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A
She flowing in that cash talk Walk in the booth like Naomi on the catwalk and tell them bitches whoop, whoop from the jaguar it ain't even right though Push me and I might go she ain't getting money I'm like, what the fuck the hype for when them bitches bite flow make my appetite go poof gone Voila. Magic looking mad good just to pull up on them rampant.
B
Welcome back to another episode of Unhinged and Immoral. I am Mecca and I Jamila. So welcome to our Christmas episode. This is actually pretty. A weird week. We're doing a double. Double episode, so we're recording our Christmas episode relatively early. We had to go ahead and get that. That away. Get. Get that out of the way. Sorry.
A
So we can enjoy ourselves, so we.
B
Can enjoy our Christmas with our families. You know, we have those, and we have feelings too.
A
So by the time this drops, it'll be the day after Christmas. For those who celebrate, I know we have a pretty Hanukkah mixed audience. Yeah, there's Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Have you ever. Have you ever celebrated Kwanzaa?
B
No, we weren't that pro black.
A
Yeah, I've never really been that black, but I know Umoja.
B
I remember from the Proud Family. Yes, the Proud Family Kwanzaa episode.
A
You know, I. And. And if I see somebody post like, a picture on Instagram, like, you know, little slides, I'll repost it. Solidarity with my brothers and sisters. I be like, yes. Kwanzaa.
B
Some hot Cheeto dust just went in my throat. I'm sorry. Yes. Kwanzaa. Ethnic black Power to the people can take us all. Black lives matter.
A
Yes.
B
Immediately. Yes. So Christmas, let's get into our sweaters. I got this from the thrift store. I get all my Christmas sweaters from the thrift store. I feel like it's the best to, like, you know, what is it? Checking your consumption. Do you get what I'm saying? Like, and then also you get, like, a lot of unique and vintage good sweaters. Like, I have a pretty vast collection at this point because you can get them for, like, anywhere from three to five dollars. And, like, around this time of year, I'm gonna be wearing Christmas sweaters, like, all, you know, every day. It's cold. It makes sense.
A
I need to get me a few more. Actually, I forgot what website I got mine from. This is actually from when I had my Christmas party. I think it said it's some ho ho hoes in here or something. Santa ho.
B
Oh.
A
Oh. I Don't know. Wanna be saying ho. I don't know what it says. Maybe I can read it. I don't know.
B
That should say Santa's favor. That don't say nothing about a hoe on there.
A
It say ho.
B
Oh, at the bottom. I'm looking at a different camera than y'all. Okay. Oh, Santa's favorite ho. I really like that. I would like to get that one.
A
Very much my tea.
B
You know, you can't Slut shame. So I would love that.
A
Exactly.
B
So what do your family do on Christmas?
A
It really depends on the year, to be honest. My parents have this thing of pretending like they don't remember things that they've done for Christmas. Like, one year, my parents would be, like, super anti Christmas. Like, we're not getting no tree. We're not decor. And we'll be like, okay. And then the next. The next year, they're going to be acting like they decorate all the time. Like, we love decorating. We love Christmas. Here's a tree. And I'm like, what's going on? And then they always pretend like they don't remember the previous year. So we have this, like, ongoing argument on whether or not my parents actually like Christmas or not. I still don't know.
B
Interesting. I feel like I had, like, a mixed childhood when it came to Christmas. It was very magical all the way up until my parents got divorced. Let's talk about trauma and.
A
Well, that'll do it.
B
That'll do it. I will say my parents, like, their marriage was falling apart probably from the time I was, like, in fourth grade, but it officially disintegrated when I was in eighth grade. And so, basically going into my freshman year of high school, my dad moved back to San Francisco in the Bay Area, and we were still in Sacramento, Right? So up until that point, we were big on decorating, big on activities, big on all the stuff. My mom just kind of was. Caught the humbug, which can't blame her. You know, it is what it is. But we created, like, a whole new tradition. Like, we would go get Chinese food. We would act like Jehovah Witness on Christmas. We would go see a movie and eat Chinese food. And it was. It was honestly really cool.
A
It was super tv, though. Yeah, that's really good.
B
No, I was gonna say it was kind of clutch. Like, we still got gifts. Like, we.
A
Oh, lit.
B
We still got gifts. And we wouldn't. Like, we just didn't have a big tree and, like, all that type of shit. But, like, I got a laptop that Year. Like, it was always, like, one huge gift. It was never like, the.
A
I always heard that, like, when the kids are experiencing divorce, that's when the kid. The gifts get really good. That's what I heard. Is that true?
B
Yes. Oh, yes. Because you're not a child of divorce. Your parents are still actively in love. Shout out to Jeff and Darla. They are. They like each other a lot.
A
They are.
B
Like, to have a laugh with each other from time to time. Yeah. So the gifts did get really good. It was just. Just obviously, like, the one major gift. And then, like, I feel like, especially me being at that age where I was angsty anyway, and being in high school and being 14, it was like, I don't want to do that baby stuff anyway. So it kind of meshed. I was being fictitious when I started, obviously, you know, I was trying to be grown anyway, so the whole Christmas thing, like, it didn't bum me out as much as one person would think it would. It was pretty. It was pretty decent.
A
Okay. Yeah. I mean, I've always loved Christmas. I'm a holiday person. Like, I like holidays. I like to decorate for the holidays. I like to get in the spirit. My sister, on the other hand, she's a Grinch. So for no particular reason, Jamila's sisters are.
B
Bitch is Weird Red and joke. I have 50. You see, I have. I have my helpers this week. And Flex Alexander, he's not on camera this week. He's taking a nap next to me. But Jaz, who is Jenila's older sister, walked in and was like, you have 36 Christmas trees in here.
A
She was too stunned to speak.
B
It was. I'm not. I mean, I did. I do. But it's necessary. It's Christmas time. I like the way I look right now is reflective of also how my house looks.
A
Definitely. As you call a maximalist. So. Yes.
B
Yeah, I am a maximalist. My. I love that, like, my space reflects who I am, I think. I think. Yeah. It's giving shade. Stop.
A
You do you definitely. You know, so I. And it's funny because I knew that and I knew that when Jazz walked in, I knew she was gonna scream because she hates Christmas. So imagine you being a maximalist and a Christmas lover.
B
Yeah.
A
She probably wanted to peel her.
B
I have shit hanging from the ceiling in my house. Like, I have and shit hanging from the ceiling. So Jaz walked. And Jaz walked in and was very silent for a second. I did not know. She was like, I did not know.
A
I do not know where that Comes from.
B
Yeah, I didn't know that because when I stayed with Jaz a couple years ago, I mean, the house was, I guess, clean. It didn't give minimalism in the way that it was being described to me. Not that I remember.
A
She's very like neutral gray.
B
Yeah. Like I will. I definitely do remember it was like neutral tones. Yeah, but see, I'm color. I have a lot of color in my house that's like. I think that neutral tones and minimalism is a byproduct of white supremacy. I'm deadass. I really like read a whole little article on it and when I read it, it makes a thousand percent sense.
A
They're removing culture from the home and now it's cool.
B
Exactly. And we all have to be exactly the American white picket fence. That everyone has to be the same bland colors. That. And if you think about any ethnicity and culture, people from cultures are big on colors and it doesn't. I'm not even any race. People are big on color. So all of a sudden you. Everything has to look like the psych ward and be white and nude and all this shit. Like.
A
Yeah, looking like Kim Kardashian's fucking house.
B
That shit is ugly. I'm sorry, I don't like it.
A
That shit looks like a prison. I would have slipped my wrist by now if I lived there.
B
I just wanna say when I walk into any home that very much gives 2003 the Tuscan vibes, I feel like safe. I love a Tuscan theme home. I love walking into homes of people.
A
Who have got carrots in a jar.
B
Updated. Yeah, no, the olives and shit in the jar and a jar has a hole in it. If you haven't updated your home since 2004, please invite me over so I can take a nap and sleep peacefully.
A
Seriously, I feel like I'm like in the middle between you and Jaz though. Like I'm like perfectly in the middle because it's like I don't. I like color. I mean, I just honestly started decorating my spot because I feel like I'm actually going to be here for a while now. So I feel like I'm definitely like a good middle point. Like I enjoy color, I enjoy pops of things and just. I want it to feel like a home. But I'm also like, I get overstimulated, so I also have a toned down a bit so it can just make sense for me, you know? Yes.
B
I feel like there's no such thing as overstimulated for me. Not, not, not like, in the way that you're talking about.
A
Oh, okay. As far as liking him and as.
B
Far as, like, decoration. I was obviously overstimulated at Jill Scott, when you guys were screaming.
A
I was gonna say. Cause you said I was overstimulating you.
B
I was definitely overstimulated. It was the loud noises.
A
I am very loud. And, well, I don't know how to napp. Be.
B
I mean, same.
A
I get excited. You know what's really embarrassing? When I'm sitting here next to my brother, and I'm just thinking, we're having a great fun time, and I'm being myself, and he damn near puts his hands over his ears and goes, please, enough.
B
Oh. And it's crazy because Jelani is like you, but in a quiet version of you, y'all.
A
No, he's. We're the exact same, but it's like his meter is so much lower than mine, so we'll both be bouncing off the walls, and next thing you know, he's, okay, enough.
