Robinson’s Rest

Summary

Uinta Triangle: Episode - Robinson’s Rest

Release Date: July 8, 2025
Host: Dave Cawley (Lemonada Media)
Production: KSL Podcasts
Sales and Distribution: Lemonada Media

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Introduction

"Robinson’s Rest," the finale episode of the Uinta Triangle series, delves deep into the heart-wrenching journey of Marilyn Robinson as she retraces the final steps of her missing husband, Eric Robinson, an avid Australian trekker who vanished in the treacherous Uinta Mountains five years prior. Hosted by Dave Cawley, a seasoned journalist known for his true crime series COLD, this episode captures the emotional and physical odyssey undertaken by Marilyn, Dave, and their companions in search of closure and understanding.

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Setting Out: A Journey of Healing [01:17 - 07:20]

The episode opens with Dave Cawley completing his own hike on the Uinta Highline Trail in August 2023, meticulously recreating every photograph taken by Eric during his final trek. This personal homage soon evolves into a larger quest for Marilyn Robinson, Eric’s widow, who seeks answers about her husband's untimely disappearance.

Dave Cawley shares his initial plan:

“I had plotted out this series to run eight episodes, and I figured I had everything I needed to do that. But as I sat down to write, I found myself wrestling with a new question. What was this story really about?” ([01:53])

Realizing the narrative required a deeper exploration of Marilyn's emotional landscape, Dave flights to Australia to join her, marking the true beginning of their shared journey.

Marilyn Robinson expresses her motivation:

“It’s a story of a missing person, but it’s also a legacy to that person for the love of what they did.” ([03:15])

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Personal Connections and Preparations [02:47 - 07:20]

Upon meeting Marilyn in Heathmont, Dave and Marilyn reminisce about the numerous hikes and adventures they shared. Marilyn’s home becomes a repository of memories, symbolized by Eric's old hiking boots adorned with succulents—a poignant testament to her enduring love and loss.

Marilyn on her experience:

“I have loved this week. In many ways, it has evoked a lot of memories. It was tough. In a couple of times, I throw my hands up and say, I can’t do this.” ([03:48])

Their bond strengthens as they navigate through Marilyn's memories, leading to an emotional visit to Mackenzie Falls—a significant site where Marilyn had previously spread part of Eric's ashes.

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Revitalizing Passion: Embracing Adventure [07:20 - 09:00]

Marilyn reveals her transformation since Eric's disappearance. From resisting Eric’s adventurous spirit to embracing it in his honor, she shares her renewed zest for life and exploration.

Marilyn on reclaiming her adventurous spirit:

“I have gained the confidence and refound my mojo to get out there and to travel independently as a single woman in honor of Eric.” ([08:18])

Her adventures include a memorable hike up Mount Kinabalu in Malaysia with her daughter, demonstrating her resilience and dedication to keeping Eric’s memory alive through shared experiences.

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Returning to Utah: Gathering the Team [13:16 - 27:06]

In a pivotal moment, Marilyn decides to return to Utah—the very place where Eric disappeared—after twelve years. Accompanied by Dave, she meets Mark Judd and his family, who were instrumental in the initial discovery of Eric's remains in 2016.

Marilyn’s poignant reflection:

“The 21st was the last time I held Eric, the last time I felt his warm and tender touch and we said goodbye.” ([14:01])

The group prepares for the arduous trek to Allsop Lake, where Eric was found, underlining the physical challenges posed by Utah’s intense summer heat and rugged terrain.

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The Trek Begins: Trials in the Wilderness [27:06 - 43:06]

The team embarks on their journey through the Uinta Mountains, facing extreme heat, difficult trails, and emotional strain. Marilyn's determination is tested as they navigate through burnt areas affected by past wildfires and confront the stark reality of changing landscapes due to climate impact.

Marilyn’s resolve:

“Never fear. Onward and upward, one foot in front of the other.” ([18:11])

Their hike includes iconic locations like Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park, where Marilyn pushes her physical limits, inspired by Eric’s adventurous spirit.

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Reaching Allsop Lake: A Place of Memory [43:06 - 61:39]

After days of trekking, the team reaches Allsop Lake, the resting place of Eric Robinson. Here, they engage in meaningful rituals, such as hanging flags to honor Eric and sharing personal stories that humanize his memory beyond his disappearance.

Marilyn’s emotional declaration:

“This storytelling has been my grieving, my catharsis for what happened 13 years ago.” ([64:36])

They explore the site, uncovering symbolic elements like a forgotten rope that may have played a role in Eric’s accident, and reflect on the unpredictable forces of nature that contributed to his demise.

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Closure and Reflection: Finding Peace [61:36 - 69:08]

In the serene environment of Allsop Lake, Marilyn finds the closure she desperately sought. Surrounded by wildflowers and the majestic peaks that now frame Eric's final resting place, she reconciles with the past, embracing both joy and sorrow.

Marilyn's final thoughts:

“It is a very emotional. It hit me that I had made it. I had got this far. Something that I didn’t think I would ever do.” ([33:57])

The journey concludes with a heartfelt farewell to Eric, symbolizing Marilyn’s acceptance and newfound peace.

Marilyn on moving forward:

“You don’t put things off. You make the most of every day, and you make the most of every person that you meet.” ([66:25])

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Conclusion: The Power of Shared Stories [69:08 - End]

Dave Cawley reflects on the profound experiences shared on this trek, highlighting Marilyn’s incredible strength and the deep human connections forged through their shared pilgrimage.

Dave’s final remarks:

“Remember, wherever your life's trail takes you. None of us ever truly walk alone.” ([71:17])

The episode underscores the significance of companionship, resilience, and the enduring power of love and memory in overcoming loss.

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Notable Quotes

• Marilyn Robinson:
  “This storytelling has been my grieving, my catharsis for what happened 13 years ago.” ([64:36])

• Dave Cawley:
  “I started this journey as the solo hiker, a guy who understood Eric's desire to spend time in the wilderness alone. I thought following his footsteps alone would reveal some hidden truth. But only by sharing the trail with someone else did I learn the true meaning of the story.” ([67:28])

• Marilyn Robinson:
  “You don’t put things off. You make the most of every day, and you make the most of every person that you meet.” ([66:25])

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Final Thoughts

"Robinson’s Rest" serves as a powerful narrative of love, loss, and the healing journey through nature. It not only chronicles the physical trek across demanding terrains but also delves into the emotional landscapes navigated by those left behind. Through immersive storytelling and authentic conversations, the episode offers listeners a profound exploration of human resilience and the enduring bonds that define us.

For the best listening experience, the podcast includes immersive field recordings from real outdoor locations, enhancing the authenticity and emotional depth of the narrative.

Connect with Uinta Triangle:

• Website: uintatriangle.com
• Social Media: @uintatriangle
• Exclusive Content: Subscribe to Lemonada Premium for bonus episodes.

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Produced by:
Andrea Smarden (Lead Producer and Sound Designer)
Ben Kiebrick and Jenny Ament (Contributing Producers)
Alison Layton Brown (Main Score and Original Music)

Special Thanks to: Aaron Mason, Amy Donaldson, Felix Bunnell, Josh Tilton, Kellyanne Halvorson, Nina Ernest, Ryan Meeks, and Trent Sell from the KSL Podcasts team.

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Remember: Wherever your life's trail takes you, you're never truly alone.

Transcript

[Amy Donaldson]

Two young fathers are shot to death outside an iconic Utah restaurant.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I said, your dad has been hurt really bad.

[Amy Donaldson]

The grief was disorienting for those left behind. Until one choice changed everything.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I just remember writing this letter, and it wasn't me writing it.

[Amy Donaldson]

Can a personal decision shape generations?

[Dave Cawley]

We're all falling for this guy's trick.

[Amy Donaldson]

I'm Amy Donaldson. Season 2 of the Letter Ripple Effect is available now. Follow [e-mail] or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mark Judd]

Lemonada.

