Like, because the whole nature of a first date, second date is that it's light and we're just getting to know each other. I just want to know if I can share a space with them.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

The minute you get in the world of insisting, and that's like, a hard thing to lift yourself out of. Like, if you're insisting that you want a FaceTime, it should have been a yes right away. You shouldn't have to insist. If you're having.

[Jordana Abraham]

You have to insist. You should go right.

[Jared Freed]

And the date it's never going to work out. Any form of insisting is a bad dating omen. Like. Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. Other than insisting that you pick up the check.

[Jared Freed]

Right. That is just fine.

[Jordana Abraham]

I insist.

[Jared Freed]

No, I insist. No, I insist. Right. I. I totally agree. The issue isn't even the dog with the fork. Like, the dog with the fork doesn't even.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Like, it's like almost to be expected if he insisted on the dog being there. Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think the insisting is. Is crazy. The dog with the fork is. Especially if there's like a. If she's getting a weird vibe between the guy and the dog. That's also weird. I mean, I would already have gotten that vibe if he insisted on bringing it. It's like, it's a date. If you want to bring. If you insist, you can insist on bringing your dog on date six.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

It has to be for a reason.

[Jared Freed]

Right? Right. You got to be three dates into assist. Anything.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes. I'm out.

[Jared Freed]

I'm out.

[Jordana Abraham]

All right.

[Jared Freed]

Dump this guy. And I just love the idea of. I like dogs too. We are. So we just town or we tiptoe around dogs so much in dating. It's crazy to me.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just so you know, it's like, imagine replace dog with, like, kid with, like, baby.

[Jared Freed]

Right?

[Jordana Abraham]

I. I love babies.

[Jared Freed]

I don't normally ate them. Like, you don't have to do this.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

I mean, it's crazy. Switch dog with cat. I don't normally. Hey, you don't. You don't have to do that. You just go, I don't want a cat on a date. I don't want a dog.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's fine.

[Jared Freed]

I want a cat on a date. I don't want a baby.

[Jordana Abraham]

I wouldn't want a dog on a date.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I don't wanna. I don't want your anything. I don't want your iguana.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't want your friend on a date.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That happens sometimes.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah. Get out of here, shoe scat.

[Jordana Abraham]

Bye. All right, let's do another one.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

J. And J, longtime listener also. So happy Jordan is back. We missed you and it's really nice having you on again while you're navigating such a big new chapter. Jared, shout out for holding down the fort.

[Jared Freed]

We did not get the same intro on that one.

[Jordana Abraham]

Jared, you'll be okay.

[Jared Freed]

What is she, Mel Robbins? All right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes, I had a red flagger deal breaker situation and an icky or picky all rolled into one this weekend with screenshots included.

[Jared Freed]

Love it.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was out at a bar in New York City with my friends. When this guy and his group came up to us. Me 28 female, him 27 male. I wasn't immediately sure if I was into him, but I've been trying to be more open and date more intentionally so I didn't write him off just because he wasn't my usual type. He had just moved to New York City, which is honestly my favorite kind of guy to meet. Enthusiastic, not yet jaded by New York dating, etc. As the night went on, we were dancing and kissing and overall having a good time. But towards the end of the night he started dropping some interesting details. He said he's tick tock famous for dancing. He mentioned he owns a lot of real estate and properties. He also told me he has a lot of money but doesn't like to share that up front because he's worried woman will use him and that he has some trust issues to jump ahead. I felt badly hearing that and that alone is what motivated me to respond at all to his texts. Because he said I was the first girl he'd talked to or bought a drink for since moving here last week. The Tick tock slash real estate.

[Jared Freed]

Hold on. He doesn't usually share that he's got a lot of money up front, but just this once, just on a.

[Jordana Abraham]

Just the first time he's meeting someone,

[Jared Freed]

he'll break an exception. Right? Because he's trying to you right? Yeah. Yes.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's crazy. The tick tock real estate combination immediately gave me the ick. My friends and I left shortly afterwards me spending the night with my situationship but I woke up to these texts. All right, should we do the text and then I'll finish the email?