B
Wait, wait.
A
I have one.
B
His social media runs out. I absolutely feel that. Do you know you have 30 minutes?
A
Literally, you only have 30 minutes. Social media, Social media. My social media meter, Meter, meter, meter. My social. That shit don't run out until I'm home alone. I have, like, fomo.
B
Really?
A
And so I just always feel like I have to be aware and up, and I'm ready to bounce. And, like, you know, have you ever, like, had the sleepovers with your friends? Like, I'm always the last one to go to sleep because, like, I just want to have fun. Whoa.
B
Okay, So I was never the first one to go to sleep because I felt like that was lame. You couldn't be the first one, but I was always the close second. I would be waiting. Like, I'm like, oh, my God, is everyone tired?
A
Bitch, I know you're not talking. Cause your ass couldn't. Didn't even make it outside because your ass want to go see so goddamn bad for s. I have always been who I am. Yeah.
B
I have always been who I am. I want to go to sleep.
A
You saw on Thanksgiving, they were making.
B
They were making tiktoks at my house. I had. I had tapped out and went to sleep. I said, okay, I'm gonna go take a nap, guys. Bye. Have fun in my living room.
A
I just don't tap. It's like, I'll be tired, too. Like, I'll be so exhausted. But it's just like, everybody. I just want to have so much fun. I love fun. I love Activities. I love doing things. And then once the last hat drops, I'm like, okay. And then it's like. And I crash. Because it's just like, damn, I overextended myself again.
B
See, that's my thing. I will never overextend myself. Like, the moment my social media runs out, I just am like, okay, well, that's it. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have to figure out how to get out of here. I've looked like a dickhead several times. I really.
A
Because I just disappeared.
B
For me, you know, I will disappear if I don't even want to deal with people. Be like, no, don't need to. I will just leave.
A
Yeah. Because I'm all for peer pressure. Like, no, stay.
B
Yeah. And that's the thing. Your friends will be like, no, no, no. And it's like the thing which you're not understanding is you can't actually convince me to stay. Like, when we were at one music fest, we were at one music fest. And that's why I was cracking up. Because historically I never. And it happens every year at Hampton too. I never make it to like the after club move. I made it one year. One year I made it. And it was because we fell asleep and I happened to have woke up at like 11:30 midnight. You know, the club doesn't close till 2. And everyone was like, waking up at the same time was like, do you guys just want to go to the. Do you guys just want to go to Norfolk or to the club? And we were like, I mean, might as well. And even once we got there, I. Somebody stole this. This girl bag, this Delta bag. And I was laughing, I was drunk. And it was. It was like, we're in the middle of Norfolk, Virginia. Why the fuck would you put your bag down? This is how you know you some Hampton ass bitches. Like, what the fuck is we talking about right now? Like, we in a club in Norfolk. Like, come on, blood. You don't. You don't sit your purse down here. Yeah, one of these motherfuckers finna pick it up. One of these niggas finna pick it up. That's basically what happened.
A
Easy grab.
B
And so I was already schmizzed. And so then I'm like. And I looked at Mikey and I was like, they. She put her purse down.
A
I was just. You know how you shocked?
B
Like, she put her purse down. What? And one of them heard me and she was like, this is not funny. And I was like, yes, it is.
A
A little. A little. It is actually.
B
It is like, I'm so sorry. That was really immature of me. I should not have laughed, but I.
A
Couldn'T help it, you know, I've always just. I will maintain my immaturity until I die. To be honest with you. I. It's my goal in life to actually never mature.
B
Fair enough. I laugh at everything. I come from one of those families that cracks jokes at the funeral. So, you know, it's very hard for me not to find humor in quite literally everything.
A
It's like, I'll figure out something to laugh at right now. Actually, at my grandfather's funeral earlier this year, we were just talking about this. Obviously everybody's very sad. Losing my grandfather was a lot. I'm sitting there next to my cousin and we're literally in the middle of crying.
B
Wait, which cousin?
A
Just. Is it Jonathan?
B
Okay.
A
Yeah. So I'm sitting next to him and we're just crying and we're like, ugh, sad. Granddaddy, they had just closed the casket. When I tell you we looked up and seen your twin June with this bright, I know, ass blonde wig. When I tell you we literally almost bust out laughing so hard. Cause we were like, we look up, we go, what the fuck? Cause why would you wear that goddamn wig to my granddaddy funeral? It was so unserious. And I thank her and I appreciate her to this day for giving me a little bit of laughter in that moment. Because I did need to crack a smile in that moment.
B
I just want to know, like, what was the style of the wig?
A
I was a short because Jaz sent a picture.
B
I feel like. I know, I know what wig it is.
A
And she did look a little ridiculous, but it's just like, that's just so her. And I just, I love that for her. She's so funny. And it really cracked me the hell up that she wore that shirt.
B
The picture of me and June when we were at LA school and we literally had matching wigs and looked like, this is me in 20. This is me right now. And this is me in 20 years.
A
40 years.
B
Like, yeah, like that shit was so funny. I think June is hilarious.
A
And then we have a picture of. It's like me and you and then my aunt and her. So it literally looks like us in 40 years.
B
Like, what the fuck? So for those who aren't picking up, we're putting down. June is a light skinned woman who is very unserious, but she's also Jamila's aunt's best friend and so Jamila looks very similar to her aunt. And obviously I look very similar to June. And also apparently, I act kind of like June as well, so.
A
Yes, very much so.
B
But June is.
A
Just think about Mecca. If Mecca was born in 68.
B
In what, 68. Exactly.
A
In Mobile, Alabama.
B
That is her. Is me in another parallel universe. Absolutely. I would agree.
A
Absolutely.
B
Because I. The picture of the wig. If it's a picture that Jaz sent, if the wig was short, and I've seen it, and I don't. I didn't see the issue with the wig.
A
I know you didn't. And it's like. It's not necessarily that there was an issue. It's not. Nothing was wrong with Unserious. It was just like. To see that when I opened her up.
B
You wanted her to put on her court Bob. And she tried. She gave y'all a feisty little number.
A
I wanted a litigation swing. I wanted one of them. You wanted a.
B
You know, the vibe that Megan and Cardi and all of them have put on when they put on their power suits. That's what you wanted.
A
A casual wig. I wasn't expecting the pole dancing wig. It just.
B
And June put on a nice little. A little pixie with a little bit of hair, little bangs, something fun. This is. This is what it's gonna be.
A
See y'all. Rest in peace.
B
But that don't. That don't mean I stopped being fine.
A
I got to save me.
B
We're gonna take a break. And we're back.
A
Speaking of funerals and craziness, let me tell you what happened at my Uncle Pokey funeral now for real.
B
Funeral. Merry Christmas, black people. Go on. Funeral for funeral at the good feud.
A
At the good old feud. So just for reference, my Uncle Pokey, rest in peace, I suppose, was a man of a certain characteristic that you just had to experience. He used to have a walk. A certain walk, a little limp walk. Because he had drove off a cliff in Hawaii. This is the story I was told to this day. I don't know if this is really what happened. This is what he told me in.
B
Hawaii is such a detail, Right?
A
So he drove off a cliff. And so now. Well, not now, but he used to have a.
B
A little limp, little pimple.
A
And then a couple years later, he ended up getting one of his legs chopped off. Cause he was an avid smoker. So imagine a big crazy limp and a peg leg. And he was a little bit crackhead, you know? So it was. It was an interesting show. So when my Uncle Pokey died, it Brought out all the characters, of course. We're sitting in that church, me and my cousins are already texting each other about all the things that we see. This lady gets up there. I think her name was Candy. And we don't know who this lady is to this day. And she was talking about my Uncle Pokey like that was her daddy and her daddy at the same time. It confused us all. And we were like, huh? Cause we're looking around like sprouts. I know Pokey ain't got no goddamn kids. So who is this woman? And it was. It was quite a show. She looked like she just got up off that street. Oh, yeah. Hello.
B
Off the block, off the straw. Off Stockton Boulevard, child. Yeah, I said off busy, that child.
A
I know what you are.
B
A little catwalk child. Yay.
A
So, yeah, that was. That was a fun moment at my Uncle Pokey's funeral. Yes.
B
My dad is actually the guy at the funeral who no one wants to give the mic to. So being his daughter at funerals is very. You're not surprised. I have stories about him saying outlandish things. When my cousin passed away, she. Now, mind you, she already. She had down syndrome. And so, like, she was kind of everyone's baby in the family. And she was like. She was older than. I think she born in 1990. Fun fact, Alice. Her name was Alice. She is actually a Prince. Her daddy is J. Prince, brother. Oh, like, that's why I joke. And I'm like, yeah, Alice reputable in Houston. She a Prince bitch. Her last name is Prince. Alice Prince. Like, and my auntie was married to him. Like, my auntie know J. Prince and all them, they daddy and all type of shit. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that a little. Another crazy piece of Melore? Matter of fact, if you were here last week, it's Auntie Pam. Feel that understandable connection.
A
We going to start connecting a whole bunch. You gotta just keep paying attention.
B
Keep up, keep up. Remember the names, remember the names.
A
I need somebody to start drawing trees. Just start drawing the web now.
