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Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises. Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find the coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law this episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Welcome back to this week's episode of Unlocked. And yes, it's just me, no co host, running my mouth for the next hour. But we have some really interesting things that we're going to talk about and I'm going to give you a little bit more insight into my life and maybe why I'm kind of navigating things the way that I'm navigating them. I've gotten tons of questions from you guys regarding my relationship status. Am I with someone? Am I not? Why am I being so secretive? Some people are getting really agitated with that and I'm here to explain myself. So I want to start off with some things that are coming up in my life that I am so excited about. First off, good girl rx. You guys have heard me talk about it. It has been a game changer for my life. I went through the egg retriev process, and I'm not gonna lie, it was extremely challenging. I ended up not getting necessarily the results that I was hoping for. I think it's so easy to scroll through TikTok, Instagram, all the social media platforms, and you see people who are like, oh, I got 30 eggs, or I got 40 eggs. Just these crazy numbers. I unfortunately, didn't I, throughout the process. Yeah, I just. So many different things happened along the way. Some things I'll disclose at a later date. But I'm gonna go through it again, and I'm extremely grateful for what I got, but I'm gonna need it again, so I'm gonna go through that, but in the process, I'm gonna take a break. I have started back my GLP1. And if you watched my episode with Natalie, then you heard her speak about GLP1s, endometriosis, PCOS, and also inflammation, and how she does agree that GLP1s help to lower inflammation in the body. So I'm going to work on the inflammation that I have going on in my body and go for another round. And I am extremely blessed and grateful that I can go through another round. I know that there are so many people who don't have that opportunity, and I don't take it lightly. There were a few little hacks I found out along the way. So one of the medications I took was omnitrope, and I was able to go through the manufacturer's website, go through a gazillion different pages, and I found a coupon code. I took that coupon to Costco, and I actually was able to get my medicine for $0. I think that saved me about $2,000, which was absolutely insane. So for my women who are going through this process and you take omnitrope, do what I did. Every dollar matters when it comes to this. So coming up, I am preparing my body for another egg retrieval. I also just signed a book deal with HarperCollins. I am extremely grateful for this opportunity. About 10 years ago, I remember sitting down with someone from HarperCollins, and they wanted me to do a book. And at that point in time, I just knew it wasn't the right fit. I could not be honest with my life. I could not be honest about my hardships and adversities and traumas. And honestly, if I would have written it, then it would have been garbage. Honestly, you could have just used it as a coffee table book for all I care. But this book I'm really excited for because it's going to be a sense of therapy for me. And I think you will see it by the end of the year. So I will have more updates for you along the way. But I am so excited for this opportunity with HarperCollins and to share a part of my life that none of you have ever seen or heard. And I think a lot of you are going to see yourself in my story when you truly read it. And I hope that my book gives people encouragement, laughter, tears, all the emotions. But at the end of the day, I want you to know there is life on the other side of trauma and hardship. Where my life is now is absolutely amazing. And I used to feel guilt, right, for saying something like that, because I know so many people's lives are tough right now. You're going through loss and grief and confusion. But I think we are allowed to live in the good moments in life. We're allowed to accept the greatness that has come our way. We're allowed to accept the love and laughter and safety that we've been fighting for. I know I've been fighting for all of those things my entire life, and now I have definitely found them, and I'm really happy. So we have another egg retrieval coming up. We have my book with Harper Collins that's coming up. You also will notice the set is a little different today, and we are going to be going through a huge rebrand when it comes to the Unlocked with Savannah Chrisley podcast. And now we're just kind of playing around with some things. I think I want my set to dictate where I'm at in life. And I feel happy. I feel light and excitement. And before, I had this whole whimsical thing, but it was very dark. Okay. And for people that are watching, we'll play a little video back for you. It was beautiful, but it just wasn't like a happy, carefree, go, lucky person. So we're changing things up, and I am extremely excited for that. Granted, the egg retrieval was extremely difficult. Like I said, I am very blessed and privileged I can go through this again. So I don't want to harp on it too much, but it was hard. I mean, the hormones were insane. My estrogen went from, like 33 to 5,300. The hot flashes are finally calming down about a month later, thank goodness. I literally felt like my skin was crawling. I also think the emotional turmoil that it puts you through is really difficult. I already struggle with anxiety and depression, and the hormones were insane. Luckily, I have an amazing partner who was there every step of the way. Literally would not even