The Policy | Chapter 2

Summary

Unfit For Service: Episode 2 - "The Policy"

Hosted by Eric Marcus | Released on October 21, 2024

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Introduction

In the second chapter of the gripping eight-episode series "Unfit For Service," host Eric Marcus delves deep into the intricate history and personal ramifications of the United States military's policy on homosexual conduct. This episode, aptly titled "The Policy," explores the evolution of military regulations, the political maneuvers that led to significant policy shifts, and the profound impact these changes had on individuals like Captain Randy Taylor.

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Historical Context of Military Policies on Homosexuality

Eric Marcus opens the episode by tracing the military's longstanding history of discrimination against LGBTQ+ individuals. From the Revolutionary War to the Cold War, Marcus highlights pivotal moments that defined and entrenched homophobia within the armed forces.

• Revolutionary Beginnings: "In 1778, during the Revolutionary War, Lt. Frederick Gotthold Enslin became the first U.S. soldier to be court-martialed for attempting to commit sodomy with another soldier. His sentence, he was literally drummed out of the Continental Army by its regiment's drummers and told never to return." [07:21]

• World War II and Psychiatric Misconceptions: "During the Second World War, military psychiatrists claimed homosexuals were unfit for service because of, quote, psychopathic personality disorders. They diagnosed these disorders using questionable evidence like effeminate mannerisms or limp wrists." [07:50]

• Cold War Paranoia: The fear of communist infiltrators fueled Senator Joseph McCarthy's stance that homosexuals within the government and military were as dangerous as Communists. This paranoia led to stringent bans and widespread discrimination.

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Political Shifts and the Birth of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

The episode transitions to the late 20th century, focusing on the political landscape that set the stage for significant policy reforms.

• Bill Clinton's Campaign: "Throughout his campaign, Clinton pledges to end the ban on gay people serving openly in the military. The promise galvanizes the gay vote." [10:39]

• Election and Immediate Actions: Upon his election, Clinton faced immense pressure from both conservative factions and the entrenched military establishment. Despite initial skepticism from LGBTQ+ supporters, Clinton steadfastly pursued the repeal of discriminatory policies.

• Compromised Legislation: Facing resistance, Clinton introduced the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy as a middle ground. Marcus explains, "This compromise is not everything I would have hoped for or everything that I have stood for, but it is plainly a substantial step in the right direction." [14:06]

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Implementation and Controversies of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

The introduction of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marked a significant, albeit imperfect, shift in military policy.

• Policy Mechanics: According to the new guidelines, "a soldier is permitted to serve in the military and to be gay, just so long as that soldier doesn't have gay sex, does not conspire to have gay sex, does not enter a form of same-sex marriage, and finally, doesn't tell anyone that they're gay. If you do any of that, make even the smallest slip, your career in the military is over." [05:19]

• Mixed Receptions: The policy faced backlash from various quarters. Military leaders were skeptical about its enforceability, and LGBTQ+ advocates criticized it for perpetuating discrimination under a veneer of tolerance.

• Quotes Reflecting Opposition: "The Clinton administration today is now ushering in a new era of discrimination in America. The new regulations are simply a repackaging of the same prejudice and discrimination that existed under the pre-Clinton policy." [15:10]

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Personal Impact: Captain Randy Taylor's Struggle

At the heart of this episode lies the poignant story of Captain Randy Taylor, whose life epitomizes the broader challenges faced by LGBTQ+ service members under the new policy.

• Military Life Under Scrutiny: Randy grapples with implementing the policy at Fort Drum. He emphasizes the dual mandate: "To comply with the law that prohibits homosexual conduct, while at the same time respecting the privacy and dignity of every soldier." [16:24]

• Fraying Personal Relationships: Outside the military, Randy's marriage to Martina is deteriorating. He shares, "I loved her and I still loved her, but I never fell in love with her as much as I wanted to be with her and love her and have a loving relationship for the rest of our lives." [19:16]

• Family Turmoil: Randy discovers that his estranged brother, Brett, has come out as gay. This revelation forces him to confront his suppressed feelings and the deeply ingrained prejudices instilled by his upbringing. Brett reflects, "Homosexuality to me, then became like a real thing, not just some imaginary boogeyman or condition that should be scorned." [26:42]

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Internal Conflict and Identity Crisis

Randy's journey is marked by an intense internal struggle between his duty and his concealed identity.