B
Pam fell down the stairs. Alice Prince, J. Prince. So basically at Alice's funeral. And so Alice died like a day. Like, My birthday's April 8th. And Alice passed away April 3rd. The funeral was right, like, right after my birthday or the way it fell that year. Anyway, my daddy. Shove his motherfucking ass. Now, granted, my grandmother, she's 97 now, so whether it was like five years ago, she may be 91, 92. So my dad takes the mic, and obviously my aunties Toe up, everybody tell if we all sick to our stomach. I'm already looking like, please don't let him talk too long. I know he going to say something crazy. This the first thing he say this before this, before the dementia. Just know he. He was always. He always didn't have no sense.
A
Always there. He was always there.
B
He never. He was never giving sense. So when I first got the call, I thought it was Mama. And then they told me it was Alison. I was relieved.
A
Red, please.
B
When I say, I literally looked up and said, take the mic. But I said it audibly so people could hear me. I said, take the mic from him. Wait. And here go my cousin or his cousins, because, you know, they all. Oh, Freddie. It was the way the audible. Oh, Freddie. Why would you say that? And it was just like, this is something out of a movie. This is not real. He did that. And then at his best, cousin Turk. Rest in peace, Turk. That's Darrington. Godbrother. Goddad. Turk was a big drug dealer in the Bay Area in the late 70s. All through the 80s, he went to jail. And all through the 90s, matter of fact, he went to jail right before Darrington was born. He got out in, I want to say like, 2004, 2005, somewhere in there. But he. Turk was bearded up. He always had, you know, he was one of them at his funeral. I was in high school when Tariq passed away. My daddy said the N word in church and was like, this nigga Turk, mind you, we're like in the Bay Area. We're in a huge Baptist church, like, and it was just like, ugh. Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred. So, yes, I could go on and on about the things. And my dad is also like a funeral person. Like, if you die, please understand, even to this day, he will try to make it to your funeral. I used to feel like he would.
A
Go through the obituary and funerals to go to.
B
They like funerals. But he also really do in San Francisco. Like, he's a well known person and the people of his age group, he. He knows all of them. So he will go to everyone's funeral, bro. It's like, insane.
A
Yeah, old people love funerals. I remember a couple of years ago, actually, this. And this is really not funny, but it was on God, one of the best laughs I've had in my life. I was around. I'm not even. I can't even say who they are because they're no longer a part of our life. But I'll just say there were some People that was connected to us for a moment in time, and we went to their house and because we found out that somebody had passed away. Okay, so I'm gonna give them some names. Let's say Andrew. Okay? Now, there was Andrew. Ok. Huh?
B
Andrew is the people who you used to be connected with were the people who died.
A
People who died.
B
Okay?
A
So there's Andrew and there's Andrew Jr. Okay, let's just put that in perspective. We go to the house because we had just found out that Andrew Senior had died. We get to the house and we're trying to tell the person. And I. The person. The person had assumed it was Andrew Jr. And so their reaction was so insane. Like. And when I tell you, I had to literally put my head down because it was just like, oh, and do you know how hard it is to hold a laugh? Mind you, I'm with my sister. Me and that bitch don't never need to be around each other when there's some serious shit going down. So we're just sitting there, like. And I'm literally holding on for dear life because the person literally thought it was the other person. And so then at the end, they're like, wait, what is you talking about? And it was like, no, not him, his daddy. And so it's like, oh, damn. When I tell you tears were running down my face, I said, oh, my. He was like, oh, my God, no. And it's like, that was still kind of an appropriate reaction, but it was also. We were also still trying to figure out why is he, you know, like, damn, like, what's. Why?
B
He thought it was a younger person.
A
He thought it was a younger person. And then when we said, oh, okay, well.
B
Well, that makes sense still.
A
Damn. I get like. But did see the reaction change?
B
You know, that same thing happened to me, Jameela, thinking the wrong person was in the casket. I know. You know, this story in the casket is crazy. Okay, so. But mind you, in my defense, I was, like, eight. I was so. I had two Uncle Johns. Oh, my God. And Uncle John that I'm talking about literally just passed away, like, two months ago. I was very sad because of Story, but I had, like, a. The church we went to in the area was called Pilgrim. And my family was really involved in, like, my biological family. My grandmother's youngest sister, Aunt Baby. I didn't say that nickname last week. We call her Aunt Baby. Well, she's. She's.
A
Add that to the web, y'all. Add that to the web.
B
Add that to the web. Baby Sister. But we, you know, she's auntie to us, so she's Aunt Baby, but the siblings called her baby sister. Anyway, her husband was named Uncle John. And then there was another man at Pilgrim named Uncle John. And I liked Uncle John, Uncle John with the glasses because he would always get really low. He was like an engineer, very nerdy. Like, hello, Mecca, dear. How are you doing? Da, da, da. And this is like when I was like, 2, 3, 4. Like, these are my early memories. And he was, like, one of the first adults who talked to me like I was a person, not like baby talk. So I really fucked with it. You know, kids remember that type of shit, like, when you treat them like they're a person. And that's part of the reason I always try and talk to kids like, hey, hello, how are you? Cause I just remember remembering, like, hey, you're treating me like somebody. I like you. So when they said Uncle John died, that's who I assumed, because I didn't even really talk to the other Uncle John like that. Like, I knew about him. I knew him, but it just wasn't. Didn't fuck with him like that. So we're coming from Sacramento because Pilgrim men like San Mateo. You feel me? So we got. We got to the funeral late, and it was like a closed casket. So they closed the casket. They didn't open it back up. So we go sit through the home funeral. I'm thinking, it's Uncle John.
A
I'm mourning a whole different.
B
I'm mourning, bitch. I'm. Oh, my God. Uncle John. Child. Like, damn. So I get outside. I'm about to connect another web for you. John S. The pimp from last week with the hair implants. Connected, connected, connected, connected, connected. My daddy, John S. And I think it was Uncle Pig Foot Slim. Honestly, like, they all sitting there congregating, and it's me and Darrington, we standing there talking, and Uncle John, he comes up, and he does what he always does. He gets down on my level. And, hello, McAdirah, how are you doing? Da, da, da. And, bitch, I about shitted my motherfucking pants. Cause remember, I didn't see the damn ghost. We got there late, the casket was closed. I was shitting bricks, and I, like, froze up. I didn't know what to do.
A
Did you think it was a ghost?
B
I didn't know. Yes, bitch. Oh, he had got about the casket, child, and know what the fuck was going on.
A
And then he came to visit you.
B
Child, and everybody was acting normal. And then my daddy was like, nigga, he's talking to you.
A
Cause the way I was just like, I thought you was dead.
B
I thought you was dead.
A
So who that the casket, bitch. Who that damn casket? Who am I mourning?
B
So then I like, I was like, oh, she mogamma. So you know, old Nick, is he just coming off on me? I'm. So we get into the little. The repast. I'm instantly on my own. That man over there supposed to be dead. Who is in the casket? Who is in that? I'm in my mama ear heavy. My mama looks at me and she kind of like, chuckles like she trying not to laugh because I'm like. I'm shook and I'm like. And dad acting. Dad over there acting like he not supposed to be in the casket.
A
Blood.
B
Like, I don't excuse. Help me. She like, Mecca. That is the wrong Uncle John. It is. It is Aunt Irma's husband, Uncle John. I said, oh, my God, I done put the wrong in the casket, child. And I didn't almost pee my pants in the process.
A
Them ain't even his tears. Listen, you gave that the wrong tears.
B
Wrong tears. I gave him some tears two months ago because now he really has gone to glory. But I tried to put him in the ground 20 years ago. But after my mom confirmed I was wrong with Uncle John, I ate my greens and fried chicken in peace. And it was good, because, you know.
A
Funeral food is good. One thing about that, God damn, Every.
B
Time I see a TikTok where it's like, black people immediately act as. You know.
A
I don't know if it's the grief, but, baby, that Greek past.
B
Chicken, it's gonna hit every time. Please give me some crystal hot delicious.
A
And the funniest part is, like, you still be sad, because I remember at my grandma's funeral, we're still sad as fuck. That was a very sad funeral for everybody. It was a lot for us. You know, that was the matriarch of our family. But we all simultaneously started eating and looked up like this odd. You know what? Hell yeah. Hell, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
B
Food was good as you know, food always hits child.
A
We're gonna take a break. Amber back.
B
And this is how I know I was raised by old black people.
A
Because you know how old black people.
B
Would just tell you randomly what they want at their funeral. My mama's at that age. Oh, my God, they are crazy a.
A
Little bit, aren't they? Please stop.
B
Every time she said, now, you know, I done taking care of everything. All you got to do is go in that drawer and Call that number right there on that card. Everything is taken care of.
A
And they be having. They. They casket out.
B
She got her shit playing, girl, she said, she said, it's paid for. You and Daring don't have to do a thing. Just. You call that number, please. Just go ahead, call that number. I'll be like, mom, please. I don't talk about the yes, but you need to notice to call that number. I want to be cremated.
A
Listen, they got my daddy. Let me tell you about my daddy's plans.
B
Oh, my God. And.
A
And it'll give you a little bit.
B
This is the thing, being raised around that, you know, I done planned my own piano not to sound too much. I know what the hell I want happen.