Let me go to a blood draw by myself. And for that I'm eternally grateful. He has the patience of Job, literally. So it was. It was tough. I definitely did not feel like myself. And no one really talks about the part of struggling with infertility, going through the egg retrieval process, literally looking like you're pregnant, looking in the mirror, having a bump, and then having to come back to reality and realize, okay, well, I'm not pregnant. That is extremely difficult. And I know so many women out there listening right now have felt that. You felt it, you've lived through it, and I see you. But we have to learn to find some positivity in the hardship. And that's where I look at this and say, you know what, God, thank you for creating science. Thank you for having ivf. Thank you for giving me the resources to be able to do this. So that's where I'm at when it comes to that whole process. And like I said, for the next hour, I'm going to be talking to you, but I really wanted to do a solo because I feel like in moments of. I feel like when I do these solos, I can be more vulnerable. I can be open and honest and really share everything that's going on. I like to do them every few weeks so that I can keep you guys up to date. And one thing I really want to touch on, which you all know, I am a huge advocate for therapy. So I really want to touch on therapy and healing. And I know that in the world that we live in right now, healing on the Internet looks like a complete glow up, but healing in real life just doesn't. Okay, we can fake it till we make it all we want, but in reality, if you're still broken, what is that doing for you? I was not a huge advocate for therapy. I wasn't. Not until I called off my engagement. My ex fiance and I were in a relationship. We had so much fun, but we were both two very broken people. And we both started going to therapy and I think I had to have a realization with myself also. What part do I have to play in my trauma? It's so easy for us to sit here and say, oh, well, this person did that, or that person did this. But rarely do we ever look in the mirror and say, all right, well, you, Savannah, what did you do to play a part in this? And I had to come to that realization that I've got to be honest with myself. I have to be honest with myself about my ego, my controlling tendencies, and also my trauma. And how I have lived life just at a gazillion miles an hour and have never focused on my healing. So I had to have a moment of accountability. And that first therapy session, those first weeks, months, they're never easy and it's not an instant fix. I definitely took a break from therapy, but I am now back in it. I mean, yesterday I did a 9 to 4 intensive therapy session and I also did it with my partner, which was pretty awesome because he's on his own healing journey, I'm on mine. He did multiple days of intensive therapy and I came in for yesterday's and he got to saw, he got to see some of my brokenness, he got to hear some of my trauma more in depth. He saw me confront people in my life that I needed to confront. And not to that person directly, but in the therapy that I do. It's kind of like a psycho drama type therapy. So you're talking to the person as if they were there, but they're not. And a lot of times that's what we need in our healing process, right? You need to be able to say what you want to say without someone just listening to, respond to you and fight back. Because I think that eventually, first off, in your mind, it allows you to move forward in a way and find forgiveness or understanding, but it also gives you the strength to maybe say those words to that person's face one day. But having my partner there was amazing because we saw each other in a much deeper, more intimate way. Alright guys, I've been on a real mission with my home lately. I want every room to feel intentional and elevated and like somebody actually thought about it. And for a long time I was just kind of filling space with whatever and hoping for the best. And then I found article and it genuinely changed how I think about not only furnishing my home, but also redecorating my podcast set. If you watch the podcast on YouTube then you will notice we have a brand new set. And almost everything in this set is brought to you by article. You will see me sitting on the Sadie velvet sofa in Hail Earth. On the sofa you will see the Orvo pillows and vintage pink. And on the ground you will see the Imar rug and copper. And we did layer it with a cowhide. It all looks absolutely amazing. Everything they carry is so thoughtfully curated. There's no filler, nothing feels random. And every piece is chosen for its craftsmanship, design and the fact that it's actually going to hold up over time. You can feel it the second something arrives. It came so well protected. Nothing was dinged, nothing was scuffed and it came mostly assembled. I mean I was shocked. They also do free interior design services if you want help pulling a space together and their customer care team is available seven days a week. They also back everything with a 30 day satisfaction guarantee so you can shop without that anxious feeling of what if I hate it when it gets here? When I tell you this is the brand I keep going back to every single time I want to invest in MySpace. It's article every single time. Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit article.comunlocked and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.comunlocked for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. Insurance isn't one size fits all, and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed Progressive's Name your price tool for years. With the Name your price tool, you tell them what you want to pay and they show you options that fit your budget enough. Hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy, or maybe you're just looking for something that works out better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises. Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit progressive.com and give the Name your price tool a try. Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates Price and Coverage match limited by state law For a small business owner, every day is full of surprises. Some great, some not so great, like when a client cancels their order at the last minute. But here's a surprise you will like. Progressive provides small business owners with 30 customizable coverage options to help keep their business going strong. So go ahead, surprise yourself. Get a quote in as little as 8 minutes@progressive commercial.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates and third party insurers. Coverage is not available in all states or for all vehicles and coverage selections. Support for this podcast comes from progressive America's 1 motorcycle insurer. Did you know writers who switch and save with Progressive save nearly $200 per year? That's a whole new pair of writing gloves and more Quote Today, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates national averaged 12 month savings of $197 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between October 2024 and September 2025. Potential savings will vary. You may think you know McDonald's drinks, but you don't know them like this. From fruity refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with popping Boba to crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry Blast with berry flavored Sprite topped with cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here. Try them all now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine. My therapist, we were talking about just things I've gone through in my life. And he was like, savannah, you don't just have ptsd, you have cptsd, which is chronic post Traumatic stress disorder. Because my whole life, it's been one trauma after the other. And not just necessarily little trauma. There's been a lot of big trauma in my life that I will bring out in my book. But hearing a therapist say that, I think it definitely allowed me to give myself a little bit more grace for where I'm at in my life. And I think it also allowed my partner to understand me better. And I think the further I get into my relationship and you start looking towards kids and marriage, I really think we need to make premarital counseling cool again. Okay. I feel like people look at it as if it's something for, like, the old ages. Like, that's what you have to do with your pastor before you're even allowed to get married. No, that's not. You know, you don't have to do it by any means, but I feel like you'll thank yourself later if you do. My partner and I were talking last night, and we're like, first off, just had such a calmness and peace about our relationship and where we're at and thanking each other for giving one another the space to express their feelings and concerns without judgment. Right. I think as a society, we've gotten so used to making people feel comfortable and hearing their stories, and then the moment they piss us off, we want to weaponize those things against them. And that's just not how I want to live my life. I also don't think it's really possible to have a truly healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship if you do that. So we already have, like, four more days of intensive therapy scheduled. Nine to four. Four days, Three days, maybe. I'm also getting with my own therapist and doing some other stuff. And I think the point in sharing this is to point out that healing never ends, you can maybe feel like you make progress, but healing never ends. And I don't think we really ever want healing to end. I said to my therapist yesterday, I've lived my life for so long stating, oh, gosh, I'm a heck of a lot better today than I was a few years ago. And I've gotten to a sense, I've kind of gotten to a place in life to where there's just a lot of complacency with the healing that I've done. It's easy to say, oh, I'm so much better than I was. But then my therapist actually threw out something and it hit me to the core, to the extent that I even wrote it down in my notes. He said, if not as bad. And also too, my therapist, Matt Wade, he actually came on my podcast, so you can go back and look at that episode if you did not see it, because there's a lot of great insights in it. Matt said, if not as bad as I used to be is still unhealthy, I'm not there yet. If not as bad as I used to be is still unhealthy. I'm not there yet. Which really spoke to me because I think that's some of the truest words I've ever heard. I don't want to just be as good as I used to be. I want to be better and better and better. And that just told me I still have a lot of healing to do. And that is okay. We're constantly going to be healing from things we're going through every single day. And he also said something else that I loved, which was, the devil that I know is better than the heaven I don't. The issue is you're still dancing with the devil. And I think we all say, like, I'd rather deal with the devil I know than the one I don't. Well, again, you're still dealing with the devil. And there was just so many realizations yesterday that I'm so grateful for. And I love going to therapy, honestly. And going to therapy with your partner is even better because it gives you a safe place to have the conversations that you don't know how to have at home without maybe a blow up or passive aggressiveness. So I love that. I know for me, you know, starting out in therapy, right, things are hard. You may not know how to deal with it, but. And sometimes we all need tools to help us get along the way. For