unPAUSED with Dr. Mary Claire Haver

Episode: "Midlife Divorce: The Facts, The Finances, and The Fallout"

Guest: Jenny Hutt | Date: December 30, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Mary Claire Haver sits down with Jennifer (Jenny) Hutt, a broadcaster, lawyer, and divorce mediator, for an unflinchingly honest conversation about the growing phenomenon of “gray divorce”—marital breakups in midlife and beyond. Drawing from her own personal journey and professional expertise, Jenny breaks down the emotional, legal, and financial realities facing women navigating divorce in midlife, especially during and after the transition of menopause. The discussion covers cultural shifts, economic impacts, legal protections, rebuilding identity, and why menopause can be both a challenge and a superpower.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Intersection of Menopause and Divorce

• The "Dry Vagina" Myth

  • Jenny recounts the oversimplification she’s heard:

    "The lawyer in your office had said, well, I think it's dry vagina that's causing these divorces. Which obviously is an oversimplification of larger issue." (Jennifer Hutt, 00:00)

  • Both agree that while physical symptoms are real, the core issue is often emotional and relational:

    “There can be a moment where a woman over 50 says, what the am I doing this for? When I don’t feel supported and I don’t feel loved and I don’t feel cared for enough and I don’t feel valued and I don’t feel cherished…” (Jennifer Hutt, 00:21).

• Cultural and Emotional Complexity

  • Divorce rates for those over 50—so-called "gray divorce"—have doubled since the 1990s, with women initiating the majority ([Dr. Haver referencing Census Bureau, 10:54]).
  • Menopause often triggers self-reflection and boundary-setting, which can either strengthen or end relationships.

    “There’s something about menopause that allows women to kind of circle the wagons and reevaluate and put up boundaries.” (Dr. Mary Claire Haver, 15:19)

• Loss and Reassessment

  • Past trauma and witnessing the loss of family members motivates women not to "waste" their remaining years in unsatisfying relationships.

    “My mom died at 65 years old. I’m 55. I’m not gonna spend my next 10 years being unhappy, right?” (Jennifer Hutt, 15:02)

2. Jenny Hutt’s Path from Broadcasting to Divorce Law

• Personal pain, including loss of parents and the end of her own marriage, inspired Jenny to pivot her career toward helping others through family law and mediation ([Jenny Hutt, 06:27-08:48]).

  “I wanted to turn pain into power and purpose...I could do even more good advocating for a specific person.” (Jennifer Hutt, 07:56)

• She emphasizes the importance of lived experience, especially understanding the nuances of long-term marriage and divorce for women.

3. Legal Aspects: Mediation vs. Litigation

• Mediation:
  • Mediators work for both parties to avoid court and facilitate fair settlements.
  • Works best when both partners are willing to compromise and communicate ([Jennifer Hutt, 09:29]).
• Litigation:
  • Each party retains their own lawyer to advocate for their best interests.
  • Jenny cautions:

    “If a lawyer is pushing you to go to trial—not the best lawyer.” (Jennifer Hutt, 09:29)

• Asset Division, Custody, Pets:
  • Marriage is framed as a "family business," with complex decisions about asset and custody division ([Jennifer Hutt, 09:29-10:30]).

4. Finances & Empowerment

• Preparation and Awareness
  • Many women are unaware of their household’s financial details.

    “What percentage of your clients don't know this information? I mean, many don’t. I will say that. And this is not their fault.” (Jennifer Hutt, 24:11)

  • Key documents to gather: tax returns, account balances, whose name is on what, details on insurance and property ([Jenny Hutt, 31:05]).
• Impact of Divorce on Women’s Finances
  • On average, women’s household income drops 41% after divorce, versus 23% for men ([Dr. Haver, 27:27]).
  • Dr. Haver’s clinical insight:

    “It was shocking to me how many of them were moving into...losing their homes, moving into tiny apartments, struggling to have to find a job for the first time in her adult life.” (Dr. Mary Claire Haver, 28:05)

• Financial Independence as Empowerment
  • Not just a hedge against being left, but a path to personal fulfillment and freedom.

    “When you are able to be financially independent and take care of yourself, then the rest is a bonus.” (Jennifer Hutt, 29:16)

5. Best Practices Before and During Divorce

• “Don't burn down the house.” Decisions made in the heat of emotion rarely produce good outcomes ([Jennifer Hutt, 23:32]).
• Know your legal rights:
  • Marital property rights (state-dependent)
  • Entitlement to child support (e.g., to 21/22 in NY)
  • Rights to retirement accounts accumulated during marriage ([Jennifer Hutt, 24:14-25:00])
• Protecting Inheritance:
  • Inheritance or gifts must be kept in separate accounts to retain their legal protection ([Jennifer Hutt, 33:58-34:16]).
  • Postnuptial agreements can help protect assets if circumstances change.

