← UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE
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- [00:01]
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- [00:32]
Sheila Marie
Welcome to Unruly. I'm your host, Sheila Marie. I'm an author, a fierce advocate for black women, and the founder of the curvy curly conscious movement. In this space, I'm sharing what I've learned on my own journey while sitting down with some amazing women who are all navigating their own paths to healing. Because there's no better time than now to get a little unruly. Welcome back to another episode of Unruly. I'm your host Sheila Marie. And today, today we're talking about confidence, self confidence, the belief in yourself. According to Katt Williams. We're not gonna bring his name up in here, child. He opened a portal. Close that thing back. I think about really how layered and personal it really is to talk about something like self confidence or self esteem. For me, myself, confidence did not show up all at once. It kind of like came in waves. And there were moments where I felt very small, like my voice didn't matter. And then there were moments when I pushed through and surprised myself. But today, guys, we have the amazing and talented. Also my career wife, Amanda Booz. She's here and she knows all about those waves, honey. She's a journalist, a producer and a TV host who has built a career around showing up boldly and helping others to do the same. From interviewing stars on the red carpet to mentoring young women who are all trying to find their voice, Amanda's journey is literally a masterclass in turning self doubt into self belief. Welcome to Unruly Amanda Boosh. Hey.
- [02:06]
Amanda Booz
Hey, Sheila. Oh my goodness, that intro. My gosh, thank you. That was so sweet.
- [02:11]
Sheila Marie
Thank you. You know what? I try to do the intro equivalent of When I was in grad school, I met this woman and her name was Anita. I think it was Anita. And she was German, I think. I hope I remember that right. And she was so good at introducing people. She would walk into a party and let's say she invited me to a party and I didn't know anybod, she would introduce me and big me up so much to the point that she could introduce me to A stranger and then leave us. Like, she didn't need.
- [02:42]
Amanda Booz
Like, wait, who, me?
- [02:43]
Sheila Marie
Yeah, she didn't need to babysit us anymore. She would hype you up and then give you a little tidbit and then be on your way. And then. And then it would just, like, start a natural conversation. So I feel like since we're talking about self confidence, like, it's only natural that I give you a very confident introduction period.
- [02:59]
Amanda Booz
I appreciate it, and I am so honored to be on your podcast. I am so proud of you and everything that you're doing in the unreleased space. Congratulations on the book, which I know we're going to talk about a little bit more, but I'm just happy to be here with you. Thank you.
- [03:12]
Sheila Marie
Thank you. And while we're here talking about the book, I do want to plug that. Amanda Booze is actually my moderator for my Miami tour stop, which is January. I'm saying it off the top of my head, so please think it's the 22nd.
- [03:27]
Amanda Booz
Thank you.
- [03:27]
Sheila Marie
I was going to say it's because I'm so bad. January 22, 2025, at Books and Books in Coral Gables, Miami. All of that information is on my socials. If you go to my link in bio, the tickets are there, but so if you want to see Amanda and I in person, hit us up.
- [03:43]
Amanda Booz
So let's do not want to miss it.
- [03:45]
Sheila Marie
Exactly. Let's start with this.
- [03:46]
Amanda Booz
It's going to be a movie. It's going to be a movie.
- [03:48]
Sheila Marie
Icebreaker, Amanda. Let's do it. What is, like, the song that you turn on that instantly makes you feel confident and powerful?
- [03:57]
Amanda Booz
Ooh, that's a good question. What is the song that I feel. You know, what I think it is? And I honestly, it's not like all the lyrics, but this is a song that I really love, and a lot of people that know me really well know that I love this song. It's Kanye west flashing lights.
- [04:11]
Sheila Marie
Oh, my gosh. I just posted with that song I love.
- [04:15]
Amanda Booz
I don't know why. I just feel like it's the beat. It just feels vibrant. And then, like, it's just, you know, it's just. I don't know, something about the song.
- [04:22]
Sheila Marie
Just like, yes, that song always gives to me. Runway. Like, you're on the Runway and everybody's all eyes are on you strutting your stuff. Yes, absolutely.
- [04:32]
Amanda Booz
Absolutely. So I have to say that one. Cause it's like one of the oldie but goodie songs that I really like. So.
- [04:36]
Sheila Marie
Okay. I love that. I was thinking the first song that came to my mind is Let Her Cook by Glorilla. Just come to my mind.
- [04:45]
Amanda Booz
Oh, Carly. Yes. Yeah, right?
- [04:46]
Sheila Marie
Like, it just.
- [04:47]
Amanda Booz
Gorilla is killing it right now in every way.
- [04:50]
Sheila Marie
I love this. Yes.
- [04:50]
Amanda Booz
When I'm in the gym, Gloria.
- [04:52]
Sheila Marie
Hallelujah. I know, I know. I have abs in my mind. What is the most unruly thing you've ever done to protect your confidence?
- [05:04]
Amanda Booz
Mm. I would say it's blocking people. It's definitely period deleting contacts, not being able to communicate and get in my presence and just having people literally just removed like you didn't exist. So I would say those are. Those are some things that I've done.
- [05:24]
Sheila Marie
Wow. That's very Aries of you. It really is very Aries of you. So blocking. So how does blocking someone help, like, enhance your own self confidence?