[Jared Freed]

Yeah, let's do the text.

[Jordana Abraham]

Okay, I'll be her.

[Jared Freed]

Why didn't y' all just invite us? Lol. We all having a good time. Mine as well. Where are you at? So these are the nighttime post dance kissing text. Yes, we stayed at the same club because they close at 4.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hahaha. I went home.

[Jared Freed]

She's typing that from a Uber on her way to her situationship's house. That's hilarious. Wow. You hate me. Lol. Let me come stay with you lol. I'm not gonna lie. You missing out on a real dude right now.

[Jordana Abraham]

A real dude. Wow.

[Jared Freed]

These texts are amazing. I he wakes up at 5:50am I'm sorry about last night. Right. Still feeling it and anxious. I'm sorry about last night. I was drunk. Crying face emoji. But you are really cute and I feel with your vibe I'M flying out to Florida today for some work I have to do. But I'll be back and I want to take you on a date and be the gentleman that I am.

[Jordana Abraham]

Hey, don't worry about it. I'm flattered, but I wasn't a fan of you talking about all your Tik Tok fame and acquired assets. That's awesome. But in New York City, most people have a lot of wealth or fame because you have to in order to make a living here. You can't really survive without either a high salary or high following. And I'm not really interested in. In going out with somebody who's making a point to talk about theirs. And I get not wanting to be used, but you can't control that either. And just comes down to judgment and trust. But it was nice meeting you. Just wanted to send this. You don't think all girls in New York City just give a number and then ghost.

[Jared Freed]

Wow.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's really doing a solid for all the girls in New York City.

[Jared Freed]

And it was. He. He won't think that they ghost anymore. He'll just think that they're giant. I didn't want you thinking that women ghost. So let me just tell you everything I've ever thought about you. Let me leave you with this goodie bag from meeting me. We make enough money in New York. You don't need to talk about your stuff. He writes.

[Jordana Abraham]

Let me give you a little information about how it works here.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

Big Apple.

[Jared Freed]

She likes meeting someone new because all those other people are jaded. I wonder where she found that out. That's fair. He writes. And thank you for saying things I need to work on. Thank you for a great night. Love your business idea. You're going to rock that. I let the alcohol speak last night instead of myself. If you wanted me to be honest. You got the side of me I don't like. That's why I don't drink. If you gave me another shot and go on a real date, you wouldn't regret it. But I'll leave that ball in your court. But thank you for all. And it goes on. She didn't let him sound like a nice guy.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

Not cut him off.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah.

[Jared Freed]

So she's.

[Jordana Abraham]

I don't want to hear that. So my questions icky or picky? Being tick tock. Famous for dancing. Something about that just turns me off. But I'm fairly offline. Okay. I'd have to see the video.

[Jared Freed]

Right. Well, can I. I. I don't mean to be. You know. Look, here's the thing if someone said they were tick tock famous for dancing, I would be like, let me see the dancing. I would, I would I assume they were joking, right? I It's such a cheesy thing to say that I would entertain it and like egg them on. I would either think they were joking or if they were taking themselves seriously, I would egg them on so they could see their dancing, so I could show all my friends what a loser I met. But that's beside the point. I think her writing into us icky or picky being TikTok famous for dancing, something about that just turns me off. Of course. What do you think? That's not an interesting. I think most people would be turned off by someone bragging that they dance for money online. Like it is cheesy and corny. So like I, you know what I mean? Like I, I know like you're and then she says, but I'm fairly offline. This is again, this is the elitist I know nothing. So I'm better than the people who are in I I, I kind of think this is like she, she's this e. This email is about someone who's a, a deal breaker and like not someone I would want to hang out with. But also the more they write about it, the more I think the emailer is a red flag and a deal breaker.