A
I do. So now we can get into that conversation.
B
Exactly.
A
So this. This little bit of lore about my father, the way he wants to go out. We'll tell you a lot about him and who I was raised by. This man wants to be cremated, okay? At first he wanted to be planted in an apple tree. He has since changed his mind and wants to be planted in a marijuana plant.
B
And he knew you was going to smoke his body, and he wants y'all to smoke it and think of him.
A
Just smoke his body out, Daddy, I don't know about that. That's a lie for me. But that's what he want. Those are his wishes. I think my mom wanna be cremated too. I don't know what she wanna be planted. Might as well plant her damn weed plant too. Everybody getting smoked. Now, for me, personally, I've always said this and it freaks everybody out, but I think it's so intriguing. I've always wanted to be stuffed, kind of like taxidermy, and sat up on the pew with everybody else.
B
You can do that, though. They do that a lot overseas. Like, they will sit them up and prop.
A
Prop me up, put me in a seat.
B
I don't like that.
A
I want to be cute. It is creepy, but I think it's like such a hoot. And I also used to want to have this situation, right? You know, my last gag of the evening, my last hoorah. So basically everybody comes, right? Everybody's sitting in the pews. They're waiting. They're just waiting for the visual, right? The view. And so the funeral director comes in and he opens the casket. Body gone. Everybody's like, ah, where's her body? Where's her body? And then they unlink a chain and I come flying from down the ceiling like Paris in springtime.
B
And you're just hanging from the ceiling.
A
And I'm hanging from the ceiling like this whoop. And then it just strange fruit me a death. And then everybody's gonna be like, ah, that damn Jamila girl. I'm be like, that'll be like my last.
B
She want us to think she got lynched up in this church, Child. Hell no.
A
No, I ain't gonna be hanging from my neck just kind of strung up. What you need to do is do.
B
The casket, but then have your. You stuffed on the back row and be like, you used to be that. Look at her back there and you just.
A
And I need y'all to. I need y'all to put a smirk in my mouth, put a couple pins.
B
And then they'll be this crazy. Look at her on the back pew. Why she got herself on the back queue right now.
A
Like, imagine you thinking you sitting next to my. Excuse me, ma'am. And it's my dead body sitting.
B
Your exact reaction when you seen that girl ass in the bubble skirt.
A
Literally. Like, sometimes I'm thinking, do I want shades? I don't know. Like, I know that dead eyes is kind of scary.
B
I know you would need to shade because they can't. They can't. You gotta put the shades on, child. They take your eyeballs off.
A
I'm gonna be full. Just. But maybe they can put glass balls in there, kind of like taxidermy.
B
Well, I don't think that would. I think that would look strange. I think it would be scary. I think the shades look like you sleeping or something. That would be nice, right?
A
Yeah.
B
And they don't want to be cremated or. What is it embalmed?
A
Embalmed?
B
Yes. I don't know. My mom have real strong feelings about being cremated. I don't know, like. And I don't know where that came from. I feel like. I don't know. My grandmother wasn't cremated and she didn't look bad, but she had been sick. She had cancer, so she didn't necessarily look like herself. Yeah, I remember they forgot her denture. This the reason she really didn't look like herself. Her. Her. Her face looked okay, but they have forgot to grab her dentures before they took her body.
A
Y'all buried her loose without them ditches.
B
They tried to. They tried to stuff her mouth, and it still looked like she ain't have a teeth in. So she looked. I said, that's my homegirl, though. That's who watches over me, child. I'd be like, grandmother, watch over time. Light the candle, child.
A
I read a lot of Stuff about getting buried. So now I sometimes don't be wanting to get buried, but at the same time, cremation scares me, because why y'all? Why are you burning me? But you dead anyway?
B
Girl, you don't get.
A
Damn right I be thinking about that. But I don't want to be burnt up. But then it's like, okay, but you.
B
Going to be in the ground anyway.
A
It's a whole lot of bodies in the earth that probably don't even.
B
My grandmother's in a mausoleum. Oh, she in the. In the wall.
A
She ate that.
B
Yeah, she is in a wall, child in Sacramento.
A
Yeah. But all the bodies in. In the ground. And on top of that, it's not just bodies, you know, so it's not just decomposing. We got bodies in boxes. So I remember somebody said on Twitter, bury me loose. And I never let that go. Just bury me loose.
B
Bury me loose so I can be one with the earth.
A
Bury me in the background.
B
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
A
I really want to like Rome, you know? When you. When you die, do you want to roam for a little while? How long do you want to stay with your spirit? How long you want your spirit?
B
We was just talking about this with Jazz. If I didn't have any unfinished business, you know, I would have to let my Lord and savior Jesus Christ know that I had some things to get done before I crossed over.
A
Yeah, I guess I just.
B
I want to sit and I want to enjoy what this is like. I want to maybe haunt a couple people, see what that's like.
A
Oh, for sure. That's actually on my to do list.
B
I want to scare some people. You know, I don't know.
A
I want to have, like, a dual citizenship.
B
I want to come. You following me. I want to just be able to hang out with my friends on the other side sometimes and come back and.
A
See what y'all doing. Yeah, I want to stay. I want to see what y'all up to. I want to see who talking to.
B
I want the babies to be like, that lady from the picture is over there in the corner.
A
Yeah. They don't know babies.
B
Cause you know babies love doing that.
A
They do.
B
Babies love doing that. You see, I just told y'all about this. But the one little TikTok where the girl, her mama thought she had an imaginary friend, and then the mama took her to her grandmother house. Cause her grandfather had passed away, and she was like, oh, that's my friend. And they was all like. That one you've been talking to this whole time? That's your friend.
A
Crazy. I love stuff like that, but it also gives me chills and shivers. But, like, I'm such a spooky person, like. And we'll. What's funny is, I'm currently editing the Thanksgiving vlog, so we're talking about, like.
B
Our oh, y'all basement in that picture I found in y'all basement.
A
Yes. But, you know, it's what's crazy because a lot of people don't believe in spirits, ghosts, and all that. And it's funny because I always say it's really nothing to believe in. You just have to experience it. And once you experience it, you'll understand. It's like, I've experienced so many spooky, ooky ookies that it's just like, I don't even think about it. I don't even think about it being this, like, Santa Claus type of thing. It's like, no, there are spirits still here. And I experience them all the time. I've had real life experiences with the afterlife.
B
I just don't understand how you could believe in the Holy Spirit and not believe in a regular spirit. You believe in Jesus and all these other spooky dookies and getting, you know, but you don't believe in. Oh, that don't make no sense, baby. That don't make no sense. But don't.
A
And it's like when you. If you want to break it down scientifically, energy cannot be created.
B
No destroy, only transferred.
A
So even scientifically, it goes into it.
B
It's something that's going on there.
A
I've had quite a few spooky ookies, and so I'd like to do that to people if I, you know, knock on some wood. Goddamn die today. I'm staying here forever, bitch. You got me up. I had plans.
B
Oh, I want.
A
I got to make sure y'all drop some shit. Make sure y'all drop every video in my phone, naked or not. Like, I got.
B
Can you imagine that? Somebody dropping. What would you do if someone leaked your nudes?
A
It depends on which nude it is.
B
I would say. I've always said this. I wouldn't. Now, as a nude sender, let me be transparent here. I'm a nude sender. I'm a work of art.
A
We are of an age.
B
I listen. I like. I'm an artist, and I'm sensitive about my shit. I like to get the lighting right. I like to do. I be standing behind plants and have a titty here and a titty there, like, you know, like, you Posing. I like to buy, to give. I like to give a scene. I like to tell a story. And I've always been this way. So you can possibly find nudes of me very thin. You can find nudes of me thicker. You can find variety.
A
Pack variety.
B
You can find when my butt, when my breast, my bosom, my breast was an A cup. I'm now a D cup. Across years and genres, there are notes of me floating. And if one were to ever leak, first of all, I would know who. I would know who did it. I would know who did it. Two, I would not be ashamed. I would have to sue you for revenge porn. Off principle, for sure.
A
Off the principle, off the string.
B
Would I be embarrassed? But no, I look good.
A
All right. I think it depends on, like, for me, most of. Most of my escapades are faceless. So it's kind of just like that's been. I don't know.
B
That's my problem. Couldn't be me.
A
Could not be me. Don't you know?
B
I've never cared about this face.
A
One drop with my face, I'd be like, ooh, awkward. I do think that I look pretty decent in those pictures, I. E. That's why I sent them.
B
Right.
A
It'll be a mixture of embarrassment. I'm not going to lie. I would definitely be a little embarrassed because it's like, oh, my gosh, you guys are seeing my chi Chi. Stop looking at my labia, please. It's just like, oh, my gosh. I did not intend for the world to see me, but naked, like, I'm. I'm kind of like, I'm not approved, but I'm not, like, super comfortable just being naked in front of everybody. So it's like I would feel exposed, but at the same time, I would be looking at the comments like, well, what do y'all think?
B
Do you remember when we were in our early 20s, I used to send my nudes to the group chat for approval?
A
You did?
B
I'm a naked individual. I'm okay with nakedness. Jameela has lived with me. She's seen my nudes and be like, I guess this one. Thank you. That's all I needed. That's all I wanted from you.