- [05:39]
Amanda Booz
I think it's one of those things where you don't want anyone to alter, like, your feeling, your emotions. So when you realize there's some people that just disrupt that calmness about you, Whether it's like an exboyfriend or an ex friend or colleague or anything like that, that you know that you and that person just. The door was closed. There's no need to come back and regroup. We've already healed from that situation. Let's move on. It's literally just deleting and exiting and just closing that tab and moving on.
- [06:10]
Sheila Marie
We literally, for me, I love that. I don't. I don't understand to this day how people can be friends with exes. Like, I almost don't believe it. I'm like, what do you mean, like what? To me, I'm like, where is this going and what's the reason in terms of people, like, being your life? You know what? I think it's really powerful. That's why I wanted you to break that up a little bit more. Because people having access to you that either don't mean well for you, don't want good for you, or make you doubt yourself is maybe one of the less talked about ways in which we undermine our own self confidence and self esteem. If you have that person who's always like, really? It could be subtle, you know, the must be nice friends. I don't do must be nice. Oh, I did the. Look at me. I got a book dealer. Oh, wow. Must be nice. Everybody ain't able. Guess who ain't able. You are not able to have contact with me because I do not inter g. I don't entertain or engage. There must be nice energy anymore.
- [07:07]
Amanda Booz
It's that backhanded compliment. Like, I just hate it. I just can't stand it.
- [07:11]
Sheila Marie
Because not to say that it has something to do with us. Like, I don't think it's. I don't internalize it and be like, it's all about me. It probably says more about how that person sees themselves in the world, but I don't want to get caught up in that. And that energy is going to rub off on me. Now, if that person is willing to take accountability for it and maybe talk through it, okay, maybe we could go somewhere. But Amanda said, baby, forward, forward motion. So you're in media. Okay.
- [07:36]
Amanda Booz
Yes.
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Sheila Marie
You're. Which definitely requires confidence because you're so visible. Like, you're on screen, you're on camera. People not only visible, your thoughts, ideas, but your physical body and all of the things. So when was the first moment, like, when did it start? Like, oh, I wanna be in media. And how did that shape your views on your own confidence about yourself?
- [07:59]
Amanda Booz
Yeah, I think for me, my intro to, like, wanting to be in media started, like, at a young age. So I grew up in my household as an only child, so I really didn't have any other siblings to kind of like, feed off of or feel energy of and, you know, just be able to, like, communicate with in that regard. So I. I would always, like. My parents would always host, like, parties or events, and I would always use it as an opportunity to, like, I guess interview people, like, question them and like, find out their life story. I was always intrigued. I was like the loquacious that I was. Always got talked too much talking in, like. I was always that kid in class, like, come get her, please, because she's talking too much. But for me, I think it was just being so invested in people's stories and, like, experiences, whether I shared the same experiences or not. And I think that was like, the intro for me, wanting to, like, break out of media. And then on top of that, growing up and watching so many talk shows, there was Oprah, Ricky, Lake, Montel, all of that back in the 90s. And I had a direct uncle who would be featured on those shows. So I had a family member that actually was on television. So when you know somebody personally that you're like, oh, my uncle's on TV, I could do this too. Shout out to Dr. Jeffrey Gardier. That is my uncle Godfather. So he was always like, that catalyst that kind of inspired me to want to be in tv. He's a psychologist, but of course, you know, journalism and what he does kind of goes in tandem a little bit. But, you know, I seen that firsthand, and I'm like, I can actually do this. So, you know, being a Haitian, Jamaican American, you know, child, my parents always wanted me to, you know, go to be a doctor, go to be a lawyer. And I'm like, I want to do this. So I literally did it. And they were one. They were like, hey, if you're gonna do this, and if you get a job, we will believe that you can do this. And I literally just was tunnel vision, and it was over and done after that.
- [09:53]
Sheila Marie
I. You know what? Speaking of the girl who got in trouble for talking too much, I was one of those two.
- [09:59]
Amanda Booz
Let's talk about it.
- [10:00]
Sheila Marie
You know, I. If you're listening to this or. And you, you know, I post the clips on socials. Will you update me? I want to hear updates from all the girls who were told that they talked too much and they had too much to say. Where are you now as an adult? Like, I would love.
- [10:18]
Amanda Booz
What are you doing?
- [10:18]
Sheila Marie
I would love to hear from you, because, yes, I just. I was one of those girls, too. And it's like when people ask me what I do for a living now, I'm like, I talk. I don't know.
- [10:26]
Amanda Booz
We're literally getting paid to do the things that we were told to not do.
- [10:29]
Sheila Marie
Yes.
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Amanda Booz
Isn't that interesting?
- [10:30]
Sheila Marie
I love that for us, so. I love that. I love that for us to keep talking, sisters. So the thing I love about you is I feel like you've had such a dynamic career because you've been like, these big corporations like Viacom, BET to doing your own podcast. How would you say, like, this range of experience, being in rooms with people who are extremely famous, being interviewing people that are household names, and then you're standing there. How does it contribute to your sense of self to have such a dynamic career?
