Abusers In The Media

Summary

Podcast Summary: Unhinged & Immoral – Episode: Abusers In The Media

Introduction In the episode titled "Abusers In The Media," hosted by Jamila Bell and Mecca Evans of Diamond MPrint Productions, the duo delves into the pervasive issue of domestic violence as portrayed in the media. Drawing from their combined expertise in public relations, Jamila and Mecca offer insightful critiques, personal anecdotes, and unfiltered takes on recent high-profile cases involving abuse, particularly focusing on public figures like Cassie and Megan.

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1. The Surge of Domestic Violence Narratives in Media

Jamila Bell opens the discussion by highlighting the increasing frequency of domestic violence stories in the media, expressing both exhaustion and frustration:

"[02:04] Jamila: ...there's just this wave of domestic violence situations in the media right now. Like, it's back to back to back stuff and it's just like, damn."

Mecca Evans echoes this sentiment, noting the societal implications of these narratives:

"[03:11] Jamie: ...There's a generation being raised where men are showing blatant disrespect towards women, a trend that's been ongoing since at least Tupac's era."

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2. Case Studies: Cassie and Megan

The hosts analyze specific cases, starting with Cassie’s lawsuit, which has triggered broader investigations into abusive behaviors:

"[08:57] Jamila: Her lawsuit triggered them... what we read was beyond incriminating."

They draw parallels to Megan Thee Stallion's experience, emphasizing the detrimental impact of media trivialization:

"[09:37] Jamila: ...people were talking about Megan shooting as a punchline, similar to how Tina Turner’s abuse was mocked."

Mecca Evans adds depth by discussing the public's perception and the media's role in shaping it:

"[10:35] Jamila: ...Megan is not just a superstar; she represents a demographic that is often targeted by the alt-right, influencing public narratives and biases."

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3. Accountability and Public Opinion

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around holding abusers accountable and challenging societal biases:

"[05:42] Jamie: ...in the court of public opinion, men tend to side with men, undermining the credibility of women’s accounts."

Jamila Bell emphasizes the importance of legal proceedings over public perception:

"[17:19] Jamie: And also, let us not forget, he is not in jail solely for shooting Megan."

They critique the tendency to blame victims rather than addressing the abuser’s actions:

"[18:07] Jamila: ...it's about what they think about women. You choose to ignore all these things, and you don't even believe us."

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4. Navigating Relationships Amid Domestic Violence

The hosts transition into discussing personal relationships affected by abusive behaviors, highlighting the complexities of co-parenting and friendship dynamics:

"[07:12] Jamila: Once you start to teeter totter into that manipulation tip, you are on a fast slope track to beating a bitch ass."

Mecca Evans shares personal reflections on the challenges of maintaining friendships when one party becomes involved in a problematic relationship:

"[Value of Choosing to Step Back]: ...it's just sad because I don't want to see nobody beefing like parents, because that's not good for the baby at the end of the day."

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5. Teaching and Raising Children with Awareness

A substantial segment is dedicated to parenting, specifically teaching children about consent and social cues to prevent future abuse:

"[25:20] Jamie: ...My mom did a really good job of teaching consent from the time... whenever a girl would say no... he was finna tag her."

Jamila Bell elaborates on instilling social awareness and boundary respect from a young age:

"[28:05] Jamie: ...we're so on the phones. ...they're not observant of the world around them, because they're not going outside and playing."

They stress the importance of active parenting in teaching children to read body language and respect personal boundaries:

"[29:33] Jamie: ...you need to get some social awareness and learn how to read body language."

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6. Listener Engagement: Spin It Segment

In the "Spin It" segment, Jamila and Mecca address a listener’s struggle with a deteriorating friendship following her friend's new relationship. The listener, aged 23 turning 24, shares how her best friend Toya became distant after dating Eugene, leading to unbalanced support and reciprocal effort.

Jamila Bell advises the listener to reassess the friendship dynamics and prioritize relationships that provide mutual support:

"[75:14] Jamila: ...she is pouring all this energy into this new relationship and doesn't know how to balance her life and her social skills."

Mecca Evans recommends setting boundaries and shifting focus to friendships that reciprocate effort:

"[73:30] Jamie: ...you show up for Toya in the same level and energy that she shows up for you."

They emphasize the importance of recognizing when to step back to protect one’s emotional well-being:

"[79:07] Jamila: ...sometimes that's all it takes."

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7. Final Thoughts and Conclusion

Towards the end of the episode, Jamila and Mecca reflect on their personal growth and the societal changes needed to better address and prevent abuse. They reiterate the significance of accountability, supportive relationships, and proactive parenting in fostering a healthier, more respectful society.

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Notable Quotes:

• “Once you start to teeter totter into that manipulation tip, you are on a fast slope track to beating a bitch ass.” — Jamila Bell [07:12]

• “You just gotta let people do it. That has stuck with me and it really dictates how I move with younger women...” — Jamie [20:55]

• “If you really tell that nigga no, he gone. Because she did it with life.” — Jamila Bell [08:21]

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Conclusion In "Abusers In The Media," Jamila Bell and Mecca Evans provide a compelling examination of how domestic violence is portrayed and handled in the media. Through critical analysis of high-profile cases, personal anecdotes, and practical advice on relationships and parenting, the hosts underscore the urgent need for societal change in addressing abuse and supporting victims. Their candid and unfiltered discussion offers listeners both insight and actionable steps to navigate and challenge the pervasive issues surrounding domestic violence in contemporary media and society.

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Stay Connected To engage further with Jamila and Mecca, listeners are encouraged to participate in segments like "Spin It" by sending in their own stories. Subscribe to "Unhinged & Immoral" for weekly doses of unfiltered discussions on the wildest corners of internet gossip and pop culture.

Transcript

[Jamila]

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[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

From the Jaguar. It ain't even right though. Push me and I might go, she ain't getting money. I'm like, what the the hype for when them bitches bite flow make my appetite go poof Gone. Voila. Magic looking mad good just to pull up on them rampant. Welcome back to another episode of Unhinged Navoro. I am Jamie. I'm.

[Jamie]

And I'm Mecca.

[Jamila]

So there's just. There's so many things happening right now and I feel like before we even get into what we wanted to talk about, I feel like we have to address the big ass elephants in the room.

[Jamie]

Like, what is the big ass elephant in the room?

[Jamila]

Um, just this wave of domestic violence situations in the media right now. Like, it's like back to back to back stuff and it's just like, damn. Like, you know, not that I'm shocked, but I'm just kind of like, exhausted.

[Jamie]

Annoying. That's crazy because I definitely thought you were gonna say something very specific to us and I was gonna be like, I haven't said anything. I haven't done anything this week.

[Jamila]

But yeah, not in trouble this week. Shout out to TikTok. You guys are giving us a week of break. Thank you.

[Jamie]

Thank you for letting go of my.

[Jamila]

Actually, not really, but I'll let it slide because it wasn't like anything that I necessarily would care about. But a lot of people who lack comprehension, skills tried. Yeah, I mean, people tried, but it didn't work because at the end of the day, I have professors backing up my claims.

[Jamie]

Who's backing up yours? Yeah, I did see that motherfuckers was trying us this week, but we didn't give the bait. So shout out to us. You know, it is what it is. Back to all this domestic Violence and n women. What's up with that? What did Tupac say? We gonna raise a generation of men who hate the ladies, who make the ba. No, we're gonna raise a generation of babies who hate the ladies, who make the babies.

[Jamila]

Who make the babies.

[Jamie]

And he made that song in what, 94. Something in there like profit, you niggas.

[Jamila]

It's like. I mean, you know, it's a tale oldest time. Niggas knocking they woman upside the head between the washer and dryer. It is a tale of oldest time, but at this point in present day, much like homophobia. Why are we still doing this?

[Jamie]

It's also crazy. Well, not crazy, but I saw this tweet. I love how the girlies we just learned, like, at least if these issues are going to persist, then us evolving as women in terms of how we combat them and handle them. I'm glad. I really do think women learned this last time from Megan not going to the police. I swear. I think that was like. Because up until that point, there was the thought, oh, you're a black man. I don't wanna call the police on you. And for her to say that and look at how it turned out for her. I really think bitches are like, fuck that. Because, you know, the past two weeks this week, we've seen Hallie and now Skai Jackson both just saying, fuck the Internet shit. Fuck the politics of your. You being a black man. I'm getting a restraining order as you.

[Jamila]

Should put them niggas on papers. And just to dispute some of the things that you bastards are saying online about. Oh, I don't think this is really. Ooh.

[Jamie]

I.

[Jamila]

Me and ddg. Me and D. Let me tell you something. Ask someone who has been in a court setting to get a restraining order as a witness. I was there as a witness. It is not something that is easy to do. The judge is going to read off the documents that you present your party and the other person's party, ask you questions, go back and forth and determine whether or not the restraining order makes sense within that time period, within the frame of works with what you are asking. So. So the fact that Halle filed a restraining order and got that bitch granted, I'm here to tell you there was at least a little bit of evidence and that's the bottom line. And also this misconception that women need this type of story to get elevated when every single time this happens, bitches get dogged out. Why do you think we. Why would we want that? You niggas never believe Us, number one. Number two, it's always this media circus. Who wants to really deal with that type of shit? Number three, who wants to get hit? You niggas make me sick.

[Jamie]

You know what I will say when everything was going on in the past six months, I got online because I really was, I, I, I. We're of an age where we've been watching our friends have babies probably since honestly, for the last decade we've been watching people have babies. And sometimes you see a lot of times, especially when the parents might not be married, even when they are, there's this year of growing pains. If you break up with the nigga, it's like you spend the toddler point trying to figure out how to co parent peacefully. So I really did. There was a lot of shit that DDG was doing, at least in the public eye, that hindsight 20 20. And there was a lot of people who was calling it like, oh, like this is clear narcissistic behavior. But, but then on the other hand, if you've ever watched your homegirl and homeboy or whatever try and just figure out how to be baby mama, baby daddy peacefully in the early 20s, it also could have like, this literally could have gone either way. They could have figured it out or could have ended up the way that it did. And so I guess for me it's just sad because I don't want to see nobody beefing like parents, because that's not good for the baby at the end of the day. Like, you do what's best for your child in whatever situation you're in. But, but it sucks when parents can't get along, you know what I'm saying? We going back like how he had the baby and didn't tell, wouldn't answer the phone, wouldn't tell her where she was at, da da da. Like n do that and just be being niggas, you know what I'm saying? But then n do do that. Trying to be funny. Yeah. But then n do do that and there's an element of abuse to it. So just knowing that it led to where the element of abuse is going on, that's sad. Yeah, yeah.