• Suppressed Sexuality: Randy recounts a childhood incident that stifled his understanding of his sexuality. "Don't you ever, ever, ever say that again," his stepfather admonishes after Randy naively associates erections with same-sex attraction. This suppression leads Randy to adopt the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" stance in his adult life.

• Moment of Vulnerability: While on a solo vacation in Key West, Randy's internal conflict reaches a boiling point. Visiting a gay bar, the Copa, symbolizes his yearning to understand his true self amidst the oppressive military policy.

• Quote Illustrating Fear: Randy describes his apprehension, "There's just this forbidden space that is somehow meant to jeopardize national security if you cross into that. That was somehow meant to mean if you existed in that environment and all, you were a shameful, disgraceful criminal." [31:08]

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Climactic Encounter and Continuing Tensions

As Randy navigates the Copa, he encounters a man who questions his sexuality, thrusting him into a moment of existential crisis.

• Confrontation: "Are you gay?" the man directly asks Randy, forcing him to confront his hidden self.

• Heightened Tensions: This encounter epitomizes the constant threat of exposure and the severe consequences that could ensue, highlighting the relentless pressure Randy faces both personally and professionally.

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Conclusion

Episode 2 of "Unfit For Service" masterfully intertwines historical analysis with personal narrative, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy and its far-reaching effects. Through Captain Randy Taylor's story, Eric Marcus underscores the human cost of such discriminatory policies, making a compelling case for empathy and reform.

This episode not only sheds light on a pivotal moment in military and LGBTQ+ history but also invites listeners to reflect on the enduring struggles for acceptance and equality within institutions.

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Notable Quotes from "The Policy"

• "Don't ask, don't tell. It's one of the biggest shifts in military policy in decades." — Eric Marcus [03:01]

• "The policy I am announcing today is, in my judgment, the right thing to do and the best way to do it." — Bill Clinton [14:30]

• "We ought to have thorough hearings. And I also know, because I've talked to him, that President elect Clinton is going to talk to the Joint Staff about this." — Sen. Sam Nunn [12:54]

• "I had to tell myself that, hey, it's not only expected of you, but this is like, you can do this, right? You can make this work. And I wanted it to work more than anything else." — Randy Taylor [19:59]

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Production Credits

• Produced by: Wavland and Vespucci
• Hosted by: Eric Marcus
• Executive Producers: Jason Hoke (Wavland), Daniel Turkin & Johnny Galvin (Vespucci)
• Series Producer: Rachel Byrne
• Story Editors: Matt Willis & Thomas Curry
• Additional Script Editing: Sara Burningham
• Audio Recording: Catherine Cook at CDM Sound Studios
• Sound Design: Arlie Adlington & Alex Portfelix
• Audio Mix: Alex Portfelix

Follow Waveland on Instagram for more updates. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with your friends!

Transcript

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[Advertiser 1]

Listener discretion is advised.

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Hutchin Put Dignity and Respect A Training Guide on homosexual conduct policy.

[Eric Marcus]

1995 Fort Drum, an army base in northern New York. Now back in the U.S. captain Randy Taylor is handing out an instruction manual to his troops. It details a new policy on homosexuals in the military.

[Advertiser 2]

The purpose of this magazine is to help soldiers and leaders understand the don't ask, don't tell policy.

[Eric Marcus]

Don't ask, don't tell. It's one of the biggest shifts in military policy in decades. The manual is in the style of a comic book. Its narrator is a Cartoon major dressed in fatigues. He's white, blue eyed with a chiseled jaw and brown hair. He actually looks a bit like Randy. The handsome comic book major is making a presentation to a classroom full of soldiers when one of them asks, sir, what exactly does don't ask mean?

[Advertiser 2]

Don't ask means that a soldier will not be asked to divulge or discuss their sexual orientation. A person's sexual orientation is considered a personal and private matter. Soldiers should not go around asking each other about their sexual preference, and sexual orientation is not a bar to military service.

[Eric Marcus]

According to the manual Randy's just shared with his troops, it's perfectly okay to be in the military if you're gay and no one's allowed to ask you about it unless.

[Advertiser 2]

Unless it's manifested by homosexual conduct.

