← UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE
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- [00:00]
Lauren Speed
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- [00:13]
Sheila Marie
I asked Stuart from accounting about his weekend. Even though I don't care.
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Lauren Speed
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- [00:21]
Ryan Seacrest
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- [00:27]
Lauren Speed
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- [00:31]
Ryan Seacrest
Do you feel when you switch to Geico and save on your car insurance? It's like finishing your laundry and successfully matching all your daughter's baby socks together on the first try.
- [00:40]
Lauren Speed
Let's see. Panda socks, firetruck socks. Socks with those cute little strawberries on them.
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Ryan Seacrest
You matched each and every one of those tiny socks. I mean, has this ever happened in the history of laundry and a penguin.
- [00:51]
Lauren Speed
Wearing a cowboy hat?
- [00:52]
Ryan Seacrest
Socks done. Enjoy the moment, dad. You've earned it. Yep, switching and saving with GEICO feels just like that. Get more with Geico.
- [01:02]
Sheila Marie
Welcome to Unruly. I'm your host, Sheila Marie. I'm an author, a fierce advocate for Black women, and the founder of the curvy curly conscious movement. In this space, I'm sharing what I've learned on my own journey while sitting down with some amazing women who are all navigating their own paths to healing. Because there's no better time than now to get a little unruly over here. At Unruly, we are all closing down, clocking out. But we are closing out the year by replaying a couple of my absolute favorite episodes from earlier in the season. These conversations hold a special place in my heart, and I hope they do for you as well. I hope you enjoy revisiting them as much as I enjoyed recording them. We have a very special guest. I know her as a friend, a fellow lover of horror movies, an indie film, a dog mama, and a wifey for lifey. Okay, you might know her from Netflix hit show Love Is Blind, but there's so much more to her story. Lauren Speed is a media entrepreneur, a storyteller, and a voice of empowerment. Lauren's journey is a beautiful example of embracing change with grace, which is exactly what we're diving into today is navigating life transitions. Embracing change with grace. I know I need a few pointers on this, so I'm glad my girl Lauren is here. We both have a passion for creating spaces where women can be their most authentic selves. And we were just chatting about this literally last week on her new podcast, the Love Seat, which we'll get into a little bit later. Okay, friend, I want to start out with a little icebreaker and have a little fun. You know, we do self love in a fun way. So you and I, me and you both love movies. So the stage of life that you're in right now, if it could be any genre of movie, what genre would it be and why?
- [03:00]
Lauren Speed
Ooh. Okay. What's the stage of life that I'm in right now? Ooh, the genre. It would be very, very chick flick empowerment. Very woman going through the journey of life with a happy ending, hopefully. Yes. I'm in transition right now. So it's very chick FL flick. You know, start from the bottom now. We here. So, yeah, it's very female empowerment heavy.
- [03:30]
Sheila Marie
Yeah, it's definitely giving, like that montage at the end of the chick flick when, like, everything goes right. Like everything's been going wrong. And then it's like this montage of music and she's like, getting your life together. That's. That's definitely what it's giving, friend. Yeah, it's giving. Happy ending. Yeah. Thank you.
- [03:47]
Lauren Speed
I'm trying, girl. I'm trying. I feel like I'm in a part of the movie now where it's like you at the conflict. Cause there's so much stuff going on, but just about to get over that hump. That's where I'm at in my season right now. It's a good thing, though. Cause, you know it's good.
- [04:01]
Sheila Marie
Okay, we gonna get into all that? Cause I got questions. Mm. Okay, so we're gonna start with love is blind. How tired are you? On a scale of one of ten we're talking about love is blind?
- [04:12]
Lauren Speed
70,000. No, I'm joking.
- [04:16]
Sheila Marie
I know. I love everybody asks you. I don't know.