[Jordana Abraham]

Also a deal breaker, right? Yes. The guy was the to how insulting her text was. He seemed pretty nice.

[Jared Freed]

Totally right. If someone wrote that to me, I would just not respond to them. Good luck. Sorry. Was a horrible person to you and bought you drinks and tried to impress you and you know, I, I don't know. There's like a lack of, like I, there's a lack of awareness to explain to someone that you don't want to see again. She doesn't want to see him again. So it's not worth your time to improve them for what? The greater good of women. Like, fudge off.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. He didn't ask you just say hey, I had a good time. I'm not really looking to go out again but, but thanks so much for a fun night.

[Jared Freed]

Again, if a, if he wrote that to her, I didn't really like how you danced a little bit too provocatively and for that reason and in New York you should know people are pretty classy here and don't dance like that. Like we'd be hammering him too.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. No, yeah. She sounds like an he didn't ask you why you said no.

[Jared Freed]

Right? He asked you on a date. It's a simple no. It was nice to meet you, but I didn't feel a romantic connection. Done.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah. If anything, it wouldn't. I don't think she's saving him from thinking all New York City girls ghost. I think she's actually scaring the. Out of him, thinking that anyone who he asks out on a date will not only just reject him, but reject him with a full list of reasons why he sucks.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That would be more traumatic for me and bigger deterrence than. Than not getting answered. I think most people could move on.

[Jared Freed]

Oh, thank you for asking me on a date. Let me tell you the ways you made me dry. And one, and two. Yeah, I mean, her next question. Red flagger. Deal breaker. Talking about how much money you have. Like, yeah, we know. Of course. Talking about how much money you have.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

There's a subtle theme here, and I don't mean to, like, connect all these things of, like, listen, I am a straight man here, and I'm speaking for the other side. I'm giving some feedback that some people are starting to sound like dicks on the other side of the aisle and starting to sound like they're being emboldened to be dicks because the world will allow it. And I. I do understand at the brunch table, making fun of someone who talks about how much money they have. Yeah, of course that's fun to do, but, like, I don't know. Young guy makes mistakes. You found. You found him drunk at a club while you were dancing. You know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yeah, it's funny to me that she even said that, like, him mentioning that he owns a lot of real estate and properties was the. Was more. Was a. Was a deal breaker. And the only reason she gave him a chance was because she felt bad because he says that because he has so much money, he's worried that women won't. Will use him. That's. To me, of all of these things, the biggest deal breaker was the third bullet. And that was, like, the only reason she was going to.

[Jared Freed]

She kept going, right? No, it's. It's a great point. And it's like, I kind of. Kind of brings you into the worldview and what we're. What I've been talking about is, like, that she has to be a representation of all women. And it's like, that's not your responsibility. You listen to a dating podcast so that you can have fun with the subject, so that you can find someone great that you can connect with. None of that shit is going to help another woman out. Like, no, One cares about you, they don't care about you. Don't care about them. Stop playing this stupid game of we're all in this together. You're not. Yeah, you know, like, so overall, so

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that answers her. I mean, that answers her third question overall. Should I give this guy a chance or is this a walk away situation? How could you even think about should I give this guy's a chance after you sent that message to someone? Sincerely, a non home owning, non viral batch.

[Jared Freed]

Right. She's non homeowning, she's not viral. Look at me. Simple loser. That's why I can talk about this guy who's dancing, making dough. I don't know. Yeah, don't go out with him. You deserve each other. You should get together.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think that should be deal breakers.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

Yes.