A
Picture B, I suppose.
B
I mean, that's really all I needed to know. Thanks for your service. That's why I sent it.
A
Appreciate you.
B
Like, I'm really okay with nakedness. I've always talked about, like, I be in my room with little moms. Well, little moms don't be in my room. I be in my room, minding my business, with the door closed, naked. She busts in my room. Why are you naked anyway? It's like, well, I'm naked in my space. And before. Before you got here, I'm home. And before you got here, I used to walk around this house naked. I'm simply only naked in my space because you're here and now you're in my room in my space. So I think you're the problem. Does Noah not give a. When you're naked?
A
See, here's the thing. Noah is. And I have to put this in context because you'll understand. Noah was breastfed for a year and a half. Oh, a long ass time. He was breastfed for a very long time. And for about six months after he stopped nursing, he still had an extreme attachment to my breasts because they were comfort for him. So he would like just hold them, like just squeeze them and like, kind of just have to just. Ah. I wanna, but I don't think I can anymore.
B
Noah said, I'm a titty man.
A
So now even to this day, he's very much like, he'll just come up and be like. And it's like, well, stop, Noah, like, move. Cause I think he still kind of remembers that level of attachment. Like, but he also squeezes just me in general. Like, he's very affectionate.
B
Yeah.
A
And he's very clingy and he's very, very loving. But he likes to squish my body so he'll squish my tummy. Ah, tummy, tummy.
B
We used to do that with my mom. I think that's like kids in general. Yeah. The attachment you have to your mom's body. And that's why I don't necessarily like, it's like, I get it, but I don't like when people sexualize everything. Like it actually really upsets. As someone who. Yeah, I. And I feel very blessed and very fortunate that I didn't come from a family that we didn't have, like, weird people. But I come from a family that's very comfortable around each other. But I've never. It wasn't until I went to high school and started, you know, meeting girls who have been like, touched and molested in their childhood. I have never considered these things. And I. And again, I consider myself very blessed too. It wasn't until I was of a sound age and then even not until I got to college that I really started conceptualizing some things about, like, abuse and why people think the way they do and why people Move. And why. Like how your trauma, having experienced that, will guide how you treat your children. Like it's made me more aware in terms of how I wanna treat my children so I can protect them. But you simply don't know what you don't know. And so I don't have like a background where I had men in my family who were preying on me. So I don't. I would like. It's not my first thought, it's not my first go to. I have to really think. And that's the other thing that I've just noticed on the Internet, especially lately. We don't all have the same life experiences. And if the person doesn't have the experience, their go to thought is not gonna be your go to thought. And it's not because they're a bad person. It's simply because they do not have that knowledge to pull from. So like when I think of my mother and my brother and like you know, being attached to my mom. Like we slept with my mom until he was 12 years old. Well, I left at like 8. Darington stopped sleeping with my mom till he was 12. She had a huge king size baby.
A
Fuck out. They weren't having that.
B
I mean, your parents were trying to fuck. Like I said, my parents marriage was breaking down. So my dad, my D was in the guest room. Child. What the.
A
Literally I will shoot myself on camera. Don't ever say that again.
B
Child. You don't think Jeff and dollar beginning in child. That's how I want to be when I get grown. Child. Yes, I'm. Till that I die. That's all you need to know about me.
A
Yuck.
B
So wait, but what I'm saying is like. And then on top of that, my mom. And it's funny because I'm not affectionate. My father's not really affectionate. My mother is extremely affectionate. So I grew up. Even now, like, even now when my mom hugs me, she'll like, she likes to bring you into like her body. So I grew up. And Darrington is the same way. If you ever see Darrington really with my mom. Darrington is a grown ass man. He will get up under my mother, like. Cause that's how she used to have us. So it's like I just remember sometimes comments would be made especially when Darrington was like getting grown and he would really be still on her and like kind of nuzzled in her and it would be like, oh, he's a boy. That's weird. And it's like this is his boy. Mama, what did you talk about right now? This is Mama.
A
I hate people like that. And I hate that people try to taint, like, this image of kids. And it really frustrates me, like, even with, like, breastfeeding in public, you know, just breastfeeding in general, it can get weird really quick with some people making it weird, but it's like, it's the most normal, natural thing. Like, I just didn't think of it like that and then. But. But also, I think my worldview and perception was a little altered. Not because we necessarily had, you know, creepazoids in our immediate family, but because my dad was a social worker.
B
Exactly.
A
So because he was a social worker, he seen a lot.
B
Yeah.
A
You know, and so it was. My parents were very strict in that way. And they would always tell us, and then, here go my mama. You know, she's very loud and abrasive. Chest of the molester. Going to get you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So, you know, it was always, like, very, like. I think my parents are very just, like, anxious about anything happening to us. So we were always, like, talked about stuff like that. What was appropriate, what was inappropriate.
B
You know, something that my mom did is she never had nicknames. So, like, we. We used to be. We were like, three calling. I was like, three, this is my vagina.
A
Because, like, that's a very good name.
B
No, a teacher. So she wanted to. If something did happen, you need to be able to say, he touched my vagina. And it not be none of this flowers. You get what I'm saying? It not be any discrepancy or question. Like, no, she knows her body parts. So, like, we've always known actual names.
A
We've always said that's, like. That's super, super healthy. I hope everybody listening does that.
B
I hope that you.
A
You have to use real words.
B
You have to use real words and use the real words that are used so that, you know, your kids can identify their body parts. It's not nasty. It's just. Their body.
A
Not nasty. It's literally the name. It's.
B
Okay, we're gonna take a break.
A
Amber back.
B
My dad was the same, but on the flip because my dad's a street nigga. So the things that he was necessarily worried about, it's just. And he's also, in that case, like, correct.
A
Shout out to Fred.
B
Fred is so fucking crazy, man. He used to do shit.
A
You have to experience him.
B
He's just. He's insane.
A
He's an experience.
B
He is, like. He's a person who you have to experience. And I mean, I feel like so much context is provided, even with the stories. But then once you experience him, it's like, oh, yes. Well, I get it. He used to do shit like, we were never supposed to open the windows. Because, again, you're a street nigga. You know, you've robbed people, you've done this. So, like, he would do shit like knock on our windows. Mind you, I'm looking at him, I know it's my daddy. If I open it, blood. You're not supposed to open a damn window. You ain't ready. It was.
A
It's you it. So that is It Got to the.
B
Point where he would, like, knock on my windows at night, and we would have.
A
That nigga is putting y'all through.
B
When I say he used to. We had, like, Jimmy rigged hood ass, boot camp, fire drills. I swear to God we did.
A
That is so ghetto. But I love it.
B
One time he did. This is so. And my mom be mad at him to this day. My mom used to leave me and Darrington the car when we had got a little older, when she was running the store. So there's this Rite Aid, I don't know. It's not a ride anymore. It was a planet. It was a gym. I don't even know if it's a gym. Anyway, we went to the R Aid. She left from this. It's in the car. I guess my dad drove by because, you know, same city, you know, he's in the area, saw us, was like, hey, come get in the car. We're not thinking of it. We're like, this is my dad. So we get out my mom's car. We get in my.
A
You failed again.
B
No, my mom failed. This nigga sat and waited, like, maybe a couple parking spots back. Watched her come out, freak out, start yelling, have you seen my kids? Have you seen my kids? Just for him to drive up and be like. And that's why you don't leave him in the car. She's like, my mom don't even cuss like that. But she was cussing this nigga out. My mom does not curse. But can you imagine? Can you imagine? You think your kids just got kidnapped and your supposed husband pulls up and they were like, why the fuck did you get them?
A
And y'all just in the car bouncing?
B
No, because it's like, my parents had definitely taught us not to get out the car. So it made sense in our head, like, they would get out the car for their dad. I was like, fred is just. I Have so many stories about Fred. I never tried to sneak out because my dad had all type of booby traps and shit.
A
I just was not trying to sneak out. Cause my parents are fucking crazy. Are you shitting me? I remember people used to like suggest it. No, I don't even want to go out that goddamn bad bitch. I. Hell no. I used to get in trouble for little shit. I ain't finna get in trouble for no big shit. I don't wanna know what that's about.
B
No, listen.
A
No, thank you. But you know, in hindsight, no shade, you know, I know my parents gonna listen to this. I should have did that just once.
B
Just to see what y'all was really hindsight. I could have did it.
A
My parents were older could have did that.
B
I could have dared to was sneaking out.
A
I bet he was.
B
By the time. Especially by the time we was at Hampton, it was just him and mama and she was like tired. Did he. And mind you, he had taken over my. The grandmother's. My grandmother's room, which is like the mother in law quarters of the house that we lived in. He was doing all type of shit. He was sneaking all type of shit.