- [04:18]
Lauren Speed
But, you know, I am so grateful for love is blind, Sheila. And love is blind has changed in ways that I've never imagined. So honestly, I feel bad saying that sometimes I fatigue of love is blind talk because at the end of the day, you know, that's how a lot of people were introduced to me. And I'm grateful for it. I just think I'm at a stage in my life where I'm really trying to transition and grow into my own as a woman and an entrepreneur and a creative. So it's kind of frustrating when people only see you as that one thing. You know, I'm multi dimensional. Okay. I'M a modern day, so I just really lately have been trying to express all those sides.
- [05:01]
Sheila Marie
And did you. Did you know what you were getting yourself into? Did you have any idea?
- [05:07]
Lauren Speed
Girl? No, I didn't. I mean, I knew that it was a dating show. And the crazy thing is that I never really wanted to do reality tv. I just think that that's what I was gonna say.
- [05:18]
Sheila Marie
You seem like the last person that would have signed up for that show.
- [05:22]
Lauren Speed
Girl. Yeah. I mean, honestly, the timing of the opportunity and where I was at, my life in that moment, I was kind of actually in a dark place. My business was just kind of starting to come around. My dating life sucked. I was struggling a little bit to kind of find the next stage of my life. Also being a woman in my 30s when I even went on the show, I was starting to get all these pressures from friends and family about being single and why you're not in a relationship. So I think it just got to a point where first off, I was just like, I'm gonna follow my own path and do what I wanna do. And because of that, I was just like, you know, what's the worst that could happen? This is an adventure. I'm gonna go for it. If I meet somebody, great. If not, it just shook things up a little bit for me. So that's kind of where I was.
- [06:11]
Sheila Marie
Wow. I mean, who could have known? Because that was the first season anyway, so there wasn't really anything for you to compare it to. But I feel like everything works out in a perfect way. Because if there are two people who I feel like we're supposed to be together, it's definitely 100%. Thank you. 100%. That's my boo. Yes.
- [06:29]
Lauren Speed
I love him. Were you.
- [06:30]
Sheila Marie
You were open to an interracial situation, like it just didn't matter. You didn't care.
- [06:35]
Lauren Speed
Yeah. You know, I went into it and I really tried not to have too many expectations because I didn't want to be disappointed, but I was open minded. I didn't really go in there with the intention of, you know, I have to be with somebody else who's black or I'm only dating a white man. You know, it wasn't even that type of thing because honestly, Cam is the first Caucasian man who I've ever dated and just so happened to get engaged to without seeing him. So that actually came totally just by, you know, it was meant to be. It was meant to be. He just so happened to be the guy that I connected with in a pause, the most out of everybody. And he's white. I love it.
- [07:18]
Sheila Marie
You know, one thing that I really respect about you and Cam as a unit is that. And we talked a little bit about this on your podcast, which we'll get into in a little bit, is that you guys are public but private. Like, I feel like I know you guys, but then there's a lot I don't know about you guys. Like, on a. On a public level, how do you maintain balancing that privacy with being so visible? Especially since you're transitioning to being even more visible. You have so many things on the horizon. Yeah.
- [07:46]
Lauren Speed
Ooh. Well, girl, it has definitely been a journey, for sure. It's been a whirlwind. And I think that on one end, like, we're so honored and blessed that people are so curious about every detail of our relationship. But, you know, Cam and I, we really try to make it a priority to have something that's sacred for us, you know, protect the sacred space in our relationship. We share what feels right, but also we think that it's important to hold on to the special moments that are. It's just us here. Because, you know, I feel like you have to create boundaries and know when to unplug and be present with each other and not have the cameras and not put it on social media. And I feel like that's just a way to protect our relationship. Although we love to share, and especially like you mentioned with the podcast that we have coming out, we are sharing a lot.
- [08:36]
Sheila Marie
Okay.
- [08:37]
Lauren Speed
Because we're touching on a lot of vulnerable topics and we didn't want to talk at people. We wanted to talk with people and share our experience and the things that we went through as well. And honestly, girl, for me, it is. Even though I was super vulnerable on Love Is Blind, I'm actually a private person like you said. But I just realized, you know, God has blessed me with this platform and the ability to touch people all over the world. So I want to use it to help. I want to use it to inspire. I want to use it to share my.