[Dave Cawley]

The wilderness of mountains around us was a symphony in modulated shadow. Below was the utter blackness of river gorges. Only Rumdoodle itself stood in the sunshine, its great pyramid framed against a turquoise sky. The vast icy precipices and snowfields glowed with changing sunset tints. It was a fitting farewell from a mighty mountain Webman the Ascent of Rumdoodle Sorry, excuse me.

[Mark Judd]

Almost to the end. That's right.

[Dave Cawley]

I completed my hike on the Uinta Highline Trail, following in the footsteps of Eric Robinson in August of 2023.

[Mark Judd]

Two switchbacks, and then we're there. The final uphill grind to Hayden Pass and the end of the Uinta High Line.

[Dave Cawley]

I'd gone out with the goal of recreating every photo Eric took on his.

[Mark Judd]

Final trek, and I'm grateful I was able to mostly accomplish that. Only a few photos eluded me.

[Dave Cawley]

The experience revealed the obstacles Eric faced and the choices he made to try and get back home to his wife, Marilyn. It answered long standing questions about how Eric ended up, where he did, and why he'd gone undiscovered for five years. I'd plotted out this series to run eight episodes, and I figured I had everything I needed to do that. But as I sat down to write, I found myself wrestling with a new question. The project I'd pitched to my boss and to Marilyn was an investigation into Eric's disappearance. Ending that story with my conclusions about what had happened to Eric could work, but I felt like something was missing. What was this story really about? I hoped Marilyn might help me answer that. So I booked a flight and boarded a plane bound for Australia. Which brings us back to where we started.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I was excited to have somebody come to fill the gaps or expand upon the story of two people who met later in life and enjoyed passions and places together.

[Dave Cawley]

On my first day in Heathmont with Marilyn, we sat in the garden outside her house having tea. We talked about all the places she and Eric had hiked together, all the trips they had taken, both close to home and around the world you know.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It'S a story of a missing person, but it's also a legacy to that person for the love of what they did.

[Dave Cawley]

She pointed out Eric's old hiking boots on the patio, the ones she had planted succulents in during the dark years after he disappeared. In the days that followed, we shared meals, visited her family, went through old notes and photos, took her dog on long walks, and recorded. After hours of interviews, toward the end of our time together, I asked how she felt about it all.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I have loved this week. In many ways, it has evoked a lot of memories. It was tough. In a couple of times, I throw my hands up and say, I can't do this.

[Dave Cawley]

Now you've heard me call Marilyn a stoic. She doesn't show emotion to strangers, but. But as we got to know one another, I did catch glimpses. Like when we took a road trip to Mackenzie Falls.

[Mark Judd]

Hello.

[Marilyn Robinson]

How you going?

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn wanted to show me the spot where she had spread a portion of Eric's ashes six years prior. But it didn't look the way she remembered. The path had changed since her last visit.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Just let me. Cause she used to go along here.

[Dave Cawley]

Maybe we can't get there.

[Marilyn Robinson]

We're going to have to fake a place.

[Mark Judd]

Well, let's see. If we see it. And it's on the other side, we'll know.

[Dave Cawley]

She soon spotted the right place. We took a seat on a rock at the side of the river. I angled my microphone toward Marilyn and asked her to describe where we were.

[Marilyn Robinson]

We're in the Grampians, which was one of Eric's favorite places in Victoria, named after a place in Scotland.

[Dave Cawley]

She remained formal like this as she recounted her last visit here. How her grandkids had taken turns spooning Eric's ashes into the swirling water. Then her expression changed, eyes growing distant as if peering into the past. Her hands started to tremble.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yeah. Stop that now. Okay.

[Dave Cawley]

Cracks were showing in her armor. I asked what she was feeling.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Relief that it was still there. Because so much of the landscape here has changed since. Since my last visit.

[Dave Cawley]

The emotional barricade was back up. Marilyn's kept this sensitive memory locked away, along with many others from her life with Eric, engaging them only when alone. Allowing me this glimpse of her private pain was a show of trust. As we sat along the Mackenzie, she mused about the fact Eric was still there, in the plants, the birds and the bugs.

[Marilyn Robinson]

A beautiful gorge to be living eternity in.

[Dave Cawley]

When we returned to Heathmont, Marilyn told me revisiting Mackenzie Falls had stirred feelings she hadn't even realized she was suppressing.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It really pulled at my emotions. That's the only time I've been back to that space and I probably won't go again.

[Dave Cawley]

Sharing memories of Eric in the places they had loved together proved therapeutic for Marilyn. She felt a sense of finality and I'm very grateful. But an offhand remark I was about to make would once again start Marilyn questioning whether the story of Eric's loss was really over. An ember still smoldered within her. A sense of a task left undone. And that little cinder was about to catch fire. My name is Dave Cawley and from KSL Podcasts, this is the finale episode of Uinta Triangle Robinson's Rest. While hiking along the Mackenzie with Maryland, I saw how energetic she was. And not just for a 72 year old.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I don't perceive myself as old, but when I look in the mirror, I think there's a few changes there. Some days I creak out of bed and I think, oh, that's a bit sore. But I will not give in to sitting on the couch. I will not give in to a sedentary lifestyle. I will be as active as I can for as long as I can.

[Dave Cawley]

She's not unlike Eric in this way. With his drive to carry a backpack as long as he could, Eric had urged Marilyn to retire early so she could join him on his many adventures. She had resisted that.

[Mark Judd]

It was a point of friction.

[Dave Cawley]

Remember, he'd even invited her to come along on the Uinta Highline trek. But she had declined because it conflicted with her work schedule. After Eric disappeared, Marilyn remained focused on her career as a way of filling the void left by his unexpected absence. And for a time, she lost her desire to travel.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I have since gained the confidence and refound my mojo to get out there and to travel independently as a single woman in honour of Eric. In some ways, because we were going to do that together.

[Dave Cawley]

For example, she took a trip with her daughter Rachel's family to Malaysia.

[Marilyn Robinson]

And we were in Kota Kinabalu, that's.

[Dave Cawley]

A city on the coast just west of Mount Kinabalu.

[Marilyn Robinson]

And I'd said to my daughter beforehand, eric will come back and haunt me if I don't climb that mountain whilst we're here.

[Dave Cawley]

Kinabalu's a big mountain. Getting to the top requires going up seemingly endless stair steps.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Rachel told her, mom, you can't go by yourself. I'll have to come with you. So off we went.

[Dave Cawley]

I asked Marilyn what Eric would have thought of the Kinabalu hike.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Oh, he would have been jealous of that one. And he would be saddened if he were able to think that we'd missed out on all these years together.

[Dave Cawley]

I think Marilyn would have eventually given in to Eric's encouragement to retire early had he not disappeared. Without that encouragement, she remained in her job years longer than she might otherwise have, finally retiring in 2022. Since then, she's used her free time to continue exploring the world as she would have done with Eric.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I have been a little bit naughty. I've gone places that he wouldn't have gone because he would say, oh, that's too touristy.

[Dave Cawley]

When I first started talking to Marilyn about wanting to investigate Eric's death, she told me she had never returned to Utah after the failed search. What would be the point? The place where he fell was deep in the heart of the Uinta Mountains. As far as she knew, the only way to get there would be to follow Eric's long path on the Highline Trail, an insurmountable challenge. Toward the end of my stay in Australia, I told her that wasn't so. I'd been to Allsop Lake, where Eric's remains were located, multiple times. A fit hiker could get there in a day, and I said I believed she was strong enough to make it. As I departed to fly home to Utah, I told Marilyn if she ever felt compelled to visit Eric's resting place at Allsop Lake, I'd be honored to serve as her guide. I didn't expect her to take me up on the offer.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The thought grew in my mind, festered away as winter approached and I didn't have anything planned. And that's how I came to experience this amazing state of yours.