[Jared Freed]

Let's do. Let's do another one. Last one. J and J just became a subscriber and loving it. Thank you. Thanks for the laughs and great advice. If you're listening this deep into the show, you're gonna love the subscription. I think we're pretty personal here anyways, but we would love for you to sign up and, you know, you get to know us in a different way. I meet people at the shows that are benefit subscribers. It's like family. Not sure if this is a red flag or deal breaker or icky or picky. You decide. I'm a 43 year old widow and I always tell prospective dates before going out that my husband passed away. Usually it's met with sympathy and empathy. I met a man online and we started chatting. Several weeks later, we went out for a first date. It was okay. I had a drink. He had four. I guess he was nervous. On our second date, he got two bills and we each paid for our own meal. On our third date, we went bowling and he said he'd pay for the bowling as long as I treated for drinks afterwards. Can you imagine? You were in like a loving relationship. Your husband, who you love so much and probably paid the tab, and now you're dating and the guy's like, two tabs, please. And you're like, do you think she like, looks up to the sky? Like, why would you do this to me? Do you think that. Do you think there's like a moment of like, irony or I don't know what it's called that like, you're just like, what the.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, I think there's definitely a moment of like, what am I doing right? I need to reevaluate everything.

[Jared Freed]

Right. The minute he Says two tabs at the end of a day when you loved. You know, like again, I'm sure her. I'm sorry that she's gone through this, but like, this is the plight. And you go, I had this one. I'm sure she thinks of her husband in the most wonderful, ooey, gooey ways. And now she's on a date. Two tabs, please. You know, like, you get the shoes, I'll get the snacks. I, you know, like what the.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, I mean, she's. Listen, she's being a good sport.

[Jared Freed]

She's going.

[Jordana Abraham]

She's like, she's going. On the third date, I cheer for her.

[Jared Freed]

Like it just the. Yeah, I. I agree with you. On our third day, we went bowling. He said he'd pay for bowling as long as I treated for drinks afterwards each date. He had been fun with good conversation, but I wasn't feeling a spark. And to be honest, the division of bills and lack of chivalry got to me. On our last date, he asked me if I was going to talk about my ex husband and if I was going to compare all future partners to him. I was truly offended. My first husband is dead, so he's not my ex. Maybe this is just semantics, but I didn't appreciate the wording. Second, I make a real effort not to bring him up, but when I do, it's because I feel comfortable and want to share. I don't cry when I talk about him. I just usually say something in passing like my late husband and I had been there or done that. My date didn't apologize and said it was no big deal. I, on the other hand, feel hurt and would appreciate an apology. My friends say that I should not go out with him again as he is clearly not empathetic and sensitive enough to my feelings. What do you think? On another note, I just listened to the episode where Jared talks about Ozempic. As someone who has struggled with my weight my entire life, it's refreshing to hear a man talk about the struggle of body image and weight. Thanks for being so open. Thanks. Looking for love again, Betch. Well, thank you for writing in. I am terribly sorry about your loss. What do you think, Jordana?

[Jordana Abraham]

To me, it's. I think it's. It's hard without the context of being there and hearing how the conversation went. Because I do think there's a way that this could be said sensitively. It doesn't sound like it was at all from the way she's describing it. Like, I don't think the question in itself, if phrased the right way and in the right context, would be offensive. But it sounds like there's a, the way he brought it up was, was not with, like, vulnerability and softness.

[Jared Freed]

Could you ever imagine talking to someone who, you know, their wife has passed away and calling it their ex wife?

[Jordana Abraham]

That part's very weird. Yeah, I agree. Unless, like, again, he, like, just, you know, made a mistake.

[Jared Freed]

It's a tough mistake to make. I don't know, because it feels pointed.

[Jordana Abraham]

Why else, why would he, I mean, I mean, but why would he, why would he do that on purpose?

[Jared Freed]

I don't know. But even to say the way she worded it, let's say it's exactly how he said it. I don't know, but let's say it is. If I was always going to compare all future partners to him, like, even that's a little bit. Future partners, like, in, in what way? I, I don't know. I, I, I guess maybe my mind goes to, like, sexual partners. I, I, I don't know. To say ex husband and partners. I don't know. There's a, I agree with everything you said. I don't, I don't want to repeat you. I'm just saying the way he said sounds right.