[Jamila]

Once you start to teeter totter into that manipulation tip, you are on a fast slope track to beating a bitch ass. It just is what it is. And I really hate how when these conversations come to the Internet, when men have the opportunity to hold other men accountable, which, you know, for some reason men love the word accountability when it comes to bitches, but when it comes to they men Folk, they hate it. They hate how, you know, they don't even understand what it means. And it's always, oh, why would you take a baby from a black man? Man, who wanna be a daddy? We ain't got many daddies in here. Let that man be a daddy. Give that man his baby. How about he behave correctly and he'll get that baby? Like, I. I don't know if this is a foreign concept to y' all, but nine times out of ten, the majority of time, women are not keeping them babies away from their men voluntarily just because they feel like it. We need help, nigga. What is you talking about? Clearly, them niggas got some other shit going on. And it's like y' all just refuse to believe us when we say that, even when we have evidence. It was just like, that's how I know y' all are full of shit.

[Jamie]

I mean, yeah, that's why it's like, just go straight to the court. Because in the court of public opinion, men are always gonna side with men. It seems, as we see it with Cassie, as we see it with Callie, as we see it with Megan. The thing about Cassie's shit is this is not even what he on trial for. If you have even a little iota of legal knowledge, you know, they're laying the ground to show a pattern of behavior for what they're actually charging him with. So that's why it's like the rico. There's seven more weeks left of this trial, y' all. Cassie is just like the tip of the iceberg.

[Jamila]

Yeah. And it's crazy because her lawsuit is what triggered them, you know, investigating. They said, actually, I know you trying to get your one. You know what I'm saying? You're trying to get your lick back, Cassie. But what we read was beyond incriminating. And we've been wanting this actually, let's do it.

[Jamie]

And it was like, didn't they say they was already looking into him, but they hadn't started. It was until her lawsuit that they said, ah, yeah, yeah, we can get some evidence or something.

[Jamila]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

And then with this Megan Tory shit, I honestly, when that post first hit, I didn't think that was really Megan. But it does get to a point. It's been two years. Well, she got shot during the pandemic. Child. It's been longer than that.

[Jamila]

I think she got shot in 20. 20. 20.

[Jamie]

I would say it's been two years since the. But it was two years before that, before it even happened. It's like, y' all Been taunting her. Y' all been. I can't imagine if someone shot me. And now it's like it's become a punchline. And it makes me think people were talking about this on Twitter of Tina Turner. And I really wanted to bring up Tina Turner because black people want to act like I don't want to. And I'm not going to say us, because Tina Turner has passed away. Like, this is not our generation, so this isn't. The onus is not on us. But this was a running joke in terms of Ike and slapping a bitch. It was a punchline. And that's really why she went. Where'd she go? To the Netherlands, Somewhere in Europe and never looked back. Sweden. Because she said, you know, my people think that my abuse was fun, is funny. And they make jokes about it. And I feel like Megan is in, like, the same boat where it's like, it's a punchline. What happened to her? And she said every time, you know, Tina Turner has to say, every time she would hear that, she would, like, relive it. And it's like, yeah, that's not funny.

[Jamila]

And having to relive the story, like, people continuously asking her about it in interviews and stuff like that. She did the movie. She's like, I thought the movie was gonna be the end of the chapter, but it just opened up new conversations. And it's still, you know, creating this narrative or whatever. And it's like, at some point, y' all have to realize that what you think doesn't really matter or change what happened, you know? And I just be wishing sometimes, whenever this shit happened. God, I just wish there was a secret camera out there so everybody can shut the fuck up. But what's crazy is I know that even if that was the case, they wouldn't. There would be a different narrative spun. Because I remember specifically when everything was really at the height of this, like, when conversations were just starting. We barely even had evidence when we thought that it was torey the first time. I remember seeing men say, well, that's what that bitch get. So I don't know how much anything would change based off of the quote unquote evidence or who shot who, what, where, and why. I don't think much would change about the narrative of they don't like Megan as a entity, if that makes sense. It doesn't even matter that she's Megan the stallion, this superstar. It's who she and what she represents. There's a demographic of men who are on that alt right pipeline that y' all don't even clock. They don't fuck with her. And it's crazy how people aren't even registering the fact that the way you think about this trial and other things definitely correlates to what you view with people in real life. Because I'm watching Republican politicians vouch for Tory Lanez and y' all don't even realize y' all are on their radar. They're using you fucking dummies.

[Jamie]

Yeah, I remember when this all first happened. You know, so much, so much stuff happens. But specifically, and someone said this on Twitter, Megan especially as black women ask a nigga where he fall on the Megan Tory Lanez bar and you. And it's a good litmus test to understand what type of nigga you're fucking with. Now. I don't know why specifically, given all the situations of abuse with women who are famous, I don't know why it's Megan because I feel like there are a lot of situations like Megan that we have seen in our lifetime, but she has grabbed ahold of like the public and our generation. And I remember during. Because she got shot during COVID right when it happened. I'm talking like we're within a week. It was around Christmas time. Well, maybe that like around that month that it had happened. It was fresh is what I'm trying to say. We threw a office Christmas office themed Christmas party in la. Cause I spent the pandemic a lot of time in la and there was a nigga there who was friends of a friend of a friend, like, you know, just brought through and it came up. I ended up getting into a yelling like a screaming match. Me and my homegirl Kristin, Kristen, who is a lawyer, like, let me just put and pass the. Had just passed the bar had just like, like everything was so fresh.

[Jamila]

Fresh on her mind.

[Jamie]

Information fresh on her mind. And she had kind of. We didn't have all the information, but she was just talking more. So it started with such light conversation at first. Like we're just discussing, oh my God, that's crazy. All this stuff, it didn't have all this history now that when you bring it up n you know they're going to get cheat up. But at this point we're just like, what the fuck happened? And so Kristen starts adding a legal perspective to it. And I had said something along the lines, well, you know niggas, they just gonna side with niggas. And this random nigga at the party got so mad. He was like, he. And he said he's a that bitch Da da da. How do we know? Da da da. How do we know she not lying? And I was like, why do you think she's lying? They took her to the hospital. She had to have surgery. Oh, it's fake. Da da da. Like to the point this nigga stood. No, he stood up over me like he was going to beat my ass. And then, you know, I'm a always.

[Jamila]

Will beat your ass. Them type of niggas beat.

[Jamie]

That's what was crazy. It was like, you're defending a nigga just like you and you're finished. Solve this by acting exactly how he acted in that moment. But mind you, thank you for proving me right. Mind you, Sacramento insane. I stood up like I was going.

[Jamila]

To be his ass.

[Jamie]

So now we just stand there yelling. His friend had to carry him out. And from that moment on, it's just funny that now, right, right from that moment on, I have been in my head been thought like, nah, this situation is the litmus test. This is so the fact that now four years later, we're actually saying like, no, this is litmus test. When that situation showed me everything I needed to see. Cause you gonna beat my ass over a conversation.

[Jamila]

Exactly. And what's crazy is the way I do it is very, very casual. I don't even want you to know that you're falling into a trap. I want to just have basic conversation and I do this with a myriad of topics.

[Jamie]

Right.

[Jamila]

I'll just casually throw it in because I want to see how you respond without me leading into it, what should.

[Jamie]

Be throwing in with it.

[Jamila]

So like say if I'm like on FaceTime with you. Right, right, I'm on FaceTime. You know, we kicking up and I'm like, you know, when you're on FaceTime somet you're doing other stuff like scrolling, whatever, so I could be like this. So stupid. You know what I'm saying? Just casually speaking out loud and so I'll say something out loud about the situation just to kind of see what the response would be. Stuff like that. There's, there's many ways you gotta throw a little, throw a little wrench and then see how the nigga respond and I'll kind of go off of that. But yeah, you really have to pay attention to how men respond to things going on outside of what's happening with you. Because what's happening with you, they will always make it seem and sound good because you're right there. Obviously they're not going to say anything derogatory immediately to you. Or about you. Because they're trying to get that push. They want them legs open. But if you pay attention to how they view the outside world, baby, that's all the information you need.

[Jamie]

That's all you need to know. They will show their ass every time.

[Jamila]

I talked to a boy who didn't necessarily have a definitive answer of who he thought shot Megan. But what was a determining factor for me was he said, you know, I ain't gonna lie. Obviously, nobody was there. We don't have, you know, physical evidence as far as, like, you know, footage of who shot her. But all I know is that the way that nigga Tory Lanez is acting is. Is enough for me. Because what nigga act like that? Thank you. What normal, cool nigga act like that? He was acting like a bitch after, like, literally, that was bitch shit. Like, the whole rambling on Twitter, making that fuck ass song with the fuck ass video, doing all this hoopla. Now you want to cry like a big, big baby bitch in the God you supposedly getting stabbed up. Nigga, please. You're acting like a damn bitch. I can't take you seriously. Whether you shot her or not, you're guilty. And I feel like that's also something that you need to hear.

[Jamie]

And also, let us not forget, he is not in jail solely for shooting Megan. Hello.

[Jamila]

He's Amelia.

[Jamie]

He's a felon, and he is not an American citizen. And California has gun laws. So let's. Let's just get this here. Had he not shot Megan, which I believe he shot Megan, but had he simply just been caught with a gun.

[Jamila]

He was going to prison, just like all the other rappers do when they have them guns and they ain't supposed to.

[Jamie]

And that's what's also insane, because you be telling niggas that, and it's still like it's Megan's fault. It was not Megan versus Tory or. Or Day Star. It was Day Star versus the state of California.

[Jamila]

Hello. And it's like, when will that. And that's how I know that it's not about the trial. It's about what they think about women. Because you're choosing to ignore all these things, and you know that. And you don't even believe that. Nigga, I'm looking at you, daddy on fucking face. Y' all don't believe that shit. Y' all are saying that because y' all don't respect women. Full stop.

[Jamie]

Bitch. Bitch. So, well, I'm wishing Megan, I'm wishing Cassie, I'm wishing Halle. A bunch of healing.

[Jamila]

You See, she just.

[Jamie]

And let me say this. Let me say one last thing before we pivot. Listen, that. That young man is what my grandmother would call wasted yellow. That's so old. That's one ugly boy Southern. Oh, my God. But that should be heavy week every time. Also, let's just say, for the sake of conversation, because this is also a talking point. We strangers on the Internet, we warned Halle about ddg. We warned Sky Jackson about Herky Jerky Durky. For all intended purposes. I could sit here and say, me and Jameela warned Sky about Herky Jerky Durky. We talked about him in one of the very early podcasts. Cause she had just got with him. But the thing about it is, after a certain point, yeah, the baby's already here. The baby. What, now I'm supposed to just let you beat my ass? Do you get what I'm saying? Y' all trying to justify these women taking abuse because they got with someone who was maybe not favorable that you know, to say, oh, maybe you shouldn't have did that. I'm sure they know. And that's the other thing about getting grown that y' all don't have to do the I told you so. Like, you say it in that moment. You say, you know what? And if they don't take the advice, some lessons you gotta let the young women get on their own. I done got plenty of young lessons on my own. And what do I do? I try and tell the young women, but at a certain point, I'm not finna be an old hater ass bitch. And you, I know you gonna come back in about five years and be.