[Dave Cawley]

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[Mark Judd]

All right, we are rolling.

[Dave Cawley]

I am at Salt Lake City International Airport in the parking garage getting ready to go greet Marilyn after her long flight from Melbourne to Dallas and then Salt Lake City, Utah. What happens from here on in our story is something I never could have predicted a little bit ago. I said this series was originally slated to run eight episodes, but here we are in number nine. The reason for that is Marilyn's decision to return to Utah for the first time since 2011, when she was here for the search for her husband, Eric. She arrived on July 21, 2024, a date she didn't choose at random.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The 21st was the last time I held Eric, the last time I felt his warm and tender touch and we said goodbye.

[Dave Cawley]

I unfurled a large Australian flag as I saw her coming out of the terminal toward baggage claim. She responded with an exhausted laugh.

[Marilyn Robinson]

How are you?

[Mark Judd]

Good. How are you?

[Dave Cawley]

A little delayed, but you made it.

[Marilyn Robinson]

And I'd left Melvin. You know, it was like seven degrees.

[Dave Cawley]

Oh yeah, no, it's. It's a lot warmer than that here. Utah was in the grips of a record setting summer heat wave. It was well after dark, but still hot. We gathered Marilyn's luggage.

[Mark Judd]

This one? Yes, I got it.

[Dave Cawley]

And headed out to the garage where she again commented on the heat.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Wow. Feel it.

[Mark Judd]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn had several goals for her trip aside from trekking to Allsop Lake. She wanted to meet the Judd family, the people who had found Eric in 2016.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I had corresponded with them via email after Eric's remains and Ruby, his backpack were found.

[Dave Cawley]

But they had never met face to face.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I let them know that I was coming.

[Dave Cawley]

She also arranged to reunite with Eric's friend Julia. I received invites for both of these meetings as well. Going along as Marilyn's chauffeur as much as a journalistic observer. Marilyn had two weeks to spend in Utah, but she didn't want to spend all of that time focused on the tragedy of Eric's loss. She asked if we could visit some of my home state's amazing national parks. I'd said sure and planned a five day road trip for us. The itinerary included several hikes, starting easy and getting more difficult each day. I figured this would help Marilyn acclimate and give me a chance to make sure she was really prepared for the trek to Allsop. Utah's summer heat wave called this whole plan into question. Marilyn collapsing from heat exhaustion would be a terrible ending to this story. I told Marilyn she was calling the shots. I had planned our adventure, but she was its leader. So on her command, we headed south into Utah's canyon country.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The canyons. I did not imagine what they would be like.

[Dave Cawley]

In the interest of time, I'm going to jump to the last few days of the road trip when we visited Bryce Canyon and Zion National Parks. Bryce encompasses a plateau, the top of which is covered with old ponderosa pines. But the forest's not the main attraction. What draws people to Bryce is the view when they step out of that forest to the edge of the plateau and stand at the lip of a vertical drop.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Cawley]

Wind and water have eroded away a stunning amphitheater. From the side of the plateau, the exposed rock appears orange and pink. It's carved into countless spires called hoodoos. Maryland. Alan and I arrive at the rim right before sunset, when the long light seems to make the hoodoos glow.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Speechless.

[Mark Judd]

It's breathtaking, isn't it?

[Marilyn Robinson]

The whole Bryce Canyon experience was awesome.

[Dave Cawley]

We stayed in a cabin that night, then hiked down into the geologic fantasy land the next day.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The colors and the shapes and you could let your imagination run Wild.

[Dave Cawley]

There's not much shade along the trails in Bryce Canyon, meaning our walk among the hoodoos exposed us to the glaring sun. I could see the combination of exertion and extreme heat pushed Maryland's limits. It made me a bit concerned because, remember, this was still just the warm up. The hike to Eric's resting place in the Haywintas would be much more difficult.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I thought, my goodness, am I fit enough to do with to do the rest of what we had planned?

[Dave Cawley]

I reminded Marilyn she could call it quits at any time. If it felt like too much, we could stop. I wouldn't judge her if she decided to back out of this hike or any of the others still ahead of us. She remained resolute.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Never fear. Onward and upward, one foot in front of the other.

[Dave Cawley]

From Bryce, we drove to Zion, also known by the Paiute Indian word mukuntaweep. Whatever you call it, this is one of America's top five national parks by visitation, meaning it gets crowded. We stayed at a swanky resort right outside the park so we could beat the crowds by boarding the first shuttle bus of the day. I had secured permits for us to hike one of Zion's most popular trails.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Angels Landing. That was. That was the piece de resistance.

[Dave Cawley]

Angel's Landing is a giant foot of sandstone, nearly 1500ft or about 450 meters tall. It rises around a bend in the deep canyon of the Virgin River. Marilyn looked up at our objective as the first light of dawn kissed the rim of the canyon far above.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Oh, my.

[Dave Cawley]

We started up the trail.

[Marilyn Robinson]

There was a time halfway up that first incline where I'm thinking, can I do this? How do I tell Dave that I can't do this? I'm not going to tell him that. I'm going to steady my breathing. I'm going to pace myself.

[Dave Cawley]

We fell into conversation with some other hikers. Marilyn half joked she couldn't keep talking because she needed all her breath for the hike. She wondered what Eric would have said if he had been with her.

[Marilyn Robinson]

He would have been saying, you can do it hen just around the next corner hence. And of course, there was always more than one corner to get around. That was hard going. Then the Wiggles.

[Dave Cawley]

The Wiggles are a set of steep switchbacks carved right into the rock. I cheered Marilyn on as she ascended them.

[Mark Judd]

You just about made it to the top of the Wiggles.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Nice.

[Mark Judd]

Yes.

[Dave Cawley]

This brought us up to an overlook called Scout Lookout. From there, Marilyn could see the razorback of the finger. We were about to scramble up and the chains. Hikers used chains to steady themselves along this part of the route. The fin is narrow in places, and there are long drop offs where a handful of hikers have lost their footing and fallen to their deaths in the past. It was still early, but already the sun was heating the sandstone. It felt uncomfortable to the touch. Marilyn and I clung to the metal chair with sweaty hands as we hauled ourselves up the last few pitches. Watching vultures wheel on thermals of air below us.

[Marilyn Robinson]

And the view from the top. The sense of achievement that was very thrilling.

[Dave Cawley]

The Angels Landing hike is a cardiovascular stress test, so you don't see many people in their 70s going to the top. Maryland did. Eric would have been proud.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I think he would have loved that hike. He would have thrilled at the fact that we were sharing such a magnificent space.

[Dave Cawley]

We snapped a few photos from our high perch. Marilyn texted them to her family back in Australia.

[Marilyn Robinson]

One of my sons called me the Goat greatest of all time. The other children were very impressed.

[Dave Cawley]

So was I. She had prepared well and endured every challenge with grit and good spirit. But I knew the trek to Eric's resting place in the Uinta Mountains was longer and at significantly higher elevation than the hike to Angel's Landing. And if the heat wave didn't end soon, it all might add up to that trek just being too much for Marilyn. We were about to see whether that was the case. It's about 9am When Marilyn and I pull into a small parking lot on the side of the Mirror Lake highway in the Uinta Mountains. We've completed our road trip, spent a few days recovering in Salt Lake City, and are now on our way to Allsop Lake. Okay, this is Bear River Ranger Station. Today is Friday, August 2, 2024. Waiting for Julia. Marilyn's invited Eric's friend Julia and the Judd family to join her on this pilgrimage. And she's arranged it to coincide with another significant anniversary.

[Marilyn Robinson]

His last photograph is recorded as the 4th of August, and I wanted to be there on that particular date.

[Dave Cawley]

To achieve that, Marilyn and I will camp in the wilderness for two nights. Julia and the Judds will join us for the first. The sky's clear, though smoke from distant wildfires makes everything a bit hazy. Marilyn sees a signboard with Smokey Bear on it listing today's fire danger as extreme, a little ominous.