- [11:01]
Amanda Booz
Thank you. No, for me, I think it's seeing and believing that you can achieve these things. Right? So I talked about how I wanted to have this career in journalism and media and entertainment, and I just kind of put myself out there and it came into fruition. So it just was one of those things where I was like, okay, I can manifest this and it can actually happen. But when I'm on carpets and interviewing people and in those spaces, I feel like my confidence, my self confidence comes from me knowing that we're all different, right? But we all kind of have our own, you know, light and our own voice that we want to be able to echo and to be able to learn from other people. So for me, it's like there's nobody like you. You know what I mean? So I kind of use that and, like, use that as fuel and motivate and inspire me to kind of do what I do. Like. So I think for me, that's like, how I've been able to kind of navigate in this space of working with, like, the big companies and then also starting my own podcasts and kind of journeying off and doing my own thing as well. So I think it's just like that inner confidence and knowing like, okay, like, you got something about you. Let's see where this goes, and be able to kind of like transcend and like, reinvent myself in the process of that as well.
- [12:15]
Sheila Marie
Are you ever nervous to interview anyone?
- [12:18]
Amanda Booz
You know, that's an interesting question. I never, I think at the beginning of my career I was like, a little nervous, right? But I feel like I have times where I'm nervous about the actual job versus the person, if that makes any sense at all. So I find myself not necessarily being nervous to interview someone specifically, but more or less like, okay, I'm in a new space. I'm nervous about the overall production and it going well versus, like, who I'm going to communicate with. I feel like I'm very, like, hyper focused on, like, I don't want to really say perfectionism, but making sure that I'm like, hired to do this job. I make sure that I'm, you know, fulfilling my duties and my role, that I'm getting paid to do that. I think that's where the nervousness comes from. But I don't think I've ever, like, now currently have experienced any, like, nervousness with, like, interviewing somebody specific. But maybe that might. Now Beyonce comes through. Maybe that might be a little different. Like, you know, it depends on who it is, right? But in the beginning, I feel like I had more or less like those butterfly feelings, like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna interview so and so. But then, like, once I started the interview, I feel like that kind of went out the window.
- [13:30]
Sheila Marie
From a self confidence standpoint. Do you walk into the room with somebody who, like, on an objective level, has maybe more celebrity than you in air quotes? Do you walk into this space thinking, we're equal, we're one of them? Like, or what is in your mind when you walk into that space and you're like, I'm not nervous.
- [13:50]
Amanda Booz
Wait, repeat. Repeat the question one more time.
- [13:51]
Sheila Marie
Sorry. So from. From a self confidence, I'm trying to see how self confidence plays into this, the way that you frame this. Because I feel like mo many people would be super nervous to interview people that are famous or you don't know, you know, that this interview is going to have legs, it's going to go in a lot of outlets. What are people gonna think? But you seem to be able to walk into that space pretty confidently, even if you're side, you know, besides someone else who has more quote unquote celebrity than you. So where do you, where do you, what do you say to yourself? What's your, like, hype up? How do you approach walking into that room to be so confident?
- [14:27]
Amanda Booz
So for me, I think about, and I know this might sound like cliche, but I'm like, of course I'm interviewing people who have more celebrity. I don't consider myself a celebrity at all. So that's, that's one. So I know these people are on a different playing field, a different level. But the objective is for me to, you know, whatever that specific job is for me to tell a story or to find information. I feel like when you're nervous and you kind of don't walk in confidently, it kind of alters the interview in a sense. I feel like people feed off of energy. They could read whether or not you're comfortable asking them a specific question. So for me, I try to think of it like this person does the same stuff I do. They gotta get up out of bed, they gotta put their feet on the ground, they gotta go outside, they gotta, you know what I mean? Like, they have to do the same things I have to do. They may have a little bit more money in their pocket, but like, we're literally like all human beings here, right? So I never try to think of somebody in the sense of like, on a glorified level, if that makes sense. So I'm just like, you know, I want to be able to get a great interview, so let's like, build a friendship. And I'm also, also thinking about the viewer. Whoever is going to be consuming this content, what would they want to know? And I kind of try to like, channel that energy that way. I love if that makes sense. Yeah.
- [15:43]
Sheila Marie
What do you feel like is the, the most common misconception about confidence that you wish people would stop believing?
- [15:51]
Amanda Booz
Oof. There's so many. Right. But I feel like confidence is not something you feel every day. It's not linear in any, in any shape or form. I feel like sometimes you're on, sometimes you're off. And I Think a lot of people feel like, oh, this person's confident. They're always like this. Like this is how they are 24 7. And I'm speaking for myself, that's not always the case. Some days are harder than others. Some days you have to literally fight for your confidence and fight for that ability to kind of like override the hump of you not feeling confident. You may see something that may on social media. You know, we all know we talk about social media being a highlight reel. You may see something that be like, oh my God, like this person has this going on and kind of internalize it and turn it back to yourself and then lose your self confidence. So for me, it's just like a wave. But I'm like always constantly trying to rise above. Right. So I just think that one of the misconceptions is just that you're not always going to be fearless. You're not always going to be confident. But it's more or less like spending that time to fight for it. You know, even on the days you don't, you do something like to try to alter your feeling. And if you. And I also do think it's okay sometimes to like live in the feeling too. To not always feel like you have to be on or always feel like I have to be this person. Like if you're down about something, I feel like it's okay to like figure out why you feel that way and live in it and then figure out how to progress.
- [17:22]
Sheila Marie
Yeah.
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Amanda Booz
If that makes sense. Yeah.