[Jamila]

Like, you know what? Yeah.

[Jamie]

Just like I did.

[Jamila]

At that point, the empathy is like.

[Jamie]

Come on, tap into our emotional state. Right? Especially if it's something that you've been through or something that you've seen. Yes. We are so far past the point where they should not have got with these men. It's over. The babies are here. That means it's been at least nine months. Okay? The babies are here. They need to be raised. Their blessings from God above. And they mamas don't need to be getting their ass whooped. And their mamas don't need to be getting verbally assaulted on a regular basis by oppress the charges. And I don't want to hear nothing about it. It's just that simple.

[Jamila]

That simple.

[Jamie]

That's it.

[Jamila]

We're gonna take a break and we're back.

[Jamie]

Also saying, I warned her. Like, you know, them young bitches is crazy.

[Jamila]

Like, Bitch, you are some bitch on Twitter.

[Jamie]

Shut up. She said, okay, I been told, Halle, are you delusional?

[Jamila]

Like, okay, and what about it, bitch? Like, you ain't never been with a nigga you wasn't supposed to be with? Come on now.

[Jamie]

If your family had warned you about the nigga, you wouldn't have gave a fuck. No way.

[Jamila]

Hello. Y' all niggas out right now. I wanna lay them out right now, one by one. I wanna see them.

[Jamie]

That's all I'm saying.

[Jamila]

Everybody gotta what I'm saying.

[Jamie]

So everybody gotta. At some time, your people did warn you. I remember after I moved to Baltimore.

[Jamila]

You gotta sneak in that roster, okay? One of these things are not like the other.

[Jamie]

Yo. I remember after I moved to Baltimore, shout out to Sarah, that's my older sister. And after everything exploded with the relationship and you know, I had moved away, I remember before I moved away, she's like, I don't want you to go. But that was the extent, mind you. Sarah's like 13 years older than me. I said, oh, my God, but I love him. And she just looked at me. Okay, okay. And I swear randomly, one day, right? I swear randomly, one day after the breakup, I thought about that and I had. And I messaged her and I had like this aha moment. Like, girl, you was trying to tell me not to go. Why didn't you just say that? She was like, Cause I wasn't finna look like an old hater ass bitch. You had to get that on your own. You love that boy.

[Jamila]

Okay? And that's the stuff where they push, they overly restrict. Exactly. Like now it's like, oh, now I really gotta be. Now I gotta prove everybody wrong. Now I really gotta be with this nigga. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's a part of it too. So sometimes, like when you overly, overly step, you are facing the possibility that they are in that fight or flight. I must prove everybody wrong. Cause fuck I. No, this is wrong. But if I leave now, then I prove everybody right, and then I feel stupid. It's just like, you know what I'm saying? Sometimes you gotta just let people.

[Jamie]

You just gotta let em do it. That has stuck with me and it really dictates how I move with younger women, girls younger than myself. Cause I just remember how in that moment, the lesson always gonna come around. It's okay. And you don't have to say, I told you so, because they gonna come to you and be like, you were right.

[Jamila]

Mm.

[Jamie]

And a lot of you and A lot of you old haggard bitches need to get that part. You wonder why that. You wonder why your. Your little sisters, your daughters, your cousins don't want to come to you and see you as a safe place because, bitch don't nobody want to be.

[Jamila]

Yeah, don't.

[Jamie]

Don't want anybody want to be told I told you so after they done.

[Jamila]

Got their ass whooped every goddamn time.

[Jamie]

When she was getting her head knocked in between the. The washing machine, she was thinking about you. She said, oh, they told me. They told me not to. Damn. You said, they know you supposed to.

[Jamila]

Just come on, baby, come on.

[Jamie]

And that was.

[Jamila]

And you wanna.

[Jamie]

And you wanna hear the thing? I will give it. See, the boomers and the elders don't have a lot right, but they got some shit right? And that's some shit grandmama and them are good at. When you was wrong, come in, Come on.

[Jamila]

Come to my bosom.

[Jamie]

And you know you can go to your grandma and she ain't gonna light your ass up. She ain't gonna say she told you so because she already know. Just like, you know, to. To our generation as we become. As we become the antiques and we become the older ladies in the. In the situation, please learn. Don't do like our mamas and them did. Learn from the grandmamas. Extend your arms out. Extend your arms out and hug them, sir. Right, and hug them little. Hug them little heifers. Because that's what the grandmamas did do. They would hug you, but they would call you a heifer.

[Jamila]

And speaking of hugging the little heifers, beat them badass boys. You know, I don't even believe in beating kids.

[Jamie]

I didn't even believe in whoopings.

[Jamila]

However, the reason that we have so many men and young boys who are misogynistic is because you suck as parents and you're not correcting that behavior from a young age. If you see your son at a young age saying some weird ass shit about a child, a girl in their grade or whatever, just women in general, you need to be correcting that at an early age. Y' all let that fester. Y' all love being boy mom. Boy mom. Stop wanting to fuck your boys so bad. Oh.

[Jamie]

Oh, shit. God damn, Tamila.

[Jamila]

I'm sorry. Sometimes some of you boy moms want to fuck your sons, okay? And that's why you allow them to be so bad. So then when they get older, right, you son fuckers want to enable your kids so bad. And then when they get older and they do some fuckery, then you want to pretend like that's not my son. My son would never. Yes, he would.

[Jamie]

I wanted to say my mom did a really good job, I think, of teaching consent from the time. And mind you, I think about it because I used to think she was tripping, but then I got older and realized what she was doing. From the time Darrington was really, really young, whenever a girl would say no, no matter what was going on, whether just like. Cause you know, when you're two, three years old, you're just playing a game. And I can very vividly remember we were on the playground. You know how your parents take you to the park and you play with random kids and this girl, they was playing or doing something, running around, and you know, he was finna tag her and tag. And you know how kids, when you finna get tagged and tagged, you start saying, no, no, no, I'm out, I'm out. Cause you don't wanna lose the game. So she wasn't like actually saying no, but she was screaming no, right? So I remember Daript kept chasing her. My mom went the fuck off on him. Like, when someone says no, and she didn't even say a girl, she said, when someone says no, you. You stop. No means no. No means no. And she any other time. So to the point. By the time we were like in elementary school, he was kind of traumatized. So if you really tell that nigga no, he gone. Because she did it with life.

[Jamila]

But that's how it should be, because.

[Jamie]

It does say, yeah, no. I thought, and I think about that, I'm like, that's such a good way to teach consent, especially if you stay at it with everything. And then it's like you get older and now realize what. When she was saying no means no, but you talking about a motherfucking board game. What she was trying to hammer in his head. But yeah, I was just thinking. I thought that was good. That was a good little parenting tidbit.

[Jamila]

You have to teach your kids so many things about how society is ran. And that's something that didn't click for me as much until I had a child. And it's like, yeah, of course you have to teach your kid the basics, right? How to just live and be as a person, because they don't know how to do anything. Oh, my God, babies are so dumb. But you also have to teach them how to be a member of a society. And being a member of society means you have to understand boundaries, you have to understand. Understand personal space. You have to understand Consent. And so that's something that I'm. I'm really focused on, especially now as Noah is getting older. He's four now. He's able to speak on his own for the most part. It's still a little gibberish here and there, but you know what I'm saying? We working through that. Hold on.

[Jamie]

But when I is smart, like, I can't even remember what he said, he be. You could tell he'd be around.

[Jamila]

Oh.

[Jamie]

People. Yeah. Cause his response and his. His comedic timing and then even his responses was, that's what be blowing me. Is this, like, a regular conversation? Yeah, you're liable to get some gibberish, I'm not gonna lie. But then it be.

[Jamila]

He'll just say something out of nowhere that'll be like, sound. And you're like, what the fuck? Hey. Yeah, he. And he. And I've always been very adamant on, like, allowing him to tell me if something. If he doesn't like something or not. You know what I'm saying? And, like, following that, like, I don't just force him to do anything. Like, even when I want affection for him, I ask all the time, like, can I get a hug? Can I get a kiss? And if he says no, I don't try to make him feel bad. Like, oh, please. Oh, I'm gonna do this. Because then it's like, teaching him that he can be coerced into things, you know? And so it's like, it's kind of morbid to think about, but you literally have to fuck. Like, I try to be very cognizant of the way I talk to him and the way I teach him about how to interact with other people. So if he is doing something that somebody else doesn't like, hey, they don't want you to do that. Because sometimes what I'll notice is people will not tell a child. They don't want that to happen because, you know, they're like, oh, it's just a kid. But also, it's like, I can see that you're uncomfortable. You don't want him to do that. So I'm gonna. Now I'm gonna. Hey, that person is. No, you're not gonna do that.

[Jamie]

You need to get some social awareness and learn how to read body language. Yeah. Because what that lady say, and they were frying her up. Some of y' all kids are annoying, and annoying kids grow into annoying adults. And that's what's. That's what. That's what matters.

[Jamila]

Y' all just let. Y' all Kids do anything. And I think a big misconception about gentle parenting is that we're very passive and we let our chat. Our children do anything. It's like, no, I'm very corrective. Very corrective. I will correct. I will correct Noah if he's doing something that is inappropriate or not right at this time or just dangerous to him. And it's like, because those lessons are going to take him so far. And as he grows up and starts to become even more aware of gender differences, racial differences, that's going to be an even more level of learning that I'm going to have to teach him about how to exist as a perceived black male in this country and what that means in relation to everybody else around him. So there's going to. One thing about me. Y' all know. I know y' all say on social media, I be out of my range. Y' all don't know too much. I'm very, very self aware, but I'm also very aware of intersectionality. And it's something that's very important to me, and I don't play about that. And that little boy gonna know that, okay? He gonna be in middle school teaching y' all kids some things. Hello. Mm.

[Jamie]

As I finish up the matriarch, I'm on the last, probably I'm on the last act. Ms. Tina did a lot of this. She does a lot of lesson teaching in terms of she let Beyonce and Solange really speak and. And not necessarily, like, step in. Do you get what I'm saying? Like, yeah, let them get the lesson for themselves. And my mom used to do that. And those are the things that you remember and that sticks with you when you really have to learn certain shit for yourself. But then also something my mom always told me she was. And this is talking about, like, being aware of body language and just being aware. She said every lesson you learn doesn't have to be your own. As in, I can watch you go through something and learn the lesson. I don't have to get dogged out to, you know? So I think teaching your kids that is, like, some of these skills are life skills. Be perceptive, be observant, watch what's going on around you. That's something I feel like I notice with kids nowadays. We're so on the phones. I know we sound old. You're on that damn phone and iPad, but it's like, you're not. They're not observant of, like, the world around them, because they're not going outside and playing. See, when we were going outside and playing and it got to the point where we could ride our bikes. Now we were being told, stranger danger. You can't talk to strangers. Watch out for one another, X, Y and Z. So like you're learning these skills to, when you go outside, to be aware of your surroundings, to be aware of people, to read, body language. And these are skills that the kids are not necessarily getting. I don't want to say naturally because you would get it at school, but it's different at the end of the day, going outside and playing with your friends and just being outside. I don't know if the iPads can teach them that. I'm being honest, it can't.