[Jordana Abraham]

It sounds like he said it in like a, not in a, I think if she had that reaction, it must have been said, I would imagine, in a way that was like, not sensitive, not vulnerable, and not like, in, in a way to sort of like, get her to open up about a topic.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

You know, I think that question in itself isn't crazy to want to know that if someone, someone you're dating on a third date to say, like, how is, I think there's a way that, that you could, could bring it up and say, like, how has it been dating since, you know, since the loss? Like, do you find yourself comparing people you date to your late husband? I don't think. Is it a, an offensive question in itself. I think if I were dating someone who was a widow, it would, I might be curious about that.

[Jared Freed]

No, I, I, it is, it is something I'd be curious. But I've dated women who have had husbands who've passed, and it's not. I, I guess I thought it, but I didn't really like, it's more that, like, this is a part of their life that, you know, I don't know, it's a part of their whole story. I don't, I don't know.

[Jordana Abraham]

A,

[Jared Freed]

I didn't really think to ask about. I Was like, I'll, I'll hear it when I hear it.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

But I do understand being curious, you know, I don't think he's wrong for curiosity. I think but I think you got to be like that is such a huge loss and especially at a certain age, you know, like.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. And to say like, are you always gonna talk about him? Sounds like you're making it about you.

[Jared Freed]

Right? Right. And the comparison is making about you. Just to say that it's okay to be curious about that, but to say it, to not be kid glovish with that topic.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right.

[Jared Freed]

Is, is just bizarre. Non empathetic. I'm with the friends, I wouldn't go out with them again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Right. I wouldn't go out either. Also, like the paying thing just sounds like he's pretty self centered.

[Jared Freed]

Yeah.

[Jordana Abraham]

But I think it's like, I agree it's an intimate topic and it has to be asked about intimately. I don't, I don't think the questions themselves are like, I mean the question about are you always going to talk about him? I can't imagine a way that that was said nicely. But like.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

I think with all these things it's like is it said in a, did, did that answer come out in a curious, vulnerable. Getting the person to like open up and share with you about their past or is it like, are you going to be just talking about this person and then I'm gonna have to like live up to this person? Like in that way just to me seems not, not that also, and I'll

[Jared Freed]

say this as a man who's dated, well, anyone who's dated. You don't date everyone the same. You don't go on a first date with someone who's lost.

[Jordana Abraham]

You do, you're not doing it right.

[Jared Freed]

Well, you're right. Like this to me is a guy who's dating everyone the same. You go out with someone who's lost a spouse. Like two tabs, please. Like, I don't know, like you're like, you know, go on a nice date. Be, you know, like, I don't know, it's just like, not that I would get two tabs with someone who didn't lose his mouth. But like I just think you would

[Jordana Abraham]

want to show them extra sensitivity.

[Jared Freed]

Right. I, I, I think that there you meet someone at a bar that you hook up with one night you go for casual drinks afterwards. It's a little bit more cash, it's a little more, it's a different type of date than it is first date with someone who's let you know that they've lost their husband. I'm just saying, right. To treat everyone this. The fact that he didn't treat her differently.

[Jordana Abraham]

I was out at two bills. Even not having lost a husband. Two bills at dinner, there's nothing to me. I would rather pay for the whole dinner than have it have two bills.

[Jared Freed]

Right.

[Jordana Abraham]

That's like. Just feels icky, right?

[Jared Freed]

No, but I. I just will say I've dated a lot of different people, and if you're going out today, it's. You're going out because you feel that it could be special. Yeah. This sucks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it sucked, but I don't. I wouldn't go out with them again.

[Jordana Abraham]

Agreed. All right. We did it.

[Jared Freed]

We saw Dating again. We did it.

[Jordana Abraham]

We back on Friday.

[Jared Freed]

Boom.

[Jordana Abraham]

Bye.

[Jared Freed]

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[Jordana Abraham]

Betches.