[Marilyn Robinson]

That was one of the things I parked at the back of my mind.

[Dave Cawley]

Also ominous to Marilyn is the little red spray can I keep in the back of my car. That's bear spray.

[Marilyn Robinson]

So what's in it? Capsicum pepper.

[Dave Cawley]

Really strong pepper. Marilyn's never seen bear spray before and wonders if she needs to worry. I tell her the little Uinta black bears won't bother us. In all my years hiking the Uintas, I've never even seen one.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Oh, that's my first new learning for today.

[Dave Cawley]

A truck pulls in. It's Julia.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Good morning. How are ya?

[Mark Judd]

Good. You made it.

[Dave Cawley]

I'm Melissa. That voice belongs to a friend of Julia's, a woman named Melissa, who will also be joining us. Julia steps out of the truck and greets Marilyn.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Perfect weather. Hi, Dave.

[Mark Judd]

Yeah, it's nice. Hey. Morning.

[Dave Cawley]

Melissa's dog Bella darts around, excited to meet new people. Julia asks me to lead the way to the trailhead.

[Mark Judd]

Well, shall we?

[Marilyn Robinson]

Shall we? All right, we'll follow you.

[Mark Judd]

Cool.

[Dave Cawley]

I have the route memorized from countless past visits.

[Mark Judd]

All right, pack it up.

[Dave Cawley]

We pile into our vehicles and head out. From the ranger station to the trailhead is about a 20 minute drive. Maryland's quiet as we wend our way back into the forest.

[Marilyn Robinson]

A little trepidation. Not a lot.

[Dave Cawley]

At this point, we pass by a large Boy Scout preserve, a place I spent several summers in my youth. I tell Maryland that for decades the Boy Scouts and the US Forest Service cooperated to make maintain this road. But the camp's been shuttered since the COVID pandemic and the road's fallen into disrepair. I have to slow to a crawl over the rocks and ruts. When we reach the trailhead, we see a horse trailer parked to one side.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The Judds were there. They had the horses. They were saddling up.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn steps out of my SUV and starts making introduction. Kelvin while I raise the rear hatch and grab our backpack.

[Mark Judd]

Morning, Dave. Morning to you.

[Dave Cawley]

Julia puts on a brown felt hat with a wide brim, a gift she had received from Eric days before he died.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Marilyn, this is the hat Eric gave me.

[Mark Judd]

That's pretty amazing.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I remember we went shopping for that. We went, we went. She's like, what do you want from Australia? Here, smile. What do you call it? An Akubra. An Akubra. Akubra.

[Mark Judd]

Pretty amazing.

[Marilyn Robinson]

An akubra is a little bit like an American cowboy hat. Not as big, not as tall in the crown. And it has a traditionally a leather band around the brim with a couple of little feathers sticking out of it.

[Dave Cawley]

Julia isn't alone in bringing mementos of Eric.

[Marilyn Robinson]

In my preparation, I'd packed a few significant things as well.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn's carrying the coin Eric purchased from a llama on the Annapurna Circuit. She has the Scottish flag he had carried on the trek over Mera Pass on his second visit to Nepal, as well as an Australian flag and the Utah state flag. She tucks all three in her backpack, along with a package of Tim Tams, Eric's favorite biscuit. This all adds weight.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I haven't hiked with a overnight pack in quite a few years, probably not.

[Dave Cawley]

Since she and Eric had last trekked together. His backpack had always outweighed Marilyn's.

[Marilyn Robinson]

He used to carry the stove and, you know, more things than I did, but I think I carried my weight.

[Dave Cawley]

In that tradition, I offer to carry our stove and fuel. I also went up to Alsop in advance of Marilyn's arrival in Utah to stash a tent and sleeping gear, as well as some food for us there. As I load my pack, Marilyn walks.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Over to meet Mark Judd's horses, Ishmael and Poncho.

[Dave Cawley]

They are sturdy animals, capable of hauling heavy loads. Mark tells Marilyn the horses can carry her pack if she would like.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I declined that offer, and Mark noted that I was very determined I was going to carry my pack.

[Dave Cawley]

Eric, she thinks, would expect no less of her. Marilyn, Julia, and Melissa set off down the trail. The Judds don't get started until about 15 minutes later. Mark and Kelvin are on horseback, and Kelvin's got his young son Hardy, sitting in front of him in the saddle. Now that I'm sure everyone's safely on trail, I sprint ahead to keep catch up with Maryland. This first bit of the trail passes through the burn scar of a wildfire accidentally sparked by Boy Scouts at the nearby reserve two decades ago. The ground on either side of the trail is littered by burned and fallen lodgepole pines. Those dead logs turned ghostly gray and slowly decaying. Saplings that have risen in the years since are still stubby, not tall enough to. To provide shade. Sweat streaks down my face. Julia's feeling the heat as well. She takes off the acubra as I approach.

[Marilyn Robinson]

That hat's a winter hat. It'd be nice this evening.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn pulls me aside and confides. Keeping pace with Julia and Melissa is proving a challenge.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I don't stop and look. They talk.

[Mark Judd]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I'm breathless from talking.

[Dave Cawley]

She. She tells me Julia thinks I might be right, royally sick of Marilyn after our road trip.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Are you?

[Mark Judd]

Me? Of you?

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yeah.

[Mark Judd]

No. Why would I be?

[Marilyn Robinson]

She thinks two weeks together is a very long time.

[Mark Judd]

It is a long time, but we've taken breaks here and there. We're doing fine.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Well, I didn't find Any issues?

[Mark Judd]

But then I thought, oh, for Pete's sake, no.

[Dave Cawley]

We can see the Judds coming up from behind on their horses. When they catch up, we learn Kelvin's son Hardy isn't feeling well. His eyes are red and he's coughing.

[Marilyn Robinson]

That's no fun.

[Mark Judd]

That sounds unfun.

[Dave Cawley]

Hardy's allergic to something. Julia digs her first aid kit from her backpack and offers relief.

[Julia Judd]

I have Sudafed, Benadryl or Zyrtec.

[Dave Cawley]

Hardy swallows down a pill with a mouthful of water while Mark's horse splashes the trail.

[Mark Judd]

Riding time.

[Dave Cawley]

I won't make you listen to the whole thing, but this went on for some time.

[Mark Judd]

Well, I should have a nice clean recording of that horse urinating on the trail. It's part of the production, I guess.

[Dave Cawley]

The Judds are going to ride out ahead. They'll be faster on horseback than the rest of us on foot. So Mark offers me a small race.

[Mark Judd]

Ever since Kelvin got lost. Yeah, kind of done better on the Watch Italy part.

[Dave Cawley]

A callback to that time two decades earlier when Mark and teenage Kelvin became separated while hunting in the Uinta foothills. Kelvin had nearly died from hypothermia. Then that close call forever changed how they think about safety. I hesitate, though, not sure I want or need the radio. I go to the wilderness because I desire disconnection.

[Julia Judd]

You can't fault a person for wanting and desiring that.

[Dave Cawley]

Julia tells me Eric's experience turned her into an advocate for always carrying a communication device when in the backcountry.

[Julia Judd]

The tracking devices and whatnot, they're awesome. But then you are still connected via text message and you're still being bothered about, are you going to be home for dinner? And feeling the pressure.

[Dave Cawley]

Being in constant contact can feel like a nuisance.

[Julia Judd]

And you know, there's a level of competency that comes in trusting yourself and in trusting, you know, your decision making and feeling that empowerment of being out there alone. I get that, and I know Eric got that.

[Dave Cawley]

But even Eric conceded the need for an emergency beacon. It's just a cruel irony that the nature of his accident rendered that device useless. It reminds me there's no simple moral to Eric's story, no lesson of do this and you'll always be safe. You can follow every rule, carry every safety gadget, and still not make it home. Carrying Mark's radio will make him feel more safe. So I accept it and tuck it in my pocket.