[Eric Marcus]

Manifested by homosexual conduct. As someone who has personally manifested quite a bit of homosexual conduct over the years, I'm not sure what the military meant by that term. Drinking tea with your little pinky sticking out, hugging your teammates with a little too much enthusiasm after winning a game of touch football.

[Advertiser 2]

A basis for discharge exists if 1. The soldier has engaged in a homosexual act. 2. The soldier has said that he or she is a homosexual or bisexual, or made some other statement that indicates a propensity or intent to engage and homosexual acts. 3. The soldier has married or attempted to marry a person of the same sex.

[Eric Marcus]

So under don't ask, don't tell, a soldier is permitted to serve in the military and to be gay, just so long as that soldier doesn't have gay sex, does not conspire to have gay sex, does not enter a form of same sex marriage, and finally, doesn't tell anyone that they're gay. If you do any of that, make even the smallest slip, your career in the military is over. Done?

[Advertiser 2]

Exactly.

[Eric Marcus]

I'm Eric Marcus and from Waveland and Vespucci. This is Unfit for service. Episode 2 the Policy.

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[Eric Marcus]

Until 1942, there were no rules specifically barring gay men and lesbians from serving in the military. But for centuries, you could be thrown out for homosexual conduct and the penalties for sodomy were severe. In 1778, during the Revolutionary War, Lt. Frederick Gotthold Enslin became the first U.S. soldier to be court martialed for attempting to commit sodomy with another soldier. His sentence, he was literally drummed out of the Continental army by its regiment's drummers and told never to return. Fast forward to 1942 and the Second World War. That's when military psychiatrists claimed homosexuals were unfit for service because of, quote, psychopathic personality disorders. They diagnosed these disorders using questionable evidence like effeminate mannerisms or limp wrists. After the 1940s, things got much worse.

[Advertiser 2]

Some of them have that unusual affliction because of no fault of their own. Most, of course, because they're morally weak.

[Eric Marcus]

During the Cold War, when American politicians were paranoid about communist infiltrators, that there were reds under the bed, US Senator Joseph McCarthy warned that homosexuals working within the government and military should be considered just as dangerous as Communists.

[Advertiser 2]

Those individuals must, must not be handling top secret material.

[Eric Marcus]

That was in 1952. A year later, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an executive order officially banning homosexuals from federal employment, including the military. The government claimed that gay people posed a threat to national security because they were vulnerable to extortion and had weak moral characters. Now, we weren't just unfit for service, we were likely traitors.

[Advertiser 2]

The pervert is easy prey to the blackmailer.

[Eric Marcus]

Over the decades that followed, tens of thousands of gay men and lesbians were drummed out of the military on their way to being discharged. They were subjected to interrogations, threats and public humiliation, pressured to confess and compelled to share the names of other service members who were gay. There were even organized gay witch hunts on military bases and naval ships. After decades of growing institutionalized hostility, homophobia was fully baked into the US military. But by the early 1990s, change is on the horizon. While campaigning against Then President George H.W. bush, Bill Clinton becomes the first presidential candidate ever to actively court gay voters.

[Advertiser 2]

For the first time in a race for the White House. Gay and lesbian issues were an important part of the campaign. We can't afford to waste the capacities, the contributions, the hearts, the souls and the minds of the gay and lesbian Americans either.

[Eric Marcus]

Throughout his campaign, Clinton pledges to end the ban on gay people serving openly in the military. The promise galvanizes the gay vote.

[Advertiser 2]

For the first time in history, we have a gay and lesbian voting bloc. This has never happened before. A lot of that credit is due to Bill Clinton himself.

[Eric Marcus]

When Clinton's elected, gay neighborhoods in cities including Los Angeles and San Francisco erupt in celebration, with people hugging and dancing in the streets. Bye, bye, Bush. Bye bye, Bush.

[Advertiser 2]

Gays exulted on the streets. We're here. We're clear. We're going to the White House. They celebrated in private homes across the country. We're here. We're here. We're going to the White House.

[Eric Marcus]

Despite their support for Clinton, many in the LGBTQ community had grave concerns.

[Advertiser 2]

Not everyone is sure President elect Clinton will keep his promises to gays.

[Eric Marcus]

I am concerned because his transition team.

[Advertiser 2]

That he announced of 48 people does not include anyone who is openly lesbian or gay. This is a centrist president, and we.