me, working out, working out is a sense of therapy. It makes me feel better. I have Less anxiety. I have less depression. And also just giving yourself time to rest. I am terrible at this. Okay? I am terrible. I think I was gone for, like, two weeks. I came home for maybe a night this past week. I'm constantly going, and I need to take my own advice. I have got to slow down some. But again, that's also hard. Cause I always. When an opportunity presents itself, I am the queen of saying yes. And my whole motto has been, if you don't, like, if you don't say yes, someone else will. And the opportunity you don't say yes to could have been the opportunity that set your career to just a different place. So it's a battle that I struggle with, but it is okay, you know, to hear my therapist say, you don't just have ptsd, you have cptsd, and that is chronic post traumatic stress disorder. And to hear him say that, it was like, it felt great. It was very validating. And to hear him say that, it felt great, and it was extremely validating. But then it's like, as I sit here today, it's kind of that question of like, okay, well, why did I need that validation? Why did I need someone else to tell me that it was okay that I felt this way or needed someone else? It's just, again, right? I felt like I made so much progress. But then today I look at it and I'm like, all right, well, that's some more trauma that I need to work on at the fact that I need someone else to validate how I feel. So that's just a prime example of healing never ends. The work never stops. But you have to be willing to do the work and put the work in, because if you don't put the work in, it doesn't really impact other people. Sure, it could impact them in the way that you treat them, but it really impacts you. You're the one suffering from it. You're the one who's never going to find, or you're the one who's going to struggle to find peace and solidarity in life and love and laughter. You're just holding yourself back. And now that's what I'm Realiz at, almost 30 years old, is I've held myself back because I haven't done the work. But then I have to also give myself grace, because the only way I could get through the days was not focusing on those things because I knew it would send me in a downward spiral. So there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to healing. You just have to start that's it. Whether that's talking to a friend, a parent, talking to yourself, writing in a journal, going and working out, reaching out to a therapist, it just takes one little step to start the healing process. Listen, I genuinely think sleep is one of the most underrated things we can do for ourselves. I mean, everything. Your mood, your focus, your patience, how you show up for the people around you. It all starts with how you slept the night before. And I spent way too long not taking that seriously. But Brooklyn Bedding changed that for me. And what I love about this company beyond just the product, is the story behind it. The founder, John, didn't come from some big corporate background. He literally studied mattresses, bootstrapped the whole thing, and built his own factory from the ground up in Arizona. No middlemen, no gimmicks, just real American craftsmanship and a product he actually stands behind. That kind of determination shows up in the quality, and you can feel it. If you know me, you, I am very picky about my nighttime routine. Okay? I have all my steps in place and it's just so hard for me to fall asleep. And I sleep really, really hot. So I have to have something that is cooling. And that is why I chose to order the Aurora Luxe cooling bed. And let me tell you, I have never slept better. And for anyone who sleeps hot, like myself, Brooklyn Bedding uses glaciotech covers and copper infused foams to help regulate your temperature all night. They've also been endorsed by the American Chiropractic for spinal alignment and back health. And they were named best mattress by CNET and best hybrid mattress by Wirecutter. So it's not just me saying it. Plus, they give you 120 night comfort trial. Love it. Or they'll help you return or swap it. No stress. Go to BrooklynBedding.com and use my promo code unlocked at checkout to get 30% off site wide. This offer is not available anywhere else. That's BrooklynBetting.com and promo code UNLO. 30% off site wide. Support our show and let them know we sent you after checkout. BrooklynBetting.com promo code unlocked. Okay, I want to talk about something I think so many of us have been through that is finally deciding that you're ready to talk to somebody. Like, you do the work, you get there, you build up the courage, and then you go online and you cannot find a single therapist who takes your insurance. It is incredibly defeating. And I've always said we use our insurance for everything when it comes to our physical health so why on earth should our mental health be any different? That's exactly why I want to tell you about Rula. Rula is a healthcare company that actually makes this whole process feel manageable. They partner with over 100 insurance plans and the average copay for patients is just $15 per session. That's real therapy from licensed professionals at a price that actually makes sense. And here's the thing they don't just with whoever's available. Rula looks at your goals, your background, your preferences and gives you a curated list of licensed in network therapists who are actually aligned with what you need. No wait list, no frustrating back and forth appointments available as soon as tomorrow. They also stay with you the whole way through, checking in to make sure your care is actually moving forward. That kind of consistency matters so much, especially when you're doing the hard work. Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high quality therapy that's actually covered by Insurance. Visit rula.comunlocked to get started. That's R U L A.comunlocked. you deserve mental health care that works with you and not against your budget. This is a paid message from GoFundMe. Meet Juan Naula. When his son was hospitalized for a viral infection, Juan started a GoFundMe to pay for medical expenses. It was 5k to pay the bill for my son and I need only 22 hours. It was amazing. People really trust on GoFundMe. How did Juan raise $5,000 in less than a day? He posted a short video on GoFundMe telling his story in 30 seconds. 30 seconds. Be specific, be quick and tell. What are you gonna be using the funds for? I was nervous to do it because it doesn't feel okay to us money. But you shouldn't be nervous. Sometimes you just have to do it and see the results. We were able to save my son's life thanks to gofundme that we still have my son with us. Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com that's gofundme.com gofundme.com this message reflects one person's experience also throughout my therapy process. I think what I've realized now is that I have held on to all the trauma that I've gone through in life because that's all that I've known. That's all I've known for almost the entirety of my entire life. And I've been so afraid of letting that trauma go because who am I going to be without it? Like who am I going to be. How am I going to act? I don't know any difference. And I have taken on my trauma as if it's like a badge of honor. I have worn it and I've thanked it because it's made me as strong as I am and it's allowed me to get through things I've gotten through in life when in reality, I don't want to hold onto it and I don't know if I'll ever get there. I think I can slowly start letting it go, and I think I have. But you're always going to live with it. I just kind of want to live with it and put it in a box and not live with it in my everyday life. Like, I want to heal that piece of me and put it away and then continue living my new life. And all I would say is just try. It's hard. If you need help, reach out to someone. Reach out and say, hey, I'm not okay. Because at the end of the day, it's okay to not be okay. So take the first step. Reach out to someone. Do whatever it is you need to do in order to start healing yourself. You'll thank yourself later. And this is coming from someone who has gone through it all, okay? And you will read that in my book when it comes out. But I've gone through it all. I have been a ticking time bomb to others. And in my own life, I have hurt people. I've caused trauma. I've had people hurt me and place trauma upon me. It just is what it is. But there is light on the other side. So now let's talk about my love life. I think I want to title this loving in private because that's exactly what I'm doing. I have done love loud. Very, very loud. And this time I'm just not doing that. I'm not posting him. I'm not being super loud about it. I have given little tiny glimpses. But I think I've come to realize that loving out loud in the public eye doesn't really serve me. It only hinders a relationship that's trying to prosper, that's trying to grow. And my past relationships, trust me, they were loud. I posted every single detail. And there are times to where, trust me, I want to post. I want to post our happy moments. I want to post stupid stuff. I want to post how we were on a trip and he forgot almost all of his clothes and had no pajamas and I had him put on a pair of my lobster in my Sunday pajamas and I took a photo. It was hysterical. Like it's the moments like that that like I want to post, I want to laugh about. I want to brag on the person that I'm with and how proud I am of them. But in the midst of bragging on him, it could potentially hinder the relationship that I'm in and that's just not worth it to me anymore. I also think there is a difference in hiding versus protecting your relationship. I mean, let's face it, they look the same from the outside, but they're not. And again, I want to repeat that. Hiding versus protecting. They can look the same, but they can have totally different meanings. And hiding a relationship is saying that you're ashamed of that relationship. In my opinion. In my opinion, hiding a relationship is saying I'm ashamed of it or I'm just not quite sure yet. Versus protecting a relationship is saying I am so confident in this relationship and I have so much love for this person that I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to hinder this relationship and I want to potentially have this relationship for the rest of my life. I think that's the difference in the two. And we are also in a world right now of social media and people constantly posting their every single move in their personal life, relationship, friends, work, life. I'm in the world of social media, okay? Like I do, I make money off social media. I have a podcast, I tell you my life, but I'm learning to decipher what is actually good for me and what's not so good. Sure, having my partner on this podcast numbers would be phenomenal. The likes on social media would be insane. But is that worth taking away from my home life? No, it is not. I also think that there's a lot of work that I had to do on myself before I was ready to be loved without performing for it. I want to say that again. There was a lot of work that I had to do on myself before I was ready to truly be loved instead of performing for that love. And I think I've noticed that when you find the right person, you don't feel a need for that performance. You don't feel a need to put it out there for the world to see. I don't want to you guys to feel like I'm being secretive or I'm hiding things from you because you have been in my life since I was a fresh 16 year old