- [17:24]
Sheila Marie
I've said this metaphor before, but I'm gonna say it again. Cause I feel like it relates. But becoming a plant mom has helped me grasp this idea so much more tangibly because I see it in my plants. Like no plant is going to sprout new leaves and be flourishing 365 days of the year. It's very aware. Like everyone that has plants understands that is expected. Your plant will go through seasons where they're dormant, where they're reserving energy, and then they have all that, that built up energy and boom, there you go. Oh my gosh. There's like all these new leaves. They look beautiful. And so even with our food, I think like we're not supposed to have access to, let's say apples all year. Now that we do, we have notational apples. So they're like, they look and they feel and they taste like apples, but they don't have the nutritional value that apples normally would have. If we let the soil rest, if we only consume them for like A certain portion out of the year. And so why are we any different? I, like, I talk to a lot of women every day. And I think, like, I love the wave metaphor. That understanding that you're not supposed to be on all the time, there's not. There shouldn't even be an expectation that you're on the top of your game all the time there. You need to. You need to reserve your energy so that you can show up and show out. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you gotta pop out and show.
- [18:44]
Amanda Booz
Show out.
- [18:44]
Sheila Marie
You need that energy, though. And then you gotta go back and then reserve your energy like that. So I love the idea of waves not expecting ourselves to operate, like, at that. At that high level. So. Yeah.
- [18:55]
Amanda Booz
And everything's in seasons. And I think that's. I love that you. That you brought that plan. I need. I might need to get a couple plants.
- [19:02]
Sheila Marie
They stress me, though. I'm stressing out right now on this one. Dropping leaves. But anyway, she'll be fine. See, it's a part of the process I gotta learn. One thing that you and I connected on is that we both kind of like, had. We both were in the entertainment industry in some way. I definitely. I've talked about this before. I have a history in acting. One thing that I really hated about the acting industry was auditioning. I truly hated it. I hate auditioning. And I feel like auditioning happens inside the casting room and out. Not only do you have to, like, audition for parts in the. The traditional sense, but I felt like we were always auditioning at parties, socializing. It was always like, trying to win people over and trying to say the right thing and make the right impression and make someone remember you. And just the Aries in me was just like, girl, I ain't got fucking time. Like, I. I'm me, girl. Like, I don't even need to go through all this. So that's my ego. But you've worked in industry. You work in an industry now that is. Rejection is a part of the game. You still have to audition in your own way. And so how do you keep your confidence in those moments where it feels like you might be up for rejection or it might be challenging.
- [20:11]
Amanda Booz
Yeah. And rejection is something that happens all the time. Right. But I think it's. For me, it's knowing that it's not necessarily like a no sometimes, because there's been opportunities where I've had brands come to me and it's like, no. But then later on we've worked together, so it's Understanding that sometimes a no is just a delayed yes. Right. Or it's also knowing that that specific opportunity was not for me. You know, I think a lot of the time we sometimes are chasing after things and it's like, that might not be what you need to be doing in this season. That might not be something that you need to be pursuing right now.
- [20:48]
Sheila Marie
How do you grasp that, though? Cynthia Eriva was just on one of her interviews around her press story around Wicked. It was a young girl, I think it was the girl who played the younger version of her interviewing her of Elphaba, and she was asked. The girl asked.
- [21:03]
Amanda Booz
Great movie, by the way. I love.
- [21:09]
Sheila Marie
I love that movie so much.
- [21:11]
Amanda Booz
I love Cynthia. Shout out to my soul. Roar. I love her.
- [21:13]
Sheila Marie
Oh, period. Come on. Oh, my God, that fits perfectly. Wow. I didn't even know that she's aka. That's crazy. I haven't seen her do like, okay, anyway, that's off topic. I'm thinking about pink and green. I'm like, wow, now I want to go back and look at her fashions for the press store and see if she was giving.
- [21:32]
Amanda Booz
Oh, that makes sense.
- [21:33]
Sheila Marie
That makes sense because I didn't even know this. Shout out to the Akas, AKAs up, period. But the, the. The younger version of Elphaba asked her, what do you say? Because she didn't, okay, this is what it was. She didn't get the part. It's a young actress and she was asking her, what do you say to young girls who don't get the part? And Cynthia's answer was similar to yours. She said, you just have to know that what's for you will be for you. And that if it was a no, it was for your best and highest good. Yeah. Ah, I get that, Amanda and Cynthia, but how do you deal with that in the moment? Like, how do you get that no. And it's something that you really wanted. How does that not be a chip on your confidence?
- [22:16]
Amanda Booz
No, it definitely is. I don't think there's a lot of people that will say that they've been denied of something and was like, okay, no problem, no worries. Like, you, you're going to feel it. And depending on what, Like, I think depending on how big of an opportunity or what the opportunity is and how hard you work to land this gig and, like, how much you study the lines and how much you try to. To people, please and make sure that you were speaking to the right people. I think that there are, you know, moments where you're going to have to sit in it for a second. Right. And you may have to, like, be sad about it, but I think for me, I find ways to cope with it. Right. So that might be, like, if I'm getting told no for something, I'm going to be working out a little bit more. Like, do things like, whether it's personal fitness, whether it's journaling, whether it's, you know, sitting and talking to my best friend on the phone and venting to her about how I'm so sad about this and hearing her and giving me an encouraging word, or whether it's getting in my Bible, like, whatever it is that's going to take me out of that. Because you can't. You can live in it, but for so long, like, you can't dwell in the. No, you have to be able to find your yes. However that looks for you, if that makes sense.