[Jamila]

You know, it literally just can't. And I'm not going to sit here and pretend like, Noah is not an iPad kid. He is, but there's limitations. And I try to like also take it away from him at some point. Not as a means of punishment, but as a means of, let's step into the real world. Let's do some real active play, some self play while you're in your playroom. Let's go to the park. Let's me and you have conversations. Let's read a book. I try to like break it up and do different things with him. So he's getting that stimulation from many different places. But the same way we're addicted to our phones, them kids be addicted to them tablets too. So you gotta just kind of keep that in mind. But it just is.

[Jamie]

Yeah, I definitely feel like if you're gonna be on your phone, you gotta be fair. I know for us, I see why she did it now. TV was the big thing and then we got into PlayStations. But we weren't for the first, probably until like sixth grade, we were not allowed to watch TV on the weekdays. Like that's how we ended up being library. I know it seems intense. I do know it seems intense. We would do stuff like watch American Idol, like the shows that everyone watched. We would watch together as a family. But in terms of like family programming. Family programming. My parents are from a different time. We watched the family programming together as a family. But like in terms of just coming home and being able to be on like an iPad or just watch tv. We weren't necessarily allowed to do that in very formative years, which again, it gave me a different experience because I can kind of relate to like a little bit earlier 90s kids of, well, I can't watch TV, so I guess we have to go outside and play. Well, we can't watch for sure. Like. No, I know, but I'm saying, like, there's no other option here. I gotta walk to the library. I got to socialize with kids. I got to get going because I can't sit here and watch tv. And if not, my mom's going to make me read a fuck ass book. And I don't mind reading a book. I don't want to read a book that you picked. It's not going to be fun. So even when I had little moms, I did a lot of that with her. Like, I. I was obviously way more relaxed because like you said, it's a different time. We have iPads and phones. But she was, like, really into Legos, so we had, like, Lego time. And that's when I would sit there and I would, like, do my little art project. We go outside, go for walks and stuff like that. She definitely got her. She got to play the game during the weekday, which is something I didn't get to do. So.

[Jamila]

Yeah, it's all about finding that balance.

[Jamie]

We're gonna take a break. And we're back.

[Jamila]

I know when I was younger, I'm not gonna lie, the only thing I wanted to be was grown.

[Jamie]

Yeah. There was so much I couldn't wait to do. I just posted that this weekend. I was listening to I was at brunch. I was at Octopus Kitchen in Atlanta on Sunday. You know what's crazy? I had been there before. I had been there before. It was good. But I was there at nighttime. And then I was there for brunch. So it wasn't until we passed it, I was like, oh, my God, this looks so familiar. But then when I got inside, I said, ah, yes, Yes. I was in this bathroom throwing up. Two years ago. Yeah. On a night. On a night out on the town. But they were playing Come and See Me for Once by Party Next Door and Drake. And the caption I put on that video was, when this song dropped. My parents were paying my bills. I miss it. My rent. I was in college.

[Jamila]

Okay, this is such a specific tangent.

[Jamie]

It is a tangent, but it's going to lead back to where we are. Because I wanted to be grown so bad, and now I have to pay all my own bills. And so it took me back to a time where I desired to be here. And let me say this, I don't mind being grown. Everyone's like, oh, I missed. I feel like. Like that peaked in high school. I like being grown. It's just certain shit that I miss.

[Jamila]

I Love it to pieces.

[Jamie]

Yes.

[Jamila]

So fun as a child. What was something you really looked forward to doing as an adult?

[Jamie]

I had one of their mamas who was like, don't ask me for shit when you go in your store. Going to the store. Don't ask me for shit. So black. Don't ask me for. Make her eyes real big in the car. Ask me if she would get the store.

[Jamila]

Bitches was excited to get their own snacks. I know that's right.

[Jamie]

That's all in my. No, that's real. To this day. To this day. I used. There was like. I actually recently stopped because I was like, I don't need to be eating this much candy. But I every. And my mom even knows. She said, you buy candy every time you go in the store.

[Jamila]

Well, yes, I can now. I can. Because I can. Because I can grab me a little something on the way out.

[Jamie]

I being that I get anything I want, whether it's a magazine and it's specifically that last aisle because that's where they got all the good. Whether it's a People magazine, it's a goddamn pack of gum, a candy bar. I be getting stupid recently. I'm really into the wax melts. See, I feel like we need to make tiny purchases that spark joy in us, but that don't create clutter. Does that make sense? Because I'm not gonna lie. My daily purchases under $5 is what's keeping me alive.

[Jamila]

Just my little trinkets and things.

[Jamie]

My little trinkets and things. Now, I used to be really good one.

[Jamila]

You get what I'm saying when buying things just. Cause you can like.

[Jamie]

Yeah, yeah. I had to stop doing trinkets. Cause it was creating clutter. So like the wax melts. I know I'm gonna use those. The candy. I know I'm gonna eat the candles. I know I'm gonna burn. Ugh. Literally. Where would I be? Probably not here.

[Jamila]

That's good stuff.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Jamila]

That is so funny. I didn't. I didn't know what you were gonna say. But you saying that is so damn funny. Cause it's like. No, yeah, that's definitely a thing. Like just being like, I want it, so I'm gonna get it. And I don't have to explain it to nobody. I want it, so I'm gonna fucking get it now.

[Jamie]

What? Protect me, especially. Who gonna check me, boo? Especially, like, as you get grown. I feel like the best transition of adulthood was getting my own place. Because that element of like, even living with roommates, it's like, ugh, I'm gonna have to do this and kind of explain to the person who's out there what the fuck I'm doing. And maybe I can't go out there naked. Cause what the fuck, you get real grown and it's like you got your own shit. Oh, I don't have to explain anything to anyone. I don't even have to say, speak, bitch. I don't speak when I'm at home. I know that's like crazy to imagine, but like, mouth ain't been open since noon. Except if I'm making a little TikTok, I don't got shit to say.

[Jamila]

Yeah, you know, well, I talk to myself, so I definitely be talking all day. Don't even matter. But you know, it's talking about.

[Jamie]

That's what my mom said.

[Jamila]

Oh, I do. Both y' all don't want to see it look like an insane asylum up in this mother. Like, I ain't going to lie to you, but you know what I'm saying, It's just, it's just what soothes me. But yeah, I definitely, I love having my own spot because it's like, if I don't feel like washing this fucking mug right now, guess what the fuck I'mma do? Put it on that goddamn table, set it, and go lay my ass on that motherfucking couch. Sit there, sit. My house, bitch. Hello.

[Jamie]

And that's what whenever I go and visit my mom, which, love, Ms. Lindy, 72 hours back, I be knowing when it's time to go. I be knowing when it's time to go. Oh, can you go wash the dish? Oh, hell no. Wrong answer.

[Jamila]

No, no. One thing about living on your own, you don't realize how different it is until you spend the night at your parents house. You be like, ah, got to get up out of here. I gots to go. It's something about the tone of their voice. It's something about the way the AC is set up. It's something about you ain't got enough snacks because your parents for some reason stop buying snacks. At a certain age, I'd be like, get me out of this, bitch.

[Jamie]

Yeah, I'm already at that. I'm already at the age where I stopped buying snacks. Whenever I'm at Jamila's house, I'd be like, oh, a snack.

[Jamila]

Oh, I keep a snack on me.

[Jamie]

I keep snacks in my house.

[Jamila]

I'm a snacker. One thing about me, I usually eat for real. For real.

[Jamie]

This is.

[Jamila]

Now, this is not advice. This is just me telling you What I do, I really only eat one meal a day on accident. And I snack the rest. Why? I don't know. That's just how. That's just how the cookie crumbles. It's not intentional. It just is what it is. So I got to have me a snack because I be wanting a little number nimba. Nimba number. Then I eat me one good meal and I'm like, ooh, I'm full. Then I snack for the rest of the night. This isn't what you should do.

[Jamie]

But I drink a lot of coffee. Especially lately. I drink a lot of. I drink so much coffee that it's scary.

[Jamila]

Mecca drinks hot coffee at night. You should be scared of people like that.

[Jamie]

I was gonna say I be bringing. Whenever I'm. I keep creamer. And at this point, at Jamila House, I be having creamer and all type of. Can we go to the store? And I'm gonna sit with a cure. I did. Wait, hold on. You see, I pulled that creamer out my suitcase.

[Jamila]

No, I said. I didn't even say nothing to you.

[Jamie]

I. I literally said I was waiting.

[Jamila]

For you for two days here for two days. And brought her own groceries. Old ass.

[Jamie]

Because we always be having to go to the store. Like, So I just went to the store and got the things I really like. Y' all don't have HEB in Atlanta. And I like the HEB salted caramel creamer specifically. So I had to bring that with me. And I had to bring my Cafe Bustello with me. That is so like, bitch is old. Listen, when you talk about snacks now, the thing is. Now, okay. Cause what you teach children in terms of being considerate. Taking it back to the first half. I was taught you don't. I'm not stingy with food. Cause I was also taught that I had the type of family where you could come into my house. My mama was not stingy with snacks. And when people would come, when we would go to people's houses and they would be stingy with food. My mom didn't really like for us to go over there. Cause that's not how we were. And it's just weird. But on the flip side of that, I was also taught that you be considerate. So, like, if I'm staying with you.

[Jamila]

Don'T go in there eating up all.

[Jamie]

They snacks all day snacks. Like, you can go have one, duh. But don't be eating five, six. Just. Cause you don't have snacks at your house. You need to be considerate. So what does that turn into. As an adult, I come with my own snacks. You know, just like it's considerate to fold the sheets up when you leave somebody's house. I can't remember if I fold up a blanket so far. I love Jimmy. Lie to the morning fly. I can't remember shit. I was tired as fuck. What were you talking about?

[Jamila]

Something I was really looking forward to doing as a child. As an adult, unfortunately, I will never be able to do. And it makes me sad to this day. I wanted to go to Spring Bling. That's all I ever wanted to do. I was waiting and counting down to be 18 so I could be on that stage.

[Jamie]

Bitch. I just read the chapter in the Matriarch where they have performed at Spring Bling in Jamaica.

[Jamila]

That's all I wanted.

[Jamie]

That's MTV1, the spring break joint.

[Jamila]

Bet. Oh, that's bet.

[Jamie]

Okay. Sorry. Sorry, Betch.

[Jamila]

I want to be there with my.

[Jamie]

Bikini and my booty shorts, and I.

[Jamila]

Want to be up there with 50 cent in genuine.