[Mark Judd]

Okay. All right. Let us know if you need us to stop for anything. You got it. You ready? We will see you at all so probably sounds great. See ya.

[Marilyn Robinson]

See ya. At some point.

[Dave Cawley]

Over the next few hours, the trail to Allsop Lake takes us past a set of old logging cabins, remnants from when this forest was harvested to make railroad ties. Through a gate marking the boundary of the Hyuintas Wilderness Area and up a long switchback beside a waterfall. We pause at the top of the.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Fall falls, stopping to rest in the shade. Sit near the water because I might take my shoes or something.

[Mark Judd]

I'll come join you.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Dipping our feet into the cold stream.

[Dave Cawley]

The temperature keeps climbing with the sun, so frequent rests to keep cool are important.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I might have to sit for a little while further.

[Mark Judd]

That's just fine.

[Marilyn Robinson]

And eat chocolate and drink water from the waterfall.

[Dave Cawley]

We press on over rolling terrain into the upper reaches of the canyon.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It was hard, it was hot. And it was gently rising. Everything was uphill. Show me how far we've walked. From here to here?

[Mark Judd]

Yeah.

[Marilyn Robinson]

From here to here. We go that much more. Two thirds of the way.

[Dave Cawley]

I know there's a meadow coming up.

[Mark Judd]

We'll have a nice opening when we come out of the trees here in just a moment. It's a good place to stop.

[Dave Cawley]

It's also the place where the head wall of the uinta crest will first come into view. I take Julia aside and warn her. Marilyn is about to get her first glimpse of the place where Eric fell.

[Mark Judd]

She's going to have a kind of a fronting moment when she sees it for the first time.

[Dave Cawley]

Julia drops back to walk beside Marilyn. I intend to do the same.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Until.

[Dave Cawley]

Until a chirp from my pocket pulls me away.

[Mark Judd]

This is Dave. I'm here. I can't hear what you're saying, but I'm gonna take the beeping as a good sign. All right. We're about a mile, probably behind you.

[Dave Cawley]

Kelvin still can't hear me. These handheld radios just don't have enough power to punch through the rocks and trees between us.

[Mark Judd]

Send a short message back in here. If it's a thumbs up, it's a thumbs up.

[Dave Cawley]

Good enough. I turn back to check on Marilyn.

[Mark Judd]

All right. We just came into view of the saddle. Marilyn's just coming into this meadow.

[Dave Cawley]

Julia wraps an arm around Marilyn's shoulder.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It was very emotional. It hit me that I had made it. I had got this far. Something that I didn't think I would ever do.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn will later tell me had she been alone, she would have stopped here.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I would never have done that by myself. I could not have made that by myself.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn and Julia find a place to sit together at the meadow's edge. I keep my distance so I don't know all that's said, but I gather from the tears and the laughter that they are sharing reminiscences of Eric. Marilyn feels almost too exhausted to continue, but Julia's comfort and company invigorate her.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The words of encouragement in the conversation, the memories and the purpose and just the human support.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn tells herself.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I can see it. It can't be far.

[Dave Cawley]

So she rises again, resolute.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It was within sight, you know. Once something is within sight, you can push on.

[Dave Cawley]

But distance is deceptive here. We still have quite a ways to go. It's mid afternoon now and the heat's at its worst. Shade grows scarce as tree cover thins. Alpine meadows are replacing the forested stretches where we've spent most of the day. I check my map.

[Marilyn Robinson]

How far?

[Mark Judd]

About a mile or so. We've gone eight miles. So it says.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn tries to verify this against a step tracking app on her phone.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Casey says I've walked 11.6 and he says I've only been active for four hours and 40 minutes.

[Mark Judd]

Liar.

[Dave Cawley]

It's full of Julia and I can see Marilyn is running out of gas. We encourage her as best we can, getting her done.

[Mark Judd]

Almost there.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yeah.

[Dave Cawley]

See?

[Mark Judd]

Yard coming into view.

[Dave Cawley]

Yard is a prominent peak just beyond Allsop Lake. Seeing it means we're getting close. Though Marilyn no longer believes me when I say this.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Did you tell me any more white lies to get me over the line? When you said there was an easier way in to Allsop than the Highline Trail? I trusted you with that. But 10 miles is a long way and as you're climbing, it is longer.

[Dave Cawley]

The sun starts to dip to the west. Its glaring light softens and takes on a golden tinge.

[Mark Judd]

It is about dinner time. It's about quarter to five.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Say dinner time.

[Mark Judd]

Yeah. By the time we get to camp.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Oh, not now.

[Mark Judd]

Well, we don't have dinner time.

[Marilyn Robinson]

By the time we get, we don't.

[Mark Judd]

Have dinner with us. So that's the moot point.

[Dave Cawley]

Our dehydrated dinners are sealed in a bear proof canister like the one that survived five years in Eric's backpack. I stashed it out of sight near Allsop Lake two weeks ago.

[Marilyn Robinson]

What did you put in your cash?

[Mark Judd]

A couple backpackers pantry. Oh yeah, it kept. It kept really well for the two weeks it's been sitting up here.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Potatoes.

[Dave Cawley]

He butchered a cow.

[Mark Judd]

Yeah, we could probably do that. Do that with my one inch little itty bitty leatherman. Blade.

[Dave Cawley]

This joke about steak and hamburgers doesn't make much sense unless you know the Forest Service leases this beautiful mountain basin as open range for cows. We hear them and smell their sloppy excrement before we see them. I tell Marilyn this place has a derogatory nickname among hikers. All slop because of the goopy cow pies littering the meadows. If they were landmines, I'd be dead because I accidentally stepped right in the meadow middle of one.

[Mark Judd]

It's not the first one I've stood on. No, it's not dry. There's stuff in it.

[Dave Cawley]

We count at least 70 cows. And I say to Julia, it reminds me of the sheep Eric photographed on the Uinta Highline Trail. And we wax philosophical about the meaning of wilderness.

[Mark Judd]

It's.

[Julia Judd]

It's pretty obliterated wilderness.

[Dave Cawley]

One of the most unexpected discoveries I made while investigating Eric's death came the when I compared his Uinta Highline photos to mine, I photographed the exact same scenes as Eric just 12 years later. Put those pictures side by side and you'll see lodgepole pines that were green and healthy in 2011 were dead by 2023.

[Julia Judd]

Looking at your pictures, Dave of the forest, it was green when Eric hiked it and so many areas are just brown and dead. And those photos would be shocking to a lot of folks.

[Dave Cawley]

Even Marilyn comments about the conspicuous number of dead pines we pass on our way to Alsa.

[Marilyn Robinson]

There's so many dead trees.

[Mark Judd]

Breaks my heart. Some of these larger elder pines, they're all dead.

[Dave Cawley]

I tell her it's the result of an insect.

[Mark Judd]

Pine beetle at work.

[Dave Cawley]

Pine beetles are a natural part of the ecosystem. When everything's in. In balance, they play an important role by helping remove sick trees. But this forest is not in balance. Human impact, most notably from the warming climate, is stressing the trees and leading to waves of ever worsening beetle infestations.

[Julia Judd]

How dead that forest is right now is really sad.

[Dave Cawley]

A buildup of standing dead pines increases wildfire risk. That's a scary thought. But fire is a natural part of the forest life cycle. Suppressing it for too long just makes the fires that do eventually burn more destructive. Julia and Melissa are eager to get to Allsop, so they press on ahead. I hang back with Marilyn.

[Mark Judd]

We're down to about a K left.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Well, I can picture that good view.

[Mark Judd]

Of the cathedral as well.

[Dave Cawley]

The cathedral is another of the tall peaks that rings the cirque containing Allsop Lake.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Whose cathedral is it? Saint Matthew, Saint Mark's Saint Paul, Saint John's Saint Mary Saint Joseph.