- [23:21]
Sheila Marie
Yes.
- [23:22]
Amanda Booz
So I feel like, for sure, you're gonna feel defeated. Like, I think it's just a natural human instinct of being just denied of something. You're gonna just feel like, oh, like, I really needed this break, and I know exactly what that feels like. But I just think that, you know, finding ways to navigate in that. No. Like, whether it's like, going outside for a walk or doing things immediately after, maybe, like, take a day or two, but, like, getting back on, you know, getting back on the horse and going out, like, you have to just get back into it so that you don't just live in there. Because the thing about it is, I think I seen. I don't remember his. His name, but he was on Girlfriends. Did you see that snippet on social media?
- [24:01]
Sheila Marie
Oh, I haven't.
- [24:03]
Amanda Booz
With one of the main characters on Girlfriends. Oh, my gosh. I'm drawing a blank on his name. William. And I think William said, like, that was such a huge part of his career that once that door was closed, like, months and years went by and he was like, you know, he. He started talking about how he was very depressed and just different things happen. And I feel like there's times where we don't realize how long of a season we take to sit in that. No, you know what I mean? Like, sometimes you just have to find ways, little by little, to just kind of get out and, like, do something for yourself that's going to help you get to that next step, if that makes sense.
- [24:40]
Sheila Marie
Yeah. You can't bypass that mourning phase. Right. Or that disappointment that. That's a part of the process. Okay. And maybe the fact that you allow yourself to feel the disappointment is actually the springboard that helps you to heal from it. Heal? Yeah, and move on. We're in a hyper visible moment in humanity right now. I don't even think our brains were designed to digest this many opinions. And we are living in opinion city, baby. Especially if you're on social media in any capacity, which you and I both are. And many of you listening are. You might think you look super cute and post a picture and then there's like the top, like, comment is something about, like, why your toes look weird, you know, or something random. And I just don't think we are equipped to handle so many opinions all the time.
- [25:36]
Amanda Booz
How it's not healthy. Right.
- [25:38]
Sheila Marie
Okay, so, yeah, how do you deal with that? How do we maintain our confidence in such a noisy space?
- [25:47]
Amanda Booz
I feel like a lot of the time I'm like, first and foremost, these people cannot move me, honey. Like, I'm like, we live in a space where. And I think, to be honest with you, something that has helped me a lot more because I used to be the overthinker or the person that. Oh, my God, this person said this about me. Like, I'm like, is it true? Like, you know, like, I'm more or less like, not even realizing that I'm not this person or I'm not what this person is saying about me. But I think it's the fact that these people don't know me doesn't move me. Like, even with my podcast, like, I feel like there's a lot of people that will write comments or say certain things. And I'm like, these people know nothing about you. They don't know anything about who you are. They're not any of your family or your loved ones in that regard. So it's like, why do I care? I know that sounds like, kind of harsh, but it's like, I try not to, honestly. And another thing I stopped doing is reading comments. Like, I for myself, especially if it's not on my page.
- [26:47]
Sheila Marie
If I get shared on other.
- [26:49]
Amanda Booz
I don't read no comments, notifications off, I'm like, okay. Like, I'll breeze through it. But I try not to engage in the negativity as much as I can. Of course, you can't avoid it, but I think for the most part, if I see something, I just try not to internalize it because I'm like, this person. I also don't know behind the scenes, like, what that person may be going through and they may be translating how they feel and putting it onto you. So I just Try not to put it on myself, if that makes sense. I'm like, yeah.
- [27:21]
Sheila Marie
You're like, I don't know, baby. My notifications are off.
- [27:25]
Amanda Booz
Can't see it.
- [27:26]
Sheila Marie
What you articulated really reminds me of something that Brene Brown said where she was like, yeah, we care. We do care what people think, but we don't have to care what everybody thinks. We like if you're in the arena, so to speak, the metaphorical arena, like the cheap seats, we don't have to care about what they say. We don't have to turn up no shade. But the seats all the way at the top, they have no investment in the fight that's happening on the ground. I get to care about the people who are invested in the fight with me, maybe also in the arena or helping me in my arena, like you said. So that's a good. I love that as a thing. Like, I care about certain people's opinions. Do I care about everyone's. No. Do I care about strangers, opinions, like you said, who have. They're not invested in me. They're not interested in my growth. They're not gonna help me move forward, and they don't know me. No, No, I don't get to care.
- [28:18]
Amanda Booz
How have you been able to deal with that? Cause I know you have such a huge platform yourself, so I know you get so many likes.
- [28:22]
Sheila Marie
Mine is trickier, I feel like, because I think that it's very clearly commun on your socials that you're a professional TV media personality. People don't feel entitled to knowing your internal life. That's not a part of the package. Like, a little bit. We know. We know, but we know, like, Amanda's gonna bring us professionalism. Like, you know, we're not gonna be in Amanda's life. Like, girl, I know they are. They are still in your life, but. But for me, and I'm, like, trying.
- [28:51]
Amanda Booz
To dabble a little bit in there, but I'm like, oh, exactly.