girl. You've been loyal to me and my family. If you're a new follower thank you. I love you and appreciate you and just so grateful for you showing up every Tuesday when this podcast comes out, or watching it on YouTube or following my businesses. I'm eternally grateful. And just because I'm not sharing something right now doesn't mean I don't think you're worthy of seeing it or that you deserve to see it. You do, But I have to do it in my time frame. Visit goodgirlrx.com and use code UNLOCKED15 to get 15% off at checkout. Medical care is provided by licensed physicians. Not all patients qualify. Good Girl VirtualRx is a female focused health and wellness company built around the belief that women deserve better access to care and better conversations about their health. Through our telehealth platform, women connect with licensed medical providers from the comfort of their own home. During your virtual appointment, a doctor reviews your health history and goals and if clinically appropriate, may discuss prescription treatment options as part of a personalized plan. Those Options can include GLP1 medications like Trazepolis Appetite, as well as wellness therapies such as nad, depending on what your provider determines is right for you. Every treatment plan is individualized, medically guided, and based on your specific needs, not trends or one size fits all solutions. I'm the founder of Good Girl Rx and this is my personal experience. For me, the biggest shift wasn't just physical, it was finally feeling heard, supported and honestly cared for without shame. Everyone's journey is different, results vary and not everyone qualifies. But access to real medical guidance can be life changing. Visit goodgirlrx.com and use code UNLOCKED15 to get 15% off at checkout. Medical care is provided by licensed physicians. Not all patients qualify. I'm Jake Stauch, co founder and CEO of Cervical. We built Servl to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding password resets, access to applications. My laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work, and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English and it's built. No drag and drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Cerval, IT becomes the AI engine powering the entire company. This is a new way to run it. We guarantee you'll automate 50% of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four week pilot. Go to cerval.comtickets that's S E R V A L.com tickets. That's the road that I'm on. But that doesn't go without saying that there's definitely fear that shows up when something's going really good. I'm used to a lot of things in my life falling apart. So in true Savannah fashion, I think I'm a pretty good self sabotager. Now. I did just make that sound like a really good thing, I think, in the way that I said it. But it's actually a really bad thing. So don't take my tone as it being good because it's freaking terrible. Do not self sabotage. Do not be me. There is a fear for sure when things start going good that they're gonna fall apart. But I would rather let my guard down and be loved to the fullest than to never feel what that love feels like. You know, when I speak about myself sabotaging ways before, if I felt like things weren't going well, then I'd just make sure they weren't going well at all. Okay. I would really do my part and maybe a little self destruction. I would if I felt like I was gonna get broken up with. I'm gonna break up with you first, Abhidam. Um, I actually. My last relationship, I actually got broken up with. But, you know, I think that was a humbling experience for me. I wasn't used to it. But there's a first for everything. There is. And in a way, I'm grateful for it. Cause it's led me to where I'm at today. I spent a long time waiting around for him. Okay, I didn't write this on my card today, but I'm just gonna tell you I did. I spent a really long time waiting around, hoping he would change his mind. And I have no ill will at all. Okay, I just want to preface that statement. You know, whatever. You get what I'm saying. Okay. No ill will at all towards him. But I did. I waited around for a really long time. But part of me feels like that waiting around allowed me to do a lot of work on myself that I needed to do. And it also allowed me to look in the mirror and say, okay, well, when is it that you are part of the problem? Like I said before, it's hard to. It's hard to look in the mirror and tell yourself the hard things, but sometimes we have to do that. And I had to take accountability for what led me to that place and that relationship not working out. So throughout those months, slash let's see. Yeah, it was while. It was while. Yeah. Erin's looking at me. She's saying more than months. It was a really long time. But in the midst of. Of the waiting around, I think I found more strength. I was able to confront myself and the part that I had to play in things, I was able to look at the situation and say, all right, well, do you really want this for your life? And when I wasn't looking was when my partner came into my life. So I'm definitely a chronic looker. Okay, well, I was a chronic looker. Okay? I was a very chronic looker. Social media does that to us. I was a chronic looker. Okay? But Savannah doesn't know that chronic looker anymore. Just want to say that it's great to not be a chronic looker. I think I just came up with something new, too. Chronic looker. I should trademark that. But in the midst of the waiting, it gave me more strength. It allowed me to confront myself. It really gave me time to sit back and say, what do I want out of life? What do I not want out of life? I also think it was good to be alone, you know, for a little while. I think I just am, like, this hopeless romantic, and I just want love, and I just want