A
So the one time we did what we thought was like super risque. It was literally the funniest we've ever done. So basically, of course at some point when we would get home from school, my sister was in high school, I was in middle school. So we would be home by ourselves for a while. And my parents would get home later because my dad's a teacher. My mom used to work a different job, but she'd get home late. And my sister had just gotten her permit and a car, but she was not allowed to drive. Like that was very known. But we were so hungry. We were so hungry. And then she was like, I'm just gonna drive to McDonald's and get us some food. And I was like, don't do it, we're gonna get caught. She was like, no. Like I just have to. Like we have to be really quick and like. Cause we were just so hungry. We were like the whole time. We probably could have just ate something in the fucking house, but we were just being greedy ass bitches. So she left by herself. And I'm just sitting, I'm in the house like, oh my gosh, we're gonna get caught. We're gonna get our ass toe up. This bitch gets home. When I tell you. We never ate so fucking fast in our life. The way we like balled up the evidence into a bag into another bag.
B
I was literally about to tell you. So where'd you put the McDonald's evidence? What? You put the trash.
A
We destroyed all the evidence. And then I was thinking to myself, they're gonna know that her car was hot. You know, when you drive, you know, that car got l. You know, little heat. I was just thinking of all the things, like, we're gonna get caught. Do y'all know that my dad came home probably 30 minutes later with Burger King in hand? And we said. And we were just like, oh, do you know Jazz greedy ass ate that Burger King?
B
I was thinking in my head, okay, well, that don't mean I'm not gonna eat the Burger King.
A
No, when I tell you it had. We had just finished eating. My dad had got home earlier that day and brought us food, like, the most. I'm like, oh, my God. So I'm literally like this. I'm trying to eat. So, like, thanks, Daddy. This was the best thing you could have ever done. Wow. But I could not finish it because I was so full. And Jazz ate that goddamn. And I said, damn. She was like, I mean, shit. So we, like, we, like, years later, we told them about that shit, but we just thought it was like, we were scared shitless forever because of that. Like, so, no, I wasn't sneaking the fuck out. I was scared.
B
I didn't even. I wasn't doing nothing. I wanted to sneak out, child. I really wasn't. And by the time I was older, my mom, she trusted me because I wasn't on shit. So my senior year is when I started going to, like, little parties and shit. Junior, senior year, I was allowed to do that. And my mom was also the parent to pick us up.
A
Okay. Yeah.
B
So I would be like, oh, can you pick me up? Da da. So it was like, I knew my mom was coming to get me, so I didn't have to sneak out. She was dropping me off and come just pick me up. So I was never even on that Darington. On that child.
A
I know he was having a ball. I was the kid that I was severely behind socially, as far as, like, just milestones, if that makes sense, you know, Like, I had my first kiss late, all those things. But at the same time, it's like, I wanted so bad to be fast. I really did. But I just.
B
It's like, the way you wanted to be fast is so funny. I remember the first.
A
Like, I just couldn't.
B
This is so crazy. So in high school, I. This boy tried to talk to me, and I found out later. And even to this day in Sac, he's known for this. And this is when I was bigger, he was known for. He only dated bigger girls.
A
A chubby chaser.
B
He was exactly a chubby chaser.
A
Bbw. A lover.
B
I did not know that. But the way he came at me, mind you, I'm like, 16. He was like, oh, your titties are so ripe and big. Like, he was talking crazy in my Facebook messages.
A
It's crazy.
B
He said some crazy words. That's like, mind you. He was only like a year older than me. And I was like.
A
Did you like it?
B
No, I didn't like it. I was turned off.
A
Yeah. So shit was, like, too overwhelming for me.
B
I was overwhelmed. I said, oh, I don't like this at all.
A
Yeah, too much. Too much, too soon. Actually. I don't like this, actually.
B
I don't want you to discuss my breasts.
A
Thank you too much. When I went to my first basement party, I knew then I was not ready for basement parties.
B
Sabrina used to be grinding on the ground at the basement parties.
A
If you. I wanted to so bad. I get there. And this is when I was friends with the real fast girls For a little moment in time. I loved them. They were so fun. Shout out to my fast friends. I don't know where you guys are these days. They had a basement party. I convinced my parents let me go. And obviously I get there early because I'm a fucking dweeb. And I didn't realize that, you know, the party started at 6. Niggas is coming to 8. I didn't know I got there at 6. Bitch. I helped set up the fucking party. I'm there with her mom, and she like, I'm just, like, so lame. Like, oh, my gosh. I thought you said six. I don't know. So I get there and I'm just so overzealous and excited. And then, of course, all the people start coming in. And it was a couple of boys that I had crushes on and I will never fucking forget. Some Pretty Ricky had came on. The boys had drugged some chairs in the middle of the circle and sat down.
B
I know that's right.
A
And I was like, in my head, I was thinking, this is my chance. I'm gonna go give him a lap dance. One of these girls brushed past me. It was literally like, from Save the Last Dance. Like, watch me squash this shit. And ripped past me and started grinding on the boy that I had a crush on. I was like, she took your nigga.
B
Hey.
A
I wanted to Grind. I wanted to do a mind. You didn't know what the fuck I was gonna do. Cause what am I doing?
B
Baby grinding.
A
And then it just got so sexual. Out of nowhere, like, everybody was on the floor humping and doing the Chris Brown, you know, I wanna take so much. And I was literally like.
B
That song did come out around middle school and motherfuckers were having a sexual awakening. Middle school parties used to be so sexually charged for just dry humping. We had teen clubs in Sacramento.
A
So you had bring back dry humping, though.
B
Listen, Jameela, I just said this on TikTok. We're not talking about nothing having to do with Christmas right now, Chad. Ain't that about it, Bitch. Talking about funerals, middle school humping.
A
What the fuck? This is really how my brain works.
B
Like, welcome. Welcome to our brains.
A
Welcome to the Christmas episode. Dry humping.
B
Listen, I'm into it. I love. To this day. I love a good little dry hunt.
A
I love a dry hunt.
B
Not everything needs to be wet.
A
Like, it's like I. I feel so strongly about certain things. I feel like we're losing recipes in life.
B
Fingering, too.
A
Bring. Can we kiss longer than 10 seconds, please? God damn.
B
Can you. Can you lick my neck till my pussy gets.
A
What? Please start it up.
B
Wrap it up. Like.
A
Hello. What are we doing?
B
What are we doing?
A
Yeah, bring back all of those things.
B
It's because motherfuckers just show up bricked up, like, whoa. So you've been. Yeah, and it's just like, been holding that.
A
Calm down, please.
B
Let's do some foreplay.
A
Let's four. Let's four.
B
I will say for me, personally, I'm. I'm a big communicator. I don't mind letting a motherfucker know, like, hey, this what you need to do. To be honest, so I don't really have this issue, but I have had. I've. I have had. Had it in the past. In the past. And when I have that issue, I either make my, you know, requests or I stop talking to person. I don't understand. Y'all keep fucking on men who don't satisfy y'all. That. And. And then, you know, when y'all break up, you ain't fuck good anyway. You mean well. Why you on someone for years and years ain't good, sister. You're. You think you dragging this, man, I don't get it. You're not eating the way you think you eating. If his dick was too little to hit the spot, why you with him? Cuz the dick not gonna be too little for somebody else. There's somebody out there for everybody.
A
I.
B
They already booing me on the Internet. I might as well just make a movie.
A
I fear that I've been there before.
B
And you know how I feel about it and.
A
But I don't. I, I, I shouldn't go back.
B
Ain't no love strong enough.
A
I shan't go back.
B
Ain't no. I don't want to love a so much that it made me look past trash. Trash, ass, dick. And I wouldn't want the same for men because, you know, men be acting like, no, no, no. If that young lady not doing what she needs to do to satisfy you, then you better get the.
A
I seen somebody tweet. Imagine you marry somebody that's not your best eater. Actually, I can't imagine that.
B
I cannot imagine that. I would only eat then how one.
A
Of my best eaters married. How are we getting married if you're not my best eater? I don't understand. I'm not tracking. I'm not tracking. I'm not following you there, actually. No, I don't get it.
B
The eating needs to be top tier, top of the top.
A
Tip top.
B
I will say, historically, I've been someone who likes to like, fuck every day if I'm in that situation where I can't. Merry Christmas.
A
Merry Christmas.
B
But I do definitely see how like, sex slows down because I be so busy.
A
We're adults.
B
We're adults. Like, I don't even be having time to the way I would want to. It'll be like, oh. And I'd be a little tired now. Oh, oh.
A
I just want to lay down.
B
Hold on.
A
Auntie Todd, baby, just.
B
What's that in my back again?
A
Actually, can you just rub my back till I fall asleep, Please?
B
Just, just hold me. Just, just caress me.
A
Thank you.
B
Just dry up me a little bit. We ain't gotta. You ain't gotta stick it in. Chad. Just do a little hum bum.
A
I don't even need all that, baby. Auntie Tad. But you know, the big baby doing.
B
The same thing too. They be doing the same because you feel me. I didn't. I done tried to get my beating, Bento. I'm tired. Had a long day.
A
Long day is crazy.
B
Un had a long day. Not that un. Well, the crazy part. Un was always ready to. Oh, oh, oh. What's the shirt? Old bitches winning.
A
Old niggas winning.
B
He ain't never giving me no problems. Shit. Nah, I fucking am.
A
Ew.
B
He would be bragging. I ain't even got a Papa Viagra. Shit. Let's go then.
A
Were his balls low? I heard they dropped.
B
No. And you know what's crazy? They balls drop with age. But it's kind of like. It's kind of like how people. People's face. Age is different.
A
Okay? So all balls don't drop.