[Eric Marcus]

Have a country that is in great turmoil over these issues, and I'm extremely.

[Advertiser 2]

Concerned about follow through.

[Eric Marcus]

But in his first days in office, Clinton doubles down on his commitment to repeal the ban on gay men and lesbians serving in the military.

[Advertiser 2]

Clinton has stuck to his campaign promise to lift the ban against gays in the military, despite opposition from the Joint Chiefs of Staff and some powerful Democrats. It's given conservative opponents a field day. It's pretty foolish the first week or second week of your term to decide to pick a fight with a senior member of your own party. The issue is not whether there should be homosexuals in the military. Everyone concedes that there are. The issue is whether men and women who can and have served with real distinction should be excluded from military service solely on the basis of their status. And I believe they should not.

[Eric Marcus]

Opposition to gays in the military ramps up in Congress and among the military's leadership.

[Advertiser 2]

Senate Armed Services Committee chairman and fellow.

[Eric Marcus]

Democrat Sam Nunn opposes Clinton on gays in the military.

[Advertiser 2]

We ought to have thorough hearings. And I also know, because I've talked to him, that President elect Clinton is.

[Eric Marcus]

Going to talk to General Powell about this.

[Advertiser 2]

He's going to talk to the Joint Staff about this. He understands that there are people who have different views.

[Advertiser 1]

It's basically time that Sam Nunn understand.

[Advertiser 2]

We'Re here, we're queer.

[Advertiser 1]

Get used to it.

[Eric Marcus]

The press is quick to question the New president, what do you think is.

[Advertiser 2]

Going to happen in the military? There have been all sorts of dire predictions of violence, of, you know, mask comings out. What do you think the impact of this is going to be?

[Eric Marcus]

Clinton's now the commander in chief, but it's becoming increasingly clear he won't get his way. Here's Republican senator Bob Dole, and what.

[Advertiser 2]

I would suggest is to just have a timeout. Don't change anything, leave it like it is.

[Eric Marcus]

Congress is threatening to turn the military's ban into federal law, something much harder to reverse than a military regulation.

[Advertiser 2]

But if he starts making changes, then we will offer the amendment. We'll be offered the first opportunity.

[Eric Marcus]

Out of this mess comes an alternative solution, a new policy. Don't ask, don't tell.

[Advertiser 2]

This compromise is not everything I would have hoped for or everything that I have stood for, but it is plainly a substantial step in the right direction.

[Eric Marcus]

The new president put the best possible spin on this new deal.

[Advertiser 2]

The policy I am announcing today is, in my judgment, the right thing to do and the best way to do it. It is right because it provides greater protection to those who happen to be homosexual and want to serve their country honorably in uniform, obeying all the military's rules against sexual misconduct. It is the best way to proceed because it provides a sensible balance between the rights of the individual and the needs of our military to remain the world's number one fighting force.

[Eric Marcus]

But in reality, the military leadership wasn't exactly enthusiastic about don't ask, don't tell, and neither were Clinton's gay supporters.

[Advertiser 2]

The Clinton administration today is now ushering in a new era of discrimination in America. The new regulations are simply a repackaging of the same prejudice and discrimination that.

[Eric Marcus]

Existed under the pre Clinton policy. In the end, the new president was boxed in, and the resulting compromise was barely a step forward for gay service people. It was hard to explain, almost impossible to implement, and it opened a Pandora's box of complications. Back at Fort Drum, Captain Randy Taylor is doing his best to follow the president's orders. Randy knows the general theory behind this new don't ask, don't tell policy. But now he, like everyone else in his regiment, has to make it work in reality. On the second page of the manual Randy is sharing with his troops, it lays out the mission, quote, to comply with the law that prohibits homosexual conduct, while at the same time respecting the privacy and dignity of every soldier.

[Advertiser 2]

The implications were gays would erode or destroy the morale and welfare of organizations by basically lurking in the showers and Peering at fellow soldiers in a way that would be unsettling to them and they wouldn't be able to fight anymore. Couldn't share a foxhole because gays would be molesting the other person in the foxhole. I mean, just, you know, commanders. Some commanders took a lot of liberty and how they may have been aggressive about applying the policy and looking for violators or being perhaps overly suspicious. Outing someone became a very easy way for one service member to attack or discredit another service member. And all it took was a little suspicion.