[Jamie]

I won't hold you. College Hill definitely had me ready to be grown.

[Jamila]

Definitely wanted to be on College Hill. I was like, yes, I'm going to.

[Jamie]

Apply to Clark, and I'm going to.

[Jamila]

Be on the next season.

[Jamie]

Yovana. That bitch required the good stuff. They did. Did you know, I had heard, I don't know how true this is, that they had tried to do College Hill at Hampton first, and Harvey said, absolutely the fuck not. And that is just.

[Jamila]

And I'm not surprised I believe it. That is a believable story, especially considering what we saw in College Hill. There's another school that they wiped out. They wiped out the first season. I can't remember what school it was, but for the same reason. It just, you know them.

[Jamie]

Just them.

[Jamila]

I don't know if y' all know this, but if y' all didn't go to HBCU. HBCUs are, like, notoriously conservative. And I don't mean necessarily in the way of, like, Trumpism. I mean, like, you don't. We don't very much just think we don't do that. Right Here we are.

[Jamie]

We don't do that. We don't do that.

[Jamila]

No, girl, I was not fooling with that.

[Jamie]

That's why, honestly, I talked about this on side Dish when I was in Atlanta this past week. Toni Braxton wearing that to Howard was only crazy because a bitch, a Howard student, could not walk around Howard campus like that. I'm just letting you know that them.

[Jamila]

Teachers, we had dress codes, real dress.

[Jamie]

Codes like you in high school, Bitch, are you crazy?

[Jamila]

And damn near the dress codes at Hampton was almost more strict than my high school dress codes.

[Jamie]

Hampton is known for being at all the HBCUs that are all conservative. Hampton is known for being one of the most conservative.

[Jamila]

It. One of the.

[Jamie]

The most conservative.

[Jamila]

We was in there in stockings, and in 2016, you feel me?

[Jamie]

They was playing work in a kitten heel in a stocking. Okay. Shout out to Jewel. Belong all them species with her butterflies, all she used to do. And you were a young lady. Oh, good.

[Jamila]

Damn. They gonna make sure you leave this campus with no more than three bodies, I tell you that.

[Jamie]

Whoa.

[Jamila]

None of us made that quota. Well, you tried, but it's funny. Cause, like, it was. Oh, my gosh. Being a. I feel so blessed to be the. I feel like. I know. It's like I'm an old soul, and sometimes I say I was born in the wrong generation. I am one of them bitches who be saying I was born in the wrong generation, but in real life, I truly feel like I'm so blessed to be the age that I am. Because when we was coming up, the media that we had to consume was so good, bitch. The reason now, I hate to say it. Sorry to my parents. Listen, y' all don't give a fuck. I'm 28 now. Almost 29. The main reason I wanted to go to college was for boys, bitch. I was growing up watching Stump the Yard, Drum Line, and all these other fucking movies, bitch. That's why I wanted to go to college, bitch. I wanted to literally live my fantasy of that drum line. I literally wanted to relive that entire movie. Are you kidding me, child?

[Jamie]

And I lived in California. I went to. I graduated from a white high school. I was trying to get niggas.

[Jamila]

I said. I said, y' all can have this.

[Jamie]

Mind you, when we got to Hampton, I said, oh, you know that meme of Raven. Like, yeah, I'm gonna get on some home indeed. This is. This is how you know this is.

[Jamila]

That's why I wanted to go to school. Like, what?

[Jamie]

Wait, look. This is so bad. Back in the day. I know you can't do this no more, especially with everything that's happened with D9. But our first. Well, when we went to College in 2014 was back when the Q used to do crazy shit like pick you up and put the. And crawl like a dog and put their head in between your legs.

[Jamila]

They probably still do that, by the way.

[Jamie]

Listen, they had to stop because, remember, baby had A mama called. But the very first. Whatever that was 12. It was during NSO week. They came through and did that. And I. I don't mind saying her name. It's Jory. It's she. But we was cool with this girl named. It was Jory girl. It was.

[Jamila]

It was me and Jory.

[Jamie]

And it was the first week because we had just all met each other and she knew what was happening. Now, I gotta be honest, my godfather, may he rest in peace, was a. Was a Q. And I had only ever been around.

[Jamila]

Old ass Q's and an old Omega man and a young cute dog from around the way is not the same thing, baby.

[Jamie]

Baby, they not the same. My parents are older. My godparents were in their 60s and 70s. My whole life I'm talking old ass cues who really just do get barbecue and to give back to their goddamn community. Okay, I went in there, I had no idea what's happening. Jory said, oh, I'm gonna get out the way. She said, make a move. And I just moved. She pushed me in front of her. And one of them put their head between my leg. Between like he was crawling like a dog. And he put his head in my coochie. And I was like, okay.

[Jamila]

You know, it's like when we think about. When we think about some of the things we experienced in college. Was all of it morally sound? No. No. Was all of it ethical? No. Some of it was non consensual. However, and I say this with caution, you just had to be there.

[Jamie]

You just. I'm sorry. Like, this is.

[Jamila]

There were some things that we experienced that were just.

[Jamie]

I hope the Q's are no longer doing that. But I will say in that moment, in 2014, it happened to me and I said, well, all right now. And that was a Mecca thing. That don't gotta be a nobody else thing. We were.

[Jamila]

We was young, hot, fresh and ready up off of a stove, baby. I used to stand there like this when them boys started strolling.

[Jamie]

Oh, wait, now, hold on. We finna start talking shit. Our whole group had a boy that we had a crush on freshman year. And whenever them niggas would start strong. And mind you, this is the other funny part, they was all in different organizations, bitch. At the 12 to 2. Because at Hampton, the student center is in a circle, right? So all the Greeks would stand in the circle. All the SLPs stay in the circle, right? All the cool kids stand in the circle. We got to stay on the outskirts like just peasants. We was young peon, dumb Bitches just waiting for the niggas to come around. You stand there, you hold on and then, and then, you know, the noobs.

[Jamila]

Get to sharing out loud is so embarrassing. Mind you, this is, this is, you know me, I'm the type of, I always gotta feel cool. I always want to feel like a cool bitch. I don't ever want to feel no thirsty. I don't ever want a. To think I'm thirsty. So I would try to act like I didn't give a fuck when a started shimmy in front of me. I would be, you got to start chewing that gun, bitch. Mind you, you can't be thirsty. Some of the bitches be like, ah. Oh my God. Girl, you probably let me act cool. Let me act cool, bitch. Let me act cool.

[Jamie]

This is always how I would look cool at the 12 to 2. So for those who don't know, I'm not gonna assume 12 to 2 is a two hour day party every Friday at Hampton University.

[Jamila]

In the student classes was going on.

[Jamie]

Wise class was going on, but it was always from 12 to 2. So bitch, being a young hot bitch, I was, I made my schedule around the goddamn 12 to 2, bitch.

[Jamila]

I'm not supposed to, I'm not supposed.

[Jamie]

To schedule no motherfucking class during 12 to 2 on a Friday, bitch, are you crazy? But what I would do is I would either have like, what is this, like a 10 to 11 or. No, no, like 11 to 12. Or I would have to go a little late, right? 2 to 2:30 or maybe 1:30 to whatever. So I. The way you don't look pressed is you always had your book bag with you. Like you were just stopping through to 12 to 2.

[Jamila]

I just happened to walk through like.

[Jamie]

This, my best outfit of the week with my little backpack. But you know, I'm not prime.

[Jamila]

You planned this out weeks in advance, bitch. You was pressed and ready, bitch.

[Jamie]

Fight it. And let me tell you, that's why I won't let summer 16 go. Cause I was young. I was springtime, bitch. Rihanna dropped work. Drake dropped controller, bitch. We was at 12 to 2. It was. Sun was shining. I was all for logos and shit, bitch.

[Jamila]

Oh God.

[Jamie]

Parents paying my bills and shit. Running through that damn Navy ship. I was go, I was gonna say.

[Jamila]

Something fresh adulthood so funny that fresh adulthood hits a little different because you're you, you just start making decisions just because you can. And it's, it's just like there's this like whimsical like fastness of it. It's like oh, my gosh. Like, I. Why do I. I feel guilty. I feel like I could possibly still get in trouble, but I can't because I'm 18, bitch. It's like the feeling of that fresh adulthood. Water still wet behind your ears, child?

[Jamie]

I had me a crazy ass roommate who invited a bitch into our house before we got furniture to fight her. My 53 was the baddies before the goddamn baddies. She was off her mother, you know, she ran her boyfriend over with a car about two, three years ago. Remember I sent you that screenshot? Yeah, yeah, right. I don't know if she's still in.

[Jamila]

I'm not surprised.

[Jamie]

I mean, no, I mean, I remember when she fought that bitch in our living room and everyone was like, oh, oh, my apartment used to go up. I wonder who's living in the harbors in 53. A child. Just know there's history in that apartment. History. Bitches was fighting in that apartment.

[Jamila]

That was, you know, that was also something I was looking forward to doing as an adult because I had only been to like two parties when I was, you know, before the age of 18. And even then they were nothing, bitch, nothing like the parties you experienced in college. So that was something I was really looking forward to going out to just to a party, like to a little kickback, going to the club. I was really looking forward to going to the club. And that dies down really quickly once you actually experience club. But I feel like, okay, been there, done that, did it, you know, whatever. But the kickbacks to this day, y' all, you have to understand, especially if you're a young grasshopper listening to this podcast and you're ready to get fast. When you into them college ages, the kickbacks are by far the best. The best experience you'll have.

[Jamie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jamila]

Far more fun than any club, any lounge. Them dirty ass apartments got a little sticky residue on the floor. The carpets have stains from years and years. There's no entry fee. That's the place you need to get.

[Jamie]

Motherfuckers in a two bedroom, one bath. You're going to look back on that and be like, this was the best night of my life.

[Jamila]

It has a little bit of a must to it.

[Jamie]

My Snapchat memory is twerk air.

[Jamila]

There's twerk air, backshot air, if you will. It's like I can almost.

[Jamie]

I can feel like I can taste it. I can see that's the type of air you taste. It tastes a bit of weed.

[Jamila]

There's a. There's where there's weed guts Everywhere. There's a slight humidity inside of that space. There's a hunch punch on.

[Jamie]

On.

[Jamila]

On the sink of who knows what. Take a cup.

[Jamie]

Take a cup. Cause your body won't be able to handle it when you're 30.

[Jamila]

You can't drink. I could.

[Jamie]

You never drink that shit today no more.

[Jamila]

But at 18, bitch, you could drink that gasoline hot.

[Jamie]

I tried to drink some fuck ass punch a year ago. First of all, it gave me the worst headache ever. I was tore up. And the shit that came out of me, it was. It was horrible.

[Jamila]

For that, we need to have. I can't.

[Jamie]

We're gonna take a break and we're back.