B
So all balls don't drop. Because his balls weren't like. They weren't even the lowest. I've seen men our age with balls lower than him.
A
With really low balls.
B
With really low balls.
A
Low elasticity in that skin.
B
I'm not gonna lie to you. Okay? So I was sucking with this Nigerian boy, and his balls were really, really low. And then he was. I'll. But I thought it was because he's like so tall. Like, I don't know. But low balls be slapping your clit, though. That was to this podcast for my children, y'all. Please. Merry Christmas.
A
It. It.
B
It puts a little sensation on the clitoris. It feel good. I had no problem with them low ass balls, girl. Go ahead. Slash, slap, slap away.
A
Oh, my God. Let's spin it. It ain't no other segue to get from there.
B
Shout out to low ass balls. You gotta. He gotta be hitting it from the back for it to hit your. Like what I'm talking about. Y'all know precisely.
A
Not that I would know.
B
Yes, you would.
A
I know nothing about that. I've never even.
B
I don't know nothing about that.
A
I am the Virgin Mary.
B
Okay?
A
Amen.
B
Amen.
A
We're gonna take a break. And we're back.
B
We're gonna get into our segment. Spin it. This is for any situation that might be messy, low down, and disgusting. You can always send your situations that you might want us to add a little PR spin to@unhingedanimoralpodgmail.com Spell all the words. It's spelled exactly how it sounds. We want to preface this and say that the advice we give you may be unhinged and it may be immoral. PR is not about what is ethically correct and upright. Jamila, what are we getting into?
A
Let's get into it. Hey, Mecca. Hey, Jamila. Hope y'all doing good. I have to start by saying I love both of you guys. I've been following you for tick on TikTok for years. Lord knows I can't read today. And was so excited to see this podcast with both of you. The first two episodes have been hilarious and learning more lore. Amazing. I wanted to write in so y'all can help me with the situation. Lol. Okay, period. Let's get into it. So I ended my last relationship three years ago with Jay. We were together for two years, and I agreed to be friends after the breakup. In the three years I've been single, I've been lightly dating for the last two multiple people, but nothing serious. Jay is aware, but every once in a while still says things like, want to get back together? Mind you, we broke up because he was continuously messaging other women on top of other stuff, like not cleaning the apartment, etc. So I'm good. More recently, I've been dating someone new D and thinking it may be more official soon. So how can I tell Jay this directly, but not rudely? I'm still cool with his family and he's nice as a friend. I also draw art for his music clothing brand, so sometimes his business. But I don't know if I just need to stop talking to him completely. Do I also need to tell D about a history? If I continue to be friends with Jay, let me know. Girls, sorry if it was long. I feel like I needed to give all the details. Love you guys. Thursday just became my new favorite day. Looking forward to listening to y'all like, we're on the phone while I'm working, period.
B
Thank you, girl. First of all, you don't need to tell these niggas a motherfucking thing about what the hell you got going on. You don't tell your left hand with your right hand doing, mm, mm.
A
Yeah. So that answered that question. You don't need to tell either of them. None of they got their business, right?
B
You ain't married.
A
Hello. You said you want to be official with Dee. That's cool and all.
B
Are you official now?
A
Oh, hello. And is there a ring? And it seems like you enjoy Jay as a friend. You enjoy him being around. So keep him around y'all.
B
I'm not listening and unhinged anymore. The advice is unhinged anymore. It's just gonna get you out your PR pickle. What you're trying to do is how do you handle this? Telling Jay about Dee? You don't need to tell Jay about D at all. You don't need to tell G about Jay. But I'mma just give you some straight game. You don't gotta tell these niggas your own motherfucking business. These niggas don't tell you all that motherfucking business, child.
A
They don't.
B
These niggas don't tell you everything.
A
They don't. They won't. They showed.
B
They show. Don't they won't stay shocked. There is no reason to feel you are not in a relationship with either one of these men. And I can definitely understand not wanting to get back with Jay, but you got the business shit going on with him. I'm gonna go ahead and assume you not working for free. And whenever you do something he giving. He busting you down some because he. I would hope you cool with his family. That's cool. You and Jay still cool? If he drop a hint here and there that he want to get back together, so what? Oh, maybe say something cute. Maybe. I don't know.
A
String him along.
B
Hello.
A
We're gonna act like. That's what.
B
That's not. That's not what.
A
String him along. Get what you need out of this situation. You are getting friendship. You're getting work. You're getting experience with your work. So string that nigga along. Every now and then he say, let's get back together. You so crazy, Jay.
B
Listen, Every time I be up there riding horses, who you think I'm riding horses with? I don't deal with that man no more.
A
Sometimes you got the kiki to get what you want out of me.
B
Of course, he still tell me I'm pretty.
A
I'm pretty. And I'm gonna say, thank you. Thank you. Thank you anyway. Appreciate you.
B
I want to ride Big Mama. I'll be up there next week.
A
Yeah, that girl. And unless they ride in the same circle, they for goddamn sure don't need to know about each other.
B
I was gonna say, unless you ever.
A
Tell your two about each other, that's like code number one, bitch. Them niggas don't know each other even if they was in the same room, even if they didn't know each other.
B
And let me give you some. Some advice, PR or life advice, however you want to see it. Deny, deny, deny. Even if you get caught up, you die with the lie.
A
Yes, you're single.
B
And the other thing is, you wouldn't even. You wouldn't need to, like, if it was me. I don't know if Jay is pressing you, trying to figure out why you don't want to get back with him. It's been years at this point. That's what I would say. I'm like, first of all, it's been years. But think about, like, I'm a lady. Stop asking about what I'm doing. Yeah, that's like, when start asking, what's your body count? What's that about? I'm a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a girl.
A
Hey, don't ask me that.
B
And it's just simply because it's rude.
A
Yeah, like, it's rude.
B
Like, I'm. Is it not weird to pull and be like, how many you.
A
Yeah, like, what are you talking about?
B
We are you. Who says I'm you?
A
Do you want to be one of them or not? Stop.
B
Yeah, girl.
A
And you know you gotta ask yourself, I don't know if you're still sleeping with Jay, but it gives you her. I ain't gonna give that. You still laying down with Jay. And I presume that if you're still laying down with Jay.
B
Well, no, no, no, no. I hope she's not laying down with Jay. Cause she said Jay kept the apartment dirty.
A
Are they? Don't seem like they still live together, so fuck it.
B
Something about niggas being dirty. I don't know.
A
She is still fucking that man. You know she is. And if it's good, keep on going. But you got to keep them boundaries.
B
Don't let them come back in your house in dirty shit.
A
Don't let them come back in your house. Don't, don't, don't move back in your house.
B
You're not my man. You're not my dad.
A
Like, no. Yeah. Matter of fact, go ahead and add a third to the mix. You getting bored. I'm getting bored.
B
That'd be my answer for everything. Oh, matter of fact, add a third.
A
Add another.
B
Cause you getting too focused on these two.
A
You get too focused, and that's always the sign that it's time to move on and add something new. You get too focused. Oh, should I dealt this with about this one? I don't know what they do. I am get another.
B
And if that don't work out, you get another.
A
Get another.
B
And if that don't work out, you get two. So you would be.
A
You know the drill.
B
Word to Monique. That was some of the best advice.
A
That was the best thing that she ever said in her life.
B
Really?
A
Yeah.
B
Not that Bonnet shit. Get more niggas.
A
Well, I hope that helped you, sister girl. Flourish.
B
Let us know what happens. Let us know if you add a third to the mix. Let us know if you end up telling them about each other. I don't think you should. There ain't even nothing to PR spin there. Because they don't even need to know.
A
They don't even need to.
B
Goddamn.
A
No.
B
Let's get into number two.
A
Okay, y'all. So, as you know, we're gonna go ahead and start reading some of the comments that y'all have been leaving us under the pages. YouTube, Apple, Spotify, all those things. Be sure to keep leaving those comments because we definitely will read them on air and even if we don't on air, we'll definitely read them outside cuz we love listening to you guys thoughts. So let's go ahead and get into the first one. This is from Frequent Rider. I already follow both Mecca and Jamila because they are so entertaining and super fun to listen to. I love this podcast so much and look forward to it every Thursday. Now the cherry on top is that they talk at a speed that keeps me engaged. 10:10 we are fast talkers. I know exactly what you're talking about.
B
I'm crying. We don't talk slow.
A
But yes, we get straight to the point. Mr. Tacos98 if you're in the car all day for work like me, this podcast is a total lifesaver. It's straight up hilarious. Like I'm laughing so hard I probably look unhinged under other drivers. The vibes are immaculate and I and it legit feels like your funniest friends are riding shotgun. Long drives. Not mad anymore. The podcast keeps me sane and entertained. 10 out of 10 would recommend for anyone living that road warrior life. Oh that's so nice baby. I don't even know what the hell this name is. I'm not even gonna try it. I'm so happy to have this podcast. I've been looking for a replacement since then. British boys, I'm here to stay.
B
It's no Batties in Atlanta.
A
Oh dear. KDB23 said I love them both on TikTok so I knew this show would be a hit. Very funny. Relatable and unhinged her.
B
So I'm gonna read those comments from Spotify. E Buck Moved girl.
A
That's Y'all got some names on it.