6. Emotional Rebuilding & Identity After Gray Divorce

• Reclaiming self-identity after long marriages can feel “weird,” “jolting,” even “creepy” ([Jennifer Hutt, 40:47]).

• Community is crucial: forge new connections and allow others to help, even if your instinct is to hide ([Jennifer Hutt, 43:10-44:17]).

• There can be surprising joy and agency:

  “It’s really nice for women to. After years and years of cooking and cleaning...know if you want Oreos for dinner...you can have Oreos for dinner. And nobody’s gonna say anything.” (Jennifer Hutt, 46:01)

• On the other side of the pain, Jenny witnesses clients finding new peace, freedom, and happiness—even after difficult breakups.

7. Advice for Women Considering Divorce

• Three Top Things to Do:
  1. Obtain tax returns.
  2. Get a financial snapshot of all accounts.
  3. Know details on assets, debts, insurance, and kids’ accounts ([Jennifer Hutt, 31:05]).
• Maintain regular financial check-ins, even in happy marriages ([Dr. Haver and Jenny Hutt, 32:15-33:17]).
• Seek legal counsel: Most firms offer complimentary consultations and can clarify rights and procedures.

8. On Shame, Humor, and Hope

• Divorce still comes with stigma; isolation and shame are common responses, but community and vulnerability are essential to healing.
• Humor is a powerful coping tool:

  “If you can’t find the funny, then what’s the point of living?... Humor is a coping skill, and it changes your chemistry and your brain chemistry, like exercise, like moving. When we laugh, we feel better.” (Jennifer Hutt, 50:14)

• Every problem can be managed, even if it can’t be fixed:

  "There's always an option to be okay. You will be okay." (Jennifer Hutt, 51:53)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Menopause as Superpower:

  “Sometimes I think menopause and perimenopause are a superpower because the lessening of the estrogen sort of stops that people pleasing… you can just be without worry.” (Jennifer Hutt, 04:17)

• The Power of Compassion in Law Practice:

  “A little compassion goes a long way...These are people in the roughest time of their lives. If I could be there to make it, like, a tiny bit easier, I’m thrilled.” (Jennifer Hutt, 20:51)

• On Shame and Healing:

  “You can’t let shame get in the way of your healing...Put one foot in front of the other. I always give the advice, just wake up in the morning, get through the day and go to sleep at night...It does happen.” (Jennifer Hutt, 43:10-44:17)

• On Financial Independence:

  “When you are able to be financially independent and take care of yourself, then the rest is a bonus. Then it’s not a dependency because you’re afraid.” (Jennifer Hutt, 29:16)

• Managing the Emotional Toll:

  “Divorce is highly emotionally charged, and when decisions are made based on emotion, rarely is it really the right outcome.” (Jennifer Hutt, 23:32)

• On Advice and Community:

  “You’re not alone. I promise you, the thing that you’re going through, that you think it’s only you… someone else has gone through it too. And there’s again, beauty in that. Cause it’s community.” (Jennifer Hutt, 51:53)

• Finding Freedom Post-Divorce:

  “I do what I want, when I want, how I want, I wear what I want, I don’t care and I freaking love it.” (Dr. Mary Claire Haver, 46:10)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• The “Dry Vagina” Oversimplification – 00:00–00:51
• Introduction and Mutual Career Reflections – 02:57–05:07
• Jenny’s Journey to Family Law & Mediation – 06:26–08:48
• Gray Divorce: Legal and Emotional Landscape – 10:53–15:19
• Culture, Loss, and Motivations for Divorce – 15:19–16:48
• Menopause as Superpower, Shifts in Communication – 04:17–05:07, 21:00–22:00
• Steps to Take Before and During Divorce – 23:16–27:13, 31:05–31:26
• Financial Impact of Divorce – 27:13–29:16
• Inheritance & Asset Protection – 33:57–34:16, 38:41–40:25
• Rebuilding Identity & Navigating Loneliness – 40:38–44:17
• Advice to Those Considering Divorce – 47:53–48:46
• Marriage Counseling: Help or Hinderance? – 48:49–49:29
• Humor in Healing and Hardship – 50:05–51:33
• Parting Wisdom: There’s Always a Way Through – 51:53–53:09

Resources & Where to Find More

• Jenny Hutt:
  • Instagram: @justjennyhut
  • TikTok: @ennyhutt
  • Legal consultation: jennylawjaw.com
• Dr. Mary Claire Haver:
  • Instagram: @drmaryclaire
  • Website: thepauselife.com
  • Upcoming Book: The New Perimenopause (available for pre-order)

Tone & Style

Engaging, empathetic, direct, and empowering—Dr. Haver and Jenny Hutt don’t shy away from tough topics. Their combination of humor, candor, and practical advice provides validation and actionable insights for women navigating one of life’s biggest transitions.

Summary prepared for listeners seeking practical understanding, validation, and empowerment—whether you’re contemplating divorce, supporting a friend, or reimagining your second half of life.