[Jamila]

So I need y' all to go to those house parties and I need y' all to just be there. You know what I'm saying? It's only one couch, so it's the cutest, finest niggas, you know, sitting on that couch, waiting for a bitch to sit on their lap. Go sit on that nigga lap. Go do it. It might be some bitch sucking dick in the bathroom. I'm just telling you what I know. I've been there. Okay? It's a couple of bitches in the.

[Jamie]

Kitchen that will never leave. Yeah.

[Jamila]

Cause that's they spot. They. They stand in there, bitch.

[Jamie]

That's they spot. There's gonna be a bitch who is low key fucking the homeowner. Typically, it's a man is gonna stay.

[Jamila]

And clean up, clock it trying to clean.

[Jamie]

And you let that bitch clean up, you don't help her.

[Jamila]

You done with that cup? Don't you dare help a bitch clean up that apartment.

[Jamie]

It's not your nigga. Never.

[Jamila]

That's stupid.

[Jamie]

Damn near. Bitch. You stop cleaning this goddamn apartment. It's an ox. You're connected to the Bluetooth. Back in my day, we had to actually plug it in good, baby.

[Jamila]

Back in the day, you would. You damn near didn't even have to request a song, bitch. Cause the DJ knew what the fuck to play Travis Porter all night. Yeah, Bitches was shaking ass nonstop. You never had to tell the dj, hey, put this on. The DJ knew the DJ was hip hop on every fucking song that was popping right then and there. And then there would come a time, and this was always my favorite time because I was lustful in the eyes where them lights would go off, bitch. And they start playing nice and slow and shit like that. And everybody gets grinding.

[Jamie]

Oh, bitch.

[Jamila]

Oh, bitch. That's when you start having a heartbeat in your pants and everybody starts looking.

[Jamie]

Can I ask you A question. See, I know you used to. Because I remember used to be a little grinder. See what I used to see?

[Mecca]

Yes, yes.

[Jamie]

See, I wasn't a grinder. I had a different approach. You know, I used to like to stand off. Because the thing is, when a bitch isn't grinding during the grind time, a nigga will approach and be like, why you not grinding? See that?

[Jamila]

So you was trying to play the I'm so Coy Confessions of a Wallflower.

[Jamie]

And it worked every time. I would always give me a number like, well, I just, you know, I don't really. I don't really do that.

[Jamila]

That's just not my thing.

[Jamie]

It's not my thing. What is your thing? You sucking dick? I can show you. I'm just not in front of all these people, you know?

[Jamila]

I mean, I found my target soon as I got in that bitch. One thing about me, bitch, I'm.

[Jamie]

No, see, that would be the other thing. This is how, you know, they try and say me and Jamila are so similar or so alike or the same. We're not. We have completely different styles. I have to feel everyone out, because this is the thing you be thinking. You eyeing a nigga all night. And a bitch can come in.

[Jamila]

Bitches.

[Jamie]

Yeah. A bitch can come in the last 20 minutes and take your nigga. That's why you got to be on the same type of time. Like, ooh, okay. So I will have my eye on you.

[Jamila]

It was always risky business. It was definitely always risky business. But dare I say, I was a daredevil. I enjoyed the thrill of just.

[Jamie]

You.

[Jamila]

Know, I tell y' all all the time, all I got is these eyes, bitch. And back in the day, they used to work. They don't work anymore, these niggas. They said, bitch, I ain't gay, bitch.

[Jamie]

I.

[Jamila]

Me too, bitch. Okay, my bad. Player, player. But, bitch, back in the day at them Slobbers apartments, I'd walk in there, right? Oh, my gosh. I'mma paint the scene for y' all. Okay, we're walking to the Harbor's apartments. We're outside, right? Which one? Y' all said? Okay, 26, eight.

[Jamie]

All right.

[Jamila]

Jamila, 36C.

[Jamie]

Jamila. What pearly say? I walked here.

[Jamila]

I walked from D.C. so we walking.

[Jamie]

I walked 20 miles here.

[Jamila]

So I got my booty shorts on, my little top. Whatever. My little sneaks or whatever, right? We walking, right? Okay. It's five different parties going on. You pick which one you want to go to, right? We walking. We walking. Okay, this one is in C. So we going all the way upstairs. We walking up the stairs. You can hear the bass from the fucking basement. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom in that pussy. Like a crash coming out the window. Bitch, this is the one. And then this is the one.

[Jamie]

You could tell where the boys would be from based on the music they was playing. Like, if they was from Jersey, the.

[Jamila]

Nigga stand outside damn near like, waiting for you to come on. Y' all.

[Jamie]

Y' all come upstairs.

[Jamila]

We up here. We up here, we coming. So when, right, you walk up the stairs, you still hear, you open that door, bitch. A blast of humidity, smoke, puss, air just hits you in your face. God damn, I'm home. You walk in and all you hear is, girl, the way you moving got me entertained. Dj, turn me up. Ladies, it's your turn. Come on. And you just walk in.

[Jamie]

Hey.

[Jamila]

And you immediately get to throw it out. Next thing you know, you make a quick round hit all the way to the back. That's where the kitchen was. Get you a cup of that mysterious juice. You have to drink the first one down. You have to throw it back.

[Jamie]

Bitch, don't.

[Jamila]

Second cup. And now you get to walk and mingle, see all your friends. Oh, this my. In my other class. This my friend from here. Then you just start to look. So then I would just start to find the boys. Let's see, I'm on the hunt. And the whole party, you just make eye contact with N across the room. And while you twerking and bitch, I ass Mecca, bitch. I used to gizz down at them parties, bitch.

[Jamie]

And the thing about it, y' all ain't never seen that.

[Jamila]

Like, that.

[Jamie]

Sheila would be down and doing that. I would be down using my mouth. Like, not sucking dick. It came out. And I instantly said, oh, I know how that sounds. I would be using my mouthpiece, because I would just be talking in their ear, like, so, what's up? What's up? Oh, who you with? That's my roommate over there rolling around the floor.

[Jamila]

You see? Yeah, I'm with her.

[Jamie]

I'm with her.

[Jamila]

Meanwhile, I'm here with it.

[Jamie]

Literally, literally, Literally. Oh, she drunk. No, she's sober.

[Jamila]

No, I'm straight.

[Jamie]

She good.

[Jamila]

Listen, I'll be on the couch.

[Jamie]

Just the way you moving. I'm in the dance. Did it turn me up?

[Jamila]

And then when I know a random boy would come grab that hand, and you just get the. You look back, you know, you got to have that look back. Confirmation. Is he ugly? All right, we good.

[Jamie]

Wouldn't that be so embarrassing because sometimes when you would stop immediately and be.

[Jamila]

Like, oh, not you, baby. Nah.

[Jamie]

That was so crazy. But it was a time to be alive. I also, before we wrap this up, I was going crazy in the DMs. At that point in my life. I used to put. I used to pop my shit so hard at niggas, it was actually ridiculous. And I made almost every shot, even the ones I shouldn't have made. I was. I was. I was swishing so hard. We was at G Ho. I had me a nigga at fucking mcat. A VSU had me a nigga at Morehouse Xavier. Every HBCU just know I had a nigga because I was in them HBCU chats on group me. And then them hashtags. Because remember freshman year, we had all the hashtags. I don't even know if the kids do that.

[Jamila]

No more hashtags. So many groups, brother.

[Jamie]

God.

[Jamila]

And it's crazy because, like, back in my day, Instagram is one of them things where like, of course you would get connected with people.

[Jamie]

I.

[Jamila]

If you ask anybody who is our age or a little bit older, I guarantee you they still follow all them fucking people, bro. You will see people that you haven't seen in 15 fucking years. You've only had one conversation with. But I can't let. I just got to see. Oh, look, they didn't got me.

[Jamie]

Look at him.

[Jamila]

Okay. All right. Well, all right. Nowadays, y' all be unfollowing people that y' all met at the bar last week. Damn.

[Jamie]

You don't let it marinate a little bit. I gotta see what's gonna happen with her. She had told me she was going to. She applied for a job in New York. I want to see if she got it.

[Jamila]

We keeps up.

[Jamie]

Yeah. That's why we don't be having high school reunions no more. Because we stayed each other. Business.

[Jamila]

No, for sure. But, you know, as an inexperienced as I was coming into college just to brag on myself real quick, every nigga I wanted, I grabbed.

[Jamie]

Hello. Even the ones I shouldn't have gotten.

[Jamila]

Most importantly, the ones I shouldn't have got. Most importantly, the ones that should not have wanted me.

[Jamie]

Even the ones who you have a.

[Jamila]

You know, you was too damn old.

[Jamie]

You living with that baby. You living with that lady.

[Jamila]

Me thinking I'm doing something with a super Saiyan.

[Jamie]

Now hold on, hold on. You done drove from D.C. to Baltimore.

[Jamila]

And you living with that bitch?

[Jamie]

I had no idea I was a baby.

[Jamila]

I had my eyes on the baby.

[Jamie]

Let me tell you something. Sometimes a nigga stick his tongue in your ass so good, you gotta let him rock.

[Jamila]

You.

[Jamie]

Got you.

[Jamila]

Well, how did we get here?

[Jamie]

Spin it.

[Jamila]

We're gonna take a break. This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. From streaming to shopping, prime helps you get more out of your passions. So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music, and fast free delivery, prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit Amazon.comprime to learn more.

[Mecca]

Hey there, travelers. Kaley Cuoco here. Sorry to interrupt your music. Great artist, BT Dubs, but wouldn't you rather be there to hear it live? With Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into to your dream concert. They've got millions of travel deals to get you to that festival gig, rave, sound bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline.

[Jamila]

Go to your happy price, Priceline.

[Jamie]

And we're back.

[Jamila]

Okay, y' all, let's get into some Spin it.

[Jamie]

Welcome to our segment, Spin It. Where y' all send y' all low down and y' all nasty, messy gutter night situations at to unhinged anymore pod gmail.com. now keep in mind, Jamila and I are not PR professionals. We just studied communications in college and we love the hustle. And if you send us your story, we'll try and help you get a little PR spin to the outside world. Give you a little advice in the process. Do not forget to tell us your genders, your ages and your races. Did I miss anything, Jamila?

[Jamila]

That's about it right there.

[Jamie]

All right, well, what do we have this week?

[Jamila]

All right, this one is titled From a Bestie to a Flaky Heifer. And let me just say, whoever wrote this, bitch, you are very type A. I see bullets, I see screenshots of text message receipts. I'm very excited to get to this bullshit.

[Jamie]

Let's get into it. It's about some besties, not just about a nigga. Let's go.

[Jamila]

Right?

[Jamie]

Let's. Ooh, finally.