[Mark Judd]

I didn't realize we would have an ecumenical quiz.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Just helping you out on the rest of your.

[Mark Judd]

Spiritual journey.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Amazing. Wondrous. Breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking. It's taken all of mine.

[Dave Cawley]

We walk from one shade patch to the next.

[Marilyn Robinson]

20 meters.

[Dave Cawley]

Stop counting down the distance.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It's the longest 300 meters ever. Not quite there, I know, but it's still the longest 300 meters.

[Mark Judd]

Closer we get, the farther it seems.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yeah, I was hot, I was tired, my legs were hurting, my lungs were rasping.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn stumbling, her energy spent. Just when I think she might sit and refuse to go any farther, Kelvin comes down the trail to meet us.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I think he was perhaps a little concerned that we hadn't arrived.

[Dave Cawley]

He tells Mary Marilyn she's almost there, but she's been hearing that for the last few hours.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Whereabouts is the mike?

[Mark Judd]

100 yards. You've made it.

[Dave Cawley]

He questions her.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Are you okay? You look exhausted.

[Dave Cawley]

And offers to carry her pack over the last rise. Marilyn won't hear of it.

[Mark Judd]

You were never giving up that backpack, were you?

[Marilyn Robinson]

I was not.

[Dave Cawley]

Letting someone else carry the load would feel like letting Eric down, and she won't do that. Still, she's touched by Kelvin's consideration, meeting her at the proverbial door.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Every night when I came home from work, Eric was always at the door to open the door. And it was kind of a similar thing. But it was Kelvin welcoming me as a guest. Such a thoughtful thing to do.

[Dave Cawley]

At last, the teardrop shape of Allsop Lake comes into view. Marilyn takes the final, weary steps to its edge, where Julia and her friend Melissa are soaking their own sore feet. I see the horses munching on meadow grass nearby. Kelvin's dad, Mark, is with them.

[Mark Judd]

Good work to you.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Hello, Ma.

[Mark Judd]

Hello. It's good to see you. Yeah, that last mile was quite, like, hard.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I was like, where is this lake? It tested me, physically and mentally.

[Dave Cawley]

She wouldn't give up her pack. You're a stubborn one, aren't you? I would have gladly given up mine.

[Mark Judd]

I'll just.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Good job. What a success. I was not able to do that under my own power. I had my independence and my own two legs and the ability to carry that backpack. But I would not have been able to do that walk without the support of the people who came with me.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn stands at the shore of Alp Lake, enclosed in a narrow bowl surrounded by high peaks. Pictures don't do it justice, do they?

[Marilyn Robinson]

No, absolutely not.

[Mark Judd]

There's just no way to convey the.

[Dave Cawley]

Mountains to our west yard and the cathedral. Cast lengthening shadows across the lake. They creep up the opposite wall of the Cirque, climbing toward the side saddle to the east, the place where Eric fell. The Judds have set their camp close by, in the same place as 2016 when they found Eric's remains in the rocks above us. I've chosen a different spot for Marilyn and I at the far end of the lake. That's where our dinner is stashed.

[Mark Judd]

All right, Marilyn, should we go find your bedroll and food and we will return for conversation and good company.

[Dave Cawley]

I feel bad making Marilyn walk even farther, though she doesn't complain. I rush ahead to retrieve the hidden cash, then call to her.

[Mark Judd]

10 more steps right here, because that's the view I want you to have.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Wow.

[Mark Judd]

You've made it.

[Marilyn Robinson]

That was almost 100 meters too far. It is stunning. You've chosen the right spot.

[Dave Cawley]

The view here is better than from the lakeshore.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Five star hotel of the camping variety.

[Dave Cawley]

We're in the open at the very head of the Cirque, with a clear view up to Eric's resting place a few hundred feet above.

[Mark Judd]

Six months ago, this was a fever dream.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It was just a flicker, faint possibility. This bloke I met told me that I could do it. And you know what? He was right.

[Mark Judd]

Yeah, he was right.

[Dave Cawley]

I've showed Marilyn pictures of this same view in the past, but they just don't capture the scale of it.

[Marilyn Robinson]

And having been there, rather than looking at photographs, I can see the depth and just how big that Cirque is.

[Dave Cawley]

We can see the cliffs Eric tried to descend in his effort to avoid snow on Dead Horse Pass, Hoping to make it home to Marilyn safely. She takes a well earned break with a cup of tea while I pitch our two tents and prepare dinner. Then we dig the flags out of her pack and go hang them from a rocky outcropping nearby.

[Marilyn Robinson]

We strung those together with rope and then secured them on the rock ledge.

[Dave Cawley]

She gives our camp a name.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Robinson's Rest.

[Dave Cawley]

Robinson's Rest. It's a perfect title. It's twilight when we stroll back over to the Judd family's campsite.

[Marilyn Robinson]

They had their campfire going.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn steps into the orange circle of light.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I have a little Eric tradition to share with you. And I shared the Tim Tams because that's what Eric would have done.

[Dave Cawley]

Australians call Tim Tams biscuits, though to Americans they're more of a cookie. Marilyn says Eric bought them anytime he found them on sale.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Not only would he buy them, he'd ring all around the family and tell Everybody, Tim Tams are on special this week.

[Dave Cawley]

The Tim Tams are a little gooey from the heat of the day in Marilyn's backpack, so we have to lick the chocolate off our fingers. We all find places to sit around the fire, and Marilyn shares more memories of Eric. These are more personal anecdotes to help the Judds get a better sense for the man they'd found in these mountains.

[Marilyn Robinson]

There were stories and things that I could share, perhaps, that, you know, I just wouldn't share with you. Anyone else that I'd only known less than a week. And he always said he wanted to backpack until he couldn't carry that pack anymore, and that's what happened.

[Mark Judd]

So am I correct in assuming he would have been 77 now?

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yes. He was 64 when he came to rest up there on the.

[Dave Cawley]

Kelvin asks Marilyn how her life's changed since the search in 2011 and whether she had ever imagined she might return to the Uintas.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I didn't ever think I would come. I would come back. I was not coming to visit or even attempt to come here because I just thought it was too hard, too far, too difficult, something that I physically.

[Dave Cawley]

But here she is now with the very people who found her husband all those years before.

[Marilyn Robinson]

They went about telling their side of the story, which for them was very traumatic.

[Dave Cawley]

Mark tells Marilyn his family wasn't the only group camped at allsop back in 2016.

[Mark Judd]

After the news got around of what we had discovered up there, it was interesting how they all came together.

[Dave Cawley]

The different group gathered while the searchers collected Eric's remains. Together, they mourned a man they had never met, something that I had never.

[Mark Judd]

Experienced with fellow campers before.

[Dave Cawley]

Before this trip and before meeting the Judd family in person, Marilyn didn't know about what they had done when departing this same campsite on that day in.

[Marilyn Robinson]

2016, they rode out from Allsop Lake with an empty saddle on a horse as a mark of respect for.

[Mark Judd]

A.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Person that they didn't know but had ended, finished their days in that place.

[Dave Cawley]

Learning of this symbolic gesture, performed without fanfare, touches Marilyn.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The bond of me losing Eric and of them finding an unknown soul out there in the wilderness was very strong.

[Dave Cawley]

We rise with the sun the next morning, enjoying breakfast at an unhurried pace. Julia and Melissa have obligations back home and are preparing to hike back. Marilyn and I plan to hike up to the beach bench below the saddle so she can visit the place where Eric's remains came to rest.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I was nervous. I was anxious about that.

