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Class is in session. Hey, everybody, and welcome to Unlearn 16. Class is in session. I think I'm going to be doing my podcast down here. It's just me today. And do I look exhausted? Yes. So in the comments, take your take. Take it easy. I feel puffy. I feel exhausted. It's been a long week, guys. But that's not what I want to talk about. I don't want to whine about my age and my puffy eyes, although it's a lot. But I'll tell you why my face is puffy in a second. But I'm going to start with something. I don't know why this is, but I'm. I'm just going to bring it up because I really haven't talked about gender and about physicality and about how you present and what you're called and all of those things. You guys know my. My mantra. Call me whatever you want, as long as you compliment my hair. I realize I'm wearing hat right now, but you guys get the point. Here's the thing. Last night, I had Anna and I through a Halloween party. All right? Was it after the longest week of my life? Yes. Yes, it was. Is that probably why my face is puffy? Probably. But nonetheless, we go all out. All right? We go all out, and we decided. And you can go check my TikTok and Anna's. TikTok and Anna's podcast, and you can see all of the incarnations of what we did and how hard I go into the paint. And when I say I go hard into the paint, I mean paint. It's not a metaphor at all. So what did Anna and I go as? We went as Frankenstein in the image of Boris back on my back wall right there. And the bride. All right, so. And I know you're all going to be like, that's not Frankenstein, Joanna. That's the Monster. Look, shove it. I'm not going down that road. Frankenstein. Call him the Monster all you want. I don't care. But nonetheless, we went. And. And when I'm going as Frankenstein, I go full send. Some people would have just got a Frankenstein mask. Isn't that rational? Isn't that what normal people do? But you know what? I don't like a mask for a couple reasons. Number one, I think it's an easy way out. It's an easy way out. Number two, I don't want to be covered in plastic silicone all night, so I feel the need to pass out because I'm not getting enough oxygen. Number three, the best Part of a party is eating, and you can't eat with a big mask on your head. And then you have to get gloves because you have to cover your hands. So it's all a disaster. It's fine for a photo. It's fine to stand and scare the kids on your front step. Completely acceptable. And I may do that at Metro Prep. However, when I'm doing it, I want to go full Zen. And so we decided to use this green makeup and black makeup and lipstick. And heaven help me, even this nail polish, which I'm going to talk about in a second, doesn't look so weird on me. And I went full guys. And so initially I drew it here, right? And I stopped at my hairline and I spray painted my hair black, but it's so short on the sides, I can't spray paint my head. So I spray painted. And then she put green all over. But when you see the video, you'll see I look more like the Incredible Hulk than Frankenstein. So I'm like, it's too thick. So what I need to do is it needs to be more toned. I should have used my hand right away. So then I did. So then I used my hands all through my hair to get the green underlay, all the back of my head, the back of my neck, the front of my neck. And guys, I didn't go. I didn't stop there. Of course I didn't stop there. All my arms, because I had my shirt that was kind of jaggedly cut off, the way he wears it. And. And so I had to paint it covered all my tattoos and it looked in. Guys, go check my TikTok. Check Anna's TikTok, her podcast. It looks insanely amazing. However, number one, if I touched anything, I turned it green. So Anna went around last night wiping down anywhere I ever to the wall, the lights, my McDonald's, anything. I couldn't touch anything, which made it very difficult to have, you know, a party. But I could still eat because I didn't care if I ingested some makeup. It was all done. I had to pick my fingernails. Now, the reason why I'm also so puffy is because the amount, like, I used makeup wipes to get them the stuff off. But guys, it's still not off. I'm still. I have green tint a whole bunch of different places, and I don't know when that's gonna come off and I'm just gonna leave it. But I rub so hard that I feel like I've shed a layer of skin. My Tattoos are like a little less dominant because I've rubbed them right off in order to get the green. And then I'm left with nail polish. Now, I could have taken it off this morning, but I'm leaving it. And here's why I'm leaving it. I dress the way I dress and I cut my hair the way I cut my hair. And all of those things being true because I'm comfortable in that. Right. And a lot of people have said, well, Joanna, would you put on a dress? Sure. Would you put on high heels? Sure. And I have. And do I hate it? No. Do I think it's the most uncomfortable thing? Sure. Like, I don't. Women and men and non binary people, I don't know why any of us are throwing on something so incredibly tight. Number one, I hate tight clothing. And number two, high heels, they make your calves look kick ass. They 100% can be an amazing accessory to an outfit, but they're going to kill