[Eric Marcus]

Outside of work, life at home for Randy was cold.

[Advertiser 2]

It was very common for me to wake up at 4:30 or 5 in the morning, turn on the weather channel and see that the wind chill was minus 30, some degrees Fahrenheit most mornings of January and February.

[Eric Marcus]

He's living with Martina near Fort Drum. The winters are long, so long in fact, that the posting comes with a government issue snowblower which gets plenty of use. Despite their happy start, Randy and Martina's marriage is fraying. And although he was the one who proposed, he'd orchestrated all of this. He was plagued by doubts.

[Advertiser 2]

I knew that logically it made sense to propose and to marry Martina. That really fit into to the expectations of what I was doing at the time of my friends and family and, you know, my colleagues. But there was just something nagging that I just couldn't sort out that I couldn't bring myself to actually proposing to her. So I carried this ring in my pocket for months, thinking that maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day, I'll propose. Just gotta find the right moment, the right mood, whatever, that just never came together because I was just never that sure. I know a lot of people that have had these doubts as they approach such a commitment. But there was something more that I just didn't understand about myself that was saying, do you really want to do this?

[Eric Marcus]

After they head back to the U.S. randy comes to the realization there's something missing in his relationship with Martina.

[Advertiser 2]

I loved her and I still loved her, but I never fell in love with her as much as I wanted to be with her and love her and have a loving relationship for the rest of our lives. There was never a moment where she like stole my heart. So I was struggling to make something work, to really make a round peg and a square hole work.

[Eric Marcus]

Meaningful conversation and intimacy are practically non existent by now. Still, Randy doesn't want to give up on the marriage completely. His relationship with Martina is an essential piece of the life he thinks he wants the life he needs to have if he's going to succeed.

[Advertiser 2]

So in my head, I had, you know, two voices. One saying, I'm not sure this is right, but there's another voice saying that you've got to do this. I mean, you've got to do this, because if you don't do this, then what will your life be like? How do you function in the world, right? How do you. How do you get through life without a wife and a family and kids and kind of looking and being like everyone else around you? Most of my peers were married and we're having kids. I had to tell myself that, hey, it's. It's. It's. Not only is it expected of you, but this is like, you can do this, right? You can make this work. And I wanted it to work. I wanted to work more than anything else.

[Eric Marcus]

More than anything else. But there's this unwelcome image that pops up in his head too often. The magazine he spotted on the subway back in Berlin, the gay magazine. He can picture it. He must not picture it. So he forces the thought from his mind, tries to erase the image and move on. He doesn't talk to anyone about it. He doesn't talk to anyone about his marriage either. Randi operates on a strictly need to know basis. Even with his favorite kid brother, Brett.

[Advertiser 2]

Was really the apple of everyone's eye. He was the golden child. He just could do no wrong. He was just, you know, someone that everybody was rooting for. And he would always brighten the room.

[Eric Marcus]

Now, adults, Randy and Brett speak on the phone from time to time. But whenever Randy feels like he's close to confiding in Brett, he stops short. One day, as Randy's catching up with family back home, he finds out that Brett's been keeping something from him, too. Brett's gay. He's come out.

[Advertiser 2]

I was perplexed, like I had no idea he was gay. He had the benefit of really kind of making the rules for himself. He was a bit spoiled that way because we all just liked him so much. He was just the coolest kid, but he got away with murder, and he just got to do whatever he felt like doing. And so he didn't waste any time following his heart when it came to relationships and to sexuality.

[Eric Marcus]

Randy struggles to make sense of what he's learned. He's unsettled by it. He tries hard to reconcile the negative things he's heard about gay people with the brother he loves.

[Advertiser 2]

The worst way you could ever characterize anybody is that they would be gay. This was something that my stepfather ridiculed about quite often. That essentially was the lowest life form as somebody that was gay, fag and queer. And that would be the insult that he would use. That would be like the worst insult. And so you learn about life and adulthood first at home from your parents and then so that's. That was kind of like my starting point.

[Eric Marcus]

Brett's coming out reminds Randy of a conversation he had with his stepfather Fred, about the birds and the bees. Randy was around 12 years old at the time.