- [09:05]
Ryan Seacrest
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- [09:36]
Lauren Speed
And that's what I'm doing. And in order to do that, you have to actually share your story and be vulnerable. So this is true.
- [09:43]
Sheila Marie
You know, speaking of transitions, I feel like transitioning from Lauren Speed to Lauren Speed Hamilton is already huge. It's already huge for anyone to go from being single to being married. And you did it in the mo. Literally the most public way on earth. And now you guys are this unit. How did you. How are you in the midst of fighting that resistance? Because, like, I see what happens with a lot of couples now that go on reality shows is they immediately commodify the whole relationship. So, you know, there's like, they got this thing off the relationship and this. And I feel like you guys don't do that to me. You move in a very mindful, very Demir, very cutesy. You move in a very way, like, where I feel like you have integrity. Like, you take on projects that you really believe in. You're hosting your own podcast, which is your thing, so you can curate how that looks. But how did you, like, resist that temptation to just go balls to the wall, like, yeah, we just gonna get every bag. We gonna do all the things.
- [10:41]
Lauren Speed
Yeah. You know, I just. It was important for me throughout this whole process, even while being on the show, to remain authentic to myself. And I feel like when you just get into a space where it's like, I'm gonna do everything with everybody. Cause I'm trying to get all this money, you just. You end up losing yourself. And people think that they're, like, climbing their way to the top. But the worst thing you could do is be somewhere you always dreamed of and not feel like yourself or regret a decision that you made. Or even worse, connect with the. Sorry. Lose your connection with the people that got you there. Because all you care about is money and not even being yourself and not even remembering, like, what got you there in the first place. So, yeah, the most important thing for me is just always remaining authentic to myself. And I know that my audience appreciates that, too, because that's what they love. Like, they love that I'm me, and that's what they relate to. I never want to try to turn into something else just to be corporate or fit in or do this and that. And I was never about that. And it's just. It's so important for me to be an example of what it's like when you can be yourself and still succeed. You don't have to change.
- [11:49]
Sheila Marie
Say that again. Okay. That is something. In this world where a lot of us are people, I feel like more people are performing more than ever. Like, with social media, we're performing for audiences all the time, and if you're not careful, you can find yourself on the wrong stage. You know, you. Now. This is funny because I remember, like, one of our first dinners. I was like, lauren, do you think you're a celebrity? And you were like. You're like, I don't. I don't know. And I was like, that's so funny because. Because you're just so grounded. You're so next girl. Like, you know, like, next door girlish. And you're not a mean girl. None of that. Like, you're just a very. You, to me just seem so grounded, and so I want to know. You're welcome. But you definitely are a public figure. So, like, that transition from going to. From just my own thing, doing my own thing, to now being on this big public stage, did that transition change any of your personal relationships?
- [12:47]
Lauren Speed
Oh, man. You know, becoming a public figure, I still feel so. I don't know why I'm so weirded out by referring to myself like that, because I'm like, it was just me. But, you know, it is what it is. But it absolutely, like, shifted dynamics in my life with my friends and my family. I would say the biggest change is really learning who's in your corner for real, for you. It made me more grateful to my friends, and I know, like, the family members and everybody who I know that I share a real genuine connection with. And for me, you know, it's been tougher, more so to try to keep in contact just because life moves so fast. But I realized that it's also taught me the importance of being intentional with my time and the things that I do, you know, whether it's me just literally putting it on my calendar to schedule a time to catch up or just sending a text or, you know, really just staying present in life. Because when you move so fast, it's so easy to either be thinking about the future or thinking about the past, like what you should have did. So I find that it has really blessed me to be present. And also that helps to keep me grounded, like, really, you know, be in a moment, like, how do I feel right now? Who do I need to talk to? Who do I need to pour into me or I need to pour into? So that's what I really try to focus on. But it was definitely a transitional period, since that's the. The topic for Today?
