Unlocked with Savannah Chrisley: The Truth About Trauma (feat. Matt Wade)

PodcastOne | March 10, 2026

Episode Overview

In this deeply personal and insightful episode, Savannah Chrisley welcomes therapist and author Matt Wade to discuss trauma—how it impacts our relationships, the journey toward healing, and the power of vulnerability. Savannah and Matt delve into therapy experiences, attachment styles, trauma bonding, and building emotionally safe and connected partnerships. Matt shares from both his clinical expertise and his own marriage, offering listeners hope, practical frameworks, and a better understanding of themselves and those they love.

Key Discussion Points

1. Savannah’s Relationship with Matt Wade

• Savannah introduces Matt as someone who has helped her through difficult times, emphasizing the personal impact of his work on her life.
• "You are kind of there for me during some really shitty moments ... helped me get through it and internalize everything." (Savannah, 02:24)

2. Matt’s Marriage, Crisis, and the Power of Therapy

• Matt’s book, Secure: 90 Days to a More Connected Relationship, opens with the story of his own marriage crisis and recovery.
• Facing the aftermath of "imploding" his marriage, he describes a period of intense vulnerability and decision at the brink of separation.
• “We were in couples therapy and didn’t know why. It was kind of like we were renovating the upstairs but there was a bomb in the basement, and I lit that bomb and imploded my marriage.” (Matt, 03:09)
• The turning point: committed to years of arduous therapy, including individual and couples counseling three times a week.

Memorable Quote

• "The turning point is when there’s no more secrets, when you can show up authentically and say, here’s all of my shit." (Matt, 07:51)

3. The Challenge and Purpose of Therapy

• Therapy is described as a place to face oneself, not just marital problems.
• “Therapy is where you go to meet those dark shadow places." (Matt, 05:06)
• Ego and childhood wounds act as protectors, keeping secrets and impairing authenticity.

Memorable Quote

• “There is no intimacy where there’s secrecy. No. Because the issue when we run into secrecy is that now I’m creating distance between me and the person that I say that I love the most.” (Matt, 08:10)

4. Trauma, Secrecy, and Letting Go of Control

• Secrets and unprocessed trauma will “leak out” in relationships or in the body.
• “Whatever secret I hold, whatever pain that I’m clutching, trauma leaks ... Truth will come out regardless if you want it to or not.” (Matt, 11:00)
• The illusion of control: Letting go of outcomes is critical for authenticity and healing.

5. Defining and Navigating Trauma and Trauma Bonding

• Savannah asks how to distinguish sharing trauma in relationships from trauma bonding.
• Matt unpacks the importance of paying attention to how your body responds, identifying whether you're drawn to someone's trauma or actual connection.
• “We’re probably just finding our pattern.” (Matt, 16:36)
• True intimacy is rooted in healing, not mere mutual wounds: “But how did you recover? Did you heal? Did you repair the rip?” (Matt, 18:00)

Attachment Styles

• Discussion of anxious and avoidant attachment: opposites often attract, but two highly anxious or avoidant individuals struggle with long-term relationships.
• “If you have two people that are avoidant, they would never talk, and they grow cold and distant from each other.” (Matt, 20:18)

6. Abuse and Relationship Dynamics

• Broadening the definition of abuse beyond the physical: neglect, withholding affection or emotional care.
• Breaking cycles of emotional abuse and power dynamics requires intensive therapy and outside support.

7. The Power of Vulnerability and Repair

• Healing requires the courage to be vulnerable and to risk being wounded by loved ones.
• Matt’s therapy work has shifted from traditional sessions to intense, multi-day "intensives" for breakthrough moments.
• “Vulnerability, the word in Latin means wound … I’m risking getting wounded by the person that I love the most.” (Matt, 24:46)
• The importance of creating emotionally safe spaces and regular rituals for connection.

8. Inner Child Work and Family Legacy

• Both discuss the surprising power of “inner child” work: coloring timelines, re-parenting wounded parts, and the symbolism of ritual acts like burning trauma timelines.
• “Our adult behavior is just our inner child trying to drive the bus.” (Matt, 32:56)
• Trauma isn’t always about bad parenting; even well-intentioned parents can leave emotional needs unmet.
• Use of “and” language to accept both love from parents and unmet needs.