- [28:54]
Sheila Marie
You just give a little toe, you know, dip that toe in the pond. But for me, I started. My entry point into social media was like, open book. Here I go. This is me. I'm depression, anxiety. So I situated myself at the very start of my social media career in a very vulnerable and open way. Now I'm at the space where I'm trying to balance it better, where I feel like in the beginning, I didn't have that balance. I was a little bit younger. Now I'm older and wiser. I'm like, how do I balance that vulnerable part of me. How do I still connect honestly with my audience, but also still protect myself, as you said, from just being, like, exposed to thousands and thousands of opinions on my life that are not going to help me. So what is the cost to benefit? So for me now, I. I just take a little bit more time than I used to. So if I'm like, for example, right now, I'm going through, like, womb work. I'm doing womb work in a spiritual realm. Before, I would have done it and then immediately talked about it just because I love sharing. Now I do it. I wait on it. I wait and I see. What parts do I want to share? What parts? Like, right now I just decided I do want to share this part. But am I going to go into, like, everything that happened in the session? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe after I get some distance, maybe I'll decide on which elements I want to share. So just knowing that I get to choose which elements of my life that I do get to share and how much of them, and not before where I felt like I was just an open book. You should be an open book maybe to people that know you, but I don't know about being just an open book online.
- [30:23]
Amanda Booz
Yeah, no, and I. And I love that you said that. And I have to also just give you your flowers because your platform is so inspiring and uplifting to, like, you.
- [30:32]
Sheila Marie
Just saying that because we're married.
- [30:33]
Amanda Booz
No, I mean, we married. They gotta know we married. We gotta tell the story about how we got married. But anyways, shout out. Shout out to Ace. But I just love that you are so vulnerable in your. Your space and you share so many things, because sometimes, like, I even myself, like, I want to be that, and I feel like I'm growing to, like, be more in that space. But you're helping so many people and you're healing so many women, and I just love that you're doing that and I just love that you're sharing these experiences because a lot of people silently are dealing with these things and they don't know how to communicate it. You know what I mean? I was just talking on my podcast about, like, stuff like this too, with my. My co host, and I'm just like, I didn't realize as I'm communicating my feelings about, like, womenhood and just the issues that we deal with as women, I was like, dang, I feel a little bit better. Like, I feel like I'm healing myself by being so open on that, you know what I mean? Or speaking on that. So I love that you're doing that because you're literally inspiring and uplifting so many people. So I'm just so proud of you.
- [31:35]
Sheila Marie
Thank you. I love you so much. Flowers received. Thank you so much. I want to ask you about losing yourself. I've had moments where I lost a bit of myself, as I said, and I'm doing the womb work and one thing that we're moving into now is this. This is like my woo woo answer. And then I want to ask you your answer. And woo woo is good to me. It's a great thing. It's not a negative. But I'm doing like soul retrieval, which is the process of reintegrating lost soul fragments back into your body. So like there are just thinking of all the bits of myself I gave away either by being with a man who didn't deserve proximity to me, or downgrading myself, devaluing myself in certain situations, not trusting myself, not listening to myself. I feel that doing through that through throughout the years in different ways has chipped away parts of who I am. And so where I am now is I'm calling them back, like lovingly back into me to like reach another level of wholeness. So I want to ask you, have you ever lost a bit of yourself? And if anyone is listening and they feel like, damn, I just, I used to be this outgoing girl and I just don't know what it is. I can't be like that no more. I used to be so much bolder than I am now. What would you say to a woman who feels like she just lost a little bit of herself and she wants to call that part back?
- [32:58]
Amanda Booz
Well, I definitely, for one, I have experienced that. And when you said the relationship thing, that's like that like hit home for me because I feel like I've been so confident in just different work elements and different other parts of my life and who I am. But there was moments where I was in relationships with people and I lost myself in the process of being in a relationship with these specific people. And when I realized it, so much time went by, so much I even felt what you said about like, kind of like pulling it back to, you know, finding, you know, those pieces of yourself. I literally was like, who am I and who is this person? Like, how did I allow another person to kind of alter who I am to the point where I'm losing my self confidence? And I'm not, you know, I'm second guessing myself and I'm looking in the mirror, but I'm not like I'm looking in the mirror. But it's not me that I'm seeing. You know what I mean? So it's just for me how I healed from that situation. One was therapy. I never went to therapy ever in my life until I had a specific breakup in a relationship that I was like, I need to fix this, and I don't know what to do. I can't call anybody. No one.
- [34:10]
Sheila Marie
What was the moment that you knew, I can't do this on my own. I need help?
- [34:16]
Amanda Booz
I think it was realizing that everything that I tried to do to fix things in the past didn't work. So when I realized every step that I would normally do, like, you know how you just have this step system. Okay, this didn't work. Cool. Like, it's like a checklist. Like, I went through, you know, praying about it, like, journaling, calling somebody, like, trying to speak to that person and trying to figure out how we can figure things out. When I realized that I needed to, like, break up and not be in this relationship anymore and heal myself from the inside out, I knew that I needed to talk to somebody because I was like, I can't move on and try to start something else with someone else before I heal this part of myself. So for me, therapy really helped me. And I was one of those people that I've never went to therapy before. I didn't know where to find a therapist. I didn't know what to do, what to start. Shout out to therapy for black girls. I went on that website, I found somebody, and I literally.
- [35:13]
Sheila Marie
We love therapy for black girls.