- [14:17]
Sheila Marie
Yes. And that's funny, because you led right into. What I was going to say about transitions is that you just make them look so easy. As your friend, somebody who knows you behind the scenes and publicly, you make transitioning look easy and graceful.
- [14:31]
Lauren Speed
Thank you.
- [14:32]
Sheila Marie
What's the secret, girl?
- [14:38]
Lauren Speed
The secret? You know, I don't even know. I'm just taking it one step at a time. And I think what I've learned throughout the years and just in life in general, sometimes I think we want to fight the transition. We want to be like, oh, it's, you know, so much going on. I got to try to get control of this situation, when in actuality, sometimes it gives you even more power when you learn to just surrender to the things and just really appreciate your own resilience and embracing what it means to evolve and allowing yourself that space and time to actually do that, realizing that, okay, I'm not gonna be able to control every situation or everything. And I think that the scariest thing about transition is that it feels like the ground under your feet is moving, and all you want to do is reach for something. Like, I need to hold on. I need some stability. But I'm just really learning, like, the best part in trying to get to a destination. And I know this sounds corny, but it really is the journey. Like, the journey is what makes you learn more about yourself, more about those around you, the world. So I have really just been trying to be in that mindset and just embrace the change and embrace the. All of the movement in my life and the transitional periods, and that has given me peace.
- [16:01]
Sheila Marie
Yeah, life moves very fast now, doesn't it? I sometimes wonder. I sometimes. You know, this is so weird. I had a conversation with somebody the other day, and we were like, in. I know that the pandemic was a terrible time because there was so much loss of life, so much uncertainty. We were also scared, but there's a part of it that we were like, I miss. Like, can I say that out loud? I miss lockdown to a degree. Like, just. What I mean by that is I miss how slow my life was at that moment. There was so. It was so simple. Like, there was no. It just felt like I was on a treadmill, and for the first time in my life, I stopped, and I was like, whoa, I'm moving really fast. And so I love that advice you've given about, like, slowing down a bit and being present. And I also relate to what you said about surrender, and I want to touch on fertility stuff for a second if that's okay.
- [16:56]
Lauren Speed
Of course.
- [16:57]
Sheila Marie
And because I feel like one of the main things I learned being on my journey is surrender. I spent some time. Ace and I spent some time working with this. Like, he's. He's a. I would say he's more of a coach, not a therapist, because he's not clinical. But we were doing this, like, spiritual integration practice, like. Or what should I say? Sessions. And what that is, basically, is, like, whatever it is that you're fearing instead of trying to push it away. No, no, no, no, I'm not. I want to control it. I'm gonna. Like you said, grasp for something, hold it on, make it steady. It's like you go right directly into it. You bring the fear close. You walk right into it, and you really examine it. And when you get close to it, you real like, oh, this thing. Like, you know, and it's. And that's how you integrate it into yourself. So that was. That's been so helpful along my journey. Yeah, he. He's great. His name is Charlie. If you want his information, you send me a line.
- [17:50]
Lauren Speed
Guys, I may need that number.
- [17:52]
Sheila Marie
Okay.
- [17:53]
Lauren Speed
I need some of that in my.
- [17:54]
Sheila Marie
Life, because the fertility journey can drive you crazy. There's so much uncertainty. So I want to know for you, how do you deal with uncertainty of it all? There's so much. We're so invested. The stakes feel so high. We're both in our 30s. People are telling us every day, you don't have time. You don't have time. Like, there's so much pressure. And how do you move forward in it with all. You can't control it. At the end of the day, it's so much uncertainty. Gosh.
- [18:21]
Lauren Speed
I mean, to be honest with you, Sheila, I feel like I'm still learning how to go through the fertility journey. I mean, I've been on it now for two to three years, and.
- [18:32]
Sheila Marie
Me, too.