Memorable Quote

• “Don’t speak ill of them, but go speak nice to your inner child.” (Matt, 35:58)

9. Generational Trauma and Children

• Highlighting the reality of epigenetics: unhealed trauma can pass through three generations.
• “If we don’t do our trauma work, our children will have to do it for us.” (Matt, 37:16)
• The current increase in parents putting their children in therapy; importance of teaching coping skills early.
• Praise for therapy helping young adults like Grayson communicate feelings in healthy ways.

10. Matt’s Books: SECURE and The HEART Model

• Secure: 90 Days to a More Connected Relationship – guided daily/weekly work for individuals and couples.
• The Heart Model: a 5-step framework for forgiveness: Honor the hurt, Empathize, Acknowledge responsibility, Release resentment, and Turn toward repair.
• Both available on Amazon.

Quote on Forgiveness

• “The Heart model is a pathway to forgiveness … for daily ruptures, these rips and tears that really kind of claw at our relationship every day.” (Matt, 46:15)

11. Hope, Change, and Rituals in Relationships

• Matt and Savannah stress that true repair and deeper connection are possible after great pain.
• Matt describes daily rituals (like 4:00 AM coffee) as ways he and his wife practice intentional connection.
• “Nobody drifts toward a healthy marriage.” (Matt, 49:33)

Quote for Lasting Action

• “Don’t wait until you need it [therapy/self-work] to do it.” (Savannah, 52:54)
• “You can do this in crisis or you can do it in connection. It’s up to me.” (Matt, 53:15)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Therapy is where you go to meet those dark shadow places.” (Matt, 05:06)
• “There is no intimacy where there’s secrecy.” (Matt, 08:10)
• “Your body will tell on you.” (Matt, 11:34)
• “We’re probably just finding our pattern.” (Matt, 16:36)
• “Nobody drifts toward a healthy marriage.” (Matt, 49:33)
• “Don’t speak ill of them, but go speak nice to your inner child.” (Matt, 35:58)
• “Healing is simple ... It’s just not easy.” (Matt, 44:39)
• “At the end of the day, the relationship that you have with yourself dictates the relationship that you have with others.” (Savannah, 41:03)

Structured Timeline & Timestamps

[02:36] Introduction of Matt Wade and his book Secure
[03:09–05:02] Matt’s story: Marriage crisis, implosion, and the journey through intensive therapy
[07:51–08:10] The importance of radical honesty and ending secrecy
[11:00–12:00] Trauma and secrets leak out whether we want them to or not
[16:36–17:26] Trauma bonding vs. authentic connection; recognizing your own patterns
[24:46–25:01] Vulnerability and repair: “Word vulnerable in Latin means wound”
[32:11–32:56] Inner child work and the symbolism of burning trauma timelines
[35:07–35:58] Accepting both parental goodness and unmet needs
[37:03–37:46] Epigenetics: Trauma passed down three generations
[41:03] Individuals must do their own work for couples therapy to be effective
[46:15] The Heart Model explained: A framework for forgiveness
[49:33] Morning rituals and the necessity of intentionality in relationships
[52:54–53:15] “Don’t wait until you need it” — preventive approach to relationship health

Core Takeaways

• Healing Is Possible: Even major relational ruptures can be repaired with courage, honesty, and therapeutic work.
• No Intimacy with Secrecy: Authenticity and vulnerability are non-negotiable for closeness.
• Generational Impact: Unaddressed trauma can affect children and grandchildren; self-work is a legacy.
• Intentional Practices: Rituals, quick repairs, curiosity, and new habits (as in Matt’s Secure book) are foundational for lasting connection.
• Forgiveness Has a Framework: Forgiveness is not an abstract concept—Matt’s Heart Model gives couples practical steps.
• Start Early, Don’t Wait: Preventative self and couples work foster deeper connection and resilience.

Additional Resources

• Matt Wade Books:
  • Secure: 90 Days to a More Connected Relationship
  • The Heart Model: A New Pathway to Forgiveness (Both on Amazon)
• Mentioned Reading: The Anxious Generation (on children and devices)
• Onsite Intensive Programs: (onsiteworkshops.com)

Episode Tone

The conversation is raw, humorous, gentle, and deeply empathetic. Both Savannah and Matt display candor, humility, and hope, using storytelling and evidence-based insights to break down complex topics around trauma, healing, and love.

Recommended For: Anyone seeking to understand the real work of relationship repair, trauma processing, and authentic personal growth—whether single, partnered, or simply curious about what deep healing looks like.