[Jamila]

All right. Hey, Mecca and Jameela, I'm a huge fan of your TikTok content and podcast. You both are amazing. You both inspire me so much and definitely give me older cousin vibes that I need to get through the week context I'm 23 turning 24 in April team Aries well happy birthday. You just had a birthday. Toya quote unquote is also 23. Aries turning 24 in March. We've been close since second grade and have always had a smooth drama free friendship. All right, so that's the backstory. In November, Toya started dating Eugene after we had a conversation about her taking things slow and being in the right headspace for relationship. I respected her decision and wished her happiness. But almost immediately after they started dating, she went mia. She became too busy to hang out. Which is fine. I know some people disappeared during the honeymoon phase of their relationship. I myself am in a relationship of three years, so I do get wanting to be with your partner. But when I was going through a really tough time and reached out for support, she took four days to respond with this Here we get into the first screenshot Tuesday, December 3rd at 3:14pm 10th cycle of hell Said you Toya responded. How are things now? Question mark question mark. Like today, question mark question mark that TikTok will not open for me for some reason. Also Colin and I are official. I don't get it but okay, what that gotta do? From that point I think she was just showing like it took her a while to respond. Yeah, from that point I started pulling back, responding late and being less available. I realized our friendship lacked equity. Here's what I mean. Supported her work events, helped with her creative projects, even worked as a PA for her short film, spent money on tolls, drove actors around, etc. But one time I asked her to come to work event of mine, she couldn't come. We only hang out when it's convenient for her and she's often extremely late or cancels last minute. I pay tolls to visit her in the city, but she rarely comes my way unless she's already in the area. I live in New Jersey, she lives in New York, but we're less than 10 minutes drive away from each other. Meanwhile, Eugene lives 15 minutes past me and she visits him often and drives him home from her house, paying the tolls while he doesn't offer a cent. In February, I invited her to a western themed birthday party where she'd have a chance to meet more creatives. We planned outfits and logistics during the first hangout since October. I wanted to tell her how I was feeling then, but decided to hold off until after the party. I checked in multiple times in the days leading up to confirm her attendance to the party. We even texted about logistics on the day. An hour and a half before the event, while I was getting ready, she text me this another text conversation. Toya says, I spent like over a hundred dollars and my feet are aching because of a hangout I went to with friends. I cannot spend more money. She says, yeah, I agree. We can drive. Would you be cool with dropping me off home? I'll pay the toll and gas. I just don't foresee me finding parking near your house on a Saturday night. She says, bruh, I. I wouldn't find parking either. Coming home. I'm not gonna lie, after the day I've had, I am not feeling like shaking ass. She says, oh, okay, so you don't wanna go? And she says, yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's really shitty. Today has just been the fucking worst. And I hate my body and my face and I'm just like, spiraling. So that's the conversation her and Toya had. She ends it by saying, I understand that people have off days, but given the way she shows up in the friendship, yeah, this feels like the last straw. How would you guys spin this situation? You finally did that email. You did that. I say that.

[Jamie]

That was very efficient.

[Jamila]

I'm not confused one bit.

[Jamie]

I know exactly what's going on.

[Jamila]

Yes. The old tale is. There's a lot of tales as old as times in these. These things, but this one, this is freshing. We don't have to necessarily talk about relationships. We can talk about friendships that way.

[Jamie]

Yes.

[Jamila]

Would you like to start, Becca?

[Jamie]

Well, to me, it sounds like Toya is our listener or the friend.

[Jamila]

Toya is the friend. I don't think listener gave herself a name. So we can just say her name is Angie.

[Jamie]

Angie. Okay. It sounds like Toya's been shitty for a little second. Right? I will say Toya was very transparent. Cause, you know, as women, we get it. You had a long day, you bloated, your face ain't doing what you wanted to do. Your hair ain't doing what it wanted to. Like, I definitely have felt like that and been like, bitch, I can't go. Cause I just. I'm not gonna be. I'm not gonna show up as who I wanna be. And then I'm gonna ruin the mood. Um, so I get that. And I feel like that happening every blue moon you provide grace for. But the detail that got me here is that she don't wanna come see you based on money, but drives past your house and another 15 minutes to see that nigga, and she does it. Often. So at that point, I think it's safe to say it might be you, Angie. She just might not. And, you know, this is something else you learn as you get older. Not everybody is going to show up for you the way that you show up for them. And I think that these lessons and like, the little things that you're peeping, it's really important to peep it now, especially like at in your early 20s. So when you're actually hitting milestones in life like marriage and kids, you're not. You're not blowing up at that point. That's supposed to be really like, transformative and fun and amazing for you. I'm not saying you got to stop being friends with Toya, but what I would say is you show up for Toya in the same level and energy that she shows up for you. You know what I'm saying? Do not overextend yourself to be friends with this girl because it seems like she's not overextending herself to be friends for you. You reserve the overextension for the people who are going to overextend themselves for you. I think that's really important, for sure.

[Jamila]

And in this situation, I will say it doesn't seem like Toya has done anything necessarily like malicious or bad. So it's one of those things where you do have to kind of keep that in mind. She's drawing back because she got a nigga, right? And it seems like this is probably one of her first major relationships because like you've said, you've been in a relationship for years. You've learned how to navigate with the relationship, but also maintaining your friendships. She clearly is not learned that yet. And it's still very fresh, new for her. So she is pouring all this energy into this new and doesn't know how to balance her life and her social skills. So that's something that she is going to have to deal with. You cannot teach her that. That's something she's going to have to learn on her own. But what's going to allow her to learn that a lot quicker is you drawing back. Because it doesn't make sense for you to keep putting yourself out there, keep putting yourself just to keep getting shut down. It's like, because at some point it's going to hurt your feelings. And clearly it's hurt your feelings enough for you to want to send this in. So clearly you are hurt. But it doesn't necessarily mean that she means you bad. It doesn't mean that she's a bad Person. It just means that y' all are in a place where y' all need to have some space, because you're gonna get to the place where it does turn into a situation where y' all are having a. You know what I'm saying, A verbal boxing match type of thing. So put some distance between y' all. Focus on your other friendships that are pouring into you. Because sometimes when you're too focused on a friendship that's not, you know, pouring into you, you're missing out on the friendships that are, like, pay attention to who else is, like, really standing by your side, being cool with you going to the. You know, who. Who. Who else want to go to the cowboy card or whatever the hell, you know, like, you got to really see, like, who else is going to be there for you and all that kind of stuff. And it's not even, like, you're never going to hit her up again. Like, of course for, like, maybe major. Maybe for major milestones, like for a birthday party. No, I knocked my thing.

[Jamie]

Oh, I thought that was a fart. Sorry.

[Jamila]

How would you even hear that from here?

[Jamie]

I don't know. I was gonna say. You just gonna shit and keep talking. Oops, sorry. Anyway, move up.

[Jamila]

No, I knocked my damn microphone.

[Jamie]

Oh.

[Jamila]

But, yeah, just really look around you and see what's going on. And, you know, I would say definitely, you know, keep her in mind for major milestones, like birthday parties, anniversaries, and that's how you measure and stuff like that. If she don't show up now, then. Now, that's weird. But, you know, the little. Little things here and there, like, and. And I. And I say this and take it lightly. Y' all take it lightly. When people get into relationships and they kind of begin to become a little distant from their friends because they're pouring into their relationship, you gotta kind of allow them to do that, too. You can't be too mad and bitter that they are into that relationship. We are adults, y' all, and there's going to come a time where those relationships go from being cute, petty relationships to real, authentic relationships that can build into being lifetime partners. And I hate to say this to y' all, but y' all, those lifetime partners do have different expectations and friends sometimes. And I think it's important that we as adults, as we get older, allow people to figure that out for themselves, what that means for them. Now, that may not be for you, everybody. Expectations for their friends and partner differs, but for some people, those partners are extended way more expectations. And, you know, than their friends. And so it just is what it is. So you gotta kind of allow that to happen. But as long as they themselves are still being there for you. And also, maybe y' all should have more FaceTime calls.

[Jamie]

You know what?

[Jamila]

I want to meet up every damn day. FaceTime, text us, send us some memes. I know you saying she don't be responding back all the time, but, like, try to shift and meet her where she's at. And I'm not saying that you need to do all this. I'm just trying to give you alternative because it seemed like you still want the girl in your. In your life. So.

[Jamie]

Yeah. So I don't think that what y' all going through is deep enough that you would. That you even need to. And this is taking back to at the top teaching people body language and social cues as children. Because much like Jamila said, I do think, especially if it's her first relationship or first one of her first major, you gotta let her get them growing pains of figuring out how to juggle your nigga and your friends, because that's not something that you know, you gotta. They got motherfuckers gotta learn that. But it doesn't sound like she's done anything malicious or bad that's gonna even make you need to have a conversation with her quite yet. Like, that's why I'm saying I think you should just fall back, let her notice. Because a lot of time I can just think of my first major relationship, I didn't even notice that I wasn't talking to my friends like that.

[Jamila]

Sometimes you don't. You having. And I did it in my mind is on.

[Jamie]

You know what I'm saying? I. Well, nine inches. And I didn't notice, you know what my friends did? My friends did what I had, what I'm suggesting. They just fell back for me. And when I came back and was trying to talk to them, they weren't mean or nothing. Hey. But I realized, I remember this is what happened. They had planned something that they had not invited me to. Why? Because I was diplomatized and I hadn't been responding. I had not been showing up. Wait up with that boy. What up with that boy. So when I tried to come back and be like, hey, y' all wanna hang out tonight? Oh, we're already doing something. And then it wasn't, oh, bitch, ho, please. And then I was like, oh, okay. And it took a little second, you know, you could tell motherfucker Sexy on the side to decide if they were gonna invite me. Oh, now she wanna be with us.

[Jamila]

I guess she about that nigga right now.

[Jamie]

So I ended up. I got my little invite, but because I read social cues, the message was clear. Oh, yeah. I have not been responding to y' all. So y' all just said, okay, she ain't gonna come. We go ahead and plan some. Now I'm trying to come back, and you know what I'm saying? And sometimes that's all it takes.

[Jamila]

You said, oh, okay, my bad, my bad.

[Jamie]

I couldn't even be mad at that. Listen, sometime you can't be mad and shit. They have been inviting me to shit, and I've been like, no, no. And then it gets to a point where people don't want to keep asking you to come. You're not gonna come. Child ain't gonna keep doing that, even though y' all want to keep it, to just keep including you and get rejected. Come on, now.

[Jamila]

Well, no, baby.

[Jamie]

Well, no, baby.

[Jamila]

You know she ain't coming. You know, and that'd be. That'd be the conversation too happening outside of you. It's ain't even like, people talking about you, but they're like, girl, you know that. You know she laid up with that.

[Jamie]

Damn, she ain't gonna come. Oh, she wanna come this week. Surprise, surprise.

[Jamila]

If you want to come, you come. But I thought you was gonna be. I thought she was gonna be getting.