- [18:34]
Lauren Speed
It's still even kind of a struggle to me. I haven't really learned how to completely have my hand on it, which I guess that's the whole point of this, is that not to try to control everything. But I think the thing that's been best for me when it comes to fertility and really handling a situation is really learning how to depend on my partner more. You know, thank God I have the luxury of having a partner going through this with me, because some women, you know, do it alone. So we have really learned to lean on each other and have the conversations and experience, express ourselves, because typically, I'm the type of person who Likes to keep things bottled in sometimes just due to the way that I grew up. In my household, there wasn't a whole lot of expressing emotions that were sad or not in a healthy way anyway. So it's still something that I'm unprogramming for myself and, you know, my childhood and my past traumas. But I would say that I've come a long way and really just leaning on my faith, which, you know, in my fertility journey, I think when I first started to have challenges, it even challenged my faith. Cause I was like, why? Like, you know, why are you like, am I. Are you doing this on purpose? What did I do deserve this? So, girl, even that in itself, there's so many different challenges going through this process. And I think that it just made me realize how strong I am, how strong my marriage is and our relationship and my faith. So, you know, something that I'm still continuing to work on and just really lean on those things. But, girl, maybe you can give me some tips, because you do.
- [20:14]
Sheila Marie
You do get to realize how strong you are, don't you? Yeah, I can do hard things. Not that I'm calling them forward or seeking them out, but I can do this. I can get through this. And I. Sometimes when I think about it, I go, you know what? I'm actually really grateful that my fertility journey has been kind of windy, wavy, and not such a straight line. Because I feel like when I do become a mother, I'll have all these skills and tools to take into motherhood with me. I feel like uncertainty is probably a part of motherhood. The whole thing. You don't know what child you're gonna get. You don't know how they're gonna be. You don't know how they're gonna respond to life. You can't really predict how your life's gonna change. And so it's just good to be open to the change.
- [20:57]
Lauren Speed
Man. Even me and Cam just had this conversation the other day. Because it's like, I feel like when you go through a fertility journey, you're so focused on, okay, we have to get pregnant. Get pregnant. Right? That's just the beginning. Once you get pregnant, you gotta get through the pregnancy, Then you gotta get through the birth of the child. Then you gonna be worried for the rest of your life. Because, like you said, the child is just gonna be. I hope they're okay. What are they doing? Do they have enough money? Do they have enough food? Like, this is just part of it. So I totally love what you just said, Sheila. Cause that is so true. Which is preparing you mentally to go through motherhood.
- [21:30]
Sheila Marie
Yes. Because we're never going to be able to control all the dynamics in our life, so we better get used to it now to. I feel like that's the main thing I learned. I was like, I guess I'm not in the driver's seat in a certain way. Like, I am to a degree, but really, I feel like you make peace when you surrender and you say, like, okay, I can do whatever I can do within my power. And the rest. I just, like you said, faith. And I feel like faith is something that Ace has been so good at. Like, during the whole journey, him and his family, like, they just come from a very faith filled family. And they like, whenever I'm like, I don't know, I don't know. He's like, of course, of course you. Of course we are. Of course this is gonna happen. I'm like, okay, you're right, you're right. Okay.
- [22:12]
Lauren Speed
Can I flip it on you? How have you, like, dealt with it?
- [22:17]
Sheila Marie
Oh, terribly. I'm just kidding. And you know what? I feel like I did all those stages of grief, you know, like at the beginning I was really angry. I almost felt like. I noticed that I felt kind of entitled to it. Like when I had, like, after my second miscarriage, I was like, me. You mean me, the girl who. I'm the spiritual one. I'm connected to my divine feminine, you know, la, la, la. Like, oh, I. I never, you know, got pregnant by any, you know, ever in my life. Like, I was doing the right, quote, unquote, right thing, right? Saving. Until I got married and da, da, da. And I'm like, really? And this is how you repay me? This is the. I thought we had relationship. I was in here, my prayers, yelling, girl, like in my meditation is like, wow, you betrayed me. Wow. Okay. So at first I was very angry, and then I started to get very much shame. Like, I started to develop, like, oh, my gosh. Like, I just can't do it. Like, I. I can't. Like, because I don't have a problem getting pregnant. I think it's called secondary infertility. When you can get pregnant, you just can't stay pregnant. And so I'm like, I don't know if I can. Maybe, maybe I'll just. This isn't just the role for me and dah, dah. So I think I. What I learned was to allow myself to have whatever emotional experience at every stage and not try to. To make it like, I shouldn't be Feeling that way. This is how I'm feeling. These are normal emotions. This is a crazy experience to go through. And the more I allowed myself those feelings, the more they cycled through, and then I can make peace with it. But I know for me personally, I can't make peace with something if I don't cycle through it. Like, I have to allow myself to go there. I can't, like, bulldoze just to the happy ending part. So come on, that's like that bear hunt. You're going on a bear hunt. You can't go over it, can't go under it, got to go through it.