to be loved, and I just want happiness. But in reality, you can't force those things, and you can't find those things if you're not happy with yourself. So it took. I also think, too, my parents being gone played a huge role in my love life. I mean, I was taking care of two kids. I was fighting for presidential pardons. I was paying legal fees. I was living 9,000 lives, okay? So there was no way I could have been the best version of myself for the person I was with. Granted, I was pretty great. Okay? I mean, I know I don't need a grandmother to pat me on the back right now, but when I came to Easter, my Easter baskets, top notch. I should have filmed that content. Top notch. Easter baskets. Don't think anyone can touch them. Holidays, birthdays, celebrations, just everyday life. I really do feel like I showed up really well. But there was also parts of me that weren't so great. Okay? So I can now say that I have my part to play in things, too. But again, that's what healing is, right? And that's what kind of. When I go back to talking about hiding verse, protecting, if I would have come on my podcast and talked about every single thing that was going on in my past relationship, that's not protecting. At all. So I am learning as we go. And you guys will find out eventually, okay? You'll find out about my love life. But I want to protect it. I don't want to hide it. I want to protect it. All right, next, I do want to talk about faith, family, and boundaries. Yes, the scary B word, boundaries. I am learning in my life that I do need more boundaries, but I don't want to be. I feel like it's easy for boundaries to go really, really wrong. I feel like a lot of times people will use the word boundary to be vindictive or to box people out when in reality those aren't healthy boundaries. You can set boundaries for yourself while still being loving and respectful to people. I also think I am learning that no is not always bad. There can be so much love in saying no or so much love in saying the hard things. Love isn't always pretty. It's not always wrapped in a nice little bow. It's hard. And I'm learning that, that in order to have love for myself, I also have to have boundaries. And sometimes loving someone is telling them things that maybe they don't want to hear. I think, you know, when it comes to the boundaries, right. There's a lot of faith that's associated with that. For me, I grew up in a very southern household. My grandfather's a Southern Baptist minister. I went to a private Christian school my entire life. I then went on to a private. I then went on to a private Christian college for a year. And that's all I've really ever known. And I feel like in. I feel like in today's day and age, you see a lot of these faith filled influencers or pastors and it seems like everything is great and happy. Go lucky. Well, if that's you, I'm really happy for you. I am. I'm really happy for you and your journey. But mine has not always been that way. I do believe that some people can have a really glorious walk with God that may be easier. For me. It has not been that way. There have been a time. There has been a time in my life to where I have said, God, if you are real, you would not have allowed this to happen. I don't believe in you. I've been there. And then in a matter of a day, God showed me exactly why he is real. And my faith journey, like I said, has not been easy. I have struggled, I have questioned, I have doubted. I have felt all the feelings. I have had anger and sadness. But when I look at my life and where it's at today, I see the reason God allowed every single thing to happen the way that it did. And the strength that I have today, I would not trade it for the world. But I do have to learn to be better with my boundaries. Okay, My boundaries. And I think my faith is going to help me with that, diving deeper into that. And I never want to be the person, like I said, that uses boundaries as a way to harm someone else. Because I feel like we see a lot of that in today's day and age. I also think, you know, something I talked about in therapy was conflict versus disrespectful. Those are two totally different things. But I feel like nine times out of ten we look at conflict as disrespect. And that all goes back to the wording of things. I know yesterday in my therapy, my partner and I were talking and he was saying things and he stopped himself dead in his tracks and reworded the way that he said it. Because when you're going at someone and saying, well, you did this, you did this, you did this, that's automatically going to make someone defensive and feel disrespected versus saying, well, I felt this way when you did that. I like to say you can't really argue with a feeling. We don't have the right to tell someone they can't feel the way that they feel. We don't have the right to tell them that they're not hurt. We just don't. And if you think you do have the right to tell someone that they can't feel the way they feel, I would suggest maybe a long term treatment program. No, I'm kidding. I would, I would just suggest to maybe look into that a little deeper and think why you feel that way. But when it comes to conflict, I think it's so healthy to have conflict in relationships. Because in the midst of conflict, you learn so much about someone, you learn to have more empathy for them. When you start to learn their story, you have more empathy, you have more grace and understanding, and maybe you'll find a deeper love that you didn't know was there. So I would say something I'm gonna work on is conflict versus disrespect and being able to spot the difference between the two without automatically jumping to the negative thing. Because, boy, I jump to worst case scenario. It's just how I am. That is my trauma speaking and not me speaking. There's a big