you. They're going to shorten your Achilles, they're going to scrunch in your toes, you're going to go roll an ankle and have pins thrown in it. Like they, I think, you know, it's blocked. The feminist movement, high heels, not because we're forced to, not because we have to, but we put them on, we can't run anywhere, we can't get anywhere. These are, these are physical obstacles that we are choosing to put on our feet. This is like when women say they're going to vote for Trump, they're actually choosing to be oppressed. Guys, I have green in my ear right now. I just noticed. This is what I'm saying about high heels. You know, here's a funny thing again, I still think they look kick ass. Have at it. Wear what you want. By the way, this is not, this is not preaching for you guys to wear whatever you want. I'm, I'm just thinking perhaps we take it all in and try to understand why we do. We do. When I put this nail polish on, and I know I had to because it's just, I don't know, it's kind of, you know, what the monster does. And there's like green all around my nail polish. And I, and I kind of did a bad job like Jaclyn did it for me. And I kind of did a bad job because I want it to look like warn. This is the most gender dysphoria, if that's such a thing for me, because I don't care. Again, call me what you want. This is the thing that makes me look at my hands and go, oh, no, that's not me. I gotta take it off immediately. And I like the idea of nail polish. I like the idea of painting my nails. I like the idea of like, like even just like one, matching my outfit to one nail, or. You know what I mean? Like, I love it. But when I put it on and I'm trying myself out today, when I put it on, I have this instantaneous guttural reaction to that's not me. Now here's where it gets interesting. Is it not me because I don't like it, because there's something in nail polish that I don't like? Or. And here's where gender and sex and presentation and socialization get so incredibly deep and confusing. Is it not me because somebody says, that is for girls and women, and that is the hyper level of feminization. I know in your head you're thinking, joanna, so is high heels and dresses, but let's be honest, I don't wear those often, if ever. And mostly I like the shock effect I get. But this is something kind of subtle that gives me that guttural feeling. So is the guttural feeling a reaction to the thing, the nail polish. Look at what a crappy job that is, the nail polish. Or is it a physical reaction to the societal perception and to everything I think goes with the nail polish? And I just want it off? Because if it's the latter, and let's assume it's the latter, this is where I'm getting deep, guys. Then we don't have a problem with feminine and masculine. We have a problem with the expectation of the feminine and masculine as it connects only to men and women. It's not the thing that gives us gender dysphoria. It's the association that the thing has with a particular expectation and sex that gives us gender dysphoria. Therefore, if we can alter the expectations of what we think people should wear, of what we think men and women should look like, of what we think they should present themselves to be based on their CIS born sex. If we get rid of that, then we open the door and allow people to do exactly what they're drawn to, exactly what they like, exactly what they feel comfortable in, with no expectation, with no dominance of socialization, with no control in and management of who and what we're supposed to be. The creation of gender norms and the creation and the socialization of expectation is actually what makes us have to fit in the other category so firmly. And that's why? Non binary people are highly impressive. You know, the people who have chosen that or the people even, even the trans community who have chosen to rail against that when we think they're following some sort of societal norm. I'm just like, you know, and people will say, oh my God. Well, it's just so trendy. Is it? Are you okay? Is it trendy? Or do they still face a crap ton of discrimination and violence and oppression? Do they come up against it every single day of their lives? And we think they're the ones following the fads? No, guys, my dudes, that's. That's society. Society. And what an insane thing we've put upon people. What an insane idea. If we can possibly step away for a minute. What an insane idea to tell men and women what they should wear based on their sex. What? I mean, why are we even going to that much trouble? And this has all shifted over time, right? Makeup used to be for men. High heels used to be for men, right? Long ornate gowns and coats and, and hair. All men. And it's just sort of shifted and we've decided, well, not for men anymore. Now it's for women. What's our end game? And especially since we get a lot of these perceptions from the freedom rally folks, right? Don't tell me what to do. Socialization's garbage. Yah, blah, blah blah. Do we really think you come out of the womb and if you're a boy, you automatically know you get to buy a Ford F150? Stop it. If we really want freedom, we have to start with teaching people how to be good people and nothing else. Isn't that a better goal? Isn't that more rational? Doesn't that make more sense? You're