- [24:09]
Lauren Speed
Come on now.
- [24:10]
Sheila Marie
But then you, like you said, we realized how strong we are. So now, like, this is just a fertility journey. But everything we're learning here, we can apply to every part of our lives. And I would argue that for you, this has allowed you to do more things in your life, because I feel like you've become even more driven, you've become even more clear sighted on what you want. And even when it comes to your podcast, the Love Seat, I want you to talk a little bit about your podcast and tell me, like, how has this. This is a new transition for you. This is a new role. How has this role either challenged you or inspired you?
- [24:45]
Lauren Speed
Oh, man, I am so excited and terrified at the same time to do this podcast. It is, honestly, it's challenged me in the best ways because I'm learning to step into, like we talked about earlier, a new space of vulnerability. This podcast has really given me, like, opportunity to have deeper conversations about love and relationships and mental health and things like finances and all the stuff that really I need, you know, but, you know, I think that it's so powerful that I'm able to really share that with my supporters, the listeners, the guests. And it's like we're all learning from each other. We're sharing our experiences, we're sharing our stories. And I just think that it's so important to have a place, even, like, how you have this podcast. We need more podcasts that are about positivity and people that look like you and I. It's not just like, oh, I can't stand men and me and ain't this right?
- [25:49]
Sheila Marie
I'm ready for a new conversation, you know?
- [25:52]
Lauren Speed
Absolutely. So it's like, how do we make this a healthier conversation? How can we actually help people and inspire them and motivate them and make them feel seen without having to chop others down or even ourselves? Like, we're trying to reverse all Those things. So I think that I'm super excited about that. And like I mentioned, I'm kind of terrified about the vulnerability part, but. I know. But that's how you grow, right? That's part of my growth. Like, this is. I feel like God has been pushing me so much to do that this year, and I've been doing so many. So many more public speaking gigs. And, yes, you have colleges and stuff like that. So it's almost like a fear of mine that I'm battling because I know that it's part of my purpose. So it's like, that's why I'm doing it.
- [26:39]
Sheila Marie
I love it. You know, I would describe you on the outside as somebody that has a lot of grace. I want to know, do you think that about yourself? And what does grace mean to you in the context of embracing change?
- [26:53]
Lauren Speed
Wow. Thank you so much. Grace. Grace to me means that you are going through your journey the best way that you can, and you're being honest about it and authentic about it and just handling it the best way that you can. Because I feel like sometimes when people think about grace, it's like, well, you look good doing it. You know, you handling it. Nobody really knows. And it's like, for me, that's not the goal. I just try to do the best that I can do and be an example through my actions and what I'm doing, as opposed to trying to, like, preach to people. And I think that that is what grace means to me is being the example, not like, oh, well, y'all need to do this and that. It's like, no, I'm doing it if, you know, if I could do it, you could do it. That's. I love that. Yeah. That's what I look at as grace.
- [27:48]
Sheila Marie
What would you want people to get from watching you? Like, what would be, like, best case scenario? Wow. I'm watching Lauren move through life. What would you love people to say?
- [27:57]
Lauren Speed
I would want people to say, like, man, look at, like, Lauren. She came from humble beginnings. She came from the hood of Detroit, you know?
- [28:06]
Sheila Marie
Oh, I had no idea.
- [28:08]
Lauren Speed
Yeah, girl. I grew up on the street.