B
I was gonna say E Book Lamac. Where can I find Chris? Lol. I want the vibes that I can't find his ig. Let me tell you, his IG is ST Chris. He for sure do be at the Sugar Room in Houston on Thursdays and then he be at off the Record on Friday. He just made a new Instagram. Yeah, his name is St. Chris with a Y. So S a Y N T and then Chris and he's in like a white sweater hoodie on his profile. Desiree Kelly said, the secret to always having a good time is finding your favorite DJs and going to their events. Exactly. That's why I have all of Chris's information. Lauren Flagg said, okay. Music. Shout out to Audie. That is Jamila's best friend, actually. Yes. And she is a rapper, and she does our opening theme song. Matter of fact, why did Darington Fun fact? Darrington also raps? He was like, yeah. I'm not gonna lie. I was a little hurt when y'all.
A
Didn'T have me do the.
B
Do the open. I said, you're not a girl. It didn't even make sense.
A
Ain't no telling what you would have said, Darren.
B
He said, I would have sang sexy. Like, I said, that's not okay.
A
Anyway, I'm crying.
B
Chan said, watch three episodes in a row, and this episode by far is the craziest. Please don't ever stop. I love y'all energy. Also, shout out to Hu. I didn't go, but I was up there a lot. I'm from Norfolk. Oh, literally shout out Norfolk. And Gab said, okay, but I've gotta know how he got into the apartment. Like, what was the reason, baby? When I say we'll never know how he got in that got in apartment. We will never know how he got in that got in apartment, girl.
A
Okay, let's get into some of these YouTube comments. I got to zoom in. Y'all know my eyes ain't good. The Underscore three Empress. Whatever. Jamila's faces are hilarious. I love the podcast. I'll be listening to it at work, trying not to bust out laughing. Love y'all. Love you too. @. Oh, I feel like charlamag to share. Testing reality. Whatever the. Every time Jamila stares at the camera, it's like she's breaking the fourth wall. I'm so glad you're peeping. That's exactly what I'm doing.
B
Okay, so when I. When I watched it back literally this week, I was like, this is actually hella funny. Especially when I said, just because she did that don't mean she's not in heaven. And I was being dead ass because, you know, all you gotta do is accept God as your Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and savior, you still go to heaven. To me, looking at the camera, trying not to laugh.
A
I'm gonna always look into y'all's. @ebony1297 said, LOL. These episodes be like butter. Makes a day worth it, period. At Laurentur Turpin, 2745 said Mecca casually saying she was gonna stab that man is just real. As. I mean, hell yeah.
B
I mean, you know what? Hell yeah.
A
You know what? Hell yeah. At Cameron Rivera 6689, the stalker story was crazy.
B
It was indeed, as it was crazier to live. Imagine walking in and someone, you can tell someone's been in your bed, and then you find, like, their literal epilepsy medication.
A
My skin would.
B
Social Security card. If you know anything about epilepsy. That's like, you have to take that every day.
A
Yeah, you need that.
B
You need that.
A
And he got that season and. But hey, he deserved that. No shade. Well. Oh, this has been another episode of Unhinged. Merry Christmas.
B
And remember, if he has low hanging balls, it's not the end of the world.
A
Unhinged and Immoral is hosted by Jamila Bell and Mecca.
B
Produced by Melissa D? Mont and Diamond Imprint Productions, post production by Coco Lawrence, production assistant by Melanie.
A
D. Watson, music by Adi and Brooklyn.
B
Billionaires and graphics by Claudia Choi.
Podcast Summary: "Unhinged & Immoral" – Episode: Christmas Traditions
Hosts: Jamila Bell and Mecca Evans
Production: Diamond MPrint Productions
Release Date: December 26, 2024
In the festive episode of Unhinged & Immoral, hosts Jamila Bell and Mecca Evans delve into the multifaceted world of Christmas traditions, intertwining personal anecdotes, family dynamics, and cultural insights. Recorded early to accommodate their holiday schedules, Jamila and Mecca deliver an engaging and unfiltered discussion that resonates with a diverse audience celebrating various holidays.
The episode kickstarts with the hosts acknowledging the diverse cultural celebrations that their audience observes alongside Christmas, such as Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. This inclusivity sets the tone for a broad exploration of holiday traditions.
Jamila shares her support and solidarity with her audience through social media reposts, emphasizing the importance of community and cultural recognition.
A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the charm of thrift store Christmas sweaters and the creativity behind unique home decorations.
Jamila echoes this sentiment, showcasing her festive spirit with a humorous take on her sweater that reads "Santa's favorite ho," highlighting the blend of tradition and personal flair.
Jamila [02:38]:
"It say ho."
Mecca [02:49]:
"Santa's favorite ho. I really like that. I would like to get that one."
The hosts delve into their personal family experiences with Christmas, illustrating varying parental attitudes and the evolution of holiday practices amid significant life changes.
Jamila [02:55]:
"One year, my parents would be super anti Christmas—no tree, no decor. The next year, they act like they decorate all the time. I still don't know if my parents actually like Christmas."
Mecca [03:29]:
"My parents' marriage was falling apart when I was in fourth grade, and it officially disintegrated in eighth grade. We shifted our traditions—Chinese food, movie nights, and gifts without the big tree."
Mecca shares how her family's shift from traditional decorations to establishing new rituals during their parents' divorce period fostered resilience and adaptability.
A lively debate emerges around decorating philosophies, with Jamila advocating for maximalism and colorful expressions, while reflecting on her sister's minimalist approach.
Jamila [07:42]:
"I think that neutral tones and minimalism is a byproduct of white supremacy. It’s removing culture from the home and making everything look like a psych ward."
Mecca [08:04]:
"Looking like Kim Kardashian's house—that shit is ugly."
The discussion highlights the cultural significance of vibrant decorations and critiques the dominance of minimalistic trends, advocating for spaces that reflect individual identities and cultural backgrounds.
The episode takes a humorous turn as Jamila and Mecca recount eccentric stories from family funerals, blending grief with laughter.
Jamila [17:26]:
"At my Uncle Pokey's funeral, a lady claimed he was both her daddy and her daddy's daddy. We were all confused because Uncle Pokey didn't have kids."
Mecca [20:28]:
"My dad took the mic at Alice Prince’s funeral and started saying outlandish things. It was like something out of a movie."
These stories not only provide comic relief but also illustrate the complexity and unpredictability of family gatherings during solemn occasions.
Delving deeper, the hosts discuss how different cultures incorporate humor and food into funerals, making these events more bearable and reflective of familial bonds.
Mecca [30:16]:
"The secret to always having a good time is finding your favorite DJs and going to their events."
Jamila [30:46]:
"Funeral food is good as you know, food always hits."
Their conversation underscores the role of communal support and shared meals in processing loss, emphasizing the importance of maintaining connections even in difficult times.
Jamila and Mecca explore their beliefs regarding spirits and the afterlife, sharing personal spooky experiences and philosophical musings.
Jamila [38:42]:
"If you want to break it down scientifically, energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred."
Mecca [39:00]:
"I've had quite a few spooky ookies, and so I'd like to do that to people if I, you know, knock on some wood."
Their candid discussion bridges scientific perspectives with personal spirituality, fostering a relatable dialogue about the unknown aspects of existence.
In the "Spin It" segment, a listener seeks advice on managing a post-breakup relationship with an ex while embarking on a new romantic endeavor. Jamila and Mecca offer unorthodox yet practical guidance.
Listener [64:08]:
"I ended my last relationship three years ago with Jay. Now I'm dating someone new, D, and need advice on how to tell Jay without being rude."
Mecca [66:20]:
"You don't need to tell either of them. Keep your boundaries. Deny, deny, deny."
The hosts emphasize maintaining personal boundaries and not feeling obligated to disclose new relationships to past partners, advocating for self-preservation and respectful disengagement.
Closing the episode, Jamila and Mecca read and respond to positive listener comments, celebrating their podcast's impact and fostering a sense of community.
Listener [71:10]:
"These episodes be like butter. Makes a day worth it."
Jamila [75:19]:
"I'm so glad you're peeping. That's exactly what I'm doing."
Their appreciative responses underscore the podcast's role in entertaining and connecting with listeners, reinforcing their commitment to delivering relatable and unfiltered content.
Unhinged & Immoral delivers a spirited exploration of Christmas traditions through the lens of personal experiences and cultural commentary. Jamila Bell and Mecca Evans adeptly balance humor with heartfelt discussions, creating an episode that is both entertaining and meaningful. Their candid storytelling and unfiltered advice resonate with listeners, making this Christmas-themed episode a memorable addition to their series.
Notable Quotes:
Mecca [02:14]:
"I get all my Christmas sweaters from the thrift store. I feel like it's the best to, like, you know, checking your consumption."
Jamila [17:26]:
"At my Uncle Pokey's funeral, a lady claimed he was both her daddy and her daddy's daddy. We were all confused."
Mecca [38:42]:
"If you want to break it down scientifically, energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred."
Mecca [66:20]:
"You don't need to tell either of them. Keep your boundaries. Deny, deny, deny."
These quotes exemplify the hosts' blend of humor, honesty, and insightful commentary that defines the essence of Unhinged & Immoral.