[Dave Cawley]

I don't know why we stop by the Judd family's camp on our way. Mark, Kelvin and young Hardy are also going to head back today, but they agree to first join us on the hike up to the bench. There's no trail, but Mark, Kelvin and I have all been there before. The most direct route would involve being bushwhacking straight up the steep hill behind the Judds camp. But I plot us a more circuitous course up an avalanche slide path. It's longer, but we'll spread the elevation gain out to make the ascent less taxing on Marilyn and Mark.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Mind you, there were two grandparents in that party.

[Dave Cawley]

We hike slow, pausing often to catch our breath and absorb the scenery. Soon the ground flattens as we reach the bend.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I didn't feel stressed at that point. I didn't feel anxious about it. I just felt full of purpose, of getting to that final space, of being as close as I could to his resting place.

[Dave Cawley]

Kelvin carries his son Hardy on his shoulders, sticking close by Marilyn's side, pointing.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Out the different landmarks as we walked.

[Dave Cawley]

The saddle Eric was trying to cross when he fell still looms above us on the left. Allsop Lake sits down below us on the right. Every step brings us closer to the place where the Judds found Eric's backpack and possessions in the rocks that litter the slope below the saddle and above where we are on the bench. Kelvin knows from memory and I from my study of pictures, which of these seemingly indistinguishable boulders are reference points. So I draw Marilyn's attention to a pair of bushes way up toward the top of the slope above us at the base of the cliffs.

[Mark Judd]

So the upper bush toward us.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yep.

[Mark Judd]

There's a rock sitting like this that's catching the sun. Yes, that's where the boot was.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It's not. Oh, well, it might be around here or it might be there. It's very specific.

[Mark Judd]

And so the backpack, if you look at those two bushes and come down and then a little toward us, there's a pile.

[Marilyn Robinson]

That's where we're going, just diagonally from this boulder here.

[Mark Judd]

You got it?

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yep.

[Dave Cawley]

At last we reach a point directly below where Eric fell and square up to it. This is the closest we can get without scrambling up into the rocks, which might be a bit too dangerous an activity for Marilyn. I'm not going to push her. She is in charge of how far she goes. We stand together along with the Judds, and I draw her attention to the place way up in the cliffs above where Summit County Search and Rescue found.

[Mark Judd]

The Rope go up the cliffs and then you can see there's a little ledge.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yes.

[Mark Judd]

The rope is on the cliffs above the ledge.

[Marilyn Robinson]

So green. And then the rope up there, that. That's not Eric at all. He would never have done that.

[Mark Judd]

He came down it. Was it his rope?

[Marilyn Robinson]

No. So you think he came down that rope?

[Mark Judd]

I think he came down that cliff. I don't know if he came down.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The cliff, but not. So he was walking up the top up there?

[Dave Cawley]

Yes, walking along the top of the saddle. Working his way down that slope as it gradually became more and more steep until Erik found himself in vertical terrain down climbing through the cliff bands. I've described this to Marilyn before, but it doesn't seem real until she is staring up at those same cliffs herself.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The drop where he would have fallen. I can picture it and I can see it.

[Dave Cawley]

Still. She struggles with the idea of Eric trusting his life to that random bit of rope. The circumstances make me suspect the rope played a role in his death. But we all realize there's no way to ever know for sure.

[Mark Judd]

The rope's pretty baffling to me, you know, what are the odds if it wasn't his and. Or if he didn't use it, it just happened to be right above where he was.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn asks which rock is the one where Eric's backpack Ruby sat for 5 years? Kelvin and I both point at it, but Marilyn has trouble picking it out from the jumble.

[Mark Judd]

It is hard to be like this rock, that rock, that rock over there.

[Marilyn Robinson]

So many rocks.

[Mark Judd]

Ambiguous reference.

[Dave Cawley]

It's the same futility as pointing your finger up at the night sky and telling the person next to you that star. She's weighing the risks of scrambling up to that point on already tired legs. We're a long way from help, so even a twisted ankle here would be a big, big problem. I figure maybe if I show Marilyn the way, it will help her feel safe.

[Mark Judd]

You want me to go stand on it? The one just above the slab, I think it was. Yeah, it was wedged right behind the more square one behind the slab. My memory serves.

[Marilyn Robinson]

So you very kindly climbed up and sat on the rock. So I knew which rock it was. Was.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn can now see how Eric's backpack would have been invisible to anyone standing where she is on the bench because the backpack was wedged on the opposite uphill side of the boulder. The sheer improbability of its discovery by the Judds in 2016 hits her.

[Marilyn Robinson]

There's a little bit of divine intervention in your footsteps that day.

[Mark Judd]

I was Gonna say I'm not sure your thoughts about all that, but it sure seems meant to be.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It's almost like that family was chosen to accidentally go off that path that they were walking on that day.

[Dave Cawley]

Marilyn is still not sure she wants to brave scrambling up there herself. But she's not a person who likes to stop short of a goal.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I think I will try and scramble up there.

[Mark Judd]

Scramble up to Dave.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Yep.

[Mark Judd]

And beyond.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I've called that rock Ruby's Rock because that's where the backpack landed.

[Dave Cawley]

The rocks are unsteady and slide under her feet. Kelvin shadows Marilyn to make sure she doesn't fall, leaving his son Hardy in the watchful care of Grandpa Mark. Marilyn and Kelvin reach Ruby's Rock where I am and sit side by side.

[Mark Judd]

Can I get a photo of the two of you with my camera? 1, 2, 3. This is quite a moment, Marilyn.

[Marilyn Robinson]

It is, isn't it?

[Dave Cawley]

Thank you.

[Mark Judd]

Appreciate you letting us tag along.

[Dave Cawley]

Hardy decides he doesn't like being left out and starts scrambling up to join us.

[Mark Judd]

Here comes the mountain goat.

[Dave Cawley]

Mark follows, and soon we are all gathered together at the rock Again. I use my camera to capture the moment.

[Mark Judd]

1, 2, and 3. And we'll do one more and turn it this way. All right. Good climbers. Right here. Nice job, guys.

[Dave Cawley]

As I futz with my camera, Marilyn turns to Mark and Kelvin.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Some very special pieces. People who were very thoughtful, very reverent, very caring of a human that they had never met. And then subsequently towards me. If it weren't for you, there wouldn't be this. And you're very significant in them, in the celebration and the sorting out of the pictures of what happened and where it happened. You know the details. And I'm forever grateful I was there again with Eric and the people who had found him and the person who had assisted in pulling this whole pilgrimage together.

[Dave Cawley]

We all sit for a time reflecting. The Judds can't dally too long. Their horses need tending and they want to be back to the trailhead before nightfall.

[Mark Judd]

Okay, we're gonna get off here, I guess. Thank you, Mark. Thanks, Dave. Thank you, Kelvin.

[Dave Cawley]

We'll be in touch, Marilyn. And we'll stay for one more night so we can linger a while longer. I'm struck by the scene of Marilyn sitting alone on Ruby's Rock. Stay right there and raise my camera.

[Mark Judd]

And then I promise the production will put away.

[Dave Cawley]

I angle into position, framing the shot.

[Mark Judd]

Don't need to look at me. Just sit with your thoughts.

[Marilyn Robinson]

You want to hear them?

[Mark Judd]

Maybe.

[Dave Cawley]

Maybe later. The scene in my Viewfinder. Her pose is a mirror composition of a photo Marilyn took of Eric on a boat in Halong Bay during their last trip together, just a few months before he died. Once I've captured it, I sit by her side.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Have I left you enough space?

[Mark Judd]

Yep. Plenty. Now you can tell me what you were thinking.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I was thinking I'm sitting in a very fitting monument of pink granite, even more grandiose than the Taj Mahal. And I didn't have to pay millions to build it, and I didn't have to do it over years. It was already here and waiting.

[Mark Judd]

Think about the eons of uplift that you. Eons of down cutting to build a mountain cathedral where we can come and feel those feelings greater than any work of man.