not going to eradicate heterosexuality. Attraction is attraction. What you're going to do is you're going to eradicate people forcing themselves into boxes that they're not comfortable with, they don't feel themselves in, and eventually, by the by, they break free from other. Anyways, right? You hit your mid. What do you think midlife crisis really is? I'm going to tell you a secret about what a midlife crisis really is. You get too old to give a crap about what you've been socialized to do, and all of a sudden everything you've built and everything you've done shatters into a billion pieces. Because you recognize. Not that you're having this much of a sort of a reflective experience because we're not taught to do that either. But really, what's going on is you're like, oh my God. The first 45 of my years I did exactly what I was told, what I was supposed to do, how I was supposed to do it. And you know what? The reality is, I'm not happy and I'm not in the business of making anybody else happy anymore. So I'm chucking it all. That's what we do. Horrible for society. Divorce and leaving your jobs and uprooting families and all of the things that go with this. Because it was just you and you and you just decided to do that's cool. Like, I mean, who really cares? But it's never just you, right? Because you've always. Then you could. Then it doesn't need to be a crisis. The only reason it's a midlife crisis is because you're bound by, by all of these things you've roped yourself into. That's why it's a crisis. If you weren't roped into anything, you just make different decisions. Not a crisis, just Tuesday. And you make a different friggin decision. But it's because you've been bound into all of these things. So if we stopped forcing that upon people in many different ways, if we stopped the expectation, if we stopped the indoctrination, and it is indoctrination, the socialization, the manipulation, the brainwashing, if we stopped all that, what's going to happen is people are going to choose what makes them happy and fulfilled. And by the way, don't think for a minute that I'm advocating for some hedonistic society where you only make yourself happy. No, because I think a lot of true happiness comes with purpose, comes with family, comes with responsibility, comes with emotional and social ties. All of that is true. Just don't jam them down my throat. Just don't tell me how to have them. Because if they can be more authentic and we can build them more authentically, they will last longer, they will build stronger. Because I do believe that people are social beings. They are. They absolutely are. And whether or not institutions like marriage or institutions, you know, that we've been propagating for so long, those were all built for the pretense of stability, for the pretense of ownership, for the pretense of control, for the pretense of legitimacy. Marriage wasn't built for love. We also have a really messed up version of what love is nowadays. Right? Of course we do. It's most always supposed to make us feel good. It's always supposed to if the minute it stops making us feel good, I'm not in love anymore. That's ridiculous. We don't even understand what love is. We've skewed the concept so much because we've watched Notting Hill one too many times that when you're in a relationship and you don't feel butterflies every seven seconds, you want to bounce. Well, what love should be the instantaneous butterflies in your stomach. And, you know, you got to be with them every second, and, oh, my God, if they don't text me back. And that heightened everything. Guess what, guys? That ain't love. That's insecurity. That's insecurity, that gut feeling. And sometimes that's put on by something new. Sometimes you have a partner that manufactures that because that's how they keep control. If they keep you completely unstable at all times, they think it keeps you interested, which it does to some extent. All of that is insecurity. We don't teach people this. We don't teach people what love really looks like, if we're gonna give it a name, is empathy and compassion and support. And it should grow. And every day you learn a little bit more. You learn a little bit more, and it's not always easy. And you have big, big, big fights and work through big, big things, and you change and you grow. And sometimes you grow together, and sometimes you grow apart. All of these things. If we could stand back and stop having institutionalized love kind of shoved down our throats, which, again, created by religion, created by monarchs in order to populate, in order to grow the population, in order to have stability, in order to make sure people were getting taken care of, is nothing to do with love. Stop it. So I'm wearing my nail polish, and I'm not taking it off. Here's why. It's a little test. I'm gonna leave it on till it really looks horrible, until my nails really grow out. And, you know, I have to take it off because it looks like garbage, because I like the idea of it, but it bothers me on my fingers, which says to me, if I like the idea and it looks like fun and I would like to be able to incorporate it, match it to my shoes and my hat, whatever. The only thing stopping me from doing this is because there's something deep seated in my head that I need to