difference. And, you know, I think I'm seeing this more and more every single day. When it comes to conflict versus disrespect, there are so many times in the midst of conflict to where if you would just take it over the edge, you would get to the end result. But I know for me speaking, it's so easy in the midst of conflict for me to hang on to every word and find the disrespect in the conflict, when in reality that was never the point. And maybe what the person is saying is true. I'm definitely guilty of saying, well, you frickin did this. Like, do you know how stupid that was or what? That you're never going to get anywhere with that. Like, even if you think, you know what, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. That could cause people to be defensive. That could cause people to maybe go back in their shell. It could. Versus maybe saying, you know what? Have you ever thought of it this way? Or I would have done it differently. It's thinking before you speak. And if you know me, I don't think I was born, I definitely was not born with that capability. Okay. I don't really think before I speak at times and then I look back and I'm like, oh no, why did I say that? But when it comes to conflict, I feel like we would have so much more intentional relationships if we just put it all out there on the table instead of skirting around issues and not addressing it and making excuses. We just have to say the hard things. And saying hard things, I truly do believe is rooted in love. If you say them the right way, it's not about attacking someone. I have done this in my life more times than I would like to ever admit. Honestly, I don't even know the times, so I really couldn't admit it to you. It's that much. That's how I've operated a ton of my life. And again, I'm not frickin healed, okay? I guarantee you I'm gonna look at someone and be like, well, you did this. Old habits die hard. It's just the reality of it. But becoming aware about where you're at in your life and where you're at in relationships is the first step. If you can become aware, you can fix it. So I think I want to end this episode with kind of going back to my younger self and things that I would tell her if I could go back and sit across from 18 year old me, 22, 24, these are the things that I would tell her. And if you are her, these are the things that I would tell you too. Give yourself Grace, don't look for other people to validate your trauma and how you feel. You are worthy of the greatest things that life has to offer. Don't allow the people that have harmed you to steal one more ounce of joy from you. You may not find your person tomorrow or six months from now or a year from now, but your person will come when you are ready to accept them and love them. And not only love them, but when you're ready to also be loved and nurtured. And I would also tell Younger me, honestly to have more respect for herself. There have been times in my life to where I've definitely lacked a little bit of that respect when it comes to my body and maybe the people that I've given it to. Let's be real. Sorry, dad. Just the truth. If you're me or if you're that girl, those are definitely. Those are some of the things that I would say. And again, my biggest thing is worthy. You are worthy of the greatest things in life. And if you're struggling, it's okay to struggle for a minute. But don't sit in it because sitting in it is only going to be at the detriment of you. Don't allow people who have wronged you to take up that space in your life. And honestly, when I look back at Younger me, as much as I was trying to survive and get through the day, I wish I would have come to the realization that it's okay to not be okay sooner. But on that note, I do want to share something that came up on my Instagram today because I don't feel like things are just happenstance. I was showing up to do this solo podcast today and I came across this and it spoke to me. I never thought I would say this, but thank you God for taking me the long way. Nothing happened overnight. Some doors stayed closed, some prayers were answered with waiting. Some seasons lasted a lot longer than I wanted and I had to grow in places I didn't even realize were needed. But God knew if I had arrived too quickly, I don't think I'd know him like I do today. And I may have received what I prayed for, but without the character to carry it. So God refined me, humbled me, taught me to endure, and pulled me out of who I was to shape me into who I needed to become. There was no shortcut for that kind of work. And now I can look back with gratitude and say, thank you Lord, for taking me the long way. Your will, your way, your best. I read that quote and I couldn't help but smile, have tears in my eyes, because that's where I'm at in life now. And sometimes we have to give a little gratitude to the things that tried to break us, that brought us to where we're at. So with that being said, I love you guys. I'm so excited for the future, and I can't wait for you to see all the amazing guests we have coming on. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto tv. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. It's just so true. Beautiful on Pluto TV. Free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow, the 100 and the X Files may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV Stream now. Pay Never. Hey guys, it's your friend Michelle Collins, and I'm here to invite you to listen to the Michelle Collins Show. Yes, that's my show. Unfiltered, unscripted, unhinged, and covers pretty much everything you're going to want to care about. It's funny, it's fearless. It could go off the rails at any moment, and I'll often does. So follow rate and review the Michelle Collins show wherever you get your podcasts and let's spiral together.