- [35:15]
Amanda Booz
Yes. Yes. I literally felt myself coming back to myself in the process of me venting and speaking to somebody that knew nothing about me, knew nothing about the situation. But what I would say to encourage somebody is one, if you haven't tried therapy, for sure. I love therapy. Therapy is amazing. And I will do it again and again if I ever have to. So I would definitely say to talk to somebody that doesn't necessarily, you know, that isn't in your circle or isn't someone that you immediately know that can actually help you in the process of trying to get back to yourself. And then I would say, just also go back to doing the things that you love. Like, sometimes I feel like when we're in relationships with specific people, sometimes we stop working. Sometimes we stop working out. Sometimes we stop doing things that we know we love doing. That helps fuel our confidence. And I feel like it's getting back to those things. Getting back to the things that make you happy. And, yeah, that's what? That's what I would say.
- [36:18]
Sheila Marie
I relate to that a lot. I think for me, I don't know about you, it was inappropriately centering a man. I think I talk a lot about de Centering men in general, and people are like, wait, you're married? How? And I'm like, yeah, I'm married. It doesn't mean he has to be the center of my world. I mean, he is kind of, in a lot of ways, but the center of my world is me. Is me. Is me, right? And like, centering. What do I think about things, centering the work that I have to do. Like you said, I know I have not. I was not the best wife. Actually, I was a pretty horrible wife when I centered him. I became the best wife when I centered myself. Because I'm happy now. I'm fulfilled now. I'm not looking to one person to do things for me that nobody can do for me but myself. You know, I'm not looking. I have a very full life. And I think a lot of women were trained and were socialized to put men in such a big position that it kind of eclipses all of some parts of ourselves that are really important for us to be happy, to be healthy, and to be whole. And so I love this whole movement I see now of women, married, partnered, singled, straight, gay, non, binary, whatever, centering themselves. And that's kind of what I heard you articulate, is that you had to get back to the part. Like you were recalling those parts too, getting back to what you lost. And one thing I want to put here for reminder for ladies listening is that this is not a one and done thing. You might feel like, oh, my gosh, I lost myself in a situation. And then I called myself back and I now this boss bitch, I'm this confident, whatever. And then, oh, my God, again I got into, yes, it can happen again. And not to be too hard on yourself if that does happen again, but more so see it as another opportunity for you to grow and evolve.
- [38:15]
Amanda Booz
Yeah, yeah. You got to give yourself grace. And I love that you that you said that, because I think a lot of the times, you know, like. Like you said, a man can't be everything because when everything is gone, you have nothing, you know, so you have to. You have nothing for yourself. Like, you have to do what's best for you. And honestly, men love that too. They don't want somebody that. That's literally just all about them. Because then it's like you feel clingy, you know, it's just too attached, you know what I mean? So I love that you said that you always have to still be independent and be who you are.
- [38:46]
Sheila Marie
Yeah, you gotta have your thing. God forbid. I saw a woman on TikTok and she was responding to some tradwife content and it was like all about, I'm so much happier that I work at that. I care for my children at home. I don't have to go out and work. My husband is the main breadwinner. I don't even look at the bills, have an account. I love it here. And she was like, hey, boo. Hey. I was married to an extremely wealthy man for 30 years or so. Never saw the bank accounts. All I did was shop. I was a lady that lunched. I was with my kids. And then when everything went left and we had to get a divorce, he corralled all of his very powerful and rich lawyer friends, judge friends. And he got the kids, he got the house, he got everything. Now I work like a cleaning or like a window cleaning business and I don't even have the funds to get a good lawyer to fight back. And he literally took everything. And I also am getting new jobs. I have this huge gap in my resume and people are like, well, what were you doing? I don't have any updated skills. I don't know how to get back into the job market. And this is what I mean by saying it is decentering men in that way. Meaning even if you're partnered with a man, you take care of you. Meaning like you're still doing your thing. When I say take care of you, I mean you're still engaged in your spiritual path. You're still engaged in the work that you were made to do on this earth. Everybody came here with a purpose and you gotta do yours no matter what your relationship status is, period.
- [40:20]
Amanda Booz
No, absolutely.
- [40:21]
Sheila Marie
Hope they gonna come at me for that one.
- [40:23]
Amanda Booz
No, no, no.
- [40:25]
Sheila Marie
I wanna ask you.
- [40:25]
Amanda Booz
That's true.
- [40:27]
Sheila Marie
One final thing before we go into the toolkit. Part of the show is if you could give. If you could go back like to your 15 year old self and you could give her one piece of advice about building confidence, what would it be?
- [40:43]
Amanda Booz
Mm, mm, mm, mm. If I can go back to my 15 year old self and offer a piece of advice of building self confidence, it would be to not internalize the things people say about you, whether it's behind your back or to your face. And I think that I would also encourage her to live out loud, to do everything in her power in that season, in that moment when she wants to do it and knowing that, like, time isn't gonna stop for you. Like, you have to literally seize the day, seize every moment. And I would also encourage her to, you know, do the work, like, journal all the time, consistently. I love to, like, pray and meditate. So I would always encourage her to do that. Back to when I was 15. Like, I wish if I was doing that back then, I'm like, I wonder what kind of person I'd be now. So I just would encourage her to do all those things and, you know, just to constantly try to help other women and uplift other women in any opportunity that she has, Whether it's like, offering a word of encouragement for the day, seeing somebody helping them, you know, smile, or just making their day a little bit more easier. Because I feel like that also helps you as you're building and growing at that age.