unlearn. So I'm going to leave it on. I'm going to stay uncomfortable until I freaking unlearn it. And that's. That's our goal. That should be our goal as adults, as students. It doesn't really matter. It should be our goal to have uncomfortable feelings, uncomfortable thoughts, uncomfortable discussions in order to get to a better understanding. Because it's just something you do, but you don't know why you do it, go check yourself. Seriously, if it's something you don't do and you refuse to do and you don't really know why, go check yourself. Does the thing serve you or doesn't it? Does the tradition of family gatherings and Christmas and Thanksgiving, does that make you happy or doesn't it? Because if it doesn't, stop doing it. Stop doing it. I'm not saying chuck your family. I'm saying the tradition doesn't work. It shouldn't make you feel anxious and horrific. It should make you feel loved. And it should make you feel like you belong somewhere. And it should make you should look forward to it. I look Thanksgiving, I don't look for so forward too much. That's not because of my family. That's because I don't want to cook. I'd rather pizza, but I order the. Like there's not, there's no compromise. I'm not saying life's perfect. I make the damn turkey. Because we all like it. Mostly I like the sandwiches. Christmas Eve. I love Christmas Eve with my family. I love it. We do sandwiches, like open face sandwiches. I love it. It's your tradition. We put on the same movies that I love it. More of that I love. It doesn't have to be on December 24th. Want to know why? It's a made up holiday. I. I'm not religious. I don't care when it happens. I love it. I love the tradition of it. So when we do these things like nail polish and so like, I'm thinking like, you guys know, like, I like my shoes to match, my hat to match. Everything's on point. This would be fun. And is because I'm getting used to it right now is the only thing stopping me from this is a deep seated, preconceived notion of who I have to be. Since I cut my hair like this and I wear baggy pants, am I not allowed to do this? Do I always have to fulfill all of the stereotypes that go along with. I think the answer is a hell no. But I think for all of us, you know, a lot of people to get to where we're 100% comfortable, we're still battling socialization and expectation all over the place. And if you say you're not, you're lying. Stop it. Don't lie to yourself. Have that internalized thought. Yes, I still have green in my ear. Have that internalized thought and go through it. I go down to Bay street, which is like our financial district in Toronto, and one of the funniest things I see, and I swear to God, I want to do a full sort of podcast on it. I want to go down and talk to these women. You see women walking to their jobs on Bay street in running shoes, bright white, like Skechers, super comfortable, you know, just the most, not the most attractive of running shoe. Nobody's doing it for style points. They've picked the nicest, most comfortable running shoe that they can possibly find. Right? You're getting all the arch support. Why? Because they got to get from the bus or the subway to their office. And then they get to their office and what do they do? They put on the shoes that are trying to kill them for the next eight hours. The shoes are so bad you can't walk in them. What is this expectation? Why do we have it? Have we lost our minds? Well, obviously we have. Obviously we have. And again, remember, I get it. They look amazing, right? They can look amazing. It's a cool aesthetic, I think. However, if you're a day trader, you're working in the bank, you're a real estate agent, is that helping you with your job performance? And do we love them? Even me? Like, do we like them or like the way they look? Because we've been told to and conditioned to, because let's again, shorten Achilles heel, back problems, feet problems, toe problems, rolling an ankle. Those are five significant, dangerous realities, consistent realities of wearing high heel shoes. Is fashion more important? Is socialization more important? Is an aesthetic more important? And I haven't even begun to talk about makeup because, listen, I know I put a lot of green on and you guys will see that, but when I should have done the thing when I was taking it off because, oh my God, but I was really scared it wasn't going to come off. But I know for a fact, like women do however long of makeup in the morning and however long of taking it off at night and it can be toxic. It can be incredibly hard on their face. Forget the time consumption and the friggin jabs at their self confidence because without it, I can't even go out of the house. What are we doing? What are we doing? And why are we still doing it? So I'm going to give you homework for this podcast. I want you to go away and I want you to think about something you do that brings more harm and no value to your life and really, really think about why you do it, if you should continue, and what it would be like to stop. And I'm going to leave these nails on until I stop feeling this particular way so I can make an independent, intelligent decision about do I want to paint my nails. And with that, I will see you next Tuesday. Same bat time, same bat. Channel dismissed.