[Advertiser 2]

This is such a strange memory, but sometimes you just remember the strangest things. I was young, and this was probably at the age of like 12ish, when Fred had a very uncharacteristic conversation with my next youngest brother, who had been a year younger than me at the time. And I. And it was kind of one of these man to man talks, which Fred was not prone to having at all. I don't know what caused him to even get into the subject, but he said, you know what happens when, you know, you get hard and you get an erection? You know what that is? And I very naively said, yeah, like when you see another guy naked. And he looked at me with surprise and he said, don't you ever, ever, ever say that again. And I quickly learned that boys don't talk about that.

[Eric Marcus]

Boys don't talk about that. Just like Brett, Randy had realized that he too was attracted to other guys.

[Advertiser 2]

I suppressed it so deeply. But I would have these fleeting urges and it wouldn't take much. I would try not to notice, but sometimes I just couldn't help but notice. But this time for me was pre Internet. And being able to see another guy naked was just like. Other than a shower after gym class, which I avoided. Not once did I shower with that. Even so, I was the guy that after every gym class, I would just towel off the sweat and change and just kind of disappear. I wouldn't, I would just stay away from that.

[Eric Marcus]

Why?

[Advertiser 2]

It was just too, too much. It was just too overwhelming. I had to run the other way. Can you imagine having an erection in the shower at school? That was very much at the root of what became of very deeply suppressed sexuality. In that conversation. He pretty much convinced the young me that what I just said wasn't true, couldn't be true, was not to be spoken or even be thought about. And it was, it was a very severe reprimand and it was never discussed again until now.

[Eric Marcus]

Being gay was always something bad, something to reject or at the very least hide. Randy had been burying those feelings since he was a boy. And now he did the same thing as a man. Don't ask, don't tell. But Brett's coming out opens Randy's mind just a little.

[Advertiser 2]

Homosexuality to me, then became like a real thing, not just some imaginary boogeyman or condition that should be scorned. It's just like this is like a real flesh and bone breathing person, not just something to hate or to be ashamed of. It became like just something to acknowledge my brother, who like all my brothers and sisters, I loved him. And yet his being gay didn't change that at all. And that was like. That was an awakening for me. Net Credit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of.

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[Advertiser 2]

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[Advertiser 1]

To the People the kind of burgers you get today tells you a lot about yourself. You're either someone who settles for sad, same old same old burgers, or you're at a Carl's Jr obsessed with a tangy OG Western bacon cheeseburger, demanding a house made guacamole, loaded guac bacon fired up for the instruction, insanely hot El Diablo or craving a classic char world famous star. Give into your flavor cravings. Get your mouth to Carl's Jr.

[Eric Marcus]

Good Burger 1995 Key West, Florida Randy has some time off from work, so he's heading out on a solo scuba diving vacation in the Sunshine State.

[Advertiser 2]

Here I was in Key west alone, where nobody knew my name. No colleagues, no friends, nothing like that.

[Eric Marcus]

Randy's been to Key west once before, so he's familiar with the town's buzzing main strip of bars and clubs. Duval Street. It's a party street.

[Advertiser 2]

I discovered Key west years ago. I was in college, you know, going down there with some buddies on spring break. Da da da. And I knew about the gay part of the street because people would snicker and, you know, joke about it.

[Eric Marcus]

Duval is only about a mile long, but it's one of those commercial strips with distinctly different vibes at either end. The near end is super straight frat boys and daiquiri downing tourists. But head south down the strip and you hit a patch of bars sometimes known as the Pink Triangle. Welcome to Key West Gaborhood.

[Advertiser 2]

I got all cleaned up, got on some nice clothes and started walking down to that end of the street.

[Eric Marcus]

Randy walks past the fast food joints and tourist shops, past the beer pong and college party chaos.

[Advertiser 2]

I just needed to know what this mystique was that I was, you know, previously so repelled by. There was. There was a desire, there was a curiosity. I was marching into this kind of forbidden territory, thinking, what the am I doing? Why am I walking this way? Why am I not going to the other end of the street?

[Eric Marcus]

Randy finds himself outside a gay bar called the Copa. It's housed in an old theater building and with a beautiful balcony overlooking the street, it still exudes a certain early 20th century elegance. The windows are open and people are laughing and talking, just enjoying the evening in full view of anyone who happens to be passing by.

[Advertiser 2]

And I walked like I wasn't even, like, looking at any bars. It was like looking straight ahead, like I was just had somewhere to be, somewhere to go.