[Dave Cawley]

We see before us the massive triangular face of Yard Peak. To its right sits the cathedral. Between us and these mountains lies the bowl of. Of the Cirque, with Allsop Lake's teardrop shape at its center.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Tears come for varied reasons. The lake can be a teardrop of joy or a teardrop of sadness.

[Mark Judd]

So how do you see the lake today?

[Marilyn Robinson]

Both. First it was tears. Now it's joy to happiness.

[Mark Judd]

Going back to the first time we talked, I. I just. This was the view in my head of, if you could only understand where he is.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Well, now I understand. And it's very. I'm very grateful that I could get here to see it, feel it, be in it.

[Dave Cawley]

We are no longer visualizing how Eric fell or debating whether the rope played a role. Marilyn's made her peace with all that.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I can see how slippery it could have been on that small track. And I've slipped on those stones myself.

[Dave Cawley]

What matters now is the feeling.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Because it is in such a beautiful place and that Eric had been doing what he wanted. I feel. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I also feel like I'm sitting here with him one more time.

[Dave Cawley]

I take. Take this as a cue and descend back down to the bench, leaving Marilyn on Ruby's Rock so she can be alone with Eric. We reunite after a time, gather our things, and prepare to head back to camp. As we depart, Marilyn stops, turns back to the rock and says, farewell, my Scotsman. I raise two fingers to the brim of my cap and nod, adding, I tip my hat to a fellow traveler. It's late afternoon by the time Marilyn and I get back to Robinson's Rest. Clouds creep across the sky, and a chill breeze blows. The oppressive heat that's plagued us for two weeks finally breaks. We take down the flags. Marilyn carried here to prevent them from becoming damaged. But I surprise her by saying I've also carried a memento of Eric in my backpack. It's a book. A friend of Eric's who traveled with him in Nepal in 2010 told me their trekking party had brought this book with them on that trip and read portions of it each night. It's called the Ascent of Rumdoodle, and it's a cult classic in mountaineering circles. Eric had never mentioned this book to Marilyn. She reclines on a foam pad, munching on the last Tim Tam as I begin reading aloud.

[Mark Judd]

He rang up to say that he had taken the wrong bus and was not quite certain of his whereabouts.

[Marilyn Robinson]

But he's the route finder, just crossed.

[Mark Judd]

Sight of the North Star and expected the drone of shore.

[Dave Cawley]

I forgot to mention Rumdoodle's a parody, a work of comedic fantasies.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I thought this was a true story.

[Mark Judd]

Oh, no, no.

[Dave Cawley]

I figure Marilyn might need a bit of laughter at the end of two very difficult days and try to keep a straight face while telling an absurd story.

[Mark Judd]

Shoot had gone on filming us without bothering to identify us as we passed, and we had all gone around twice. If it hadn't been for him, who was the only easily recognizable feature of our route, we might have gone on all day.

[Dave Cawley]

We don't make it through the whole book. Just a few chapters. It's enough. I can see it helps Marilyn relax.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Thank you for the reading.

[Mark Judd]

You're welcome.

[Dave Cawley]

When I first set out to tell the story of Eric Robinson's disappearance in the Uinta Mountains, I couldn't imagine I'd end up here, sitting in the basin below where he fell, sharing such profound experiences with his widow, Marilyn.

[Marilyn Robinson]

This storytelling has been been my grieving, my catharsis for what happened 13 years ago.

[Dave Cawley]

I mentioned earlier that on the hike into Alsop, we passed through the burn scar of a wildfire. I remember watching that fire burn from the Mirror Lake highway two decades earlier. Seeing the smoke plume and flame crests left me feeling awesome and terrified of nature's power. For years afterward, I mourned the destruction that fire dealt to a corner of the world that's precious to me. This part of the Uintas is one of the first places I went when learning how to hike solo. It's where I still go when I need to quiet that critical voice inside my head. Seeing it charred hurt. But over time, I've come to see that fire differently. Think about all the dead trees I mentioned earlier, the lodgepole pines that predominate in this Forest need fire. They reproduce using cones that are sealed with resin. The cones can only open and release their seeds when exposed to a fire's heat. In the absence of fire, the forest can't reduce, generate, can't grow. Marilyn has been through her own fire.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Eric and I were very happy together, and we had planned to travel together and do lots of things together. It just reminds me that you don't put things off. You make the most of every day, and you make the most of every person that you meet.

[Dave Cawley]

We spend one more night at Allsop. When we wake on the morning of August 4, the anniversary of Eric's death, Marilyn holds the last of his many funerals. The entire cirque. At her feet is an explosion of wildflowers, a display more vibrant than any I've ever experienced in the the Uintas.

[Marilyn Robinson]

I didn't have to bring a funeral wreath. They were there naturally, which would be what Eric would have liked.

[Dave Cawley]

She looks up at Eric's resting place. The sun breaks over the top of the saddle, shooting spears of light through gaps in the cloud. We break camp and pack our bags. A long hike out still awaits us.

[Marilyn Robinson]

The story is complete, and I can stand back and look at it and go, it's done. That has to be enough. And I will not question anymore. I don't need to question anymore.

[Dave Cawley]

I started this journey as the solo hiker, a guy who understood Eric's desire to spend time in the wilderness alone. I thought following his footsteps alone would reveal some hidden truth. But only by sharing the trail with someone else did I learn the true meaning of the story. Marilyn subjected herself to a fire from which many of us might have fled. I'm in awe of the strength she displayed in making this trek and of the compassion she has showed to everyone along the way.

[Marilyn Robinson]

You gave me the conviction and the courage and the belief in myself to be able to do that. I will be forever grateful for that, and I will take that with me.

[Dave Cawley]

Thank you for everything, marilyn says. You don't owe me anything, I reply, turning so she won't see the hot flush of tears in my eyes.

[Marilyn Robinson]

And people will remember you for how you make them feel. Not for necessarily the things that you say or the things that you do, but the way you make them feel. And I've been told that I made Eric happy, and that gives me peace.

[Dave Cawley]

Uinta Triangle includes immersive field recordings made in real outdoor locations. For the best listening experience, please consider using a good pair of stereo headphones. And if you'd like to build a better picture of the places we visit. You can find maps, photos and [e-mail] that's uinta spelled u I n t a triangle.com find us on social media using uintatriangle. Bringing you this story has been an effort years in the making to support this kind of work. Please follow the show and share it with your friends. You can also help us by subscribing to Lemonada Premium right in your podcast player. It gets you access to exclusive bonus episodes. Here's producer Andrea Smarden with a peek at the latest bonus have you ever.

[Marilyn Robinson]

Seen a photo and thought, I want to go there? Or has a piece of art ever moved you to explore somewhere new? In this bonus episode we take a look at how one painter with a camera straddled the intersection of art, science and exploration to share a corner of the Uinta wilderness with the wider world.

[Dave Cawley]

Uinta Triangle is researched and written by me, Dave Colley. I also did the field recording. Andrea Smarten is lead producer and Sound designer with contributing producers Ben Kiebrick and Jenny Ament. Our main score and original music are by Alison Layton Brown. You the Uinta Triangle is a production of KSL Podcasts and Lemonada Media. My personal thanks to the following past and present members of the KSL Podcasts team Aaron Mason, Amy Donaldson, Felix Bunnell, Josh Tilton, Kellyanne Halvorson, Nina Ernest, Ryan Meeks, and Trent Sell. Finally, from me to you. Please remember, Remember, wherever your life's trail takes you. None of us ever truly walk alone.

[Amy Donaldson]

Suffering is inevitable, and it sucks. But we're still expected to thrive. Everything Happens is a podcast for people who are tired of coffee, monk platitudes and want something with a little more teeth and a lot more heart. Each week, Duke professor Kate Bowler talks with guests like Glennon Doyle, Sharon McMahan, and Coach K about grief, absurdity, and the beautiful, terrible days we actually live through. No hustle culture, no silver linings, just real talk and good company. Listen to Everything Happens Wherever you get your podcasts.