- [42:16]
Sheila Marie
I love that. Shout out to Amanda's younger self. Shout out to baby Amanda. Shout out to her. And now let's. We're gonna move into the toolkit part of the show. So this is where we leave the. The listeners almost say viewers, not yet. Soon. I leave the listeners with, like, an actionable, practical tool. Tool that they can put in their little unruly toolkit that really speaks to self confidence. So is there, like, a routine or a ritual or one piece of advice that you can give our listeners?
- [42:48]
Amanda Booz
Yeah, so I would say a piece of advice. I've kind of mentioned it a couple times. Something that I love, and it has helped me in so many ways, and it's a form of therapy for me is personal fitness, health and wellness.
- [43:03]
Sheila Marie
You look good, girl. You looking good.
- [43:05]
Amanda Booz
Thank you, friend.
- [43:06]
Sheila Marie
I said, my friend been in the gym.
- [43:08]
Amanda Booz
I went this morning, child. Oh, look, after Thanksgiving, going to the gym was hard, but I will say that because I feel like working out has been the sole thing that has helped me. And also just wellness, like, you know, taking supplements and all that has helped me so much more than a lot of stuff that I've been doing. Yeah, I feel like it has effects outside of just the gym, like, when I'm outside, you know, when I'm. It helps me with work. Like, it helps me just stay focused. It gives me the energy to be, you know, the person I am. So I definitely feel like whatever that may look like for you, whether it's walking, Pilates, going outside, sitting in the sun, like, you know, whatever it may look like, I just definitely think that people should take their health and wellness journey seriously, because I feel like it Just has additional effects and has long term effects that can help you for sure.
- [43:59]
Sheila Marie
And for anxiety and depression, girlies, exercise is such an incredible mood stabilizer and enhancer. So it can just get you out of that funk. And the hardest part, I think for me. So maybe, I don't know, you can tell us what you do in this case, Amanda, the hardest part for me is doing it when I don't feel like it.
- [44:19]
Amanda Booz
Yes.
- [44:19]
Sheila Marie
Because that's actually when you need to do it the most.
- [44:22]
Amanda Booz
And that was me this morning. I literally got in that gym this morning and I was like, I want to go home. Like, I want. I actually stopped a couple of times. But I think going is the big step. Like, sometimes it's just getting there. It doesn't even have to be that you go there and you put give your all because you got to come back. You know what I mean? As long as you go there, that's the start. And then when you go back tomorrow, you become a little bit better than you were yesterday. I think it's just getting to that place and not just like, I'm not gonna go. I'm put on my gym clothes and I'm just not gonna go. Or you're gonna wear your gym clothes all day and not even make it to the gym. But it's gonna look like you worked out. Like you just have to get there.
- [44:53]
Sheila Marie
Yes.
- [44:54]
Amanda Booz
And I've been there, too. Pilates outfit, Pilates. Didn't see me. I've been there.
- [44:59]
Sheila Marie
Yes. I love that. That makes me think of Anna de Vere Smith. She's a playwright and an actress, and she was at Tisch when I was there, and she said sometimes she would sleep in her swim. Her swimsuit, so that she would go to swimming in the morning. She would literally sleep in it. Get yourself ready when you feel it. Like, get yourself ready in advance. So you don't have any eliminating many steps. If you have to get up, if you have to get dressed, if you have to do this thing any step, you could say, I'm good, I don't really need to go. But the more you set yourself up, you lay everything out, you're more likely to follow through with it. So thank you, Amanda, for that tidbit and honestly, thank you for this incredible conversation. I feel inspired and I feel ready to step into my power on a new level. How about y'all listening? Y'all agree? Okay. Period. Amanda, you reminded us that confidence is not about being perfect. It's not about having it all. It's really about showing up for yourself no matter what. Amanda, thank you for sharing your journey, your wisdom, your light with us today. Where can listeners connect with you and follow you and your amazing work?
- [46:06]
Amanda Booz
Absolutely, Sheila. Thank you. Thank the listeners and everybody that has been a part of this. It has been an honor being on the show and I too feel inspired and I'm very excited for you and everything that you have going on. For anybody that's listening, you can definitely tap in on socials. It's AmandaBooz. And then also follow ElevateHer's podcast. That is my podcast show. But yeah, I'm looking forward to January girl.
- [46:31]
Sheila Marie
Come on down to Miami, follow Amanda, watch like, subscribe her podcast and all the things and we'll see you in on January 22nd in Miami. Okay? Period. Eventbrite the tickets are there on sale and all to all our unruly listeners. I hope today's episode sparks something in you. Remember, confidence is built brick by brick, girl. Just like that fyp. Okay, for those, that's a TikTok slang right there, but it just means that it's built one step at a time. Don't forget to subscribe. Share this episode with someone who needs a confidence booster. Go ahead and do that now. All right, if you haven't already, send us and then also go to speakpipe.com backslash unruly and share your questions and thoughts so I can keep answering like the one I'm about to right now. And until then, stay unruly, keep being bold and keep living in your truth. Amanda, thank you so much for joining us.
- [47:29]
Amanda Booz
Thank you, Sheila.
- [47:30]
Sheila Marie
Yay. If you have something on your mind, a question or something you want me to answer, just send in a voice note@speakpipe.com unruly I can't wait to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Be sure to follow or subscribe so you never, ever, ever, ever miss an episode of Unruly.