- [28:09]
Sheila Marie
I learned something new about you every time, right?
- [28:12]
Lauren Speed
You always. It's always the new fact. But, you know, I came from humble beginnings, and I have just always been persistent about the love of myself, the love of my dreams, the love of the people around me. And it's so crazy, because I feel like God has really placed me in a position to do the things that I've always dreamed of. So I just want People to look at me and say, it has been hard at times. Definitely been a challenge. And I kind of write about that in me and Cam's book as well. Leap of Faith. It's been hard. I've struggled and.
- [28:50]
Sheila Marie
Wait, you have a book? It's already out?
- [28:52]
Lauren Speed
Yes. Yes. So we actually wrote Leap of Faith.
- [28:54]
Sheila Marie
Lauren, you did not tell me this. Yeah, Yeah. I am so sorry that I didn't know that.
- [29:01]
Lauren Speed
That's okay. Yeah. It's called Leap of Faith, and we just kind of talk about, like, our. What led us up to Love is Blind and, like, a little bit about our background and where we are now and that growth. So, yeah, I just. I want people to look at me and be like, hey, it's possible. Look at how God is blessing her. Look at how she's, you know, shining, quote, unquote, being herself and being her authentic self. And she didn't have to change. She didn't have to, like, bend to someone else's perspective of what she should be or what she should look like or any of that. She did it herself, and she's killing it.
- [29:37]
Sheila Marie
Very unruly of you.
- [29:39]
Lauren Speed
Yes, very unruly.
- [29:41]
Sheila Marie
If you could go back and give yourself advice at one of your biggest transitions, what would you say to yourself?
- [29:52]
Lauren Speed
One of my biggest transitions, I would say, Hmm. I would tell myself. I would say, I know that it seems like it's hard right now, but believe me, that everything that you're going through is building character, is preparing you for the places that God is going to take you. I know that it looks dark, it looks impossible right now. You feel tired, you feel frustrated. But all of this is for a reason. So that when you get on the other side, not only will you have gotten what it is that you dreamed of, but you know how to handle it. You know how to use where you are to help others. And everything happens for a reason. Just learn from this moment and take it all in.
- [30:36]
Sheila Marie
Yeah, I'm gonna record this part and just play it to myself in the morning when I get up, because that was so beautiful.
- [30:46]
Lauren Speed
Every day still.
- [30:49]
Sheila Marie
I love it. Okay, so in terms of other people, do you feel like it's better when people are going through big transitions in life? Do you feel like it's better to have a game plan for the big life transitions, or is it better for people to go with the flow, take it day by day?
- [31:08]
Lauren Speed
That's a good question. I feel like when you're going through a transition, ideally, I think that it's good to have some type of idea of your hope and dreams and goals that you would like. But, I mean, we all know just through experiencing life that sometimes you may have a goal, you may have a plan, but you may not get there how you thought you were gonna get there. So I think that it's okay to have a plan, and it's okay to have a goal, But I also think that it's okay to bend and to evolve. And maybe what your original goal was, it could shift, it could change, and that's okay. You could get to a certain point in your journey trying to get to your goal, and you realize maybe this isn't for me.
- [31:58]
Sheila Marie
Right.
- [31:59]
Lauren Speed
And, you know, it's not about giving up. It's about you realize something, and now your perspectives have changed, and it's okay to do that, too. I think that life is all about being able to pivot, embrace the change, because that's how you grow and still dream. But as long as you're moving towards something that makes you happy and you're going in the right direction, that's the most important thing. As opposed to being like, I have to do this. A, B, C and D. It has to be 1, 2, 3 o'clock. Like, girl, it may be 3, it may be 8pm it may. You know, you cannot control everything. And I think that it is so much strength and being able to pivot. So that's something that's very important.
- [32:39]
Sheila Marie
Okay, so it sounds like a little bit of both. It sounds like, have a plan, but be flexible within that plan.
- [32:44]
Lauren Speed
Absolutely.