[Eric Marcus]

As he walks on, Randy's thinking about his failing marriage. He's thinking about his brother Brett. He's also thinking about himself. He circles back to take another look at the Copa. Randy's well aware of the danger of being seen where he knows he shouldn't be. He's aware of what it would say about him if he went inside, what it might mean, how it could destroy his life and his career.

[Advertiser 2]

There's just this forbidden space that is somehow meant to jeopardize national security if you cross into that. That was somehow meant to mean if you existed in that environment and all, you were a shameful, disgraceful criminal. You know, I just needed to know why. Why is this such the taboo that it is, and why am I drawn to it in any way? You know, what. What's going on here? This was a complete mystery to me, but with enough of a gravitational pull for me to say, take another step. Take another, another step.

[Eric Marcus]

Randy steps inside the Copa. He's scanning the crowd like he's on a reconnaissance mission. He's a long way from home, but still terrified of recognizing anyone, or worse, anyone clocking him. He's on high alert.

[Advertiser 2]

You know, I just thought the whole world was looking at me at that point.

[Eric Marcus]

With his head down and his heart pounding, Randy pushes his way through the packed, sweaty dance floor.

[Advertiser 2]

It was overwhelming. There was just so much going on, so many men and women dancing together.

[Eric Marcus]

He needs to find somewhere quieter, less crowded. He climbs the stairs to the center second floor.

[Advertiser 2]

I could see that there was a place for, you know, or I could just kind of sit off in the corner around the bar and just kind of have A place just to sit and take it all in and figure it out. But I was not allowing myself to be approachable. Somebody would have said, boo. I would have just ran out of there.

[Eric Marcus]

But he doesn't run, at least not right away. He stares at the floor, but the bartender engages him.

[Advertiser 2]

He was a good bartender. He chatted it up and said, hey, you know, your first time here, where you from, all this kind of stuff. And he could really tell that I was quite out of my element and that I didn't end up in that bar stool seat by accident. And he was, as being a good bartender, he's kind of helping me just kind of, you know, relax and be a good customer.

[Eric Marcus]

Randy orders a Jack Daniels and Coke. He takes a deep breath and reminds himself that nobody knows him here in Florida. He sips his drink and his nerves start to settle. He's able to raise his head and look up. He takes in his surroundings. Then he notices a man walking in his direction with the disco lights flashing. Randy can't make out the guy's face and has no idea who he is. Randy's back on high alert, back to heart pounding, chest high terror. The man is advancing on Randy's position.

[Advertiser 2]

That was during the peak discharge years of don't ask, don't tell. The gay bars were often frequented by military, police and senior army leaders that would go to the bars in plain clothes or even in uniform and basically looking for gay soldiers to apprehend. I was frightened, I was nervous. Why did I come here? I was scared that I ended up the wrong place in the wrong time and now someone has found me and there's no way out. And I was getting ready to jump out the freaking window.

[Eric Marcus]

Coming up on Unfit for Service.

[Advertiser 1]

And he directed it straight at me.

[Advertiser 2]

And said, is it you?

[Eric Marcus]

Are you gay?

[Advertiser 2]

And if I just went down here to the freak show side of town, I would just be so turned off by it that it would end right there. He had a short haircut and I've always had a thing for guys with short haircuts. He was wearing jeans, so I couldn't see much. But I had learned that I could kind of judge a body through clothing and I wanted to see more.

[Eric Marcus]

Unfit for Service is a production of Waveland and Vespucci and is hosted by me, Eric Marcus for Waveland. The executive producer is Jason Hoke. For Vespucci, the executive producers are Daniel Turkin and Johnny Galvin. The series producer is Rachel Byrne. The story editors are Matt Willis and Thomas Curry with additional script, editing by Sara Burningham Thomas Curry is the Managing producer. Audio recording by Catherine Cook at CDM Sound Studios. Sound design by Arlie Adlington and Alex Portfelix Audio mix by Alex Portfelix Follow Waveland on Instagram at Waveland Media. If you love the show, please don't forget to leave a review and make sure you tell your friend. Thanks for listening.

[Advertiser 2]

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[Eric Marcus]

Loans offered by NetCredit or lending partner.

[Advertiser 2]

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[Advertiser 1]

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