[Jamie]

Some dick this weekend. That's why. Honestly, I feel like we do need to uphold certain social rules because you see how I was taught that lesson without any confrontation. There was nobody. My friend didn't. My friends didn't even have to approach me on some. You laying up with that nigga. It was very much just a. A social. We. A social adjustment. This is why, C. In certain ways, we need to bring back shame. In certain ways, we do need to bring back social expectations. No, if you're not responding to the group chat, we don't need. We can make a new one and we can talk without you. You didn't respond for five months.

[Jamila]

Another thing I'll tell you to do. Now, this is up to you.

[Jamie]

It.

[Jamila]

This doesn't always work.

[Jamie]

It.

[Jamila]

It definitely depends on the nigga. But here's a suggestion for you. Maybe plan a game night and. And tell her her niggas invited. Like I said, it depends on if you hate the nigga.

[Jamie]

Don't.

[Jamila]

You ain't got to worry about it. But if you feel like he's chill or you just want to get to know him too, invite the.

[Jamie]

Yeah, it depends you know what I'm saying?

[Jamila]

Allow people to come over. Especially if it's, you know, not an all girls type of situation, but like a little game now, a little coed game night. You invite a and tell her she can invite her nigga, you know what I'm saying? Like, and it'll be cool. And then, like, that way she can start feeling comfortable to even include him as things, especially since you are already in a relationship. So you'll naturally start to bring your. To certain things that, you know, are allowed to go at, you know, type shit. And so then she might start feeling comfortable because maybe she's feeling that sense of like, oh, this is new. Maybe everybody don't want to meet him, or maybe I'm not ready to introduce him to everybody. Like, she could still be in that little phase, so maybe start doing stuff like that. And I'm not saying that you have to. Like I said, it definitely depends on the nigga. If you don't like that nigga for whatever reason, you don't have to do this. But if you feel like you're willing to give him a chance to kind of come into your circle, I'm all for that. I don't like this new notion of your friends. Niggas aren't your friends. I mean, like, not always, but sometimes, you know, sometimes it can work out that way. Like, if my friends are in a relationship, I am friendly with their niggas, because that's what I saw. What's going on?

[Jamie]

Yeah. There's a misconception that when we say your friend's nigga is not your friend, we're telling you to be a dickhead to him. That's not what we said. What we said is you. You treat it like this is an ensemble CL cast and that's a supporting character. You don't have a whole bunch of lines with them, but when you do have lines, it's friendly, it's fun, and it's cute. Y' all be taking that shit to the neck and. And being rude and not speaking to the. Now. Now you wondering why you not invited to the wedding. Cause you was a. To me, like, girl, that's still her nigga.

[Jamila]

Now. You just been. Now, like I said, if it's this, this don't. This, this don't apply to them abusive relationships or them weird asses. This, this applies to regular ass motherfuckers motherfucking like. So it's like, yeah, like this whole new wave of people trying so hard to be so anti social, anti community y' all know how we feel about community, y' all. We don't like that. So start to bring those people in. Like your friend's significant other can be your friend, too. It doesn't have to be on a deep level, but it's just like, yeah, I had a party and I invited my friend. Yeah, you could bring your. Like, you know, I'm having a crawfish bowl. I don't give a damn if your come.

[Jamie]

Joe done bought his boyfriend several times every. Well, come on, bring them, Bring them.

[Jamila]

Come on, come on.

[Jamie]

We don't want a crawfish, boy. You might as. We can't eat all this damn crawfish all by ourselves. We have.

[Jamila]

Who do you think be coming to the barbecues? Who you think come to the cookouts? Just family. No plus ones. No. We getting up to the age where plus ones are a thing and plus ones ain't always a friend. Sometimes it's a little friend, if you know what I mean. All right. People starting to bring their partners around.

[Jamie]

I've been getting invited as plus one places lately, and, you know, I hadn't been a plus one in years. I've been like, oh, I am about that age. Especially when.

[Jamila]

Especially not.

[Jamie]

Not so much 24, but 30, where it's like, oh, they be expecting a plus one. Especially if you're not married. You ain't gonna bring nobody. Don't even be expected. They don't even be expecting. Exactly casual. They'd be like, you ain't gonna bring nobody.

[Jamila]

Oh, hello.

[Jamie]

I supposed to be somebody.

[Jamila]

And when you start to think about it, y' all will understand. Think back to those earlier cookout barbecues from your family years and years ago. Just really think good and hard. There were people there that was not related to you in the slightest. They came as a plus one. And you didn't even pick a notice because there was a way. Hello. You think that you had that cookout, your uncle brought a different bitch, and you never. You never blinked twice. Nobody ever blinked twice. Actually thought it is what it is.

[Jamie]

Now, that's the one thing about getting older. Motherfuckers be like, oh, because I used to be like this. I don't want to meet your family. Girl, who gives a damn at this point, child, what the. I don't give a damn, girl.

[Jamila]

You. You might see me outside with somebody.

[Jamie]

Hey, hey.

[Jamila]

I don't live a secretive life.

[Jamie]

Y' all might see me at a wedding or something. I don't know. At a crawfish boy or something.

[Jamila]

I don't know now listen, you, you might see me outside with a boy and guess what? That was me.

[Jamie]

You've been sinked outside with a boy lately. You were supposed to ask it back. You were supposed to ask it back.

[Jamila]

If you saw me, you saw me. You know, I'm 28 years old and the thing is like, it's funny because when we were younger, that was definitely a thing of like, oh, you're talking to this boy, but you don't want nobody to know. And really it's because they didn't want nobody to know. It's really because they was fucking with other girls. But as you get older and you start dating like I don't give a damn in real life and you start to just be like, I don't care if I was seen with somebody outside. Bitch, I was outside. I was on a date. Like, what do you mean? Of course I was seen. Like, what are you talking. I was on a date. Like, yeah, that's what happened since you clocking me.

[Jamie]

Was he not big and fine?

[Jamila]

One thing you could never say about me, though, he was.

[Jamie]

He was gonna be big and fine every time.

[Jamila]

He was gonna be good looking. Like he was gonna be good. Thank you. That looks good.

[Jamie]

Thank you.

[Jamila]

Thank you and goodbye.

[Jamie]

Well, good luck. Good luck, girly pop. Don't blow your friendship up. Up for. Don't blow the friendship up quite yet. Try to go through the steps and the motions. Y' all are still 23 and 24, very young. You can definitely figure this out.

[Jamila]

We're gonna take a break.

[Mecca]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail].

[Jamie]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month.

[Mecca]

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[Jamie]

Then full price plan options available, taxes.

[Mecca]

And fees, extra fee, full [e-mail] did.

[Jamila]

You know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families with Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up.

[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

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[Mecca]

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[Jamila]

Try Greenlight Risk free [e-mail] Spotify.

[Jamie]

And we're back.

[Jamila]

All right, y' all make sure y' all keep engaging with with the podcast. We love reading Yalls comments yalls thoughts and opinions on the foolery that we get into. So we're going to read a few of the comments from the most recent episode. Ed Draco said setting three out of all seven settings on the Rose really got it Crazy. Why is no one mentioning the sponsorships and ads on these episodes, y' all? Clyde, come on. Chad gbt that was us. Hell, I even think I heard a Kroger ad on here. Listen baby, we trying to. We trying. We trying baby. Y' all gotta keep on listening to.

[Jamie]

Work.

[Jamila]

Oddesso it's the you know eyes get frustrated be followed by the hum for me. Y' all be having me cracking up at work. You know we try to Cassie Earlson said at the 130 mark there's always a white person bringing me down to it's me, I'm white. It's my shadow. We suck. Unhinged and immoral, but in a bad way. Okay, JD says I'm definitely stealing the sinner's hummingbird when somebody says something that I can't comment on but just rather not listen sometimes you just got the phone. The Lord Douglas says this is such. Thus is such had it. I don't even know what we be saying.

[Jamie]

Y' all know we be no because when we were talking about when black people have to add regardless thus is such that I have is such. Yes Were you done?

[Jamila]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

Okay, I'm reading the comments from an ignorant read on Ronald Reagan from YouTube. Taylor B. Beauty said Jameela laughing emoji 800 birkins in her closet and a divorce right next to it is actually insane. I hollered out loud. Lovely K25 said. The rocking and humming through this episode has me screaming. Very black, very churchy. Thank you Kai or 7 VC said at the 45 minutes and 54 seconds part. Is that a moment followed by all y' all laughing? NSYNC is taking me out because what you say LDS long distance relationship and she thought it was the Mormons. Pop yeah. PopcornLover24 said. The way y' all started humming like Delta Slim during the spinach sent me. I love this pause so much. Um child, my eyes is dead child as fuck. Um Ken. Oh Ken Rio Nero 22 said this episode was actually was especially unhinged. I never cackled so hard. Um, Jakaya C. Bell. Ooh, Y' all related. 54. At 54. 42. LMAO. I can't fucking stand y' all, dawg. This rose conversation mid spin, it is killing me.

[Jamila]

And then Nia, that was mid spinning. That's why I'm weak.

[Jamie]

Like.

[Jamila]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[Jamie]

I don't even know how we got there. Oh. Cause you need the rose. My bad. And then Nia hall said, as a Californian, the fact that our state gave the world that devil, first as governor, then as president. Yeah. No state goes without its flaws. I guess I had. I guess on.

[Jamila]

You did do that, didn't y' all?

[Jamie]

I mean, you know, a lot of people would say that Hollywood is the devil, so. Yikes. But Nancy Reagan, if I ever call, if I ever phone down to hell, I'mma ask you how to suck that dick.

[Jamila]

Well, first in church, now some guys. Me and Mecca will be in LA next week.

[Jamie]

What's up, Buster Custer ass nigga? Dead hounds. What's up?

[Jamila]

It's my birthday. Woo.

[Jamie]

So we'll be celebrating Jamila's birthday in la. That's so fun. You gonna tell them why we in la? Are we allowed to. Or is it a surprise?

[Jamila]

I was gonna say, let's just wait. Let's just wait. So, yeah, we'll be in LA next week and we'll also be. So we'll be doing some work things.

[Jamie]

Always work.

[Jamila]

Some work things. And celebrating my birthday.

[Jamie]

That'll be fun.

[Jamila]

So if y' all have any things, suggestions for what I should do for my birthday, because I actually don't know. I did buy an outfit. I will be a sexy beast, I fear. But of course, you know, we. We know some people out there as well. We'll figure some things out. And of course, merch. Make sure y' all buy y' all.

[Jamie]

Y' all some merch. Don't forget to go to unhingedandemoral.com. is it podcast.com or it's just unhinged? Unhingedamor.com we have our shirts, we have our tumblers. We have other designs coming there. We actually have the designs already. We just haven't released them. So be sure to tap in. The shirts are $40, and then the $40, and then the tumblers are 26, I believe it's still hot. So we haven't released the crew necks quite yet, but those are on the way. They're really good quality. I'm not gonna lie, y' all. We got our, you know, our shirts, and they're. They're. They're good quality, so.