- [32:45]
Sheila Marie
Yeah. That would be my answer, too. I love that. I think that's a great answer.
- [32:49]
Lauren Speed
Because you're gonna drive yourself crazy trying to control each other.
- [32:52]
Sheila Marie
Yeah. Cause trying to do either one completely or the other completely, I feel like could lead you to the same place.
- [32:58]
Lauren Speed
And give yourself grace. Like, you know, it may take longer. It may be harder than you thought. It's like. And that's okay. That's okay.
- [33:06]
Sheila Marie
That is. My, like, huge pain point is that sometimes I can't foresee the emotional experience that a thing will be for me. Like, the time, the labor, the mind space. And then I get there and I'm like, whoa, this is taking way more than I thought. I might need to readdress this situation. Cause, baby, I be getting burnt out. Okay. Ooh, you and me both, girl. I love it. Okay, so we've reached the part of the episode where we leave viewers or listeners with a toolkit. Because the best way to be unruly is to practice what you preach. Faith without Works is. So each episode we have our guests leave with a practical or actionable steps, little tool, something they can, some tool that they can put in their toolbox and take with them on their little unruly journey. Their big unruly journey. Lauren, can you leave our listeners with a little something before you get up out of here?
- [34:01]
Lauren Speed
Of course. You know, one of the tools is in my toolbox is movement. I've realized that movement, whether it's a walk, just up the street to walk to the corner and back, if you're able to do a yoga practice, stretching your body, anything like that, I have learned that movement is so important in our blood flow for our body. It could even be meditative when you're walking for your mind to help you center your thoughts, all the above. So movement has really been a blessing for me especially I suffer from anxiety. So often I go into fight or flight mode and I find whenever I go into fight or flight, if I just stop, take a walk, meditate, or pray while I walk, I'm so much more clear minded. Just the movement and getting, you know, the fresh air. If I'm going for a walk outside has been such a game changer. So I highly recommend just move your body. You don't have to break dance. You know, you can stretch, get up, just stretch your arms, stretch your legs, go for a short walk that that can make you feel a thousand times better.
- [35:06]
Sheila Marie
I love that because so many times I think we intellectualize everything and we think if I could just think through it, if I could just make sense of it. And sometimes we need to get out of our head and into our bodies to really move things around. So I love that. Lauren, you're the best. You're the best. This is so helpful. I just feel like seeing your smiling face. I hope you can hear her smiling voice too. And we're so happy to have you. I'm wishing you the best. I can't wait for our episode to come out on my podcast and yours as well. So before you go, can you. You let viewers know? Keep saying viewers because I'm looking at you. Okay. Can you let listeners know where they can find you and stay connected with all the amazing things you're doing?
- [35:47]
Lauren Speed
Of course. So you can find me across all of the socials. I'm need 4L speed. That's need the number 4L speed. Or you can listen to our podcast which is coming out. It's called the Love Seat. Wherever you listen to your podcast at. And of course, I'm on YouTube. Find me there under Hanging with the Hamiltons. My podcast will also be there and also some a lot of fun stuff that you can enjoy that's more about me and my journey.
- [36:13]
Sheila Marie
So yes, thank you so much, Lauren for being with us. And I'm so happy that you're here. I hope you got something from this episode. Stay happy, stay healthy, and absolutely stay unruly. And hey, also one more thing I want to hear from you. You have a question or a comment or, I don't know, anything you want to talk about that maybe could potentially be featured in a future episode, please go ahead and drop me a voice message. That's right, we're going old school. Y'all remember when we used to leave voice messages? Those who remember the ladies of a certain age, Y'all remember when y'all used to set a certain ringtone or a song for your voicemail? Those were the days. But anyway, we're we're bringing that back. So it's basically like a voicemail. You leave me a voicemail and maybe I'll feature you in a future episode of Unruly. All you got to do is head over to speakpipe.comunruly that's speakpipe.com unruly Record your question. Leave it there. I cannot wait to hear from you. And again, happy holiday season. I'll see you in 2025.
- [37:48]
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